#no specific passages from the novel to share on this one

[bladedweaponsandswishycoats]

Justice in the Dark and the Art of Translating Vibes (or: Why the drama's kabedon (ep. 18) is actually the novel's car kiss (ch. 75-76))

I've been mostly burying myself in the material rather than reading what anyone is saying on social media but @lunarriviera said I should share this, so here goes.

I really like the way the creators of Justice in the Dark worked really hard to translate emotional beats and preemptively plan for censorship, and I think it does something interesting because it moves parallel moments around to where they need to be given the exercise in translation that an adaptation must perform.

Spoilers for both Modu and Justice in the Dark versions below!

The main one I want to talk about here is the kabedon/wall slam that takes place when they go to investigate the crime scene where Feng Bin was killed.

Obviously, the scene as it appears in the book at that moment in the plot would not have made it into the drama in a million years, even if censorship wasn't the way it is:

So it is a given that there was not going to be an interrupted wallfuck in the drama, and the creators were well aware of that. In many dramas, the usual thing to do would be to say "well, we'll try and do as much as we can, perhaps a generous shove would be allowed."

But JitD didn't do this. Instead they looked into the origin of the interaction and considered where the characters stand at this point.

Previously, a similar divergence already occurred at the point of the car kiss/Fei Du passing out at the front door that happens in episode 13 after having gotten dehydrated and low blood sugar from being sick in the aftermath of Zhou Huaixin's stabbing. The kiss, likewise, could never have been shown in this particular reality. To compensate, the creators of the drama made Fei Du's state during the car ride worse, and likewise heightened the severity of the reaction when it happens.

First with the car ride, in which Fei Du is arguably worse off in the drama. (And I really recommend rewatching this bit, both for the filming and the incredible music they gave this little mini-montage):

Then when Fei Du collapses, in the drama they make him actually fully fall unconscious:

The novel version, Fei Du IS out of sorts, and the general progression is the same, but they do also make out in the car before Fei Du gets out and I think it is reasonable to say on that basis that he's not quite as obviously out of it as in the drama. Likewise, he never fully passes out:

So what happened here is that the creators turned it to their advantage; recognizing they can't have the kiss, they decided to crank up the angst/whump and make Fei Du even more messed up (which, let's be honest, is almost as good). What's more, it is an option that was not available if they had been able to do the kiss. So, in a sense, they have adapted to their constraints and provided us with a "two cakes" option.

This is a good example of what I mean by the translation/substitution. Another one is the way they substitute the flashback childhood fever scene since they cannot do the forehead kiss in the very next set of scenes. But I think folks have probably talked about that already, and it's not the one I really wanted to get to.

So now for that: the kabedon at the start of case 4 (or Verhovensky/Doestoevsky/the Yufen School case, whatever we're calling it). This was the passage I quoted at the start of this post, and it, like the car kiss, could never have appeared in the drama.

And here the drama team again did a translation, but in this case it takes into account not just the novel parallel at this moment in the case/plot, but also the relationship progression for each the novel and drama.

Specifically, in the drama, as stated, there was no car kiss. In addition, the novel sequence puts two other important and relevant sequences between the car kiss and this scene: Fei Du's first and second nights out of the hospital. The first night is the one that involves blanket-burrito Fei Du being handcuffed to the bed and the non-consensual hairdrying (glorious moment), the second involves their first fuck, which takes place the next night, after Fei Du has gotten up for water and interrupted Luo Wenzhou reading Lao Yang's testament, and Luo Wenzhou telling Fei Du that he can't explain everything to him yet, so please give him a few days. I won't go into the excellent translations that do occur in the drama condensed single night of that sequence, but suffice to say, when drama Luo Wenzhou wakes up covered in photographs from Luo Guosheng's crimes 20 years ago and Tao Ran's urgent call, in the novel he's waking up in Fei Du's arms. And so later when Zhoudu are going to the Lovers' Mirror on the crime scene date, this is the first date after the first fuck—in the novel.

Meanwhile, in the drama, there has instead been much yearning and a sleepless night where I am certain they were both horribly desperately wishing they were in bed with the other—but they weren't. (Aside: yes I do also love the other interpretation that the filmmakers were gesturing towards them being together with overlapping cinematic effects, but I'm setting that aside for now, what can I say, I like multiple interpretations, I contain multitudes etc.) Thus this moment is not the same moment as it is when it happens in the novel.

What moment is it?

It's the car kiss.

As far as the relationship beats, Zhoudu are still at the heightened point of tension without much physical contact that their novel versions were at during the car kiss.

And that—that kiss was initiated by Fei Du.

(Aside: yes, I also agree with the perspective that Fei Du was trying to get rid of him so he could go have some quality basement time, and he knew that kissing him would make Luo Wenzhou aroused and flustered and furious—and probably he'd storm off. But people can have multiple motivations and he DID want to kiss him too.)

Anyway it is here (apologies for the long screencap):

What does that sound like?

Yep. This is actually the car kiss.

Tbh I don't care at all who tops and I think it is a boring thing to argue about, but I started thinking about this because I was wondering what the writers in the drama were doing and at first glance this was a surprising scene if watched with the novel equivalent in mind. I was convinced that there's no intentional choice made to invert/reverse anything, because in all other matters the creators have been paying an incredible amount of attention to trying to follow the novel in spirit and vibes even when they cannot do so literally. So why would this suddenly be an outlier?

And thus my proposed answer: It's not. It's absolutely in line with the translation strategy they've been pursuing in other scenes previously, but it is complicated by the divergence in relationship progression between drama and novel, the consequence of which its equivalent emotional/horny moment falls at a different plot moment.

The drama kabedon is the novel car kiss, not the novel kabedon.

[cosmicatta]

One Piece Novel: Law — a short analysis

So, after a long time trying to get my hands on the Law light novel, I was finally able to read it recently! And, because I'm an obnoxiously intense person who can't just be normal about things, I found myself taking notes about everything I judged interesting.

And I thought I could share! So here's a mostly improvised essay about the Law novel, how it portrays Law and what it reveals about him as a character.

Some notes before I start:

The edition I've read of this novel is the official Spanish translation by Planeta. When quoting and mentioning numbered pages, I'm referencing that edition.

I originally posted this on Twitter as a thread! If it sounds familiar, that might be why.

For those who haven't read the novel and might want to: be mindful of some trigger warnings, including gruesome medical descriptions, suicidal thoughts, mentions of abuse, and violence in general (I won't be touching on these subjects here though).

These are just my personal impressions, I'm not trying to tell anyone how they should interpret the novel or Law's character. I'm just doing this for fun!

The story takes place right after Cora dies, following young Law's journey as he makes it to Swallow Island and desperately tries to survive. There, he will meet Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, as well as Wolf, a novel-exclusive character that welcomes Law and the boys into his home as a family.

Overall, it's a very short read, agile and straightforward. The style is very juvenile, but that was to be expected, and I'd say it does a pretty good job at capturing the feeling of watching a One Piece episode. The novel does kinda feel like a mini arc.

I'm unsure if light novels can be considered 100% canon in general, but since the contents don't contradict anything from what we've already seen in the manga/anime, I'm going to assume we can at least take the events described in this one as canon.

But I'll leave the plot aside a little bit to focus more on Law's psyche, analyzing everything in the novel as material that helps us further understand him.

The entire book (save from a few specific passages) is written from Law's point of view and in first person, so it offers a more in-depth look at his way of thinking, motivations and ideals.

What I find most interesting in this sense is that the whole story is very centered around Law's kindness. Though he does admit several times that he had wanted to see the world burn when he was under Doflamingo's care (as we already know from the source material), the novel makes it very obvious that Law's true nature is compassionate. His inner voice even explicitly states that he enjoys helping and making others happy. (Quotes roughly translated from Spanish):

P. 27: "And I felt very comfortable collaborating with the task of helping others."

P. 92: "Knowing that I was going to free a person from their pain [...] gave me a joy I had never experienced before."

P. 136: "Just imagining the surprised faces of the Old Man, Bepo and the others brought a smile to my face" [when planning on getting fresh fish for dinner as a surprise].

And, despite living under Wolf's motto of "give to take," Law never expects anything in return for any of his good actions. In fact, he gets furious at Wolf himself when, after saving his life, the old man insists on giving Law anything he demands as compensation.

P. 120: "I didn't save you because I wanted a reward!" [...] They [Bepo, Shachi and Penguin] burst into tears of happiness when they realized that you had survived. That's more than enough for me! [...]" I won't let you belittle their tears!"

But even then, Law keeps arguing that he only saved Wolf "on a whim," much like he would say years later when asked why he chose to save Luffy's life. This is a common theme throughout the whole book (which is also pretty obvious in the manga)—Law doesn't recognize his own kindness.

It's not modesty or shyness, his inner monologue makes it very clear that he doesn't see himself as good-natured, and is often confused at his own motivations.

In their first meeting, when Bepo asks him why he is so nice to him, Law doesn't know what to answer; and after that, when Law finds himself wondering why he's trying so hard to save Shachi and Penguin despite their past history, he blames it all on "doctor's pride."

P. 48: "I wasn't even a good person."

Still, regardless of what Law might think of himself, living in Swallow Island seems to be making him progressively gentler. He was wary and hostile towards Wolf at first, but eventually lets himself trust people again, trying to honor Cora's memory and what he taught Law.

In Swallow Island he builds his new found family little by little, though never letting go of Cora and what he meant to Law.

P. 39: "Cora and I were family, that's what I felt at heart, I had no doubts. We had loved each other without saying it out loud [...] Would I feel the same for the Old Man and Bepo eventually?"

Slowly, he starts finding comfort and joy in community. He lets himself be carefree around his new friends, treating them with open affection, laughing and being surprisingly enthusiastic (although he quickly starts taking his role as a leader very seriously, and sometimes avoids showing weakness around them so as not to worry them.)

Law even gets to become an active part of life in Pleasure Town, where he and the other boys are cherished after 3 years living and working there. He's comfortable with his role in the community and appreciates the people in town. His sense of duty towards them shines especially when the pirates arrive to attack the town.

Again, this contrasts with how Law sees himself even in the manga/anime, where he insists that he acts mostly out of selfishness and only seeking his own benefit (or, in the best of cases "on a whim.")

But the truth is that Law's decisions are almost always related to other people's desires.

In this sense, the concept of guilt is also key to understand Law's motivations and his relationship with the world as a whole. This is especially obvious when it comes to Cora—Law even briefly wishes that they had never met, so that Cora would still be alive (p. 128-129.)

In a way, guilt is what moves Law forward, and what slowly starts transforming into a thirst for revenge, into rage and hatred towards Doflamingo and possibly towards himself too. It's a kind of tragic guilt born out of love.

His love for Cora still haunts him, his last wish for Law is the big enigma that he tries to solve during his 3 years in Swallow Island: be free. What is freedom to Law? How can he fulfill Cora's request? This is the question that gives meaning to the novel.

We know that Law wouldn't feel free until finally taking down Doflamingo and avenging Cora's death many years later, but he hasn't reached that point of determination in the novel yet. Maybe that's what gives the narration that hopeful and optimistic tone, with a young Law that's still finding himself, experiencing wonder in loving again, and learning what it means for him to be true to his values. It's the start of an adventure, and its core theme is love.

The ending illustrates this very well; I especially like the moment where Law names the crew as they're setting sail:

P. 243: "Cora's love that he showed me, Wolf's affection, the trust I had in my companions. One word embodied it all: Heart."

It is love that gives Law a reason to keep going. And I'm so glad that the novel doesn't shy away from this fact and isn't afraid of sounding "sappy" or "corny," because I do believe emotion is a very important part of Law's character.

The epilogue closes with a very interesting quote in the last page:

"You hear that, Cora? This is my... This is our pirate crew."

It is unclear if by "our" he is referring to himself and Cora, as if dedicating this new beginning to him, or if he means him and his crew. I'd personally like to think he means it both ways. But in any case, it's interesting that he openly shares the honor of "owning" his crew with someone else. He is the captain, but not the owner. It's another little way in which his generosity is evidenced.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable read, and it left me wanting more. Obviously, it's not a literature masterpiece, but it gives a lot of interesting material for character analysis, which is super fun.

Finally, here’s a few fun facts for those who can’t/don’t want to read the novel but enjoy the little trivia:

The Polar Tang was built and designed by Wolf.

Law’s first tattoo was "DEATH," and he got it at a local tattoo shop in Pleasure Town at around 15 years old.

Shachi and Penguin are childhood friends and likely met through their parents.

Shachi had always wanted to be a hair stylist.

Law is bad at cooking.

Both Shachi and Penguin are good at cooking, especially Penguin, who worked as a waiter in Pleasure Town.

The Hearts’ jolly roger was collectively designed by Law, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin days before leaving Swallow Island.

Law decided the name of their crew upon setting sail for the first time.

And I think that's all! ♥ I hope my rambling was enjoyable at least!

Edit: I've now posted an analysis of the Ace novels too!

[applejuicebegood]

Hi gorgeous!! I haven’t gotten a chance to respond to your message about jason x booknerd!reader, but I wanted to quickly message and tell you that I’ve read it and I’m absolutely in love! You literally always come up with such good ideas, idk how you do it!! You’re awesome and ily!!

-(@midnightorchids)

Jason with a Bookworm!S/O

A/N: I know school has started back up for you again babe, so I don't blame you :((( I was originally planning to expand this for you, hopefully you can read this during a study break or some down time (i might repeat some stuff - just look away). It's IB exam season where I am so I share in your pain. Hang in there dude!! Summer is almost here!!

Masterlist

He's a vintage paperback and leather-bound kinda guy. Crime, Sci-Fi, historical-fiction/romance, magical-realism, and non-fiction are his go-to genres. Favourite authors include; Margret Atwood, Kurt Vonnegut, Haruki Murakami, Frank Herbert, and probably M.T Anderson. He's only a little pretentious about it.

He can spend hours in used book stores digging through the big plastic bins and stuffed cardboard boxes. You help him find specific authors or titles, your basket heavy with your combined finds. He'll carry the bags back to your apartment, his other hand tucked into yours as you gush about excited you are to sort and organise your new additions to your shared library.

He still has some books that Bruce and Alfred gave hm before his murder. Leather bond additions of the Liliad and rare printings of Dracula and Frankenstein. They have these little notes left in the front pages from Bruce that he couldn't bring himself to tear out or throw away entirely. And if you thought his home library was huge- wait until you see the book shelves in his old room.

Since he doesn't spend that much money on himself, he now has every chance to spoil you with your own special additions of your favourite stand-alone's, expensive book-marks, and lavish coffee dates where both of you enjoy your books over the smoothest of richest of espresso.

In the early months of your relationship, most of your dates were spent at bookstores, thrift-shops, and libraries. Your love quite literally grew from the yellowed, torn pages your would both get lost in.

Once his home library combined with yours, most of your bedroom and living room wall space became covered with his floor to ceiling bookshelves. Your bedside tables would each have a small stack of books that you were currently reading.

He absolutely loves how you look with your reading glasses. He thinks it's too cute when you push them up with the back of your hand, entirely focused on an intense passage. Your eyes going wide or your breath stopping at a beautiful line. Your adorable focused stare and sweet round cheeks are accentuated fully. He should be reading the book in his own lap but he's entirely distracted by you. You shut the book with a thump and immediately turn to him to gush about the chapter you just finished only to have his hands catch your jaw and bring your smiling lips against his. And suddenly, you forgot what you were going to say to him.

Jason finds lines and prose in his books that remind him of you and highlight them. He would keep them in a note stack on his phone, just to read them back to remind himself of your beauty. It's something that he could never put into words himself, hence one of the reasons why he adores reading so much. He can find the right order of words that properly express his infinite adoration and care for you.

I've explored this before but you guys have a set date once a month where you'll sit in each-others arms and just read all day. You'll curl up in one of his sweaters with one of your thick Sanderson novels and he'll tuck a blanket around his lap with his special addition of 'Little Women' open in his lap. He'll refill your tea mug because it's always hard to pull you out of your book during your reading days.

You'll order in some warm comfort food for supper and talk about your books respectively. He'll gush about how Jo March is such a revolutionary character and how Amy is actually a metaphor for the loss of innocence girls experience when attempting to emulate patriarchal standards of womanhood.

All while you gaze lovingly back into his eyes, your chin resting on your palm - wondering if a marriage proposal would be too sudden for your evening conversation.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/765615333987041280/got-a-he-wouldnt-fucking-say-that-comment-the?source=share

This reminds me of one of my more embarassing moments ever. My sister was writing fic that inserted her OC into canon events. It was a rewrite of a scene from a book, and the goal was to imitate the author's voice and sound as if her OC had been in canon all along. I'd read other books in the same series but not the specific one she was working with, and she handed it off to me for a read on style and tone.

One of the passages I marked as stilted and unlike the author was a passage she had lifted verbatim from the novel.

--

[theladyofshalott1989]

On Representation (in Fandom Spaces)

I finished reading an incredible novel last week (Wellness by Nathan Hill) and there's a passage fairly early on that hit me hard. So much so that it made me cry. At the time, I didn't quite understand why it affected me so much, but it finally dawned on me this morning. My analysis will be after the cut. Here's the passage (from pages 208-209): "It's a lecture Jack gives to his Intro to Art class, during the chapter on American landscapes, how painters educated in the European tradition saw the endless tallgrass prairie of the Midwest and literally did not know what to do with it. They had no training that might have prepared them to depict something so monolithic. They were accustomed to scenes with easy scope and dimension: trees in the middle distance for perspective, rivers and valleys that made for convenient vanishing points, mountains on the horizon as an anchoring weight, all of it evocatively defined in light and shadow. But what do you do with a tallgrass prairie, where the middle distance and the far distance and the near distance are all flat and featureless and identical? What these artists did, mostly, was ignore it. They kept traveling west until they reached the Rockies and were rewarded with landscapes that matched their schooling, which is why, in the canon of American landscape art, the prairie is so underrepresented. It's not because the prairie wasn't beautiful—most of the painters acknowledged, in letters and diaries, that it was very pretty indeed—but rather that the prairie did not accord with the traditional standards of what was specifically beautiful in landscape art. These painters came looking for the things they knew how to depict—forests and mountains and beaches—and when they found none of these, they declared the landscape 'empty.' They did not see what was there. Instead, they saw what wasn't.

Jack means it to be a lesson on the difference between reality and the representation of reality. Beauty, he tells his students, is a constructed, not intrinsic, condition. The things we think are beautiful are only the things that have been depicted beautifully. And if it's not depicted, it's not seen. It never enters the imagination. It becomes a nothing.

Which is why the west got Yellowstone, and the prairie got destroyed."

I like to remain a positive space in this fandom for everyone, but I am human and I have my down days. Today is one of those days, so I thought I would (respectfully) wax on about this passage in the context of LGBTQIA+ representation in fandom spaces like Hogwarts: Legacy.

Despite a growing number of creators depicting diverse, queer narratives, there is often a noticeable lack of engagement with these works on platforms like AO3. I sometimes come across comments from users—which I don't think are made with ill intent—about only reading works by popular creators. While I understand this to some extent, as both a writer and a dedicated reader in this fandom, when I come across this sentiment in the wild, it's like a punch to the gut. I know and support many beautiful works that, if you were to sort by hits, kudos, or bookmarks, wouldn’t be considered “popular,” but are spectacularly written with wonderfully fleshed-out characters, and these stories deserve just as much recognition.

Suffice it to say, these stories—more often than not—do not center on heterosexual relationships or cisgender perspectives.

When queer stories are not engaged with, they risk being rendered "invisible" in fandom culture. This doesn’t mean they lack value or beauty, but simply that they fall outside the established norms, just as the prairie did in the eyes of the artists in the shared passage. This lack of visibility isn’t due to an absence of effort or talent but reflects a broader issue where what is unfamiliar or different struggles to be recognized and celebrated.

In this context, it's disheartening to see the potential for LGBTQIA+ stories to expand the landscape of fandom, only for them to often be overlooked. We deserve to see a fandom where all perspectives—like all landscapes—are equally appreciated and supported.

To those of you who do write LGBTQIA+ stories, you are seen and appreciated. Please do not stop writing. I know it can be very difficult to seemingly write into the void. Don't give up. You are doing the world a service. To those of you who are willing to expand your worldview, go out there and read outside of your comfort zone. You may find a new appreciation for an underrated pairing or genre.

Ultimately, I know this uncomfy feeling of mine will pass. It always does. But if you made it all the way to the end of this, thank you, and perhaps do me a favor. Think of a pairing (or even a story that doesn't have a pairing!) that you haven't explored yet in this fandom. Don't sort by hits, kudos, or bookmarks, as it's likely there aren't many stories yet to shuffle through. Browse the summaries. Does one stand out to you? Give it a try! If you enjoy it, give that author a kudo, maybe even a comment. You'll make their month, I guarantee it.

I suppose that's all besides I love y'all. Yes, all of y'all. <3

[its-all-papaya]

Thank you so much for sharing that! I really liked the vibe I got from it, a little melancholic but warm. I love that we’re in Lando’s head again, I enjoy the way you write his thoughts. And I was not expecting Carlos 👀 is Oscar his neighbor, like in the original? Did they know each other before?

Ofc you should write whatever you want, but what you shared was really good, I hope you keep going!

this fic is sooooo melancholic. nostalgic. wistful. it has so many passages like the one i shared, of lando just kinda Thinking Thoughts about his past. i was a bit concerned originally that there was too much of that, but i like the vibe it creates and feeds into. (this is kind of why we're 11k in without any serious landosc development)

also this ask is how i found out that there's an actual novel called "Beach Read" and i now must clarify that i am NOT writing a landoscar version of that book specifically. by "beach read" this whole time, i simply meant to reference the GENRE of novel that's fluffy and summery and romcom-y. meant to be read on a beach. i haven't actually read the novel Beach Read at all and do not know what the plot is, so i was so confused by "the original" in this ask. i was like... the original what... what original... has someone written this fic before...

anyway, oscar is NOT lando's neighbor ! and they do not know each other before the events of this fic! and that's all i'll say for now :)

[queer-ragnelle]

I read Mists of Avalon as a teen and I remember feeling very uncomfortable at the time but I couldn't place why. Do you have any recommendations for reviews/essays dissecting how specifically it is flawed?

At this point it is probably best to just let the book's legacy die and not engage with the works of that awful person, but I still feel like reading someone else's dissection of it would help me process those emotions.

Sorry if this is a weird thing to ask

Hi anon.

I’m sorry I honestly don’t have anything to offer you as I have refused to look further into it. The articles that do exist aren’t as critical as they could be in my opinion. (Warning: there is a disturbing passage from the novel in the article and obviously talk of Marion Zimmer-Bradley’s crimes as well as her husbands, who was a convicted child molester and died in prison.)

All I can say is people seriously need to stop buying the books. Zimmer-Bradley has been dead for 25 years, sure, but her girlfriend is the beneficiary and still gets those royalty checks. The same girlfriend whom Moira Greyland, Zimmer-Bradley’s daughter and victim, alleged knew about the abuse and did nothing, not to mention defends Zimmer-Bradley. Zimmer-Bradley’s other fantasy series Darkover also has pedophilic themes. So this was not only a pattern in her fiction but one based on her lived reality. It’s fucking disgusting.

Anyway I’m sorry again I don’t have anything to aid with your own closure. All in all we need to do a better job killing the legacy. If someone makes a gifset of the show don’t share it, don’t reblog quotes, for the love of god people please leather bind a different book I’m begging you. It’s getting so old.

[ivanaskye]

1, 3, 11 for book mrme

How many books did you read this year?

Uhh 97. That is however counting graphic novels and some novellas and poetry and such. (9 books of poetry, 24 graphic novels by my count just now, harder to determine what exactly is a novella or otherwise shorter than a 'full length book').

2. What were your top five books of the year?

oh god

Oh right, #1 is easy, The Devourers by Indra Das. I've simultaneously been gushing about it all year and failing to describe it in any way; one thing I will say is, I didn't read it when it came out bc I heard from the grapevine a lot about it REQUIRING A STRONG STOMACH and being SO VERY DARK and such and ummm hm, was it though? Anyway. It walks this very specific line whereby the monsters are truly monstrous and yet not dehumanized, in a way that I'm not sure I've seen anything else do. Very good. Only book that could possibly pull off its last sentence.

Past this #1 slot, though, I start running into a lot of things I liked for very different reasons. Wind and Truth by Brandon Sanderson is certainly a contender, but, it's Sanderson, you already know whether you're interested or not. (99% chance I become a Mishram stan by the end of the next book, yk, 6 years from now or whenever.)

The almost-paired books of The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo and The Pomegranate Gate by Ariel Kaplan (which I indeed read very close to each other!) are also both contenders. Both are fantasy about Jewish characters in the Spanish Inquisition; they diverge dramatically past that point in almost every way, which only makes them feel more in conversation with each other. The Familiar makes classic YA tropes work as they never have before thanks to the presence of the very real constant threat and dread of being found out by the Inquisition; Pomegranate Gate somehow ends up channeling Kingdom Hearts.

The West Passage by Jared Pechaček was very good. The Naming Song by Jedediah Barry is the only thing I've encountered that's ever truly pulled off word-based magic; it does this by effectively selling its setting as having truly, wildly different metaphysics to the world we live in now. (Which is also why I'm having it share a paragraph with The West Passage, really.)

Kritika H. Rao's Rages Trilogy, currently consisting of its first two books, The Surviving Sky and The Unrelenting Earth is very good so far, I eagerly await the conclusion.

There's also some far-from-my-usual-genre stuff but there's a whole different question on this meme for that, so...

3. What was your favorite book that has been out for a while, but you just now read?

[redacted], but other than that how can I not say Beowulf, which I read in two translations simultaneously and quite liked. (I'm not sure it is, say, 'my favorite of books released earlier than this year,' but it's so much earlier than any other contender that it kind of has to win, right,)

[jessicas-pi]

the sheevery ends and the shenanakins begin????

This is one of my oldest fics--I believe I wrote the part I'm gonna share here about two years before I even got an AO3 account! It's sort of an introduction story to the Problem Children AU, a fix-it where the Clone Wars ended, the Jedi saved the galaxy, and the fight for clone rights was won in a frankly ridiculous way...

---

To literally everyone’s surprise, though, the thing that truly reached the people was not an Amidalan speech. It was not a dramatic act of heroism and humanity. It was not the work of a thousand voices crying out for justice. It was a single pen on flimsi. It was a young woman with flights of fancy and a fluttering heart.

It was a book.

And not just any book. A really, genuinely, honestly trashy flimsiback penny-store romance novel, full of purple prose and gratuitous descriptions of fancy outfits.

And it was about the Jedi.

More specifically, it was a romance between a “Twi’lek Knight of ethereal beauty” and a “bold yet caring clone commander”, also starring a blatant Dooku expy as the villain and a ridiculous portrayal of the Jedi life and culture. It was called Remember the Midsummer Night, and it was a smash hit.

The Author’s Note was what really hit home with the people: it told the story of the author’s experience in the war. She claimed she owed her life to a Jedi and a clone “working together in perfect synchronization, like a droid-destroying dance”, and that it inspired her to write a story based on the experience. She followed it with a plea to fellow victims and survivors, to remember what sacrifices the clones made, and to honor them as they should be honored—as people, not cannon fodder.

(Regardless, ever since that book came out, Aayla Secura has been using a “You Will Die By My Hand If You Even Think About Mentioning That Accursed Novel” glare on giggling initiates and Skywalkers, a compilation video of Bly being flustered called Proof Clones Aren't Emotionless Meat Droids appeared on the Holonet, and of course Anakin memorized long passages of the book to quote them at inappropriate moments. What was he supposed to do, not recite the main character’s five-page inner monologue about how handsome her clone commander was in the middle of a council meeting?! Puh-lease.)

And it didn’t stop there. There had always been holofilms and novels featuring fanciful depictions of Jedi, but from the moment Remember the Midsummer Night hit the shelves, “Jedi Romance” became its own genre. The copycat books that followed the original publication were progressively worse. Publicly, the Jedi refused to comment on the stories, but privately…

Well, the Jedi Council meetings (which had begun to feel rather long and empty after the chaos of the war ended) became the Jedi trashy book club.

(Most members of the council weren’t aware Master Windu could laugh until Yoda read aloud a particularly painful passage from Heart of a Hero in the way only Yoda could and Master Windu fell out of his chair, tears streaming down his face, clutching his sides. To be fair, the rest of the council were in similar positions.)

(Anakin loved being on the council.)

[marta-bee]

I've been fixating a bit on Good Omens, specifically on Neil Gaiman being accused of sexual assault and the petition to get Amazon to fire Neil as writer of Good Omens S3.

What I've read about Neil Gaiman assaulting those women seems credible to me. I mean, I try to believe women who say they're assaulted generally and give wide berth for the sometimes odd ways trauma can keep them from coming forward as soon as I'd like, or giving clean accounts of their assault. But I was busy, I hadn't read the reporting, and I also liked Gaiman's writing and felt like I knew him (of a sort) because of years of following his Tumblr feed. Now I've done the reading, and at least based on the evidence available... I believe them.

Which raises a very uncomfortable question. I like the Good Omens novel, and the show, and I do want to see what happens. I enjoy the fanworks even more, but the originals also has a special place in my heart.

A lot of discussion around the petition starts with the (strange to me) idea that no one owns art once it's shared publicly. I do think we all own our experience of the story, and if the creator meant us to experience it a certain way, it's their responsibility to lead us down that road. Probably it's impossible to create that experience in the same way for all readers or viewers, because humans are messy and we bring all sorts of glasses, rose-tinted or otherwise, to everything we read. (I'm thinking of that line from the Lord of the Rings introduction: "It is perhaps not possible in a long tale to please everybody at all points, nor to displease everybody at the same points; for I find from the letters that I have received that the passages or chapters that are to some a blemish are all by others specially approved.") So yes, people are going to experience fiction from their own vantage-point, and our own experience of a story is our own. I'm really not very interested in interviews or other secondary statements about what an author meant. I mean, if JKR wanted Dumbledore to be gay she should have written him that way, etc., etc.

Even so! The story as it is (not as it's experienced, which can be quite different) really is the work of the people doing the telling. We all have the right to our own perception, the story that lives rent-free in our head.

But to say the person who fashioned the story doesn't in some sense own it -- legally or ethically -- just feels odd to me. I suppose Amazon would be within their rights to fire Gaiman. Maybe they'd even legally be allowed to not film the third season. But to say he's just one writer among many, and that we're entitled to the show without the brain that (co-)birthed it? That doesn't feel accurate and I don't think I can get on board with it. It actually seems extremely presumptuous and entitled to me. I'm imagining if someone objected to something they found out about me and decided to just rewrite one of my fanfics. That would feel invasive af, and I can't imagine anything I could do that would give them that right.

What are the other options? Well, the obvious one is the JK Rowlings approach: she created the story, it's hers, and it's precisely because she's so hateful now we shouldn't engage with it. Applying this to Gaiman, maybe we say we can't watch or reread it, maybe we push Amazon not to release it or other companies not to develop his stories into shows. Morally that makes more sense, though it feels like a shame because Good Omens pokes fun at religion's foibles in a way I know a lot of people found very helpful. It also seems like good queer representation, and it's also just plain fun. I'd hate for us all to lose that.

Personally, I've gotten quite good over the years at enjoying good stories told by bad people. I still watch my DVD's of Oliver Twist and The Pianist, even knowing what Roman Polanski did. The Cosby Show still makes me laugh. Etc. It helps those are things I already own so I'm not giving those people I object to more money. Not sure what I'd do about Good Omens S3; probably I'd pirate it or wait for DVD's I could get through my library, because there's not another season we need to get greenlit and I'd rather avoid giving him more money if I can help it. But I don't feel some moral imperative to shun meaningful, enjoyable art because someone involved with it did something wrong. Certainly not the other art people have made around it, including fanworks.

I can respect people who come down on the other side and say, nope, Good Omens = Neil Gaiman so I'm no longer going to touch it. This idea that we can somehow cut Gaiman out of this story and somehow enjoy it without worry just doesn't sit right with me.

(I can 100% understand people who can't read the book or watch the show without thinking of him, to the point it's no longer enjoyable. I tend to get engrossed in what I watch to the point I'm not thinking of the RL people behind it, so that's less of a problem for me personally; but that's my personal quirk. And thank goodness for that- I studied philosophy, and there are lots of "interesting" biographies going on there...)

[ananke-xiii]

for @slutsons-blog 💖

I'll explain the genesis of this post in case anyone else is interested!

The frame of reference of the post is basically the way I see Cas from s6 unitl 15x18 which I guess you haven't watched yet? But you're on this website so I must presume you know what happens in that episode, right? It's the episode where Cas says this:

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want… It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know… I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it.

I'm not denying the pathos of the moment and its poetry and I understand its importance in the wrapping up of Castiel's arc for s15. However, I personally have huge problems with this way of thinking about happiness. If I put my thinking cap on I'm very suspicious of that equivalence where happiness = not having = just being = just saying. I find it profoundly false and purposely vague which makes it more interesting to analyze.

Then there's the notion of "true happiness" which always makes my ears perk up because, you know, "truth" is a super loaded topic and combined with that of "happiness" you might as well have the recipe for a philosophical bomb in your hands.

What this little declaration sounds to me is very dangerously close to the famous "happiness real only when shared", the annotation that Christopher McCandless wrote next to a passage from the novel "Doctor Zhivago", a story also about a difficult love between two people that ultimately ends in death. The passage was the following:

And so it turned out that only a life similar to the life of those around us, merging with it without a ripple, is genuine life, and that an unshared happiness is not happiness, so that duck and vodka, when they seem to be the only ones in town, are not even duck and vodka. And this was most vexing of all.

I haven't read the novel so I couldn't really speak about it but it seems to me that its political aspect shouldn't be ignored given that Boris Pasternak was faced with the threat of exile by the Communist Party (among other things) upon news of being the recipient of the Nobel Prize for that specific novel.

In this light the collectivist dream of "merging without a ripple" has some serious ominous undertones, therefore "happiness" in that passage might (or might not, again I haven't read the book, I just know of its context) as well be equivalent to omologation and comformity.

Now, of course, while I don't know and forever won't know what McCandless took from that passage that made him write the "happiness real only when shared" famous annotation, I do know that in mainstream culture this has come to mean, that is that the only real, or I might just say "true", happiness is when you share life with other people or when, I might just say, you reveal your feelings to other people. Which still hasn't solved my issue: what does true/real happiness mean? what do "real" and "true" mean and how do these adjectives affect "happiness" and decide when it's real/true and when it's not? And, finally, who dictates what reality and truth are? It seems to me that the answer to the question has just been shifted but not resolved.

And I think it's not resolved because we keep imagining our society as based on lack, on the things we can't have and never will which is a phallogocentric view of the world.

This is where the "lacanian supernatural" idea of my post comes from. If you wanna explore the inner workings of my brain, more below.

I'll try to be brief which means I'll have to oversimplifly lots of stuff which means this stuff will not be properly contextualized but these French philosophers/psychoanalysts talked.and.wrote.A.LOT. and then they modified their views during the years and also it's been 7 years since I'm done with them so it is what it is, that is I hope it'll make sense.

Basically Lacan revisited Freud's works and posited that the real trauma for people is not literally related to sex but, more symbolically, to language. He used Freud's Oedipal complex to express that the paternal function doesn't mean an actual fear of castration but it's the function that imposes the Law and defines what can be desired and attained and what cannot. For Lacan, it's not about the anatomical penis, but about the "phallus" which is a symbolic signifier of lack and sexual difference. To put it bluntly, the lacanian father(s, there are actually three fathers but let's not go there for now) is what comes between the child and the mother and tells the child: you are not your mother (but "I am your father" hahahah lol little joke), in this way he makes the child desire to go back to being one with the mother and makes the child enter the world of language which is the world of the "Law" (life like it is established to be lived: norms, social relations, kinship relations etc).

Now we have a problem Houston 'cause yes, castration is not literal, cool, but it's still something that happens. According to Lacan what gets castrated is the "jouissance": the lack of jouissance is what constitutes the subject. Now, what is this jouissance, you may ask? Well, it can't be translated into English. It can be translated as "enjoyment" altough you might want to bear in mind that "jouir" in French also means "to have an orgasm", just fyi.

Here Lacan expanded on Freud's "pleasure principle" because he differentiated between "plaisir" (pleasure) and "jouissance". "Plaisir" still obeys Freud's "pleasure principle" (everything we do, we do it to obtain pleasure and avoid unpleasure) while "jouissance" is trangressive because it goes "beyond the pleasure principle". According to Freud beyond this fucking principle there's only death: in other words humans tend towards death (the death drives). "Jouissance" is therefore both enjoyment and the road to death.

In Lacan's view "jouissance" cannot be experienced because the world is ruled by the symbolic signifier of the phallus which dictates a life based on lack as per above. For Lacan jouissance cannot be reached even by sex, the jouissance in sex is just a fantasy related to body parts. Now don't ask me why but later in life Lacan started to rethink some of the stuff he said and basically he started saying that there is an "other jouissance*", which is a "feminine jouissance" that can be experienced because it's a jouissance of the body that is "beyond the phallus" (which to me seems a total contradiction of his other points but okay, I guess), but which is nevertheless an "étrange" meaning "strange" jouissance. From this "étrange" stuff he went on to play on the word as "être-ange", meaning to be an angel, to talk about asexual jouissance.

*This concept of the "other jouissance" was then used by some French feminists, notably Cixous, to describe women's sexual pleasure and, more broadly, women's ability to create and be creative (as I said I'm oversimplifying so don't come at me tumblr academics). So no more death drive talks people, this is about creation and joy and pleasure beyond the phallus.

Finally, I want to say that I don't agree with almost anything of the above, but it's still interesting to read stuff through lacanian lenses cause some of his takes are like a trip or something hahahah. Quite a few philosophers have criticized Lacan, namely Derrida because they were like: dude, even if it's not the real thing you're basing everything on the phallus, are you okay? 'Cause, like, as you can see Lacan's central idea is the "phallus" that, anatomical or not, still gives meaning to everything. This is what Derrida calls "phallogocentrism" (the centering on the phallus + logos) i.e. the Western tendency to privilege language and the masculine point of view to create and shape discourses. Other philosophers like Deleuze and Guattari in "Anti-Oedipus: Capitalism and Schizophrenia" have criticized Lacan because his theories were based on a concept of desire as lack while for them desire is very much active, present and an affirmative vital force. They have also criticized the idea of the Other (which in Lacan is the mother but, again, there technically are three mothers but, as I've said, we won't go there) as the negative difference through which the norm (the Law) is established and have advanced the notion of positive difference, aka an Other that's not a minus compared to the Law.

And this is what I meant when I wrote in the tag that Berens is my enemy because saying that happiness is in "just saying it" means that what's important is the language and the word and that's it's okay to want and not having because desire is lack and like, no dude, not at all.

Sooooooooooooo. Are you still there?

I will proceed to translate my post now LOL.

in the lacanian (= a world founded on the phallus, therefore on lack and where desire is unattainable) supernatural that damingingly lives in my head (as you can see) the one thing castiel wants and he knows he can't have is the other jouissance (women's sexual pleasure and ability to create) but he can't have it because the narrative forces him back into his incorporeal être-ange role (an angel who has no sex and no body and cannot therefore experience other jouissance) while he pretty much wants to have a body and, dare i say, suffers from a little bit of womb envy (just my headcanon that does have some solid proof because Castiel is very closely associated with mothers, births, portals, rifts and children) because that angel doesn't have a death drive but a birth drive (as I said, he doesn't want to die, he actually wants to give birth and create but the narrative, which is lacanian, says no, you can't have that so RIP, see you in your next resurrection and, btw, from s6 you're obvi also gonna be a neurotic, good luck babe!)

[polutrope]

9, 19, 20 for the smut asks!

Thank you for the ask!

9. How did you learn to write smut? Were there specific fics or authors that inspired you? Or novels/movies/other texts?

Three ways I can think of!

Reading, reading, reading! I have legit copy-pasted smutfics I really liked into a Google doc to pick apart why. I have done this with one of yours ajfkhdjk.

Getting betas and concrit from a range of people on the all-important question: Is This Hot?

Reading articles with tips on smut writing, articles on sexual health websites, sexual health forums (esp for firsthand testimonials on the gay sex), and sometimes even dry-ass (lol) articles on anatomy.

19. Share a favorite passage from one of your smut fics.

Below the cut time!

I find the juxtaposition of humour and smut to be an absolute sensory delight. The whole Elwing/Maglor fucking scene from Everlasting Darkness is so hot AND funny to me. Uhh this was hard to cut down, I am sorry it's long.

"Aah, Elwing!” he cried, watching her swollen breasts bounce with the motion of her body. “Aahh, you are stunning.” “Get up,” she demanded, and snapped her neck down to snarl at him. “Get up and take me on your lap.” Maglor sprang up to a seated position, holding her firmly against him. He crossed his legs and she wrapped hers around him. “Mmmph,” she moaned, grabbing his face between her hands and kissing him hard. She rolled her hips and seated him deep inside her, even as her tongue, thick and eager, sought out his. Her back arched, pushing her breasts closer so that the hard peaks of her nipples chafed against him. “Fuck me,” she breathed against his lips and took the lower one between her teeth. “Show me how good you can be, Maglor. Show me how much you regret everything you’ve ever done.” He growled with delight and grabbed her hips in both hands, fingers digging into the soft flesh of her buttocks, and lifted her over his lap. Up and down, up and down, urged on by the expression of pure bliss that overtook her. His arms burned with the effort, but she began to shout in short, sharp bursts, so he uncrossed his feet and dug his heels into the bed, lifting her harder and faster. Oh that he could release his own pent need! He was so swollen, so hard, but he was determined to give her the best she’d ever had. She hooked an arm around his shoulders, bringing her face close and panting hotly on his lips. Her pale irises were nearly swallowed by the blackness of her pupils. “Make me come,” she said. “Yes,” said Maglor, “yes, Elwing, starlight, glittering, I will make you come again and again and again, for every time I ever wronged you or your–” “Shut up and fuck me,” said Elwing. She robbed him of any possibility of defying her first command by smothering him in a deep and searching kiss, biting and sucking at his lips. Her nails clung to his back like talons. He bucked beneath her once, twice, thrice, and moved a hand from her hips to grope and pinch at one nipple and then the other. A pulse of wetness spilt around his shaft, and she shuddered and clenched down around him. She tore her mouth from his and screamed, and bucked, and screamed again. With skilled hands skittering over her body, he coaxed higher and wilder notes from her until, at last, she collapsed against his shoulder.

20. Share a summary of, or excerpt from, an unpublished smut fic.

This is Amarie and Maglor's Spouse making fun of their fiances fucking, while fucking. (Oloste is a trans woman).

“I will play music upon your cock, Ingo.” Oloste tickled the front of Amarie’s braies. “Oh Cáno, please,” she switched into the voice of Findaráto, “play me, play me, play me! Make a symphony of my pleasure.” “He would not say that,” Amarie protested meekly, rolling into Oloste’s hand. “Mm, perhaps not.” Oloste nuzzled Amarie’s neck, raising bumps over her skin with the scrape of her teeth. “But he would think it.” Amarie’s mouth was split open, half-gasping, half-laughing, as Oloste hoisted her hips up onto the dresser. The Noldo was tall — taller than Macalaurë, and practically towering over Amarie’s petite frame. But with Amarie positioned on the furniture like this, they could see eye-to-eye, and meet hip-to-hip. Oloste ground her pelvis between Amarie’s thighs. Amarie gasped. She could feel the pulse of the other woman’s arousal, growing harder against her.

[wifeglor]

9, 19 — and 21 for dealers choice of character!

Thank you so much for the asks, and for making this fantastic ask meme!

9. How did you learn to write smut? Were there specific fics or authors that inspired you? Or novels/movies/other texts?

Hmm gosh. I think I've been mostly influenced by fic-reading. I'll go through phases where I read a LOT of fic, including smutfic. After reading/watching some new thing I tend to go through the AO3 tag at speed like a baleen whale consuming krill. Also, reading enough smut fic really gives you a sense of like, the words and moments and acts that come up such that it makes it feel doable to replicate (not saying it's "formulaic" but I was internalizing some of the formulas). And chatting with fandom friends, sort of writing out AUs in a nearly-rp-but-less-structured style, which is something I've been doing in um graphic nsfw detail for way longer than I've written actual smutfic to post, has I think also been really formative in terms of my writing.

But also, I think I've been heavily influenced by the stuff I liked in media in general (and still absolutely am, though for purposes of this question I'm listing the formative oldies). Honestly, rarely sex scenes themselves (though them also), but more the tropes and emotional beats or separate images that really grabbed me and seemed "sexy." Thinking of villainous moments ft. shirtless Gwaine and Morgana from BBC Merlin LMAO, formative. LotR naturally. The Queen of Attolia's descriptions of Irene Attolia, Name of the Wind's descriptions of Denna that baby me had memorized whole paragraphs of by heart--stuff that was plausibly kinda unhorny in these books but in reality sooo very horny. But also various depictions of sex, like the touching & radiant-with-light sex montage of Alicia/Julio's finally getting together in the TV show Gran Hotel. Also, for unbridled PASSION at the MAX despite no actual sex, Sienkiewicz's Trilogy of historical novels, which I wrote my first smut fic for. I also read romance novels ft. erotica from time to time and enjoy them a lot (if there's sufficient DRAMA), and I guess I internalize what I feel like "hits" (or doesn't, ha) in the ways that genre does sex too. It's only been fairly recently that I started to write sex in more detail in my fics and less as like a sort of brief "tasteful" "artistic" (lol) moment--those "moments" gradually grew more description. like a mold--and I still think that kinda shows in my writing in the ways the detail is sometimes not as present or bodily as it could be, and things can get glossed instead of closely inhabited. But hey I like it and am having fun :D

19. Share a favorite passage from one of your smut fics.

Hmmmm hmm. I like this one, from yes many and beautiful things (unwieldy fic but really dear to me still):

Maedhros doesn’t resist him, not on this. When Maglor coaxes pleasure from his scarred body, Maedhros lets him.

He was unmade for pleasure in Angband. He had sought to render himself the unbreakable shackle to the mountainside, the sheer cliff—but Maglor plays upon him as well as any instrument, transforming him into something alive and enjoying. Maedhros barely hears the low, ragged noises he makes, barely sees the gleam of Maglor’s eyes beneath dark lashes, as he spills down Maglor’s sweet-voiced throat.

The silence is no silence—it is Maglor choking and swallowing and Maedhros panting, the air about them like a tide in his ears.

Maglor wipes his mouth and looks very pleased with himself, though he struggles to catch his breath. His eyes are dark and dizzy.

Maedhros seizes two scraps of his strength and tugs Maglor up to him by the shoulder, none too gently. He kisses him and devours the sweet startled sound, the taste of his pleasure in Maglor's mouth, the flush, full press of Maglor's cock against his thigh as Maglor falls in a graceless drape atop him.

"Maedhros," Maglor keens.

The Sindarin name makes Maedhros all the more desperate. Yes, they are here, not in Aman; that is his name—and Maglor wants him anyway, has— And Maedhros kisses him again, winding his arms around him, pleasure still uncoiling in his own flushed body. He can feel each tremble of Maglor's, holding him so close. At last he tips awkwardly into pressing Maglor upon his back instead and unfolding him. Maglor gasps like a rustling bough when Maedhros palms over him, and both their hands trip over each other reaching for the vial of oil in its niche. Maedhros is quicker, and he tugs the cork free with his teeth.

(the VIAL OF OIL lolol... but still...)

21. Share a smutty headcanon about [character(s)].

Finrod is an effortless and true neutral switch. He just wants to have fun and he just wants his partner to have fun. I feel like he's so comfortable bottoming that that might happen more often in his long and varied life, but where that comfort and willingness comes from is the same place as the wellspring of confidence and affection that makes him such a good dom and/or top. xoxo

[ohwolfling]

THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW ABOUT MY FELLOW WRITERS

tagged by local legend @theletteraesc

if you see this and you want to do it, DO IT! I am too sleepy to figure out who has tagged whomst in our little corner of writers. <3

Last book I read: I'm currently reading Neuromancer and (unfortunately) rereading Cyberpunk 2077: No Coincidence for my big spring project (info here). I'm also reading Patrick Swayze's memoir, The Time of My Life, co-written with his wife, and that's been very meaningful to me and my current journey of gender/my relationship to how masculinity has shaped me. I read random passages from Lord of the Rings for about two hours recently, just to be there again, and before that I finished Lanny by Max Porter and Bravely, the Brave novel by Maggie Stiefvater. I recommend them both to lovers of any kind of folklore.

Greatest literary inspirations: the Brontës, Tolkien, and all the romantic poets. Huge Chaucer people-are-messes-are-metaphors guy. But truly, in my bones, I am a run on sentence Anne Rice refused to edit. If I'm writing SCENES or screenplays or plays, it's Tennessee Williams, Martin McDonagh (mostly Pillowman and In Bruges), and German absurdism that I aspire to.

Things in my current fandom I want to read but I don't want to write: I need so much Rogue/Alt recs that are heavy and sensual and atmospheric but don't completely retcon the complication of their own timeline (Cyberpunk 2077). Dying for Aylin/Isobel smut that is feral and sincere. Shadowzel girlies, help me. Also, SH, Lae, Wyll as a polycule could be a vibe. HALSIN FILTH (Baldur's Gate 3).

Things in my current fandoms I want to write but I think nobody would be interested in them but me: More that I think people want a very specific thing from me BUT I do want to write a sort of fragmented, each chapter is a time jump unpacking of how Gale gets to that orb, like emotionally/trauma-wise, not literal. I also think that there's room to explore that Gale is not so monogamous in a traditional sense after healing from Mystra and I know that that really ruffles feathers. Murky waters of interpretation with some of that stuff in the game as it stands. With 2077, no one wants what I am writing there ever so lmao but I have my ongoing super philosophical and spiritual fix it fic of the Sun ending and some Johnny PL Tower ending stuff I'm playing around with.

You can recognise my writing by: I will not let you know anything until I make you feel like you're in the room. The stage picture is specific, layered, and emotionally resonant, and you will know about it. Alternatively, you are so horny and also a single tear is sliding down your cheek.

My most controversial take (current fandom): Every origin character in Baldur's Gate 3 is a main character and as plot relevant as every other origin character. There ARE characters who are too far gone in their experience of systemic trauma and those people are the fucking villains/personal antagonists. The god ending is Gale's WORST ending, narratively speaking. It is on par with Lae'zel going to Vlaakith. Interpretation is good but put down the STEM and know how to recognize literary devices, story arcs, character archetypes, etc to support those. Your head canon is not a vision from on high, babes.

Top three favourite tropes: HEROIC FATIGUE, COSMIC PLAYTHING, and just like... so many versions of hurt/comfort tbqh. I am the protagonist/eldest child on a genre tv show psychologically speaking.

What’s your current writing mood (10 – super motivated and churning out words like crazy, 0 – in a complete rut): ricocheting wildly between a 2 and an 8. Brain and body have not been operational at the same time in a long while but strangely my creativity seems to be healing and growing actually?

Share a random frustration: when my monitors go to sleep, the blue light at the base of them flickers. I have no idea why. I can't figure out how to stop it. If I try to search the web for a solutions, it thinks I mean a flickering blue screen and Google is atrocious now so it won't accept any phrasing that tries to eliminate that. I sleep in a little eye mask but I still KNOW they're there and it pisses me off.

[quaranmine]

Oh boy.

So I finally got a chance to read chapter 12. I... I don't even know what I'm supposed to say. I don't know how to wrap up and summarize my feelings because they are so much. (Procedes to write six paragraphs)

I'm finding myself fixated on a few small details, namely the subtle hints at Grian’s PTSD and the who, "I don't want to do it but I don't want to do anything else," style of major decision paralysis.

The small, everyday things that the average person would barely blink at now being a major trigger was (having a panic attack when something burns in the oven) was such a small but at the same time huge thing. It was a beautiful touch, and so very real.

I'm reminded of not being able to play Minecraft or watch any mcyt (especially Grian and Mumbo, ironically) after my friends death because it was something I shared with him, and something that going back to without him just felt wrong. But it was something I loved that I didn't want to give up on, and I didn’t want to pick up other things. I imagine Grian feeling the same way about his career being a passion that he isn't ready to pick back up because it was part of his life with Mumbo, but also something he doesn't want to lose.

I'm glad Grian and Scar met. I don't think it would have felt right if Grian didn't seek out that last bit of closure he needed, as well as giving that closure to Scar as well. This is the start of a beautiful friendship and I'm happy you word-of-god confirmed that they stay friends.

I'd like to headcanon that visits to Scar's lookout become a yearly tradition. At some point, he brings Martyn, Joel, Lizzy, Jimmy, and Pearl up the trail, too, because I'm sure Scar would love to meet Grian’s friends, and they would love to meet Scar.

I want to thank you again for this story (calling in a "fic" at this point almost feels reductive, it might as well be a novel to me) if I have any more thoughts, feelings, or entire essays raving about a single line, you know I won't hesitate to hit up your ask box again.

I'm so happy you liked it ❤️❤️❤️ Ngl I was waiting to see your opinion on it, I value it a lot!!

I do not think the hint towards Grian's lasting trauma even made it into the first draft of this chapter, and I can't believe it wasn't in the outline from the start! It was added on one of my many second, third, etc passes. (I often just reread passage I wrote at the start of every new writing session and inevitably continue to add new paragraphs and sentences.) You aren't the first person to mention it. I think it's...important to not just recognize the grief, but also the specific things that happened to him. I think surviving a forest fire has to be one of the scariest things to happen to a person. Included with everything else? I think he's doing better with it all than he thinks he is. I included that based on some things I read on a subreddit for burn survivors and knew it had to apply to him too.

You have repeated exactly what I was going for with Grian's job. He still loves it, he trained hard for it, but it's very much a part of his old life that fell apart and not his new current life. It also feels so. Normal. To pick up a job again and carry on. I looked at him and knew he'd just feel so, so lost after all of this. He has a type of drive in this story that is unsustainable and self-destructive. And now that switch got abruptly shut off. So where does he go now? It isn't as simple as just picking back up where he left off on his life. Sending love to you as well, thank you for sharing <3

I like your headcanon :) I'd like to add in my own which is that Scar also, at intervals, visits England as well. He does say in the beginning of the story that he's never traveled outside of that half of the country and asks Grian if it's pretty there. Seems like an exciting jump for him to make! And I'm glad they met too. I think Grian would've driven himself insane isolated in that tower if he hadn't had someone. And a good someone at that.

Likewise you know my inbox is ALWAYS open to your thoughts!!

[neewtmas]

So I found a post by @chdarling that was full of questions for writers (because apparently we're weird) and though it might be fun to ask some of my favorite writer mutuals (that I can remember in the next 2 minutes) to answer the questions. There were 40 in total so I've just shortened them into 21. Number 11 is optional.

Have fun :)

What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

Do you have any writing superstitions What are they and why are they 100% true?

If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place

Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written?

Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written?

What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Omg thank you so much for thinking of me!! That's really nice🫶🏻🫶🏻

I have to preface this by saying that i'm not a "real" writer in the sense that I'm writing original stories, i'm just doing fanfiction (at this point). I might not be able to answer everything, but I'll give my best.

What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

I usually write in a grammarly document and there is a default font that I don't know if you can even change. I also don't really care though

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

I think if I had an idea that was so groundbreaking that I had to get it out into the world I would but otherwise... I'm a slow writer as it is so that would just make it so much worse

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

I don't think it's particularly cursed, rather it's probably very basic - I just put on comfy clothes, light a candle and listen to ASMR/ some sort of ambience background music that fits the mood I want to write about

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

I don't have a specific word, but what I absolutely LOVE to write about is how the light looks like in a room. morning light, afternoon sun, dawn, dusk, golden hour, etc. I think that's a fantastic way to set the mood.

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

I don't think I have any. I don't really have any in general either

6. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

I'd definitely kick dialogue. You can convey almost everything through actions, gestures, facial expressions, etc. A story that only consists of dialogue would be hard to write and probably terrible to read imo

7. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?

I mean I don't really have any original characters to kill off, and even then I would probably be hesitant to do so - even though I think it can really make a story hit so much harder. In fanfiction, I rarely write about character death.

8. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I do, but only to people I trust. So far I haven't had any bad experiences. I also know where all my books are.

9. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

I write in my books, I underline, I use post-its, I do not dog-ear my pages (that's terrible IMO), I have also read in the bath before. I used to be really strict about keeping books as pristine as possible, I didn't even write into books I had to read for school that I couldn't care less about. But now I think that a book that looks well-read is the best kind of book.

10. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I used to lay my books over the back of chairs or at the edge of tables

11. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

Okay so I do have something in the works currently, which I won't give too many spoilers about, but it's a George x reader that is sorta enemies to lovers. It's also a little bit of a different setting than usual bc reader is a solo agent as opposed to in the agency/new to the agency.

12. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.

I'm gonna be honest I can't really choose one singular passage, so I'm gonna talk briefly about one of my favourite things I've written recently, which is George x reader titled Nightmares. This is one that was extremely fun to write, because I started out with like a little idea for one scene, and it really quickly developed a life of its own and I just had to follow that. That's something that only happens sometimes when I write. I also liked how I got to include scenes from both the show and the book and how it was a really nice mix of angst and fluff.

13. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

I'm gonna take eternal happiness with my one true love. I'm not a perfect or even really good writer by any means, and currently I'm absolutely fine with that. In theory I would love writing a book, but in reality I simply don't really have an idea big enough to warrant a whole publishable book.

14. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

I use grammarly bc english is my second language and it helps with typos and weird grammar mistakes that I might overlook. I have a document for everything I've written but it's not super organised or anything. The most organised place is probably my masterlist.

15. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place

I really just think about the source material and think about 'what would they do?' that's pretty much the extent of it.

16. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written?

I actually think Lockwood is really hard to write. Or all characters in general that have this confident, charismatic nature bc I am not confident and charismatic at all lol

17. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written?

Probably Newt. He is just such a sweetheart.

18. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

19. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

it only exists in English, and I actually can't remember if we learned to use it in school or not. I don't have really strong opinions, I sometimes use it, sometimes don't.

20. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

I don't have an endless amount of unfinished WIPs. I have one that I write and finish and post, and then I start a new one. I think that's probably somewhat unusual.

21. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

Writing (fanfiction specifically) is a way for me to connect with the world and the characters similarly to reading. I often have this strong urge to think myself into a book universe and writing is just one way to do it. Also going back and reading nice feedback I got is a great motivator.