#noah sebastian x will ramos

[lilgarbitch]

Running In Circles - Seven

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: angst, drinking, Y/N being a little dumbass, I’M SORRY DON’T HATE ME

Word Count: 10.5k

Author’s Note: as quoted from an earlier post: i fear my desire to make men miserable is playing a large role in my work and i do apologize for that.

Part Six

Noah

“YOU WHAT?” Ruffilo shouted from across the room at me as he stood up in disbelief. I sat on the couch with my head in my hands, pulling at my roots.

“I don’t know why I did it.. I just. I had to do something to make myself feel better about the situation,” I said, shaking my head, my voice strained with stress.

“When I said to find your own way to get back at her, I didn’t fucking mean that, you dumbass!” He was now pacing, like he was the one who fucked up. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to him about this.

“I know. I just..,” I let out a deep sigh, falling back on the couch, “Maybe I did it to hurt her, or maybe I did it to hurt myself. I don’t know. I just couldn’t take this shit anymore.”

“Dude! You spent YEARS talking about this girl. You’ve written fucking songs about her. You get into one fight, and do this?” He finally stopped and stared at me, waiting for me to come up with a better explanation, but I couldn’t. Because I didn’t have one.

Footsteps creep into the living room, so I look up and see Jolly looking at us, confused.

“What’s all the yelling about?” he asked, looking between the two of us. I just anxiously chewed on my lip, so Ruffilo answered for me.

“This jackass decided to hook up with someone at his fucking birthday party.” He put a hand on his hip like a disappointed parent, waiting for Jolly to give any reaction. I turn to Jolly and he’s giving me a look, a mix of shock and confusion. I let out a groan, getting up and walking to my room. I don’t need this. I had hoped Ruffilo could give me any advice for this fuck-up I made, but I should’ve known I would just get scolded.

I fall onto my bed and shove my face into my pillow, letting out a groan. I don’t fucking know why I did it. I was pissed off at how close she’s gotten with Matt. And when random friend of one of the guys was chatting with me and I looked over and saw that fucking Ghost Face grinding against Davis, I just lost it. I don’t know why sleeping with a random girl was my decision, especially when it won’t even affect Y/N if she never finds out, it was just the only thing my irrational brain could think of. Maybe I did it hoping it would help me get over her, but it just made me feel so much worse. I know we’ve been ignoring each other, but she’s acting like she doesn’t even fucking care about me anymore. So, I thought that maybe I shouldn’t care either, but obviously, everyone thought that was the stupidest thing I could do.

I hear the rest of the guys get back from the store, hearing cheers as they probably showed everyone the food and alcohol they got, and all I could do was groan. This break was supposed to be fun. The party was supposed to be fun. I was hoping to take Y/N on a date or two, showing her my favorite places in the city. But no. She showed up for the party, ignored me the whole time, and was nowhere to be found when I came back..after making that terrible decision. Fuck. Why the fuck did it have to work out this way? Why’d I yell at her at the bar? If we could just sit down and talk, maybe we could at least be friends. I can’t stand finally having her in my life yet she just fucking ignores me. Fuck, I need a fucking distraction.

I stood up from my bed and headed downstairs, trying my best to sneak by so no one would notice me. I reach the kitchen and grab a random bottle we had on top of the fridge, before sneaking back to my room. Locking the door behind me, I go to sit on my bed and grab my phone, connecting it to my speakers before opening Spotify and clicking a random playlist.

Turning the volume up full blast, I twist off the cap of what I now see is a bottle of fucking vodka. Grimacing, I lift it to my lips and take a large swig before setting it down on my nightstand, making a disgusted face at the taste and burn.

My thoughts were brought back to the first night of tour, drinking with the group and watching her from across the bus. She took a shot of vodka and made the same face before catching me watching her and giving me the most beautiful smile.

A growl erupts in my throat. I need to get her out of my fucking head. How am I even going to look at her when tour starts again if I can’t even handle thinking of her?

I grab the bottle again and take an even larger drink, leaning against the wall behind my bed as I felt the liquid fire fill my gut. Distraction. I need another fucking distraction. Because this isn’t hitting me fast enough and the music isn’t overpowering my thoughts.

I open my phone and pull up Instagram, hoping to find absolutely fucking anything that pulls me from these thoughts. I scroll and scroll, every meme trying to be funny, and every picture of someone looking happy just pissing me off.

I keep scrolling before my eyes land on tattoos. Her’s. I pause and see that State of the Scene had posted a photo of her in a sound booth. My eyes trail down to the caption. “Lorna Shore’s Will Ramos posts Praising Deities’ Y/N Y/L/N, calling her the ‘next deathcore vocalist’ and that he ‘can’t wait for y’all to hear what she can do.’ Let’s hope she releases something new soon, as fans have been enjoying her covers of ‘To the Hellfire’ and ‘Sun//Eater,’ sung on her current tour with the band Bad Omens.”

All it took was one comment. A single fucking comment to push me over the edge.

“Are those hickeys on her neck?”

Before I could even think, a yell came spewing out as I threw my phone across the room, creating a loud band and a small crack as it shattered against the wall.

Tears came pouring down my face, now being unable to hold back every emotion that I’ve felt the past few weeks. I took one last swig of the vodka before setting it on my nightstand and lying down, pulling my covers over me. ‘Love Me to Death’ by Suicide Silence blasted through my speakers, proving that my phone wasn’t completely destroyed, but now I couldn’t fucking change it.

She has every fucking right to move on. I fucking did, too. But to get that confirmation that after barely a month of finally having her in my life, she’s fucking gone. I can’t take it anymore. My chest ached and burned. All I wanted to do was scream until the pain was gone. I wanted her. I needed her. How did my life turn into such a fucking train-wreck so fast?

Suddenly, someone knocks on my door. They try to say something, but between my sobs and the music, I don’t know what.

“FUCK OFF,” was all I said before shoving my head under my pillow, ignoring the rest of the world as I prayed for the alcohol to hit more and clear my mind.

Y/N

The other guys left after listening to my isolated screams, commenting on a few, and giving me a few ‘good lucks’ before going about their day. I made sure to thank Dave for letting me use his studio, and he said that it was here for me anytime. I doubt I’ll ever take him up on that offer, as I was still extremely intimidated by him, but I really appreciated it.

Will and I were now just messing around in the studio. We already spent a good hour or so working on how I could get certain screams and growls to sound better and how I could enunciate words differently if that’s what I enjoyed. Now, we were just playing music and singing along as we occasionally went back and forth in the sound booth, wanting to see if we could hit notes right. Every recording we took was just full of giggles, so thankfully we were already planning to delete them right after listening.

He even taught me a few controls, mainly how to set songs up for him, make them only play for the person in the booth, and which button let me talk to him. We learned more about each other’s music tastes and where it came from, even who we took inspiration from for our own music. I learned more about his love for Sleep Token, which went a lot deeper than I thought. He went on a few rambles just talking about his appreciation for how they write the music and even played songs, pointing out specific things Vessel did in his vocals.

He kept playing ‘Chokehold’ over and over, to the point that I practically learned the whole song. After what felt like the tenth full run-through, not counting the amount of times he went back and repeatedly played specific parts because he just couldn’t get over the sound, I stood up and walked to the sound booth.

I was getting more used to being in here now and definitely more used to singing in front of Will. We’d been in this studio for hours at this point, just singing to each other, so all my nerves were gone.

He watched me as I walked and immediately sat up and leaned over the controls, a little confused.

“Play it again, I wanna try,” I told him through the mic as I put the headphones on.

“Chokehold? You wanna sing Chokehold? You literally just fucking heard it,” He said, laughing.

“I heard it like 30 times and you even gave me a rundown of every single quirk in his vocals, now run it,” I teased. He playfully lifted his hands in defense before getting everything set up.

The intro started playing so I held the headphones close to my ears and counted the beats in my head, not wanting to miss the cues.

When we were made

I did my best to make it airy and hold the same enunciation as Vessel did.

It was no accident

It was honestly so entertaining to practice Sleep Token songs. Vessel put so much character into every single note and to reenact it was so fun. Especially switching between chest voice and head voice or adding the little ‘t’ at the end of a line.

We were tangled up like branches in a flood

Over-exaggerating certain parts was new to me unless I was singing along to a more pop punk song, where everyone had a specific accent they used.

I come as a blade

I did my best to flow into a high note, and I did surprisingly well, so I turned to Will with a proud look on my face before continuing.

A sacred guardian

Will was watching me in awe, and I so badly wanted to laugh at the face he made, but I had to keep my composure to continue.

So you keep me sharp and test my worth in blood

It looked like Will was slowly falling into deep thought, but I knew it was still recording, so I just ignored him and continued.

You’ve got me in a chokehold

I did my best to remember how Vessel did the audible breaths and tried to recreate them.

You’ve got me in a chokehold

You’ve got me in a-

I look back over to see if Will was doing his famous dance to this part like he had every other replay of this song, but instead, he stood up and paused the music, and started messing around with more controls.

“Will? Did I do something wrong?” I asked, and he just shook his head as he did whatever the hell he was trying to do.

Finally, he stopped touching buttons, and the music started again, and he was rushing into the sound booth with me. He hurriedly came over and grabbed the other set of headphones lying in here, putting them on and turning to me with a child-like smile.

“Roll with it,” He said, so I nodded and began to sing.

When we were made

Woah, he finally turned on the control so we could hear ourselves and each other.

It was no accident

We were tangled up like branches in a flood

Then, Will joined in with me.

I come as a blade

I looked at him, shocked. We sounded so fucking good. He went lower as I took the high note at the end, nailing it once again.

A sacred guardian

So you keep me sharp and test my worth in blood

He looked at me and put a hand on my shoulder, and I took that as a signal for me to let him sing the following lines.

You’ve got me in a chokehold

You’ve got me in a chokehold

He patted my shoulder, and I assumed that as him saying to join him.

You’ve got me in a-

He started headbanging to the music and I looked at him like we just did the craziest thing, because, to me, we fucking did. I had to hold back my giggles as he jammed out next to me. The next lines were about to come up, so he composed himself and put a hand on my shoulder, this now being our signal for him to sing.

Beneath the stormy seas

Above the mountain peaks

It’s all the same to me

It makes no difference

He patted my shoulder, so I joined in.

I’ve seen my days unfold

Done the impossible

I’d turn my walls to gold

To bring you home again

He stepped back from the mic, so it was just me singing the next few lines.

So show me that which I cannot see

Even if it hurts me

Even if I can’t sleep

Oh, and though we

Act out of our holy

Duty to be constantly awake

I did my best to hit the last notes, and then felt a tap on my shoulder.

You’ve got me in a chokehold

He started doing a fry scream and it sounded so good.

You’ve got me in a chokehold

He patted my shoulder once again, and I had to quickly think of the best route of action to make our vocals sound good together, but just landed on continuing to do clean, alto vocals.

You’ve got me in a chokehold

You’ve got me in a chokehold

He switched back to his clean vocals for the ending.

Even if it hurts me

Even if I can’t sleep

Show me the way

We held out the last note together, him not trying to create harmony, just matching our vocals so they meshed together.

We looked at each other in shock as the song ended before rushing out of the sound booth and over to the control board. We listened back to our isolated vocals in disbelief. The fact that we just threw this together last second was unbelievable.

We listened to it a few times, talking about what could be fixed or edited, both of us individually running to the sound booth multiple times to sing our parts so we could edit them together. We even did some lines differently, seeing if more harmony or if me doing harsh vocals would sound better.

After recording probably too many pieces, he switched over all the vocals to his personal laptop, and we started working them together. Finally, we added the instrumental over top, spending a few minutes lining everything up perfectly, giving it one last listen, and then just staring at each other, shocked.

“We just fucking made that!” I said, pointing to his laptop. He nodded with a wide smile.

“Yes, the fuck we did,” he said, holding his hand up. I gave him a high-five, laughing at the insanity that was the piece of art we just made.

“What now? Show the boys?” I asked, hooking a finger over my shoulder at the door behind me.

“Dude, we have to fucking show everyone. Are you kidding me?”

“Now? You’re gonna post it now?” I asked, both shocked and amused.

“Y/N. We just spent over two hours editing this together. Plus, it’s just a cover. Yes, now.” He laughed out. I looked over at the clock and realized that we had indeed been doing this for a while.

“Okay, okay. Ahh, I’m scared. No. I’m excited,” I rushed out, kicking my feet. He just laughed at me before turning to his laptop. I watched as he downloaded the file before uploading it on his personal Spotify with my name featured on it. I just stared at the screen in shock. I just did a cover song. It was now up for everyone to see. And I did it with Will Ramos. Oh my fucking god.

I quickly pull my phone out, ignoring every notification, and open Spotify. I copy the link to the song and head over to Instagram. I screen-recorded the story Will made earlier, and cropped it as I made a post of the video, and added the link to the song played over the post.

“Chokehold- Sleep Token. A cover by Will Ramos and Y/N Y/L/N 🖤🤘🏻,” I wrote in the caption. I tagged Will and hit post.

I looked over at Will and grinned. He looked back at me, smiling twice as big. I was so full of excitement and energy, and I didn’t know what to do, so I just flung myself on him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“Will, you’ve made these last two days more fun than I’ve had this past month. Thank you so much.” He held me closer, laughing with me.

“Anything for you, my little petal.” I giggled at my nickname again before pulling away.

“I’m serious, though. These last few weeks- Hell! These last few years had been fucking crazy for me, and I feel like by simply meeting you, shit’s finally starting to fall into place. I’m doing new things. More people are listening to me. I just learned controls, for fucks sake,” I laughed, making him chuckle down at me, “So thank you. I’m so unbelievably fucking happy to have finally met you.”

He looks at me with a warm smile, my words soaking in. I was still hugging him, so we were still super close, and I don’t know what came over me, but I pulled him down and brought his lips to mine.

He tensed for a moment but instantly kissed me back. I brought my hand up to the back of his head, sliding my fingers into his pink locs as I held him close. His hands slid up to my sides, pulling my body towards him more. The kiss was about to deepen, when I got pulled back to reality by my phone ringing. I immediately pulled away and looked at him, shocked, before fumbling to grab my phone. I answered it without even looking at who was calling.

“Hello?” I greeted, having to clear my throat as it cracked a bit out of shock.

“YOU RELEASED A SONG WITHOUT TELLING YOUR OWN BAND? YOUR OWN BROTHERS?” Finn shouted into the phone, making me chuckle and pull my phone from my ear.

“Shit. Yeah, sorry about that. Will and I were messing around in the studio,” I had to clear my throat again after saying ‘messing around’ before continuing, “ and we were listening to Sleep Token and decided to try out doing a cover, and it came out surprisingly well.”

“When the fuck did you meet Will? I thought he was in New Jersey," he asked.

“Funny story, actually. Him and the band are staying here with a friend, and we ran into each other at the club,” I sheepishly replied. There was silence on the other side of the phone for a few moments, and I almost thought we lost connection before he finally replied.

“Oh, we’re having a long chat the next time I see you, missy. Which better be soon, might I add. I’ve seen you once in the last four days,” he finally said, with a tone mixed with suspicion and deviousness.

“Yes, Sir. Now, did you only call to yell at me?” I teased.

“Well, I did want to tell you that you two sounded fucking fantastic and that maybe you could invite Will over to the boys’ house, but I can sense you’re having more fun there,” He teased back.

“Shut it. I appreciate the compliment and will pass it on, but I’m ignoring everything you said after that for multiple reasons.”

“Oh… shit, you’re right. That might be a bad idea…Anyway, have fun with your little date. Love you!” He said, making me roll my eyes.

“Love you, too.” And then I hung up. I chewed on my lip nervously before finally turning around to look at Will. He was staring at me with a humorous expression.

“I hope you know that I could hear that entire conversation,” He chuckled out, making me facepalm, “And tell him that I said thank you for the compliment. Now…what was that?”

I groaned and walked past him, sitting down and throwing my head down in my hands.

“Will. I’m so sorry,” was all I could get out. I hear his footsteps come towards me, and I looked up to see him crouching down in front of me.

“For what? I mean, we’ve done more than that, so don’t think I’m bothered.”

“No. I mean, I am sorry for kissing you. I said we were gonna leave it all behind and pretend like nothing happened, and I still want to. But I’m mainly sorry that I may be pulling you into a very awkward situation.” He gave me a confused look. I let out a deep sigh. Should I even explain or just leave him out of this?

“So… Something may or may not have happened with…someone …I’m touring with…and shit has been weird. Fuck. It’s a long ass story,” I finished with a groan. He chuckled softly and rested his hands on my knees before sitting down in front of me with his legs crossed.

“I have time, my petal. Tell me what’s bothering you.” I let out another deep sigh. I might as well tell someone else the bullshit that’s been happening since everyone else seems to know.

And so I did. I told him everything. From the festival to the song lyrics. The ‘talk.’ The night at the bar. The Halloween/ birthday party. The depression. Me getting back into smoking. How reckless I was being last night because I wasn’t in the right mind. Everything. And he sat there, staring at me and listening intently, occasionally giving my knees a squeeze if I got a little too emotional. He let me tell him everything. Once I finally finished, he stood up, pulling me up with him and giving me a big hug.

“Everything will work out, my little petal. You two will eventually make up because you have to, or else tour will be really weird. I’m perfectly fine being that rebound that kind of gets in the way because I know you didn’t do it to hurt anyone. And because I really enjoy spending time with you and being your friend,” He pulled away and looked me deep in my eyes, “And just your friend. We can leave everything in the past. We randomly ran into each other at a club, went home separately, and the next day, I gave you vocal lessons and we recorded a song together. That’s all that happened. Okay?”

Tears were now welling up in my eyes as I nodded before pulling him back into a hug.

“Thank you.” I managed to get out. He rubbed my back as he held me close.

“Anything for a friend.”

After a minute or two of just taking in the comfort and reassurance, I finally pulled away and sat back down, him following and sitting back in his chair. He turned back to his laptop, typing away at something for a few minutes as I sat in my thoughts.

“Will?” I asked after a few moments. He turned to me with a ‘hm?’

“What’s with the ‘my little petal’?” I finally asked. He chucked and sat back in his chair with a small shy grin.

“Uh..well, first off, you’re pretty like a flower. You’re soft, delicate, and, you know, are able to either attract or repel others with your looks…I guess? Plus, you can be a little sharp, but only if you have to…And I like flowers. I don’t know. It was something that came to mind last night and I guess it just stuck,” He answers, a little embarrassed, making me giggle.

“God, you’re such a sap. If I didn’t have a goddamn soul tie to someone, that would work on me,” I teased, making him laugh loudly.

“Good to know,” he teased back with a smirk, “But, on a different note, I do have an idea for you.”

I look at him suspiciously, waiting for him to continue. He returned to doing something on the laptop before moving him and the computer to the control board. I watched him curiously as he started messing with things again. He couldn’t possibly want to change anything about the cover we did. It was already posted.

After messing around with a few things, he turned to me.

“Two questions. One- How badly do you want to at least try and make things better between you two? Like, I know it’s still super rocky, and it’s gonna take time, but do you want to at least reach out?” He asked. I was confused, but still thought about it for a moment, weighing my decisions.

“Badly. I know we’re gonna have to start over completely. We’ve both done some weird shit in the past few weeks, but I need us to reach a point where we can at least look at and speak to each other again.” I finally answered. He nodded before continuing.

“Second question, are you okay with being recorded today?” I looked at him, extra confused, and saw that he was pointing towards a camera that has apparently been in the sound booth this whole time. What did this man have planned?

I pulled out my phone and opened the camera, looking over my appearance. My makeup was mostly intact after redoing it in the morning, even after tearing up a little, and I didn’t do anything with my hair today, but I ran my fingers through it so it was semi-presentable. Then my eyes landed on my neck, and I made a slight hiss at the marks.

“Let me borrow a hoodie, and I’ll be fine,” I answered, and he immediately started taking off the one he threw on earlier and handed it to me before getting up and walking to the sound booth to start messing with the camera in there.

“Will, what am I about to do? Why am I being recorded?” I asked, more confused than ever. He just shot me a smirk as he finished messing with the camera and came back out.

“Just get in there.” He said, pointing at the sound booth.

“You have to tell me what song I’m covering. Do I even know it?” I said as I threw on his hoodie and walked into the sound booth. I pulled the hood up so it was shielding my neck from the camera and then tried my best to pretend a camera wasn’t flashing, indicating that it was already recording me.

“Y/N, I promise you that if you don’t know this song, it’s not meant to be.” He spoke into my headphones. I continued staring at him, confused as ever. And then I watched as he hit a few buttons, setting the track back and hitting record, before finally hitting play. I got myself ready to sing whatever song I apparently should know.

And then ‘Just Pretend’ started playing.

Will and I worked on putting the video together. He made me do multiple takes, the first one showing that I was a little spooked at the song choice. We edited the audio, taking out as many voice cracks as possible since singing this song over and over again did eventually make me emotional.

Now he was, in his words, “working his magic,” and, “putting the best video over the audio.” And I just sat back and let him work, fidgeting with the strings of his hoodies as I listened to him type away at his laptop.

Would this even work? He kept choosing audio clips that captured more emotion, even if I was literally crying as I sang. I told him that it was going to sound weird, but he kept shutting me up, saying that he knew what he was doing. I was so drained from everything we did today, and good god, I’ve listened to myself sing so much today, I think I’m going to lose my mind. I leaned my head back against the chair and let out a deep sigh. Today has been a lot. Not in a bad way, just…a lot.

He swiveled his chair around and turned to me, making me look up at him. He held the computer out to me, so I took it, eyeing him.

“My work here is done,” he said with a proud smile. He was a little too excited about this, even after watching me cry for over an hour to a song. My eyes flickered between him and the laptop, debating if I even wanted to see this, but I still hit play.

The music started, and my voice rang through the laptop speakers. It was a little too full of emotion for my standards, but I’m going to trust Will on this. Then, I realized he had chosen one of the last recordings, where I had already cried, so my eyes were a little red.

I continued watching, seeing that he still kept some of the audio clips where my voice cracked, but just in the right spots, like the parts where I held out notes.

Weigh down on me, stay til morning

Way down, would you say I’m worthy

A tear fell down my eye in the video. I don’t cry in front of people. And he wants me to post this?

Weigh down on me, stay til morning

Way down, would you say I’m worthy

I had glanced into the camera at that point. I didn’t even know I did that, but you could see the emotion in my red, puffy eyes. My makeup was even starting to run a little.

I can wait for you at the bottom

I can stay away if you want me to

I can wait for years if I gotta

Heaven knows I ain’t gettin over you

My voice cracked at almost every high note, but it didn’t sound bad. It was just…emotional.

We’ll try again

When we’re not so different

We will make amends

Til then, I’ll just pretend

I had stepped away from the mic at that point, unable to finish from the exhaustion of having to repeatedly sing a song that held every emotion I felt, but Will layered vocals from another clip over the video, just sounding a little more distant. I looked over at Will with a look of disbelief as the video faded out.

“Well?” He asked, still holding a proud, smug grin on his face.

“Wh- How- Will!” I stuttered, in complete shock, “I-what do I even do with this?”

“Well, I’m glad you asked. I reached out to Mr. Nicholas Ruffilo, asking for permission to even do this. He said to send him the video as soon as it’s finished, and then we could figure out where to go from there,” he answered. I looked between him and the laptop again before handing the computer back to him.

“I don’t know how this is gonna work out. It looks like I’m throwing a pity party,” I whine, pointing at that laptop.

“Okay, but were those emotions manipulative? Or were they real?” He asked with a pointed look.

“They were real, but I already fucked up so bad. Twice. I know me sleeping with you was just a reaction to seeing him leave the party with a girl, but that doesn’t mean it won’t kill him to find out. So the last thing I need is for him to think of me as a manipulative whore,” I practically cry out. Will shakes his head and scoots closer to me, resting a hand on my knee.

“I promise you, if he wants this to work out as much as you do, he will see the authenticity in this,” he replies, making me sigh.

“Since you did all the work, you get all the blame,” I say, leaning back in my chair with a sigh. I can either see this fucking things up more, or actually working out, but either way, fans are going to freak the fuck out if this gets posted online. God, am I really communicating with a man through music again?

Will types away at the computer, probably saving the file and sending it to Ruffilo, before looking at me.

“I’m starving. Wanna go get dinner?” He asked, as if nothing happened. I give him an exhausted yet humored side-eye before nodding and standing up with him.

Noah

I awoke to someone rummaging next to me. With a groan, I rolled over and looked to see Ruffilo screwing the lid back onto the bottle of vodka next to my bed, Nick turning my speakers off, and Jolly picking up my smashed phone and a picture that I guess had also fallen when I threw the phone.

“Get the fuck out of here,” I groaned, before bringing my arm over my eyes, the hangover instantly kicking in. I still felt tipsy, probably not having slept for a long time, but that didn’t change the fact that I hadn’t had a single sip of water today.

“Take this,” Ruffilo said. I peek out from under my arm and see him handing me a glass of water like he read my fucking mind, which I instantly took. I sat up and chugged the whole glass. It felt like I hadn’t had water in days. I set the cup beside me before dropping my head in my hands with a loud groan.

“Do we..?” I heard Jolly ask, not knowing what the hell he meant. I then heard someone, probably Ruffilo, crouch down beside my bed. I glance over and see him giving me a pitying look, making me roll my eyes.

“Whenever you’re ready, I have something to show you downstairs. I can make the other guys leave for a little if you don’t want to deal with company, but it’s something that you need to see,” he said in a hushed tone, like I was a dog he would scare away if he spoke too loud.

I let out a deep sigh and rubbed my eyes before swinging my feet over the bed. There’s nothing they could show me that would make me feel worse than I do now, so why the fuck not? They all backed up as I sat up from my bed, swaying a little as the alcohol hadn’t yet left my system. They all file out of my room, and I follow.

“Did you guys seriously pick my lock?” I grumbled out, remembering that I had locked the door before passing out. Nick glanced over at me, looking a little guilty, causing a huff of a laugh to escape my lips.

They led me to the living room, which was thankfully empty. Who knows where everyone else was. Jolly reached over and grabbed a laptop, sitting down on the couch and opening it. I plopped down next to him, sinking into the back of the couch, not really wanting to be here. After a few moments of him typing away at it, pulling something up, he sat the laptop on the table in front of me.

I glanced at the laptop and then at the rest of them, confused. What the fuck were they about to show me? Ruffilo motioned his head towards it, signaling to me that I had to press play, so I did.

Instantly, the beginning of ‘Just Pretend’ played through the speakers of the laptop, making me groan. What the fuck was this? But then, her face came up as the vocals started.

I just sat there, staring at her in shock as she sang. She had a hoodie pulled over her so only her face showed. I leaned in closer, noticing something. She was crying. Every time she opened her eyes, they were bloodshot, and her makeup had been running.

Her voice cracked with emotion every high note, like she had been holding back a sob. I never wanted to see her cry. Especially not like this…

The bridge hit, and my eyes widened as she looked at the camera. Her eyes were full of what I could only describe as despair. They were dull and glazed over, barely even processing where she was looking, just staring off as she let the emotion flow through her singing. Her voice was harsh, like she had either been using it a lot or smoking. But it was still beautiful.

She stepped away from the mic after the heart wrenching post-chorus, almost like her body was about to cave in on itself. But her voice still rang through. Her face scrunched up as she looked down, and you could almost see a sob shake her body. The sight of her at a breaking point as her beautiful voice still sang, just in the distance, was more heartbreaking than anything I’ve ever seen.

The video finally ended and I just stared at the black screen, catching my reflection in it and saw that I was crying as well. I don’t even know what to do now. Emotion poured through me and my head fell into my hands as broken sobs left my lips. What the fuck was that? What the fuck do I do now?

I made a terrible fucking mistake, and she had obviously went to Will to make her feel better, but then she makes this? What the fuck does any of this even mean? What the fuck do I do? I want to see her. To hold her. But that’s not my place. It never was. She learned that going to people like Matt or Finn or Will was much less heartbreaking than coming to me. But I just need to talk to her. To start over.

Why did I start ignoring her? Why did I get so upset at the bar? She had every single right to feel that way, I just became attached too quickly and couldn’t let her leave. But she still did. She left, and she probably already moved on to Will. I mean, that was the same sound booth that I saw in that picture earlier, so she’s obviously been spending the break with him. She was barely here at the party. God, that fucking party. The first time I got a chance to be close to her in two weeks and I spent it ruining everything. I got jealous at her being a friendly person and went and fucking slept with someone. She had every single right to fucking move on. I mean, I tried to as well.

But what the fuck was this then? Why did she cover my fucking song, looking ever so heartbroken? Where the fuck did this even come from? Why were the guys showing me this? I finally look up at the three boys in front of me, all of them staring down at me in pity.

“What the fuck is this?” I finally managed to get out between sobs.

“All I was told was that she wanted to make this and that Will wanted me to show it to you. You’re gonna have to talk to her to figure out the rest.” Ruffilo responded, not helping me at all.

“I just don’t understand! I see a post of her hanging out with Will, covered in hickeys, and then she fucking does this?” I ask, still overwhelmed with everything. Ruffilo sighs.

“Noah. You do realize that you’re doing the exact same thing, right? You slept with someone and then proceeded to break down in guilt. She’s just the one to throw in the towel first. She’s trying to make up.” I groan between sobs and fall back into the couch, bringing an arm up to cover my face.

“What do I do, then? It’s not like I can text her. My phones broken and it’s just gonna be awkward.”

“Just think about it. Plan out your best choice of action and work from there. This is something that can only be fixed by the two of you,” he answered. Fuck.

“Also, I’ll head out tomorrow to get you a new phone. It’s too late to go now,” Jolly chimed. After thinking about it for another minute, I let out a deep sigh and sat back up.

“Okay. I’ll figure this out.” The boys watched me for a second, trying to get a good sense of if I was being serious, before coming over and patting me on the back before heading into the house, probably to hang out with the rest of the guys, leaving me in my thoughts.

Y/N

I anxiously chew on my lip as Will and I walk down the streets of L.A. Neither of us heard anything back from Ruffilo or any of the guys, yet. Will said that he didn’t want the night to end just yet, since I wasn’t in the best headspace, and he did his best to keep me from my thoughts as we went on our little adventure, which I really appreciated. But, to be honest, neither of us know where the hell we were going.

After we ate, he thought it’d be a good idea to just explore the city since neither of us really knew anything about it, but nothing caught our eye as we walked. It was nice to stretch our legs after sitting in a studio for a good eight hours, though.

We walked through the city, pointing out random things we saw, occasionally bumping into each other, either on purpose or because we weren’t paying attention, and just chatting about whatever came to our minds.

“What are your thoughts on adding a rhythm guitarist to Praising Deities?” I asked. He chucked, but gave it some thought.

“I mean, I have a feeling you’re gonna want to change up your style a little, now that you’re more comfortable with broadening your vocal range, but it is a lot of work splitting the guitar into two parts,” he answered.

“Yeah. We’ve changed things up a few times, but adding harsher vocals like yours would be a huge step. I do some already, but nothing more than a simple growl. So, if we really want to take that step, a lot of work is gonna have to go into this.”

“Do you have someone in mind? Or do you just want to add the more concentrated sound of a melodic guitar?” I thought about it for a minute.

“No, and I highly doubt Finn would want to learn to switch to pure rhythm. Not that he’s bad at it, but he really enjoys what he plays now,” I look over at him with a smirk, “I mean, would you be mad if I stole Andrew? He might even like my vocals more than you.”

He let out a loud laugh and swung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me in to his side. I giggled and looked up at him as we paused on our walk. He looked down at me with a smirk.

“You wish,” was all he said before he let go and continued walking, picking up speed to make me catch up to him. But that’s when something caught our eye. A flash. Fuck.

We both pause and glance towards the direction it came from, seeing a man holding a camera in our direction.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I mumbled. He let out a sigh.

“Let’s just head back to Dave’s. There’s nothing out here for us to do anyway.” And with that, we turned around and retraced our steps, making our way back.

“You’re back again? Don’t you have a band to be spending time with?” Austin teased with a fale scowl as we walked into the house.

“Of course I do. It’s your band!” I joked back. He laughed and rolled his eyes.

“What? Will didn’t tell you guys? You’re getting a second, better vocalist!” I continued, putting my hands on my hips to look confident. Will softly pushed me while laughing, making me stumble and giggle as I walked over to the couch and sat down with everyone.

Will walked past us into the kitchen, and I started chatting with everyone there. I’ve gotten surprisingly comfortable with them after they helped me with my vocals earlier, so I wasn’t as nervous to be around them anymore.

Will came back out and handed me a drink. I didn’t know what it was, so I gave him a slightly suspicious look as I took a sip. I made a face, not expecting it to be a vodka cranberry, but it was still really good. He chuckled at my face before sitting down next to me.

“Oh so first she steals clothes, and now she’s taking our drinks?” Adam joked. Ever since this morning, they’ve been messing with me all day, but I loved it. It was like I was back with my own boys again.

I looked at him confused, before remembering that I was still wearing Will’s hoodie, so I set down my drink and took it off, handing it back to him.

“No, you didn’t have to. I’m fine,” he said, trying to push it back to me.

“Well, I don’t really need it anymore, and I don’t wanna accidentally wear it home,” I persisted, trying to give it back. He grabbed it and sat it between us.

“I’ll keep it here if you need it,” He spoke softly as he leaned back and turned his attention towards the guys.

I just shook my head with a small laugh before grabbing my drink, taking a sip, and doing the same.

The guys and I all chatted for a few hours, the alcohol making Will and I a little more loose-lipped as the night went on, him even making us more drinks. They asked me questions about my band and how the tour was going. I may have been a little too honest, but it didn’t affect them. I even asked them for advice on the best course of action on drastically changing the sound of our music, now that I was getting more comfortable with the thought of it. They gave really good advice, but a lot of it was that I had to talk to my own bandmates about it, which made sense.

After we were a few drinks in, Will leaned his head on my shoulder as we all talked. He was still awake, the alcohol seemingly making him want to get comfier, and if I learned anything the past two days, it was that Will was a cuddler. He loved physical touch, and the closer to you, the better, so I wasn’t shocked when he eventually sank into the couch, cuddling into my side as we all chatted. And I knew it was normal when the rest of the guys didn’t even blink an eye at it.

Though, after some time, he became dead weight against me, and when I looked over, I saw that he was out like a light. I did my best to keep the conversation going, but between the warmth of his body heat and the alcohol, I felt my eyes getting heavier.

The rest of the guys started to notice, so they eventually excused themselves to either head to bed or hang out somewhere else, saying they didn’t want to wake him.

With that, I leaned my head on Will’s and eventually slipped into a deep sleep.

I woke up to the feeling of someone looming over me, so with a scrunched face, I opened my eyes and saw Moke and Austin looking at Austin’s phone, giggling about something. I tried to raise an arm to rub my eyes, but realized they were stuck. Looking down, I saw that at some point in the night, Will and I had laid down, and now he was sprawled out on top of me, practically pinning me to the couch. He was still completely out, just pure dead weight on top of me.

A yawn escaped my lips, making the two goofballs aware that I was now awake, and they giggled down at me.

“What are you two idiots up to?” I softly asked, my voice coming out harsh and raspy, either from the alcohol or the fact that I don’t think I shut up for a single second yesterday.

Austin turned his phone around with a mischievous grin on his face, showing me that he had taken a picture of Will and me and posted it to his story, captioning it, “These two don’t know how to party.”

I finally managed to slide a hand out from between Will and I and reached for his phone, wanting a closer look. I couldn’t tell from my angle, but Will was completely intertwined with my body. Our legs looped around each other and I was using one of his arms as a pillow as his other arm draped across my chest. He was using one of my tits as a pillow, which made me giggle. We were both out cold, Will’s mouth slightly agape as if he was snoring. I gave the phone back to Austin after rolling my eyes.

“So, am I just stuck like this now?” I ask the two, making them chuckle.

“Yep. He can sleep for a whole day if he’s comfortable enough, so good luck!” Moke responded. I almost let out a groan, but didn’t because I would feel bad if I woke him.

“So I’m trapped under a dead body and you two are just taking pictures? What the fuck?” I teasingly whisper yelled. They both walked away with suppressed giggles, leaving me to wait for Will to wake up.

With my now free arm, I searched around me, trying to feel if there was anything for me to entertain myself with. My body was hanging ever so slightly off the edge of the couch, so I had a feeling my phone slipped out of my pocket at some point in the night. I couldn’t move my head, or any other of my body for that matter, but thankfully my hand finally touched the cold screen and I did my best to grab it with a contorted arm.

I turn it on after finally picking it up, and saw that it was already noon. The guys and I were up for a while last night, so I’m not too shocked that we slept this late, but it felt weird that I had spent more time with Will than anyone else this whole break. But at the same time, I didn’t care. I literally live with three of them and I’m going to be spending the next almost three months with the other five, and this will be the only time I’ll get to spend with Will for who knows how long.

Maybe I could see if my boys wanted to hang out with the Lorna Shore boys. I would invite everyone else, but with everything happening, I haven’t been too close with any of them lately. I’ll mention it to Will later.

I finally open my phone and click on the messages I saw that I had. There were a few from my boys, telling me that they missed me and they wished I was partying with them and everyone else. I wish I was too, but with the state that my life was in right now, I’d much rather spend my time with the person who was most unrelated to the tour and everyone in it. I couldn’t be more thankful to have run into Will. He was everything I needed at this time. Someone who brought excitement into my life, distracting me from everything else. Someone who, even though it was a terrible mistake, managed to heal a small part of me the other night. A healing intimate encounter, proving that not every man I got this close with in my 20s was going to hurt me in some way. Purely a quick rebound that we both agreed wouldn’t affect anything, followed by getting an insane amount of support in both my music and with the stress that this whole fiasco has caused. And a new friend. An amazing friend. He was so different from anyone else I had in my life at the moment that it just felt so good to be around him, especially because he came with a completely different friend circle, so I could have peace from everything while still being social.

I know what I did was terrible. While it wasn’t like I cheated on Noah, I already feel so much guilt everyday since our fight at the bar, so knowing I may possibly be making the tension across the bands even worse kills me. But the truth is, I just don’t think my brain and body knew how to handle having a friend like Will in my life at first. Sure, Finn is one of my biggest supporters, but since the day I met him, all those years ago, he’s been nothing but a brother to me. And my brain just couldn’t see Matt as any different. Yeah, we pretended to like each other, just to piss people off, but my mind instantly added him into the same category as my bandmates.

But meeting Will was completely different. Not as different as meeting Noah, that’s for sure, but he was the first guy I’ve met that I just instantly felt completely comfortable with. Apparently so comfortable, I let him see me naked within the first few hours of meeting. But I don’t see him as a future partner or even a regular fling or anything like that. We both just misunderstood our intimate connection at first. He has so much love in his heart that I can’t even blame myself for instantly searching for a way to feel it more. While I should’ve just earned it by being his friend, seeing as he treats everyone with this amount of love and support, I think I just really needed someone like him at this point in my life to show me an abundance of it for a night. Now that I’ve gotten it, I feel like something in me is slowly healing.

And even now, something in me slowly heals as I feel his breath against my chest as he sleeps. The overwhelming comfort of being this physically close to someone and being able to enjoy it platonically. I know fans are having a field day with this, and I know that if any of my band mates or any of the Bad Omens boys see the picture on Austin’s story or from the paparazzi last night, it’s most likely going to cause problems, but for once, I don’t want to have something be a problem. It will be rare to see Will after this week, so I’m going to soak in his comfort and support until I’m forced back to reality and have to deal with life by myself, including explaining myself to the others.

I did my best to text them back, having to type with one hand that was hovering unsupported over my face and still deep in thought over how insane my life has been recently. But the movement from the heavy weight on my body almost made me drop my phone on my face.

Will shifted in his sleep, turning slightly and pulling himself closer to me. He dug his face between my shoulder and neck, probably shielding his eyes from the light that shone through the living room windows. I close my phone and set it on my chest, not wanting to drop it and scare him. He let out a tired groan as he stretched and pulled closer to me, and I couldn’t help but giggle at the tickle of his face and breath on my neck.

He paused for a second once he heard it, finally realizing the position he was in, before giggling with me.

“Good morning,” his groggy voice spoke into my neck, tickling me even more, making me squirm and try to pull away at the feeling.

“Good morning, dead weight.” I exaggeratedly huffed out. He lifted his face and looked at me with half lidded, tired eyes and a cheeky grin before trying to push himself off of me without hurting me.

I took an exaggerated deep breath as I sat up, teasing him. He shook his head with a smile and yawned.

“By the way, I think Austin might be worse than paparazzi,” I said as I stretched, needing to loosen my cramped muscles from not being able to move them all night.

He gave me a confused look, so I told him to check Austin’s story. He took a minute to search for his phone. Finally finding it between the couch cushions, he typed in Austin’s username and checked, immediately laughing.

“Everyone’s gonna think we’re dating,” he chuckled, rubbing his face.

“I’ve never cared about fan speculation since they’ll grasp onto anything these days, but this is probably gonna cause some issues for my situation if I don’t clear the air.”

“Yeah..” he dragged out, “I mean, it’s no problem for me. If anything, this will definitely help keep the fan’s eyes off of you and Noah until you get everything situated.”

I thought about it for a moment, and he was right. Fans love digging into our personal lives, so if there wasn’t a distraction, I know rumors and stories would spread over how they see Noah and I interact. Hell, there's fans who think I’m with all of them, even my bandmates, so if they just focused on my so-called ‘relationship’ with Will, I won’t have to worry about them constantly talking about Noah and me.

“Honestly, this may help a lot of issues. As long as I inform mine and his band what’s actually happening, this will save us from a lot of heat on the internet.” I said after a few moments, “Oh! Speaking of, are you busy today?”

He thought for a moment, trying to get his tired brain to run its gears.

“Not that I know of, but I can also ask the guys,” he finally answered, suppressing a yawn.

“Would you be down to meet my boys? I just feel bad that I’m gonna be spending more of our break with you and not with them.” He let out a sleepy giggle after thinking about it for a second.

“Or, you can always just hang out with them? Without me?” he teased. I felt a blush creepy up to my cheeks, but not before playing it off and faking a gasp.

“You don’t want to hang out with me anymore?” I pulled an exaggerated pout. He instantly rolled his eyes with a tired smile.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” He said lazily, making me laugh.

“I’m kidding. I just figured that I’d hang out with you until you kicked me out since I probably won’t see you for a while after this, and the boys would love to meet you and possibly the rest of the band if they’re down.” A frown creeped up on his face as I spoke.

“Wait..You’re right. I won’t see you after this,” he whined, “Yeah, I’ll ask the guys if they wanna join, but I’m not letting you leave until you’re getting on that damn tour bus.”

“Does that mean you’re joining me when I go back to the hotel to change?” I asked, laughing.

“Yes.” he stated, bluntly, making me laugh more.

“Okay, let me text the boys, and then we can head over,” I chuckled out. He nodded and stood to go talk to his bandmates as I grabbed my phone and texted Finn.

Y/N- On a scale from 1 to 10, how excited would you and the boys be to hang out with Lorna Shore today?

Finnegan- ASKING THEM NOW OMGOMGOMG

I shook my head and laughed at his text. Finn wasn’t as big of a fan of them as I was, but when I played their music enough, you can’t not enjoy it a little. But then, I realized I may have to clarify something.

Y/N- I feel like this may be obvious, but this invitation is for you three only. I’m not in the mood for awkward conversations right now❤️

Finnegan- 🫡 Yes, maam

Y/N- …maybe Matt can come, too

Finnegan- He’s not at the house right now, so you should text him

Y/N- will do. I’ll let you know where we’re meeting up. Give me like 2 hours to head back to my hotel and change

Finnegan- 👀 so you spent the night?

Y/N- IN A HOUSE FULL OF 5 OTHER GUYS SO SHUT IT

I laughed as I closed out of our chat and opened Matt’s. I sent him a text, but he didn’t immediately respond, so I just closed my phone and got all my things together and waited for Will so we could head back to my hotel.

Part Eight

[eludin-realm]

Character Name Ideas (Male)

So I've been browsing through BehindTheName (great resource!) recently and have compiled several name lists. Here are some names, A-Z, that I like. NOTE: If you want to use any of these please verify sources, meanings etc, I just used BehindTheName to browse and find all of these. Under the cut:

A: Austin, Aiden, Adam, Alex, Angus, Anthony, Archie, Argo, Ari, Aric, Arno, Atlas, August, Aurelius, Alexei, Archer, Angelo, Adric, Acarius, Achilou, Alphard, Amelian, Archander B: Bodhi, Bastian, Baz, Beau, Beck, Buck, Basil, Benny, Bentley, Blake, Bowie, Brad, Brady, Brody, Brennan, Brent, Brett, Brycen C: Cab, Cal, Caden, Cáel, Caelan, Caleb, Cameron, Chase, Carlos, Cooper, Carter, Cas, Cash, Cassian, Castiel, Cedric, Cenric, Chance, Chandler, Chaz, Chad, Chester, Chet, Chip, Christian, Cillian, Claude, Cicero, Clint, Cody, Cory, Coy, Cole, Colt, Colton, Colin, Colorado, Colum, Conan, Conrad, Conway, Connor, Cornelius, Creed, Cyneric, Cynric, Cyrano, Cyril, Cyrus, Crestian, Ceric D: Dallas, Damien, Daniel, Darach, Dash, Dax, Dayton, Denver, Derek, Des, Desmond, Devin, Dewey, Dexter, Dietrich, Dion, Dmitri, Dominic, Dorian, Douglas, Draco, Drake, Drew, Dudley, Dustin, Dusty, Dylan, Danièu E: Eadric, Evan, Ethan, Easton, Eddie, Eddy, Einar, Eli, Eilas, Eiljah, Elliott, Elton, Emanuel, Emile, Emmett, Enzo, Erik, Evander, Everett, Ezio F: Faolán, Faron, Ferlin, Felix, Fenrir, Fergus, Finley, Finlay, Finn, Finnian, Finnegan, Flint, Flip, Flynn, Florian, Forrest, Fritz G: Gage, Gabe, Grady, Grant, Gray, Grayson, Gunnar, Gunther, Galahad H: Hale, Harley, Harper, Harvey, Harry, Huey, Hugh, Hunter, Huxley I: Ian, Ianto, Ike, Inigo, Isaac, Isaias, Ivan, Ísak J: Jack, Jacob, Jake, Jason, Jasper, Jax, Jay, Jensen, Jed, Jeremy, Jeremiah, Jesse, Jett, Jimmie, Jonas, Jonas, Jonathan, Jordan, Josh, Julien, Jovian, Jun, Justin, Joseph, Joni, K: Kaden, Kai, Kale, Kane, Kaz, Keane, Keaton, Keith, Kenji, Kenneth, Kent, Kevin, Kieran, Kip, Knox, Kris, Kristian, Kyle, Kay, Kristján, Kristófer L: Lamont, Lance, Landon, Lane, Lars, László, Laurent, Layton, Leander, Leif, Leo, Leonidas, Leopold, Levi, Lewis, Louie, Liam, Liberty, Lincoln, Linc, Linus, Lionel, Logan, Loki, Lucas, Lucian, Lucio, Lucky, Luke, Luther, Lyall, Lycus, Lykos, Lyle, Lyndon, Llewellyn, Landri, Laurian, Lionç M: Major, Manny, Manuel, Marcus, Mason, Matt, Matthew, Matthias, Maverick, Maxim, Memphis, Midas, Mikko, Miles, Mitch, Mordecai, Mordred, Morgan, Macari, Maïus, Maxenci, Micolau, Miro N: Nate, Nathan, Nathaniel, Niall, Nico, Niels, Nik, Noah, Nolan, Niilo, Nikander, Novak, O: Oakley, Octavian, Odin, Orlando, Orrick, Ǫrvar, Othello, Otis, Otto, Ovid, Owain, Owen, Øyvind, Ozzie, Ollie, Oliver, Onni P: Paisley, Palmer, Percival, Percy, Perry, Peyton, Phelan, Phineas, Phoenix, Piers, Pierce, Porter, Presley, Preston, Pacian Q: Quinn, Quincy, Quintin R: Ragnar, Raiden, Ren, Rain, Rainier, Ramos, Ramsey, Ransom, Raul, Ray, Roy, Reagan, Redd, Reese, Rhys, Rhett, Reginald, Remiel, Remy, Ridge, Ridley, Ripley, Rigby, Riggs, Riley, River, Robert, Rocky, Rokas, Roman, Ronan, Ronin, Romeo, Rory, Ross, Ruairí, Rufus, Rusty, Ryder, Ryker, Rylan, Riku, Roni S: Sammie, Sammy, Samuel, Samson, Sanford, Sawyer, Scout, Seán, Seth, Sebastian, Seymour, Shane, Shaun, Shawn, Sheldon, Shiloh, Shun, Sid, Sidney, Silas, Skip, Skipper, Skyler, Slade, Spencer, Spike, Stan, Stanford, Sterling, Stevie, Stijn, Suni, Sylvan, Sylvester T: Tab, Tad, Tanner, Tate, Tennessee, Tero, Terrance, Tevin, Thatcher, Tierno, Tino, Titus, Tobias, Tony, Torin, Trace, Trent, Trenton, Trev, Trevor, Trey, Troy, Tripp, Tristan, Tucker, Turner, Tyler, Ty, Teemu U: Ulric V: Valerius, Valor, Van, Vernon, Vespasian, Vic, Victor, Vico, Vince, Vinny, Vincent W: Wade, Walker, Wallis, Wally, Walt, Wardell, Warwick, Watson, Waylon, Wayne, Wes, Wesley, Weston, Whitley, Wilder, Wiley, William, Wolfe, Wolfgang, Woody, Wulfric, Wyatt, Wynn X: Xander, Xavier Z: Zachary, Zach, Zane, Zeb, Zebediah, Zed, Zeke, Zeph, Zaccai

[collapsedglasshouses]

Thank you so much for including one of my stories!

(For those of you who haven’t done it: PLS DO ME THE FAVOUR AND READ ALL OF THEM THANK YOU)

FIC RECS OF THE YEAR:

i wanted to make a list of fics i thoroughly enjoyed this year. all of you are amazing, and i wanted to show you some love. everyone give these fics a read if you haven’t already <3

Bad Omens:

Sweet Like Honey by @darksigns-exe

Slow Down by @measuredingold

Just Friends by @measuredingold

Heaven Sent by @measuredingold

Don’t Cry Over Spilled Wine by @concreteburialplot

Intertwined by @concreteburialplot

We’ll Get You There by @concreteburialplot

Two Way Vision by @deathblacksmoke

You’ve Got a Pretty Way About You by @deathblacksmoke

The Crazier I Came by @deathblacksmoke

Dramamine by @deathblacksmoke

Drumsticks by @sinkingteethinwhitenoise

The Devil’s Prayerbook by @signs-of-ill-portent

Consequences by @collapsedglasshouses

Little One by @cowpokeomens

Polyverse Cam Boy AU by @the-way-of-words

So Give Me All You Got, I Can Take It by @the-way-of-words

Sweetened Breath, Tongue So Mean by @rottingfern

Said & Done by @nerdraging4point0

Dive by @ladyveronikawrites

Interlude: Made Breath and Skin by @mysticdoodlez

Will Ramos:

Somewhere Along the Way by @malice-ov-mercy

My Love by @malice-ov-mercy

You’re Shooting Stars from the Barrel of Your Eyes by @circle-with-me

Tis’ the Damn Season by @circle-with-me

Will As Your Boyfriend HCS by @foliosriot

Vinny Mauro:

Am I Fuckable? by @foliosriot

Sweet Boy by @circle-with-me

thank you @deathblacksmoke for helping me put this together <3

dividers by @cafekitsune

[xxrainstorm]

xxrainstorm’s masterlist

I’m gonna apologize in advance I’m pretty new to this I have zero idea what I’m doing and I hope this works they way that I want it to but I see a bunch of people post and pin their masterlists so I figured I would give it a shot as well. I am very new to writing fan fiction (well at least posting it) Right now it’s mostly Bad Omens but I will probably get around to some Will Ramos and Oli Sykes shit too as I adore them as well. I will always do my best to put content warnings in the description. If the title has an asterisk* next to it then the story contains smut. Criticism is always greatly appreciated just please don’t be too mean. Thank y’all for the reads. I love y’all 💛💛💛

18 + MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

My works -

BAD OMENS

Joakim “Jolly” Karlsson

Raring*

Restless*

Nicholas Ruffilo

Nick Folio

Noah Sebastian

Crossovers

Afraid of the Dark* (Nick R + Noah x fem reader)

Personal Faves Not Written By Me -

(in no particular order)

Bad Omens

Joakim “Jolly” Karlsson

Absolution (Cowpokeomens)

Little one (Cowpokeomens)

The way you break (Circle-with-me)

Blood magic (Cowpokeomens)

Scar (ladyveronikawrites)

Impolite (ladyveronikawrites)

Honey Bee (jennay)

Backstage pass (thcfountain)

Movie night (thcfountain)

Vampyr (thefallennightmare)

Magnetic (reyadawn)

My protector (reyadawn)

Noah Sebastian

Devil’s Advocate (doomhands-jr)

The way you bend the way you break (concretejunglefm)

Nick Folio

Limoncello

Nicholas Ruffilo

Don’t cry over spilled wine (concreteburialplot)

To be in love and to be loved (measuredingold)

Bad Omens x Oli Sykes

In love with the mess (blessedwithabadomen)

Into the abyss of bad habits (veronicapheonix)

Blood of Eden (nerdraging4point0)

[circle-with-me]

Poll Update:

i appreciate everyone participating in the poll! i got a lot of feedback and it’s nice knowing what y’all are interested in. i can’t promise when or if i’ll get to everyone but it gives me a good idea of what direction to go into.

Will Ramos and Folio were tied for the top pick. Followed by Matt Dierkes.

My requests are currently closed but if you have anything you’re interested in seeing with those three in particular, feel free to send me an ask!

WIP update:

Here are some upcoming fics I have in the drafts (not in any kind of order):

Homesick - Vinny Mauro x G/N Reader (fluff/smut)

Crawl - Jolly Karlsson x fem!reader

Tempt With Hours of Pleasure - Noah Sebastian x fem!reader x Jolly Karlsson

Little Bird (prequel to Legs) - Jesse Cash x fem!reader

Beautiful Stranger Ricky x Tattoo Artist OFC (Lottie) (request)

[foliosriot]

ok guys new fic idea has been conjured up in my silly little brain. just need to decide on who it’s about. wanna help me out?

[circle-with-me]

thank you @deathblacksmoke & @the-way-of-words 🤍

my wips:

- untitled ruffilo x jolly smut (previously referred to as pain remains iii - being revamped into a one shot. still a collab with the amazing @deathblacksmoke 🫶🏻)

- winged insect (noah sebastian x reader // part two to my, my, those eyes like fire… i’ve been teasing this endlessly and I’m finally going to get it out soon)

- ‘tis the damn season part 6 (will ramos x ofc gen)

- make me feel like a god (noah sebastian x reader)

game i’m playing: 3x3

tagging: @malice-ov-mercy @foliosriot @to-be-written @spicywhenspeaking

FERN'S WIP WEEKEND GAMES

Hey y'all! Let's force each other to work on our WIPs, even if it's just to talk about them or think about them!

EACH WIP WEEKEND RUNS FROM FRIDAY 5PM UTC-5 TO SUNDAY 11:59PM UTC-5

To participate, reblog with up to 5 filenames of your WIPs, and also which games you want to participate in this weekend (example at the bottom of this post).

Each game is basically replying to asks about your WIPs in different ways! For that reason, please make sure to search the reblogs to find other players - send them an ask, keep the game going, force each other to work on their WIPs!

If you see this, you are invited to play, even if you weren't tagged!

There are 3 different games. You can play all of them, or only the ones you like best:

1) Three by Threes: The OG WIP Wednesday game. For each filename you receive in your ask box, reply to the ask with 3 NEW sentences on that WIP. Then, send 3 asks to other WIP Weekend players!

2) Lore Corner: Answer questions about your WIP. It can be anything from headcanons to backstory that you have for your WIP that don't even make it into the fic. Askers - get creative with your questions! (If you are playing Lore Corner, please give a single-sentence description of each of your WIPs so askers have some context)

3) Moodboard Mania: Make a moodboard for your WIP! Askers can also specify a moment or a character-specific moodboard relating to your WIP so that you're not making the same moodboard over and over.

-----------------------------

MY WIPS:

the universe and us in the night (vampire!Jolly x girl!Noah) - Ever romanced your sleep paralysis demon? Ever embraced the void of night? Ever lost your fucking mind? Noah's really going through it in the pandemic.

rainy ghost (Nicholas x Noah) - Church boy Noah is caught in the closet with the pastor's adult son and is excommunicated, destroying his life and effectively leaving him homeless. Thankfully, Folio's dead distant relative owned a big, spooky mansion on the coast that needs tending. Nobody told Noah about the ghosts, though.

sugar daddy Noah (sugar daddy!Noah x sugar baby OC) - Exactly what it says on the tin. An AU where Noah's musician career hadn't gone quite as planned.

more fae shit (fae!Nick x Noah) - what it says on the tin. bit of the ol' orpheus eurydice vibes

GAMES I'M PLAYING: three by threes, lore corner

Tagging @throughwoodsanddirt @the-way-of-words @blessedwithabadomen and everyone else who wants to play!

[yoshinorecommends]

Celebrities Masterlist

A

Aaron Taylor-Johnson

Aaron Tveit

Adam Ellis

Alex Turner

Alexander Calvert

Alexander Skarsgard

Allen Leech

Amy Nelson

Andrew Garfield

Andy Biersack

Aneurin Barnard

Ansel Elgort

Anthony Ramos

Ashton Irwin

Austin Butler

B

Barbara Dunkelman

Ben Hardy

Ben Platt

Bill Hader

Bill Skarsgard

Blaine Gibson

Bo Burnham

Brendon Urie

Burnie Burns

C

Calum Hood

Chris Evans

Chris Demarais

Chris Pine

Christian Bale

Cillian Murphy

Cody Fern

Cole Gallian

Corpse Husband

D

Dacre Montgomery

Damiano David

Dane Dehaan

Daveed Diggs

Diego Luna

Domhnall Gleeson

Dream

Dylan O'Brien

E

Eddie Redmayne

Eminem

Ethan Dolan

Ethan Nestor

Ethan Torchio

Ezra Miller

F

Fionn Whitehead

G

Gab Smolders

Gavin Free

Geoff Ramsey

George Daniel

Gwilym Lee

H

Harrison Osterfield

Harry Styles

Henry Cavill

I

J

J.J. Castillo

Jack Lowden

Jai Courtney

Jake Gyllenhaal

James Dean

Jared Leto

Jared Padalecki

Jasmine Cephas Jones

Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Jensen Ackles

Jeremy Dooley

Joe Burrow

Joe Keery

Joe Mazzello

Joel Heyman

Jon Risinger

Jonny Weston

Jordan Fisher

Josh Dun

K

L

Liam Hemsworth

Lin-Manuel Miranda

Logan Lerman

Lucy Boynton

Ludwig Ahgren

Luke Hemmings

M

Machine Gun Kelly

Matthew Daddario

Matthew Gray Gubler

Matthew Lillard

Matty Healy

Mark Fischbach

Meg Turney

Megan Fox

Michael B Jordan

Michael Clifford

Michael Jones

Michiel Huisman

Mike Faist

Miles Luna

Misha Collins

Mitch Rowland

Mod Sun

N

Niall Horan

Nick Jonas

Nick Robinson

Noah Centineo

O

P

Patrick Stump

Pedro Pascal

Pete Davidson

Phil Lester

Phillipa Soo

Q

R

Rami Malek

Robert Downey Jr

Rook

Ross Macdonald

Ryan Bergara

Ryan Haywood

S

Sapnap

Sarah Jones

Sean McLoughlin

Sebastian Stan

Shane Madej

Shannon Leto

Shawn Mendes

Shayne Topp

Swaggersouls

Sykkuno

T

Taron Egerton

Thomas Brodie-Sangster

Thomas Doherty

Thomas Raggi

Tom Blyth

Tom Glynn Carney

Tom Hardy

Tom Hiddleston

Trevor Collins

Tyler Joseph

U

V

Victoria De Angelis

Ville Valo

W

Will Poulter

X

Y

Yungblud

Z

Zac Efron

[trashmouth-writing]

HI and welcome to my trash blog!!

I'm starting this thing so I can post my trash writing here so yeah, hope you enjoy it.

I write for:

Character x reader

Tom Holland

Peter Parker/Spiderman

Harrison Osterfield

Harry Holland

Sam Holland

Sebastian Stan

Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier

Chris Evans

Steve Rogers/Captain America

Tony Stark/Iron Man

Pietro/Peter Maximoff/Quicksilver

Nicholas Hoult

Scott Summers

Alex Summers

Finn Wolfhard

Mike Wheeler

Joe Keery

Steve Harrington

Mom!Steve Harrington

Noah Schnapp

Wyatt Oleff

Stanley Uris

Richie Tozier

Jaeden Lieberher

Bill Denbrough

Chosen Jacobs

Jack Dylan Grazer

Eddie Kaspbrak

Bill Skarsgård (NOT pennywise)

Daveed Diggs

Anthony Ramos

Sam Clafin

Ships (character x character)

Mileven

Reddie

Stozier

Streddie

Stenbrough

Jancy

Hamliza

I'm sure I missed some but I'll just add them later.

Feel free to request headcanons, one shots/imagines and ships as well :)

[lilgarbitch]

Running In Circles - Five

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader

CW: none?

Word Count: 9.5k

Author’s Note: I’m really hoping I’m not overwhelming the tags or anything by republishing all of these so close to each other. Also because I’m changing a few things, there are possibilities that I missed something so if anything looks weird or doesn’t make sense, please feel free to let me know❤️

Part Four

Y/N

It’s been a little over a week since Noah and I argued. Since Matt and I got close. Since The Will Ramos reached out to me. And I truly couldn’t be more confused about my life.

Firstly, I would like to make up with Noah. I really would. But the universe and my mother made me the petty bitch I am today. We tried our best not to let the tension bother everyone else, which meant I still had to see him every time we all hung out. We just kept our distance. And I guess it was the fact that I was upset about it all, but he was getting on my nerves so easily now. I kept it to myself, but I still got annoyed every time he interrupted someone. Or he couldn’t control his lanky ass appendages and accidentally hit or kicked someone or something while moving around. I know it was because he was always on my mind, so I paid extra attention to him without even trying, but that, mixed with the ruminating feelings I dealt with after being so disrespected, was just a disaster for my mood most days. 

Finn did his best to support me, him being one of the only ones I told everything to. I left Cal and Cam in the dark, mainly just saying that we had a little fight because I couldn’t do that to them. They didn’t need to be in the middle of something like this. And everyone else treated me fine, so I’m not sure who Noah talked to. Matt said that he hadn’t said anything to him, but at the same time, I do believe that Noah may be a little too irritated with him to speak to him at the moment. 

Speaking of Matt, that’s point number two. Matt and I have stayed close. We started going on little friend dates whenever we had time, checking out places in the cities we visited. It wasn’t always the two of us, sometimes a few of the boys joined us, but he was really helping keep my mind off everything. We mainly just went out for ice cream, as we enjoyed that little tradition we started, but occasionally we found places that said they were “The Best Hotdogs in the World” or “World Famous Onion Rings.” We even joked that we should start our own ‘Flavor Town’ podcast or something. We just liked being able to try out things with someone we considered an extension of ourselves. It felt like a mix of being able to try out new things by yourself, just not entirely alone. It was a little exaggerated, but finding someone so…you, was such an amazing feeling. 

That resulted in everyone eventually pulling a full-on interrogation on us, asking if we were dating, or at least hooking up, which we just laughed at and repeated responded with a pointed “Fuck no!” I couldn’t tell you if that news had reached Noah or not, as he was starting to give us both the silent treatment. Matt said he was okay with it, that it wasn’t nearly as bad as when he picked Folio’s side in an argument a while back. I did feel like I was getting in between brothers, but with the reassurance from Matt and enough “fuck that guy”s from Finn, it eased my stress a little bit. 

Now onto Will. We’ve actually been keeping in touch. He was hilarious, and I truly couldn’t wait to meet him. We’ve mainly just sent memes (because I accidentally sent one to him instead of Damien once, and it just became normal), and me asking for tips here and there, but there were still a few chats filled with compliments about each other’s voices and bands. There was no rush to meet him, especially with me touring and him dealing with his own tight schedule. We could barely even catch each other’s texts unless it was a night where we were both staying up super late, him usually working on music and me dwelling on thoughts and writing more lyrics. But I was still enjoying having him as an online friend. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to Facetime him like he asked, saying it could be a little online vocal session. I would love his help, but I’m still not convinced he was even talking to me.

Another crazy thing I learned is that we were all going to spend our week break in Los Angeles. Our L.A. show magically landed on October 29th (we all know that Noah and the boys had some input on this), and from the 30th to the 5th, we were all going to be staying there. If you asked me, I’d say it was a little selfish for Noah to have his birthday off this tour but not Ruffilo, but they also spoke about it also being a holiday, so I guess I could understand. The Bad Omen’s boys wouldn’t shut up about being able to be in their own bed again. They even invited all of us to stay with them, Cam and Cal immediately taking them up on their offer. Finn said he’d think about it, mainly because I was adamant about just booking myself a hotel. I know once I tell Finn that I was okay and for him to just have fun, he’d immediately jump on the offer as well. And truthfully, I needed a hotel room to myself. The boys and I have lived together for coming up on four years, and the chances of me ever being alone in that house were slim to none. I do kind of wish we could head back home to New York for the break, but I knew the boys wanted to party with the rest of them. I even debated on heading back to Louisiana and spending time with family and old friends, but I knew I would get “wish you were here”s and constant updates of everything I was missing out on. So alone time in a hotel was my best option, and I honestly couldn’t be that mad. 

We had a few more shows before our L.A. one, but I already had everything planned out. The hotel room was booked, me spending a pretty penny on a nice one so I could have as much R and R as possible. I did some research on places I wanted to check out, whether it be alone or with my boys- who now included Matt. And I even had a possible outfit picked out if I did decide to go to the Halloween/ Birthday Bash. Apparently, Noah hated mixing the two, which I completely understood, but they decided they just had to do it this once since they wanted to host a giant mid-tour party. Maybe if I get drunk enough or find a way to stay away from Noah at all costs, I could be okay with going. 

We were now on our way to the next show, and I was just sitting in the back of the bus, listening to music. I’ve been in constant debate on whether my emotions could take over and I could bum out on some of these shows, or if I should look as hot as I possibly could, letting ‘you know who’ feel bad. But with the break coming up very soon, I decided that going all out was the obvious choice, and I could let the feelings take over the second I reached my own privacy. 

I knew that it wasn’t my clothing choice that made Noah treat me like I was a whore, but even if it was, I was sure as hell dressing like a whore now to shove it in his face. I constantly had as many of my tattoos on display as possible. I’d wear jackets to and from the venues and arenas just so I could wear a low-cut top on stage. I haven’t worn a pair of pants on stage once, only skirts and shorts, some even showing a little under cheek. And I can’t lie, I have been feeling so good about myself since I started doing this. The boys have given me many compliments, and even the crowd has started to notice. I had girls comment on my and my band’s posts, asking for outfit details, and even a few guys said they enjoyed seeing me feeling good in my body. Yes, there was hate and a lot of sexual comments, but that wasn’t new, and I never cared about it anyway. 

Today, I had on an outfit I felt super proud of. I wore a bra-like top with a corset underneath, lining up perfectly to look like a full shirt, a cute skirt with buckles and metal rings going down it, some thigh highs with garters attached at the top, and my old reliables- platform boots. My neck, chest, and arm tattoos were on full display, and I felt fucking good. Maybe it was the feeling of petty revenge, maybe it was knowing the compliments I’d get, or maybe it was just that I’d compliment myself if I saw her walking down the street. All I knew was I had reached a point of confidence that I never wanted to return from. 

We finally pull up to the venue, and I turn off my music and got ready to head out. The boys and I all pile out of the bus and head towards the venue, now having gotten into a good routine of checking the place out if we got here first. 

As we walked up, I noticed that there was a group of people already waiting in front of the venue, and the confidence had my body moving before I could even think about what I was going to do next. I informed the boys that I would be right back and walked through the venue towards the front. I finally ran into some security and asked them if it was alright if they joined me while I met some fans. Some said they’d call more over since they didn’t want to deal with all of that right now, but eventually, I had four security guys walking me out the venue's front doors. 

Within an instant, there was a chorus of screams, and all I could do was smile. Two of the guys made sure everyone stayed in line, and the other two followed me towards the fans. I knew they weren’t all there for me, so I only talked to the ones who looked like they were almost in tears. 

I didn’t even think of bringing a pen or marker, but thankfully, some fans always came prepared. I signed whatever they asked, most being random body parts, as this was not a normal thing for me to do, so most were as unprepared as I was. I took so many pictures that my cheeks were starting to hurt, but I didn’t care because the looks on their faces as I spoke to them overpowered any discomfort. I even took a few videos, greeting people who couldn’t make it or wishing people happy birthdays. One guy even Facetimed his girlfriend, who had to give up her ticket since she was sick, so I talked to her for a few minutes. I learned that her name was Dahlia (which I obviously complimented) and that he was Austin. She said she was a huge fan and apologized for looking bad, but I just told her that she looked beautiful, because she did. She was almost in tears as we ended our talk, and once the call was over, I asked the guy to write her username on something so I could shoot her a message later. His eyes widened as he wrote it down on a random piece of paper he had, and said that it meant the world to him that I cared, and that the only reason he came here instead of staying with her was because she forced him to, with the job of recording as much as he could. With a pout, I gave him a hug, whispering in his ear that I may be able to get my hands on future tickets for them, but he has to keep it a secret, to which he nodded with his eyes wide and the brightest smile on his face. I need to do this more.

I spent a good twenty more minutes chatting with fans, becoming close with a few more of them, before having to head back inside, not wanting to force the security guards to deal with too much. I thanked everyone in security who was there for everything they did, between this and dealing with the crazy crowds during shows. They all responded in their own stoic way, wanting to keep their tough persona. But one asked for a picture, saying his wife was a fan, which warmed my heart. After that, I headed back to the boys. 

Once I reached everyone, I saw that the other group had shown up while I was gone, so I said my greetings before sitting down and waiting for soundcheck. Matt usually worked with crew during this time, only occasionally popping in if he had the chance, and the rest of the guys just did whatever, generally acting like idiots until we had to get to business. Damien and I started doing our warmups on the bus; that way, in case we were ever late to a show (like we were a few days back because of an accident on the road), we wouldn’t waste any time. So all I really did now was play on my phone or help out crew if they let me. 

I pulled out the piece of paper, opening my phone, and typing Dahlia’s username into Instagram. I didn’t follow her just yet, wanting to get my secret message across first so she didn’t freak out when she saw the follow.

Y/N- Hi, love! Before I say anything, I just wanna let you know that what I’m doing is very secret ;) So if we could keep this between us, that would be great❤️ Austin gave me your user and I just thought you were so sweet and I felt so bad that you couldn’t make it so I wanted to know if there was another show you could possibly make it to. Hell, I’ll even buy plane tickets if I have to. 

She almost instantly read it, and I waited for a response. It took a few minutes, as she was probably freaking out a little bit like she was before, but I finally saw that she sent a message.

Dahlia- Stop I think I might cry. You really don’t have to do this. I can just catch you guys the next time you come out here. 

Y/N- Oh stop❤️ Pick a show sometime in the future where you’ll be available and healthy. I’ll get you two tickets, unless you want to bring more, and anything else you need.

Dahlia- Two is enough!! If someone wants to join me, I’ll just kick Austin out of the plans since he’s the lucky one who gets to see you today. 

Y/N- 😂 If you say so. Look over the tour dates and let me know the perfect date for you, and I got you covered, okay?

After some reassurance that it was indeed not a big deal, she eventually decided on one of our shows in a few days since it was a drivable distance. I worried that she might not be feeling better by then, but she let me know she was already feeling better, she just didn’t want to risk spreading anything. I asked once more if she needed anything, like a hotel room, but she assured that she could cover everything else and that she felt that I was doing enough by getting her these tickets. After chatting for a while, I noticed that it was almost time for soundcheck, so I told her to rest and thank Austin for getting videos tonight. 

I felt eyes on me as I put my phone away, looking up to see Noah staring at me with a look I couldn’t quite distinguish. Then I realized that I had a big smile on my face as I was texting, and he probably immediately got jealous since that was his favorite thing to do now. I ignored him and stood up, walking past everyone and down to where I assumed Matt would be. Once I saw that signature long hair and cap, I walked over with a smile on my face. 

“Hey Matty, are you busy?” I asked, trying to sound as sweet as possible, holding my hands in front of me so he couldn’t say no to me. He turned to me and smiled but then eyed me suspiciously. 

“What do you have planned?” He already knew me too well.

“I was wondering…If we had any tickets and backstage passes left for the show on the 29th?” I tried not to break from the sweet persona I put on. I did this anytime I wanted him to grab me water or take me for ice cream late at night, and he could never say no.

He rolled his eyes playfully, not actually annoyed, just pretending like he hated that I was giving him extra work to do.

“I guess I’ll check. What for?” 

“Well, I went out early and met a couple of fans, and one of them was this guy who was forced to come alone because his girlfriend was sick. She and I ended up talking, and I just felt so bad because she really wanted to come but didn’t want to spread anything, so I wanted to buy them future tickets and passes. She was so sweet, Matt. I just felt so bad,” I pouted as I finished speaking. He groaned. 

“God, you’re too nice, dude. Okay. I’ll check when I get the chance. We usually always have extra tickets just in case one of us needs them, but I have to see if they’re still available and if that’s even a date where we’re doing a meet and greet.” He jokingly looked at me like I was evil for being nice, making me laugh. 

“So, I may or may not have convinced her to pick a date that had a meet and greet after without telling her…so I did one of the jobs for you!” I said with a cheeky smile, making him shake his head, chuckling. 

“Alright, then we’ll talk later about the tickets, now go before you’re late for soundcheck,” He commanded as he shooed me away. I gave him a quick side hug before turning to head backstage.

I was maybe a little too giddy about the whole situation, so I skipped with a giant smile as I went back. I got a few looks from the guys when I entered the room, but I ignored them as I sat back down on the couch, probably looking a little insane as I giggled to myself while waiting for soundcheck.

The show was super fun. I was in a good mood the whole time and made sure to show it. I saw Austin in the crowd, and even though I felt a little bad for everyone else since I may be favoring them a little too much today, I let him pick our cover song. He said that he loved the Lorna Shore cover that I did, so he asked if I could do another. Thankfully, the boys had been practicing a lot since that day, convincing me that maybe we could upload a real cover of one of their songs somewhere in the future. They all really enjoyed ‘Sun//Eater,’ so they mainly practiced it. We obviously didn’t have a rhythm guitarist and had only been practicing for a week, so we got the crew to play the instrumental as we all performed the song, wanting to give the crowd a full experience. Everyone went crazy once again. Sadly, Cal and Cam were too busy playing to be able to control the crowd again, but everyone still had an amazing time. 

Everyone was now back on the busses. We didn’t have to leave for a few hours, so most of the boys were hanging out on the Bad Omen’s bus. Jolly came by a few minutes ago, asking if I wanted to join a few of them as they ran to the store, apparently stealing Matt’s van to do so. I said ‘no,’ not knowing who exactly was going (and not wanting to ask) and also because I was once again enjoying the privacy I had as everyone else was hanging out somewhere else. 

I had my laptop playing Adventure Time in the background as I played on my phone. I liked playing games like solitaire or sudoku when I had the chance, it being nice to exercise the mind while entertaining myself at the same time. Then, I heard footsteps walking up the bus stairs, making me snap my focus to whoever it was. Matt sauntered into view with a smile on his face. 

“Two tickets for the 29th secured,” he said, handing them over to me. I gave him a wide smile. 

“Were there no backstage passes?” I asked, a little worried.

“No, there were, but you owe me something in exchange.” I rolled my eyes and laughed.

“And what would that be?” 

“Join me on a ride to pick up some candy,” He responded with a childish grin. 

“I would..but Jolly stole your van.” His face immediately fell as he let out a loud groan before laughing.

“That asshole!” He trudged over and plopped down onto the couch next to me. 

“Damien definitely has a stash around here somewhere,” I giggled out. He turned to me with puppy dog eyes, making me laugh more as I stood.

I looked through Damien’s stuff for a few minutes, checking all his hiding spots, before finding a stash of sweets hidden under all his clothes in his suitcase. I returned to Matt, handing them to him, before sitting back down. He gave me a giddy smile as he began opening up a bag of Sour Patch Kids. I laughed as he shoved his face before going back on my phone. We sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, me playing on my phone and him watching the show as he packed his mouth full of candy. 

“So, I have to ask,” He said, mouth slightly full, breaking my attention from my game, “What’s your plan with all this shit with Noah?”

“Well, I’m still upset, and it’s honestly been really easy to ignore him and piss him off by ignoring him, so…” I trailed off with a smirk on my face.

“So you’re gonna keep pissing him off til he apologizes.” He laughs.

“Bingo.”

“Y/N, how do you expect him to even want to apologize when all you’re doing is making him mad?” I give him a smirk.

“By looking hot all the time,” I responded with a wink. His head dropped back with a loud laugh. 

“I mean, you got me there.” He shook his head in disbelief as I giggled. 

“It’ll be okay, though. The last thing I need right now is a relationship. I’m on my first tour with a major band. I’m gonna be working on my vocals more. I’m gonna try to meet more fans. I’m making memories with everyone that truly matters to me. Hell, this is the first time in years that I haven’t been actively yearning over someone! Finn told me that I needed to live a little, so that’s exactly what I’m gonna do,” I rambled. Matt nodded as I spoke, giving me a proud look. 

“Maybe I need to be a slut for a little while! I went so long without sex, that now that I got that under my belt, I feel so good about myself!” I finished. Matt loudly snorted before he dropped his head into his hands, laughing. 

“I mean, no one’s holding you back. If you truly want to focus on yourself, you get to decide what’s best for you. So fuck it, have some fun.” He said, still laughing, making me giggle with him. 

“Thank you for supporting my bad decisions, it means a lot,” I giggle out, patting his shoulder.

The next few days went well. I was thriving in my new headspace. The confidence flowed into every performance I did. I continued to sneak out and meet fans if I had the chance. I was constantly getting tagged in pictures online, either from the fans themselves or story outlets talking about me and the new energy I was giving off. And I looked good in every photo. There was even a little thought in the back of my head, saying that this was the perfect payback since I spent so long seeing Noah all over these pages. 

Since it was the 29th, our last show before the break, I decided to go a little extra and put together a costume, the one I was thinking of wearing to the Halloween/ Birthday Bash. Well, more like throwing together my usual clothes and just adding clown makeup since I haven’t had a chance to get anything more for it. I had a cute ruffled dress on and just tossed on some ruffled socks underneath a pair of boots. As wild as I dress, you’d think I would maybe have more, but sadly, I didn’t even think about Halloween when packing for tour. 

I put extra effort into my makeup and hair, though, really wanting to pull the look together. It was nothing special, but I needed it to look as clownish as possible. I even teased my hair and split it into pigtails. Personally, I looked like a hot clown, and that’s all that mattered.

We were now at the arena, and I was sitting in the back, texting Dahlia. We’ve been chatting over the past few days and I honestly couldn’t wait to finally meet her. I told her to let me know when she was here and that I would meet up with her to give her the tickets. I finally got a “pulling up now” text and giggled, standing up.

“Dude, your laugh is even creepier when you’re dressed like that,” Ruffilo said from across the room. I turned to him and laughed before giving him my creepiest smile, it being extended by the overdrawn smile I did. His face, along with Jolly, who was now watching, contorted into a look of humored terror, making me giggle more. 

Once again overly excited, I skipped to one of the side doors of the building and walked out, wanting to tell security that they were allowed. I texted Dahlia the directions and waited until I could see her and Austin walk into view. Then, I remembered something.

Y/N- Oh, just warning you. I look like a clown. 

I see her looking down at her phone and laugh before typing a response.

Dahlia- I bet you look fantastic.

Austin finally sees me and taps her to get her attention. They both see me and laugh as they try to close the distance faster. 

“You weren’t kidding! You actually look like a clown,” She said before turning to Austin and hitting his shoulder, “ I told you I should’ve dressed up.” 

I laugh and give her a hug, trying my best to not get any makeup on her, and then turn and give Austin a side hug, telling him that I was happy to see him again. 

“I’m so happy to finally meet you! I was worried that you wouldn’t wanna come!” I said.

“Meet me? Shut up, I cried when you texted me! And now here I am, talking to you!” I sheepishly waved her off, smiling. 

“Oh yeah, take these before I forget.” I hand her the two tickets and backstage passes. She smiles as she looks at them, but when she hands Austin his ticket, her eyes land on the passes, and she stares up at me in disbelief. 

“Nuh uh! Dude! You didn’t have to!” She exclaimed. Austin peaked over, trying to see what she was freaking out over, and once he saw the passes, he gave me the same shocked face, making me giggle. 

“Show these to security after the show, and you can come hang out with us backstage. We still had a lot left, so you may be the only ones.” They looked at me with the widest, most shocked smiles before giving me a big hug. I laughed and hugged them back. 

“What the fuck! You really didn’t have to do this!” Austin exclaimed. 

“Of course I did. You two are some of the sweetest people I’ve met, and I would be so sad if I couldn’t spend time with you after all of this.” I look over at Dahlia, and she had tears welling up in her eyes.

“Oh no! Don’t! Your makeup is too cute to ruin.” I say with a pout, moving to hold her face.

“This is just so sweet of you. Last week, I was hunched over a toilet, feeling like death, and now I’m about to meet Praising Deities.” She sniffled as she spoke, and I choked out a dry sob.

“So let today be a good day for you! No more tears. Go enjoy the music, and then come around, and we can hang out for a while. And remember, we’re nothing special, so don’t overthink it, okay?” She nodded, hooking a finger to try to wipe an eye without ruining her makeup.

I gave her and Austin one last hug before telling them to get in line and that I’ll see them soon. We split to go our separate ways, and I returned to the group. I hadn’t told anyone other than Matt that I was doing this, so I rounded up my band to let them know what was happening.

“Okay, so two very special fans are gonna come see us after the show, and I need you boys on your best behavior. Actually, just be you. I don’t want you guys putting on some weird celebrity personas because I want these two to feel as comfortable as possible, okay?” I told the three boys. They gave me a confused look but nodded anyway. Cal asked why they were so special, so I just explained the story to them, and they all immediately understood. They were sweet boys, so they started talking about things they could do to make this a fun night, and I couldn’t help but smile.

We had just finished most of our set. Some of the crowd also dressed up for the holiday, so I really enjoyed connecting with them, calling them by their costumes, letting them know that I saw and appreciated the effort. 

It was now time for the ‘Fan’s Choice’ song. I truly loved doing these. The boys and I have practiced so many songs over the years, all of us having such a broad music taste, so it was rare that someone picked a song that we didn’t already have perfected. They usually chose popular rock or metal songs, with someone occasionally trying to catch us by choosing a more pop song, but most of the time, we had it in the bag. 

Tonight, since Dahlia and Austin were super close to the stage, I gave it to them again. I know. I was being biased again, but after talking with Dahlia the past few days, I knew she had an amazing taste in music, and I really wanted to see what she would pick. 

I talked to the crowd for a minute, explaining what was happening, just in case they didn’t know. They all cheered like usual, hearing that we were going to perform something fun. My eyes landed on Dahlia, and I smirked. I walked towards the side of the stage she was in front of and crouched down. 

“You, pretty lady. What song should we sing tonight?” I asked. She looked at me shocked and Austin just chuckled next to her. She thought for a moment before walking closer to the stage, so I held the mic out for her to speak into. 

“I’ve always wanted to hear ‘End of Time’ live, but since it’s an old song of yours, you never played it.” I looked at her a little shocked. This might’ve been the first time someone asked us to play one of our own songs during this part of the show. I brought the mic back to my lips. 

“Wow. I haven’t played that song in so long. Honestly, that’s an amazing choice.” I stood back up and moved back to center stage and put the mic back in the stand before speaking again. 

“So, who’s all excited to hear an old song of ours?” I shouted towards the crowd. They all cheered back, making me smile. Who knows if they actually know the song and are just cheering for the fun of it, or if any actually wanted to hear this? I looked back at my band and saw that they either had shocked or excited faces. 

“You ready, boys? You still remember how to play this?” I asked them through the mic. I watched as Finn looked over his guitar as if working the chords back into his memory. Damien was the most excited, always loving our classics from when we formed the band, and Cal just looked happy to be there, like he always did. 

Finn starts us off. We didn’t have any backup vocals to play so I just stood a little far from the mic to hum the beginning. Then, Cam came in right on time. I swear he could store any song and its timing in his head, always playing it perfectly. Cal joined in when he got the hang of it again, and it truly brought back so many memories of playing this on dingy little stages at random venues. With a bright smile, I started singing.

You’ve built your life

Above the sin

You hold my hand

Before the end comes

The crowd was going wild, singing along. Holy fuck, they actually knew the words. I did my best to keep my composure, but I truly couldn’t hold back my smile as I sang along with everyone. 

‘Cause I belong to you

‘Cause I am part of you

I am dying in your arms

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through 

Cal steps towards his mic to sing his part. I look back and officially lose any restraint. This brought back memories I didn’t even know I held. Practicing in Damien’s garage. Us learning that Cal actually had an amazing voice and that we needed to add it in as much as possible. The excitement when we first perfected our own song. My lip quivered as I fought back tears.

I’ve come to realize 

Tonight my dear

The end of time

Is not so far away

We cannot pray 

To save our lives

I looked back at the crowd as he sang and felt the tears finally well up in my eyes. The faces I could see were all singing along with him. I’ve never gotten to see so many people sing this song. And they all sang along with him. Cal told us that playing and singing at the same time was a struggle, so we stopped adding solo parts for him. However, watching all these people join in with him made me realize that I didn’t care. I needed all my boys to join me in future songs. 

I sang a few more lines, keeping my voice as still as possible, not letting too much emotion flow through. I look over at Dahlia and Austin and see them singing their hearts out, looking into each other’s eyes with the utmost love as they serenade each other. She requested their song. This song was their love song. 

Cal joined in again as we sang a few lines and I could no longer hold back the tears. 

As I belong to you

My flesh and blood in you

I am burning in this fire

It’s time to go

I can’t make it through 

I was a bawling clown on a stage in front of thousands of people as I finished the song. I did my best to hold back from my voice quivering, but it didn’t help much. Once it was over, I had to turn away from the crowd to try and collect myself as they all cheered. I tried my hardest to control my breathing and ugly crying face before turning back around. 

“You guys..” I started, a pout forming on my lips, “ We haven’t performed that song since we played at crappy little stages in New York when we decided that we wanted to pursue music together.” I had to stop and choke back a sob. 

“I didn’t realize how many memories singing that would bring me. That whole time, all I saw in my head was a montage of the four of us practicing in Damien’s crappy little garage.” I heard Damien shout an offended ‘Hey!’ making me laugh out a sob.

“And to see all of you singing it. Dude. You guys knew the lyrics! I watched so many of you sing along to Cal’s part, and I just couldn’t hold it back anymore. And now I’m standing here, in front of so many of you, sobbing in a clown costume!” This made a lot of them laugh, but I saw a few people wiping their eyes, feeling the emotion I was pouring out in my speech. 

“Fuck, let me settle down and we can finish this, okay?” And they all cheered in response. 

I had just finished wiping off the makeup that had been ruined by my crying. The boys and I had an emotional chat after we got off stage, reminiscing on everything and discussing how to bring that love back into our future music. We may all have shed a few more tears, but after a big group hug, we went and got ready to meet some fans as the other band performed their set.

I had gotten a text from Dahlia earlier, apologizing for making me emotional, but I immediately shut it down and thanked her profusely for helping bring back so much nostalgia. 

We were now waiting for the other group to get ready for the small meet and greet. I had changed my outfit earlier, being so emotional making me want to be a little comfier. I still wanted to look good since fans might’ve wanted to take pictures, so I threw in a cute tank top with my cardigan over it and some shorts and fixed my makeup, putting on something more normal, so I wasn’t sitting here looking like a sad clown as I spoke with everyone. 

Matt led a few fans through once everyone came out, changed, and refreshed. They decided to do this in groups to make it easier on us, and I made sure to tell Matt to put Dahlia and Austin in the last group. 

The eight of us talked to a bunch of fans, signing anything they asked and taking a bunch of pictures. We chatted as much as we could, getting to share stories and answer any questions before the next group came through. This went on for a while, my hands getting a little tired from signing, but every new face that I saw, excited to meet me, made it all better. 

Finally, the last group was coming through, and I got a little too excited seeing Dahlia and Austin walk through the door. I did my best to stay in my spot and talk to the people that came before them, but once it was their turn, I squealed and pulled them both into a tight hug. 

“I missed you guys!” I confessed.

“You just saw us in the crowd an hour ago,” Austin laughed out.

“I don’t care. I was too excited to see you that I couldn’t wait any longer.” I said.

“I do have to say, I still am really sorry for requesting that song. I didn’t think it would be so emotional,” I just shook my head at Dahlia’s words.

“Watching the two of you sing along was enough of an apology as I need. That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m so happy you two love that song.” I gushed. Then I realized people were staring and remembered where I was. I turned to the group of boys in the room and rolled my eyes at myself, feeling dumb for forgetting. 

“Guys, this is Dahlia and Austin,” I introduced them, “Dahlia and Austin, this is guys!” I held my hand out like I was presenting something, making Dahlia laugh. 

They all introduced themselves personally, and I could see the two internally freaking out as they met everyone, and it was just adorable. Since they were the last two, I figured it was okay that they could stay for a while. 

We all hung out, chatting about anything that came to our minds. The couple told everyone how much they loved their music. We learned that Austin played the bass, so he, Cal, and Ruffilo hit it off pretty well. Dahlia and I chatted with Finn about things other than music, with others pitching their opinions at points. Overall, they became acquainted very well. 

The boys started talking about wanting to finally head back to their house, so we decided to cut the night short. We found out that Dahlia, Austin, and I were all staying at the same hotel, so we agreed that I could ride with them. Finn asked me many times if I was alright with him staying with the guys, and every single time, I responded that I wanted nothing more than a hotel room to myself. He eventually accepted my answer, and we started getting ready to head out. 

I grabbed all my shit from the tour bus that I needed for the week, apologizing to the couple for having so much stuff, but they repeatedly said that it was nothing, that they understood that I was quite literally living on a bus. Once I had all my important things in their car, I gave my boys a hug, telling them that I’ll text them that I was safe when I got there, I waved to the other group, and the three of us headed off to the hotel. 

Austin drove and Dahlia felt bad that I was stuck in the backseat by myself, so she sat with me. She was so sweet I couldn’t take it. I got to talk to Austin more, finally having the chance to speak to both of them privately, and it was really nice getting to know them and making new friends. At one point in the drive, Dahlia leaned over. 

“Okay, so this might not be my place to ask, and I’m so okay with you saying it’s private, but the gossip in me has to know because I was seeing some crazy signals tonight. What’s going on between you and Noah?” She whispered, almost like she didn’t want Austin to hear. I just laughed. 

“Honestly, I desperately needed a girl friend to gossip with, so I’m all for spilling the juicy deets as long as you both promise to keep it a secret.” She looked at me and immediately nodded, motioning like she was zipping her lips. 

We spent the rest of the ride gossiping. I told her almost everything that happened. I didn’t dive too deep into how long I liked him and the whole festival and magnetic attraction thing, but I told her how I had liked him for a while. I mentioned the ‘talk’ which made both of them laugh, I guess having been there before. Then I mentioned the night at the bar, to which they both gasped, and I just nodded. Austin helped give a lot of insight into what could be running through Noah’s head, which was nice. I never had anything against someone playing devil’s advocate, especially if it helps me gain perspective on a situation. But Dahlia took my side every step of the way, even saying some things Finn had said, which made me laugh. I know it was dumb of me to talk to people I met not too long ago about such juicy things, especially them initially being fans of both of our bands. Hell, I was dumb enough to even get in their car, but something in me told me that I could trust them.

We finally reached the hotel and unloaded everything. Austin was a sweetheart and helped carry some of my stuff, which I greatly appreciated. We continued our chats as we got our rooms set up, none of us fully able to pay attention or stop laughing at something one of us said. I didn’t want the night to end, and apparently neither did they. As we were heading towards the elevator, Dahlia stopped and asked if I wanted to head to their hotel room and continue the night, to which I obviously agreed. God, if I were in a horror movie right now, I’d for sure be dead, but fuck it, I’m having fun, and I really enjoy talking to them. 

I told them that I was going to get all my stuff into my room and then I’d meet them at theirs, and that’s where I was now, sitting in their hotel room as we just cackled the night away. I had sneakily stopped at the front desk before heading to their room and got them to switch everything of theirs to my card, and ordered some sparkling wine to be sent up as room service. I just felt so bad; they had to get this hotel room last minute, it being the only option left that was close enough to the venue, and it was quite pricey. I already felt like I was intruding on what could’ve been a beautiful date for them, so I still wanted to make their night the best it could be. 

Room service eventually came with the wine, and they still didn’t catch on to what I had done, so I was leaving it to be a secret for the morning. We just sat around the room, sipping wine and talking about anything. Dahlia truly felt like the girl friend I always wanted. Hell, the one I needed. Finn was an amazing friend, always there for me, and the best friend that I could ask for, but he was still a man. And that came with so many frustrations that wouldn’t happen with Dahlia. 

We learned so much about each other as the night went on and the drunker we got. I learned that they met at a concert in college, bonding over their music taste, and even while they were still friends, they made concerts their tradition to do together. They tried finding as many bands as they could, always wanting to expand their music taste, and that’s how they found Praising Deities when we were still a small band. Apparently, this was the first tour they could actually make it to since it was our largest one, and they were ecstatic that it was with another band they both liked. It’s crazy how life works out sometimes. 

I told them the band’s history and answered any other questions they had. Some were even super fangirly, but I would just laugh and answer anyway, knowing exactly how it was. I mean, the boys and I were literally touring with a band that we had been fans of for years, so it didn't affect me that I was becoming friends with people who were fans of me for years.

I woke up and looked around the room, confused. I went to sit up and realized I had fallen asleep on a hotel chair. Looking around the room, I see Austin awake, on his phone, and Dahlia passed out next to him. I don’t even remember falling asleep, but it must have been late because Dahlia and I were up long after Austin fell asleep. 

I yawn and stretch, feeling a soreness in my neck from the uncomfortable sleeping position I was in. Austin looked over at me, and I just laughed out a ‘good morning,’ knowing I probably looked like a mess. 

“What time is it?” I quietly asked him, not wanting to wake Dahlia. 

“Almost ten. We should probably start packing up soon, but I figured you two stayed up late, so I was gonna wait for you two to wake up,” He replied, getting up to start getting everything ready. They really didn’t unpack last night, only to change into pajamas and brush their teeth. That’s when I realized I was still in my outfit from last night, which made me chuckle a little. 

I walked into their bathroom to make sure I looked sane. Thankfully, my makeup was practically unscathed, mainly because I redid so late last night and then slept on a goddamn chair, but my hair was a mess. I really need to start washing my makeup off before I sleep. My skin probably hates me. I did what I could with my hands and a little water to smooth it out before heading back to where they were. 

Dahlia was now awake, and when we made eye contact, we just burst out laughing. The entire time we spent together was either talking or laughing, and it felt unbelievable to have such a good time. I felt like a normal human. I just had a sleepover with another girl, spending the whole night gossiping, giggling, and drinking. I don't want them to leave. But I do need to spend this break with a little time by myself, so maybe I can head down to see them sometime in the future because I’m really going to miss this.

“Okay, everything’s packed up. We cleaned up the mess we made last night. Uhhhh…” Dahlia trailed off, listing everything she had to do before they were ready to leave. All I could do was pout.

They had everything ready and I told them I’d walk them down, wanting to spend as much time with them as possible, but it was also so I could be there to see their faces when they realized I paid for it all. 

We all stepped out of the elevator and walked to the front desk. Austin started talking to the worker, making sure everything was together so they could check out. 

“And all of that is going onto the card of Y/N Y/L/N, correct?” The receptionist asked. Austin went to correct him but paused and turned to me with a stunned look on his face. I just giggled before answering for them.

“Yes, that’s the one.” The receptionist nodded, and I walked forward, giving them any information they needed. He handed me the paper with all the information on it, and I took it with a smile. They both had the most shocked look that I couldn’t hold back my laughter.

“How did you..?” Dahlia started.

“Before I came to your room last night.”

“And all that champagne..” Austin continued.

“It was easier to get room service to your room if I just added my card to your room,” I shrugged like it was nothing.

“You little shit,” Dahlia said before pulling me into a hug. I hugged her back tight as I giggled. 

“You guys made yesterday such a good day for me, and I felt so bad for intruding on what should’ve been a cute night for you two, so I had to give you a gift in return.”

“But the tickets!” She said.

“Those ended up being free. So I knew I still had to do something.” 

“I swear if we get back home and there’s a new car or a goddamn pony in our driveway, I’m gonna kick your ass,” Austin joked. I just shook my head and laughed. 

“This is the end of my gifts for now. But I am really gonna miss you guys, so I’ll let you know when we have another break on tour, and I’ll make plans to come see you, okay?” They agreed, and we all hugged one last time. Then, I remembered something.

“Hold on. I need something to remember this.” I said. I walked over to the receptionist and sweetly asked him if he could take a picture of us, to which he happily agreed. I pulled the two of them away from their luggage and wrapped my arms around them, posing in front of the receptionist who held my phone, and we all smiled for the picture. I looked at them when I got my phone back and smiled. 

“I’m gonna send these to you. Gloat to your friends that you just became besties with a rockstar,” I joked to Dahlia. She laughed, and we all had one last group hug before I watched them walk out the hotel doors, waving until they were out of sight. 

A while later, I was lying in bed, playing on my phone, and taking in the fact that I finally had privacy for the first time in forever. It was amazing. I had music playing on the T.V. on a low volume, humming along as I just soaked in the peace of not having to deal with giant man babies. 

Fuck. Now I was worried about my giant man babies. I assumed they had fun last night or all just passed out the second they got there. I wonder what they were doing today? The party wasn’t until tomorrow night. Shit, the party. Do I even want to go…? Okay, but if I don’t, I won’t see the boys for a few days because I know they're going to be hung over the next day. And the last thing I want to do is go over there just to hang out. It feels weird going to their house- Noah’s house. But the party would be different. There will be so many people that I’ll forget whose house I’m at..right? 

I don’t even have a good costume planned, and I love going all out for halloween. But do I even want to go? Should I go costume shopping just in case I make up my mind at the last minute? I let out a groan. Of course, my thoughts take over the first time I have peace and quiet. I roll over with a groan, pulling up messages and sending a text to Finn. 

Y/N- Wanna go costume shopping with me?

I set my phone down and just lay there, waiting for a response. It took a few minutes, and, of course, I went back into overthinking everything, but eventually, my phone chimes, bringing me out of it. 

Finnegan- Sorry love. We’re all playing a drinking game right now, and I am not in any way fit to be in the public eye.

Finnegan- You could come and join us? We can go shopping tomorrow? 

Y/N- No, it’s okay. You have fun with everyone. I love you❤️ Keep yourself and the boys safe.

Finnegan- love you too❤️ no promises!

I roll my eyes and giggle. Well, maybe I’m going to have to go alone. I started searching for places that sold last-minute costumes when I remembered Matt could be free. I quickly send him a text.

Y/N- Are you busy? Or can you join me to go costume shopping?

Within a minute, he responded.

Matty- Grabbing my keys now. I was watching over the guys just in case one of these idiots needed a hospital, but they know how to work a phone to call 911

I laughed at his text and stood up to start getting dressed. I showered earlier, so I just needed to change and maybe throw on some makeup. I texted Matt which hotel I was at and quickly tossed on a comfy shirt and shorts. I did light makeup, pulled my hair up, grabbed my phone and wallet, and headed downstairs to wait for him.

I just finished getting ready. I have to head over to the boys’ house early to do Matt’s makeup after I spent the entire shopping trip yesterday having to convince him to even dress up. He finally agreed after we bickered for an hour, once I asked if I could at least just do some simple makeup, but he still hasn’t told me what he wanted to go as. 

I felt so good. There was almost nothing in that ransacked Spirit Halloween when Matt and I went yesterday, but I managed to find a Ghost Face mask and immediately knew what I could do. Smoothing my dress out one last time, I decided to post a picture of my costume, wanting to show off how good I looked.

I grabbed my phone, wallet, and makeup bag and removed my mask to hold it before heading down to wait for my Uber. 

Part Six

[lilgarbitch]

Running In Circles - Six

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x Reader (ft. Will Ramos😉)

CW: Angst, smoking, heavy tw for relapsing, talk of old addictions, falling back into depression and mania, reckless decisions, smut🤗 (p in v), a little soft switch action if you catch my drift

Word Count: 10k

Author’s Note: DON’T BE MAD! A lot is happening in this chapter, so brace yourselves. And there will be parts that are more fast-paced, but it fits into Y/N’s mental state.

Reader discretion is advised. 18+

Part Five

Y/N

I arrived at the boys’ colossal house, staring at it in awe. I knew they were famous, and there were multiple grown men that lived here, but god damn it was big. Thankfully, that meant I had more room to stay away from those who I didn’t want to see at the moment. 

I texted Matt that I was here, and I almost instantly saw the front door open to him, smiling excitedly. I giggled and began making my way up their stairs and into their house. I was immediately tackled by Finn, who kept saying that he missed me and that he was lost without me here, but I just smiled and hugged him back. 

The nerves were really hitting me now that I was here. People wouldn’t start showing up for at least another hour, so unless I found a place away from everyone, I’d have to deal with more awkward tension, just now inside his house.

I greeted everyone, getting a few compliments on my outfit and complimenting theirs back. I guess they all either did last-minute costume shopping as well or just had outfits from past years. Finn was wearing a Chucky costume, and Cal matched it by wearing a white shirt, leather jacket, and blonde wig, looking like Tiffany. Damien spiked his hair up and found a crazy bowling shirt, looking like Guy Fieri. 

Nick was wearing a leather jacket and jeans with his hair slicked back, I’m assuming going as a greaser. Jolly had a cape on and fake blood dripping down his mouth, looking like a lazy vampire. And then there was Ruffilo and Noah, wearing matching Akatsuki headbands and robes. Something tells me they already had those in their closet. 

After chatting with everyone for a few minutes, Matt grabbed my hand and led me into the kitchen that was connected to the living room so I could start doing his makeup. I set all my makeup supplies on the island, laying everything out as he sat in one of the chairs, getting ready. I could hear the boys across the room chatting about all the things they would have set up for the party, making me smile. It was like they were planning a high school party with how excited they were. 

“Okay, so have you decided?” I asked as I pulled everything out of my makeup bag.

“Just do a skull.” I side-eyed him as he answered.

“Dude. We have just over an hour, and you want me to do a skull? How detailed?” 

“As detailed as you can get,” He said, almost challenging me. I scoffed out a laugh and sorted through the supplies, picking out everything I needed. 

I started by giving him a white base before shaping out the details. I struggled to get past his long legs to reach certain areas, having to move around him a lot as I drew in each feature. I even had to hold his face and angle it to the side as I worked, tired of walking back and forth.

“This hurts. Just come here,” he grunted as he grabbed my waist to pull me onto his lap. I gasped in shock at the sudden movement, then laughed. I got myself comfortable, straddling his thighs as I continued working. I rested a hand on his shoulder as I started filling in the details of the teeth, trying to be as steady as possible. After getting the hard part done, I turn to grab a different brush, then get to filling in the eyes and nose. As I was filling in an eye, I heard something slam, cutting off the conversation across the room, and then footsteps walked out of the living room into somewhere deeper in the house. I jumped a little at the sudden noise, turning to look at the group behind me. They all looked a little stunned, and I realized that it was Noah who had made all the noise. Then Ruffilo stood, following wherever Noah went. I just rolled my eyes and went back to working on Matt.

“Hey! Close your eyes, you’re gonna mess it up!” I said as I saw him also looking at everyone. He instantly looked back at me and nodded, shutting his eyes again. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t be sitting on my lap..” he whispered so only I could hear. I tsked.

“He’ll survive. I’m almost done anyway.” I whispered as I worked on finishing the nose. 

Finally, I dusted on some setting powder so it wouldn’t smudge and slid off his lap. He looked at me, silently asking if it looked good, and I just smiled at my work. For rushing, I did a good fucking job! I told him I was done and started packing up all my makeup as he ran to show the other boys my work. 

“What the fuck! I should’ve gotten her to do mine!” Cal yelled, making me laugh loud enough so they could hear me. 

“Calum, come here! I’ll give you some finishing touches,” I shouted. I heard footsteps running towards me, and I looked up to see Cal sitting in the chair Matt was in. I don’t know why he tried using face paint for basic makeup, but I’m going to do my best to fix it. 

After giving him a quick smokey eye, a dark lip, and the signature mole that he had forgotten, people started showing up, so I shooed him away to join everyone. 

I quickly asked Finn where I could toss my bag, not wanting it messed with, and he told me to have Jolly show me his room where he was keeping all of his things. Jolly then led me to where his room was located before returning to greet the guests. 

I walked into his room and found Finn’s things, setting my makeup bag on top of them. I turned around to head back to everyone, closing his bedroom door behind me. I began to walk back before hearing hushed voices near the end of the hallway.

“It’s pissing me the fuck off,” A low voice said, I’m assuming Noah.

“You pissed her off first. You know this is just her getting back at you.” Ruffilo replied. I had to hold back a snicker. I continue my way back down to everyone else, not wanting to eavesdrop too much. It’s not my problem anyway. 

I grab my mask that I sat at the counter and go to sit down with Finn, Damien, and Nick as we wait for more people to show up.

The house was packed with people, some showing up in costumes, some just here to have a good time. I had a few drinks in me, making the anxiety ease more and more with every sip. I haven’t run into Noah again since earlier, but I also haven’t run into anyone in a while. I was sitting at the kitchen island, people-watching and sipping on my mixed drink. Everyone was having a blast, and I can’t say I wasn’t, but I was getting bored. 

I tossed my mask back on and moved towards the now cleared-out dining room, where everyone was dancing. I tried to look for a familiar face, but there were at least a hundred people here, and I only knew eight of them. I start dancing to the music, getting the alcohol to flow through my body and ease the nerves. I feel a hand on my waist and turn to see someone dressed as Freddy Kreuger smirking down at me. He was pretty cute; he had shoulder-length hair, the pieces that framed the face were lighter than the rest, a full beard, and a sweet smile. I knew he couldn’t see my face, but I still smiled back before I started dancing with him.

The music wasn’t slow, but slow enough for us to move our bodies in sync with it. His hands were gently holding onto my hips as they moved with his. I held my hands against the back of his, holding him close to me. It felt weird, neither if us knowing who the other was, but I enjoyed how charming yet seductive he was being. Slowly a hand moved closer towards my stomach, pressing me into him more. We were moving like I was in control, but the way he held me, he had more power.

After a few songs and neither of us speaking, something caught my eye. I glance over and see someone with their arm hooked over a girl’s shoulders as they lead her up the stairs. But the person was someone with short hair and an Akatsuki costume. As hypocritical as it was, jealousy started burning inside me. I did my best to ignore it while dancing with the unknown Freddy Krueger, but it just wouldn’t leave my thoughts. Is he really taking her to his room right now? Yeah, I’ve danced with guys since we’ve fought, even flirted a little, but I haven’t done anything else. I haven’t even kissed anyone. And he’s going to sleep with her?

I couldn’t take the jealousy and rage in my body anymore. I softly turned and patted the unknown man’s shoulder as a goodbye before slipping out of his grasp. Maybe I’ll meet him again and actually speak to him, but right now, I couldn’t. 

I squeezed my way through the crowd of people, doing everything I could to keep my emotions in check before I finally reached the front door. I sneak out of the house as fast as I can and hide out of sight towards the side of the house. I crouch down and take off my mask, starting to hyperventilate. 

Why am I freaking out? Did I really expect to be the only one allowed to move on after the argument? Did I actually think ignoring him would make him apologize? So why am I getting nauseous over the thought of him sleeping with someone else? I mean, Fuck! It’s his birthday, for fuck’s sake! He deserves this. And I deserve this after how I treated him. 

I let out a groan and dropped my head into my hands. Suddenly, I’m pulled out of my thoughts by footsteps approaching me. I look up and see a skull face.

“Babe, what happened?” Matt asked as he crouched down to my level. I just shook my head in response. 

“I watched you push through everyone like there was a fire. Obviously, something is wrong.” He continued. 

“I shouldn’t have come. It’s not my place. After the fight, I should’ve known that I needed to stay away until everything went back to normal.” I spoke softly, not caring if he heard or not.

“What? What the hell are you talking about? Did someone say something?” He was getting more concerned, and I felt terrible, but I couldn’t let him know. I couldn’t say it out loud, knowing how hypocritical I was being.

“Can…Can you just take me back to my hotel?” I asked sheepishly. I felt terrible to take him away from everyone, but I didn’t want to wait for an Uber. He looked down at me, concerned, before nodding.

“Yeah, let me just go grab your bag. Take my keys, and meet me in the car.” He said wearily before handing me his keys and quickly heading back inside. I grabbed everything I set on the ground and stood up, stalking towards his van. By the time I made it, he was running up behind me. 

He handed me my bag as we both entered the van. I plopped back into the seat and sighed, staring out the window. I desperately wanted to ask if he heard anything while grabbing my bag, but I knew I couldn’t handle the answer. My stomach was already turning at the pain from just imagining it. I couldn’t handle knowing the truth.

We finally pulled off and started heading back to my hotel. He was fidgeting, like he was forcing himself not to do something, probably ask me more questions. 

“I’m sorry to pull you away from the party. It seems like all I’ve been doing since we met was pull you away from the boys,” I mumbled. He glanced at me with a worried look before turning back to the road. 

“Don’t say that. You’re going through a weird time, and I want to help. I see them enough. I enjoy spending time with you and have come to really care about you, so I’ll always be there if you need me.” I just sunk deeper into the seat. I wanted to go home. I should’ve just gone home. Maybe it could’ve cleared my head before I had to return to touring. 

Suddenly, a scent infiltrates my nose, probably caused by it being soaked into both of our clothes from the party, bringing me back to every other time I’ve felt like this. Like I wanted to rot away in bed. The smell only triggered the nostalgia in times like this, and there was nothing I could do to stop it from taking over. I missed it. I needed it.

“Can we stop at a convenience store real quick?” I ask him. He looked at me confused but agreed. After a few minutes, he pulls into the parking lot of a store.

“Just wait here. It’ll only take a second,” I tell him before slipping out of the car and making my way into the store. 

I walk towards the registers and stare at the wall behind it, weighing my decisions. After a moment or two, the cashier walks over and asks what I want. 

“American Spirits blue and,” I pause to grab a lighter from the stand, sliding it in front of me, “This, too.” 

She rings me up, and I quickly grab my items before heading back to the car. Matt gives me a confused look, glancing down at the pack in my hands, then back up at me. 

“You smoke?” He asked.

“Used to.” was all I said before I turned back to face out the window. I felt his eyes stay on me. He probably wanted to say something but then decided against it as he turned the car back on and made our way back to the hotel.

A few minutes later, we reached the hotel. I give him a quick ‘thanks’ and tell him to go back to having fun at the party. He gives me a sad look but just says ‘goodbye’ and to stay safe, before driving off. 

I stay outside and wait for him to drive out of sight before walking over to a bench outside the hotel. I set my things down beside me and just stared at the pack of cigarettes in my hand. It took me months to get rid of the cravings the last time I touched these, but I always came back. There was always an event that led my thoughts right back to desperately craving them. 

I pull one out and set the pack next to me with the rest of my stuff. I eye the lone cigarette for a few seconds, internally debating if this was the choice I wanted to make. But honestly, It was already in my hands, and it was nowhere near as bad as the other things my ex got me hooked on, so I placed it between my lips and lit it. It instantly produced the sweet nostalgic smell I always missed. I inhaled, held for a second, and then exhaled. 

It tasted like home. Like the times where I searched for one, looking for that feeling of safety. It reminded me of dealing with Chris. How I always had one in my hand as I slowly weaned off other things. God, Finn is going to be so pissed at me. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t in the mood to please others at the moment. I needed to take care of myself. 

I finished off the cigarette, tossing it into the trash. I grabbed my things and made my way to my hotel room, just wanting to lie down.

I slept off and on the whole night. Every time I woke up, I’d just start crying again. It wasn’t even over the situation with Noah. All the feelings I dealt with in the past came crashing back down. How seeing the man I told I needed time for, walking away with another woman, brought back memories of Chris. How dumb I was for falling back into this hole of self pity and self destruction. Even reliving all the pain I’ve dealt with in the last 5 years, yearning for a man who I thought would never know me, only to never actually take a chance to know me once we finally met. I hadn’t moved an inch since I laid here when I got back, other than to toss and turn. 

I heard my phone chiming every once in a while, but I just turned it off. I didn’t want to do this, but every time the depression came back, especially this hard, I couldn’t control it. I either secluded myself or made dumb decisions. In the past, the boys watched over me to make sure it didn’t get too bad, but this time, I was allowed to let it take over.

It was now two in the afternoon, and I desperately needed to get a shower. I ran through every idea in the book to convince me to actually do something. I didn’t want to see friends, so that wouldn’t work. I didn’t want to take a walk to look at the places in the city. I didn’t want to do anything but lay here.

That’s when I really noticed how uncomfortable I was in my outfit from last night. The fishnets dug into me, and my makeup was so smeared and caked up from sleeping in it that it felt like I shoved my face in dirt. I tried to ignore it, but I felt so disgusting that I just had to push myself out of bed. 

I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself, grimacing at my appearance. I debated if I could just get away with makeup wipes and a change of clothes, but I realized I was already here, standing in front of the shower, so why not? 

After a shower that lasted about an hour, sitting on the floor most of it, I finally got out and started getting dressed. I looked through my clothes, trying to find something comfy to wear, but there wasn’t much that peaked my interest. I could toss on pajamas and just rot in bed, or I could put on something that might make me feel good about myself. Then it hit me. Shopping. Spending money. New things. That’s what I needed.

I spent a good three hours shopping, moving from store to store, getting anything I thought would make me look good. I landed on a specific dress (more like a lingerie piece), and that led me to where I was now—getting ready to hit up a club. I mean, I was in L.A. for fucks sake. I’m taking advantage of the scene. 

Plus, I needed to keep myself on my feet unless I wanted to fall back into a hole of self-pity. So, I was currently doing my hair and makeup to look as hot as possible, needing to look better than I feel right now. 

I finally turned my phone back on and answered a few messages, mainly just letting Finn and Matt know that I was okay. I had more from the other boys, but I figured those two could let the rest know that I was still alive. 

Once I felt like I looked good, I ordered my Uber and grabbed all my stuff to head downstairs and wait for it. While waiting, I smoked a few cigs. It felt so good to feel the nicotine coursing through my blood again. I was genuinely excited to go somewhere by myself again. It almost never happened, as at least one of my boys always wanted to tag along, mostly for my safety but also because they were party animals. But tonight was for me. I needed to let go and do something for me and only me. 

I see my Uber pull up and quickly put out my cigarette before hopping in. I greeted the driver, and we made our way to the club. The drive wasn’t too long, so we just chatted about how our days were and how the city was treating us before we pulled up outside the club. I gave him my thanks and got out.

I could hear the music blasting as I walked through the doors. It was only eight P.M., so it wasn’t going to get crazy for a while, but it was still packed. 

I make my way to the bar and order myself a drink, not really caring about waiting for someone to buy me one this time. I needed alcohol pumping through me as soon as possible if I wanted to truly have fun tonight. And I regrettably left the alcohol on the bus, which was probably getting drained by the boys at this moment, so pregaming wasn’t an option. 

Once the bartender handed me my drink, I bee-lined to the dance floor. I’ve been dancing so much lately, and I loved it. I found a group of girls and stayed close to them as everyone danced to the music. The music and alcohol flowed through my body, and I felt amazing. The girls danced with me with giant smiles on their faces, none of us having spoken before, just relishing in having a good time tonight. Maybe it was because it was L.A. or that none of these people knew my face, but I really enjoyed just letting myself go on the dancefloor and have no one watching me. Maybe I need to move out here someday. The people were sweeter than those in New York, and it wasn’t crazy to spot someone more known on the streets, so you weren’t bombarded by fans when all you wanted to do was get a slice of pizza. 

The music finally switched over to slower songs, and it was almost like they were waiting as I instantly had a guy come over and dance with me. I won’t lie, I was a little tired of dancing with random guys, especially after the whole debacle last night, but I decided to enjoy it for a song before I got a new drink.

I didn’t even turn to see what he looked like, I just swayed my hips with the music, and he held on for the ride. He was getting a little handsy, but nothing too bad, so I let him be. Then, he started getting a little too close to a tit, so I decided if I wanted to deal with all of that, I definitely needed another drink. I slipped away from him and snuck into the crowd of people, heading towards the bar. There were a lot of people waiting for drinks, and I debated for a minute if I wanted to wait in line or just come back. I was starting to crave another cig, so I decided to just come back. 

I made my way out to the patio, where everyone else was smoking. Only four people were there, so it wasn’t cramped as I slipped outside. I dug around in my purse, looking for what I needed. I quickly checked the time and saw that it was somehow already eleven. Guess it’s going to be a late night for me, but I’m having fun, so who cares? 

I pull out the pack and a lighter, taking one before putting it back in my purse. I feel someone slip by me as I light my cigarette, so I move out of their way. Taking a puff, I hear a quiet ‘shit’ and multiple clicks of a lighter. Easily catching on, I take another hit and pass them my lighter, not even glancing their way. I hear them light their cigarette, taking a quick puff, before handing the lighter back to me. I finally look at them as I reach out.

“Oh!” I say, a little shocked. His eyes focused on me a little better, trying to see if he knew me. Then shock spreads across his face.

“Y/N! I didn’t know you were in L.A.!” Will exclaimed. It took me a few moments to answer, still stunned that the man I had been occasionally chatting with after looking up to him for a few years was right in front of my eyes.

“Oh my god! Yeah, we’re all on break for a week, and they decided to stay in L.A.” I take another hit before leaning against the railing, “What are you doing here?”

“We’re staying with a friend for a few days. Yo, that’s crazy that we both ended up here at the same time.” He mimicked my actions, leaning against the railing as he spoke. 

“In L.A. and at this club!“ I continued, “Are you here with the band?”

“Yeah. They wanted to do something fun tonight, so they dragged me here, but I’m not too much of a fan of clubs so I’ve just been a wallflower the whole night. What about you? Is your band here?” I shake my head.

“Nah, I was finally able to have some alone time with them staying at the Bad Omens abode and figured I should also go out and meet new people since those idiots are all I see nowadays,” I laugh out. 

“So, are you having fun? Meet any new people?” He asks. He took another puff of his cigarette, and when he went to flick off the ash, I just barely noticed his eyes trailing down my body. I forgot how much skin I was showing in this ‘dress.’

“Fun? Yes. Meeting people? No. I just came out here because some weirdo was getting a little handsy on the dance floor, so I wanted to step away for a bit. And the bar is packed.” I laughed out. He chuckled, but I could tell his mind wasn’t as focused as it could be as his eyes trailed over my tattoos, most of them on display. 

“Well, I’m happy to be the person you meet tonight,” He finally says, snapping out of his trance. I giggled and finished my cigarette, ashing it out and tossing it in the ashtray they had out here. 

“I am really happy to see you. I’ve been thinking of a good time to plan a meet-up, but it probably wasn’t going to happen for a while because of tour, so I’m glad I got to run into you here.” He nodded as he finished his cig, doing the same.

“No yeah, I agree. Ever since I saw that video and started chatting with you, I knew you’d be fun to hang out with. Maybe sometime this week, we can make plans and either do that vocal lesson I promised, or just hang out.” He gave me his signature smile, making me mirror it. 

“I’d really like that. I didn’t have much planned this week. All I knew was that I needed to do stuff myself and not with everyone I was going to spend the next three months with.” I replied. He nodded with a sweet smile before glancing inside, remembering where we were. 

“Come on, let me buy you a drink. You’re the most fun I’ve had all night, and I don’t want this conversation to end just yet.” I agreed, so we made our way back inside. He had a hand on my lower back as we walked to the bar. I felt heat rush to my cheeks as he held it there while we waited. Hey, I never said I didn’t have a small crush on him, so this was definitely getting my heart racing.

We ordered our drinks and just chatted about what our bands were up to and what we’d done the past few days as we waited for them to be made. I told him about the party last night, obviously leaving out the ending, to which he replied by complimenting my costume, saying that he had never seen such a hot Ghost Face. I gave him a shy smile and a small ‘thank you.’

“By the way, you also look absolutely amazing tonight,” He added, using this as a chance to confidently graze his eyes over my body once more. The compliments and looks were hitting my ego and core, so all I could give him was another shy ‘thanks,’ hoping the lights hid the blush that I could feel creeping over my body. 

Our drinks finally arrived, and I thanked Will and the bartender. We walked away from the bar and towards one of the walls, probably where he had been standing the whole night. We continued talking and sipping our drinks, occasionally laughing at what the other said. I didn’t know what to do with my hands or mouth when I wasn’t talking, as I was still a little starstruck that I was chatting with him, so I accidentally finished my drink pretty quick. He didn’t seem to notice, but I could feel the alcohol coursing through my veins, giving me a boost of confidence that I definitely needed right now. 

And just in time, another slower song started playing. I glanced out at the dance floor, then back at Will. He looked so good and all I wanted to do was dance tonight, so courage took over as I set my now empty drink down and took his hand, leading him to the dance floor. It spooked him for a second, but he quickly gave in. I finally stop once we’re deep enough in the sea of people. He leaned down to my ear to speak.

“I’m not a good dancer,” he said before pulling his head back. I just laughed and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him back down until I reached his ear. 

“Just follow my lead.” 

I turned around and pressed my body against his before reaching behind, grabbing his hands, and placing them on my hips. He tensed for a moment, seemingly shocked at how quickly I was getting into it, but eventually eased into me. I leaned back into his chest and swayed my hips. I felt his hands tighten on my waist as our hips made contact, making me smirk. 

We moved our bodies to the music perfectly. I had been dancing a lot the past month, but no one fitted against me as well as Will did. He let me take control and just went along with the movement of my body. 

Soon, his hands started moving up, stopping at the bottom of my ribs as he lost himself in the music and dance. I sneakily pressed into him more as he did so, causing me to feel a rumble in his chest, probably from a groan. Then, I pulled my signature move. I placed a hand on top of one of his and hooked the other behind me to rest against his neck, pulling us closer. His head dropped and landed on my shoulder as our bodies fit into each other’s like a glove. I continued moving my hips to the music, occasionally pressing into his more, and every time I did, he’d let out a low growl, the sound shooting right to my core. It was almost like he was taming himself. But that just made this more fun to me. 

I let my head drop back into his shoulder, us now fitting together like two puzzle pieces. His hands slid in towards my stomach, and he pressed my body even closer to his. I felt him growing against my ass, and I had to bite back a whimper. More than anything did I want to grab his hand and drag it lower, but I wasn’t going to be that girl who did this at a club, especially if anything got out about this. Almost as if he read my mind, he lifted his head to speak. 

“Let’s get out of here.” He rasps into my ear. All I could do was nod in response. 

——

We managed to mostly keep our hands to ourselves the whole ride back to the hotel. Nothing happened besides a hand on my thigh and our hearts racing until we reached my hotel room. The second I opened the door, and we entered, he pushed me against the back of it, slamming it closed and making me giggle. His lips instantly attached to mine as my hands landed on his sides, pulling him close. His hands traveled down my body before reaching my ass, kneading it. The kiss was a mess, teeth clashing and giggles spilling through. I reached my arms up and around his neck, holding him close as his hands slid down to my thighs, tapping one to signal me to jump. My legs immediately hooked around his hips as he pressed me further into the door. 

Now, at the perfect angle, he pushed his hips into mine, causing both of us to groan at the incredible friction it caused. I pulled away and started trailing kisses down his jaw and onto his neck. He threw his head to the side once I reached the spot that was most sensitive, so I kept nibbling at it. His hips bucked into mine once I started working on leaving a mark as he let out beautiful, airy moans. 

He pulled me away from the door and carried me to the bed, dropping me on it. I bounced as I fell and giggled, looking up at him. His eyes were dark, but he still had his sweet smile on his lips, using the moment of me laid out in front of him to officially take in my appearance.

“That fucking dress. This would’ve never happened if you didn’t wear this goddamn dress,” He growled, bringing an arm down to trail over my body, “I almost want you to keep it on, but that’s no fun.” 

He leaned down to hover over me, crashing his lips back into mine. A hand traveled down my body, sliding under my dress and lifting it up as it moved back up and over my frame. My hands reached around him, pulling on the back of his shirt, wanting him to take it off. Getting the signal, he briefly stood and pulled his shirt off before coming back down and attaching his lips to my neck. The hand that wasn’t holding him up was moving up my stomach, so I arched my back so the dress could pull up as his hand reached my breast. He gently caressed it as he attacked my neck. I needed more. 

My hands traveled up his chest and around his neck as a leg hooked around his hip, pulling his body weight into me. He let out a groan into the crook of my neck as I did my best to grind my hips against his under the weight. He nipped at my shoulder as I worked on getting any relieving friction. 

He pulled away from me, making a whimper escape my throat, as he unbuttoned his pants and dropped them to the ground. He crawled into the bed and leaned up against the pillows before reaching over and grabbing me, pulling me into his lap. I gasped and giggled at how simple it was for him to ragdoll me around. 

I looked down at him with my hands on his shoulders once I was settled in his lap. His hands were on my hips, gripping them with the only restraint he had left. He crashed his lips into mine again and instantly started rocking my hips against his, causing moans to spew out and into each other’s mouths. I did my best to match his movements, but my hips shuttered every time I felt the perfect amount of pressure on the desperate bundle of nerves, my piercing doing its job and adding more. I had to pull away from the kiss and drop my head into the crook of his neck as I did my best to control my breathing in between gasps and moans. I quickly leaned back and finished taking off the now hitched up dress, wanting to feel his skin on mine before returning to the position I was in before. I couldn’t tell if he liked me being on top or if he enjoyed being able to use me like a toy, but I didn’t care. Between the movement, the friction of us both still in our underwear, and his bitten back moans in my ear, I was already so close. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and dug my face deep into them as I felt the knot in my stomach getting tighter and tighter. My mind was so focused on the feeling that I let him take complete control again, gliding my hips against his with ease. 

“Come on, precious,” He growled as he started leaving sloppy kisses on my shoulders, “Cum for me.” 

As if my body was unable to disobey a command, I was instantly thrown over the edge. I held onto him tighter as my body tensed, and a loud, airy moan escaped my lips. He didn’t stop his movements, just gradually slowed down to let me ride out the high. I did my best to control my breathing as electricity shot through my body. He finally eased to a stop and just pulled me close to him as I came down from my high.

Once I fully recovered, I lifted my head from his neck and looked at him. His eyes were still full of lust, and the grip on my hips forcefully held me against his rock-hard cock. This was nowhere near over. I bit my lip before speaking.

“Condom?” I sheepishly asked. He looked at me a little wide-eyed, probably shocked that I was already wanting to continue, but then he pointed towards his jeans that laid on the floor.

I swiftly leaned over the side of the bed and rummaged through his pockets, his hand gripping my thighs to keep me balanced. Eventually, I saw a small sliver of foil peeking out from his wallet, so I slid it out and sat back up and onto his lap. I ripped open the package but then set it beside me as I looked back into his eyes. He was just watching me, mouth slightly ajar. My hands moved to the waistband of his boxers, fingers hooking into them. We both lifted ourselves slightly so I could pull them down. Once far enough down, his rock hard member sprung up, the tip bright red and leaking precum. I just had to touch it, so I bit my lip and wrapped my hand around it, causing Will’s head to fall back with a groan. I softly giggled as I started moving my hand up and down. His hands landed on the tops of my thighs, gripping them, trying to ground himself. I only gave it a few strokes, before pulling away to grab the condom. The second I pulled away, he looked back at me, catching his breath. His eyes trailed down to my hands, following them as I slid the condom onto him, with a whimper escaping his lips as I rolled it on. 

Using his shoulders as leverage, I lifted myself up to hover over him. I had completely forgotten about the fabric still between us until his hands slid around me, pushing my panties to the side from behind as he held a grip on my ass.. With both of us watching where we met, I slowly lowered myself onto him. A soft gasp let my lips as I felt him stretch me. Slowly but surely, I eased myself down, taking in the stretch the best I could. 

I looked back up at him once our hips finally met, and a whimper erupted in my throat as I saw him, eyes closed with his head thrown back, taking in the feeling. Once the pressure subsided, I started moving up and down. His eyes shot open, and he let out a groan as I moved, his hands immediately sliding to my hips. Something took over me, and I reached down, lacing my fingers with his before lifting them above his head and holding them against the wall behind him as I sped up my movements. His head shot up, and he looked at me a little shocked, but I just crashed my lips back into his, moaning into his mouth. 

He instantly faltered to the dominance and let me take over, whimpering and moaning underneath me. God, this was the hottest thing I’ve ever did. I pulled away from the kiss and started trailing sloppy kisses down his neck. 

“Oh..f-fuck..” He moaned out. He was like a puddle in my hands, and I loved it.

An array of sinful noises clouded the room, his being louder than mine as I nipped and sucked love bites all over his neck. The sounds he made just got messier and messier, and I could sense that he was reaching his breaking point. I felt him twitch inside of me, signaling that he was close, so without changing my speed, I took one of his hands in my hold and placed it on my chest before dragging it down until it reached between my legs. Immediately understanding, he began rubbing my clit with what little brain power he had left, gasping at the feeling of my piercing but being too out of it to make a comment.

I leaned back so that every time I came back down, he was hitting me right where I needed him to. Between that, him rubbing me, and the chorus of whimpers and moans that escaped us both, we both got closer and closer to our climax. 

“I- fuck.. I’m gonna cum..” He whimpered out between moans. The knot in my stomach was seconds away from snapping.

“Me too, baby. Cum for me.” Saying that immediately sent him over the edge, me following seconds later. 

We were so loud, I wouldn’t be surprised if I got noise complaints. I tried my best to keep moving, but it came over me so intense all I could do was fall into his chest again. He wrapped both arms around me, holding me tight as he rutted into me a few times, each one shooting more pleasure and electricity through my nerves. 

We finally both stilled, other than our heavy breathing. We were both holding onto each other for dear life until our minds cleared. Slowly, our bodies relaxed, but neither of us showed any sign of moving. We just held each other close, catching our breaths. 

He started leaving soft kisses on my shoulder, so I took that as a sign to finally move off of him. With a groan from both of us at the feeling, I slowly lifted myself off of him and laid down beside him, exhausted. He quickly got up and disposed of the condom before coming back and joining me. I giggled as he slid himself under the covers, pulling them over me. 

The crash from all the energy I let out today was officially approaching, and I could feel myself start to drift off. He took notice and pulled us together, wrapping an arm over me. 

“Goodnight, my little petal,” He said before leaving a kiss on my temple. I giggled at the new nickname before nuzzling in closer to him, a little cold from being almost completely bare. 

“By the way, you’re fucking hot when you’re in control,” He whispered, making me bust out laughing. 

“Noted,” I said with a fading giggle before letting myself drift off.

I blinked open my eyes, raising a hand to wipe the crusties that had formed over them, before realizing it was actually my makeup that I had slept in. Then, I noticed the soft snoring beside me and looked over to see a bare-chested Will. 

Oh fuck. I didn’t. I mean, I know I did. I remember it perfectly, but my now clear mind can’t believe I let the alcohol and lust take over last night. You just had to bring Will home out of all people? You’re supposed to be making things in your life less awkward. God damnit, Y/N. You keep fucking shit up when you’re in this state.

I went to sit up, trying my best not to wake him, but he immediately stirred in his sleep. His snores slowly stopped, and eventually his eyes opened. He groaned as he raised a hand to his eyes, shielding them from the light before he realized where he was. 

His hand immediately dropped, and he looked at me, shocked. I couldn’t help but anxiously chew on my lip, waiting for him to say something. But instead, he just started laughing. 

“Boy, am I glad to see you and not some random chick.” He finally said. I lightly smacked his arm, a small smile forming on my face. 

“Not funny, Will. What the hell happened?” He suppressed his laughs before turning over and facing me.

“They made strong ass drinks, is what happened,” He teased before a shocked look covered his face, “Wait! Not that I had to be drunk to sleep with you! I jus-“

I cut him off by laughing and pushing his shoulder. 

“I know what you mean.”

“Okay, I’ll just shut up now.” I shook my head, giggling, before standing up from the bed and walking over to my clothes, throwing in something warm and comfy, as the chill morning air was freezing my almost naked body. 

After getting clothes on, I turned back around to Will, who was staring at me, almost in a trance. I snapped my fingers a few times, smirking.

“Will. Eyes up here,” I said with a giggle. He finally came back to reality and chuckled.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about that goddamn dress,” He groaned out as he fell back onto the bed. I walked over and sat at the edge of his bed, where his legs were. He noticed my more serious demeanor and sat up.

“So… I hope you know that this wasn-“

“No, no. I completely agree. Yes, you’re extremely attractive, but, in the nicest way possible, I never even saw you that way before last night, and I think it was both the alcohol and how insanely good you are at dancing,” He softly laughed out as he leaned forward and put a hand on mine, “One time thing. We can act like it never even happened.”

“One time thing,” I repeated. He nodded, staring at me with a serious look.

“Y/N, all I really wanted was to be your friend. So, if you promise that this doesn’t make anything weird, then we’re friends and only friends, okay?” I immediately nodded.

“I completely agree. I knew we got along really well… Maybe a little too well, “ I say, chuckling, “But I truly just wanted to be your friend. The past few days were really weird days for me and I may have made decisions that I normally wouldn’t make, but as long as you’re okay with leaving it behind, then I am too.”

“Absolutely. But I still wanna hang out with you this week before we both go back to our normal lives.” He offered.

“As long as you put some clothes on,” I teased. He looked down at himself, before chuckling and standing up, grabbing his clothes from last night and tossing them back on. 

“Oh, fuck. I completely left the guys at the club without telling them anything.” He scrambled to grab his phone, opening and checking his messages, before laughing, “They said that they saw me leaving with, and I quote, ‘a hot ass chick, so have fun.”

I just shook my head, giggling. I guess I got exactly what I was looking for last night. If only I was in a better mind and didn’t go out looking to wake up in bed with someone. I guess I’m lucky that it was him and not some random person. 

“You wanna grab breakfast then head over to where we’re staying and run a small vocal lesson like I promised? They have a studio there.” He asked, pulling me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, let me just fix…this,” I said, gesturing over my entire head, making him laugh. 

We both thanked the Uber driver and hopped out, heaving up to another large house. I’m coming to realize that’s just how L.A. is, especially spending time with musicians. But we also weren’t too far from where the boys lived, so maybe it’s just this part of town. 

My nerves were eating at me, but I tried my best to hide it. I was about to meet the rest of Lorna Shore. I have listened to them for years, fascinated by the music they created, and I was about to meet the geniuses behind it all. I know, being a musician myself, that I shouldn’t treat them any differently, but I can’t stop myself from freaking out like I was meeting an idol, because I technically was. 

We step through the doors, and I take a look around. This place looked so much more put together than the Bad Omens’ house, but then again, that was purely taken care of by four boys who were rarely home. 

Will walks in further, trying to find a sign of anyone else in the house, so I close the door and follow him. We reach the kitchen and find Austin and Adam. I stared, stunned for a few moments as the three boys greeted each other but thankfully snapped out of it once they turned to me. 

“I’m Y/N..It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I greet, trying my best not to be weird, but I don’t think it was working. 

“Oh shit! Wait! You’re the girl from the video!” He exclaimed, making me blush a little and nod. I guess the whole band saw the video. 

“Yeah, Will promised me some vocal lessons, so when we ran into each other last night, he figured we could do that..today..” I trailed off as both Austin and Adam’s eyes widened and looked between us.

“Last night?” Adam asked both of us before staring at Will, who shrunk into himself.

“Don’t talk about it! It never happened!” He said as he raised his hands in defense. 

“Well, you’re gonna need to do a little more to prove that,” Austin said, pointing towards Will’s neck, making Will reach a hand up and cover it. 

“We’re gonna head up to the studio,” Will rushed out as he turned, grabbed my arm, and pulled me away from them. 

“Remember, this isn’t our house!” Adam shouted towards us as we made our way to said studio. 

We reached the room, and Will closed the door behind me. I looked around the room in complete awe. It was a beautiful studio. I never even asked whose house we were at, but they had an amazing collection of guitars, a huge drum set, and a gorgeous sound booth set up. 

“I guess you’re liking Dave’s studio,” he laughed. I turned to him with a confused look. 

“Dave?” I asked.

“Pérez,” he said, causing my face to immediately shift to shock.

“I’m in Davier Pérez’s fucking house right now?” I almost yelled. He laughed at my reaction.

“I didn’t realize you knew DevilDriver. Yeah, he’s Austin’s buddy.” I just stared at him.

“I can’t do this. It’s bad enough that I just met two members of Lorna Shore, but now I’m gonna have to meet the drummer of DevilDriver because now I’m in his house without his knowledge.” He just laughed at me. 

“First off, I didn’t realize you were that big of a fan, and second, you literally slept with a member of Lorna Shore. So, I think you’re okay. No need to freak out.” I smacked his shoulder at the last part, making him laugh more before continuing, “Come on, let’s get to work.” 

He walked over to the control board and sat down before turning to me. I followed him but looked at him confused when he sat down. 

“Why are we over here?” I asked.

“Get in,” he replied, motioning towards the sound booth. I looked at him, even more confused.

“But..how is that gonna help with lessons?” 

“I wanna hear your isolated vocals. You’ll still hear the music through the headphones, but I’ll only hear you,” he said with a smirk. Suddenly, I regretted coming here. 

“But-I haven’t even warmed up..I uh.. what if they’re not good?” I asked, getting a little nervous.

“Well, that’s kinda the whole point of lessons. To make you better. And you’ll be fine. It’s been what, three days since you did a show? You won’t hurt yourself doing this,” he answered like it was obvious. 

I looked between him and the sound booth, debating if I was willing to embarrass myself in front of him, but once I remembered that I was literally naked in front of him last night, I just thought, ‘fuck it,’ and walked in. 

I close the door behind me and stand in front of the microphone. Seeing the headphones hanging off of them, I put them on and turned to look at Will through the glass. He leaned forward and pressed a button, I guess so I could hear him. 

“What song will it be?” he asked. What song am I least likely to fuck up? 

“Uh..you pick,” I spoke into the mic. He laughed at my answer.

“There’s no way you know every Lorna Shore song,” he teased, making me blush. I opened my mouth to retort back but couldn’t think of anything, “Okay. I’ll just play ‘To the Hellfire’ since that’s one of our easiest ones, and I know, for sure, that you know that one.” 

He hit random ass buttons, obviously knowing how a control board worked. I heard a second of the beginning of the song before he paused it, flicking a few controls before turning back to me. My stomach was in my ass with nerves, but there was no going back now. 

“This is all so new to me. I have no fucking clue what’s happening. Every time we recorded anything, we were just told to play, and they did most of the work,” I quickly said into the mic. He laughed and shook his head before pressing the button that let me hear him. 

“Calm down. I’m the only one who will hear you. Now, I am recording you, but only for us to go back and work on what needs help. Are you okay with that?” I nodded in response, so he continued, “Alright. I’m gonna count you down, and then you do the rest.” 

He watched me for my response, but I just nodded again. It was mainly to myself, trying to convince myself that everything was fine and that I could do this. 

He hovered his hand over a button, keeping his eyes on me. He raised the other, holding up a three, two, and then one. Then, the music started. I took a deep and closed my eyes, trying to channel my inner Will as the intro played out. I started off with my best goblin scream as I sang along. I did my best to remember the notes I had written down years ago, analyzing when to switch screams and which ones to switch into. 

After a minute, I lifted my hands to the headphones, pulling one off my ear since I couldn’t hear myself but pressing the other side closer to the other so I could hear every note that Will hit, racking my memory so I knew when to reach each one. 

I’ve never been so focused. It wasn’t until I was towards the end that I realized I wasn’t moving around as much as I usually do. I dropped my hands and shook out my body, getting ready for the last few lines.

With a deep breath, I hit the lowest guttural I could for ‘My final breath,’ switching to a tunnel goblin for ‘Swallowed by the womb of,’ then my lowest tunnel for ‘death.’ I sang the next two lines with more of a pig squeal, ending with a tunnel. Then, it was time for the main act. 

I contorted my body as I did the best snorts and squeals I could before ending with a goblin, holding it out the longest I could. I finally opened my eyes once the music ended and turned to Will, who was sitting back in his chair with a smile on his face. He leaned forward and pressed the button so I could hear him talk.

“Get the fuck out here,” He laughed. I took the headphones off and exited the sound booth. I looked at him, anxiously chewing on my lip, waiting to hear his opinion. 

“Dude,” He paused to laugh and rub his face, “How in the fuck have you never taken lessons for shit like this? Hearing that through a fucking phone was nothing compared to hearing that right in front of me.”

“So it was good?” I asked sheepishly. He laughed harder before standing. 

“Don’t be mad, but I’ll be right back. Wait right here,” he said before leaving the room. I watched him, confused, before sitting down in the chair he was in to wait for him. 

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, so I pulled it out and saw that Matt had texted me. 

Matty- HELLO????

Matty- WILL’S STORY???

Confused, I immediately switched over to Instagram and typed in Will’s username, clicking on his story. He had posts of him and the band at the club last night, but the last post was a video of me in the sound booth, singing. It was muted, thank god, but he wrote, ‘I got the next deathcore vocalist right here. I can’t wait for yall to hear what she can do.’

I know I should be mad, but having him say these things about me made me realize that maybe I didn’t have a reason to hide this. Maybe I should follow my dreams and do more harsh vocals. 

I got pulled out of my thoughts to the door opening, and six guys piled into the room. I immediately stood up, ready to greet those that I hadn’t met yet. Will introduced me to Andrew, Moke, and Dave before walking past me to the control board. He turned to me before speaking. 

“Now, I do need your permission to show them this, but I need you to know that this was fucking insane, and I just have to show someone, is that okay?” I looked at him, stunned, before nodding. He gave me a smile before hitting a few buttons. My isolated vocals started playing through the speakers, and I couldn’t help but make a face at how high the quality was, revealing every mistake I made. It was impossible for my vocal range to sound anything near Will’s since I had a more feminine range, but if Will liked it, I guess it was good enough.

I turned to the men behind me, and they were all looking at me shocked, with Andrew, Moke, and Austin making an impressed stank face, showing that they were really into it. I turned back to Will, and he gave me a proud smile. 

Finally, once the song was over and the room quieted down, they all just looked at me stunned, making me shrink into myself at the attention. 

“Holy fuck,” Austin finally said, causing the rest of them to agree in a chorus. 

“Now, it’s not perfect, but that’s because she’s singing a cover and learned everything on her own. But, if she wrote her own shit and used these vocals, oh my fucking god, dude,” Will said to them, chuckling at the end. I had no idea what to add to this. I could accept compliments on my outfits or my music now, but this was an entirely new territory for me.  

“I-uh..thank you?” I managed to get out. Will snorted before walking over to me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. 

“You’re welcome, now I need you to get back in the sound booth so we can hear each of your screams so I know what you even need help with,” he smirked as he spoke.

“We?” I asked, looking around at all of them before looking back at Will. He just giggled, making me roll my eyes before slipping out of his grip and walking back into the sound booth.

Part Seven