#not a shipping focused essay but does mention some

[lovemyromance]

The "we don't know what Elain wants because we don't have her POV" is just an excuse to not have to think about the obvious fact that Elain wants Az and Az wants Elain

Because they got Az's POV and did they listen to what he wants?? He wanted to beg on his knees for a taste of Elain, he admitted to being unable to sleep for a year because he wants her so bad, staring at her tylenol for that whole year like a lovesick teenager, exercising until his body gave out to not lie awake thinking about her, touching himself to the thought of her, QUESTIONING HIS RELIGION over her in front of HL Rhys. And they still didn't simply listen to Az's POV and accept that he wants Elain. Instead they twisted the most blatant and tension-filled confirmation of love interests in the history of sjm into some nonsense that fit THEIR pov, regardless of the authors intent.

They should ask themselves, what is it they want from a POV that would make them accept a character is romantically into another character? And if their answer is there is nothing from Az's POV that could have them accept that he wants elain (which is true, given their reaction to his very straight forward pov), then we know that they are just lying and making up excuses when they say a POV is what they need. We all also know that if that same POV of Az was about Gwyn, they would turn it into their bible. Same if it was Lucien about Elain. They simply don't want Az and Elain together. its so obvious its embarrassing.

They don't need anyone's POV. They have already made up their mind. And what they have made up in their mind doesn't fit with any of the povs we've already read. I'm so tired of their bullshit. And i'm tired of BB and sjm not making an announcement and putting this fandom out of its misery.

Sorry for this rant. Thank you for being a voice of reason.

Yeah we all need to rant about sometimes anon, issok. I've never dealt with this level of stupidity and unwillingness to accept fact - and I literally work in finance, where everyone is crazy basically 😅😅

I think I'm just going to resort to a "We shall see" attitude. Because I'm so tired of reading these people's "analysis" and "interpretations" on non-complex, straightforward text.

Idk why they're focused on discrediting every single Elriel moment. Why they need to write an entire paragraph to explain why Azriel giving Elain truthteller was actually bc he loved Mor. Why Azriel saving Elain from Hybern was because he needed to prove Nesta wrong. Why SJM is actually secretly planning a rejected mating bond trope for LoA & Helion.

They're so obsessed with trying to prove Elriel wrong because they don't have anything for EL/GA. Collectively they have one stale mating bond, a ribbon that's supposed to symbolize an enemy, a vague mention of sunshine, and a spark.

There's only so much you can obsesses over those vague points. Their ships haven't even touched or been alone together more than once. They quite literally don't have anything else in canon to keep them occupied - so then they invent headcanons.

Borderline disturbing ones sometimes, like when they said Elain & Gwyn cherish the cloaks of their "mates" from literally the most traumatic day of their lives.

Then they think their headcanons are actually canon, and they read the books trying to fit their square headcanons into a round canon hole.

It doesn't work, but who cares if it doesn't fit to them? They can distract from that fact by then writing full blown essays on why Elriel DOESN't Work.

Inventing all sorts of "interpretations" to prove their point.

They seem to have forgotten this is fairy smut. It's not complex. It does not require interpretation to understand. They purposefully assign a different meaning to the text because they don't like what it spells out, and decided to call that their own interpretation.

And god forbid you say their interpretation of canon doesn't necessary mean it IS canon. Then they'll send anonymous asks to your inbox telling you you're a slut and a whore and wish for a sinkhole to open up and swallow you, your family, your car, your dog, and your 5th grade teacher.

Then they go on tumblr and post some obvious troll anon they received and blame Elriels saying "how come no Elriel is coming to our aid! see look at this hate we get - these Elriels are behind it and they won't speak up!!"

Never mind the fact that they have all of us blocked when we even bring up the c-word: Canon.

Like sorry, I don't really feel sympathy anymore. It sucks - but y'all made this fandom toxic and we all have to deal with it. They don't even have the common sense to know it's an obvious troll account - they take any opportunity to point fingers at Elriels and say we're acting morally superior and also we're the devil incarnate.

Like I'm sorry but how dumb can you fucking be to not see what is happening here? Instead of ignoring the trolls like Elriels do, they decide to spread more hate in the fandom, accusing Elriels, and then turn around and cry that Elriels aren't rushing to their defense in these "trying times"???

Maybe I don't want to be at your defense. Maybe I'm not acting like I'm morally superior, maybe I just am morally superior. Maybe I don't give a shit about this anymore and maybe I just want to sit here and post about Elriel and wait for the next book.

At this point idc. I've never gone out looking for a fight and they can shit talk me all they want but their toddler interpretations do not interest me and I don't care. Im at the point in time where I'm the disgruntled kindergartner teacher just letting the kids say anything while I pound back a shot of whiskey like Elain (in my Stanley mug) 😂😂

[tiger-moran]

I'm posting a new link to this as I've now uploaded it all.

So, a summary: this is focused primarily on Moriarty since I already wrote an essay about Moran (which is also on AO3) but it does still talk a lot about Moran too. Some of the things I've covered in this include: character analysis and talking about some elements of Moriarty's personality and past; the significance of his name; real life inspirations; Moriarty's connection to art; Moriarty's relationship with Moran and his relationship with Holmes, and how he and Moran are the mirror characters to Holmes and Watson; some of the plot holes and contradictions in the canon relating to Moriarty and Moran; speculation about what really happened at the Reichenbach Falls including how Moriarty could have survived; how Moriarty and Moran link to symbolic themes and ideas such as death, animals, light and shadow, the devil, chaos, vampires and more from religion, folklore, popular culture and other texts; the significance of other characters in the canon to them such as Adler, Porlock and Von Herder; their possible connections with other crimes; how they compare to some of the other villains of the canon such as Milverton and Gruner; how they are 'othered' and dehumanised; how other people would realistically cause far more harm than Moriarty and Moran ever could; some discussion of some non canonical texts and adaptations featuring them and what I find right and wrong about those; their possible queer-coding, and various other topics. There is some discussion of Moriarty/Moran and even a few mentions of Moriarty/Holmes but overall this is about character and textual analysis not about shipping any pairing.

[soukeyed]

01 matel gear 02 otasune strangeboss and/or whoever u want 03 Talk about my bff Strangelove please. and/or whoever

METAL GEAR WOOO WOOOOO

Favorite character: STRANGELOVE !! OR THE BOSS. OR OTACON . OR SNAKE. or emma or meryl or eva um theres a few

Least Favorite character: ummm ummmmm ummmmmmmmm. huey obviously lol. also mgs4 naomi specifically mgs4 ... sorry girl im so sorry. also senator armstrong/sundowner/monsoon/whoever tf else is part of the rising guys im just sick of seeing their ugly faces

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): STRANGEBOSS NUMBER ONE FOREVER YEAAH. otasune number 2 obviously :) umm fortune and olga is pretty cute ... bosseva as well .. i cant fucking think of a 5th help. meiryl? also i like bosselot but specifically for how stupid fucked up they are

Character I find most attractive: the boss strangelove eva (specifically big mama) or mgs4 meryl :P

Character I would marry: MERYL !1 GIRLFRIEND FOR ME NOW itd be the boss or strangelove but i would never break them up like that.

Character I would be best friends with: STRANGELOVE !! together we will kill huey mwah. or para medic even if she is insane we will watch movies together. slay

a random thought: i think about that post about otacon being the one to carry out the boss' will without even knowing every single day. Oh my god. wauh. ok hang on one second i found it. AUHHH

An unpopular opinion: rising mid as fuck and the fans make me hate it. also i um. dont really care a lot for bb and the bb focused games sorry. like i get the point and mgsv's visuals+gameplay do slay but bb as a character i didnt really find myself invested in a lot and the weird hero worship some of the fandom has for him does NOT help LOL. like the people around him (ocelot eva miller eli etc) were way more interesting . also EVEN MORE unpopular opinion as a result of this ... mgs3 isnt really all that for me and even though its objectively pretty shit mgs4 is one of my favourites (behind mgs1 and ghost babel)

My Canon OTP: STRANGEBOSS !!!!!!! THANKS FOR THE LESBIANS KOJIMA!!!!

My Non-canon OTP: calling otasune noncanon feels so sickening but i need to face reality. so otasune

Most Badass Character: Hrmm. hrmmmmm. ok its a bit out there but otacon. after the shitty childhood that he came out of pretty um.. (gestures at the whole making a nuclear weapon thing) convinced he/his family was cursed etc etc. forming philanthropy, adopting sunny, basically ending the cycle that his grandfather and father started+perpetuated and fulfilling the boss' will :) just makes me happy. hes great. also he got to marry solid snake at the end of it all so like slay? like hes not badass in the usual sense of the word but his character development and evolution is incredibly badass to me. next step: therapy

Most Epic Villain: i dont think you can call a lot of them epic on account of every mgs villain being goofy as fuck. BUT. liquid ocelot as a villain in what was (supposed to be) the conclusion of the entire series was pretty fucking awesome though

Pairing I am not a fan of: pbbb. umm. i dont really care for snake/fox im way more emotionally invested in fox/gustava personally (still upset she didnt get mentioned in mgs!!!!!!!!! RAHH.) also johnny/meryl was so out of nowhere i still do not understand it like its funny as fuck but JOHNNY??? IT SHOULD BE ME WITH MERYL!!1 ME !!!!!!!

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): arhg. raiden. i mean gestures at rising. this could also count as unpopular opinion but i preferred him as inexperienced and a little stupid i mean even then the direction they were going in in mgs4 was pretty good with him being jaded and feeling alone. and then rising was just. huah ?!?! what ?!?!?!? also. um. ok naomi. mgs1 naomi was so so fucking good ok her speech at the end slays i loved everything about her can you imagine my shock and dismay at her doing all THAT in mgs4 ?!?!? like i could write a 50 page essay on how it fucks up her (and otacons LOL) entire character development ALSO WHY WAS FOX LIKE NEVER MENTIONED DESPITE THEM LITERALLY GOING BACK TO THE PLACE WHERE HE DIED BTW I THOUGHT SHED HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT. but honestly just the thing i hate about it all most is at the end of it all shes framed as like.. the hero. using emma+sunnys code to save da world or whatever and i guess maybe that speech was supposed to reflect her mgs1 speech but it just doesnt work when mgs4 didnt give her half of that nuance. her morals are still so ??? to me, her and vamp was such a WEIRD choice, her and otacon was um. ok look i know the writers 100% didnt mean to portray otacons csa as that at all but like it is ... anyway having a csa victim be once again manipulated via sex and not really talk about it was just ?!??!! guys ?!?!? anyway AGAIN if all of that was portrayed as nuanced as it should have been. like naomi doing what she had to to save the world and struggling w her own morals. which it IS but we learn this only in that fuckign speech for like 1 line. like its jut bad. ok to end this half the women in mgs were done horrifically but we all know that. sorry for the wall of text i love you

Favourite Friendship: SNAKE AND MERYL funny as fuck whenever she insults him in mgs4 like deserve. sorry snake. ok no WOAH though i just loved mgs4 meryl entirely even though she definitely couldve been written a bit better, like her talking about how she used to admire snake so much and now hes just BITTER and OLD like ohhh its so slay. like i dont know if you could even call it a friendship but the way they clash entirely and debatably the only place where they can agree on things and work together is in the context of the battlefield ITS SO GOOD

Character I most identify with: otacon D:

Character I wish I could be: similar to utena NONE i would not put myself through that.

AGAIN REST UNDER THE READMORE GO!

otasune time

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: again i was aware of them before the games because (points at dmitri) so i guess like always

My thoughts: GRAHH. the way theyre like all but canon like kojima just say the word. that cigarette lighting scene in mgs4 WHEW. like the way they invented love its just crazy to me like really. theyre everything to me.

What makes me happy about them: everything :) the way theyve both grown as people over the years... i already talked about otacons character development but SNAKE TOO!! him finally letting people in .. finding a place for himself OUTSIDE of the battlefield .... its all so WAUGHH. like they just work off of eachother so well. love wins. gay marriage. slay. bursts into tears

What makes me sad about them: mgs4 that is all. they had so little time together. i spend half the time watching the game yelling ITS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS NOT FAIR

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: umm i dont read a lot of fic to be honest so i guess standard fanfic complaints. also more of you should write about mgs4 there is so much untapped potential.

Things I look for in fanfic: again. WRITE ABOUT MGS4.

My wishlist: MGS4 OTASUNE !!!!!!!!!!!! BECOMES A WEREWOFL.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: sorry they are simply endgame to me.. i cant think of anyone LOL

My happily ever after for them: snake gets cured post-mgs4! how i dont care he just is. gay marriage becomes real. together they raise sunny and grow old together and everything is peace and love on planet earth :) god bless

STRANGEBOSS TIME!

002 | Send me a ship and I will tell you:

When I started shipping them: ok not until i actually got around to pw! dmitri you mentioned a few times but i didnt realise until then to be honest

My thoughts: AGAHRHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. GOD. GOD. lesbianism. women. they are genuinely just everything to me. how can a relationship be so fucking powerful and tragic when you only ever hear about it from one side. Oh my god. AUH.

What makes me happy about them: canon lesbians in my metal gear games in the fuckass 2010s :) ok no but the way strangelove talks about the boss with such open earnest love. like i just. wauh. listening to her tapes is just. WAUH.

What makes me sad about them: i mean everything. as strangelove said they were just ships passing in the night :( THEY SHOULDVE HAD MORE TIME !!!!!!!!!!!

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: again dont read fanfic a lot but ive checked and theres not a whole lot for them at all anyway LOL

Things I look for in fanfic: any strangeboss fic to begin with would be nice. if you have recs give them to me. i'll cry

My wishlist: umm.. again more content of them in general. konami youre shit the least you could do is make a strangeboss spinoff.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: umm idk considering they both die LOL. bosseva is a fun ship but honestly i dont think strangelove ever really got over it so i cant see her with anyone else in a serious relationship

My happily ever after for them: isnt it crazy how they both managed to fake their deaths and now live happily in some random country away from the horrors of war? like woah!

STRANGELOVE TIME!

003 | Give me a character & I will tell you:

How I feel about this character: man what dont i feel about her. shes amazing. shes bitter shes heartbroken shes dramatic as fuck and shes a badass. like its tragic but tell me creating a whole ass ai based off your dead girlfriend in the fucking 70s isnt slay as fuck? women in stem strong!

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: THE BOSSSSS. as i said b4 i dont really see her with anyone else tbh

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: ok yeah there .. isnt a lot. i wish her terrible and awkward relationship with bb had been explored more though like the way she just HATES him at the start is amazing.

My unpopular opinion about this character: uhh.. yeah idk shes not really talked about enough for me to know if any of my opinions ARE unpopular lol. a shocking amount of people see strangeboss as unrequited so i guess my unpopular opinion is that they were definitely both in love LOL

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: just give her more relationships tbh... i already talked about bb but like do you think she knew ocelot was the boss' son ... what did she think of him shed probably dislike him for doing the complete opposite of the boss' will (though in the end he does help take down the patriots so liiike?) ... i would pay millions of dollars for them to interact it would be atrocious. in general i wish shed been given just a little more depth outside of the boss (like give me more about how she grew up!!! what kind of mother was she to otacon!!! and ps i wish hed spoken about her even though ik she wasnt even a thing before the solid snake era wrapped up) though ig that was the point considering she was so consumed with grief... but yk. shrugs.

Favorite friendship for this character: again idk. GIVE HER MORE FRIENDS.

My crossover ship: again i dont do crossovers. SHRUGS!!

[danganronpa-ship-tourney]

Sorry if this comes off as pushing the ship, but I'd like to argue some points for Oumeno, if for no other reason then maybe it'll come to use for the propaganda stuff. Again, sorry for this mini-essay.

First obviously is the confession in chapter 5 and Himiko's reaction, the thing is that whole exchange is also referencing a pre-trial 2 dialogue where Tenko accuses Kokichi of teasing Himiko cause he likes her and instead of playing into that Kokichi tries to sweep that under the rug, suggesting Tenko might've been closer to the truth. At the very least it points to Kokichi as having written that line rather than being improv from Kaito. Thematically I feel like its very fitting that Kokichi would make a genuine post-mortem confession. Either way Himiko's reaction is unmistakable, which considering the circumstances (at the moment Kokichi is believed to be the mastermind that orchestrated the killing game, the successor to Junko Enoshima and Kaito's killer) makes it seem very likely that at the very least she had crush on him.

Back in chapter 3 it was Kokichi that stopped Himiko from closing herself off, both in and post trial Kokichi made sure she actually confronted and processed through all the difficult emotions rather than bottling them up and sink further into depression.

Additionally something I don't see many bring up, but Himiko's love hotel is about her ideal being someone she both assumes is sinister and considers her foolish for falling for. If she does have a crush on Kokichi (which I think is very likely) this could be almost seen as direct parallel, Kokichi being generally considered as someone dangerous and unreliable and Himiko considering herself foolish for falling for him.

The two have several thematic and character similarities, notably both of them have a unique mix of both acting mature and childish. They both have penchants for theatrics, they tend to like a lot of the same gifts and enjoy several of the same activities in salmon mode. Kokichi shows clear interest in Himiko's magic tricks and notably never actually demeans her talent, in fact he is one of the few characters who compliments her on her skills. Also notably unlike other characters most of Kokichi's teases towards Himiko are physical appearance, some of them being very obviously blatantly wrong and well we know how much of a liar he is. Meanwhile Himiko shows a particular interest in blowing off his pants and in chapter 5 getting particularly focused on Kokichi being "butt naked." Himiko also couple of times seems to focus more on Kokichi's wording, she gets swayed onto his side several times in the dining hall scenes and most clearly after Kokichi mentioned canned tuna you can find her mumbling that all of a sudden she wants some tuna if you check on her afterwards. Also in the closing arguments for chapter 3 Himiko is lightly blushing while looking at Kokichi lockpicking, and yes I double checked she isn't shown blushing in any other panel in any other closing argument, only in the specific panel where she's staring at Kokichi lockpicking.

Again apologies for this mini-essay, I really like Oumeno and trust me when I say I could go longer but I feel like I've already put in too much for what was supposed to be just a few points in favour for Oumeno, kind of overdid it, sorry.

Oh yeah there's a lot to like about oumeno, im glad other people have a lot of fun with the ship, theres a lot to like but it just...kinda bounced right off me, it happens sometimes. That's just how it be, these are all very good points

[candychameleon]

Talk about your love for MegaStar 👀

oh no what HAVE you done uhh i will try to like...keep my thoughts condensed bc the ESSAYS i could write on this ship. my dissertation on megastar

okay this ended up being long so i WILL put this under a readmore LMAO

i mean the thing is i could write so much because their dynamic is both like the same but also SO DIFFERENT IN EVERY CONTINUITY so my thoughts on megastar changes depending on continuity like. how i feel about TFA Megastar is not exactly the same as how i feel about TFP Megastar or Earthspark Megastar or IDW Megastar but like...the one thing i like the MOST about megastar is just how dysfunctional and codependent it can be (sorry hkdsfh but also idk what anyone expects with megastar i...am not sure anyone ships it bc its a paragon of a healthy relationship)

which is like a whole other can of worms but i find that sort of thing interesting in general, bc like...ALL cybertronians to a degree are dysfunctional, some more than others, but that kinda comes with the territory of having a 4-million year long civil war and one (1) therapist (who is only in one continuity). none of them really know HOW to be healthy and it's interesting exploring that and the different ways they've been broken and the different ways they cope. and to me megastar is one of the MORE interesting examples because like there is something to be said about knowing someone and being THAT close to them for as long as megatron and starscream have. they know each other better than anyone else, which is both isolating and a strange comfort. if starscream or megatron were ever to disappear or die, the other would lose a not-insignificant part of themselves; i don't think either of them even remember what their life was like without the other, nor can they really imagine it. like starscream being megatron's SiC has them working together for basically their entire lives i'd imagine. which is like...also something i wish was explored more, WHY starscream is megatron's SiC. like show me why he earned that rank! show me why he KEEPS that rank, why megatron trusts him THAT much, because like...obviously he must be SiC for a reason. why would megatron appoint him as his second if he did not in SOME capacity feel starscream was capable of leading the decepticons if he's gone (so like...stories of starscream being hopelessly incompetent kinda frustrate me sometimes. like sometimes i find them amusing but man i would love more of Dangerous, Competent Starscream bc he is SO enjoyable that way too). like TFA Starscream is one of my favorite depictions of Starscream because he is a THREAT and you can INSTANTLY see with everything he does WHY he is rightfully feared by autobots and proves megatron shouldn't have underestimated him

they're messy and co-dependent and i wish i could find like DMs where i've rambled abt it bc i've definitely articulated myself better in those and i'm having trouble w words rn hfldksjh. i want them to watch the world to burn, together, hand in unlovable hand

i find their relationship and dynamic just fascinating, not even 100% from a shipping standpoint, just in general (although i do also ship them and think they should kiss. or that they're bitter exes, which is like...ALSO a very fun dynamic to explore for me)

i guess if you want more focused thoughts ask me about a specific continuity bc i have a LOT to say about different megastars! like ESPECIALLY earthspark lately, but yeah. w/o a continuity i just talk about like...megastar OVERALL like IN GENERAL what i enjoy in a megastar dynamic

not to mention like every continuity ever has ENABLED and fed me so much. the megastars eat so well all the time and i thank hasbro for it. didnt like wfc but "i like his arrogance actually" will be THE highlight of the whole thing. did ANY of this rambling make sense. god i hope so, god i hope not

[alex-the-bringer-of-chaos]

To those who may have come across my side of tumblr, you might have seen the "my insert fandom hcs." Now those hcs usually limit themselves to my personal interpretation of the characters queer identity (if I hc them as being queer in anyway), and the relationships dynamics I would give them, be it romantic, sexual, qpr, familial, platonic, etc. Sometimes, I make a separate post with what I imagine would be a little bit of how the non-existent fic/au would work if I were a fic writer.

So, I thought it would be interesting to make a post about why I changed some of the dynamics, with examples, focusing on the ship matter. The reason being, my hcs post have shipping matters, they have queer hcs, they sometimes go against cannon (not in the this character is canonical aroace, sime I'll make them straight *cough* fuck you Riverdale *cough* Jughead Jones has always been aroace in the Archie comics *cough*).

The reason I make them is because I find it hard to recall how I interpret the things around me, and while there is an undeniable canon in media, there is always going to be a fan perception. In these cases, knowing what is a hc and what isn't helps with understanding that yeah, that's just your take, doesn't mean it's necessarily true or that everyone thinks alike. So writing it down not only makes my head less messy with so many thoughts, some more relevant to my day to day life than others, but it's also a way of sharing my little view that I wouldn't be capable of considering I'm not a fandom content creator (call it the: "love the arts, suck at it" curse) and if this serves as a way of contributing, even if it's an odd one, so be it. Those hcs tend to change with time since they truly are my view of the characters as of now + the canon identities they have (cause I ain't pulling no Riverdale in this house).

Now, with that introduction to this essay done, you will be getting the previously mentioned ways I view different canon romantic and/or sexual relationships in media, how it influences the way I perceive the show in and out of its own universe, how that affects the hcs I have and finally how dynamics that are not canonically or explicitly romantic and/or sexual relationship become so in my hcs.

There are those romantic and/or sexual pairings I see made canon in media, and I'm like: "Why tf would you do that, this is garbage," cause it ruins everything; like Five Hargreeves and Lila Pitts in s4 of The Umbrella Academy.

Let's be honest: They should not have ended up together, especially not in a season that has 6 episodes instead of their normal 10. They work so much better as frenemies, coworkers, and siblings. It made no sense with the dynamic they had with each other and with the other characters, and it just ruined everything.

Lila has such a good relationship, if complicated, with Diego, though I do think they work better as a couple in a serious relationship, but who don't get married. And Five had Dolores and his family, both things/people he loves tremendously. So yeah, garbage decision by the creators and producers, with it being obvioushow much the cast disliked such pairing.

There are pairings that are very important for the show, both in and out of the universe, but failed due to flaws in the writing; like King Arthur Pendragon and Queen Guinevere "Gwen" Pendragon in BBC Merlin:

Angel Coulby does an amazing job as Gwen the entire show, so does Bradley James with Arthur, the couple has some very sweet scenes, and the importance of Angel, a black woman, playing Queen Guinevere from 2008 to 2012 goes without saying.

However Gwen loses so much as a result of the relationship in the show and the writers fail to keep her as her own person, making her fall down the love interest and perfect queen as the seasons progress, losing her individuality and sacrificing interactions with other characters, such as her friendship with Merlin and, most importantly, her relationship with her brother Elyan, who is played by Adetomiwa Edun, a nigerian actor, get push to the side.

All of these to say, Arthur and Gwen's relationship is integral to the show, both for in a and out of the story reasons, and I would hate it to be taken away from the canon. However the flaws in the execution and not being a fan of those choices lead to me preferring them as a qpr, with her being appointed as queen, since the importance of their relationship cannot go understated, but the form it is in the show isn't my preference, same as her being an amazing queen. On a romantic/sexual sense, since this is what this post is about, I much prefer Arthur and Merlin as a pairing and Gwen with either/both Lancelot and Morgana.

Now, there are couples who work incredibly in the show, and maybe they stay together till the end, or maybe they don't, but not only do they serve their narrative purpose, but they grow with each other, have their own independent relationships and individuality, which is just everything. Sometimes, I'm hooked straight away. Other times, it takes a while. For me, the perfect example is Jayce Talis and Mel Medarda from Arcane:

Now, I didn't ship them from the start, my error, but they are amazing together, and I love them so much. Now, if you go into my Arcane hcs, you will see I put them in a kind of Poly relationship with Viktor, but the dynamic of that is as follow to me: Jayce and Mel are dating, Jayve and Viktor are in a soft romo (which is a type of qpr, but with more romantic elements to it), while Mel and Viktor are in a qpr.

Now, the show makes it clear how important Jayce's relationship is with both Mel and Viktor, but there are differences in their dynamics, and seeing it through this types of relationships make more sense to me than anything else. And, while Mel and Viktor's canon relationship is far from a qpr, I do think those two intellectual and caring individuals could have had a very interesting relationship under this dynamic, especially with the difference, since their intelligence and caring nature are very different from each other.

Finally, I'll come with the dynamic between two characters who aren't canon (as far as ik), but whose dynamic through the whole manga and amine got me wrapped and in love with them, being Gojo Satoru and Geto Suguru from Jujutsu Kaisen (funnily enough, this is the only show out of all of these I have not written my hcs for).

It's everything. Even if you don't look at it from a romantic perspective, the importance of their relationship goes without saying and their dynamic as best friend both when they were on the same side or on opposites adds so much to their characters. Of course, they are not just each other, but without their relationship being as deep as it is, they would be less and, more importantly, Jujutsu Kaisen would be less. There's a reason the Hidden Inventory arc is my favorite, alongside the movie, because of how much they add to everything.

[caydentheys]

I was absolutely expecting your point to go straight over a few people's heads. But anon read about how "giving up power and control" can be incredibly difficult, that even in a consensual encounter, such as the ones we see in game, a person can still feel "used" or even simply uncomfortable, and jumped straight to 'rape rape rape rape being FORCED to top isn't inherently less violating and is still rape.'

Somehow I was not expecting that.

It's sad that some people look at a rape survivor and only see the rape, and only see them as a victim.

It's even sadder considering Astarion's story is about him healing from being trafficked, seeking a sense of safety, and reclaiming his agency. In your post analyzing what gives Astarion comfort and agency all Anon could see was rape.

Which you didn't even explicitly mention.

What's """less violating"" is Astarion getting to CHOOSE to top or bottom.

Your post was about why, emotionally, Astarion would welcome Wyll atop of him and how that WOULDN'T feel violating. Compared with what we see in his cannon sex scenes where he prefers to top.

Now... Perhaps... We might consider Astarion's sexual preference and his history of a human traffic survivor and infer that, perhaps, he is emotionally more comfortable topping because of the societal expectations around sex, power, and control. That, again, do to his trauma bottoming, which is already emotionally fraught for some people without sexual trauma, might be even more difficult for him.

Since, you know,

"with Astarion NOTHING about sex is insignificant", like you said.

And, well, since anon did not understand your original post I broke it down for them.

I started writing this as if I were grading a persuasive essay using this rubric but it quickly fell the fuck apart. It was a very funny joke in my head.

The topic of thedomesticanthropologist's post is the sexual vibes of the Wyllastarion ship.

Their thesis statement is: Astarion's sexual vibes are subverted in the Wyllastarion dynamic.

The first paragraph of this essay should contain a hook, background information introducing the topic, and a thesis statement.

Thedomesticanthropologist's post lacks a hook, instead opening with their thesis statement "Wyllstarion has the vibe of Wyll topping." Their transition into the background information is also weak.

One should avoid using first or second person while writing essays. The problem appears in the clause, "Which is interesting to me". Simply remove the "to me", which also creates a more confident sentence. A confident tone is more persuasive.

As this assignment assumes the reader already has considerable knowledge of the source material, Thedomesticanthropologist focuses on providing background information regarding their interpretations of the text (which have been established in past assignments).

In this case, that Astarion has verse top vibes.

Which, one sentence and one clause in to this assignment, Anon's misunderstanding of Thedomesticanthropologist's post begins.

First, "being in control and being tired of, 'getting on his back for breadcrumbs'" is not a statement "implying that topping is less violating than bottoming lol." Instead, it establishes support for the perspective that Astarion believes being in control and bottoming are at least somewhat contradictory.

Secondly, anon understanding of topping and bottoming is reductive. Topping and bottoming does not just refer to who is penetrating and who is receiving. It can also reference who is physically on top of the other partner and who is beneath. In fact, it also conflates the two.

As Thedomesticanthropologist stated, "of course, sex positions don't have anything to do with the relationship usually and most people switch it up, etc etc" which additionally has led to the understanding that being a top and being a bottom are also about "vibes" so that "topping" and "bottoming" can also refer to many other nebulous thing unrelated to penetration and positions.

In regards to the "vibes", Astarion jumping into the arms of a stronger, larger partner could be said to have bottom "vibes". Similarly, a character who is similarly sized to Astarion rolling over and offering their neck also has bottom "vibes".

Therefore, in regards to Anon's final comment, the romance scenes make it clear if Astarion is bottoming or topping. It's not, "left pretty vague."

To return to Thedomesticanthropologist's essay, "he wants to be in control, he's tired of 'getting on his back for breadcrumbs'" supports the understanding that bottoming is also about physically being on ones back. Astarion could be referring to both or either being the receiving partner in anal missionary or the penetrating partner for cowgirl.

The delivery of this quote also reveals that Astarion conflates bottoming ("on my back") with being disrespected or degraded ("for bread crumbs").

When mentioning his past as a sex slave, Astarion exclusively makes reference to being on his back. Despite the likelihood that, over two hundred years and thousands of lovers, Astarion has been forced to penetrate, his dialogue makes it clear that he sees bottoming is a core aspect of is sex slavery.

In addition to the societal understanding that the bottoming partner gives control to the topping partner, it is clear Astarion's experience being sex trafficked contributed to his perspective of sex, power, control, and sex positions.

This societal understanding also means that over Astarion's many "lovers" those who wished to degrade, humiliate, and dominate him would be more inclined to top him, both in terms of penetration and positioning.

These experiences then create an understanding that a partner wishing to degrade him also wants to top him, meaning he should "[preform]" the bottoming "roll" because it's more "suited in that moment".

(To head off further confusion from Anon, rape does not need to involve degradation or humiliation for it to be rape. However, it would take a separate essay to explain how Astarion views some experiences as worse than others: trying to pick beautiful people, some nights being better to forget, if the player had a bad time with Mizora, he offers the advice "It happens ... Best not to dwell on it" and to move on to the next sexual experience. He also professes to enjoy the player character "I mean look at you" and that their night together was special to him. Therefor, it's likely not all of the coercive rape (which was all the sex Cazador insisted he have) was equally traumatizing to him, and that, in fact his experiences involving degradation and bottoming were significantly worse.)

To be both topped and degraded Astarion's partner would need to specifically desire it. Therefore, it would happen very rarely.

Thedomesticanthropologist additionally supports the interpretation of Astarion's verse top vibes by referencing his sex scenes. They go on to provide a preemptive rebuttal to the fact that there is a variation in the first scene where Astarion bottoms.

They explain this could be an expression of how he views sex and control. Thedomesticanthropologist has already implied this in the proceeding statement, "he wants to be in control, he's tired of 'getting on his back for breadcrumbs". and explicitly points out that Astarion bottoming in this scene may not be his preference and might not be what makes him comfortable.

But due to Anon's confusion, let's further elaborate on the outline Thedomesticanthropologist provided while they established the necessary background information for the rest of their essay by looking at the differences between the scenes.

In the first scene, he only bottoms for a stronger, larger partner. Which, to once more use Anon's words, could be a situation where "preforming" the bottoming "roll" is more "suited in that moment"

At this part in the narrative, he has not yet developed a sense of safety and trust in his relationship with the player character. He states in Act II that, "Habits from 200 years of charming people kicked in.", in addition to him seeming 'not all there', this confession also supports the idea that Astarion's first priority when sleeping with the player is meeting expectations rather than fulfilling his own desires or sticking to what he's comfortable with.

Where as in the later scenes, after Cazador is killed and Astarion no longer 'sees himself as his slave', he tops exclusively. He has learned a new way to be with the player character and this new way involves topping regardless of his previous behavior or his spawn / ascended endings.

As a reminder, this feedback has only been able to address the introduction part of this essay.

It is an appropriate decision to not over explain the source material, despite the risk a dip shit lacking basic reading comprehension could come along and make their misunderstanding the author's problem.

"I'm not trying to be reductive" - immediately starts being reductive by implying that topping is less violating than bottoming lol.

during his time as Cazador's sex slave he was forced to perform a role that is suited in the moment and nothing of it was his choice. just because you are the one on "top" doing the penetration doesn't mean it isn't still rape yn.

also it's funny you mention his romance scenes - which are left pretty vague in comparison with others. he''s pushing Tav down yes, but is he topping? who knows.

not at all what I was talking about! way to go!

[cirque-dhomosexual]

I have just watched vol 2 and I have some thoughts! (Long post ahead)

Starting with the most obvious discussion point, I get why people find it difficult to label it as queerbait. You can definitely argue it's not because Will hasn't came out officially. He has been hinted at being gay but hasn't came out verbally. The issue is it kind of is because of how hyped it got given the actual statements of the actors (Noah, David, and Finn specifically) and test screening groups (netflixgeeked comments). Queerbaiting, as defined by wikipedia is "a marketing technique employed by fiction and entertainment in which a same sex relationship or other LGBT rep is hinted at yet not actually depicted to attract a queer/ straight ally audience with their suggestion yet avoid alienating their other costumers." Which i would argue is the case of how will and robin/vickie have been treated. Ofc it could have been way worse. Ofc it could have been like Merther, supercorp, johnlock, bechloe, or destiel. But that doesnt mean they weren't making it to be bigger than what it actually was. I'm not saying that because I genuinely hoped Will would come out or that byler would be canon but don't sit there and say it wasn't overhyped or not a marketing strategy. Noah, David, and even Finn made it out to be a huge plot point- or like something that was going expressed concretely. Will never came out. Will never affirmed his feelings. What we got was something more subtextual that would only make sense if you already thought Will was in love with Mike in the first place. More than that, they had to use Will as a stepping stool. He's constantly being pushed to the side or on to advance the plot or mileven in some way. The whole "you're the heart" speech was his way of expressing his love for Mike, yes. It was alluded time and time again that he is fully in love with Mike and that even Johnathan knows about it. The shitty thing isnt isn't that its hinted at, no. Its that he's going to sit here and suffer. They can't even show him move on. He's been stuck in this crush for how long? He can't even admit it to Johnathan. Personally, I think they should've allowed him to admit it verbally already if they wanted to push that narrative. Now, it's just Will being used as a ploy. For s5 I doubt his feelings will be addressed and even if by some slim chance they are, it most likely will end in rejection and heart break. That isn't exactly a win either. It's the gay character in love with straight bsf who wont ever return their feelings trope! It's something that gets pulled time and time again that we as a community deserve to veer away from now. It is accurate to so many lives, sure, but we should get more than that. Then say the even slimmer chance that byler does become canon. Do you think it will be developed in a satisfying way? Chances are it most definitely will not.

On to the whole rockie ordeal. Lets be honest, that was kinda bull. Would I be lying if I said they hyped her character to be more involved that what she was? No. Not at all. She barely had 5 minutes of accumulative screen time. Why was she even included into the plot if she had no substance? Her whole deal was she was just some chick :/ some chick Robin isn't even interested in at the end. If they wanted to push for Rockie so bad why not give them more screen time? Their scene together felt more like a crumb handed to us just so we can be placated- so they can say the one openly queer character gets something! I'm not saying this because I ship ronance but it feels cheap. Super cheap to just thrust Robin with a girl and expect them to have chemistry, regardless of how she felt in the beginning. There was better ways to write her in and show she was bisexual or even remotely interested in Robin. Of the 5 minutes we actually saw her she showed absolutely no interest. None. They could've added in something, literally anything of value IF she was going to be a love interest. The way they wrote it and advertized everything revolving these too feel so flimsy. I cant even tell if she was supposed to be an unrequited crush or not. If she was, why have the last few minutes of the last episode of the season show them? If not, why isnt she more involved? See how cheap that is? This definitely should not be counted as a win. Not for the characters, the relationship, and certainly not for the rep. Besides, why go through all the points and show how utterly devoted she is to Nancy? If we weren't supposed to ship them why even add the scenes in the first place?

Then their mistreatment to Nancy! Wow! She isn't some dolly the boys can fight over and be tossed from side to side! Steve and Nancy reconciling is beautiful. It is meaningful. Necessary for their characters even, but the way it should have happend was not through flirting. Their entire relationship being flirtatious and parallelling jancy in s2 was not needed and most likely thrown in for the commercial value. It was a ploy, lets just be honest about that. What gets me is how they absolutely need Nancy to be in some relationship or confused about who to be with! Why do all of that when regardless of who she gets with (out of steve and Johnathan) she's going to end up like her mother. On the obvious side, she was not happy with Steve. She liked him sure but was on some level settling for the "older boy who had money". Nancy didn't even look like she was happy with Steve declaring Nancy was in his life's dream. She looked like she was going to turn him down. In fact, that further solidifies the parallel between that and the superficial relationship between Karen and Ted. Like those Karen, Nancy is going to be stuck in a relationship with a man she cares about with kids and realize she is unhappy way later in the relationship. Then with Johnny, she's just going to be settling for the trauma bond. Season 2 and 3 showed us they love and care for eachother but cannot be compatible. Being unable to stay together because of class differences and even gender issues is real. They dont understand eachother's struggles on a fundamental level. Then they go off to be long distance. They are too disconnected from eachother to ever work out romantically. Season 4 built on that fact. Nancy didn't even look like she wanted to stay with Johnathan after he asked if they were OK. She just defaulted into a lie because it would hurt less. Johnathan choosing to stay in Cali and go to community college and completely forego their life plan then lie about it isnt something that screams endgame or even solid relationship! It just marks their downfall. It makes no sense for Nancy to be with either of them if I'm being honest. I may be a little biased here in saying this but it really should be Robin or no one. Robin is the only that makes sense to be with Nancy after everything that went down. It would be tasteless for Nancy to just get with some one we can't even root for (an issue I have with Rockie). If they really want to push for a relationship it should be with someone that is compatible, that makes her happy, and someone we know, otherwise it's just shoddy writing and sloppy for her character.

I'm just saying if you can't write it right then why include it at all, you know? What makes it all queerbaiting is the fact they singled out Will's emotional yet coded message to Mike to draw the community to watch it. It's the fact they alluded to this Vickie girl to being more than what she is. It's the fact that Will being gay became regular text through constant hinting by the cast rather than the scraps you had to squint at to see. What people who don't call it queerbait fail to see are the glaring flaws in advertising it in the first place. It can't just be labeled as shipping bitterness so simply. It is an actual issue. I don't see a problem in hoping for something more.

That being said however, I can't say vol 2 flopped. It did exactly what was promised (minus the whole reperesentation of queer relationships). I'm mad they wrote Eddie's death like that too! Don't get me wrong! But I can't say I was suprised it happend. I do agree with y'all here tho, it could have been executed/written better or avoided entirely. It didn't need to play out the way it did. It was gripping and tbh I was yelling at the TV more than I care to admit. That just goes to show how powerful it is. The cinematography was breathtaking and I enjoyed everything they did with vecna! I loved most characters and it did make me curious for what will happen in s5.

[themangledsans0508]

Blitzo and Stolas’ relationship, their character flaws, and how it can improve.

Spoilers for literally the entire series.

Someone on here really irritated me by the way they talked about the relationship between Stolas and Blitzo. To acknowledge myself and the fact I personally think they are a good ship is to acknowledge my bias, but this person is obviously biased against the ship to the point they failed to look at the good parts of their relationship and focus solely on the bad parts.

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL OPINION. Nothing I say is anything other than my interpretation. This is a long essay so I will tuck it beneath a Read More

First off, this person makes the failed marriage between Stolas and Stella completely Stolas' fault and implies Stella did nothing wrong while using a child's opinion as proof. While it is true that the failure is because Stolas cheated and that is wrong, Stella is in no way right. She is destroying things, throwing them at Stolas, yelling and berating him all in front of their daughter. She hired an assassin for Christ's sake, we're not going to pretend that's a reasonable reaction to someone cheating.

The proof they use is Octavia blaming all Stella's actions on Stolas, but she is a child. This has probably been her life for some time now and she's probably rationalized her mother's actions as something her father deserved. Kids in toxic households think of extreme reactions as being triggered by something the target did and are therefore excused as reasonable. Stolas cheated on Stella, therefore he deserved whatever she does to him. That isn't true, and Stolas definitely does not deserve to have things thrown and his possessions destroyed. Does he deserve to lose his wife? Yes, but that is not what initially happens.

ADDITION:

@monofpoke4life noticed something that's really interesting. It's implied Stella and Stolas' relationship was never the best by Octavia and Stolas himself. Octavia's comment could be in reference to her current life but Stolas' makes it seem like there has always been issues in their marriage.

They also make Stolas' reaction of hiding his face when he begins to be mocked as embarrassment over the loss induced by lust. I think it's different. He's embarrassed because he chose to pursue a man over keeping a perfect life he wasn't truly happy in. And in the song (let's call it Octavia's lullaby, or Stolas' lament) he references the fact he used to think love would be fun and that he thought he was bold, implying that neither is true. He doesn't like confrontation with the other two and thinks if he ignore it and it'll go away on its own. That's why he doesn't speak up, he's not bold enough to. The reason he could with the humans is they are so insignificant and powerless against him; Fizzarolli and Asmodeus are not.

A little side note, both the show and the other person's opinion makes it seem as if he has lost Octavia in this scene and that's not true- he still has Octavia. It seems he and Stella are divorced or in the process of being at this point as he does say "Octavia is with her mother this weekend" which makes me believe it's either a 50/50 custody situation or he has primary custody. Octavia isn't there because she left him; Octavia is there because he feels like he failed her. Octavia and Stella appearing isn't done by the other two, they're done by Stolas' mind and that's all. It's how he feels they feel about him.

Blitzo being tormented by two jilted lovers wasn't focused on enough besides the fact Stolas did nothing. Let's address that first: Stolas did nothing because he wasn't confident enough to. He didn't know anything about those two and this was the first he had heard about them. He couldn't be witty or snide because he didn't have enough information and he couldn't defend Blitzo because he didn't know how much of their claims were true. Also at this point, he's just trying to process what is going on.

Blitzo's issues with Verosika and Fizzarolli are clearly deeper than any party has stated. Only brief mentions to the past from all three of them and petty insults thrown around. It's clear whatever happened with those two really hurt Blitzo, he still has grudges against both of them. It was a confrontation that Blitzo couldn't get himself out of nor did he attempt to deny any of it, he had no wit and didn't make any comebacks which to me makes it seem there is some truth to the accusations

Next, we have the flaws in both of them in reference to each other.

There is an incredibly difficult power balance here. Stolas is a prince; blitzo is a imp. I'll be assuming here that imps are the lowest in hell's hierarchy hence why it's such a big deal Stolas is sleeping with one. That init of itself makes things incredibly unbalanced in the social sense. Then Stolas is also far stronger physically than Blitzo, although for this relationship I won't be considering it too much since they are not physical in a bad way. Finally, the book. It gives stolas so much leverage in the relationship that even if he doesn't use still exists. It's the basis of their whole relationship, it's what both their worlds revolve around. Stolas being in charge of the book means Blitzo has to be conscious of what he's doing around stolas because he could throw his life askew at any point. Although again, Blitzo doesn't seem to care too much about that as he does not watch himself around stolas and very openly will chastise him (ep 2, ep 5) however it should still be acknowledged as existing.

This is stolas' issue, he has power and doesn't realize/recognize it. He metaphorically (or literally, ep 6) has Blitzo on a lead and because of that Blitzo listens to his words. A majority of the season has been made up of Stolas making sexual comments towards Blitzo or reducing him to an object (phone call, ep 1; "my big dick Blitzy," ep 2; "my impish little plaything," entire series, example in mind is in ep 6) and while there are softer moments ("my darling Blitzy," ep 5; "are you all right, darling?" ep 6) that doesn't change that fact the majority of the verbal indications are taken as their relationship just being sex and Stolas never clarifies that to Blitzo.

Blitzo has multiple issues, he uses Stolas for his gain (the book, getting into the club ep 7) while Stolas either ignores it or looks at it positively. Whether or not he truly cares for Stolas is honestly debatable at the moment to the point both sides would have a good argument. That does not change the fact that their interactions only happen so Blitzo can get something from Stolas, with two exceptions where one was paid (ep 2, ep 5). 

Blitzo's other HUGE problem is he has abandonment issues and some other trauma in reference to relationships and to the extent he cannot open himself up to people and struggles to see himself in a family setting and happy (crossed out pictures, ep 7). In ep 6 Blitzo's subconscious admits these issues in Moxie's bad trip as well as his own while referencing he's scared of what'll happen if he does put himself in that setting. It further solidifies after he drops Stolas off in ep 7. He states: "don't pretend what we have is anything more than me fucking you," to which Stolas is upset but doesn't argue further. However, he contradicts himself, or at least his inner self does. He knows Stolas likes him enough to want to go out on a date. He knows Stolas is excited to be out with him in public and sees how dressed up he gets and the legitimate effort he puts in having a good evening. He did that to spy on Millie and Moxie. If Stolas really just wanted him for sex, why would he go out on a date with him and furthermore why would Blitzo even attempt to ask? It's simple: he knows Stolas likes him (loves? Has a crush on? Idfk) but he actively sabotages himself intentionally or not. Because he doesn't believe it'll work out or doesn't believe he's worth it is unclear and also debatable, the main fact is he knows their relationship could be more they just both have issues.

In an attempt to wrap this up I want to recognize that these are both broken people, Blitzo especially. This person whose statements irritated me did so by stating we shouldn't expect them to change because they bring out the worst in each other. While I agree with the first statement somewhat it is the second one that irks me. I would argue the Blitzo brings out some of the better in stolas, his childlike glee (my darling Blitzy!" Ep 5), his caring and romantic side (Instagram posts (not fully Canon but very closely based), entirety of ep 7), and his protectiveness (ep 6), which are things that have only been brought out by Octavia otherwise (sans the romantic part). 

Blitzo might not have the better brought out in him but is working towards there, he does protect stolas (granted with an excuse, ep 5), start showing gratitude (ep 6), and some level of affection or at least something akin to it (ep 6). What should be acknowledged is that broken people can't fix each other, that is a fact that cannot be argued. Someone cannot fix another person, the only way a person can be fixed is if they do it themself However, two people can support one another and try to better each other and themselves which the both of them are foreshadowed to be heading towards.

The writer also states that people do not know what "red flags" are in a context that doesn't make any sense. There are red flags like Stolas' power and Blitzo using him but those come from either society and exterior circumstances or mental illness. If those root causes are addressed then the flags can be taken down.

To state that their relationship is unhealthy is not an incorrect statement; that being said it doesn't mean it cannot become one. They can't fix each other and love doesn't magically make everything okay and it doesn't always work out, but it can have effort put into it to make it better. Stolas and Blitzo together can make their relationship healthy if that's how the story goes.

The author argues that their relationship shouldn't be expected to be perfect and should not be expected to become better or have the characters change but I disagree. Is the point of a show not to portray characters becoming better people? Is it not to portray optimism and realism? Would it not be more impactful for Stolas and Blitzo to work on their relationship, romantic or not, to model what is good and can be achieved instead of portraying being stuck due to one's flaws? A relationship doesn't have to be perfect to be okay. To be real doesn't mean to throw away what can be good; Stolas and Blitzo can both become better people. I personally hope and think they will.

[who-is-page]

(I Always Kill) The Things I Love: How I Navigate Ethical Relationships with Food as a Carnivore

Author: Page

Type: Essay

Words: 1,725

Summary: How Page navigates his relationship with food and ethics as a canine psychopomp.

Author's Note: Trigger warning for animal death mentions. The title is also a reference to the song "(I Always Kill) The Things I Love" by the Real Tuesday Weld from the Last Werewolf book series soundtrack.

[Part of the Sol System’s Alterhuman Writing Project for NaNoWriMo 2021. If you don’t want to see these posts, block the tag #inkedpaws]

As many already know, I’m a canine psychopomp: a glorified magical hunting dog that’s tasked with hunting down the unruly deceased and dragging their souls back to wherever they’re supposed to be. Being that I’m a large, arguably tamed but not domesticated, canine who was bred or otherwise created for a specific predatory purpose in mind, that means I have both a hyper-active prey drive and an extremely heavy lean towards meat-heavy diets.

With that said, existing in a human body as a canine doesn’t negate the responsibilities I have as a global citizen when it comes to sustainability and ethics of consumption and food. In some ways, it actually makes me feel as though I have to pay closer attention to the fine details of such, because I’ve already given my place on the food chain and my perspectives on environmentalism so much thought. The relationship people have to food is also a subject that gets brought up in my field a fair bit: some scholars theorize that food is inherently religious or spiritual in that it's essential to our forms of ritual and the ways we perceive ourselves and others, with people even going so far as to theorize that “it is human relationships with other species that are key to understanding real world religion” (Harvey, 2). I tend to agree with these perspectives, which just makes understanding my relationship to food all the more relevant.

Within the United States—where I live—perhaps the biggest issue with food is where it’s coming from. Farming labor practices from many of the places out-of-country where produce and product are imported from are often terrible, typically used in conjunction with paying people as little as possible and ignoring more local, but operationally expensive, options to maximize profit. Shipping out-of-season fruits and vegetables also is exorbitant in terms of carbon emissions as well.

With meat, you run into similar issues. Large grocery stores and chains will often purchase meat from companies which have questionable ethics, and which prioritize money above all else, making for unfortunately vague situations. It is often difficult, if not outright impossible, to know both how an animal was treated and raised before it died, and how it was killed when one is shopping for meat at a Wal-Mart or Publix. The exception to the rule is Halal and Kosher meats, but that focuses significantly more on the practices of ethical slaughter than the animal’s livelihood—something still important, but perhaps not as whole of a picture as an individual may desire.

There’s also the problem of large-scale animal production on a more general front, outside of animal welfare-oriented concerns: it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to say that collapsing large swathes of land into cookie cutter pastures to raise huge amounts of animals that aren’t native to an environment is going to have wide-reaching effects on all levels.

So how does someone like me engage in this verifiable minefield when it comes to purchasing the food that I need to eat?

In a perfect, picturesque world, I’m sure someone would suggest that I simply stop eating “bad” things and start to make sure I eat “good” things. Usually this takes the form of militant/radical vegan commentary on how you can only be ethical if you’re sucking off an asparagus at any given time, but these types of options are things I’ve already tried in the past.

I’ve tried going into no-meat diets to at least stem the flow on one front and focus solely on vegetable and fruit problems, but it just wasn’t realistic for me as a person. I have a nut allergy that makes most substitutes untenable and the texture problems I have related to my ADHD make the rest almost entirely unpalatable. Unless it’s fried, tofu is gross…and frankly, even then it’s not my favorite thing. There’s also a medical issue where I can’t eat most forms of pasta and tomato products, which are major staples in many meat-free diets. My mental state started to swing towards more feral and animalistic behaviors and feelings in the months I tried this no-meat diet, which culminated in some sort of black-out food-related berserk shift when I “woke up” and found half of a multiple-meat omelet in my hands, with the rest in my mouth. Needless to say, I didn’t try a vegetarian or vegan diet again after that.

As of right now I don’t have a strict “I can eat x amount of y” type diet, though I do consider my food consumption as falling into the flexible “low-meat” category: my polycule tends to have meat with most dinners, but lunches and breakfasts are much more of a coin flip depending on leftovers and what we have in the fridge, with us often defaulting to smaller, more simple meals like salads, rice, and egg-based meals. This is largely because of our lifestyle, which doesn’t lend itself to multiple “big” prep-heavy or time-heavy meals a day, and of our budget and how we go about getting our food.

We’re very luckily in that there are small farms, butchers, and fishing companies local to our area which stage up at the weekly farmer’s market, an opportunity that not many people have. Purchasing produce locally is significantly less expensive than buying it at Wal-Mart or Publix, with the added benefit of a longer shelf life and the functionally insignificant downside of a smaller selection based on what’s in-season. The money we save on produce gets flipped into the money we spend on fish at the market, where we’ll grab whatever’s in-season and looking good from a sustainable fishing-focused company. The fresh caught fish is more expensive than what you’d find elsewhere due to the company’s practices, but it’s significantly more flavorful and we know how and where it’s being caught.

We also have more food-related plans for the future: as silly as it might initially sound, owning chickens is an option we have seriously looked into, should we ever have the space to do so. Producing our own eggs with animals we know are being well cared for is something both myself and my polycule would love to do, especially given how much our household relies on eggs as a staple. It’d also give me the option of butchering my own meat or bringing my meat to a butcher of my choice, something which I’ve wanted to get involved with for a long time.

Maybe it’s because I’ve done so much introspection as a carnivore, but it feels strange and almost unethical to not take part in the actual act of killing and preparing an animal for food. If I’m eating creatures that were previously alive and had emotions of their own, it feels disingenuous and dishonorable to not take part in the process of butchering itself at least once so that I can more fully understand and appreciate the work that goes into turning, say, a chicken into chicken. In Western society it’s so common for us to just not know (to even prefer not to know) how it’s best to kill and prep certain animals and I think that’s a major part of the problem with how people both tend to overconsume certain varieties of meat and how people tend to overcorrect into anti-meat attitudes that support harmful or downright dangerous industries, all the while both types of individuals refuse to engage with the potential problems or ramifications of doing so. Eating meat isn’t a one-way street or black-and-white in how it functions, and I hate that it’s so often treated as such: it’s not something that you should just ignore the facts around because it makes you uncomfortable. You should know where your meat comes from in a more intimate fashion, confronting that discomfort and fear head on because it is genuinely your responsibility to do so if you’re going to partake in either eating meat or judging those who do as unconscionable.

This all is a part of the reason I’m also interested in hunting and fishing. Florida is so full of invasive species that there’s a major environmental benefit to be had from going out and spearing lionfish or shooting boars, and it would also let me engage in the acts myself, rather than just shoving the job onto someone else while I get to reap the delicious rewards. And it guarantees that all parts of the animal that can be used will be, and that nothing will go to waste—bones, hides, organs, everything. Were it not for the fact that I lived in a capital hellscape that required me to spend a majority of my time and energy making money for other people, this would truly be the ideal option, and it’s one I’m hoping to more seriously engage with it post-Covid in a few years.

This knowledge and recognition of the cycle of life at play in regards to my own food source has massively influenced my larger perspectives on both animals and death. Learning about death in all its forms makes it so much less mysterious and terrifying. It’s an inevitable end for all forms of life and that is a unifying fact in it of itself: it’s something natural, something that we shouldn’t shy away from or ignore over the course of our lives. It should function as a reminder to be kind to ourselves, tolerant of each other, caring to the animals we are caretakers for, and supportive of the larger ecosystems that sustain us and will be needed to sustain future generations. I think that if we can improve larger Western societal understandings and intimate interactions with where our food comes from, especially in regards to other animals, it might help to salvage some of the cluttered and terrified relationships we have at large with death and could also foster more of a sense of responsibility on a larger scale as we become intimate with death more face-to-face. Ignoring death is not understanding death, and all ignoring it does is prevent us from seeing the necessity of it and, when applicable, the tragedy of it. This can be applied on multiple levels, but I personally believe it starts first and foremost with our relationship with food.

[reidyoulikeabook]

Invisible String

Ship: Fem! Reader x Spencer Reid

Warnings: None, this is just fluff.

Word count: 3.2k

Summary: You and Spencer Reid don’t know it, but you’ve almost met quite a few times. What happens when you do?

A/N: This is potentially a bit on the wrong side of the cheesy line, but I was listening to invisible string by Taylor Swift and couldn’t get this idea out of my head. Pls bare in mind I’m from the UK and my only understanding of the US college system is from Google searches, so pls be forgiving of any misunderstandings about that.

November 6th, 2007

Dr. Spencer Reid. As you sat, thumbing through the article he’d written about the formation of ionic compounds in a chemical whose name you could not for the life of you spell or pronounce, you couldn’t help but resent the man.

Sure, the paper was very well-written and as cohesive as possible given the complex subject matter. But Dr. Spencer Reid, whoever he was, was the current source of your resentment at selecting chemistry to make up your science credit. Highlighting the name of a substance you’d have to look up later, you sighed. It was getting late but you had to hand in a critical summary of the paper on Friday.

It didn’t help that Dr. Reid was: a) a triple doctorate holder by the age of 22, or b) that your chemistry lecturer was none other than his old chemistry lecturer from Caltech and practically glowed with pride whenever he got to bring him up.

You chew on the end of your pen, having now distracted yourself from the notes. Not that you were particularly focused anyway.

In another life, maybe you’d have been a budding chemist who could describe an ionic lattice off rote. In this one, however, you’d just have to settle for slogging through the list of chemical processes and hoping you understood it well enough to please Dr. Reid’s biggest fan.

***

April 16th, 2008

Spencer hated flaking on commitments. It caused him a great deal of anxiety, the feeling of disappointing someone. He didn’t have much choice in this circumstance though.

Diana had taken ill over the last weekend. Nothing serious, some stomach bug or other. She’d become severely dehydated though, and had been hospitalised as a precautionary measure. Truth be told, he might not have gone if she hadn’t caught him on the phone. He was already feeling guilty for not having visited since Christmas. He wrote her letters everyday, yet still felt like he was neglecting his duties as a son. Rubbing his hands over his face, he lets out a deep sigh. Then takes out his laptop, to send another email.

Dear. Dr Abraham

I sincerely apologise again for my last minute cancellation. Excluding any unforeseen circumstances, myself and SSA Hotchner will be available to present the lecture on May 12th.

Yours sincerely,

Dr. Spencer Reid.

***

May 12th, 2008

Considering this was your third year on campus, you sure were bad at finding your way around. In your defence, they were doing maintenance in one of the main buildings, meaning that lectures got shuffled around and relocated. You probably had a higher change of attending the right lecture by accident than on purpose.

It doesn’t help that you’re running a little late this morning. You rush into Room 203. A lot of the seats are taken, you have to meander your way past quite a few people until you end up sat almost directly in the middle. Only moments before the lecture starts.

“I’m SSA Hotchner, and this is SSA Reid. We’re members of the BAU which is based at FBI quarters in Quantico. Today, we’ll be talking to you about profiling.”

This is not your forensic linguistics lecture.

Panic hits you, hot in your gut. Scanning the room anxiously, you suddenly become conscious that you’re drawing attention to yourself when you feel the eyes of the man who is not SSA Hotchner on you. Fuck.

There’s no way for you to escape now, not without disturbing half the lecture hall.

So you sit back in your seat, resigning yourself to sit awkwardly in the lecture you’re not supposed to be in and hoping nobody notices.

But then, it’s really interesting, actually. The work that Dr. Reid does sounds similar to work you’ve done in forensic linguistics, analysing patterns of speech and minor phrase formations that can give things away about the perpetrator. By the end of the seminar, you’re sat leaning forward. Enraptured by almost every word coming out of their mouths.

It seems to be the general mood: everyone is enamoured. People are clammering to speak to them at the end. After a brief inner battle, myou decide that you should talk to them too.

What’s the harm?

You’ve decided that you’ll speak to Dr. Reid, since he seems to share more of a field focus. However, as you’re heading down, you spot him. Dr Adams, your chemistry lecturer from last year. Oh shit, it’s that Dr. Reid.

Speaking to SSA Hotchner will just have to do instead.

----

“I’ve been majoring in forensic linguistics and criminal psychology,” You tell him, “Do you think ... I mean, I know it’s a pretty exclusive team to get on to. But is that the kind of thing that could maybe get me there one day?”

Hotchner nods, “Forensic linguistics is something that comes in very useful in the investigative aspects of cases. The FBI is always looking for new angles and perspectives, those are both good subjects to study if you were thinking of signing up to the academy.”

"Thank you, Agent Hotchner,” You say, suddenly a little bashful as you notice the queue of people lingering behind you, “That was a really interesting lecture. It’s definitely something I’ll think about.”

“You should talk to Dr. Reid if you have a particular interest in the linguistic aspect of profiling. He’s more specialised in that area than I am. I’m sure he’d be more than happy to discuss any research you’re conducting at the moment and suggest materials that might be helpful in furthering your understanding of the area.”

“Thank you,” You smile, and he nods at you again.

Stepping away from Agent Hotchner, you look to your right. Dr. Reid is still engaged deeply in conversation with Dr. Adams. You glance at your watch. There was time before your next class, you supposed, so you could wait. It couldn’t hurt to find out more, could it? It wasn‘t like you were getting your hopes up or anything.

It’s then that you feel a pair of arms around your waist, a familiar scent of cologne.

“Hey!” You whip around to see your boyfriend, grinning widely.

“Hey,” You reply, “How’d you find me?”

“I was walking past when I saw you talking to that FBI agent. Seriously, FBI?” He asks, with a disapproving quirk of his eyebrow, “You want to grab a coffee before Psych?”

You want to say no. But he’s got his hand on the small of your back, leading  you out of the room before you even get a chance to reply. You glance back over your shoulder, making eye contact with Dr. Reid for all of two seconds before you’re swept away.

“Seriously though babe, FBI?”

Unsurpisingly, you don’t mention your potential change in career path to him.

***

March 8th, 2009

“Come in,” Hotch calls. He looks up from the paperwork on his desk to see Spencer entering the room, clutching a report in his hand.

“That last case we were on. I was doing some more research, just for future reference about linguistic patterns. Have you read this?” He asks, sliding a copy of your paper across the desk.

Hotch gives it a cursary look over, nodding, “Yes. It’s interesting. She’s signed up as an NAT. I believe I actually spoke to her at one of our lectures last year.”

"Her work is really impressive for somebody whose only studied this at a master level.”

Hotch almost smiles, “Yes. That’s exactly why I’ve recommended to the bureau that she signs up for profiling classes. Her work shows a lot of promise. They’re sending over a copy of her completed thesis, if you’d like to read it.”

“Yeah, I’d like that, thank you,” Spencer says, struggling to conceal the smile playing on the corner of his lips.

“I’ll email it to you as soon as I receive it.”

Spencer nods, smiling properly to himself as he leaves the room. It wasn’t unusual, exactly, for him to share new research that was relevant to cases. It was important that they all kept themselves fresh and acquainted with new theories about the field. Hotch, however, didn’t miss the excited way Spencer had presented it to him. Talking about how impressive you were, as if to subtly hint. He thinks it’s quite typical, actually, that Spencer could take such an interest in someone he only knew via an essay.

Although Spencer’s response does get Hotch to send a follow-up email, inquiring about whether you’d agreed to the classes. If Spencer was this impressed with your work, it must be good.

***

June 1st, 2009

The Metro that morning is packed. It doesn’t help that you’ve not been living here long, and don’t exactly know the route from your flat to the station off by heart yet.

You'd also had to make a detour to the post office. Your, firmly ex, boyfriend had mailed over the last of your things. Really, it was good riddance. His hounding you about your choice in job had only worsened. The relationship had been hanging on by a thread long before you’d moved away last month. You were more than a little grateful that it was finally over, that you could draw a line under it all and focus on your career.

Unfortunately, that hadn’t stopped you having a little cry to yourself on the way over.

Rushing, you make it onto the Metro just as the doors are about to close, falling against the railing on the left side. You grip onto it for dear life.

On the other side of the carriage, Spencer notices someone hurrying for the train. He had been buried deep in the paper he's reading, but the bustle had pulled his attention. Your back is to him, and there’s a scarf at your feet. He wants to say something, to try and get your attention, but he can’t from where he is.

“Miss, I think you’ve dropped something,” The woman you’re standing in front of says, gesturing to the scarf pooled at your feet.

You meet her eyes, sniffling slightly, “Thank you.”

Spencer watches as you pick it up, back still to him. Crisis averted, he turns his attention back to what he's reading: the published copy of your thesis Hotch had emailed him last week.

***

September 2nd, 2009

"This is SSA ____, the newest member of our team. She’s recently graduated from the academy and has an excellent knowledge of linguistics that the bureau feels will be a great advantage to this team. She’s had her induction and now will be joining the team on a probationary basis. She’ll be spending a little time with each of you in between cases to make sure she forms well-rounded knowledge of all aspects of what we do.”

It’s a little overwhelming, having everybody’s eyes on you.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Emily is the first over, offering her hand for you to shake.

“You too, it’s really nice to meet all of you,” You say, shaking hands in turn with her, Morgan, Rossi, J.J, and Garcia.

“Hi,” Spencer calls from behind you.

You turn around to face him. You remember what Hotch had mentioned to you about him being a bit of a germaphobe, so you keep your hand by your side.

“Hi,” You say, “Dr. Reid, right?”

“You can call me Spencer,” He says, a little bashful, “I read your thesis, the study about you did about the construction of passive clauses as an indicator of guilt in adolescent offenders. It was fascinating.”

You feel yourself getting a little warm under his gaze, “Thank you. I'm surprised you’re even aware it existed.”

Hotch interrupts then, “Reid, do you want to sit with ____ while she goes over the case file? It’d be useful if you could go over how you’d go about constructing a linguistic profile.”

That’s how you end up spending much of your first day: with Spencer, huddled up over case files as he explains his profile-building process to you. Spencer’s an incredible teacher, you think. He explains his thought process without ever being condescending, leaving little gaps for you to answer.

You’re incredible, Spencer thinks. You seem to grasp exactly what he’s saying, filling in the gaps based on the clues that are actually in front of you, not letting yourself be guided too much by bias.

***

October 29th, 2009

Spencer loves everyone at the BAU. They’re all the family he never had, and he has relatively good friendships with all of them. Just, they aren’t quite the same as they are with you.

He struggles to put his finger on it, exactly. It’s a unique relationship. He shares very familial bonds with a lot of them: he and Morgan are brotherly, Rossi is fatherly, Garcia’s somewhat like an overexcited little sister.

The friendship he has with you is special. You always listen to him, even as he rambles on about inane things that anybody else would tell him to shut up about. In fact, sometimes about the exact things that they do tell him to shut up about. Just last week, he was rambling on about Star Trek when Morgan told him, not altogether unkindly, to “give it a rest, kid.”

“What was that you were saying?” You’d asked, sidling up to him, “I’ve never watched Star Trek but I thought the quote was beam me up Scotty.”

He’d looked at you, considering you for a moment, “You don’t have to-”

“I know. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know Spence. You think I’d ask for a 15 minute lecture on Star Trek if I wasn’t interested in it?”

A warm feeling flooded his chest. The look on your face was so genuine, and you’d perched on the edge of his desk as he gesticulated, getting deep into the lore and how the misconception had come about. He still didn’t pinpoint exactly what it was, until he got to the end of his spiel. And then you asked him a question. You asked him a question to make sure you understood what he was talking about. You were listening the whole time, and you genuinely cared about the point he was making.

It's then that he realises, it was hard to pinpoint because it wasn’t friendship. He likes you. Shit.

***

November 2nd, 2009

You like everybody at the BAU. They’re all quite patient with you, really, happy to walk you through how they do things. Morgan’s taught you quite a bit about the tactical side of things already, and Rossi has been working with you on your interrogation techniques. Emily’s generally just a great mentor, always happy to listen and support however she can. She’s more experienced, but still relatively new to the team too, so you feel like there’s a certain understanding between you.

However, you’d definitely be lying if you said the person you hadn’t learnt the most from, or spent the most time with, was Spencer.

It hadn’t gone unnoticed by the rest of the team, either. You seemed to gravitate towards one another, forever sitting side-by-side on the plane. Sharing a line of thinking that usually led to devolved rambling, and scribbling, until you came up with something coherent.

It isn’t until November 2nd that you realise you have feelings for him.

You’re sitting at your desk, filling out a case report that Emily had promised to go over with you before she left for lunch.

“Hey,” Spencer’s familiar soothing voice comes, as he sidles up to you, “I got you something.”

Looking up, you notice the coffee cup in his right hand, “You are my caffeine lifesaver.”

He hands it to you, smiling a little nervously, “It’s actually not that.”

“Oh?”

His other hand is tucked behind his back, and he pulls it foward towards you, brandishing a red sweatshirt.

“I know you uh, left your red sweater behind at the hotel on the last case. And I know it was your favourite one, and I was shopping yesterday and I saw this and...” He trails off, embarassed, “It’s not the exact same, but it’s the same kind. I just thought you might like it.”

You swallow, hard, “Spencer that’s so sweet. C-Can I hug you?”

He nods. Standing up from your desk, you wrap your arms around his frame.

“That was so thoughtful.”

He squeezes you a little, really leaning into the hug, his face pressing against your shoulder. His tousled hair tickles your nose a little and you smile, clinging onto him, relishing in the feeling of safety and warmth.

It hits you then. When you realise you don’t want to let go. When you realise he makes you feel fuzzy. Loved. Cared for in a way you haven’t felt in a long time. Eventually, you have to let him go, and it’s in a daze that you return to your desk. You’re so concentrated on your overwhelming realisation, you don’t realise how reluctant he is to let you leave his embrace.

***

December 22nd, 2009

Driving Spencer home from the office was really just an excuse to get some time alone with him. You’d said something about the Metro being busy, one of the services being cancelled. He hadn’t factchecked you on that.

The BAU had tentative plans for boxing day, with the caveat being that no emergent cases arrived in the meantime. It was only really four days you wouldn’t see him, but that was longer than you’d ever gone without seeing him in all the time you’d known him. You worked together everyday, and it was unusual for you to go a full weekend without seeing each other. Recently, you’d got into the habit of going out for Sunday brunch together.

Pulling up outside his house, you hear him sigh.

“I know it’s only four days, but I’ll miss you.”

Smiling, you turn to him, “I’ll miss you too.” 

Something in you changes then. He’s looking at you. You may be relatively new to profiling but you can see something behind his eyes, feel the charge of unsaid words electrifying the air.

“Can I hug you?” He asks.

“You can always hug me,” You reply, undoing your seatbelt and opening your arms for him.

He embraces you the way he always has: tightly. Like he doesn’t want to let go, couldn’t imagine ever letting you go. His face nuzzles to the crook of your neck, and then you feel his thumb brush your chin. Tilting your head down.

You exchange a look. His eyes flicker from your eyes, to your lips, and back. You nod your head, just slightly.

He kisses you then. Tender. You melt into one another, lips moving quickly as you drink one another in. Kissing each other breathless, your fingers intertwine in his hair and his hand comes up to cup your cheek. Nothing has ever felt so right.

***

June 10th, 2011

Neither of you have ever really believed in fate. It’s hard to - especially in your line of work - to want to interpret the workings of the universe as deliberate. Maybe you’d think a little differently though, if you knew about all the near-misses. All the times you could have met. But fate knew better. She waited until you were ready.

And as you exchange vows, promising each other your forever, you both know you couldn’t possibly deny that this was meant to be.

------

Taglists: @takeyourleap-of-faith @sassiest-politician

(let me know if you would like to be added to/removed from this list!)

[shunkani]

Chapter 132 Levi/Hange Analysis

Summary: An attempt to explain the sentence in chapter 132

Levi: I see your one sided love with Titans still goes unrequited, four-eyes.

Hange: ...We’ll be getting along soon enough.　（…すぐに仲良くなるさ）

Disclaimer: this is just interpretation and not meant to be taken as official proof of romance between Levi and Hange in Attack on Titan. This is theory and nothing else. I’ve read multiple tweets and essays to compile my own thoughts.

I personally do not have any qualms with other ships, and this essay doesn’t discredit other Hange or Levi CP’s. Also, sorry but this essay has no pictures. 

Lesson_____

A quick Japanese lesson (and language comprehension); I will try to make it painless. I make no assumption on the reader’s Japanese level/English grammar understanding and will be talking about it as is.

When は is combined with another particle, it puts emphasis in a way such as English has intonation. Since Japanese does not stress tone (like how one says the words sarcastically/meaningfully/sadly/cheekily) it uses particles to do this job.

So, when Levi says, “相変わらず巨人とは片思いのままだったなクソメガネ“

It means literally, “As always, still an unrequited love with Titans, four-eyes.”

Naturally, “Your love for Titans is one-sided, as usual, four-eyes.”

In Japanese, using には or とは creates a third, invisible option that is outside of the realm of the sentence.

When you use に or と or even は by itself, it creates a one dimensional statement. When used with other particles combined with は it creates another, outside dimension to the sentence. A third suggestion or comparison. は can be used as a comparative or stress particle as well as a topic marker.

quick example.

I didn’t go to the library with him. ->彼と図書館に行かなかった.（ Forward statement. It is as it is. ）

I didn’t go to the library with him. ->彼とは図書館に行かなかった ��Implying I went there with someone else, but not him. ）

Just like you’d expect, English speakers understand the implications of stressing “him.” Just as Japanese speakers understand the implications of とは etc. If we stressed library(図書館には）instead of “boy” (彼とは）then it’s implication is that we didn’t go to the library with him, but maybe somewhere else. I hope this is clear. 

____

Okay, on with the analyses. Just a note again, but I’ve naturalized any Japanese so that it’s not literal, but the meaning is the same so it’s easier to comprehend for native English speakers. I’ve changed “I” to “we” considering I formatted to fit essays.

From  ストリキーネさん’s essay

Like others have said, Levi’s words feel like his true confession. Whether it’s romantic or not, it’s up in the air, but while making small talk and commenting about his long time comrade in arms, it seems like this comment is loaded with unlabeled feelings, like “You gross me out, but I feel something special for you and I get you.”

It feels natural to say “You still have unrequited love for Titans.” right after the banter of Hange and Pieck’s exchange.  {note: 巨人に片思いのままだな is using に here, not とは, so it feels natural to say に）

So why did he use “とは” and not ”に”？

If there’s official announcement that say’s there’s no meaning to it, or that it’ll be corrected in the official volume, then this sentence will be meaningless. But if it’s intentional or even unconscious decision, we get the impression that he is recalling a third person (”me” ie Levi) among Hange and the Titans. 

 Moreover, hearing “four eyes” was unexpected and we can only imagine it was surprising for Hange too. Since we might have never expected that we’d hear “four eyes” in the original manga again, it’s perplexing, but feels filled with something like nostalgia. 

With Hange taking over as commander and the world rapidly changing, we get the feeling that there’s a distance between them, at least from what is shown to us from the story. 

Because of this short exchange about Titans, all at once we are brought back to “An eccentric, Titan-loving section commander,” and “Captain who’s fond of four-eyes,” and it’s moving. 

There’s a little pause (note: talking about the “...” before Hange starts talking) at the end of Levi’s lines and the start of Hange’s dialogue. One wonders if it couldn’t be a mix between surprise and relief on Hange’s end. 

Also, as many others have said, Levi is answering Hange’s “I’d prefer if we live here together,” from the forest, to the best that he can. There was no reason to look back at that scene in relation to this because Levi seemed to have brushed off Hange’s shocking statement, but since everyone was referencing that scene, a second re-examination was in order. (Note, the author actually said something a little more personal, so I condensed it to match a more essay-like statement)

Levi could have been surprised.

Someone who he’s known for a long time, and supported each other, and can admit that (Hange) can be troublesome sometimes, but also they hit it off well, yet each of their own responsibilities have become heavier and the world is in this state... in a situation like this, when suddenly alone together in a quiet forest, he might think Hange has stopped thinking if seriously suggesting to run away and saying things like “let’s live together.”

Under circumstances like this, if it were us, we’d likely want to do it, but remember we have responsibilities, maybe we don’t know what the other person feels, perhaps we’d rather we never heard it, so we pretend not to. In Levi’s case, perhaps pretend to sleep (pretending to not be able to hear it) or when he wakes up, change the subject completely.  

It’s unlikely that Levi could give an answer on the spot, and would want time to figure it out. 

(There’s more to the essay but it’s thoughts on relationships between people and some other things that don’t apply to the quote)

ーーーーー

Notes concluded from various twitter surfing:

Many JP fans think Levi’s statement alluded to the forest scene. It’s like his clumsy answer to Hange’s proposal, since he didn’t give a direct answer. Actually the essay above felt his answer was cold and ignored Hange. But Hange doesn’t seem displeased about it. 

As many have said, Hange and Levi are definitely “adults” in this world. They both understand it’s not feasible to do the things they want to do, because their duties supersede that. Hange carries the immense duty of commander, and both hold the responsibility to stop Eren or fight for humanity as a whole. 

It’s rather evident to me, even as an ordinary reader, that Levi did not want Hange to go. In fact, Hange says, 行かせて, “let me go.” and anticipated Levi would try to stop Hange. Mind you, it’s not “release me” but “I have to do this, so don’t stop me.” It took him three panels, focused on his dead-like eyes to finally say “Dedicate your heart,” something he’s apparently never said before. To me, “Dedicate your heart” is a self-sacrificing quote when applied to the Survey Corps. Pretty much “go in bravely, and don’t expect to come back.” Levi is a “Live and come back’ type. The strange thing is that Levi puts his hand on Hange and says it.. in Hange’s place..? It’s a salute before battle, but here it feels like a gentle sentence. Why it was delivered that way? I hope that Isayama will answer these questions in future interviews. 

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

Another thing, Levi says みててくれ to Hange, a now deceased person. Levi has never asked anything from the dead. He’s mentioned fulfilling his promise to Erwin about killing Zeke, but some have found it strange for Levi to ask Hange to “Watch me (kill Zeke.”) (edit: the point is that Levi asked Hange to keep watching him, so it seems that his promises and goals may have changed)

One user said something pretty sad. “For Levi, I think Hange is treated as a MIA. Even if there’s no chance of survival, if Levi looks at Hange’s death, Hange has ended for him right there. So since Hange hasn’t ended, he said “ watch out for me.” That’s the reason why Levi, who’s looked at dead soldiers in the eye, didn’t look at Hange.”

It’s simply, Levi didn’t say “Rest in peace,” or “Goodnight.” but “See ya, Hange. Keep looking out for me.” 

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

Going back to the quote about Titans, the summary is, that in Japanese, Levi’s speech seems incredibly nuanced because he uses language that suggests that Hange and him have come to a mutual feeling, and it’s simply by stating “with Titans” (but there’s a mutual love with me). That’s why the above essay questions if this isn’t a misprint or mistake, or perhaps it’s nothing at all. (I want to point out, that one user suggested it could refer to Eren, but it seems unlikely) 

This is his “answer.” And Hange says...”...We’ll get along soon enough.” 

There’s a “...” before Hange says that, indicating a pause, whether out of surprise by being called “four-eyes”, or carefully thinking on how to respond to “とは” 

Some other notes before I close this up, I thought this was a nice thought on LeviHan:

Hange was introduced while talking and having contact with Levi and Hange exited while talking and having contact with Levi. Really, Hange’s story started and ended with Levi. 

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

I apologize if this seems everywhere, I’m not particularly fond of writing, but for Hange’s last chapter, I feel like English speakers should get in on what Japanese levihan fans were saying. 

終わり

[birdgirlamp]

Guillermo Deep Dive

Alright, I’ve gotten back into WWDITS fandom in the wake of binging the rest of Season 4 this week, and I’ve been in adjacent fandom orbits like Good Omens and OFMD for practically as long as the shows have been out. While I haven’t been seeking out a ton of fan content directly from WWDITS, I’ve seen plenty tangentially. Often, posts that mention our beloved Silly Vampires in passing make comments like, “Oh, I can’t wait for Nandermo to become canon” or, “I know things are bad between Nandor and Guilermo right now, but I fully anticipate them becoming a couple eventually”. I know that they’re some of the main leads of the show and people are hungry for more queer content, but I’m rather surprised about how universal and positive people are about this ship, and the extent to which people believe that their relationship is a foregone conclusion. Soo, I’m just gonna give my two cents in the form of an essay of a meta post. Whoops, my hand slipped. xD Full disclosure, as I’m writing this the last episode of the season hasn’t dropped yet, so this speculation may be rendered completely irrelevant depending on how the finale plays out next week. However, I hope that it still fuels fandom discussion about critically examining the show, especially through the lens of Guillermo’s character and how he impacts the show as a whole. 

The two elements that I think would fundamentally make their relationship challenging to execute in a satisfying way are the goals of the show and Guillermo’s pseudo-character arc.

I’ll address the former first. As much as fandom, including myself of course, likes to celebrate the similarities between this show and other queer content like OFMD, Good Omens, etc., I think within that it is important to differentiate the focus of WDDITS from those shows for the purposes of this discussion. While OFMD and Good Omens are both tonally comedies, the plot revolved principally around their A couples and their themes. Both shows, with OFMD to a more obvious extent, were willing to sacrifice their usual levity for the sake of furthering themes or character arcs. The humor was a facet of the show, not it’s main purpose. 

WWDITS is different. WDDITIS isn’t just tonally a comedy, being irreverent and absurdist is it’s entire goal. While characters may superficially change, their growth isn’t the purpose of the show, it’s mostly an element designed to keep the premise of each season fresh and to spawn new conflict for characters to bounce off of. The characters are exaggerated and selfish in service of the comedy. Continuity and logic are optional easter eggs. 

Pointing this out is not meant to de-legitimize WWDITIS or suggest that it is vapid or meaningless. Tons of “pure comedy” shows can absolutely have value. Some people prefer a more relaxed, less serial show that’s fun to watch rather as opposed to all shows feeling like they need to have Shakespearean levels of tragedy and drama in order to have meaning. Additionally, a less plot focused show can perform more ridiculous stunts and satire and have more creative freedom. For example, the last season of The Amazing World of Gumball really found its niche in this ridiculous, over the top genre of comedy, but had some surprisingly biting sarcasm and political commentary under the guise of zany humor. 

So, to bring it back around to Guillermo, what does Guillermo need to be to maintain this tone? At the end of the day, Guillermo is absolutely the linchpin of the show, both in universe and on a meta level. He’s the straight man, and the most intelligent member of the group. He keeps the ragtag band of vampires together, mediating their disputes and solving their problems. He protects them from both internal and external threats, and puts up with their absurd demands and mistreatment as the show’s punching bag. It is to the show’s advantage to maintain the status quo and Guillermo’s unique position as someone invested, but often a step removed from, the conflict. It’s funny and an essential component of the show for Guillermo to parent the vampires, constantly giving them advice to be ignored and feelings to thoughtlessly trample for the sake of a joke. 

However, is that what’s right for his relationship to Nandor? Right now, for all that Nandor has made tentative, ham-fisted attempts to befriend Guillermo, there’s a huge power imbalance in their relationship. So long as Guillermo is his familiar, no matter how much progress they make or how much they bond, he won’t be Nandor’s equal, he’ll still be his servant, even if he’s treated better. That transcends comedic and becomes uncomfortable. If they’re meant to become a couple in any reciprocal way, Guillermo needs to become a vampire, and thus symbolically a full member of the household. While I personally may not be a huge Nandermo shipper, if this was the start of personal growth for them, I would accept this outcome as one of the few that could be the backbone for a healthy(ish) relationship between them. 

However, taking this route would fundamentally undermine Guillermo’s pre-established role, and thus it would be difficult to retain the dynamic that makes him so crucial to the comedic elements of the show. Guillermo becoming a vampire would essentially give Guillermo the agency he is currently denied. Right now, he can suggest smart, efficient uses of the vampires’ powers as solutions to their problems, and then subsequently be ignored as a catalyst for further shenanigans. If he were a vampire, he would have the ability to follow through with his own ideas without having to persuade or seek the approval of his supernatural housemates. He would also be able to stand up for himself and pursue his own interests, rather than repeatedly having to answer to the whims or be the victim of the other vampires’ drama of the day. While this creates conflict, it’s a different kind of conflict that the other vampires can already have with each other, and thus Guillermo’s niche as someone the vampires can boss around and mistreat without consequence also vanishes, along with its liberal comedic functions. It also makes him a much less sympathetic figure for the audience, as his underdog and bullied status endears us to an otherwise flawed character. He helps guide and orient the audience by having somewhat relatable and (sometimes) altruistic goals to protect his found family in contrast to the vampires’ non stop egotism. As soon as Guillermo is just one of the vampires, his goal accomplished and no longer pushed around, it makes him less approachable for the audience’s sympathy. 

This has been a lot of discussion about what would be best for the comedy, and what would be best for Nandor, but what would be best for Guillermo himself and his aforementioned germ of a character arc? Guillermo thinks he wants to be a vampire, but would that actually solve his problems or be the proper culmination of his character arc thus far? Each season we have a different “flavor” of Guillermo character arc. Season one he’s a door mat, slowly coming to terms with how little the vampires actually respect him. Season two he wears himself ragged grappling with his vampire hunting legacy and trying to protect the vampires without being found out. Season three is him regaining their trust, wrangling with his crush on Nandor, and then having their falling out. Season four Guillermo is more jaded and resigned to his role, but also stands up for himself more, and desperately tries to balance his familiar duties with a personal life. Again and again, Guillermo tries to balance his co-dependent relationship with these vampires and his desperation for their approval and companionship with his own needs, and crucially continues to fail. He runs himself ragged covering up for the vampires and fixing their self destructive tendencies, while only Nandor seems to slowly warm up to him and treat him with any semblance of decency. But even Nandor is often blinded by his own needs and is thoughtlessly cruel to Guillermo, most recently and obviously regarding Freddie. And Guillermo’s not a blameless little angel either. He obviously directly and indirectly kills and injures people on behalf of the vampires regularly, scandalized looks at the camera notwithstanding, and is embezzling from the night club. His relationship with the vampires is mutually unhealthy and toxic, and has been amply demonstrated in every season. 

This why I propose, radically, that the conclusion of Guillermo’s character arc that makes the most sense logically is for him to leave. As much as we love these self-centered vampires, for Guillermo they’re a supernatural cult that preyed on his loneliness and desire for community and broke him down so that he feels like his own self worth is tied to successfully saving them from themselves. He considers the vampires family, but that sentiment is rarely if ever reciprocated. They see him as an occasional walking solution to their problems, but usually an unwelcome irritant. Even if Nandor is trying to improve, it’s against his nature to be kind, and as Guillermo’s closest confidant within the house he frequently looks down on and manipulates Guillermo in order to fix his problems. Guillermo has spent this entire season desperately trying to live with one foot in both worlds. He can recognize the vampires are bad for him, but he can’t bring himself to cut ties so he tries to squeeze in his personal life in around the edges of his duties. Each failure further isolates Guillermo and dilutes his confidence, thus making him even more bitter towards, but contradictorily more dependent on, the vampires. Guillermo has always been in conflict with himself and hiding secrets from others. His Van Helsing lineage, his sexuality, his affiliation with the vampires and all their subsequent secrets, and this pressure and secrecy stems from Guillermo’s insecurity and feeling like an outcast. He uses the vampires as a crutch because they need him as much as he needs them, so he can fall back on them when he feels like he can’t maintain a functional life of his own. Choosing to become a vampire would essentially be giving up on any semblance of a normal life, and all of his close personal relationships with mortal humans. 

Now obviously, both Guilermo becoming a vampire and him leaving would be detrimental to the tone of the show, and I doubt the writers will do either. I don’t necessarily believe that’s a bad thing, as not every show needs to be Bojack Horseman and redeem their characters or call out their toxic patterns. Guilermo can retain his current dynamic, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But, the point I wanted to underline is, I don’t think that he can also have any kind of positive romantic relationship with Nandor within that context.

[a-secret-bolton-vampire]

Daenerys Stormborn, Part 2: Wake the Dragon

Oh hey, I have part 2 already! Guess my brain is really focused on Dany now. In part 1, I talked about Dany's arcs from AGOT to ASOS, exploring the narrative and thematic purpose of her journey. However, the most important part of her journey occurs in ADWD, and sets the stage for some incredibly exciting developments to come in TWOW. For part 2, I'll be talking about the gradual transformation of Daenerys into a slightly different, darker character for the future.

Breaker of Chains & Mhysa

Slavery has been an important background element throughout Dany's time in Essos, even in AGOT, but it becomes front and centre in ASOS. She accepted the Dothraki, a society that uses slaves for many things, and wasn't too perturbed at the use of slaves in Qarth. However, it is in Astapor where she finally realizes just how bad the institution is, as she tells Xaro:

"Whence came this madness? Should I count myself fortunate that you did not free my own slaves when you were my guest in Qarth?" I was a beggar queen and you were Xaro of the Thirteen, Dany thought, and all you wanted were my dragons. "Your slaves seemed well treated and content. It was not till Astapor that my eyes were opened."

As mentioned last time, ASOS is when she begins to take control of her destiny, and she does so by beginning a revolution to free the slaves of Slaver's Bay. She believe she has a greater destiny lying ahead of her, that there is a reason for her dragons, the red comet. She also has great empathy for people and sees this disturbing injustice being played out with nobody to stop it. But she has the power to do so, and thus she begins by going fire and blood at Astapor, killing the Good Masters and freeing all the slaves. Afterwards, she leaves the city with a ruling council of a priest, a scholar, and a healer and moves to Yunkai.

She does a different approach with Yunkai, negotiating with the Wise Masters to surrender their slaves and to leave them in peace. And then when she arrives at Meereen, she decides to stay and rule as its queen. This is where things begin to get difficult for Daenerys. The ruling council of Astapor is overthrown by a butcher named Cleon, who said the council was conspiring to bring back slavery, who declares himself King of Astapor, enslaves the children of the former Good Masters to make new Unsullied, and tries to ally with Daenerys against Yunkai, who has resumed slavery.

Daenerys is not interested in any war with Yunkai. The reason she stays in Meereen is exactly because she learned what happened when she left Astapor. The fire and blood approach didn't work. You can't just dismantle such a deeply engrained system so easily. So instead she opts to rule, and protect the people she can. While a lot of readers view Dany's actions in Meereen as pointless, the whims of a naive girl, and poor leadership, I actually think it's the opposite.

For starters, Dany realized that she can't simply burn the slavers to end slavery, but she needs to stay and instill changes. While King Cleon repeatedly begs for Daenerys to join the war against Yunkai, she refuses, and warns Cleon to not do such a thing. She turns out to be horribly right, as Cleon is killed, Astapor is sieged, before being slaughtered, burned, and sacked, to be reinstated as a slave city once more. Likewise, the Yunkish siege Meereen, first by creating a blockade in the bay with ships, and then by having armies amassed outside the city walls.

In addition, refugees from Astapor begin to pile up outside the city, and a deadly plague called the pale mare (for the horse from Astapor that arrives at Meereen) begins to sweep the starving Astapori freedmen, who begin to resort to cannibalism to survive. Dany blames herself for leaving Astapor a mess, but does not wish to have the same thing happen in Meereen. She wants to protect the people she's freed, not just from the Yunkish, but herself as well.

When a sheepherder brings the burned bones of his daughter, Hazzea, who was killed by her dragons, Dany has Rhaegal and Viserion chained in the dungeons below the Great Pyramid to prevent them from causing any more harm. However, Drogon is still loose, unable to be found. In addition, when the sons of the harpy, a terrorist group opposed to the emancipation of Meereen, begin massacring freedmen, Dany decides to raise a tax on the Great Masters and have all families of suspect loyalty send a child to serve as a hostage and cupbearers. Yet, as the killings continue, she has grown close to the children and decides not to have them killed.

Now, some of you may notice that I am taking a lot from the Meereenese Blot essays written by Adam Feldman. That's not only because they are really well written essays, but ones that GRRM himself has approved of.

"I read those when someone pointed them out to me, and I was really pleased with them, because at least one guy got it. He got it completely, he knew exactly what I was trying to do there, and evidently I did it well enough for people who were paying attention."

So I am retreading some of the ground Feldman has laid, but it's important to do so if I am to build up to what I think is going to happen in the future of Dany's story.

As Feldman notes, Dany's own actions (or in the case of the cupbearers, inaction) actually made a peace possible, because the Yunkish saw that she was someone who is capable of mercy and not a (in their eye) violent mass murderer. Knowing what happened with Astapor, and seeing what happens when her dragons are unleashed with Hazzea, Dany decides to make peace with the Yunkish and marry Hizdahr.

Under the peace, Meereen itself would remain a free city, but the Yunkish would continue to sell slaves. They even sell them in markets outside the walls of Meereen, which displeases Daenerys extremely. In addition, slaveowners could bring their slaves into Meereen without fear of them being freed, and the Yunkish promised to respect the rights of the freedmen in Meereen. Yet, despite the peace and the progress made, she feels as though this is a defeat.

This is peace, she told herself. This is what I wanted, what I worked for, this is why I married Hizdahr. So why does it taste so much like defeat?

The thing is, Daenerys has had to sacrifice so much of herself and her morals to get to this point. Yes there is peace, even if it is tentative, Meereen would not be sacked by the Yunkish, but slavery is still going on, and she thinks that she has let herself and other people down by agreeing to peace and allowing the Yunkish to continue slavery. She has agreed to peace to people she loathes and thinks are despicable, she has married a man she does not love and does not love her, she has chained her dragons in the pit below, she has allowed the fighting pits to reopen. This comes to ahead at Daznak's Pit when she is at the height of her discomfort.

The boar buried his snout in Barsena's belly and began rooting out her entrails. The smell was more than the queen could stand. The heat, the flies, the shouts from the crowd … I cannot breathe. She lifted her veil and let it flutter away. She took her tokar off as well. The pearls rattled softly against one another as she unwound the silk.

And then Drogon arrives, and in the chaos of him attacking the boar and being attacked by the soldiers in the pit, Dany tries to calm him, but he spits fire at her, and she tries to tame him by whipping him into submission. Here, Dany is quite literally fighting herself. She herself in this moment represents the Queen of Meereen, someone who desires for peace. Meanwhile, Drogon represents the dragon inside her, who wants to unleash blood and fire on her enemies. In the end, Dany climbs onto Drogon and they fly away together, which foreshadows and symbolizes Dany's later decision to choose being the dragon.

Despite her frustrations in Meereen, the peace was a good first step. Not to say that it solved every issue, it didn't, but that doesn't need to be the end of it. Daenerys could forge new peaces, new agreements, and if she stayed in Meereen, she could implement great changes throughout Slaver's Bay. But what is done is done, and cannot be undone. The peace that was forged is now gone. Next comes war.

The House with the Red Door

Before we move on to Dany's final chapter and what that means for the future, we must take a look at a very important part of her backstory which is one of the main elements of her own story. Sure, destiny, greatness, prophecy, power, and identity are themes with Daenerys, but at the center of it all is the desire for home. Dany was born on Dragonstone, but was whisked away to Braavos, and there she lived in the house with the red door, with Viserys, Ser Willem Darry, and their servants.

To Dany, the house with the red door was the only place in her life she called home, and she has very fond memories of it, of Willem, or the lemon tree. But after Willem died, they were kicked out and forced to become beggars on the streets, selling off their possessions and travelling the Free Cities. The red door was closed and gone forever after, but the dream of having a home hasn't.

Daenerys has a desire for home, for love, for family. Throughout her childhood, Viserys would tell Dany all about Westeros, how they need to take back the Iron Throne, that the Seven Kingdoms were the most beautiful lands in the world. And sure enough, soon, Westeros represents the idea for home and belonging to Dany.

"I pray for home too," she told him, believing it. Ser Jorah laughed. "Look around you then, Khaleesi." But it was not the plains Dany saw then. It was King's Landing and the great Red Keep that Aegon the Conqueror had built. It was Dragonstone where she had been born. In her mind's eye they burned with a thousand lights, a fire blazing in every window. In her mind's eye, all the doors were red.

Although she takes on the mantle as the new head of House Targaryen and carries on Viserys's dream of taking back the Iron Throne out of a sense of duty, she also does so for desire to belong in a place she can call home. It's a nostalgic feeling she gets of the old days, that she wants to relive again.

But then other ambitions get in her way. She frees the slaves of Slaver's Bay, and decides to stay in Meereen to try to ensure that her revolution succeeds. Thus, her quest for home is put on hold. Throughout ADWD, she gives up parts of herself, to try to become one with the Meereenese; marrying Hizdahr, reopening the fighting pits, chaining her dragons, dressing in the Ghiscari fashion, and making peace. But in the Dothraki sea, hundreds of miles outside Meereen, she finds that she wasn't being her true self, that she can never be the Queen of Meereen, or become a true Meereenese.

I must keep walking. Water flows downhill. The stream will take me to the river, and the river will take me home. Except it wouldn't, not truly. Meereen was not her home, and never would be. It was a city of strange men with strange gods and stranger hair, of slavers wrapped in fringed tokars, where grace was earned through whoring, butchery was art, and dog was a delicacy. Meereen would always be the Harpy's city, and Daenerys could not be a harpy.

The series is all about the human heart in conflict with itself, and Daenerys in ADWD is one of the best examples of that. She was struggling with her two competing titles of Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons, but in the end she was not comfortable with being the Breaker of Chains. This final transformation she undergoes in the Dothraki sea really sets the tone for what she will do in the future, and how she will change as a person and character.

Mother of Dragons

Daenerys X is one of the more bizarre chapters in the series, since it follows only one character alone with her thoughts, but it works extremely well as a character study, and the development over the course of the chapter is one of my favourites in the whole series. Through all the hallucinations and visions and dreams Daenerys has during this chapter, it's important to remember that they all (apart from possibly Quaithe) are her, so the discussions she has are with her own internal thoughts directly.

The topic of Targaryen madness reoccurs throughout the series, but it's ADWD where it is brought up the most. Now, the topic of Targaryen madness will be another post i will do in the far future and won't discuss in depth today, but the matter is that Dany is aware of some of it, even if she hasn't fully accepted the truth of her father. She fears that she is succumbing to the madness at points.

"Your Grace?" Missandei stood in the door of the queen's bedchamber, a lantern in her hand. "Who are you talking to?" Dany glanced back toward the persimmon tree. There was no woman there. No hooded robe, no lacquer mask, no Quaithe. A shadow. A memory. No one. She was the blood of the dragon, but Ser Barristan had warned her that in that blood there was a taint. Could I be going mad? They had called her father mad, once.

Later, she implies this fear again to Barristan.

I lived in fear for fourteen years, my lord. I woke afraid each morning and went to sleep afraid each night … but my fears were burned away the day I came forth from the fire. Only one thing frightens me now." "And what is it that you fear, sweet queen?" "I am only a foolish young girl." Dany rose on her toes and kissed his cheek. "But not so foolish as to tell you that. My men shall look at these ships. Then you shall have my answer."

But in an early version of Daenerys III, the answer Daenerys gave was "myself". She fears what would happen if she "woke the dragon", as Viserys put it. She's afraid of succumbing to the madness that consumed her father and probably was consuming Viserys. She's afraid of what would happen if she unleashed her dragons, how many innocents they would kill. But in the Dothraki sea, she begins to question her decisions, starting when she woke up after finding blood between her thighs:

"I am the blood of the dragon," she told the grass, aloud. Once, the grass whispered back, until you chained your dragons in the dark. "Drogon killed a little girl. Her name was … her name …" Dany could not recall the child's name. That made her so sad that she would have cried if all her tears had not been burned away. "I will never have a little girl. I was the Mother of Dragons." Aye, the grass said, but you turned against your children.

The importance of this quote cannot go unnoticed. She thinks about Hazzea all the time throughout the book, feeling deeply guilty about what Drogon did to her. But here, at the end, she cannot remember her name. The in world explanation is that, of course, she is delirious from being in the wilderness eating berries and being sick, but thematically this is her slowly turning away from the people she freed. Next comes a dream with Viserys (long quote incoming):

She dreamt of her dead brother. Viserys looked just as he had the last time she'd seen him. His mouth was twisted in anguish, his hair was burnt, and his face was black and smoking where the molten gold had run down across his brow and cheeks and into his eyes. "You are dead," Dany said. Murdered. Though his lips never moved, somehow she could hear his voice, whispering in her ear. You never mourned me, sister. It is hard to die unmourned. "I loved you once." Once, he said, so bitterly it made her shudder. You were supposed to be my wife, to bear me children with silver hair and purple eyes, to keep the blood of the dragon pure. I took care of you. I taught you who you were. I fed you. I sold our mother's crown to keep you fed. "You hurt me. You frightened me." Only when you woke the dragon. I loved you. "You sold me. You betrayed me." No. You were the betrayer. You turned against me, against your own blood. They cheated me. Your horsey husband and his stinking savages. They were cheats and liars. They promised me a golden crown and gave me this. He touched the molten gold that was creeping down his face, and smoke rose from his finger. "You could have had your crown," Dany told him. "My sun-and-stars would have won it for you if only you had waited." I waited long enough. I waited my whole life. I was their king, their rightful king. They laughed at me. "You should have stayed in Pentos with Magister Illyrio. Khal Drogo had to present me to the dosh khaleen, but you did not have to ride with us. That was your choice. Your mistake." Do you want to wake the dragon, you stupid little whore? Drogo's khalasar was mine. I bought them from him, a hundred thousand screamers. I paid for them with your maidenhead. "You never understood. Dothraki do not buy and sell. They give gifts and receive them. If you had waited …" I did wait. For my crown, for my throne, for you. All those years, and all I ever got was a pot of molten gold. Why did they give the dragon's eggs to you? They should have been mine. If I'd had a dragon, I would have taught the world the meaning of our words. Viserys began to laugh, until his jaw fell away from his face, smoking, and blood and molten gold ran from his mouth.

The dream terrifies Daenerys, but once again, Viserys (really herself here) is telling her she is stalling in a place she doesn't belong, that she needs to go home, that she should embrace being a dragon. The climax of this comes right after she realizes Meereen would never be her home, where she argues with Jorah (again, herself):

Meereen would always be the Harpy's city, and Daenerys could not be a harpy. Never, said the grass, in the gruff tones of Jorah Mormont. You were warned, Your Grace. Let this city be, I said. Your war is in Westeros, I told you. The voice was no more than a whisper, yet somehow Dany felt that he was walking just behind her. My bear, she thought, my old sweet bear, who loved me and betrayed me. She had missed him so. She wanted to see his ugly face, to wrap her arms around him and press herself against his chest, but she knew that if she turned around Ser Jorah would be gone. "I am dreaming," she said. "A waking dream, a walking dream. I am alone and lost." Lost, because you lingered, in a place that you were never meant to be, murmured Ser Jorah, as softly as the wind. Alone, because you sent me from your side. "You betrayed me. You informed on me, for gold." For home. Home was all I ever wanted. "And me. You wanted me." Dany had seen it in his eyes. I did, the grass whispered, sadly. "You kissed me. I never said you could, but you did. You sold me to my enemies, but you meant it when you kissed me." I gave you good counsel. Save your spears and swords for the Seven Kingdoms, I told you. Leave Meereen to the Meereenese and go west, I said. You would not listen. "I had to take Meereen or see my children starve along the march." Dany could still see the trail of corpses she had left behind her crossing the Red Waste. It was not a sight she wished to see again. "I had to take Meereen to feed my people." You took Meereen, he told her, yet still you lingered. "To be a queen." You are a queen, her bear said. In Westeros. "It is such a long way," she complained. "I was tired, Jorah. I was weary of war. I wanted to rest, to laugh, to plant trees and see them grow. I am only a young girl." No. You are the blood of the dragon. The whispering was growing fainter, as if Ser Jorah were falling farther behind. Dragons plant no trees. Remember that. Remember who you are, what you were made to be. Remember your words. "Fire and Blood," Daenerys told the swaying grass.

And here is where everything changes. She has spent time trying to protect innocent lives, to make peace, not war, to be loved and accepted by Meereen. But here, she decides that it is time to do away with that. Meereen is not her home, Westeros is, and it's time to wake the dragon and burn Yunkai. No longer will she be burdened by the idea of a cost of innocent lives, no longer will she fear herself, and no longer will she linger. When the time comes, she will burn her enemies and leave for Westeros.

I need to make a few things clear here, however. For one, I don't think she's mad now, this is just her resolving her internal conflict. For another, I don't care what she does to the slavers. They deserve what's coming for them. She will still care about the innocent, but she's now going to go full-blooded Targaryen and burn cities to the ground, and this will mean massive collateral damage she will try to rationalize away.

Daenerys has now transformed into a different, much darker character, which I feel will continue to define her for the rest of the series. She is now the Mother of Dragons, in her entirety, and Essos is about to bleed and burn. I really appreciate how GRRM put this together, and that she didn't stay fire and blood after Astapor. His character development is realistic, and sometimes the development is not linear. In part 3, I will be discussing predictions about Daenerys's arc and story in TWOW, more specifically what she will do in Essos.

[ranboo5]

whats 'the clip' and knifetrick?

Augh. Under the cut for shipping discourse and p/dophilia ment (nothing graphic or specific). Gets long bc I discuss my thoughts on DSMP shipping in general. You are setting me up fr anon

Some quick vocab -

intimacy here is used to refer to. Well. Any kind of intimacy between characters, of any sort, as an umbrella term /r, /p, and /qp here are used as shorteners to denote "romantic," "platonic," and "queerplatonic," both as adjectives And as verbs ("to /r" = "to portray romantically") shipping here is used to refer to any focused examination of intimacy between characters

And some clarity that Should follow from the essay next but may not - """anti-antis"""" and RPF writers delete forever

The Clip is from one of if not the? most recent Discord stage(s) Mr Live has done (which I missed when it was live RIP) wherein he issues a hard ban on shipping him ("do not ship me, in any way, with anyone!") which would less influence c!beeduo (which has been portrayed/stated to be romantic AND nonromantic both conflictingly for a while until being confirmed unconfirmed several months ago, that being the last was heard) without its direct invocation if he hadn't also cited for the reason as being underage ("'Cause, one, it's straight up pedophilia") which is! a) immediately applicable to At Least his DSMP character, Partially and b) while not Strictly True (should b obvious that portraying a relationship within the bounds of what it is in canon and in a nonsexual way is not That, and /r-ing c!beeduo etc was possible to do Appropriately again by remaining w/in the bounds of canon) is Clearly Indicative of the fact that baggage-wise it IS associated with people being fucking creeps

This Really complicates things bc like okay the apparent solution is "lol just don't /r it" but it's really like. A Worse issue than that bc like.

Okay the reason shipping in terms of fictional characters is a Different Bar is bc it's an examination of Intimacy and certain lines exist in certain dynamics of intimacy that Isn't Shown (which is the whole Within The Bounds Of Canon thing) which is important in a medium like DSMP because of the smaller gap + more personal relationship b/w character and streamer. Examining intimacy beyond th bounds of the consent that has been established in that regard is Weird at best and Violating And Creepy more often and, As Mentioned In Ranb's Stage, Literally Evil at worst

Which is why writing abt like. QPR or platonically intimate Techno and Philza (characters) is smth that is fine because that's smth that has been shown and repeatedly stated onscreen; it's in the bounds of canon n thus within th bounds of what the streamers've consented 2 be done with their characters. But writing T3chza making out or whatever is fucked up because it's smth that's beyond those consent barriers

And the thing is right

Slapping a /p on T3chza makeout doesn't. Make it less violating

Like what you CALL romantic is not the measure or whether it's past those barriers yk? And if it's indistinguishable, if it's in extrapolative territory that is Past The Bounds, it Does Not Matter how much you /p it EVEN IF IT IS TECHNICALLY PLATONIC y feel? Like at the end of the day placing a moratorium on some/all forms of shipping is placing a moratorium on certain examinings of intimacy

And okay 2 go back to Mr Live and his character. What it implies taken in context w/ older portrayals of c!beeduo and said by invoking smth that both evokes Really fucked up baggage (that does unfortunately exist btw I'm sorry if you didn't know that but People Really Do B Fucked Up Abt Beeduo) AND applies to his character is a revocation of consent to examining deep intimacies:tm: with his character, which is gonna apply regardless of the nature of that intimacy (even if nonromantic)

Like I don't /r c!beeduo myself, do not, never have, but I talk to people who have and have consumed content where they r background /r; I also don't think it matters. Like I don't Actively /r it and I don't Actively Not /r it because imho w/ the intimacy regarding c!beeduo that is plot relevant and character important whether that intimacy is /p /qp or /r doesn't really matter. I don't consider myself Less of a c!beeduo shipper than someone who /rs them because that would be dumb as hell and while none of the content I've made* is Intrinsically or Intentionally /r it certainly can be read tht way as much as it can be read /qp or /p. It's be dumb and hypocritical of me to like, dunk on ppl for /r-ing c!beeduo when I'm also invested in these two and my tonetags r not gonna suddenly Delete the picking apart I've done of the dynamic @ hand

Which Has Been. Within Bounds Of Canon. It's been what's been shown (sometimes to my great distress. There is a reason that the :canon_beeduo: emote looks the way it does) Directly Onscreen and in general keeping with the tone n intensity/directions of what they've Done With The Characters

HOWEVER

As mentioned up there. Revocation of consent

It makes. Full sense 2 me that Mr Live wants to place a moratorium or fullon ban on shipping his characters perhaps where he wouldn't have before because of the Unfortunately Very Extant trends of people being Fucking Weird about shipping his characters AND of using them as a Thinly Veiled Excuse to ship HIM, which. I should not have to explain why shipping real people is fucking abhorrent

THIS creates a problem which is a. Bit of a vacuum in interacting with what is a facet of c!Ranboo's arc, decision making, and character. Like you CAN have c!Ranboo w/o cbeeduo but you Can't Really have his plotline without examining c!beeduo. And as I mentioned earlier: even if your examination of c!beeduo is fully platonic, the significance of it To the plotline means that any examination of it and its relevance to the plotline and characters IS gonna be an examination of intimacy, which. Regardless of it's platonic, Is Still Shipping

Unless some HARD retconning happens it leaves this like. Hole in an aspect of c!Ranboo's arc and decisionmaking and it's very. Uncertain? God. Fucking months ago I was already kind of :huh. Does he know what the fuck he's doing: irt c!beeduo and desperately wishing for things to be cleared up and now it's only That Much Stronger

NOW. KNIFETRICK, FINALLY

Knifetrick (or, as it’s actually listed, Bishop’s Knife Trick) is a fic about "Ran and Jackie from The Pit TFTSMP" in a "canon-typical ambiguously romantic relationship." As you can tell from the scare quotes, especially if you've seen me vague, both of these are, to put it politely, Doubtful. I've read the fic; I will not be sharing my opinions because that would be neither productive nor responsible (I will just say I can't recommend it and leave it at that) but I WILL say the following that Is relevant to the conversation:

Ran's and Jackie's characterizations respectively have very little to do with characterizations from The Pit, and bear a dollar-store-version resemblance to tropes and personality motifs found in ESPECIALLY fanon c!beeduo, especially later in the fic. I would not go so far as to say they are Intentionally Literally Ranboo and Tubbo but they are transparent expies and were clearly written at LEAST unintentionally w/ c!beeduo in mind (esp since. Ran and Jackie barely interacted in The Pit), and for a readerbase that, as far as I can tell, is HUGELY dominated by /r c!beeduo shippers. Like. Sorry. This is off-brand c!beeduo.

The dynamic between the two is pretty unambiguously romantic, also; despite what the fic's white knights claim, romantic tropes and implications/motifs/imagery from at LEAST chapter two, and is very much explicitly romantic by the most recent chapter.

FROM CH1:

"And now, with raised eyebrows and a pursed lip, the newly named General Jackie observes Ran in such a way that makes the enderman’s skin crawl. Ran reminds himself that this kid, as short and harmless as he may look, is trained to kill. [...] Jackie narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, as if he’s trying to read in between every one of Ran’s imperfect scales."

FROM CH2:

"It makes Ran’s skin itch with discomfort. [...] 'That actually doesn’t explain much of anything at all,' complains Jackie, and he pops a few croutons into his mouth with one hand. 'Tell me what you’re thinking, pretty-boy.'

"Ran feels his face flush, no doubt mildly glowing green.

"Yes, that was the other thing. The unnecessary compliments to his physical appearance.

"They don’t happen very often, and don’t seem to have very much meaning or intention behind them— Jackie often speaks like an unthinking kid— but when they do happen… they’re embarrassing. [...] It’s annoying how the rug is pulled out from under his feet in these moments when he’s 'embarrassed'. Like the conversation see-saw has temporarily shifted weight in the general’s favor."

I am not going to include excerpts from Chapter 6 because it's just the entire chapter.

I WILL SAY, HOWEVER, STEPPING ON THIS SCORPION BEFORE IT STINGS: they are not written in an RPFy manner and I don't think there's any grounds, including Vibes, of accusing Knifetrick of being like. Closet truthing or whatever. Also, while I think there's certainly Some Weirdness ESPECIALLY around the reaction, the romance itself is Not written in any way I'd call weird or problematic pre-clip; it's nothing inappropriate or like Weirdly Fetishy or whatever. Knifetrick is not #problematic or anything and I don't have beef with like the concept of liking it intrinsically; if I thought it was like. Abhorrent I wouldn't be sharing excerpts lmao dhjfnhdsbvdnfjh. Hence: if anyone uses this post or anyth like it to send harassment or bad faith ANYTHING to anyone involved with Knifetrick I will hunt you down in the fucking night even if it WAS #problematic that'd be the LITERAL OPPOSITE of productive and as it stands it's Literally Not. Essentially: Knifetrick is a (questionably-written /mean) fic using Ran and Jackie from The Pit as a vessel for a large chunk of the dynamics and headcanons of fanon /r c!beeduo in particular

And again, I would not call it problematic in any way (aside from the disingenuity of the insistence that it's TOTALLY UNRELATED TO BEEDUO and TOOOTALLY WASN'T INTENDED TO BE ROMANTIC GUYS like own your shit please)... IF it weren't for the advent of The Clip, which is calling in2 question the Entirety of the problem of /r-ing any variant of c!beeduo or any of Ranboo's characters at all

I really do not have an answer for this tbh. I genuinely wanna hear from the streamer on this more specifically because I like,,, I got no clue where 2 go from here? Do I just consider an arc retconned? Was it an issue of speaking abt a troubling subject kneejerk wise and I'm reading too much in2 it?

I just. I dunno

Tl;dr (AT LONG LAST)

- The Clip is a clip of a Discord stage where Ranboo (streamer) loudly explicitly decried shipping in a way that implicitly applies to characters he plays - This would be all well and good but is rendered complicated by the plot relevance of c!beeduo, which does not stop being shipping if it's /p'd due to it still necessarily being an examination of a particular intimacy in a way that is in canon hard to distinguish the /p, /qp, or /r nature of - Bishop's Knife Trick is an AO3 fic centered around using TFTSMP characters as /r c!beeduo expies which is not a bad thing in and of itself unless it also is covered under this moratorium - Things remain unclear until and unless we get clearer word from streamer, but considering Mr Live seems to be allergic to clarifying anything abt c!beeduo this is doubtful

*very little if any of the content I personally have made 4 c!beeduo has been posted publicly, for related reasons. You May have seen it if you're in servers w/ me, depending on Which Ones

[marlborodean]

here’s my analysis of a 14-yr-old supernatural episode

so remember that episode where sam fucked a werewolf? because he related to her unwilling monstrosity? well that episode is actually just about dean starting to come to grips with his childhood and his sexuality.

if you ship w/ncest do not interact. this post is not anti-sam either btw. 

content warning: discussions of childhood trauma, internalized homophobia, guns, killing. 

does include some images with Image Descriptions following them.

[ID: An over-the-shoulder close-up shot from the episode, focused on Madison, the werewolf, as she cries. Dean is standing behind her. They are both looking at Sam, whose shoulder is on the edge of the frame. End ID.]

Brief episode recap just in case u don’t remember. This ep is 2x17 “Heart.” Sam and Dean are hunting a werewolf. They discover that the woman they interviewed, Madison, is a werewolf (not THEE werewolf, but one of them). Sam develops a lil crush on her <3 I wrote the majority of this after watching it for the first time in almost SIX years, so i was just vibing the whole time UNTIL the last shot changed it all for me. So let me explain!

Three important points that i will refer back to:

1. The episode begins with Dean being excited to hunt a werewolf because "what about a human by day, a freak animal killing machine by moonlight don't you understand? I mean, werewolves are badass. We haven't seen one since we were kids."

2. Then the episode centers on Sam and his relationship with the werewolf woman and his own monstrosity: "[Dean: Sam, she's a monster and you're feeling sorry for her?] Maybe I understand her."

3. BUT THEN the last shot of the episode is of Dean crying as music plays (see below for the specific lyrics) and then Dean jumps at the sound of the gunshot. That's it! That's the end of the episode!

[ID: For all three screencaps, Dean is looking torturously sad. Each one is zoomed a little bit closer to his face than the last. In the last image, Dean sheds a single man tear. The captioned lyrics for the first one say "Relax, child, you were there." The second says "but only didn't realize" and the third says "and you were scared." End ID]

Even though the story is supposed to be about Sam and his monstrosity, and partly about his relationship w/romance since this is the first person he’s slept with since Jess died (at least with what is shown on screen)...the Dean Sandwich tells us otherwise. We're supposed to be taking away something about DEAN here. Like, that's the whole purpose behind the last shot focusing solely on Dean instead of Sam who is AT THAT MOMENT, KILLING THE GIRL HE HAS FEELINGS FOR. It's literally a heartbreaking, devastating, super traumatic thing for Sam to be going through, but instead we're watching Dean as a single tear slides down his face lmao. It's because this episode is about DEAN, and furthering his story.

Let’s not queer this just yet. The death of the werewolf is about/representing his loss of innocence. It's a violent disconnect from his childhood. Point # 1 shows that he is fascinated by werewolves because since he was a kid he thought they were badass, not to mention all the werewolf films he references throughout. Then, through the music lyrics over that last scene, they mirror that theme of childhood. They’ve done this before, having the diegetic music directly reference what the characters are going through. No different here: Dean is the child they’re referring to.

I have to reiterate that that's the last thing we hear before the gunshot cuts the music short and then the cut to black. "You were scared" is the last thing we hear before the gunshot, as Dean cries. ALSO I have to reiterate that Dean was looking forward to killing a werewolf and shooting it himself. So it's super fascinating that, not only is Sam the one that kills the werewolf, WE DON’T EVEN SEE IT HAPPEN.

[ID: A medium-close shot of Dean as he looks at Sam, who takes up the right half of the frame. The caption says, “Sammy, I got this one. I’ll do it.” End ID.]

Am i gonna have to say this now? The werewolf is a metaphor, okay? It's a metaphor for his innocence, which is long-dead, forever doomed. I mean, a lot of kids love werewolves because they ARE badass! It's a classic monster that anyone could easily obsess over, and with Dean's childhood it must've seemed even cooler, knowing they're real and having the power to kill this "mythical" beast. So the way he's looking forward to killing one is the way a child imagines themselves as a hero.

But what happens instead is a tragic mercy killing. It's flipping his fantasy completely on its head, and it makes Dean realize that.....his fantasies are just fantasies. They aren't real, never would be. There's nothing heroic about killing this werewolf. It's tragic as hell. When he offers to kill her himself, it's just to relieve Sam's burden, but he's reluctant still. Because, as he keeps saying, he doesn't want to be a hunter! He doesn't want this life! He's tired of killing! And that's also what he's mourning as he cries and startles at the gunshot. His fantasies will never be real and his childhood could never have been normal and he never got a chance to be a kid because being a hunter was thrust on him at such a young age. And now it feels inescapable.

[ID: A gif of the slow zoom on Dean’s face as the single tears slips down his cheek. He jumps at the gunshot, then blinks and his lip wobbles. End ID.]

So now we can queer it :-) Of course all monster stories can be easily queered, but werewolves are popularly queered. The first example that comes to mind is An American Werewolf in London (1981) isn’t an overtly queer film (though it is Jewish!) but it’s definitely read that way by a lot of people!! Anyway the film was directed by John Landis which JUST SO HAPPENS to be the pseudonym Dean goes by in this episode. hmm. (Also, interestingly, the BTVS ep where the first gay character comes out references this film too)

[ID: Sam and Dean are standing close to each other. Sam is in the foreground, not in focus. Dean, behind him, says, “Landis. And Detective Dante.” End ID.]

There’s this essay about the queer werewolf that you can read here (and they also talk about fandom in it! very fascinating), where they say in the intro: “the werewolf seems an obvious choice as a queer monster with its identity-disrupting hybridity, as well as its atavistic, and, thus, disallowable sexuality.” A lot like Kristeva’s theory of the abject body! which is popular in queer theory. 

This episode is then queering Sam—his attraction to the werewolf makes him abject—but it also queers Dean thru the way his attitude towards the werewolf transforms (get it?) throughout the ep. His desire and eagerness to kill the werewolves is obviously ingrained in him from John’s parenting. Consider what he said in 2x03 “Bloodlust”: “And the way he raised us, to hate those things—and man, I hate them, I do.” In conjunction with the monsters in the show being seen as queer allegories (the gorgon, as an example of an explicit comparison), Dean’s excitement to kill the werewolf can be read as internalized homophobia and repressing any of his own feelings. 

Remember, though, right before that line in “Bloodlust,” he also said, “What if we killed things that didn’t deserve killing?” He’s really beginning to question whether all monsters are bad, and what it means to kill them. Is he also questioning what he believes of queer people? What John believed of queer people? The loss of innocence and queering both slot together through that final shot, imo: he’s crying because he realizes his fantasies aren’t real, but he’s also mourning the fact that he never could have had the chance to grow up without John’s control, and now it’s forever tainted his worldview. What else could he have been without that? (The answer is evident in 4x17 “It’s a Terrible Life.”)

Dean was taught to hate queer people but he doesn't want to. He wants to get out of the life but it feels inescapable. He wants to kill a werewolf and then when he has the chance, he doesn't want to. He actually cries as it's killed. It scares him, having to confront that what he thought he knew was wrong, but he knows all the same that he’ll never have the chance to have grown up without that.