#no npc is dying on my watch idgaf

[theophagie]

Prevented Ruby from killing herself and let her run away And didn't arrest Klaasje and let her run away #feminism

[professionalwritingnerd]

Small vent on main, feel free to ignore and scroll past. It’s nothing serious really, just me being a baby over the dice game.

Critical Roll and Vox Machina are fun. Don’t get me wrong. It’s been showing up more on my fyp lately and I really enjoy it.

But the more I watch it, the more… instantly depressed I get and I just start crying now. I can only watch those and have flashbacks to my past DnD experiences where character was always put on the back burner for the game.

We could never have fun character moments because toxic players and their Main Character Syndrome were always prioritized by the DM and other players just to prevent them having a temper tantrum. And every time we rolled a 1, our dms didn’t make it fun or funny, they made it humiliating and embarrassing. Oh too if that, I was usually just excluded or ignored or shoved into the back so I could be led around by the hand and ordered around. My character was never allowed to just be my character because my characters’ actions were shut down no matter how innocuous because they weren’t “helpful or useful to the party at large”.

I was always told “that’s just how the game is”, but watching critical roll and seeing clips of other games on tiktok just prove “actually no, It was always possible to just have character driven fun. It just wasn’t allowed because rolling the dice and killing things and keeping toxic players from throwing a fit was always more important.”

I want to be play dnd and have fun with it, I WANT to like those high fantasy stories, but I feel like I can never approach it without a little apprehension because my ONLY experiences with it have been horrible; because my characters were never treated like CHARACTERS, they weren’t even treated like game units.

They were treated like NPCs to be exploited or ignored.

(It didn’t help either that things like my characters’ children, squires/apprentices, pets or mounts were never allowed plot armor and DMs would go out of their way to target/kill them for shock value, even though I expressed that this really bothered me. Ultimately led to me no longer making or acquiring these things because the stress was too much and I couldn’t risk getting emotionally attached anymore. “Something something realism dying is always a risk—“ Idgaf really it’s a game with dragons, I should be having fun, not constantly hyper paranoid that my apprentice is gonna get his throat slit in his sleep for shock value. And people can ALWAYS be fucking revived anyway, but for some reason my NPCs that I and my characters cared about were never worth ��wasting a spell slot” to these people.)

So now Critical Roll, something I SHOULD be enjoying, just makes me depressed and start crying. And I hate it.

Idk if anyone else has had this issue, maybe it’s just a me thing. I just had to get it off my chest. I hate scrolling through cute Vox Machina moments and instead of laughing or having fun I just start crying because I wanted this moments, damnit. Why wasn’t I worth those cute fun moments???

It was never about me getting me own big moments or anything, I just wanted to feel included yk?