#no smut until big smut filled free use day on the 30th actually

[auspicioustidings]

Kinktober Day 27

Moniker: Rudy Risk Level: Medium - Rudy is a part-time resident who is detained as needed. He is currently not detained and is visiting freely. Brief: Choking Safeword: Refer to first brief.

Rudy knows how to do this safely cariño, I’ll be watching as back up and if I think he’s making mistakes I will stop it - Ale

Your head wasn’t really in the game walking in. You just felt run-down and like you would very much rather bury yourself under blankets for the next forever.

It was so fucking stupid, you were so fucking stupid. Last night after Price had taken you out of the bath, Mace had popped his head in with an offering of the cosiest, softest pyjamas you had ever touched in your life. You’d been so appreciative, so happy that he would care so much that even when he probably should have been getting his own aftercare after such an intense session he would be thinking of you. Maybe even a little guilty for hurting you.

Calisto had dropped by later with the most insanely complex and delicious dinner you had ever had. She had made it herself for you. You chatted away about cooking for hours during which König had brought you both steaming mugs of a sort of wintery spiced tea that had been delicious.

You’d fallen asleep content and feeling cared for. Idiot. Obviously you had woken up this morning and realised how pathetic you were. They all must be so sick of having to look after you because you were so bloody delicate about everything. You weren’t even that sore this morning, just the aching that came with a hard fuck and some scrapes and bruises. Nothing broken, nothing permanently damaged. And you had safeworded out and cried about it like a baby.

Price must have wished he had picked someone else. They all must be looking forward to you being gone. After all your only use was as a warm body and you weren’t even managing that properly now.

You had to be better. Not that there was really any chance of ever seeing any of them again after this was all over because who would ever want you?

Rudy was beautiful as always. He’d had the room set up just as it had been the first time with him when you’d tried to learn to deepthroat, all soft plush furnishings, calming scents and varieties of snacks and drinks. Only you hadn’t done a very good job learning given you kept gagging on Gaz just the other day. Another failure.

“Hello beautiful. How are you feeling?”

“Good thank you” you lied with a forced but convincing smile.

“Perhaps not for long. Have any of the others choked you?”

You considered and shook your head. No, not properly. At least not with their hands.

“Even done correctly it is not 100% safe, so if you would like we can just play with one another without it” he offered, smiling warmly and running an appraising eye over your robe clad body.

You dropped the robe, baring your body and wanting to die when his eyes narrowed just for a moment before his brow relaxed.

“Choke me Rudy” you said, firm. “I want you to wrap your hand around my throat and squeeze until my pussy is trying to snap your cock off.”

That got him moving towards you, his warm hard delicately wrapping around your throat. He didn’t squeeze hard enough to cut off your circulation or your air, just a light squeeze. You wanted him to do it properly because you could take it. You could take anything. Please God let him be pleased with you.

“It’s ok, I won’t make you stop or anything. Please, you can choke me properly” you said, your hands going to his wrist and trying to push his hand to be firmer.

“Ale! Red!”

You were frozen in place, looking wide eyed at Rudy who took his hand from your throat and immediately cupped your face.

“It’s not you beautiful, you’re perfect ok? Let’s move over to the bed, come on.”

He was so gentle with how he led you to the bed, but your heart was galloping in your chest. You’d fucked up. You’d done something wrong. He hated you.

“Oh cariño, I should have noticed this morning” Ale said as he perched himself on the end of the bed you had been deposited on, his hands picking up one of your feet to rub soothing circles into the sole.

Noticed? You wanted the bed to swallow you whole. Was it clear to them that you were useless? How fed up must they be having to sit here and coddle you?

“I’m fine, I can do it.”

“Shh, I’ve changed my mind on what I want today. I just want you here with us. And maybe you can teach Ale to make the hot chocolate you made for me the other week hm? Better than his recipe.”

“Ah! You wound me Rudy, but I would be honoured if you could teach me your slightly less good than mine hot chocolate recipe none the less cariño.”

For a few hours Rudy held you, peppering kisses on your skin while Ale massaged your feet and calves. You sort of just floated in a heavy feeling haze the rest of the day, going through the motions of making hot chocolate with Ale while Rudy was having some hushed conversation with Price.

You didn’t want to eat but they sent in the big guns, Ghost and Mace more or less bullying you into it. If you hadn’t been so tired afterwards you’d probably have packed your bags before crashing out, after all there was no way they’d want you around after today.

[jay-and-dean]

Love me once, shame on me Chapter 7 : November.

Dean x OC

Love me Once, Shame on me MASTERLIST

Serie Warnings : Violence, swearing, Angst, Smut, unprotected sex (you are smarter than this), Fluffy fluff.

Chapter warnings : Swearing, smut, fluff, panic attack, ANGST AND TEARS.

Words : 5k

Chapter summary : Something happened on november 30th 2005 that will change his life forever.

Gifs nit mine

2005

           "Next hunt I'm not taking you with me" says dad, his eyes on the road.

"Dad..." I try to protest but he grips the wheel tighter and frowns.

"You're a danger to yourself, and to others. You're reckless and distracted. You got hurt and almost got this man killed" he says severely.

"Okay..." I sight shrugging.

Honestly I don't really care. I'm just so tired. I let my shoulders fall and turn my head to look outside, the night doesn't really allows me to see anything but my own reflection on the window. I look like crap, cut and bruised and white as a ghost, my eyes always red. But I don't really care either.

"Son..." John says a little more gently. "I'm worried about you. You have to get over this girl..."

As I don't answer, nor look at him, he sighs and I can almost hear the words dying on his lungs. He finally speaks again.

"It's been two months now... I barely recognize you. You have to pull yourself together or you'll get killed."

"Okay" I say with a broken voice, still looking at my own face. My eyes are reddening again.

Dad sighs. I can see how worried he is, but I can't say more.

I just can't.

           He stops to take gas and goes alone inside the shop to buy food. I'm not angry. Waiting for him I notice this is the exact same gas station where I came with Jay that really hot day. I look at the entrance and see her in my head, all sweaty with her messy hair and no shoes, rushing to me to bring me water. Except it's dark and she's not there. A big lump appears in my throat and tears roam my face again. What is she doing now ? Is she okay ? Does she hate me ? Is she in college ?

           Dad comes back and I wipe my tears with my sleeves. He gives me food and I throw it on the backseat with disregard, thanking him anyway.

 ****************************

           A knock on my bedroom door. I ignore it and keep looking down at the book Rowena lend me. This spell seems tough, it requires so many ingredients.

           Dean opens my door and stays in the frame, silently asking me to invite him in. As I don't, he comes in anyway, carefully closing the door behind him.

"Cas said he will be back with the last ingredients tomorrow" he says, both hands on his pockets.

"I probably should start packing my stuff then" I answer without lifting my eyes.

"Jay..."

"No it's okay Dean. You made it clear that you wanted me gone after I found out what happened. And I understand, really."

I finally look at him. He sighs and bites his lips, slightly nodding.

"Have you got something close to her body ?" he asks with a sad tone.

"Yes."

"Fine" he says turning to get out.

But he stays a moment his hand on the door handle.

"You don't really understand actually" he says, his back still turned to me. "I... I want you here. You just seem so unhappy with us... No, with me."

He turns around to look at me and I don't know what to say. So I lock my eyes with his. His face is sad and tired, I just miss him so much.

"I'm just terrified and broken" I feel tears filling up my eyes. "I just miss him so much" I let it slips in a sob, immediately covering my face with two hands.

"I know" I hear closer than he was seconds ago.

He sits next to me and takes my hands in his, pulling them away from my face. His beautiful green eyes are filled with held up tears. Why is he so emotional ?

"Let me be him for you..." he whispers looking down at my trembling hands. "Just tonight. Let me try to be as loving as him."

"Wh... You're insane" I say in a straggled whine.

"I hate that you love him so much, I hate that you're so alone and miserable. I want you to be touched and cherished like you deserve..." he lifts my hand to kiss it. "And just once, I need you to make love to me, like I was him. Please..."

I can't breathe. Why is it so important to him ? Why does he do this to me ? Again...

           He bends and kisses my cheek to drink one of my tears.

"Why..." I whisper while my hand lands on his shoulder.

"I want more than quick or angry sex for once" he catches my lips gently. "Let me show you..."

I search his eyes. This is insane. This will be the death of me. Yet I'm about to discover what happened, after that I will go and probably never see him again. I need this. I need him. One last time.

"You want me to pre...pretend you're him ?" I stammer with my heart stuck on my throat.

"And I'll act like I was him" he says with a deep voice. "You told me he was deeply in love with you... I'll act like I... Like I was in love with you" he says before swallowing hard.

"I thought he was..." I murmur but he kisses me again. "Okay... okay Dean... Wait" I get up and take a deep breath. "I'm going to the bathroom. When I come back, you are him."

"And I am until the sun rises."

           My hands are shaking so much I can't unwrap the white band-aid. When I finally can, I stick it to my tiny tattoo, covering the evidence of my eternal love for him. I look at myself in the mirror. Am I really doing this ? Am I really going to pretend I pretend he's the love of my life ? This is crazy... But I need him so much.

           On my way, back I stop at his door and open it. I love his room, it smells like him everywhere. I enter and send him a text "Your room".

           A minute later, just when I was about to burst in tears from fear, doupt and confusion, he enters his room, and everything else is forgotten.

           I take three impatient steps and crash my lips to his, my hands instinctively coming to the back of his head, in his hair. A firework is raging in my guts. He wraps his arms around me and squeezes my waist in a soft groan. The kiss grows passionate, and his hands take my head to kiss me more. I want to die like this.

           I break the kiss to look at him, my nose brushing his as I lift my head to look right in his eyes. He smiles at me, making his wrinkle show on the corner of his eyes, I touch them with my fingers, and kiss the corner of his mouth. My head falls on his neck and I take a deep breath to inhale his smell, I nuzzle on his skin.

"I missed you so much..." I whisper.

He carries me toward the bed and puts me on it with caution. There is something on his face, something so similar to my Dean's expression. He still fakes love the same way... He's so good at it.

           His lips are on my jaw, delicate and wet from our previous kiss. As he climbs above me, I spread my leg to welcome him, but he doesn't lean to me.

"I need all of you baby..." he says, kissing my throat, with one of his hand slipping under my shirt, waiting for permission.

"I'm yours" I answer in a satisfied sigh while one of my hand reaches the skin of his collarbone, under his henley.

           He takes my shirt above my head and throw it on the floor.

"You're perfect" he says kissing my cleavage.

His hands are stroking my sides, his lips on mine again. His fingers graze my hidden tattoo and he looks at me, like he was asking for an answer, but I say nothing. Then his mouth starts to travel, letting soft loving kisses across my skin, until they land on my arms and start kissing the scars there.

           A strangled sob escape my lips and my free hand comes to cover my mouth. He keeps kissing the long scar with gentle lips, like he could undo my past and kiss my pain away, and my legs wrap around him because I need something to hold on, I cling to his shirt. Then he comes back to face me, his fingers wipe my tears and he slips his delicious tongue in my mouth. Everything falls into place, that cruel ache in my chest is mute for the first time in ages.

           When he takes off my bra, he doesn't stop there and keeps undressing me until I'm entirely naked under him. He takes his time, cherishing me as promised, making me feel loved and alive. His bottom lip grazing every inch of my skin as he plants soft but hungry kisses everywhere.

"I missed you" I say when he kisses the inside of my thighs.

And I say it again when I get to touch his skin, to wrap my hands around his body to crush his chest to mine, and caress his strong back. There is more scars and more muscles there, I know him by heart but it feels like I'm discovering his body again.

"Baby please" I moan when he takes my nipple between his plumb lips, rubbing his still covered crotch against my pussy.

I beg him more the first time I come, his thick fingers brushing my clit, his cock hard in his jeans, thrusting on my thigh absent-mindedly to get some friction, his lips on mine like he could only breath on my mouth.

"You always come so easily... you're so responsive" he pants on my lips. It’s because I love you so much, I think in my blurry mind.

           While I try to push his jeans and boxers down, he smiles, saying we've got all night. But I'm starving, I need him too much and I keep begging him. I don't recognize my own voice, it's so needy, words barely forming on my parted lips.

           Just before he pushes home, I put my forehead on his and take his head in my hands.

"You're perfect, I need you, please D... Baby. I'm so lost without you..." I say kissing him.

"I love you" he says the exact moment he thrusts inside, taking my breath away.

           He says he loves me like he did back then, but with his current voice ; it’s like my Dean was here again, only the present Dean is thrusting inside me too. And I love them both. He makes love to me. Like he always did.

           For a moment I’m one with him, his cock filling me so perfectly, his skin against my skin, I don’t really know why my chest is so wet, is it my sweat or his ? Maybe it’s just ours. His perfect voice is filling my ears with a mix of sweet profanities and harsh love words.

“Dean…” I moan, forgetting that, for him, I’m supposed to think about another man. “Dean…” I’m so lost in ecstasy, floating between the sharp pain of overwhelming emotions and a perfect bliss.

“Jay, baby” he pants locking his piercing eyes with mine. “I love you” he says again.

And it’s like he never broke my heart, like I’ve always been happy and his.

I come.

Arching my back and clenching around him, I grab onto his ass with both hands, keeping him the deepest possible inside of me. His head falls on my neck and he groans very loud, biting my neck to the point of pain while his cum is filling me.

           He’s out of breath, crushing me a little and still nibbling at the huge bite mark he let on my neck. I can feel his vigorous heart beating through my own chest.

           When he tries to stand up a little to withdraw and probably lay on his back but I grip his ass harder, digging my nails on his skin to keep him still. He gasps.

“Just a moment please… I just… Stay just a little more.”

He relaxes and starts kissing me with a tenderness I didn’t know I missed so much. His arms are on both sides of my head and he gently starts thrusting again, barely moving his hips. He’s still half hard and the friction on my so sensitive walls makes me moan and shake again.

“You want me again baby ?”

“I always want you” I answer biting at his bottom lip…

             We made love four times and I’m lying in his sweaty arms, kissing his shoulder and his neck. He fell asleep half an hour ago, without realizing it and I watch him since then.

“I love you” I whisper, and I fall sound asleep.

             “Jay…” he whispers next to my ear. “Please Love, wake up.”

I open my eyes and smile, nuzzling in his neck. Please God, make this night last all the life.

“The sun rises in half an hour…” he says. “We need to make love again before I become Dean again.”

I frown at the idea of Dean still thinking he's someone else to me right now, then smile at his eagerness.

           I look at his alarm clock, rubbing the bite mark he let on my neck, the sun is up now. Dean is behind me, his arms holding me tight, his face in my neck. His room is perfectly silent and I can tell by the way he breathes, that he isn't sleeping either. Everything smells like him in here, I feel like I am entirely wrapped in him, his body, his smell, his pillow, his walls, his intimacy... But I can't stay. A silent tear falls from the corner of my eye to the mattress, and the ache comes back in an interne thunderclap. If I don't get up now, I will never be able to do it, and Dean will be the one  to leave me again. I just can't...

           I swallow my tears and gather momentum to get up in one movement.

"No..." he whines when his hands fail to keep me against him.

"The sun is up" I say in a sigh.

"Shit" he groans, sitting. "Jay... Fuck... Don't do that again."

"Do what, Dean ?" I try to look calm, putting my panties and shirt back on. "This was the deal, no ?"

"Fuck the deal..." he mutters, rubbing his face in his hands. "And fuck your ex..."

I freeze, locking my glare on his naked form. He's sitting on the edge of the bed, the sheets on his lap, bended, his head low, elbows on his thighs.

"Yet you played him very well" I whisper coldly, feeling a earthquake where my heart was before he exploded.

He gives me a sour laugh and lifts his eyes to me. He seems so angry.

"You really don't understand, eh ?" His face is stern and sad, yet a sarcastic half smile is posted here, making him look even madder. "What am I to you, Jay ?"

I open my mouth but nothing comes out, I feel the invisible hand of panic choking me.

"Answer" he says, his smile fading away.

I jump at his word like he had punch on the wall although he didn't move.

"You are... my friend" I lie.

"No, we are not friends" he states in a flinty shake of his head, breaking the last pieces of my heart.

"Oh" I just say, nodding.

"A friend doesn't avoid spending time with you. A friend doesn't spend the night with you, to push you away the minute after" he gets up, wrapping the sheets to his waist and I take a step back. "A friend doesn't choose to ignore that they're hurting you..."

"I am... Am I ? I'm so-sorry" my voice breaks and the invisible hand on my throat narrows.

"You know I didn't act, Jay ? You know that... I didn't act at all" he says low, searching my face.

I can't talk anymore, I can't proceed anything now, I just feel cold tears rolling down my cheeks to my strangled neck.

"You have to be honest with me for once, because I'm a fucking mess..." he looks down. "Do you have a hint of affection for me, then I'll be patient ? Or am I just a fucking sex toy to you ? In that case maybe it is better you leave the bunker for good, and stop playing hot and cold with me" his eyes are shinning, I stay silent, strangled with sorrow. "I can't sleep, I'm never hungry, I can't read or watch a movie, I can't... This is not okay Jay..." my name breaks in his throat and he clears his voice. " Because a boy broke your heart fourteen years ago, you don’t mind at all to break mine...”

I still can't talk, drowning in the tears I try to hold back. He waits a moment, then sighs and takes boxers from his closet. While he dresses he mutters "fuck" shaking his head.

"Dean..." I sob.

"No, it's okay. Let's solve this mystery of yours, and then you can pack your things and leave, I'll give you anything you need, I'll even give you a car, but I can't live with you... Not like that, I'm sorry" he states putting a grey shirt on, over his black t-shirt.

"I didn't..." I try, but my voice is so weak. "I didn't answer..."

"Don't. Not now" as he's dressing, his behavior and expression is becoming neutral again, like he wears an armor of callousness. He tears his stare off of me and coldly smile again. "When this case is over, when you know what happened to your friend, you'll tell me. But not now. Please."

He leaves the room and I fall on my knees.

             "So" Rowena says sitting on the floor. "You, honey, are going to sit there, Jack in front of you, Sam on your right, Dean on your left."

           I glance at Dean, he's looking at the floor, a dark stubble high-lighting the freckles on his nose. It's painful to watch him, but I focus on what I'm finally about to unravel. Sam sits next to me and takes my hand while the witch puts all the ingredients on the chalice in the middle, whispering incantations.

"Dean take her hand, never let her go" she says and Dean clenches his jaw, intertwining his fingers with mine tenderly. "Sweetie, have you got what I need ?"

I let Sam's hand go (even though I would rather use my left hand) to take a tissue in my left pocket.

"Hair" I say and Rowena smiles saying I have to be sure it is actually my friend's hair. "I am."

"Okay..." Rowena says like she was a little nervous. "This is a complicated spell. Jay your astral form will be sent to the past, free to travel. No one can hear you or see you there, you'll be like a ghost. Your heart will most likely guide you to the most important memories you have. You have to concentrate to jump from times to others until the spell answers your question by showing you what you want to see. When you're ready to stop, you call me, I'll bring you back, but you can't be gone for too long or you'll be lost forever."

"How long ?" says Sam.

"I don't know Sam" she answers in a sigh.

I feel Dean's hand squeeze mine, and Rowena starts chanting unknown words.

 ******************************

May 7, 2005

             My eyes are closed tightly but I see the light is different through my eyelids. There is a splendid sun out there. Before I open my eyes I realize I still feel Sam and Dean's hands in mine.

"What the..." Dean's voice makes me jump.

When I open my eyes he's here, standing on my left, Sam's here two.

"What ? Guys... you're not supposed to be here !"

Panic is dragging cold sweat out of my back. They're not supposed to... Oh God Dean can't see my memories !

"Hey baby !" I hear my own voice and see my good old trailer in front of me.

Emotions are overflowing and I let Dean's hand go to cover my mouth.

"Jack must be too powerful, he sent us with you..." Sam says.

"At least you're going to see your boyfriend again" Dean mutters, and I look at him with terrified eyes.

"You okay ?" he says suddenly concerned by the panic in my eyes.

"Yeah ?" it's my baby's voice...

This is it.

Young Dean appears from behind us, walking toward the trailer with a fresh beer in his hand. I'm frozen in place, not daring to look at the brothers, holding my breath for what I know is to come.

Young me get out of the trailer with a notebook in her hands.

"I'm done ! I'm all yours" she says with a wide smile.

And her Dean rushes to take her in his arms, kissing her softly.

"What the..." says Dean and I still don't look at him.

"Dean I'm sorry" I just say biting my lower lip to hold back tears.

Young Dean takes the notebook from her hands and puts it on the table with his beer to carry her in his arms, she giggles and wraps her legs around him.

"I missed you" he says.

"Come on baby I work for less than an hour" she says lovingly, kissing his lips with a cheerful smile on her lips.

I have to go away, I can't handle being here with Dean... I close my eyes and concentrate.

 August 21, 2005

           "DEEEAAAN !" a harrowing howl makes us jump.

It's dark and young me is on her knees, lost and desperate, her face twisted by distress, her shaking hands on her knees, holding a piece of paper. A sob escapes from my lips as I feel my heart sink.

"Jay..." I hear Dean half question, half implore beside me.

"Baby... Please..." she whispers out of breath, pathetic and empty from screaming too much. "I'm begging you... Don't do that to me..." she cries in a dying whisper.

"Jay, what..." Sam tries but his own voice sounds strangled.

As I remember his presence, my mind takes me out of here.

 March 17, 2005

           Still shocked and my face wet with burning tears, I land with the brothers in a coffee shop, next to young Sam and young me.

"You have siblings ?" she asks.

"Yeah, a brother. Haven't seen him in a long time... We were very close and I miss him. You ?" says baby face Sammy with a bitter expression.

"It was you..." Sam states. "I knew I already saw you."

"I'm so-sorry Sam..." I try to say without sobbing.

           As young Dean is not in this scene, I dare to look at the current him for the first time. His face is painful to look at : his brows frowned at the most, his eyes searching answers in thin air, jaw clenched, trembling a little. Feeling my glare he lifts his eyes to mine and I can see they're wet.

"I don't remember... Why don't I... What the... Jay..." he beseeches.

And my mind remembers why I'm here.

 October 3, 2005

           "And you Jay, would you like to share something ?" a kind person says to a scrawny, pale, bent version of me, sitting on a chair on a white room.

"No" she says and some of the other patients, sitting in circle, sigh.

"You have to open up, healing is long, and you can only feel better by trying to..."

"Well I don't want to heal" she cuts the woman.

And she rushes out.

           Sammy takes my hand, giving me a kind look. I take Dean's hand and try to escape this moment I hate.

 April 28, 2005

           We land on my tiny trailer, facing what was my bed/bedroom. Young Dean and young me are in bed, nestled against each other. The sun is piercing through the little window giving the scene a heavenly aspect, everything is peaceful, love filling every molecule on the air, and I actually think this would be my heaven.

"If you're so afraid of flying we'll take a boat" she says softly, stroking his chest.

"For you I'd take a plane, you know that" he answers, blowing on a Polaroid photo on his hand. "Look, we're so cute".

"You're cute..." she says kissing his jaw.

I feel Dean's hand clutch mine.

"I love you" he says taking her in his arms.

"I love you more... And I want you again" she straddles his body to kiss him with passion, letting the sheets fall, revealing her/my naked body. And making him drop the picture, coming at my feet.

I still have that one : a selfie of Dean and I in bed, I'm kissing his cheek and he's looking at the lens with concentration to aim right. It's still a little badly centered.

           As young Dean moans to the kiss I try to focus with all my strength. How could he forget me ?

 November 30, 2005

           I don't know this place.

"You don't understand" a quite old woman says.

"I don't care" young Dean says behind us, a gun pointing at her head.

The three of us take a step back to see them both. Dean is still holding my hand and I suddenly feel him shake strongly. I look at him and see big heavy tears rolling down his face.

           As I open my mouth to ask him what's happening, the woman starts to speak :

"Young man you should go to her..."

"SHUT UP WITCH !" young Dean yells holding his gun closer to her head.

"If what you say is true, this might be true love..." she continues with composure. "Erasing your true love can have devastating consequences."

"I don't care, I can't take it anymore" young Dean says the trembling of his hand making the gun tinkle discreetly.

I feel my world crashing down and turn my head in disbelief toward Dean.

"I remember" he whispers in a strangled sob.

"It will take away a part of your soul, you will live with a void inside your gut for the rest of your life, feeling empty, damaged. You could feel like you're already dead. Long lonely night asking yourself what is wrong with you, try to fill that void with anything... Are you ready to take that risk ?"

"I'm already empty and damaged... and I can't... I just can't fill that fucking void ! I just want to stop missing her. I NEED to stop missing her or I might kill myself ! And you ! Don't you want me to spare you ?"

"Don't do that Dean..." my love whispers to himself. "Don't do that."

I look at him and hear the witch chant something in an unknown language. A blue light surrounds young Dean and he sighs in relief, is face changing completely. My current Dean lets a whimper out and the witch looks at him like she could see him. But the moment I realize she can see me too, a bullet goes through her head and she falls loudly on the ground.

           John enters the room half running and looks at the corpse on the floor. Then he takes young Dean's head between his hands.

"Don't do that again, disappearing like that ! And what is this note you left me ? Telling me to let you forget about Jay ?"

"I'm fine dad... And who's Jay anyway ?"

"Are you okay son ?" putting a hand on his son's forehead.

"Yeah great ! Killed a witch... And I'm sooo hungry"

           I hear Dean groan in pain next to me and turn to take him in my arms, the scene then starts to jump from one to another so quickly, I barely have time to see what we go through, as Dean is clearly leading us now.

           A strange creepy man in a wheelchair says to Dean "I can see how broken you are, how defeated, you can't win, but you just keep fighting, just keep going through the motion. You're not hungry Dean because inside, you're already dead."

           Two Deans are talking together now in a strange room and I would be confused if the real one wasn't now clinging to me like a scared little boy muttering "No no no..." in my ears.

"I know how dead you are inside, how worthless you feel" says one Dean to the other. "You know when you look in the mirror, and hate what you see."

           The walls fall again, and Dean starts sobbing in my arms, his head on my neck. We're now in a very large, very clean library and an elegant black woman is talking to Dean "You wanna die, but I say : Keep living".

           A dark motel room, Dean is so drunk he can barely stand, leaning on the wall. "What is wrong with me... Fuck !" he yells throwing the empty bottle on the floor.

           And he still clings to me, sobbing and shaking, crying "No" in a pleading voice that makes my blood run cold.

           A junkyard with who I can guess is Bobby, Dean is crying, telling him "I'm not even supposed to be here. At least this way, something could can come out of it, you know. My life can mean something."

"What ?" Bobby answers. "And it didn't before ?"

           We're in hell now, Dean being tortured and I can't help but scream, he tells him how damaged is soul already is.

           "You see a way out !" Dean says to Sam in a sudden other room. "You see a light at the end of this ugly ass tunnel. I don't."

"Stop it Dean" I beg him.

           "I mean nobody can save you because you don't want to be saved" young Sam says to Dean. And the walls are moving so fast I could faint.

"Dean, please. Baby look at me" I say taking his head in my hands. "Look at me Baby."

Everything is mixing now and the voices are louder and louder, the setting is crashing down. So many Deans, so many Sams, and all those other people I don't know. People yelling, angry and desperate words. This is hell.

"Jay !" Sammy yells to cover them. "We have to go !"

"I'm so sorry" Dean sobs, devastated and shocked, still clinging to me like his all world was crashing down. He struggles to breathe. "I destroyed everything..."

"Dean. I love you, please, stop panicking. Dean please look at me Baby" I tell him squeezing my arms a little more, protectively around him.

"Rowena, bring us back !"

Feedback is what keeps me going <3

@tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @xhannahbananax03

[solastia]

The Intruder

ONE SHOT

Pairing: Namjoon X Reader

Word Count:  3,359

Genre & Warnings: Fluff & Smut, but not like, super crazy smut. Good ‘ole Missionary. But it’s sweet. 

Notes: SURPRISE! I needed something fluffy in my life. I wrote this fairly quickly, so I’ll go back and edit later. 

“It’s only going to be for the weekend, Namjoon. You’re making a huge fuss out of nothing.” 

Namjoon leaned against the counter with his head cradled in his hands, pouting as he watched you pack your small bag. He’d been like this all day, listing at least a hundred reasons why he thought you shouldn’t go. 

“Baby, I only have a couple more weeks before we have to leave again. Pleaseeeee....” You just stare at him, shaking your head in disbelief. 

“You’re such a whiny baby. Why your fans think you’re so,“Daddy” is beyond me. I promised Mom I’d go home for the weekend. I promised her a month ago, and she’s been calling to remind me twice a week. I have to go. I’ll be back Monday afternoon, and I’ll be all yours for two whole weeks before you have to leave again. You’ll be so sick of me that you’ll ask to leave earlier. I promise.” You peck him on the cheek as you pass by, and set your bag by the door. 

You watch amused as he sighs loudly and makes his way over to you to say goodbye. He backs you into the door and kisses you hard, trying to grind his obvious arousal into your stomach. 

“No way. I know what you’re doing, and we already did that twice today. Your delay tactics will no longer work. A kiss and a hug are all you’re allowed, mister.” 

You pull him down for a kiss and push him back away with a laugh when he once again tries to deepen it. 

“I love you, Joonie. I’ll call you when I get there, Ok?” 

“Love you too. Drive safe.” He replied, with a loud, overly dramatic sigh. 

You wave and shut the door on the once more pouting face.

The moment you enter your parent's house, you are bombarded by relatives, many of whom you have no memory of. It was your parents 30th anniversary, so everyone was making a huge deal of it, and the house was filled. They are all insisting on talking to you and sharing stories of when you were a toddler. Of course, the most common questions were about if you were dating and when you were getting married. You wished you could tell them all about your fantastic boyfriend, but you valued his privacy, which is why you didn’t let him tag along to this in the first place. The last thing he needed was for the twenty-something cousins that were here to hound him and spread gossip online. The best you could do was vaguely mention that, yes, you were dating. 

Finally, the night was coming to an end, and the guests were starting to leave. You suddenly realized that you hadn’t called or texted Namjoon to let him know you’d gotten here safely. You knew he’d probably sent you a million nagging texts about it, but you’d left your phone in your room at your Mother’s insistence. She wanted you to “mingle and not have your eyes attached to the screen.” You mumble that you are heading to the restroom and manage to wrench yourself away from the latest relative going on about the time she helped potty train you. 

You run up the stairs to your old childhood room and pick up your phone from your nightstand. As you’d suspected, Namjoon had called five times and left at least thirteen texts over the course of the seven hours you’d been gone. The first couple were cute. Just reminding you to let him know you got there OK and that he missed you already. These were followed by increasingly more worried sounding messages, hoping you were OK and wondering if you were mad at him. The last message had been sent a little over an hour ago, saying if you didn’t respond in the next twenty minutes, what happened next was your fault. 

You really didn’t like the sound of that. 

You quickly call him, but he doesn’t answer. You try twice more, only to be sent to the inbox again. So you decide to text. You tell him that you are sorry, that your Mom wanted a cell phone free zone and you weren’t able to get away. 

No answer. 

You send another text, asking if he’d eaten and telling him how much you loved him and would totally make this up to him on Monday. 

Half an hour goes by with no response. He must REALLY be mad at you. 

You sigh and decide there’s nothing else you can do for now. Hopefully, he’ll be done pouting in the morning. He usually liked to sit and talk things out whenever you argued, or if he was upset by something, but for now, there’s nothing else you can do but go to bed and hope for the best. 

You were having a beautiful dream. Namjoon had taken you to a picnic. You were sitting under the giant tree along the river that Namjoon always referred to as “Our Tree.” There was a lovely breeze, good food, and you were propped against his chest while he read to you.  As far as dreams go, this one ranked in your top three. The other two also featured him. One was a bit too racy to tell anyone else about, and the other...well, let’s just say there’s a white dress in it. You lean back and enjoy the dream, marveling that it was so detailed you could hear his voice perfectly next to your ear, and feel the rumbles in his chest against your back. 

And then the knocking sounds started. 

It was constant, and wouldn’t go away. You wanted to stay in the dream, but the knocking kept disturbing you. You felt yourself lose your grip on the dream, and it floated away as your eyes opened. You angrily stared at the ceiling as you tried to force yourself back asleep and hopefully back into that dream. 

Then you heard it again. In real life this time. 

Someone was knocking on your window. 

Biting your lip, you debate the wisdom of actually going to look out. If this were a horror movie, you know that would be a stupid move. You’d open the second story window, they’d pull you out, and let you fall. Then chop up whatever didn’t break. That would be a dumb thing to do.

The knocking started up again. 

With a sigh, you got out of the bed and shuffled to your closet. You still had your old softball bat in there and figured that would be better than nothing. Best case scenario, it was just the wind moving the tree branches too close to your window. Worse case, you’d have to clobber some intruder. At least it’s a polite intruder who knocked first. 

You creep to your window, bat in hand, and whip the curtains aside. It’s still too dark to see anything, but you swear you see a shadowy figure hanging onto the tree. You take a deep breath, grip the bat hard, and unlock the window. You swing the panes open and hold up the bat as you peer outside. 

“Finally.” the intruder says in an irritated, soft tone. 

You squeal and swing the bat as a long leg makes its way into your bedroom. 

“Baby, what the hell?!” He yells, grabbing the bat before you could hit him. 

“Namjoon? What are you doing? I thought you were a robber or something! I could have hurt you!” You drop the bat onto the floor, helping the rest of your boyfriend make its way through the window. 

“youdidntcallandipanickedandimissedyou.” He mumbles rapidly. 

You blink and stare, trying to process the situation in your still somewhat sleep-addled mind. Your boyfriend drove all the way out to the country, climbed up a tree to your second story bedroom...because he missed you.

“Joonie. Did you come all the way here because I didn’t call? I’m sorry. I didn’t have a chance earlier, but I did before I went to bed. You didn’t answer.” 

“I was driving. It’s not safe to drive and talk on the phone.” He was still sitting on the edge of your window pane, mumbling, and pouting. 

“I missed you too, Namjoon.”

He was so cute, and SUCH a big baby. You started to grin at him, and when he realized he wasn’t in trouble, he perked up and started silently exploring your room. He wandered around, picking up random objects and looking at them, staring at the pictures scattered. He found a picture of you with a date at a high school dance, and look over his shoulder at you with a raised eyebrow, before calmly throwing it in your trash bin. You silently laugh and remind yourself to take that out, and tape over your dates face at least. You looked good in it. You gesture to the light switch on the wall, and he shakes his head no, continuing his exploration with just the light of the moon. 

He’s finally made the full circle until he’s standing in front of your twin sized bed. If he actually plans on sleeping in here, he’s going to have to sleep on the floor to be somewhat comfortable. The bed was probably half his size in length, and there was no way the two of you would fit unless you slept on top of him and he let the bottom half of his legs dangle. 

When you saw the look on his face though, you knew it wasn’t the sleeping arrangements he was thinking about. 

“Joonie, no. My parents are literally down the hall. My Grandma is directly below us. There’s no way.”

He looked at you in surprise. “Are you saying you never brought any of your little boyfriends in here? Like, the dude in the trash?” 

You snort at him. “Of course not. I would never have gotten away with it. I have the worst luck. And, FYI, the dude in the trash has been gay since, like, preschool.” 

“Humph, well, I say this sounds like a great idea. I’ve missed you, and you’ve had experience trying to keep quiet when I sneak you into the dorms.” 

“And that never ends well, because towards the end it’s always, “Fuck it, baby, let em hear.” You roughly impersonate his deep growl, and he laughs.  

Namjoon picks you up by your waist and tosses you onto the bed, before crawling up on top of you and burying his face in your neck. He inhales loudly, slightly tickling you. 

“I really did miss you.” He whispers into your neck. “We were gone so long that time. I mean, the tour was fun, just so long. And we’ll have to leave again soon. Even though it’s not for long, we’ll have the come back right after that, then promotions start all over again. I just want to stay as close to you as long as I can. As close as I can get...” He adds the last part with a groan, and he lifts himself up and raises your nightshirt up past your breasts. 

You realize you’d left the window open when you felt the night air touch your exposed body, however, as his gaze raked over you, you forgot the cold. It always amazed you how he could look at you like it was the first time, every time, even though you’d been together for over a year now. 

You could tell by the way he was looking at you, that this was not going to be one of the times where he drew everything out and spent hours teasing you. 

Namjoon looks into your eyes for a moment, smiling softly, before he leans down and kisses you tenderly. He pulls away and throws off all of his clothes, not taking his stare away from you. You watch in awe as his nude body is finally revealed, the moonlight making this somehow more mysterious than usual. 

He leans back over you, his hand snaking down to your core, a pleased smile growing on his face when he found you already wet. 

“Remember to be quiet, Y/N. We don’t want to wake up Grandma.” He quietly teases, his fingers slowly stroking you. 

“Joonie, please don’t mention my Grandmother during sex.” You complain with a soft groan. You feel him laughing, his shoulders shaking as he positions himself over you. 

He places his forehead on yours, kissing you hard as he slides into you. He moans against your lips as he sheathes himself entirely, and you wind your legs around his back. He rocks into you slowly, the both of you paying attention to the amount of squeaking the little bed was making. 

You were trying so hard to keep quiet, but he felt so good. So thick and so deep in you. The little moans that snuck out of you just spurred him on, and he started to move faster. You throw your hands behind you to brace yourself against the wall, Namjoon’s pounding now enough to make you hit your head if you weren’t careful. He’s kissing everything he can reach; Your neck, face, lips, occasionally leaning his head down to suck a nipple into his mouth. You bite your lips, chewing on them to try to keep quiet. Namjoon reaches a hand down and rubs your clit, watching your face to see how close you were. You could tell he was close himself, with the sweating dripping down his face and his hips pounding furiously into you. 

He leans his face down and kisses you softly, mumbling “I love you.” You want to answer, but you feel the tension rising until, finally, you climax, turning your head into your pillow to quiet yourself. Namjoon groans as your walls tighten around him, and you feel as he empties himself into you. 

Namjoon drops himself on top of you, knowing you like the weight of him there, at least for a few minutes. You kiss his sweaty neck, and you both whisper sweet nonsense to each other as you catch your breath. 

“See,” he whispers, tickling your nose with the end of a lock of hair he’d started playing with. “No one heard a thing.” You giggle and open your mouth to say something cheeky about how loud he was when you heard it. 

A squeak? From...the bed? 

“What was that sound?” You ask, pushing Namjoon’s chest away so you could look over the edge. Maybe it was a mouse or something. You were never here, but you knew your Mom kept everything clean still. 

You heard it again. Only this time it was more of a clicking or creaking. 

You look at Namjoon in confusion, who is staring hard at the bed. His face suddenly looks horrified when you move, and another creaking sound is emitted. 

“Wait, don’t move, I think we...shi....” He was cut off when with one loud cracking sound, the bed you’d used until you were eighteen years old suddenly fell to pieces underneath the two of you. Namjoon tries to pull you closer and wrap you in a sheet as you both crash to the floor with a loud thud. You both manage to sit up against a wall, looking over each other for wounds. Finding nothing, you lean back against the wall and stare at the remnants of your bed. The frame was broken in at least three places, bars sticking out, springs scattered across the room. Your poor bed was deceased. 

“I know they call you the God of destruction and all that, but what did my poor bed ever do to you?” You tease him, laughing at his poor, resigned face. The smile on your face gradually slips away, however, as you realize there’s a new sound. Someone is running through the hallway. You barely manage to cover yourself adequately before your bedroom door is flung open and the light is turned on. 

The faces of your parents are filled with panic, no doubt having heard the sound of the bed crashing and thought someone was breaking in. You watch in horror as their eyes scan the room, taking in the broken bed before their eyes settle on the two of you. You see the panic slowly die out of their gazes, only to be replaced by confusion and disbelief. You can just imagine what they are thinking as they take in the sight of their daughter and the boyfriend that they’d only met once before, sitting there covered in nothing but a sheet. 

“Um, hey Mom, Dad. So, Namjoon came to visit, YAY. Um, yeah, the bed...was old? And, uh....we were trying to sleep...when just...CRASH! Ya know?” You were rambling anything that came to your head, panicking when your father’s gaze hardened and was focused on Namjoon. Your Mom had stopped looking at the two of you, patting your father on the shoulder, and blushing. 

“Is everyone unhurt?” She asked, trying to back your Dad back to the door. 

“Yup, we’re good. It’s all good. Everyone’s good. I’ll...uh...replace the bed later.” You mumble. Please leave, please leaavvvee...

“What’s going on in here?” 

Crap.

“Grandma, go back to bed. Everything’s fine. Just the old bed decided to retire.” You joke, hoping she’ll take the hint and go back to her room. 

Instead, she peeks her head in, quickly takes stock of the situation, and leans against the side of the door with a grin. 

“Oh, is this the boy you’ve been seeing? He’s a handsome devil, isn’t he? Can’t say I blame you. Good to see I can expect great grandbabies soon. You kids go to bed.” She ushers your parents out of the room, your dad spearing Namjoon with one last look that promised a talk later, and closes the door behind them. 

The two of you stare at each other, then fall back with a groan, making a little nest with the blankets on the floor. 

“That was humiliating. Embarrassing. I’m never going to get dad’s face out of my head.” You whine, only to look over at him in annoyance when you finally register that he’s laughing. 

“YAH! What is so funny, mister? You broke my bed and scarred my parents for life.” Namjoon pulls you closer to him and pecks your forehead. 

“Hey, at least your Grandma seems to like me.” 

“Ugg. You do realize my Dad is probably going to have a very uncomfortable talk with you tomorrow? I highly suggest running now while you have a chance.” 

“Why? What’s the worst he could do? Tell me to marry you? I’d already planned on that.”

“What?” You sit up and look at him, all sprawled out on the floor, resting his head on his arms. He looked utterly calm now. 

“Check my pants.” He responds with a soft smile. 

You look around for his jeans, finding them in a far corner. You wrap the sheet tighter around you and go pick them up, finding a lump in one of the pockets. You swallow hard, feeling like this was a dream. You reach in and pull out a box. 

A little black box. 

You pull back the lid and look at the ring nestled inside. It’s gorgeous. You turn and look at the man sitting there so smugly, and start to cry. 

“Really?” You sob, feeling ridiculous that you’re crying, but unable to help it. 

He holds out his arms, and you go and cuddle into them, still staring at the box. He wraps his hands around your waist and pulls you closer, kissing the side of your head. 

“Really. I love you. This was supposed to be more romantic, but I guess this is as good a time as any. Marry me?” He asks, and you nod yes, kissing him desperately. 

“Hey, at least now we can just tell them we were celebrating.” He chuckles, and you giggle as he slides on the ring, kissing your hand once it’s in place. 

“Congratulations!” Says a voice muffled by the door. 

“GO TO BED GRANDMA!”