#nofouling | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

waitingformyfavoritesongs · 2 years ago

Text

Thursday 23 March 2023 7:40 pmpdt

I wanted to be more like my sister & mom & see things from their perspective. I wanted to change. I wanted to fit into their world 🌎. I wanted to fall in love with a hot guy. Seems shallow but everyone wants to be with someone they’re attracted to. But not any hot guy would do. If you read previous posts (pain again same area 7:45 pmpdt) you would know 7:46 pmpdt. I was hoping to transform myself. I thought 💭 maybe changing myself was possible. They seemed to think 🤔 they were right. & maybe 🤔 I didn’t understand why or how. I had some understanding about how I was wrong on somethings but not all things? Trying to remember what type of things. Whenever I had the flings after my first boyfriend I thought 💭 I was 100% responsible for getting s*xually involved. It does take 2 to tango but usually women get stuck with 100% of the blame. Please read all previous posts. Autocorrect: black block. 7:53 pmpdt auto saved. But it was hard for me to accept. I did often talk afterwards (left eye 👁 ball pain 7:54 pmpdt) I usually said something mentioned the guy. I don’t remember anymore but I often felt guilty and also like I could not stop talking 🙊 that way. Acid throat pain 7:56 pmpdt. I tried to stop 🛑 after the second time around with Scott. I was warned years ago to beware of rejecting a guy to his face. I think 🤔 though that Scott was probably pretending to like me both times Bcz he’s incubus bro & incubus told him to do it. So, I think he wanted to get whatever he could get & then punished me for giving him what he wanted from me. 8:01 pmpdt

8:04 pmpdt I wanted to tell him “no” Bcz my heart ♥️ wasn’t there yet. I felt emotionally & psychologically tortured for staying with my first boyfriend Bcz I wasn’t in love 😻 & I felt guilt about it. I really wanted to like someone & be in love & be 100% of the time attracted to someone. There were times my first boyfriend would say out loud that he was ugly. & I thought 💭 I was being kind telling him he wasn’t ugly. My attraction to him abruptly stopped b4 we made our partnership go from friends with benefits to boyfriend girlfriend. 8:09 pmpdt I was afraid of being thought 💭 of as a whore, so I stayed with him and hoped my feelings would change back. 8:10 pmpdt I can’t believe I stayed with him as long as I did, but he was a really nice guy. And my mom and sister accepted him I think 💭, but my sister & her friend hinted that they didn’t think he was handsome around the time of the breakup. 8:13 pmpdt I did not stay (acid left eye 👁 pain 8:13 pmpdt) with him for money 💰. I stayed Bcz even though I had this emotional torture, this was comfortable enough. A shy 🙈 introvert with low self esteem and not much confidence, feeling incomplete and not good enough, I definitely lacked courage. 8:17 pmpdt I often gave up 🆙 on text books 📚 readings and procrastinated, & then try again when it was late. 8:19 pmpdt I am afraid 😱 the incubus will take away my legs 🦵 & I will require a bib. 8:20 pmpdt he keeps on eating my flesh in different ways. Burning 🔥 me. At UCB I wished I dated around more and could have found some one to have a connection with. I feel so incapable. 8:23 pmpdt incubus said he won’t stop 🛑. I think 💭 he really meant it. He looks so happy & pleased with him self & kicking which I interpret to mean k, i sick, but it’s in reference to me, what he is doing & going to do to me. 8:26 pmpdt 8:27 pmpdt some people say no harm nofoul. I hope the incubus stopped 🛑 that guy for me like I expected him to do. I am going to feel very betrayed & look 👀 at him differently if he didn’t stop him Bcz he had a lot of warning ⚠️ time for someone who chose to show me he controlled traffic. 8:30 pmpdt

left arm pain 8:31 pmpdt I think he is trying to prevent me from writing ✍️ this next line. I think he repeatedly disregards that part & wants to write ✍️ me off. If rape doesn’t hurt & if god can cancel pregnancy 🤰 & prevent disease 🦠 left shoulder pain 8:36 pmpdt I can’t continue (pain abdominal 8:36 pmpdt) forget it. 8:37 pmpdt I can’t continue writing ✍️ what I was going to write ✍️. 8:38 pmpdt

8:44 pmpdt don’t expect any favors from god, even if it seemed like he would have. Always assume it’s a test/trap. I think he killed me this evening. 8:46 pmpdt

2:24 am pdt if incubus didn’t stop 🛑 the guy, I am going to think that incubus is REALLY a BAD... beast. 2:26 am pdt if he lied 🤥 to me about marriage & children he will be PERMANENTLY a bad beast in my eyes 👀 to mess with me that way. 2:27 am pdt

2:29 am pdt there are things I’m afraid 😱 of revealing. Bcz he always uses it against me. Example: the yearbook reveal post some posts ago, he did a horrible awful bad thing explosion in my uterus-ish? area. It hurt 😞 & it was frightening. & then I see Seth (spine left foot 🦶 pain 2:32 am pdt) rogen with his yearbook autobiography? Book 📚 on a talk show. I’ve been holding onto that yearbook reveal for many months, except for one part. Vag pain right eye 👁 pain 2:34 am pdt. I’m being setup for pain & to be destroyed and simultaneously he’s putting signs 🪧 as if people might read this then see that & think 💭 maybe 🤔 he’s on my side when he’s not. I’m trying to figure him out. He’s destroyed me. My body & probably my mind look 👀 absurd. It’s not a compliment. 2:37 am pdt 2:38 am pdt

2:39 am pdt last week I think 💭 the news 📰 said the storm ⛈ knocked out trees 🌲 which knocked down power lines & it took pg&e several days to return power to more than 23,000 customers? I think 💭 the number went up 🆙 from that but I don’t remember. There have been (acid under skin of right arm pain 2:43 am pdt) many deaths reported on the news 📰 recently. I’m wondering 💭 when I will be next & wondering what type of people they were. 2:44 am pdt

2:54 am pdt incubus has a lot of power to change people’s feelings and can control whether something happens or not. Makes me think 🤔 that incubus has come up with every excuse to get rid of me. Harder to breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️. “I want you gone [...] not fit to tread the ground I’m walking 🚶‍♂️ on.” 2:58 am pdt he won’t even let me get confirmation that Melissa cuen was in Sunday morning. I looked at the credits in 2017 when I finally realized maybe I do know that girl, there was no information ℹ️. Even Ryan dusick (autocorrect: delusional 3:01 am pdt) said he doesn’t know even though he shared a microphone 🎤 with the blonde 👱‍♀️ who was sitting 🪑 at the same table as the girl I believe to be cuen. 3:02 am pdt incubus wants me to look 👀 & feel delusional. Gaslighting ⛽️ me. That’s not nice. Nice people don’t do that. 3:03 am pdt 3:04 am pdt

3:06 am pdt IMDb website only lists maroon 5 as cast & crew.

3:08 am pdt I think 💭 I’m going to be perpetually stuck in this torture until I’m dead 😵. He made me walk up 🆙 to a street sign 🪧 in 2017 that said tilbury. I’ve spent almost every day of my life in pain after 5 or 6 years old. I think I remember I hated pooping 💩 when I was 5 years old. Eczema was agony. Running 🏃🏻‍♀️ was hard & painful. Hitting my head on hard things was extremely painful 😖. I always felt not good enough & not normal afterwards. 3:14 am pdt and that was in addition to my mom seeming to hate me. She would rather watch the news 📰 & eat dinner than talk to me so I started going more online/the internet while I ate dinner. 3:16 am pdt & then I hear 👂 my algebra 2 teacher (acid left side face trying to rest on pillow 3:17 am pdt) said family who sit at the dinning table and eat dinner together and talk -> kids have higher chance to go to college. & I had learning disabilities. 3:19 am pdt my mom always complained about money 💰 Bcz she was always sending money 💰 to grandma 👵 Et al. 3:21 am pdt even when I was , at the apartment b4 separating, she told me to turn off the lights when I’m not using it or probably during the day or when I’m not in the room. Had to learn that stuff at that age. 3:24 am pdt btwn the age of 6 & 8 years old. 3:25 am pdt

3:25 am pdt I’m not special to anyone, especially to Adam Noah Levine. Incubus is gaslighting ⛽️ me and that is heinous. I didn’t bother him, he started bothering me first. Which to me makes me think 💭 he’s guilty of doing bad stuff and all people in his family are BAD like that. 3:28 am pdt they’re all into human s*x trafficking. They like subjecting people to cruelty and forced s*x/rape/prostitution. Forget about Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, respect and decency. Heinous torture. 3:30 🕞 am pdt they haven’t proved to be anything else to me. 3:31 am pdt

3:32 am pdt I didn’t rape anyone. I barely hurt anyone. I usually hurt myself more. I did not murder. 3:33 am pdt I have been trying to be better & tried to work on my relationship with my mom & worked on myself. 3:34 am pdt I don’t trust you. 3:35 am pdt

3:36 am pdt what are the Ten Commandments? 1st one? Don’t murder? Another one? Honor your parents? Don’t covet your neighbor’s wife? Incubus probably broke that one. 3:38 am pdt incubus killed a lot of people so that doesn’t move him. These commandments probably mean nothing to him, even the dont covet neighbor’s wife. 3:40 am pdt

autocorrect said fake while I typed last part. Vag pain. 3:41 am pdt if you do bad things to others how do you know if you are clean of immorality? How would anyone know? If you like to hide what you did? It probably means you did something wrong. 3:43 am pdt how many times in how many ways do I need to write ✍️ this? Human s*x trafficking = you did it? -> you hide it? But you justify it? Bcz... you say women are bad? But how do we know if you’re clean? And you aren’t toying with us to get away with what you want to do Bcz you like it enjoy it? Disrespectful things you do? Adam Noah Levine is dirty. He is a dog. He is heinous. And gross. And yucky. I don’t trust him. 3:47 am pdt

3:48 am pdt I would be more inclined to believe if everyone was subjected to an investigation openly by non governmental agencies and non police 👮‍♂️ Bcz I think that antolin Garcia Torres was framed for every thing. 3:50 am pdt the fbi was involved and originally I heard 👂 it was an anonymous tip that pointed police in antolin’s direction. That’s iffy to me. 3:51 am pdt a lot of stuff changes online. Can’t trust it. If I didn’t do anything extremely bad and I didn’t break the major commandments then what are you punishing me for? There were lots of times I made it to the bank 🏦 last minute. Were you only doing it to mislead me? Distract me in the moment? 3:54 am pdt and make me forget? 3:54 am pdt 3:55 abdominal pain minute ago. Am I really going to be punished like this until death ☠️? You like to mislead people all the time keep them dangling on hope so they don’t commit suicide so someone has a job? Like dugard? 3:57 am pdt I don’t believe in god anymore. I don’t believe in love anymore. I don’t believe anyone is good or worthy of friendship anymore. Without friendship & trust, there’s no time for fun? Have to always be in a state of war and watching your back. 3:59 am pdt I don’t have a friend in incubus. Everyone has to be brain 🧠 washed to be friends with incubus. Or scared. 😱 death cab 🚕 for cutie. Fear is the heart ❤️ of love...? I don’t think 💭 so? 4 am pdt autism on the rise. In America. 4:01 am pdt

0 notes