#no proofreading we die like nerevar

[peacefiresky-archive]

“Your Godliness,” began the Outlander Incarnate, kneeling before Vivec, “Now that we’ve had that delightful conversation - fuck you, by the way, for being so fucking vague - I do have one last question for you.”

Vivec, weary and far more tired than ze had been in a very long time, sighed. “Ask.”

“In your Lessons, you mentioned ‘milk-fingers’. Is that, like...”

“It’s a penis,” ze said.

Nathak paused, biting back a laugh. “Right, no, yeah, I got that bit. But why milk fingers? I mean, I know why, but shit, Vehk, I can never drink milk again because of that!”

“I did it to spite you specifically.”

Nathak paused, surprised. After a moment, they snickered - then burst into quiet, barely contained laughter, stifling it behind their hand. “I - I knew it,” they said, whatever venom in their tone evaporated by their snorting chuckles. “You’re - you. You are a milk-finger, serjo.”

“Your words wound me,” Vivec said, completely void of emotion - despite the small smile pulling at hir lips. It was tiny, easily overlooked, but Nathak caught a glimpse of it, and beamed. Ze sighed, quietly amused. “How shall I ever recover from this grevious wound.”

“You could -“ The Nerevarine cleared their throat, fighting more bubbles of laughter, “Turn back into an egg?”

“... Ah. Yes. Why didn’t I think of that. Let me just magic myself back into a fetus.”

Nathak’s smile grew. “You could, Serjo ‘Love Is Under My Control Only’ —“ They cut themself off. “Wait - wait, I have another question!”

Vivec crossed hir legs, floating upwards. Ze rested hir elbow on hir knee, and hir head on hir hand. “Oh no.”

Nathak reached into their robes, crinkled up a note, and threw it at Vivec. It bounced off hir shoulder. “Shut the fuck up, let me ask my question. It’s important.”

Vivec’s brows raised curiously, hir head tilting.

“What if, when I find Sunder, I just hit Dagoth Ur with it?

“...What?”

“People can’t hold the Profane Tools, right? So, what if - what if they’re used as a weapon? What if I stab him with Keening?”

“...You know what. Why don’t you try it?”

Nathak blinked, their expression one of utter delight, their jaw slightly ajar. “What?”

“Try it. When you go to Dagoth Ur, hit him over the head with Sunder and stab him with Keening. I dare you.”

Nathak got to their feet. “Fucking bet!”

[squadron-of-damned-writes]

Collection of the finer AO3 tags I used on my fics (in no particular order)

Reader is the Actual Villain

Safe For Work But You Don't Want To Explain It To Your Granny Probably

Reader Is The Actual Villain

Those Tags Will Only Get Worse

Canon-Typical Magic Fuckery

Canon-Typical Idiocy

Love And Praise For The Prologue Elf Servant Girl

Power Of Friendship And Violence

Enemies To Friends Speedrun

Some Other People For The Flavour But They Don’t Do Much

It’s The End Of The World But We Live In Soap Opera Castle

Please Don’t Shove Obsidian Anywhere In Your Body

Removed “Major Character Death” Because She Gets Better Quickly

Graphic Description Of Becoming A Golem

Linguistic Salt

Curiosity Is A Baby

Why RPF Is Weird

Bards Gonna Bard

Domestic Activities As A Mean Of Comfort

“Everybody” Lives

Holy Mother Of Bovine Sin I Actually Finished This

Nobody Has Their Shit Together

Everyone Is Okay

In Fact Nobody Is Okay

This Is Not The Porn You’re Looking For

Fuck Canon I Have Ideas

Seat Belt Propaganda

Lawyers Gone Wild

Character Consistency

Heresy But In A Funny Way

Attempt At Noir

Linguistic Noir

Well “Mystery” We All Know Who Did It

Bad Joke About Disarming

Zombies Drink Formaldehyde

Retirement To Countryside Trope Abuse

Almost Everybody Dies

Vending Machine Wrestling

The Fish Was Already Dead

Introverts At Their Finest

And a special collection:

No Beta Was Willing To Touch This

No Beta We Die Like Cailan

No Beta We Die Like Nerevar

No Beta We Die Like Red Shirt

No Proofreading Either