#nobody told me snakes are kinda hard to draw but i tried

[milagrosen]

Slithery

[the-awkward-outlaw]

Hello! Could i request a drabble where orphan!reader gets picked up by the gang only after a few months Arthur does? He's like highkey jealous of the new golden child until she's in a bad situation to get hurt and he instantly goes protective, kinda ends up realizing she's part of his family too along the way. Also i send many praises your way ~ you're so talented and thank you for doing these requests!!

This one turned out greatly different from what I planned, but that’s one of the joys of being a writer. You don’t always know what’s going to happen either. I’ve also never written a young Arthur, so this was a new experience. Anyways, enjoy! There’s blood, violence, poor Spanish (on my part), and it’s topped with a big serving of fluff at the end. 

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Arthur leans against the fence, glaring across the paddock at you. You’ve been a thorn in his side ever since you showed up four months ago. He used to think John was bad enough, but you… you’re worse.

Dutch and Hosea brought you in, covered in dirt and thin as a bone, but your pockets laden with stolen trinkets. You’d foolishly tried to rob Dutch himself, hoping to find something you could sell in order to get the day’s meal. Never before had you been caught stealing, but it was hard to fool a pro like Dutch. He instantly knew what you were up to, but he and Hosea saw your potential when they unloaded your pockets and saw all your ill-gotten gains. 

Over the next few months, Dutch and Hosea both taught you to read, Grimshaw taught you how to clean and Arthur was told to teach you how to use a gun, though he hated it. He couldn’t believe someone as old as you (though you were a few years younger than him and he was nearly twenty) could barely do anything. He’d heard the story that your parents died when you were very young, taken by yellow fever. After their deaths, you were sent to an orphanage but it was so overcrowded, filthy and miserable you ran away and lived on the streets where you were more likely to scrounge up a meal. Still, Arthur didn’t care for you. 

Hosea and Dutch boasted about you as you were eager to learn. You picked up reading and writing extremely fast and Grimshaw had no problem teaching you how to do the domestic work around camp. You liked doing them even, as they kept your hands busy (even though the work itself was dull). Arthur felt smug when you struggled to learn how to shoot a gun or skin an animal, ignoring the remarks by Hosea that he was more likely to blame for being a poor instructor. It was no secret Arthur was jealous.

But how could he not be? For years, it had been just him, Dutch and Hosea. They were the perfect trio and the two men were more like a family to him than he’d ever known before. When Grimshaw entered the picture, it didn’t change things much. In fact she was a bonus as she taught Arthur how to repair his clothes. But when John Marston came, that was when things turned. Dutch and Hosea rescued him when he was only 12 and standing on the gallows, a rope around his neck. 

John became the golden boy after that and Arthur felt he was pushed to the side. He tried time and again to gain his status back, to be the favorite boy. He just wanted the same attention he used to get instead of having most of the work thrown on his back. Sure, John learned the proper ways of being an outlaw, but Dutch and Hosea doted on him. Things went on this way for nearly four years and then you entered the picture. 

There’s been a lot of resentment Arthur holds towards you. Since he was a few years older and definitely looked like an adult, he was intimidating. Not only that, but he’s been running with the gang for most of his life. You, well, the easiest way to put it were a nobody. Just some orphan girl who could barely pick up a knife before you came here. And now here you are, raking in all the glory while he does all the work. 

He sighs, his eyes boring into you. You’ve been wise to avoid him the past couple of days, ever since the robbery. Hosea had taken you into town, targeting a rather rich man who would be easy to rob provided he had something to distract him. Hosea had gotten you to pretend to be his daughter and to have a fit. You’d played the part brilliantly and the man was too easy to rob, and the take was excellent. Arthur was supposed to go with him on that job, but he’d been out with Mary so Hosea took you instead. 

Arthur’s mood dips even further when he thinks about Mary. They’d had another big fight and he wasn’t too sure she’d contact him again this time. He loves her, but he isn’t too sure that feeling is reciprocated. A few weeks ago, they’d been out together and some man tried to pick a fight with Arthur. That was the first time Mary saw his outlaw side and it scared her how quickly Arthur drew out his gun and he hadn’t even flinched when he pulled the trigger. They’ve been fighting ever since. Part of him regrets giving her that ring last time he saw her. He felt he was making a commitment to her, but she might not be willing to do the same. He’s started to see how easily she plays him. 

A loud giggle draws him out of his mind again and he looks back up at you and Hosea. He doesn’t want to be here anymore, at this old house the gang has been occupying for the last few months. He goes over to his horse, his mind set on taking a ride and being gone for a few days. Maybe that’ll help him clear his head and he can get away from you. Just as he’s about to mount up, Hosea walks over with you in tow. 

“Arthur, where you going?”

“Just… around. Be back in a few days.” 

“Well, take Y/N with you.” 

“Why?” Arthur shoots back. 

You lower your head. You know he’s not fond of you. 

“Because she needs to learn how to survive out there. Teach her how to set up a campfire, go fishing, hunting. She needs the experience.” 

“Why can’t you or Dutch take her?” 

“Arthur, she’s your family too, whether you like it or not. Besides, me and Dutch might have something cooking up. Just take her and don’t get her lost!” 

Arthur groans but relents. Despite his annoyance, you flash a big grin at him and grab your horse. He doesn’t wait for you to get settled into the saddle before he’s running. Nothing has ever felt like a bigger weight than dragging you along. 

For the next few hours, he leads you on down south towards the San Luis River. He hopes you won’t complain about the heat, the bugs or the snakes. You don’t though. You try to pick up a conversation with him a few times, but when he doesn’t take, you settle for gazing at the surroundings. The sky is so beautiful down here, feeling somehow closer. 

Over the next several hours, Arthur continues further south and west, down below Tumbleweed even. You’ve never been this far out west, but you like it. The land is incredible, growing in strange, hot formations. The water from the distant river has a richer color than it does back east. 

Several times, Arthur tries to lose you. He just wants some peace and quiet, some room and space to think. Besides, if he really wanted to talk with someone, you’d be the last person he’d pick. Unfortunately, you stick to him as efficiently as a determined fly. He just can’t shake you off. 

By the end of the night, Arthur is more than irritated with you. He shows you how to pitch a tent and make a fire, but he grumbles the entire way through it and he doesn’t do a very thorough job. You feel you’ve learned nothing, but you know his patience is short enough as it is without you acting stupid, so you pretend to know what you’re doing. You lie down in your bedroll, your head sticking out enough so you can still see the stars. 

Arthur, lying in his own tent, continues to glare at you. You’re still young enough to retain your naivety towards the world, and part of him despises you for it. He’s started to see how ugly it all is, how ugly his way of life is. At least he can hold onto the smug thought that someday, in a couple of years or maybe even sooner, you’ll see it too. 

Halfway through the night, Arthur’s startled awake. He’s always been a light sleeper, and he’s even more so when sleeping out in the wilderness like this. You’d snored particularly hard and that was why he’d woken. He sighs heavily when you give another loud snore. Why did he get saddled with you? 

A horrible thought comes to him. What if he just ditched you? Hell, a couple of days on your own out here would do you some good. He’d come back for you of course, he’s not stupid enough to return to the gang without you. Hosea and Dutch would be furious. He won’t set that kind of example for the 12 year old John neither. After thinking on it for a while, he quietly collapses his tent and gets on his horse, riding away into the night. 

He doesn’t go far, of course. He’s not so cruel to leave you completely unattended, but he’s rather interested to see how you’ll handle yourself. Besides, it’ll distract him from Mary and maybe he’ll even get a good laugh. 

He settles himself far enough away that the only way to keep an eye on you is through his binoculars. You surely won’t be able to see him. He sets up his own tiny camp and sleeps a while longer. 

Hours pass and the sun rises, forcing you to wake. After rubbing your eyes, you look around to find Arthur’s things gone. The sight causes you to leap out of your tent. Did he abandon you? No, you think. Arthur may dislike you, but you refuse to think him cruel enough to do that. The only conclusion you can think of is that someone took him. However, after inspecting where his tent had been, you see no signs of another person or even an animal around. Everything you can see points to the fact that, at some point, he’d just gotten up and left. 

You sit down near the hot coals of what’s left of last night’s fire, place your elbows on your crossed legs and plop your chin on your hands. You’ve been trying so hard to stay out of Arthur’s way, to not give him a reason to hate you. It’s not your fault that Hosea and Dutch dote on you so much. Personally, sometimes it makes you a bit nervous, like they’re setting you up for when you finally mess up. But did Arthur really hate you enough to just leave you like this? Will he tell Dutch and Hosea that you drowned or ran off or something, give them some kind of excuse behind your absence? Probably. 

The thought of what lie Arthur might come up with sparks an anger you’ve never felt before. Dutch and Hosea took you in, offered to give you a new life with meaning to it. You’re not some orphaned kid living in the street like a rat anymore. You’re an outlaw, and outlaws are brave. You won’t give Arthur the satisfaction of knowing he bested you. Somehow, someway, you’ll find your way back to the gang’s hideout. You smile when you think of the shocked expression on Arthur’s face when you show up. 

After eating a tin of peaches, you clumsily pack up your tent and stuff it into your saddlebags, ignoring that a large section dangles out (you tried stuffing it in but it just wouldn’t fit). You kick dirt onto the coals, sufficiently dousing them and then you mount up, determined to head back home. Unfortunately (and under the watchful eyes of Arthur), you start heading east, but you’re not going far enough north. 

Arthur doesn’t stop you though. He follows you, constantly checking on your progress and chuckling to himself when you continue the wrong way. He’s provided another good laugh when you pull out the bow Dutch had bought you a few weeks back, but you’ve never used before. It’s clear you’ve never shot a bow before, Arthur watches you struggle to notch an arrow and then try shooting it at a grazing pronghorn. The arrow flies forward about five feet before it lands on the ground. The tip doesn’t even get buried in the sand. 

Several more times you try to shoot the arrow, but with little progress. You shoot on and on until the muscles in your arms and ribs throb painfully. Arthur only left you with a few cans of food and a bit of dried beef. Certainly not enough to allow you to survive a few days on your own. But you’ll manage. One of the benefits of being an orphan on the street was you learned how to go a day or two without food. It’s not fun, but you can do it. 

A few more hours pass and you’re miserable. Your stomach is growling, but you refuse to eat any of your precious reserves. The sun beats down hard and unrelenting, burning your arms. You’re grateful for your tattered hat as your head and face are spared. 

As the sun begins its slow descent in the sky, you come across a small lake. On the south end is an empty cabin. Perhaps you’ll have the good fortune of being able to stay there for the night. After setting up a good place to sleep in the cabin and unsaddling your horse, you take out your fishing pole. However, you don’t know the first thing about fishing and no one bothered to set it up before giving it to you. You know there’s some complicated knotting to it all, and that’s about it. 

As the sky grows a bit darker and you’re given a break from the unforgiving heat, you scour the land for any kind of edible plants. The problem is  you really don’t know what’s safe to eat, or if some plants must be boiled or cooked before they’re safe. It’s all new territory for you. After finally crumbling and eating some of the dried beef, you go to bed, your stomach still demanding more food. 

Arthur chuckles to himself from the safety of his own camp, a rabbit cooking over the fire. You’re really out of your element here. Finally, there’s something he can boast about that you can’t do. Of course, he knows that if Dutch and Hosea ever find out, they’ll be furious, but Arthur’s sure you won’t ever tell them. Especially when he comes back to get you and you find out he was never far away. After eating, he lies down on his bedroll, his hands behind his head. He looks up at the stars, smiling a bit. Depending on how badly you do tomorrow, he’ll fetch you and bring you home. 

Morning comes once again and Arthur sits up. After clearing his eyes, he pulls out his binoculars and easily finds the cabin you spent the night in. Your horse is still where you left it, but there’s no sign of movement from the cabin. Figuring you’re just tired and hungry, he waits for you to come out. However, when midday comes and he still hasn’t seen you, he grows worried. After packing up his things, he rides to the lake. 

When he arrives, he pauses, listening, waiting. Still nothing. He puts his horse next to yours and inspects it. Your horse greets him with a soft whinny, but she’s clearly hungry in this tiny paddock with no food to browse on. Something’s wrong. You care about your horse more than anything, you’d never let her starve. He gives her a quick pat and then heads into the cabin, hoping you’re not sick or overly distraught. 

When he opens the door, his stomach plummets. The cabin is strewn with signs of a struggle, furniture toppled over. A table lies on its side, one leg splintered off. The mess looks fresh, like it happened within the past few hours. The bed in the corner shows signs of having been slept in. It takes him only a second to realize that sometime during the night, someone or maybe even a few people came in and kidnapped you. 

Arthur’s not a pro at tracking, especially people. That’s one of his weak spots, but he knows he has to do his best and find you.It’s not even the thought that Dutch and Hosea will kill him if he tells them, it’s that he never intended for you to get hurt during his little prank. He has to fix this.

*****************************************************

You’re tied up to a post in the middle of a paddock, the sun unforgivingly beating down on you. Your throat cracks with nearly every breath, desperate for water. Your skin screams for shade and sweat glides down your back beneath your shirt. During the last hour, your head has started to pound. 

When you’d gotten to the cabin last night, you believed, based on the thick coating of dust on every surface, that it hadn’t been occupied in several months. However, shortly after you’d fallen asleep, three men broke into it and captured you. You tried giving them a hard fight, but as they were bigger than you (and there were more than you), it didn’t take them too much effort to subdue you. 

When they managed to get you tied up and thrown over the back of one of their horses, they discussed a little. You couldn’t really understand them, as two of them spoke quickly in Spanish. The third, although being a white man, also spoke their language, though his was more broken as though he didn’t quite have a handle on it. After a few minutes, they mounted up and rode off, leaving all your things behind. As they cantered away, your hat fell from your head. 

A few hours later, your gut heaving painfully from being thrown over the horse’s rear, the trio slowed down and you saw in the darkness a small house and a large barn with several paddocks outside of it. As the group approached the property, more men came out, speaking again in Spanish. A few of the white members traded some words in English and it became clear what they were going to do. They were going to try and sell you as you were still young and desirable to a great number of men. 

Your blood pumped hard in your ears and you tried to break free or squirm out of your bonds, but they were too tight. One of the men grabbed you and you began thrashing and screaming, kicking him several times in the thighs and stomach. 

“Este tiene una pelea en ella. Hagamos que tenga sed,” he said. The others chuckled and nodded their heads. 

The man carried you into one of the smaller paddocks that had a large pole staked into the sun-baked earth. The ropes around your hands were cut just long enough that he and one of his companions could swing your arms behind you and tie them back together. It became quickly clear that the only way to free yourself was to try and attract the attention of anyone who was nearby, so you started to scream. 

“Cállate!” one of the men yelled and held a knife to your throat as tears slid down your cheeks. 

“No, déjala gritar,” said a particularly tall man. You gathered from his stance and his dusty clothes that he might very well be the leader of these men. “Se cansará, y no hay nadie aqu�� para escucharla.” 

The man holding the knife to your throat backed off and they all went back into the house or the barn. You knew you only had a few hours until the sun rose, so your best bet at escaping was now while you still had the strength and energy. However, those hours slid by quickly, and you hadn’t gotten anywhere. You’d twisted your arms, rubbing your wrists raw, but the rope held tightly. You’d screamed, but just like the tall man had said (though you hadn’t understood him), you screamed yourself hoarse. 

This is where you are now, trapped, being forced to await your inevitable fate. Not once have any of the men come out to check on you. Occasionally one will come out of the barn or the house and go to the other building, or step over to the wall of a small plateau to take a piss, but none of them ever interact or even seem to take notice of you. Sometimes you’ll hear one of them yell from the buildings, but other than that, all is quiet. 

As the day wears on, you wonder what the hell they’re waiting for. If they intend to sell you, why don’t they just drag you away. You almost don’t care anymore, you just want to get out of this sun. 

At one point, a vulture soars overhead and lands ominously on the roof of the barn, peering down at you with a liquid black eye. He stays there for a long time too, almost as though waiting to see if you’ll die. You know you won’t though. Not today anyways. Despite this horrendous torture, you’re not so dehydrated as to expire. If you’re in this same state in two days, it will be different, but you’re not there yet. One of the men shouts loudly inside the barn and the vulture takes flight. 

Finally, gratefully, the sun dips down to the horizon. Your mind wanders back to Arthur and how he just left you. Even though you’ve every reason to, you don’t hate him. Sure, you’re angry and hurt that he just disappeared during the night, leaving you completely alone. You’d looked up to him during these past few weeks. Despite being only a few years older than you, he had so much more knowledge and he had such a cool, collected attitude that you admired. Not only that, but he was good looking, even though you know he’s involved with another girl. Still, as your burnt skin aches and your wrists crack with dried blood, you can’t hate him. Hell, you would’ve probably done the same thing were you in his shoes. 

Stars flicker in the sky above as the horizon grows darker. As the air cools, you feel a slight surge in energy and you try to wriggle yourself free again. While you squirm, you realize if you angle your right hand in a flat shape and don’t clench your hand or wrist, you might be able to slip free. You do so and your hand begins to slide out. The rope catches at the widest part of your hand where your thumb grows out of your hand, but you angle it in such a way that the rope continues up and over. Finally, your arms fall loose. You’re free. 

You fall onto your hands and knees for a moment. Your legs are exhausted from being forced into the crouched position for so long and your feet have gone numb. You give yourself one minute to recollect yourself, then you stand up and start walking to the fence farthest away from the barn. 

Just as you’re climbing the fence, the barn door opens and you hear someone yell at you. As quickly as you can manage, you start running, but the whole group is aware now. They charge after you and two of them swing lassos around you. A shrill scream leaves your throat as you fall to the ground, the ropes tightening around your elbows, pinning them to your body. 

“Ah, still have fight in you,” one of the men says in a thick accent. He chuckles beneath his thick mustache. 

The tall leader glares down at you with a nasty smile. “Átala de nuevo, pero hazlo mejor. Asegúrate de que no pueda escapar esta vez.” The others nod and agree. The leader bends his knees to look you in the eyes. “Try to escape again, we will show you what we will sell you for.” 

A sickening chuckle goes around the circle from all the men. You can do nothing but try and look angrily back at him, though you’re terrified. He smiles, puts a cigar in his throat, and beckons to the two men holding you with ropes. 

Just as they bend to pick you up, a deafening bang echoes not far off and one of the men’s heads shoots out a thick stream of blood. He stumbles and falls, but just as the others are turning to look at the source of his death, another one falls, clutching his neck. You hear a horse thundering towards you, roaring as your captors return fire. You can’t see who it is through the tangles of legs between you and your rescuer, but a spark of hope flickers in your chest. 

As more men topple, you get the urge to fight. You start kicking the men closest to you, knocking them down and making them easy targets. You smash your heel into the ankle of one of the men holding your ropes. He falls and you climb onto him, slamming your fist into his face over and over. 

Just as the last of the men fall, you’re suddenly yanked from the man you’re beating. A thick arm goes around your neck and the barrel of a pistol gets shoved to your temple. 

“Drop your gun!” the tall man says. “You want her dead?” 

This is the first time you’ve been given the chance to look at your savior and your eyes land on Arthur. He looks angry and worried at the same time, his pistol pointed at the man. 

“Let her go,” he tells the man, who just chuckles. 

“I have the upper hand, chico. I make the rules. You want her alive? Drop your gun!”

Arthur complies and throws down his gun. The man’s finger fiddles a bit with the trigger and he laughs again.

“Good. I’ll give it to you, hijo. You can shoot real well. If it wasn’t my men dead, I’d invite you to my gang.” 

“And what gang is that?” he snarls. 

“Del Lobos, chico. I know you’ve heard of us.” 

Of course, the Del Lobos. The gang made of Mexicans and Californians looking to seize power after they themselves were stripped of their own. Honestly you’re surprised it’s taken you this long to run into them. Seems that most people who live south of Blackwater have dealt with them. Arthur’s eyes betray that he’s certainly heard of them. 

“Just let her go, buddy. She ain’t done nothin’ to you.” 

“Why she so important?” the tall man demands.

“Because… she’s my family. I just want to bring her home.” 

The tall man makes a mocking, simpering sound and then laughs again. “So sweet. Familia. Greatest strength there is, and yet the greatest weapon. But… I don’t want to let her go. She’s… how you say… valiosa. People pay lots of money.” 

Arthur’s eyes narrow. You know he won’t have any chance to save you if you just stand here and let yourself be a damsel in distress. Before Arthur has the chance to respond, you pick up your foot and slam it against the man’s shin. His hold on you loosens and his gun points up in the air as he cries out in surprise and pain. 

“Maldita sea!” he yells and Arthur takes the distraction, pulling out a knife and throwing it. His aim is true and the knife plunges into the man’s eye, throwing his head back as you duck and break out of his grip. 

When the man falls, gurgling as he dies, you look at Arthur, breathing heavily. He picks up his pistol and holsters it. Then, with a guilty expression, he looks at you. 

“Are… are you okay?” 

“Yeah, no thanks to you I might add.” 

He swallows. “I’m sorry. I didn’t really leave. I had my eye on you the whole time. Well, most of the time anyways. Thought.... Thought it might be interestin’ to see how you faired on your own.” 

“So me getting kidnapped, beaten and threatened to be sold was interesting to you, was it?” you snarl, your anger picking up. 

“No, it wasn’t. I didn’t think this would happen. Here.” From his satchel he pulls out a waterskin, handing it to you. You snatch it from him and drink greedily. While you’re drinking, he goes over to the man’s corpse and pulls out his knife, wiping it clean on the man’s clothes. 

Once you’ve had your fill of water, you hand Arthur his waterskin back and look around. By his horse you see yours not far behind. “Thanks for… for getting her. Saves me the trouble of having to track her down.” 

Arthur just grunts in response. “Well come on. Think we’ve had enough of an adventure.” 

The two of you mount up and begin riding off. As you leave the property of dead men behind, Arthur turns to you. 

“You aren’t going to tell Dutch and Hosea about this, are you?” 

How dare he ask you this? You nearly died back there, and if you hadn’t been killed and if Arthur hadn’t showed up, you’d have lost your freedom. 

Arthur looks at you with a sad expression. “I’m really sorry about all this. I… I don’t know why I thought leaving you alone out here was a good idea. Guess… with the way Dutch and Hosea talk about ya, it’s like you can’t do nothing wrong. Maybe I just wanted to prove I was better at somethin’ than you.” 

“Better at something?” you say. “Arthur, I’ve been idolizing just about everything you do for weeks now! I can barely hold a gun while you just shot like eight guys on your own back there. You can do a million things I can’t, and even the stuff I can do, you can do better.”

He sighs and looks ahead. “Don’t seem that way with how they talk about ya.” 

“Arthur, I don’t want to be the golden child in the gang, I really don’t. But I can’t control how they act over me. But… I won’t tell them about this.” 

He visibly relaxes and thanks you. 

“But can I ask,” you say, “why did you go to all this trouble to save me? It would’ve been easy enough to go home and tell the others that I’d just run off or something like that.” 

He sighs. “Because that wouldn’t be right. I… I couldn’t let you be killed by those men if I knew I could do something about it. I already have enough sins to carry, I don’t need to add your death to that list. Besides, you’re… you’re my family, miss. You, Dutch, Hosea, Susan… John. You’re my family. Sure, we ain’t always gonna get along, but no family does. Besides, I’d rather have you part of it than not.” 

You smile at him, your heart flooding with warmth and affection. That was the first time you felt something for him that was more than just admiration or idolization. 

You sit now on the bed, Arthur sleeping next to you. You’ve been dating him for a few months now, but it’s hard to think that you’ve known the outlaw for nearly twenty years. They haven’t been easy either, secretly being in love with him and watching him prance after Mary, finding out about Eliza and his son Isaac and then their deaths. 

Arthur’s grown remarkably since you were captured by the Del Lobos, and not just physically. He developed an extremely strong sense of loyalty towards Dutch, Hosea, you and even John, though he was badly hurt when John disappeared for a year after Jack was born. The gang’s grown remarkably since too, adding over a dozen more people. 

Arthur stirs awake beside you, rolling over to expose his strong chest. You smile when he looks up at you and sighs sleepily. 

“What you doin’?” he groans. 

“Just writing,” you say, closing your journal. Another habit you picked up from him. He puts his hand on your back and you lay down, plopping your head onto his chest after kissing his neck. He sighs again, his arm settling over you. 

“What you writin’ about?” 

“Nothing much. But you remember that first camping trip we took?” 

Arthur groans and chuckles a bit. “Oh God. That was awful. I don’t know why you liked me so much. I was the biggest ass.” 

“Maybe. But I thought you were cool. And maybe I kinda wanted to be like you.” 

“At least you were nice enough never to tell Dutch and Hosea.” 

You chuckle and slide your hand over his, which is resting on his stomach. You place a soft kiss over his heart and settle down to get some sleep. 

“Do you have to do this job in Blackwater tomorrow?” you ask. 

“Darlin’, I told ya. Hosea and I ain’t doin’ the ferry job. We’re just goin’ to town, gonna try workin’ on that real estate scam and keep an eye on things while Dutch and the others work on the boat.” 

“Mmm, good. Somethin’ doesn’t feel right about this job,” you say. “Just… promise me you’ll come home safe?” 

You look up at him. He can’t help but melt at your large eyes. He kisses your forehead. “I promise, sweetheart.” 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #302

“heaven ain’t close in a place like this”

What color are your eyes? Grayish blue. What's your favorite type of milk? If we're talking the basics, ig 1% is fine. What would you change about your appearance if you could? Oh, hunny, you got time for an essay? What would you change about your bedroom if you could? I need to fucking finish decorating it... It's not finished by no fault but my own laziness. Are you rich or poor? We're definitely pretty poor. Are you double jointed? I don't think so. What's the most physically painful thing you've ever experienced? I once had a large infected cyst that had to be drained by applying pressure to it, and I swear to Christ I don't know how I didn't faint. They gave me morphine and multiple numbing shots, but none of that did SHIT. I'm not even embarrassed by the fact I was shrieking and sobbing and swearing because I'm pretty fucking sure any sane person would've cried out many times. I'm convinced they either didn't numb me enough for someone of my size back then, or I should've just gone under for it. I have no words for how painful it really was. Do you like shots? Uh, given that nobody LIKES getting a shot with a needle, I'm going to assume you mean like, taking shots of alcohol, in which case I've never tried, but I can almost absolutely guarantee you I'd hate them. I hate the taste of alcohol (hence why I only drink sweet and weak stuff), sooooo, I've got my doubts I'd enjoy something so potent. Are you afraid of spiders? Yes and no? Small ones don't tend to get to me, and I LOVE tarantulas. Big spiders are absolutely fascinating and I love *watching* them, but if I was surprised by a sudden spider, I'm going to probably cry out and jump/scramble away. But on a real note, respect your spiders, whether they scare you or not. They are so important to the ecosystem. See one in the house, take it outside if you can. Have you ever had an allergic reaction to something? To some earrings, yes. I have to wear ones that don't have silver in them. Do you like to read? Yeah, but not nearly as much as I did as a kid. I'm even slacking on WoF lately... Do you know what your purpose in life is? *SLAMS FISTS ON TABLE* BITCH I WISH I KNEW What's something you would like to improve at? Not being a socially anxious catastrophe. Do you believe you have great potential? Everybody does. You just have to use it. What is the most beautiful scenery you have ever beheld? Probably the mountains when driving to Tennessee. Or New York? I really can't recall either so clearly as to have a favorite. Are you flexible? Noooot anymore. Back in my WiiFit days, I was a gotdamn snake. List a song lyric that you like. Oh Jesus, don't make me think. Uhhhhh there's so many. Flipping through artists in my head with lyrics I tend to love, there's Otep with: "hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?". Simple, but spine-chilling to me. Huh, time to listen to it actually, lol. That song murders me with the goosebumps. Do you meditate? No; I can't. You can't tell me to "free my mind," man. It's way too hectic at all times up there. What's one place you've been to that you want to visit again? I'd love to go back to Chicago one night when I actually learn how to do nighttime urban photography. What's one place you want to go that you've never visited before? I always answer "South Africa" to questions like this, so for variety's sake, I'll say the Bahamas. But a conspiratory bitch is afraid of the Bermuda Triangle, so... lmao. What's your favorite type of tree? I like big, impressive weeping willows. How many times have you seriously injured yourself? Only two occasions I can think of immediately. Maybe there's more, but idk. Did you attend Sunday School as a child? Yeah, even though I hated it. What is the longest your hair has ever been? Maybe a little passed the small of my back? What about the shortest? (not including being a toddler or baby): How it is now and has been for a couple years: shaved short on the left side, and it transitions to a length near my chin as you go to the right. Have you ever smoked a cigarette? No. Are/were you in the school band, and if so, what instrument did you play? I did, and I played the flute. I'd choose the saxophone if I could go back. Who does the grocery shopping in your household? Well, it's just Mom and me, so her. If you were to donate to charity today, what would you donate to? One that focuses on ovarian cancer for Mom. What is your favorite card game and when was the last time you played it? Even though I was never great at it or knew every single rule, "Magic: The Gathering" is honestly really fun, and I loved looking at the card art. I haven't played it since I was with Jason, so at least five-six years. Would you consider yourself to be good at spelling and grammar? Yeah, but I've somehow gotten worse with time???? I question the spelling and tenses of words I write a lot. What is your favourite seasonal candy? (only available at certain times): Probably like, chocolate rabbits. NOT hollow. Way to break my heart. Or gingerbread cookies. What was the last chocolate bar you ate? I think a Hershey's? It was a while ago. Who was the last person you talked to on Skype/video chat? I was in a Zoom session with multiple people for my partial hospitalization program. Have you ever dreamt about sleeping with someone other than your partner? If so, did that make you feel embarrassed? I've never had a dream like this while in a relationship. The last time you had butterflies in your stomach, what was the reason? I have no idea. Has anyone told you that they miss you recently? No. Has anyone ever asked you out or told you that they liked you, and you rejected them? Can you explain why you didn’t like, or didn’t feel attracted to that person? There was this one guy in the 4th grade who asked me if I would go out with him so much it almost became like a joke. I just... didn't like him like that. Then there's Juan; I'd just been warned that he had a bad rep by a very reliable adult, and the idea of dating him was kinda... intimidating anyway. Plus he was a smoker, which was and still is a no-no for me. What part in a movie would you love to play? The clinically insane villain or something because I feel with my history, I could channel that very well IF I actually wanted to act in the first place. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba walks up Pride Rock in the rain and roars and all the lionesses join in. Chilling. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Candy corn is repulsive. What was the highlight of your day? My mom was raving to one of my therapists in the PHP about my art and how badly she wants me to just get everything out there. I was smiling really big but looking down with how shy but also flattered it made me. Do you know anyone who is anorexic? I don't think so. Who has hurt you the most this year? Ha, myself. What's the last insult someone said to you? Hm. How much did your car cost? N/A What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Uhhh Mom mighta sent me a meme or Sara showed me a drawing someone made of Suriza, I think. Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? No, though I've felt that way before. Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? I'm still not over the fact Dad was a druggie before me and my sisters, apparently. It's almost like... hurtful in some weird way? Idk exactly why, it's just something I know I feel. What do you hear right now? I have Motionless In White's cover of "Somebody Told Me" playing in another tab. Do you do anything to help the environment? I do what I can as someone who isn't financially independent and reliant on another person for transportation. I won't litter for anything (and this includes shit like letting balloons go in the air, fucking stop), I'm trying to use my metal straw always in place of plastic, and to use less plastic bags, I try to spread out the times I clean Roman's litterbox to a few days; not to the point it's disgusting or uncomfortable for him, of course, though. Three days without is pretty much max. When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Ha, a little while ago... I was trying to avoid eating the two last biscuits Mom made for dinner 'cuz I really gotta lay off the carbs, but Mom "joked" that "it's your birthday, you get to do whatever you want," so I kinda just said fuck it lmao. Do you think that you have a pretty smile? No, because my eyes squint badly, and I also hate my teeth. When's the last time you cried over a guy? A few days ago a little bit, actually. I was reminiscing too much and recalling some of the warmest memories. Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. Oh well. Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? Yep. Do you have any friends that actually model? No. Do you care about the last person you kissed? A fucking lot. Do they care about you? Yes. Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Yes, just because of past birthday memories. I keep hoping a "happy birthday Britt" pops up in my FB messenger, and I hate myself for it. Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I legitimately just huffed in humor, guess, lmao. What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? That I'm a martyr, going nowhere, lazy, not trying hard enough, y'know, all that good stuff. Do you flirt a lot? Definitely not. What phrase or saying do you use the most? Probably "oof" lol. What mood are you in right now? I'm doing pretty all right. Kinda dreading Miss Tobey coming over, mean as it is, but I just... don't wanna deal with her and her judgments on my birthday. But I'm looking forward to seeing my sisters, and therapy went very well. Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Yep. How many exes do you have? I only consider two exes "serious," as I've only been in two deep and long-term relationships, but if we're counting everyone who's had the label of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," there's six. Do you want to be single or with someone? Ugh, I don't know. It's probably better I don't 'til I figure my shit out, but I really do miss the companionship a lot. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because I love her and I was leaving her at the airport. Does your mom think you’re a virgin? She doesn't know for the same reason I don't, really. I think she leans towards I am, but idk. Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I don't know. What size bra do you wear? Uhhh I genuinely don't buy bras enough to know this exactly. C-something. Does the person you last kissed still like you? I don't know if she still like-likes me. Are your parents still together? Noooo. Was your first time good or bad? I dated an Italian, if u kno what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Which friend-turned-enemy do you miss the most? Colleen, sometimes. Have you ever used an epi pen, and it worked? I have not. What is on your top priority list for today? Make this fuckin' day for me. I'm trying to not let the depression sink in and make me feel worthless on today of all days. So I'm trying to stay in a positive headspace. Do you own any sand art in a jar? Omg, those are so cool! But no. Does the sun come in your window in the morning or at night? Not really; there's houses in the way. What was the last piece of art you created? A drawing of a meerkat with its mouth open angrily, done with colored pencils, against a black background. It's on my second dA. What time of day do you take medications? I have prescription meds for when I wake up and at bedtime. What's your newest hobby you've started? A new hobby? Huh... What are some things you wanted to do that your parents didn't let you do? They wouldn't let us stay home alone until a certain age, we had a timer on the TV at bedtime to shut off after a while, we weren't exposed to certain music or shows, no cursing... stuff like that. What YouTube channels do you recommend? This is a BAD question to ask me, 'cuz I could just about recommend channels for just about any niche. I watch soooooo many. What is your favorite day of the week? Tuesday, because it's reset day in WoW, haha. Meaning, I get to do my stupid mount farming raids again for the week. Blackhand, gimme your FUCKING clefthoof already. Ballet or cheerleading? Ballet is beautiful. What are your favorite sports to watch? Only dancing, really. Were you ever in the marching band? No. Which holiday has the best decorations, in your opinion? My contrasting aesthetics make this hard, haha. I love Christmas with all the beautiful light displays people can make, but let's not sleep on Halloween, y'all. I loooove Halloween decor, like c'mon, that's where I get shit for my room year-round, lmao. What do you want to be known for? It'd actually be kinda cool if I built up some sort of rep in the vulture culture community with my photography of roadkill. For how few shots I actually have on there and minimal interaction, my Instagram for it is doing quite well, if you consider those factors. They've gotten some pretty decent attention on dA, too. I would love for people to know why I do it though, of course: awareness and respect for the animal's life. How often do you wear make-up? Almost never nowadays. Think of the person you are jealous of...what are you jealous of them for? She's actually making a career out of her photography. Do you have art that you made in high school? Oh, plenty. Do you have trauma in your past? *clears throat* take a fuckin seat Favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. Have you ever tried cake decorating? No. One of my sisters is actually one, though! She's great at it. What clubs are you a part of? None. What was your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. 6th grade, to be exact. Do you like to read classics, or do you usually read new arrivals? I don't prefer one over the other, honestly. Were you a big partier in college? No, I never partied. Is your college one you would recommend? My most recent one, fuck yes. They're amazing and care so deeply for their students. Would you go camping in the woods alone? Yikes, no. Would you name your kids after anyone? If I had a son and I had my way with the name, he would be named after the Most Selfless Man in the World, Damien from WKM. :'''''( Do you have any supernatural gifts? No. Are there any good churches in your town? You're asking someone who has a bad relationship with religion. Do you want an indoor or outdoor wedding? It really depends on the season and venue my spouse and I pick. Do you think you would be a good salesperson? HEEEEEEEEEEEELL NAW fam. I ain't pressuring people to buy shit.

[breathings-of-the-heart]

I’m not a Monster (Peter Pan OUAT x Reader)

(Gif not mine)

Pairing: Peter Pan OUAT x reader

Word count: 1666

Prompt: You always thought that Peter Pan was terrifying, and that he hated you to the largest extent of his frostbitten heart, yet you were curious about him. You wanted to know if there was a humane boy underneath all that power. Trouble is, you’re too scared to pursue that quest.

A/N: I wrote this one a while back, so it’s not my best, but I need to fill up my feed with things. It’s kinda cute and fluffy, so I thought, why not? Peter Pan was a phase I had in the beginning of 8th grade, but I still think he’s a great character to write about. I hope you guys like it!

Warnings: None :)

 My mouth tugs downwards, forming in the comfortable frown that I had grown used to since I had been dumped on the shores of Neverland. That day, seemingly so long ago, I thought I had escaped my poor excuse of a home and had come to a place where I could be accepted for once. Yet, what do I find? Instead I was welcomed with the cold shoulders of neglect and degradation. Instead of feeling like I actually belonged somewhere, I was back to where I started. I stand out, and in a bad way, according to the others. And although Wendy was another female who was considered a part of Peter Pan’s group, she was always kept locked away in some off limit area, leaving me to be the only girl amongst a collection of practically feral “Lost Boys.” The source of this frown, which now acquaints my face on its own accord, is caused by the person who had brought me here in the first place.

The idea of being a carefree child for the remainder of my existence, as I originally believed the purpose of Neverland to be, flew out the window the instant Peter Pan looked at me through his “filtered” eyes. He walks through life was in such a way where he perceives things in a malicious manner. The angled way of his thoughts centered around that malevolent nature, so it was natural that he saw me as weak. And the source of this perspective was also of course his unfamiliarity of his opposite gender, but with the ways that his own pride tugged at his conscience, I know Peter is tormented with the idea that there is something on his island that he didn’t know everything about. The idea of taking me back to the mainland is tossed around between Peter and Felix many times. Of course while it would be wiser to pretend to care, if I had to be completely honest with myself, it wasn’t much better on Neverland than it was in my old home (if you could call it one). Yet, he never did take me back. And I never knew why.

But enough about that. There’s just something about the boy that draws me towards him. Not in a romantic way, though. Oh no, after everything he has done to me, there is no way I could ever see him in that light. There’s a thrill in the unknown, and nobody, not even Felix, has any idea who the real leader of this island is. It’s probably naive of me to see Peter as an adventure instead of the demon everybody refers to him as. I am afraid of Pan, for I have seen what he is capable of doing, but I look past it. Perhaps my ability to see the humanity in people has made me immune to the actions that try tell me to leave the subject alone.  

My father always told me that I was seeing my own emotions reflecting off of other people’s eyes, but there’s no way that can be true. There’s a difference in seeing something, and seeing nothing. And while I’ve never looked Peter directly in the eyes, that’s what will determine if I want to stay or not. I’ve been too afraid to look before, because for some reason I’m afraid that I won’t actually see a human in his eyes. It’s unexplainable. Anyway, curiosity is a powerful thing. Through all the torture and humiliation I’ve experienced, verbally and physically, that’s the reason I’m still on this dreaded sland. I should be getting something out of all this.

I am foolish for thinking these thoughts, that I understand. My curiosity will lead to my own demise, I’m sure, but what do I have to live for? I know not of family, friends, and I have no purpose but this one. Perhaps this is what shall give my life meaning. All I yearn for is a purpose, and right now this is my only opportunity to grasp one. And while the odds are slim, and while I probably will never figure out Peter Pan, at least I tried. I would rather die tomorrow than live a thousand years knowing my existence been used up without taking any risks. You cannot live life freely if you are confined by the boundaries of fear and doubt.

“(Y/N)!” a voice called. You jolted, startled, on the log where you sat, your head snapping towards the source of the sound. Closing your journal quickly, you stuffed inside of the log and threw your pencil alongside it. Sucking in a breath, you stood up, seeing Pan walking towards you with an angry expression on his face. He stopped inches from you, causing you to look down at the ground. Yes, you were curious about what you would see if you actually, fully, really looked at Peter Pan. Yet that would probably anger him more. He got angry at you for the smallest things. So you looked at your feet.

“How many times have I told you that you can’t leave camp without another Lost Boy with you?!” Peter scolded. You swallowed, hard.

“Too many to count,” you answered, biting back bitterness. Pan grabbed your arm, pulling you closer to him. You stiffened as he leaned into your ear, his lips brushing along them ever so slightly.

“Always in one ear and out the other with you, (Y/N).” You backed up, shivering.

“I just wanted to--”

“--I don’t care what you wanted to do, (y/n)! You will follow my orders, without question!” Pan interjected. You whimpered softly, your gaze falling to the ground. Pan walked towards you again, lifting his arm in the air. You flinched and closed your eyes, waiting to see if he would throw you to the ground like he did to most Lost Boys who refused to obey his rule. Instead, Pan gently stroked your hair, making your gaze fall to his chest. That’s as high as you dared to let it go. Puzzled by his actions, you wanted to read the expression on his face, but were too scared to try at the moment.

“I do everything on this island for a reason, (y/n),” he sighed, pushing a strand of hair away from the front of your face. “Do you understand?” He was speaking as if he was talking to a scared young deer. As if he was extra careful that you wouldn’t run away. Your posture hadn’t relaxed, for it was still stiff with fear. Pan had seemed to feel it radiate from you, and you could feel his gaze burn more intensely into you. You knew he was giving you a chance to cooperate, and if you didn’t speak soon, you would lose it.

“Y-yes,” you choked out, knowing you had no authority to ask for personal space. The closeness made you uncomfortable, for the hands that touched you had done things far beyond the worst forms of evil you could imagine. Pan studied you for a moment longer.

“Come on, then. We’re going back to camp,” he instructed, pulling your arm. Glancing back at your journal, you bit your lip and inhaled.

“You’re not going to... punish me?” you asked disbelievingly.

“Of course not. That would defeat my whole purpose,” Pan answered.

“Purpose?” you echoed curiously.

“I told you I have a reason for everything I do, didn’t I?” He stopped and turned around, an eyebrow raised in question. You would’ve seen it, had you not averted your gaze due to your own cowardice. You nodded to answer his question instead, hoping that would be enough to please him. “(Y/N), look at me. You’ve been on this island a while now, and not once have you looked me in the eye.” Pan stepped gripped your chin with his fingers, tilting your head upwards. Your eyes were wide with fear,  but you knew better than to fight back. Preparing yourself for the worst, you bit your lip. When your own (eye color) eyes they met with soft green ones, though, every negative feeling drained from your body. Gentle, reassuring green eyes. Pan smiled at you when he noticed the awestruck expression on your face.

“I’m not a monster, love. The reason I never let you leave camp alone is because I care.” You were shocked. Shocked by the smoothness in his voice, the sincerity laced into his perfect facial features.

“Why? I thought you hated me. I thought you never let me do anything on my own because you hated me.”

“Hate is a strong word, (y/n). There's a fine line between hatred and protectiveness," Peter sighed, running his hand down his face. "Maybe I have a funny way of showing that I care, but you’re my Lost Girl, (y/n). I’m not as dark and brooding as you think I am. Not when it comes to you.” Your cheeks burned as soon as the statement passed his lips, and you stared at the ground to try and prevent him from seeing. He let out a chuckle, and as if your body was acting on its own, you looked up at him again, still memorized by his beautiful eyes. A small smile playing on your lips, you wrapped your arms around the boy’s neck and pulled him into a hug. He stiffened under your touch, as if he didn’t have experience with such physical contact. As if he hadn’t been hugged many times in his life. Slowly, his own arms snaked around your waist and pulled you closer. Your head snuggled into his chest as he rested his chin on your hair. He sighed contentedly, as if he was actually happy for once in his life. With his lost girl in his arms. Alright. So maybe it was me who had “filtered” eyes. I’ll have to change that in my journal later, you thought, unbelievably relieved to have been so wrong.

[truth-or-fact-blog]

Noah’s Ark - Truth or Fact?

There are a lot of people who still don't believe that the "Noah's Ark" story from The Bible is an historic event that actually really happened.  Even though I'm in the minority, I prefer saying "an" historic event as opposed to "a" historic event. The below chart demonstrates how usage of those two phrases has changed over the last 200 years, or so...

In case you're just now hearing about Noah's Ark for the first time, it was a big boat that protected a 600 year old guy named Noah, and his family, and two of every animal on the planet, from a "great" flood sent by God that covered the Earth about 4,000 years ago.

My dad first told me the story of Noah and the Ark when I was about...three, I think...I can't really remember that far back.  I know I was really young because I didn't really question anything back then, my brain was so small and just starting to think about things.  My dad said that God was mad at man because they weren't living the way God wanted them to, so he decided to kill everyone and start over.  But God liked Noah, so he didn't want to kill him, so God taught Noah how to build an Ark, which is basically just a big boat, so that Noah and the animals could float around and not drown until the water either...drained off somewhere, I guess...or evaporated.  

It all kinda made some sort of perverse sense to me, but years later I started thinking a little more about it, and a bunch of questions started coming into my mind.  When I was seven or eight, I asked my dad where he thought all that water went, and he said he didn't know.  I said: "I know you don't know, but where do you THINK it went?"  He said: "I don't."

The Ark boarding, circa 2,385 BC

According to the facts, the Ark was big enough so that two of every animal in the world could make the trip.  That didn't really mean much to me at three, but as I got older it became harder and harder for me to wrap my head around.  I can remember when I was about nine I thought: "Wait a minute.  There are nearly 1,000,000 species of insects on Earth.  It would take FOREVER to have someone go out and try to gather up all those insects."  And I wasn't even taking into account all the other animals!  I have trouble gathering up one frantic chicken.  Two would be a nightmare.  What about elephants?  How are you going to convince two of them to follow you back to the boat?  It defies all reason, but, somehow, Noah did it.

Although my folks kept telling me not to think about it too much, I couldn't help but be curious.  I wondered, for example, who Noah sent to Brazil to get the two yellow-banded poison dart frogs that must've made the trip, and what precautions they took against the frogs's defenses, because those frogs must've been pretty spooked when some guy wearing a robe and sandals snuck up and tried to grab them.

Dendrobates leucomelas

I wondered how many helpers Noah had, because no way he could've done this all by himself.  And how long did it take?  I remember thinking: "Damn, it must've taken centuries to capture, transport, feed, and clean up after all those friggin' animals."  And what about the animals that ate insects...or other animals!?  I guess they had to get more than two of every species...and somehow separate the ones that were meant to be eaten from the ones that were supposed to have babies.  

But the older I got, the more questions I had, and still have, even up until now. There's still a lot that I'm trying to understand.  For example...

God wanted two of every animal so they could reproduce, right?  That meant one male and one female, right?  Well, what if they didn't like each other?  How were you going to get them to have babies if they didn't even like each other?  What was Noah going to do to get them in the mood?  Would he just...put them in a room alone together, and then just walk out and close the door and hope they'd do it?  Maybe dim the lights a little so it would be more romantic in there?  Maybe Noah would put a...spoon...in front of...like, maybe he'd block the candle flame with a spoon to make it a little darker in there.  Or maybe Noah would somehow encourage cuddling, hoping that one thing would lead to another.  He might have told a...penguin...that she maybe wouldn't be so cold if she snuggled up against that other penguin in the room.  Nah, she probably heard that one before.

Or maybe there were some musical instruments on board, and Noah and some of his family members would play...romantic music, or something, to try to get the animals in the mood.  It kind of makes me uncomfortable to even think about that.  I could see Noah playing a...recorder or a...panpipe...playing slow music, kinda looking around uncomfortably at his...daughter, or cousin...who's playing like a...harp or a...zither, or something...and they're playing this slow romantic mood music looking around uncomfortably at each other while two ostriches are getting it on in the room.  

It might be windy outside, so the Ark's rocking back and forth a lot...and it makes the spoon...fall off of the candleholder and it gets really bright in there all of the sudden because the spoon's not blocking the candlelight anymore, so the ostriches stop what they're doing and look over at Noah, and they're really confused to see him playing music, and Noah stops playing and looks up surprised to see two confused ostriches staring at him, so he gets all embarrassed, because now the moods all screwed up so he just throws his panpipe on the floor and stomps out of there.

And how did they know for sure that they had one male and one female?  It's hard enough to tell whether or not any random cat is male or female, you have to look between their back legs to be sure.  But what if an animal didn't have back legs?  Like a snake.  I have no idea how to tell a male snake from a female snake, but Noah's animal gatherers apparently knew exactly what to look for.  I wonder if Noah's helpers had to go through some sort of training before being allowed to go out and start gathering animals?  Were they awarded some sort of certificate upon completion of a class of some kind?  This was a pretty important thing they were doing, assuring the survival of all the varieties of animals on Earth.  Like turtles.  That's a serious responsibility.  What if somebody messed up and got two males or two females of the same kind?  A species could've became extinct as a result of some lame animal gatherer's incompetence.  I hope that didn't happen.

FUN FACT: Did you know that Noah had a son named Shem?  Probably a name he picked up when he was in Tennessee collecting two white-tailed deer (whose descendants can now be found anywhere from Canada to as far south as Peru, or even Bolivia, which makes them one of the most widely distributed wild ungulates).

Odocoileus virginianus

I wonder about the quality of the veterinary care available at the time.  What would've happened if an animal got sick or injured during the walk back to the Ark?  Would everyone have to wait around until that animal was treated and deemed healthy enough to travel?  What if an animal died along the way?  I guess somebody would've had to go back and get a replacement animal.  How did they determine who would go back to get the replacement, and would the others continue on or wait for the search party to get back to make sure that nobody got lost?  How were those search parties formed?  Did they draw straws to see who'd have to go back to get the replacement animal, or did some people just volunteer to go?  Maybe Noah made those decisions.  Maybe word got back to Noah somehow, like by a carrier pigeon or...smoke signals, or something, that an animal had passed away in Zimbabwe and someone needed to go back and get another one.  I don't know how that worked.

To tell you the truth, there wasn't much about the story of Noah and the Ark that made any sense to me.  Not much at all.  Actually, none of it made any sense.  It just seemed like too much of a logistical nightmare.  

And then it hit me!  I realized that God could've probably just snapped his fingers and - "POOF" - all the animals would've appeared on the Ark.  

But that same part of my brain that wasn't sure about how you'd get at least 2,000,000 insects on a boat didn't quite understand about the finger snapping thing either, but I just let it go.  I figured this was one of those times when, as my mom would say, I was "thinking too much."

I finally came to the conclusion that God shouldn't have even bothered with the Ark in the first place.  If he created everything, why couldn't he just get rid of the stuff he already made and make something new?  Maybe he was second-guessing himself because he had already created something so unacceptable that he wanted to drown everyone, so maybe he didn't trust himself to try it again.  Too bad there weren't any technical advancements around back then, like cameras, or... computers, because then we'd have God on video, or in an email, explaining his thought processes in a little more detail.  I don't know.  I gave up trying to figure out God years ago.

What I DO know is, in spite of all the questions my brain keeps coming up with, I know that Noah got all those animals on the Ark somehow, and that's why we have animals with us here on Earth today.

The Ark unboarding, circa 2,384 BC

I know I didn't mention anything about dinosaurs, but neither did The Bible, so they must not have ever existed.  People talk about fossils, and how they're proof that the dinosaurs did exist, but I think fossils are overrated.

I have to go.

[twoteaspoonsofsuga]

An Open Book (Thommy Fanfic) Chapter 18

AN: Listen I have no idea if this is actually well written. I was so frustrated with it. There was a lot of weaving and a lot of careful wording...UGH. But here it is. Thomas takes to the stand...but will the pressure and a very intense lawyer crack him? Previous Chapter, Next Chapter, A03.

Thomas was up. Now it was the oppositions turn. By this point there was hardly a thing they could do for the Duke but to gain him some morsel of favour and drag the others down with him. The latter was the thing Thomas was most afraid of. The Duke’s lawyer was a man named Henry Robson. A thin, willowing, stern looking old man with half-moon spectacles. And he eyed Thomas like a snake its mouse, as he took to the stands and swore over a bible that apparently condemned him. Thomas tore his eyes away, focused on Jimmy. Who gave him a look a pure devotion. It suddenly occurred to Thomas that this man…the only man to ever love him, was laying his life on the line for him today… and it bothered Thomas tremendously. “Mr Barrow!” Thomas was snapped out of his own mind as Robson spoke to him. “Yes?” “I asked you a question man. Is your mind somewhere else?” “My mind is everywhere at the moment, sir.” He made a dissatisfied noise. “Well keep your mind on this. As I want very clear and concise answers. Is that understood.” Thomas said nothing, just a twitch of his head in a nod.

“Very good. I may first bring you to the first time you met his grace. Several years prior to these current incidents. How old were you at this time?” “Eighteen years old, sir.” “And you had just been made a valet?” “Yes, though I had served as one for guests a year prior.” Robson blinked behind his glasses, his expression quite plain. “So, you were…new to the rules and restrictions of the role?” “I suppose…” “Then we could guess a man like you could be…null to the to the idea of propriety.” “I was certainly not null to propriety and I don’t quite know what you mean by ‘a man like you’.” Robson hummed. “Well let’s take for example the conversation you were overheard having with Mr Kent.” This was the part Thomas was nervous about. He had no idea what Smyth had heard…and how he was going to bend his way around the truth. The assistant handed Robson the transcript and he unravelled it. “Here Mr Smyth had heard to following from Mr Barrow: Why didn’t you come last night? Did I do something?” Thomas felt the eyes of his audience bore into him as his blood ran cold. Oh, this would be a hard one to smooth over. “Mr Kent then went on to answer: I had, things to sort out. Thoughts to think.” Robson’s eyes roamed over to Jimmy and Thomas wanted to hop over that stand, take him by throat and tear those eyes from his head. He was using Jimmy, he was using him to draw a confession from Thomas, he was using his one true weakness. “He told Mr Barrow: You’ll have to forgive me for a while if I’m…kinda here then there. I have a lot to figure out. And then went on to implore Mr Barrow: Please don’t ask me what we are because I don’t know, I don’t know what this or who I am or who you are to me. I don’t really know anything anymore.” Thomas’s eyes flickered to Jimmy whose head was bowed, face pale and eyes closed. He turned back to Robson, resolve shaking. “Stop…” he breathed. “After Mr Barrow tried to hush Mr Kent, Mr Kent then told him: All I know is that I can’t keep away from you for long. And I don’t know why or what that means or what’s…happening here.” “STOP!” his voice rang out into the room and the citizens in the gallery murmured between themselves. When the judge had finally shouted them down Thomas went on. “You have no idea what you are talking about or the context of that conversation you…you don’t know anything.” “Well the do enlighten us Mr Barrow, of this context you speak of. Because to my mind, there could be no other context but one.” “Well of course there couldn’t…not to you. You’re opposing me. But there is a lot more to what Mr Smyth heard.” He shot the man a glare from the stand and the weasel of a man cowered away like always. “Then do tell us Mr Barrow, we do not have all day.” Thomas turned back to him eyes dark. Luckily, nobody had ever called Thomas stupid. In fact, he was great deal cleverer than anyone gave him credit for. “Jimmy…Mr Kent was turning to me during a time of great sadness in his life.” “Sadness for what, may I ask?”

“Well that’s just it…he-he didn’t know why he was sad. So, he came to the only person who was just as depressed and as angry as himself and that would be myself. I who was seemingly born to be pained.” He said it simply, like he was bored with notion. But Jimmy felt a jump of relief. Thomas was working his way out, and doing it without particularly lying. “He came to me when nobody else was around. At night… for advice, for companionship. I think he-he must have felt too embarrassed to share it while people were around. He told me he didn’t know what we were or who he was because we were one in the same… and if he could understand his own head then how in the hell would he understand mine?” “And what of his admission Mr Barrow, that he wasn’t able to keep away from you. Please explain to me why, if he was truly coming to you for comfort, he would be dubious to stay near you.” Thomas blinked. Andrew might had been the savage lawyer…but this man, he was very versed in twisting words and molding them into ammunition. “I…I wasn’t very liked at the time…others had convinced him that I was evil.” “And how was it you were you evil to them?” Thomas sighed. “That’s question that is very complicated. I have done…awful things in the past, been less than kind. Tormented people I didn’t like and…” “Kissed people in their sleep.” Fuck…shit, shit. Thomas was beginning to shake, hands clenched on the wood of the barrier. How in the hell did he…? “Objection!” Andrew called from the side lines. “Could Mr Robson please stick to the matter at hand. The attempted murder of Mr Kent and the ritual abuse of Mr Barrow.” “Your honor,” Robson sighed. “I am examining Mr Barrow’s character, by this I may then determine if my clients counter claim has any weight.” The judge considered it. “Sustained, Mr Robson you may continue, but please… tread carefully.” The man nodded and turned back to Thomas, who’s mind was flickering like a cinema screen of all the possible worst scenarios here. “Mr Barrow, in the summer of 1921, there was a complaint filed against you by a Mr Alfred Nugent.” He retrieves the document. “It states that Mr Barrow unknowing to Mr Kent assaulted him in the night. The claim was later withdrawn.” He turned his heavy-set eyes up to Thomas. “Can you explain the events of that night?” Jimmy couldn’t breathe. He knew it would come down to this. His stupidity, his ignorance and vanity was about to lose him the only person he every gave two shits about. He was intent to get onto that stand and put them all right. His nails digging into the wood of the table. “Hold on…” he whispered under his breath. “Come on…just hold it together.” “I…” Thomas started after a pause. “There was a misunderstanding.” “Hm? What kind of misunderstanding?” “Me and a couple of my colleagues were drinking, we…started to…foolishly dare each other to do things, shout things…kiss each other even. It got to a point in the night where it was going to far I…I was dared to kiss him...so I did. Mr Nugent took it the wrong way, Alfred…he had just returned from and outing and had walked in at the wrong moment and misread the situation. That is all.” “This a very convenient story.” “There was a reason that complaint was withdrawn.” Thomas snapped. “There was nothing to complain about.” “Yet…all this time…your so-called friend Mr Kent did nothing to squash the rumors. Is it possible that this was because the rumors were true and you did in fact, take advantage of him?” “How dare you…” Thomas breathed. But Robson went on, unresponsive. “What I am suggesting Mr Barrow in a roundabout sort of way is that you seem to have had a problem with keeping your body to yourself.” “I never touched the Duke! Not until he forced my hand!” “Mr Barrow. I will just come out and ask it.” The lawyer had the nerve to sound bored. “Are you a homosexual or are you not?” Thomas’ expression went blank. He was just so done by this point, done with being attacked for it. He was so beaten and tired. So, he simply sagged where he stood and sighed. “So, what if I was…” There was an audible intake of breath. And he laughed, he laughed because it was almost a pantomime in the room.  “And if you need any proof that Mr Kent isn’t, you need only look at his face right now.” Jimmy indeed was in shock, horror was written all over him, but not for the reason Thomas was suggesting. I was because Thomas had just thrown himself in front of the train. He just…let it happen. “Oh god you gasp…” Thomas was withering. “As if it would be the most profane thing you’ve heard today…that man should love a man instead of woman. Let us not take into account that I have been to hell and back stitching bodies together in the Somme. Or that I was wounded and still chose to carry on living that hell even after my discharge… in the hospitals back at home. Tending to your husbands and brothers and sons.” His voice started to get louder, pain riddling every broken syllable. “Or that I work like a dog from dawn to dusk, serving your aristocracy with not a whisper of a voice or life of my own! I stand here a victim or rape, the only man who had ever shown me real kindness, with hole in his stomach and your DARE to suggest that it is of any importance at this point who I fuck!” he was shouting at this point, tears in his eyes. The judge spoke up. “Mr Barrow! You will calm yourself, now!” He bellowed. But Thomas was too far gone. “If this was ANY other man...he would be in those cells right now, locked up tight and the key thrown to the sea! But there he stands with a smirk on his smug little face because his power and his metal had bought him a voice!” “Baylis take Mr Barrow out of my sight! We are to take a break while he composes himself!” Even as the officers came, Thomas kept speaking. Tear running in floods and rivers down his cheeks. “He has taken my dignity, my pride and my life…he’s besmirched my name, almost killed the only man I ever cared about. And to top it off, he’s made me the punch line of a media joke! But it’s me who is evil!? How-How can it even be!?” The officers catch Thomas by his arms and begin to drag him from the room as Thomas whips his head around to speak to the Duke directly, sobbing out his questions. “WHAT MORE CAN YOU TAKE!? WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?” he roared as he was dragged kicking, screaming and hysterical out of the room…his cries heard even after he vanished. And Jimmy has sunk to his knees, suddenly dizzy. Suddenly breathless. When Andrew crouched next to him, Jimmy turned his eyes up. Terrified. Oh god was he terrified. “Jesus, Hopkins, what’s he done…”

[survivorbouvetisland]

Episode #3: “Find out next time on total drama suck my ass” - Andrew

Bodhi

I'm pretending to have been told to vote for Kelsey, but in reality I knew exactly who was leaving, and I just wanted to see what happened. So I called out my old tribe in the swapped tribe chat and Kelsey is explaining what happened to me while I call Trixie and Nehemiah snakes. I quite like those two and I kinda regret calling them out for something they didn't do like that, but it's FUN.

QuilLynn

So im on albatross now and I couldn't be happier! so far everyone seems nice, i've only talked really to shea and roxy but i really like both of them so far. The only person i'm with from skua is austin, but he can go tbh if he needs too, noah fence I just don't really have a relationship with him and im here to win and make some drama!

I tried to get a higher score on this reward challenge than i think the other team will get altogether. I hope it will establish me as a threat and serious player in this game. I'm trying to integrate with Shea, Roxy and Ali, because I know old albatross is going to stick together, I'm hoping i'll be able to work with them but I trust nobody 100% in this game. I told Shea that if I get an idol clue i'd share it with him, that's half true. If i get an Idol clue and find myself in the same situation as i was in at Skua then I'll get his advice with the idol, but if i find that bitch its mine! 

stop spelling my name wrong @hosts it quillynn (two n's like how you all seem to have two 21st chromosomes)  im going to POP OFF..... im jk love you guys <3, but it is two n's 

Roxy's opinions are wrong sorry. Also @my tribe thanks for the all work in the challenge. I really feel like i'm going to be dragging this team through these challenges. At least trixie did something at this point she's the only one i wouldn't be okay with voting out.

I feel like with me on this team there is no way we lose a music video challenege, even though pretty much everyone seems to not want to be involved in it. I wanted to take editing too, but i let trixie take it because she said to me she was really good and i didn't want to come off as a total control freak, although i'm sure i still will... I will probably still help with the editing tbh. I just want to win! 

I tried confiding in shea that I had an idol clue in hopes that he'd be able to give me some info about old albatross and also build trust, but i don't think it really worked. I like shea, but don't trust him. He didn't give me much and said roxy was the best in the scavanger hunt. When I went to roxy and asked her about the same challenege she said she was too busy to do basically any of it. To be fair I don't believe her either, but i might need to talk to one more person before I really can find out which one is lying and who has the first clue for the albatross idol

There is a crack starting to present itself within the old albatross tribe. Shea and roxy clearly don't get along. I believe i could convince roxy to vote shea out if i needed too, i just would need to solidify the rest of the votes which might be hard since i haven't talked much to the other non-albatross members. I also like shea and would want him to stay over roxy but realistically it would be harder to get his vote and I have a gut feeling that we should take him out asap if we get the opportunity. 

We won, DUH. Skua's was shit ours was great, the judges were clearly on crack for lowballing our scores. 

Trixie, Nehe, Austin, and myself might make an "outsiders" alliance amongst our tribe. Based on performance in the the last immunity challenge I'm contemplating throwing the next in order to get shea out. If we have our alliance plus maybe the vote of roxy or ali we'll be able to do it. 

Jacob

Hey look, new tribes! I'm glad to see Bodhi! <3 And now I can get to know some more new people. I'm pretty excited overall, but I guess only time will tell how this turns out in the end.

Welp. That challenge was a bust. At least Regan is asking us to vote her out so we don't have to worry about the vote. I keep forgetting we have to do confessionals through this thing instead of just dropping them in the Host Chat.

Trixie

RIP dana. She had so much to live for. I can't believe she smacked her head and now she's dead. She deserved it for putting me in this tribe. JK everyone is very lovely and I'm trying to snuff out the problematics from the ppl I can trust.

This. Girl. Is. The. Nastiest. Skank. Bitch. I. Have. Ever. Met. Do. Not. Trust. Her. She. Is. A. Fugly. Slut. #Mean-Girl-Dana@notgivingmeareward.com JK!!! <3 

I'M LIVING FOR THIS FIGHT. BUY PRAYING ON ITUNES.

I just finished the music video, I hope everybody likes it!

I'm sorry but can I just fucking say I spent like 2 hours editing that 5 minute music video and not even a single 10/10 by the judges. Get fucked! I know we won but Skua's was less than a minute long and some bitch judges have the audacity to give us lower scores than them. Yikes @ these judges, learn how to judge

I'm thinkin aboot making an alliance with Quillynn and Nehe. Quillynn is up for this and said that maybe we can add Austin to make an alliance of 4 that way we can have half the votes on our team. I'm worried Albatross will just try to pick us off since we're the leftovers of Skua & Adelie

Andrew

Will Jacob ever agree with anything? Find out next time on total drama suck my ass

Regan

MY TRIBE IS FULL OF ANNOYING FUCKS. I hate this tribe swap no one wants to agree on any song we pick which are all bops by the way. 80s songs in general are bops!!!!!

I didnt think it was possible to hate the tribe this much..... its not a music video if youre using like audio clips from random shit thats just a video idk i dont find it creative i hate rupauls drag race so fucking much.  im sorry our tribe is full of weirdos but like????

Nicholas

no offense but why is my entire tribe inbred

Zack

I hope my tribe does well with those music video. I will be in a car for thirteen hours and cannot do lip sync without having to do a long explanation as to why I'm doing it.

Kelsey

Oh my...SO much has happened since the last week lovers, let me catch you all up. So first, tribal. It was quite clear that Trixie and Bodhi were on opposing sides than Ragan and Cole. Trixie really did feel it was best to eliminate Cole from the competition, but Ragan had her doubts as did I. I feel as if Bodhi is not the best...communicator. Cole wasn't either, but he was better. But regardless, I draw up a plan that says that Ragan, Cole, Nehe(who was in the center of all of it) and I vote out Bodhi, therefore keeping Cole around. We all agreed on it and I thought it was sickening...until we get to the vote and myself and Cole are the only ones to vote for Bodhi. Ragan chickened out at the last moment and Nehe said he wanted to force a tie. L U D I C R O U S. Did they HONESTLY think that it would work if it tied? Oh, whatever. Trixie's happy, everyone assumes Ragan was the second vote, I'm still the sweet girl of the tribe. Whatever. And then we tribe swap...oh WHATEVER. I'm going to miss my romance island...especially now that we have to leave it FOREVER. Ragan and Bodhi both end up on the same tribe as me and, while it's nice to have the familiar faces, those two will probably not end up working together. Bodhi has a nice boiling rage for Trixie and Ragan and Ragan herself...is...so much more assertive on this tribe than she was last time. All these new people are also a bit scary to me...I don't think many of them particularly see themselves working with me and I know that's going to be deepened ever more after this challenge. All I can do is hope that I can make people like me like Gwen Stefani and slay...I know I'm not going to participate in this challenge. I have a fake name, I don't feel like revealing anything about myself...and it's tragic. I have to choose between a silly fear and a necessary challenge and I already know I'm picking fear. Not to mention there is a supposed music guru on the other side...I am just preparing myself for the worst. Oh, how I miss the Isles of Romance...no matter how messy it was...

And THAT'S all there is to it~! Can you pay my telephone billz? -Kelsey V Mikaelson

Well...that challenge was a thing. I expected it to be a particularly tough challenge...I did NOT expect to be left with doing the brunt of the work. I never expect editing to be so dificult...but my submission was made and honestly? I'm proud of it. I feel like it's sickening, not because of quality, but because I made it in three hours, odds against and I feel like it's wonderful. It may not be a music video but gosh...I'm proud. If I go home this week, I feel like I made something I can take with me and that's incredible. I do hope I don't leave...some of the reactions to the performance were less the incredible...but my name is Kelsey Mikaelson, darling. A lover's quarrel is nothing more than a love bite to me~! I wish myself the best...for strategy, I know, on my end, these people aren't as welcoming to a romantic such as myself. All I can do is...Pray. *rolls eyes* IT DIDNT EVEN HAVE ALL OF THE TRIBEMATES UGH X'D And THAT'S all there is to it~! Wish me luck, hen-pen-pals~! Yours truly, Kelsey V Mikaelson

Ali

IM LEGIT IN AN AlLIANCE WITH EVERYONE HELP ME!

Austin

OK so I still have zero social game. Apparently I was the last to be picked and that's pretty funny. I'm on a tribe with Nehe and Ali SO I formed an alliance with them and that was literally the first thing I said to them. They know I'm on vacation so I can't really talk much, but Ali seemed to be very into it. I've known Zack just as long as I've known Isaiah/Jay so he's 100% going to be a number for me considering this is his first ORG. I've literally fallen into a position of power without even trying. I told Ali/Nehe that Bodhi and I are a part of a secret twist called "Secret Lovers" and if we make merge then we can decide if we want to give immunity to two other players during round 1 merge. IVE LITERALLY SECURED SAFETY OFF OF BULLSHIT AND BODHI DOESNT EVEN KNOW!! Tbh just get me to merge with Jay, Zack, and Bodhi and I can guarantee final 3....Lmao I haven't even spoken to anyone

[lclunastar]

#Bullying🔪

My friend's just told me about someone who committed suicide, for this thing called *Bullying* and i believe in some way, how i'm telling my story or the small events in it, i really hope that if someone reads this, it helps you. One thing that you have to know is: 'Never be afraid.' You're not alone.. If someone threatens to show something yours, like an intimate video, just stop and say: 'And? While you try to laugh, i'm going to laugh at you even more, because your pathetic life, it's reduced to that.. *Just having to watch.*' BOOM!💣😘 A man friend, made the first decision a couple of years ago, i'm sure he would've loved that. Anyway.. it may be embarrassing for a brief moment, but remember there's people who cares about you. And nothing negative is bad enough to hold on. Okay, again, about that time in school.. I suppose if today people asked me: 'Would you go back to your school days?' I would think after everything, and how much i learned that it's not worth it worry about what others think.. 'Maybe?'.. (To break their faces!) Nah, just kidding.😂 The innocence in me at that moment, was i used to worry a lot, but then i started to work, and realized nothing they told me paid my life, that there were worse things.. ✔ Pay the bills. ✔ Help my mom who's sick. ✔ Fix some things from my house from time to time. By little, all they said, applied in me like the typical phrase: 'Time heals everything.' (I don't deny my past for a second.) Yes, it all started with a small mistake, when i was 10. Since i have memory my mom is my best friend, my confidant, she is the one i tell everything. My mistake was to tell her something that seemed normal to me? The allegedly father wanted me to go to a very Christian school, which was something orthodox. So, one day i looked at the side, and saw two classmates kissing, when i asked others told me that yeah, both were boyfriends, i even thought it was adorable, because, i don't know if some of you noticed, i'm very romantic, i love 'Love.' I went home, told my mom, she even smiled at my excitement with them, and also the idea of both together, was super cute. Well, one day they organized a meeting for parents, where my mom made friends with other mom, there she let it go: 'You found out about these kids? So sweet!' At the next day, the very believing woman, went with the principal, and told her about the rumour, they called the parents, and said that behavior was unacceptable for the institution. The parents of both surprised called the kids out of class, then we heard some screams. And trough the window visualized how the mom of the girl gave her a slap, while the boy's parents pulled his ears. Later the girl, looking for revenge, obviously asked who told the secret (I didn't knew it was one.) They found out it was my mom, at the meeting, but who told her? 'Me.' She told everyone to take care of me, started gossiping and invented rumors i didn't even said. She was one of the most popular girls, could send everyone to do whatever she wanted, so her friends also began to spread rumors, if someone asked who told? 'It was me.' Don't worry, i didn't got angry with my mom, i knew she had no intention of hurting me, she just thought someone would smile with her, but it turned out different because like the phrase says: 'Not everyone is the same.' This is how the abuse started, every day: ·In physical education: - Speak bad behind my back. - Step on my feet from behind while running. - Pushing me, sometimes till make sure i fall to the floor. - Throwing the ball at my face. ·During classes: - Pull my hair, and when i turned, they showed me scissors. (Jackets with hoods, and use my hair on the face, were mandatory for my mental health.) - Becoming my friend. - Find out who my crush was, and all together make fun of me. - If someone said something not very smart or really ridiculous, instead of using the typical 'Loser' they used my name. - Threw my notebooks on the toilet, write insults or draw obscene things on them. - Steal my pens. (WOW! I remember one time i bought 18 in a week.) The boy who was discovered was the one who played with me the most. - With his friends, he put cockroaches on my head. (Thanks to Wall-e that helped me overcome that phobia a little bit.) - They threw a snake in my lap. He even said that the reason why i told everything, was because i liked him, and that's why i made the decision to ruin them. One day i was sitting on the stairs, drawing when he tried to grab me by force. So i followed a man friend advice and kicked him in his parts, then ran. He always chased me with his friends, yelling: 'Where are you going my love, come!' I think the saddest part was that nobody did anything, everyone just looked. Threaten me with knifes, and said, they were going to cut my throat if i mentioned something of that. When i asked a friend why he also began to insult me ​​if i never did anything to him, he replied: 'Because i don't think i'll ever be as brave as you.' I never told my mom, to avoid the suffering of everything that was already happening to her. One of the guys even broke a glass bottle and started trying to scare me, he cut my hand, but i was always a very positive person, and said: 'Oh, please, no big deeaal, at least it wasn't in my faaaace!'🎉 (Sarcasm)😒 Thought: 'She's a single mom, takes care of me, is not easy, works, has double shift, there are bills to pay, so i would never tell her.' If she asked, i said: '*Fine* Ate everything, and went in my room to lock myself up again.' She only realized when i turned 15, that something happened because from all the people she invited, there were only 2 guys of my class and 5 girls, and the rest, strangers, friends of an aunt. Mom looked at me like waiting for a great revelation, but the only thing i could say was: 'Everything is well decorated, i love it, thanks.' I was thrilled because she spent the whole morning decorating, and the cake was incredible, of my favorite flavors, but to torture me more, nobody ate anything. All came out with the story that they were on diet, the next day, of course, no one lost the opportunity to make fun of me, one of the girls sort of whispered near my ear: 'They told me that the food tasted like, manure.' One of the boys waited for everyone to leave and said: 'Don't listen, i went outside to eat, and it was delicious, now about her birthday she served this chicken, it was so cold that it felt like eating the leg of a barbie.' Smiled, and then he left. I just felt sad while they kept mocking me. I even remember about the card i did, it was a tongue with a ribbon on the tip, and then when you pulled it, came out with some writing on it, which was the invitation, yes, (Inspired by The Rolling Stones.) They pretended that the mouth made them oral sex, pointed at me, and laughed. My history teacher at the time, noticed, and asked me to stay a little longer before returning back home. So i did, and he said: ·Look, i know, i couldn't go to your birthday, but let me show you something that i have, 'See this envelope?' i always keep everything of what's important to me inside, now we'll see it together. He had his son's first baptism card, pics of trips he did, then raised his voice and said: 'Ah! I found the most valuable one' and slowly, took out the lips, my eyes filled with tears, he gave me a kiss on the left cheek, and said: 'I tell you a secret? that if someone asks, i'll deny it! i don't want problems for my side.😉 Like i told you, i only keep what's more important, which means that for me, you're my favorite student.' Then gave me a hug, and continued: 'Sorry, i broke it in half, couldn't fit, and i know it may sound crude, but i imagine that doctors ever dreamed in some distorted way in saying this: *I didn't had other choice but to amputate.. the tongue of the mouth.*' I laughed a lot that day. ·And what is my intention with this? - Let you guys know that you're not alone. - We all go through life events that mark us. - At some point in life we ​​all win a hater, for the most absurd reasons, like the fact that some are blond but they dye their hair in black, and get angry because it doesn't look so black like yours, that happens to be natural. - Most are talking eggs, i don't know everything is just so straaaange. And it's not that i consider myself the greatest example of battle, because i imagine, that for the skin of each one of you at this moment can feel different, i know it's not the same just write or talk about the subject, the feeling is much deeper than that, when your self-esteem plays that game of telling us that no matter how hard you try, it will never be good enough, and that maybe if you leave, you stop bothering. ⭐ Until of course one day you wake up, and find yourself sunk in that blanket, kinda waiting for the bed somehow miraculously swallows you, just don't want to leave from there, and look at the fan, listening to that noise, maybe the sound of the bird's a little. Then you start looking at everything from the outside, thinking: 'What did i do wrong?' And you say: '*Nothing* everything they say i am, that's not me, those are not my thoughts, therefore neither my words, much less my actions. If i know, i'm not the type of person to spread rumors, that everything i talk about is art, all day, sometimes food, and i only give my opinion when i find it necessary, why i'm letting them punish me? For things that are not within me, but of their insecurity, of their own thoughts. I'm not bothering them, they're bothering me. I don't have to be interested in the same things, the same music, the clothes, i have every right to love all the things i love, without being humiliated by it. And what if the guy i like doesn't feel the same for me, someday the indicated will arrive. Why am i so worried about fitting into a group of people who will only be part of my life for a brief moment? Because maybe it is meant for me to continue walking, disappear but in the right way, to places where i can allow myself to know more about me, do things that i like, stop depending on whether i'm being approved or not, because if you don't belong, just don't be-long.😜👅💗✨