#not bronte or austen or eyre or any other women you might expect to see here but fucking adichie

[mellifloraa]

i talked about it on my alt but there is a nonzero chance my english professor this semester may be a terf and i kinda wanna die about it a bit

[wingsy-keeper-of-songs]

From Friends to Lovers

I wanted to try something a little different with Nora and Schultz here. In case you couldn’t tell, I am a huge slut for slow burns and the relationship I envision between these two occur some months or even after years of knowing each other because they have a massive build-up of trust issues. (Nora, with her previous experience in being married off and Schultz with his previous experience with marriage in Tarantino canon). I can’t write slow burn for shit because I always want to get to the part where the couple gets together, so this is sort of a pretend slow burn. I thought I’d share it with my fellow fangirls (and boys, I know ya’ll are out there) and I hope you guys enjoy. Remember, Dr. Schultz and his world are the sole property of Quentin Tarantino. I am in no way affiliated with him, or the lovely and talented Christoph Waltz who inspired this tidbit. I hope you guys like it.

Having another person in one's space was something Nora would have scoffed at in her younger years. She was rather a private lady and much preferred keeping to herself after spending a great deal of the day pretending to be a creature of the utmost delicacy. To thine own self be true, Polonius said to Hamlet, and Nora mostly exercised this when she was alone. That afternoon, however, seemed to be an exception as she and the gentleman she called friend chatted quietly in her bedroom.

"It's been said that you can tell a lot about a person by the books they read," he informed her after the silence had become too much to bear.

"So I've heard," she replied as she twisted her hands in her lap. Change in her routine was something she absolutely did not agree with, but she was trying.

Heaven help her, she was trying.

"And what do my books tell you about me?"

He glanced up from her copy of Frankenstein, drumming an anxious rhythm on the cover. She could practically see the gears turning through his eyes as he canted his head to the side to study her.

"Well," he began. "First, I can see that you have a very eclectic taste in both authors and literature. If I were to take a closer look, the books you favor are written entirely by women. But the books in question aren't the romantic sensational fiction attributed to a feminine author. You prefer the works of George Eliot, Mary Beaumont, Gertrude Bell, along with a few scholarly editions of Mary Elizabeth Braddon's Belgravia magazines. You want to be taken seriously, and not just as an intelligent woman, but as someone who clearly knows their research and exactly what they're talking about." He turned his attention to the nightstand. "But that isn't to say that you don't have a softer side as well. You've left Pride and Prejudice nearest your bed. And judging from how worn the pages are, it's clearly favored nighttime reading. I am willing to bet that if I were to look inside the nightstand..." at her raised eyebrows, he added hastily "....which I won't. I would find that there are other more romantic books. Perhaps the Bronte sisters, or more Austen?"

"I never cared much for the Bronte sisters," Nora admitted, refusing to show any sort of sign that she was impressed. "I'll admit to enjoying Jane Eyre until I learned exactly why Mr. Rochester keeps his wife in the attic." At this she made a disgusted face that he couldn't help but half-smile at. "But other than that, I have little to no desire to read their works."

"You didn't dispute the Austen," he pointed out, raising his eyebrows in turn. Her expression softened and she smiled at him, a slight laugh leaving her lips.

"No, I suppose I didn't." She agreed as she sat beside him on the yellow and white bed. "But why all these deductions and assumptions? Wouldn't it be better to just ask me?"

"Ah, now that is an interesting point," he said, making a little more room for her to settle beside him. "You see, where it might be considered common sense to just ask someone, a room does not lie." At her sharp intake of breath, he held up a hand. "Not that I think you would lie to me, but in other situations where trust has not already been established, one cannot always rely on another to tell the truth. Especially when it's something that person would much rather keep to themselves." Nora tilted her head, considering this. Point made, she supposed. But she wasn't so sure that she agreed with him.

"That's a very cynical world view." She said as she stood, heading towards the vanity and beginning to unpin her hair. "Do you have first-hand experience in your line of work? I for one find it very difficult to believe that anyone would be able to get anything past you." He shook his head and shrugged.

"Well, not myself personally no. But then again, I am not as easily fooled or as forgiving as some of the gentlemen I know." He replied with just a small hint of self-satisfaction. In all honesty, he'd really earned it. He'd worked harder for his education than anyone that Nora had ever met.

"I'd imagine not," she replied with another smile in his direction. "No, you're much too stubborn to let a anyone get the best of you."

"I expect the same from any German," he replied with a smile and now watching her unpin her hair with a strange expression bordering on fascination. She took note of this and stopped for a moment, her ears and cheeks now bright pink. He seemed to realize that he'd been caught staring and he dropped his eyes to his lap, running a hand through his hair sheepishly. "I'm sorry, did I offend you?" He asked. She shook her head. It wasn't offensive, no, but it did cause her to feel something strange fluttering in her stomach.

"Not at all. I was just wanting to take this down for the day." She gestured at the mess of hair folded and tucked so intricately into a neat little nest on the back and top of her head. "I'm thinking of taking a nap later on, and sleeping on hair pins isn't the most comfortable feeling in the world."

"Understandable," he winced in sympathy. "Well, if I do make you uncomfortable at any time, feel free to tell me. I can leave the room if you'd like."

"No, no you may stay." She replied with another smile. "It's been a while since we've had a decent conversation, wouldn't you say so?"

"I consider almost all our conversations that don't end in arguments decent ones," he said with an impish grin. "But then again, you win most of those as well. You're a very formidable opponent, Fräulein Eleanor, and one that I'm very grateful for." He seemed to realize how this sounded because he bit his lower lip and dropped his eyes to his lap again. Nora shook her hair loose of the offending pins, half of them clattering to the vanity table and her hair tumbling around her shoulders. She thought she heard him exhale a bit sharply, but thought nothing of it.

"I've found that some men prefer me to be seen and not heard," she replied as she worked at the other pins in her hair. "But not you. You've told me before that you value intelligence, and one has to have a little of that to make a convincing argument. You Germans are a stubborn lot and quite set in your ways, but then again so are us Americans."

"I am grateful for that as well," he replied. "After all, my stubbornness led me to you. If I hadn't made an arsehole out of myself in front of that damn plantation owner, I very much doubt we'd be talking right now." Nora blushed a little and she resented him a little for it.

"You can't really mean that," she said as she looked back into the mirror. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see that he was absently drumming his fingers against the fabric of his trousers. She wondered if he was thinking about touching the hand resting on the seat behind her.

"I rarely say things that I don't mean, Nora." He said sotto voce. His hand twitched a little, the fingers flexing as he decided on whether or not to touch her. Part of her wished he'd just get on with it, and another part of her dared her to ask him what he meant. She tried to ignore both parts, and was slightly startled by the fact that he had indeed moved to take her hand. She turned to look at him and found that he wasn't really looking at her now. He seemed to be very focused on either the folds of the blankets or the pattern of her skirts. She thought about what she'd do if he did manage to glance at her. She wondered how she'd feel if she saw him smiling at her while holding her hand. In the back of her mind, she wondered if he wanted to kiss her, but she pushed that even further back into the depths of her subconscious. He was her friend. Friends did not kiss other friends, did they? And since when did he start calling her Nora? He almost always referred to her as Eleanor or Fräulein.

"Really, I am very glad that I met you," he was saying to the floor. "I mean that." She could feel his fingers wanting to close over hers. He wanted to hold her hand, but was refraining from it. He was very aware of what she'd gone through with other men before him, and she was grateful that he wasn't the type to push. Push what, she thought to herself. He's my friend, a companion. He doesn't feel that way about me, does he? She looked from his hand to his downcast eyes, and thought she saw something of a spark there. He only looked that way when he was either excited, nervous, or very sure about something. Oh, he's sure about something all right, a little voice poked her. He likes you, and you're just leading him on a dizzying dance with your silence.

"Thank you," she said finally and managing to get him to look at her. "I'm glad that I met you too. You're a very dear friend to me." He smiled at her again, but unlike the few smiles she'd gotten from him before, this one seemed more genuine than any she'd ever seen cross his face. Those pretty hazel eyes of his had lit up, looking like sunlight through a shot glass of whiskey. It was an absolutely arresting sight to her. His hand moved from hers, and she almost missed the warmth of it until he brushed his fingers through the loose curls of her bangs.

"You are one of my dearest friends as well, Nora." He said gently. "But I'm afraid that I've ruined our friendship." Nora blinked owlishly at him as his eyes traveled down her face.

"What do you mean?" She asked, wondering why she sounded so breathless, why his face was inching closer, and why her heart hammered in her chest.

"Because I've recently discovered that I care for you far more than anyone would a friend," he said a little bashfully. "I tried to stop it, you know. I enjoy our conversations, and I didn't want to scare you away. The others before me were like me, weren't they? Nothing but pretty words and empty promises. You deserve so much more, Nora. So much more than I can offer you." He'd pulled back now and dropped his hand. Nora bit the inside of her cheek as a surprisingly frustrated feeling bubbled up in her chest. Or it was indigestion, she couldn't be sure which.

"I don't believe that's true at all," she said as she guided his hand back to her cheek and smiling up at him. "As much as I cherish our friendship, I would welcome this change. After all, where is it written that we can't be friends anymore, hm? I don't recall reading that anywhere." His look of surprise was well worth it. He looked at her as though he saw her for the first time, and Nora privately considered it to be one of the most adorable expressions she'd ever seen on his face.

"You would still want to be my friend even though I've thought about...more with you?" He asked, still a bit shocked. She raised her eyebrows.

"I don't see why we can't have both," she argued gently, reaching up to remove his glasses and causing him to back up just a bit. "You don't need to have one or the other. I still want to have our discussions and our disagreements. That's what a relationship is, my dear." She smiled at him, tracing the outside of her thumb along his jaw. His eyes hooded, and he stooped to rest his forehead against hers.

"God in heaven, woman." He managed. "You're going to be the death of me some day, I promise you." She smiled, closing her eyes.

"Ah, but that's what attracts me to you, isn't it?" Her voice had lowered to a whisper now. The corner of his mouth turned up a little in a half-smile

"It would seem that way." He kissed her, softly and sweetly before pulling away almost instantly. "Damn," he ran a hand through his hair again. "I'm sorry, that was...I shouldn't have..." she shook her head and smiled up at him, taking his face in her hands.

"You talk too much," she said sweetly before pulling him into another, longer kiss. His whole body seemed to relax and his hand crept up her neck to cradle the back of her head, his thumb resting over the increasing pulse near her throat. Her hands fell down to his chest, clutching at his shirt and pushing at his jacket. When she pulled back to breathe, he saw galaxies in her eyes.

"Oh hell; maybe you are the death of me." He said in a ragged whisper. She was still smiling at him, his jacket lapels still clutched in her hands.

"Many of the world's cleverest men's downfalls were the women they loved," she said as she smoothed his vest. "Why should we be any different?"

[aaronsniderus]

Fictional “For Sales”: Rated and Reviewed

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Have you ever wanted to be a character in your favorite book? What about live in their house? Castles, submarines, grass huts – there are tons of options to choose from. So, if you had to pick one, you’d need to pick wisely. Luckily, we’ve rated some of the most famous homes in literature to make things easy for you. Check out our ratings and see which home, if any, you’d actually be willing to buy.

Castle Dracula, Dracula

Castle Dracula is definitely the most spacious home on our list. Built to withstand sieges, it boasts over 87 bedrooms, 26 bathrooms, a full-scale dining room in pristine condition and a series of hidden passageways. If you’re looking to entertain frequently, Castle Dracula definitely has all the room you could ever need.

Located on the edge of a cliff, the view from the castle would be amazing if the weather wasn’t always so gloomy. If you plan on bringing children, you’re going to need to put up a fence since the drop from the cliff is considerable. In fact, we don’t recommend you bring small children at all.

Make sure you have a nice nest egg saved up for repairs, since the home is very old and some of the stonework isn’t in the best shape. Needed repairs will include fixing a crumbling tower, putting in wiring for electricity and dealing with some mysterious claw marks all along the outside walls. We’re sure there’s nothing to worry about!

On a positive note, all of the furniture is included, but you’ll need to bring your own mirrors.

Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars

Dracula by Bram Stocker – $5.73

221 B Baker Street, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

Alive with the hustle and bustle of the city, this apartment is a real gem of old world London. Although it’s the only apartment on our list, the location more than makes up for its smaller size. The place also comes with a charming housekeeper who is always ready with a cup of tea on a rainy London day.

The major drawback is the current roommate: a night owl prone to long periods of weird silences followed by random bursts of energy – he runs a small business from inside the apartment. People will come and go at all hours, including some very suspicious characters and members of the London police. It’s recommended that any potential roommate avoid involvement with the business unless they have a military and medical background.

Rating: 3 out 5 Stars

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir. Arthur Conan Doyle – $7.99

March House, Little Women

If you’re looking for your own little piece of New England heaven, then the March House could be for you. Sure, it may not be as grand as the one next door, but it more than makes up for it with endless charm. Built with simplicity, comfort and family in mind, this house has all the room you could ever need for knitting socks, putting on plays and writing that novel you told everyone you just didn’t have time for.

This is definitely a home for people who put family first. If you love to spend evenings by the fire while you impart life-wisdom to your children, then you’ll love this place. The school district isn’t the greatest. In fact, there’s only one school in the entire area, so you may want to consider home schooling. Aside from that, this is a great place for kids to grow up.

Also, the next door neighbor’s nephew is loaded, so there’s a good opportunity there if you have any unmarried daughters.

Rating 4 out 5 Stars

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott – $9.99

Pemberley House, Pride and Prejudice

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a homebuyer in possession of good fortune is absolutely going to want to live at Pemberley House.

Historic, spacious, well kept and located in the beautiful English countryside, Pemberley is everything a potential lord or lady could want from their future home.

Surrounded by a lush English forest, Pemberley House has all the size of Castle Dracula and none of the potential monsters. With all of those hallways and all those rooms, you’ll have plenty of space for your family portraits, marble busts and other, elegant possessions. No IKEA furniture in this place.

The major downside is the cost of running the place. You’ll need to hire and pay a large staff of servants, including a housekeeper, to give tours to any gently bred ladies who happen to stop by.

Rating: 5 out 5 Stars

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen – $8.00

Crusoe’s Hut, Robinson Crusoe

Are you looking to get away from it all? Do you ever wish you just had more time to sit and think about your place in the world? If you answered yes, then this home is everything you could ever want from a beach retreat, without any annoying distractions like internet, neighbors or running water.

What the home doesn’t have in amenities, it more than makes up for in simplistic charm. Wild goats and cats roam the island. Melons, limes and other fruits grow seasonally, so if you’re willing to risk eating food you’ve picked from a random bush, you’ll be well fed. The previous owner loved this little place so much that he couldn’t manage to drag himself back to civilization for about 28 years.

Skills like woodworking, fire starting, fishing, boat making, hunting and gathering, basket weaving, cooking, water purification, advanced engineering and basic first aid are all musts for any potential resident. Don’t expect any care packages from home. Self-reliance is the name of the game with this place.

Rating: 2 out of 5 Stars

Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe – $10

The Nautilus, Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea

If Crusoe’s hut isn’t remote enough for you, maybe consider life aboard the Nautilus. Designed by the secretive Captain Nemo, it boasts every modern convenience the 19th century could dream up. The submarine is equipped with the wonder that is electric lights and is capable of reaching a top speed of 50 knots, which is a staggering 57.54 mph for us land-lovers.

The Nautilus isn’t just an amazing feat of technology, it’s also filled with a number of exotic luxuries. Beautiful paintings, a large collection of random gems, a spacious library and a glorious salon for doing whatever it is people do in salons are just a few of the things you can look forward to. The Captain is also a genius, so any scholars looking to expand their knowledge would be right at home.

Since the submarine rarely stays in one place, getting mail or cell phone service is almost impossible. Make sure your mom understands before moving in.

Rating: 4 out of 5 Stars

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne – $7.99

Thornfield Hall, Jane Eyre

If you’re more interested in experiencing gothic architecture and investigating mysterious noises than you are in getting a full night’s rest, seriously consider Thornfield Hall for your future home. It’s the perfect house for any gentleman bachelor (or lady) who only really plans on spending about a quarter of their year in residence.

The long hallways and numerous rooms are best experienced by candlelight, especially when you go searching for the source of that strange laugh you just heard. With all that space, Thornfield Hall is perfect for throwing house parties. Women offering to tell you your fortune may also stop by, so if you aren’t afraid of what you might hear, it’s a fun way to entertain your guests.

There’s a nearby town within walking distance, so if you want to get out of the house for a little bit or mail a letter, just be prepared to walk briskly. Also, drivers in the area aren’t exactly the safest, so keep an eye out for people rounding corners at top speeds. They may also call you names.

Just don’t buy this place without fire insurance.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Stars

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte – $5.95

Have you found your favorite fictional home or did we miss it? Share in the comments!

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