#no story is complete if there aren't pancakes involved

[rollercoasterwrite]

The Selfishness of Our Hearts - A Year in The Life | Chapter 3

This a follow-up story to the Selfishness of Our Hearts - entirely available here

Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Pairing : JongyuUuuuuUUUU Summary : What happened the past two years [Part I]. Genre : Angst, fluff(y pancakes), smut. Word Count : 5 000 words ~

                                       -Two years earlier-

Jinki huffed and puffed his way up the stairs, relieved that it was the last trip he’d have to make up those flights for now. As he passed through the open door of his apartment, a sharp pain shot through his upper back, forcing him to drop the box in a brusque manner on the floor. The loud thud that provoked had Jonghyun rushing over to the entrance. They shared a quick look, before Jinki winced from the more diffuse but still discomforting pain.

'' You should’ve let me carry that box, '' scolded the smaller one as he closed the distance between them. One hand soon reached his boyfriend’s back to soothe it with a circular caress. He felt the stiffness in those muscles, the stress that had been kept in for too long. '' Thankfully, that was the last one, '' he indicated as he lowered his hand. His fingers intertwined with the other’s. Without a word, he pulled him into motion until they reached the couch.

Jinki would’ve loved to protest and say that they should resume their unboxing and put things into place, but his body had reached its limit. His nervous nature, the lack of sleep and appetite and the relentlessness of some thoughts he’d rather not have anymore had finally taken a toll on him. He took a seat on one of the cushions before pulling his boyfriend down to sit beside him. The little yelp that ensued had him laughing, which was probably the best remedy for his current condition.

'' You can rest, but I still need to finish putting my clothes on hangers, '' Jonghyun childishly grumbled. He too was tired. They had barely come back from their little escapade, but reality hadn’t had any patience to wait. As soon as they had packed up and left the town they had been in, Jongyun had been reminded that he had to figure out his financial situation. He hadn’t had a job for almost three months now and the little money that he’d had left had been sent away to pay another month of rent. He had always hated relying on other people for his needs, but he had been left no other choice the last week that they had been away. Jinki had paid for everything and in his surge of generosity he had ultimately offered Jonghyun to move in with him. That had shocked him and left him speechless, but it hadn’t been long before a dreamy smile had curved his lips. A shy Yes had come out of him, settling the matter as simply as that.

Jonghyun still felt like it was too good to be true. He gave a look around what was now technically also his apartment. The familiar tingle of fear he had felt in his gut the past few days came back again. He hadn’t voiced it to Jinki, but he couldn’t help but wonder if they had moved too fast. He loved Jinki with all his heart but it still had only been around three months since they had made the choice to be together. And he had a feeling those same doubts were the culprits behind Jinki's tense state. The brunette didn't have to say a word to make it clear that he was still feeling guilty. There had been no trace of that guilt while they were away because they had been floating on a pink cloud but as soon as their trip came to an end, reality immediately sunk in. They were together, and moving in together was going to take their relationship to a whole other level; it was going to make it that much more real. '' Why do you have all those clothes anyways? '' asked Jinki with a soft laugh, immediately breaking Jonghyun's chain of thought. '' I didn’t take you for that type of guy, '' he then teased.

Jonghyun snorted. '' What’s that supposed to mean? '' His indignation was false, but he still wondered what kind of image he had given off to the other.

'' I don’t know… a more simple guy… '' Jinki carefully formulated as his gaze moved away from his boyfriend’s face.

'' I can be simple and fashionable too, '' Jonghyun instantly pointed out, deliberately omitting the role that Kibum had played in his habit of always buying new clothes. He hadn’t bought that much more the past few months, but the amount he already had was considerable. Very considerable.

'' I’ll give some away, '' he said as he pushed himself up to stand. His sudden movement made him miss the pout that had formed on Jinki’s lips. Nonetheless, he knew that him leaving wouldn’t please the other. He had been surprised at how needy the latter could sometimes get, which was even more surprising since he had always found himself being the needier one in his previous relationships. He couldn’t deny how good it felt to be so wanted, so needed. But he knew that if he stayed put, things would probably go down the route it usually went whenever they were alone. Jonghyun was going to be the responsible one this time and leave before Jinki forgot that he needed rest. The latter had carried almost all of his boxes upstairs on top of having previously helped him clean out his apartment and getting those boxes down to the car.

'' Jjong, '' Jinki whined as he made an attempt to reach for his arm. He missed it by an inch as the other swiftly stepped back. '' Stay here with me for a sec, '' he said in a pleading tone.

'' I'm not going anywhere, I'll come sit with you later. '' Jonghyun was really trying to keep his resolve.

'' Or you could sort out your clothes later, '' the older one countered. This time he successfully secured his grip on Jonghyun's arm and pulled him down towards him before he had a chance to escape.

Jonghyun stumbled and fell on top of his boyfriend, landing right on his lap. His eyes widened for a split second when he felt a rigid length pressing against his ass. '' Really? '' he exclaimed in disbelief, with one brow cocked.

Jinki bit his lip in response. He was still amazed at how easy it was for him to get turned on whenever he was around Jonghyun. The latter didn't have to do anything, really. He just exuded something that always made him want more.

Jonghyun shook his head, a little laugh leaving his lips. '' Well... '' he drawled, his voice suddenly dipping lower. '' I could take care of that for you. ''

The velvety undertone in which he whispered those words had Jinki's insides melt. He swallowed on a now dry throat before saying, '' Yes, please. '' He was already at the state of begging, the sharp discomfort between his legs and the ass that was pressing against it overtaking any rationality he might've had previously.

Jonghyun chuckled. He was tempted to frustrate the hell out of him by getting up and leaving, but he knew that would also be punishment for him. Cupping the back of his boyfriend's neck with one hand, he pulled him in for a kiss. The soft flesh he met had him groaning, consequently bringing what had started as a slow kiss to a whole other level. He captured Jinki's bottom lip between his teeth and bit down gently, before letting the tip of his tongue slowly roll over it.

Jinki moaned, the low rumble of his sound vibrating against the other's mouth. His own was soon filled by Jonghyun's eager tongue, feeling it roam all around before taking hold of his, toying with it, mating with it. He always felt so connected to Jonghyun whenever they kissed, it was so intimate, so intense; he always felt like his heart was about to burst.

Soon, it was his lungs that threatened to explode, forcing him to pull away. His breathing came in soft pants, his chest heaving. He then focused his eyes on Jonghyun, watching him go through the same ordeal.

Jonghyun looked right back at him, intently, before pecking his reddened lips. He finally moved down until he was kneeling down between his legs. His hands went straight towards the top of his dark skinny jeans, unbuttoning them before sliding the zipper down. The feeling of anticipation he got from seeing Jinki's bulge trapped inside the cotton fabric of his briefs made him let out an almost quiet moan.

The sensuous sound went straight to the brunette's dick, making it throb with excitement. He lifted his hips up, giving Jonghyun the freedom to slide his pants and his underwear down his legs. His erection sprang free and hardened even more as cool air hit it. Jinki winced. And then, he cried out. The coolness was suddenly replaced with the warmth of Jonghyun's hand on him. The latter clasped his penis tightly before teasing his length with slow strokes.

Jinki groaned, his lids fluttering over his eyes. '' Fuck... '' A sharp hiss escaped his lips as Jonghyun squeezed tightly again and used his other hand to gently massage his balls. '' Damn it, Jjong... '' He should've known he would be in for teasing, but right now, his unsatisfied lust was making him more than impatient.

A wicked smile danced on Jonghyun's lips. He was the one in control here and he was going to keep it that way. As he looked up at the flushed face of his boyfriend with lascivious eyes, he moved the hand that was squeezing up to the base of his shaft. His gaze then went to the tip, his own dick hardening as he watched pre-cum oozing from the slit. The sight made his hunger grow. He inched closer and stuck out his tongue. He flicked it over the top of his cock, purposely avoiding the fluid that was he was so eager to taste. He didn't fail to hear the whine that came out from the one above him, only encouraging him to keep on teasing. He gave another flick this time closer to the slit before he was the one wincing. His head had just been yanked back forcefully, the sharp pull on his hair making his scalp sting with pain. He looked up at Jinki with surprise.

'' Stop teasing, '' the latter ordered breathlessly.

Jonghyun felt his cock twitch. He loved being in control, but he couldn't deny that he loved it even more when Jinki's impatience made him a little aggressive. He slowly nodded before getting back to business. He licked the pre-cum that wept from the slit, before spreading some of it all over the thick, swollen head of his dick. He looked upwards again, meeting Jinki's eyes, right before he made the tip disappear into his mouth.

'' Shiit, babyy... '' Jinki's eyes closed shut, his hips involuntarily bucking up to feel more of that wet warmth around him.

Jonghyun pushed him down with his free hand before taking more of him into his mouth. His nostrils flared as his lips stretched around the other's thick girth. He gagged a little when Jinki pushed his head down further on his cock. His eyes closed as he tried to gather his breath. Despite having done this several times, it was still work to get accustomed to his size. When he finally felt like he wouldn't choke, he went down on him a little more, to the point where his mouth met the hand he still had at the base. He had tried a few times to swallow him whole, but his gag reflex had always ended up being too strong. So he had settled for this way, comforted in the fact that it got the job done. He started moving slowly, bobbing his head up and down the length of his shaft.

'' Aaah ... Yeesss.... '' Jinki's hand had moved away from Jonghyun's head, arm now resting at his side. He knew how good his boyfriend was at this so he let him work his magic.

Jonghyun moaned around him, relishing how full his mouth was and how much he loved to please his man. He had set a comfortable pace, but he now moved faster along his length, feeling his own impatience overwhelm him.

'' Fuck, Jjongie... I don't think I... '' A shudder overtook the brunette and he let out a low groan as the head of his dick suddenly hit the back of Jonghyun's throat.

The latter knew it wouldn't be long now until his mouth was filled with Jinki's cum. The thought of it had him going faster. He felt light-headed like he was about to faint, but he kept up anyways. Jinki moaned out his name over and over again before he came in his mouth, his body a shaking, and his breathing a wheezing mess.

Jonghyun hummed in pleasure and swallowed the hot, thick, salty substance. He took it all in before releasing Jinki's dick with a lewd pop. He wiped his lips clean with the back of his hand before closing his eyes to catch his hectic breath. He heard Jinki move and then he heard the sound of his zipper. When he opened his eyes again, Jinki was staring right at him, his gaze filled with sleepy satiation.

'' Come, '' he said as he patted the empty cushion beside him.

Jonghyun did get up at those words, but he didn't sit. Jinki then took it upon himself to bring him closer by grabbing him by the waist. '' I should return the favor, shouldn't I? '' he said as his hands went to the front of his boyfriend's pants. Before he could unzip them, Jonghyun stepped back. '' There's no need for that, you need to rest, '' he reluctantly advised. He'd be lying if he said that he didn't want Jinki to suck him off, but he knew the other was probably even more tired now.

'' But- '' Jinki's attempt to protest was stopped by a finger pressing against his plump lips.

'' No buts. I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself. '' Jonghyun winked, unable to stop himself from teasing a little.

'' That's not fair, '' Jinki said with a pout.

Jonghyun snickered at his boyfriend's expression. '' Well maybe you can reward me later when I'm done sorting out my stuff, '' he indicated suggestively.

Jinki's Adam's apple bobbed in his throat as he swallowed hard. He slowly nodded, silenced by his wild imagination.

Jonghyun turned on his heel, hiding the wide smile that now stretched his lips. In that moment, he knew that he was where he was supposed to be. Living here with Jinki.

                                                     ***

                                      -Three months later-

Jonghyun's heart jumped inside his chest as he felt Jinki stir behind him. He slowly looked back, scared to meet the other's dark chocolate eyes. Fortunately, he was glad to see that his boyfriend still was in deep sleep, a fine trickle of saliva dribbling down his chin. A soft smile graced Jonghyun's lips. He allowed himself a few seconds to take in the endearing sight that was his boyfriend sleeping. He had missed those moments. He had missed the promise of a peaceful day where it felt like they were the only ones alive in this world. He extended a hand to bring it to Jinki's face, but right before his fingertips met the softness of his skin, he retracted it. Later. Right now, he needed to get on with what he had planned for the morning. He turned back again and rolled out of bed as quietly as he could. He shivered as his feet met the cold wooden floor, but he lost no time to walk over to the door and step out of their bedroom. He pulled it close, once again being mindful of making as little noise as possible.

A sigh of relief crossed his lips as he finally walked into the kitchen. The first part of his mission was a success. Now, he just had to make sure that everything would be ready before Jinki woke up. That was the most crucial part. He wanted to see the surprise on the brunette's face when he'd see the great breakfast he had just prepared for him. He had long wanted to return the favor, but he had lacked time. Between attending his classes, studying, and hosting a radio show on campus, the only things he had time left for were breathing and eating. And Jinki had made sure to help him manage everything by always preparing breakfast, lunch and even sometimes supper for him. Jonghyun couldn't believe how lucky he was to have someone like him in his life. The thought had him biting his lip to stop the wide grin that threatened to crack his face. He was happy. And all he wanted right now was to share that feeling with his boyfriend. He finally got going and took out some of the ingredients he needed. A feeling of déjà vu seized him as he looked at all the items he had gathered on the counter. It couldn't be helped. Not that long ago, he had found himself doing the same in another kitchen. The sense of lightness he had felt so far withered at the thought, but he made a deliberate effort to shake it off. This wasn't another time, this was now. It wasn't the end of something. It was only the beginning.  And began he did. The recipe didn't change, but the feeling with which it was executed was completely different. In that moment, he felt at peace. It was a naive peace that was fragile, but his focus kept any serious thought at bay. Half an hour passed by like that, having for only reality the making of the fluffiest and yummiest pancakes ever. Still, he had stayed vigilant, keeping an ear open for any foreign noise, but fortunately, he was granted the time to cook all the batter he had prepared and pile up the pancakes on two plates. As he finally caught the sound of footsteps a few seconds later, he rushed to put the plates on their dining table before placing the maple syrup right between them. He then walked back to his working space to put some stuff away and start the coffee machine. He turned back right in time to see Jinki coming from the hallway. When their eyes met, they shared a brief smile before Jinki's expression became confused.

'' What are you doing? '' Jinki asked with a cocked eyebrow. He couldn't help but wonder if the delicious smell his nose had just caught was a product of his imagination or if it was indeed real.

Jonghyun smiled again, this time wider. '' Nothing much... '' His smile became a laugh as he saw a frown form on the brunette's face. You'll never know how cute you are, he thought as he went on with what he was doing. The coffee machine started brewing, soon adding to the comforting scent floating around. Meanwhile, he hadn't noticed that Jinki had gotten closer to him, making him jump slightly when he turned back again. The taller one was right there, only a few inches apart, staring at him with the intent look that never failed to weaken him.

'' Thank you, '' Jinki simply said before instantly diving in for a kiss. His strong arms wrapped around his boyfriend's little waist, affirming to them both once again that this was a real. That they were real.

Jonghyun softly moaned, enjoying every second of the kiss until his lungs reminded him again of his need for air. Stupid lungs. If there was something he could never get enough of, it was kisses. Some might say he had an oral fixation, but he didn't care. '' You haven't even gone to the table yet, '' he remarked as the other's last words rang in his mind.

'' Well from what I can smell, I already know I'm going to love it, '' Jinki replied with a dashing smile.

Jonghyun playfully hit him on the chest. '' Wait 'till you taste it. ''

'' Oh shit, you're right, '' Jinki teased with a hearty laugh.

The younger one gave him a fake pout before turning towards one of the cupboards. He took out two cups and poured the hot coffee into them. Nothing more was needed; they both loved their coffee just like that. Before he could grab both cups, Jinki took one. '' Let me help, '' he said. '' Do we need anything else? ''

Jonghyun took a second to think. '' Yeah, utensils, '' he realized. Once again, he was beat to it as Jinki opened one of drawers under the counter and took out two sets of forks and knives. He shook his head in light disapproval. He hadn't wanted Jinki to even lift a finger, but his enthusiasm was too contagious. He smiled openly as the other gave him one of those wide grins that made his eyes disappear. '' Okay, come. ''

He led the way straight ahead, bringing them a few seconds later into the dining room. Jonghyun gave a quick glance towards the other. An amused laugh immediately escaped his lips as he watched his eyes widen. '' Happy? '' he verified.

Jinki's head bobbed up and down in a vigorous nod. '' You finally made them, '' he exclaimed, his voice full of awe.

Jonghyun knew his cheeks would soon hurt from smiling so much. '' Yes, I wanted to surprise you. '' He had teased the other several times by mentioning how good his pancakes were, but he had never actually gotten to making them. Until now.

Jinki's stomach grumbled. His hunger was fully awakened now. He pushed his chair back and sat in front of the plate that had been set for him. He picked up his fork, but before he allowed himself to dig in, he gave his boyfriend a long look. '' Thank you, '' he said again, his words full of sentiment.

Jonghyun shook his head, before he too settled into a chair. '' Stop thanking me, this is nothing... '' He observed. Indeed, preparing him a great breakfast wasn't beginning to make up for all that the other had done for him.

'' It's not nothing,'' Jinki instantly countered. '' I really appreciate it, '' he reiterated. He kept his eyes on Jonghyun to make sure he was convinced by his words.

'' I'm glad. '' The latter lowered his head slightly. '' It's just that... you've done so much for me so... '' He sighed. '' I'm just trying to find ways to show you how grateful I am, but I know it's not enough. '' He hadn't wanted to sound so serious, but the words had just poured out of him. Jonghyun lifted his head up again as he heard a chair being pulled back.

Jinki walked over to him before kneeling to meet his eyes again. '' You need to stop feeling guilty about this. It was my pleasure to help you and I don't expect you to pay me back for it either, '' he firmly reminded. '' Got it? '' he then checked as Jonghyun stayed silent.

'' Yeah... '' Jonghyun finally answered, despite his persistent unease. It wasn't easy for him to let go of something so big. He still couldn't get over his boyfriend's generosity. Even though he was beyond grateful, he couldn't help but feel guilty. He was once again being dependent on him and he hadn't much to offer in return.

'' I love you. ''

Jonghyun's heart skipped a beat at the sound of those words. A vivid warmth filled him, making him feel like his insides were melting. He knew if he didn't shift the attention elsewhere, he'd soon be in tears. '' I love you too, '' he replied, voice heavy with emotion. Clearing his throat, he rapidly added, '' Okay, you need to eat those pancakes now, they're probably already cold. ''

Jinki chuckled. '' I know what you're trying to do, but you're probably right. ''

Jonghyun pouted again, crossing his arms in slight annoyance. '' Go. ''

The brunette brought a hand up to his boyfriend's cheek and gave it a quick caress before moving back to where he had been seated. As soon as he was in front of his plate again, he plunged his fork into the top of the pile and took a first bite. A loud hum of contentment instantly left his lips as he chewed. '' Oh god... this is heaven... '' He exclaimed before taking another bite.

Jonghyun smiled and started eating too. He didn't manifest his enjoyment as loudly, but he could definitely agree that those pancakes were indeed heaven.

'' At what time did you come home last night? '' Jinki asked as he put down his fork for a moment.

Jonghyun's heart fluttered, thing that always happened whenever Jinki talked about the apartment as their home. '' Around midnight. '' He didn't like getting home so late, but he had exams coming soon and he couldn't afford to fail them.

'' Studying hard, huh? '' Jinki teased.

Jonghyun knew what hid under that light tone. He wasn't around much anymore and that undeniably had an effect on them both.

'' Yeah... I'm sorry. '' He felt bad, but there wasn't much he could do about it.

Jinki blinked slowly a few times, taken aback. '' Why are you apologizing? I'm happy that you're so invested in your studies, that's good. '' He deliberately stressed those last words to once again eliminate any guilt his boyfriend still carried. '' Plus, I should just make myself more busy, '' he joked, turning his gaze back to his food.

'' Weren't you meeting clients yesterday? '' Jonghyun remarked.

'' Well yeah... '' Jinki stuffed his mouth with more pancake. '' But, that didn't last more than half the day. Like, their finances were in pretty good shape so all I pretty much had to say was Keep it up, '' he then explained with a little laugh.

'' Well that's good, '' Jonghyun acknowledged before eating some more. It still felt surreal to him to hear Jinki talk about finances. He still hadn't gotten over the fact that his boyfriend had a degree in business management. That fact had popped up a few weeks ago when the other had expressed his interest in doing some freelance accounting again. He remembered how shocked he had been at that time. It was like he had discovered a whole new world. He hadn't quite been able to understand how someone who was so good with words could also be so good with numbers. And he still didn't. He'll never stop surprising me, he thought again as he drank some of his coffee.

'' Maybe you could start writing again... '' Jonghyun suggested, despite knowing what the answer would be.

A heavy sigh was his first answer. '' I can't... ''

The younger one felt a lump form in the back of his throat. The last thing he wanted was to upset Jinki, but the fact that he hadn't written anything in months bothered him deeply. '' Have you tried lately? '' he persisted anyways.

'' No... '' Jinki reluctantly admitted. He felt bad for not being able to write something that wasn't related to his relationships. He had wanted to break that vicious cycle and just write something for the sake of it, but every time he had sat down, an overwhelming sense of panic had forced him to stop. And having in mind that Jonghyun had taken interest in him through his writing, he somehow felt like he'd lose value in his eyes if he didn't get back to it.

'' It's fine, '' Jonghyun rapidly reassured. '' I'm sure inspiration will come back to you soon. '' He tried to give his boyfriend the most genuine smile that he could, but it instantly fell as he caught the sullen expression on his face. The lump grew bigger. He had fucked up.

They both slightly jumped in their seats as the sound of a phone buzzing caught them off guard.

'' I'll go see whose cell it is, '' Jinki indicated as he swiftly got up, grateful for the distraction. He soon disappeared as he passed the doorframe, leaving Jonghyun alone to beat himself up.

He sighed. You should've kept your mouth shut. His fork hit the ceramic plate as he let go of his grip on it. He didn't feel hungry anymore. A few minutes passed during which he impatiently waited for Jinki to get back. Just as he found himself wondering what was taking so long, the latter came back. Jonghyun looked at him and felt his chest tighten. Something was wrong.

'' What happened? '' he asked in panic.

Jinki ran a hand over his face. '' Um... that was Kibum... '' he uncomfortably shared.

Jonghyun frowned. '' What do you mean? ''

'' He was the one calling... He was calling me... '' Jinki tried to explain as his brain was still in overdrive.

Jonghyun's eyes widened. '' Oh... ''

'' Apparently, he is in town and... and he wants to see me, '' Jinki revealed, heart thrumming hard and fast.

Jonghyun couldn't believe it. He was almost tempted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming, but he abstained. '' So... um... what did you say? '' he asked as normally as he could.

'' I said yes, '' Jinki gravely replied.

'' Okay. '' Jonghyun didn't know what else to say. He couldn't say that he was happy.

In fact, he wasn't happy at all.

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