#no we're not stopping for aurora borealis we have northern lights at home | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

should-be-sleeping · 1 year ago

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Just as we returned from the store our neighbor was just getting out of her car, so I went over to help her bring her things inside. She'd run out to get some donuts and a slushie. She was having a good day and was making the best of it. She'd managed to get out of the house twice before I arrived.

I carried her goods for her and gave her my arm to help her up the hill to her door. She said her hands weren't cooperating well today, so she gave me her keys and I unlocked her door for her. We went in and she wanted to put her slushie into the freezer as a treat for later. She'd gotten the biggest size so it was a little tall for the freezer, but I helped her get it in without spilling.

She offered me a donut but she'd only bought two, so I declined. As much as I love donuts, and maple bars in particular, I could not in good conscience rob her of such delights. We talked about our favorite donut places, and incidentally, ours was the same -- a local place not too far out of the way. There's an even better place I know of (award winning, in fact), but it's kind of far away. Perhaps I'll take a long detour to bring her a maple bar from there sometime.

She asks about the photo I'd sent her of the reusable zip tie in use, and if I had any other photos of my aquariums. I don't have any on hand but I do have a video I'd taken recently of the baby guppies eagerly swimming right into my open palm. She loves this.

She tells me about her favorite radio show and about how the hosts all know her and have dubbed her their community witch. She plays for me a download from their show in which they highlight one of her Wicked Witch impressions and it's so spot on it's uncanny. Then she suggests that I send them the video of my baby fish, because they do a pet segment on their website and "it's not just dogs!"

I ask her for more details and then agree to send it it. Learning her user name, I mention I'll be sure to give her a shout out as my friend who suggested I submit it and she loves this even more.

We discuss painting, as she is a painter too (or was before her hands stopped cooperating). She wanted to travel and paint the aurora borealis. She says there is a southern one, too, and tells me all about her plans in 2020 to visit New Zealand to see them. But then the pandemic happened.

"Now I'll never get to experience that..." she says, forlorn.

"Are there any videos of it, do you think?" I ask.

This fills her with hope, "Oh, Maybe?"

I decide it will be my mission to help her find them. They are apparently a totally different color than the Northern Lights. We'll have to see if this is true.

She tells me she's trying to find an amethyst for me. I assume because she saw my ring. I tell her I've been wearing it more than usual lately because it's my little brother's birthstone and he passed away last month. She hugs me and I am grateful. I've had a rough couple of months myself, before this. A lot of grief.

I show her my nails, painted in red and gold for the 49ers and she is almost giddy about that I actually did it. She gets up and goes to a nearby shelf and brings back a small fabric cosmetic bag. Inside is where she keeps all the stuff she used when she was able to do her nails regularly. She hands me 49er's decals and I eagerly accept them. This will complete the look for real.

We talk for a while longer and then her friend (the maintenance guy) calls. He asks if she's home and she asks me, jokingly so he can hear, if we're at her house. I respond in kind, "Last I checked, anyway!" He comes over right as I need to leave, so we basically swap places at the door. My neighbor hugs me and says life is easier when you have someone in it who gives a shit. Then she apologizes for swearing.

I remind her to text me any time at all, whether she needs or just wants something and she says she will. Later that evening I notice her car is gone. I assume she has gone to get dinner with aforementioned guy. Later yet she's still not home, I'm a little worried, as I know she has driven a city over before and not been able to get back home, but I give it a little time trusting she'd text me if she needed help.

By 10:00pm I poke my head out to check and thankfully her car is now there, parked in its usual spot. Right as I get back inside she texts me saying she had an INCREDIBLE night. I tell her I can't wait to hear the details and how remarkable her timing was as I had just thought to check on her. She gushes about how she had just gone for a drive in her little sports car but then wound up at the casino and even won a little money!

She tells me all about it and I'm so relieved to hear she was out having fun. She hadn't been able to do that last week. Or the one before that. She tells me she could die a happy woman tonight. I tell her I hope she doesn't, so she can tell me more about her adventures. She sends me an emoji filled post about how her best luck wasn't at the casino but in meeting me.

I tell her the feeling's mutual.

Tough day today... and friendly reminder that being human is easier when we help each other.

I saw one of our neighbors, an older woman we sometimes talk to in passing, sitting outside of her house. I don't know what exactly made me look twice, but on second glance as we drove by I realized her walker was in the grass. She was otherwise just sitting there, like she had a thousand times before, so it would have been easy to assume she was fine and go on with my life as normal but something told me to go check in on her anyway.

She was not fine. She was the polar opposite of fine. Just diagnosed with terminal cancer not fine. No next of kin not fine. A veteran facing eviction from her house for missing rent while in the hospital not fine. In constant debilitating pain not fine. Only semi-lucid not fine. She was extremely alone not fine.

I thought, at most, she might be bored while unable to pick up her walker not fine. A five minute detour from my day not fine. A help her back into her house and say "see you later!" not fine. Instead I spent the last three hours with her because she was so scared and alone and no one should be alone.

We talked a lot while I was there. She's actually two years younger than my mom (who also has cancer but slightly better luck, I guess). I helped her into her house and got her a drink and we talked about what all is going on with her. None of it was good. I was as reassuring as I could be, but there's only so much of this I can actually help her with.

"Why did you come?" she asked through tears.

"Because you looked like you might need some help."

She called me an angel. I told her I was just doing my best. I told her that kindness should never be rare. That we should all try to make the world just a little bit better than it was.

She offered to pay me but I told her I was just there as a friend. Before today we were basically strangers. No need to repay me with anything other than her company, I assured her. She cried, a lot. I managed not to somehow. Something tells me she had needed to cry long before this but in being Strong she never had the chance to.

She needed to get her mail, which is a long walk when you're disabled because it is not at all handicap accessible (across a parking lot, over a bridge, across a small field). So I helped her get her mail. We stopped every three feet because her pain was so bad, but she was determined to be able to go do this with me and not just send me on an errand. I patiently stayed with her and reminded her, through her apologies, it was fine to take our time: there was a nice breeze and birds were singing. She appreciated this. She loves nature.

Halfway back she said she wanted to go to the pool. To put her feet in the water. She loves water, and has not been able to even see the pool in a month. Neither of us were dressed for swimming, but I took her to the pool anyway. There is a stair leading down to it, meaning she couldn't bring her walker, so I offered her my arm.

We went to the pool. She put her feet in the water and then, with more energy and enthusiasm than I'd seen the whole time, she jumped in. In her fancy dress! She was instantly ten years younger at least, clear and happy, floating in the sun. Dress and all. She grew up with a pool and had been on a swim team.

I sat by the edge of the pool while she swam, keeping her company and also making sure she was okay. When she got tired I took her back home and then had to help her get undressed and redressed. I made sure she felt no shame. Getting out of wet clothes is hard for anyone, let alone someone with like twenty pounds of tumors racking them with constant pain.

She was so fucking happy to have gone swimming.

She is trying to "make everything right" before she goes. Trying to repay her debt to society and her debts in general. She couldn't understand why the corporation that owns our houses wouldn't take her money. She was genuinely distressed -- not to be homeless on her deathbed but to not leave this world with a clean slate. I told her intent matters. She can only do her best.

This company not letting her repay her debt was their fault, not hers.

When I finally needed to go, I told her to let me know any time she needed a hand or just wanted company. She told me she was going to die tonight. I told her I hoped not, so I could see her tomorrow. I offered her a hug, we hugged and she sobbed for a solid ten minutes into my shoulder. I told her she was okay. That it was okay.

When I got home I cried myself, because I could not believe she was going through all of that alone. I cannot even imagine how isolated she must have felt. Once I pulled myself back together I sent her a text reminding her to reach out any time and I'd do my best to come over. Like, any time at all.

I hope she is here tomorrow.

#choose kindness #existing helps #if we exist together #life #read more #long post

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