#no peas for hawky

[mama-ghostie-61542]

Daily 13Oct2021

0857 Central Standard Time

Late start to the day today, so my schedule is all out of whack. Got woke up to Big shaking me and yelling, "Mommy, wake up."

At some point, I had gotten up and turned my alarm off. So I didn't get my shower today, but it's ok; I can grab one after my relief gets here this afternoon. My oldest two kids were already awake, and I managed to get coffee started without any issues. As it brewed, I had to get the boys breakfast, and handled a meltdown over not having the bananas Big wanted. He'd eaten his weekly hand already.

"Are you done yet? Your hormones are ALL over the place. Wow, this month is hitting you hard," Hawk yells suddenly.

I jump. This dude just scared the hell out of me and ALMOST made me spill my coffee. I just stood there and glared at the doorway where his energy normally hangs out.

"Sorry. Thought you knew I was there."

"No," I snap as I sip the first few scalding swallows off of my mug. "Sorry. I just got up."

"I know. This one snuck up on the both of us, didn't it?"

"Yep. Almost done, now."

"Thank God for that. Wish you would have told me. If you had, it would have saved us both an entire week of confusion."

"But you are always so busy, Hawk. I hate to interrupt you for something so mundane."

"Mundane," Hawk laughs, "Sweetness, that is the sort of mundane stuff I want to know about. It explains a lot of what is going on in your head. It completely explains our hiccups and how the hell you get it into your head that I'm not fighting for you, Girlie," he growls.

I start to pick up on his frustration. "I'm sorry. I know, I frustrate you and piss you off."

Hawk sighs, pulling me into a warm and gentle hug, "I'm not mad at you. I'm a little frustrated with the distance, and a little hurt that you didn't tell me, but I'm not mad. I understand why, now. Sweets, if I know why, I can adjust and let a lot of stuff go. Let's face it, 90% of what comes out of your mouth right now, you don't mean," he says as he presses my forehead to his cheek. "Babe, I know that this distance is tough. The longer it goes on, the more you think I don't want this," Hawk's fingertips are tracing down my spine, only to tenderly splay out and retrace their path up my back. "I want you to know, I want this with you more than anything. I have told you before that I want us to have enough to not have to worry about how we are paying the bills. I will admit, I don't like how long it is taking," he sighs, heavily. "Wish I was home."

"But you are home there."

He chuckles, "Not really. This place has never really felt like home. I mean, I fit in, but," he pauses then shakes his head, "Home is where ever you are. Always has been, always will be, Mami," he whispers as traces delicate designs on my back and tenderly caresses my cheek.

I start to tear up, trying to choke it back.

"Oh no, don't do that. Come here," Hawk whispers and holds on tighter than normal. "What's wrong?"

I bite my lip and try to breathe around the lump in my throat. "Coming to realize a few things."

"Like?"

"How there are only 4 people I need in this life, my kids and you."

I can feel his smile, "You don't know how good that feels. You have never needed anyone, but you need me. God, that feels so good. I can understand the kids, though. They get you up and out of bed; otherwise, you spend all day there."

I hug him a little tighter.

"Can I make a confession?"

I nod.

"I am quickly starting to realize just how much I need you, too. I'm realizing how intrinsically you are tied to every thing that is inside me. Every thing that makes me who I am is some how tied to you."

I sigh. "You need to sleep, Sweet Pea."

He chuckles, "I need to make sure you are alright."

"I will be. Good night, Hawkie. Love you."

"Night, Ghost. I love you more."

"Rest well, my king. You sleep, I'll keep watch."

A/N) He has been whispering this to me today--https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLaWrkSgLqk

[hawkelf]

on the other hand I'm planning to have 132+ plants this year I thought the plan was to cut back

[hawkelf]

ha! I'm getting my beans! 

I moved the spinach and kale from a barrel into individual pots, and maybe I'll build/scavange a low table for them so they can chill with the barrels. sticking all six bean plants in one barrel, we'll see if there's enough room & if not I'll eliminate some/transplant to pots if I have extra soil. the good news for b is that this means I'm willing to up the kale back to two plants instead of one.

bad news is I'm definitely not getting my peas

[hawkelf]

okay SOMEBODY CHECK MY MATH

I have two 4x4foot raised garden beds that I'm going to elevate to table height this year; so 32 square feet?

I also have a flower bed I'll be planting in for the first time, estimated 32 square feet

I also have three cut off barrels that I pretend are like 3 square feet each, so 9 square feet total there

AND I have a strip at the front of the yard that's I think 14 square feet long, but let's be real I haven't even pretended to measure that this year, this is going off memory and how many cabbage I sprouted last year, so pffft accuracy what's that

so I THINK I have a total of 57 square feet existant soil?

I want to plant:

16 sq ft of indigo, which is supposed to be 1xsqft but I sometimes do 2xsqft because fuck yeah Square Foot Gardening rebellion

8 sq ft of weld, which is 2xsqft apparently - I dunno never grown it before

8 sq ft of woad, which is 1xsqft srsly don't try to cheat it needs S P A C E

14 sq ft of sunflowers, which are 1x2sqft fuckheads

a cabbage between each sunflower, because they're pest-magnets I love from my tobacco-growing; these guys don't get their own square footage because... idk they just don't

no tobacco, fuck you tobacco you're too much work even if you're a pretty cash crop with a sordid history

2 tomato plants in one of the barrels, because I said so

3 potato plants in the second barrel, because I want fucking potatoes this year WHY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT

2 spinach in the last barrel because it's a compromise vegetable for B and me

1 kale in that last barrel too because B likes it even though I think it's terrible; if the leafy greens die, I will not care and will bring back carrots next year

that entire 32 sq ft flower bed in dyer's coreopsis, which is 2xsqft because I think I'll kill at least half of it on accident, and can apparently dry it for later use; also this is the bed most likely to be neglected lbr so no veggies here

6 plants of various beans, which I've crammed up to 2-3xsqft in the past; these are the only vegetable I reliably eat, and were a big boost to my diet the first year

we pretend last year didn't happen

1 sq ft of peas, which are 2xsqft at least according to me; I'd REALLY LIKE TO SEE IF I COULD NOT KILL THESE THIS YEAR

also SO MUCH SQUASH but that doesn't count because I'm just gonna seed it in the covered section of that flower bed to give the weeds something to fight with - I secretly wanna try pumpkins too

so the question is: did I leave myself room for peas and beans or not? and if so, WHERE?