#no one wants to read my shitty and trashy fics include my cringy x read ones

[belladonnachaos]

Rant Update

It has taken me a while to come up with exactly what to say for me not posting any art or writing. There are reasons for that,

I was/had been in a writing/art block for quite a while

Anything I did came  out looking and sounding like shiet and I didn’t want to post that for you guys.

When school started I saw that I barely have time fore myself let alone writing and drawing the things I had wanted to draw. 

I had been trying to fix myself a goo schedule but knowing me I’ll break it in a couple of days (I’m still working on it).

I am a team of one person when it comes to my writing and sometimes my irl friendos help me out a bit. Other than that I have no one else to bounce ideas and help me edit.

Seeing people just glance at my stuff and not give it a second look hurts and it hurts more when people get noticed. I mean good for them but my brains LOVES to play that at me.

So these are the reason of why I haven’t been too active other than my reblogs and stupid dumb little rants.I don’t mean to be too rude stupid and whiny but being alone on this site sucks. I have so many ideas so many things to do, like more x readers and more x my name ones but no one to talk to about this who do that or write in these fandoms. Hell I wanna write for a certain favorite of mine but I’m super scared to do it and I wanna talk to the only other person who writes them but again I’m scared and we don’t even talk like that. 

Other huge factor is I get no feedback on my dumb trashy shiet either, even when I ask for feedback. It doesn’t help either and makes me feel like my stuff isn’t good enough at all for anyone which is why people don’t bother with it. Like for example on one of my old works people are just commenting  things like “please post more” “post more” “when are you going to post more” “hasn’t it been enough time already?” This last one made me so made like fuck you, how the fucking hell do you know I’m over my grandma’s death? I can’t even be over Daniel’s and I wasn’t close to him like that.

So yes I don’t if and when I will even post my art and writing, maybe my art soonish because of inktober while also my yearly Halloween fic as well as I may post update for my writing goal in November but actually stuff, I don’t know. Maybe until I get on winter break I will write as much as I can so I can have a huge backlog for my next semester. I don’t know and just please give me time and understand that its hard when it seems like no one cares about your stuff and you have no one around you to even talk and consider a friend. And if that;s not the case will I blame my stupid mind, hope I don’t hurt anyone. Most likely its the former.