#normally the shower signs say Till and Peter only

[thecultoftill]

Two of the backstage London signs at the Lindemann show. 

Photo belongs to Rachelle Cloke. 

[spidergoo]

I Think I Left My Consciousness on Your Front Door;

— eeeh i’m scared to share this but it’s a sfw heat?? but this was for my friend hehe so enjoy soft omega peter. reader is he/him but i don’t think i really mention pronouns only like once. xoxo enjoy (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

Peter was doing fine, on the battlefield doing his thing. He ignored the feelings of day before, the warning signs of the heat. Peter never tracked his heats which always ruined him somehow but he had never learned his lesson. The days where he wakes up to a math test or a speech he has to do in English.

Of course he was too embarrassed to tell Aunt May anything on those days. He’ll say he’s sick while Aunt May always tried to give him that “Omega Talk”. The one he dreads and whines over her trying to talk to him. Yeah Peter was an omega but he didn’t find it horrible just the heats were always on the worst timing.

“You okay kid?�� Stark asks Peter having an overwhelming sensation of the heat that overcame his body. Suddenly the suit was suffocating, his body heat making it impossible to stay in.

“Yeah of course! Just under the weather a little.” Peter says zippling along the field. The battle was obvious that the avengers could take care of it if Peter needed to go home. He was growing up and the heat and his omega self was being more aggressive, making themselves well known.

“Are you sure?” Stark asks once more pushing the question to Peter, but once he said that Peter couldn’t handle the heat. He took off his mask mid battle sepeerating himself from the war. Breathing deeply his knees starting to get weak. Not now not now not now.

Peter soon couldn’t even stand at this point and he was drenched of his own scent, the sweat producing and he hasn’t even touched the battle. Mr. Stark flew over clicking on his suit to take off his mask.

“Kid, what’s going on?” Peter knew he couldn’t lie. As much as he would like to, this wasn’t just a cold it was much worse and Stark knew.

“H-Heat. In heat.” Peter pants sitting down no longer able to stand up. Mr. Stark grabbing him in his arms flying towards the nearest safest location which was the Stark building. While flying he couldn’t help but hear Peter telling him “he’s fine”.

Setting him down he grabbed his phone, your emergency number was down. You agreed to Peter’s hero lifestyle as long as you were told when he needed you or if something happened. If Mr. Stark said a word about Peter needing you, you were for sure on your way there.

“Don’t call him!” Peter yells from the couch, loosening the suit to make air breeze through is body but he was under a blanket. The blanket was definitely not helping but he does not want to be almost naked with Mr. Stark in the room.

“I’m calling him!” Stark yells from the other room, contacting you. You answered the phone obviously in the middle of driving. Answering the phone you questioned what was going on.

“You need to pick him up, like right now would be great.” Tony says while you suddenly changed your directions to Stark building. Giving him the “Im coming”

“What happened?” You asked while turning the street. Hearing Peter whine in the background you assumed the worst. Did he get stabbed? Was he in the hospital? Is he traumatized? “Is he okay?” You asked once again not controlling the nerves jumbling inside your body.

“Parker is fine. He’s in heat can barely stand up.” Tony says on the phone, you getting out of the car. Seeing the large building in front of you.

“Mr. Stark I said I’m fine! I can be in battle!” Peter gets himself up from the couch holding onto it because he doesn’t trust his body currently. Tony walking over setting him back down on the couch.

“You are not fine. Don’t worry Y/N is coming anytime soon.” Tony lays him down waiting for you to walk in the doors so you could take him off his hands. He didn’t know how to deal with this.

“I swear I am fine! If you let me-” Peter stops mid sentence when your scent filled his nose. The whiff he smelled when you opened the doors basically running inside. The room was filled with your scent and that make his knees basically weak. Peter was well losing his mind over well you smelled. “Maybe I should go home with him.” Peter laughs a little trying to hide the fact he said he could fight two seconds ago.

“Hey are you okay?” You walk near him sitting down. The silk you see producing through his pants luckily you always have spare clothes in the back of your car because this has happened more times then one.

“Fi-Fine you? You! smell really nice.” Peter leans on you sniffing you while you mouth a “thank you” to Tony seeing him fly back to the battle orginally they were suppose to be at.

“Here Pete we gotta go to the car.” You gran him he hooks onto you like a monkey. Going down the lobby grateful that there wasn’t anyone working the front desk currently knowing Peter would never come back from it.

Peter changed into your clothes. And if now your scent wasn’t intoxicating it sure damn was now. Your nice scent with a slight touch of the washing detergent. Perfect combination of his entire life.

You dropped him off at your house since it was closer then his and he didn’t want to worry Aunt May more then he already does he settled for it. Peter clinging onto you while you took the elevator upstairs to your apartment. Your parents thankfully not home to witness Peter in his crisis.

“You need to take a bath.” Flicking his forehead you see he’s gotten you clothes soaked in slick. You felt that this was going to be a normal thing this heat.

“What’s the point if I’m just going to get more slick on your clothes?” Peter sits on the toilet seat, waiting for you to come back with a fresh new set of clothes. You warmed up the bath, helping Peter get into it.

“I’ll put some layers on my bed, you want to just sleep naked?” You put some bubbles seeing Peter pout. “What? You don’t like “Eucalyptus Spearment” bubble bath?” You asked showing the bottle seeing Peter tilt his head because he’s never heard of that scent in his life.

“My friend gave it to me, one christmas have not used it once but! My boyfriend that is in need of a bubble bath will use it for me.” Pouring the substance seeing bubbles start to form. Peter laying down in the bath seeing that he didn’t quite fit. You grabbed the shampoo from your side of the shower pouring some on your hand.

“Thank you.” Peter says under his breath while you rub the shampoo through his hair. The scent of the bubble bath finally hitting his nose. Smiling while you poured warm water over his head washing the dirt and dust out of his hair.

You let Peter do his thing in the bath while you made your bed, making sure you put some blankets under where he would lay down. Espically since he might be overtaken from the scent of you, you aired out some windows grabbing the handy dandy fabreeze. Spraying some here and there making sure not to overload it. You heard Peter call out to you from the bathroom seeing him only in boxers waving at you to pick him up.

“My night and shining.” Peter chuckles in your chest while you laid him in the bed. You placing a light blanket on him. You laid next to him your scent filling up his nose feeling slick run down his thighs.

“This is embarrassing.” Peter says looking up at your ceiling. You got up from laying down seeing him press his legs together trying to stop the slick.

“What is embarrassing?” You ask, honestly he could spill as much slick and you wouldn’t be mad at him. His doey brown dreamy eyes looked at you the blush rising in his cheeks.

“That i’m in heat in your bed.”

“And...” You raise your eyebrow clicking your phone to play a couple songs that you knew he enjoyed to calm him down.

“And? I’m soaking your sheets in my own slick. My dignity? Lost.” Peter gestures with his hands till the end where he slams them on the bed giggling at his little rant.

“You will be fine buttercup. I love you regardless of the slick on my sheets.” Kissing his lips, embracing him separating yourself from him seeing him whine.

“Not. Helping.” He said feeling more slick run down his thighs. You laid back down holding his hand, fit perfectly with yours. His small touches of his made your heart beat faster.

“Are you hungry?”

“Hungry for you.” Peter realizes what he said when he hears you burst into laughter. “Sorry omega thing kinda kick into hyperdrive.” You couldn’t stop laughing.

“God that was incredibly cheesy.” Still chuckling wrapping your hands around him even if he didn’t want to be touched at first, till he basically turned into goo enjoying your touch.

“Why aren’t you getting your ruts? This isn’t fair.” Peter says seeing you burry your head into his neck leaving little pecks.

“We haven’t been together long enough for our heats and ruts to be synced.” Placing your leg over his body even if the small complains of his slick getting on you.

“Also never spray freebreeze in here.” Peter mumbles kissing your knuckles of your hands.

“Why?”

“Because I love smelling your scent.” Peter smiles turning to you. The love eyes he gives you made you coo at him.

“My baby! My sweetiepie! My angel! My honey! My boo bear!” You yelled out basically trying your hardest to not pounce on him with kisses. The sweetest things made you want to protect him from all the dangers in his world.

The night came you two just staying in bed, the small stars you could see from the window. The lights of New York and the cars speeding by the city. You saw Peter falling asleep on you. Peter turning towards you meowing a little.

“Do you need a change of boxers?” You asked moving his curls out of his face. Peter softly nodding half asleep but understanding what you’re saying.

You got an extra pair giving it to Peter while he changed you replacing the extra blanket with a new one. The ironically the spider-man he bought you one christmas. Peter laying on top feeling the fresh clean feeling against his skin.

“How long do you think this heat will be?” You ask turning on a little night light you had that shined on the ceiling. It was more for the looks of the stars that you got it for.

“This is my 3rd one? So maybe it will end by tomorrow.” Peter says letting his head rest on your chest. You ran your hand through his hair enjoying the time with him.

“You aren’t annoyed right?” Peter asks looking up at the artificial stars in your bedroom. Going in a swirly motion.

“No of course not.”

“Good because I was just worried. I can be a lot to take care.” The slow music while the stars allowed the moment to be peaceful. You kissing his hand giving him the affection he well deserves.

“Don’t worry, you will be out back in battle in a matter of time.” You tell him, his spider suit still on your bedroom floor. Not worried that your parents would walk in to see it on the ground.

“You know I enjoy this. Maybe when I’m not producing gallons of slick we could do this again.” Peter yawns seems like he’s trying to talk but his body is shutting down on him.

“I would love to. You can rest baby.”

[cammortiz]

was i made from a broken mold ?

about : cameron has a panic attack, ends up passing out and hitting his head. janelle finds him and calls 911.

time & location : may 23rd, sometime around 11:00 am, continues through the day. cameron and janelle’s house, then the hospital.

trigger warnings : panic attack, hospital, talk of blood, talk of mental health, talk of suicide

to say that cameron was exhausted would be an understatement. he hadn't really been sleeping, only maybe four hours a night, going to bed at one am and waking up at five am was proving to be quite difficult. playing at prom was amazing, sure, but combined with everything they needed to get ready for tour, the after party last night, and things he hadn't been taking very good care of emotionally, cameron was a mess. he was trying to clean their bathroom, the next thing on his list of chores, seeing as he hated leaving the house a mess when he was to be going for a long period of time. cam was wiping down the mirrors, a rag in hand, when he heard his phone ping from the countertop. he reached over, sighing as the name 'she devil' was displayed on his screen. he unlocked it, his eyes scanning over the words, 'i told you all that pot wasn't good for you, but look what you even did to your poor fucking baby. i bet you didn't even care if you were smoking around her. she probably got poisoned.' he let out a shaky sigh, beginning to set the phone back down on the counter when it vibrated again, 'i knew you were going to fuck something up again. i just didn't think it would ever be this horrible.' cameron's hands began to shake now, sliding his thumb up to press the power button down, turning his phone off for good. he leaned forward, pressing the palm of his free hand down on the counter, as the other one gripped tightly to the device. he was trying so hard to stay calm, to stay okay. he had too much to do, and he knew he couldn't waste a second of it getting upset over anything. though his thoughts proved to be no use as he turned his body quickly, swinging his arm at the shower wall, letting his phone slip out of his hand, hitting the tile with a very loud crash, obviously smashing it into a million pieces.

his mind was racing, and as much as he tried, he couldn’t stop it. soon, his breathing was hitching in his throat, and his hands were gripping onto the edge of the counter so hard, his knuckles were turning white. cameron was trying as hard as he could to prolong the inevitable, though it only ended up making matters worse. he gasped, a hand moving up to clutch the material of his shirt hanging at his chest, his short nails digging into his skin. he glanced up into the mirror, noticing that his neck was starting to break out in hives, a sure sign that things were not going to end up well. he gasped again, trying to get as much air into his lungs as he could, but he fell short, and he was beginning to see the little white dots cloud his vision. this was getting bad, really, really bad, and he had no way to stop it. camerons hand started working against his chest again, scratching at his skin through his shirt, trying to relieve himself of the itching the hives brought on. his chest was rising and falling too rapidly now to be able to even attempt to catch his breath like he knew he needed to. cameron’s entire body was trembling, and his legs were beginning to grow weak, he tried to keep his body held up on the counter, hoping that his upper body strength would be enough, but of course, it wasn’t. one of his legs gave out first, and the other followed shortly after and all of a sudden, the world went dark. cameron fell down onto the tile flooring, passing out in the middle of his fall, his head, smacking off the edge of the bathtub. his body laid limply on the floor, a small trickle of blood began to stream down the side of his face caused by the hit to his head.

To say that this weekend hadn’t been already starting off amazingly would be an understatement. Janelle felt as if she had gotten a redo of her and Cam’s Junior prom. Having stolen him for dances when the boys weren’t playing, but also made sure she had plenty of time to take pictures of the boys, her brothers’ band, her sister, and of course Briar and Zach being the cutest thing ever that night. After prom came the after party, and Janelle stayed up till god knows what time even with Cam passing out around one am. She ended up sleeping in till around nine. She did her normal morning routine, that she added in taking the puppies, on a walk around the block, luckily Cam had taken Deliliah with him when he went out for his run and she was already asleep up on their bed.

By the time she got back from the walk with the boys Janelle was ready for a nap, but she wasn’t going to end up getting it, unlike Parker and Peter who found their way up onto the couch and curled up sleeping. Janelle shook her head at the two of them. Cam and her had made a list and planned to divide and concor to try and get some of it done with this weekend they both had off. She had been tasked to organize, the already pretty well organized, kitchen. She pulled out things that were going to be expiring within the month that was already open, so they could finish them up, and she started to check dates on things that would end up expiring during tour, going to probably drop it off at her mom’s knowing that someone over there would end up eating them.

As she was finished up, making a basket to bring over to her moms she heard a crash upstairs. She walked into the living room seeing the boys still asleep on the couch; it wasn’t them. She walked up stairs hearing Deliliah scratching at the bathroom door. “Go lay back down sweetie.” She tried to pull Deliliah from the door but she wasn’t having it, but there wasn’t much Janelle could do when she heard a thud to the floor. Opening it, Delilah was already to run in, but Janelle was able to grab her, picking her up,  and seeing Cam on the floor.  “Nope nope you’re staying out here.” She put Deliliah back in their room, closing the door before going over to Cam, seeing the small bit of blood coming from his forehead “Cammy..” She shook his body slightly, trying to see if she could just wake him up, but when he didn’t respond to her, she quickly got out her phone calling 911.

As an operator picked up, Janelle had to try and not just start sobbing on the floor. She tried to explain what happened, even though she didn’t even know what happened. She gave all the info she needed to, and stayed on the phone with her, at least until the paramedics got there.

cameron's body was slumped at this point, his neck was an angle that seemed to be anything but comfortable, and the blood was continuing to slide down his face with every second that passed. it wasn't a horrible wound, but it was a big enough one that could cause a good amount of fluid. after a few moments, he groaned, trying to move his body slightly. he got his neck to shift, his head sliding onto the ground with a quiet thud. cam groaned again, his eyes slowly fluttering open, "wha -" he started, bringing a hand up to rub along his cheek, pulling it away, noticing his fingers were covered in his own blood, "what -" he started again, though he couldn't figure out how to string along a proper sentence, his words were getting jumbled in his head, and his mind was foggy, "elle," he mumbled, being able to get out at least part of janelle's name, "what - happened?"

Janelle sat there trying to keep calm, the operator helping a lot, but she could still hear Deliliah scratching at the door. She let out a breath as she started to see Cam move. "Hey hey, don't move baby.."  she reached her hand over to him running her fingers along his arm. She was about to say something but she started to hear the ambulance coming, hanging up on the operator. "You don't move." her tone was firm as she got up and went to the door, trying to catch Deliliah before she ran in but couldn't and just let her go right to Cam's side - she was just as worried as Janelle was. "Deliliah you make sure he doesn't move okay?" Janelle made her way down stairs, grabbing both of the boys to put them in their playpen before going to open the door as she saw the flashing pull up in front of the house.

cameron groaned again, trying his hardest to sit up, but just janelle's words were enough to get him to lay back down. his mind and his body were too weak to even try to fight with her now, not like he normally would in times like these. he tried his best to say yes to her statement, but his word only came out like a muffled groan. he let his head fall back again, his eyes fluttering closed, even as delilah ran in, pawing softly at his arm before she laid directly down on his bicep, whining softly. the paramedics pulled directly into the driveway, a couple of people hopping out of the truck rather quickly, walking their way up to the front door, "mrs. puckerman?" they asked as she neared the door, "what seems to be the problem? and where is the injured?" one of them asked, adjusting the bag on their shoulder.

Janelle ran her hand into her hair nodding "Yeah, hi thank you guys for coming so quickly." She let them inside. trying to find the right words. "I'm not exactly sure what happened." She started before going to the second question "He's upstairs in the master bathroom." She showed them the way up, going in and letting them go to the bathroom. One of them went in as the other started asking her more questions, her doing the best she could with what was being asked.

"it's our job, ma'am," one of the emt's replied, taking a couple steps into the house. both of them followed closely behind janelle, one of them holding a portable gurney in one hand, and the other was holding one of the bags. they walked up to the master bedroom, immediately going into the bathroom. he checked out cameron, shining a light in his eyes, checking his vitals, and beginning to clean up his wound to hopefully help limit the bleeding. "we're going to have to take him to the general hospital, it looks like he has a concussion, and this wound here is going to need some stitches." the emt spoke, sliding a neck brace onto the male.

Janelle stayed out in the bedroom letting the emts do their work, trying to call Rosemary, and then Zach and Jared. She really felt like she was going to be sick seeing Cameron like that. there wasn't anything she could have done, and she just knew how upset cam would be with her after this.

as the other emt finished up with janelle, he walked into the bathroom, helping get cameron onto the flat gurney, counting to three before they lifted him up, earning a groan from the male. they walked him out into the bedroom, and slowly down the stairs, setting him on the rolling bed they had waited by the door. "will you be riding with us, ma'am?" the male turned quickly, asking janelle. cameron was far too out of it to even beg her to go with him, though he would have if he could have.

Deliliah followed them out of the bathroom as they took him out, before going over to Janelle. She picked her up "daddy's gonna be okay. promise they are gonna take good care of him." She said, keeping her in her arms as she walked down stairs with her. "Um." She nodded. "I just need to grab my bag, and his wallet.." She nodded again. Janelle went into the living room putting Deliliah down with her brothers. "you three behave please." She mumbled to the dogs,  grabbing her bag, putting his wallet and keys in there before going out with them to get into the ambulance.

the emt's nodded, beginning to wheel cameron into the ambulance, already getting him hooked up to a heart monitor, and strapped into place properly. as they finished, the male climbed out of the rig, waiting outside to help janelle in, thankfully it wasn't too much time. cameron was in and out of consciousness, mumbling things incoherently, and letting out a few, weak groans as they drove to the hospital. once there, they got him inside, stopping janelle by the doors to the emergency room, "you'll need to wait here, some paperwork will have to be filled out while the nurses and doctors check him out, but i'm sure they will call you as soon as he's ready. just - head over there," he spoke, pointing to the emergency room desk.

Janelle nodded to him, thanking him again before heading over to the emergency desk. "Hi, my boyfriend just came in on the ambulance." She started, giving the info she needed too, going into his wallet when they asked for his healthcare card, not seeing one in there, going through almost all of them. "Um he doesn't have one in here. can i give you his parents name? He must still be on one of theirs." She ran her hand over her arm, probably should have grabbed a sweater too before leaving. The nurses finished up with her telling her she can have a seat and once he was settled they would be able to bring her back to him.

the nurse at the desk was very sweet, though it was clear she was just trying to get her job done. she handed janelle the paperwork needed, asking her to fill out a few forms for cameron, though telling her to wait on the signature, as cameron would have to do that himself. "mm, sure, hun, let me see what i can find," the nurse spoke as she typed into the computer, shaking her head, "yeah, i'm not having anything come up on my end, are you able to contact them at all? they might want to be here too, if he's in the emergency room." she noted, "i'll have it billed to the address you put down here, and if need be, you can file a claim with the health care provider if nothing turns up, alright?" she added before instructing janelle to have a seat. it was about a half an hour before the doctor came in to find janelle, "mrs - puckerman?" he called, "cameron is all set, we've brought him up to the second floor, if you want to follow me up there to see him? we can chat on the way."

Janelle took the paperwork from her nodding looking it over, trying to think how much she was actually going to be able to fill out without texting Rosemary - not like she wouldn't just want her there right now. "Yeah i'll totally get right on trying to get a hold of them" it was more under her breath then to her nurse. She filled everything out that she could as she waited. it felt so much longer than a half hour but when she heard her name call she jumped up nodding "Okay. yeah thank you." she ran her fingers in her hair worried for the bad news that would probably come.

the doctor moved aside, letting janelle out the door before he followed closely behind, "so, we did a full workup on cameron, he did pass out, as i'm sure you know, what caused that - we don't fully understand. does he have a history of fainting? or anything that could cause a dizzy spell of any kind?" she asked, tucking her clipboard under her arm as they walked, "we also have reason to believe he has a concussion, we're waiting for the mri to open up, but he'll be going in there shortly to get confirmation on that. - and lastly, the wound on his head is pretty superficial, there was no damage to his skull, though it does have about - eight or nine stitches helping heal that wound." she explained as she rounded the corner to the hallway his room was on, stopping in front of his door, "he's pretty awake right now, we have him on some fluids, so that should help him. just make sure you're careful, he seems to still be pretty confused."

Janelle pushed her hair behind her ear. "Not that i know of no." She started, "though I don't believe it's diagnosed, but he does have panic attacks, so I don't know if that would have been linked to this." She nodded listening to everything else. "Thank you."She said softly, before going to the door handle and pushed it opened seeing Cam in bed, and she instantly was sad but happy. Going over to him she wanted to just fling her arms around him knowing he was going to be okay, but she stopped herself. "hey Cam." She walked over to the side of the bed kissing his cheek softly. "How are you feeling.."

"panic attacks? alright - we'll come back later, he seemed a little - anxious when we were asking him questions earlier, so that makes sense, but we're going to give him a bit of a break until we need to take him to mri," she explained, before leaving janelle to see cameron. cam picked his head up just slightly as janelle walked in, though his eyebrows furrowed in pain. "hi - baby," he mumbled, his voice hoarse and quiet. "m' fine - elle, really. i - just slipped," he mumbled, turning his head slightly to look at her.

Janelle nodded "oh yeah breaks are good." she said knowing how hard it would be for her to get him to talk, it had to be even harder for them. Once she was over to the bed, she pulled the closest chair over to sit down, "Mm your nine stitches in your head say otherwise" She took his hand lacing her fingers with his. "I was scared Cam.." She said softly not wanting to look at him when she said that.

cameron let out a sigh, "nine?" he mumbled, letting his eyes move away from her, training them on the ceiling. he brought his gaze back down to janelle as she spoke, trying to shake his head, but that proved to bring him more pain, "elle, baby, i'm okay, i promise," he mumbled, reaching a shaking hand over to try to grab onto hers, "- i'm - sorry i scared you, sweetheart,"

"or eight, at least that is what your doctor said." She said softly looking back over at him "Cam. I heard a crash, and then a thud and you were on the floor bleeding. you weren't okay." She told him shaking her head "Do you remember what happened?" She whispered softly.

"eight - okay," he grumbled, letting out a slow, shaky sigh, "i - but i'm fine now, right? i'm - good." cameron mumbled, letting his eyes fall to the blanket laying over his legs. he was disappointed - but not in anyone but himself. he had hurt the one, single person, he promised to never hurt. "i - had another - w - whatever it's called. i - uh - got dizzy, i - i guess. i don't - remember."

Janelle quickly looked over to him shaking her head. "They still need to have you have an MRI, just to check to see if you have a concussion or not." She bit down on her lip "Panic attack?" She questioned softly sighing. "I don't know who was more worried about you me or deiliah" She said softly.

"yeah - okay," he mumbled, "but it's just a con - concussion. it's not like it's really that bad, baby." cameron could barely speak above a whisper, his throat being too dry to even attempt to raise it. "yeah - that," cam grumbled, letting out a puff of air at the mention of the actual term, "i don't know - is she okay, though? are - are they all okay?"

"It could be bad though." She  told him. "Like what if that had happened and I wasn't home?" Janelle didn't want to start crying but she could feel her eyes tearing up. "She's fine, the boys are fine. She kept trying to run into the bathroom before i just let her."

"but it wasn't, baby," he added, glancing over to her, "i would have been just fine, i - woke up after a second, didn't i? that's what the doctors said." cameron mumbled, noticing her tears, "baby, come on, don't cry, please, i'm - i'm fine, okay? they're gonna bring me - me to the mri, and then - then they'll let me go." he promised, hoping that he would at least comfort her slightly.

Janelle shrugged a little bit "maybe more like a minute?" She shook her head, quickly pushing them away "i'm not crying, i think dust just got in my eye" Janelle mumbled with a sigh "Or the mri says there is something wrong, and then you have to stay here or something." She shook her head slightly, clearly thinking of all the worst things that could happen.

"whatever, same difference," he mumbled, letting out a puff of air, "you're crying, janelle. i know what crying looks like," he reached his hand out again, hoping that she would take it this time. "i don't think anything is going to be wrong, janelle. it's fine. i'm fine, okay? please." cameron was getting aggravated now, hating that he had to lay here in this bed, hating that he did something so idiotic to get him here, "oh - fuck. rose. did you call her?"

"minutes sixty seconds longer than a second" Janelle teased, before finally taking his hand, squeezing it gently, though she ignored him saying she was crying. "Are you really fine, or are you just saying your fine for me to drop it Cam?" Hospitals were no place to argue knowing it set her anxiety off so she really was trying to keep her own emotions in check. She nodded "yeah i texted her when the emts were looking at you, and texted her asking about your health insurance. I couldn't find the card in your wallet, and the nurse at the er desk said there was nothing on file for you, though she asked if i could try and call your mom and dad about it, I didn't i promise."

cameron wrapped his fingers around her hand, squeezing it as best as he could, though it wasn't to much at all. "i'm fine, janelle." he mumbled again, avoiding picking either option he was given. he just wanted to get out of here, and that's what he was trying to do, "oh - yeah. i don't have any," he said simply, letting out a slow sigh, "uh - my parents took me off when i - moved out, and obviously it's - not easy to get with the kind of job i have, so i just - never did."

Janelle shook her head "We'll see if the doctor says your fine" She ran her thumb along his hand softly. She wanted him to be fine but there was something in the pit of her stomach that something wasn't 100%. Janelle rolled her eyes a little bit. "your parents are fucking assholes, have i said that recently, or actually ever?" She shook her head. "So me calling 911, is gonna lead to such an expensive bill" she mumbled to herself pulling her hand away running both of her hands over her face.

"she'll say i'm fine, janelle." he mumbled, letting his head rest back on the pillows. he felt like shit, truthfully, his head was pounding, and he felt like he was going to throw up at any given moment, but he would never tell her that, "yeah - they are. - it's fine. is rose on her way?" he asked, eyebrows raising, "did you tell her i was fine, though? or what did you say? she's - gonna be worried, fuck," he mumbled, biting down hard on the corner of his lip. "yeah - it will - but it's fine."

Janelle shrugged her shoulders slightly just dropping it. "mm she is, I just told her you passed out and i called 911 and we are at the hospital. I didn't have much else to give her" She looked over at him. "You are fine with what is probably a 500 dollar ambulance ride, then everything else just adds up after that. You probably sitting here waiting for her to come back is like a dollar every thirty seconds" She sighed

cameron nodded his head slowly, letting out a sigh, "she's gonna fuckin' kill me, - fuck," he mumbled, his voice filled with annoyance, though it wasn't directed towards anyone but himself. "try two thousand, not to mention all the shit they're pumping me with, and then the blood work, and the bed, and the testing - the mri n' shit," he mumbled, letting out another sigh. it was getting to be pretty overwhelming, having to think about all this stuff, though he was trying to ignore the bubbling anxiety, "it's - fine, though. i - have enough."

"Cam she's not going to kill you. At least not right now she probably won't." She let out a small sigh. As he started to add up everything, it was getting her even more worried over that bill that would end up at the house. "I mean it is fine, but shit babe."

"she is going to kill me," he mumbled, shaking his head, "i'm supposed to tell her - about - these things," he tilted his head down, looking to his hands which were resting on the blanket, "the - what - whatever you want to call them." cameron sighed, bringing a hand up to push his hair back, causing him to flinch in pain as he brushed against the stitches. truthfully, money was getting to be a problem, with everything they were trying to pay off right now, but cameron would never tell her that, "the boys? did you call them?" he mumbled, his eyebrows raising just slightly.

"She is not going to kill you." She repeated her hand running up his arm slowly trying to keep him calm. "Panic attack." She said simply. "That is what they are.." She  leaned over kissing his cheek softly. "Maybe not push your hair back on that side" All she wanted was to get in bed and hold him and tell him everything would be okay. "mmhmm. Jared finally texted back saying he'll go over and check on the boys and deliliah."

"she is one hundred percent going to kill me," he mumbled, letting out a slow sigh as she ran her hand up his arm, turning his head just slightly to watch her movements. "yeah - whatever." cameron grumbled, shaking his head slowly. "o - okay. - and zach?" he asked, eyebrows raising slightly. he hated having to be here, having to lay in this bed so helpless and weak. "can't you just -" he started to try and plead with her to get him out of here, but he was interrupted by a knock on the door, the doctor soon opening the door to take a couple of steps inside, "mr. weston," she started, "cameron, please." he spoke quietly, hating to have to hear his last name more than needed, "- alright then, cameron, - i just need to ask you a couple more questions before we take you into get that mri, sound good?" she began, earning a slow nod from cameron.

"She is one hundred percent not gonna kill you Cameron." She tried to convince him. "Zach said he'll come by if you have to stay overnight, he doesn't want Briar to end up worrying." She said simply. "But if they do let you go home he's gonna stop by the house and check in." She smiled slightly letting her hand run down to his, lacing their fingers together just as the knock was on the door Janelle gave his hand a soft squeeze, hoping everything would go smoothly.

cameron rolled his eyes, letting out a sigh. he knew very well how rosemary would react, they were very similar, the two of them and he couldn't imagine her reacting any better than he did when she was in the hospital. "yeah - okay, that sounds good," cam nodded again, letting out another breath. the doctor grabbed the clipboard at the end of his bed, beginning to read over the chart quickly, "alright so - i was told you experience panic attacks, is that correct?" she asked, raising her eyebrows, "uh - yeah. i - guess so," he mumbled, avoiding the doctors gaze. "and how long have those been happening?" she asked as she began to write something down on the chart, "uh - a couple - a while. long as i can remember," he sighed, lacing his fingers with janelles.

Janelle sat there quietly, squeezing his hand again, to show she was there, this would be fine, and that it would be okay. She let her thumb run along his hand, keeping her eyes on them, as she felt her heart slowly start to break when he said as long as he could remember. She was now wondering how long that actually was.

the doctor nodded her head slowly, continuing to ask questions about the attacks, how frequently, how long did they last, and if he had ever passed out from them before. cameron answered truthfully, saying that they happened a couple of times a month, only a few minutes, fifteen tops, and no, he had never passed out from them before. the doctor looked up, nodding her head at his answers, "alright - so since panic attacks stem from anxiety, i'm going to have to ask you a couple of questions regarding your mental health, is that alright?" cameron nodded his head, slowly, clearly anxious for what was to come. she went through the routine, asking if he had a history of mental illness, resulting in him explaining his sister, though his parents and his family were clear as far as he knew. she continued to ask about his personal history, if he had any symptoms of depression, the usual questions asked during a situation like this one. her last questioned noticeably stunned cameron, "and have you ever had any thoughts about ending your life in any way?" she asked softly, making sure her words didn't hit too sharp. cameron hesitated, his breathing hitching in his throat, and his heart monitor began beeping slightly faster, "n - no. i - haven't." he stuttered, shaking his head slowly.

When that last question hit, Janelle was assuming that the no would come just as all the other questions had come - easily. but when the heart monitor started beeping faster, she looked right at him. She couldn't tell if he was just worried to say no, or if he was lying. her eyes dropped from looking at him, wishing the doctor would say what was going on now.

Cameron sighed slowly, as the doctor raised her eyebrows, clearly questioning his answer, "cameron, you're going to need to tell the truth, here. I need to be able to treat you properly, and if you're not telling us the truth, we cannot do that," her words were firm, yet they were still soft. Cameron's hands started to tremble again, sliding the hand that was holding janelle's away from her, hiding both of them under the blanket, "it was - it was just once, when i was younger, it's - it's not anymore - it was just once," he promised, though his words were quiet, clearly terrified for how his words would hit the people in the room with him.

When Cam hand pulled away from her, she dropped her hand from the bed and into her lap. She listened to her words, but couldn't look at him. Her heart broke in that moment, shattering. she hadn't been prepared to hear him say that, even if it was in the past and he didn't think that anymore. Janelle finally got up. "Excuse me." She said  mostly to the doctor, still not looking at cam, walking out of the room leaving her bag there. She found her way to one of the bathrooms going inside locking the door behind her. She leaned up on the door, her head banging on the back of the door as the tears just started to fall. How didn't she know. She didn't even know with her best friend, but was just oblivious because Briar took over her mind when she knew that she was that bad. But Cam? She would never have expected it from him. Though slowly learning more of his home life when he was younger. She slid down onto the floor, letting out a sob. trying to just get all the tears out before going back to his room.

"- elle," he started to say, as soon as she got up from the chair. his heart shattering more and more with every single step that she took. cameron let his head fall back onto the pillows, not even caring about the pain his harsh action caused him. he fucked up. how could he - he should have just lied and it would have been fine, no one would question him, and he wouldn't have had to break janelle like that. "i take it, she didn't know?" the doctor asked, earning a huff from the male, "no - she didn't," he mumbled, bringing a hand up to push his hair away, "alright - well," the doctor started, letting out a soft sigh, "i'll be keeping that in mind while we run some more tests, okay? another doctor, who specializes in mental health will be coming in to see you later today, or tomorrow depending on how your mri goes, alright? i'm going to get a nurse in here to take you down in just a few moments." she explained, closing the clipboard, hanging it back on the edge of his bed. cameron let out a sigh, turning his head towards the window, his eyes already filling up with tears.

Janelle had been in the bathroom a good ten minutes before she finally was able to compose herself. She splashed some water in her face letting out a small sigh. "You're fine, Janelle. Cam is fine, now.." She said softly looking at herself in the mirror. She walked back out making her way back to Cam's room, slowly opening the door, thankful he was still there and they didn't take him for the mri yet. "hi." her voice was soft before she went back over to her chair.

"hey," he mumbled, turning his head away from her. cameron knew damn well the disappointment that would be shown on her face, and he didn't know if he could handle something like that right now. he already felt idiotic enough, just from how he got himself in this situation, and now the one thing he never wanted her to find out about him, she knew? he couldn't handle it. cameron kept his shaking hands under the blankets, picking at the hem of the shirt he was wearing.

Janelle sighed when he turned to look away from her. "Cameron." She sighed, before sitting on the edge of the bed, reaching up for him to look at her, knowing that he'd try and just not look at her, but when she finally got him too she let out a sigh. "you promise me, and not lie, that it really was only once, and it was a long time ago and not recently at all." She could deal with the panic attacks and anything that came with them, but if he was having those kinds of thoughts she wasn't sure how long it would be before she broke.

cameron let out another sigh as she brought her hand up to get him to look at her. his eyes were watering as he did, trying his hardest to prevent the tears from spilling over. "i - promise. it was just - just once. when we were really young, i - haven't thought about it since then, and i promise, i never will," he spoke, though his voice was shaky, he was telling the complete truth, "you - you were the reason why i didn't, elle." this came out more of a whisper, his words hesitant as he let his eyes fall back to the blanket.

Janelle kept her hand on his cheek softly, her thumb moving to push away the tears before they actually spilled over. But as she pushed his away, she felt hers start to fall over. "me? but what did i do to get you to not do it.." She whispered.

cameron blinked a few, quick times as she brought her hand up to brush his tears away, ridding himself of any stragglers. "d - don't cry, baby, please," he begged, moving one of his shaking hands up to her cheek, brushing her own tears away as best as he could. "you showed up at - at my house, and reminded me that - that i didn't actually want to - y'know," cameron mumbled his words, making them barely audible.

Janelle listened to him, letting out a soft sigh "baby" she wrapped her arms around him carefully, but hugged him as tightly as she could. She knew what night he was talking about, and they both knew she hated bringing up that night. So the fact her showing up stopped him she was so glad  she had gone there. "I love you. I love you so much Cam."

cameron let out a slow, shaky breath of air once again, closing his eyes as she wrapped her arms around his body. he knew she knew what he was talking about - they all knew that day, and they all could recall it like it was just yesterday. "i love you more, janelle," he whispered, tucking his head into her neck, despite the pain it gave him, "and i promise it's not going to happen again, okay?"

Janelle closed her eyes tightly, still feeling the tears well in her eyes. "Not possible." she mumbled sniffling slightly. "Okay." she said above a whisper "And, if, and it's a big if, you ever fucking feel like that again, you talk to me. we fix it together."

cameron brought his hand up to her back, doing his best to move it up and down her spine, "very possible," he mumbled, tilting his head back slowly, "i know, baby, i - i will," he promised, trying to lay his head back down on the pillow. anytime he moved, his head started to throb, making his eyes go blurry, and his mind get cloudy, "mm -" he was about to speak up, before the door to his room opened, and a nurse walked through, "ready for the mri?" he asked, his arms resting by his sides.

"Nope I love you 3000" She kissed him softly, pushing his hair back softly once he was laying back. " Thank you." She said simply before the door opened. She quickly got off of the bed. "I'll be right here when you get back okay? Promise."

"mm, m' letting you have it this time," he cracked the smallest of smiles, the first one since being here, and though it was small, it was still something. cameron turned his head to the nurse, and then back to janelle, eyes slightly wide. he hated doctors, hated needles, hated any kind of tests at all, and that was all due to his parents, and what they did in times like these. "you - promise i - don't leave, please?" he spoke, almost child-like.

"mmm i like winning" she giggled before kissing him again quickly before sitting down in the chair. "I promise. I will be sitting right here when you get back." she grabbed his hand squeezing it tightly

cameron nodded his head slowly, glancing back to the nurse to signal that he was ready to go. she brought him out of the room, keeping him on the bed as they moved. it took them about an hour before cameron was back in the room, clearly exhausted, though his whole body was trembling under the blankets they had pulled up on him.

Janelle knew it would take them a while, knowing she  would go crazy looking at the clock and having the time pass by even slower. She ended up walking down to the starbucks that was inside of the hospital, grabbing herself a drink before going back up to the room. The walk there and back at least wasted fifteen minutes. She was curled up on the chair, her phone on her knee, as she played candy crush to pass the time for when he finally came back in. She thanked the nurse, before closing her phone "hi baby.

“h - hi,” cameron let out a slow sigh, "will - they let you stay here?" he asked, continuing to keep his voice quiet, not really being able to get his voice any louder. all of a sudden, the room began to spin, and his stomach started to churn, "i - uh -" he started, trying to get his words out, "b - bucket, - pl - please," cameron pleaded, bringing his hand over his mouth, trying to contain himself.

"they are gonna have to pull me out of here kicking and screaming then if they don't let me stay." She told him softly her hand just drawing shapes on his chest as they laid there. As he asked for a bucket,  Janelle pushed her eyebrows together, before grabbing the trash can, seeing as that was the closest thing she could hand to him.

cameron reached his hand out, grabbing the trash can as quickly as he possibly could, leaning over the bed, and letting his body do what it ultimately needed to do. after a few minutes, he finally rested back on the bed, his chest rising and falling rather rapidly. in the middle of him getting sick, the doctor walked back in, the answers to his mri in hand. she waited until he was laying back on the bed before she spoke up, "so, this kind of confirms everything, then. you have a pretty severe concussion, cameron. the nausea being a side effect of that. we're going to keep you overnight, just to monitor you, and i'll make sure you get some anti nausea medication to help with that, as well."

Janelle had taken a few steps back when cam started to puke his guts out, knowing that just the smell of that would set off her gagging. Janelle listened to the Doctor nodding looking between her and cam. "Quick question." Once the doctor let her go on "Would it be a possibility for me to stay here with him. If not I totally understand.." Janelle bit the side of her lip quietly chanting in her head 'please say it's okay'

the doctor nodded her head slowly as janelle spoke up, thinking for a moment, "i will - see what i can do, okay?" she said, "i can't promise anything, but i'll do my best," the doctor offered up a small smile, before she said goodbye to them, soon walking out the door. a few moments later, a nurse came in, disposing of the waste bin first before he gave cameron some medication to hopefully help his nausea.

"Thank you." She nodded. Once everything was quieted down again. Janelle just tossed everyone into a group message just so she wouldn't have to send out four different texts to let everyone know what was going on.

cameron remained on his side, curled up in the ball he was in just before, pulling the blanket over his body. as the nurse was in the room, she reminded them of all the procedures and rules they would need to follow because of his diagnosis. no screens, no bright lights, no hard concentration, no loud noises, the usual things. cam was pissed, and that was very clearly displayed on his face.

[prongsno]

wednesdays at three thirty

a late bday fic for @jamesandlilyaredead​ <3 (9445 words, read on ao3)

Everyone sees the world in black and white until they meet their soulmate. But James works in a coffee shop, and every time he sees colour there’s an annoying customer there too (AKA a coffee shop and soulmate au fic in one because i have no chill).

“One frozen mocha to go!”

It’s second nature to him now, as quick and easy as breathing. In one swift movement, James grabs hold of the milk carton, ready to pour it into the blender. He hears the door to the cafe open, a chilly breeze ruthlessly following a handful of students who scrabble inside as it begins to rain.

It’s then that it happens. The milk drops to the floor as he stares, perplexed, at the colour of his hand. It’s like the weight of an avalanche crumbles on top of him, an invisible weight pressing hard on his shoulders. Before he even realises, his legs are like jelly and he’s falling.

“James? Are you alright?” a voice asks. 

He feels a hand pressed against his back, the sound of someone’s concerned voice muffled against his ear. He tries to say something, but all he can manage is an intense gasp for air as his legs shake once more.

He can see.

Not that he couldn’t before… but he can see. 

Colours are everywhere, blinding and intense. They’re beautiful, so vibrant that it’s making his head spin.

He’s staring at white tiles, chestnut coloured cabinets. It feels like he’s on fire and, more than anything, he wishes he could stand, to just look around the place to see who is making him like this.

Of course, he’s read the stories like everyone else. Lullabies that dated back long before they even had a name. Fairy-tales of people who, like everyone else, saw the world in a lens, the colour of life squeezed out. There was only one person who could help to retrieve that colour back into your life.

A soulmate.

James blinks, his heart now slowing to a calm, even beat. He breathes in deeply, relishing the peaceful feeling that washes over him. The owner of the hand speaks again and rubs the place between his shoulder blades tentatively, asking if he needs an ambulance.

He shakes his head, finally looking up at Remus.

“Can you stand?” Remus asks, taking hold of James’ shaking hand and pulling him to his feet. He wobbles for a split second and reaches out to grasp hold of the counter with both arms. His fingers grip onto the support for dear life.

Who?

He swallows, a nauseating bubble rippling throughout his intestines and threatening to shoot up his throat. He breathes in, counting to ten. Slow and easy, he finally manages to pull his eyes away from the wooden counter and cautiously glances around cafe.

The colours are dazzling; blues, reds, greens, all different shades and intensities. They're all so vivid and intense that it feels like the ground’s shaking beneath him. The place is heaving with students, all wet due to the unexpected stormy April shower and James tries to look at as many as he can, searching desperately for someone who seems just as unsettled and surprised as him.

Everyone seems normal. How can that be? Colour’s just flown into every crevice of their being… and they don’t care?

There are too many voices, people ordering, grabbing their coffees and other beverages and talking aimlessly with one another. Amidst the chatter and the whirring noises from the coffee machines, the sound of the door opening reaches his ears. A freezing wind enters, the chilly kind that makes the hairs on his arms stand up on edge.

And then, just like that, his world is drained of colour. 

The door closes shut and it’s like time pauses around him.

It’s shattering, to see the colour fade and vanish so brutally and without warning.

He’s moving in an instant, ignoring Remus and his concerned questions which he brushes off with a shake of his head. He’s dodging through the large mass of students, speech failing him as he finally makes it to the door and flings it open. The rain’s pouring down with no mercy and it seems that fate has none either.

The person has vanished. The person, his soulmate.

“James!” Remus is by his side, grabbing his arm softly as he shuts the door. “Are you mad? Your feet are soaked now.”

James can’t speak, he doesn’t know what to say. His throat itches to release a soul-shattering sob; that’s what it feels like, soul-shattering.

He numbly allows Remus to lead him to the staff room, setting him down on his favourite armchair. The cushions sink beneath him and the dull chime of the cedar clock echoes in his head.

“James?” Remus asks again, this time plopping a hot cup of tea into his cold hands.

“It happened, Remus,” he whispers, it’s so painful to speak, like the air has been choked out of his lungs. He’s scared that perhaps it’s all just a dream.

“It?” Remus asks, watching James with a careful gaze. “What was it like?”

James sighs and looks down at his tea, stirring it aimlessly for a few seconds before he takes a small sip. “Unlike anything that’s ever happened before,” he says finally. He lets out a deep sigh and runs a hand through his hair, gripping at the ends.

“The colours were so perfect and then it was gone. They were gone - they just left and took the colour with them.”

“Which colour was the prettiest?”

“Red,” James says in an instant, a small smile creeping onto his face. His eyes brighten, recalling the feel of it. There’s something about that colour, it made him feel warm.

“All of them, Remus. But red… red was intense.”

The two sit in silence for a few moments. James takes cautious sips of his tea whilst Remus sits and watches his every move. The silence is more reassuring than unsettling, but still Remus tries his best.

“James…” The cafe is still horrendously busy and there’s only so much Peter and Sirius can handle on their own. He wrings his hands together, but James is the one to speak first.

“Do you think… do you think that’s it?”

This time James’ voice is back to normal. No hushed whispers, no desperately needed gasps for breath after each word. The only tell-tale sign is his right hand, his fingers still shaking.

There had been millions of accounts of people seeing colour, from all over the world. And for some that had been it, just the one moment and then they were back to the way they had always been. The colours just slowly faded from their memories like it had never happened.

“Well,” Remus starts, unsure, “if they came to the cafe then they must be a student.” he checks his watch, glancing at the time and date, “I mean, it’s a Wednesday. Student for sure.”

“Unless it’s a teacher, that’d be unfortunate.” James mutters, finally feeling like himself again. He smiles, nods his head and allows Remus’ feeble attempts to give him a slither of hope.

He gulps back the rest of his tea, assuring his friend he’s fine to go back to work.

If he’s meant to see them again then he will. And if he doesn’t then, well, he’d just go on as normal. He'd unwillingly let the memory fade away, just like the colour had.

Classes don’t seem to put his mind at ease at all - he spends the hours doodling in the margins of his notebook, not listening at all to the way Mrs McGonagall lectures on about Biology. And when the two hours are finally up, he jogs all the way back to the coffee shop.

Peter looks up in surprise from his spot at the till.

“Alright? Didn’t think you were working today.”

“Nah, I’m not. But - err - thought you could use some help? Thursdays, mate. Everyone needs a coffee on a Thursday.”

Peter smiles, thankful for the sentiment and James drags himself behind the counter, throwing his white apron on like it’s hot coal in his hands.

He glances up every time he hears the door open, but each time no one brings colour in with them. By the end of the four hour shift he’s in an angry mood and ends up getting a chinese on the way home to ease his feelings.

He spends most of Friday doing the same thing, but on more than one occasion he catches Remus’ gaze and tries to act as normal and as aloof as possible.

That’s when he slices his finger with a cake knife, and spends the remainder of his shift with an angry Remus, a paramedic and a first aid kit.

Saturday, though, is a brand new day.

His finger’s been bandaged, the sun is shining and the weather report says it seems like summer is finally in the air with highs of twenty degrees (rather unusual for mid-April, though no one seems to mind).

So, James decides not to worry. The first few times the door opens he lifts his head up out of habit, but he forces himself to stop. It only makes things harder and the only way to make things better is to focus on something he’s good at, and that’s making darn-good coffee. He even starts humming again, dancing behind the counter to Wham’s Jitterbug.

Then the air stops again and he’s struggling to breathe. He’s staring at sunshine yellow walls and a black coffee machine.

With shaking fingers he reaches out to touch the bright yellow strokes of paint, thoroughly amazed. Then he swallows slowly, pauses the machine, and turns around.

It’s pretty busy; everyone wants ice coffees and smoothies so they can sit outside and bask in the warm sun before it disappears. There’s a group of girls nearest to the door, laughing about something James can’t quite make out. He glances at them one by one but none of them act any differently or give off any feeling. He scowls.

Whoever the person is, they have come back.

“Excuse me,” someone huffs by the counter and clicks their fingers at him rudely, forcing him to turn his head.

A student glares up at him, hands on her hips. Her hair’s an intense shade of red and for a second his heart stops.

“Instead of eyeing up girls could you do your job and ask me what I want?”

James rolls his eyes and swears under his breath. He doesn’t need this right now, annoying customers make him angry. Even if said annoying customer is pretty.

And he’s already angry; someone in this cafe right now is his soulmate. And they’ll go, just like last time. And the moment will pass and he’ll go back to the dull grey once again. He’s got minutes, if that.

The woman clears her throat, waiting.

“Alright,” he says, stomping to the counter, “what do you want?”

He doesn’t care that he’s being rude. She was rude first and he’s not in the best of moods right now.

“A medium mango smoothie to go. With only a handful of ice.”

James sighs, walks towards the fridge and looks for the ingredients. He doesn’t even try to hide the smirk on his lips when he notices they’ve ran out of the said fruit.

He turns around with a twirl and tries his hardest to put on a sombre facade. “I’m afraid we’ve run out of mango, terribly sorry about that.”

“Sure you are,” she hums and grabs hold of a menu, drumming her fingernails against the countertop in an annoying beat, “I’ll have…” she trails off, her nails still dancing as she pauses.

“Yes?” James taps his pen against the till, irritated.

“A medium iced coffee then,” she says finally, dropping the menu back onto the counter. “With only a handful-”

“Of ice, got it. And your name?”

“Lily. That’s L-I-L-Y. Not two L’s. Just one.”

He bites his tongue, of course he knows how to spell. How stupid does she think he is?

Remus is on the next till, serving the group of girls who had been by the door. James watches them curiously as he pours the coffee and ice cream into a blender. They’re all acting normal; there’s no spark in their eyes, no sign that they’re experiencing anything. They’re pretty he supposes, but he… he can’t connect.

Would there even be a sign? How can he tell?

His annoying customer clears her throat again and he refrains from rolling his eyes once more. The sooner he works on her damn iced coffee then the sooner she can leave and he’ll be able to try and find them, whoever they were.

A gruelling three minutes later he plonks the beverage down onto the counter.

“That’s £2.35,” his tone is icy and he wishes he’d spat in the stupid beverage as she bites down on the straw and gives it a small sip.

She hands him the exact change without uttering another word, then wraps two serviettes around the plastic cup before picking it up. She narrows her eyes at him and glances at his name tag.

“Thanks James,” she sneers, “great customer service.” Then she’s gone and he couldn’t be any more relieved.

He releases a long, hard breath and looks around the cafe again. The group of girls are leaving, chattering to themselves as Lily lags behind them; the small girl takes tiny steps as they move at a snail's-pace towards the door. The bell chimes and the group and Lily leave the building, a few other students following after her.

He blinks and the colour vanishes with it. James curses and kicks the counter irritably.

Sirius looks over at him in shock and Remus hisses at him to behave. His foot throbs, kicking hadn’t helped at all. And he’s just wasted all his time serving that annoying Lily as his soulmate had just been and gone again, and disappeared right from under his nose.

“So, let me get this straight…” Sirius leans against the table, his long legs stretching out as he cradles a cup of hot chocolate in his hands, “you experienced it and you didn’t tell me? Your best mate?”

James rolls his eyes, mouth curling slightly into a small smile. “It was painful, thank you very much. That much colour to suddenly look at? I had a blinking migraine for a couple of hours afterwards!”

Sirius lets out a thoughtful ‘hmm’ and scratches his chin. “Did you see who it was?”

He shakes his head. “It was too busy. And I had the worst customer too, she was a right bi-”

Remus pokes his head round the door. “Didn’t you notice James almost passed out on the floor? Honestly, I bet his S.M has already clocked on. You weren’t exactly discreet, mate.”

James chucks an empty milk carton and Remus dodges it, laughing like he’s on helium.

“You’re such an arse! It’s painful, okay?”

Sirius sighs dramatically and throws one hand to his head. The other hand reaches out, clutching hard onto James’ shoulder. “But it’s beautiful, right? Beautifully painful?”

“Yeah, go ahead and make fun. I’d like to see how you handle it.”

His friend shrugs a little and balances his teaspoon on his left pinky. “I have,” he says simply.

James chokes on the last few dregs of his hot vimto, catching Remus’ perplexed gaze.

“You have? When?”

Sirius stands there a little awkwardly, thrusting his hands into his jean pockets. “It was ages ago. I  - we were only seven... we didn’t understand it much at the time.”

“Ruddy hell.”

James doesn’t know what’s more shocking - the fact that Sirius has a soulmate somewhere or that he won’t give away any more details about it. He just picks up his leather jacket, throws it over one shoulder and glances at James’ and Remus’ still surprised faces with another shrug.

“Are we running a coffee shop or what?”

He hates that he chose Biology, of all the sciences, to study at university. He’s already juggling football into the mix and classes start to interfere with his work. He finds he spends more time in the small staff room of the cafe than at the library or at Hogwarts Student’s Union. Plus, he can get free drinks here and put his feet up on the table.

That’s exactly what he’s doing when there’s a knock on the door of the break room.

“Mate,” Sirius knocks again, “I need back up. Remus has class.”

James folds down the corner of his page (anyone who claims they don’t do that is lying), puts his pen behind his ear and zips up his jeans (don’t ask). He’s checking his phone messages as he props the door open with his waist, an apology on his lips as he sets into the cafe.

He blinks and then he’s staring at that annoying customer he had the other day. She’s got red hair and she’s wearing a light brown top as she stares down at the menu. She glances up at the sound of the door and his stomach gives a little jolt when he notices her forest green eyes.

He’s struggling to breathe again, hands shaking as he runs his fingers through his messy hair.

His soulmate’s here and of course Annoying Lily has to ruin it all over again.

“Ah, if it isn’t Barista Of The Year,” she smirks.

Any nice thought is instantly replaced with every and any cuss word he can think of on the spot. He rolls his eyes, pulls down at his apron and glares at Sirius who’s taking her order.

“Be nice, mate, she’s a customer!” Sirius grins, “I’m sorry about Grumpy over there,” he jerks his thumb towards James, who’s now angrily ripping up a cardboard box, “he hates Wednesdays.”

He pulls his eyes away as he hears Lily give out a little laugh, glancing around to see if he can spot his soulmate. There’s about thirteen people and James swears under his breath.

“Make a cherry white hot chocolate for Lily, will ya?” Sirius throws him a bottle of water and James catches it swiftly with one hand.

Lily looks smugly at him, tapping her fingers against the counter expectantly. He’s just turned around, grabbing hold of the semi skimmed milk with a death grip, when he hears her clear her throat a little.

“I wanted to apologise for the other day,” she says with reluctance when Sirius coughs loudly, “I wasn’t in the best of moods and I took it out on you. So - sorry, I guess.”

“Isn’t that nice, mate?” James rolls his eyes again when Sirius claps a hand on his back. “Do you have anything to say back?”

He glances over his shoulder and gives Lily the stinkeye. “Apology accepted.”

She’s huffing, cheeks a little pink as she shakes her head, muttering out an ‘unbelievable’. He only turns around once her hot chocolate is made and he gives her a sheepish grin as he places it in front of her.

“I’m sorry too. I guess.”

Sirius snorts as he takes the order of the next customer. “That wasn’t so hard, was it? You’re lucky Remus isn’t here. He’d have you drawn and quartered for being rude to a customer.”

“I’ve got a few more things on my mind right now,” he murmurs quietly, cleaning up a little spillage with a tea towel.

“They’re here? Right now?” Sirius lifts his head in a very inconspicuous manner, eyes raking over each customer like he's in the mafia.

“Something wrong?” Lily asks as she sips at her drink.

“Hey, Lils. You know anyone in here?”

At Sirius’ question she turns around to look. “No one seems familiar. Why?”

“Well James -”

“No reason,” James stomps on Sirius’ foot, instantly silencing him.

“No reason,” Sirius echoes.

She hums, sliding over the exact change for her beverage before sitting down at one of the tables.

James glances around the cafe again.

Apart from Lily, there's a group of three girls over in the corner giggling at a laptop, a guy with a beard who's talking animatedly on his phone, two girls and a guy all collectively on their phones as they sit together (they’ve hardly spoken at all since they arrived) and a guy who must be about fifty five talking to a woman of similar age. Plus another five or so who aren’t even facing him.

He grimaces and scribbles down everyone's appearances in the margins of his notepad. This time he's not going to give up as easily.

After an hour the colour is starting to get too much to handle, he’s got a head-splitting migraine.

“I can’t,” he whispers to Sirius and shakes his head. He’s already threading his arms through his jacket. “I need to get out. Fresh air.”

It’s almost a relief to see the different shades of grey when he steps out onto the street. It’s empowering to know that, this time, he’s the one who’s taken the colour away. He lets out a sigh and kicks at an empty bottle on the road.

He doesn’t look back.

It’s Peter who notices the pattern first.

Wednesdays at three thirty, give or take a few minutes. Every Wednesday. There’s quite a number of regulars but, unfortunately for him, Lily is always showing up too.

“You make good coffee,” she shrugs the next time he sees her.

And the time after that Remus is there. It turns out the two share a class together and they spend hours talking about their essay that’s due in on Friday.

Her hair is always the first thing he notices, dangerously bold and enticing. He supposes she’s not so bad once you get to know her.

A couple of weeks later, Lily asks if James can read over her essay (apparently some people actually have their work checked, which is news for him) and he says yes in a heartbeat.

“Are you sure?” she asks as she places her laptop on a table close to the window.

James takes off his apron and throws it over the back of the chair. It’s a pointless question, since she’s already asked him the same thing about twenty times.

“Totally. But I’m a sucker for the oxford comma. Just a forewarning.”

She’s rolling her eyes as she takes out her purse. “What do you want to drink? It’s on me.”

He peels his eyes away from the screen and squints up at the menu. There’s no Remus today and that leaves Peter and Sirius behind the counter. The two snicker and goof around, juggling oranges and balancing milk lids on their noses.

“I’ll have a triple, venti, half sweet, non-fat caramel macchiato. Extra hot,” he says.

“Aren’t they a bugger to make?”

“The worst.”

“I’m about eighty percent sure Sirius spat in that,” she says when she places the steaming mug on the table next to him five minutes later.

He drinks it anyways (who would have thought such an obnoxious and hipster drink would actually taste pretty good?) and spends the remainder of the day sitting next to Lily. Her essay is impeccable, of course, and each time their arms brush against each other he gets a jolt in his stomach.

Having her at the cafe makes it a lot harder for James to liaise and spy on the other customers. Especially when she and Sirius bond over their love for marmite (how disgusting) during her next visit.

For some reason she’s eating toast and Sirius just blinks at her. “Is that marmite?”

The rest is history and she spends most of her visit that day cooped up on one of the high chairs. They chatter together about their marmite experiences for what seems like hours.

It’s becoming A Problem.

James slowly starts to notice how pretty her smile is. She always spends a good fifteen minutes or so deciding what on earth to order and, more often than not, changes her mind about three times.

On one occasion he asks her, “What do you want? What do you want?” to which she replies back with an exasperated grimace, “It’s not that simple,” then the two get matching, exhilarated grins as they both profess their love for The Notebook.

He’s almost used to seeing the colour so much now but a part of him dares to normalise the feeling, lest it vanish as quick as a heartbeat.

And it’s Wednesday again when a downpour brings in a mass of students.

Lily, yellow and blue spotted umbrella in her hand, is, of course, amidst the thrall. James isn’t even that surprised to see her anymore. Sirius is busy serving another customer, so he gives her a bright smile (which he realises isn’t actually that hard to do) and asks her what she wants.

“I’ll have a Pumpkin Spiced Latte.”

“One of those are you?” he asks, giving Lily a sly smirk as he starts to jot down her order.

“It’s good. Have you never tried it?”

He shakes his head. “Peter’s addicted to it, he made me try it once. Far too sweet,” he says with a grimace.

“That’s what makes it so delicious.”

He doesn’t understand how someone can have such strange taste buds - to think marmite, PSLs and white hot chocolates are all under the denomination of ‘delicious’. But hey - everyone has their own opinions, right? Even if it’s the wrong one.

He’s just turning around, ready to start making her drink when she sucks in a breath. He pauses instantly, already knowing by now what that little intake of breath means.

“What are you wanting to change it to?”

He can’t help but give her an amused smile, watching as she glares at the menu. Biting her chipped nails, fingers drumming against the counter-top. She looks like this is the worst decision she’s ever made.

“I can’t decide between a Pumpkin Spiced Latte or a Pumpkin Spiced Frapp.”

He blinks, “Well. One’s hot - you see - and the other’s cold.”

“Wow, thanks for that. I’d never have guessed.”

She’s smirking and she’s got such a contagious smile, he can feel his lips mirroring hers in seconds. She takes another three minutes before she slaps a fiver onto the counter. “A cold one. I’ll be daring.”

When he places the drink on the counter next to her, he rakes his eyes over the customers behind her. The same group of girls, the same elderly couple, the same bearded man. It has to be one of them.

He’s served them all before, each are nice and unique in character but it’s so hard to figure out which one it is. He’s even tried small talk, but every time he makes it personal they all shrink away. It seems like Lily is the only one in the cafe who ever bothers to talk. And, even then, it’s Sirius who she’s closer too.

He gets a message, phone buzzing against his thigh as he hands over Lily’s change.

Serious to Barista Of The Year (15:37) : stop flirting with customers ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“I was not flirting.”

“You know,” Sirius, who’s lounging across one of the sofas with a history book pulled over his face, lets out a small sigh, “I didn’t believe you the first five times, so -”

“I’m only saying it so you know I’m telling the truth!”

Only now does Sirius peel the book away from his face. “Mate. Come on.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You are allowed to, you know,”

“I know I’m allowed to,” James scowls.

“Do you?” Sirius swings his legs onto the floor, his socks have dozens of little hamburgers all over them. “I mean… I know you’re - well - a romantic but having a soulmate doesn’t mean anything.”

“What about you?”

Sirius scratches his chin, refusing to meet his gaze. “What about me?” his voice is gruff.

“You never told me, your best mate, that you saw colour when you were seven. Seven!”

He merely shrugs. “I was seven.”

“Yeah. That’s what I mean. Do you still-”

Sirius shakes his head. “Nah, haven’t for ages.”

“What was it like?”

There’s a small period of silence.

Sirius runs a hand through his hair, then he takes a swig of water and flings the now empty bottle up into the air. He catches it with one hand.

“It felt - God, I dunno - natural? We had no idea what it meant, how could we? We were friends, that was it.”

James gets goosebumps.  

“What happened?”

“With a swine of a mother like mine?” he snorts, “What didn’t happen. I never saw her again.”

“You could try finding her-”

He shakes his head. “Nah. Half the female population probably have the same name.”

“Jane.”

“No.”

“Sarah?”

“No. Can you stop guessing now?”

“Depends, will you tell me her name?”

Sirius rolls his eyes, but there’s a smirk on his lips. “Fine. Mary.”

James drums his fingers against the armrest of his chair. “I suppose it is quite a common name. There’s Mary Berry, Mary Poppins-”

“Mary, Queen of Scots.” Sirius adds, rubbing his eyes tiredly. “My point is there’s a heck ton of Mary’s out there. And after a while you get, well - you know.”

The annoying thing is that, even though Sirius hadn’t exactly said much, he did know.

It’s such a strange feeling, one you can’t really put into words. James had spent hours agonising over who it was, tearing himself apart to the point where he couldn’t sleep. And for Sirius to know her and to have gone through life hearing that name on people's lips, he doesn’t know how he can handle it.

It’s a gift, but one that eats away at your insides until it’s all but consumed you. Colour was something James desperately yearned for and whoever they were had the power to give it to them. Just like that, you’re made for each other.

He shuffles on his seat, fingers fluttering to itch at his backside (he does this sometimes when he’s nervous). Green emerald eyes flicker on and off in his mind, making his heart do cartwheels.

There were hundreds, thousands, of cases where people married someone who wasn’t their soulmate. You give up the gift, so to speak. Does colour really mean that much to you when you’ve got someone you love and who loves you back?

Sirius mentions something about needing to take a dump and waddles out, not before slapping the back of his neck with a tea towel. James flips him off and Sirius, like he has eyes in the back of his head, does one casually back.

James is left alone with just his thoughts. Thoughts of Lily Evans.

The next time she comes into the coffee shop she’s wearing a bright yellow anorak and James can’t help but think of sunshine, daisies and lemons.

She flashes him a smile, cheeks pink, and asks him how he is.

He doesn’t tell her how pretty she looks today, though the words are desperately wanting to run off his tongue and slide out of his mouth like jelly. He doesn’t say how happy he is to see her - how sometimes the prospect of a soulmate, his soulmate, is replaced with pictures of her.

“Not bad,” he bites, fumbling with the lid of a teapot, “you?”

“Better with the prospect of coffee. Can I get an americano, please?”

James makes a grab for a cup. “You do know how strong this stuff is, right?”

She dismisses his cautious gaze with a wave of her hand. “I’ll add four sugars, it’s fine.”

“You know what another name for an americano is, Evans?” Sirius asks, grinning like the cheshire cat as he leans against the counters.

“Do I want to know?”

“A Long Black. I kid you not.”

Lily purses her lips. “On second thought, I’ll have a latte.”

“Don't fancy drinking a Long Black?” Sirius asks, already walking off to serve another customer before Lily can say anything back.

“You can have a Long Black if you want,” James smirks, dodging Lily’s hand that goes up to swipe at him, “I won’t judge.”

“A latte is better. Thanks though. But I think americano’s have been ruined for me now, permanently.”

He doesn’t know why, but he takes his time making the drink. He wants it to be perfect and immaculate, the best latte she’s ever had before. So, when she brings it to her lips he doesn’t feel like he shouldn’t be watching her - he just wants to know how she likes the drink. For science.

“It’s really good. You’re really good.”

“You’ve got - err - a,” he gestures to his own lips, staring at her frothy milk moustache. Her hands fly up to her face immediately, and she spends a good two minutes scrubbing her entire face with a serviette before emerging out of it with a red, mortified face.

“Sorry. How embarrassing.”

Her smile has to be the sweetest thing he’s ever encountered. It makes him weak in his knees. “It’s cute,” he drops his own tea, hot water spilling onto his arms and over the counter, “bugger. I mean, it’s fine. Milk moustaches are cute, I mean.”

She smiles, “You’re sweet,” her cheeks are still crimson. “I mean, my friend would have just taken pictures. I love her to bits but, you didn’t even - didn’t laugh is what I’m trying to say.”

“I almost did.”

Then he laughs and he has to press a hand to his lips to stop himself.

She’s got constellations in her eyes, he could stare at her for hours and at each passing minute he'd find something new to marvel at. She’s a breathtaking view. Her phone vibrates against her mug and the two jump. She grabs for it, avoiding his eyes as she stutters out a hello.

“Mary! Sorry. I’ll be there in a sec, on my way,” she ends the call with a sigh and when she glances back up at him he has the strongest urge to kiss her.

“Sorry, I have to go,” she says, downing the rest of her latte. She plops the empty cup into his hands, swings her bag over her shoulders but doesn’t move an inch.

He should say something.

He should ask her if she’s okay with seeing in black and white for the rest of her life. Ask if she’s okay being with someone like him - someone who can’t give her colour. She bites her lip, ready to say something when Sirius barges past with a tray full of dirty cups and plates.

His feet falter when he glances at the two of them. “Sorry, did I just ruin a moment?”

James’ cheeks burn and Lily just clears her throat. “No. I have to meet Mary, my- uh - friend. Um. See you boys later.”

She turns around, almost running into the bearded regular man. She murmurs out an apology and has to wait as the old regular couple walk in front of her. Together the three of them leave the shop, vanishing along with the surges of colour.

James takes a shaky step back, stepping on Sirius’ toes.

“Watch it!”

“It’s them,” he says, breathing out heavily, muttering the phrase over and over again, “it has to be either the old guy or the lady. It’s official - I’m a marriage wrecker.”

“You don’t have to marry them. There’s no contract.”

“I know. But, Lily, she,” James groans and shakes a hand through his hair.

“She...?”

James blinks. She’s everything he’s ever wanted. “Er… she has a friend called Mary, didn’t you know?”

“I’ve met countless Mary’s. It doesn’t mean a thing.”

Is she in prison for murder? Did Walburga Black kill Sirius’s soulmate? That seems to be the only plausible explanation at the moment. It would explain why Sirius hasn’t met Mary since whatever happened happened.

He’s grabbing onto a bag of carrots when he gets that thought and he looks around the shop suspiciously. He’s only met Walburga a few times; the last being when Sirius, sporting his own bloody and broken nose, dislocated Orion Black’s jaw.

Barista Of The Year to Serious (17:40): shall i buy hummus

Serious has changed his nickname to Hummus Lover 2k19

Hummus Lover 2k19 to Barista Of The Year (17:41): what are u after

Barista Of The Year to Hummus Lover 2k19 (17:43): is ur mum in prison???

Hummus Lover 2k19 to Barista Of The Year (17:45): ….. i wish

He’s halfway through the doors of Tesco Extra, googling ‘why is my friend a dumbass’ when he bumps into someone and his phone drops to the floor.

“Sorry!”

“It’s fine!”

He’s already bending down, fingers reaching out to grip onto his mobile when he realises whose voice it is.

“Lily!”

It’s weird seeing her out of the cafe, without a counter separating them.

She’s smaller than he remembers and he’s actually able to see her shoes, which is extremely weird. She’s wearing black worn out dolly shoes, her hair wild and the shade of crisp red and orange leaves signalling the first sign of autumn.

Her cheeks are rosy. “James! Hi.”

A car passes by, splashing murky water all over his legs. “I bought carrots, celery and hummus.” He waves the bag he’s carrying.

She gives him a soft smile and pulls on her jacket. “I’m going to buy marmite.”

“Disgraceful.”

“How can you dislike it when you’ve not even had it before?”

“Ah - but how long is a piece of string, Lily?”

“However long it is when you buy it.”  

He’s grinning and she’s smiling back, making his heart flutter and quiver.

Seeing her with the sunset behind her, lighting up her hair like she’s a part of the sky, makes him wonder why he was even so determined to find his soulmate in the first place. She’s quickly become part of his life, his routine and he never wants it to end.

His phone makes a PING sound and he forces himself to look away from her.

Hummus Lover 2k19 has changed your nickname to I Love You Bro

Hummus Lover 2k19 has changed his nickname to Please Love Me

Please Love Me to I Love You Bro (18:09): how upset would u be if i hypothetically just broke your teapot. Hypothetically

Please Love Me to I Love You Bro (18:09): btw whats that tasty thing your mum gets sometimes? not jalebi, the other one I Love You Bro to Please Love Me (18:10): …. gulab jamun also ??? what the frick sirius?? omw

He sighs and plops his phone into his shopping bag. “Hey, Lily. I got to go, Sirius is creating havoc at our flat -”

“Say no more,” she laughs, “see you later?”

“Definitely.”

It’s only when she’s gone into the shop, and he’s half way down the road, that he glances at the passing cars and realises he’s looking at dull grey.

He’s blinking, stopping dead in his tracks. Heart pounding a trillion beats per second against his chest. It hurts so much.

No no no no no.

He swishes around, almost toppling over a woman who glares and tuts at him before stomping away.

Was he hallucinating?

“Are you seriously asking me this?”

Sirius and James are on a fifteen minute break. They’re lying on the sofas in the staff room, spending their free time balancing water bottles on their foreheads.

“Yes.”

Sirius sighs, “No. I have never thought I was seeing colour when I wasn’t. Yes, I think you’re a moron.”

“I didn’t -”

“You're making up excuses, you knob. You know. You’ve been a blithering idiot ever since she set foot in the cafe.”

“All I'm saying is that there were a lot of people on that street,”

Sirius moves slightly and the bottle falls dramatically to the floor. “I know the Old Age Pensioner’s Zumba Class finished around six, perhaps it is the old lady with the moustache.”

Remus barges in, head ducking just in time as a water bottle flies across the room.

“What are two you doing in here? And why does it stink so bad?”

“Past your bedtime is it, Remus?” Sirius asks as he pulls James into a headlock.

“It’s past three thirty and it’s Wednesday.” Remus sends a curious glance in James’ direction, who immediately stuffs a cushion over his face. “What’s going on?”

“It’s Lily. Or it’s that old lady who grabbed my arse the other day, you know the one who always orders filter coffee and reeks of cotton balls,” says Sirius with a grin.

Remus leans against the door, shaking his head in amusement. “Well the old lady’s here right now. Why don’t you go and check, James?”

James gulps, feeling hot and sweaty even though he’s only wearing a t shirt and jeans. Sirius drags him to his feet and pushes him towards the door.

There’s not even a hint of colour. And no Lily Evans.

Panicking, he seizes hold of the closest thing, waving it in Remus’s face. “Look see. This is green.”

“That’s an egg, mate. Eggs aren’t green.”

“Dr Seuss would tell you otherwise. And how would you know, Remus? No offence.”

“But I do,” Sirius grabs for the egg, it twirls out of James’s hands and falls with a crack on the floor.

“I can’t believe you didn’t realise,” Peter tuts as cleans up the egg with a couple of cloths, “she’s been coming here for, how long? It feels like forever?”

“You looked like you were sea-sick each and every time. I never knew someone could get so affected by it.” Sirius muses, albeit smiling a little sadly as he pats James’s shoulder.

“Gee, thanks.”

“Maybe she’s just running late?” Remus glances at his watch, it’s almost four by now. Lily has never been late, not once. Dead on Wednesdays at three thirty (minus the Saturday when he first met her). James groans, he's such an idiot.

“Or maybe she got scared when she realised it’s James.”

A customer comes towards the counter and Peter takes one for the team, jogging towards them with a bright smile on his face.

“This is Lily we’re talking about,” Sirius shakes his head with a lopsided grin, “she's obviously crazy about him.”

“Well I don't see her. So I guess your premonition is wrong.”

It’s exactly what James was scared about ever since this whole mess started.

The colour dissolving, squeezed out of his life like water in a sponge, and knowing who it is makes it all the more unbearable. That freaking Lily Evans (the annoying customer turned tolerable acquaintance turned low-key crush turned soulmate) was it all along.

Only one good thing seems to come out of this mess, and that’s that he’s finally able to pay more attention to his classes - and actually submits his latest assignment in on time instead of seven hours later like his last one.

McGonagall has to pull him to one side after a lecture, asking him if anything is wrong.

There’s a hole in his heart, as cliche as it sounds, and the whole damn thing’s like ecstasy. He’s got no idea how Sirius can even manage, because now it’s been in his system he’s desperately wanting it all again.

Two weeks quickly become four and James longs to see her again.

So, at the first opportunity he gets, he taps in Sirius’s code on his phone (the same four digits he has for everything - even his bank code) and has only just opened up his contacts when he hears the sound of biker boots against the hardwood floor.

“Is there a reason why you’re using my phone?”  

James Potter looks like a thief in the dead of night. “No. Hah! What - oh, this is your phone? I had no idea.”

Sirius crosses his arms. “No reason why you’re scrolling like a mad man through my L contacts either, eh?” he says with a winks and pops a strawberry into his mouth. James lets out a dejected sigh.

“I don’t have Lily’s number. Sorry.”

“You both joined the freaking Marmite society,”

“Rightly so, it needs more love.”

“And you don’t even have her number?”

He shakes his head, “No.”

Realisation dawns upon him, a glorious and ethereal light bulb flickering on inside his head. He glances up, a smile pulling on his lips. “You both joined the Marmite society.”

Sirius looks uncomfortable. “Yes… but you hate marmite.”

“I love it. Best damned thing since sliced bread.”

“You'll hate it. We only joined so we could get the free jar, but meetings include eating marmite toast so it's not exactly your cup of tea.”

“I'm going to that meeting, you can't stop fate.”

No matter how many times Sirius tries to talk him out of it, James’ mind is set. It’s a brilliant plan.

“It’s an awful plan,” Sirius says for the twentieth time, “we don’t even know if she’s going to be there.”

The words fall short on deaf ears as the two of them make their way to the mini meeting room, tucked away in the far corners of the oldest part of The Hogwarts Students Union. The strange society is made up of about twelve people and, he’s remaining optimistic, Lily’s not there yet.

Marlene McKinnon, a mature, final year Law student, seems to be in charge of the whole society, as she stands about by the toaster with a pack of bread and ten jars of marmite surrounding her.

“You guys just sit and eat toast on marmite?” James hisses as Sirius shuts the door and makes his way to three people who are sat on the nearest couch.

“I did try to tell you.”

Frank Longbottom introduces himself to James, and the first thing he says is that he’s gone through ten jars of marmite so far during his lifetime. Luckily the door opens, stopping all further conversation which involves James having to lie about loving marmite.

Luckily the door opens and colour crystallises before his very eyes as Lily Evans comes barging into the room.

She stops, eyes immediately drawing to James and Sirius who both give her a small, guilty wave. She bites her lip, hand reaching for her bag strap which she squeezes hard once. Then, like she’s lost a battle she knows she can’t win, stomps towards the sofa before plopping down opposite him.

Her hair’s the shade of cinnamon sticks and her green eyes sparkle. Sirius waggles his eyebrows when she throws one leg over the other and leans forwards to them, a smirk on her bright red lips.

“I didn’t know you liked marmite, James.”

His throat’s dry. “Not like. I love it.”

“Every marmite lover is welcome!” Marlene places two plates full of marmite-spread toast in front of them and James has to gulp down a retch. “As our newest society member, you can take the first bite.”

He's got thirteen sets of eyes on him and Sirius has to stuff the sleeve of his leather jacket in his face to stop himself from sniggering. Lily watches him with a small expectant smile. It makes his stupid heart flutter and before he knows it he's grabbing at the toast and stuffing it into his mouth.

It's disgusting, so salty on his tongue that his eyes start to water. But no one else seems to notice, they're all too busy grabbing the toast like vultures to notice, and it’s only Lily’s eyes which still hang onto him and she cocks her head a little to the side. He must look a right state, with the taste of rotten garbage in his mouth and tears streaming down his face because she smiles.

He's never going to get used to it; it's euphoric, a tingling sensation all the way from his head to his fingertips.

“Alright?” Sirius asks.

Emmeline Vance produces a jar of vegemite from her bag and, as a society, they collectively decide to hold a tasting session during their next meeting. Dorcas Meadows hands everyone a Marmite Soc t shirt and, thanks to Bellamy Blake (who made sure they printed out more t shirts in the high hopes that the society would grow), James is given one too.

“I'm in love,” he whispers. Because, crap, he really thinks he is.

Staring at green eyes, seeing Lily’s red lips curve and her hair, like cherries, roses and the setting sun. Sirius shuffles besides him and James is only vaguely aware of murmuring voices around the room.

There’s a tap on his shoulder, the meeting’s over.

He just catches a brief glimpse of Lily’s red cardigan swishing out of the door before he’s springing to his feet, grabbing hold of his bag and telling Sirius, whose white t shirt and dark blue denim jeans are now a dull grey, that he’ll meet him later. He doesn’t even wait for a response.

His heart’s pounding, a dull but excited and throbbing ache that shoots up from his toes like pins and needles.

James has never felt anything like this, the intense desperation - eating him up and consuming him. He pushes past a group of students, a sorry tangling between his lips before he’s tripping over a backpack (honestly- who leaves their bags sprawled out like that?) and flying out onto the floor.

“What are you like, honestly.”

He knows that voice, and a surge of colour comes floating with it. It’s happened so many times now, the change not quite instant but more like paint sweeping onto a canvas - bringing everything to life.

His eyes flutter open, then closed.

Lily is standing above him, grinning, a hand on her hip as she shakes her head and sighs. Then she’s reaching out her hand and she’s the first sweet sounding note of an entrancing melody, just one small trickle of spine tingling laughter and he’s floating.

He realises this is the first time he’s ever touched her hand and he grips onto her that little bit tighter as she pulls him off the floor.

“Alright?” she asks when his feet have hit the ground.

Now that he’s found her, he’s not exactly sure what he should say. Words fail him, not for the first time, and somehow he feels ten times smaller under her intense gaze.

“Fantastic. Yourself?”

“Not sure yet.”

“Oh,” he says, immediately bringing a hand up to ruffle his hair.

She kicks the bag out of way, sniffs and wipes her nose with a tissue. It’s flu season and he hates being ill (almost as much as he hates marmite) but the prospect of it doesn’t seem too bad when she’s here in front of him. Red, runny nose and all.

She sets off walking and his feet follow - like she’s the biggest flame or source of light and he’s just a moth, so entranced that he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He loves seeing in colour but there’s something about her, the way she stands out like paint pastels on a plain piece of paper.

“I err -” he clears his throat and itches his nose, “how have you been?”

“Busy.”

She stops at the small cafe located on the first floor, Puddifoot's, and asks for an Earl Grey tea. When her hands are sprawled around the take out cup, savouring the heat that flows through her fingers, and she’s sipping at the hot beverage she gives him another look.

“Classes were giving me hell so my friend, Mary, and I decided it’d be better if we spent our time here. Her boyfriend always has early lectures so he saves us seats when it’s busy.”

James nods, “What’s the coffee like here?”

“Disgusting,” she grins, a slight blush on her cheeks, “but it’s cheap and convenient.”

“You even have a loyalty card with us, this is treachery.”

“Yeah, but I still need five more drinks before I get one free,” she laughs and his heart soars.

They set off walking out of the students union, towards a plethora of wild flowers scattered over overgrown grass, a couple of wooden benches knotted into the greenery. She plops down onto one of the benches, sighing happily. She reaches into her bag to grab some torn bread, throwing it into the pond facing them.

There’s only one duck in there, which the students of Hogwarts University quickly nicknamed The Giant Duck as it’s abnormally larger than the average british duck.

He takes a deep breath and plunges into the unknown, of what he really wants to say.

“I, err, I thought you might have been - well - avoiding me.”

“To be honest, I thought I was too. That and this cold has been a nuisance.”

“Oh,” he scratches his nose and stuffs his hands into his jacket, “you should get some lemsip.”

“I wanted to, but apparently you have to be sixteen and over to buy it and I forgot my passport so the cashier wouldn’t let me buy it.”

“I could get it for you-”

She shakes her head, “Oh no, you don’t have to do that.”

“It’s like, what, three pounds? I honestly don’t mind.”

He’s already standing up, sputtering that her health is the most important thing when she grabs hold of his arm. He pauses, frozen.

She sighs, “Look. I don’t want anything to be, uh, awkward between us. Okay?”

He stops, numbly allowing her to pull him back down on the bench. Their legs brush against each other but she doesn’t move and inch. “Why would it be awkward?”

“I thought you knew.”

His heart skips a beat and he chokes. “What? You… you knew?”

She smiles, biting her lip to stop herself from grinning. “Err yeah.”

“Since when?” his head’s woozy, fingers shaking.

“Since the beginning,” her voice falters slightly, “that day I panicked and heard Remus calling your name. And I fled. Then on the Saturday I was, well, curious?” Only now does she turn to look at him, staring deep into his eyes. He's transfixed. “I only realised once I'd left that your name was the same.”

“But you kept coming.”

“Can you blame me?” she laughs and he feels ablaze.

“Guess not,” he shrugs, “I don't think anyone has enough willpower to ignore it.”

“Yeah,” she takes a sip from her tea, “and I thought you knew, I swear. But then at Tesco you didn't say anything and I realised you didn't. I panicked, that's why I didn't come back, partly. Sorry. You must hate me.”

“I could never.”

She looks so uncomfortable and he's helpless.

He wants to reach out for her hand and never let go. Like she hears his thoughts, she scrunches her fist into her pocket.

“The thing is… I made a promise to myself at a young age that if I ever did see colour I wouldn’t let it control me.”

The Giant Duck quacks loudly and James, who’s been sat on the edge of his seat, waiting anxiously for her to speak, jumps at the sound. She grins, blowing her nose again.

“I want to be able to make my own choices, James. And not be influenced.”

“Okay,” he blinks.

“So I decided I needed to take a break from it all.”

“If you err, if you don't mind me saying,” he pauses, waiting for her nod to continue, “you're saying you don't want it to be in control but it looks like you're letting it.”

“I dont-”

“Running away from it, even if you don’t want it, isn't that just fear?”

“It’s not exactly that simple,” she says.

“I know it’s not,” he gulps, a never ending shiver running up and down his spine. He’s trembling. “But, aren’t you even a little bit curious?”

The sun glows, and, under the deep orange rays she looks ten million times more radiant. He doesn’t care about cliché, he doesn’t care about anything else - only her.

She doesn’t want the colour, the myth of soulmates influencing and breathing down heavily on them. She smiles at him in the moment, moving forward, reaching out her hand so their fingers thread around each other.

And then she’s blinking, inching just that little bit closer towards him. She’s been chewing gum, he can smell peppermint as she breathes out and his eyes flutter closed in seconds.

Even with his eyes shut tight, he can still see colour. It’s more intense and vibrant than he’s ever known it, and he feels her lips place a chaste kiss on his.

It’s red and green, bursting into fireworks and butterflies alike, making his toes curl. He knows she’s feeling the same way, because she shivers against his touch and, when she rests her forehead against his and he has the strength to open his eyes again, she looks just as mesmerised.

He’s never felt more alive.