#not but fr i genuinely am curious where this came from

[inventedfangirling]

PatPran & Sacrifice

This post is borne out of my genuine confusion about what people mean when they say pat's sacrifice (to stay in the closet to be with pran) is so great that pran will never be able to repay it.

First of all the universe of the show doesn't even have homophobia so the closet in this context is something that is uniquely made just for them and them alone and is not something that a person unfamiliar to their family dynamics will understand.

So then even if we do consider this closet that both pat and pran are in, why do we say that pat is in it for pran and has therefore made a huge sacrifice when pran literally has done the same thing for him?

Even if we assume that pat no longer gives ming the power to dictate things in his life and thus can see and be with pran as he pleases, and even if it's cos of dissaya's opposition to any association between their families that has forced them into this fake break up drama, it is still a decision that both of them took based on what they wanted alone.

Pat wants to be with Pran, whether he gets to be public with their love or not. Ideally would he prefer shouting it from the rooftops? Yes. But he also doesn't think its worth it if it means losing pran, like he showed in ep8 when he apologised to pran and told him he wouldn't post stuff on social media anymore if it bothered him so much. So here he was willing to give up doing that, to do what he actually wanted to do- be with pran.

Pran similarly offers to give up his need for privacy and living a lowkey non social media flaunt-ey life (free of threat of getting transferred and uprooted again) cos he wants to be with Pat more than he wants all of that. And in this context it is Pran who ultimately gives it up by allowing Pat to post pictures which he immediately does too.

And look at completely smitten babies smiling after having offered to give up something for the other, communicating through the shitstorm that is carrying all that intergenerational trauma.

That's love and that's love by choice.

Now flashforward to the fake break up and the continued pretense of being exes while being lovers. Pat has given up the chance to flaunt his relationship (like the heart on sleeve guy he is) to be with Pran. But the crucial thing here is he wants to be with Pran more than wanting to flaunt the relationship. He isn't giving up any alternate happy future with somebody else where he could be open about who he loves, because the one he loves is Pran and if he gives up Pran it is he himself who would be the most miserable. He loves Pran and he wants to spend his life with him and so there isn't any alternate in front of him for him to give up to be with him. This is his one and only option, the only choice he wants to make and he is evidently more than happy with that decision as we see at the end of episode 12 even if ofc he does miss pran terribly cos he's in singapore.

Coming to Pran, i dont understand if im reading it wrong, or if i haven't read the right posts yet but a lot of what i read feels like he doesn't sacrifice anything. {It is a whole different thing that Pat keeps offering help to Pran and Pran accepts it, but we also see Pran do a lot for Pat without being asked, and its just their way of expressing love being different. And them recognising that. This isnt about that}. What im so confused about is the way it feels like there is general acceptance of an imbalance (that Pat gave up so much more than what Pran did) in the ultimate sacrifice that is the fake breakup because if Pat sacrificed something then didn't Pran sacrifice something exactly similar too?

If Pat's sacrifice is giving up the chance to be in a relationship where he doesn't have to hide, then why are we ignoring Pran giving up the same? Or am i missing something? It's not like Pat is the only who can pursue alternate relationships. Pran could too. Dissaya would be very supportive of any other relationship he chooses to be in. And he could probably find somebody who is more similar to him who doesn't mind not flaunting the relationship and having it be lowkey and stuff. These are all possibilities that are open to him too, and yet, it doesn't even occur to Pran ( like it doesnt to Pat) because Pran loves Pat and wants to be with Pat and while ofc it is terrible to have to hide your love and a part of yourself, and while ofc it would be great if they didnt have to hide, if thats what takes to be with each other he would do that, they would do that .

Look at them yelling and teasing each other in full audio range of both their families, smiling from ear to ear having the time of their lives. The closet be damned.

That's 2 men who have gone through shit side by side and continue to choose to love each other daily. No matter how obvious (to eo) that choice might be. Let's never forget that it was intentional.

So to conclude, the fake breakup pretense was a mutual choice, based on their own self interests and any sacrifice was made for their own sake, and it was equally done from both ends. And if anybody disagrees with me, Pran has something to say to you.

[themonthaftermarch]

Nevermore, Hyde and the Galpin family

Okay so am I the only one that's genuinely curious about Tyler's mother or Francoise? Like starting from Nathaniel to Tyler, I wanna break down everything we know so far, and share my theories on what season 2 will bring

Starting from Nathaniel Faulkner. We know the guy was KOed by a Hyde before he could finished his research. What he found so far: 1) Hydes are artists by nature 2) (but equally) vindictive in temperament 3) (their transformation is) born from mutation 4) the Hyde lays dormant until either: a)unleashed by traumatic event or b)through chemical inducement or hypnosis 5) they're unpredictable and violent

If y'all remembered, in ep5 or 6 when Uncle Fester first appeared he said he encountered at least 3 Hydes in a mental asylum of sort and another (a singer named Olga I think?) that mysteriously transformed into a Hyde in the middle of her performance. So we know there are more Hydes than just Tyler and his mother. Weems told Wednesday that others(from Nightshades maybe?) tried to continue the research and that's when they're banned 30 years ago because they're too dangerous. My theory here is Nevermore probably experimented on Hydes and things got out of hand and too bloody which is why they're prohibited ever since. Francoise was possibly involved and but if y'all paid attention to the timeline - as the show deliberately shows the year on the yearbook and Rave'N - that was the year after Francoise, Weems, and Wednesday's parents graduated.

So Francoise couldn't have been part of the reason behind the prohibition. Besides, her Hyde was triggered by her postpartum depression. After having Tyler she probably struggled to control her Hyde, and Donovan (the sheriff) feared her. I think the reason why Tyler was traumatized (and triggered his Hyde) by her death was because one way or another, the sheriff had to kill her (during, before or after transforming idk its dark) himself when she unpredictably transformed, and Tyler witnessed it. Tyler was probably still too young to understand or remember but that scene where he said "we talked about mom. Remember her?" in a pained tone means he's known her enough to be so attached and affected.

Idk how but I think it's pretty interesting that Donovan fell in love with an outcast in a town that has a history of and still hating them. Makes it even sadder after that scene where he said "more than you could ever know" to Tyler's question if he ever loved her. To me, they're too afraid to admit out loud what the Hyde was and how Tyler's one. Donovan on his part was just trying to protect Tyler in his own way (strict curfews and not letting him close to outcasts) and dreaded the "bear" being his own son in the woods, but we know where that led to. Tyler to me was like almost challenging his father to admit the truth 'cause they're both hurt by Francoise's death and he wanna know for sure if his father was on his and Francoise's side(the ultimate outcasts).

Idk if it's better had Donovan tried to confront Tyler's Hyde bc who knows? He'd probably get killed before he could that's why he avoided any topic related to triggering it.

And about Xavier's mural. This happened a year before Wednesday came to Nevermore, (the same year when Laurel came back to start her petty revenge) on Outreach day. Y'all remember Tyler's conversation with Wednesday on the Rave'N? He said he's bitter and he probably tried to rebelled against his father by assaulting Xavier with his "outcast-hating" friends. Idk if this happened before or after Laurel revealed he's a Hyde bc if before, then he's just trying to fit in with the "normies". If after, then maybe Laurel encourage him to do it? Like I imagine he's conflicted whether to embrace his outcast side or normie side more.

Knowing the Jekyll and Hyde lore, I believe Tyler has two personalities and that one in the police station is not him but the Hyde itself. His betrayal hits hard man and if he doesn't make a comeback in season 2 imma riot fr😤 though since we got a cliffhanger of him transforming inside that car my theory is that Tyler definitely escaped or tried to and that'll make Wednesday search for him bc he's dangerous left alone while she tries to investigate who's the stalker. Or another theory, what if all Hydes from their community was seeking revenge for all the time they were used as labrats?? Laurel said something to Tyler about his mother like "what they did to your mother" as if whoever they are did something wrong to Francoise. So what do you guys think? I really hoped Tyler or weyler makes a comeback next season 'cause if not I'll never heal from this emotional scar damn you writers 😭

[evergreen-dryad]

thoughts about spook 65

...Although, it’s more like a stream of consciousness commentary. I try and fail not to make this too long as usual, so warning long post ahead.

Summary: Aidairo leaves us on that cliffhanger by giving us a break with tension-breaker Kou with his caring friends, more Mitsukou, and then dun dun dun they encounter a Wild Comic Relief of Universal Proportions Natsuhiko (poor fish and tarantula I hope they got back safe) and apparently Natsuhiko wants to capture No.6 like he’s the rarest pokemon of all and might have the secret key to the immortality fountain?? Will we ever know more about these mysterious man stay tuned next month. And oh yeah also No.6 always wanted to throw Aoi into the hole to rot away because he’s also a necromancer. Just great and swell here folks, don’t know how Nene and Akane are faring ~

whaaww Kou’s feeling really overwhelmed I mean this is a lot for like what a 13 year old boy

LMAO IS HE WIPING THE MOKKE OR DID HE READY A KERCHIEF FOR NENE

‘Teru-nii hasn’t been home recently’ -- hmmmmm? What’s he up to? Is he out on a journey to exorcise bigger fish out there?

...Or it could be just a field trip lmao

lol. out of context -- 👀

(I love that white-black juxtaposition between the two of them)

AWW WHAT GOOD BOIS

KOU HAS SUCH GOOD FRIENDS I’M MELTING HEREEEEE

ahahahahaha ofc Satou sugarboy here has his priorities right. ‘Get sweet drinks and sweets for us you simp’

awwww

I love it, we’re getting outside perspective from the supportive side characters. It’s the Arc for no1 Supportive Side Character Ao-chan after all!

ooooooohhhhh Satou’s the observant one here. Starting to love him now~

what a cheerful sandboy Yokoo is holding that carrot

oyo it’s Mitsuba but I’m just distracted wondering if those plants on the left side are mimosa plants, le touch-me-not

LMAO

MITSUBA YOU NEVER HOLD BACK

omg you just popped right outta the mirror like that. I would have screamed and flung my hands everywhere. Kou you have nerves of steel or in this case your brain is a steelwool scrubber right now

Yeah man that’s his job your man’s a ghost in case you forgot

AWW HE’S ALSO CONCERNED

MITSUBA DOING THE BLESSED WORK AROUND HERE HE JUST OUTRIGHT ASKED KOU WHAT’S UP

LMAO KOU

It is unbelievable to him since Mitsuba has always been such a prickly tsun before he’s probably never shown much common decency let alone common friend interaction like showing concern esp since Kou to him is a blokehead

Awww, Kou

(oh? oh? what was his wish again exactly, to be friends or for him to be human somehow?

and lmao Kou is going doki-doki when Mitsuba for the first time ever asks if he’s okay)

Aww, Mitsuba misses his Daikon-senpai, this is too cute guys I--

Nene your fantasy came true Mitsuba’s looking for you like a lost puppy

LMAO HANAKO IS THE BAD FRIEND IM SCREMINH BUT KOU HONEY YOU’RE RIGHT HE FIGHTS BEATS STABS PEOPLE UP AND INTRODUCES YOU TO PORN AND EVEN GOES YANDERE FOR AN ARC

really. why am I so intrigued Teru is gone. Where did he go. There must be a story somewhere.

oh whoa there goes Kou acting all otome ML again (callback to Hanako wanting Nene’s wish to come true too with the shoulder-clutching?)

HAHAHAHA YEAH HE DIDN’T LISTEN AT ALL. THIS SIMP. YOUR BI HIMBO. YOUR MORON.

Mitsuba’s face is sending me I swear

Yes Mitsuba he deserves that kick to the arse. Teach him to listen to you

There we go again~~ *Kou otome ML move count: 2*

A scream??? COULD IT BE---

BUGS AND TRASH PLS PLS BE OKAY

wow Mitsuba just suited up. our two superheroes on the move

AAAAAAAAAA

IT’S A FISH???? WHOSE LEGS ARE THOU TOO LONG?? DON’T TELL ME IT’S NATSUHIKO

also lmao these phat daikon arms. And these rando fish are all so cute. Look at this guy on the right. So smooth and chill like a seal

Ya jeez more and more apparitions are showing up y’all it’s becoming a yokai manga (I’m not complaining I love them all.)

Oh that dramatic foot in a spotlight, Natsuhiko you dramatic hoe, it’s you I’d know you anywhere (jokes aside I saw that Sailor Moon edit of him so)

HAHAH THE FISH LOOKS SO HAPPY. PEAK COMEDY THAT FOOT SILENTLY SLIPPING OUT OF SIGHT I--

HONESTLY HOW DOES NATSUHIKO KEEP GETTING INTO THESE SITUATIONS

Good shonen boy Kou finally jumping into action to the rescue, because god knows without Hanako around there’s no one to do the saving of damsels in distress around here

‘I want to join too’ -- AWWW LOL THIS IS SO CUTE

and off they go bullying a fish like it’s a game, so sad I liked that whalefrogfish

is it ded. rip.

oh wow Natsu you kissed fish gullet, look how red your face is wow. Also you really shouldn’t think that you’re too funny to let die. You survived being thrown into Nowhere, you’ll survive fish llke Jonah did. But fr did Sakura throw you into a fish trash pit or smth

LOL OH YEAH KOU DOESN’T KNOW AND YEAH HE IS THE NO1 AIRHEAD FOR MITSUBA NOT KOU LOL

OHMYGOD HE DID A DRAMATIC SELF-INTRODUCTION WITH THE FLASH STEP AND ALL I LOVE U YOU DORK. YOU HUGE SHONEN DORK OF INDESTRUSCTIBLE COMIC RELIEF PROPORTIONS

ohmygod he called himself an Onii-san. He wants Kou to call him Onii-san. I am crying. Teru come back your lil bro’s being propositioned (w hA T a tiME for YoU TO Be GonE eH)

HAHAH THAT IDOL POSE. NO WONDER SAILOR MOON I AM DECEASED

KOU BABY IS SUSPICIOUS IM CRYING YES AS YOU SHOULD BE HUN (that font is just perfect *chef’s kiss*)

Natsuhiko just awkwardly perched there in the background

Touchy touchy LOL MITSUBA YOU SAID WHAT I THOUGHT

and yikes Natsuhiko’s pulling the same moves as Nene to gain kouhais lolol, aaah I’m starting to see similarities between them

HAHAH OMG *Kou otome ML move count: 3*

ooh what a shady guy. Natsu what do u know tell us tell us tell us

omg y u like this. whY do you sound so threatening now. I take it back you’re not harmless

W H A T

Natsuhiko do you mean to tell me you’re immortal????? Is that why you survive all these ridiculous levels of eldritch horror????

Fml he really looks like a vampire in that lighting. Esp since I can like see all his individual teeth what on earth is this level of detail Aidairo for once Natsuhiko looks like the cool mysterious guy he was meant to be

Just realised he has like a dyed hair thing going on kinda like Tsuchigomori. Don’t tell me. Natsuhiko are you Tsuchigomori’s secret love child.

���There’s a bad energy coming from here’ --- pFFFT. He sounds like he’s trying to be a fengshui expert now. A conman

hmmmm??? Oh that wasn’t a phone?? what is that it’s an onsen...?

wait that is probably a phone nvm. I’m just jumping at every little detail like 👀 

so huh I’m assuming Tsukasa can’t handle no6 on his own either, so....or possibly Natsuhiko is acting on his own??

Ooh cool blankets, everyone has different flowers!! (*squints* no stop you can’t go looking for flower meanings everywhere)

And yes that’s a phone. Naatsuhiko just canonically has an onsen symbol phonecase just to show he’s a Chill Bro

lol Mitsuba i don’t think you need to worry you’re not a whole soul anymore

D’AWWWW LOOK AT ALL THOSE LITTLE CUTIES (sheep, elephant, bunnies (multiple), rubber duckling)

You. Natsuhiko. You’re the one most like a cat.

omg what a braggart. what a chest-thumping man u are Natsu-senpai

OMG KOU NOOO WE WERE MAKING PROGRESS HE TAMED YOU ANYWAY

hahahahha I’m crying. Even Natsuhiko’s conscience is touched by Kou’s trusting naivete I can’t

oh my god. but thank god Teru-nii still comes first he still hasn’t completely seduced you over to the dark side just yet

awwww, Kou. Awww. He really, really wants to do his best to save them all. I--

Aw yay Natsu is touched to the point he’ll help!! Hopefully he wasn’t lying!! I hope there isn’t a sacrifice involved-

oh???

Onix (srsly I really love all the lotuses everywhere. really going Buddhist symbology there)

look at dat foot. it go.

oh!! we’re fresh at the battlescene!!

!!!!!!

IT’S ALIVEEEE

I guess these guys are too useful to let rot in the trashpit eh

?? For one moment I thought we were looking down into the trashpit at our missing 4 lmao. But why. No 6 you’re coming off as ...naturally innocent??? Dang. Let this cutie rest

I’m genuinely curious how on earth this no 6 is not a god on his own. (It’s funny to me that I’m coincidentally writing about a god like this as well at the same time.) How does he rank equal to the others. How is Hanako even his boss have they ever met before I demand a full show of Hanako’s powers one day. We’re not even sure what his boundary is. Or is it that he only has the power of life and death on those in his boundary?

(edit: just realised that if Tsukasa is behind Natsuhiko then no6 is basically Tsukasa’s dream power - necromancy. He could build all the Frankensteins his little heart ever wanted)

oof there go the minions. I love how they have little buds on their heads. Every minion of his is ‘living’! And they’re like the first with individuality I’ve seen...?

oh he thinks Aoi did this purposely? Pfft she got dragged in there

juijuirjfuerjcjkekerjckdediejdiedmwec. I am so worried. But fr this one panel of Aoi is so beautiful.

Huh the hole is a starburst shape? 6 points hmm --oh wait im dumb it’s closing up oh no

LOL KEIKAKU DOORI

But shiet really how did he see to that. By giving her power over those specific bugs?? Planting info of that hole in her?

IM SCREAMING THAT’S THE END OF IT THAT’S IT TILL NEXT MONTH

[faveficarchive]

The Babysitter

By WordWarior

Pairing: Xena & Gabrielle

Rating: PG

Synopsis: Teen Xena has to babysit kid Gabrielle right before the fall festival, and she’s not at all pleased. 

Dear Diary,

It isn't fair. I'm supposed to be helping get ready for the harvest festival with all the other kids (not that I'm exactly Miss Popular, but I thought maybe this time I could do things differently and not have everyone hate me afterwards. Not like the Festival of the Moon when I had to punch out Bureous because he said that stuff to Mala. (And although the other kids said they understood, still, they all treated me weird for days after that), but instead I'm stuck here, taking care of some five-winters-old brat who's visiting the inn. I swear it's punishment for what I did to Lyceus last week, even though Mom told me that cleaning the barn was enough.

"Xena! Get down here -- now! They're leaving."

"In a second!" shouted Xena, her mother's commanding voice having little effect on the strong-willed teenager.

"I said now. I meant now. That means now!"

"Hades," Swore Xena, hastily hiding her diary beneath her mattress. "All right already! I'm coming."

Taking the stairs two at a time, the thirteen-winters-old girl jumped the last five steps landing lightly on her feet. Sullenly, she sauntered into the tavern where the visitors stood talking to Cyrene while their five-winters-old daughter played with a set of blocks. It was early, long before customers would fill the bar. Xena sighed, the weight of the known world on her shoulders.

"Here she is," Cyrene said brightly. "Xena, these nice people have a table to set up at the festival, so they need to leave their daughter here for a bit. I told them you were delighted at the chance to watch her while they're busy."

"Yeah, delighted," said Xena with a saccharine smile, sarcasm dripping from her voice. Cyrene pinched her daughter's arm, the action hidden from her guests' view, but Xena kept her smile in place, pushing the small stab of pain deep down. She had always been good at hiding what she felt and it drove her mother crazy.

"Well that's just wonderful! I can't tell you how much we appreciate this, Cyrene," said the woman with a genuine smile.

"Not at all. She loves doing this sort of thing. Why Xena is a natural with children."

A thousand scenarios for revenge flashed through the teen's mind as she stood quietly by her mother's side. She was already several inches taller than her mom and didn't look like she would stop growing soon. It had been quite a summer. Breasts had exploded from her chest garnering her undue attention from the local boys. Hair grew in the most bizarre places and once a month she had to deal with the infernal Wound of Artemis. Being a female sucked, she had decided.

"I promised the gang I'd help with decorations this afternoon. How long will I need to watch the kid?" asked Xena, sullenly glaring at the child who sported large green eyes and a splash of blonde hair.

"Oh not long, Sweetie," said the woman, already on her way out the door. "Just for a few candlemarks."

"Motheeeerrr!" whined Xena once the couple had closed the door behind them. "What am I supposed to do with her for candlemarks!!!"

"You'll think of something. Just stick close to home. With this many strangers in town for the festival it isn't safe to wander."

"Oh yeah, right," scoffed Xena. "Like some warlord is gonna say 'Ah perfect! A little blonde kid! Now I can rule the world.'"

"You have no idea how a warlord thinks," admonished Cyrene. "Now get to it. I have a lot of work to do to get ready for the traffic of a festival day. I don't want to have to worry about you or that little girl."

"Yeah, of course not," said Xena beneath her breath as her mother slipped into the back. "Why should you worry about me? You never have before." Ever since her father had disappeared, Xena had found herself more and more independent. Cyrene simply didn't have the time to run a tavern and keep a close eye on three children. So Xena had taken the responsibility of watching out for both herself and Lyceus, while Toris helped their mother with the business.

"If Lyceus were here I could make him watch you," Xena said as she approached the happy child. "But that weasel is off with Uncle Kortheer, probably having the time of his life. Boys get all the fun, don't they?" The girl looked up at Xena, her eyes shining. "Yeah, so, um... what's your name, kid?"

"Ella."

"Ella, huh? Weird name."

"S'not weird! Really it's Gabrielle, but Mommy calls me Ella. It's a nice name."

"Whatever. Okay, Gabrielle, let's--"

"Ella!"

"I don't do nicknames, okay?" said Xena, deciding to torture the kid in harmless ways to get out her frustration. Besides, she rather liked the name Gabrielle. It suited the girl. "Now, let's figure out what to do with you for a couple hours."

"Tell me a story."

"Huh? What story?"

"Any story! Tell me a hero story."

"I don't know any hero stories."

"Sure you do! Everyone knows hero stories!"

"Not me. C'mon, let's go see how the decorations are coming."

"Your mom said to stay here."

"Yeah? Well, I'm your boss, got it? And you don't question me. What I say goes," said Xena, one eyebrow raised and her most fierce expression on her face.

"You don't scare me," said Gabrielle, looking frightened.

Xena relented, realizing that she was acting out her frustrations on a little kid. "Yeah, well, good. I'm not really trying to scare you. I just want to see how my friends are doing."

"Okay," said Gabrielle, standing up and dusting off her dress.

"C'mon," said Xena motioning the child through the front door. Gabrielle smiled at the teenager and reached up to take her hand.

"Awww geez," Xena muttered, relenting as she took the little girl's hand in hers and walked her out the door.

Dear Diary,

The kid is driving me nuts. She's so curious about everything. It's her first trip outside of Potidaea and she thinks every stupid thing that's different is interesting. Man, she'd drive me insane if I had to spend more than one day with her. As it is, I can barely keep an eye on her. I was trying to talk to Maphius about the dance decorations and I hear this huge crash and there she is, covered in flour. Seems she got into the kitchen stores, saw a bug or something and was trying to catch it as a 'present' for me. Like I want a bug! Anyway, I figured I'd better take her home before she wrecked anything else.

I can't figure it out but she's decided I'm like some kind of hero. She just stares at me with those big eyes and thinks everything I do is amazing. The stupidest stuff and she thinks it's all so cool. Okay, so I sorta like that. But still, it's not enough to make up for the fact that everyone else is working on the hall for tonight's dance and I'm stuck babysitting.

"Xena!"

Now what? Xena asked herself as she put away her diary. "You're supposed to be napping."

The young girl was lying on Xena's bed, not the least bit sleepy, pointing at Xena's bedroom wall. "Look!"

"Look at what, Gabrielle?"

"You got a sword!" the child said, gesturing emphatically to the sword mounted behind the bed.

"Yeah? What of it?"

"Is it a real sword?"

"It's real. But don't touch it. Swords are dangerous."

"Do you get to touch it?"

"Of course! But I'm older. It's different."

"'Kay..." Gabrielle pouted, staring at the weapon.

Sighing, Xena said, "Tell you what. We'll go find you a nice stick and you can pretend it's a sword, okay?"

"Okay!" Bounding off the bed, the little blonde beamed in the direction of her hero. "You're really pretty," she said, out of the blue.

Xena laughed. "You think? Ah, what would you know."

"I know. You're pretty. I bet you're the prettiest girl in Amphipolis, huh?"

"Doubtful."

"Who's prettier?"

"Althea."

"Nah ah."

"You don't even know her!" said Xena, exasperated, yet oddly pleased by the compliment.

"Do so! She was at the place where the flour was. She's not near so pretty as you."

"Yeah, well, she's sure more popular," muttered Xena. Then, at the worshipful gaze of her newest fan, she said, "C'mon, let's go get you a fighting stick." Tucking her diary into her pocket, Xena stood up.

"Neato!" Gabrielle grabbed Xena's hand and yanked her toward the door. The teenager shook her head, smiling, and allowed herself to be pulled along. Hard to beat that enthusiasm, she decided.

Dear Diary,

Man, that kid loves that stupid stick. I mean, it's just a stick, but she's been playing with it forever. I tried to show her how to use it like a sword, but she keeps whipping it around like it's a staff or something. Oh well, she'd probably put out her eye otherwise. She was kind of awkward when she tried to thrust and parry and stuff.

"Careful!" said Xena, looking up from her diary and spotting Gabrielle banging away at a tree trunk with her stick. "You don't want to get bark chips in your eyes or something."

Immediately, Gabrielle pulled away from the tree. "I'm sorry, Xena," she said. She looked like she was about to cry.

"Oh for-- look, you didn't do anything wrong. I just want you to be careful, that's all."

"How come?"

"What do you mean, how come?" asked Xena, exasperated.

Gabrielle inched closer to the teenager, her glistening eyes fixed on the older girl's face. "How come? You don't care 'bout me..."

"What makes you say that?"

"Cuz you won't tell me stories and you act like you don't want me around, that's how come."

"C'mere," said Xena, motioning the girl closer. Gabrielle came within arms' length and Xena pulled her into her lap. "Look, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. It's just that I've really been looking forward to today and I hadn't expected to have to babysit. I kinda wanted to hang out with my friends."

"I'm sorry, Xena..." said Gabrielle, sniffing loudly.

The teen looked into the little girl's face and saw abject sorrow there. "Awww, c'mon, I said that's what I had planned. Doesn't mean I'm not having fun with you. And sure doesn't mean I don't like you. For a little kid, you're pretty cool."

"For real?" asked Gabrielle, light pouring from her eyes.

"Yeah. I mean, other than messing up the flour you've been pretty good."

"Xena?"

"Hmmm?"

"When I get old like you, will I be pretty too?"

Xena leaned back and seriously assessed the young girl's features. "Well... you won't look like me, that's for sure. We're very different. But I don't think you should worry. You're cute now, so you'll probably look fine when you get older." Twisting suddenly, Gabrielle lunged into a deep hug, surprising the teen with the strength in her small arms. "Hey!" said Xena, laughing. "Cut it out, huh? It's no big deal."

Gabrielle relaxed her grip but remained snuggled against her babysitter. "You make me feel safe," she said.

"Safe from what?"

"From monsters and warlords and stuff. I bet you could kill them all with your sword. I bet you're that good. I bet you're like a hero or something, right?"

"Hardly. I'm just a kid. Kids aren't heroes."

"What do you wanna be when you grow up?"

"I don't know. Maybe a warrior or a healer or something. How about you?"

"A Hestian Virgin. They have pretty dresses."

Laughing, Xena said, "Okay, that's one reason, all right. But I think you should be a bard."

"How come?" asked Gabrielle, pulling away so she could look into the teen's bright blue eyes.

"You like stories so much. And heroes and junk. Bards love that kind of thing."

"A bard? Huh," said the child, an almost adult expression of contemplation on her features. "Can bards be Hestian Virgins too?"

"I dunno. But bards can wear pretty dresses. No reason why not."

Brightening, the child grinned. "Okay! That's what I'll be then."

"Good. Glad to have that settled. Shouldn't leave those decisions until too late," quipped Xena with a lopsided grin. "Hey, you tired?" she asked as the child snuggled back into the teen's arms. Xena was very glad no one was in the small forest glade, watching her. Too much mush, she decided.

"Nah ah," whispered Gabrielle, as her eyes closed.

"Right," chuckled Xena, pulling out her diary.

Dear Diary,

I never really thought about having kids. Always figured they were a big pain. Mom says it often enough. But just between you and me, this Gabrielle kid is kinda sweet. Talky. And too curious. And she says silly things, but still...

Awww geez, I'm talking a lot of nonsense, now. There's no place for someone like Gabrielle in my life. Not the life I want. Adventures, that's for me. Just me and Lyceus and our swords. We're gonna escape Amphipolis and just travel the known world, hanging out with Kings and other warriors. And I'm gonna have jewels and stuff and give them to my mother so she can stop running the tavern and just sit in a big house ordering around lots of slaves. (She always says she doesn't need slaves, cuz she has us. Ha. Ha.)

Mom keeps telling me I'm silly for saying things like that. She says I should worry about who I'm gonna marry and that's it. That's a woman's lot. Well, that and I'm supposed to learn to cook a whole lot better than I do. I suck at that. It's so unfair. Why should I worry about cooking -- something I suck at -- when I'm so good with a sword? Seems to me I should concentrate on stuff I do good, not stuff I'm supposed to do good just cuz I'm a girl.

"Well, well, well... what have we here?" said a gruff voice just behind Xena's shoulder.

Quickly, the teen slid from Gabrielle's sleeping form and hopped to her feet, the child's fighting stick in her hands. "Who are you?" she asked, glaring at the lone man. He was disgusting -- covered with grime, his clothes stained and the stench of stale liquor and unwashed male hanging on him like a noxious cloud.

"I'm the man of your dreams, Hot Stuff."

Xena knew she looked older than thirteen. People were always surprised when they found out her age. It was all that growth over the summer. Once again, she hated the fact that she was too tall, had too much chest and wasn't normal like all the other girls her age. But somehow she had the feeling that her age wouldn't matter at all to a guy like this. Her mom had been right -- she should have stayed close to home. "Get out of here," she said coldly, pushing away her fear and trying to act as tough as the warriors who passed through her mother's tavern. It was all attitude, she had decided at an early age. Act tough and people will see you as tough.

The man laughed. "Ooooh, a feisty one, huh? Good, I like it rough." Before Xena could respond, he spotted Gabrielle, who was just blinking open her eyes. "You gonna let your daughter watch, or do you wanna slip over into the woods a bit? Not that I mind, but some folks is sensitive about that kinda thing."

"You're disgusting," said Xena. "And I'm warning you for the last time -- get out of here or I'll make you wish you'd never found us."

"Xena? I'm scared," said Gabrielle, grabbing onto the teenager's leg.

"Shhh, it's okay, Gabrielle. Everything is going to be fine. This man was just leaving," she said, stroking the child's hair.

The man walked up to Xena and stared at her, eye to eye. He was only about an inch or two taller and the teenager was already mentally figuring out how to use his strength against him. She had spent her youth conning lessons out of the warriors who passed through Amphipolis. Discovering at an early age that she had a natural aptitude for the fighting arts, she had soaked up every piece of knowledge she could, using her younger brother as a sparring partner.

"Let me put it this way, Girlie. You give me what I want and I spare the kid. You even think about trying to fight me and she becomes my target. Got it?"

Gabrielle's grip tightened, tears flowing freely. "All right," Xena said with a feral smile, surprisingly menacing in a face so young. "Now you've got me mad. You're not going to like me mad." With eye-blurring speed, she brought the stick up to his groin, connecting with a resounding thud. As he bent over she elbowed his nose then slammed the stick onto his head, breaking the wood in two with the fierceness of the blow. The man fell to the ground in a groaning heap. "C'mon, Gabrielle," said Xena, urgently, gathering the child in her arms. She ran from the glade as quickly as she could with her awkward burden, overjoyed when she burst through the trees onto the streets of Amphipolis.

Dear Diary,

She's finally asleep. Took three stories and I had to make up half of them because I never paid attention to all that god stuff, but she closed her eyes at last. I wasn't sure what to do about the man, so I went to Thomasus, the smith, and told him there was a highwayman in the woods. He came back and said no one was there. I guess the guy ran away or something. Thomasus said that most likely he wouldn't be bothering anyone around here for awhile, cuz there was blood in the clearing. I suppose it was from his nose. I cracked him pretty good.

I'm mostly worried about Gabrielle. She's just a little kid. I don't like the idea of her seeing that crap. Such an innocent little thing.

"We're home!" wafted Cyrene's voice.

Xena bolted from her room, leaping down the stairs with a finger over her lips. "Shhh! I just got her to sleep!"

Gabrielle's mother had followed Cyrene into the tavern and smiled at Xena. "How was she? Did she behave? She didn't make you tell her any stories, did she?"

"A couple. But I didn't mind. She's a good kid," said Xena, her eyes downcast.

"You didn't have any trouble, did you?" asked Cyrene, examining her daughter's expression suspiciously.

Innocently, Xena met her Mom's eyes. "Of course not."

"Sorry you couldn't be with your friends, Dear," said her mom, her eyes softening.

"No biggie. Gabrielle and I went down there to check on stuff and it was all pretty boring anyway."

"I heard some highwayman attacked a woman and her daughter in the woods outside of town," said Gabrielle's mother.

"You're kidding? What happened?" asked Cyrene, the gossip lighting her eyes.

"Your smithy went out and bloodied his nose. Sent him running with his tail between his legs."

"Did you hear anything about this, Xena? I saw you talking to Thomasus earlier," observed Cyrene.

"Nah, I was talking about armor and junk."

"You and your swords and armor. What's going to become of you?"

"I dunno. Maybe I'll be a hero, like Achilles," said Xena, embarrassed.

"Well if so, Gabrielle will want to hear all about it. She's absolutely obsessed with tales of heroes," said the child's mother, laughing indulgently.

"Yeah, well, maybe I will tell her some day," said Xena, backing away from the two women. While they continued to gossip, Xena slowly walked back up the stairs to her small room. She sat on the edge of her bed, looking down at the sweet-faced blonde child as she slept. "Hey, kid, your mom is here," she whispered gently.

Gabrielle opened her eyes, yawning. It took a moment for her to focus but when she saw Xena she grinned. "Hi, Xena."

"Hi. Your mom is downstairs. You don't have to hang around me anymore, lucky you."

The girl sat up, rubbing her eyes then smiled. She hugged Xena, saying, "I liked hanging around with you. You're a hero. You beat up the bad man and everything."

"Let's not tell anyone about that, okay? We were sorta not supposed to be out in the woods." At Gabrielle's confused expression, Xena said, "Not that you should lie. Just don't, you know, tell anyone unless they ask you. Okay? It'll be our secret."

"A secret? Okay!"

"Good. Thanks, Gabrielle."

"I like how you say my name."

Xena smiled crookedly and picked up the child, carrying her weight easily. "Let's get you back to your mom."

"Will I ever see you again, Xena?"

"I dunno. Maybe. Maybe I'll come to hear you when you're a famous bard."

"And I'll tell stories about Xena, the Warrior Hero."

"It's a deal," said Xena, not quite understanding why the trust of this small child hit her heart in such a deep place.

The End

[thebreakupdiaries]

Post Tinder date and messy ex

So my first tinder date was cuuute or whateverrrr!!

He was sooooo sweet, easy to talk to CUTE!! He had big dark blue eyes lookin all disney n shit! and he also paid and drove 2 hours in total to see YA GIRL! Now you might be thinking “Oh my! You’ve found ya match, he sounds so swee” HOLD IT ONE FOLLOWER!   No! lmao.

He was nice, the date was nice everthing went smooth, but I didn’t feel any spark? I get that sometimes these things take time, but I guess I’ve just come to the conclusion, that I’m not as ready as I thought?  LMAOOO when I came home after the date, I saw that there was a boque of white flowers on my door. I felt like I was in a movie lmao. messy af. 

ANYWAYS! I don’t want a serious relationship rn and I’m also deleting Tinder I’M DONE!

LMAO!! But fr! I think I’ll just do me? I’m just confused as to why I did it in the first place? Because I didn’t think that I would find my true love in a week of course, and I GENUINELY felt ready to get involved with someone.  I guess I was just curious until I realized/remembered how picky I am.

Anywayss mr. Tinder guy/pilot dude asked me out for a second date BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT he said 

“We should hang out in my city. Do you wanna go to my place or a restaurant?”  And I was like “Uhm.... a restaurant” HE REALLY OUT HERE THINKING HE ‘BOUT TO CLAP THESE CAKEESS ON THE SECOND DATE GWOORL 

THEN he gon’ tell me; “ know a nice restaurant... close to where I live” And I basically went ghost on him after that............ -.- PART 2 OF THIS POST! My ex showed up yesterday............... I didn’t open the door because I felt like it would make everything worse?  It was weird cause I was talking to my friend about how I miss the fact that him and I could relate and connect. My friend and I also talked about how love feels better when it happens naturally, cause Tinder dates almost feel like a job interview and it’s easy to pick a person apart from just that interaction. But if you meet them at a friends party, have classes with them or something like that, you see them in different contexts and start falling for the small and most meaningful things (like how cute he looks while he concentrates and so on) But yeah! My ex showed up and started knocking on my door and sending endless messages. I have blocked him on Whatsapp, Snapchat, texts and muted him on messenger. He spammed me throughout the WHOLE weekend while I was visiting family for my moms birthday.  When he showed up, he kept telling me that he just needed to see me, just wanted to talk, but I refused to open the door cause him and I agreed to stop contacting each other...  I told him to leave cause I’d rather not have the police escort him away through snapchat messages (I hadn’t blocked him there yet when he showed up)  He left and I honestly felt a scared/worried? He was knocking hard on the door and my windows in my backyard and I’ve NEVER felt trapped in my own home. I called his twin brother and told him what happened/ told him to be there for him cause I couldn’t for obvious reasons. I also told him that I wasn’t ignoring his brother (my ex) bc I think he’s a trash human being, but because WE ARE DONE! And I’ll only give him (my ex) false hope and make him think we can fix what we had if I communicate. I also just want him to heal. Anyways the point is! I’ve deleted Tinder, I have the worst cold rn and my ex might MIGHT be going crazy :D

[terraclae]

One-eye

Lore pings: @yuushanoah-fr @cityofinoue

I wanted to write Arodan talking to the source of stress for the Paramo residents. A short one before I post my last chapter so far so it connects better.

'You. One-eye.'

'Is that some dumb new nickname for me?' Arodan pushed a book back onto the shelf and turned around. The evening light cast the common room in a very low light and seeing the walking equivalent of a shadow stand behind him was disquieting to say at the least. Before Arodan knew it he had bumped right back into the bookshelf and a book leant against the back of his head. 'Sachairi.'

'Arodan.' Sachairi nodded. He looked fairly normal although Arodan sometimes swore he was fading around the edges sometimes. 'Caught you off guard?'

'I was kind of in the middle of something, yes.' Arodan's gaze jumped to the shelf momentarily and slowly he stepped forward again with a hand holding on to the toppling book behind him. 'Is there uh… Anything you need from me?'

'Well, I meant to say sorry actually.'

Arodan blinked a few times and scanned Sachairi up and down. 'Sorry?'

'Yeah, for uh… In the crypt. And some few other times.' He rubbed the back of his head and bumbled around a little. 'I don't want to be dishonest and say it was completely my own initiative because Carmen encouraged me. But I'm...'

'Not a very tactful person?'

Sachairi grunted something nondescript that moment and Arodan could guess he was counting to three to not get hissy about the comment. '... Yes. I'm not tactful, and I'm not good with words, others are. And I'm sorry if I get angry sometimes.'

Well, it seemed genuine enough to Arodan. He might use the opportunity to speak to Sachairi now he had it to measure what the others meant when he acted more like himself like this. 'If I'm allowed to ask, does that have any reason?'

'Well, that...' Sachairi bit his lip and guiltily averted his gaze off to the side. 'I don't know. I think that's just who I am and I wish it wasn't as bad.' He paced off and sat down in a chair, glancing at the one besides it. 'I have ways to keep it in check, those too don't always work.'

'You're trying. Maybe it isn't working but you're doing something.' Arodan cautiously came to sit in the chair next to Sachairi and kept to the side away from him. 'But Balam took you in for a reason, didn't he?'

'Maybe.' Sachairi rubbed his side and looked off. 'How do you know that?'

'Carmen and...' He paused then and felt a pang in his heart at the name he was to mention. 'Epoch. They told me who you were.' He gestured small shapes through the air. 'They were very positive about you, that you were their friend despite your flaws. It made me curious about you.'

'I… I see.' Sachairi hummed and he looked upon Arodan with an angry and sad look. 'Did you know Epoch well?'

'Not as well as I wanted to. But well enough I wish he didn't die.' The thought made Arodan shaky and mournful all over again and he knew that feeling had to come some time. Sometimes out of the corners of his eyes and in his dreams he thought he saw him. He knew Carmen somehow resented him for it still, even if it was getting less between them. 'I'm sorry.'

'I'm sorry too.' Sachairi pressed his eyes shut and breathed in with strained breaths. 'You know I… I actually saw him today.'

'You saw him?' Arodan perked up and glanced warily at Sachairi. 'In a dream or something?'

'No, his ghost.' Sachairi snapped, and immediately drew back once he caught on he was being blunt. 'When I woke up this morning and wandered the ship he was sitting on one of the masts and he didn't realize I could see him.'

'You need to slow down there.' Arodan held up a hand and looked up at Sachairi incredulously. 'You can see ghosts?'

'What's your point? You saw Waldemar back in the crypt right?' Sachairi grunted in return. 'Sometimes ghosts are visible. There's so many down in the crypt, you walked past a few when you were there.'

'I- Walked?' Arodan raised his hand higher and his mouth fell open yet he didn't know what to say. Something here didn't add up in his mind but first and foremost? 'I… I don't think I can see ghosts but I guess you can then.'

'Yes, I can.' Then Sachairi thought about it and sank back in his chair. 'That's… That's new actually.' He glanced at Arodan and then stared out in front of him. 'I hadn't thought of it that I couldn't do that before.'

'I don't think it's too odd but that's new information to me too.' Arodan responded. He continued a little quieter. 'You saw Epoch however, did you say anything to him?'

'... I climbed up to the mast and tried to touch his shoulder. I couldn't but for a moment it felt I could draw his attention with that.' Sachairi continued. He pulled one leg up and held on to it pensively. 'He noticed my hand going through him and stared for a while until I said hello.' He stared ahead blankly. 'We spoke… He told me what I had missed, we spoke of silly stuff, that...' He swallowed harshly and looked at Arodan. 'That I had been missed, y'know?'

'I can agree it's a nice feeling.' Arodan smiled and wondered if Atlas and Balam and Carmen would miss him if he left. Sachairi looked at him like he knew the answer. 'They seem glad you're back.'

'And they're glad to have you. Don't forget that.' Sachairi added gruffly. Yet, there was a little smile on his face. 'I think a new face was what they needed, someone like you. Hell, you even saved me.'

'I wouldn't call what I did saving people.' Arodan waved away the compliment, and took a deep breath. He needed to know something. 'Can I ask you a question?'

'Shoot. Just don't ask anything too personal.'

Too bad, in a way he was going to. 'Well… I know you're Shade afflicted, Carmen and Epoch told me that too.' Sachairi flinched a little at that and his expression returned to a scowl. 'And what I mean to ask is when you got your Shade affliction, if it coincides with when you started seeing ghosts.'

'Are you in a roundabout way trying to ask me how this all works?' He gestured at himself, then at Arodan. 'Because I ain't doing that.'

'I'm not asking about that. Okay, maybe I am, but it isn't for some heinous purpose.' Arodan said. 'I want to figure out myself somehow, and not be a danger to people. Despite your affliction and what happened you're doing fine.'

He took deep breaths, and sat upright. 'Kid, I don't...' He gestured at nothing in particular. 'Fine. I started seeing ghosts back when I was still a gladiator in the fighting pits. I could just have gotten whacked over the head a little too hard, that happened often back then.' He rubbed his head as if a phantom pain had decided to manifest then. 'My Shade was this.. "Gift" from another person. The figure you freed me from.'

'Altair?'

'Yeah.' Sachairi nodded and Arodan and him shared an understanding sigh. They were comfy with the knowledge they both hated a foe they didn't know enough about to fight. 'I got that affliction before I was made into a gladiator. I used to travel around then when I was younger, better, and ran into him, took a job for him I didn't end up liking all that much.'

'Let me guess, You told him your mind?' Arodan shot Sachairi a look and Sachairi returned him a similar gaze and nod. 'It's funny, it's become so easy to talk about what happened.'

'At some point it becomes easy to joke, or think more easily about things like that. I used to joke to Carmen about Altair, she and Epoch joked about their parents. We'd have drinks, it was a good time.' Sachairi brushed gently over his necklace and seemed longing. 'Raz was there too then.'

‘Do you know where he is now?’ Arodan asked.

‘I suspect he’s either with his father or fully handed over to Guillaume.’ Sachairi said, his brow deeply furrowing. His form seemed to fade for a moment. ‘And Guillaume is…’ Sachairi stopped and buried his head in his hands. ‘Guillaume is his fiancée. He was promised to him by his father because he bought Raz.’

‘Wait… Fiancée?’ Arodan found the revelation spine chilling at the very least. By the way Sachairi spoke he knew the implications of that relationship. ‘And you two ran off together?’

‘Yeah. He had to, he had to get out of there. Away from people that didn't respect who he was, what he felt. Raz is neither a man or a woman and takes comfort in that. I almost broke out of the fighting pits for him, fought his father and I would do it all over again for him.’ Sachairi bluntly said with raised voice. He quietened himself once he realized he was yelling. ‘I don’t want anything more than to have a normal life and spend that besides him.’

‘He sounds like he means a lot to you.’ Arodan spoke, having backed into his chair due to the earlier outburst. ‘What… What was Raz like to you?’

‘He was… Mischievous. He always wanted to have the last word, and it annoyed the hell out of me. But he was also…’ Sachairi clutched the necklace, Raz’s heart a little tighter to him. ‘Loving. Patient. He always tried to cheer people up, helped me connect to the people of Paramo. He had so many things of his own to deal with and yet he was helping me and others.’ Sachairi’s ears lay flat against the sides of his head and he looked visibly upset. ‘I didn’t save him. I didn’t get to help him.’

‘Sachairi?’

He was shaking, Arodan noted. Before he could reach Sachairi had gotten up and leant against the chair. ‘I… I should go. That conversation ended up becoming kind of a downer, didn't it?' He sucked in a breath and started to back away. 'Would you mind-'

‘Sachairi.’ Arodan held up both of his hands towards Sachairi in nonthreatening fashion. He was shaking a little himself. ‘It’s okay. You don’t seem like a bad person, and it’s nice finally talking to you personally.’

‘I still...’ He dragged a hand down his face. ‘I’ll see you around Dan. Just- Please don’t tell anyone about this or they’ll worry.’

‘I won’t mention it.’ Arodan whispered. A question popped into his mind and he called after Sachairi. ‘Hey. Have you been feeling weird lately?’

‘That’s got nothing to do with this.’ Sachairi snapped, still shaking. ‘And yes. Blackouts and stuff.’ He turned around. ‘It’s probably nothing.’ On that note Sachairi didn’t leave the room normally, but instead disappeared into the floor in a patch of darkness. Yet another piece to unraveling what was going on revealed itself but Arodan had yet to understand what was truly happening.

Truth was, maybe he was sick of wanting to know. Yet, slowly he retrieved Mimir and flipped her open, proceeding to scribble down his findings alongside her own memos as aid to him. In the big web that had formed, he was close to his answer.

[burmecianblackmage]

Post #3000

Wow. This here, this just now, is according to tumblr the 3000th post I make on this blog. Who would have thought I’d stick around this long, that I’d post this much on here? And it’s been a wild ride.

I wanna use this opportunity to mention a few people as well as some stats, and since it will get long with the mentions, I figure I’d better start with the boring part - the stats, that is. So, without further ado, here we go:

Blog Statistics

As of this post, I have as already stated 3000 entries posted onto this blog, but those aren’t the only numbers to mention here. I also have liked a whooping 4404 Favorites on here, as well as followed 460 blogs. Now, I know most of these have long since stopped being active, but since I pretty much never unfollow people, that number only kept growing. It’s hard to tell how many are actually still active - and how many of those even are interested in my muse...

But let’s leave that aside! Since this blog was established on February 4, 2014 with this post, a total of 3 years, 7 months and 21 days have passed - or 1329 days in total. Many of those days have been quite interesting, filled with intriguing plays and fun encounters, and I’ve racked up a respectable 2.2573 posts per day average - not bad for a hobby, eh? Especially considering how long some of my posts tend to get...

Anyhow, in all that time, I have been gifted with a total of 433 Followers, some of which enriching my life greatly, and it will be them that I shall adress under the cut. I’ve also somehow pilled up a whooping 273 Drafts saved, but don’t be alarmed: None of those are plays I’m involved in. In fact, it’s almost entirely memes and prompts and whatnot that I stored for later use, and quite frankly, I’d do well to clean them out a bit soon...

On that note let me say that it is a pity that you cannot see a tally of how many notes your posts got, or how many of them were just what. It would have been intriguing to see how often I posted stuff only to be ignored, and how often the things I posted actually spawned something great. Ah well...

Anyhow, without further ado, let’s move to why you guys came to look at this post:

My dear Friends

Below the cut, I will list some of the people most important to me on this blog, and my thoughts on them. Please note that I do not mean to omit anybody, and should I forget someone, it does not happen out of ill-will but rather because I am sometimes a bit forgetful. If you aren’t on this list but would wish to be, then I will gladly make an addendum to it if you notify me, alright?

Maria, the Wild Rose Archer - @artemisxbow

Eri, we’ve now known each other for a good 3 years, but it’s only been in the last one that we really started to talk more, and for our muses to interact more - and look where that has lead us! We subject our two to angst and suffering, we plot evil things and have tons of hurtful ideas, and it’s not rare that I start going off on a tangent when we talk over Discord. Erm, I guess, long story short: I’m glad to know you and to play with you, and I am sorry for always being so mean to our muses. To many more adventures and plays!

Freya, the Lady Dragon Knight - @burmecias-protector

Freya-Mun, you were the first to play with me here on tumblr, and even though our plays have become quite sporadic, I always enjoy seeing you on my dash. You have an interesting way of writing and give Freya a lot of life - with all the joys and troubles that come with it. I wish we could have some more fluid plays between us again, but things are as they are, and I’m just glad we even get to play in the first place. Sceada looks up to Freya, though he’d hesitate to admit so.

Leonora, the lovely Sage - @containyourmainposure

Gwenny, you always used to be one of my favorite roleplayers on here, and I still adore your writing style. Your Leonora has long since become the way I see the canon Leonora as well, and the depth you’ve given her never ceases to amaze me. I really, truly loved writing with you as well as shipping with you - and I am sad that due to how things developed, not only has the ship sunk, but also the time we write together rapidly declined. I know it is mostly for life reasons, still, I can’t help but feel sad over it and miss it. Just like I lament the fact that it’s been ages since we’ve actually finished a thread properly... But things are as they are, and we have to take what we can get, and I’m just glad to still have you around, even if we don’t talk as much anymore. Nonetheless, I am still happy for you and how you improved your life, and hope it keeps getting better!

Leila, the daring Pirate - @dancing-dagger

Leila-Mun, I know we haven’t exactly written as much together and also haven’t really talked much, but I still consider you one of my closer friends on here. You are one that’s always open for fun and doesn’t hold back in her writing, and I really like that. You have great humor and are a pleasure to have around, no matter which muse. I hope we’ll eventually get to play more again, for I feel our muses have an interesting dynamic between them that would be fun to explore, and a number of conflicts awaiting them - be it as friends or more. I’ll try and reach out to you more soon, I promise!

Vani, the Halfling Rogue - @not-a-rogue

Lou, I’m gonna be honest with you, when I first saw you switching muses I was a bit sad. Your Porom looked very promising, and I would have loved to play more with her - but that is not to say that I like Vani any less than her, oh no. Vani has quickly become one of the most intriguing and amusing muses on my dash, and it is ever so great how she keeps forcing Sceada out of his shell with how she acts around him. Granted, sometimes that proves to be a mistake, but all in all both he and I really like your Halfling - and you too, of course. You are fun to talk with, and a really, really talented artist. I don’t know if others think so too, but you strike me as one of those muns that is just refreshingly uncomplicated and easy to approach - and I for one look forward to many more plays with you and your muses!

Emerya, the Envoy of the Fey - @atieflingwarlock

Emerya-Mun, I have to say I really, really love your muse, more than I’d ever have expected to. She is so much fun to read, yet also hides so much tragedy, and both me and Sceada genuinely want to learn more about her, and if possible to help mend her wounds. It amuses me time and time again how easily she can fluster Sceada, and how she has this very special charm to herself. I’m curious just where these two could go in the future, and how it’d all develop - and I have a good feeling that in due time, we may see it happen. Also I wanna thank you again for your help “translating” Sceada into a DnD setting, it was a lot of fun to build him up like that and now having him try and show what he can do!

Aria, the Maiden of Water - @nymphaxea

Aria-Mun, I know we haven’t known each other for long and haven’t talked all that much, but you seem like a very nice person and quite frankly, I like the way you portray your muse. The way she acts and thinks is at the same time quite admirable and challenging for my Sceada, as evidenced by that thread where he got unexpectedly angry over her resignation. I feel they have an interesting dynamic, and the few things we discussed felt very fitting too - and the best thing, it still leaves the door open for many possible directions these two could go. I hope we’ll get to explore their relationship more in future plays, and that you’ll feel better soon!

Amina, the reckless Adventurer - @the-shadow-of-a-wielder

Gem, I really like plotting and playing with you, and Amina is such an intriguing character, full of mystery and magic. I enjoy her personality as much as your willingness to throw her at anything, for better or worse. We can hatch so many different plots and scenarios, it’s amazing. Also, you are a very nice person, and to quote freely, “your crazy matches my crazy rather well”. I look forward to keep playing with you and eventually inch closer to uncovering the mysteries about Amina and her origins. Maybe we can even revive the two other verses we had? I’d certainly be all up for that!

Lenora, the Embodiment of Love - @thislovelylady // Edea, Grandmarshall of Eternia - @ladyofeternia

Lanna, Lanna, Lanna... - Of course a list like this would not be complete without you. We may neither play nor talk as often anymore as we used to, but back when I started out, you were a pretty big influence on my roleplaying, especially on Kamiizumi. The headcanons and angsty plots we created are treasured memories to me, and I have never stopped liking the way you write. It’s a bit sad that our muses don’t mesh that well with each another, because quite frankly, I do miss playing with you. Maybe one day this will be different again, who knows. Either way, I just wanna say thank you for all the times we interacted, and all the things I managed to learn from you or thanks to you. You were the heart of the Bravely RP community, and will always be remembered as such.

Brii, the Dragonhearted - @briidunviing

Brii, you know that even though we’ve barely had a thread so far between our muses, that I nonetheless consider you one of my best friends on here. You’re probably the one I talk the most with out of rp, and we seem to get along pretty well. You know I always have an open ear for you - and I’m sure you have one for me too. That having been said, I do quite like your muse! It’s a very interesting OC with a lot of inner turmoil, and the kind you just wanna help - even if you don’t know how. I’m curious to see where our muses will go once the blizzard calms down, but either way I’d be delighted to play more with you, friend.

Further Mentions:

All of you are people that I do play with and that I enjoy seeing on my dash. I’m sorry I didn’t dedicate you your own paragraph here, but if you would want me to talk a bit more about you, then by all means feel free to notify me and I’ll make an addendum for you! But even if I do not dedicate a paragraph to you, please know that I really, really enjoy seeing you on my dash and like playing with you, no matter how much or how little we’ve done so far! You are precious friends to me!

Jack, the cunning Thief - @ofgil || Teledji, the sleazy Merchant - @high-stakes-gambler || Kefka, the insane God of Magic - @light-of-judgment || Terra, the Half-Esper - @riotxblade || Vhaso’a, the tailoring Red Mage - @thevermiliongaelicatte || Lily, the aspiring Summoner - @losteidolon || Rojo, the red Chocobo - @fabulousredkweh & Lamya, the Chocobo-Breeder - @bokobreeder || Fran, the dignified Viera - @feralstriike || Faris, the Pirate Captain - @ask-captain-faris

This list would not be complete (or rather, more incomplete...) without the old friends that sadly no longer are active, but never will be forgotten. I always loved playing with you, you were wonderful people, and even if with some of you it’s only been a small number of plays, I treasure you nonetheless and silently hope that maybe one day, I might see you again:

Ritz, the valiant Student - @viera-blessed || Garuda, the sealed Primal - @ladyofgentlebreezes || Calisto, the Burmecian Knight - @burmecianknight || Garnet, the summoning Princess - @beyondtheflyingbird || Locke, the Treasure Hunter - @thepricewasright || Minfilia, the Antecedent - @sharlayanmistress || Eiko, the Lady of Lindblum - @ladyoflindblum || Garnet, the kind-hearted Queen - @avaliantqueen || Selphie, the cheerful SEEED @sunny-explosions

And finally, there are also some people I have yet to actually play with, but that are often on my dash and I enjoy reading immensly. There are differing reasons why we don’t play, and it is alright that we don’t, but should things ever change, I’d be delighted to start something with you! Until then, please allow me to keep admiring your writng from afar^^

Kuja, the magnificent Genome - @xkuja || Hylia, the Great Goddess - @hyliahergrace || Amaterasu, Mother to All - @mammaterasu || Mipha, the graceful Champion - @elegansproelior || Mikoto, the animated Genome - @emptyshards @xbranbal || Kitsuno, the dancing Princess - @foxlike-ffxiv || Eiko, the perky Summoner @sukoshishokan

Thank you all for enriching my experience here as a roleplayer! I love you all <3

Patrick~

[aurimeanswind]

Sleepcasting—Sunday Chats (7-30-17)

I’ve had quite the week. From my rant on Superman, to a late podcast, to people throwing things at my car and damaging it while I was driving, to my car then breaking down in the middle of an intersection (unrelated at a separate time) to running late on Friday to not sleeping on Saturday, it’s been a week y’all.

So let’s start the new week with some positivity. 

Planned Idea

I couldn’t think of anything to do my write up about this week, but I had an idea that I’ll write here for my frequent chatters. It’s one I’ve been bouncing around for a couple of weeks now, but I think next week will be a good time to execute on it. 

I want to make Sunday Chats more interactive for the reader, so my plan is to essentially turn my question-soliciting tweet into a question itself, and have folks answer it in place of their questions for next week’s Sunday Chats. This way, maybe we’ll be able to have a bit of back and forth about some topic or another. It’ll probably be a question that’s both difficult to boil down to 140 characters but also difficult to answer in 140 characters, but I like the idea of keeping the generally pretty short.

I think for my frequent chatters or chat-readers, it’s good to give the warning and give you an idea of what I’m looking for. I’d love for everyone to come out and participate for the first showing, so if you’re interested, let me know! I’ll try and think of a good question to ask, and that way we can get some other folks’ opinions heard on Sunday Chats too!

My Twitter is @ALFighter27, so give me a follow there if you don’t already, and look for my tweet with the question and the hashtag $SundayChats in it next Sunday afternoon!

What I’ve Been Working On

I dont’ have much of an update here, and the only reason I stopped doing the day-by-day updates on my writings is because a lot of them have bled into scripts that I don’t quite want to talk about yet.

I wrote up a Destiny 2 piece this week that generally sums up why I’m excited about the sequel, but I need to polish it a lot so I’m not sure if it’ll be at all relevant in time for me to post it. I also have been working on some teen-related ideas, about teen video games and movies, but I don’t know if that’s a cohesive thought quite yet.

Oh and I’m writing about Overwatch again.

What’s on Tap

Sundered

The new game from Thunder Lotus that just came out this week!

I’ve played it a good deal at events so I knew I’d probably dig it, but it’s rad to see it in motion in person.

It is a procedurally generated Metroidvania, and the way they pull that off is by having some areas be static, and the pathways there be generated.

It’s hidden well, and since it’s using tile sets, it’s pretty easy to navigate still, but fun to mix things up with every life.

I have a lot to say about the game only being 2 hours in, so I’m excited to hopefully eventually review it.

Nier

I don’t have much to add here only that I am still enjoying Nier!

Owl Boy

So I finally got the chance to boot into Owl Boy, one of the many indie darlings from last year.

It’s very interesting. The idea of it being kind of twin-stick shootery when your character, Otus, is carrying a companion, is a really novel idea. I like how it’s executed.

Essentially Otus is a fuck up, and everyone makes him feel bad about it, and it’s not super great at anything really. And it’s sad, and I’m curious to see what they do with it and where they go with it.

It’s gorgeous too! Great sprites and artwork!

Furi

I picked this one back up on a whim, and Furi is still a great, unique, and fascinating video game.

I beat the boss I was stuck on, proceeded to beat the two bosses following it, and then got stuck on truly the final, final boss.

It’s still not perfect, or as tight as it could be, but every time I come back to Furi I remember how great and special it is.

Overwatch

DOOMFIST.

I played a ton of Overwatch this week, and I’m not sure if I’m just getting worse at it or if everyone else in the world is getting better.

Personally I’d put money on the latter, but WHO KNOWS FOR SURE.

Doomfist is very cool. It really is an “aggression rewards with opportunity” kind of character, which I also find to be super true to his personality, something this is far from true with many of the Overwatch characters I think.

He almost feels like a Bloodborne style character, in his execution, because attacks with his fist basically generate him more health.

All of his abilities can combo into one another, and he can just get in and out of any fight so quickly. I’m fascinated to see how he mixes up the meta of competitive play when he launches in competitive next week.

I can see a lot of general strategies failing in the face of his quaking fist, and that’s very exciting.

I PLAYED A LOT OF VIDEO GAMES THIS WEEK!

I also 103%’d Crash Warped but no one cares about that.

Questions!

As always you can find my tweet on Sunday afternoons with #SundayChats in it and reply with your question. I’ll answer. I promise!

Hell yes I am! I wish I was watching this week’s episode right now instead of writing this stupid fu—

I mean...

Well yeah, it’s pretty great. I’ve only watched the show, and it’s just super exciting to see long-running characters on screen together meeting and planning and interacting. I have a feeling some meetings may be happening in this week’s episode too...

But yeah, it’s weird too, because it’s almost swung around to being a bit too upbeat? But what characters do you have left to kill really? Unless you really want to tear things down, which I think they’ll do, but you have to save that for the dramatic pivots toward the end I think.

**update: I went and watched the episode mid write up, and it was very good.

Uhg. So I have given this a great deal of thought, or at least I did when me and my friends all got together and watched The Human Centipede on the night of our high school graduation (yeah, real celebratory, I know). 

Here’s the deal. The A is the best spot, obviously. The B is actually the worst, because you have the least control, and then C is second worst, since you do still have some control.

Everyone wants to be an A. We all do, right? We all wanna be As. It’s what we fucking live for.

But I know my place. I know I’d be a B. And no, I’m not fucking happy about it, but I’m a B.

Look at me.

I’m a B.

I know what I am.

I accept who I am for whom I may B.

Aww, thank you Xyger. <3 Love and miss you too man.

Good god Roger.

I mean like, could typing normal get worked into your schtick at some point at least? Like maybe this Sunday Chats character you’re playing get’s hit on the head and learns to type correctly?

I also live in Maryland, and while MA and MD are next to each other on the state listing, I’m just disappointed in you for making this awful joke.

I’d love to come snuggle though, fr fr, come hmu.

Context:

on the BrOC Season 2 Episode 2, I told a story about how we had to get bathroom attendants at my high school because people were having masturbation contests in the bathroom.

How a masturbation contest works... well, I don’t know. But hear the full story on the upcoming episode of the podcast!

Pokémon is a great thing to think about, for sure. 

I mean Charizard. Duh. But I have a few favorites. Charizard is just my favorite form the OG, so he has held up as my favorite to today. He’s a dragon. That’s pretty sweet.

I also love Lucario. He has a great Pokémon movie, and I think he is a real rad Pokémon to have in your team, especially given his unique abilities.

For a bonus freebie, my favorite Pokémon GAME is Pokémon Black. It’s the only game outside the original that recaptures the magic of the original without feeling old and outdated. Essentially in your initial run of the game, you only see and fight the new 150 Pokémon from the Black and White generation, meaning it’s all new Pokémon, and only new Pokémon, just like Red and Blue. It’s such a cool idea, and I wish every new Pokémon game was like that. 

My first desire was to be a photographer. I still love taking pictures. 

Then I was pretty set on being a doctor. I really wanted to help people. I’ll say now that I’ve discovered that school isn’t for me, that probably will never be my other choice in my head, which is a bummer. School is just terrible IMO. At least, it can be.

The one I keep coming back to or would be into is voice acting. I know that’s still video games adjacent, so if it’s okay if we include non-games-coverage, that’s what I mean. In games, anime, audiobooks, etc.

I’d like to hope I have an okay voice, though I’m not so sure after my recent Hamilton singing situation, but I think that’d be really fun. I love doing fun and varied voices!

Ahh good because this is a good question!

So my go to Patronus answer is a wolf, since i think it encompasses both the loner mentality in me but also the leader mentality in me *cough cough EGO cough*. But in the context of what would my Animagus be? Like, they can’t BOTH be wolf, that’s dumb, so let me think....

Hrm...

For non-Happy Potter nuts, one, get your shit together, and two, a Patronus is your literal spirit animal or guardian, and an Animagus is the animal you can shift your body into at will.

Weirdly I think my Animagus would be an owl. They’re wise, nocturnal, and have a piercing stare. I think it fits up. I could totally see the physical character similarities in the eyes too.

What do you think Brandon? Ooh, and tell me yours on Twitter too!

Two characters:

Ellie, because of her mix of optimism, pessimism, altruism, and just genuine honesty.

And Rise Kujikawa, because of her struggle to find and understand herself, what she wants out of life, and what brings her happiness. That confusion of all the different parts of yourself is something I struggled, and still struggle a lot with.

Plus I’m totally just an anime pop star cutie girl on the inside and we all know it.

For reference, here is the video, which I just watched, and you should too:

This is a tricky thing. The idea, to summarize, is creating video content and not getting any views, or any listens, or clicks, etc. It’s tricky because it’s a thing that happens to me and I still struggle with, and I have a lot of feelings on too.

I’ll say this, I used to get way more frustrated about making video content that got no views, or podcasts that would get no downloads, or reviews that no one would read. It sucks. You pour your heart into something for creation, for content, for it to be out there, and then nothing comes of it, at least for you. I’ve changed my perspective a lot over the last few years, and it’s odd, because only more recently, specifically the last two years or so, has any of the stuff I’ve made really garnered any significant attention. 

By significant attention, we’re still talking like tens of people also, so I don’t mean break out roles.

I make stuff for me. I make stuff for me to have made, to have had fun making, to have most importantly learned while making, and to apply into the next thing I make which will, ideally, be better. And I’m hoping that the best thing I make will do better, and then the best thing I make after that will do even better, but that’s no longer the goal. The goal, is for me to be better, not for the thing to be popular.

It’s not always that easy, and I try not to think about it. It makes it daunting to start new projects, because it’s like a thing I have to make from scratch, and it’s a whole new thing, and I’ll put in all this work, and what if it doesn’t pick up enough attachment to be worth it? It’s a thing you struggle with, but I do something everyday in the hopes of getting better. That’s just always been my thing.

I know people will read my reviews, or listen to my podcasts, because they’re a part of my portfolio, and I’m going to use them to try and get a job some day, and those people I send them to will read/listen/watch them, and at the end of the day, if I spent that time doing it, and doing it right, and making it good, then when I do get that one view, it’ll matter a whole lot more.

So there is my glass half full perspective on the whole thing.

I did actually know about the whole eight pound head thing. I learned it in an anatomy class.

I can’t show you the money one, because I don’t care physical cash because why would you? And two, I didn’t “k ow” I had you at hello, but it’s a good thing to know.

I don’t dream often, and when I do it’s typically nightmarish, or nightmare adjacent.

I had this one really awful dream when I was super young where I was in this cabin in the woods, and these borg-like aliens came and attacked me and my family and were like, “turned”. Now that I think about it, it was really just like, straight up the borg I think.

Anyway, everyone but my mom had been corrupted, and I ran through the woods, and I was so terrified, and then I saw my mother in like a glowing searchlight, and when I got close, I saw that she had finally been corrupted too. And when I saw that, I just remember the feeling of hope draining from me, and I gave up. I let them take me and turn me too, essentially killing me, and I woke up in a cold sweat.

I had this dream when I was maybe five or six years old, and I still remember it vividly. It was the first nightmare I remember having, and it was awful.

Haha, so that’s maybe a bummer-ish answer, but that’s the one that sticks out to me.

I’m doing alright. I am surprisingly tired, which I’m usually not on Sundays, but I’ve had a pretty exhausting week. I’m fine though. 

Assuming you know about this secret project launching soon, you may know more than even I do. I’m very excited about it. See below for more info!

There are definitely a few. It’s worth noting that I have never once considered myself a video games journalist. I am not a journalist. I am not a reporter nor an investigator. That doesn’t mean I don’t have the potential to be one some day, and I’d love to do some investigative reporting at some point, but I have yet to.

For me, Patrick Klepek. Times 1000000. Back in the day when he broke the Infinity Ward story, that was the first time I realized what a video games journalist really was and looked like. And consistently Patrick has reported on some of the most interesting and thought provoking stories to date. That Xbox One policy reversal was such a massive scoop, and it’s one of this console generations highlights by far, on the journalistic end of things, done by Patrick Klepek at GiantBomb.com.

In extension of that, Austin Walker is a huge influence for me. The dude not only is my spirit animal when it comes to sending very nice emails about how I can improve my freelance writing, but is also a great journalist as well. I believe he was the first to break the PS4 Pro story for GiantBomb, but I know him and Klepek broke the story around the same time.

Jason Schreier is obviously another huge one, but I’ve read the least of his work. I just don’t have the most exposure there, but he is breaking delays left and right.

There is definitely more room for actual, genuine journalism in video games, and I hope it evolves to that.

If we wanna talk about just games writers, I’d be remiss not to mention Cara Ellison, who is my favorite writer in the gaming space, who now writes games instead of writes about them, but she is supremely talented, and is probably just my favorite writer in general. Full stop. She is incredible, and you should go dig up some of her old pieces. Might I suggest this one:

http://www.pcgamer.com/old-friends-an-ode-to-defence-of-the-ancients/

**UPDATE:

I missed this! I’m sorry Trevor, I pulled the tweets differently this time because I was really tired, but no question left behind! I’m sorry!!

**

This is a great question! It’s hard to pin down, but easily one of them was picking Roger Pokorny up from the airport with Barrett and Alyssa, and then the car ride back was super fun, cracking wise, bonding, getting to see Roger and Barrett hang out for the first time. That whole week in the apartment with them boys was a blast, and I miss them all very much.

One of my favorite moments was this time I got to see Trevor Starkey and hug him and do fun cool press stuff at PAX East with him. I miss that boy.

<3

I’d make Spelunky 2.

No but seriously, Derek Yu. Please fucking make Spelunky 2. I need it.

I’d probably make a game like Breath of the Wild, open “air” adventure game, where exploration is key and critical to gameplay. There’d be a social link system in the game with really great characters that can interact with each other. And I’d want there to be some kind of Metroidvania progression system if I could work it in. The problem is what works for Breath of the Wild is the fact that anything can be done at any time, and a Metroidvania progression system would directly contradict that. Hrm.

Also, how crazy is it that I’m saying with an infinite budget I’d make an open world game? Because before Breath of the Wild I’d have never said that in a million years. But that game changed a whole lot for me.

You’ve made a great choice.

Jurge Cruz and I actually had a great conversation about Tales of Berseria on ep. 337 of Irrational Passions Podcast. You should listen to that segment if you get the chance! I think you’ll like this one, though you’ll definitely hit some cringe-y anime parts. 

Enjoy and let me know what you think!

This is just ridiculous. Though I do appreciate the positivity. My hair has been a mess all week though. Especially today. And I haven’t been shaving as much and it’s becoming a real problem.

See, me right now, while writing this:

The Checklist

I didn’t really consume a lot of cool stuff this week, but here are some things to keep an eye out for.

I’m going to be on Quinten Hoffman’s podcast, Break in Reality, this coming Tuesday night with my good bud Andrew Taylor. We’ll be talking about what we think will be Game of the Year, so I’m excited to tell those two fuckers they’re wrong about whatever they think it’ll be.

There is also a super exciting new show coming to IrrationalPassions.com THIS WEEK! Ahh, I just got word that it’ll be up tomorrow at 9am eastern daylight time! I’M SO EXCITED.

I’d tell you what it is, but it isn’t my announcement to make, so be excited!

The next two episode of my OC Rewatch Podcast, The BrOC, are fucking bangers. I don’t want to spoil them, but goddamn. They’re very good.

Movies with Mikey - Guardians of the Galaxy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjwzCrtK5G0&t=632s

Movies with Mikey is probably the best film-related show I’ve ever seen, and I’m super thankful to Barrett Courtney for turning me onto it. This episode is quite good, and made for a good view on my lunch today. 

Kingdom Heartache Episode 1: https://www.giantbomb.com/videos/kingdom-heartache-episode-01/2300-12407/

Though I have yet to watch this, I’m endlessly excited about this Giantbomb play through of Kingdom Hearts. I love the series, and I’m sure they’ll shit on it a ton while they play it, but I also know it’ll be very funny, partly earned, and there is just the slightest chance that they come out the other end with an appreciation for what’s there.

Fingers crossed.

That’s it. I need to relax, go watch Game of Thrones, and probably go to sleep at a reasonable time maybe.

Thanks for keeping it positive this week y’all, and do another thing for me will ya?

[terraclae]

Fracture, Part 1

lore pings: @yuushanoah-fr @cityofinoue

Arodan puts the last pieces together, a bit of a long one. All dragons are in bipedal forms as usually. 

He was back in a familiar dream. Yet, it didn’t immediately hit Arodan where he was or what he was looking at. The first thing that registered and solidified for him was that he was standing by someone’s bedside. The bed was occupied by two. From that thought it occurred to him he was watching tails intertwine, claws raking trenches in skin, bare skin, entangling further.

It then occurred to him what he was looking at, and that he wasn’t an invisible bystander. One golden and dilated eye turned to look at him, and Arodan’s head split.

He woke up with a harsh and staggering start, bolting upright in his bed. The first thing that registered to him was that he was sweating buckets and that his heart felt as if it was about to come crawling out his throat.

‘Have you ever heard of the concept of privacy?’

The second thing he noticed was Sachairi. The man sat on a crate in a dark corner of the room, fading into the shadows. Arodan swallowed his heart and righted himself. This was an opportunity to speak to him or the Shade in him. ‘That wasn’t exactly a thing I wanted to see either.’ He grunted, rubbing the back of his head. ‘This whole Shade thing is kind of new for me alright?’

‘So you just happen to fall into my personal dreams, seriously?’ Sachairi responded harshly, leaning back with his arms folded. He seemed to flicker lightly. ‘Just because we have one personal conversation doesn’t mean you can walk into my head.’

‘I wasn’t exactly curious about what you dream up about your sweetheart as nice as he might be, thank you.’ Arodan snapped and he could feel his face had grown hot. ‘Instead of getting angry at me for this happening teach me then how to control it.’

‘No. Do I look like I have time for that?’

‘Yes.’

Sachairi huffed and he averted his stare elsewhere. ‘Yeah, you're probably right.’ He sucked in a breath and looked in again, looking visibly agitated by the way his shoulders tensed. ‘... What do you want to know about this whole Shade ordeal?’

‘How do I control-’ Arodan gestured at himself. ‘This? Why can I see what you dream and think?’

‘Fuck if I know.’ Sachairi said. He shrugged and held up his hand to Arodan. ‘I’m guessing it might be your particular talent. That’s what your Shade allows you to do.’ He turned his hand and Arodan swore it was trailing versions of itself behind, afterimages that soon faded. ‘It’s maybe not as dormant as you think. Maybe it needs a specific trigger, maybe it acts on its own.’

‘Dormant this, dormant that, when am I going to get a straight answer?’ Arodan groaned. He buried his head in his hands and found the pressure soothed the upcoming headache. ‘How did you come to this theory?’

‘Kassa’s Shade is merged to their hands and they want to be able to control situations.’ Sachairi held up one finger and raised another. ‘Yours is inside you, possibly stuck to your brain and you’re a snooping bastard so you get mindwalking.’

‘Hey!’

‘Can it, I’m not done speaking yet.’ Sachairi growled. He looked angrier than he felt, and with a sigh he continued. ‘Altair-‘ and the mention of this name visibly shook Arodan. ‘Has advanced Shade as far as I’ve seen. It is tied to his hands, but also in his wings and very well could be in his blood. His Shade manifests as butterflies.’

‘Right.’ Arodan muttered. He searched the room and found there really wasn’t anyone besides Sachairi despite having the distinct feeling there were more people. ‘So what does that make you?’

Sachairi looked pensive momentarily and scowled once he found his answer. ‘I don’t know.’ Sachairi started. He sounded as if two people were speaking at once and Arodan was slightly thrown off by it. ‘Before I came to Paramo, I was like this, before the Shifting Expanse, I told you. Some days are easy. Some aren’t… And something might be wrong with me.’ His form flickered yet again and briefly, Arodan Swore he could see Sachairi’s face shift from confusion, to fear, to neutrality within the span of a second. It had been as if he had shed his skin involuntarily and now someone else spoke who no longer hid in the shadows but looked perfectly ordinary. Dark hair, golden eyes, a scar over his eye and the hint of a burn scar in his neck.

‘Dan, tell me something. Something I meant to ask you.’ Sachairi now spoke in a voice Arodan didn’t recognize at all and yet this didn’t surprise him. Something changed in Sachairi's eyes and he groaned which alarmed Arodan further. ‘Do you ever feel like you are someone you’re not?’ The question has been spoken quietly and remarkably hesitant.

Arodan’s tired eyes momentarily drifted to the floor, then back to Sachairi. He was if not a little freaked out yet it left him as quickly as it came. He scooted to the side and pat the bed besides him. ‘I feel like I’ve been dreaming before I came to Paramo. Like I’ve been stagnant.’ He managed to smile. ‘So tell me more about it.’ Somewhere inside him there was a version of him telling he really should be more worried and yet he detached in the face of something he didn’t quite understand yet.

Sachairi shot Arodan a bewildered look and soon paced over quietly to where Arodan sat. He settled down fairly gently with his hands folded. ‘You know, some days I… I have memories of places I can’t remember having been to, things I don’t remember doing. Some days it doesn’t even feel like this is my own body.’

'What is it you remember?' Arodan asked and it was like he was watching a psychological metamorphosis before his eyes. He understood what the others had meant with that something was off in his character now that he saw it up close. 'Tell me about that.'

'... Sunlight. Long rivers in deserts. I remember being in the fighting pits and then...' He made a small outward movement with his hands. 'Nothing. Until you, to be fair.' He looked up pensively. 'I remember wealth and gold and riches. A woman that resembled me. That was… Home.'

'So, what were you before you were a gladiator?'

His brow furrowed as he thought. The way he did it it almost hid his eyes and they glowed faintly in the dark. ‘I’m not sure. A merchant maybe.’ He looked up and sighed. ‘I remember having to handle a lot of expensive wares and travelling along on a caravan. So it’s likely.’

‘Likely, huh?’ Arodan scanned over Sachairi. He sat with his arms close to him and he met his eye. A befuddled stare scanned over him in similar manner and he felt a little embarrassed by it. ‘Okay. When did you meet Raz?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘You don’t know?’

That seemed to strike Sachairi and he rubbed the side of his head in an attempt to think of anything. ‘That memory… Wait… Isn’t mine. But we met at some festival. But that wasn’t me who was the one to meet him.’

He definitely was speaking to someone else now, Arodan felt. 'Where were you then?' He wanted to reach out and touch him, get info as quickly as he could. 'Who… Who are you?'

He paused then. Whoever was speaking searched the memory that was his. Before he could speak Arodan dared and whispered. 'Are you… Could it be that you're a Shade manifestation?'

'No.' He shook his head and buried it in his hands. 'I can't be. He has to be.' He looked up, panicked and Arodan watched his expression closely. 'My name is… I think my name is Dmitri, that woman called me that. I was…’

‘Okay, Dmitri.’ Arodan responded. He stopped himself from staring too closely at Dmitri. ‘That’s really what you call yourself?’

‘It’s my name, jerk.’ He snapped and slid away from Arodan. ‘... Dima. Dima is also what people called me once.’

‘I’m not trying to make fun of your name.’ Arodan responded. Dima was an easier name to speak for him. ‘But please forgive me for being wary with you. You have to be honest, this is a little odd.’ Well, this was magnitudes of weird Arodan couldn't quite make sense of but he was getting information.

‘... I guess you’re right.’ He looked at his hand, then Arodan’s. ‘But what am I supposed to do about it?’

‘What you can do is tell me if you pose a threat to the people on this boat.’ Arodan sternly asked. ‘That is what we’re worried about.’

‘No. I won’t. I barely know any of you.’ Dmitri answered without any doubt to his voice. It wavered only a little at the end out of an abject nervousness that seemed to plague him momentarily. ‘Sachairi is loyal to these people, he cares about them, I… I don’t know what that’s like.’

They sat there in silence for a moment then. Arodan has to ponder upon the words being truth because Dmitri could be a very good liar all the same. His hands slowly slid into his bag that sat by his bed and he retrieved his journal, flipping through Mimir’s decorated pages. ‘Is it you that wanted to speak to me?’

‘Yes- What’s that?’ Dmitri shot up and kept an unflinching stare on Mimir. ‘Is that a tome of magic?’

‘What, no, it’s my journal- Look-‘ Arodan took a sharp deep breath that uncomfortably prickled in his chest. He held Mimir out to Dmitri. ‘Look, Sachairi has already read through this thing so probably you have too. My point is, talk to it.’

‘Um… Hello?’ Dmitri held the book on a cautious distance. When golden letters popped up that spelled out a cheerful “hello” he near jumped. ‘That’s witchcraft.’

‘Witchcraft? Have you never seen magic before or something?’ Arodan was a little taken aback and frankly offended by Dmitri calling whatever Mimir was witchcraft. ‘She’s a talking book, nothing scary about that.’

‘She?’ His stare darted between Arodan and Mimir And he took shaky breaths. ‘Okay. Sorry. I’ve seen magic, I just am not used to it being in near proximity or so casually practiced.’ He held up Mimir again, to speak to her instead. ‘What’s your name?’

Mimir! Yours is Dmitri right?

‘Woah.’ He glanced back at Arodan again, then at Mimir with a more relaxed attitude. ‘That’s…. Genuinely cool.’

Thank you!

‘How did you get this?’ Dmitri asked Arodan, turning Mimir around for a bit in his hands. ‘I hadn’t seen sentient books yet.’

‘Bought the journal, her being able to talk was an accident.’ He thought of Altair and he felt as if he was going to start sounding like he was constantly repeating himself. ‘I got blasted with some sort of bad magic and I guess it rubbed off on her.’

'Huh.' Dmitri hummed. His golden eyes narrowed and focused deeply on a dent in Mimir's binding, 'Why does she look waterlogged?'

'Fell into the ocean.'

'I… I see.' Dmitri saw Mimir was waiting for him to ask her something, just by the way gentle little dots appeared on the paper. He was still focused on her cover however. 'You didn't exactly take care of her very well.'

'I tried but I can't be skilled at every little thing like intense bookbinding.' Arodan gestured at himself then at Mimir in awkward and just mildly offended fashion.  His tone had grown more sarcastic now. 'What would you suggest then?'

'... Repairing it?' Dmitri turned his head as if he didn't understand Arodan's sentiment. He pored over Mimir yet again and traced a clawed digit along the spine. 'Give me some materials and I could repair it for you.'

'Yeah, sure- Wait, you can do that?' Arodan glanced over Dmitri cautiously. He reminded himself he wasn't talking to Sachairi, but he hadn't thought of a potential shade monster to be particularly well versed in the art of book restoration. 'How-'

'I just need extra leather, thread, and maybe I need to straighten out a few pages.' He turned the book in his hands until Mimir wrote that she wanted Dmitri to stop shaking her already. He then chose to lay her down on his lap instead. 'How would you like that Mimir?'

I don’t think I’d mind. Can Arodan be around though?

‘Yeah, of course!’ He responded and looked up expectantly at Arodan. ‘I mean, if you don’t mind that either. This is your friend right?’

‘... Yeah. Mimir’s my friend.’ He said, a fond note punctuating the word friend. ‘So, you can understand I’d prefer to be present and that you’re careful with her. Can you even be present for that?’

That seemed to hit Dmitri closely in a sense. His eyes fell and his shoulders sank for a moment before he raised them again. ‘I want to try.’ He inhaled sharply yet somehow made no sound. ‘I know that that is something I loved.’

‘Good, that’s… Good.’ Arodan nodded awkwardly and looked over Dmitri once more. Who exactly was this? There had to be a logical explanation for him yet he came to no answer. ‘You really… Don’t mean these people harm?’

'No. Not at all.' He shook his head and looked almost mournful. 'I don't want to cause them grief so I try my best at pretending I'm… Well, their friend. Who they want to see.' He shivered lightly, and quickly pushed Mimir back into Arodan's hands. He stashed her safely back into his bag. 'They suspect me so it really isn't working out for me, isn't it?' He said, managing to awkwardly smile. It looked nice on him, Arodan thought.

'No, not really.' Arodan said. No use dancing around the truth, everybody was on edge ever since he woke up the way he did. They knew this wasn't him. 'They're worried and rightfully scared, so you need to clear it up somehow. If you just go on pretending to be someone you're not it's going to get worse.' Arodan took a deep breath. 'Even if you happen to turn out a shade monster or something along those lines.'

'You have my word.’ Dmitri said, jolting up. He nervously looked off to the side searching for what else to say. ‘I don’t know how to give you a true symbol of it but just know I really don’t know how I got here and who I am.’ He held up His hand. ‘Hell, we can shake on it if that eases your mind.’ Dmitri smiled uncertainly.

Arodan warily eyed the hand, which looked normal by all means. He had half a thought that he was about to be eaten alive by a Shade monster somehow and he blamed it on a lack of sleep and his own mild paranoia. Yet, he reached. 'Fine, we'll shake on it.'

The moment his hand wrapped around Dmitri's it was as if the floor dropped out from under him. He didn't see it, only felt it, how his skin raised and imploded in painlessly. Arodan didn't have time to fear what was happening, he thought he was dying. Then he wasn't. He saw white, endless white, and a child with dark hair and golden eyes briefly ran past him. They disappeared, and he split again into ribbons and for just a moment his thoughts fragmented into a thousand. One fragment saw a woman in gold with dark hair that told him he was going to see the world while another showed him a group of raiders on the horizon. New sets showed him distant figures without love, others a figure with many hands Arodan for just a moment could feel on his skin. Evil beings danced in his mind as equally as forces of good and a life spanned before him. He couldn't possibly scream now and wouldn't know where that sound would begin and where it would end.

Finally once he reassembled and felt all feeling return to his body, he was in an arena. Two men, one tall and imposing, one quick and swift. He was no spectator, he was among them. He was like them. The large man fell and he did not recognize him, but the sensation that then gripped him he knew. Not ordinary, imposing, once trusted. Sachairi.

He saw his body, the body he had borrowed that had fallen as he hovered above it.

And everything made sense.

Everything returned to white and he saw a familiar man. Pink eyes, tall, someone he had met on a doomed ship.

'Finally making use of that ability I gave you?'

That moment, Arodan did scream.

'Dan, please calm down, it's okay!'

He was still in his room, he realized. Not in the white space, not in one thousand pieces, but just on the floor, by his bed, in Atlas' arms. There was no sign of Dmitri.

Had any of that been real?

Atlas was shaking him a little now. 'Dan, please say something, did he hurt you?' He looked desperate and mortified all the same and now that Arodan looked around he could see Carmen was present too. She looked equally frightened by it all. 'What happened?'

Within the span of a few seconds the situation around him confirmed that all had been real. That begged the question then, why did that happen and where did Sachairi or Dmitri go? Who was piloting the body? Slowly his eyes slid around the room and he still didn't find him lurking in a corner somewhere. He finally spoke, rough and out of breath. 'Where did he go?'

'Balam went after him.' Carmen answered. She knelt down besides Arodan and Atlas and reached to gently hold on to Arodan's shoulder. 'Once he gets him we're going to question him, you were in a catatonic state with him holding on to you. Atlas came to check on you and saw it.'

'Yeah, that...' Arodan recollected his thoughts swiftly and scrambled to get out of Atlas' arms and past Carmen, bouncing on one leg as he ran to the door. 'I have to get to him.'

'Wait, Dan, that's unsafe-'

He barely looked behind him as he ran out of the door and gods, he hoped Atlas forgave him for it. He could hear both Carmen and Atlas calling after him and judging by the heavy footsteps the latter figure had started chasing him. He bolted up the stairs and it occurred to him this was familiar, if only for a moment. He didn't have time to humor the thought and raced for the deck before Atlas would stop him. A crash rang through the ship and shook it and Arodan knew what that meant. 'Stop!'

He reached the deck before Atlas did and slammed the hatch to it behind him. It wasn't going to lock but considering the weight it gave him a second or two at the very least. He reeled around, and in the dim light of the moon he could see Balam and Dmitri. Balam had already pinned the man, on of his hands holding Dmitri's arms behind his back, while the other pressed his head to the floor. He looked disoriented and his head bled and Arodan could guess Balam must have jumped onto Dmitri with his full weight. 'Sir-'

'Arodan.' Balam slowly looked up and his face looked haunting in the dim light. His eyes glowed a bright white and on his fingertips ice was slowly spreading, on his skin and Dmitri's. 'Are you alright?' He didn't ask it in any sense that sounded concerned. If anything it sounded like a rhetorical question that didn't have a right answer. Balam was frighteningly angry and he looked ready to explode.

'I'm fine sir.' Well, his head spun and he felt queasy but he could handle that. The developing situation, not so much. 'Sir, I need you to listen to me.'

'I'd prefer that he'd explain himself.'

'That's not going to happen if you hold him down.' Arodan glanced down at Dmitri and he doubted. If he was wrong about this, then nothing might change, they could be in danger, or he would be seen as completely mad. If he was right, then nothing might equally change or it could change perspectives. 'That person isn't your friend… But he isn't your enemy either.' His eyes shot down yet again to Dmitri and he was on the verge of passing out. The hatch behind him flew open and he knew Atlas was right behind him. He must have been pausing to assess the situation. ‘He isn’t here because he wishes to do us harm. He’s just as hurt as any of us.’

‘I know that.’ Balam growled. His hand tightened on Dmitri’s skull subconsciously and loosened once a whimper escaped from the man he seemingly had suppressed. ‘But I don’t want to make a mistake that could endanger us.’

‘I don’t think he is a danger to us.' Arodan quietly continued. He slowly shuffled towards Balam who looked more on edge with the second. 'Balam, that isn't Sachairi.'

'Then who is it?' Balam sharply responded, raising his head. He now looked like he was ready to pounce on Arodan and he could see the tiredness in his eyes. Balam was paranoid and he couldn't stop to think about his paranoia getting the better of him. Arodan knew that achingly well and he wished he knew what to do to soothe his thoughts. 'Answer me.'

'The man you're pinning is called Dmitri.' His eye darted towards Dmitri once more and he could see he looked up at him fearfully, like a man whose life was in his hands. Slowly, Dmitri mouthed something at him and Arodan hardened himself for what he was about to say. 'That man isn’t the friend you know… Because Sachairi is dead, and had never been alive in the time you knew him.’

The moment Arodan spoke and saw Dmitri’s expression changed to that of an angrier soul, he knew that he could very well be next.