#not 100% satisfied with it but i couldn't think of something better

[kyosehaiji]

cursedinumaki » sweetestvi

[yuckiemouth]

Ugh I miss u sex with Riki bro like him coming home from tour I’m frustrated

“I Missed You So Much”

“did you think of me every-time you masturbated in your dorm?”

After their ‘WALK THE LINE’ tour, ENHYPEN finally got the chance to fly overseas to reunite with their friends and family. Although the experience was exhausting yet enjoyable for all seven members, they could finally relax—at least until they navigate through the throngs of enthusiastic fans and paparazzi. The pushing, shoving, screams, and tears were finally behind them as they settled into their first-class seats—something they could now afford, escaping the usual chaos of being followed even in the air. Riki sat at the very back by the window, headphones over his ears, resting his head on a neck pillow as he settled in for some much-needed rest. A soft ding interrupted his music. Riki glanced down, picking up his phone from his lap. A message from Y/N, his secret girlfriend back in Japan, lit up the screen. It read: “I can’t wait to see u ❤️.”

A warm smile spread across Riki's face as he read Y/N's sweet text. He quickly typed out a reply, "Me too, baby. Can't wait to hold you again." His thumbs hovered over the send button, but then he hesitated. Better not risk getting caught by the others, especially Jake who always seemed to snoop around his phone. Riki deleted the message and replaced it with a more innocent one: "Miss you already! See you soon!" Satisfied, he hit send before putting his phone away and sinking deeper into his seat, letting the gentle hum of the plane lull him towards sleep once more.

His phone dinged again and Riki’s 100% sure Jake would’ve twisted his head and asked “who’s texting you so much?”, but luckily he was slumped next to the seats beside him with his mouth agape. Riki chuckled before snapping a pic, preparing to use it for blackmail. He quickly checked Y/N’s message and it read: view picture. He dubiously viewed the picture and he inaudibly gasped. Y/N’s shirt was lifted with her perky titties in frame with the letters blocking her nipples like a tease. “I really need you.” Riki felt a stirring in his loins as he gazed at the provocative photo, his eyes lingering on Y/N's tantalizing cleavage. He bit his lip, trying to stifle a moan. Damn, she knew just how to make him ache for her. He couldn't wait to get his hands on those perfect tits again, to taste her skin and hear her breathy pleas for more.

With a smirk, Riki typed out a response, keeping his words light and playful to avoid arousing suspicion. "Mmm, I really do need you too, baby. But we have a few hours till we land. Why don't you play with yourself while thinking about me?" He attached another sultry selfie of himself lounging comfortably, his bulge barely concealed beneath his pants. "Get me hard for our reunion." Riki let out a low chuckle, his fingers tapping against the armrest of his chair in anticipation. His mind wandered to their last encounter, the way she'd writhed beneath him, crying out his name as he pounded into her tight little pussy. The memory alone was enough to make his cock twitch inside his pants. With a sigh, he decided to drift off with that thought.

.

.

.

As Riki approached Y/N's apartment building, a sense of relief washed over him. Being surrounded by his loving family had been wonderful, but there was no denying that he craved the intimacy and passion he shared with Y/N. He quickened his pace, his heart racing with anticipation as he climbed the stairs to her door. Taking a deep breath, Riki knocked softly, hoping she wouldn't keep him waiting. When the door swung open, he was greeted by Y/N's radiant smile, her eyes sparkling with adoration. Without a word, Riki pulled her into his arms, claiming her lips in a searing kiss filled with pent-up desire. He needed her, wanted her, and nothing else mattered in that moment. Riki shoved her back into the apartment with the wet kiss, pushing the door back close with a soft kick.

Riki's hands roamed over Y/N's curves as he backed her against the wall, breaking the kiss only to trail hot, open-mouthed kisses along her jawline and down the column of her throat. He nipped and sucked at her sensitive skin, leaving a path of love bites in his wake. "Missed you so fucking much," Riki growled against her ear, his voice husky with lust. He ground his hips against hers, the hardness of his arousal pressing insistently against her belly. "Need to be inside you, Y/N. Now." Without waiting for a response, Riki scooped her up into his strong arms, carrying her towards the bedroom as he devoured her mouth once more. The world outside faded away, leaving only the two of them lost in their desperate hunger for each other. Riki laid Y/N gently on the bed, his hands roaming her body as he kissed a fiery trail down her chest. He paused to worship her breasts, sucking and nibbling at her pert nipples until they pebbled under his attention. Y/N arched into him, her fingers tangling in his hair as she gasped and whimpered with pleasure.

"Please, Riki," she panted, her hips bucking upwards in search of friction. "I'm so wet for you. Fill me up, baby." He grinned against her skin, his cock throbbing with need. He slid down her body, kissing and licking a path to her dripping core. "Oh, I plan to," he murmured, burying his face between her thighs and inhaling deeply. "Fuck, you smell incredible." He left one last kiss on her inner thigh before adjusting himself between her thighs.

His rigid erection brushing against her slick folds. He looked up at her, his dark eyes smoldering with raw desire. "Fuck, I’ve missed you, Y/N," he urged, his voice thick with lust. "Hmm, this wet pussy," Y/N's breath hitched, her gaze locked onto Riki's as she reached down to guide him to her entrance. "I want you to fuck me hard," she whispered, her voice trembling with need. "Make me scream your name until my throat is raw." Riki groaned, his control slipping at her bold demand. With a swift thrust, he buried himself to the hilt inside her, stretching her walls deliciously around his thickness. "Oh, fuck yes," his eyes rolled as he began thrusting into her tightness. Her mouth falls agape with desperate pleas escaping her short breath. “Uh huh, yeah, fuck me harder,” she nodded, encouraging him to go faster.

Riki gripped Y/N's hips tightly, pounding into her with reckless abandon as he chased his impending release. Her inner walls clenched around him, milking his cock with every thrust. The sound of skin slapping against skin and their ragged breathing filled the room, creating a primal symphony of lust. "You're so damn tight," Riki grunted, sweat beading on his forehead as he drove deeper. "Take all of me, baby. Every inch." Y/N's cries grew louder, her nails digging into his arms as she teetered on the edge. "Riki! Oh god, Riki!" she wailed, her body tensing beneath him. With one final, brutal stroke, Riki felt Y/N convulse around him, her orgasm crashing over her in waves.

Riki's climax hit him like a freight train, his vision blurring as he spilled himself deep within Y/N's spasming heat. He collapsed on top of her, his heavy breaths mingling with hers as they both rode out the aftershocks. He rolled off her, pulling her close as they lay entwined in the aftermath of their passionate encounter. Riki pressed a soft kiss to her temple, feeling content and sated in a way that only Y/N could provide.

[navillee]

I need to talk about sub Sylus. I got the mental NEED to go against the grain and spread the word, so here I am.

All lads' men can be subs. You guys aren't seeing it cause you vision what a sub should be is restricted.

Sub Sylus 𓅨

an Introduction

Sylus has so much potential as a sub and you all are committing the nastiest sin for ignoring that possibility;

I'm gonna say that once: all that facade he proudly polished being the Onychinus leader is just to hide the fact that he's a finsub. And probably a SAM too;

Let me elaborate to the people who also knew he was into something but couldn't figure it out. Sylus doesn't fit what most people consider the standard for a submissive men is, but that doesn't mean that he's automatically a dom, or that the things making Sylus eyes spark – quite literally – are approaches reserved to doms only;

First of all, it is clear he's a finsub. Finsub is a shortcut to 'financial sub', and the term explains itself. I'm 100% sure that as soon as you enter the N109 zone, he was already requesting a credit card for your use exclusively. It didn't get delivered in time. That's why he landed his at the protocore auction;

"5 million. You offer will make people think I'm broke. Wouldn't want that, sweetie." That line alone explains everything, on top of he only sounding satisfied when you bought every protocore there;

He loves showing off to others how healthy he is and how no other but him is suitable to spoil his dom miss hunter;

Did you ever notice he's always spoiling you? Dresses, high-quality protocore-based weapons, week dates to expensive and exclusive restaurants, jewelry, even a private fireworks show. Luke and Kieran are always running down to Linkon to deliver you something new in the middle of the week because Sylus can't wait the entire week. He never can;

Sylus gets off watching his bank account movement as you spend his money. As higher the spent, better his orgasm;

You can spend all you want, but he made sure to request that every time you wish to buy a new set o lingerie, he could give his humble opinion on it;

On top of that, he always gives you hints about what he wants you to use on him. That's why you had to stop opening your message app on the hunter's association computer browser: Sylus can send you links to a new sex toy any time during the day. As I told you before, he can never wait properly;

"They made an exclusive high-quality leather collar craved in rubies." *sends the link of the N109 zone's craftsman* "Wouldn't that match my eyes, mistress hunter?"

It's a matter of three days wait to receive the said collar at your apartment's door. That's Sylus way to make you visit his mansion;

And THATS when his other side bloom. The SAM sub side. 'SAM' is also a shortcut that stands for a combination from "pain slut" and a brat. Sylus is both;

I mean, come on, he made you shoot him, and since the evol resonance failed, he acted like a desperate brat. When he noticed that his behavior was making you dislike him, Sylus noticed that it was better to show his freaky side little by little, to not scare his darling away from him;

But he couldn't even if he wanted to. You two are attached to levels that neither of you can actually understand. He knows that, and he wants to explore his desires with you because they're made to suit yours. He knows that deep inside, you want to devour him as much as he wants to feel the pain;

Is that threatening feeling that makes his eyes sparkle in blood red. That's why there's this push-pull dynamic happening with him. It's because he's desperately trying to bring out your dom side;

That's when the second name he refers about you appears. "Miss hunter," "mistress hunter," is just the surface level of Sylus as a sub;

It's when "ma'am" slips out his mouth that you know you have this man on your hands. And "ma'am" isn't "mommy." There's a substantial difference between them. That's why every sub is different;

As an example, let's use another lads man as an example: Rafayel. Rafayel is the type of sub that refers to you as "mommy." From his behavior to his tone of voice, his "mommy's" melodic calls are a meeting awaited for centuries, it's a sign of obedience, an eager plea for guidance to a comfort place where he doesn't have to worry anymore;

Sylus "ma'ams" are pleas for destruction. He wants more, and he wants harder;

"Yes ma'am. Can you do it harder? Fuck! I need it harder!"

You're entropy to his universe. As you two reach the chaos together in a complex dance of testing the others' nerves, more alive he feels.

He teases, and he teases way too much. You should always keep attention to his body signs cause he's reckless when there's a collar around his neck. When he watches the rubies of his now favorite collar shining on the mirror, all he wants is to you to break him;

Put a pretty gag on his convinced smile. He doesn't want praises, so when he starts drooling slut him out. Watch Sylus getting hard with your condescending tone. He will keep mumbling back cause he wants more;

Force him on his knees, kick his legs spread apart, and pull his hair back. The face of eagerness approval he will give you is gonna be priceless;

Slap his skin, face with your hands, thighs, and ass with the so commented good leather toys he bought. Do that every time he shows himself unable to keep his damm hands on the handcuffs;

Rip his skin with your nails. It isn't like he gives you other options. When Sylus notices you're scratching him, he will find a way to piss you off. "I thought your nails are sharper than that," "a kitten can't scratch it like tiger after all, shouldn't put my expectations too high." Watch him hiss and arch as you paint his torso with thin red fillets of his ripped sensitive skin;

I think he's also okay with spit, especially on his mouth;

He is large and tough. He can take anything, and I mean ANYTHING you give it to him;

Shove a vibrator right on prostate and keep pumping his cock, test him to see how much he can handle until he breaks;

Because when he, in fact, breaks, there's nothing left but a dumb slut that can only mumble unconnected words – swearing disconnected sentences in its great majority;

When you finish with him, he will be a mess, head too cloudy to think as you take care of his bruises;

Isn't it like you could prevent him from walking around with little to no fabric on his torso inside the house. He's definitely an exhibitionist. Those are bruises worthy to show of, anyway, he likes seeing himself in the mirror with them, it feels right;

As he watch them fade away, it is just a matter of time for him until he starts to get on your nerves again, to make your obscene art on his skin and on his mind.

[gyusimp]

Please a Kenji sato x American shy!reader meets Kenji dad for the first time. Just fluff, I couldn’t read Spanish even I’m Latin

°•𝑴𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑲𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒊❜𝒔 𝑫𝒂𝒅

Ok, this would most likely take place after the events of the movie since that's when our boy is finally able to get along better with his dad. It was so fun and cute to write, tysm for the request! 💖

Right now you're in your room in front of the full length mirror wearing only jeans as you take two of your favorite blouses in your hands, exchanging them in your reflection playing with the hangers without deciding which one you're going to wear.

"Which one do you think looks better on me?" You said almost desperately, looking at Kenji sitting on your bed behind you.

"I don't know, I like them both. Pick the one that makes you feel more comfortable." His answer didn't help you much.

"Damn it" you said tiredly, more to yourself. You had been trying on clothes from your closet for almost 30 minutes and you couldn't be 100% convinced of what outfit to wear. "Everything has to be perfect today! Even a bad choice in clothes could ruin me!" You said to your boyfriend dramatically. On one side you had a button-down shirt in a soft shade of your favorite color and on the other, a short but not too short t-shirt, with a not very flashy print, something more casual.

"Come on love, you look cute in whatever you wear. Don't worry." He approached you with slow steps to smile at you after kissing your forehead.

"I'm really nervous," you admitted, a little embarrassed.

"Yes, I've noticed."

"This is very important and I want to look my best, the first impression is the most important!"

"Yes, I know, but dad doesn't pay much attention to those details, believe me." He was trying to reassure you.

This afternoon you would finally meet his father after a few months of a formal relationship with Kenji and as soon as he gave you the news you couldn't think of anything else. You sighed and listened to your boyfriend so you chose the outfit that made you feel most comfortable. Combined with accessories and shoes of a similar color you felt more convinced when you looked in the mirror. It took you forever to get ready but after being more satisfied with your appearance you told Kenji that you were ready.

Both of you went to his house on his motorcycle, you walked back and forth talking to Mina and Ken to distract yourself while the time came. You thought there was a lot of time left but when you heard Kenji's doorbell your heart almost stopped.

"The professor has arrived." Mina confirmed.

You barely heard what Kenji said as he held your hands and kissed your cheek before turning to open the door and greet his father. You stood in your spot and decided to smile pleasantly as soon as the short man looked at you. "Wow, so this cute young lady is the one you've been telling me so much about, right Kenji?" He asked, adjusting his glasses with a smile.

"That's right. Dad, she's my girlfriend." Kenji said, introducing you by telling his father your name, who excitedly took your hands in greeting.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Sato," you said smiling, praying that your father-in-law wouldn't notice how much you were shaking from nerves.

"Same here, dear. I see that Kenji is very lucky, he keeps talking wonders about you ever since he met you."

"Dad..." a blush formed on Ken's face.

"It's nothing bad son. By the way, let's leave the formalities, you're part of our family now so just call me Hayao."

"Okay." You answered with a shy smile.

The afternoon went better than you expected with your father-in-law's visit. Having Kenji by your side at all times made you feel more confident to talk and even ask some questions about Kenji. You even felt more comfortable talking about yourself like what you like to do in your free time, what you do or how you met Kenji and a little about your love story. Mr. Sato knew from his wife that the time in Los Angeles in Kenji's childhood and adolescence had been a bit difficult. Few friends and the pressure of being judged for his origins had greatly hindered his ability to socialize so now seeing him in a stable relationship as an adult made him feel proud of his son.

And as for you, he approved of his relationship with a girl so kind and loving to his son. He knew your intentions were sincere and that your love actually went way beyond just dating a celebrity. "I congratulate you both, you make a very nice couple, you both look like you complement each other." He said, smiling at both of you. "Listen, sometimes things can be hard but always make sure you're there for each other at all times. Kenji, you know what your responsibilities are, but don't let that make you distance yourself from your girlfriend... learn from my mistakes and be a good boy."

"Yes, I take that into account. Thank you very much dad."

After a few hours Mr. Sato had to leave, but he felt much happier to have finally met you in person and not just in the pictures Kenji showed him on his cell phone. He said goodbye to you with a warm hug and told you that he would be looking forward to another day to see you again.

You appreciated his kindness very much and now you could breathe easier after knowing that everything had been a success and your relationship with Kenji had been approved.

"Good job son... I'm sure your mother would have loved her"

"Yes... I think so too. She sometimes has things that remind me of mom, she's amazing"

"She's a good girl, I'm sure of that. Make sure you take care of her and make her happy"

"Of course dad, I'm sure of that"

[fatastical]

I'm sure anyone who has stopped by my page has noticed that I don't post very often. Generally this is because I tend to take long breaks between stuffing sessions. Its hard to live that feedee life 100% of the time but I get it in whenever I can. It has been a minute. I actually got my weight up to 450 around my birthday and I was ecstatic. But I had to slow down because "money" of course and so I've just been biding my time until the next massive stuffing. Luckily for me, thanksgiving happened and it opened up the gluttony flood gates. 

I actually didnt have too much at thanksgiving dinner, I had been cleaning and rearranging furniture and then hosting all day and never had time to pre-indulge the indulgence. But after everyone left I had 2 massive plates and 2 pieces of pie.

Thats hardly a full on stuffing but it definitely sparked my feedee when my belly got a little bloated and rounded out. I knew it was over. I knew right then I would be gorging myself for the next several days now. It became a quest for more food as soon as my stomach had reached the point of just past full. When I had just started to feel like I had eaten "too much," it quickly changed to not nearly enough. I went from somewhat uncomfortable to aggressively horny in a matter of moments. It was ultimately incredibly frustrating because for the next 2 days I was constantly hungry and never satisfied. I just didnt have time to gorge the way I wanted. Luckily on sunday I was able to begin feasting the way I wanted. I filled up on as many leftovers as I could without getting too uncomfortable to work. When I got there a coworker had made soup, and a customer brought in cookies (that I got to take home cause no one wanted em 🤷‍♂️). After work I promptly went to del taco and got 6 chicken tacos that I ate on my way home. And when I got home I ate more thanksgiving leftovers. I was finally beginning to feel big again.

Monday was more ham and turkey (as thats about all that was left) then I ate fries and a grilled cheese at work. But on my way home was where I got more serious. I stopped at burger king and got 2 whopper jrs, a large bacon king meal, a 12 piece mozeralla fries, and 16 nuggets. I was elated. Stuffed to the brim but still wanting and begging for more. 

Tuesday night was even better. I ate the last of the leftovers and repeated my burger king order with an additional 2 whopper jrs. Which the burger king order alone was 4,880 calories. And that doesn't include the leftovers I had eaten previously. I kept snacking on meat and cheese and crackers and then I made breakfast the next morning even though i was still massively stuffed from the night before. 

Then last night (wednesday) we went to Korrean bbq where i ate until I couldnt. I could barely breathe as we walked out of there.

And then I STILL got a double baconator meal, a biggie bag, and a large salted caremel frostie from Wendy's. I went to bed massively stuffed and was still searching for food even though I could barely stand. There were several moments where I "didnt want" to keep eating, but I couldn't help but think to myself "If I had a feeder, what would they do?" And I gently lifted my belly and gave it a good squeeze and softly said "I know there's more room and I know you can do it. Just take another bite and see how you feel." And then I'd take another bite, and then another. Until it was all gone. I finally gave up on trying to find more to eat. Moving was especially hard and its moments like that when I REALLY wish I had someone to push me further.

Now its thursday, I am still significantly "full." My stomach is technically empty but i can feel my expanded girth from my multiple days of stuffing myself. And all I want right now is to keep eating and stretching myself out even further. I need to find something to eat.

[byullielle]

Honey! Are You Coming? // Bang Chan x Idol!Reader

HONEY (ARE U COMING?), Maneskin Chan tells Y/N that he's ready to make their relationship public, but always with a flair for the dramatic, he hesitantly tells her that he wants Dispatch to do the piecing together and just keep heading out with you until a rumor starts.

Tags: Est. Relationship, Humor and Fluff, Idol!Reader, Age Gap (5 years), Paparazzi (Dispatch) Involvement, Slight Angst, Social Media Utilization, Slightly Non-Linear

Disclaimer: this is my dissertation on idols dating. sasaeng contact also appears in this. MINORS DNI.

a/n: i know the song has barely reached a week of release but come on, the song is perfect. might be revealing my maneskin addiction but its a bangin song sue me.

“Baby,” Chan places his chin atop your thigh as you hum and look away from your phone down in his direction. He looked so cute, a cat headband ready in your solo apartment now adorning his head, matching yours. His eyes are tantalizing, shiny, and absolutely filled with genius and love before he smiles, “I have something to tell you, a suggestion actually,” 

There goes the mischief.

You raise a brow, now suddenly uncertain of the “suggestion” because you know Chan like the back of your hand, there’s a chance it’ll be stupid as shit.

“I think I’m ready to make our relationship public,”

A pindrop of silence blankets upon you as your breath catches on your throat. “Really?” you couldn’t help but squeak out. It was something you’ve talked about 6 months prior, right before Changbin was enlisted and he couldn’t help but turn down your offer regrettably because he thought it would impede on the moving process from dorms to personal apartments. 

You accepted his decision and response wholeheartedly, because you were satisfied with the relationship either way, knowing damn well Jessica and Jack Bahng loved you and you were the other 7 kid’s assigned head noona (despite being younger than the entirety of the 00 line).

It was one of the factors that made you secure in your relationship with Chris but it was getting a bit exhausting to constantly hide behind masks and caps just to visit or hang out with him. It was a bit selfish when it came to intentions but when were you ever selfless when it came to your want for Chan?

So now that him sitting up brings you back down in reality you raise both your brows and move your head back, "Are you sure? I'm not pressuring you or anything," you immediately counter, "I hope this isn't something I pressured you to do Chan, I swear I'm fine with our current situation,"

He chuckles, cupping your face before pulling you in closer and pressing a chaste kiss against your lips. You pout at him before you feel the comforting pressure of his hand on the crown of your head, "I'm 100% sure baby, I promise," he smiles assuringly, pressing your foreheads together, "Everything is in it's place now, we can take this risk now,"

"Okay," you breathe out in relief and close your eyes. "Although," you open them up again to see an absolutely playful look in his eyes. "I have an idea,"

You hum, looking right into his eyes before he detaches his forehead from yours, instead pulling you into his arms pressed to his side like a teddy bear. "What if we give Dispatch a little game, hm?"

You couldn't help but scoff. Of course. Your boyfriend hated being boring and basic, why were you even surprised? "You're suggesting," you lean your head against his shoulder and look up, "That we head out there and wait for a dating rumor to happen?"

"So smart," he scrunches his nose at you which garners a light punch to his chest, "Don't patronize me," you scold, making him laugh a bit more. "But yeah exactly that," he affirms.

"Well you better talk to the managers for that,"

"What?" his manager nearly shoots out of his seat in surprise at the explanation before you turn to give him a 'I told you he'd be mad,' look before being shot back with 'At least your manager seems chill about it,'

You shrug and try not to shake your head too obviously.

"Actually I don't think it's half a bad idea," your manager speaks up and Chan's manager looks at her like she'd grown a second head. She throws her hands up, "I mean think about it, it's past comeback season and your other boys are in the military, they'd forget the heat in 4 months,"

"And if they don't?" Skzji questions with a cocked-up brow before your manager shrugs, "Free clout for the next comeback,"

Chan nods along, a bit impressed about being backed up because when you told her you were dating him she flipped out and you fought for nearly a week until you cried because you thought she was going to resign. Fun times.

Chan's manager seems to try and contemplate the repercussions of doing such thing. "Look at IU and Jisoo, they're doing fairly well now despite the dating revelations," she reasons out, "The fans will create a racket but let's have faith that the public would be a little bit more open-minded about it,"

"Y/N is also at risk," he throws back, "She'll be under more scrutiny compared to Chan because she's a female idol dating another idol, this is barely the same with IU and Jisoo,"

This makes you freeze up. He does have a very tangible and very correct point too—idol-to-idol dating was more delicate, especially given you and Chan's age gap, the fact that you were once co-trainees, and the demand of both you and him on fanbases, it was not the same formula as being or dating an actor.

But all in good faith. Should something backfire you're set for retirement and could simply carry on as a producer. Dating wasn't supposed to be such a locked-down, sure thing, but with your profession, it had to be.

"Are you ready to face that?" your manager looks to you with genuine concern in her eyes as you nod wordlessly. No words had to be said, the day both of you told them that you were dating she already knew every commitment you made to the relationship wasn't half-assed.

Defeated, his manager sighs and flails his hand, "Then go do what you want,"

Chan covers his lips behind his hand but you could almost feel the smile on his face. It was cute as you couldn't help but giddily slot your hands between your thighs along with lips pressed together in a thin line.

"Oh come on! There's no hiding your reactions now, you look like a bunch of schoolgirls!"

"Give them a little bit of a challenge baby, you're making this too easy," you chuckle and roll your eyes before sliding on the mask over your mouth despite Chan's pout and initial protest. "Alright point taken," he quickly concedes and grabs another mask from the glove box, "They'll probably take forever though,"

"It's mid-year, I just hope they don't fucking wait till January 1st to announce something," you sigh before looking at him with creases upturned by the corner of your eyes, "Let's go?"

He nods and you wait by the passenger's seat for him to circle around the car to open your door. He holds his hand out and you slot it through the gaps, intertwining your hands as you get pulled out of the car. He guides you to the streetwalk, hand in hand as both of you try to scan for the tteokbokki place you loved so much.

The owner is nice, an old woman who knows you're dating but doesn't know you're idols—bless her—and she's the reason both of you could go get tteokbokki all lovey-dovey cause she has never tattled so far. You even celebrated your 15th monthsary in this small, kinda run-down shop.

Both of you figured it was a good start to tip off people, after all, you never truly knew who was watching and following.

"Halmonie!" you greet happily while Chan holds the door for you. The only other occupied booth looks your way while the old woman beams and waddles towards you with her walking cane. "Aigoo, aigoo, you're both here! Sit, sit!" she immediately ushers as Chan slots hands with you again before taking a seat at the small stools, your usual booth.

"What shall I get you kids again today? The usual?"

"Sure halmonie, add rose ramyeon for us too please," Chan nods before slipping his mask off. Usually the cap would still obscure his features but all in his curly hair and barefaced glory, you were squealing in delight at how much of a great idea this was. You couldn't help but reach over and pat down a few of Chan's stray curls while he looks at you with utter adoration.

You hum and then sit back down once satisfied, smiling and nodding to yourself before Chan couldn't help but chuckle at your ministrations. "You're cute," he says with a cheek on his palm before you roll your eyes, "No you,"

"Oh?" he raises a brow and before he could retort you could feel something capture the moment. It's always been enhanced the longer you worked in the industry—the feeling of a camera pointing towards you. It was a bit invasive but nonetheless, you send Chan a knowing look before leaning forward, "You think we'd show up on twitter today?"

"Possibly," he whispers back.

"You alright with that? It isn't dispatch,"

"Yeah, but knowing them?" he scoffs and leans back, "They'll get their hands on it in no time,"

You laugh softly and shrug, "Whatever helps them not release it January 1st,"

He looks at you with an amused glint in his gaze, crossing his arms while scanning through your features properly, "You really wanna tell the world ASAP that badly huh,"

"I mean!" you start to defend yourself, a little bit flustered that Chan could read you like an open book, "It'll be fun and all but if they take too long I'm doing it my damn self,"

"4 month cut-off?" he negotiates as you nod, satisfied at the timeline given, "4 months,"

As the night progresses, both of you eat your tteokbokki, fish cakes, ramyeon and kimbap in peace, muddled in either deep or playful discussion.

And unfortunately, you two didn't trend on Twitter that night.

Foregoing masks was one thing, but showing up to the JYP building like you were part of the damn company was another. With your hair tied back, bareface on full display, only your eyes obscured by a black cap, and casual clothes on, it seemed like you were just clocking in on a work day to have a producer's meeting in JYP but fortunately, you were just there to bug your workaholic of a boyfriend.

With a box of vitamins, a takeout bag of soup, and a lunch box, along with a flask filled with water, the security greets you with a smile before handing you a visitor's pass to aid your roaming around the JYP halls. Getting to Chan was mapped out in the frontal terrains of your mind, getting there at record speed while occasionally greeting the staff passing by.

To say that this was a more liberating experience was an understatement.

Usually, Chan would have to schedule your arrival properly so that none of the staff potentially paid off my paparazzi would snitch when they see you but now it was so different because you were going to Channie and he didn't even know it. People look and stare on your way to his studio, sure that it'll definitely get some interns talking but you simply give them polite smiles and curt bows before carrying on.

You finally get to the floor of Chan's studio, humming to yourself before reaching the door and knocking. You press your head slightly to the door, listening for music in case he didn't hear the knock until you see a staff member exit the studio next door. Trying not to mind them, you knock a bit louder, hand heavier on the door before they whip their head at you and furrow their brows.

"Excuse me, are you an intern? You shouldn't be knocking that loudly against Bang Chan-ssi's studio!" she scolds which makes your brows shoot up a bit at the reprimand.

If there was Chan's Room, he'd tell you for sure and you'd already be watching the broadcast. His next formal recording doesn't happen in this studio specifically and last time you recall you've garnered specific rights to interrupt him—girlfriend rights and all.

You couldn't help but sheepishly scoff, "Oh I'm not an intern," you respond, feeling the heat rise up your neck a bit before she starts approaching you with a bit of an annoyed gait to her.

Just in time, Chan opens the door to his studio. "Y/N-ah?!" he greets with ample surprise and thrill in his voice.

"Brought you stuff!" you excitedly hold up the things in your hand as the staff member comes to a halt.

"Chan-ssi, you know this woman?" she questions, accusatory with a finger pointed to you. Chan simply chuckles and gently takes the brim of your cap and slide it off your head with utmost care, "She's my girlfriend Kim-ssi, it's all good," he smiles as she drops her jaw in shock.

In all fairness you DID look like a stalker with the cap on.

"Oh my... I'm terribly sorry," she bows before you laugh and wave your hand to dismiss it, "It's alright. I hope you have a good day," you bid before Chan lets you in the studio. "What do I owe the visit to baby? This is such a surprise!" he beams and gives you a bone crushing hug.

"Well that's the goal!" you giddily hug back, relishing in his warmth and scent. You close your eyes, absolutely enamored by his presence.

"Seems like you needed some boyfriend time, yeah?"

"Nuh-uh, other way around," you jokingly frown and scrunch your brows while pulling away from the hug, "You need girlfriend time," you point at his chest before turning to the food you brought, "And something for your stomach,"

He couldn't help but smile fondly at the array of things laid on his table, "Really, thank you baby, I appreciate it so much,"

"I know," you giggle and reach out for his cheeks, cupping them before pressing a sweet kiss on his lips, slow and relishing, "Now go eat first so that I can kiss you silly,"

"Channie!" you shoot off the couch as he jolts up in shock, taking off his earphones before humming and looking at you with concern-laced eyes. But once he sees the excitement on your face, he smiles and chuckles at the message.

"Well," he huffs in amusement, "Finally some of them decided to move,"

"Wanna go out for a walk?" he suggests.

You hum, entertaining the idea before your eyes flit back to the screen of your computer, the spliced chords only staring back at you in ridicule as you hit a very hard slump.

Without any hint of a lie; the recent Dispatch article did pressure you a bit to work harder on your own group's next comeback because you had to have some sort of fallback from all the backlash you were getting. The hate was still relatively tame, but you knew it was going to double over once the real announcement was made.

So yes, you did want to go out for a walk, but you also wanted to keep your ass planted to your chair. You look to Chan who was patiently waiting for your response, miraculously out of his studio and instead stuck in yours. "I think I'll...pass first Channie I gotta get this down first," you mumble against your frown before facing the equipment once more. "I've been watching you for the past two hours," he sighs and takes both arm rests of the swivel chair, pulling it towards him before gently lifting your chin towards his direction—so that you two were eye to eye.

You found, as the relationship progressed, that both yours and Chan's eyes were so expressive, so vulnerable, and it became a reoccurring habit to just look into them with all intent and you'd find the secrets of the world laid inside. Your world, at east.

"What's bothering you?"

"I..." you hesitate, making you sigh and roll your eyes in self-ridicule, "I guess I'm just bracing myself for the fall, is all," you shrug, "I really wanna do it, I'm just a bit scared that if I don't do good on the next album they'd find another way to dogpile on me once our relationship gets out,"

Chan frowns, moving his hands from your chin to your hands, gently ushering you to stand before he guides your legs up against his' so that you're facing him directly, lips so close you could almost taste the Carmex off it. "I'm not about to tell you that you could call it off because you'd punch me," he jokes a bit before caressing the skin on the lower part of your cheek, "But honey I hope you don't start beating yourself up over this, alright? You aren't alone in this," he reassures, almost begs for you to believe in his words. To believe in him.

And you do. You really, really do.

"You'll always have me by your side. If they dogpile on you then I'll do my best to defend you from that," he presses a slight peck on your lips, "I promise,"

A feeling of warmth radiates in your chest, a small yet genuine smile finally making onto your face. The burden on your shoulder wasn't completely gone and washed off, but the assurance of a safety net, of someone to go home too was definitely helping lighten the load. You wanted to say so much, and none of the words were properly coordinating in your head so instead, you just take his hands and push down.

Your lips slot together, properly this time, while your arms find their way around his neck. You both stay pressed, stay so close while your tongues slip and lock together. The warmth of his lips are heavenly against yours, the velvety feel paired with his slick and delectable tongue—you were hooked.

His hands remain steady on your cheeks, calloused thumb gently running on your jaw before both of you have to break away for air. "Thank you, Channie," you manage to breathlessly state as he chuckles and nods, "Now...for that walk?"

Groaning, you throw your head back in exasperation, his hands now on your back to prevent you from falling out of the cramped chair, "Oh come on," you whine before he chuckles.

"Air would do your brain good baby,"

You gasp in feigned disbelief, "Are you implying my brain isn't functioning?!"

"Exactly," he cheekily smiles, "You wanted to do your best didn't you? Go on a walk with me,"

"Ulterior motives are never gone unnoticed you sly fox," you roll your eyes but ultimately concede and get off the chair, immediately grabbing his jacket which was hanging off from the swivel chair.

"Hey," he scolds with no bite to his tone, an amused smile permanently etched on his face, "That's my jacket,"

"Then freeze," you stick your tongue out, childish and petty before he shakes his head, pulling out the extra hoodie he has brought for yourself and slots his fingers through your's, walking hand in hand as the both of you leave the warm comfort of the studio.

"Y/N-ssi," a voice startles you as you jolt up in shock and see a figure emerge from the shadowy corner of the parking lot. "Who the hell are you," your voice doesn't waver in question, ready to set off the staff-specific alarm that could reach the security headquarters of the company.

"Calm down, miss idol, I'm just a journalist," he raises his hands in surrender as he approaches you, while you take a step back in each step he takes forward. "Stay there," you command. "What do you want?" you speak loudly, the distance between you a bit far but not enough to provide you with peace of mind.

He reaches into his pocket and brings out a few pictures, sliding it towards you making it skid on the floor, landing by your foot as you hesitantly look down not even bothering to pick it up. Your heart races a bit. It was quite the picture, and you aren't sure where the hell it was taken but you knew when. "I suppose you can connect that I know who your speculated male idol "friend" is," he starts to speak as you hold the urge to roll your eyes.

"And what exactly are you going to do with this information?" you challenge, raising a brow at him, "Oh the ususal, make sure all of Korea know that you're dating the one and only Bang Chan," he chuckles, "Imagine the noise that'll make,"

'Bingo,' pops into your head, almost unable to hold back your smile. "Go ahead," you shrug, "Let's see who'll be the villains of their stories," you turn your heel to leave the pictures on the floor, rushing to your car as he stands there very speechlessly, dumbfounded to what just happened.

You had faith in your fans. In STAY. And those who would do otherwise weren't fans of yours, nor of Chan's. It'll all be alright, you keep repeating to yourself.

Right after you get the fuck out of the parking lot. You've got some news to tell Chan.

"What?! Did he hurt you?!" his concerned voice rings through your ears as you sigh and lean your arms against the balcony of your apartment, "I'm fine baby, I promise," you assure him, "In hindsight I knew that was dangerous but I lucked out,"

"Lucked out?! You could've called me! Or anyone!"

"I'm fine now Chan, I promise," you run your fingers through your hair, "Although it seems like our number one concern here is when the news would be released,"

Seemingly taking a moment to recollect his bearings, you patiently wait for his response, "Alright, hit me with it,"

"I think he was about to ask me for money, I told him to go on ahead and release the picture," you nervously gnaw on your lower lip, "Should...should we start telling the company heads?"

"We definitely should baby, this is such crucial information," he says with his "leader voice" as you called it—ever so reliable and ever so stern—"And what's more crucial is the fact that you got into a paparazzi altercation alone,"

"Alright, alright, I'll tell them that too," you groan with slight annoyance. Chan loved to dote on you, was overly protective, and the fact that he had a point wasn't sitting well with you given your already prominent anxieties. "I'm not trying to nag! I'm just concerned over the welfare and safety of my girlfriend is that so much to see to?"

"Of course not," your pitch goes a bit higher, a bit whiny. "Of course not, I know you aren't trying to nag," you reiterate a little bit softly now, not wanting to fight with Chan over this.

It seems to placate him too, "Okay, I'll let it go for now too. What matters is that you're safe," he matches your soft tone, "But for the love of god don't ever do that again,"

"Yes, Christopher, I won't," you promise, no ounce of sarcasm or spite in your tone.

"Are you worried?" he asks. And you take a moment to answer. "Yes..."

"Okay. Okay, I'll be right there after my schedules," he in turn also promises, a sigh of relief escaping you because you were starting to get jittery over everything, "I'll have to go. I'll see you later baby,"

"Bye babe," you bid, "I love you,"

"I love you too, my baby,"

"Something tells me you wanted to do it to terrorize Dispatch," you chuck your phone to the side and smile at Chan who simply shrugs his shoulder with a sly smile, "Maybe they'd hate to have us after all,"

"I highly doubt they'd leave us alone," you crawl up the bed and plop yourself down on top of his body, garnering a grunt from the man. "They never really did, haven't they,"

"More on you, less on me baby," he presses his lips together before looking down at you, "Which in itself, is regrettable,"

"You get used to it," you hum and close your eyes, relishing in the warmth of his bare torso, "Thank you, Chris," you start as he hums and starts running his fingers through your hair. "Whatever for baby?"

"Everything," you simply state, opening your eyes again only to see the most sickening, fondest look from Chan. You could feel yourself getting emotional, heartstrings tugged and torn off your chest as the lump in your throat grow heavier. And suddenly you're crying.

"Y/N?" Chan worriedly sits up and wipes off your tears before pressing you further into his body, head cradled in his hand while he soothingly rubs your shoulder on the other, "What's wrong my love why are you crying?" he panics before you let out a wet chuckle, "I'm sorry, I just got...I dunno," you wipe your tears away with a slight feeling of sheepishness in your veins. "I guess I got too happy, like the anxiety from the past 3 months are just starting to go away," you explain to him as a relieved breath escapes him.

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Very," you look up at him with teary and shiny eyes, hoping that all the love threatening to burst at the seams inside you would translate to how you look. And you have a feeling that it does because he gently raises your jaw towards him and presses a tender kiss on your lips, immediately slipping his tongue for entrance as you gladly let him in.

It's short, curt, yet continuous kisses. Departing every half a second only to dive back down, deliciously loving and sweet as both of your breathings fall in sync against the silence of his room, orange and yellow hues from his lights dancing around dimly. It wasn't as magical, but it was comforting, and it was home.

"I love you so much Y/N," he proclaims in a whisper against your lips, like a secret vow as you hum and give him another short peck. "I love you most, Christopher,"

"Nuh-uh,"

"Fuck you mean nuh-uh," you laugh before leaning your head against his shoulder, a sigh of relief and decompression punched out of you. "Comeback season would be so different now,"

"Mhm," he keeps his gentle touches on your shoulder going, rubbing lightly, "The questions about you that I'd love to answer," he grins to himself making you giggle like a giddy school girl.

You both knew there were more of the invasive and inappropriate questions but hey, being an idol is fun when the people around you aren't assholes. Just like a normal 9 to 5.

"Oh the birthday stories I've been waiting to post," you tease, holding up his stash of less flattering pictures over his head as he rolls his eyes, "Oh two can play,"

"I'm photogenic I slay every angle," you retort. "You didn't date me for nothing,"

"Ah boo," he lazily responds before turning to you, "By the way, what if like, magazine outlets start to contact us?"

"Maybe let's wait another year to do activities together," you suggest, "More suspenseful that way,"

"True,"

You prop your hand up his chest and lay on your stomach, facing him, "But If you had to choose which outlet, what would it be?"

"The Korea Herald," he replies before you snort out a laugh, "I guess the Chan is 5 years older, here's what it does to their relationship articles aren't wrong,"

Looking at you scandalized he pinches your side making you let out a yelp. "I'm not that old! I'm just saying it's more reliable than Dispatch!"

"Sure old man," you roll your eyes at him, "I'd wanna do one with Bazaar,"

"With the photoshoot and everything?"

"Hey it isn't so bad to shoot high for power couple status,"

"Are you implying we aren't a power couple now?"

The cameras flash against your eyes as you flinch a bit, about to put a hand over your eyes but Chan beats you to it, one hand over your shades and another on the brim of his cap. The reporters are shouting their questions at you, a little bit overwhelming and deafening but sure as hell your guards are letting them get a little too close.

"Suyin-ah! Does it bother you that Bang Chan is 5 years older?"

"Suyin-ah, if you've been dating for long aren't you guys tired?"

"Bang Chan-ah, out of all the pretty girls in your company why go for LLCE?"

"Bang Chan! Was Baby written for Suyin-ah?"

All invasive, nothing ever good. A grunt escapes you as Chan holds you closer looking down at you in concern while the guards try to make way for the both of you, "You alright there?"

"Never been better," you grimace with sarcasm before hearing a question that piques your interest, partly moving away from Chan to seek out the person who threw that question. "Suyin-ah, don't you think dating as a K-Pop idol is hopeless?"

You reach out, one of the security personnel doing you a favor to hand you the small mic of the journalist before pressing it near to your face, "I don't think so. Because at the end of the day Chan and I love our fans just the same, sharing our personal lives won't change that," you reason out, "Both of us would still continue to make music for our fans and cherish them all," you answer, short and profound before you could hear Chan's voice call out to you, finally able to form a path towards your building.

"Honey! Are you coming?" he shouts through the shouting crowds of reporters. You immediately step back, hurriedly heading to his direction, slipping your hands together before walking into the company hand in hand.

"What'd you say?" he questions once the glass doors close. You strip off your mask and beam up at him cheekily, "You'll see,"

i took the liberty of giving Y/N a stage name for the sake of making the tweets a bit more comprehensive. Suyin is derived from S/N, which is stage name. i just added a few more letters to it.

[olderthannetfic]

I know the response to this will be "WRITE FOR YOURSELF!!!1!" but when I look at things I worked really hard to write that have zero comments and the things I threw out there on a whim that actually appear to have made people happy, I feel so much less motivated to write the former. I know I'm supposed to be "doing it for myself" but I don't know what that means. It feels like those 90's movies saying "be yourself" or my therapist saying "be authentic". It's a nice enough sounding thing, but what does it mean? Does it mean writing in obscurity is more pure or more artsy? Is it supposed to be more moral and demonstrate integrity?

There's an agreement in fandom that writing for others is bad. It's impure. It's selfish. But no one has really ever explained why. Nor am I getting much out of writing a story that means a lot to me and getting dead silence in response. I like entertaining others and making them smile.

I can practically feel the, "uh, back in my day fic was hosted on a server and we didn't see hit counts let alone get comments and we were happy with it because we weren't whiny and in need of validation like Gen Z!!!1!" people gearing up to yell in the replies that they're good writers who don't care about comments. That's great for them, and I mean that sincerely. But equally sincerely, how are you supposed to maintain passion for something no one else is interested in? I've been told it's better to get validation via hit counts or bookmarks but numbers don't really do anything for me. Someone saying, "I loved this! Can't wait to see what happens next." can make not just my day but my week.

I know what people say. Fandom isn't a popularity context. It's not social media. You're not supposed to like talking to people about fandom things. But... I do. And the utter silence that is modern fandom - of the 100 last published fics in my fandom, only 10 have comments, and only 4 have regular commenters - is just really not fun to me.

--

Yes, lots of people do think it ~demonstrates integrity~. People who never finish anything.

People who actually succeed at making art will say superficially similar things, but what they mean is "If you write things you aren't actually interested in, you will either burn out or the art won't actually be satisfying to the audience or both".

--

The thing about back in the day is that we only got comments. You're dead wrong about that part. Yes, people whined that there wasn't enough feedback, and they will continue to whine about this until the end of time, but your description misses the most important part about the rose-colored glasses and what people are trying to explain about the past in most of those posts:

We couldn't see the lurkers (hit counts) but we did see some actual interactions. This allowed us to imagine that the comment rate was way higher than it actually was and to see fandom as a close-knit community (which was maybe somewhat more accurate than now but never as true as people believed).

--

You have fundamentally misunderstood what the (saner) posts about this are saying.

You shouldn't care about overall numbers. You should care about meaningful social interactions. Obviously, people like connecting with others via art.

Fandom is not a popularity contest. That's why you should enjoy talking to actual peers about things. Genuine connection is not about being a celebrity with fans: it's about making friends.

--

Some fandoms do have interactions. Maybe if you start interacting with others' works, that will help. Maybe you need a different fandom. "Modern fandom" isn't this total wasteland with no interaction, nor do most people find a total lack of it fun.

[jenosbliss]

Hihi!!

How are you doing today?

I wanted to request for the 100 followers celebration if that's still open?

So if it's possible, can you do a FWB chenle with 11,13 and 15

Angst with a possible happy ending?

Thank you sm!!

Hope you have an amazing day! 🫶🏻

pairing. fem!reader x fwb!chenle | genre. suggestive, angst | wc. 1.2k | warnings. mdni, reader is toxic and manipulative

Chenle wasn't a liar. He believed in white lies and the omission of words rather than outright lying. He despised liars and couldn't stand pathological liars or manipulators, but call it fate or irony that the biggest manipulator and liar he ever met was you, his everything.

He lied when Jeno asked if something was wrong. He betrayed himself when he replied, "No, I'm good." The way he gripped that red plastic cup so tight that his knuckles turned white, his lips quivering with anger, face slightly red not due to the alcohol but because of the rage he felt, eyes darkened staring at you, jaw tightened gave him out.

Jeno knew he wasn't good but didn't press on the topic further as he figured out the reason for his discomfort... you. It was the way you were being a little too cozy with Sungchan in the corner of the room, Sungchan's lips leaving kisses along your neck, and how you smiled and laughed at his worst pick-up lines, relishing in his touch.

The whole universe knew about Chenle's crush on you. Anyone would, with the way he looked at you longingly, and not to mention the times he had already confessed his feelings for you, only to be rejected twice. But did that stop him from loving you? No.

Sungchan was just a phase, just like Jisung or Eunseok. You were with a different man every month, but the only constant man was Chenle, by your side as long as you could remember. This made him never give up his feelings for you, hoping that maybe one day you could see him the way he sees you.

Your relationships with all these guys didn't last long, not because of Chenle's presence hindering your love life but because you got bored of them. Sticking to one person wasn't enough; you needed a new partner once the honeymoon phase was over.

But the only person you never got bored of was Chenle. You would seek comfort and solace in him after every breakup or sometimes to satisfy your burning desires when your current boyfriend couldn't. And sometimes it was him who would reach out, when his jealousy got the best of him, like today.

"Lele, what are you doing?" you whispered, trying to get out of his arms around your waist. "What do you think?" he murmured, his lips leaving a trail of wet kisses on your neck, just over where Sungchan's lips had been, as if erasing his scent and replacing it with his own.

He had pulled you into this secluded hallway when you excused yourself to use the restroom. The moment he saw you getting out of Sungchan's arms, he took the opportunity to get you in his, reminding you whose touch was capable of making you feel ecstatic.

"Anyone can walk in on us here," you protested. His grip on your waist tightened as he slowly moved your hair aside and kissed the back of your neck, mumbling, "So? It'll get exciting." You felt his smirk against your skin. "We could get caught!" The sternness in your voice made him pull you flush against his chest as he whispered above your ear, "Then they'll know who's better."

Everyone knew about Chenle's feelings for you, but no one was aware of this friends-with-benefits relationship. People spoke of it with skepticism, while sitting on the cafeteria table, along the lines of "Rumor has it Chenle and Y/N are fooling around. Isn't she dating Sungchan? Nah, she's with Eunseok. Dude she's with a new man every week."

"What if Sungchan sees us?" he sucked in a sharp breath before muttering, "I don't care. He doesn't matter." You sighed, knowing this conversation wasn't ending the way you wanted. "He's my boyfriend, Lele. He might break up with me." His left arm remained around your waist while his right hand moved along your sides, sliding up slowly under your dress.

"None of that matters now." He nibbled on your ear, letting out a chuckle. "Not everything is a joke, Chenle." Having enough of your fake protests, he pushed you inside the room down the hallway, pinning you against the wall."Don't act like you're not turned on by my touch or don't get off secretly to my thoughts of how good I fuck you."

His fingers gently pressed into your cheeks as he grabbed your chin to meet your gaze. Without hesitation, he leaned in to kiss you deeply and passionately.

He pressed his body against yours, his hands running over your curves as he bit your bottom lip slightly, seeking entrance. You let out a small gasp when you felt his fingers sliding up your dress and tugging at the waistband of your underwear. He deepened the kiss the moment you gasped, his tongue exploring the softness of your mouth, his desire for you growing with each passing second.

"If Sungchan catches us, it'll be over between us," you managed to speak when he broke the kiss only to trail his lips along your jawline to your neck, sucking and nibbling there. "I'm here for you. Come to me like you always do," he mumbled against your skin, slowly removing the strap of your dress, exposing your shoulder. "You promised me, Chenle, what we do will not harm my relationship with others," you moaned when he bit down on your neck, then licked over it as if to soothe the pain. "Don't worry, he won't notice."

It felt like you were losing control over him, as if he decided to take authority over you, and this was something you couldn't let happen. Placing your hands on his cheeks, you made him look at you. "Why are you doing this? Did I do something wrong?" you asked gently, kissing him softly on the corner of his lips.

As if on cue, his demeanor changed and his grip on you loosened a bit. He held your hands, which were on his cheeks, and rested his forehead on yours, saying, "No, you didn't do anything wrong. It's just..." He pulled back to look at you with yearning and passion as he continued, "All I want is for you to look at me the way you look at them."

Your fingers gently weaved through his hair as you pulled him in for a hug. He was quick to hug you back, nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent, arms encircling your waist. "They can never have what you do, baby. They'll never have me screaming their name while they pleasure me. Only you have seen me that vulnerable. Never compare yourself with them."

A voice in Chenle's mind warned him about your lies, but he was so much in love with you that he ignored everything that told him to resist your manipulations. "I'll text Sungchan that I was feeling unwell, so I left with you, okay? While you take me here on this very bed... all yours, Chenle," you whispered before kissing him again.

By letting him have you there and giving in to his desires, you once again made sure Chenle was nothing but a pawn you could use anytime you wished. You ensured Chenle wouldn't try to assert his dominance over you again and ruin your current relationship with Sungchan, and that his ego wasn't hurt. You made sure Chenle would never leave you and would always be there for you.

masterlist. nct dream | nct 127 | wayv

100 follower event 🌷

a/n. I’m really sorry for not giving it a happy ending 😭

navigation.

[yayakoishii]

*cracks knuckles* ok so Sanji x reader where it’s basically the time in between Sanji leaving for wci where both the reader and Sanji are fucking shattered and they’re both miserable trying but failing to do what they need to do while also processing that the other isn’t around, like not a separation anxiety kinda way but like they genuinely make eachother a better person and they’re in love kinda way. and basically it’s the straw hats being a supportive family to the reader and Sanji’s family going “what the fuck is this guys deal” since they didn’t know abt reader. You can add a happy ending if you want but I’m talkin real angst.

beyond logic | Sanji x Reader

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x GN! Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Genre/Tags: Angst, Open Ending?

A/n: thank you for the request!! I tried my best to write this but I don't think I'm good at writing heavy angst much ;-; I'm more of a fluff writer so I struggled and I don't feel 100% satisfied with this but it's the best I could do...

I added in a little bit of more detail to this, I hope you don't mind! I tried to keep in everything you mentioned but if I missed anything or misunderstood, I truly apologise! Hope you enjoy this and that it is to your liking ♡

also available on ao3!

Everything Pekoms was saying had to be a lie. (It wasn't, you knew that.)

Sanji could never be related to Germa 66. That made no sense to you. After all, Germa were heartless, cold-blooded killers. Your Sanji was the kindest man in the world who hid his sweet nature beneath an uncaring and harsh attitude. Your Sanji was the man who smiled so bright, it gave you hope and not despair, like Germa's name did.

Of course, Sanji wasn't actually yours. You had never actually had the courage– or rather, the need to make your feelings verbally known. You knew. Sanji knew. What you two had was no secret to you, even though you hadn't put on any labels. You could see the intensity in his eyes, could feel your own heart thudding in his proximity. Your heart was no longer yours and the man who had it was long gone.

You collapsed onto your knees, tears streaming down your face as your mind went haywire. Sanji was trapped in between Big Mom and Germa 66. How were you supposed to get him back?! That idiot had simply left a note saying ‘I will be back. I'm going to meet a woman.’ and expected it to work?!

Bitterness unlike ever before spread inside your heart. You were not weak by any means, but neither were you strong enough to take on Big Mom or Germa. In this moment, you hated yourself for being so weak that you couldn't protect and bring back the man you loved. From a practical point of view, one could even suggest that dropping Sanji and going off to Wano would be the most logically sound move for the Strawhat pirates.

Fortunately for you, the captain of the Strawhat pirates was not a practical or logical person.

"Why are you crying, (y/n)?" Luffy stood in front of your crouched form, head tilted just slightly. You tried to suck up the tears running down your cheeks but it only felt like more would come out. "We're getting him back."

Luffy's face didn't hold any doubt or fear. It never did. You on the other hand were full of both. Never in your wildest dreams did you think it possible to take on one of the four emperors of the sea and the kingdom that erased your island by providing their services in the war your country was in. You were realistic and you knew that it was impossible, yet… When you looked at Luffy's determined face, even something so impossible seemed attainable.

Luffy could do anything he set his mind to. You couldn't imagine defeating Big Mom, but you also couldn't imagine Luffy losing. And amidst all of that, you couldn't imagine getting Sanji back. He was gone. There was a highly likely chance you would never see him again.

Outwardly, you continued to just stare blankly at Luffy and he knew his words weren't getting to you. You were usually a calm and rational person, always there as the voice of reason for the ship. Right now though, everyone could tell that you were in a state of shock and despair. Nami swooped in and pulled you into a hug, like the ones you usually gave everyone else when they needed it. The touch stopped your thoughts and instead you focused on the feel of her skin on your own.

"You're not alone," she whispered. You clutched onto her, tears slipping from your eyes. "I know it's scary. I know it seems impossible. But I also know that it's worth it for you."

It was. All your reasoning had flown out of the window when you heard that Sanji was gone. The thing about being in love was that it made you stupid. It made you give up what is logical in favour of doing what is impractical but desired. You wanted to see Sanji again. You wanted to hold him in your arms and tell him how you felt out loud. Even though he knew without you saying it, you wanted to say it to him. You wanted him to hear those words and come back with you.

The thing about being in love was… you were ready to risk death for a chance to see him again.

You were really being stupid. But it seemed to make sense to your heart.

"(Y/n)," Chopper placed his paw on your knee. You looked down at him with downturned eyes. "You love him. He loves you. So come with us. We'll get him back together. There's no way he actually wants this more than what he had here."

"Sanji may act like a fool," Robin placed her own hand on your head and you found yourself suddenly surrounded by everyone. Even Zoro was standing closer than usual, offering you silent support. "But he cares. And I'm sure, if you ask him, he will come back."

You watched them all, looking at you with kind smiles. Neither you nor Sanji had ever spoken your love out loud. It was a decision that only made sense when you were on a pirate crew as small as the Strawhats. To avoid any awkwardness and to not have to keep a relationship secret, it was the logical course of action.

But… you couldn't hide your feelings even if you didn't speak about them. Your love had made itself known to everyone in your crew and they were still here. They were the only family you had in the world now and so…

You decided to trust them on this one.

"Okay," you nodded and stood up, wiping away your tears. Your crew patted on your shoulders and back and every bump instilled more confidence in you. Your goal was not to defeat Big Mom or Germa 66.

Your goal was to bring back Sanji.

"Let's do this."

•

Sanji already missed you.

To be fair, he had been missing you from the moment you separated on Dressrosa but now, sitting with his ‘family’ and having dinner… Right now, he missed you more than ever. Every bite of the food only reminded him of your smiling face, your kind words and the sound of your laughter.

They said that if you love something, you should let it go. Sanji didn't like that phrase much. He believed that if you loved something, you should hold onto it for as long as you could. As long as you let him, he would be there for you. And he would love you even if you did not love him anymore. It had been the only natural answer when he realised his feelings for you.

He didn't mean to let you go. He didn't want to leave the crew. But if he had to be practical like you always were… then he was a small sacrifice to ensure that his beloved crew remained safe. 13 years had passed between the last time he saw Germa but the smallest of fears still lived inside him. Sanji knew what they were capable of.

And there was also the possibility that you would not love him any longer. Sanji had thought that fate was a cruel thing, to make him fall in love with you of all people. You were from an island that was caught in a war. The war had been going on your entire childhood and it finally ended when the other side bought Germa's help.

The destruction left a handful of survivors, including you. It was truly a cruel twist for you to have fallen for him of all people, unknowing that Sanji carried the same detestable blood. He couldn't bring himself to tell you the truth about himself. Now, there was no way you didn't know. You must have heard from the others when you made it to Zou.

If you hated him, he wouldn't blame you. Sanji understood.

That didn't mean he liked it. He didn't want to lose you. He wanted to keep you by his side for the rest of his life. The only one he wanted to marry was you. Maybe this was how it was meant to end all along. Maybe because he hadn't told you about his family, now they had come back to haunt him.

"What are you thinking about?" Reiju's question made Sanji look up from his plate. From the corner of his eyes, he could see his brothers staring at him too. Sanji couldn't bring himself to actually care now that he was finally in front of them.

"What to say if I ever meet the person I really want to see again," Sanji replied calmly. There were no words he could apologise with. Nothing to begin making up for all the heartbreak he must have caused you and the rest of the crew. He had gone along with Germa and Big Mom's demands to ensure your safety.

So why did he want you to break in and take him away already?

"Oh?" Niji grinned at him from across the table, a smirk of amusement playing on his lips. "What, did you have a lover on that dirty pirate crew?"

Sanji didn't answer. You were not his, but even so… he didn't want someone like Niji to even utter your name. He didn't deserve to even know about you. You were Sanji's person. You were the one he had accidentally given away his heart to. You were the one who always forgave him. You were the one who made him want to be stronger, better, kinder. You made Sanji feel complete.

"I asked you something, Sanji," Niji narrowed his eyes. Sanji internally flinched, already knowing what's going to happen afterwards. But he couldn't speak. You were his secret. You were the one thing he could never, ever share with his family.

"No," he lied through his teeth and finished the meal. Sanji stood up and walked away, ignoring the dull ache in his heart. He had walked away from the crew by his own feet. He was the one who made this decision. He was doing it so you would be safe. But even though that was all true, so was the fact that…

He really, really missed you.

°•❀•°

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[cosmicjoke]

Man, all these people who claim that Levi made the "wrong" choice when he chose Armin, claiming that the outcome of the story would have changed or been different if he'd just chosen Erwin, essentially blaming Levi for the Rumbling, conveniently never have an answer when you actually ask them what Erwin could have done differently to change the outcome. That's because there isn't anything Erwin could have done to change the outcome, short of somehow, magically, discovering what Eren was really planning when no one else could. How Erwin would have been able to do this, who can say, since Eren didn't tell anyone about his plans other than Floch and Historia. I guess Erwin really was just that much smarter than everyone else, including Armin, even though, you know, Armin discovered that Annie was the Female Titan through simple observation and the same with realizing Reiner was hiding in the walls in Shinganshina. Isayama didn't set up Armin's exceptional observational skills for any reason. Nope. Just an arbitrary detail he put in, since Isayama's so known for including superfluous information in his story (insert heavy sarcasm here).

If Armin wasn't able to discover Eren's true intentions, despite being infinitely closer to him than Erwin and spending far more intimate time with him than Erwin would have been able to, why do people think Erwin would have gleaned Eren's true intentions when Armin or the others couldn't? Even Levi, who'd had Eren pegged from the start and understood what he was better than anyone, who's widely acknowledged at being better at reading who people really are than anyone, wasn't able to see what Eren really had planned. Eren himself didn't even know exactly what he had planned until he saw the future, and even then, he remained in deep denial about it, pretending to himself that he wasn't going to go through with it.

But we're supposed to believe, according to these people, that Erwin would have been able to see what Eren had planned when Armin, Levi and even Eren himself didn't know and was in denail over up until the point they were in Marley. These same people also want to claim that Floch never would have been radicalized if Erwin had lived, but that's bullshit. Floch was already radicalized, from having to charge to his death against the Beast Titan. He came out of that situation wanting to make Erwin suffer for leading them on a death charge, under the belief that Erwin was the "devil" they needed in order to win against their enemy. Floch's radicalization had nothing to do with Levi's choice in who to give the serum to. It had to do with how over a hundred soldiers had to give up their lives in order to keep the hope for humanity's future alive, and how Erwin led them and convinced them to do so.

But let's suppose Levi had chosen Erwin, then. Would it have changed Floch's decision to collaborate with Eren?

The answer to that is no.

Either Erwin would have supported Eren's plans or come up with some other, similarly aggressive plan to deal with the outside world, or he wouldn't. If Erwin had refused to deal with the outside world with a mercenary attitude the way Floch wanted (i.e. in a way lacking humanity, wiping out everyone, essentially), Floch would have turned to Eren, and the same outcome would have resulted. Floch never accepted the limited Rumbling plan. That wasn't enough for him. He wanted the whole world wiped out. We see this in the way he intentionally targets innocent civilians during the raid on Liberio. He wanted Erwin to be chosen because he believed that Erwin was devoid of humanity, because of how he'd led 100 new recruits to their guaranteed deaths. Because of that, he believed Erwin would do whatever it took to win, no matter the cost.

If Erwin had shown him something less than that monstrosity, it wouldn't have satisfied Floch. So Erwin choosing to go with Zeke's proposed plan wouldn't have satisfied Floch, either. It wouldn't have been extreme enough for him. The only thing that would have been, would be Erwin choosing to eliminate all of humanity beyond the walls, i.e. going with Eren's actions. If he'd refused anything less than that, again, Floch would have turned to Eren. Either way, they end up down a path of death and destruction.

If people think Erwin would have succeeded in negotiating with Marley where Hange and the scouts failed, again, wrong, because he never would have even been given the chance, just like Hnage and the others were never given the chance, because, again, Eren went rogue and disappeared. Again, unless Erwin was somehow able to magically discover Eren's true intentions before they left for Marley, when up until that point, Eren himself was still in denial over it, then the outcome would have been the same, whether Erwin was with them or not.

People that claim Levi made the wrong choice and "doomed humanity" as a result, also routinely fail to acknowledge just how done Erwin really was. There's a reason Levi talks about not wanting to see Erwin become a "devil". I've talked about this at length already, so I won't repeat myself here. If you want to read more in depth about my thoughts on how Erwin's dream had begun to corrupt him and threaten his humanity, you can do so here: https://www.tumblr.com/cosmicjoke/737098651561787392/sorry-to-keep-reblogging-this-it-just-keeps?source=share But to go into it briefly, these same people who want to deny the significant role Armin played in Levi's choice, and how that speaks heavily to how Levi was very much considering what was best for humanity at that point, also want to deny that Erwin was in danger of losing his humanity if he'd been forced to go on living and leading the SC. The denial of this blinds them to the fact that, in Levi's view, what humanity needed was hope. It didn't need a leader who was broken by his own guilt and cynicism and self-loathing.

Just before Levi is about to inject Erwin with the serum, Erwin begins mumbling in a delirious state, talking to his father and asking about the outside world. He's still in the grip of his dream. Still, in his dying moments, possessed by it. He has nothing beyond that. That's what that moment shows us. He's just given up his dream by charging the Beast Titan to his own death, knowing death was the only thing that COULD release him from that dream. While he still drew breath, that dream consumed him. The idea that these people posit is that Erwin would have recovered from the loss of his dream by finding a "new dream" to be drunk on moving forward, and that would have allowed him to continue on as an effective leader. But what this take fails to acknowledge is how Erwin's guilt most assuredly would have been exacerbated by the discovery of the truth, not alleviated by it. He would have been met with the crushing disappointment of what that truth was. Yes, his theory that humanity existed beyond the walls would have been proven true, and thus his father's correctness. But beyond that initial vindication for Erwin, he would have been met with the bleak reality of their situation. That all those lives he'd sacrificed for his dream, for the discovery of the truth, would have amounted to nothing more than the hopeless realization that the rest of the world wanted them all dead. Instead of finding freedom or an answer to their hopes, they'd instead found themselves pushed further into a corner without hope of escape.

That wouldn't have lessened Erwin's guilt, it would have worsened it. There's no way Erwin would have felt that disappointing reality was worth all those lives he'd sacrificed. And that's where Levi's fear came in of what Erwin might become. Why he tells Floch Erwin would have to become a devil if he'd continued on as their leader. He was in danger of losing his humanity to his guilt and self-hatred. He might very well have been driven mad by that guilt without the distraction of his dream to shield him from those negative thoughts and emotions. There's a reason the panels show Levi recalling in this moment asking Erwin what he would do once he discovered what was in Eren's basement, and Erwin answering he didn't know. There's a reason Levi recalls Kenny saying to him that we need something to be "drunk on" in order to continue living. People that claim Erwin would have been fine love to ignore all of this. They love to ignore just how ruinous Erwin's pursuit of his dream had been on his psyche. And I'm not talking about whether the self-loathing he felt was earned or deserved. That question is irrelevant. It's irrelevant because whether deserved or not, it's what Erwin felt. He hated himself, and felt overwhelmed by the guilt of what he'd done, and the discovery of the truth and the realization of his dream wouldn't have assuaged those feelings. It would only have made them worse.

And that was never what humanity needed. It didn't need someone who'd been turned bitter and hopeless and filled with despair, the way Erwin was, that bitterness and despair likely only to become worse with the realization of his dream and its ugly, disappointing reality. His guilt would have only increased with the realization that the world all those soldiers under his command died for, that he convinced to die for, was an impossibility. It would have made him feel all the more as if he'd lied to them all, and sent them to their deaths for nothing. Again, to think Erwin would have been able to easily recovery from this, or move on and continue to lead in the wake of this, is absurd and fails to acknowledge the depth of Erwin's inner turmoil and suffering. To continue on in that role, after these revelations, after the confirmation that he'd convinced all those soldiers to give up their lives for a lie, would only have increased his self-hatred. The very fact he would have had to continue to lead is what would have threatened the loss of his humanity, ultimately, because there's no way he could have continued to operate in that role under that much crushing guilt. Retaining his humanity would have meant drowning in despair. Forfeiting his humanity would have meant turning into Floch or Eren or Zeke. In order to keep operating as the leader of the SC, Erwin would either eventually succumb to his guilt and be rendered useless, paralyzed by his self-doubt and fear, unable to bring himself to tell the lies, or what he believed were lies, required to inspire people to action, or he would truly have had to divorce himself from all sentiment and feeling, uncaring that he was lying and sending people to their deaths for nothing. And that, in the end, would have been a disaster, both for Erwin himself, and for humanity.

Levi says he doesn't regret not choosing Erwin, even as the Rumbling unfolds beneath him, and it's because he knows and fully believes that what humanity needed was someone that still believed in it, someone that still believed in it being worth saving, someone that still believed and had hope in something better, something beyond war and death. That was Armin. That's what Eren's own speech he gives to Levi, trying to convince him to choose Armin, is about. How Armin is this person who can see beyond fighting or thirst for revenge. How he's the person who will save humanity because he believes in that ideal future.

Levi says "I entrusted the future to that kid who had the same look in his eyes as all of you,". He literally says it. "I entrusted the future". He's very literally saying he trusted in Armin to carry humanity forward into the future it needed. That he specifically chose Armin for this purpose. That Armin's idealism was as much a consideration to him as Erwin's own suffering. These people love to talk about Levi saying "I chose this place for Erwin to die" while ignoring him saying later to Erwin "I didn't choose you", meaning he did choose Armin. It was as much a choice for him as it was for Erwin. Both of them weighed equally in Levi's decision. I don't understand how these people that claim Levi's choice was all about Erwin just completely ignore this line. It's so utterly disingenuous to do so and I think they know it. I think they know it's disingenuous to frame Levi's choice as if Armin wasn't just as important and significant in it as Erwin.

And I don't want to hear the argument that Levi was saying Armin's purity and the innocence of his dream was "the same" as Erwin's. Again, this is a disingenuous argument from these people, twisting Levi's words and their context to fit their agenda. Because they know deep down Levi wasn't comparing Armin's purity and the purity of his dream to Erwin, he was comparing it to the collective hopes and dreams of the soldiers of the Survey Corps, to all of his fallen comrades who offered up their lives in the belief it would help create a better, freer world. A "stupidly idealistic world", as Levi puts it. Armin's dream was akin to that. He wanted to see the ocean, he wanted to explore a world he believed was filled with wonders and beauty. He believed, even after the discovery of humanity beyond the walls and the reality of their hostility toward them, that there was beauty and wonder to be found and experienced. He never lost faith in that conviction. Armin's dream was one rooted in hope and belief and joy. That's what made it pure, and that's also why he was able to give it up so readily, because in its innocence, it didn't consume or define him.

Erwin's dream wasn't pure and anyone who claims otherwise is either full of it, or they seriously don't understand Erwin at all. Erwin's dream was never pure, because it was a dream rooted, not in hope and belief or joy, but one rooted in guilt and shame and a longing for atonement. He wanted to discover the truth not because he thought it would lead to a better world or to experiencing something beautiful, but because he was desperate to escape from the crushing guilt he felt over his father's death, and the belief that he was responsible for it. That's the literal opposite of purity. That's wretchedness and shame and self-loathing driving Erwin's dream, from the start. That's not an innocent dream able to be let go, that's a weighted shackle round his neck, threatening at all times to pull him under and drown him. And in the end, that's what had begun to happen to Erwin. That's what his dream had begun to do to him.

Armin encapsulated the dream of the Survey Corps, through his innocence, though the purity of his dream, through his belief that there was still a world out there worth discovering, worth exploring, worth experiencing, despite the bleak reality of their situation. Nobody believed in humanity's worth or its future more than Armin, and that's why he was the right choice. Because humanity needed someone who believed in it and its future. Ignoring Armin's role in Levi's choice is to fundamentally misunderstand why Levi made the choice he did in the first place. It wasn't only for Erwin's sake. It was for humanity's sake, too. And that really is supported, also, by the fact that Levi chose the humane option of not dragging Erwin back into the role that had left him with only more pain and guilt. He chose compassion, both in allowing Erwin to rest, and in choosing a boy who still held hope for humanity.

[eri-pl]

It will be chaotic, because I can't force myself to make a structured post about it, I don't know why. Also sorry if my autocorrect does something stupid, I'm writing on the phone.

So, the Legendarium and causality, and good deeds, bad deeds and their results. This is the main topic of this post.

Is this post about the Legendarium? About real life? Both? Well, it surely is about the Legendarium, but not only. It's fuzzy. One of the things I like with tolkien is that such discussions get fuzzy and thinking about the books gives me insights about life.

There is a rule which I try to follow when writing or even planning something more serious (in the Legendarium context, but in general too, unless specifically going for a genre that's different): if a long-term success (in something that matters) is achieved by doing something morally wrong, those conditions must be fulfilled (not necessarily all clearly written out, but I must at least have a vague idea):

1. It could have been achieved in a good way, and it wouldn't be lesser. Or it wasn't really that important. (Because I refuse to accept "necessary evil")

2. Either something bad came out of it, or someone has to put effort into it not happening. I'm not sure how to explain it better (see later about handling other people's bad choices)... Anyway this makes the story feel more satisfying, more interesting.

3. How much of 2 is needed is proportional to how bad the thing was. Also if the character couldn't be expected to know much better, point 2 is less intense, though it's often still more interesting to have it.

I wonder how close to canon is this rule. Anyway I like it. Also, I tend to assume at least 1 when interpreting the canon, which likely influences my opinion about the Feanorians and the whole Silmaril business.

I'm not saying this is a 100% rule in real life, or even a technically 100% rule in te Legendarium, because omniscience is tricky… but it is a good rule in writing, I think, and even more so it definitely is a good rule in approaching decisions. If something can't work in a moral way, it won't work anyway or is not worth it. Nothing really worthy can be permanently lost by making the right choice. And so on.

It seems like there would be a symmetrical rule of good deeds not resulting in bad events but then we have the Children of Hurin. And what did Hurin do wrong? I have no idea.

But then, the Men are generally... And you could also look at Maedhros, but then, the exiled Noldor, and SoF in particular are also, hmm, I think "marred" is the word I should use here.

Still, I really prefer if there is something good coming of from good deeds, even distant and not seen by the person doing the good deeds.

Also, there seems to be is another rule, it's outright said. Things always turn out into a good ending, and you can either go with it or fall under it.

Example: gollum. He could have cooperated and jumped with the Ring willingly. He chose to betray Frodo, fell with the Ring anyway.

You also can, obviously, do a creative mix of going along and falling under. (Must I say: the two oldest Feanorians, it is this obvious?)

And falling under makes things more difficult for everyone, not just the person doing it.

Darn, I made this sound ugly and tyrannical. It's not. But I remember when I would say it is, and I can't explain why it is not. It's kinda like when you do a weird thing with your eye muscles and start seeing double. It's just not. I just can't explain it in a way this deserves. My apologies.

Anyway, bad choices make things difficult for everyone. Because we are connected to each other. I've already made a post about it long time ago, but generally...

Maybe if Saruman wasn't such a jerk weed have a Sauron redemption. (Maybe, it's always a maybe)

Maybe if Maglor didn't take pity on the twins, Númenor would fall much earlier and Sauron would be more successful. And so on and do forth.

It's always a maybe, and nobody determines anybody else's choices, but still, we do impact each other. It's hard to think about, because it's over if the places where a) it's worth to try b) there's no guarantee of anything... (Which are most places, I guess). Both on the Silm and in life, people are interconnected. But also everyone is responsible for their decisions.

It's hard to not blame characters (or people) too much. It's hard... In general it's wonderful but difficult, the whole concept.

And another thing tired to this very closely, tied to the interconnectedness (is this a word?) is unearned suffering and Hurin and Nienor and Miriel (both tbh) and Feanor back before he was a jerk and many others.

Sometimes we get the outcome of someone else's bs without even consenting to it. Why? I suppose it's because the connectedness is now important than "not getting random bs thrown in your life". Maybe. Probably. I'm not wise, ok? I'm not sure it's my heart, but something's telling me it's something like this reason.

And what can we do

Argue. Rebel. Just take it. There are many things we can do. I'm not going to go on a rant about what Feanor (or Finwe) should have done and so on because I don't want dfw and others to have a bad time listening to me criticizing their guy, and also I wasn't in his position so I shouldn't be ranting. I should go rant at myself or something.

But the things aren't going to solve themselves or disappear. So yes, just taking it is a very noble and beautiful thing to do (and hard as... Idk what's hard. A Silmaril is hard, I guess)

Because it's so very infuriating when someone else's bs lands on your head.

Oh how I wish I could handle it better.

Back to the Legendarium. Someone handling it better generally yields results, see: the Long Peace. And probably many other situations.

And of course there are situations when the bs you have to handle is your own and if you don't handle it, it will fall of everyone else's heads. This doesn't necessarily make it easier to handle. :( Sometimes someone helps, and that's nice.

Yet another question is how realistic a book should be.

Should it portray lots of undeserved suffering, of badly handled undeserved suffering (CoH), because it's part of life? Should it portray hope triumphing against reason (B&L, and remember that Beren was just as much a Man as Turin was), to give people an escape?

I think (maybe it's rather obvious) that we need both, because depending on personality and circumstances, we need both validation and acknowledgement of our pain, and hope that things can be better. Both kinds of stories are necessary.

It may sound untrue, and sometimes I wish I was a kind of person who can live with only hopeful stories, because the day ones are what I need when I'm not doing well— but no. We do need both, at least in terms of "what most of the story consists of". We need ways to express pain without an immediate answer.

It's a sad song.

But we're gonna sing it anyway.

Until we finally get it right and the sad parts start making sense.

And let's not even get into "sad stories where people mess their lives up so much because that's how freedom works, yes, they can do that" because I have absolutely no idea what to say about those.

[whorekneecentral]

oooo okay okay okay

christian pulisic with the prompt “no one’s here you can make as much noise as you want” and it’s giving like him and your brother are team mates and you know a cheeky my sisters off limits and you guys are sneaking around SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF THAT FR

-🏎️

even tho I hate chelsea with a passion, it's set during Chris's time there. reader is ben's little sister <3 // prompt: “no one’s here you can make as much noise as you want”

There's one rule Ben had in place for you: teammates are off limits.

You usually followed the rule, you didn't care for his teammates in any other way than as friends. Frankly none of them interested you until you met him.

Tall, tanned, handsome; he made you swoon in every way possible.

The two of you met at Mason's birthday. your brother brought you along, telling you that it would be a sibling night out but he ended up ditching you for his friends. You didn't mind, you figured as much. You were hanging out in the yard when Christian spotted you, starting a conversation with you. You two took a liking to each other, chatting the entire night away until your bother came looking for you.

Christian messaged you on Instagram the next day, that turned into iMessage, then phone calls and eventually you were on FaceTime every night until he finally asked you on a date.

Things were lowkey, your brother would freak the fuck out with a capital F if he found out you two were seeing each other.

Chelsea was playing at home, Ben had told you to come down to see him play; you were already coming to see Christian but Ben didn't know that.

The match ended 1-1 and your brother wanted to head home, somehow thinking that meant you had to leave as he was leaving.

"Well what are you sticking around for?" he asked, eyeing you suspiciously when he sees Christian headed your way.

"I don't want to get stuck in traffic, Benny. I'll drive home in a bit, you go on."

"Okay, you're sure?" He asked, pulling you into a hug.

"100%, we'll do dinner another time." You kissed his cheek, waving to him as he walked away. Christian kept his distance, nodding towards the exit after ben was out of view. you nod, shooing him away - your way of telling him you'd meet him there.

The drive out of Stamford wasn't as hectic as expected, you left 10 minutes after your brother but headed to Christian's place instead. The moment you two pull up to his place, he's pulling you inside.

"I couldn't keep my eyes off of you," he tells you, kissing you. You roll your eyes, "you can't even see me from down there."

"Yes I can," he laughs, the two of you settling on the staircase right in front of the door.

Christian is tugging on his sweats, pushing them down enough to let you fuck him there. “What about the couch-” “No time, come here,” your boyfriend pulls you back, his hand sliding under you to pull your panties to the side from under your skirt.

“Chris!” You swat his hand away but he’s already lined you up with him. 

“What?” He asks, lips against yours when you sink down onto him, the two of you letting out a satisfied sigh at the same time. 

Your chest pressed to his as you bounced on his lap, rocking back and forth as he held you in place. “So perfect,” he whispers against your skin, kissing the crook of your neck. 

Your forehead pressed to his, arms over his shoulders as you let out a satisfied hum at the feeling of him stretching you out.

You never got used to the feeling, but it felt better every single time.

His hand on your hip guiding you, letting you bounce on his lap, his name falling from your lips. He peppered kisses along your neck, “no one’s here, you can make as much noise as you want,” he reminds you; his subtle way of telling you to say his name.

His name falls from your lips over and over again, your hand tangled at the back of his hair, tugging on it until he kisses you to shut up.

He feels you clench around him, your hips stuttering and he knows you’re close. His hand moving from your mouth to between the two of you, fingers rubbing circles over your clit.

“Good girl,” he whispers, rubbing your back softly. Your arms over his shoulders as you hug him. "You should come over more often." He mumbles into your neck.

"Just let me move in," you joked but he nods, "I'll cut you a key."

[l1llina]

Going up

Alhaitham x fem!reader

Prompt: He wanted her job and it would be easy enough to

After the dream Samsara, Alhaitham ended up as the new Grand Sage. However, he still misses his old job as the scribe. He asks around in hopes he can take up his old position again but he had already been replaced. His replacement was you.

Alhaitham despite practicing stoicism was upset to say the least. He was frowning slightly, as compared to his neutral, indifferent expression. He knew someone would take up his position soon but he didn't expect it to be that soon. He taps your desk and you jolt.

"Hello Grand Sage, how may I help you today ?" Y/N spoke.

On the desk, he can see texts from 100-1000 years ago. Stacks of paper are piled on top and there is a pillow, blankets and cups of tea.

"Hello. Scribe, what is your name ?". He asked.

"I'm Y/N. Are you looking for some documents ? I'm happy to help. Or maybe, you need to find someone ? Uhh, or uhh." She stuttered

Alhaitham was thinking. His first thought was Y/N was a different scribe than he was, more expressive, less poignant. She even acted like a sort of secretary even though her job was to record historical data.

"I am Alhaitham, I am not the Grand Sage so please just call me by my name." He voiced.

Y/N is sweating in her chair. Why was the Grand Sage rejecting his position. That is so weird. Why is he here to talk to the scribe of all people? Did he come here because she was suspicious. Did she look like the type of person who would stage a coup d'état. The last person who interacted with him was sent to jail, or that was what she remembered.

"I used to be the scribe." Alhaitham admitted.

"Oh-" Y/N gasped.

She was starting to piece what was happening but it still seemed he was here for something else.

The cogs in Alhaitham's head was turning. She doesn't understand and this was going to be an awkward situation. Just look at her, she's hyperventilating. This is going to take more time than he wanted it to.

Y/N is trembling. He was either here to get his job back, fire her for being incompetent or she was suspected of being a war criminal! In all those scenarios, her peaceful life would be over.

"I swear I'll get better at my job!". She exclaimed, hoping that was the reason he was here. For being bad at her job.

Al Haitham glanced over and these were his next words. "You are a better scribe than I was. You really seem to put your all into this job."

"I am actually here because I don't like being the Grand Sage that is all. I was hoping to be the Scribe again but here you are. It is well deserved, might I say"

Y/N blushed and smiled. His compliment meant a lot to her. She sighs too because he was a nice guy and he looked disappointed. She couldn't really do anything to cheer him up except give up her position but she can't do that. This job was perfect for her.

Y/N proposes "I'm sorry, you seem very nice. Even if I quit this position, could you become the Scribe again ? There's no better person for the Grand Sage but you.." She smiles

Truth be told, she was right. Nahida didn't intend to let Alhaitham quit being the Grand Sage despite his wishes, the only way would be to find a more competent Grand Sage.

"I have some ideas for replacements. Like, the Traveler or Nahida herself or maybe the Wanderer. Maybe even Faruzan could work. You should try before you give up. If you find someone we'll have a challenge to see who's the better scribe. If you win, I quit." Y/N smiles

Alhaitham looked at her this time, with his usual indifferent look. She was very kind and a little dumb. She doesn't have to give up her job if she doesn't want to. She's too nice. But a challenge sounds good, the job will go to someone who rightfully deserves it and both parties can leave satisfied afterwards.

2 weeks pass, and Y/N was right not to lose hope. Nahida actually budged on her decision. Alhaitham had found a suitable candidate and that candidate would take over but only if Alhaitham won the challenge and quit. Nahida is also very kind and it's a nice thing the people of Sumeru get to have her as an archon.

The challenge to determine who was the best Scribe was decided. Whoever could translate more texts within an hour wins, quality will be taken into account of course.

On the day of the challenge, Alhaitham arrived in a nice suit. It was to celebrate getting his job back. On the other end, we have Y/N who had eyebags from studying the night before.

It starts and Y/N manages to translate 2 whole texts in 15 minutes but Alhaitham was already on his 4th text. She was behind by 1 text. To make up for the loss of time, she translated 4 texts roughly in 10 minutes and decided to clean them up later. In the last 2 minutes, Alhaitham had 11 fully translated texts and Y/N had 10 fully translated texts, her strategy had worked, but it wasn't enough. The gong chimes and Y/N seemed to have lost. Her only hope was that her translations were better than his.

10 minutes pass and the winner is announced.

It's Alhaitham. He smiles with a wide grin. He looked so happy. Y/N was very tired but she applauded him. It was a good fight. She then slumped on the desk and fell asleep for the last time as the Scribe, in the Scribe's office.

At 11 pm, a silhouette is spotted. It carries Y/N to the couch in her office, covers Y/N with a blanket and puts a pillow under her head. He kisses her forehead and leaves a bouquet of flowers for her to wake up to. The night was a sad one for Y/N. It was beautiful, serene and joyful. It was almost mocking Y/N's current state. It's the end of her peaceful job and life. Tomorrow she'll be jobless. She'll find another job surely but how she'll miss her old one. She understands Alhaitham better and realised how much the two of them were similar for their love of being the Scribe.

In the morning, Y/N is gently woken up by her ex-rival, Alhaitham. He smiles at her with no malicious intent to be found. It saddens her but she smiles. He was happy now. He even looked a little red but Y/N was still groggy from the all nighter she pulled the day before.

He slowly slides an arm behind her back and Y/N leans into his touch. What a weird guy. She closes her eyes again before he hugs her. He was hiding his face in her neck but Y/N started blushing too. Was she overthinking again, why would a guy hug a girl when she just woke up.

A letter is slid into her bag. Y/N packs up and leaves to go home. Before she did, Alhaitham asked where she lived since he wanted to see her again. She tells him and leaves. Unbeknownst to her, Alhaitham follows and waits at a nearby café. He had something else he wanted to say to her.

"What's this in my bag?"

Hello Y/N, You have been recommended to be the new Grand Sage. I know it is very sudden but the previous Grand Sage and I agreed you would be quite suitable. Why you may ask ? Well first of all, you were the Scribe and our previous Grand Sage was a scribe too. Second of all, I believe Grand Sages have to be kind to the people and encouraging. How else would people keep learning if they aren't motivated to do so ? Please refer Alhaitham to give us your answer. Sincerely, Nahida

... A gust of wind is felt as the door of Y/N's residence flutters open. Y/N is running, she's crying, beaming with joy, laughing and out of breath. Alhaitham sees her and walks in front of her path. The sight of his cru- ahem friend was so beautiful to see.

"YES! I accept!"

The man was blushing. It sounded like something else. The people in front of the cafe started clapping. A few "CONGRATULATIONS!" can be heard. Y/N realises what's happening and starts blushing too.

Alhaitham readjusts his collar. "Noted. Greetings Grand Sage". Alhaitham pressed a kiss to her forehead. He was worried he was a little too forward but surprise, surprise. Y/N asked "Can I kiss you ?". An agreement was reached and Y/N and Alhaitham press a chaste kiss on each other's lips.

Oho~ How the tables have turned ~~

[-The End-]

[hyunsvngs]

no thoughts head empty just fratboy!minho 😵‍💫😵‍💫 goD PLEASE i need to know what was going through his head throughout that whole exchange starting from the video (what if,,,,minho pov 👀)

for real omg, fratboy minho is taking up 100% of the real estate in my brain rn and he isn't paying me a single penny of rent 🫠

believe me tho, minho was going absolutely feral on every emotional level, from the second he saw that video. he's just far too good at keeping his composure

some thoughts below the cut....

minho had obviously had his eye on you for a while. from the very first time you'd shown up with felix and jisung, actually.

he knew you wanted him - you were much less subtle than you thought. he'd seen you checking him out, just about every single time the two of you were in the same room. and every time he so much as smirked at you, even raised an eyebrow, you either flushed bright red or found an excuse to run out of the room.

you seemed so shy, but minho knew better. this was the behaviour of someone who was harbouring some dirty, dirty thoughts.

honestly, he'd been disappointed when you stopped coming around. he thought that maybe you'd found yourself a boyfriend or something, which annoyed him more than he'd care to admit. if only he'd moved in a little faster, and you could've been his... he hadn't wanted it to transpire like that, though. he needed you to grow more and more desperate, until you needed him so bad it outweighed your shyness.

and that's what had happened. in a more roundabout way.

when he heard you in the background of that video, it felt like christmas had come early. minho prided himself on his restraint. he could wait for as long as was necessary. he wasn't one to rush. but after hearing that, hearing your vulgar words... he knew he had to seize this.

he hadn't even said goodbye to anyone at the theta chi theta party. he'd high-tailed it back home, he couldn't risk the possibility of you running away before he got there. seungmin was the first one he saw when he got there "where's-" "jisung's room."

he started to get hard as soon as he saw your shocked little face. honestly, he didn't know what had gotten into him. he usually had so much more restraint than this. he could hold off his own pleasure for hours, if it meant he could toy with a pretty baby, watching them get more and more desperate.

god, he felt like the desperate one with you. he did a fairly good job of not showing it, or he hoped so at least. but when he saw the need in your eyes; when you undressed for him, and he finally got to see your bare skin, all soft and ready to be touched; when he first saw your pussy, dripping with want.

and when you asked him to cum? he had just blown, instantly. this was the first time in a long time he hadn't felt in control. and the strangest thing was, it didn't even frustrate him. well, okay, it did a little bit. but most of all, he was intrigued.

he'd laid awake for a while, after you'd fallen asleep. thinking about things. he was satisfied, more satisfied than he'd been in far too long. but, in the same vein, he was hungrier than he ever had been, filled with pure want. he craved you, urgently.

honestly, he had to hold himself back from waking you up for part two. you slept so sweetly, though, he couldn't. instead he lay there, holding you gently, brainstorming all the horrible, filthy things he'd do to you tomorrow.

-billy

[possiblylando]

An 'Early' Analysis of Chainsaw Man Chapter 138

Woah hey I'm back, I didn't feel like talking about the past few chapters cause I didn't feel like I had anything to add since they all seemed pretty straight forward. That being said this chapter gives me alot of talk about. So we get a name for Sex Offender Girl. Boy this woman only gets worse the more we learn about her. Mifune is quite literally a government plant in denji's high school.

It's refreshingly disgusting the type of shit these girls will put denji through. It's like Fujimoto keeps trying to one up himself each time he introduces a new "love interest" (Mifune is not a love interest she is a sexual predator let's keep this 100% clear). Maki was a groomer, Mifune is just a straight up Pedophile. She is going to have such a satisfying death I can feel it. This chapter goes on to confirm a few things. First off, Yoshida is apart of Public Safety. Which sorta debunks a previous thought I had of him being apart of another group. I am interested to learn 1. What Divison 7 does 2. Which Division Yoshida is in Given we know 4 was the rejects and 5 are hybrids. My best guess is that Division 7 is a sort of Espionage/Intel Division. Yoshida likely also belongs to Division 7 unless he's got some silliness going on, Which is very likely. Actually- I just now realized something. She calls it "Special Division 7" not Division 7. Looking through the list of Division members on the Wiki, That Special Prefix is very important. The Special Divisions are all full of freaks and monsters. This Sex Offender is more than likely a monster all to her own if she's apart of a Division we've never even heard of.

Public Safety is just as fucked up as actual governments. It's great.

I hate that she's winning me over. I want this woman dead stop making me think she's silly. Fujimoto is really good at humanizing horrible people. It mirrors real life monsters who tend to blend in with society and even seem charming on the surface. Moving on from this fucking Sex Offender. Asa continues to be the realest character in the series.

I doubt I even need to say anything about how real she is. Asa is a deeply disturbed and neglected person who's shut off from the world despite her own need to validation and recognition. She and Denji are different sides of the same coin. While she tries not to show it, The fulfillment she receives from praise seeps through. This scene specifically resonated with me a ton.

I wish we got a better look into Denji's thoughts in this scene. I can't even really get a grasp on what he must be thinking through all of this. In the last few days he's lost a major part of himself and has been replaced in face by a fraud and in action by a girl who he was forced to dump by his sister. There was a moment here before the reveal on this very page where I was thinking Swords was someone else. It was clearly someone from Part 1. He had a hoodie so maybe it was Violence? But that couldn't be real Violence was killed by Darkness. WAIT- BEAM? No I couldn't be beam he's been dead aswell. The Chapter is called Swordman so then maybe it's Katana man's return? No he wouldn't be on speaking terms with Denji after his testicles got mashed. So then-

Turns out it's the Longsword Hybrid from the end of Part 1. Yeah turns out he's alive. Which as many people have pointed out, Means the rest of the Hybrids are alive. So is Reze alive? Certain fans seem to think she is. At this point she seems to be the only match for Denji who isn't a complete psycho. But she still tried to kill him. But then Denji was still willing to run away with her at the end of the fight. If she does come back I hope she and Denji don't rush into a relationship, Let them chill for a bit before getting into anything serious Fujimoto please. If Reze really is alive I'll talk about her more in depth when she shows back up. But I need to say my peace.

The Whip Hybrid is going to be insane popular and so many of them are going to be just as Horny as Anime-Only Makima fans. I hope Swords ends up being chill with Denji and not another dickhead who tries to kill him. Denji needs another Male friend who doesn't treat him like shit. His only known ""friend"" in part 2 is yoshida and we all know yoshida has not been treating him well.

[blog-name-idk]

Untitled (Arranged Marriage!Yoongi) | Teaser

Pairing: Chaebol/CEO!Yoongi x Fem!Reader, Final!???? x Fem!Reader

Genre: Chaebol(ish)!AU, Arranged Marriage!AU, Yoongi is a big ol' butthead for a while, Humor

Summary: Your husband-to-be, Min Yoongi, is a beautiful, gorgeous, cruel asshole. And his friends are no better.

Word Count: 1.4k

Rating: 18+

AN: This has been sitting in my WIPs for a while, and is also 100% @hamsterclaw's fault for driving me insane with her Vows series. It's nowhere near finished and I don't actually have an estimated date to begin posting, but it IS his birthday so....

A special thanks to @madbutgloriouspond and @nabiolive for beta-ing what's been written so far! Love you both always and forever.

Also I HATE coming up with titles so this has none at the moment.

~~~~~

Your first impression of Min Yoongi is that pictures didn't do him justice. There are certainly worse men you could be marrying to get ahead in life, at least from a physical standpoint. If you had met him under other circumstances, you might have been ecstatic.

Unfortunately, your first meeting is to discuss the terms of your engagement and eventual marriage. So that's hiccup number one in terms of establishing some sort of relationship based on mutual affection and attraction.

Hiccup number two is that he is a massive asshole.

You sit wordlessly across from each other in glacial silence as you wait for him to say something, to look at you, to at least fucking acknowledge your presence. But he hasn't so much as glanced your way since your parents and lawyers left the conference room to "allow the new couple a chance to get to know each other," as if this is their idea of a cute first date.

You use the time to study the man you're expected to marry. He's objectively striking with flowing dark hair and smooth, pale skin that has you vaguely wondering about his skincare routine. He almost looks like a doll, and the deathly silence does nothing to dispel the image. Finally, you can't take it anymore.

"So, do you - "

"I'm going to make a few things clear," he cuts you off, and for the first time today he deigns to look you in the eye. His own are dark and beautiful, and the ice in his gaze is matched only by the cold, almost bored quality of his voice. You shut up, too shocked by his rudeness to do anything but stare back.

"I have no interest or desire to be married to you," he says bluntly, stunning you further. "I am doing this out of necessity. Publicly, we'll have to attend events together, but otherwise don't expect me to hold your hand or act like I'm your boyfriend. I have responsibilities that matter, and I don't need you wasting my time with frivolous activities."

It's like the frost radiating from his body is trying to wrap its icy tendrils around your throat, but the flare of irritation at his complete dismissal of you is enough to melt away its bite. Your mind flashes back to the information your investigator had gathered, because you're not stupid enough to agree to marry someone completely blind.

Min Yoongi, 28 years old, only son and heir to Min Hyunsuk, President of Hansol Group. No arrests or convictions on record - at least nothing that couldn't be paid away, probably. He had been speculated to be in a quiet, long-term relationship with his college sweetheart, Kim Yongsun, and his cruel words only add credence to the theory.

You're not an idiot. You weren't expecting some kind of soap opera romance where you and your fiance hit it off and fall madly in love. You would have been satisfied with someone who at least respected you and the partnership, who you could have sex with without wanting to vomit. Those are more than reasonable expectations for a transactional relationship in which both parties are supposed to be benefitting.

Director's boards always seem to think a married man is more reliable than a bachelor, despite half of the assholes having mistresses on the side. You have a niggling feeling that there's some sort of agreement between Yoongi himself and his father, one that stipulates marriage with someone "suitable." Apparently, Yoongi's ex didn't meet his family's standards.

You might have felt bad for the man if he wasn't acting like such a colossal prick before so much as a single hello. Boo-fucking-hoo, he has to marry you instead of the girl he loves. Well, he's the one who made the choice for himself, not you.

You've honed many skills and talents over the years. One of them is being petty to a fault.

So you put the brightest, sweetest smile possible on your face, and for the first time today he wears an expression other than annoyance or bored indifference. He looks surprised.

"As you wish, dear fiance," you reply, saccharine sugar dripping from your voice like poison. "I will put all of my efforts into not inconveniencing you."

His eyes narrow at your tone, but before he can reply, your parents return. You bid a polite farewell, taking great glee in pressing a chaste kiss on Yoongi's cheeks as he gives you a murderous stare, and leave with your father.

"That went very well," he says as you exit the tall glass building, looking satisfied.

"Yes, Yoongi was very charming," you agree pleasantly, resisting the urge to scream when your father nods. He probably wouldn't care if Yoongi hit you behind closed doors as long as it didn't come to light or jeopardize the family name. Or the company's stock prices.

"I'm glad you've finally come around," your father says proudly as your driver pulls up and opens the door for the two of you to get in. "This is the best way you can help our family."

Yeah, I went to business school overseas so I would be a more favorable marriage option to some rich asshole, you think sourly, adjusting the skirt of your dress beneath you so it wouldn't wrinkle. You fucking idiot.

"Of course, father," you reply docilely, folding your hands in your lap as you turn to stare out the window. It galls to swallow down the words you really want to say, but you've long since learned to save your breath.

Besides, it's easier to maneuver when people underestimate you.

~~~~~

One month and one staged set of proposal pictures later, you're having an ostentatious engagement party so Yoongi can show off his new fiancee. Wait fuck that and fuck him, he's attending as your fiance.

Neither of you are particularly interested in the event, but hell hath no fury like a set of parents who want to show everyone how picture perfect their kids' lives are. And by extension, their own.

You idly wonder if he'll be able to pull off even a modicum of boyfriend behavior, considering he's been just as standoffish every other time you've seen him since that horrible first meeting. He'd once rolled his eyes when you had the audacity to ask how his family was doing, because fuck you for trying to make the best of what's rapidly becoming an incredibly painful situation.

So, because you know it infuriates him, you always greet him with a hug and a kiss he has to reciprocate because others are watching. The veiled fury in his eyes is the only thing that gets you through the meetings.

Plus he has quite kissable lips, which you discovered during the obligatory kiss picture during the proposal shoot. It had actually been quite pleasant to be cradled in his arms, his soft rose petal lips pressed against yours. At least, until you remembered who was holding you.

You're inspecting the finishing touches on your hair and makeup when your phone buzzes.

Yoonyoon I'm here. Hurry up.

God he is such a dick. Giving his phone contact a stupid nickname was the best idea you'd ever had.

You Of course, babe <3

He doesn't respond, of course, and you slip on your heels before leaving your apartment and taking the elevator down. Your eyes fall on the sleek, dark gray car in front of the building and you make your way towards it.

Yoongi is on his phone, and he doesn't even bother to look up when you enter the passenger's seat.

"Took you long enough," he says boredly, as if you hadn't left your unit as soon as you got his message. You take a deep breath and count to ten before pasting a smile on your face.

"Sorry babe, I just wanted to look good for you," you coo obnoxiously, relishing in the way his lips purse together in irritation. He turns to face you, face irate.

"I thought I told you not to - " he shuts up abruptly, eyes widening slightly as he takes you in. His gaze flickers down your body before it settles back to your face, and he looks stunned, like he's never seen you before.

Actually, now that you think about it, this might be the first time he's really looked at you. The night of your engagement party. How hilariously sad.

"Something the matter?" you ask, half expecting him to tell you you look like shit. Your voice seems to snap him back to his senses, and he turns forward again, foot hitting the gas so hard your back thumps into the leather back of your seat.

Asshole.

~~~~~