#no one read all of this and if you did im sorry i cant afford to pay for your therapy

[chrisbangs]

the in space with markiplier music is crazy... all i have to hear is the first note from the trailer for it and my eyes start to involuntarily water... like what tha hell...

[opal-owl-flight]

Quick lore question, did marie considering the idea of replacing 4 play into the insecurities she has later?

Absolutely.

I wanna preface this by saying one thing: Young 4 was a COMPLETELY different person before she got recruited by Marie. And Marie...responds to her accordingly.

Long read abt Hero2 events below!! Its. A lil messy sorry qisjke these are my notes

Young 4? A bitch.

Everything she ever wanted was given to her. Moved out of the highlands with an ego the size of a planet (and also bc she felt suffocated there), thinking she can make it in the big city.

...she struggled to make it alone. She had moved out bc her family was suffocating her with love, but now theyre not here, so now she feels homesick and underappreciated.

All that is expressed by her harsh, bitchy attitude. Shes gonna be mean bc no one has seen her for who she is. She'll show them!!

She finds her way around like this, and discovers that shes just as good at turf war here and at home. In fact, shes *so* good that she got the status of a rising star!

It aaalll just gets into her head. Shes "proven everyone wrong" now. Shes got the superiority complex and can back it up.

Marie...

...saw this. She was looking for a new agent to help find the missing zapfish. The second 4 heard this from her, she flexed her arms and...

"Look no further, your hero is RIGHT HERE!"

Marie at first adored the spunkiness of this new agent. Uuuntil 4 started thinking that shes better than her.

"Watch out, Agent Four!"

"You watch YOURSELF, grandma! Think Im a damn idiot to not see that coming? WAHA!"

Marie rolled up her sleeves after several stages full of her ignoring orders or sassing her out of nowhere.

Is that how shes gonna be? Fine.

When 4 finally trips and falls, hard, on a particularly difficult level, Marie pulls her to the side to fix her up and give her a lecture that tore her fucking ego to shreds.

She says something so fucking harsh like "That attitude will make SURE that you die sad and alone. I wonder how anyone puts up with you."

4s too hurt by her own failure to say anything back.

The reality of war finally gives her a reality check. Each victory is earned. its her life on the line. And the world.

She regains her spunk after saving the world.

------

Silly 4. She gets the job done but it takes a LOT of pushing in the mid-stages. Its like she got legitimately bored after the initial super easy ones, and thought the entire campaign a joke.

She went back to her turfing life topside between stages. And she takes a WHILE to come back to her missions -- usually late!! And then before she even goes in she just HAS to yak Marie's face off with what she was doing up there.

"Youre late."

"You shouldve SEEN ME, Marie!! I was carrying that Rainmaker round! I was-"

"Pray tell, Agent Four. How will you keep participating in turf with the Zapfish gone?"

"Whaat? Cmon. Nothing seems to be changing! Theres still power through the city!"

"The backup supply wont last forever, you know."

"Yeah yeah. Okay. Im here now. Wheres the next kettle?"

This attitude is from her high school days, clearly. She breezes by everything so fast that she can afford to do things last minute. It affects even this.

That, alongside her talking smack back to Marie, is what makes her snap at 4. Its what makes 4 stick to the mission fully starting late area 4 and area 5. (This is also around the time 4s life was threatened. God help me in those stupid platforming stages)

Post Hero2, 4 more or less does what 3 does. Shes the "replacement" til 3 comes back. (That cant be good for her confidence.)

At the same time, she has to deal with Callie and Marie talking out what the fuck Callie did with Octaria. "THEY SQUIDNAPPED GRAMPS!!!" and all. Why help them??? They get into squabbles where 4 was the unfortunate witness to. And peacemaker. It does NOT help that Callie for a while kept putting the glasses back on!!!

4 wishes so bad she had help of any sort. She feels 3 might be able to do something but what does she know?? Shes never met em!! She just imagines what the missing agent would do in that situation.

Callie...was also the person she got close to. Shes fun (unlike the stuck up Marie), shes empathic, she opened 4s eyes to the Octarian plight. It made her acceptance of 8 later much smoother.

Im not saying shes not close to Marie either, I bet they healed their relationship around this year too. Marie's sorry she tore 4s ego the way she did (even if deserved...). Marie's much more supportive of what 4s doing topside. Shes expressing her pride in the agent she found much more openly. (She brags abt her to Callie at times.)

The three of them heal together in that time. 4 sees them as older sisters Im p sure. Theyre both giving her tips for turfing and -- Marie even helps her with homework, HAH

And...while I say that 4 and Marie are in better terms, there are still days where Marie blows up on her. Lesser extent than before, but shes *worried* for her agent! (Its a similar plight 3 has.) In those times, its Callie who has her back. ("Hey! Its not like shes not trying!!" Callie understands how it is, and she also knows Marie best -- shes the one who makes 4 understand where Marie is coming from.)

[scoobysnakz]

1950's greaser Miguel 😭 that's that

a/n: i had something like this in my drafts i was so happy omg 😭 also im so sorry this took so long i ended up falling down several rabbit holes around 50’s culture for no reason whatsoever. idk how to feel abt this it’s rushed and not proof read at all!!! so sorry for any dumb mistakes

warnings: none really except maybe threats of violence and very poorly written angst bc i just cant handle it.

everyone had warned you to watch out for guys like Miguel- the loud, cocky ones that only think with their dick. but you’ve never been one to listen, not to overbearing second cousins and patronising aunts, anyway.

your ignorance to their advice doesn’t do much, though, because as much as you pretend, they’re right. he knows he could have any girl he wants, all he’d have to do is flash her that signature smirk, maybe wrap one of his toned arms around her waist, and they’re putty in his hands.

so why would he give you- the gut-wrenchingly awkward waitress at the diner him and his friends flood after work- the time of day ?

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

It's a peacefully slow day at the diner, booths just as empty as the tip jar and the counter bell unrung.

This would be the perfect opportunity to relax, count the cars passing by and try to work out if you can afford takeout for tea, but you are stuck talking to some random guy.

He's sweet enough, fairly attractive, and a large tipper. Hopefully, things don't get too difficult.

"So then I said to my buddy, Clarence. Y’know Clarence, sweetheart? Comes here twice a week with his wife on Tuesdays and then comes on Saturdays with his… lady friend?"

You internally grimace at his words. Your smile falters slightly but you fight to keep that forced, hospitality smile plastered on your face.

If working at this grimy diner has taught you anything it's that people like him don't want to see a strand of emotion other than flattery at their crude compliments.

"That wasn't a rhetorical question, darling.”

Your gaze snaps back to him, the corner of his mouth twitching slightly.

“Do. You. Know. Clarence?" he sounds much gruffer now, more stern.

Panicked, you shake your head a quick no.

You do know Clarence and he is even more pushy than this guy, always taking a not-so-conspicuous glance at your chest, 'accidentally' groping your ass.

Somehow, he knows you're lying and his expression hardens. "Don't lie to me, m'kay? I asked you a simple question and all you have to do is answer it for me."

The way his words are so slow to pass through his thin, leathery lips makes your stomach form knots.

You glance around the diner but there's no one else there, the very few people who had been there left the moment he came in.

Is there something you don't know? You've been working here for just over a month and you thought you knew all the inside secrets, the customers to flirt with to get the big tip, who to give extra sugar too because they're too nervous to ask for it themselves, which families will clean up after themselves. Obviously not.

The sticky brown tables are lined with half-eaten meals and a few bills that people left behind before running off.

You can hear the stove humming lowly in the kitchen and the man's heavy breathing accompanying it.

"I don't know who Clarence is, sir." your tone matches his, harsh and unwilling. It's nine forty-five on a Saturday and all you want is five minutes of sleep. "So either order something or leave. It's company policy.” you pick up a creased piece of laminated paper that says pretty much what you did but in a much more formal narrative.

His face contorts into a snarl as he glares at you, lips curling and nostrils flaring in a way that immediately makes you regret your sudden surge of confidence.

"You're lucky I don't hit women," he mutters under his breath.

Those words alone are enough to make your skin crawl. It's a threat, a cleverly disguised one, but a threat all the same.

"I'll ask one more time, sweetie. Do you know Clarence?" his voice is painfully condescending. Under different circumstances you would have chewed his ear off.

Before you get a chance to snap back at him the bell chimes as someone else enters the diner. You thank God, and whoever else is up there with him, that you are no longer alone.

It's a regular- Peter. You flash an uneasy smile, willing him to get the hint.

His mousy brown hair hangs flat on his head, a few strands wrapped around his daughter's pudgy fingers. Lazily, he turns to face you, eyes narrowing as he takes in your nervous expression.

“Everything alright?” he asks.

The man scoffs and rolls his eyes. “We're fine, get your coffee and go.”

It takes him a second, round brown eyes darting between the two of you before he sucks in a sharp breath and nods his head.

Peter knows he isn't intimidating, painfully the opposite. It’s almost impossible for him to come across as anything other than naïvely friendly… perhaps a little agitating, though. There's never a moment where a charismatic grin isn't etched into his thin, rosy lips or an awkward joke said to ease the tension. According to him, it’s his Achilles heel.

Hurriedly, he excuses himself and Mayday and pushes his chair away from the counter before stumbling out the door. Your eye twitches with slight irritation but you push past it; there’s no point staying angry with Peter when he didn't have any obligation to ‘save’ you.

Smirking, the man looks at you. It’s just the two of you now.

You know you shouldn't have begged to take the closing shift alone. You had assumed you’d keep all the tips, get to clean up with whatever music you like playing and have some downtime before trudging through the busy New York streets. And now you know how idiotic it was to think that.

“Hey, bebita.” the shrill sound of the bell doesn't do anything to dampen obnoxiously loud entrance.

You drag your gaze over to the source of the tall shadow that’s blanketing the top of the sticky, wooden counter. It takes you no time at all to recognise that sturdy build and dark heap of slicked-back curls.

Your eyes scrunch as your lips utter a silent thank you to God for freeing you from the burden of this creep and a little less grateful plea to get rid of Miguel as soon as possible.

Don't get it wrong, you couldn't be happier someone has come to rescue you from whoever this balding weirdo is but you might be a little more giddy with glee if it wasn't Miguel. It’s not that he's a bad guy or anything but things can get a little tense between people when one of them stands the other one up.

Miguel slides onto one of the stools next to the man, who is now looking considerably less confident now that there's a 6’9 man sitting next to him.

“Can I get a coffee, please,” he orders with an awkward curve of his lips that doesn't quite form a smile.

“She’s busy right now, might want to go someplace else, lad,” the stranger says with a nod towards the door, almost trying to act pally with Miguel. But he knows better than that- surely.

You can see Miguel’s jaw tensing from the corner of your eye but you brush past it, finding amusement in his irritation.

“You know how I like it, black, no sugar,” he says before turning his attention back to the man.

You make your way down to the other end of the counter where the coffee pot sits, encompassed by splodgy brown rings stained into the wood. You wonder how long you can stay down here, how many excuses you can come up with before one of them grows weary and snaps.

The wash cloth is still damp, you know it is because you wiped everywhere down at least fifty times whilst waiting for your unwanted visitor to leave. You begin to scrub the battered wood again, trying in vain to remove the surplus of coffee stains that you know won’t budge.

It’s not even late and you’re exhausted. Just the thought of getting on the train has your eyes growing heavy and shoulders sagging. And now, you have to deal with two of the most irritating people to exist.

“Hurry up with his coffee, we have things to talk about!”

You whip your head around, eyes narrowed with spite and lips parted to spew whatever crude insult spills out first but Miguel beats you to it.

“What?” he scoffs.

“She’s taking forever, acting like we have all the time in the fucking world!”

Without any hesitation, Miguel is up, towering over the balding reprobate. His expression is calm, surprisingly, but the slight clench of his jaw can't hide from your watchful gaze. You’re tempted to intervene, cautious of the mess Miguel’s infamous outbursts leave behind, but this loathsome man getting put in his place is more than worth it.

“Apologise.”

The man swallows, yellowing eyes widened with panic. On his own, the man is intimidating. He’s taller than you and it’s easy to tell he works out but he's no Miguel. Side by side, he looks like an influenza-ridden Victorian child whilst Miguel continues to stand proud, attracting all attention like a pompous black hole.

His chapped lips move but no intelligible words come out, just a serious of worthless splutters and squeaks.

Miguel rolls his eyes. “Apologise to the lady. Now.”

Only silence follows. Silence so soft and crisp you swear you can hear the snowflakes falling on the dirtied pavements outside before they instantly melt away. That’ll be fun walking home in.

“Por dios,” Miguel groans, “You have one last chance, tell her you’re sorry or I’m dragging you out and telling everyone how much of an uneducados, baboso bastardo you are!”

“I-i only understood bastardo,” the man stammers and you just about manage to muffle the chuckle that bubbles in your chest.

“Getting kicked out it is,” Miguel sighs.

You watch through amused eyes as Miguel grabs him by his tattered collar and drags him towards the door. The man continues to protest this, blabbering about how he's more than happy to apologise and that he has friends in high-up places who won't be pleased to hear about this, but Miguel doesn't care.

He chucks him out into the street and you don't even have to see his face to know he’s smirking as the idiot lands flat on his ass because you are too.

The bell chimes his entrance once again, a proud grin on his face as he saunters towards you.

“So?” he questions expectantly.

Pushing past your amusement, you shrug your shoulders.

“I just kicked out some dick head for you and you’re not gonna say anything?”

“He didn't get a chance to pay, so you’re gonna have to cover it.” you flash him a sarcastic smile before picking up the tip jar and pushing it towards him, “and tip.”

His eyes narrow before he pulls out his wallet and behind to leaf through a series of wrinkled tens and twenties before pulling out a fifty. “Treat yourself.”

Again, you offer a forced smile before taking the jar away and opening the register to change the fifty for five tens. Your ears perk at the sound of his exasperated sigh, the corner of your mouth twitching into a grin at his irritation.

“You are so petty you know that, hermosa?”

You slam the register shut, mettle blooming in your chest at the dumbfounded expression on Miguel’s face.

You remain unblinking as you glare at him, not a slither of emotion is present on your face other than pure unbridled spite. You’ve never been able to wrap your head around his confidence. Sure, he's conventionally attractive and can tell you how the reason you never see stars at night isn't because of all the light pollution but because they know they’ll never compare to the grace of your smile or the dazzling beauty of your eyes all in Spanish. But is he really that amazing?

He pulls out a small metal tube from his pocket and pops it open. “Toothpick?” he offers, sliding one between his lips, “cherry flavoured.”

You keep staring disdainfully at him, expression unmoving.

“I’m starting to understand why he was in such a grump,” he mutters to himself, although his eyes are still carefully trained on you, “with service like this, any man would end up in a funk like that.”

That does it. You slam your fists on the tacky counter with a furious groan. You’re so fucking tired, not one single person in this entire rat-filled city has manners, the last thing you need is some self-obsessed playboy messing with your emotions.

Palms stinging , you look back up at him. His eyes are slightly widened but he stays silent, slightly baffled by whatever just happened.

“Get out, Miguel.”

He scoffs and stays where he is, clearly not oblivious to how infuriating he is.

“I’m not joking. Get out.”

His expression falters slightly but again, he simply refuses to move.

“I am so tired of people walking all over me, not an ounce of courtesy or anything. I'm not letting you, of all people, treat me the same.”

Slowly, he stands up, pushing his toothpick holder into his inside pocket.

“Please,” your voice cracks as tears sting the corners of your eyes, “just get out.”

You don't wait to hear the door close before allowing yourself to crumple, head falling onto your folded arms on the counter while unwanted tears trail down your cheeks.

You can’t believe you just broke down that, completely unprovoked. Miguel didn't help but whatever just happened was… it was more than unnecessary it was just plain childishness. How could you have allowed yourself to get so worked up? Normally you’re so collected, and always know how to act, yet the second that cocky idiot is around your emotions run havoc.

Then, your nose breathes in that familiar cedar and menthol smell. Internally, you groan.

“Look, I’m sorry that was out of order,” he mutters.

You roll your eyes. It's all well and good being able to apologize for being a dick one time but when you're continuously being a douche the effect tends to wear off.

“How did you even get behind here?” you mumble into your arms.

Ignoring your question, he slowly wraps an arm around your waist. You jump, at first, but allow yourself to relax. It’s nice being held, even if it's awkwardly and by someone you detest.

“Let me walk you to your car.”

What a gentleman.

Sniffling, you lift your head and turn to face him. “I don't have a car, Miguel!” you croak out.

What could pass as either a pout or a thoughtful frown forms on his lips as he stares at you. Whatever it is, it reeks of sympathy that you didn't ask for.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’ve said that.”

“No. I’m sorry about before.”

You scoff. It’s like he refuses to listen to you on purpose.

He runs his fingers through his hair, a sigh pushing past his lips. “I’m sorry about not showing up.”

It takes a second or two before you get what he means. You raise your brow, taken aback by his sudden ability to take just enough responsibility to apologize but not enough to actually say what he did. It’s funny, in a way, that it took you having to yell at him and break down crying before it even clicked that he should apologize.

“It’s fine, you were a dick and I got over it.” you lie.

He scowls, clearly unimpressed by the lack of enthusiasm his apology earned him. He steps a little closer, fingers grazing against your middle. Instinctively, your stomach clenches at the contact but you don't move away.

“That’s… that’s fair.”

You hum in agreement but remain silent.

“Forgot how to speak?” his voice is smooth like velvet but you don't take the bait. You’ve been in this position before, Miguel holding you close, a sudden softness to his demeanour whilst he comforts you. And last time it ended with you crying into your pillow until you fell asleep.

His hand turns your face towards him, thumb tracing the outline of your lower lip. “Que niña tan linda,” he utters.

Your upper lip curls up in disgust and you push him away. You might be exhausted and emotionally distraught but that doesn't mean you don't have common sense.

Something, you’re not quite sure what, flickers across his expression as he bites down on his bottom lip.

Defensively, he holds his hands up and takes a dramatic step away. “Misread the room.”

You laugh. Again, it's not even a proper apology, just something to clear his conscious until he does something equally as idiotic. It would take a miracle for him to give a heartfelt, meaningful apology and you sincerely doubt any miracles are coming his way.

Another awkward silence fills the room. It's not like the one before, though, there’s no fear of death or ill-mannered slobs taking up all thinking space. Just you and Miguel, stood dangerously close while you cumbersomely sniffle away your tears.

You can feel it, Miguel’s intense gaze burning holes into the side of your face. He doesn't look away, just keeps staring at you, unblinking and unmoving.

“Bebita.” you allow yourself to look at him. The harsh, flickering yellow lights hang close to his head and burn the corners of your eyes. “I think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“If you thought so, I wouldn't have been left standing outside the movies for an hour in the rain waiting for you,” you mutter snidely.

Ditching his previous tactics for forgiveness, he groans. “I told you already, I was busy.”

Everyone had warned you to watch out for guys like Miguel- the loud, cocky ones that only think with their dick. But you’ve never been one to listen, not to overbearing second cousins and patronising aunts, anyway.

Your ignorance of their advice hadn’t done much, though, because as much as you’d pretended, they were right. He knows he could have any girl he wants, all he’d have to do is flash her that signature smirk, maybe wrap one of his toned arms around her waist, and they’re putty in his hands.

And you'd fallen for his flirtatious trap once before. Hook, line and sinker.

You force your gaze away, deciding eye contact with him isn't worth the optical damage that will surely present itself sooner or later.

“You have a house phone, could have called me or the diner, hell- Peter would have been happy to be your little messenger pigeon!” it all comes out at once, a toxic blur of anger and regret that has been burning in your chest since the moment he walked in tumbling out your mouth before you could get a chance to stop yourself. “You are the scum of the earth, Miguel. I hope you know that.”

He lets your words settle in the air, arm slowly retracting from your waist and coming to rest on the countertop. His lips are pursed into a tight line that hides all emotion but the remnants of a frown tug his brown eyes downwards.

“Peter had come out, before, telling me that some creep was in there bothering you.” he glances back down at you, waiting for something other than fury to be represented on your face only to realise his optimism was all in vain and continuing on. “And I thought… maybe if I sort this out for her, she’ll forgive me.”

“You trying to be a good person now doesn't make standing me up okay.” you pause, angling yourself to face him, a sudden wave of sympathy crashing over you at the sight of his shiny eyes. “I forgive you, for now.”

This time, he doesn't even try to hide the pleased smirk on his face. His obnoxiously sharp canines poke proudly over his bottom lip and that ridiculous cocky twinkle is back in his eyes. If he was a dog, his tail would be wagging to no end.

“Does this mean we’re friends now?”

You scrunch your nose and shake your head. “I can't be friends with someone who tips with a fifty, it’s too ironic and tacky.”

He clutches his chest in feigned offence before a low chuckle rumbles from deep within his chest.

You aren't too sure what you are, in all honesty. The two of you had started off as acquaintances, which led to a strange friendship which had snowballed into him kissing you in the kitchen after closing hours before he stood you up on your first proper date. And now you’re both here, laughing even though you’re certain you wanted him dead almost a minute ago.

“Can I try again, then? I want to get it right.”

You shrug, you only live once.

[rocknpebbles]

hi I need to be insane for a second. I can’t be the only one who thinks of this—of the possibility of a timeline where Usopp thinks he’s not worthy of forgiveness as he sits on the pier of Water 7. He knows what they want, an apology for leaving his nakama, that’s all that they need.

But what if he thinks that surely can’t be enough? That this is some sort of folly, a cruel trick? Bringing him back after what he’s done, run off as some stupid loser who cares too much and fights too little and has not a single strong bone in his body, thinking his weaknesses can be all fine and bandaged with a little ‘I’m sorry’?

What if he lets them leave, a forced, wobbly smile as tears stream down his eyes. Garp’s attacks hit the waves, Luffy looks on in utter terror as his crewmate—no, best friend—leaves despite going nowhere. Sanji looks on in sheer shock as the man who did what he couldn’t plants his feet to the pier. He leaves his untidy hammock in the boys’ room, his blueprints with hasty scribbles by his workbench, he leaves everything on that ship behind, like he’s never left, yet he has. The last splash of a cannonball sends the boat to the side, tossing the crew down to the green floor of the ship below. They scramble to their feet, rush to see if the long-nosed sniper stayed, as if he was going to say ‘just kidding!’ Before he took Luffy’s hand and they all give him a scolding and he’s back with them.

He’s gone as the last water droplets return to the ocean.

Just what if Usopp self-sabotages himself one more time because he can’t believe he deserves the happiness they afforded him. Just what if he thinks he can’t welcome himself back. Just what if he can’t forgive himself.

I’m sorry I am rambling like CRAZY I hope this makes sense you can send me to the psych ward now

NONO THIA MKES SENSE OMFG WHEN DID YOU SEND THIS IM SOS ORRY I NEVER CHECK MY INBOX BTU JT MAKES SENSE THEY FORGIVE HIM BUT HE CANT FORGIVE HIMSELF AND YES YOURE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS OF AN ALTERNATE TIMELINE ITS SO FUCKED TO THINK HE JUST NEVER REACHES OUT AND LETS THEM LEAVE OUGH BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE JOIN BACK JUST TO EVENTUALLY GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN AND LEAVE HIM FOR GOOD THIS TIME, IF HES GOING TO KEEP BEING WEAK AND UNABLE TO CATCH UP, AGAIN HES THE ONE STOPPING HIMSELF THROUGH SELF SABATOGE AUOUUHHHHGHH NO OP NOOOOOOOOO YOURE NOT CRAZY LOOK LET ANY FAN READ THIS AND THEY'LL NOD WITH YOU

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.

[safety-pin-punk]

Hi!

I’m sort of still getting into punk and learning about everything. You’re blog has been really helpful with resources and everything. Plus your cool.

Okayyy, now my question. I’m a junior in high school and I want to go to college. Pursue further education and all of that stuff. Learn more about the world and critical thinking. But I don’t want to pay a ton of money to a bunch of old ivy dudes.

What’s the right direction to go in for this? Is college a good option if I want to learn? What schools are good places? Where do I learn more about this stuff?

Sorry if this is a lot. Thank you though!

Hey! Thank you for your kindness!!

First off, Im going to stress that you are a junior and you have PLENTY of time to think about this. So dont stress too much right now.

Secondly, I want to preface this with the simple fact of college isnt for everyone. There are SO many ways to survive and thrive in life without it. And thats okay, good even! That being said, this post is just gonna be me talking about college. Under the cut of course

OKAY! So, is college a good option if you want to learn? My answer is yes! I learned a lot at college, both inside and outside my classes. I learned a lot of life lessons, I met people from all over the country (and a few international students). And I learned how to challenge my own beliefs and try to see things from perspectives that I didnt even know could exist prior to college.

But Im sure you were referring to the educational aspect. And truth be told, this heavily depends on both your school and you. Some examples: My school had a phenomenal chemistry program. You couldnt walk out of that program without having learned things if you made it through. But my school also had a very poor fine arts program. And to be quite blunt, I often wondered why any art student chose to stay. But going even further, it depends a lot on the individual as well. I was admittedly not the best student. I wasnt that interested in lab or research compared to some of my classmates, nor did I apply myself as much. And the difference is clear to see when others could rattle off different solvents and what reactions would occur from memory and I would be sitting there dumbfounded.

Next question, what schools are good places? Again, that fully depends on what you want to go to school for. But I’ll tell you what I did and how I chose my school. When I was a junior in high school, I found a list of every 4 year university in my state (I knew I wanted to stay in state, but you can do this for wherever you want to go). I then went through and gave each school a ranking out of 5 (based on vibes, chemistry program, education program, cost, and surrounding area). Once I had it narrowed down to only a few schools, those were the ones I toured. And I chose where to send applications from there.

Though, I cant stress enough how beneficial community college can be. A lot of people get all their gen eds out of the way either before they enroll in a university or over summers. Doing this will save you money and time. Literally not a single person on a university campus would look down on you for this. If anything, they will praise you for being smart. I took a few classes over the summers between semesters just to get them out of the way (and also avoid certain professors).

Where to learn more? Google. Google schools near you. Google schools where you want to go. Google schools ranked nationally in xyz. Google affordable universities. Google universities that have good financial aid programs. Just google so many things. From there, spend time exploring university websites. Read about their community and their academic programs. See if they have virtual tours uploaded. Check out their student activity board social medias to see what it would be like to be there as a student. Sign up for tours. Do an overnight visit if you can!! Or even, just walk around the campus without a tour guide

Best of luck to you on your academic journey! Hope I was a little helpful here

[v-anrouge]

Answer some or all, I want to know more about you 👀 that wasn’t the right emoji but oh well I’m using voice to text

Do you have freckles? 

 Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it? 

What was the last song you listened to? 

Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side? 

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? 

Do you prefer drawing or writing? 

What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with? 

What’s your favorite band/artist? 

When is your birthday? 

How tall are you? 

What color are your eyes? 

Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now? 

Fears? 

What’s your favorite color? 

What’s your favorite season? 

Want any tattoos? What of? 

Want any piercings? Where? 

Who is the last person you texted? 

Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends? 

What/who do you miss? 

How was your day today? 

How much sleep did you get last night? 

Do you believe in aliens? 

When was the last time you cried? Why? 

What’s your favorite decade? 

What are some seemingly childish things you like? 

What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times? 

How are you, really? 

Does it take you a long time to make decisions? 

What are you looking forward to in the near future? 

What are you looking forward to in the distant future? 

If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go? 

Do you sleep with your door open or closed? 

What’s your favorite flower? 

Do you currently have a squish? 

Do you like your middle name? 

Do you prefer dogs or cats? 

Do you have any phobias? 

Do you stay up late?

Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy? 

What’s your favorite cartoon? 

Tag 5 of your favorite blogs

Do you have siblings? How many? 

Who was the last person you said “I love you” to? 

Is there anyone you would die for? 

What do you need when you’re sad? 

Have you memorized your phone number? 

Who’s someone you can trust with your life? 

What does your last text say? 

Wild Card. Any question, ask away. 

1- actually yeah but theyre super super super light so u can barely see them

2- coffee, i hate tea. i drink it with milk and sugar

3- more KDA

4- side, shrimping

5- yes:3 rook vil and my childhood plush

6- drawing

7- one, and it has to be thin

8- DONT DO THID TO ME I CANT DECIDE

9- june 19

10- 5'3 💀

11- very dark brown

12- all my mooties

13- abandonment, forests, insects, worm like things, heaven, dogs

14- blue and purple

15- winter 100%

16- yes! maybe of a deer, not realistic tho

17- i want all my piercings back my mom made me take them off so now im only left w my bites and the cheek ones😔

18- my mother

19- my lesbian irl :3 like two years?

20- peace

21- okay-ish

22- like 4 or 5?

23- i don't care for them

24- like 1 hour ago, obey me 💀

25- i don't think there are decades to be celebrated humans are evil in all of them

26- cute things, children movies and cartoons, they make me happy

27- i haven't read in LONG because books in brazil are way more expensive than i can afford

28- okay i think

29- yes😭

30- getting a job that i actually like

31- moving with my irl

32- to my irl's house :3

33- locked shut

34- oleanders!

35- nope

36- HATE IT

37- CATSSS

38- insects, worm like things..i think that's it?

39- yeah💀

40- no, but also yes, i dislike beaches because in there's always those fucking sand dollars , i prefer it sunny because the water is cold

41- GUMBALL!!!

42- I CANT I DON'T WANT TO MAKE ANYONE SAD FOR NOT BEING HERE

43- two older brothers

44- my irl

45- my irl...

46- distract myself and talk to people i like (usually my irl)

47- no i havent 😭

48- my irl <3

49- it's a fight between me and my mom id rather not, sorry

50- I have absolutely no idea what to ask tbh😭 uhmm i guess id like to ask why so many ppl like me

[fairycosmos]

i feel like ur almost the only person who i can talk to about this. i lost my brother similar to you also almost three years ago. how do you feel about the angus cloud situation? i couldn’t even read the full article bc i related to his situation so well and it hit me to my core. my mom and i almost both took our lives together days after his passing and sometimes i feel guilty for still being here when i wanted to just end it all and still do bc life’s not worth it without him. i also judge myself bc i feel like bc i didn’t leave i’m not showing how horrible i truly feel (to both him, myself, and others) idk. i just wanted ur thoughts on feeling guilty and also feeling invalidated in how we handle our grief

yeah honestly i've been avoiding articles on it like ever since i heard the news ive just been kind of blocking it out, did the same w demi lovato's drug overdose in (i think) 2021 i just can't even begin to approach news like that. it fucks me up for weeks/months at a time and i cant afford to feel like that honestly. i'm so so sorry youre going through it too and i'm sorry youre in such a dark place, i know me and my mam often are too. it's the kind of feeling words cant really touch and i wont try but i absolutely do understand and i think everything youre going through makes a very painful sort of sense - the guilt, the absolute despair, having to go along with the way life just moves forward and then feeling bad because youre not displaying how awful you truly feel. i feel like i'm feeling my sister in so many ways every day honestly, i feel like i failed her the day she died and every day since. guilt is such a big part of my grief, and i think it's one of the most unavoidable and natural parts of it too unfortunately. we'll always feel a heavy responsibility towards them because we love them so so much and the worst thing that couldve happened to them happened. i think there's not many ways for the brain to make sense of that without going a bit mad. there are so many moments that ive wished i could swap places with her, so many moments i just want to die, and still i'm here and i still i have to deal with being here. those are very difficult, conflicting emotions - im so so sorry. i hope you have the support you deserve in your life and i hope youre able to find a way to mourn your brother that feels a bit more cathartic (if there even is such a version of mourning.) i hope you're able to talk about this with a grief counsellor or someone who can help you make sense of what youre thinking and feeling in a way that doesn't hurt so much - not because i think it'll solve anything or bring your brother back, because you deserve to be listened to and validated throughout the grieving process. for your own good, whether you feel you deserve it or not - you do. if you ever want to talk about him, tell stories about him and what he was like, or talk about what ur going please know im always here. i'd like to talk about becca (my sister) more too and share her memory in a way that makes her feel real again. sending a massive hug. x

[dreamlanddeluxe]

pro-tip from someone who has had stretches pf insomnia like this since high school: (bc your posts makes it sound like a new development and like youre scared, so i want to help. sorry this unsolicited)

but literally?? fake it

fake sleeping. youre going to lie down, close your eyes, shift when youre uncomfortable, but keep your eyes closed and stay laying down. try to keep your mind as blank as possible, thats really hard for me specifically, so i legit will listen to videos or podcasts or music or ocean-waves as i fake-sleep (bonus, i found something that works for me 60, 70% of the time are those ASMR roleplay videos where it'll be like "your boyfriend/girlfriend talks to you while you sleep" or "you get confessed to while youre asleep" or literally anything where i have to "roleplay" being asleep?? weirdly? flips a switch and ill be KOed before the video ends. what the fuck. but thats niche as hell, idk if itll work for you, but it is an "experiment! you never know" encouragement)

and youre going to want to fake-sleep as best as you can, even if youre actually awake the whole 8+ hours, because it legit tricks your brain into thinking youre asleep enough that it gives you those chemicals you need from sleeping that help regenerate your energy and whatnot. like scientists found this works really well, insomniacs who did this instead of their phone or tasks or reading, even if they rarely fell asleep while fake-sleeping, not only recorded feeling a lot better than the control group who was not given this order to sleep like this, but also had more balanced chemical stuff. i like to akin ir to a cell-phone charge. youre not going to get the 100% you would from actually sleeping, but going from a 20% to a 65% is still p huge and very helpful. before i was told this tip, i literally would meditate to recoup; and shockingly meditation releases those same chemicals so like. i was already doing it. just. sitting up instead of laying down lol

also, please do talk to a doctor about getting a sleep study done or something if you have the insurance to afford it. but this is a tip you can do in the meantime in addition to other experimentations thatll help you out. youll still feel exhausted (esp if you cant quiet your brain. my AuDHD mind shuts the fuck when other people speak, so the audio-roleplay and podcast and video-essay people have been god-sends), you won't be that 100% refresh as i already said, but it also wont be AS compounded of an exhaustion which is so helpful when your metaphorical battery is just going down and down and down— to have SOMETHING charge it even a bit or just stall it. i dont want you to think this is a "youll feel back to normal!" cure-all; it truly is the epitome of a "well, thatll help it not get WORSE at any rate, and maybe a bit better" type of rhetoric

for now, i would recommend doing a fake-nap, pick x-amount of hours that feels most comfortable to you (my pick is usually 3 or 4, but my lil sister found she prefers 2 hour long fake-naps and my other lil sister just goes "fuck it, no fake-nap, only fake-sleep; im doing 8+ hours" lmao), see if it at least takes the edge off

i have said a lot of "temper your expectations" type of stuff but i will also say this: at one point, this tip literally saved my life. because i spent 2.5 months running on a total of 4 to 6 hours of legit-sleep per week or per week-and-a-half throughout. and that kinda shit, i belatedly found out, should mean i should be dead. but i was fake-sleeping at least 5 hours a night. and my family's doctor went "uhhhhh thank god i showed your mom that study i guess, omfg". so like. i swear it helps. just. ALSO temper your expectations on how much it helps lol

if this is unsolicited and feels unwarranted, i apologize. im not good at reading tone in text, and just wanted to help. i hope this does help you out, you got this, i believe in you!!

Hey no worries, I appreciate you taking the time to type all this out. Recently (like, within the past one to two years or so) I’ve been more prone to bouts of restlessness and the fake sleeping is actually something I practice and it does help me most of the time. I think right now it’s more of a stress induced sort of thing more than anything that’s led to me having more trouble. Might just be one of those things I gotta wait out to be honest. When I do have a moment where I can’t sleep right it doesn’t last more than a few days normally so I don’t imagine this being different I hope. Maybe seeing a doctor would help but I’ll be honest there’s a probably a few things I should be seeing a doctor about and I just don’t have the money for that lol. But still like I said I appreciate you taking the time to try and help me out and offer some advice that’s very kind of you 🫶

[weightlessisthenewblack]

do u think u can give me tips on how to fast? i’m always w ppl so someone will point out if i haven’t eaten yet and it’s also hard to keep going sometimes. do u have tips on how to feel full or on what to tell ppl so they don’t worry?

I did not mean for this to get as long as it is, i like to talk im sorry 😅

I totally know how you feel! Fasting can be pretty hard for me too, especially because almost everyone in my life knows i have problems with food.

If you are just starting to fast i would start with small goals and work your way up. I started at about 14 hours, and then worked my way up to around 48. And remember sleeping at night counts! I like to start a fast later in the day so when i wake up the next morning i got a good chunk of hours done without even trying.

Distractions are also essential for me. I play a lot of videogames, and i picked up crocheting to keep my hands busy on down days when im just watching tv. Find things you like to do that keep your mind off it, and keeps your hands occupied so you dont feel the urge tor each for a snack or something. Reading, going for a walk, pick up a new hobby if you want! Theres loads to do to keep you distracted. Im making a sweater for my dad thats taking up a lot of my time :)

To curb hunger pangs, it can be hard to ignore for sure, my version of fasting isn't dry fasting or water fasting tho. I find those kinds incredibly difficult to do. I liquid fast with sugar free or zero calorie drinks. When im working i make sure to have a monster ultra zero sugar, and any combination of tea, water with a no calorie flavouring, or zero cal sodas, i like pepsi zero. Fizzy drinks can help trick the stomach into thinking its full because its bubbly. Drink lots of water too! The more water you drink the more full you feel. If you happen to like black coffee that works too, since its works as an appetite suppressant. It gets easier after the first night. Sometimes if its really bad I'll allow myself to chew some sugar free gum and that usually helps curb the hunger a bit too.

And of course if at any point you feel like you are going to pass out please PLEASE break your fast and eat something. Even a granola bar or something, to get your blood sugar levels up. The last thing you want is passing out from lack of food.

Excuses can be hard depending on your circumstances. I happen to work in food service so i often use the excuse i ate at work. If you are working or in school you can use the same excuse with people at home. And at work or school you can say you had a big breakfast at home or you are having a big dinner! If you aren't doing either, excuses can defs become even harder, but i find just saying im not really hungry at the moment tends to work fine w my boyfriend and family. Otherwise you can try:

Saying you feel a little nauseated and dont want to risk getting sick

You have a toothache

Your jaw is hurting for whatever reason

You are budgeting and cant afford to go out for food right now

Saying you want to try intermittent fasting for your health

If the people you are with are open minded for lack of a better word you could say your doing a x amount of days juice cleanse. My sister did one a while ago and everyone supported it, even though its essentially just liquid fasting for 3 days.

Or you could be straight up! Do a little research into the benefits of long term fasting! Then you can just say you are fasting for a while bc of all the good health benefits.

I hope this helps a little bit, and of course id prefer you to seek recovery options, but there are a lot of health benefits to fasting that i wholly support! And if you are going to fast id rather try to help you do it in a way that makes you feel accomplished for succeeding and in a healthy way. Take vitamins, and dont skip any medications you have. If they require to be taken with food then do that, dont put your health at risk taking medication without food :(

Stay safe love, and listen to your body 💕

[cosmicdream222]

im literally kicking myself in the foot for not doing something more worthwhile with my existance... i never knew of manifesting until recent years and while society likes to say its never too late sometimes it feels like that is it too late cause to learn any skill you have to have already learnt the techniques then have good practice abilities on top of it, like you cant just waltz into a sport for instance and take a gold medal you have to do it step by step but to do that again im fucking regretting so much rn cant i just bash my head into a wall and slowly die? or music for instance cant just pick an instrument and be good at it right off the bat again shouldve just fucking picked something and stuck with it

also i never had the likes of tiktok or anything internet for entertainment when i was a kid so in a way it shouldve been perfect chance to really do smth but as always situations got in the way and im regretting existing a lot rn. like why so many ppl so good at their niches or whatever it is they choose to do and theres so much more available now than there was back then but i cant seem to pick a single damned thing that i could realistically do at my age and still feel accomplished bc id just end up feeling behind or regretting not doing it sooner

sorry for ranting abt myself there just if only there was time machine or a literal realistic way of shifting to another damned reality cause this aint it like why im wasting so much of it doing fck all? it should be shameful honestly but like at the same time its kind of impossible with current economy being so crappy

for instance if u want to own a business (which i would do if i could even afford one with my own money but then u got to ha e the job and the know how on running it) seriously my ancestors had so many more things that were successful in their lives and some did have businesses bc shops were affordable back then, education used to be affordable too and housing etc etc. id be more inclinced to then have a family of my own if that were the case but it is not soooooooooooooo then its like even if you want a bog standard job it can still take months just to get something basic. i once did manage to manifest a free bus ride and my teacher not coming to college for a few days but thats abt it. other than that lifes kinda average sadly its not the 1950s and elvis is still dead asf.............. not fair

the other thing that puzzles me and sorry for making this so long but if we are supposed to have had past lives a) why havent we known about it before now and b) how come some celebs dont reincarnate or do the celebs that pass away just get a free pass to heaven and decide to stay put? (in which case i wont blame them but its also not fair that i have to still exist... or fail to exist i should say)

My dude, I understand where you’re coming from and I have been where you are. But you say you wish there was a way to travel back in time or shift realities - there IS a way to shift realities, travel back in time, and live whatever kind of life you want. Seriously. That is the whole reason I created this blog!! So please read through all the information I’ve collected instead of just complaining ok? 😭

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter. Past lives only exist if you believe they do.

Look around tumblr at void, loa and shifting success stories. I have shared many of my favorites. People in very difficult circumstances have regularly completely change their lives overnight, wake up in new houses, shift to alternate realities, change their genders, change their ages, bring people back from the dead, to say the very least.

None of it matters because we live in the literal matrix - a VR simulation - and you can have anything you want NOW.

[f0point5]

So Im the previous anon who wrote about the teamwork. Out of everyone I follow you are the only one who I agree with at the moment.

Some are saying how Charles and Lewis are gonna defeat Max with the power of friendship and all.

Others are praising Charles how great this decision was and how this will give him a legacy. That maybe he wouldnt be first driver for a few years but after that he would get his WDC.

Im sure you also read these I dont agree but I at least understand the reasoning.

What I dont get is why are people saying that Lewis is so great publicity and pr for ferrari. Like Im actually asking why. I get that he brings in sponsors. But what does he bring to be worth it to spend half a billion euros?? Thats so much fucking money. Even in f1 terms.

We are talking about a brand that everyone knows about. Everyone knows ferrari. But he cant really give them a bigger customer base. 99%of fans cant afford a ferrari even if they wanted one. I genuinely dont understand. Its not like red bull where every fan can actually support the brand and its worth it to try to grow your costomer base. You cant do that with ferrari.

Sorry it became a long rant😬

I think everything on their partnership has already been said, but the one that gets me is the idea that Lewis will come in, rebuild the team like a Schumacher, and leave Charles with a good team. Huh? Charles is going to be how old by then? 30? We’re just supposed to be so sure that no young talent will have come in by then? That Charles will still be as committed to the sport? That no other team will just have a better car? I absolutely don’t buy that Lewis is even trying to build any legacy other than his own in that - not even team - Organisation but even if he was and he did, how can you be sure that would lead to Charles getting a WDC? Not that I think Charles would ever sit back for those years anyway.

I would really like to know what Ferrari wants Lewis to do as an “ambassador” and how that ties into Ferrari’s marketing strategy long term. Is he going to market special edition road cars? Start doing factory tours for billionaires? What does such an iconic brand have to gain from Lewis (whose own personal brand is not really in keeping with Ferrari’s, historically), unless they are trying to rebrand in some way. Either way I don’t think his value is on track for them, it has to be part of a wider plan. But again it doesn’t fully make sense to me. Whether Ferrari has great ideas, or their brand is just too big to be brought down by their ideas, idk anymore 😂

[omegasmileyface]

some things fuck up your life if you dont do them. this post wasnt supposed to be about EVERYTHING, im a hedonist myself and a nig believer that if somwthing isnt working for you you should quit. fuck it. but, like, the thing i was originally doing in this post was an accounting lesson, because i paid hundreds of dollars for an accounting course because i hated my job and needed a certification to get a job i could almost begin to tolerate. if i did do it, i would be bored for 20 minutes. if i didnt do it, i would have wasted money i cant afford, plus the month of labor i had already put in, and i would still be just as unqualified for accounting jobs, and so i would either continue to not have a job (which i really cant afford) or have to get a job that makes me feel like dying every day forever

its about prioritization. means and ends. picking up a book i want to read is boring, but ill feel way better after reading it. calling the theater to order a ticket is terrifying, but ill be much happier after i watch the show. starting the essay feels like sticking my hand in a toilet but not having done the essay would ruin my one chance at a grade.

due to the season i posted this, lots of the comments have been along the lines of "this is a sign for my to do my taxes" and... yeah. if you do your taxes bored, you have one boring afternoon. if you do your taxes scared, you have a couple hours of checking up on yourself, and pausing midway to make sure your breathing is ok. if you do your taxes shitty (in the us), you get a letter from the irs that says "hey we need another $20" / "hey you gave us an extra $20" and you fix it. but if you don't do your taxes? that's when the real trouble starts

i am a strong believer that "cheating" is mostly fake, and you should make something easy and pleasant for you however possible. watch tv while folding laundry, store your toothbrush in the kitchen, whatever. also that you should be allowed to figure out for yourself what deserves your attention and quit things, even if it means "giving up" on a long-term goal of yours or "wasting" progress or disappointing someone. but i also think you have to do things sometimes, or at least start things, in order to have fun and pleasure (and do moral good) in life. you deserve slow-dopamine-release hobbies, and not facing consequences for failed responsibilities, and your friends deserve a friend who does (some) things with them and generally doesnt flake.

with all that in mind, its possible youre the kind of person for whom "waiting for the right time" actually ends up getting a right time before it's too late, or for whom you only feel really shitty about things if they're bad enough that you genuinely shouldn't do them. if so, that's genuinely awesome! but for most of the people seeing this post, there's some kind of disability or illness or just-plain-habit making that more difficult (i have seen this post tagged adhd a million times, and autism, depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, and ocd a hundred times each (/hyperbole))... to quote a comment ive seen on it several times, from different people, "if I didn't do things bored i would never do things at all"— i go "uuuugggghhhh" everytime i think about my hobbies, or my career, or spending time with my friends, or being in public, or leaving my house, or just about anything else. but i still want those things. so, i made this reminder that when you think "well, ill do it later— i cant do it right now. the time isn't right; im bored" that "its boring" doesnt necessarily mean you cant/shouldnt do it. its a rule you made for yourself, and it has its defensive purposes, but you have to recognize it and know when its time to break it, you know? not everything has to be perfect, and not all positive motion needs to be immediate. you gotta plan for the future on neurotransmitter stocks sometimes

does that make any sense? sorry if at any point it came off accusatorily! i didnt mean it that way but i just woke up >< thank you for the comment!

realizing that sticking to the "do it bad" "do it scared" mentality implies theres also a "do it bored"

[summerheatismakingmeinsane]

aug 4

I woke up kind of late today. by late I mean really late. like noon. but its because I couldn't sleep last night so its not my fault that I woke up late.

I got up and was told that we were heading out for the day so I got on with my day by cleaning up and getting dressed. I did everything but the most important chore/task which is eating breakfast so I actually didn't get to eat until very late this afternoon which sucks but the day nevertheless was really good.

I tried on a bunch of jeans which was fun and I finally found a style I really liked. I didn't buy them because I want to try on some more before I find the right pair. jeans are very specific to me because they cant be too baggy or too skinny nor can they be too fitted on my hips or so loose that they dont hold. so trying them on is very important. I also wear jeans everyday in school so having the perfect pair for walking and moving around but also sitting and also spending at least 8 hours in is important.

I came home and had one of the greatest foods ever. gyros. unfortunately, it was not as flavorful as it used to be. but it was still so good I think I devoured it in 6 minutes.

i'm hopefully getting my new glasses tomorrow. I love zenni because of how affordable and good quality their frames are. and the prescriptions are always perfect so I have no complaints at all. I always get my glasses from them. maybe i'll post the new glasses and let you guys see for yourself.

lastly, i've continued to get really interesting tiktoks. I mentioned them previously on my page but they keep coming in order so if ms.tarot lady posts two parts of a reading I will get both parts on my for you page only a couple videos apart. I know that the algorithm sees what I watch and puts the video there for me to see but I want to believe that it magically appears there anyways. they are starting to make me feel really good about myself and I don't like how that feels because I do not believe in tarot. hearing someone say something so truthful to myself is eerie kind of. She keeps on saying how im becoming more mature and becoming myself and that people will start to see how I truly am. that people will erase the image that they have of me being immature and naive and will understand and respect me finally. I hope to god ms.tarot lady is right. I need so and so to respect me and stop thinking low of me because im not like them. im my own person and they need to see me for who I am. she says that I will no longer be getting pushed around and I will stand my ground and people wont like that which is sad to me because why would the people close to me want to see me so weak. she also says that I will finally speak my truth and that will shock those around me and I honestly hope it does. when the conversation im hoping I will have happens, I hope it rocks the people listening. if it ever happens, I will update you guys first.

ill talk about ms.tarot lady more I think. I think she'll keep coming up and she'll continue to tell me everything I need to hear. and maybe i'll listen. or maybe itll go in one ear and out the other. who knows.

sorry if this is a ramble. I just hope she's right.

[iamthemovie]

vent post pls dont rb

[vantasei]

NO THIS IS SO GOOD AURUHGHGJFHHJG. i will say. one thing i love wholeheartedly abt ff2 is how absolutely barebones it is wrt lore. like. its got nothing. you have the barest skeletons for characters, with the protag himself having visibly LESS definable character than everyone around him and its so funny. but more importantly it means you can do SO MUCH while still maintaining adherence to the existing canon.

now. why did i bring this up, you may ask. well you see. i need to preface my discussion of topics of magic, geopolitics, economics, and culture with that fact to explain how i got from point a to point b. “what the fuck do you mean geopolitics and economics” did i say im like. actually not mentally well about final fantasy 2 yet. because im not. BUT THAT IS FOR LATER. for now i must begin with. baby deumion my little guy my little friend he makes me SO EMO.

one thing that is super interesting to me is that in firions time, the only “mage” capable of summoning is mateus, and only by technicality re: the novel. aside from that, summoning isn’t a thing. leviathan, while it could be argued to be a summon due to its dedication to protecting the mysidian tower, is not described to be anything more than erm. funny fishie. HOWEVER. deumion is described to just. be able to do that. even in his youth, he’s been able to summon (which is why he's chosen to be the seal in the first place). can you imagine that. you grow up and theres this weird but nice kid and also he can pull a funny chained dogie out of space. and that’s just his best friend or whatever. like. what do you do with that. and then hes getting taken by the government and you never see him again and hes a war hero but what happened to him. and his funie dogie. whats up with that.

anyways. the war of the magi ff2 is so interesting to me bc its only offhandedly mentioned initially and was expanded upon pretty much solely in the 20th anniv psp edition with the inclusion of the arcane labyrinth and deumion. HERES MY REGULAR PROPAGANDA TO ANYONE WATCHING THAT THE PIXEL REMASTER SUCKS AND TO JUST EMULATE IT ON PPSSPP IF YOU WANNA PLAY FF2. cough. anyways. like its described that the distribution of magic is limited and for good reason, considering the absolute nightmare disaster that the war of the magi was back in the past. but how does that extend to the present, to economics, trade, politics, and foreign affairs.

WELL. does a funny little dance. if we consider how mysidia views itself responsible for said distribution of magic, it’s also fair to say that they’re (obviously) also much more versed in it. see: ex-mysidian minwu and their (fat tits) collection of white magic that is not for sale either in fynn or in altair or even for a wide area beyond. like, magic hasn’t been banned outright outside of mysidian control. instead, it could be considered a commodity that acts as its primary export. after all, magic is smth you buy. and when you do [learn it, as one does reading a tome. the gang all spending time walking and reading and practicing spells while travelling. ouegh.], you only get it at level 1. of 16. and leveling it up requires using it in combat, right? (insert my 2 hour spam of having the gang hit each other on double speed until everyone was stupidly buff enough to raze the rest of the game down. i did not play this game as intended i think.)

except, even with the concept that monsters have been around pre-mateus era, when tf are you gonna use magic at high levels? never. theres no real incentive to do so. even leila, who needs it for practical purposes as a sailor, only has thunder at level… 4 iirc? sorry im at work i cant double check my stats. but like that’s 4. of 16. so worldbuilding wise, i imagine the use of magic (general. excluding mysidia) is like. fire for the stove. water for the laundry. you can buy it and use it, but without incentive to use it at higher levels in your daily life, why would you? assuming you even do/can afford it.

then, considering other locations and their offerings like fynn (the kingdoms capital) having more advanced “white” magic on offer—can be attributed to their relationship w the monarchy re minwus own intervention. deist having stronger black magic (dragoons are warriors after all). salamand with warp/teleport as a mining town. etc etc. considering the purported poverty state of palamecia in conjunction with its generally isolated location (desert) and its generally assumed poor international relations AND its evidenced reliance on machinery (the dreadnaught) rather than more powerful magic (excluding mateus himself who. again. looks at satan and starts shivering like a scared dog. doesn’t count.) its like. ok. mysidia probably said hm. don’t trust like that! and you know what? fair! ofc leading up to the point in the game where its like. the gang (mysidia) closes its doors to protect itself and its magic from the war. homies are running around on whatever magic tomes they already had in stock.

like. you can see mysidia as this decided distributor of magic directly influencing how its used in conjunction with what is perceived as necessary per region it interacts with. all of which traces itself back all the way to deumions era where magic was much more freely shared where little deumi gets to summon his funny divine beast and everyone drafted into the war effort knows magic to an extent anyway as its more frequently distributed for the purposes of combat. that’s why to me its like. as firions era pre-mateus was generally peaceful, you can see mysidia opening its offerings somewhat because at the very least the extent to which theyre used is not at such a grand scale as it would in wartime, only to be screwed over by this lax practice since the tomes are now available for purchase and can get to higher levels since fighting is a major thing now.

a question you could ask about the post-ff2 era could be “how are they managing the use and distribution of magic as present and available while nations are still picking up their rubble.” arguably, you could say that it might be more lax anyway as (the ultima tome has been read and likely destroyed following its use) and it could provide assistance to the rebuilding effort. indeed, consider deumions [good end], entrusting firion with revive. it’s a “good” magic, but was still sealed by him until he could trust it wouldn’t be abused by the one using it. does that speak for the general trust in humanity that has been built over the course of the game and firions actions connecting various peoples to band against mateus? how will that affect mysidias foreign policy going into the future?

MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. IM AT 1K WORDS JUST TALKING ABOUT FF2 AND ITS MAGIC I FEEL CRAZY. AND THAT DOESN’T EVEN GET INTO THE GEOPOLITICAL LANDSCAPE OF THE VARYING NATIONS AND TOWNS AND HOW IT MIGHT AFFECT CULTURE AMONG OTHER THINGS. RAHHHHHH.

biting and scratching and crying thinking about deumion, like. LIKE you don't want to kill but your skill means that you're now 1. immortal, 2. alone, 3. forced to kill anyone who reaches you (if you're unlucky.) HE'S LITERALLY SHACKLED TO DEATH ITSELF my man cannot catch a BREAK 💔 on a lighter note, leila is so fun! how did she escape the leviathan? who knows! but what I do know is that I have no choice but to stan. I am gently holding all the ffii characters in my hands. except for borghen.

IT MAKES ME FUCKING CRAZY. hes so young. one of the last things he hears before he leaves to be stuck in isolation for millennia is his mother wailing behind him, desperately crying out his name. hes just a KID THEYRE ALL JUST KIDS ITS NOT FAIR. to be forced (ITS STILL FORCED AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU CANT PUT ALL THAT ON A KID AND EXPECT HIM TO SAY NO) to hold the weight of the future on your shoulders without ever even getting to see it. to be able to do nothing but hope that mankind survives with your sacrifice. everyones futures in exchange for your own and youll never even get to see it.

LIKE. he doesnt know that the shit w mateus was going down!! he has no idea how the outside world is doing! its just him and his ouppy and the arcane labyrinth and eternity. AND THATS THE GOOD ENDING. ETERNITY FOREVERMORE ALONE AND FORGOTTEN BY THE GREATER WORLD. THIS IS NOT A GOOD ENDING DAWG IM CRYING!!!!!!

BUT HIS. HIS DESPERATION AS HE CRAWLS AFTER YOU, DEFEATED BUT UNABLE TO LET GO BECAUSE WHAT WAS IT ALL FOR IF HE FALLS HERE. IF HE RELINQUISHES DESTRUCTION TO A STRANGER HE COULD NEVER KNOW. and even then, all the others he himself had slain to fulfill his role, as someone who loves humanity so deeply that his love is all he is anymore.

HES A KID.

cough. erm.

smiles at u. leila. girlbossing it up in here. TBH even without a ship youd have to imagine shes prepped as a swimmer + leviathan would have no reason to attack her after swallowing down firion and the crystal rod plus the tower is otherwise surrounded by that ring of land. so as unlikely as it would seem, i wouldnt say its outside of the realm of possibility for her to make it to land, esp w leviathan fucking w the currents. the biggest obstacle aside from the open water would be the monsters, but then again, it's not like she doesnt come default w thunder (i have so many thoughts abt magic and mysidia and i would LOVE to hear what someone else thinks abt it if ur ever up for that). so its unlikely, but i cant say its impossible for her to make it out of there... her other obstacle would be making it off the isles Also without a ship but tbh if she swam out of the bay i think she can make it across that channel also. to be quite honest.

ff2 characters 🥰 paul my good friend paul. finally, my chance to live up to my blog title has arrived.