#no one needs my two cents but it’s 3 am and i’m pondering

[cruel-hiraeth]

i refuse to give into despair, because that’s exactly what the far right wants us to do. we can’t properly band together if we’re too busy having individual meltdowns. there’s a glimmer of hope yet; am clinging to it like a lifeline? no. i watched 2016 happen, and—unfortunately—it doesn’t surprise me that it’s happening again. we’ve seen all the conservative legislation that has been passed into law despite a democrat sitting in the oval office.

i will add that it frustrates me when people talk about fleeing the country. if all those with the means to move do actually move, what happens to those who can’t move? do we, their so-called “allies,” just leave them to suffer alone? i refuse to give up, even if trump wins. there’s always more that we can do. what i rest well in knowing is that—regardless of the results—trump will go down in history books as one of the worst u.s. presidents.

[ktheist]

coworker!taehyung + question ideas #11 + “why are you following me?” :)

“why are you following me?”

pairings. coworker! next door neighbor!taehyung x reader ft. yeontan

words. 1.6k

genre. slice of life

x

kim taehyung and you didn’t start off on the right foot.

for one, his dog pooped on your left foot just as you were standing in front of your door. the urgent call from your company and intern you’re supervising being the cause of you not being able to step into your apartment. somewhere in the middle, you heard a bark and a ‘tannie, no!’ before something mushy touched your foot and stayed there even after you lifted it up and away from the ball of black and streaks of golden.

“i’m so sorry- he’s still under potty training,” taehyung’s adamant nature in apologizing eased the red that spread across your vision.

he offered to wash it off your 400$ heels but you’d refused, “it’s fine, these are old pairs, i was about to throw them away anyway.”

at the time, the relief that overlapped the guilt in his eyes was a kind of beauty that made your heart leap, “did you just move in?”

the apartment next to yours had been empty for a good few months now.

“yeah, last week,” he’d quickly tore one hand away from his dog and patted his palm down his jeans before offering it to you, “i’m taehyung.”

“____,” you’d shook his hand just before he was about to retract it upon further pondering, “and who’s this cutie?” you’d bent over slightly, offering your hand for a shake.

the pupper placed a paw on the tip of your fingers and barked, as though trying to answer you.

“oh, this is yeontan - tannie for short,” a small smile finally appeared on his lips though the lines in his forehead was still there.

shaking the pupper’s paw once, you smile, “tannie-yah, can i call you that?” 

yeontan barked once, you’d like to think it was a delightful mark of a new formed friendship.

that was friday.

on saturday, you met him in the morning with the same pupper barking at you in greeting.

“you boys going on a morning walk?” you’d smiled.

“yeah,” taehyung nodded before his eyes went to the ground and up again, “how are your heels?”

“oh, those old things? they’re in the trash now,” you’d bent over to the pupper in taehyung’s hands, “tannie-yah, thanks for helping me get rid of them.”

the dog-poop heel sat next to your bathtub after you’d wiped it clean with a wet tissue before slaving over the work that needed your attention the most. your bathroom reeked of dog feces still.

yeeun called you crazy for not demanding a single cent out of taehyung, “handsomeness can only go so far!”

well, taehyung’s definitely went further than having to get you a pair of new christian louboutin’s.

on sunday, you’d left in the early morning to your company. you weren’t sure if the cute dog owner next door went for a walk that day.

but you knew he wasn’t on monday.

clad in a suit and tie, he’d appeared more mature than the oversized t shirt and wide pants. the time between waiting for the elevator and chatting as it went down was fleeting. you were glad you’d had the extra time to talk while waiting for the bus.

when it came, you’d hurriedly waved him goodbye and stepped in, not knowing that he would enter and waited a few feet away from you because it was packed and he couldn’t come any closer to continue your conversation. you were left with exchanging smiles with each other.

by the time the bus stopped at the juncture a few blocks away from your company, you’d narrowed your eyes at the man who got off with you. he was fixing his tie when your question made him look up with rounded eyes.

“why are you following me?”

perhaps it was the tugged in the corners of your lips that eased his shock - granted, no one would want to be misunderstood as a stalker.

“i’m going to work,” he announced.

you remembered yeeun mentioning something about a newbie - at that time, you were too preoccupied to inquire more about when this newbie was starting.

“don’t tell me it’s at luxean,” you quizzed.

“no way,” he’d looked at you like he was seeing a ghost.

and that was how you’d went from next door neighbors to coworkers hiding the fact that they were next door neighbors.

“they’ll make us work overtime together!” you’d sighed, “since it’s more ‘convenient’ for us to meet up and finish up work.”

taehyung only chuckled but agreed anyway.

and so it went, you’d become bus buddies and coworkers with secrets. then you’d become meal buddies, knocking on your door at 8 in the pm and offering spicy rice cakes because, “hey, i ordered an extra, did you have dinner yet?”

it was obvious that you didn’t. and it was obvious that he knew, “do you wanna come over and have dinner together? it’s been awhile since me and tan have visitors over.”

then one dinner became two and two became three, until it was almost as natural as breathing to ask the other what they want for dinner.

“ugh, i’ve been craving chicken lately,” you’d thrown your head back, vapor wafting on top of your coffee.

it was break time and taehyung found you munching on snacks at the resting area before he decided to join you.

“me too, i think the last time i had it was three weeks ago,” he sighed, patting his tummy.

“should we go get swicy chicken tonight?” you grinned.

taehyung looked at you with a tilt in his head and a playful smile.

then came a time when you couldn’t afford take-outs anymore, “if i opened my purse, i’m afraid a butterfly will fly out.”

“should we cook?” he suggested.

“oh hell no,” you’d shaken your head rapidly, as though trying to shake off the horrendous recollections of the last time you tried cooking, “unless you want me to burn the whole building down!”

“with your brain and my skills, what could go wrong?” was what he said.

the answer was a lot of things. from the pollocks catching on fire to the apartment smelling like a cremation place to the both of you giving up and settling with ramen.

“we tried,” you announced.

“we did,” taehyung echoed your sentiments, if not a tad bit dejected because he was the one that got you in on the idea when you’d initially proposed for having ramen every night until payday.

then it was back to slaving in front of your laptop for hours on end and taehyung knocking on your apartment door at 3 in the am because he texted you prior to that, asking if you had some coffee.

“how close are you to being done?” you’d asked, handing him three tins of mocha.

“not even half,” he huffed.

but then came an idea and your half-working brain blurted it out carelessly, “wanna come over and do it together? at least we can motivate each other out.”

there was no reason why you couldn’t do it separately in your own apartments and checked up on the other through text. but taehyung didn’t seem to think of that option, “sure.”

he’d found your dog-pooped heel when he went for the bathroom and you’d remembered only after he’d went in. neither of you said anything after he came back but when your workload got lighter and you’d got your paycheck, taehyung knocked on your door on a weekend while you were in your pj’s and bedhair pointing in every direction.

he was donned in his usual over sized shirt and wide pants with a beanie as an addition. you almost slammed the door in his face but he was smiling like he’d always smiled at you.

“happy paycheck day,” a bark echoed a second later from somewhere behind him.

“taehyung - you didn’t-” your jaw was on the floor and you’d looked at the paper bag with the initials of YSL overlapping each other like it was fire.

“i did, and i want to,” he looked over at the ball of jet black that was looking up at grinning up at you, “right, tannie?”

“tannie, you should’ve been the voice of reason!” you’d playfully chided but hugged the paper bag to your chest anyway, “thank you, taehyung.”

it was somewhere down the line that kim taehyung asked if you’d wanted to go for coffee - and you’d dumbly offered the ones stocked up in your fridge before he’d looked away hesitantly, hand scratching the back of his head.

by then, you’d recovered from your idiocy, “oh- you- mean, coffee, like that kind of coffee.”

“it’s okay if you-” he quickly says but you’re quicker, index finger on his lips, a smile tucked in the corners of your lips - till this very day, you wonder where you got that confidence.

“i would be delighted to grab some coffee with you.”

taehyung looked at you then like he looks at you now, like he can’t believe that you said yes to a coffee date with him. like he can’t believe you said yes to moving in with him to save up for your dream house. like he can’t believe you’re standing there, in a white dress, yeontan sitting as still as he can next to you after escorting you down the aisle.

you mouth ‘i love you’ to him before the pastor finishes off his question for you. and you turn to the aging man, grin turning into a schooled smile like you do when he sees you dealing with your clients.

but then you steal a glance at him and the smile falters into a grin for the briefest moment before you say, sincerely, madly, deeply.

“i do.”

x

note. hope yall enjoyed!

see drabble game! for how to request!

[tsukihimeyfan]

Sorting the main cast of AtLA into Hogwarts Houses

I know I’m late to the party because I’ve seen many different people tackle this before, but I feel like it is my civic duty as both a Potterhead and an AtLA stan to put in my two cents, since every single time I’ve seen it talked about people either misinterpret what each House values in their members or pick a House by taking into account only one aspect of their personalities. I want to make it clear that these are my own opinions, which I’m basing on the definitions we’ve gotten of the main traits of each House over the years and the “core values” of each AtLA character, and that I’m in no way am I trying to insult anyone who thinks differently. That being said, here goes nothing!

Let’s start with the easy ones. Namely, the Fire Siblings:

1) Azula is 100%, undoubtedly, definitely, incontrovertibly Slytherin. Just doing a quick rundown of the qualities Salazar Slytherin prized in his handpicked students, as stated by the Sorting Hat, Albus Dumbledore and Pottermore: Cunning? Check. Resourcefulness? Check. A disregard for rules? Check. Using any means to achieve her ends? Check. Shrewdness? Check. Ambition? Check. Self-preservation? Check. Pride? Check. An argument could even be made that, as a member of the Fire Nation Royal Family, Azula also kind of meets the “blood purity” criteria. I’m sure most of us agree on this. Even if she does exhibit a lot of loyalty to her father as well as courage and intelligence, there is just no contest. Azula is one of the most Slytherin characters I’ve ever seen outside of the Harry Potter universe.

2) In the same way, Zuko is irrefutably a Hufflepuff. Hear me out! I know that he’s very brave and daring, but when we think of Zuko, what is his most essential trait, what do people tell us again

and again

about Zuko’s character?

He’s a hard worker. And what’s the House of the hard-working?

"You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true, And unafraid of toil.”

You guessed it. Hufflepuff. Of course, that’s not the only trait valued by this House that he exhibits. Who is more loyal in the series than the child who got half his face burned off and still did his best to earn the love and respect of the one responsible? Who never faltered in his loyalty even when he was sent away on an impossible mission? Who spouted angry words most of the time yet was willing to let his ticket home go temporarily in favor of ensuring the safety of his Uncle and his crew? That’s right, our boy Zuko. That very loyalty to his father is what unfortunately bound him for the longest time, until he was forced to face what a monster he was and let go of it in favor of more important things, namely his own morals and his loyalty to his Uncle.

He also has an incredibly strong sense of justice, as proven by the above statements, as well as this moment:

and he can be incredibly patient when he needs to be, as seen during The Blue Spirit and the Southern Raiders episodes.

Hufflepuffs are also said to be fair (which he clearly is), dedicated (need I say more?), honest (which Mr. shouts-his-feelings-at-the-top-of-his-lungs and can’t-lie-without-being-obvious-or-glancing-away-and-has-been-found-out-every-time-he-tried of course is) and modest (this one he starts without but by the time he joins the Gaang there isn’t anyone more modest or humble)

As “an idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor” , Zuko is the Hufflepuffiest Hufflepuff to ever Hufflepuff and I will die on this hill

3) Another easy one is our girl Suki, whom I’d say is a Gryffindor through and through, even if she is very loyal to her friends.

The rest of the Gaang under the cut.

The other members of Team Avatar are a bit trickier because they all exhibit a pretty even mix of traits from more than one House, but still if we just concentrate on their defining characteristics we can get to an answer. 

4) I’d argue that Sokka belongs in Ravenclaw, even though he is of course quite brave and extremely loyal to his loved ones, not only because he’s a strategist and an inventor, but also because, as best stated by Master Piandao:

Ravenclaws most value wit, learning, intelligence, creativity and wisdom (this last one is a bit iffy but I’m sure he’ll get there when he’s older), as well as priding themselves on being original in their ideas and methods. That’s Sokka to a T.

5) Katara gave me a hard time. She’s unbelievably loyal to her friends and family, she’s compassionate, patient, fair, hard working and dedicated, with a REALLY strong sense of justice, so a case can be made for Hufflepuff easily. However she can also be quite cunning when she wants to (most obviously during The Waterbending Scroll, City of Walls and Secrets, The Painted Lady, and The Runaway), she has a lot of ambition (if you count every variation of “I will make the world a better place by force if I have to”), she disregards the rules when it suits her (again The Waterbending Scroll as well as The Runaway) and she can be proud at times, so we could argue she’s a Slytherin. She’s also undoubtedly very intelligent and even quite wise for her age. It took me a while to decide but then I pondered; at her very core, what are the statements that define her? What words just scream “that’s it, that’s Katara”? They are, of course, these two phrases:

The first sounded incredibly Gryffindor to me, and the second is half Gryffindor half Hufflepuff, so it had to be between those two. As such, I decided to look into Gryffindor first. Katara is, of course, astoundingly courageous, but what else? I had to actually look up definitions for the Gryffindor traits besides courage because they all just kinda meant “brave” to me initially 😅, but what I found was:

*Nerve: “one's steadiness and courage in a demanding situation”. Yep. Who’s the most level-headed, steady and reliable person whenever the Gaang is in any kind of pinch? That’s right. Katara

*Daring: “adventurous or audaciously bold“. Yep. I’d say she ties with Toph for boldest in the Gaang

*Determination: “firmness of purpose”. Yep, absolutely. See the above image from the Painted Lady. ‘Nuff said.

*Chivalry: can mean 2 things, one is “sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms”. All of that is true of her (her “arms” being her waterbending), but I found it interesting that to be chivalrous can also mean “gracious and honorable toward an enemy, especially a defeated one, and toward the weak or poor”. I’d argue that this fits her even more. Once again, just take a look at The Painted Lady episode. 

*Courage and bravery: they can mean the same thing, namely “the ability to do something that frightens you” and of course that fits Katara, but the word courage in particular has another meaning, which is “strength in the face of pain or grief”...

I’d say she’s pretty good at that. I think that settles it, Katara is a Gryffindor.

Turns out that when it came to the water tribe siblings Bato was right all along

6) For Toph I was split between Gryffindor (thinking of her brash, bold nature) and Slytherin for a while, but after looking into Katara and researching all those definitions I think I have to give it to Slytherin. Of course, Toph doesn’t seem to be very ambitious unless you count “being recognized as the greatest earthbender in the world”, but she is quite cunning. She knows exactly how to use her “poor helpless blind girl” persona to get what she wants, as seen both on The Blind Bandit and The Runaway. She’s also an extremely good actress, being able to play the “reserved and obedient little girl” to her parents for years, and being easily able to pick it back up when it suits her. 

She’s also stubborn, proud, and 100% willing to use any means, regardless of laws or rules, to get what she wants. 

As for self preservation? Remember that her response when asked to teach Aang, which was crucial to save the world but would’ve compromised her secret, was this:

Slytherins can also “hesitate before acting, so as to weigh all possible outcomes before deciding exactly what should be done “ and my first instinct was to say that it didn’t fit Toph at all, but what is Toph if not a person who “waits and listens before striking”? Slytherins tend to favor Neutral Jing it seems. 

Almost forgot that as a daughter of the Beifong family she’s sort of nobility and she technically also meets the “blood purity” criteria.

7) Finally, we get to my boy Aang. He was really difficult. He’s loyal, patient, fair, kind, modest (usually) and just but I can’t really call him a hard worker most of the time.  

He’s brave, adventurous, determined and chivalrous but he does tend to get discouraged during demanding or stressful situations (his friends always make it better though)

He’s creative, very wise for his age, and quite smart (except when he’s playing around with Sokka in which case they share one brain cell 😂)

He can even be cunning when he needs to be. If he ever went to Hogwarts, he’d definitely be a Hat Staller like Harry. I heard someone say once that they considered Aang a Gryffindor because he liked to show off a lot, but that’s not really a Gryffindor trait (think of Neville Longbottom, Remus Lupin, Harry Potter and Minerva McGonagall. I think any one of them would sooner Stupefy themselves than go show off their skills in front of a crowd for no reason other than to brag).

Once again, we must pin down what it is that defines him, what his core is. After much thought, I decided it’s this: 

It’s his compassion, which he learned from his people, and his desire to value and protect all life. It’s his loyalty to the ideologies of the Air Nomads of which he is the last remaining bastion. It’s his strong moral code, his sense of right and wrong, his wish to make friends and to believe the best of everyone. That’s his center. That is what makes him Avatar Aang. In light of that, I think we can consider Aang, first and foremost, a Hufflepuff.

In the end, Team Avatar is made up of one Ravenclaw, one Slytherin, one Gryffindor (two after Suki joins), and two Hufflepuffs

Ironic, that the House least valued in the Harry Potter universe is the one that houses arguably the most pivotal characters of Avatar the Last Airbender: Zuko and Aang. Fitting, that even in this they parallel each other.

This is already long enough so I don’t think I’ll do Mai, Ty Lee, or Iroh. Maybe some other time.

[prodbyteez]

cs. trouvaille [f]

(n.) something lovely discovered by chance

you stood at the conveyer belt after a 12 hour flight, clearly exhausted as the jet lag was starting to hit you. you were finally home after winter break, but you felt as if you needed a vacation from your vacation. you were half awake standing there trying not to look dead to the people around you as you waited for your luggage. in hindsight you were trying to find yours but all you could see was rectangular blobs of color. luckily for you though, you had a hot pink luggage (courtesy of your little sister) with a rilakkuma plushie attached as your tag in case someone else had an obscenely pink luggage. 

your eyes widen as you see a hot pink blob heading your way with some light brown thing dangling on the side which you assumed was the small bear. as it nears you on the conveyer belt, you grab it with two hands and grunt to lift it off. man, this thing is heavy. and, no one’s gonna help me? jerks. you manage to wriggle the luggage off the belt and start walking towards the airport exit. as you step into the brisk air to hail a taxi home, you see another pink blob. two? pink blobs? you barely had any chance to asses the situation as your taxi arrived in front of you. you sighed in relief as you sat in the back of the warm car and allowed yourself to take a short nap. 

after a short while, you head up towards your apartment wondering why exactly you packed so much for winter break. it was only a week. you hauled your bags up 2 flights of stars and practically fell face forward as you unlocked the door. you removed your coat and shoes and headed to your room to at least set the luggage in there when you looked at the bear hanging from your bag. 

that’s not rilakkuma...that’s...the line bear?

you froze for a second til you finally got it.

oh crap, i have the wrong luggage

you didn’t want to open it in fear that you would be invading someone’s privacy or worse, a dead body. no wonder it was so heavy. i only packed like half that weight. ugh, i should’ve slept on the plane. you tried your best not to panic and think the worst case scenario like some pervert took your luggage and was now stealing all of your undergarments, but luckily for you the line bear plushie was also a tag. cute

you looked at the name on the tag. choi san. you took your phone and dialed the number putting it on speaker phone so you could put the phone on the floor as you laid next to it.

a small voice answers the phone?

hello?

yes, hello?

yeah...who is this?

um, i think i have your luggage and you have mine? it’s a luggage with a line bear plushie attached and the tag has this number and the name choi san on it. are you choi san?

YES! oh my gosh, i’m so sorry. i didn’t realize it wasn’t mine until i got home

you laugh at the poor boy’s enthusiasm.

hey no it’s okay, i didn’t really notice til i got home either. i saw the bear and thought it was mine, but mine is a rilakkuma doll

well, i’m glad to know that the theif has taste

theif??? hmm, well then i guess you’re a thief yourself

you hear the voice on the other end chuckle. 

alright, how about we meet each other somewhere and we switch luggages?

where do you live?

well according to the address on your tag i live around...5 blocks away

YOU’RE KIDDING

I’M NOT

very well mr. choi san, tomorrow around 12 p.m would you be so kind as to meet me at the park in front of our houses to perform this beautiful exchange of luggages

very well young miss. it would be my honor to exchange our luggages. 

you chuckle at his willingness to play along with your dumb 19th century charade.

cool cool, i guess i’ll see you tomorrow then?

yea, but can i know at least what hair color you have so i’ll know you when i see you?

mm...i’ll leave that up to mystery, but what hair color do you have?

...pink...

you ponder for a moment remembering the pink blobs you saw at the airport.

pink? PINK?! CHOI SAN, I SAW YOU TAKING MY LUGGAGE AND I DIN’T STOP YOU. UGH. I COULD’VE AVOIDED THIS IF I WAS JUST A LITTLE MORE AWAKE

please stop yelling its 11 p.m

sorry sorry, i just feel bad for putting the both of us through this stress when we literally could’ve solved it at the airport

no it’s okay, i don’t have much going on tomorrow anyways. besides, you sound fun to be around

i am fun to be around

i guess i’ll have to evaluate that for myself tomorrow. and as a thank you how about i buy you some ramen?

you smile at the offer.

you’re underestimating how much ramen i eat

it’s like 50 cents relax

if you can hear me smiling through the phone, know that it’s a yes and thank you

i’m smiling through the phone too. i’ll see you tomorrow.

you hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling, wondering how a case of mixed luggage turned into something of a platonic date. date? guess you’d have to see for yourself tomorrow.

A/N: this was super long and super dialogue heavy, but i hope you enjoy it anon! thank you for requesting~ <3

[noladyme]

Skip To My Lou, My Darling - Chapter 3, Too Perfect II

The road so far…

Seeing Dean again wasn’t the warm reunion Lulu had imagined. Standoffish and cold, the eldest Winchester brother seems to want her anywhere else but near him. Is he trying to protect her? Or himself…

Tag list (Let me know of you want to be added) @edonaspanca​ @wonderlandfandomkingdom​

II

7 years ago

Slow night at the diner again. Tips aren’t going to be great; but I need the hours. “Order up for 13!”, Ricky calls from the hatch. I go over to grab the plates. Bacon and pie. I chuckle, and walk over to table 13 with the order.

“You know, 13 is supposed to be an unlucky number, John”, I smile. “You shouldn’t pick the same table every time you come in”. A pair of caramel eyes meet mine. “I got a rabbit’s foot stashed away. I have all the luck I need”, he smiles. “Besides, if I don’t sit here, how can I be sure I’ll get my favorite waitress?”. I give the man my brightest smile, and place the servings of food in front of him; and go to clean down the counter.

“Oh, Lou?”, John calls. “You still haven’t…?”. “Heard of any crop failures or more cattle mutilations?”, I laugh softly. “Sorry, no. Not since last time you dropped by, what… two months ago?”. “Yeah…”, he mutters. “Just needed to check”. “You ask some weird questions for a Wildlife Service Agent. Do cows count as wildlife?”. He clears his throat. “They’re… free-range”. I raise my brows. “Ok; well, enjoy your meal”.

I get back to serving a few other patrons; dropping by table 13 to top up John’s coffee once in a while. He seems enraptured in his paperwork; but always smiles brightly and thanks me. At closing time I take off my apron, and walk over to his table one last time. “I’m locking up in a minute”, I say. John is looking out the window; narrowing his eyes at something. “I think… could I stick around for a few minutes? I just need to finish something up”. I chew my lip. “I-i… don’t know. I’m not supposed to…”. He grabs my hand, and looks at me pleadingly. “Please, Lulu? I’ll throw in another 20”. I laugh softly. “You don’t have to pay me… I’ll just go work on proofreading my application essay by the counter”.

John grins at me. “You’re finally doing it!”, he says. “I’m proud of you”. “Thanks”, I blush. “It’s about time”. He nods. “This last year, I’ve come through here – what – six or seven times?”. I look down, stifling a smile. “Eight”, I whisper. He raises his brows. “Are you keeping track of me, sweetheart?”. “You leave good tips”, I chuckle embarrassedly. He winks at me. “Sure it’s not my charming personality?”. I shrug. “That might have something to do with it”, I giggle.

He sighs deeply. “If only I was 20 years younger… I should introduce you to my son”, he says. “Is he as cute as his dad?”, I ask. John laughs his warm deep laugh. “He’s… Let’s just say the ladies love him”. He seems to ponder over something. “Actually, you should probably steer clear of him”, he chuckles. I wink at him, and grabs his plates. “I’ll let you get to it”, I say, and walk back behind the counter.

I sit over my essay for about 20 minutes, before the bell at the front door rings. “We’re closed!”, I call out; looking up. A menacing looking man is standing in front of me. “The money…”, he grunts, and points a revolver at me. I raise my hands in the air. “Please… I don’t have any money here. The chef already went to the bank…”. “Your tips. Hand them over”, he snarls. I have about 50 dollars in my pocket; but I need every cent for my savings.

My breath hitches, and I look out the corner of my eye, towards table 13. John is gone. I’m alone.

“I said, hand them over!”, the man shouts. “Now!”. He begins thrusting the gun towards me. “Ok… ok”, I croak, and begin sliding my hand into my pocket.

Suddenly, someone jumps out from the shadows; knocking the man onto the floor. Within seconds, the man is in a headlock; struggling against Johns grasp. “Lulu”, John growls. “In the back of my waistband. There’s a gun. Take it!”. Rattled, I run around the counter, and lift Johns jacket to reveal the weapon in question. “What am I supposed to do with it?”, I whimper. “Point it at him, and if he moves; shoot!”, John says.

I’m half way hyperventilating – panicking. “I don’t know how to shoot. I hate guns!”. John looks over his shoulder at me. “Pull the hammer, press the trigger”, he says. “Isn’t there a safety thingy on it?”, I croak. “Waste of time”, John scoffs. “Just do it”. I pull the hammer, and aim it at the man on the floor. He begins squirming in Johns grasp. “Don’t move, you son of a bitch”, John snarls. He looks at me again.

A bird taking flight outside startles me, and I pull the trigger of the gun – hitting the floor a few feet away from the robber’s head. He instantly stops moving. John looks at me again. “See? Now you know how to shoot”, he grins. “Keep aiming. I’ll get something to tie him up, and call the cops”.

The man on the floor begins whimpering. “No; please, man!”, he sobs. “I was just trying to… I just needed some cash to get out of town”. John sighs; and then gets up; raising the man to his feet in front of him. He grabs his collar, and looks at him with a rage I’ve never seen in any man before. He looks dangerous. “You get out of here. Go far away”, he growls; his eyes aflame. “If you even set foot in this state again; I will find you – and I will rip your lungs out with my bare hands. Is that understood?”. “Uh huh!”, the man nods fervently. “Apologize to the lady!”. The robber looks at me. “I’m sorry, miss!”, he says. John lets the man go, and he runs out of the diner.

Once we’re alone, John takes the gun from my shaking hands. “He’s been staking out this place for about an hour. Waiting until he thought you were alone”. “Oh…”, I croak. I swallow hard. “Thank you”. He strokes my cheek. “You’re welcome, sweetheart”, he smiles. “Is your essay finished?”. His change of topic startles me. “Uhm… yeah. It’s just over here”, I whisper.

John walks over, and picks up the handwritten text, and quickly glances over it. “Erszebet Bathory – The Blood Countess of Csejte”, he grins. “Interesting subject”. I shrug. “I don’t know, it was… I just shot at a man”, I say. John nods. “Yes you did. And you did a half way decent job of it as well. Just try to hit, next time”.

He stuffs my essay into his pocket. “Kansas State, right?”, he says. “John, I need that…”, I say. He shakes his head. “I’ll send it for you”. “It’s not finished…”. John sighs and shakes his head. “For a year I’ve seen you bent over this thing ever chance you had. It’s finished”, he smiles. “You’re a smart young woman, and you’ll get in”. I let out a disbelieving gasp. “There’s the admission fee…”. He grins again. “I said, I got it… should have done the same for my son”.

He pats my shoulder, and goes to leave. “John!”, I call after him. He turns around, and I run over, and hug him. “Thank you”, I say, and get on my toes – kissing his cheek. “Your kids are lucky to have you”. He furrows his brow. “Goodbye, Lulu”.

He leaves the diner; and I watch him get in his truck, and drive away.

---

Dean was stood leaning against the impala, which was now parked a way down the small road leading towards the house. “I thought you’d be halfway to the nearest dive by now”, I muttered. “Should be…”, he grunted. “But you’ll just run off with Sam and Bobby, and start hunting monsters; if I don’t stay”. “Would that be so bad?”, I whispered. “You’re not a hunter, Lou”, he said earnestly. “I don’t want you…”. “Getting hurt”, I said. He nodded.

I looked across the masses of old cars strewn across the place. The impala stood parked near the house. Dean cleared his throat. “We haven’t been able to… talk, properly”. “Since I flipped you on your ass?”, I muttered. “Hell, ever since I got here, you’ve been acting like a disgruntled babysitter… I didn’t ask to be brought here, you know”. “I know”, he admitted. “It’s like I said. It’s not a good time”. “Well, get over it”, I said. “Apparently, I’m in grave danger, and need protection. Isn’t that your gig? Saving my ass?”. He chuckled. “Seems you’re pretty capable of that yourself”, he said, and stretched his back again. I stifled a smile. “I didn’t know you could do that”. “You didn’t stick around long. There’s a lot about me you don’t know”.

We stood in silence for a moment.

“So… Been dancing on any bars or tables lately?”, he suddenly asked. “Every chance I get”, I said. He nodded. “Alone?”. I let out a soft chuckle. “Are you asking if I’m seeing anyone?”. He didn’t respond. “No, Dean… We didn’t exactly agree to be exclusive; but I haven’t wanted to…”. He shook his head. “I’m sorry. It’s not my place to ask”. “Isn’t it?”, I croaked.

He ran a hand over his face and stepped further away from me. “I want it to be… God, I want…”. He looked at me. “The way I feel about you; that hasn’t changed. But the circumstances are completely different”. “How so?”, I whispered. “Me and Sam… we found out some things lately”, he said. “Some pretty earthshattering and life altering things… It’s why you shouldn’t be here… around me”. I scoffed. “What? You’re not just trying to stop the devil – you’re the living embodiment of him?”. Dean sighed. “No. that would be Sam”, he grunted. My eyes widened. “I… what?”.

Dean cleared his throat and looked at me meaningfully. “Turns out Sam and I are the human vessels of Lucifer and Michael. The archangels”. “You’re an angel?”, I gasped. “No! Hell, no”, Dean said. “But I’m Michael’s preferred meat suit. If I say yes”. “Are you going to?”, I asked. He shook his head fervently. “Absolutely not. That’s not happening. Ever”.

I took a deep breath, and blew out my nose. “Is that why you haven’t reached out? Are you afraid I’ll run away screaming?”. “No, I’m afraid you’ll get hurt, Lou!”, he growled. “Those dicks were coming for you. They’re were gonna try to bargain your life, for my yes”. I shook my head. “You should have told me”. “You were safer thinking I didn’t care”. I frowned. “But you sent Cass”, I whispered. “He wasn’t supposed to make himself known. He didn’t tell me, the winged jerk”.

“He came by so many times… even popped up in the shower with me once”, I said. “He what?”, Dean snarled. I nodded. “Yeah… let’s just say that if he felt any real pain; he’d still be limping from the blow I delivered to his balls”. Dean couldn’t hide his smile.

I sighed, and shook my head. “Dammit, Dean… Don’t you get it?”, I said. “I’m already in this… And I want to be”. “Why?”, he frowned. “Isn’t it obvious?”, I whispered. He shook his head. “No”, he muttered. “It’s not. What do you want with me? Except for the great sex, I’m not exactly a catch”.

He stepped towards me again. “You deserve a life, that’s not… this”. He gestured generally around him. “Last week Sam had to fix my dislocated shoulder, after a friggin’ demon threw me against a wall. After that, I ganked a ghost, while nursing a hangover from the half a bottle of scotch I drank, to mask the pain from a bullet grazing my leg… I’m a mess, Lou. Not boyfriend material”. “Huh…”, I said. “That sounds… bad”.

I chewed my lip. “Do you know what I was doing last week?”, I asked. He didn’t respond. “I was at my friends’ wedding. Raul and Chad got married”. I smiled. “It was beautiful. They had these amazing flower arrangements, an ice sculpture, a live band… People danced and celebrated; and had an amazing time”. I sighed. “And I was miserable. Spent the whole ordeal worried, because I didn’t know where in the world you were, or if you were even alive. I just wanted you there… I mean, you would have hated it; they only played pop-music, but… I wanted to see you, just for a second; to know you were ok – and that you still…”.

“I do…”, he muttered. “Lou…”. I tilted my head in exasperation. “I know my hurt feelings don’t come before saving the world. I get it”, I said. “But the thought of you not caring… That’s like being cut into and bled dry… Trust me, I know!”. His eyes grew sad. “I don’t want that… I’m sorry”. He took a hesitant step towards me. “I just want you to have the kind of life you deserve… I did miss you”, he muttered. “What did you miss?”, I whispered. He chuckled softly, and licked his lower lip. “Well, your smart-ass mouth, comes to mind…”. “Really?”, I smiled. “Yeah”, he shrugged. “It keeps me on my toes”. “Good to know”, I grinned.

I went to walk back towards the car; but Dean stopped me – putting a hand on my shoulder. I turned to face him again. He looked as if he was about to say something, but the words didn’t come out. He scrunched his brow, then got a determined expression his face. “Screw it…”, he growled; and pulled me towards him – planting his lips on mine. My knees instantly went weak from the melding of our lips. It was as if he was almost hungry for me – tugging at my lower lip, and searching for entry to my mouth with his tongue. I opened my lips to allow him access; and put my hand on the back of his head, as he snaked his arm around me, and held me close.

I pulled back – and with a look towards the house; which seemed far enough away to give us privacy – I opened the door to the back seat of the car. “We can go inside… We don’t have to…”, Dean began. “Sex in this car has been on my bucket list since I first saw it”, I grinned. Dean looked like he just won the lottery, and moved to let me get inside. He got in after me, and shrugged off his jacket – then met me in a passionate kiss.

Dean put his warm hand against my cheek, making me tilt my head, so he had better access to my mouth. As our kiss grew more heated, I put my hand under his arm, and onto his back; pulling him towards me, so he was laying over me. He began tugging at the hem of my tank. “Dean”, I panted. “Mhmm?”, he breathed as his lips travelled towards my neck; suckling at a spot just below my ear, that sent a pulse of warmth straight to my core. “Getting completely naked might not be the best idea…”, I said. “I think it’s a great idea”, he breathed, and tugged at my earlobe with his lips – while his hand travelled upwards under my tank, finding my breast over my bra. “I think… oh, wow. That feels amazing…”. Dean began pulling at my cardigan with his other hand. “No, Dean, stop!”, I chuckled. “It’s about 50 degrees out here. I’ll freeze”. He smirked at me. “I’ll keep you warm…”. He put his thigh between my legs, and grinded against my already pulsating core. I whimpered as the friction it caused sent waves of pleasure through my body. “Just…”, I croaked. “Pants… Just the pants, then”. Dean almost growled, and hooked his fingers into my waist band – pulling my leggings downwards – along with my panties; allowing me to keep them on, on one leg.

He looked down at my folds, and let out a pleased sigh. “This is probably my favorite place in the world…”, he smirked. “Where?”, I laughed. “The backseat of your car?”. “No”, he said. “Here…”. He slid two fingers inside me slowly – letting me feel the luscious sensation of his knuckles graze my walls. I whimpered, and threw my head back in pleasure.

I wanted to feel him, and opened his belt and the buttons of his jeans – giving me access to the hardness beyond the fabric. With both hands, I pushed at the waistband of his pants and boxers; finally freeing his erection from its confines. I took him in my hand, and followed his rhythm in my warmth; using it on his penis. I kissed his pleased smile, and our tongues met again – this time with more fervor.

My arm was being squashed by the tight confines of the otherwise quite large back seat. “This would be easier if we sat up”, Dean breathed – noticing how I was struggling. I nodded; and in a swift move, he sat up, and pulled me with him – having me straddle his lap. He slid his fingers back inside me, and I grabbed his hardness again.

I began riding his fingers, and he used the palm of his hand to create friction against my nub. As I rode, I held his member against myself stroking him up and down as I moved. The way we were sitting, and the light we still had from the setting sun; made us able to look at each other as we worked together to bring each other pleasure.

Dean’s hand found my breast under my top, and pulled the cup of my bra down; so that he could tug at my nipple. I grinded against his hand, and whimpered – making Dean smile softly at me. “God, you’re perfect”, he said. I leaned towards him, and suckled at his lip; trying to lead his penis towards my opening with my hand. “Not yet”, he breathed. “Let me… I want you to come like this”. “Why?”, I whimpered in desperation. “Feels… tighter. After”, he smirked.

He pressed harder at my front wall; and I gasped from a sudden sensation of electricity moving from my warmth and through my limbs. “Please…”, I croaked; putting my face in the crook of his neck. He kissed the spot of bare skin just next to the strap of my tank-top. “Let go, baby”, he whispered. His words sent me over the edge; and with a series of breathy moans, his fingers brought me to my climax.

Dean removed his fingers, and my hand from his member. With a firm grab on my bottom with one hand, he used the other to place himself at my entrance; then used both his hands to push my hips down – until he was fully sheathed in me.

I looked at him with dazed eyes, as he parted his lips and let out a gasp. I put my hands on Dean’s shoulders, and began moving up and down on him. The feeling of him inside me again was familiar and yet brand new. As if we were built for each other, but were both surprised about that fact.

The furrow between Deans brows as he watched me in awe, made me smile. I kissed it; making him furrow it even deeper in confusion. “What was that for?”, he breathed. “You’re cute”, I whispered. His expression darkened. “Cute?”, he said; his voice low – almost menacing. I bit my lip, and nodded. “I’ll show you cute…”, he said.

He lifted me slightly, and began thrusting into me hard; making me throw my head back and whimper in delight. “Tell me how cute I am…”, he grunted. “Adorable”, I jeered. He pounded into me hard. “A-absolutely precious”, I smiled. He went harder. “Try again…”, he growled; his eyes aflame – with just a hint of mischief. “Endearing, even”, I gasped.

Dean pushed at my shoulders, so that I leant my back against the front seat backrest. It made me lift my hips; and Dean hammered into me with such force I began to hear the mufflers squeal. “Don’t break the car!”, I croaked. Deans thumb found my bundle of nerves, the arching of my back gave him access to. I felt my walls beginning to clench around him; and I came in violent shocks around him. He put his hand behind my neck, and pulled me close to his chest; still thrusting – and using my orgasm to reach his own. Soon after; he let out an almost desperate moan, and came undone inside me.

Dean held me in his arms for a moment; my own arms slack around his neck. He kissed and suckled at my neck; stroking my hair. I shivered from the chilly air in the car; though we had managed to steam up the windows quite well. “You’re right”, Dean muttered. “It’s cold out here. Let’s get inside, before you freeze your cute ass off”. He reached for some paper towels in a box on the floor; and I lifted myself off him – letting him wipe us both off, with a smug smile.

“What?”, I chuckled, as I put my clothes back in order. “You don’t wanna know…”, he grinned. “No, really”, I said. “Tell me”. He sighed, and tucked himself back into his boxers, and closed his jeans. “This isn’t the first time I’ve had sex in this car”, he said. “I figured”, I grunted with a crooked smile. He raised a brow at me. “But it’s probably the first time where I don’t wanna just drive the girl home, and ditch her”. I smiled sweetly at him. “Aww… I’m flattered”, I said. “I guess that makes me special”.

He grabbed the back of my neck, and pulled me in for a tender kiss. “You are”, he breathed.

We got out of the impala, and walked back towards the house; not holding hands, or putting our arms around each other. We didn’t need to. The looks we sent each other spoke more than actions. Back inside, Sam and Bobby where going over an old journal. Dean stepped over to join them. “Did you two finish fighting?”, Bobby asked. “Probably never will”, Dean said quietly, and sent me a look; raising the corner of his mouth. “Dad write anything about mylings?”. “Haven’t found anything yet”, Sam said.

I went over to the desk to join them, and looked down in the journal. An old picture was poking out from the side of it, and I picked it up; looking at it. The caramel-eyed man smiling back at me from the picture made my jaw drop.

“Why do you have a picture of John?”, I asked. The three men looked at me in surprise. “You knew our dad?”, Sam breathed. I smiled in remembrance. “He was my best tipper, back when I waited tables; saving up for college”. Dean looked flabbergasted. “You must have seen him more than once, if you remember him!”, he said. I chewed at my bottom lip. “He… came in a couple of times. He was a flirt!”, I grinned. Dean groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t… not my old man!”. He looked like he was about to throw up. I laughed. “No… I mean I wasn’t opposed to the idea of it. Your dad was hot, in an older guy kind of way”. Dean heaved. “I’m gonna be sick…”.

“He was the one that taught me how to shoot… sort of. We took down a robber together”, I said. “Really?”, Sam smiled. I nodded, and recounted to them my first meeting with John Winchester. “He came in quite a few times after that. Paid my college application fee – even sent my essay for me”, I smiled. “I guess now I know why he liked the subject – being a hunter, and all”.

Sam shook his head, and sat down in a chair. “I can’t believe you met our dad… and he put you through college”, he said; looking angry for a moment. “No, Sam, he didn’t pay my tuition…”, I smiled. “He talked about you guys… didn’t give your names or anything, but he’d say how proud of you he was. Seemed like he missed you. Both of you…”. I looked into Sam’s pained eyes.

Dean looked at me in suspense. “What did he say?”, he asked. “That he lost his wife… that he had two kids, both boys. One was a straight A student, who’d gotten into Stanford. That was a big deal to him, Sam”. Sam scoffed. “Yeah? Could have fooled me…”, he muttered. “I think he was trying to make amends in some way, by helping me”, I said. “I’m sorry if that hurts you”. Sam shook his head. “No, it’s fine… It’s just a sore spot still”. He smiled slightly.

Dean swallowed hard. “Did he talk about me?”, he asked. “Said you were a ladies man, and that I should stay clear if I ever met you”, I smirked. Dean looked embarrassed. “And he told me what a great big brother you were”. Sam and Dean looked at each other for a second, before both their eyes dropped to the floor.

“How come he told you so much?”, Bobby asked. “He seemed lonely… sad, at times”, I said. “I guess he just liked talking to me. Called me Lou”, I said quietly; and looked at Dean. His lips twitched. “He saved my life…”, I whispered.  “That was dad…”, Sam smiled.

“When was the last time you saw him?”. “After the robber, he didn’t come back”, I replied. “But I got a graduation present of 500 dollars, with a note”. “What did it say?”, Dean asked. I smiled in remembrance. “Thanks for the extra cream. – J”, I said. He frowned. “What was that supposed to mean”. I shrugged. “Cherry pie”, I smiled. Sam and Dean’s faces both lit up. “Extra cream. Always get extra cream with the pie”, Dean said. “And let me guess, bacon; right?”. “Every time”, I said.

Sam looked at me questioningly. “When did you graduate?”, he asked. “About 3 years ago…”, I said. “Why?”. “That was just before…”, Dean muttered I bit my lips. “What happened to him?”, I croaked. “He sacrificed himself for me”, Dean muttered. “I died… almost”.

My eyes welled up. “Winchesters…”, I muttered. “Always throwing yourselves in the line of fire”. “Yeah…”, Sam said. “Thanks… for being his friend”. “I always thought I’d see him again someday…”, I sniveled. Dean reached for my hand, and squeezed it. “I could have been your step mom, if I’d played my cards right!” He instantly let go of my hand again. “I need a drink”, he grunted; with a terrified look on his face.

We had a drink in John’s honor, and I dried my eyes. “Let’s get back to the case”.

---

I slept on the couch again; not wanting to leave the action. I was used to being awake during the night, but the commotion of the day had tuckered me out. When I woke it was only because my head was on a document Sam needed for cross referencing. He lifted my head gently, took the papers, and set down a mug of coffee in front of me on the coffee table. “My hero”, I croaked. I looked around the room. “Where are they?”. “Bobby’s doing physical therapy in his bedroom”. “He does that?”, I asked. “Don’t tell him I told you”, Sam chuckled.

“Dean?”, I said quietly. “By the car. Your story about dad kind of got to him”, he muttered. “Oh”, I whispered. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”. Sam grabbed my hand. “No… What you told us… That means the world to the both of us… Thank you”. His puppy dog eyes were to cute to ignore. I leaned in, and gave him a hug; where he sat crouched in front of me. “I think I’m gonna go talk to him”, I said. Sam nodded. I grabbed my mug, and went to leave the house.

It was early morning, I noticed, when I stepped outside. The sky was pink and orange; making the scrap yard seem almost magical.

The impala was no longer parked near the house. Tracks in the mud let me know Dean had moved it a way down between some piles of old dishwashers. I followed the trail, and found him leaning against his car; staring up at the sky. “Always figured you’d be more of a stargazer than cloudwatcher”, I smiled. He let out a soft laugh. “Just needed some air”, he muttered. “Thank you… for telling us about my dad”. I smiled. “He was a good guy… I’m sorry he’s gone”.

Dean looked out the corner of his eye at me. I handed him my mug. “Are we good?”, I asked; as he took a sip, handing it back to me afterwards. He licked his lip, and took a deep breath. “Last night… that was amazing”, he smiled – but there was a hint of standoffishness in his voice. “But…?”, I breathed. “I don’t this it’s a good idea for us to keep it up”. He looked up at the sky. “My dad was right. You should stay clear of me”.

I wanted the earth to swallow me. “This… us. Is it over?”, I asked with a raspy voice. Dean frowned – his forehead a map of emotions I couldn’t define. “Honestly, Lou… Maybe it should be”.

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. “Ok. If that’s what you want…”, I whispered. He shook his head. “It doesn’t have anything to do with what I want”, he said exasperatedly. “We’re fighting the end of the world here…”. “I thought it was just a myling”, I grunted. Dean sighed. “Bigger picture, Lulu… I’m trying to keep you alive”. “By ending it…”. I closed my eyes. He went over to stand in front of me; and I opened my eyes to meet his pained ones. “You and me; it may have started even before we thought”. “What do you mean?”, I asked. He shook his head. “Look, I’ve already been through two near fatal incidents with you guys. On top of that, there’s the whole you going to Hell, and coming back – and the fact that I have angels and demons out to get me… I don’t think there’s anything you can say that will surprise me by now”.

He cleared his throat. “You meeting our dad… It’s too much of a coincidence”. “It’s a small world…”, I muttered. “Not that small”, Dean grunted. “Our family – generations back – has been moving towards this point. Me and Sam. Michael and Lucifer”. A chill ran down my spine. “Like… fate?”, I asked. “Ever since Abel and Cain… Angels made sure we would be born; put our parents together”. “What does that have to do with me?”, I asked.

“You met our father, became his friend – hell, you even flirted with the man”. I smirked in remembrance. “Please stop. The thought is still creeping me out”. “Sorry”, I said, and stifled a smile. He swallowed hard, and looked green for a moment. “Years later, I meet you, and we develop this connection… have earthshattering sex”. I frowned. “Sweetheart, it’s earthshattering, admit it”, he smirked.

I took a deep breath. “You’re saying angels put us together?”, I asked. “Maybe… yes”, he said. “It just makes me think that this – whatever it is we have – it’s not real. It’s all in the hands of some winged deuches, with too much time on their hands”. “And that’s bad… how?”. “Free will? Real emotion? None of that matters to you?”. “Angel’s didn’t make me fall for you, Dean”, I said. “You did”.

He shook his head. “I wish I could believe that”, he croaked. “I really do. You’re… like made for me. Your personality, your interests, you’re into hunting now; hell, even your hot ass body…”. I blushed in glee, and simultaneously felt strangely exposed. “I’m not…”, I began. “To me, you are”, Dean said, brows raised in earnest. “That’s the problem. It’s too perfect… I don’t want you to want me because some jerk angel told you to… And I don’t want to want you, because of the same reason. You having come across my dad as well… It just screams angelic intervention”.

I looked into the car; the backseat – where hours before – we’d made love. Or was it love? “Maybe you’re right”, I whispered.

Suddenly, we had company. The trench coat wearing angel was looking at us intently. “Have you had intercourse yet?”, Castiel asked. “Cas! Seriously, dude!”, Dean groaned. “Good. Then we can get back to work”.

“I’m gonna go back inside”, I muttered, and left the two men. “Lou…”, Dean called after me. “I’ll be in the house”, I said, not looking back at him.

---

Bobby and Sam were filling shotgun shells with salt at the kitchen table. Sam looked up at me; and instantly narrowed his eyes. “You good?”, he asked. I nodded and faked a smile. “Uh huh…”, I said. “How are we with getting me back home?”. Bobby raised a brow at me. “You still have Heaven and Hell tracking you”, he said. I shrugged. “I don’t think that’s an issue anymore”, I said.

I went into the living room, and looked down at some of the papers strewn across the desk. Articles on crop failures and cow mutilations. I winced in remembrance of my conversations with Dean and Sam’s father. He’d been looking for demons all along, from the looks of it. I saw one about UFO-sightings; with handwritten notes in the margin. “Angels? Trickster?”. The word trickster was scratched out, and “Gabriel” was written underneath it.

A warm hand landed on my shoulder. “What’s wrong?”, Sam asked. “It’s over”, I said. “You don’t have to worry about me”. “What happened?”, he said with a dark voice. I looked down. “Angels… it was never real”, I whispered. He sighed. “Is that what he thinks?”, he muttered. I nodded.

Sam shook his head in exasperation. “I love my brother, but he’s an idiot”, he said. “Doesn’t matter what put you in our path. You’re here now; and I for one am happy you are”. I smiled sadly. “Yeah?”, I said. Sam squeezed my shoulder. “Back when Dean went to Hell… I was a mess, and I needed a friend. You were that friend. You still are”. He kissed my forehead. “That’s not gonna change any time soon”.

I looked into his eyes, and saw John smiling back at me. “You remind me of him…”, I said. “Who?”, Sam asked. “Your dad. Too much heart for just one person”. He smiled, and looked down. “Thanks”.

Dean and Cass came back in the house. My now former lover met my eyes for a second, before looking down. “Cass has a lead on Death…”, he muttered. Sam looked at his brother coldly. “Dean…”, he began. “Not now, Sammy”, Dean said. “Please”. I grabbed Sam’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s fine”, I smiled.

I walked over to the angel. “When can I go home?”, I asked, not meeting Dean’s eyes. “I can take you right away”, he said. “What?”, Dean frowned. “What about the celestial hitmen? And demons, for that matter?”. Castiel looked at his friend calmly. “Gone since yesterday afternoon… I contacted the right people. Lulu will be safe. But she should keep the sword”.

My jaw dropped. “Since… yesterday?”, Bobby said. “Oh, balls; Cass!”. “Yes”, Cass said. “We could have avoided…”. I wanted to say breaking my heart, but decided to halt myself. Dean clenched his jaw. “Dean needed you. You’ve done your part”.

I was ready to throttle the angel right there and then. “Take me home”, I rasped. “Now”. “I can take you”, Dean said. “No”, I said. “You have a ghost to get rid of; and Cass has wings. He might be able to get me back in time for me to salvage whatever job and life I have left there”. Dean tried for a hard expression, but failed. “I’m sorry, Lou”. “Goodbye, Dean”, I said.

I looked at Cass, and nodded.

---

I was standing in my apartment. Alone.

Looking around me, I saw that my things had been searched through – drawers were opened, and my books and CD’s where strewn across the floor. My front door was slightly ajar; and I stepped over to close it. I heard a fluttering of wind behind me; and once I turned back around, I saw the angel sword laying on my kitchen table. “Thanks, Cass”, I whispered into the air. He hadn’t stayed to chat – and I was grateful.

I leant back against the door – slid down to sit – and let my tears fall.

---

A few months later.

He wakes up from another nightmare. One where his brother – in fact both his brothers – fell into a hole in the ground. When it’s not the hell-pit, it’s the dream where the girl – the perfect girl – smiles at him, kisses his cheek; and then disappears – leaving a gaping hole in his heart.

Grabbing the still half full bottle of whiskey by the motel bed; he takes a sip – when his phone rings. After seeing the number – he picks up the call. “I’m still alive…”, he grunts. “Haven’t heard from you in three days, son… You promised you wouldn’t go dark on me”, his friend responds. “What have you been up to?”. He looks at the bottle in his hand. “Dancing on tables”, he mutters. “Getting any sleep?”, his friend asks. “Too much…”, he says. “I’m sorry, Dean… But you need to move on”. He clenches his jaw. “I don’t want to talk about it”. “Well, if you’re not gonna talk to me, find someone else. You’re a mess”. “Who?”, he croaks. There is a pause. “You know who…”, his friend says.

He stands up and runs a hand over his face.

“You know I can’t do that”, he breathes. “I can’t see her”. “She’s the only one…”. “I said, I can’t!”, he roars. He hears his friend sigh. “Now you listen here, boy!”, he snarls. “That girl made you happy! Sam is gone; but that don’t mean you’re alone! You can have a life, a good life; but you choose not to – because of some horse crap about angels… She is your salvation, son!”. He sighs. “I know…”. “Then, get of your ass, and go get her!”. His friend hangs up.

Many hours later he is in Denver; having driven through the night. He doesn’t even know if she’ll take him back. And he’s not convinced she should. He sits in his car outside her building, working up the nerve to go inside; when a man in too tight jeans, a leather jacket and a fedora walks out of the door; holding it open for a woman behind him. She’s wearing a summer dress; looking like she stepped right out of his dreams.

She takes the man’s hand, kisses his cheek; and smiles.

Dean starts his car; and drives away.

[sshbpodcast]

Tales from the Holodeck: TNG Fanfic: Jake’s Story

A Star to Steer Her By is closing the book on Star Trek: The Next Generation with our much anticipated fanfic series “Tales from the Holodeck”! With our random draws for our special guest characters in hand, we’ve written new adventures for the crew of the Enterprise-D for you to enjoy! Listen to the whole episode here, or read on below for Jake’s story!

[images © Paramount/CBS]

“Thank Hugh”

By Jake

Random picks: Juliana Tainer, Hugh

Prologue

Captains Log, Stardate 48325.6. The Enterprise has entered drydock to undergo a routine refit. We have been joined by a contingent of former Borg Drones led by Hugh who will advise on upgrades to our defensive systems. The refit has afforded many of the crew some much-needed down time, while one member of the senior staff has disembarked to attend to a pressing matter of a personal nature.

“Thank you for coming on so quickly, I really didn’t know who else to contact.” Dr. Pran Tainer’s face was grave, perhaps apprehensive, and clearly expressing discomfort. The nuances of humanoid facial expressions remained elusive to Data, even after all his years in Starfleet. Dr. Tainer gestured down the hallway. “I’m hoping you may be able to answer some questions we have.”

“Certainly,” Data dutifully responded as the pair proceeded through the corridor.

“Tell me, Data: when did you become aware that your mother was an android?” Data paused in-stride. He had not expected this question. The message he had received only indicated that Juliana Tainer was ill, but did not suggest that her true nature as a Soong-type android had been revealed. He pondered the question.

“Juliana was injured in a fall during our mission here last year. It was at that time that I learned.”

Dr. Tainer’s expression had changed, and this time there was no ambiguity; he was angry. “And you didn’t feel it was necessary to inform her husband of this fact?” Data thought for a moment. The decision to keep his mother’s nature a secret from her and Dr. Tainer was done thoughtfully, and at the time had seemed to be in the best interest of everyone involved. Perhaps, Data considered, that was a miscalculation. Before he could conjure a response, Dr. Tainer continued, “It’s no matter. The secret’s out now.” The doctor proceeded along the hallway, and Data followed, “It’s a shame. If we’d known sooner, it’s possible we may have been able to do more for her. And now...”

Data interjectected, “Sir, could you tell me what has happened?”

“See for yourself.” Dr. Tainer stopped and pressed a keypad on the wall, opening a door. Beyond was a small, well-lit room. Modestly furnished with a bed, a small dresser and vanity, and a chair in which sat Juliana Tainer. As Data stepped in he noticed that she seemed to be staring vacantly, her shoulders slumped, her jaw slack. 

“Has she been deactivated?” Data asked. 

“The doctors didn’t know what to do. She was confused and erratic. At first I feared it was some form of dementia, but when they attempted to perform a neurological scan they discovered… what she was. It was then that she just... turned off.” 

“She is programmed to shut down if she discovers that she is an android.” Commander Data leaned closer to examine his mother. “She appears undamaged. Curious what could have triggered the failsafe subroutine.”

“Curious indeed,” grumbled Dr. Tainer. The Atrean let out a deep sigh. “Look commander, whether she’s an android or not, she’s still my wife. If there’s anyone who could do something for her, it would be you.”

“I will try, Doctor.” Data reached his arm around to the back of his mother’s neck. In an instant, she awoke. At first she appeared frightened and confused, her eyes scanning the room wildly, but when her gaze met Data’s she calmed immediately and a smile crept across her lips. “Data,” she said, warmly.

Data turned the corners of his mouth up by eleven degrees, an angle he had determined would suggest a calm and loving recognition. “It is good to see you, Mother.”

“Did you send a message that you were coming? If I’d known you were visiting I would have-”

Dr. Tainer excitedly stepped forward, shoving past Data, “Juliana! You’re awake!”

“Pran, what’s going on? Going on?” Suddenly, her neck twisted rapidly to the left. “Going on. Going On. On.” She jerked her neck several more times, then froze. 

“What happened?” the mortified Dr. Tainer asked.

Data had observed similar behavior once before in a Soong-type android. “Her failsafe engaged again. Doctor Tainer, I am afraid the facilities on Atrea will be insufficient to diagnose the cause of the malfunction.”

“Malfunction…” muttered Dr. Tainer.

“I must return with Juliana to my laboratory on the Enterprise.”

A sullen disposition overcame Pran Tainer. “Of course… Data… I know you’ll do everything possible for her.”

Data nodded.

Scene 1

“Impossible!” scoffed Lieutenant Worf. 

The Borg opposite him replied dryly, “I assure you, Mister Worf, with these modifications, explosive yield will be considerably increased. Our estimates suggest that an improvement of up to twenty-three per cent is possible.”

“Your estimates…” Worf muttered, dismissively.

“Worf, just let him try it,” Geordi La Forge pleaded, “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“Commander, when we agreed to allow these… Borg… access to our tactical systems, it was with the understanding that they would serve an advisory role-”

“And they will,” Commander La Forge had learned that a gentle reassurance tended to work best when dealing with an angry Klingon. “The Captain has ordered that any modifications recommended by the former Borg will be thoroughly reviewed by the senior staff before being implemented.”

Worf grunted in what could only be an acknowledgement and walked away. Hugh watched him as he left engineering. “Geordi, I believe the Lieutenant is angry with me.”

“It’s nothing personal, Hugh. Worf is just a little… uneasy with anyone going near the tactical systems. But he’ll come around. He just needs to learn to trust you as I have. Now, let’s see what we can do with the rotating shield-” 

“Bridge to La Forge,” the voice of Commander Riker cut in. 

Geordi pressed his comm badge, “Go ahead, Commander.”

“We just received word that Data’s shuttle will be arriving momentarily and he’s requested that you meet him in his lab.”

“Acknowledged.” Geordi tapped his badge again to end the call. “Hugh, the shield modifications can wait.”

Scene 2

There was no doubting what had caused the malfunction. Data had seen it before. The positronic brain is a remarkable feat of engineering, but ever so complex, and ever so fragile. It only takes one pathway among billions to destabilize, and by then it is too late. Surrounding pathways attempt to compensate, and become unstable themselves. The failures spread across the neural network like a fire consuming a forest.

It was only her failsafe program which managed to stave off the inevitable, but once reactivated the cascade would continue at an ever-accelerating rate. Data couldn’t be sure how long she would survive, let alone be lucid. 

“I’m sorry, Data,” Geordi lamented, reading the scans, “These are practically identical to the readings we got from Lal.”

“I am aware, Geordi. Were it not for her failsafe program, I believe her neural net would have already experienced total failure.” Geordi was certain he could hear a twinge of sadness in the android’s voice. “I would like you to help me establish a neural link so that I can transfer her memory engrams to mine.”

“Of course, Data. Would you like to activate her one last time? To say goodbye?”

Data considered it for a moment. He had observed in humanoid cultures the practice of “saying goodbye” to a loved-one. He, himself, had once reactivated his daughter Lal for the purpose, but Lal had known that she was an android... “If I reactivate her now, in this environment, she may realize that she is an android. It had been my Father’s wish that she be able ‘live out her days’ without knowing of her true nature.”

Geordi hadn’t considered that, “What if we took her somewhere else? We could configure the holodeck to resemble her home on Atrea.”

The thought had not occurred to Data, but the idea seemed to trigger an unusual response in Data’s subconscious programming.  “That may be acceptable.” 

Scene 3 

The program was a near-perfect recreation of an Atrean villa. The sun shone brightly through twin skylights illuminating a rustic sitting room. Juliana Tainer lay on a lavish day-bed, with her only surviving son seated beside her in a modest wooden chair. Data reached over and depressed her activation switch. Her eyes opened, peacefully.

Scanning the room briefly, her eyes connected with Data’s. Her lips formed a smile, as they had in the hospital on Atrea.

“Noonien, “ she said, calmly. 

“No, mother, I am Data.”

“Of course, son. I just had a wonderful dream that we were all back on Omicron, and you and your brother were- Oh, look at me, going on about dreams. Why are you here, on Atrea?”

“Doctor Tainer contacted me.”

“Pran contacted you? Whatever for?”

“He told me that you were feeling unwell.” Data hadn’t considered how this conversation would go.

“Oh, that’s nonsense,” Juliana let out a slight chuckle, “Pran worries about me too much. I’m fine. Tell me about you. What adventures have you been on since I last saw you?”

“Mother, I am afraid I do have much time.” Data again experienced an unusual response, he made a note to conduct a level two diagnostic of his physio-response subroutines.

“Why, where do you have to be? To be?” As it had in the hospital, her head darted swiftly to the left, then the right. “You must help him, Data. Help him, Data.” Her speech took on an unnatural cadence, no longer the comforting tone Data was accustomed to. He wondered if reactivating her had been a mistake. Juliana appeared confused and frightened.

“Help him, Data,” she repeated. 

“Help whom?” Data asked, unsure if she was lucid enough to know.

“Help, Noonien.” Data thought for a moment. Perhaps in her delirium she saw him as his father. “You must help. before it’s too late. Too late.”

“Mother, Doctor Soong is not here. I am Data.” She reached up and grasped Data’s arm, squeezing it tightly. Tighter than her programming should have allowed. She locked eyes with him. Her grasp continued to tighten. Data could detect stress vibrations in the servos in her fingers, and was concerned that they would be damaged if she continued. With his free hand, he reached behind her neck and depressed the switch to deactivate her, but her grasp persisted. The cascade had progressed faster than he expected. He pressed his Comm Badge.

“Data to transporter room three. Emergency site-to-site transport.”

Scene 4

Hugh stood in the back of the lab as Geordi and Data worked feverishly to set up the neural link. It had been in this room that the Borg first awoke, where he received his real name, and where he made his first friends. In many ways, Hugh mused, this was the room in which he became who he was. As he gazed at the panicked expression on the woman’s face, he recalled his own anxiety and confusion during those fledgling moments of individuality.

“Data, the pathways are collapsing too quickly,” Geordi’s voice was somehow both calming and apprehensive, “I can’t activate new connections fast enough.”

“Attempting to compensate.” Data’s eyes darted back and forth as he raced to establish the neural link. The lights in the optical cable strung between the androids blinked ever faster as each new connection caused another to fail. While Data appeared focused, the look on Geordi’s face betrayed the severity of the situation. 

Hugh stepped closer, “Geordi.”

“Not now, Hugh,” Geordi snapped. Hugh hadn’t expected the reaction, but he persisted.

“Geordi. I can help.”

Geordi paused for a moment and looked at Hugh. Realizing Geordi was no longer manipulating the connections, Data glanced in his direction, “Commander?”

“Wait, Data.” Geordi set down his opto-coupler and stepped back from Juliana, “I think he may be able to help. I trust him.”

Data removed the neural link cable as the Borg approached Juliana. Hugh raised his augmented arm up towards her chin. For a moment he locked eyes with the ailing woman, and he could sense fear from her. It was a fear he was all too familiar with, a fear he had seen hundreds of millions of times in the collective, a fear he had hoped to never see again. 

Two tubes emerged from Hugh’s wrist and contacted Juliana’s neck. Reacting as if by instinct, Data reached over and pulled the Borg away, but it was too late. Juliana’s eyes shut, and her shoulders slumped. Confused, Hugh stared at Data, unsure what he had done wrong. For a moment, all was still.

Suddenly, one of the panels began to chirp, and new data began to roll across the screen. Geordi looked at it, “Hang on Data, something’s happening.”

Data released Hugh and went to the panel. “The neural pathways are reestablishing on their own. It appears as though the Borg nanoprobes are repairing the damaged positronic connections.”

“Data?” The voice was that of Juliana Tainer. 

“Mother.” Data was yet again unable to identify the errant sensation.

“Data. I know... what I am. What your father did for me. What you did for me.” She turned to face Hugh, “And also what you did for me...”

“I am Hugh. Data is my friend.”

Epilogue

Captains log, supplemental. The Borg tactical upgrades have been completed. Hugh and the other Borg have disembarked for their home colony. Data informs me that his mother is expected to make a complete recovery, and will experience no negative effects from the Borg Nanoprobes. 

Data glanced up from his canvas and observed his mother. Her hand manipulated the brush rapidly, no longer encumbered by the restrictive programming his father had placed on her to appear more human. “May I see, mother?”

“Not just yet, Data. I’m nearly done.” Juliana went again to her palette, and briskly mixed a muddy gray color. Data considered his own painting, a landscape in the style of the second Bolian renaissance painter, Di’Rak. He was planning to present the painting to the Enterprise's barber at his birthday celebration next week, but felt there was still some work to be done on the shading.

“Ok, come have a look,” Juliana announced, smiling. Data rose and stood behind his mother. The painting was quite good, Data thought, if perhaps a bit lacking in technique. “It’s a family portrait.” 

Depicted was a woman resembling Juliana Tainer; an older gentleman Data recognized as Noonien Soong; two twin androids, arms over each other’s shoulders, one devilishly grinning, and the other tussling the hair of the figure beside him: a pale young boy, dressed in all black, smiling up at his big brother.

Again Data observed an anomalous sensation. He made a note to upgrade that diagnostic to level one.

—

We’re moving on to new Star Trek and Star Trek–related series we’re sure you’ll enjoy, so be sure to keep listening on SoundCloud, follow us on Facebook and Twitter, and upgrade your diagnostics to level one.

[salmankhanholics]

★ Salman Khan: Who am I? Even I don't know myself! 

iNTERVIEW: SALMAN KHAN

May 22, 2019

Salman Khan admits he has changed a lot over the years, opens up about future projects, joking that Dabangg will stop at 743rd instalment... He’s the boss even in a makeshift shamiana in the parking lot of a city studio. The night is young, and the mood is mellow. As he gears up to embark on a six-decade cinematic journey, Salman Khan, as always, is full of surprises. He cracks jokes with a straight face, shares changes that he’s noticed in himself without the slightest discomfiture and reveals plans that sound impossible but with Salman you can never tell. Excerpts from an interview: Your director Ali Abbas Zafar has said that Bharat is a film that could only be made with you because of the beautiful relationship you share with your father (Salim Khan)? Everyone shares a beautiful relationship with their parents. So, this film could have been made with anyone and they would have done complete justice to the film because the script is so beautiful. Ab bolne ke liye it can be said that because I share a beautiful relationship with my father, mother, sisters, brothers and friends I was the only choice but the fact is that had anyone else done it, it would have turned out just this way, maybe better. It’s an official adaptation of a Korean film, Ode To My Father… We’ve taken the rights of that film, but it’s changed a lot. Their culture is different from ours and when you adapt it, scenes change, moments change, the screenplay changes. But the plot has remained the same. Having written stories and screenplays yourself, what was it about this one that caught your attention? My visual of this film is that of two old men standing together at the end with tears in their eyes. Beta bhi buddha, baap aur buddha.. Since the age of nine, this guy has been waiting for something like this to happen… Ali says he now has a two-hero script for a film which he’d like to make with Shah Rukh Khan and you. I don’t know anything about this. At the moment there’s only Bharat. What does the word Bharat mean to you? It means my country, the country I love, and what I can do for it. Every year on Eid you come with a film which is like a gift... an Eidi for your fans. Films arrive during every festival, whenever one is ready, aa jaate hain. Dabangg 3 will come this Christmas and I’ve had releases during Diwali too. It’s just a coincidence that some of my films have opened around this time which makes people say that Eid is booked by Salman Khan. Arre, any actor can come during the festival, it’s a good date, a holiday, when people have got their salaries and their bonuses. Since this is the only entertainment we have, they come flocking to see their favourite heroes. It’s strange, when you are watching something on the digital platform, you watch alone, but when it’s a film, you always take family or friends along. Picture sab saath mein baith ke dekhte hain aur isse bonding ho jaati hai theatre ke andar. What kind of films did you grow up watching? The kind of films I’m making right now, and I went to the theatres to watch them. And believe me, the best kind of marketing for a film is still in-theatre promotion. The posters we saw in the foyer and the trailers we waited for, are what draw cinegoers. People come to the theatres to watch films all the time and for them posters must be tangaoed and trailers chalaoed so they know what’s arriving next.

There’s another Korean film, Veteran, around a detective and a crime syndicate…

Yeah, it’s an outstanding film. Atul (producer brother-in-law Atul Agnihotri) has acquired the rights of both Ode To My Father and Veteran. Will you feature in the Hindi adaptation of Veteran too? We will see about that. Dabangg 3 traces how neighbourhood rowdy Chulbul became Inspector Robinhood Pandey. What triggered off the idea of a prequel? The plot was in our minds when we were writing Dabangg. So the franchise was conceived as a three-part series. No, the first and the second parts which were linked lead up to the third. It was like iske baad yeh hoga aur third mein yeh hona chahiye. So there’s going to be a Dabangg 4, 5,6… Where do you stop? We will stop at (after pondering for a moment) Dabangg 743. It will spin for 700 years? No, we will finish everything Ek saal mein kitne aayenge? (Smiling) Aa jayenge. The TV show, Bigg Boss, has become synonymous with you but buzz is, you will not be hosting this season. True? I wish it were true but I’m doing it. What do you enjoy about getting people into the house every year? I don’t enjoy it. Endemol and Colors enjoy picking up people and putting them in the house who I have to then deal with. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don’t enjoy it, not at all. But I get to learn a lot from them. Would you allow anyone to lock you into a house like that? I would never allow it, but unfortunately, I don’t have a choice. They do come and pick me up and block me. Not anymore… No? I hope not. As an actor you’re always playing characters written for you, in the process don’t you lose sight of the real Salman Khan? People write different characters for me and I think I am doing them differently, but they all turn out the same. That’s my speciality! Kitna bhi different le kar aao, they all end up looking alike. As Ali says, even when you are playing a character, Salman Khan doesn’t disappear 100 per cent. Perhaps that’s what your fans like… They come to see Salman Khan, but they need to see who I really am. Who am I? Even I don’t know myself. I have no idea. So you see a lot of changes in Salman today from the one who did Maine Pyar Kiya? Oh, yes. But your director, Sooraj Barjatya, says he saw the same “beautiful soul” of Maine Pyar Kiya a quarter of a century later in Prem Ratan Dhan Payo… Sooraj sees what he is in others. He has not lost his innocence and his niceness. But I know that naivety in me disappeared a long time ago. I see a huge change in me and that’s how it should be. You can’t have the same innocence at this age, you will look like an idiot. Sanjay Leela Bhansali who is reuniting with you on Inshallah after almost two decades mentioned that you simply picked up from where you had left off… That’s how it should be, whenever he and I meet, there is this connect It’s just not an actor-director relationship. Just because he was working with other actors, it didn’t have to hamper or spoil our equation. I work with other directors too, so should he. Now, we will be collaborating on this very sweet love story. The film pairs you with one of the most promising young talents we’ve had in recent years… See how she’s turned it around, from a student to now, it’s beautiful! And no one can take credit for her growth except Alia herself. Jo bhi bole humne usko banaya hai, is not to be believed. It’s Alia who has honed her talent. What’s it like to be working with this bundle of talent? A godown of talent will be meeting with a bundle of talent… (Laughs) Actually there’s no talent here. Tiger Zinda Hai 3 is expected to start soon... It might, I’ve still to hear the script. Right now, I have two films. Will Katrina Kaif return? Of course. Dabangg will always have Sonakshi (Sinha), Jackie (Jacqueline Fernandez) will always be a part of Kick and Tiger can never be made without Katrina. Talking of Jacqueline you brought art into her life… (Smiles) Yeah, she was painting a lot during Race 3. Planning to share some of your paintings with the world? There’s just no time to paint now, but in around three months time I’ll have an exhibition for sure. What about your other ventures? There was talk of you starting a restaurant… Restaurant? No, that’s not on the cards, but we are retailing in clothing, jewellery, gyms and equipment, with the focus being on quality and durability. Mashallah, all the ventures are doing well with plans of getting much bigger. As a producer you recently gave your nod to a romcom revolving around a wedding to be directed by Rohit Naiyar… Rohit was the assistant director on two films I’d done with Raj Kanwar. Minutes into the narration I stood up and began laughing. It’s one of the funniest scripts I have heard. Your wedding has become a national concern…. Yeah, I think I should announce it on May 23… (Laughs) Seriously, any plans? Not for some time. And children? You love them… (Smiles) I want children, but with children comes the mother. I don’t want the mother, but they need one. But I have a whole village to take care of them. Maybe I can work out a win-win situation for everyone.

[airoasis]

Week 5 Turning Pro Challenge - Live Account Forex Review - Trading Account Tutorial

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/week-5-turning-pro-challenge-live-account-forex-review-trading-account-tutorial/

Week 5 Turning Pro Challenge - Live Account Forex Review - Trading Account Tutorial

Welcome to training for a challenge per week five account evaluation this is a Raman Gill from buying and selling with Venus calm just a rapid disclaimer before we get began this is for academic functions handiest trading is a dicy business so please watch out with your cash as you’re conscious turning for a task is set finding out the behaviors of official traders and enforcing these behaviors so we’re in a position to generate official outcome as good there are a few exceptional facets of this challenge and what we are looking at doing is surroundings a goal making sure now we have a exchange plan after which imposing that trade plan so three key areas that we center of attention on our practise execution and review for our buying and selling if you haven’t already joined the turning pro mission I invite you to verify out buying and selling with Venus comm forward cut back flip pro where you’ll be able to be competent to download all of the works books and spreadsheets that i use to monitor this assignment let’s begin off by means of taking a seem at our goals the pursuits that I had set were to make hundred pips per week to exchange the London session and if you’re watching at hundred pips per week so i’m pretty much watching at making about 35 pips per day because i’m best trading 3 days per week so in phrases of the goals i did not meet my targets this week this week was once in reality a hard week for me and i’m going to exhibit you the outcome that I received but one of the vital large challenges that I had this week was once my trading psychology I received tousled because of some external hobbies that happened some comments that came my approach and i didn’t control them to effectually and i took them too in my opinion so it messed up my buying and selling psychology and that i started a second guessing myself I internalized it an excessive amount of and it simply threw me off my game so I most commonly have losses each single week total commonly i’d have one shedding day and two winning day so that is so the usual that i’m going with so despite the fact that we’ve been placing up some great outcome the fact is that every one those trades have no longer been profitable trades there were some losses in there nevertheless the winning trades have been way higher and so they worked out a lot better than the shedding trade so we didn’t lose as much and the the number of profitable trades have been greater as good as the profit objectives on those successful trades were greater thus the overall results had been relatively excellent nevertheless it does not imply that I do not have dropping days I do and that i had the primary dropping day and after that considering of some feedback that came my approach it simply thoroughly threw me off the game even though I do ought to say I used to be looking for a shedding Greek given that we’ve got had a best run and also you are not able to do not simply have a satisfactory run there are at all times losses so in my intellect at the back of my mind I had this factor that I can have dropping Greek so that is an extra thing that I must work on it creates a self-pleasant prophecy so if you are trading and you end up happening that track ensure you interrupt that pattern on your attitude and also you just go back and self-control that so that is simply variety of a part observe so a few those things that threw me off my recreation and that i must say it took me a while to get back on monitor from that so total in terms of pursuits did not meet the hundred pips per week purpose this week and for the relaxation of it we’re risking the account size and the amount of risk and having stop losses in place those were nice I did apply all those things one thing that I did I would have finished significantly better this week used to be slicing my losses and that’s probably the most matters that form of goes again to your buying and selling psychology when you consider that I was down within the dumps over a couple of things there i didn’t manage my trades appropriately I would have reduce the losses short I would have taken probably the most gains that were to be had in those trades and yet I held onto the tray slightly too long which ended up developing losses for me so i didn’t follow my possess principles with regards to the exchange administration considering my psychology was once tousled so trading psychology is very very major and performs a very predominant role on this in phrases of exchange training this is my force I do that as part of our trade room with the every day market evaluation calls each evening so I did that well we appear at market course and we additionally seem at the technical phases to alternate from we look at what essential news are popping out what affect we predict as a result of these information and creating a exchange plan all of that went well this week submit market evaluate I did give a number of concept to how this week went and one of the most challenges that I acquired into and how I plan to beat them next time again the post market evaluate I suppose despite the fact that this is the discipline that I battle with regularly this overall went better in view that of the shedding week that I had it pressured me to pay attention to what things went well what did not go so good and what I ought to trade and plenty of that’s managing my trading psychology as well as alternate management and doing their preparation so a few of those things that I do well nevertheless trading psychology is one other thing that i am gonna add to my guidelines and that i just must make sure that i’m within the surest mode to trade at any time when I get into buying and selling so now let’s go on to the account and spot the place we set for this week so this is the trading account that i’ve been buying and selling last time our stability was once higher this time here the steadiness is diminish that account size dropped so let’s go to our spreadsheets that that will go over some numbers right here that is the spreadsheet that now we have been utilising here the final 4 weeks have been particularly just right we have been at about ninety seven factor eight four percent return now that has dropped to about ninety one factor three six percent total this week I had a loss of 2 hundred $26 and ninety two cents so this brings the whole profit at thirty-one ninety seven point five six so like I said this was a dropping week so the outcome have dropped a little bit and now i am sitting at a ninety one factor three six percentage in terms of the return let’s go on to the scorecard right here so scorecard is the place I self monitor and ponder what matters I did well and where i’ve room for growth in terms of the training right here I did take a appear at the information did my market evaluation competently and i checked out abilities entries and targets of each evening in order that one went well and i bought full marks over there in alternate execution here i didn’t take trades that deliberate like I mentioned I might have completed a better job I went into an excessive amount of of a shielding mode the place I was scared to lose and consequently of that it can be just like the crimson elephant within the room so whilst you say don’t feel about pink elephant simplest thing that you would be able to feel about is the crimson elephant so that is where I did mess up this week so this section didn’t go as well a discontinue loss entered this one sincerely went it was once okay in order that used to be no longer too large of a quandary profit target set those have been high-quality as well trade management is one other field that I would do better i didn’t do as good this week most often i have a strict algorithm that I comply with when managing my trades and for essentially the most part i’m excellent with those however this week given that I was down in the dumps i didn’t manage the trades as well as I could have in phrases of the submit market overview I did this well again this is one other subject that i’m presently working on so overall this went ok in terms of managing my emotions I provide myself a 0 out of three in view that that is the place I think like I relatively lacked this week and that i would have executed a a lot better job I bought into my head and i simply might no longer shake off that terrible feelings that I was once feeling and consequently of that the whole lot that I did was once typically flawed I would have done so many matters better this week so therefore of looking at one more elements so managing emotions is an additional thing that I need to take very significantly and i have to safeguard myself from negativity and that is what i’d suggest for everyone else as good there’s a number of stuff that goes on round us exclusive things can have an influence things that are not even involving buying and selling would have an affect on our buying and selling since we as human beings bring all of that to the desk once we do something in order that was once a enormous lesson realized this week and this is some thing that i am going to be specializing in for certain going forward if you’re fascinated with my exchange room or buying and selling indicators provider let me share some small print with you on that so it is a comprehensive carrier we most commonly begin off with a weekly market overview per week on Sunday so if you’re part of my buying and selling staff you also get access to a personal skype team where I share my trade strategies and analysis and i also send out Twitter signals when I’m entering a alternate so those would be the live trades that I enter every day now we have a daily Market evaluation call where we take a appear on the charts we appear at what happened in the markets and create a plan for buying and selling the next day so we mark out our technical levels of where we’re watching to take the trades from what direction we are looking for every pair I quilt a couple of one-of-a-kind pairs in that and we mark these phases for every pair where to enter the trade and where our skills revenue targets shall be for each and every one i am active in the alternate room throughout the London session commencing at 3 a.M.Japanese and when I’m able to enter the exchange I put a exchange alert within the trade room with my entry discontinue loss as well as profit target I additionally take trades after the day-to-day market analysis called within the evening so if you are no longer competent to alternate in the London session with me which you can also track the trades in the night and those are in most cases we just set the trades and we let them run so that they in most cases play out in the course of the London however we’re not actively monitoring those trades so that is yet another option if you are not capable to exchange London session each Friday we’ve got a member zone simplest a webinar at 9:30 a.M.Eastern this one is recorded equal on the every day market and Alf is known as and that you may invariably view it later if you are now not ready to make it at the moment as opponents you also get my pivot point indicator I relatively like that pivot factor indicator it is certainly one of my favorite ones that I used to exchange if you are fascinated with becoming a member of the exchange room there are three different options which you can decide on from one is the month-to-month option which is $ninety seven a month and with this one you’re just on a month-to-month billing cycle so that you can cancel at any time I also have a few different plans if you wish to convey the rate down a one is a biannual plan so essentially you’re procuring six months at a time and the cost for with a view to be sixty-seven dollars a month and if you wanted to be on a each year plan this is the first-class plan that i’ve for forty-seven greenbacks a month so those are the three choices if you want to join me within the alternate room so that is it for at present you guys have a great trading week and i will see you next time

[batterymonster2021]

Week 5 Turning Pro Challenge - Live Account Forex Review - Trading Account Tutorial

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Week 5 Turning Pro Challenge - Live Account Forex Review - Trading Account Tutorial

Welcome to training for a challenge per week five account evaluation this is a Raman Gill from buying and selling with Venus calm just a rapid disclaimer before we get began this is for academic functions handiest trading is a dicy business so please watch out with your cash as you’re conscious turning for a task is set finding out the behaviors of official traders and enforcing these behaviors so we’re in a position to generate official outcome as good there are a few exceptional facets of this challenge and what we are looking at doing is surroundings a goal making sure now we have a exchange plan after which imposing that trade plan so three key areas that we center of attention on our practise execution and review for our buying and selling if you haven’t already joined the turning pro mission I invite you to verify out buying and selling with Venus comm forward cut back flip pro where you’ll be able to be competent to download all of the works books and spreadsheets that i use to monitor this assignment let’s begin off by means of taking a seem at our goals the pursuits that I had set were to make hundred pips per week to exchange the London session and if you’re watching at hundred pips per week so i’m pretty much watching at making about 35 pips per day because i’m best trading 3 days per week so in phrases of the goals i did not meet my targets this week this week was once in reality a hard week for me and i’m going to exhibit you the outcome that I received but one of the vital large challenges that I had this week was once my trading psychology I received tousled because of some external hobbies that happened some comments that came my approach and i didn’t control them to effectually and i took them too in my opinion so it messed up my buying and selling psychology and that i started a second guessing myself I internalized it an excessive amount of and it simply threw me off my game so I most commonly have losses each single week total commonly i’d have one shedding day and two winning day so that is so the usual that i’m going with so despite the fact that we’ve been placing up some great outcome the fact is that every one those trades have no longer been profitable trades there were some losses in there nevertheless the winning trades have been way higher and so they worked out a lot better than the shedding trade so we didn’t lose as much and the the number of profitable trades have been greater as good as the profit objectives on those successful trades were greater thus the overall results had been relatively excellent nevertheless it does not imply that I do not have dropping days I do and that i had the primary dropping day and after that considering of some feedback that came my approach it simply thoroughly threw me off the game even though I do ought to say I used to be looking for a shedding Greek given that we’ve got had a best run and also you are not able to do not simply have a satisfactory run there are at all times losses so in my intellect at the back of my mind I had this factor that I can have dropping Greek so that is an extra thing that I must work on it creates a self-pleasant prophecy so if you are trading and you end up happening that track ensure you interrupt that pattern on your attitude and also you just go back and self-control that so that is simply variety of a part observe so a few those things that threw me off my recreation and that i must say it took me a while to get back on monitor from that so total in terms of pursuits did not meet the hundred pips per week purpose this week and for the relaxation of it we’re risking the account size and the amount of risk and having stop losses in place those were nice I did apply all those things one thing that I did I would have finished significantly better this week used to be slicing my losses and that’s probably the most matters that form of goes again to your buying and selling psychology when you consider that I was down within the dumps over a couple of things there i didn’t manage my trades appropriately I would have reduce the losses short I would have taken probably the most gains that were to be had in those trades and yet I held onto the tray slightly too long which ended up developing losses for me so i didn’t follow my possess principles with regards to the exchange administration considering my psychology was once tousled so trading psychology is very very major and performs a very predominant role on this in phrases of exchange training this is my force I do that as part of our trade room with the every day market evaluation calls each evening so I did that well we appear at market course and we additionally seem at the technical phases to alternate from we look at what essential news are popping out what affect we predict as a result of these information and creating a exchange plan all of that went well this week submit market evaluate I did give a number of concept to how this week went and one of the most challenges that I acquired into and how I plan to beat them next time again the post market evaluate I suppose despite the fact that this is the discipline that I battle with regularly this overall went better in view that of the shedding week that I had it pressured me to pay attention to what things went well what did not go so good and what I ought to trade and plenty of that’s managing my trading psychology as well as alternate management and doing their preparation so a few of those things that I do well nevertheless trading psychology is one other thing that i am gonna add to my guidelines and that i just must make sure that i’m within the surest mode to trade at any time when I get into buying and selling so now let’s go on to the account and spot the place we set for this week so this is the trading account that i’ve been buying and selling last time our stability was once higher this time here the steadiness is diminish that account size dropped so let’s go to our spreadsheets that that will go over some numbers right here that is the spreadsheet that now we have been utilising here the final 4 weeks have been particularly just right we have been at about ninety seven factor eight four percent return now that has dropped to about ninety one factor three six percent total this week I had a loss of 2 hundred $26 and ninety two cents so this brings the whole profit at thirty-one ninety seven point five six so like I said this was a dropping week so the outcome have dropped a little bit and now i am sitting at a ninety one factor three six percentage in terms of the return let’s go on to the scorecard right here so scorecard is the place I self monitor and ponder what matters I did well and where i’ve room for growth in terms of the training right here I did take a appear at the information did my market evaluation competently and i checked out abilities entries and targets of each evening in order that one went well and i bought full marks over there in alternate execution here i didn’t take trades that deliberate like I mentioned I might have completed a better job I went into an excessive amount of of a shielding mode the place I was scared to lose and consequently of that it can be just like the crimson elephant within the room so whilst you say don’t feel about pink elephant simplest thing that you would be able to feel about is the crimson elephant so that is where I did mess up this week so this section didn’t go as well a discontinue loss entered this one sincerely went it was once okay in order that used to be no longer too large of a quandary profit target set those have been high-quality as well trade management is one other field that I would do better i didn’t do as good this week most often i have a strict algorithm that I comply with when managing my trades and for essentially the most part i’m excellent with those however this week given that I was down in the dumps i didn’t manage the trades as well as I could have in phrases of the submit market overview I did this well again this is one other subject that i’m presently working on so overall this went ok in terms of managing my emotions I provide myself a 0 out of three in view that that is the place I think like I relatively lacked this week and that i would have executed a a lot better job I bought into my head and i simply might no longer shake off that terrible feelings that I was once feeling and consequently of that the whole lot that I did was once typically flawed I would have done so many matters better this week so therefore of looking at one more elements so managing emotions is an additional thing that I need to take very significantly and i have to safeguard myself from negativity and that is what i’d suggest for everyone else as good there’s a number of stuff that goes on round us exclusive things can have an influence things that are not even involving buying and selling would have an affect on our buying and selling since we as human beings bring all of that to the desk once we do something in order that was once a enormous lesson realized this week and this is some thing that i am going to be specializing in for certain going forward if you’re fascinated with my exchange room or buying and selling indicators provider let me share some small print with you on that so it is a comprehensive carrier we most commonly begin off with a weekly market overview per week on Sunday so if you’re part of my buying and selling staff you also get access to a personal skype team where I share my trade strategies and analysis and i also send out Twitter signals when I’m entering a alternate so those would be the live trades that I enter every day now we have a daily Market evaluation call where we take a appear on the charts we appear at what happened in the markets and create a plan for buying and selling the next day so we mark out our technical levels of where we’re watching to take the trades from what direction we are looking for every pair I quilt a couple of one-of-a-kind pairs in that and we mark these phases for every pair where to enter the trade and where our skills revenue targets shall be for each and every one i am active in the alternate room throughout the London session commencing at 3 a.M.Japanese and when I’m able to enter the exchange I put a exchange alert within the trade room with my entry discontinue loss as well as profit target I additionally take trades after the day-to-day market analysis called within the evening so if you are no longer competent to alternate in the London session with me which you can also track the trades in the night and those are in most cases we just set the trades and we let them run so that they in most cases play out in the course of the London however we’re not actively monitoring those trades so that is yet another option if you are not capable to exchange London session each Friday we’ve got a member zone simplest a webinar at 9:30 a.M.Eastern this one is recorded equal on the every day market and Alf is known as and that you may invariably view it later if you are now not ready to make it at the moment as opponents you also get my pivot point indicator I relatively like that pivot factor indicator it is certainly one of my favorite ones that I used to exchange if you are fascinated with becoming a member of the exchange room there are three different options which you can decide on from one is the month-to-month option which is $ninety seven a month and with this one you’re just on a month-to-month billing cycle so that you can cancel at any time I also have a few different plans if you wish to convey the rate down a one is a biannual plan so essentially you’re procuring six months at a time and the cost for with a view to be sixty-seven dollars a month and if you wanted to be on a each year plan this is the first-class plan that i’ve for forty-seven greenbacks a month so those are the three choices if you want to join me within the alternate room so that is it for at present you guys have a great trading week and i will see you next time

[winterinpanem]

Christmas Angels - Chapter 3

December 20

I was unprepared for this madness. The mall, five days before Christmas, is a nut house, crawling with wild-eyed shoppers determined to spend every cent in their pockets. Gigantic Christmas balls dangle from the ceiling between long garlands of flocked greenery. From my perch on a high stool in the food court, I spot Santa on his throne offering half-hearted ho-ho-hos to a squalling child while an unfortunate woman in an elf costume tries to take their picture. Honey, you can shake your stupid monkey at that baby all you want. He isn’t going to smile.

To top it all off, Burl Ives is wishing everyone a Holly, Jolly Christmas. I’m pretty sure that’s impossible in this little slice of suburban hell.

Justin Bieber starts singing in my pocket. I’m still not sure what I was thinking when I assigned that particular ringtone to Peeta, but it doesn’t really matter anyway because I never let it play very long. I unlock my phone and open the message.

You’re prettier when you smile.

My head whips around, eyes scanning the crowd, looking for his familiar mop of hair. Finally, I spot him, leaning against a nearby pillar while sporting a lazy grin, a baseball cap perched on his head. He waggles his fingers at me as I move toward him.

He looks so different in something other than his bakery uniform. His biceps practically burst from the sleeves of the t-shirt he’s wearing. The pinky-orange fabric clings to his pecs too. I think the colour is called coral or something, but I’ve never seen it on a man before. Whatever. It looks hella good on him. The jeans are perfect for him too. They’re clearly soft and well worn; neither too baggy nor too tight.

A fantasy flies unbidden into my mind of me stepping casually into his arms like I belong there, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing a kiss to his lips. I command my imagination to heel. I barely know this man.

“Hi,” I force out, but it sounds breathy and girly and nothing like me.

“Hi,” he says with a bright smile and pushes off the post, his winter jacket clutched in his fist. “Did you want to get some dinner?”

I do, but not at the food court, so I just shrug. “Maybe after? Let’s get the shopping done first.”

Before long, we’re walking in circles around the scraggly artificial tree still dripping in paper angels. Rue, a teenaged volunteer from the food bank, is manning the table. Her chocolate eyes are dancing when we approach. She’s Chaff and Seeder’s daughter and I’ve watched her grow up, helping her parents on Saturday afternoons. But, it seems that she knows Peeta too.

“Katniss! Peeta! I didn’t know you knew each other. What are you doing here?”

“Just finishing my Christmas shopping,” Peeta says easily as he peruses the angels on the tree, plucking the odd one off it’s branches.

Rue leans over the table to whisper conspiratorially. “Are you guys dating?”

I shake my head vehemently and then feel guilty for it. “We’re just friends.”

“He’s kinda cute, Katniss. Do you want to be his girlfriend?”

I must turn three shades of red because Rue giggles. “We just met Saturday,” I hiss, which only makes it worse. Honestly, she’s as boy crazy as Prim was at her age. I’m still shaking my head at her when Peeta returns to the table so Rue can jot down the requests he’s promising to fulfill.

“All set?” she asks.

He nods. “I think so.”

While Rue and Peeta finish their business, I start checking out the other wishes on the tree, finding dreams of dolls and video games, Lego and science kits, Nerf guns and teddy bears. Then I spot it - an angel hung so that the wish on it is hidden from view. I turn it so I can read it better, the card stock seraphim stiff between my fingers. An eight-year-old girl wants a pair of winter boots. Size 13. My heart pounds in my ears and I have to remind myself to take my next breath. And the next one. When I step away from the tree, I can’t let it go. Instead, I march over to Rue and slap it down on the table.

“This one,” I tell her and she looks up at me, startled. “I’ll take this one.”

As soon as she’s finished with Peeta’s angels, Rue picks up mine and gets ready to assign it to me in her book.

“I can get that one, Katniss,” Peeta offers. “Let me put one of these back and-”

“No.”

Rue hands the angel back to me and I stomp towards the nearest shoe store. There’s a storm raging inside me and I won’t be able to think clearly until I’ve got the boots in my hands.

“Katniss!” Peeta calls out, scurrying to keep up with me. There’s a hitch in his step. His injury must be bothering him again. “Wait up a minute.” I sigh and roll my eyes skyward. His face is twisted in concern when he finally catches up. “Why are you so upset? I thought we were having fun and then you just took off. Did I do something?”

“No.” I try to brush past him and continue my mission to Payless Shoes, but he catches me by my sleeve.

“Katniss? What’s wrong?”

“Boots, Peeta! Boots!” He stares at me blankly, so I shake the little paper angel in his face. “This little girl – this eight-year-old girl – gets one Christmas wish, Peeta. ONE! And she’s so desperate for warm winter boots, that’s what she asked Santa for. Not a doll. Not jewellery. Not even a teddy bear. Boots!” I’m shaking with rage. “Well, I’ll make damn sure she gets her boots.”

By the time I’ve finished my rant, Peeta has grabbed me by the shoulders. I wait for him to walk away. He should walk away. I’m a crazy woman who just lost her mind over a pair of boots. But he doesn’t. Instead, he pulls me into his arms and lets me bury my face in his shoulder. My lips are a hair’s breadth from his neck and I inhale the warm, yeasty scent of his bakery. Against my cheek, his shirt is as soft as I thought it would be when I saw him standing by the pillar only minutes ago.

I don’t know what possessed him to hug me, but somehow it was exactly what I needed and I know I will not be the first to let go.

“Okay, Katniss,” he whispers in my ear,` “Let’s go buy that kid some boots.” When I finally raise my head from his shoulder, Peeta threads his fingers through mine and leads me into the shoe store. He says nothing as I inspect the warmth of each pair of boots in the kids’ section before finally landing on a pair exactly like what I would have purchased for Prim when we were kids. They’re bright pink pull-ons, with a thick liner to keep the little girl’s feet warm and a chunky sole that’s perfect for the icy sidewalks in our town. The price point is perfect, so I pay for them and we head out of the store.

“I think…” says Peeta thoughtfully, swinging our still-joined hands between us, “that it’s time for hot chocolate.”

Calmer now with the bag for from the shoe store clutched in my fist, I ponder his suggestion. “It won’t be as good as yours.”

He chuckles. “Spoiled you for everyone else, have I?”

I can’t hold back the eyeroll. “Something like that.”

Before long we’re back in the food court, blowing the steam off a couple of grande hot chocolates from Starbucks. It doesn’t even come close to the goodness Peeta served me a few days ago. Nevertheless, it’s soothing.

Peeta shifts in his chair. The corner of his mouth ticks down and the cords in his throat tighten. When he speaks, his voice is full of concern. “Are you feeling better now?”

Good God. I’ve made him think I’m a mental case. Playing the scene again through his eyes, I can only imagine how crazy I seemed to him. We only met a few days ago. He knows nothing about me, really, and now he’s probably wondering how fast he can shake me. I should just thank him for the hot chocolate and go home; mark this down as the time I had a shot with a really amazing guy and blew it.

“Katniss?” The gentle prod brings me back to the conversation. “I said, are you feeling better now?”

I nod slowly, tracing the pattern in the Formica tabletop with my free hand. “Yeah, I am, thanks.”

“Do you want to tell me what that was about?” No, not really. I could go quite happily through the rest of my life and never mention what my mother put my sister and me through. “I mean, you don’t have to, but sometimes it helps to talk about things.”

“We had a hard time,” I blurt out, deciding it’s rude not to offer him at least some form of explanation. “After my dad died, I mean. My mom- We struggled, for awhile. And we had to use the food bank. A lot.”

Peeta chews his bottom lip. “So that’s why you volunteer.”

I grimace. “I have to pay Mags back. For what she did for us. I owe her my life, really.”

“I doubt she’d agree.” Peeta jerks his head to the left, toward the tree where Rue is still assigning angels. “Did you ever?”

I nod. “For my sister, Prim.” I wriggle in my chair and clutch my cup in both hands. “Anyway, the idea that a family is so hard up that little girl’s gift from Santa had to be winter boots, well-”

“It brought it all back.” Peeta gives my hand a squeeze. “I’m sorry about that. This was supposed to be fun,” he says, and he looks so crestfallen that I squeeze his hand back and then take a long slurp of my hot chocolate.

“I’m fine, really. It’s just… Everybody has their triggers, you know? Kids not having the necessities? That’s mine.”

Peeta watches me closely over the rim of his cup, his blue eyes searching my face for any further signs of distress. He must see whatever he’s looking for because he nods. “Okay, I’ve got $300 burning a hole in my pocket. Let’s get this done so I can get them wrapped tonight.” He gets up from his chair and offers me his arm. “Shall we?”

The gallant knight routine makes me laugh and I tuck my arm into his. “Lead the way.”

We spend the next two hours wandering through the toy store. Peeta mounds the cart with Baby Alive and Little People, a Spiderman mask and gloves with real, shooting web spinners, video games and gift cards. He holds up the cans of silly string required for Spiderman’s gloves and chortles, “these too.”

I don’t know what to say to that, so I roll my eyes. Peeta takes that as a yes and tosses it into the cart.

Before long, we’re moving through the checkout and are waddling across the parking lot, weighed down by his purchases.

“I don’t care what you say, Peeta. Baby Alive is a creepy frigging doll!”

He snickers as he adjusts his packages to dig his keys from his pocket. “It’s just a doll, Katniss, not Chucky.”

“Could be. Any vacant-eyed creature that actually dirties a diaper has got to be possessed.”

The headlights on a black Jeep flash when Peeta presses the unlock button, so we move in that direction. “Okay, maybe Bride of Chucky.” We’re still laughing when he throws up the rear door of the Jeep and we load the parcels in. When the door slams down, we’re left shuffling our feet in the amber glow of the parking lot lights.

“So, um, I better take these home. Get them wrapped.” Like the gifted orator I am, I mutter ‘yeah’ or something equally eloquent. I kick at a rock in the hard-packed snow beneath our feet. I am not ready for this night to be over.

“Hey,” Peeta says suddenly. “I still owe you dinner. Would you like to come over and help me wrap and I’ll make us something to eat?”

It feels like someone has thrown me a life preserver, so I don’t argue. Instead I agree to meet him at his place and pick my way across the parking lot to my rusty red compact. When she was in high school, Prim dubbed it the POS. It was part of the vernacular at our house. Was there gas in the POS? Could she borrow the POS? And most recently, when was I going to replace my POS. I told her I couldn’t afford to get another car until she finished med school. She wasted no time reminding me that she was on a full scholarship and I should stop being so cheap. I almost laughed out loud when she said it. She has no idea how I’ve scrimped and scrounged for her. It’s just second nature to me now. Last fall, I filled the worst of the holes in the POS with Bond-o and painted it with a brush. Prim’s going to have a fit when she sees it. Whatever. I still don’t have a car payment and there’s nothing wrong with being frugal. Anyway, I’ve been assigned a truck by the state for work. The POS just needs to get me to the office and back. And around town, occasionally.

It shudders and shimmies when I turn the key, but it gets me to the bakery safely enough.

Peeta is already unloading his Jeep when I pull in. He offers me a wave and a bright smile. Before long, we’re in the apartment and he’s in his kitchen throwing together a pot of homemade soup.

I lean on the island of the open concept space as he makes an instant broth from some bouillon, and pulls pre-cooked chicken and fresh veggies from the fridge. Onion, celery and carrots soon form neat piles on his chopping block. My hand gets a swat when it sneaks in to steal his carrot coins. We’re both still laughing as he scrapes it all into the broth along with a handful or two of rice. A couple of sprigs of sage and savory are snipped from pots growing on the kitchen window sill and tossed on top.

To be honest, years of being poor taught me to make some pretty good soup from almost nothing, but this is a level of skill beyond even me. In less than 20 minutes, a delicious and hearty meal made from fresh ingredients is simmering on the stove, freeing us to wrap the gifts.

We settle on the rug in the living room surrounded by all of the evening’s purchases and everything we need to wrap them with enough panache to outdo Martha Stewart. It’s overwhelming.

Peeta offers me a bright smile. “So how are you at tying bows?”

My eyes are rolling again before I realize it. “I’m the girl who buys a bag of stick-on bows at the dollar store and then can’t be bothered to use them.”

Peeta’s face contorts in mock horror and then he hands me the scissors and tape with orders to wrap. “If you think you can manage it, Katniss.”

A huff of annoyance passes through my lips as I hack a piece of snowman paper off the roll closest to me. “I can handle it,” I grunt, and snatch up the box for the creepy doll. The sooner she’s gone the happier I’ll be. I start to surround it with snowman paper while Peeta carefully measures out a green ribbon that perfectly matches the scarf around Frosty’s neck. “Effie’s going to weep when you bring these in. I thought she was going to have an orgasm over your bows on Saturday.”

Peeta shudders. “Thanks for putting that in my head. Guess I’ll be having nightmares tonight.”

I pass the gift over and reach for the Little People fire truck. When I go for the snowman paper again, Peeta protests and forks over a roll covered in dancing Santa Clauses. “Each one should be slightly different,” he insists. That seems ridiculous since they’re all going to different homes, but whatever.

It takes him only a minute or two to tie the bow and so he struggles off the floor to check the soup while I get the last pieces of tape secured on the fire truck’s wrappings. His leg must have had enough for the day, which reminds me of something I’ve been meaning to ask.

“So how is it that you know Effie and Rue and her family, but not Haymitch,” I call out, putting the truck aside and reaching for the Xbox game. The paper I pick this time is dotted with reindeer.

Peeta puts his spoon down beside the pot. “Haymitch. That’s his name,” he groans. “ I don’t know. Maybe he’s like you and only comes in on Saturdays? Soup needs a little more time.” He settles back down beside me and goes back to choosing ribbon.

He surveils his purchases and smiles.. “These kids are going to be so happy, but there were still so many kids on that tree. I wish I could do more.”

Is he kidding me? “Honestly, Peeta. Don’t you think you’ve done enough?”

His grin fades a bit. “This is making my Christmas, Katniss.”

I know that, of course, and I feel badly for stealing his joy, but I press on. Surely he understands that this is extravagance beyond reason? “I know that, Peeta. You’re doing a beautiful thing. But you’d already spent thousands and today you spent even more. I’m sure the bakery is successful, but you’re a small business person and you give so much already. I just don’t want you to over-extend yourself.”

His face turns to stone. “It’s nothing, Katniss, really.”

“Peeta,” I say in a serious tone as I reach for something else to wrap. “What you’re doing is everything. But the expense! I know you did fundraising for the first gifts, but these-”

“Katniss,” he sighs. “This is no big deal.”

“It is,” I insist.

Peeta snips the ribbon a little harder than necessary. “We’re finished talking about this.”

“Peeta-”

“I mean it, Katniss.” His tone brokers no argument. “This is the only thing getting me through this Christmas. I thought you’d understand that, if anyone would. I won’t let you ruin it for me.”

My heart drops somewhere around my belly button and I lower my scissors to the floor.  “I guess I’ve overstepped my bounds.” I know my lips form the words, but I’ve never sounded as much like an offended school marm as I do now. “I think I’ll just go home.” I lift myself up off the rug and dust off my legs. “See you around the food bank, Peeta.” I pick up my purse and coat from the couch where I left them.

“Katniss-” Peeta calls as I make my way to the door. He’s struggling to pull himself off the floor..

“Don’t get up, Peeta,” I reply. “It’s fine.”

The door closes behind me and I climb down the apartment steps to the POS. Once inside, I turn the key, crank up the heat and bang my head against the steering wheel. Me and my big mouth. I’ve ruined a chance with one of the good ones. The Biebs starts singing in my purse, but I ignore him.

With “let me love you” ringing in my ears, I pull out of the bakery parking lot and point the POS towards my empty house. My stomach growls and I’m reminded that I didn’t get any supper. No soup for me.

Which makes me the both Grinch and the Soup Nazi.

Merry fucking Christmas.

 ~~~

Thank you @burkygirl!!!

[angryschnauzer]

Taking In Strays - Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry its take a while to update! I hope someone still wants to read this! Fic Summary: Emily Embers is at rock bottom, doing what she can to care for her son after the death of her husband. A fall on an icy street finds her in the arms of Steve Rogers, who offers her some assistance that she gratefully accepts, but little does Steve know just how deep he will have to get himself into someone else’s world in order to save them. Chapter Summary: Emily wakes up in a strange place, but a familar face soon makes her realised where she is and what happened after she was sucked through the portal. Steve meanwhile is thrust into sudden fatherhood much sooner than he was expecting. Warnings: None (exciting stuff to come in chapter 8 though)

Chapter 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7  

Masterlist

Taking In Strays – Chapter 8

Emily groaned as she came to; the bright lights above her hurting her eyes, shapes moving beyond her focus. Voices started to become clearer as she was able to concentrate on the pounding in her head;

“Miss? Miss? Can you hear me?”

She blinked at the bright lights, holding her hand to her head;

“Where am I?”

“Bellevue Miss”

Emily considered what the voice had told her; Bellevue? The hospital?;

“Where’s Steve? And Mickey?”

“Who? Is that your husband Miss?”

As she pondered what the voice had said she was finally able to focus on the room, seeing a young looking nurse at the foot of her bed, the dark iron frame a stark contrast against the crisp white sheets. Before Emily could answer the questions a middle aged doctor entered the room and dismissed the nurse, checking over Emily’s chart on an old fashioned clipboard that had been hanging over the end of the bed. Glancing at his name badge she read it aloud;

“Dr Erskine”

“Yes, that is me” he replied with a thick German accent.

Emily shifted up in bed, realising that she was in a crisp hospital gown;

“Where are my clothes? How did I get here?”

Dr Erskine took a deep breath before setting her chart back down;

“You were found unconscious in an alleyway, an ambulance was called for you and they brought you here. That was...” he glanced at his watch; “Fifteen hours ago”

“Fifteen hours?!”

The doctor nodded with a bemused look on his face, lifting her hand to check her pulse;

“Hmm... a little fast but I’m sure you’ll be ok in a few days. Your brother will be here shortly to help you home Miss Rogers”

Rogers? Emily was thoroughly confused as to what was going on, she didn’t even have a brother, but a quiet knock at the door and the nurse looked in;

“He’s here for her Doctor, and you’re needed back in the research lab”

The doctor nodded;

“Very well, she’s good to go, just make sure she signs the paperwork for discharge”

As they both left the room a small figure in a hospital porters uniform came into her view, Emily having to blink a few times as she saw him;

“Steve?”

He stepped tentatively into the room, nervously shifting from one foot to another as he looked at her through impossibly long eyelashes;

“Err... Miss... I’m not sure how you got this...”

Emily looked to his hands as she saw him turning his mom’s drivers licence over in his hands, the same licence she’d found under the couch in his apartment only the day before and had managed to scoop into her pocket when she’d grabbed her keys in the rush to leave.

“You’re never going to believe me if I told you...”

“Try me”

“First tell me something...”

“Sure”

“What’s the date?”

“February 1st, 1941”

Emily felt the colour drain from her cheeks. The last thing she remembered was being dragged across the floor of Tony’s lab towards the portal, screaming as she feared for ending up on some far and distant planet or where ever the hell Thor had come from, she had not been expecting to be sent back in time. She groaned and rested her head on her knees, letting the first sob of despair escape her lips. It was only when a delicate hand rested on her bare arm did she look up, surprised to see Steve standing next to her;

“Please Miss, don’t cry... Whatever it is, I promise I’ll believe you”

“You’ll think I’m crazy... Hell, you’ll probably have me committed to the mad house...”

She looked into Steve’s pale bluey green eyes, realising that they were the one thing that hadn’t changed in him, and saw hope, saw someone that wanted to believe. She took a deep breath to gather her thoughts before finally speaking, choosing her words carefully;

“I’m from the future. You and I are dating... and you’re caring for my son. I had gone to run an errand to where I work, but got caught in an accident in the laboratory and now... now I’m here...”

Steve looked at her with wide eyes for a moment, blinking rapidly before nodding once;

“Get dressed and we’ll go. Whatever really happened doesn’t matter; if they hear you talking like that they will have you committed...”

Emily smiled at him before quickly crawling out of bed, seeing her things neatly folded on a chair she went to pull her hospital robe off before Steve quickly turned away, a blush creeping over his pale cheeks;

“You don’t need to do that...” Emily smiled as she started to pull on her underwear; “We’re living together in the future”

Steve shuffled from one foot to the other, his voice quiet;

“Sorry Miss...”

“And please, I’m Emily”

Steve turned just as she had finished buttoning her blouse, pulling her coat on as she shoved her things into her pockets as Steve led her out of the room and helped her discharge herself.

Hurrying along the sidewalk Emily couldn’t help but find it strange to be able to look directly at Steve without having to look up, standing eye level with him as they waited at a crosswalk, catching him looking at her as they walked quickly side by side. After they’d been walking for the best part of half an hour and her feet started to ache, Emily slowed, resting her hand on his arm;

“Where are we going?”

Steve shrugged his shoulder towards the bridge that was now visible above the buildings;

“My apartment... no offence Miss but I thought it would be better to talk about this in private. It’s not the proper thing to do, ya know, invite a lady i’ve only just met to my apartment, but i think it’s for the best... it’s a coupla dozen blocks over the bridge?”

“A couple of dozen?”

“You gonna be ok to walk that? Sorry, I guess I kinda forgot you just got outta hospital Miss...”

Steve dragged his fingers through his hair exactly the way Emily had seen him do in the future, and how Johnny did as well, making her smile;

“Let’s just get the bus? Please?”

Steve looked down nervously, his hands in his pockets before he pulled them out and looked at a very small collection of change that he had, at most 7 or 8 cents and it was then that Emily realised what he’d meant when he had known what it was like to struggle with money that very first night they’d met. She cleared her throat and stepped closer, pulling a few loose coins from her own pocket;

“Look, in the future you helped me out so it’s the least I can to do help you now... how much is the bus?”

He cleared his throat;

“The fares have just gone up, it’ll be a dime for the two of us”

“Just a dime?” Emily looked shocked

“Why, how much is it in your time?”

“It’s like $6.50 for the express bus”

“For like a years pass or something?”

“No, per fare”

They stood staring at each other in disbelief until the sound of a heavy diesel engine thundered past, a cloud of fumes covering the sidewalk. Looking up they both saw the Brooklyn bus come to a halt at the stop just a few feet from where they stood.

“Okay, let’s go” Steve went to lead the way before stopping and turning to Emily; “Look, could I take that coin? The dime?”

“Sure”

She handed him a small handful of change, following close behind him as they joined the back of the queue, letting Steve go ahead as he spoke politely to the driver, asking for two fares to her old neighbourhood. They both thanked the driver before taking their seats, Steve sitting awkwardly on his seat so that he didn’t touch Emily’s leg.

After a considerably longer time than she was used to, Emily found herself recognising some of the old buildings they were passing, and when Steve finally stood to indicate they were coming towards their stop she found herself surprised by her surroundings. Stepping down onto the sidewalk Steve nodded to the building in front of them;

“Here we go”

“This is where you live?”

Emily looked up at the building, one she knew very well, because it was the same building she’d lived in up until she’d met Steve.

~*~

Present Day

Steve sat in the back of Sam’s SUV, his arm wrapped tightly around Mickey who was strapped into the central seat, Bucky in the front seat wrapped in a blanket as he shook, covered in a cold sweat as the withdrawal symptoms started to kick in. With Emily having taken Steve’s truck with the safety seat in for Mickey they’d had to make a snap decision; one that none of them wanted to, but like it or not they all needed to get to Stark Tower, hoping that the solution to both problems could be sorted out once they arrived.

Pulling into the underground parking lot Sam parked up and whilst Steve was helping Mickey out he rushed around to the passenger side and hooked Bucky’s metal arm over his shoulders. Looking up at him in surprise he muttered through the haze that was clouding his mind;

“You’re helping me birdie?”

Sam grunted as he struggled with Bucky’s heavy bulk, his vibranium arm adding more lbs to his bulk than a flesh arm would be;

“Believe it or not Tin-man I’ve seen this before at the VA. I know what you’re going through”

Steve had to choke back the lump that had grown in his throat as he saw his two best friends limping towards the bank of elevators; for all their bickering and fighting to see Sam helping Bucky even though Bucky did nothing but antagonise him most of the time made him realise that both men knew when to swallow their pride. With Mickey clinging to him quietly as they followed close behind, stabbing at the buttons with his free hand he glanced to Sam who nodded;

“You go to the lab and speak to Tony. I’ll take Buck to the med unit, hopefully Dr Cho will be in”

Just a few minutes later Steve stepped into Tony’s lab and didn’t know where to look first. Through the chaos Tony stepped over Wanda’s legs as she sat on the floor, a night mask over her eyes as she held an ice pack to her forehead, Vision sitting next to her with his head resting in his hands in what could possibly be the most human pose he’d ever seen him in. Static crackled through a comms unit sat on the nearby desk, Tony jabbing at the button and speaking clearly;

“Med lab, please report”

“Lillian has been treated for burns to her left arm, Johnny has been given a sedative to reduce the activity; both will be monitored overnight sir”

“Thanks”

He jabbed at the button as he let out an exasperated sigh, finally turning to Steve who was still holding Mickey in his arms;

“Oh god Cap, where do I fucking start?”

“Perhaps an explanation as to where my girlfriend has gone? And what the hell you were doing here?”

“You’d better follow me”

He nodded towards his office where the blinds were closed, walking slowly as he started to explain;

“We’d set up the configuration to open a portal between here and Asgard; you know, an emergency failsafe should we need their help for anything. Thor was helping transfer information and readings back and forth, and he offered to be the test subject for the first flight... but then we had someone hitch a ride with him... and we hadn’t calibrated for a second person so it threw the readings out...” he paused as he let his hand rest on the door handle; “It made the portal collapse, Emily was watching with a bunch of other tech’s that were in on the weekend... she was nearest the portal and... and... shit...”

He opened the door to his office and stepped inside, letting Steve follow. When he saw Thor there was wave of relief on his face, but spotting the other figure as he leant against the back wall had that feeling only stay momentarily;

“He was the hitchhiker?”

Loki smirked;

“Soldier... I see you have procreated” nodding to Mickey who was now wriggling in Steve’s arms.

“Its none of your fucking business what I’ve been up to. From the mythology I’ve read I hear you’d rather be spending your time in the city stables”

The sound of Thor choking back a snort of laughter at Steve’s comeback had Tony stepping in, watching as Mickey started to play with the magazines that sat on the low table in near the couch. Voices started to be raised as the men argued, Tony and Thor attempting to explain, but with Loki adding insults into the mix things got heated very quickly. That was until Mickey ran across the room crying, clinging to Steve’s leg as he looked up at him scared. Scooping him into his arms Steve pressed a kiss to his forehead;

“Its ok little buddy, we’ll find your Mommy”

He looked to Tony who was sitting on the edge of his desk, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger;

“What do you need Cap? To get settled here whilst we run some tests?”

“Uh, I guess some toys, and some milk? God, I don’t know. Emily makes this look so easy...”

“I’ve called Scott in to give you a hand, he’s closer than Clint and can help with all that parenting stuff the rest of us have no clue about. You can raid whatever you need from the daycare centre and take it up to my penthouse, the fridge is fully stocked”

“Thanks man”

Giving one final glance to Thor and Loki, Steve stepped out of the room and made his way through the building to get what he needed, trying to keep his mind off of the darker thoughts he was having, for Mickey’s sake if not his own.

~*~

1941 New York

Emily tentatively followed Steve into his apartment, looking around at the neatly kept but sparse furnishings. Even by war time standards things were old and out of date, and as she glanced at the small couch she wasn’t sure if she should sit or wait for him. She had so much running through her mind that when he finally did speak, she missed it at first;

“Sorry?”

“I asked if you’d like me to take your coat Miss?”

“Oh... thanks. And please, it’s Emily”

Shrugging out of her jacket she watched as he hung it on a set of hooks behind the door, doing the same with his own before he turned to face her;

“So... err... can I get you something to drink?”

She nodded and watched as he got her a glass of water, handing it to her as she sat on the couch. He pointed to the free seat;

“Can I?”

“Please”

There was a moment of awkwardness where they sat in silence before Steve finally spoke;

“So... you’re from the future?”

Emily set the glass down, letting out a sigh;

“I realise how stupid that sounds, but it’s the only thing I can come up with to explain this apart from it all being a dream”

Steve chewed nervously on his lip, considering his words;

“So is this where you can’t tell me stuff in case you change the future or something like that?”

Emily’s jaw dropped at his words. She hadn’t even considered any consequences of her being there, and she’d seen enough science fiction to know that even the smallest thing could have an exponential effect on the future she knew.

“I... I don’t know...”

“You said we’re living together in the future? So we’re married?”

“No... We’re just boyfriend and girlfriend”

“We’re living together out of wedlock?”

“Things are a little different in the future... umm... less social expectations and constraints”

“And we have a son?”

“I have a son... he’s not... shit. Okay, I’m widowed, my husband was in the military but was killed in action. I raised my son for 18 months on my own until I met you. I was in a very tough situation and was on the verge of being evicted and making me and Mickey homeless...”

“Mickey is your son?” Steve interrupted

“Yes. He’ll be two soon”

“So... how do... is it a big apartment?”

“Yes. Well, kind of. It has two bedrooms. Me and Mickey share one and you have the other. Well that was how it was before...”

“Before?” Steve looked at Emily with a hopeful look on his face, as if she was going to tell him something that he could only dream of. She took a deep breath and finally spoke;

“You and I... we...”

“Have we taken it to second base?”

Emily let out a splutter of laughter at his innocent words, only to be shocked by the look of disappointment on his face when she realised he thought she was laughing at the thought of being that way with him, rather than the innocence of his suggestion;

“You could say that...”

“What do you mean?”

“The whole reason why I ended up in Starks lab was because I was heading back to work to get the... oh shit...”

“What? To get what from Stark? Howard Stark? And what did you mean?”

“I’m going to tell you straight; yes, we have made it waaaaay beyond second base” she rested her hand on his knee to reassure him but couldn’t help but smile when she saw his cheeks flush seven shades of crimson. Pulling her hand away she folded hers in her lap and looked at him;

“I’m not going to lie Steve, you are the kindest, most wonderful, most attractive person I’ve ever met, and I love what we have in the future. And this is why I’m hoping this is all a dream, because I cannot bear to think that I have somehow gotten here and am stuck here away from the only other important person in my life”

“Your son”

“Exactly”

Steve turned slightly, facing her a little more;

“I don’t know anything about you Emily, but something tells me that if this is all a dream then it’s one I don’t want to end. You’re the first woman to ever speak to me like a human being...”

His voice trailed off as he hesitantly lifted his eyes to meet hers again...

~*~

Present Day

Steve settled Mickey onto the couch, carefully extracting his arms from underneath the sleeping toddler as he napped before making his way to the kitchen area to put on yet another pot of coffee. Scott appeared at the door with two grocery bags in his arms closely followed by Tony who looked like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders;

“Hey, why the groceries? I said the penthouse was fully stocked”

Steve watched as Scott placed the bags onto the counter and turned to Tony;

“Yeah, well kids don’t eat Olives. Or Champagne. Or Smoked Salmon Canapés.”

Tony hopped onto one of the stools, taking the mug of coffee Steve offered;

“Good point”

As Scott unpacked the groceries Steve took a seat next to Tony;

“How’s it going?”

“Urgh... it’s hard. We have no idea even where she is. Thor got a message back to the Asgardians and no-one was reported to have come through on their end... I’m sorry man. But we’ll find her”

Steve knew that Tony was doing his best, that there were so many unknown variables in the science they had been doing that they didn’t even know if Emily was still alive. He didn’t want to think about the possibility that the portal had simply spat her out into outer space or a planet they didn’t even know existed. He rubbed his head as he started to feel a headache forming, pressing harder as the pain suddenly increased until with a shout he fell from the stool, curling to the ground as he held his head in his hands. Finally when the pain subsided he looked up to see Scott and Tony at his side;

“Steve! Steve! Are you ok?”

“What happened Cap?”

Steve pulled himself onto his chair, rubbing his hands over his face;

“I just had this thing happen... it was like all of a sudden I was remembering something, but like new memories were being seared into my brain? God, I have no idea, it must be something to do with the stress as things were getting jumbled together. I saw Emily but she was sat in my apartment”

“Like your apartment apartment?” Scott asked; “Have we actually checked that she’s not just waiting for you at home?”

“No, not my apartment now... my apartment before the war... back in the 40’s”

Scott gripped his shoulder to reassure him;

“I’m sorry man. You’ve had a tough few days. Perhaps its best we get you and Mickey home to more familiar surroundings? Let you get some rest...”

“Yeah... maybe your right... shit, I don’t know how long Sam is gonna be...”

“What’s wrong with your truck?” Tony asked

“Nothing, its parked downstairs but Emily’s got the key”

Tony sprang from his seat in excitement;

“She’s got the key?! This is fantastic news!”

He started for the door before Steve and Scott called out to him;

“Tony! What is fantastic news? What’s going on?”

“There’s a tracker in your key! I had them put into all of the staff cars, so that we knew where people were if anyone was needed urgently or kidnapped or lost...”

“I like how kidnapped takes priority over lost” Steve quipped; “But explains how you would always call me when I was at Dairy Queen to pick up a S’mores Blizzard”

Tony simply shrugged before running for the elevator, leaning out just as the doors were about to close;

“Oh and Cap? There’s a spare key in the lab”

~*~

New York 1941

Emily woke with a start, the unfamiliar quiet of the apartment confusing her until she realised she was still in her ‘dream’. Pulling the covers close around her she looked around Steve’s bedroom, the faint light of morning barely illuminating the room.  The previous evening he’d offered to sleep on the tiny couch even though she’d insisted it was fine, but eventually she’d just given in to his insistency, watching as he’d pulled an old cardboard box from the closet and had explained it was his mothers things that he’d packed up after she’d died, hoping there was something in it she could change into.

The thin cotton nightgown covered her from neck to ankle, and its full length sleeves were neatly buttoned at the wrists, yet the coldness of the room permeated into her bones and made Emily think of when she lived in the same apartment block, somehow both in the past and the future.

Slipping out of bed her bare feet were silent on the wooden floorboards, pulling the door to the bedroom open to see Steve curled up uncomfortably on the tiny couch. As she got closer she could hear his teeth chattering and upon pressing her fingers lightly to his cheek his skin was cool to the touch. Taking hold of his arm she gave him a little shake, stepping back when he opened his eyes in panic;

“What? What’s wrong?”

Taking hold of his hand she pulled him to his feet, holding onto his arms as he swayed on his feet, still half asleep;

“You’re freezing, literally. Get into the damn bed and stop being so stubborn”

Pushing him towards the bedroom he started to babble about social respectability and moral values, but as he reached the bed he showed no resistance as she pushed him onto one side and pulled the covers up around his shoulders, watching his eyes droop as he rested back against the soft mattress. Emily quickly scooted around to the far side, crawling in bedside him and pressing close to him, resting her head on the pillow next to his;

“Look Steve, I’m sorry if this isn’t what you’re used to, but needs must. I’m so cold I’ve lost the feeling in my hands, you are one step away from pneumonia. We keep this between us but right now we need each other”

“Umm... ok”

She watched his eyes fluttered closed as he rolled to face her, seeing his breath hitch in his throat as she shuffled close enough to finally feel his body start to warm. Just as she could feel him start to relax she felt that telltale nudge of something against her stomach and his body go tense, but instead of saying anything she simply feigned sleep, letting her hand rest on his arm until sleep really did take her, finding familiarity in his touch.

Neither Steve nor Emily heard the key in the lock, of the door opening quietly or the slow drunken footsteps. The weary man leaning against the doorframe and letting out a low chuckle;

“Well I never... finally brought a dame home eh Stevie?”

Emily shot up in bed, seeing the familiar man in the room;

“Bucky?”

~*~

Present Day

Steve had Mickey in his arms, holding him back from pressing every single button in the elevator as he cradled the spare key for his truck in his hand. Stabbing at the button for the med lab he let Mickey run around until the doors opened, running after him as the toddler sprinted out of the doors quicker than Steve had imagined possible. Thankfully the med lab doors were key card operated meaning that he at least had a reprieve in his tracking skills for a few moments until Sam released the door lock and let them in.

“How’s he doing?” Steve asked, nodding towards the door that now had Bucky’s name written on the name plate.

“The withdrawal symptoms have well and truly set in now. Helen has taken bloods and he’s on a portable heart rate monitor so he doesn’t rip tubes out” Sam paused; “And he’s started to hallucinate”

“How do you mean?”

“Just before you came in he doubled over, screaming as he held his head. When he finally came to he said it had felt like Hydra was back in his head, trying to erase things yet instead things were being put in rather than taken out; he’d just seen you and Emily in bed”

Steve’s heart dropped, wondering what the hell was going on in Bucky’s head as Sam continued;

“He said you were still skinny...”

[ourloveisforthelovely]

I’ll keep you forever 3

Word Count: 2,198

Summary: Things start to change….

_______________________________________________________

Cas followed Ava into the living room where Dean sat while Sam was at the table in front of his laptop. Dean looked up with a frown.

“There you two are. Where you?”

Ava looked over to Cas before looking back to her brother’s green eyes.

“My room.”

Sam looked up at that. Dean blinked a few times before smirking.

“Showing him your glass kitten collection? I’m sure Cas would love that. You both have some different tastes.”

“We were making love.”

Cas blurted out. Both Sam and Dean looked to their angel with shocked faces before looking to their little sister before both busted out into laughter.

“Oh that’s rich! Seriously Cas its all good if you like the glass cat collection.”

Cas looked even more annoyed.

“We wasn’t looking at any glass cat collection.”

“Sam, Dean stop. Cas and I are together now. That’s what we were doing in my room. Before you even open your cake holes and put your two cents in you are both going to listen to me. I can make my own choice and he’s mine. If you don’t like it you will just have to find a way to get over it.”

Dean blinked not saying anything while Sam stood and walked to sit beside his brother.

“So you both aren’t kidding?”

Cas rolled his eyes.

“Do I look like the joking kind of guy? I’m not Gabriel.”

That was all the confirmation that Dean needed.

“You both could have talked to us. This is dangerous. Like super dangerous and it involves my sister. Cas you could have came and talked to us. This is low for you.”

Cas frowned.

“It happened rather quickly. I’m sorry Dean but whether you like it or not I am in love with her. I won’t let anything happen to her”

Sam sighed putting his face in his hands.

“Dean if anyone can keep her safe its Cas. I don’t like the thought of her dating either. I would rather her still like My Little Pony and be playing with her dolls but we are along way past that. Hey its not like Cas is Alexander.”

Dean glared at that boys name. He wanted nothing to do with the little prick that broke his sister’s heart. The last time they met Dean pretty much beat the kids ass.

“Fine. Look Cas you break her heart I am shoving an angel blade up your ass.”

Cas looked a little uncomfortable before tilting his head to the side.

“You would have to catch me first but I don’t plan on breaking any organ of my beloved”

Ava put a hand over her face as she went scarlet.

“Okay this conversation can stop. I’m going to cook breakfast.”

When Ava was out of the room Dean looked to Cas who was still looking highly uncomfortable. Dean stood walking to his friend before making sure his little sister couldn’t hear him.

“For the love of all things holy please tell me that you two used protection.”

Cas turned his head to the side again.

“I always have my angel blade.”

Both Sam and Dean looked if possible even more shocked. Dean met Sam’s now worried gaze.

“Well Sammy I think we may need to give Cas the talk.”

The following weeks and months led into further progression of Cas and Ava’s relationship. To the brother’s pleasure Cas was actually a decent boyfriend. Luckily they contained their bedroom activities to themselves. There had only been a few times that Dean had to go to their bedroom door and bang telling them to keep it down.

“I don’t want to think about my sister underneath a super horny angel.”

Dean muttered when he returned back to the library where Sam sat looking sick.

“I don’t want to think about our sister in that position period and I definitely don’t want to think about a horny angel.”

Dean nodded taking a sip of his beer.

“I would hate to see what they do when we are not here. I’m also afraid to know where they do their activities at.”

Sam looked down at the table where his sandwich lay before looking slightly disgusted.

“I guess we have to get used to it.”

Dean muttered hoping the next few months would be as smooth as the first. He had a feeling that soon the war in heaven and everything else would start putting a wedge between Cas and Ava. Dean feared that with Cas being an angel his duty would come before his love for Ava.

To his worst nightmare Dean was correct. Cas soon had to go back to heaven quiet a bit to do his job. At first Ava handled it fine. Cas would check in frequently and left enough of his grace to keep Ava comfortable enough to sleep at night. Soon however, things changed…

It had been almost a month and a half since Ava had heard from Cas. She hadn’t slept decently in days. No matter how much she prayed to Cas he never came or made the slightest bit of a move to comfort her. There was more to the confusing puzzle too. Ava was almost 95% sure she as pregnant. She hadn’t made a move to tell Sam or Dean yet and apparently had not way to get in touch with Cas seeing as he wouldn’t respond.

It was 3am and Ava sat looking blankly at Sam’s laptop. She had accompanied Sam and Dean on a case about a ghost and sat quietly in the hotel living room. If she was pregnant she knew what she was facing. Ava knew about Nephilim and it wasn’t good. She vividly remembered looking at the topic once online. With a deep breath she typed the word into google and pressed enter.

“Sons of god. Daughters of men. Abomination of heaven.”

The last two words summed up everything that Ava needed to see. She closed the laptop laying her head down over the machine with her arms crossed as the tears began to well. Her and Castiel’s baby was an abomination…an abomination whose father didn’t even know was in existence.

“Castiel please I need you…more than ever. It’s been almost a month and a half. Please Cas.”

When her lover didn’t show up Ava stood slamming her hand on the table before storming to her room slamming the door.

“Ava you straight?”

Dean’s sleepy voice called from the other room. Ava cursed herself mentally. She should have never woken her brother. Now her master plan wouldn’t work so well.

“Sorry Dean….I uh…was needing to get my card so I can order this classic rock compilation on tv.”

Dean seemed satisfied when he started snoring again. Ava finished packing her bag before sneaking into Dean and Sam’s room where her to brother’s slept in opposing beds. She slowly crept to Dean’s bed seeing the keys to baby laying on the bedside table. As quietly as possible she took the keys off of the dresser and went back into her room.

Ava closed the bedroom door and quietly opened the window. Throwing her bag out the window Ava was thankful the jump wouldn’t be a long one. She looked around the room for a moment before quietly jumping from the window and going to baby. Hopefully tonight would be the night that Dean and Sam were tough sleepers and wouldn’t hear the car start.

Thankfully her wish was granted and Ava was able to drive away with no problems. She made sure not to say Cas’ name. The last thing she wanted at the moment was for him to show up right beside her asking what in the world she was doing. With an eye roll Ava dismissed that thought. Cas wouldn’t come to her. He probably had no clue what she was doing.

Driving through the night Ava had one place to go in mind….Bobby’s. After that she wasn’t for sure. She had to make a plan. The plan would have to involve someway to keep herself and Cas’ baby safe. Throwing her phone out the window she wanted to give Sam one less way to find her.

It was dawn when Ava pulled into Bobby’s salvage yard. She walked into the door knocking. After a few moments Bobby’s rough voice came from the other side.

“Just a minute! Who the hell are you coming around at dawn? People sleep around here.”

Bobby opened the door shocked to see Ava Winchester on the other side. He was clearly shocked to see her.

“Ava.”

Ava smiled.

“Hi Bobby.”

Bobby looked around not seeing Sam or Dean and immediately being concerned.

“Where are your brothers? Are you all aright?”

Ava nodded pulling her leather jacket tighter around her slim body.

“Yeah Sam and Dean are fine. I’m not though. Bobby I need your help.”

Bobby frowned moving to the side as he ushered Ava into the house.

“What is going on little girl?”

Ava smiled. That was what Bobby had called her since he had met her the first time. Ava sighed sitting down on the couch.

“Bobby I’m pregnant.”

The old man’s face went shocked as he sat down across from the girl he now considered a daughter.

“By the angel?”

Ava nodded.

“Yeah.”

She stood running a hand through her dirty blond curls before looking out the window.

“And he doesn’t know. I can’t get him to answer my prayer. He won’t come to me. Fuck I don’t even know if he is alive or dead. I haven’t heard from Cas in over a month and a half. Odd behavior for someone who says they love you. Now the way I figure when heaven and the powers that be realize I am popping out a half breed angel I am going to be heaven’s number one target. Raphael is going to literally shit a monkey. He probably already know and is formulating a plan. I can’t can count on Castiel to keep me safe.”

Bobby sighed taking a sip of his whiskey.

“Have you told your brothers?”

Ava chuckled.

“No way in hell.”

Bobby sighed.

“Look Ava. You and your bone head brothers are like my own kids. They deserve to know. I understand why you are scared. Look I’m not going to let anything happen to you. This is your home too. Now go on upstairs and get some rest kiddo.”

Ava smiled.

“Thanks Bobby.”

Bobby smiled as Ava turned and walked up the stairs to the guest bedroom. He now had a lot of stuff to ponder until she woke up.

Ava meanwhile, walked into the guest bedroom at the top of the stairs ready to get some rest. She felt decently safe for the moment. As she took off her leather jacket and went to take off her ballet flats a faint fluttering sound caught her attention.

Quickly turning Ava’s heart sank when she saw Balthazar standing feet away.

“Balthazar what are you doing here?”

The angel grinned his super childish smile before beginning to speak in his vessel’s heavy British accent.

“Miss Ava Winchester…the lady of the hour. I’ve been wondering where in the world you ran off to. My brother is looking all over for you going a tad crazy….even for Castiel’s level.”

Ava frowned.

“Why is he looking for me?”

Balthazar frowned looking a little annoyed now.

“Oh boy you’re angry with him. Lovely. He’s panicky you know. All of us who aren’t with Raphael that it. Our numbers are becoming fewer and fewer unfortunately. There is also the matter of the little one you have growing inside of you. Castiel is losing his mind over it. He can’t protect you right now and here I am looking at the mother of my little niece.”

Ava looked completely shocked by Balthazar’s words.

“He knows and its a girl?”

Balthazar nodded knowing his impetuous personality was probably a bad thing at the moment.

“He does love you. Now you will either accept that or you won’t but whatever you choose Raphael is angry. You and Cas are his targets now. I have to tell my brother where you are. Girly running wasn’t wise. We can find you. Your not hard to find. I’ll keep an eye out for you too until my brother catches up. Believe it or not I find you favorable. Well Ciao.”

Before Ava could say anything else Balthazar was gone. So Castiel knew she was pregnant and pissed at him. There was also the matter of Raphael and his band of angel psychopaths knowing as well. Ava sighed before sitting down on the bed. It would only be a matter of time before Cas would tell Sam and Dean everything. Ava knew that all three men would be at Bobby’s in no time and she would have a lot of explaining to do.

@greenappleeyes

@djs-lacrimose

[gordonwilliamsweb]

Readers And Tweeters Ponder Racism, Public Health Threats And COVID’s Cost

Letters to the Editor is a periodic feature. We welcome all comments and will publish a selection. We edit for length and clarity and require full names.

Rising Above Racism

I want to compliment writer Anna Almendrala on her article “Masked or Not, Asians Are Still Attacked” in the Los Angeles Times (“Hate Unmasked In America, May 29). I was deeply moved by her eloquent prose and her compassionate voice. During this difficult time, after being cruelly attacked by a neighbor, she was still able to respond to an egregious insult with an impressive amount of empathy. I hope that readers learn from her example. I have.

— Jayne Muñoz, Santa Ana, California

Journalist @annaalmendrala shares a recent experience that broke my heart. We must work to #StopHate Hate Unmasked In America https://t.co/Pu8SUM2OQ5 via @khnews

— Barbara Glickstein (@BGlickstein) May 29, 2020

— Barbara Glickstein, New York City

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Threats Against Public Health Workers

Thank you for publishing the story describing the dire threats that public health professionals have received (“Public Health Officials Face Wave Of Threats, Pressure Amid Coronavirus Response,” June 12). I left an academic career in public health, as the former director of prevention and control for the Cancer Center of Hawaii, because of institutional racism. But that pales in comparison to what these professionals are being subjected to.

— Dr. Brian Martin, Portland, Oregon

I would have liked the authors of this article to also have mentioned what percentage of the officials who quit or were fired were female. I have noticed since the beginning that most state and local health officials are female. (Noticed it is the same in Canada.) And did they investigate/consider whether that fact has also played a part in the hostility and threats?

— Ann-Marie Tate, Phoenix

Editor’s note: Please be on the lookout for follow-up stories, produced in partnership with The Associated Press, which will include more data. 

Being a public health worker is like being Batman, but w/o the funding. Everyone's happy you're out there when things are good. But when shit hits fan, they set the dogs on you.

Public Health Officials Face Wave Of Threats Amid Coronavirus https://t.co/0xs96gN1vz via @khnews

— Faiz Kidwai, DO, MPH (@KidwaiFaiz) June 14, 2020

— Dr. Faiz Kidwai, Syracuse, New York

Lessons In Holistic Healing

The long history of mistreatment and distrust between Native Americans and the federal government is no secret (“Returning to Roots, Indian Health Service Seeks Traditional Healers,” May 14), but I find that myself and many of my peers in medical school have limited knowledge when it comes to the health care of Native Americans. This article provides an enriching example of the importance of cultural diversity and holistic medicine.

In the era of medicine where chronic diseases such as cardiovascular disease are the most common cause of death, there are no treatments that “cure” conditions as there are with many infectious diseases. As such, treatment relies on addressing risk factors, lifestyle changes, and the social environment. While the advancement of modern medicine is nothing short of remarkable, there is something to be learned from the traditional healers of the Native American reservations. They seek not only to treat physical conditions, but also to address the “mental, emotional, and spiritual needs” of the community, as so elegantly stated in the article. This comprehensive approach to medicine is perhaps more suitable to the chronic diseases we see today, where cardiovascular disease is intertwined with risk factors such as poor diet, low income, distrust of medicine, etc.

The recruitment of traditional healers by the Indian Health Service, a federally funded organization, gives me hope that not only is the government starting to accept the importance of cultural diversity, but that it is beginning to acknowledge a more holistic approach to medicine.

— Brandon Jocher, St. Louis

“When an elder dies there’s a whole history, a whole line of information that we lose. It’s like the library burning down” says Stewart-Peregoy of the Crow

Elders are a living link to our history—not too far distant in 2020 if you consider long lifespanshttps://t.co/7nU8u9q8Vt

— Brett Chapman (@brettachapman) June 6, 2020

— Brett Chapman, Tulsa, Oklahoma

Their Lives Did Count

I watched Dr. Elisabeth Rosenthal on CNN and related to her story “First-Person Perspective: My Mother Died Of The Coronavirus. It’s Time She Was Counted,” May 27). I lost two parents. Ten hours apart. In two different New York City hospitals. One came from a skilled nursing facility. One came from an independent living facility. 92 and 93 years old. Neither of them “counted.” It’s a terrible feeling. Their lives surely counted, but not their deaths.

— Robin Tolkoff Levy, Owings Mills, Maryland

On Dentists Cleaning Up

I saw your article on increased dental fees (“Open (Your Wallet) Wide: Dentists Charge Extra For Infection Control,” June 3). It is very true. I am a private practice dentist and am facing increased “disposable goods” costs, as well as additional trash collection fees, and have hired an additional staff member whose sole task is cross-contamination prevention. I am forced to pass these charges along to the patients.

To the patients interviewed in your article who were “shocked” by the added fees, you can look for a dentist who will not have to increase his or her fees — but you likely won’t find one. I have had a few patients refuse to pay the charge and they are dismissed from my practice. When they realize that our charges are reasonable and call to try and get an appointment (and 80% do), we won’t make them an appointment. “But there isn’t another dentist in 200 miles who takes my insurance,” they complain. Shouldn’t have complained.

Several local dentists have retired completely because they couldn’t (or chose not to)  keep up with the changes. We are booked into November. On the plus side, my existing patients are thrilled to be able to be seen and arrive early, don’t balk at having to wait in the parking lot and are extremely pleased with our efforts to avoid cross-contamination. My rate of “missed appointments” is way down.

Dentistry now outpaces logging and fishing as the most hazardous job on the planet. We went from being the brunt of jokes to valued members of the health care community.

In 1962, there were 100,000 dentists, 100,000 physicians and 70,000 attorneys. Today there are about 190,000 dentists, 950,000 physicians and 1.1 million lawyers. Earning a dental degree requires more than a quarter of a million dollars. There is a reason modern dental care is so expensive — because it is worth it.

— Dr. William Hartel, Bristol, Tennessee

In case you needed more proof that universal healthcare also should mean a single-payer system for dental and vision care, not just major medical, mental health and prescription plans. https://t.co/iHQuxokByY

— Jennifer S. Hyk (@JenHyk) June 3, 2020

— Jennifer Hyk, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Not only am I disturbed by the inflammatory title, but also by the tone of this article. I am waiting for one journalist to actually do some research and find out exactly the level of expense related to all the new (and ever-changing) rules and regulations related to patient safety because of COVID-19. These additional measures are costly and ongoing. Add to that the fact that many suppliers are acting like black-market profiteers by escalating their costs. It’s almost like Martin Shkreli bought out all the supply chains that provide PPE.

The dental offices you covered in your article all handled this exactly how the CDC, OSHA, ADA and almost every state dental organization has recommended. This is not a routine “cost of doing business.” For offices contracted with the dental “insurance” companies, the offices are contractually forbidden to charge above the usual, customary and reasonable (UCR) cost dictated by the companies. In short, if the dentist tries to bundle the fee into the cost of a procedure, he/she will not be reimbursed by the insurance companies. Bottom line: The dentist is expected to eat the cost.

In contrast to what the general public may think, the great majority of dentists are not millionaires. They are hardworking men and women who sacrificed eight additional years of their early adulthood to learn their specialty. Many graduate from dental school with loans in excess of $250,000, which is close to what the average American spends to buy a home. Once in practice, they are pushed around by the dental “insurance” Goliaths that have not increased their average annual “benefit” maximum since the 1960s. Oh, and let’s not discount this increasingly litigious society that directly affects annual malpractice premiums.

These dentists endure all of this. They carry the responsibility of usually being a solo business owner, leader of a team and responsible for them and their families, having to deal with constantly changing local, state and national regulations, ever-increasing license and business costs, and possibly being exposed to a deadly disease on a daily basis. (By the way, I’m not lumping COVID in with “deadly disease” — I’m talking about deadly diseases like hepatitis, tuberculosis, HIV, etc.).

I don’t know of any dentist who has gotten one red cent in “unemployment benefits” during the past three months. Yes, they may have received PPP money, but guess what? That goes straight to expenses or must be paid back. This is quite different from the unemployment benefits that millions of American employees have received since the middle of March.

Lastly, for those patients who are complaining about the $10 PPE fee, I wonder how many of them drop at least that much within two days of going to their local Starbucks? I’m willing to bet it’s a pretty high percentage of them. It’s almost as if those people value their full-fat, whipped-cream, half-caf, double shot, venti mochaccino more than they do their oral and general health.

— Dr. Gerilyn Alfe, Chicago

‘Lost on the Frontline’: Beyond The Statistics

Not sure why this is a story (“Lost on the Frontline: Exclusive: Nearly 600 — And Counting — US Health Workers Have Died Of COVID-19,” June 6). The ratio of COVID deaths in health care workers to the number of health care workers (about 600 of 16 million) is the same as the national rate (about 11,000 of 328 million) and is virtually the same as the world rate (about 400,000 of 7.8 billion). Presenting the death toll in that light would show that health care workers are contracting COVID at the same rate as everyone else. We’re not special (in the eyes of disease). Who’d a thunk?

— John Coburn, Atascadero, California

No one else counting as accurately. Includes all—janitors, aides, RNs, MDs, housekeepers, etc. Read bios & know they were not protected enough. Exclusive: Nearly 600 — And Counting — US Health Workers Have Died Of COVID-19 https://t.co/IizC1KDWEy via @khnews

— Julie Fairman (@fairmanjulie) June 6, 2020

— Julie Fairman, Philadelphia

This is a wonderful service. Thank you for doing it. They are the heroes in this world and should be memorialized. I’m a retired surgeon and have nothing but awe for every single one of these people and their efforts on our behalf.

One request: Dr. Atul Gawande and others have indicated that “properly protected” health care workers have a very low risk of infection with SARS CoV-2. It would be beneficial to all of us if you could perhaps publish weekly a tally of those who have passed and how many of those were wearing adequate PPE. I’m particularly interested in how well surgical masks protect people (as opposed to N95, which we know work but don’t have enough of), so having that tidbit of information would be great. Thanks again so much for your work and dedication.

— Dr. Robert Ley, Aptos, California

I read the article and sent it to family and friends. Everyone was very pleased and also saddened. Once people see all the faces and the different occupations, it seems to be a collective gasp. Thank you again for reaching out to me so that I could be a part of this expression of love, knowledge, informative journalism and dedication.

— Barbara Abernathy, Chicago, mother of Michelle Abernathy, a residential services supervisor who died of COVID-19 on April 13

As a spouse of a healthcare worker, I find it obscene that police are funded to be armed to the teeth to beat protestors, but healthcare workers don’t have enough PPE. I worry everyday that my husband will contract this deadly virus. https://t.co/qTe2iuAQl5

— Laura Elena Belmonte, Ph.D. (@educadaxicana) June 13, 2020

— Laura Elena Belmonte, Albuquerque, New Mexico

I just wanted to drop you a note of thanks for your ongoing documentation of medical workers killed by COVID-19 in the line of duty. Our charity is dedicated to providing recognition and support for both medical services personnel who become casualties, and their families who suffer loss, as a result of the providers’ care for patients in the fight against COVID-19 and infectious disease. So we’re very appreciative of your efforts and hope that we can do more to support these incredible people.

— Kevin Higgins, president of The Fallen Providers Project Inc., Lebanon, Ohio

Go ahead and dismiss these lives because you are not personally affected. Go ahead and make this your political hill and for f*cks sake definitely make your personal limited discomfort more "Constitutionally Protected" than another's right to life.https://t.co/BKXfptSrzf

— Nancy Quinn (@nancysquinn) June 7, 2020

— Nancy Quinn, Concho, Arizona

In your “Lost on the Frontline” series, respiratory therapists are not mentioned as health care providers. They intubate and place patients who have difficulty breathing on life support. They make up an important front-line team that manages the ventilators and helps with transport while patients are on life support. Respiratory therapists work with COVID-19 patients and many have been exposed — in the ICU. The doctors, nurses — and respiratory therapists — are the main people in the COVID-19 rooms!

— Barb Homberger, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Steer Clear Of ‘Painkillers’

While I appreciate the info and public education on the need to be prepared (“Asking Never Hurts: Society Is Reopening. Prepare To Hunker Down At Home Again,” June 9), I think using the term “painkillers” in this article was not the best choice of words. If your point is to educate people to have medications that help relieve body aches from the virus, using a different term such as OTC pain relievers (Tylenol, etc.) is more appropriate.

Many people think the term painkiller means opioids/narcotics. We are in the middle of an opioid crisis, so using that term should be avoided if we are encouraging people to make sure they are prepared for the coronavirus.

— Amy Krajec, Oceanside, California

A Missed Opportunity To Educate

You are missing an important opportunity with this story (“A Teen’s Death From COVID,” June 15). You glossed over the importance of diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) and focused mainly on the positive COVID test. This boy died from something that, if caught early enough, Type 1 diabetes, is entirely manageable. There are many groups and families trying to work and raise awareness about DKA and the warning signs of Type 1 diabetes. This story could have helped these efforts. If more had been known, that child may not have died. His symptoms were normal for advanced DKA and coma associated with that. Organizations like Beyond Type 1, Project Blue November and Kisses for Kycie have been trying to raise awareness of the symptoms of DKA and need help from the media. Too many children die needlessly in this country and around the world each year from undiagnosed Type 1 diabetes. Not to undermine the reporting and seriousness of COVID-19, but we are fighting an uphill battle to raise awareness and save lives.

— Carrie Berry, Austin, Texas

As a parent, articles like this one scare the hell out of me. https://t.co/4IdSn4DoUH

— Rob Szczerba (@RJSzczerba) June 19, 2020

— Rob Szczerba, Pittsburgh

I was overwhelmed by the story about Andre Guest’s battle with COVID-19 and his passing. I can’t get it out of my head. Cry every time I think about that sweet, beautiful child devastated by this thing. Is there a way to let the parents know my thoughts are with them?

— Kevin Orton, Newcastle, Washington

While this is a tragic story, the reporting is not thorough and the stated facts are concerning, indicating possible negligence of care.

Despite this teen’s age, obesity is a known and well-reported underlying condition associated with higher mortality in those who are infected with the coronavirus. And, for still unknown reasons, so is being Black. Although the article does not mention in the text either contributing factor, the accompanying photos show them clearly.

The article states: “Although Andre had no underlying medical conditions, the first thing doctors discovered was that he had developed Type 1 diabetes. …” It is also well known that obesity and diabetes are comorbidities. While a recent COVID-19 finding is a possible potential for the development of acute diabetes, this teen’s obesity should have alerted health care professionals to the potential for diabetes and prior monitoring, especially considering it “was the first thing doctors discovered” in this case.

It is also known that autoimmune disease is associated with autism, although the precise etiology remains unknown. Diabetes is an autoimmune disease associated with increased mortality in COVID-19 patients.

The actual facts of this boy’s health and that the mother is a nurse and that this article originates from a major hospital system seems to imply ignorance and potential negligence of care. The bizarre inclusion of quotes about bedtime peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and video games implies further evidence of questionable lifestyle choices contributing to childhood obesity.

While this case does highlight the fact that young people can die from COVID-19, that this particular boy’s death would be publicized as an example that “perfectly healthy” young people are dying of COVID-19 is inaccurate. The real takeaway of this tragic story should be a focus on the fact that young people can and do have multiple underlying health concerns and that parents need to be informed and proactive in the health care of their children.

— Barbara Tefft, Newfield, New York

It Happened To Me

When I read your article about unusual symptoms in the elderly, it sounded like my experience (“Seniors With COVID-19 Show Unusual Symptoms, Doctors Say,” April 24). I am 77 and on the evening of March 2 something clicked off in my brain. When speaking, all that came out of my mouth was gibberish. I went to bed but don’t remember doing that. My alarm went off at 6 a.m. — I had an appointment at 9 a.m. for chemotherapy and my daughter was coming to pick me up for that appointment. When I got up at 6, I could not figure out what I was supposed to do. I could not figure out how to get dressed, so I went back to bed. The doorbell rang at 8 a.m. I got up but was in some kind of fog.

We live in a two-story house. I went to the top of the stairs and kept walking. I fell facedown and bounced down the stairs. My daughter called 911. I do not remember the paramedics coming or the 18 hours I spent in the ER. My daughter said I never spoke a word during that time. When spoken to, she said, I would get a confused look on my face but never spoke. I did not have a stroke. An MRI showed no clots or bleeds. I woke up the next morning and was able to speak and answer questions.

I was in the hospital for 10 days due to my injuries related to the fall. I am doing fine now. The doctors were never able to come up with a reason for what happened. He said we’ll just call it a TIA (transient ischemic attack) because we don’t know what else to call it. But my symptoms were not those caused by a TIA. I am wondering if what happened could have been caused by COVID 19. The symptoms were so bizarre. It frustrates me not to know the cause. I only hope that reliable antibody tests might eventually provide an answer.

— Kathy Oldershaw, Visalia, California

Don't let ageism or apathy interfere with access to timely testing. Changes to eating or sleeping patterns, withdrawal, confusion, disorientation & dizziness may be signs of COVID-19 in older adults: https://t.co/DymTUEwXfZ via @khnews #coronavirus #ageism #healthcare #geriatrics

— Amy Abrams (@amyreneeabrams) April 25, 2020

— Amy Abrams, San Diego

Cutting Through The Confusion

The article “Antibody Tests Were Hailed As Way To End Lockdowns. Instead, They Cause Confusion” (May 28) is misleading and reflects incomplete reporting.

Both the FDA and the CDC have suggested doing two independent antibody tests to confirm a positive finding in low prevalence areas. The FDA has had those data pertaining to test accuracy posted for a long time.

This story ignores the many other places in the USA and abroad that have done seroprevalence studies.

There is an indication for using antibody testing: the large number of people who had classic COVID-19 symptoms and clinical course but who were told to stay home and were never tested. It’s too late to do antigen studies on them. They need antibody testing to confirm the diagnosis.

People with symptoms shed antigen for perhaps 10-14 days or even longer. But testing for antigen later in the disease can yield negative findings and antibody testing can be useful.

The “gold standard” antigen test can be falsely negative 30-40% of the time.

Then there is the problem of the large numbers of asymptomatic persons with the disease. Antigen testing can be misleading, too. Antibody testing plays a role.

Given the complex nature of the disease, the timing of testing both for antigen and antibodies is critical. That’s why the instructions for use (IFUs) for antibody tests break down test results in terms of days since symptom onset.

Just because the disease is complex does not mean that testing should not be done. What is needed is a better understanding and less media bashing of manufacturers and labs.

Why don’t you interview some of the professors who have done seroprevalence testing and who have the required academic credentials you approve of?

This report sounds like the ones that were written weeks ago. Nothing new here.

Those of us who participate in the weekly live FDA town hall webinars have heard these issues discussed for weeks and seen them reported also.

— Dr. Brant Mittler, San Antonio, Texas

Antibody tests got all the buzz in the last month, but was that just a flash in the pan? Or do we just have to wait a little more until the tests are perfected? @KHNews https://t.co/gJPzkinSnJ

— Carmel Shachar (@CarmelShachar) May 28, 2020

— Carmel Shachar, Cambridge, Massachusetts

Emergency Care’s Most Urgent Problem

The extortionate costs of ambulance services in California is worse than that ER bill (“Bill Of The Month: COVID-Like Cough Sent Him To ER — Where He Got A $3,278 Bill,” May 25). My daughter experienced a medical emergency while traveling in California. The first hospital where she received care arranged to transfer her to another hospital. The ambulance service selected by hospital A was outside her network. She has been hit with an $8,000 bill, which includes a $4,600 base rate and $2,645.50 for mileage (37 miles from hospital A to hospital B).

The selection of ambulance service was completely outside her control. Of course, a reasonable rate is appropriate, but this amount is extortionate and bears no relationship to the cost or value of the transport.

This should not be allowed to occur to anyone, but especially not to someone who is not in a position to select their own provider. Apparently, the hospital staff arranging the transfer confirmed that hospital B was within the insurance network, but did not confirm the status of the ambulance service.

I am outraged by the impact of this incident on my family and suspect others have also been treated this way. This is price gouging at its worst! This practice should also be exposed by KHN.

— Bobbie Gregg, Dallas

One thing that's impeding our ability to control the virus is that people are frightened of our healthcare system. Because it can be extremely predatory:https://t.co/0F6qsCfjsp

— Mededitor (@Mededitor) May 27, 2020

— Daniel Sosnoski, Jacksonville, Florida

I was a nurse contractor in San Jose, California, when I started getting short of breath and experiencing chest pain. I went to the Valley Health emergency room, the one closest to me, and I received an $8,000 ER bill. I can’t afford to pay this bill and our insurance didn’t pay. I’m trying to negotiate the bill, but I was never tested for COVID-19 while there, which I found out I had after I returned home to Houston. Ridiculous charge for a non-traumatic ER visit.

— Kelly Lenz, Houston

COVID-Like Cough Sent Him To ER — He Got A $3,278 Bill. This is so infuriating! I've had many experiences just like this. Ever wonder why many sick people don't show up for health care until it is almost too late? This is exactly why! https://t.co/lO6iWtOPgB

— Gunner 😷🇺🇸🇭🇰😷 光復香港 😷 時代革命 😷🇭🇰🇺🇸😷 (@AgeCosmos) May 30, 2020

— Devon Seeley, Salt Lake City

Perhaps the most important takeaway is not that his bill was coded incorrectly, but that we need low-cost urgent care facilities that are open 24/7, so that we are not billed thousands of dollars for simple tests or a couple of stitches. How many people go into debt or go untreated because basic services are simply not available?

— Isabel Cabanne, Glencoe, Illinois

Getting The COVID Code Right

I am a certified professional medical coder, and love your podcast, as I am also a grad student majoring in epidemiology. I listened to the episode in which Phil Galewitz suggested patients should tell their health care providers to code “possible COVID-19” in order to avoid the bill for services (“KHN’s ‘What The Health?’: Still Seeking A Federal Coronavirus Strategy,” May 28).

This is incorrect; national coding guidelines prohibit coders to code “suspected, possible or rule-out diagnoses.” Health care providers as well are not able to document such conditions until confirmed by a test, study or another diagnostic means, described as “gold standard” for that specific condition. This rule is described in “ICD-10-CM Professional for Physicians” manual, 2020.

What UnitedHealthcare stated was correct: It is unable to recognize a claim for COVID-19 when an ICD-10 diagnosis for it (U07.1) was not reported. The proper procedure would have been to get the patient tested, defer the claim processing until the results came back, and then report the U07.1 as the reason for the encounter. When a patient is not tested, the proper coding initiative would be to report symptoms only, which of course would not suffice for the copay reduction initiative. However, a patient would have the option to request that Denver Health appeal the claim with proof of documentation, which would require them to submit a provider’s note from the visit and prompt UHC to manually review the claim and have it reprocessed.

Overall, this is a common reason certain claims are not covered by payers, but there are multiple stipulations in terms of coding guidelines that limit what can be coded for any particular encounter.

— Ksenia Brewster, Poquoson, Virginia

Readers And Tweeters Ponder Racism, Public Health Threats And COVID’s Cost published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[stephenmccull]

Readers And Tweeters Ponder Racism, Public Health Threats And COVID’s Cost

Letters to the Editor is a periodic feature. We welcome all comments and will publish a selection. We edit for length and clarity and require full names.

Rising Above Racism

I want to compliment writer Anna Almendrala on her article “Masked or Not, Asians Are Still Attacked” in the Los Angeles Times (“Hate Unmasked In America, May 29). I was deeply moved by her eloquent prose and her compassionate voice. During this difficult time, after being cruelly attacked by a neighbor, she was still able to respond to an egregious insult with an impressive amount of empathy. I hope that readers learn from her example. I have.

— Jayne Muñoz, Santa Ana, California

Journalist @annaalmendrala shares a recent experience that broke my heart. We must work to #StopHate Hate Unmasked In America https://t.co/Pu8SUM2OQ5 via @khnews

— Barbara Glickstein (@BGlickstein) May 29, 2020

— Barbara Glickstein, New York City

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Threats Against Public Health Workers

Thank you for publishing the story describing the dire threats that public health professionals have received (“Public Health Officials Face Wave Of Threats, Pressure Amid Coronavirus Response,” June 12). I left an academic career in public health, as the former director of prevention and control for the Cancer Center of Hawaii, because of institutional racism. But that pales in comparison to what these professionals are being subjected to.

— Dr. Brian Martin, Portland, Oregon

I would have liked the authors of this article to also have mentioned what percentage of the officials who quit or were fired were female. I have noticed since the beginning that most state and local health officials are female. (Noticed it is the same in Canada.) And did they investigate/consider whether that fact has also played a part in the hostility and threats?

— Ann-Marie Tate, Phoenix

Editor’s note: Please be on the lookout for follow-up stories, produced in partnership with The Associated Press, which will include more data. 

Being a public health worker is like being Batman, but w/o the funding. Everyone's happy you're out there when things are good. But when shit hits fan, they set the dogs on you.

Public Health Officials Face Wave Of Threats Amid Coronavirus https://t.co/0xs96gN1vz via @khnews

— Faiz Kidwai, DO, MPH (@KidwaiFaiz) June 14, 2020

— Dr. Faiz Kidwai, Syracuse, New York

Lessons In Holistic Healing

The long history of mistreatment and distrust between Native Americans and the federal government is no secret (“Returning to Roots, Indian Health Service Seeks Traditional Healers,” May 14), but I find that myself and many of my peers in medical school have limited knowledge when it comes to the health care of Native Americans. This article provides an enriching example of the importance of cultural diversity and holistic medicine.

In the era of medicine where chronic diseases such as cardiovascular disease are the most common cause of death, there are no treatments that “cure” conditions as there are with many infectious diseases. As such, treatment relies on addressing risk factors, lifestyle changes, and the social environment. While the advancement of modern medicine is nothing short of remarkable, there is something to be learned from the traditional healers of the Native American reservations. They seek not only to treat physical conditions, but also to address the “mental, emotional, and spiritual needs” of the community, as so elegantly stated in the article. This comprehensive approach to medicine is perhaps more suitable to the chronic diseases we see today, where cardiovascular disease is intertwined with risk factors such as poor diet, low income, distrust of medicine, etc.

The recruitment of traditional healers by the Indian Health Service, a federally funded organization, gives me hope that not only is the government starting to accept the importance of cultural diversity, but that it is beginning to acknowledge a more holistic approach to medicine.

— Brandon Jocher, St. Louis

“When an elder dies there’s a whole history, a whole line of information that we lose. It’s like the library burning down” says Stewart-Peregoy of the Crow

Elders are a living link to our history—not too far distant in 2020 if you consider long lifespanshttps://t.co/7nU8u9q8Vt

— Brett Chapman (@brettachapman) June 6, 2020

— Brett Chapman, Tulsa, Oklahoma

Their Lives Did Count

I watched Dr. Elisabeth Rosenthal on CNN and related to her story “First-Person Perspective: My Mother Died Of The Coronavirus. It’s Time She Was Counted,” May 27). I lost two parents. Ten hours apart. In two different New York City hospitals. One came from a skilled nursing facility. One came from an independent living facility. 92 and 93 years old. Neither of them “counted.” It’s a terrible feeling. Their lives surely counted, but not their deaths.

— Robin Tolkoff Levy, Owings Mills, Maryland

On Dentists Cleaning Up

I saw your article on increased dental fees (“Open (Your Wallet) Wide: Dentists Charge Extra For Infection Control,” June 3). It is very true. I am a private practice dentist and am facing increased “disposable goods” costs, as well as additional trash collection fees, and have hired an additional staff member whose sole task is cross-contamination prevention. I am forced to pass these charges along to the patients.

To the patients interviewed in your article who were “shocked” by the added fees, you can look for a dentist who will not have to increase his or her fees — but you likely won’t find one. I have had a few patients refuse to pay the charge and they are dismissed from my practice. When they realize that our charges are reasonable and call to try and get an appointment (and 80% do), we won’t make them an appointment. “But there isn’t another dentist in 200 miles who takes my insurance,” they complain. Shouldn’t have complained.

Several local dentists have retired completely because they couldn’t (or chose not to)  keep up with the changes. We are booked into November. On the plus side, my existing patients are thrilled to be able to be seen and arrive early, don’t balk at having to wait in the parking lot and are extremely pleased with our efforts to avoid cross-contamination. My rate of “missed appointments” is way down.

Dentistry now outpaces logging and fishing as the most hazardous job on the planet. We went from being the brunt of jokes to valued members of the health care community.

In 1962, there were 100,000 dentists, 100,000 physicians and 70,000 attorneys. Today there are about 190,000 dentists, 950,000 physicians and 1.1 million lawyers. Earning a dental degree requires more than a quarter of a million dollars. There is a reason modern dental care is so expensive — because it is worth it.

— Dr. William Hartel, Bristol, Tennessee

In case you needed more proof that universal healthcare also should mean a single-payer system for dental and vision care, not just major medical, mental health and prescription plans. https://t.co/iHQuxokByY

— Jennifer S. Hyk (@JenHyk) June 3, 2020

— Jennifer Hyk, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Not only am I disturbed by the inflammatory title, but also by the tone of this article. I am waiting for one journalist to actually do some research and find out exactly the level of expense related to all the new (and ever-changing) rules and regulations related to patient safety because of COVID-19. These additional measures are costly and ongoing. Add to that the fact that many suppliers are acting like black-market profiteers by escalating their costs. It’s almost like Martin Shkreli bought out all the supply chains that provide PPE.

The dental offices you covered in your article all handled this exactly how the CDC, OSHA, ADA and almost every state dental organization has recommended. This is not a routine “cost of doing business.” For offices contracted with the dental “insurance” companies, the offices are contractually forbidden to charge above the usual, customary and reasonable (UCR) cost dictated by the companies. In short, if the dentist tries to bundle the fee into the cost of a procedure, he/she will not be reimbursed by the insurance companies. Bottom line: The dentist is expected to eat the cost.

In contrast to what the general public may think, the great majority of dentists are not millionaires. They are hardworking men and women who sacrificed eight additional years of their early adulthood to learn their specialty. Many graduate from dental school with loans in excess of $250,000, which is close to what the average American spends to buy a home. Once in practice, they are pushed around by the dental “insurance” Goliaths that have not increased their average annual “benefit” maximum since the 1960s. Oh, and let’s not discount this increasingly litigious society that directly affects annual malpractice premiums.

These dentists endure all of this. They carry the responsibility of usually being a solo business owner, leader of a team and responsible for them and their families, having to deal with constantly changing local, state and national regulations, ever-increasing license and business costs, and possibly being exposed to a deadly disease on a daily basis. (By the way, I’m not lumping COVID in with “deadly disease” — I’m talking about deadly diseases like hepatitis, tuberculosis, HIV, etc.).

I don’t know of any dentist who has gotten one red cent in “unemployment benefits” during the past three months. Yes, they may have received PPP money, but guess what? That goes straight to expenses or must be paid back. This is quite different from the unemployment benefits that millions of American employees have received since the middle of March.

Lastly, for those patients who are complaining about the $10 PPE fee, I wonder how many of them drop at least that much within two days of going to their local Starbucks? I’m willing to bet it’s a pretty high percentage of them. It’s almost as if those people value their full-fat, whipped-cream, half-caf, double shot, venti mochaccino more than they do their oral and general health.

— Dr. Gerilyn Alfe, Chicago

‘Lost on the Frontline’: Beyond The Statistics

Not sure why this is a story (“Lost on the Frontline: Exclusive: Nearly 600 — And Counting — US Health Workers Have Died Of COVID-19,” June 6). The ratio of COVID deaths in health care workers to the number of health care workers (about 600 of 16 million) is the same as the national rate (about 11,000 of 328 million) and is virtually the same as the world rate (about 400,000 of 7.8 billion). Presenting the death toll in that light would show that health care workers are contracting COVID at the same rate as everyone else. We’re not special (in the eyes of disease). Who’d a thunk?

— John Coburn, Atascadero, California

No one else counting as accurately. Includes all—janitors, aides, RNs, MDs, housekeepers, etc. Read bios & know they were not protected enough. Exclusive: Nearly 600 — And Counting — US Health Workers Have Died Of COVID-19 https://t.co/IizC1KDWEy via @khnews

— Julie Fairman (@fairmanjulie) June 6, 2020

— Julie Fairman, Philadelphia

This is a wonderful service. Thank you for doing it. They are the heroes in this world and should be memorialized. I’m a retired surgeon and have nothing but awe for every single one of these people and their efforts on our behalf.

One request: Dr. Atul Gawande and others have indicated that “properly protected” health care workers have a very low risk of infection with SARS CoV-2. It would be beneficial to all of us if you could perhaps publish weekly a tally of those who have passed and how many of those were wearing adequate PPE. I’m particularly interested in how well surgical masks protect people (as opposed to N95, which we know work but don’t have enough of), so having that tidbit of information would be great. Thanks again so much for your work and dedication.

— Dr. Robert Ley, Aptos, California

I read the article and sent it to family and friends. Everyone was very pleased and also saddened. Once people see all the faces and the different occupations, it seems to be a collective gasp. Thank you again for reaching out to me so that I could be a part of this expression of love, knowledge, informative journalism and dedication.

— Barbara Abernathy, Chicago, mother of Michelle Abernathy, a residential services supervisor who died of COVID-19 on April 13

As a spouse of a healthcare worker, I find it obscene that police are funded to be armed to the teeth to beat protestors, but healthcare workers don’t have enough PPE. I worry everyday that my husband will contract this deadly virus. https://t.co/qTe2iuAQl5

— Laura Elena Belmonte, Ph.D. (@educadaxicana) June 13, 2020

— Laura Elena Belmonte, Albuquerque, New Mexico

I just wanted to drop you a note of thanks for your ongoing documentation of medical workers killed by COVID-19 in the line of duty. Our charity is dedicated to providing recognition and support for both medical services personnel who become casualties, and their families who suffer loss, as a result of the providers’ care for patients in the fight against COVID-19 and infectious disease. So we’re very appreciative of your efforts and hope that we can do more to support these incredible people.

— Kevin Higgins, president of The Fallen Providers Project Inc., Lebanon, Ohio

Go ahead and dismiss these lives because you are not personally affected. Go ahead and make this your political hill and for f*cks sake definitely make your personal limited discomfort more "Constitutionally Protected" than another's right to life.https://t.co/BKXfptSrzf

— Nancy Quinn (@nancysquinn) June 7, 2020

— Nancy Quinn, Concho, Arizona

In your “Lost on the Frontline” series, respiratory therapists are not mentioned as health care providers. They intubate and place patients who have difficulty breathing on life support. They make up an important front-line team that manages the ventilators and helps with transport while patients are on life support. Respiratory therapists work with COVID-19 patients and many have been exposed — in the ICU. The doctors, nurses — and respiratory therapists — are the main people in the COVID-19 rooms!

— Barb Homberger, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Steer Clear Of ‘Painkillers’

While I appreciate the info and public education on the need to be prepared (“Asking Never Hurts: Society Is Reopening. Prepare To Hunker Down At Home Again,” June 9), I think using the term “painkillers” in this article was not the best choice of words. If your point is to educate people to have medications that help relieve body aches from the virus, using a different term such as OTC pain relievers (Tylenol, etc.) is more appropriate.

Many people think the term painkiller means opioids/narcotics. We are in the middle of an opioid crisis, so using that term should be avoided if we are encouraging people to make sure they are prepared for the coronavirus.

— Amy Krajec, Oceanside, California

A Missed Opportunity To Educate

You are missing an important opportunity with this story (“A Teen’s Death From COVID,” June 15). You glossed over the importance of diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) and focused mainly on the positive COVID test. This boy died from something that, if caught early enough, Type 1 diabetes, is entirely manageable. There are many groups and families trying to work and raise awareness about DKA and the warning signs of Type 1 diabetes. This story could have helped these efforts. If more had been known, that child may not have died. His symptoms were normal for advanced DKA and coma associated with that. Organizations like Beyond Type 1, Project Blue November and Kisses for Kycie have been trying to raise awareness of the symptoms of DKA and need help from the media. Too many children die needlessly in this country and around the world each year from undiagnosed Type 1 diabetes. Not to undermine the reporting and seriousness of COVID-19, but we are fighting an uphill battle to raise awareness and save lives.

— Carrie Berry, Austin, Texas

As a parent, articles like this one scare the hell out of me. https://t.co/4IdSn4DoUH

— Rob Szczerba (@RJSzczerba) June 19, 2020

— Rob Szczerba, Pittsburgh

I was overwhelmed by the story about Andre Guest’s battle with COVID-19 and his passing. I can’t get it out of my head. Cry every time I think about that sweet, beautiful child devastated by this thing. Is there a way to let the parents know my thoughts are with them?

— Kevin Orton, Newcastle, Washington

While this is a tragic story, the reporting is not thorough and the stated facts are concerning, indicating possible negligence of care.

Despite this teen’s age, obesity is a known and well-reported underlying condition associated with higher mortality in those who are infected with the coronavirus. And, for still unknown reasons, so is being Black. Although the article does not mention in the text either contributing factor, the accompanying photos show them clearly.

The article states: “Although Andre had no underlying medical conditions, the first thing doctors discovered was that he had developed Type 1 diabetes. …” It is also well known that obesity and diabetes are comorbidities. While a recent COVID-19 finding is a possible potential for the development of acute diabetes, this teen’s obesity should have alerted health care professionals to the potential for diabetes and prior monitoring, especially considering it “was the first thing doctors discovered” in this case.

It is also known that autoimmune disease is associated with autism, although the precise etiology remains unknown. Diabetes is an autoimmune disease associated with increased mortality in COVID-19 patients.

The actual facts of this boy’s health and that the mother is a nurse and that this article originates from a major hospital system seems to imply ignorance and potential negligence of care. The bizarre inclusion of quotes about bedtime peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and video games implies further evidence of questionable lifestyle choices contributing to childhood obesity.

While this case does highlight the fact that young people can die from COVID-19, that this particular boy’s death would be publicized as an example that “perfectly healthy” young people are dying of COVID-19 is inaccurate. The real takeaway of this tragic story should be a focus on the fact that young people can and do have multiple underlying health concerns and that parents need to be informed and proactive in the health care of their children.

— Barbara Tefft, Newfield, New York

It Happened To Me

When I read your article about unusual symptoms in the elderly, it sounded like my experience (“Seniors With COVID-19 Show Unusual Symptoms, Doctors Say,” April 24). I am 77 and on the evening of March 2 something clicked off in my brain. When speaking, all that came out of my mouth was gibberish. I went to bed but don’t remember doing that. My alarm went off at 6 a.m. — I had an appointment at 9 a.m. for chemotherapy and my daughter was coming to pick me up for that appointment. When I got up at 6, I could not figure out what I was supposed to do. I could not figure out how to get dressed, so I went back to bed. The doorbell rang at 8 a.m. I got up but was in some kind of fog.

We live in a two-story house. I went to the top of the stairs and kept walking. I fell facedown and bounced down the stairs. My daughter called 911. I do not remember the paramedics coming or the 18 hours I spent in the ER. My daughter said I never spoke a word during that time. When spoken to, she said, I would get a confused look on my face but never spoke. I did not have a stroke. An MRI showed no clots or bleeds. I woke up the next morning and was able to speak and answer questions.

I was in the hospital for 10 days due to my injuries related to the fall. I am doing fine now. The doctors were never able to come up with a reason for what happened. He said we’ll just call it a TIA (transient ischemic attack) because we don’t know what else to call it. But my symptoms were not those caused by a TIA. I am wondering if what happened could have been caused by COVID 19. The symptoms were so bizarre. It frustrates me not to know the cause. I only hope that reliable antibody tests might eventually provide an answer.

— Kathy Oldershaw, Visalia, California

Don't let ageism or apathy interfere with access to timely testing. Changes to eating or sleeping patterns, withdrawal, confusion, disorientation & dizziness may be signs of COVID-19 in older adults: https://t.co/DymTUEwXfZ via @khnews #coronavirus #ageism #healthcare #geriatrics

— Amy Abrams (@amyreneeabrams) April 25, 2020

— Amy Abrams, San Diego

Cutting Through The Confusion

The article “Antibody Tests Were Hailed As Way To End Lockdowns. Instead, They Cause Confusion” (May 28) is misleading and reflects incomplete reporting.

Both the FDA and the CDC have suggested doing two independent antibody tests to confirm a positive finding in low prevalence areas. The FDA has had those data pertaining to test accuracy posted for a long time.

This story ignores the many other places in the USA and abroad that have done seroprevalence studies.

There is an indication for using antibody testing: the large number of people who had classic COVID-19 symptoms and clinical course but who were told to stay home and were never tested. It’s too late to do antigen studies on them. They need antibody testing to confirm the diagnosis.

People with symptoms shed antigen for perhaps 10-14 days or even longer. But testing for antigen later in the disease can yield negative findings and antibody testing can be useful.

The “gold standard” antigen test can be falsely negative 30-40% of the time.

Then there is the problem of the large numbers of asymptomatic persons with the disease. Antigen testing can be misleading, too. Antibody testing plays a role.

Given the complex nature of the disease, the timing of testing both for antigen and antibodies is critical. That’s why the instructions for use (IFUs) for antibody tests break down test results in terms of days since symptom onset.

Just because the disease is complex does not mean that testing should not be done. What is needed is a better understanding and less media bashing of manufacturers and labs.

Why don’t you interview some of the professors who have done seroprevalence testing and who have the required academic credentials you approve of?

This report sounds like the ones that were written weeks ago. Nothing new here.

Those of us who participate in the weekly live FDA town hall webinars have heard these issues discussed for weeks and seen them reported also.

— Dr. Brant Mittler, San Antonio, Texas

Antibody tests got all the buzz in the last month, but was that just a flash in the pan? Or do we just have to wait a little more until the tests are perfected? @KHNews https://t.co/gJPzkinSnJ

— Carmel Shachar (@CarmelShachar) May 28, 2020

— Carmel Shachar, Cambridge, Massachusetts

Emergency Care’s Most Urgent Problem

The extortionate costs of ambulance services in California is worse than that ER bill (“Bill Of The Month: COVID-Like Cough Sent Him To ER — Where He Got A $3,278 Bill,” May 25). My daughter experienced a medical emergency while traveling in California. The first hospital where she received care arranged to transfer her to another hospital. The ambulance service selected by hospital A was outside her network. She has been hit with an $8,000 bill, which includes a $4,600 base rate and $2,645.50 for mileage (37 miles from hospital A to hospital B).

The selection of ambulance service was completely outside her control. Of course, a reasonable rate is appropriate, but this amount is extortionate and bears no relationship to the cost or value of the transport.

This should not be allowed to occur to anyone, but especially not to someone who is not in a position to select their own provider. Apparently, the hospital staff arranging the transfer confirmed that hospital B was within the insurance network, but did not confirm the status of the ambulance service.

I am outraged by the impact of this incident on my family and suspect others have also been treated this way. This is price gouging at its worst! This practice should also be exposed by KHN.

— Bobbie Gregg, Dallas

One thing that's impeding our ability to control the virus is that people are frightened of our healthcare system. Because it can be extremely predatory:https://t.co/0F6qsCfjsp

— Mededitor (@Mededitor) May 27, 2020

— Daniel Sosnoski, Jacksonville, Florida

I was a nurse contractor in San Jose, California, when I started getting short of breath and experiencing chest pain. I went to the Valley Health emergency room, the one closest to me, and I received an $8,000 ER bill. I can’t afford to pay this bill and our insurance didn’t pay. I’m trying to negotiate the bill, but I was never tested for COVID-19 while there, which I found out I had after I returned home to Houston. Ridiculous charge for a non-traumatic ER visit.

— Kelly Lenz, Houston

COVID-Like Cough Sent Him To ER — He Got A $3,278 Bill. This is so infuriating! I've had many experiences just like this. Ever wonder why many sick people don't show up for health care until it is almost too late? This is exactly why! https://t.co/lO6iWtOPgB

— Gunner 😷🇺🇸🇭🇰😷 光復香港 😷 時代革命 😷🇭🇰🇺🇸😷 (@AgeCosmos) May 30, 2020

— Devon Seeley, Salt Lake City

Perhaps the most important takeaway is not that his bill was coded incorrectly, but that we need low-cost urgent care facilities that are open 24/7, so that we are not billed thousands of dollars for simple tests or a couple of stitches. How many people go into debt or go untreated because basic services are simply not available?

— Isabel Cabanne, Glencoe, Illinois

Getting The COVID Code Right

I am a certified professional medical coder, and love your podcast, as I am also a grad student majoring in epidemiology. I listened to the episode in which Phil Galewitz suggested patients should tell their health care providers to code “possible COVID-19” in order to avoid the bill for services (“KHN’s ‘What The Health?’: Still Seeking A Federal Coronavirus Strategy,” May 28).

This is incorrect; national coding guidelines prohibit coders to code “suspected, possible or rule-out diagnoses.” Health care providers as well are not able to document such conditions until confirmed by a test, study or another diagnostic means, described as “gold standard” for that specific condition. This rule is described in “ICD-10-CM Professional for Physicians” manual, 2020.

What UnitedHealthcare stated was correct: It is unable to recognize a claim for COVID-19 when an ICD-10 diagnosis for it (U07.1) was not reported. The proper procedure would have been to get the patient tested, defer the claim processing until the results came back, and then report the U07.1 as the reason for the encounter. When a patient is not tested, the proper coding initiative would be to report symptoms only, which of course would not suffice for the copay reduction initiative. However, a patient would have the option to request that Denver Health appeal the claim with proof of documentation, which would require them to submit a provider’s note from the visit and prompt UHC to manually review the claim and have it reprocessed.

Overall, this is a common reason certain claims are not covered by payers, but there are multiple stipulations in terms of coding guidelines that limit what can be coded for any particular encounter.

— Ksenia Brewster, Poquoson, Virginia

Readers And Tweeters Ponder Racism, Public Health Threats And COVID’s Cost published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[dinafbrownil]

Readers And Tweeters Ponder Racism, Public Health Threats And COVID’s Cost

Letters to the Editor is a periodic feature. We welcome all comments and will publish a selection. We edit for length and clarity and require full names.

Rising Above Racism

I want to compliment writer Anna Almendrala on her article “Masked or Not, Asians Are Still Attacked” in the Los Angeles Times (“Hate Unmasked In America, May 29). I was deeply moved by her eloquent prose and her compassionate voice. During this difficult time, after being cruelly attacked by a neighbor, she was still able to respond to an egregious insult with an impressive amount of empathy. I hope that readers learn from her example. I have.

— Jayne Muñoz, Santa Ana, California

Journalist @annaalmendrala shares a recent experience that broke my heart. We must work to #StopHate Hate Unmasked In America https://t.co/Pu8SUM2OQ5 via @khnews

— Barbara Glickstein (@BGlickstein) May 29, 2020

— Barbara Glickstein, New York City

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Subscribe to KHN’s free Morning Briefing.

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Please confirm your email address below:

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Threats Against Public Health Workers

Thank you for publishing the story describing the dire threats that public health professionals have received (“Public Health Officials Face Wave Of Threats, Pressure Amid Coronavirus Response,” June 12). I left an academic career in public health, as the former director of prevention and control for the Cancer Center of Hawaii, because of institutional racism. But that pales in comparison to what these professionals are being subjected to.

— Dr. Brian Martin, Portland, Oregon

I would have liked the authors of this article to also have mentioned what percentage of the officials who quit or were fired were female. I have noticed since the beginning that most state and local health officials are female. (Noticed it is the same in Canada.) And did they investigate/consider whether that fact has also played a part in the hostility and threats?

— Ann-Marie Tate, Phoenix

Editor’s note: Please be on the lookout for follow-up stories, produced in partnership with The Associated Press, which will include more data. 

Being a public health worker is like being Batman, but w/o the funding. Everyone's happy you're out there when things are good. But when shit hits fan, they set the dogs on you.

Public Health Officials Face Wave Of Threats Amid Coronavirus https://t.co/0xs96gN1vz via @khnews

— Faiz Kidwai, DO, MPH (@KidwaiFaiz) June 14, 2020

— Dr. Faiz Kidwai, Syracuse, New York

Lessons In Holistic Healing

The long history of mistreatment and distrust between Native Americans and the federal government is no secret (“Returning to Roots, Indian Health Service Seeks Traditional Healers,” May 14), but I find that myself and many of my peers in medical school have limited knowledge when it comes to the health care of Native Americans. This article provides an enriching example of the importance of cultural diversity and holistic medicine.

In the era of medicine where chronic diseases such as cardiovascular disease are the most common cause of death, there are no treatments that “cure” conditions as there are with many infectious diseases. As such, treatment relies on addressing risk factors, lifestyle changes, and the social environment. While the advancement of modern medicine is nothing short of remarkable, there is something to be learned from the traditional healers of the Native American reservations. They seek not only to treat physical conditions, but also to address the “mental, emotional, and spiritual needs” of the community, as so elegantly stated in the article. This comprehensive approach to medicine is perhaps more suitable to the chronic diseases we see today, where cardiovascular disease is intertwined with risk factors such as poor diet, low income, distrust of medicine, etc.

The recruitment of traditional healers by the Indian Health Service, a federally funded organization, gives me hope that not only is the government starting to accept the importance of cultural diversity, but that it is beginning to acknowledge a more holistic approach to medicine.

— Brandon Jocher, St. Louis

“When an elder dies there’s a whole history, a whole line of information that we lose. It’s like the library burning down” says Stewart-Peregoy of the Crow

Elders are a living link to our history—not too far distant in 2020 if you consider long lifespanshttps://t.co/7nU8u9q8Vt

— Brett Chapman (@brettachapman) June 6, 2020

— Brett Chapman, Tulsa, Oklahoma

Their Lives Did Count

I watched Dr. Elisabeth Rosenthal on CNN and related to her story “First-Person Perspective: My Mother Died Of The Coronavirus. It’s Time She Was Counted,” May 27). I lost two parents. Ten hours apart. In two different New York City hospitals. One came from a skilled nursing facility. One came from an independent living facility. 92 and 93 years old. Neither of them “counted.” It’s a terrible feeling. Their lives surely counted, but not their deaths.

— Robin Tolkoff Levy, Owings Mills, Maryland

On Dentists Cleaning Up

I saw your article on increased dental fees (“Open (Your Wallet) Wide: Dentists Charge Extra For Infection Control,” June 3). It is very true. I am a private practice dentist and am facing increased “disposable goods” costs, as well as additional trash collection fees, and have hired an additional staff member whose sole task is cross-contamination prevention. I am forced to pass these charges along to the patients.

To the patients interviewed in your article who were “shocked” by the added fees, you can look for a dentist who will not have to increase his or her fees — but you likely won’t find one. I have had a few patients refuse to pay the charge and they are dismissed from my practice. When they realize that our charges are reasonable and call to try and get an appointment (and 80% do), we won’t make them an appointment. “But there isn’t another dentist in 200 miles who takes my insurance,” they complain. Shouldn’t have complained.

Several local dentists have retired completely because they couldn’t (or chose not to)  keep up with the changes. We are booked into November. On the plus side, my existing patients are thrilled to be able to be seen and arrive early, don’t balk at having to wait in the parking lot and are extremely pleased with our efforts to avoid cross-contamination. My rate of “missed appointments” is way down.

Dentistry now outpaces logging and fishing as the most hazardous job on the planet. We went from being the brunt of jokes to valued members of the health care community.

In 1962, there were 100,000 dentists, 100,000 physicians and 70,000 attorneys. Today there are about 190,000 dentists, 950,000 physicians and 1.1 million lawyers. Earning a dental degree requires more than a quarter of a million dollars. There is a reason modern dental care is so expensive — because it is worth it.

— Dr. William Hartel, Bristol, Tennessee

In case you needed more proof that universal healthcare also should mean a single-payer system for dental and vision care, not just major medical, mental health and prescription plans. https://t.co/iHQuxokByY

— Jennifer S. Hyk (@JenHyk) June 3, 2020

— Jennifer Hyk, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Not only am I disturbed by the inflammatory title, but also by the tone of this article. I am waiting for one journalist to actually do some research and find out exactly the level of expense related to all the new (and ever-changing) rules and regulations related to patient safety because of COVID-19. These additional measures are costly and ongoing. Add to that the fact that many suppliers are acting like black-market profiteers by escalating their costs. It’s almost like Martin Shkreli bought out all the supply chains that provide PPE.

The dental offices you covered in your article all handled this exactly how the CDC, OSHA, ADA and almost every state dental organization has recommended. This is not a routine “cost of doing business.” For offices contracted with the dental “insurance” companies, the offices are contractually forbidden to charge above the usual, customary and reasonable (UCR) cost dictated by the companies. In short, if the dentist tries to bundle the fee into the cost of a procedure, he/she will not be reimbursed by the insurance companies. Bottom line: The dentist is expected to eat the cost.

In contrast to what the general public may think, the great majority of dentists are not millionaires. They are hardworking men and women who sacrificed eight additional years of their early adulthood to learn their specialty. Many graduate from dental school with loans in excess of $250,000, which is close to what the average American spends to buy a home. Once in practice, they are pushed around by the dental “insurance” Goliaths that have not increased their average annual “benefit” maximum since the 1960s. Oh, and let’s not discount this increasingly litigious society that directly affects annual malpractice premiums.

These dentists endure all of this. They carry the responsibility of usually being a solo business owner, leader of a team and responsible for them and their families, having to deal with constantly changing local, state and national regulations, ever-increasing license and business costs, and possibly being exposed to a deadly disease on a daily basis. (By the way, I’m not lumping COVID in with “deadly disease” — I’m talking about deadly diseases like hepatitis, tuberculosis, HIV, etc.).

I don’t know of any dentist who has gotten one red cent in “unemployment benefits” during the past three months. Yes, they may have received PPP money, but guess what? That goes straight to expenses or must be paid back. This is quite different from the unemployment benefits that millions of American employees have received since the middle of March.

Lastly, for those patients who are complaining about the $10 PPE fee, I wonder how many of them drop at least that much within two days of going to their local Starbucks? I’m willing to bet it’s a pretty high percentage of them. It’s almost as if those people value their full-fat, whipped-cream, half-caf, double shot, venti mochaccino more than they do their oral and general health.

— Dr. Gerilyn Alfe, Chicago

‘Lost on the Frontline’: Beyond The Statistics

Not sure why this is a story (“Lost on the Frontline: Exclusive: Nearly 600 — And Counting — US Health Workers Have Died Of COVID-19,” June 6). The ratio of COVID deaths in health care workers to the number of health care workers (about 600 of 16 million) is the same as the national rate (about 11,000 of 328 million) and is virtually the same as the world rate (about 400,000 of 7.8 billion). Presenting the death toll in that light would show that health care workers are contracting COVID at the same rate as everyone else. We’re not special (in the eyes of disease). Who’d a thunk?

— John Coburn, Atascadero, California

No one else counting as accurately. Includes all—janitors, aides, RNs, MDs, housekeepers, etc. Read bios & know they were not protected enough. Exclusive: Nearly 600 — And Counting — US Health Workers Have Died Of COVID-19 https://t.co/IizC1KDWEy via @khnews

— Julie Fairman (@fairmanjulie) June 6, 2020

— Julie Fairman, Philadelphia

This is a wonderful service. Thank you for doing it. They are the heroes in this world and should be memorialized. I’m a retired surgeon and have nothing but awe for every single one of these people and their efforts on our behalf.

One request: Dr. Atul Gawande and others have indicated that “properly protected” health care workers have a very low risk of infection with SARS CoV-2. It would be beneficial to all of us if you could perhaps publish weekly a tally of those who have passed and how many of those were wearing adequate PPE. I’m particularly interested in how well surgical masks protect people (as opposed to N95, which we know work but don’t have enough of), so having that tidbit of information would be great. Thanks again so much for your work and dedication.

— Dr. Robert Ley, Aptos, California

I read the article and sent it to family and friends. Everyone was very pleased and also saddened. Once people see all the faces and the different occupations, it seems to be a collective gasp. Thank you again for reaching out to me so that I could be a part of this expression of love, knowledge, informative journalism and dedication.

— Barbara Abernathy, Chicago, mother of Michelle Abernathy, a residential services supervisor who died of COVID-19 on April 13

As a spouse of a healthcare worker, I find it obscene that police are funded to be armed to the teeth to beat protestors, but healthcare workers don’t have enough PPE. I worry everyday that my husband will contract this deadly virus. https://t.co/qTe2iuAQl5

— Laura Elena Belmonte, Ph.D. (@educadaxicana) June 13, 2020

— Laura Elena Belmonte, Albuquerque, New Mexico

I just wanted to drop you a note of thanks for your ongoing documentation of medical workers killed by COVID-19 in the line of duty. Our charity is dedicated to providing recognition and support for both medical services personnel who become casualties, and their families who suffer loss, as a result of the providers’ care for patients in the fight against COVID-19 and infectious disease. So we’re very appreciative of your efforts and hope that we can do more to support these incredible people.

— Kevin Higgins, president of The Fallen Providers Project Inc., Lebanon, Ohio

Go ahead and dismiss these lives because you are not personally affected. Go ahead and make this your political hill and for f*cks sake definitely make your personal limited discomfort more "Constitutionally Protected" than another's right to life.https://t.co/BKXfptSrzf

— Nancy Quinn (@nancysquinn) June 7, 2020

— Nancy Quinn, Concho, Arizona

In your “Lost on the Frontline” series, respiratory therapists are not mentioned as health care providers. They intubate and place patients who have difficulty breathing on life support. They make up an important front-line team that manages the ventilators and helps with transport while patients are on life support. Respiratory therapists work with COVID-19 patients and many have been exposed — in the ICU. The doctors, nurses — and respiratory therapists — are the main people in the COVID-19 rooms!

— Barb Homberger, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Steer Clear Of ‘Painkillers’

While I appreciate the info and public education on the need to be prepared (“Asking Never Hurts: Society Is Reopening. Prepare To Hunker Down At Home Again,” June 9), I think using the term “painkillers” in this article was not the best choice of words. If your point is to educate people to have medications that help relieve body aches from the virus, using a different term such as OTC pain relievers (Tylenol, etc.) is more appropriate.

Many people think the term painkiller means opioids/narcotics. We are in the middle of an opioid crisis, so using that term should be avoided if we are encouraging people to make sure they are prepared for the coronavirus.

— Amy Krajec, Oceanside, California

A Missed Opportunity To Educate

You are missing an important opportunity with this story (“A Teen’s Death From COVID,” June 15). You glossed over the importance of diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA) and focused mainly on the positive COVID test. This boy died from something that, if caught early enough, Type 1 diabetes, is entirely manageable. There are many groups and families trying to work and raise awareness about DKA and the warning signs of Type 1 diabetes. This story could have helped these efforts. If more had been known, that child may not have died. His symptoms were normal for advanced DKA and coma associated with that. Organizations like Beyond Type 1, Project Blue November and Kisses for Kycie have been trying to raise awareness of the symptoms of DKA and need help from the media. Too many children die needlessly in this country and around the world each year from undiagnosed Type 1 diabetes. Not to undermine the reporting and seriousness of COVID-19, but we are fighting an uphill battle to raise awareness and save lives.

— Carrie Berry, Austin, Texas

As a parent, articles like this one scare the hell out of me. https://t.co/4IdSn4DoUH

— Rob Szczerba (@RJSzczerba) June 19, 2020

— Rob Szczerba, Pittsburgh

I was overwhelmed by the story about Andre Guest’s battle with COVID-19 and his passing. I can’t get it out of my head. Cry every time I think about that sweet, beautiful child devastated by this thing. Is there a way to let the parents know my thoughts are with them?

— Kevin Orton, Newcastle, Washington

While this is a tragic story, the reporting is not thorough and the stated facts are concerning, indicating possible negligence of care.

Despite this teen’s age, obesity is a known and well-reported underlying condition associated with higher mortality in those who are infected with the coronavirus. And, for still unknown reasons, so is being Black. Although the article does not mention in the text either contributing factor, the accompanying photos show them clearly.

The article states: “Although Andre had no underlying medical conditions, the first thing doctors discovered was that he had developed Type 1 diabetes. …” It is also well known that obesity and diabetes are comorbidities. While a recent COVID-19 finding is a possible potential for the development of acute diabetes, this teen’s obesity should have alerted health care professionals to the potential for diabetes and prior monitoring, especially considering it “was the first thing doctors discovered” in this case.

It is also known that autoimmune disease is associated with autism, although the precise etiology remains unknown. Diabetes is an autoimmune disease associated with increased mortality in COVID-19 patients.

The actual facts of this boy’s health and that the mother is a nurse and that this article originates from a major hospital system seems to imply ignorance and potential negligence of care. The bizarre inclusion of quotes about bedtime peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and video games implies further evidence of questionable lifestyle choices contributing to childhood obesity.

While this case does highlight the fact that young people can die from COVID-19, that this particular boy’s death would be publicized as an example that “perfectly healthy” young people are dying of COVID-19 is inaccurate. The real takeaway of this tragic story should be a focus on the fact that young people can and do have multiple underlying health concerns and that parents need to be informed and proactive in the health care of their children.

— Barbara Tefft, Newfield, New York

It Happened To Me

When I read your article about unusual symptoms in the elderly, it sounded like my experience (“Seniors With COVID-19 Show Unusual Symptoms, Doctors Say,” April 24). I am 77 and on the evening of March 2 something clicked off in my brain. When speaking, all that came out of my mouth was gibberish. I went to bed but don’t remember doing that. My alarm went off at 6 a.m. — I had an appointment at 9 a.m. for chemotherapy and my daughter was coming to pick me up for that appointment. When I got up at 6, I could not figure out what I was supposed to do. I could not figure out how to get dressed, so I went back to bed. The doorbell rang at 8 a.m. I got up but was in some kind of fog.

We live in a two-story house. I went to the top of the stairs and kept walking. I fell facedown and bounced down the stairs. My daughter called 911. I do not remember the paramedics coming or the 18 hours I spent in the ER. My daughter said I never spoke a word during that time. When spoken to, she said, I would get a confused look on my face but never spoke. I did not have a stroke. An MRI showed no clots or bleeds. I woke up the next morning and was able to speak and answer questions.

I was in the hospital for 10 days due to my injuries related to the fall. I am doing fine now. The doctors were never able to come up with a reason for what happened. He said we’ll just call it a TIA (transient ischemic attack) because we don’t know what else to call it. But my symptoms were not those caused by a TIA. I am wondering if what happened could have been caused by COVID 19. The symptoms were so bizarre. It frustrates me not to know the cause. I only hope that reliable antibody tests might eventually provide an answer.

— Kathy Oldershaw, Visalia, California

Don't let ageism or apathy interfere with access to timely testing. Changes to eating or sleeping patterns, withdrawal, confusion, disorientation & dizziness may be signs of COVID-19 in older adults: https://t.co/DymTUEwXfZ via @khnews #coronavirus #ageism #healthcare #geriatrics

— Amy Abrams (@amyreneeabrams) April 25, 2020

— Amy Abrams, San Diego

Cutting Through The Confusion

The article “Antibody Tests Were Hailed As Way To End Lockdowns. Instead, They Cause Confusion” (May 28) is misleading and reflects incomplete reporting.

Both the FDA and the CDC have suggested doing two independent antibody tests to confirm a positive finding in low prevalence areas. The FDA has had those data pertaining to test accuracy posted for a long time.

This story ignores the many other places in the USA and abroad that have done seroprevalence studies.

There is an indication for using antibody testing: the large number of people who had classic COVID-19 symptoms and clinical course but who were told to stay home and were never tested. It’s too late to do antigen studies on them. They need antibody testing to confirm the diagnosis.

People with symptoms shed antigen for perhaps 10-14 days or even longer. But testing for antigen later in the disease can yield negative findings and antibody testing can be useful.

The “gold standard” antigen test can be falsely negative 30-40% of the time.

Then there is the problem of the large numbers of asymptomatic persons with the disease. Antigen testing can be misleading, too. Antibody testing plays a role.

Given the complex nature of the disease, the timing of testing both for antigen and antibodies is critical. That’s why the instructions for use (IFUs) for antibody tests break down test results in terms of days since symptom onset.

Just because the disease is complex does not mean that testing should not be done. What is needed is a better understanding and less media bashing of manufacturers and labs.

Why don’t you interview some of the professors who have done seroprevalence testing and who have the required academic credentials you approve of?

This report sounds like the ones that were written weeks ago. Nothing new here.

Those of us who participate in the weekly live FDA town hall webinars have heard these issues discussed for weeks and seen them reported also.

— Dr. Brant Mittler, San Antonio, Texas

Antibody tests got all the buzz in the last month, but was that just a flash in the pan? Or do we just have to wait a little more until the tests are perfected? @KHNews https://t.co/gJPzkinSnJ

— Carmel Shachar (@CarmelShachar) May 28, 2020

— Carmel Shachar, Cambridge, Massachusetts

Emergency Care’s Most Urgent Problem

The extortionate costs of ambulance services in California is worse than that ER bill (“Bill Of The Month: COVID-Like Cough Sent Him To ER — Where He Got A $3,278 Bill,” May 25). My daughter experienced a medical emergency while traveling in California. The first hospital where she received care arranged to transfer her to another hospital. The ambulance service selected by hospital A was outside her network. She has been hit with an $8,000 bill, which includes a $4,600 base rate and $2,645.50 for mileage (37 miles from hospital A to hospital B).

The selection of ambulance service was completely outside her control. Of course, a reasonable rate is appropriate, but this amount is extortionate and bears no relationship to the cost or value of the transport.

This should not be allowed to occur to anyone, but especially not to someone who is not in a position to select their own provider. Apparently, the hospital staff arranging the transfer confirmed that hospital B was within the insurance network, but did not confirm the status of the ambulance service.

I am outraged by the impact of this incident on my family and suspect others have also been treated this way. This is price gouging at its worst! This practice should also be exposed by KHN.

— Bobbie Gregg, Dallas

One thing that's impeding our ability to control the virus is that people are frightened of our healthcare system. Because it can be extremely predatory:https://t.co/0F6qsCfjsp

— Mededitor (@Mededitor) May 27, 2020

— Daniel Sosnoski, Jacksonville, Florida

I was a nurse contractor in San Jose, California, when I started getting short of breath and experiencing chest pain. I went to the Valley Health emergency room, the one closest to me, and I received an $8,000 ER bill. I can’t afford to pay this bill and our insurance didn’t pay. I’m trying to negotiate the bill, but I was never tested for COVID-19 while there, which I found out I had after I returned home to Houston. Ridiculous charge for a non-traumatic ER visit.

— Kelly Lenz, Houston

COVID-Like Cough Sent Him To ER — He Got A $3,278 Bill. This is so infuriating! I've had many experiences just like this. Ever wonder why many sick people don't show up for health care until it is almost too late? This is exactly why! https://t.co/lO6iWtOPgB

— Gunner 😷🇺🇸🇭🇰😷 光復香港 😷 時代革命 😷🇭🇰🇺🇸😷 (@AgeCosmos) May 30, 2020

— Devon Seeley, Salt Lake City

Perhaps the most important takeaway is not that his bill was coded incorrectly, but that we need low-cost urgent care facilities that are open 24/7, so that we are not billed thousands of dollars for simple tests or a couple of stitches. How many people go into debt or go untreated because basic services are simply not available?

— Isabel Cabanne, Glencoe, Illinois

Getting The COVID Code Right

I am a certified professional medical coder, and love your podcast, as I am also a grad student majoring in epidemiology. I listened to the episode in which Phil Galewitz suggested patients should tell their health care providers to code “possible COVID-19” in order to avoid the bill for services (“KHN’s ‘What The Health?’: Still Seeking A Federal Coronavirus Strategy,” May 28).

This is incorrect; national coding guidelines prohibit coders to code “suspected, possible or rule-out diagnoses.” Health care providers as well are not able to document such conditions until confirmed by a test, study or another diagnostic means, described as “gold standard” for that specific condition. This rule is described in “ICD-10-CM Professional for Physicians” manual, 2020.

What UnitedHealthcare stated was correct: It is unable to recognize a claim for COVID-19 when an ICD-10 diagnosis for it (U07.1) was not reported. The proper procedure would have been to get the patient tested, defer the claim processing until the results came back, and then report the U07.1 as the reason for the encounter. When a patient is not tested, the proper coding initiative would be to report symptoms only, which of course would not suffice for the copay reduction initiative. However, a patient would have the option to request that Denver Health appeal the claim with proof of documentation, which would require them to submit a provider’s note from the visit and prompt UHC to manually review the claim and have it reprocessed.

Overall, this is a common reason certain claims are not covered by payers, but there are multiple stipulations in terms of coding guidelines that limit what can be coded for any particular encounter.

— Ksenia Brewster, Poquoson, Virginia

from Updates By Dina https://khn.org/news/letters-to-editor-readers-and-tweeters-ponder-racism-public-health-worker-threats-and-covid19-cost/

[topfygad]

Fiji’s Treasure Island | Nat Geo Traveller India

Volcanic jungles, underground cooking and sunrises that torch the ocean—Taveuni is residence to tips of time.

  In Fiji, coconut is the tree of life and all components of the tree and fruit—shell, leaves, meat, milk, husk, water, and oil—are honoured in every day use. Picture by: Don Mammoser/shutterstock

Chapter 1

Damaged Clocks and Different Magic Issues

When it occurs, I’m using shotgun with the lengthy blue kaftan of the Pacific rippling within the rear-view. To my left, I’ve the hills of Taveuni island, a knocked-over chessboard of taro timber, plantains, and hot-pink hibiscus the scale of beagle ears. I’m tracing the Lavena Coastal Stroll—a five-kilometre path that winds previous seashores and villages, all the best way as much as the island’s rainforests. It’s reflexive, the stray tear down the cheek. Embarrassing too, as a result of Duncan Osborne, my drive-around mate for the day, catches me flick it away. “I’m not unhappy. Simply very, very blissful,” I mumble. “I get it. You’re feeling fortunate to see magnificence,” he nods. I do know it’s a matter of seconds earlier than his mouth curls into the fluorescent Fijian smile one can anticipate anyplace within the archipelago of 330 islands.

It’s been half a day since I’ve set foot on this South Pacific speck. 16.8414° S, 179.9813° W, because the map tells me. The truth that the volcanic ‘backyard’ island is documented in coordinates is necessary. It tells me that the sights and sounds that introduced out weepy existential woman aren’t a part of an enchanted sleep. I am transferring round a landmass that appears like an infinite tree tunnel. These fields of pineapple, combed school-ready by the ocean breeze, are actual. The crimson ginger blossoms, and the prayer circle of periwinkles by the lagoon too, exist. “They filmed Return of the Blue Lagoon right here,” remarks Duncan. I’m not shocked. A lot of Taveuni wears the look of a trickster that’s managed to short-change time. Look within the path of pawpaw and wild mango timber gnawing out of hills, and you understand how.

Time, for its half, has pulled a quantity on the island. As we roll previous backpackers’ shacks scattered with divers, Duncan mentions that the 180° meridian and the Worldwide Dateline reduce by means of Taveuni smack dab. Which suggests technically, Taveuni is suspended between at present (west) and yesterday (east). The islanders comply with uniform time, however you may make your method to a hilly ledge in Waiyevo—Taveuni’s administrative centre—and stand between two no-frills plaques marking this uncommon limbo on land.

The author clambered over mossy boulders, tailing information Paul (backside left) to succeed in the Wainibau falls; Sunrises (proper) listed below are like dwell theatre, lashes of pink hammering the sky; A plaque (high left) marks the Worldwide Dateline splitting Taveuni between at present and yesterday. Images by: Sohini Das Gupta (man), Don Mammoser/shutterstock (signal), Picture courtesy: Taveuni Palms Resort (seashore)

There’s rather a lot to take in, and two days to my identify. For now, I’m content material to lock eyes with the island solar that’s marinating my brown pores and skin browner by the minute.

  Chapter 2

Summer season within the Rainforest

I go away Duncan and his automotive on the fringe of land to take a ship to the beginning of the hike in Bouma Nationwide Heritage Park, which protects over 80 per cent of Taveuni’s land, together with its rainforest. (I’m slicing brief the six-hour-long Lavena path to cram in different experiences.) My companion on water is native information Paul, who’s unfazed by the afternoon swell that flings our vessel round. I’ve made the error of exhibiting up in flip-flops, so once we clamber over rocks stained with lichen, they really feel chilly and moist as a frog’s tongue below my toes. The path strikes by means of knots of coconut palms, breadfruits and monster ferns, the greens darkening as we’re sucked into the forest’s sunless abdomen. The place the stone cracks disguise wildflowers, my heels tickle. A free step sends me hurtling, and jungle mynas cackle. However between a sighting of the “very shy, very uncommon” orange dove, and the water’s xylophone upping its quantity, a bloody toe appears acceptable.

Paul grants me huff-and-puff time, dragging his stride to accommodate second glances at fallen frangipanis. Once we come to the bend past which the mighty Wainibau Waterfall rages, I don’t need to transfer. It’s that outdated longing to delay what might transform a quantum second; stretch it out, so you may hold it round somewhat longer. However like solar by means of gin-clear water, my second passes, and I wade in. “Can’t swim properly?” “Can’t swim,” I yell by means of the mist that levitates between us; Paul has already made his method to the deeper finish of the rock pool. When he comes again for me, I’m positive he’s misunderstood. “Can’t,” I shake my head stupidly. “Journey my again and don’t drag me down.” And identical to that, I’m piggybacking a person I’ve met lower than two hours in the past into the gaping swirls. He deposits me on high of a boulder, Spidermans up the ridge and wrecks the water with a—splunk!

Waterfalls (high) curtain a world of island flora resembling breadfruit, taro and guava timber; The tagimoucia flower (backside left) grows solely in Taveuni, on a single highland ridge beside Lake Tagimoucia; Hold an eye fixed out for birds resembling collared lory (backside proper), Taveuni silktail and the very uncommon orange fruit dove. Images by: Kristen Elsby/Second/Getty Photos (waterfall), BIOSPHOTO/Alamy Inventory Picture (flower), Picture courtesy: Taveuni Palms Resort (chook)

A ship trip again to Duncan and a fast automotive haul leads us to Bouma’s different huge path of the Tavoro Waterfalls. A 10-minute stroll by means of flatland floras lets me linger on the first and the largest of the three cascades alongside this route. Right here, within the achy afterglow of swims, I hearken to the lore of the Tagimoucia. Fiji at giant boasts some 800 species of crops discovered nowhere else on the earth. However the ruby-and-milk flower embossed on the nation’s FJD50 notice is treasured for rising virtually solely alongside the shores of Taveuni’s Lake Tagimoucia, untouched at an altitude of over 2,600 toes. My disappointment at not seeing the volcanic crater dissolves when Paul tells me that the flower makes a fleeting look by means of November to January. Like all good legends, the legend of the Tagimoucia has a number of variations. In a single a lovelorn princess escapes to the highlands when the person of her selection is vetoed by elders, slipping into drained and tearful sleep (tagi: cry; moce: sleep). One other remembers somewhat woman who lay crying by the waters after being scolded by mother and father—the tears of the broken-hearted reworking into Fiji’s proclaimed nationwide flower.

That’s one too many unhappy girls for my liking, however I notice the identical cynical enchantment that passes over me when Paul factors to a white horse within the wild and says, “Look, it brings good luck.”

  Chapter 3

The Little Lady in Kingston City

Once I first meet Una, she is working round in a frock that holds all the colors of a tropical fruit platter. I ponder if the eight-year-old is aware of how a lot she resembles Moana, Disney’s warrior princess from Polynesia. Duivosavosa, a rural settlement in northwest Taveuni, appears to be made of 1 big household. The patriarch Invoice Seru walks me by means of it, declaring painted, triangular homes that belong to varied brothers, nieces, cousins and nephews. I’m cautious to not pry, however crosses and rosaries hanging from asbestos partitions inside trace at Taveuni’s historical past—a wartime turnaround of religion from paganism to Catholicism within the 19th century. Tiny islands, it will appear, have sufficient room for outdated gods to exist alongside new ones; ditto for outdated traditions. I’m now aware about the island artwork of coconut husking, leaf basket weaving and lovo or earth-oven cooking.

Invoice’s brood of 9 youngsters and sixteen grandkids rallies round, guiding me by means of their self-sustained life. When prawns fished out of the village stream are dunked in palm-squeezed coconut milk, I inform a gaggle of aunts and grandaunts how my lunch tastes rather a lot like chingrir malaikari, an East Indian staple—and eyes widen. Lunch additionally consists of candy potatoes, yams and tapioca, steamed lovo-style. The prepping of lovo, a subterranean cooking technique widespread within the Polynesian islands (hangi in New Zealand, umu in Samoa), is sort of the spectacle. Earth is dug up, and inside it, white sizzling stones entrusted with the job of cooking feast-scale meals. The meals, something from powerful meat to vegetable or fish, is bundled up in banana and pandana leaves and positioned over coals. “You may cook dinner an entire goat, an entire pig or an entire buffalo in a single hour. You may cook dinner an entire elephant too, however no elephants in Fiji,” Invoice howls at his personal humour.

Because the chords of Fijian farewell tune “Isa lei” fall from the guitar, Una monkey-hugs me for causes identified solely to her. I ask the guitarist, considered one of Invoice’s daughters, if she will play one thing acquainted. A stanza of “Jamaican Farewell” and a few wordless goodbyes later, my coronary heart is down. The top too, is popping round, as a result of Duivosavosa, by some afternoon spell, has became my Kingston city.

  Chapter 4

Rainbow Underneath Water

A cultural tour of the Duivosavosa village acquaints one with island music (high left) and speciality delicacies resembling lovo (high proper) or earth-oven cooking; Diving within the Rainbow Reef (backside left) off the coast of Taveuni comes with prize sightings of technicoloured reef fish, and corals (backside proper) within the form of cabbages. Images by: Sohini Das Gupta (meals, folks), Picture courtesy: Taveuni Palms Resort (diving, corals)

Don’t thoughts the pleasant sharks.” Aaron Peckham is a positive teacher however I worry shark jokes aren’t going to assist my case. Neither will the clunky fins glued to my toes, however that one’s on me. I’m on a speedboat parked alongside the Rainbow Reef, a globally famend dive website within the Somosomo Strait, between Taveuni and Vanua Levu islands. If my first-ever snorkelling expertise should be within the open ocean, I’d as properly do it within the comfortable coral capital of the world, with a grand witness of over 1,200 species of fish. The prospect of assembly a Nemo or Dory down there makes it higher, however reef sharks? Thanks, subsequent. With restricted water expertise, my religion is tied to the rope I’ll seize onto, which in flip, will stay tied to the boat. There’s additionally the diving masks and the life jacket. And there’s Aaron, who waits patiently as I sit on the starboard sounding like a phlegmy dragon. Respiration by means of your mouth, it will seem, isn’t simple.

With a tug of jacket and a squeeze of lungs, I’m in. Pushed up virtually instantly, I can’t wait to look again. Within the few splintered seconds I’ve seen what might be Dalí’s underwater gallery and I want extra. Recent visions glide in entrance of my goggles. Right here, an anthia the color of Alphonso. There, a ballet class for sea anemones. Clumps and clumps of sea followers. Leather-based corals that movement like dervishes. Cabbage-frilled laborious corals. “As above, so under,” I breathe, grateful for the chaos. A lot of the fish I can’t determine, and there are such a lot of. Fats, fearless ones that transfer in violet shoals, solo-tripping introverts that keep away from eye contact. When it’s time to return up—we’re reduce brief by a change of present—Aaron laughs at my indignation. “Have a look at you, mermaid.” Mermaids I don’t find out about, however again on the boat, every little thing I’ve seen down there appears far out already, like folklore fading into time.

On land, I’m out of time. I’ve not seen all of it in any respect. I’ve not entered the Holy Cross Catholic Church, with partitions of baked coral, and stained glass shipped by French missionaries. I’ve not picked up taro fritters from the shack that brags longitudinal rights to being the ‘world’s first store.’ I haven’t even watched a recreation of rugby, commemorated as Fiji’s “fourth faith.”

However that’s alright. As a result of I’ve felt Taveuni. Water, earth, air and all.

Rugby, dubbed Fiji’s “fourth faith,” is equally fashionable amongst youngsters and adults. Picture courtesy: Mark Snyder/Fiji Tourism

Getting There

There are not any direct flights from India to Fiji. Flights from Mumbai, Delhi and Bengaluru to the gateway metropolis of Nadi on the archipelago’s Viti Levu island contain a number of layovers at Southeast Asian cities resembling Singapore and Hong Kong, or stops in Oceanian capitals like Melbourne, Brisbane and Auckland.

There are two or extra direct flights to Taveuni day by day from Nadi Worldwide Airport.

Free entry visas are granted on arrival for a keep of as much as 4 months to nationals of choose nations, together with India. Travellers should possess a sound passport and a ticket for return or onward journey to a different nation they’re authorised to enter.

Keep

The writer stayed at Taveuni Palms Resort (doubles from $1,635/Rs1,14,700 together with all meals, actions resembling reef snorkelling and kokonda cooking class, and taxes; www.taveunipalms.com) and Taveuni Island Resort & Spa (doubles from $625/INR 43,600 together with all meals, return transfers to the airport and taxes; https://ift.tt/2MRhcqz). The Lavena Coastal Stroll and motorised boat actions often come at extra prices.

It’s endorsed to discover Taveuni’s pure and cultural experiences with the assistance of resort guides, as there are restricted choices of impartial tour operators on the island.

Tip

Whereas travelling to villages resembling Duivoisavosa, it’s advisable to decorate modestly (lined knees and arms) and chorus from sporting hats as an indication of respect to native customs.

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