#noone knows how to classify me. not me. not censuses. not my friends. not strangers. noone. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

the-amber-droid-dreams · 6 months ago

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being arab is just so.. weird. i dont feel represented by or at home w white ppl but also im not the kind of person ppl are usually thinking to include when they say poc...?

im arab but im not brown. im not asian, im african, but ppl always assume african = black and im not that either. my skin is on the paler end of the spectrum but ppl clock me as "other" anyway. arabs are barely represented as is and even when they are its never anyone like me, never anyone thats even from my damn region.

#i try to find community or even just carve out a place for myself that is uniquely mine. but its hard.#sometimes i hate that i go by amber. i didnt know how much of a 'white girl' name it was when i settled on it. it didnt really matter then #but it does now. and noone can pronounce or even Spell 3anbar in this accursed language #and im too afraid to tell my friends to call me ilyas as well (instead ?)#im close w only one other poc person. shes chinese. shes kinda half the reason i realized i 'count' as poc lmao. not that she knows #and whenever she jokes around w me abt race i feel weird. not bc shes doing it in a bad way ! its thrilling almost to feel included. but.#i almost feel like im not allowed to be.#i wish i understood what people saw when they looked at me. how they perceived me. i tried to ask my bf once. didnt help much #noone knows how to classify me. not me. not censuses. not my friends. not strangers. noone.#amber actually saying stuff #vent #i guess

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