#normally nothing happens if you use firewood on the science table

[angrybatart]

No shit, Sherlock. I was actually looking to see if I had herbs when I mis-clicked.

[austinpanda]

Dad Letter, 123018

30 December, 2018

Dear Dad--

Happy almost New Year! I hope you had a good Christmas. Mine was excellent! And for some reason, I’m proud of the presents I got! This is mostly due to the fact that I’m asking for better shit than I did as a young adult. As an example, there’s a book I put on my wish list by a Soviet-era Russian named Stanislaw Lem. The book is called ‘Solaris,’ which is a science fiction book about a planet that humans visit, and the planet does...well, let’s just say it communicates in a very weird way with the human explorers. I expect this book to be tough to read! It’s complicated. It has a pretty complex central concept. It was written in the U.S.S.R. and it’s been made into a movie twice. I’m proud to have received this book!

Books are special possessions, obviously. Another thing on my wish list that I received for Christmas was a book stand. In case it isn’t obvious, it’s a big square of wood, with a 2” lip at the bottom to rest a book on. And it has a little adjustable metal finger on each side, with a soft rubber tip, to gently hold the book open. It’s like a lectern, or music stand, but it just sits on a table and holds a book open in an artful fashion. It looks great, and has increased the gravitas of my living room by an astonishing 14%! (If I put my nice Bible on there, that’ll add another 8% just on its own.) Then someone comes into the apartment, sees my open Bible displayed on my new book stand, and automatically they know I’m a good person, and they won’t steal my shit. Ha-ha!

Since I just finished being in that temporary period of not being poor, I was able to take care of a few things I needed, like getting new shoes for my special orthotic inserts, and new prescription sunglasses. I found an outfit online that will make prescription glasses for as little as $25, and I needed some, so I got some prescription shades. Makes me feel quite the big shot. “Yes, these are sunglasses. And yes, I can actually read road signs while I have them on. Now go away, serf, or I shall taunt you a second time.” I’ll include a pic of me with the new specs.

Not too many other bits of news, except a few things I may have mentioned in the past. I have a nasty toothache, so I’m going to get an appointment Monday to see the dentist. Until then, I’m surviving on ibuprofin, goosed occasionally with Vicodins I had left over from the gallbladder removal surgery. I had a funny reaction to the pain pills one day last week. I tried contacting my dentist about it last week, but I suppose they were closed for the week, and I never heard back. About Thursday of last week, the toothache had been particularly unpleasant upon waking up, so breakfast that day was coffee and Vicodin. Then, when I got to work, I felt really high. (Perhaps the opioids knocked loose a chunk of THC that had been stuck in my brain somewhere.) I don’t normally feel high after taking pain pills; I just feel less pain. (I’m grateful for both of those things. I don’t want to start taking them for fun, I just want my stupid tooth to stop hurting.) But on this particular morning, I just felt really stoned. Good news is, I didn’t have to take phone calls that day, and my work productivity was good, because I wasn’t distracted by a whole Viet Nam in my mouth because of this stupid bad tooth. I’ll be happy when it’s fixed.

Zach is well. Samuel L. Jackson, Cat is well. Stacy had a decent Christmas, as far as I know, except that she was sick with something that might have been strep throat. That had to be unpleasant. Oh! I was able to give her the three art things I had made for her. First was a small canvas showing the solar system, then a thing like a snow globe with glitter, but applied to a canvas, like it had been exploded. (You’ll have to take my word for it that this was an attempt at “art.) And one last canvas that was a grid with samples of all the materials used to make the other gifts. Last year’s painting was the one I made of her cats and her snakes. We Weidmanns do love our pets.

It’s cold here today, so we have a fire going in our little fireplace. I have to admit, it feels a bit foolish paying money for wood that I’m going to burn, but I found some cheap firewood at Lowe’s, of all places. I get regular wood and then I get a box of these things called Enviro-Logs, which are made out of recycled waxed cardboard, which is used in things like cake boxes. They’re Duraflame logs for liberals, I suppose. I’m trying to convince my kitty that it’s nice and warm in front of the fireplace, and he’s just not having it. He flees from the fireplace like it’s the vacuum cleaner. Sam can be a dumbass.

So, for the coming week, I have work tomorrow, which will be dead, because it’s New Year’s Eve, so therefore nice, because it’s easy money. We have no plans for New Year’s Eve, other than attempting to stay up till midnight. Even if one doesn’t have a party to attend, it’s still fun to be awake when it turns the new year, because everyone in town starts setting off fireworks illegally. (If you’re asleep when this happens, you might wake up in the process of hurling yourself to the floor to avoid what sounds like gunshots.) Then, once the fireworks get going, all the dogs get barking. Then the sirens come, looking for the miscreants who set off the fireworks, and hopefully no one’s apartment burns down.

If my apartment burns down, I’m covered. I assume my renter’s insurance through State Farm will then swoop in to write me a big check, so as long as me, Zach, and the cat make it out of the fire, we get rewarded with all new stuff! It’s the little dreams that sustain one over time.

Trying a new dinner tonight; a variation of pot roast. You stick the hunk of meat in the slow cooker, pour a Coke over it, then toss in a packet of onion soup mix. Part of me thinks it’s going to be tasty, and looks forward to trying it. Part of me thinks we’re making nothing more than a giant meat lollipop, and is therefore ambivalent. If it turns out to be delicious in a life-altering way, I’ll be sure to let you know!