#not directed at anyone or w/e idk why im thinking of this rn

[cranberrygoon]

i tried getting into parks n rec (twice) bc i’d heard it was similar to the office but ive kinda given up bc while the characters are usually nice and likable, there’s times when the narrative glosses over or allows certain things where maybe it’s just me but i really dont like it. the show has some really good jokes but overall... i cant get into it. one of the big things is i dont like how unnecessarily cruel the show treats jerry. i get thats the point but? i still dont like it? and in the episode where the others supposedly ‘learn’ from their mistakes and decide to treat him nicer, it didnt last and it was also treated as if it was oh no such a huge inconvenience and loss

if jerry had been portrayed with bad qualities like, god idk, making gross comments about a teen girl or smth, then yeah by all means treat him like shit. but it just feels like a “being mean to someone literally only because they’re happy with their life”. i just dont find that funny bc the ppl behind it are always super bitter. and if they seem nice, are fake as hell. honestly it reminds me of this phrase i’ve literally heard irl, “i think we all need at least one fat friend so they can make us feel better about ourselves” and honestly u can miss me with that bullshit

another thing i dont like is ann’s character. granted, maybe this all changes and the characters develop but how they act in earlier seasons isnt smth i’m really interested in sitting through. but anyway ann feels like in order to have a ‘proper’ relationship she and her bf need to fight? she didnt like the relationship bc they didnt fight enough? thats absolute bullshit and yeah it’s something she needs to work through but again, im not interested in sitting through this drama that’s also super hetero. im just not a big fan. i’m also not a big fan of april. i feel like we’re supposed to applaud and cheer for her sour attitude and character and it just reminds me of tumblr’s culture awhile ago where it was Cool to be mean and sarcastic lol. this is a specific personal thing but she reminds me of my abusive ex as well bc said ex really liked her and i guess wanted to be like her? idk but Feels  Bad Scoob

guess i’ll get into Problematique Stuff now but speaking of super het, i can handle cishet romance stories if theyre handled well but i dont think the show does that? if anything its just not to my liking. Also i didnt appreciate the “i know we look like a lesbian couple but we’re not gay i swear!!” joke lol. im in no way saying the office didnt have its problems, but while michael is really awful i can’t recall his behavior being portrayed as a good thing? or a likable quality or that we’re supposed to like it. it’s obvious he’s obnoxious and can be really bigoted sometimes but everyone else reacts negatively and it’s shown as Bad Thing. and he does change and get better. i haven’t seen it in a while but leslie used to be thought of as like, The Perfect Feminist on here and it kinda feels that’s how we’re supposed to think of her on the show? when she is very much Not lmao. honestly i can’t tell if we’re supposed to admire her aggressive feminism or be annoyed by it. which is another Bad Thing on the writers’ part. i find myself liking andy despite his generic sleazy-white-guy-who’s-a-slob-but-he’s-nice-so-give-him-a-chance! character, probably just bc christ pratt really good at lovable acting and is conventionally attractive

this is just personal preference but i find the main cast of the office more likeable than the main cast of parks n rec. i really like donna and jerry, tom and ron too (i have some issues with their characters but imo they have other redeeming qualities where im able to look past it). but my point about the main casts- to compare, i like pretty much everyone in the office. imo the office feels more neutrally presented to me, while the parks n rec narrative feels more biased

[jam-is-my-food]

writing asks. all of them. ( for 50 uhh just write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you </3 )

fUCK YOU NESSIE

THAT’S IT IM DOING IT JUST TO SPITE YOU

this is gonna be long asf click keep reading at risk of death or boredom

1.     Do you listen to music when you write?

not usually, it's distracting

 2.     Are you a pantser or plotter?

naturally pantser but if i wanna actually finish smth i gotta plot it hh

 3.     Computer or pen and paper?

computer i'm not a boOmer /j i so am

 4.     Have you ever been published, or do you want to be published?

bitch i wiSh

actually technically i was published in this anthology thing once? and i think i have a piece in a magazine somewhere on the internet i forget those are cool

but yeah bye getting a novel published is my d r e a m (gotta write a novel first tho lawl)

 5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

n o t  m u c h

unless i get one of my bUrsts aka finishing a 2.3K almoons chapter before 8am the other week after procrastinating it for like two months 

but yeah jdsghliuedskj it um depends often none

 6.     Single or multiple POV?

i answered that for kiri so i'll just copy paste it over loll

mmm it depends. usually i do single? but i do do multiple occasionally. i almost never do alternating chapters, though, it’s usually more like part one is narrated by person a, part two person b etc.

 7.     Standalone or series?

baha like i could ever write a series (please, please be jinxing yourself rn refster) aside from that one trilogy when i was 7 but uh yeah atm just standalones but a series would be so cool in future 

 8.     Oldest WIP

the aforementioned trilogy. chronicles of clara. it is incREDIBLE. 10/10. so good. so, so good.

 9.     Current WIP

i haven't actually mentioned it on tumblr yet but hehehe it's called the wordweaver's apprentice it's fantasy and i'm v excited about it :DD that was ooc but :DD

 10.  Do you set yourself deadlines?

(also answered for kiri, copy-pasting over)

hahahahhahahuhdkjashdglauhsdaugediuskjlkehdsgihkdskhgdkjx

i? try?

it does not go well?

but then i never finish my projects?

send help pls im dying

11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most

lmao the list is too long

 12.  Describe your perfect writing space

somewhere w/o distractions

 13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished

hm. idea. that's cool. that's cool. write it down. hype myself up. forget about it within a week.

el em mayo

but like

f r LMAO

okay but fr fr idk i don't usually finish stuff but it'd be idea, brainstorm, plot (sort of), write, agonize, write, finish, throw in the other direction and never touch again bc revision whos she

 14.  How do you deal with self-doubts?

cry and spam my friends

 15.  How do you deal with writer’s block?

i don’t - mm. i don’t tend to get writer’s block? or like - idk what to classify as writer’s block? bc sometimes i get blocked for a certain story, but then i get really into like poetry or sum for a week so it’s fine idk

 16.  How many drafts do you need until you’re satisfied with a project?

o n e as i said i don't - revision is a no

 17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have?

uHhHhhhhh idk???

 18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

*laughs in gfc*

 19.  How do you keep yourself motivated?

i don't. if you have any ideas please hmu i need it.

 20.  How many WIPs and story ideas do you have?

m a n y.

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write?

mmmmmmmmm i love cass i haven't written her in too long but i think she's probably my most well-done character to date and i'm so proud of her badkghewiludkjs

 22.  Who is/are your favourite pairing(s) to write?

c y i l l

though possible imeini (ship name needs revision) in future we shall see (from twa) (the aforementioned newish wip)

 23.  Favourite author

there are Many

 24.  Favourite genre to write and read

fantasy maybe? ooh dystopia is fun

 25.  Favourite part of writing

everything about it when i'm motivated hh, my problem is getting more motivation

 26.  Favourite writing program

oh idk huh?

27.  Favourite line/scene

idk?

 28.  Favourite side character

j o o s t

 29.  Favourite villain

i def have one but i forget

 30.  Favourite idea you haven’t started on yet

too many

31.  Least favourite part of writing

motivating myself :/

 32.  Most difficult character to write

mmmm i'm not really in the throes of a wip atm so idk

 33.  Have you ever killed a main character?

yessir

 34.  What was the hardest scene you ever had to write?

drunk will was surprisingly difficult in a fun way. def not the hardest but yeah

 35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing?

god idk

36.  Last sentence you wrote

And then Mei was gone, and in the space that she'd filled, Imani whispered, "I wish I was like you."

 37.  First sentence or your current WIP

It is said that when we came to this stretch of Tatys land, it was empty.

38.  Weirdest story idea you’ve ever had

mm there was one about anthropomorphic chickens battling sentient fruits, the fruits in question also being six-year olds

 39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had

s e e  a b o v e

 40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

cass's mom used to have a drug problem & she would leave her alone for long stretches of time, she went to rehab and is now sober but it's where cass gets her abandonment issues from

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

just write! no one taught me how to do anything, and there's no rules per se, aside from basic grammatical stuff. do what you wanna do, don't worry about others' reactions. this is cliche asf but true.

 42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

mostly gross, but they can be good.

 43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

adapt. i  g o  w i t h  t h e  f l o w.

 44.  How much research do you do?

not much usually, depends on the genre of story. i do as much as i feel i need to. and ofc i have the random writer search history.

 45.  How much world building do you do?

in the past, not much. twa (once again my new wip) is fantasy, though, so i' m attempting to remedy that.

 46.  Do you reread your own stories?

i do! it's fun to look back at them after a few years and see how much i've improved.

 47.  Best way to procrastinate

random character headcanons/doodle writey spurt thingies

 48.  What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

bAHA this one scene in the cHrOniCLeS of cLaRa book two when this girl lisa who was 100% self-insert got annoyed at her little sister daisy (sister-insert) for chewing too loudly and then proceeded to use her wAtEr pOwErs to like flood the house. that part was less self-insert.

 49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real?

bye that's so hard. c a d m u s & l a u r e n t tho cinnamon rolls are liFE.

 50.  Write a paragraph about how hot emmy raver-lampman is in a suit please and thank you

i don't gotta write my own bitch i have everything i need to plagiarize from right here

"Raver-Lampman’s enthusiasm is contagious. So is her laugh. It comes from deep inside, just like her voice, and it rings out — ricocheting off furniture and walls. Her head is shaved, all except for a distinctive swath of tight curls on the top and left side of her head. She has the tiniest septum ring in her nose, and a tattoo of what looks like a musical note behind her right ear."

- the clearly gay jessica belt

thank you for the ASKS darLING and thank you if you read this idk why or whether you're okay but yup

[dykedykegooses]

i'm askin u every single even numbered question for the lesbian ask game

at least you didnt bother with the algebra this time, for which i am thankful

Femme or butch?

i’m more femme but i try to act butch sometimes and i just end up failing hopelessly. ‘look mom i know how to put air in a tire!!’ ‘peyton thats like… not even right’ or ‘oh SHIT look at that blitz!! that was cool’ ‘peyton that was a sack’ ‘oh’

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

not really, mostly just like… humor. if u funny we click

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

why not both?

no but seriously plaid tbh

Describe your style

um yes

converse, (ripped? sometimes) jeans, and whatever top i feel is appropriate for the Big Aesthetic today

Describe your aesthetic

yes

ive tried going more punk but its just kinda , not worked

my physical aesthetic is very adultolescent. i got chub and look like a freshman but ive been told i pass as a college senior so like

my Big Mood aesthetic is yes

Favorite article of clothing?

either my converse or my “”combat boots”” (theyre not and it makes me sound like an edgelord just saying that) (can you tell im gay)

OH WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY JEAN JACKET its like baggy and light and ive started sewing patches from my favorite bands on it (super punk right)

Favorite pair of shoes?

^^^

oh my black strappy heels, theyre surprisingly comfortable

Current haircut?

ive got a bleached bob rn

Any haircut goals for the future?

i kinda want a pixie cut bc i cant handle long hair however long hair is so PRETTY and wow

Describe the best date you’ve been on

iiiiiiiiii dont really know. ive been on very few. i have a Perfect Date in mind, and i guess my favorite was my first date with my ex. we had gotten back from a successful science competition (HAVE I MADE IT OBVIOUS IM A NERD YET IM A BIG OL NERD) and it was like midnight by the time we got back and we were both starving so we went to taco bell and just sat there talking and laughing and i know we were pissing off the staff, but we stayed til like two in the morning and we went home and honestly we both considered it a date but we didnt like… tell each other it was a date? if that makes sense? idk honestly im triggered

Describe the worst date you’ve been on

ugh oh god i went on a tinder date and this girl like in the DMs was like ‘hey do u smoke weed’ and im like ‘lol no’ and then like we made plans to meet up at a coffee shop and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed and im like……………. no and shes like ‘oh right lol’ well THIS BITCH sleeps through the time we were supposed to meet, completely stands me up, and then texts me back like an hour later and was like ‘omg im sorry i overslept!!!’ and it was like….. noon but ok so we meet up after my class and we just sit there really awkwardly trying to make conversation and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed im like ‘honey no i dont’ and we just talked about drugs for a while and when i left because i had to gtfo she like gave me an awkward hug and like i sent a text later that night bc im courteous and im like ‘hey i had a great time today’ (i didnt) ‘lmk if you ever want to meet up again!!’ and she just. ignored me lol.

Single? Taken?

im currently in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my anxiety

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

:)

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

someone who’s able to make me laugh and deal with my bad ideas and will let me cook for her and wants to travel the world with me

Describe your dream wedding

its small. outside. maybe in a field or in front of a lake. i dont personally want a big ballgown, just a short white dress will do. lavenders everywhere. R A I N B O W  C A K E. reception where we slow dance to all the sappy romance songs. its great.

Do you want kids?

not really, but ive considered being a foster parent. i feel like im here to do good; i don’t want to have my own biological children, and im not sure i want to have the permanent responsibility of adopting a kid, but i feel i could handle fostering once we’re financially stable and have the room to accept children into our home.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

spain, definitely. somewhere in the north. i want to have a small farm with goats and chickens and vegetables and i want to be away from this american mess.

Favorite lesbian movie?

well ysee…………. the only two explicitly lesbian movies ive seen have been ‘all about E’ and ‘blue is the warmest color’ and i didnt like either of the lmfaoooo i prefer watching lesbian television shows tbqh (or, most commonly, just rewriting all the female characters in my head to be sapphic sooooooo dont @ me)

Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i mean same as above, i dont read as much as i like to. however, i did read “georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit” and that was Really Good and i did read another that was slightly better, but i forget the name but it was about a pakistani (?) girl who was struggling to come out to her parents bc they were very traditionalist but she joins the theater and her like really elite school and the girl she had a crush on basically outs her and is a bitch about it and GOD i wish i could remember it because it was really good

Favorite lesbian song?

ummmmmmmmmmmm i just recently listened to ‘honey’ by kehlani and that was pretty good and pretty gay, but my personal favorite is ‘girls’ by beatrice eli bc holy shit what a Mood

Favorite lesbian musician?

i love mary lambert and beatrice eli.

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

ummmmm now that im thinking of them i cant think of any. i used to play softball and soccer? i love cats. i immediately start planning out the next five years of our lives together anytime im remotely interested in a girl?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i mean………………. no

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

well bake cookies w me and lets go for a walk & go out and watch the stars at night in the bed of a truck

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

I LOVE LOVING GIRLS!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!!!!! GIRLS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

why not both

idk ive never had a cat but i know i lov them

Turn ons?

i.......... dont know

yes

im gay

Turn offs?

long nails youch theyre pretty to look at but i mean at what price

not having anything to talk about

putting yourself down like a lot (i went on a date w this one girl and that was all she did like the entire date like......... im sorry ? :(???)

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

if im being honest i would love for someone to ask me out but since that is Very Unlikely, i tend to be the one to message first and initiate dates and stuff

What is your dream career?

i want to be a psychological researcher in the field of social comparative psychology how sick is that!!!!! just play with dogs all day and record whether or not they boop their noses on a screen

also i wanna be a farmer and a bookstore owner but thats Farther down the line like , when im 50

Talk about your interests or hobbies!

im honestly such a psych nerd i love psychology what the fuck!! its so interesting like ppl are weird man idk brains are weird

im also having a really big green day phase like billie .. he so smol... and also anyone who wants to bash warning or the trilogy can fight me ok those are like My Favorite Albums

im going to a concert in february to see declan mckenna, a Giant Meme

im getting a tattoo w some lyrics of declan’s actually its gonna be sick

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

yes

idk for me its being able to have quick, witty, skillful jokes i just love listening to girls talk and tell stories and jokes like wow im gay

also long curly hair? thats always a Solid Look

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i mean. do we really wanna open this can of worms rn

too late, its open

i get those microcrushes where you like see a girl and youre like ‘WOW IM GAY DATE ME’ however once it comes to actually being in a relationship i throw my full weight behind it and worry that im being too suffocating or that im pushing my boundaries etc and ive been told that makes me come off really cold and uncaring so lol choose ur own adventure, you decide

Ever fallen for your best-friend?

unfortunately

Ever fallen for a straight girl?

can you even call yourself a lesbian if you havent

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

i havent seen it, im such a fake lesbian

Favorite comfort food?

mac n cheese

or pizza

or cheesy potatos

OR CHEESY TOAST

scientific conclusion: im a fatass

Coffee or tea?

coffer

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

im vegetarian!! have been on and off for like two years now

Do you have any pets?

i have one pup sittin right next to me and shes the prettiest girl in the world

Early-riser or night-owl?

yes

idk i get up at like 9 which is early for me but not as early as like. 5. so

more like night-owl. thanks teenage hormones!

What is your sign?

pisces

Can you drive?

yes

can i drive well?

no

but i do have a sense of direction so thats cool

Who was your first lesbian crush?

tbh.................... my best friend, but i didnt realize it was a crush at the time

the first Gay Crush i had that i knew was a crush was on my close friend at the time, now my ex girlfriend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

uhhhhhhhhhh lesbian specifically, like 15-16. queer, i knew in like fall semester freshman year (so like 13??)

At what age did you come out (if you have)?

i mean, i come out to people all the time. first time i came out explicitly as a lesbian was when i was like 15 or 16 (actually i came out to a close straight friend and my ex and they both said ‘congrats’ like it was weird but very nice) and the first time i came out as queer/questioning was to my then-best friend at like 13 and i came out to my mom (involuntarily) at like 17? ish?

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

yes im crushing on every girl simultaneously at all times

just kidding

(not really)

i dont really have any explicit crushes that i can think of im just really gay

Talk about how your day went

it was fine. got free froyo so that was cool. found out i made an A on my bio practical, so that was cool too. however, i wore a crop top and it was like 55 degrees out and raining so i looked like a total Idiot but yk follow ur slutty gay dreams amiright ladies

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

most of mine are career-centric, but a few are personal.

i wanna go to costa rica in may, i wanna go to yale over the summer, i wanna go to NYC pride in june, i wanna go to spain after i graduate, i wanna go to grad school, i wanna be a psychological researcher, i wanna move to spain or england or hell even france, i wanna have my own farm with the woman i love, i wanna own an LGBT bookstore/library, i wanna just live a quiet life near the sea and not have to worry so much after a while.

Least favorite gay celebrity?

this is a weird one to end on, but iiiiiiim not sure i have one? i can tell you ellen page is probably my favorite, but i cant think of many i dislike so

[cybercnu]

what do you think B1A4's MBTI types are?

o boy this is an interesting question, i mean i can guess but it would only be going off of the parts of themselves they show us, and i mean that probs wont be completely accurate but here we go

Jinyoung: ISTJ

I -  i had trouble with this one as i couldnt quite decide if i thought he was an introvert or an extrovert, but i settled on introvert because i think in a new setting or situation he’s a little more reserved than say sandeul, a bit more weary ?

S - i chose sensory because for some reason i see him as very direct and focused but i dont rly know why...

T - i think that he is more of a thinker than a feeler and looks at thinks more logically when making decisions ((idk tho bc he is also stupid so))

J - i chose judging mainly because when someone disagrees w him ((especially if its about himself)) or hes proven wrong hes kinda like what the shit how could this happen i am always right

CNU: INFP

I - its not hard to guess that hes an introvert lmao

N - its also a no brainer that cnu is intuitive like an example being that whole thing that hes slow, and i feel hes a bit indecisive too

F - look at that another easy one! i think cnus feelings influence him a lot in his decisions and how he presents himself so thats this one

P - i originally had J as this one because i thought it might bring stability which i think he likes, but i read the two profiles for both types and decided that P seemed more like him lol

Sandeul: ESTP

E - hes an extrovert thats all

S - from what ive seen sandeul doesnt really stop and ponder things all too often and is more intrigued by immediate situations and stuff???

T - i just felt that his feelings werent as prominent than thinking 

P -  sandeul seems very flexible to me if that makes sense and will take everyone elses perspectives into account before solidifying his

Baro: ESFJ

E - honestly im not sure about this one, it seems as if he likes being w people but its not the end of the world if hes by himself. he looks comfortable in new situations w new people so i chose this one

S - just w how quick he is with answers (generally) and is focused on a job 

F - hes a soft boy!!! i chose this tbh bc of how he talks about his family and stuff and his emotions seem to be important in his choices tbh

J - idk why but he strikes me as being kinda committed to his opinions??

Gongchan: ISTP

I - he just strikes me as an introvert i cant think of how to explain it rn

S - instead of pondering things i think gongchan like observes and is quick to see what people need rather than from empathy if that makes sense???

T - like i said above i think a lot of things go on in his head about the outside with little reference to his feelings 

P - he seems more open minded and kinda flexible when something doesn't go according to plan which is why i chose p

i also think that maybe they could all be F’s tho like.. we all no that they r cry babies as much as they like to deny it but *shrugs*

i found gongchan very hard to choose the letters for which i thought was interesting bc initially i thought baro would be the hardest haha

if anyone has any ideas or points feel free to add!

[nauseaful]

long and rambley. back to my roots i guess. im having an ancienty attack i feel sick but i took a lot of sleeping medication and everything is so fast and so slow its like when you stir your coffee really fast one direction and then switch and it has a weird slow pause thats what i feel like i think im gonna die im going to fucking die and i pissed off three people today i think.

one them was bound to happen. needed to happen. i was just waiting for them to fucking listen. it was moreso yestersay night and this morning and he got mad about a. the stupid phone call i made without him even though you said it was okay before i did it i asked for your permission you should have said no and then b. that we dont take pictures together but i dont take pictures with anyone but my best friend and thats bc she insists. i hate taking pictures i dont even send snapchats to anyone but d anymore. i don't have pictures with any of my friends from when i was in school and i don't have pictures with any of my new friends and i dont have pics with family or with b or e or d or anyone i am or was close to just try and find a picture of me with anyone anywhere bc you're gonna turn up blank. and then b. that all my friends are guys but ,,,i have three guy friends,,,the other guys arent my friends theyre theirs and i cant just be like hey h said im not allowed to be w y'all like?? and all of my friends rn are primarily gals outside of those THREE boys and their friends kaksdkke and it was a whole mess in and of itself and ive been bringimg it up for two weeks now i told him i couldnt be the cure to his bpd end to all his sadness i told him everything i told him consistently that i wasn't gonna lie to him and tell him i loved him bc i didn't love him at all and that i didnt think it was okay just because he did i said it i said i didn't want to up with it but you kept bpding it or saying it was ok bc you like being degraded but that wasnt what i was doing and im so glad you finally fucking got the clue. got real tired of you and your stupid fucking breathing at night and your fucking guilting and pushing on shit i consistently told you i didn't want to do or hear or anything from/with you but we just kept doing it over and over and it genuinely made me uncomfortable but if id get mad you wouldn't listen suddenly everything was my fault because i didnt want to make you happy oh my god. i thought maybe the 5 year age gap would have,,u kno,, made me the immature one. this one just makes me mad.

the other,,, i genuinely dont know what happened??? we had a great ass night and im really sad over this one. i really don't know what i did we were having so much fun and we went to bed and suddenly the next day youre upset with me but idk what i did i don't know what i did

the last makes me feel sick. puking and crying kinda sick. i dont know why you're mad and it scares me because there's a lot you could suddenly decide to be mad about and i dont want to lose you. it feels like you're not the same person anymore, either. like the version of you that i miss stopped existing once that chunck of time ended. this one makes me want a hug. i dont wanna be awake why am i still awake i feel sick i feel sick i feel sick

[3inghao]

HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)  

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)  

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)  

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0

[desertfragments]

🌸 🌹🌻🍀

🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve

Ok, so imma do three bc im an angry person (also none of this is directed at anyone in particular, just the vague ‘you’) and thats why it got put under the cut bc its basically me being pissy and rambling rifp:

When you say you’re oc friendly but don’t rp with A N Y ocs nor make any effort to do so even when people write a starter. This is typically canon characters too so like. Dude. If you didn’t want to RP with ocs, don’t make it seem like you’re open to it cuz you aren’t. 

Excessive formatting and box themes. Also themes without a reblog button, but that’s not often anymore. Also just caring more about aesthetics than actual rping? It makes people come off as hella shallow and then they don’t even do v much rping so why do you have it? And then their blogs are a pain in the ass to navigate cuz they’re so hard to see and their replies are annoying af to even try to /read/. 

Rp cliques! Or those things you have to like, apply and fill out a form for?? I don’t understand those cuz like. You shouldn’t have to form a group to get people to rp with you and then only do it selectively? And jfc, stop clogging up the tags!! I don’t care about your apps or w/e tf they are!! I just wanna find some more people to follow!!

PEOPLE WHO ONLY REPLY TO THE FOUR ODD PARAGRAPHS I WROTE WITH FUCKING TWO SENTENCES. I think I’ve ranted on this a couple times and I know that in my rules it says “Don’t worry about matching my length” but GODDAMN ARE YOU PUTTING ANY EFFORT IN AT A L L. I don’t even have anything to work with or any character development either!!! So what tf am I trying to write with you for?? You’re wasting my time.

🌹 = my opinion on your characterI have… conflicting emotions okay. On one hand, I love Cand cuz he’s relatable. On the other, literal garbage fire. He’s horribly complex and sometimes I wanna punch him. Usually I wanna punch him. But he’s super intriguing!! I wanna know more about him!! And I love that he’s really unexpected. Tbh he kinda reminds me of Jay sometimes, if you don’t mind me saying? They have some similar personality traits and I’m kinda curious to see what happens with them. I think they could be chaos buddies, if we get past the first meeting and Jay doesn’t piss him off too much?

🌻 = a character I wish to write withUhhh no one really? I just tend to wanna rp with people I follow and I’m p happy with where I am rn. I try not to be too impulsive when it comes to rp partners cuz I don’t want to try and write with someone who I don’t click with cuz then its not fun for me and probably not fun for them either. I think it would be kinda cool to rp in other fandoms, though? Maybe like some Wasteland placed threads cuz I miss MMFR. Or even original world (like. Original world to the muns) threads cuz I like those. Def would wanna do a star wars au with someone bc I fucking love star wars. And maybe some lowkey horror ones? Idk maybe just indie ocs with people my age or just with more people who I click with u know?

🍀 = a ship I wish to writeHhhhhh I’m not really partial to shipping? It’s not something I’m actively looking for with my muses just cuz it’s not a super big priority. And ships are weird ngl. Esp with Jay cuz she’s aro so it’s just like. Friendship with people all day every day. I do love familial relationships though. There’s a lot of explore with it esp since her and families (lmao) get kinda rocky. Either way, platonic ships are still hella great and it would be rly fun to see the shit that happens.