#no literally i barely interact with people on here because im way too socially awkward
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Sometimes i make fanart and think ‘wow, this one specific person would love it!’ And its happened multiple times with many people and i still don’t understand why i feel disappointed when Ive barely shared two words with these people when they don’t see it at all.
#lego ninjago#im tagging ninjago because eveything i posy is ninjago related#especially this post#i need to draw Lloyd agin#soon#like properly#i also need to draw bonzle shes pretty#and i want to draw forvidden jay#three things#gotts do em#i also have this one art idea for wu#oh god they keep piling up i do NOT hav the skills nor motivation for tjis#OMG I HAVE AN IDEA FOR HARUMI AND MORRO TOO HOW DID I FORGEY#aghsegu#i dony wanna#but im gonna#eventually#fanart#artists on tumblr#idk man#im doing smth#no literally i barely interact with people on here because im way too socially awkward#but i still think they would love it#i think you guys should know that if ive seem you at elast twice in my notifs i have thoroughly stalked your profile#and only some of you will know this because i KNOW barely any of you read this far into my tags unless prompted#wait#okay maybe more of you would read this this time#ignore that#i never said that#i swear
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fanon shadow beef
[ I’m going to ramble about headcanon shit and stuff that I see done out of character in fanon in no particular order. This might be very chaotic so bare w me. ]
Everyone else:
Shadow uses guns on a regular basis.
He is not repulsed by guns.
Shooting is one of his hobbies.
He probably owns at least one gun and keeps it at home.
Me:
Shadow is very uneasy around firearms and avoids using them at all costs.
The sound of gunshots (and similar loud sounds) makes him flinch.
(On new years he retreats into his cabin in the woods so e doesn’t have to hear the fireworks.)
There’s very obvious reasons for that yall.
He avoids demands to "do his job cleaner" by using guns.
Shadow is for gun control and strongly advocates for making it illegal for private households to own and store guns.
He Hates Guns.
He. Hates. Guns.
The reason he joined GUN despite it being a very triggering environment is because he has the mindset that he has to endure exactly this to overcome it.
+ he has to make sure that GUN doesn't go down that path again. You all know what I mean (and we all know that they will)
After all this time, the commander from ShTH and Shadow made up, after covering up all misunderstandings and acknowledging they were both young and heavily manipulated back then. For the short while that this commander is still in charge Shadow has great faith that GUN will take a good turn, which is what moved him to join (they probably discussed it at the dinner that the commander (canonically!) invited him to with his family.
Additionally, he wants access to their data bank to learn as much as he can about the planet and secrets that governments might have.
He never obeys his orders without question and often breaks rules and opposes GUN, sabotaging missions and just generally doing his thing while using his status in the organization to get what he wants.
Due to his position and the sheer fact that he is the ultimate life form (and way too valuable to not be “under GUN’s control”) the authorities can’t punish him in any way for his betrayals and kinda get used to it.
God I have So Much Beef with the wiki page for him lmao lemme just. :)
<< Shadow also has a ruthless and merciless edge in combat that all other characters in the series lack, and displays a natural "killer instinct". >>
He only intended to kill Sonic in SA2 because he was blinded by rage and he planned to destroy the entire planet anyways.
I hate when people call shadow merciless and murderous and “killer instinct”... That’s not him...
He was TRAINED to be like this but that’s not who he really is.
Of course that learned behaviour isn’t easily unlearned, even if he cant remember when and how he learned it, but he has his own morals, too, and he is very very much against senseless death. If he can prevent it, he sure as fuck will do all he can do to save a life.
In Shadow’s eyes life is precious, something extraordinary. He promised to Maria to protect it, and he, himself, thinks of it as something worth protecting. Its true that he has a lot of trouble to accept his own feelings and thoughts as important and valuable, but that is due to the way he was raised.
(as an experiment that is not treated like it has its own will, he was constantly told to comply in experiments, but they never even bothered to tell him what this was all for or engage in deeper conversation with him; as we can see in SA2 when shadow talks to Maria about how confused he is about his purpose of existence.)
More than enough I see him frown or be disgusted or just. plain angry at nothing in particular in fanart. (or the evil bloody murder type of character... or him proudly holding guns or shit :)))))) Hm... )
There’s a difference between an angry face and a person that just doesn’t smile as neutral expression. like… there just are people who have a neutral expression but look unhappy because their mouth naturally rests in a ^ position instead of a - or a v …
<< In the original Japanese version, where Shadow omits honorifics and speaks highly of himself (if not rudely), though contrasting this, in Japanese he normally uses the "boku" pronoun when referring to himself as opposed to the more arrogant/confident "ore" pronoun (which characters such as Sonic use). >>
okay so the difference between boku and ore is that ore is VERY casual and mostly used when talking to someone you are close to, or when you're just really sure of yourself. Boku is a pronoun used mostly by young boys or when someone speaks humbly abt themselves.
And I don’t know how this confuses anyone, since Shadow did grow up on a fucking space station and that’s all he’s known, and he was probably treated like a child, even when he was grown up. Plus, Shadow might be a little arrogant and think very highly of himself (which he mostly does because all his life he was taught that he is a very special and superior life form, mind you), he still very much respects whoever else he is talking to, and he doesn’t take credit for his powers or the things that make him special. He’s the “it’s not a big deal” kind of guy. And he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way, he means it in a way, that he doesn’t want to trouble the other person.
Making the other person believe that he has everything under control and that he’s okay gives them a sense of security in tense situations, which can be vital to success.
The way he interact with people might come off as rude and arrogant, but he does act with the best intents for the people around him. It’s just that even when his intent is well, his thoughts might be destructive rather than productive. (for example him thinking his feelings don’t matter and bottling them up.)
<< On occasion, Shadow appears to have some degree of mental instability. This is demonstrated by his instances of post-traumatic flashbacks to Maria's face prior to and during the events of Shadow the Hedgehog, though it could be argued that they were simply an effect of his amnesia. >>
whoever wrote this please eat a cactus
PTSD is not a joke and it’s definitely not just amnesia induced stress.
I remember seeing someone repost a gif of Shadow looking around anxiously shortly before having a flashback and saying how “cute” it is how “observant” and “jumpy” he is……
Those are PTSD symptoms and I hate how people make them the joke of a comic oftentimes. Sure these people could be uninformed but im just… Think a little more about it before making this shit up bc it physically hurts to see.
<< In Sonic Forces, it's heavily implied that Shadow ruthlessly slaughtered an entire mercenary band not only in an extremely dismissive, nonchalant manner (not even remembering the incident a few months later), but also seemed slightly proud, mocking the mercenary defence squad by saying they themselves needed a defence squad. >>
Sonic forces can fuck off its bad writing and it’s not shadow.
I made a comic showing what REALLY happened in episode shadow because *rolls eyes* sega doesn’t know their own characters.
[ read it here ]
Shortly summarized and in reference to what I said before: Shadow deems life precious and worth protecting, he would never kill without having a good damn reason to do so. (Like when he sees no other way to prevent a GREAT catastrophe or when the person just really DESERVES it. )
<< Shadow also possesses some sense of identity, as evidenced when after falsely being told that he isn't the Ultimate Lifeform due to a lab report. He states to Rouge that even if his memories were fake, he is still Shadow the Hedgehog. Similarly in Sonic Heroes, during the Egg Fleet level, he mentions that even without his memories, he is still the Ultimate Lifeform, Shadow the Hedgehog. These qualities make him rarely susceptible to being manipulated by other forces. >>
LMAO YEAH BECAUSE HE’S BEEN MANIPULATED FAR TOO MANY TIMES IN THE PAST HE’S DONE WITH THAT.
:))))))) BACK TO THE PTSD SYMPTOMS
He is incredibly distrustful and keeps mostly to himself, because he can’t be sure that someone else would (a)buse him for their own gain :) betray him, or do something horrible to him (or someone he’s close to).
His identity as Shadow the Hedgehog, the ultimate life form, is literally ALL HE HAS LEFT IN THIS WORLD.
Everyone he knew and was close to DIED. He woke up 50 years in the future, all alone. He literally had NOTHING.
He didn’t even have a reason to live, which motivated him to carry out Geralds plan to destroy the planet.
<< Despite his apathetic nature, Shadow is not without compassion and has shown concern for others at certain times. >>
I think you mean….
Despite having trouble to convey his feelings of compassion and concern for others, he is shown to make attempts of support through his actions and carefully chosen words.
As already mentioned, Shadow never learned how to socialize, he’s awkward about it, and on top of it all he has trouble trusting and opening up to people. Stop saying he doesn't care, he just doesn’t know how to show that.
Also Shadow is a very logically thinking person, so he might look at things a different way than others and see things very dry and objectively. He doesn’t mean to be rude or evil, whatever he does is always with the other people’s possible concerns and feelings in mind. (He just has trouble to read their emotions and imagining what they might think/how they feel about a situation).
<< Shadow brushes off most kindness or sympathy that is sent his way; in Sonic Heroes, when Rouge showed concern for Shadow when he saw a broken android, Shadow curtly brushed her concern away. >>
GOD. That’s because he doesn’t know how he feels about the situation himself yet. He also feels like he doesn’t deserve concern or worry from other people; and he very strongly dislikes making others feel bad. Making other people worry about him makes him a bother, and he doesn’t want to be an inconvenience. He puts on this mask of strong ultimate soldier that has everything under control, so he doesn’t hinder anyone from reaching their own full potential.
I mean.. I mentioned this like 3 times now but this is SO important!!!!
He appreciates support, but often times he feels like it’s shallow or the person might have secret intentions; so he only ever truly accepts it when he feels like it was genuine and deserved.
<< Despite the fact that Shadow often fights for the greater good, he is considered an anti-hero by the most part due to his morality. He does whatever is necessary to get what he wants or feels is right, though this enthusiasm causes him to take risks and jump into situations without fully thinking it through. >>
B-But that is the definition of anti-hero….
SOMEONE WHO DOES WHAT THEY WANT/HAVE TO DO TO ACHIEVE WHATEVER THEY THINK IS RIGHT ???
He’s just chaotic neutral you fungus………
<< Shadow's fighting style focuses on brutal, unrestrained and powerful hand-to-hand combat. In line with his nature and potent abilities, Shadow has adopted a fighting style where he fights his opponents using powerful blows, such as karate chops, swift punches and roundhouse kicks, to which many of his attacks have a significant amount of force behind them. With the speeds Shadow can move at, he can disable the opponent through the force of his blows alone, while leaving them at the mercy at his incoming attacks. >>
HERE’S THE TEA:
He attacks his opponents with such heavy blows hoping to take them down with minimal effort, but without actively harming them too much.
His attacks are chosen very carefully. In 06 his chaos spears even just paralyzed his opponents asjfhsakj like. he can do that.
AS ALREADY MENTIONED: shadow is out to immobilize; not to kill.
putting opponents out of commission is the goal, not to end their life in vain…. it’s RIGHT THERE
<< With the speeds Shadow can move at, he can disable the opponent through the force of his blows alone, while leaving them at the mercy at his incoming attacks. >>
HE DISABLES EM WITH ONE BLOW SO HE CAN JUST GO ON WITH HIS MISSION ASJKHFASKJ
this whole “leaving them at mercy” bullshit is unnecessary and incorrect.
<< While not having any physical weakness, Shadow was initially a somewhat easy target for manipulation during the time he had amnesia due to his confusion about who he was. >>
THIS IS IT! MY ENTIRE BEEF WITH HOW THE FANDOM TREATS SHTH AS A GAME!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! HOOOOOOOOLLLLYYYY SSSSHHIIIIIITTTTTT!!!!!!!!!! LET ME TELL YOU
okay so the whole POINT of the game is to show the player ALTERNATIVE TIMELINES in which shadow is manipulated in slightly different ways which lead to slight changes in his personality and like. with all the selective information he received he can be manipulated into becoming different kinds of people.
i don't see how people dismiss the entire game as not canon?????, IMO those are all very valid and canon alternative timelines??? like… canon AUs???????
you can't just throw the entire game under the rug???
and saying things like “shadow is an android now i guess bc of that one shth ending” im..,
he was MANIPULATED into BELIEVING so. Eggman lied to him so he would obey him. (or just to make him unstable enough to be able to restrain him)
(proof ^^^^^ dialogue of eggman speaking to shadow during the final boss, saying that he lied and that shadow is the real shadow)
OH BOY ........ THE TRUE ENDING!!!!!!!! HOOOLY SHIIIIT
people have so much beef with shadow “leacing the past behind him” and like the “sayonara shadow the hedgehog” in the last cutscene…….. im…………………….
“leaving the past behind” doesn’t mean just forgetting about everything and pretending it never happened, it means ACKNOWLEDGING that it happened, ACCEPTING IT…. learning from it and then…. MOVING FORWARD.
it means that you learned from your past and are now at peace with it, not stressing over it anymore… finally able to focus on the present moment and your feelings in the NOW; maybe even think about the future a little more.
just. yeah. it means he made peace with his past and wont let it define him (in the sense that its all he thinks about and that his haunting memories control him) and he is more confident in himself and perhaps regained some self-worth…
and that “sayonara shadow the hedgehog” is
a call to say that his old “self” is now gone, and that it's time for the new “self” to rise
just look at the room he’s in and the picture he's looking at…… those were maria's last words at him…… let him mourn one last time, let him make peace with her death. he’s been stressing over it long enough.
<< Professor Gerald's granddaughter, Maria Robotnik, is by far the one person that made Shadow the happiest. She was like a sister to him, and they shared the same dream; to visit Earth. >>
Can yall stop shipping them romantically? thanks.
I headcanon that Shadow adopts the Robotnik last name for a VERY GOOD reason.
okay im done w the wiki bye fuckface
I’m not done yet tho.
I want to talk about a thing I see in lots of fanart too...
Shadow smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol.
Shadow is a highly sensitive creature and alcohol has an unpleasant sting to it when you drink it and he KNOWS it’s bad for people’s health. He would never indulge wild parties or participate in “jolly drinking” where people drink for the purpose of getting drunk and having “fun”.
He very much appreciates having one drink with rouge at the bar (for the taste, purely) or a beer at a meal with someone else.
He doesn’t actively seek it, but he also is not totally repulsed by it.
What disgusts him is the abuse of alcohol and he doesn’t like associating with that behavior and stays away from people who do that.
why? easy. let’s just take a look at cigarettes.
each package has a warning and disgusting picture of the aftermath of smoking on it, and everyone is very well informed about how bad it is for their own health, and more so for the health of the people around them.
He does not accept people who put whatever benefit they think they receive from this, if they put it before the well being of others and willingly make themselves sick and rot.
Same goes for alcohol. Everyone is very well aware that its toxic to our bodies, but people get drunk and risky anyways. This way of fleeing their troubles is illogical and ungrateful.
Ungrateful to the gift of life, to the healthy bodies they posses. It has a lot to do with the unfairness he feels when he thinks about how Maria had a life expectancy of 9 or 10 years for something that wasn’t even her fault. And there are other, perfectly fine humans out there, that willingly destroy their bodies and willingly accept that they are harming the ones around them with their behavior too.
[ DISCLAIMER: This is not meant to call anyone who reads this that drinks or smokes out as a bad person; you can do what you want I’m not trying/going to try convincing you to stop or make you feel guilty. This is the standpoint of someone who has experienced health related loss, so it indeed is extreme. I am not trying to start a debate. ]
another beef i have is the weird idea that shadow is a lusty dominant rapist
[ warning that sexual themes might be discussed, but not explicit ]
shadow is MOST PROBABLY asexual; and even if he was interested in intercourse he would be polite about it, seek consent and so on and so on
just are many people forgetting that despite him being very mature, he had not had much life experience yet.
not to be reaching but he kinda fits the “born sexy yesterday-trope”; where he is mature, there’s a gray area on his age, and he is clueless about how life works and basically a man-child “that needs teaching”
just that for some weird reason i see a lot of people draw shadow as very flirtatious, and in fanfictions he gets very violent towards romantic partners and ofc the infamous sonadow rape porn (tho ive encountered stuff relating to the born sexy yesterday shit too)
[ im not here to discuss how WRONG the things above are in its own, im just here to talk abt characterization today. ]
i just want generally everything to stop........... its bad........ don’t put that shit up in public and then even untagged........
[ warning end ]
..........
before anyone comes at me like “uuummmm but things you said are bad are actually portrayed in canon like that”
sorry but
hate to say it but i know their character better than sega themselves.
I’m tired and my wrists hurt i need to stop typing now but you did not hear the last of me.
#character analysis#my opinion#shadcanon#kinda? idk#i just wanna find this post again asjkfhaskjfhaj#shadows logbook#meta/ shadow
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New Technology is kind of destroying this generations ability to be social..
Technology is such a huge part of our lives as humans. Is it doing us more bad then good? With the new iPhone release I started to think about these new technological advances and how it may be negatively affecting our generation.
In this case Im going to be talking about social interaction. Technology is pretty much ruining our generations ability to communicate.
Lets start with food.
There are plenty of ways to get your food. Whats the simplest way? Ordering it off your phone (at least in my opinion) Almost every food chain has their own app where you can order food and have it given to you within 5 minutes. You open your phone, click on what you want, pay with your credit card and the workers come to your window and you drive off with your food. A few years ago if you wanted fast food you had to either drive up to that window or go inside and actually talk to someone to order. This isn’t a thing of the past but most people would prefer using their phone for this action because its easier and sometimes you can even get a free side order or a 20% discount if you use the app enough! This all sounds great but wheres the human interaction…?!?
Do you remember the last time you saw a movie? I say see a movie in the sense of getting up from your couch, getting in your car and going to your local AMC Theater. Or like myself do you just say forget going to the movies and wait until it becomes available to stream on Netflix or HBO? In the past couple of years there hasn’t been too may 18-24 year olds going to the movie theatre. https://kav.london/watching-films-in-the-cinema-vs-the-comfort-of-your-own-home-cinema/ As of recent most movies that come out in the theatre will be on premium streaming services within a matter of months. Personally Id much rather wait for the movie to come on Netflix instead paying 10 dollars to see a movie and another 15 dollars for the movie theaters overpriced snacks. No thanks!
You’ve heard of Tinder and Christian Mingle and other dating websites. They even have a Tinder for people in college! I haven’t heard of a lot of people actually going out and meeting people. In a few years it might just become 2nd nature to use a dating site instead of actually attempting to meet people through regular conversation. Not only is this method of meeting people stunting humans social interaction it also is pretty dangerous and you could meet some real weirdos on these dating sites, if you don’t believe me just watch one episode of MTV’s Catfish show. Im almost sure people don’t even know how to meet people in real life anymore! I know I’d probably have a hard time with it. Which is a real shame. It is somewhat easier to talk behind a screen and text people. Why? Because todays society has become so accustomed to using dating websites and things of that nature its simply hard for some people to break out of that cycle. Look at this Washington Post article about how to meet people in real life like real humans actually would. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/09/11/put-down-that-phone-heres-how-to-meet-potential-dates-without-apps/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.3a2c27a1ff85
Social awkwardness has become trendy and funny but is that okay for our future?!
https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/utterly-mortifying-moments-all-socially-awkward-people-ha. Buzzfeed has plenty of articles and jokes about being super socially awkward which I think can all be led back to not having to communicate with people at all in their adolescent lives.
In theory I could possibly live with barely communicating with humans at all and living isolated in my life. Im an 18 year old girl. Im also in college. I don’t need too much honestly. In my life currently if I wanted to live the most hidden isolated minimal life I could…
Go to school.. but online. Zero human interaction
Clothes? Lets go online shopping! (and I wouldn’t even have to say anything to the mailman because they just drop the package at the door!
Food and water..? Don’t worry about that because you can even order your groceries online! And they drop them right off at the front door!
Of course you’re going to need money for this living and probably the extreme delivery charges….
Don’t worry because you can even get a JOB online!!! And there are plenty of them! https://www.thepennyhoarder.com/wfh/guides-resources/online-jobs-for-college-students/
Could I possibly live this life? Personally.. No but isn’t it crazy how its actually 100% possible to live your life completely undercover and not having to have a normal conversation ever with a human? Its pretty creepy to think that some people actually live like this…
In the past people actually had to go out and get groceries and pick up toys for their children for Christmas. Can you believe that back in the day people actually used to get milk delivered to their doorstep and people were cordial with their mailman. I mean how odd would it feel if some guy came up to your door with a gallon of milk asking you how your mom is doing. Of course that would be weird because milk hasn’t been delivered to people doorsteps since the 50’s. But you and probably a lot more people would prefer their Peapod delivered groceries right to their door.
In Conclusion, People don’t know how to communicate with people. While some people are just bad at talking with people. Our newest additions to everyday technology is to blame. Not having to call in an order for your food, Going to school online, dating online, buying clothes online…
I literally could live my entire life through my phone and computer screen. Thats not okay. While technology is pretty amazing, I don’t think anyone should lose the ability to communicate with regular people in person! All I can say is pray for our social awkwardness.
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I've been isolating a lot lately, like doubly so with the whole pandemic thing and so being a really lonely loser I go over to a friend's house to watch kipo the day it drops cause why not. I only expected like 3 other people to be there sides my partner and I but no, a shit ton of folks show up to play board games instead of watch kipo for whatever reason.
[[MORE]]
This girl, who works with my partner, has a history of ramping up reactions to 11 and blasting it on social media. She also v petty, and likes to talk bad about people in a passive aggressive manner. My partner has been staying home, and was worried about his co-workers being shitty to him when he gets back for staying home during a pandemic. I've been hearing about this concern for like, a solid two weeks.
So I fucked up and griped at this girl that she could take her attitude elsewhere when she made a snide remark about being the only one working. This wasn't true, all of our friends work currently cept for my partner so I snapped at her thinking she was being nasty. She just said what then up and left. I really don't care for her passive aggressive nonsense most times anyway, I just don't say anything.
Like, cool, now she's embarrassed but at least she literally took her attitude elsewhere. I did feel bad for causing her to leave so I tried to apologize via text the next day after a sleep so I'd have a clear head, but emphasis on tried bc apparently I donked up so bad it caused her to have a mental break or something.
She starts calling me names and saying I'm horrible, she took what she said out of context, and we're not friends and like cool, that's alright and expected if a way too aggressive.
I didnt yell at this girl with my comment, just had a rude tone. She started harping how I yelled at her and how I'm terrible. I know I texted bad somehow, I should have put something like I know your probably didn't mean it that way or something but I hardly talk to anyone and didn't know how.
She then texts a very long text about random emotional stuff, like no one cares about her and she has to work with her previous roommate, now abuser, and boo hoo pity her, her life is terrible and my partner was a terrible friend bc he didn't want to take sides. (I don't know the whole story, frankly it isn't my business, there's literally nothing I could do about it, and I wish well for her but I barely know her besides some very awkward previous encounters) it's really, really, long and there's more nonsensical private stuff in it.
It wierds me out that all this came from my one gripey interaction with her. I tell her to see a therapist, this is just about one interaction anymore, leave me alone please and mostly am confused for the next couple of days. I'm STILL confused.
So I do the next dumb thing: I put it on an advice forum to get outside feedback and maybe understand a little better.
People being terrible people empowered by anonymity, start telling me how heartless and stupid I am for even texting this girl or going out during a pandemic at all. One kind person reworked my text to point out how to make it sound less robotic and accusitory, which I super duper appreciate. It makes me want to read about how to write with more emotion and empathy so this never happens again!
But literally everything else is a sea of downvotes for asking any questions, callinh me self centered and dumb, a stupid bitch, petty, what have you. Eh, I deleted the post after a night, and hid it so I wouldn't get any more notifications on it and hopefully that's that. I did take to heart the self centered thing, I really shouldn't have gone out at all. I also need to work on my texting and talking skills to I seem assertive and not aggressive because I obviously need to improve on that.
I am however still upset that this girl starting ripping into me and then dumping on me. Like, hey, I'm going to hit you and then ask you to carry my burdens even though I don't know or care about your well-being. She ended the long text with something like, I'm telling you this because no one asks me how I'm feeling. She didn't ask me for consent or about my feelings before spewing all of that? Like, hypocrite??? I don't know you??? It's manipulation into getting free therapy from someone even remotely friendly to you and I've seen it before. This time the anger was justified at first. But like, people need to stop venting to me. Especially if they don't ask first.
I had to do that for my whole family forever and then random people in college. I don't tolerate it now and I do not care if it makes me seem cold. Ask me first. If a person starts talking at me I say this is making me uncomfortable and I'm not the one you should be talking to about this, how about seeing one of the counselors or something. At least if I post it here, no one has to read the whole thing! It's obvi a vent post! There's a choice! Im still tired and hurt, I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around everyone. One comment shouldn't cause people to completely unravel. How do I keep attracting these freaks.
ONE comment or interaction shouldn't make a person collapse or be so upset so fast, particularly a mundane response to something. Please go to therapy if that's you. Learn to regulate emotions. Don't go outside, write in a diary or do some coping exercises until that's under control a bit because this happens way too often to me specifically.
Many times in college I'd ask for a pencil, go through a group exercise, or to pass the salt and then get someone's tragic life story. Please stop using random people as free therapists!!!!! Please for the love of goodness!!
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Episode 1 - "Time to put on a bra and take some selfies." - Leigh
Episode 1 saw eighteen players, some fresh faces, and some veterans arrive on the Indonesia beaches, ready to play and ready to win. On a somewhat quiet Obor tribe, Leigh/Trent bonded over the age difference on the tribe (with a cunning plan reliant on using the word ‘lit’) and Anabel/Trent begun to form a bond that would survive the test of time.
On the Cahaya tribe, Matt/Jess feared the casting of one another, and Julian arrived plucky and ready to avoid another prejury experience, determined to improve. Owen/Stoner quickly formed HOS 22: Bermuda, and set to work spreading their connections across the tribe, forming at trio with Julian.
After a decisive victory in the Scavenger Hunt, it was revealed the returnees would have to send two returnees to the other tribe as “infiltrators” casting a sole vote. In an attempt to force the result, Julian went “offline”, in an attempt seen-through by his fellow tribe mates, but one that was ultimately successful, with Owen & Julian sent over as infiltrators.
At Obor’s tribal council, Evan quickly emerged as an easy vote, for his minimal challenge contribution. Two key alliances formed, a newbie majority alliance of Trent/Chris O/Leigh/Anabel/Lorelei and a girls’ alliance of Lorelei/Anabel/Leigh, with Anabel armed with an idol to boot.
As expected, Evan was sent out unanimously, but not before Julian trashed on the Cahaya tribe during tribal council... in a tribal seen... by the Cahaya tribe. With Evan out, the torches still inspiring such hate, and the infiltrators returning... that drew round one to a close.
MATT
first confessional give me idol?
also hi Jones
OWEN
okay so im walking onto the boat.... my hair is thinning, my skin is getting wrinkly, im ancient at this point. nonetheless im back for like the sixth time. or seventh, honestly who can keep track anymore. i see these like cute little new people. ANABEL's vid is AMAZING gay icon, lorelei legend likes pokemon mystery dungeon, Leigh is near chicago, like... i literally love all these new players but then i realize NONE OF THEM WILL BE ON MY TRIBE SKADSFJH. instead? im stuck with crazy ppl. there's julian who i voted out premerge in the season I won, and Matt who was in my most recent season nnn but NOT the matt I worked with in that game. and of all people CHRIS STONER LMAO. to be fair, chris isn't that bad bc I know he'll work with me hopefully but also I know he's a good player and wouldn't hesitate to cut me out. thank god olivia and jess are here tbh. omg and just when I thought it couldn't get any worse.....a furry shows up. WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK lmao I remember foxx back from the old old days and he seems scary :(((( good news is julian said him and isaac haven't ever gotten along and that isaac has voted him out twice :') so that might be good. and i'm fairly sure stoner and jess would have my back rn i just need to talk more to them. but for real, as soon as there's a swap or something if I survive that long? bye bye returnees :) i dont see myself getting very attached to anyone at the start so ill just do my best to ride out this beginning and maybe have some fun
LEIGH
I'm looking forward to seeing how long our tribe chat is just "Hey *Tribe Member's Name*!"
I think it could go on a while.
OWEN
chris: ditching u for the other stoner tho chris: tumblr needs an all stoner f2... 7:23 PM me: thats ok im ditching u for the gay girl from the first post me: but for now? u and me <3 7:23 PM chris: deal stoner and I rlly did speak this into existence....... it'll happen
LEIGH
So this tribe has literal children on it. 15, 16 years old. I might have to backstab ACTUAL CHILDREN! How do I even fit in with them? Trent suggested we could buy fidget spinners. I said maybe yoga pants and a crop top? There are people here BORN AFTER 9/11!!! What the fuck I didn't even know you could be born after 9/11 and be out of kindergarten. What year is it?
EVAN
Just met some other castaways, they seem pretty chill.
FOXX
What's up. So this fox has returned after an eternity of a hiatus with more grey in his muzzle and hopefully some self-awareness to go with it. I played some pretty solid games in the past but after taking a long time lurking and sort of forgetting Tumblr Survivor Crooks asked if I wanted to play despite not knowing I have played before. That's how old and irrelevant of a has-been I am. Back from the dead. I'm glad my star has faded and I can go in with a blank slate. My biggest concern is that I am not on my anxiety medication so my social interactions, especially on call, will be a lot more stilted and I'm terrified this will impair my judgment but we'll see. Right now I'm not trying to come off as a huge strategist. I made an intentionally crappy intro video, made fun of myself, and just tried to be funny without coming off too weird/desperate etc. Almost like I'm not taking this too seriously. However, already I'm noticing a patterns in how people on my tribe are. I have no fucking clue who these mammals are. People will have extensive conversations about people, twists, running jokes, etc and I'm totally lost. That hiatus really did fuck with my ability to ingratiate myself with this community. That will be a huuuuge advantage coming to dealing with the newbies since I can leverage that to not seem so threatening but right now I think I'm doing a fair job being friendly and making people laugh. I hope. God. So my thoughts on my tribemates thus far: Stoner: Vaguely know who this guy is. Aptly named. He's clearly blazed as hell but I can tell he's bright and likable. Says "oh shit" a lot and he seems like depsite his facade he's probably someone I can work with. Isaac: We talked about Overwatch a bit and he seems nice but he's not coming on my radar too strong. Jess: Definitely made a fairly strong impression on me since we're similar ages, Francophone, and we bonded over our mutual detest and hatred of furries and then I calmly sneak in the fact I am a furry an hour later and holy shit I was trying so hard to not bust into tears. She's funny and likable and seems like she's someone I could work with. Matt: Talked a bit about me coming back. Very little in group call. Michael: Talked a fair amount about D&D and made some fun Upside Down jokes. Seems like we have a lot in common but him being a different time zone could prove hard to keep up with. Being the outlier on Time Zones is playing on Hard Mode. Olivia: Love her! We bonded over animals and she seems like a total sweetheart and I definitely wanna share pics of my cat with her some more! Owen: We talked a bit about literature and it was fun. Definitely seems intelligent and he's someone I know a bit about from Olympics. In an ideal world I'd want to work with Stoner, Jess, Olivia, & Michael but everything in on fire. Also, no luck on the idol so fuck me I guess
JESS
So... first night has been interesting? I was going to do your typical "first impressions" confessional but... FOXXX or whatever the fury's name is.... is playing too hard too fast. Am I being a Paranoid Patty and reading this the WRONG WAY entirely? Possibly. HOWEVER... It's been less than 5 hours since we were thrown into this hell hole of a game (The hosts are lovely individuals but we all know this is about to get insane) and he's telling me if I want to make a move that he's my guy? Ummm.... WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN OUR FIRST IMMUNITY YET? I'M NOT THINKING MOVES RIGHT NOW? I BARELY CAN REMEMBER YOUR NAME!
MICHAEL
https://youtu.be/Swisjdq1R4s
OLIVIA
Have I befriended a furry???????? Is this real life????? Is he actually a furry or just really in deep on this joke? Why are there so many Dylans in orgs? Also fucking goddamnit I like EVERYONE HERE I just wanna be friends with all y’all damn. All of the newbies are so adorable and seem so excited and unknowing to the pain that’s gonna come :’) Annabelle especially like my wig flew with that intro! I wanna meet them all. Also wtf is with the torches I WANNA KNOW ALREADY! Anyways that’s all I’m excited for this season. Owen and I renewed the o alliance :-) and Jess seems cool as hell I really clicked with her and the furry. Michael seems sweet and I already know Julian from Mykonos, the absolute crackhead. Real sweetie tho hopefully we’re friends. I hope I’m not coming off as too insane I was so nervous on the phone call with the tribe :( it was so fun but I felt like every time I said something it fell flat I felt so awkward abhhhhhahshsjaj. Anyhoo yay! New season!
Should I write the rest of my confessionals in japanese? Neko. Boom
JESS
So coming into this game with a TS under my belt is different... I still have no expectations whatsoever BUT I do know how HARD people go for in these games and I'm planning to go just as hard. The first night was wild. Everyone on my tribe except for Matt and Julian were lively on the tribe call. Everyone seemed pretty cool and super... out there.. I think Isaac might be the one to watch on my tribe. He's been around the block and knows most people on my tribe (new and old). WHICH IS WHY.. I'm going to try my best and get super close to him. I need to make sure I'm not disposable to these "older players" and as asset to these "newer" players. I just know need to cool my jets on the whole socializing bit in the main chat (Yes I know it's literally day 1). I want to be as irrelevant as possible so no one thinks I'm a threat but no one really wants to get rid of me either. Gotta focus on those INDIVIDUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Hopefully these other players with more TS's under their belts become bigger shields than me because if not... yikes on yikes.
ROB
I like everyone so far. Evan is giving me a few red flags because he’s only giving me one word answers, so i might take that into consideration when voting.
FOXX
We had a very fun group call with the tribe last night. Definitely haven’t laughed that much in a while. Love my tribe thus far so I hope we can keep the good vibes going. Jess & Stoner are people I feel like have talked with me the most Nd Olivia, Owen, & Michael are also friendly so I think I have options. One thing I’ve noticed is how casual and sociable this tribe is. Nothing is more frustrating than a tribe full of overserious gamebots (*cough* Selwyn *cough*) but it’s a group of funny and chill people. It’s gonna be a great game!
OLIVIA
I love these hosts 🙂 HATE the idol system but honestly it doesn’t change much I’ve never gotten an idol before and probably never will so it won’t change my gameplay lmao
I like Isaac a lot too! Forgot to say. But I’m also a little wary of him because I know he’s very experienced
JULIAN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDvx7VxRC8
ANABEL
well. yesterday i found an idol on my second guess. and made two new friends. so yesterday was great. today was bad. i outed myself. my mom heard me tell my eyebrow lady that i was gay. this is a sad confessional and i wish i wasn’t so loud. im real fucking sad. sorry. but at least i have an idol and some friends.
LEIGH
Time to put on a bra and take some selfies.
I'm glad I shaved today for that tattoo selfie.
OLIVIA
There’s an alliance I’m not in isn’t there
Why am I so FUCKING awkward
ANABEL
im so fucking good at survivor like... good lord. trent and i are like best friends already (see, i knew this would happen, i always meet a nice old usually straight man and we become friends, it's like the hallmark of my survivor experiences) and we came up w a plan where i am gonna try and seduce evan and rob and make them my lil minions so im gonna lie to them and tell them that im a cheerleader bc that's hot right?? so ya my womanly charms will be utilized to their fullest potential. go me.
MICHAEL
https://youtu.be/aAqEUHoyy78
LEIGH
Can we talk about how bullshit it is to have "Lipstick in your tribe's color" when we're yellow and they're RED? Honest to god might as well have "Lemon in your tribe's color" to make it fair.
Alex coming in with bold capslock "MAKE SURE EVERYONE ON YOUR TEAM HAS SUBMITTED AT LEAST ONE THING" ... Just DM Evan directly my dude.
OLIVIA
Feeling much better about this game today than I was last night I think I was just spiraling 🥰 we’re doing really well on the challenge and I hope we win!! Two people messaged me saying I’m doing great on the challenge and idk how to respond. Just tryna make sure we don’t lose I will NOT be the first vote out. Newbies go hard on scavenger hunts but I go even harder 😈
LORELEI
Ok so! I'm super bummed that obor lost the challenge, I really thought we would win! Now we have to get rid of someone and it sucks but I feel like we all know who it has to be. It's not even personal, it's just the fairest thing and the best thing for our tribe. Also, alliances are forming! I like Anabel, Leigh and Trent so I'm with them but I'm gonna try to connect with everyone so I'm not on the outskirts. I hope that the boys haven't formed an all boys alliance bc if they have, then the girls could be in danger. That's it for now!
STONER
guess I’ll follow Alex crook’s rules... https://youtu.be/ndsfCdjtcQI
Not much, about to sleep! https://youtu.be/v12a2AbklVw
MICHAEL
https://youtu.be/4inKBNkg87M
JESS
It's 2:30am so WHY NOT post ANOTHER confessional? Am I right? Honestly, we won which I'm BEYOND THANKFUL for. I hate tribal and I can now at least say I wasn't first boot. THANK GAGA. I'm just really trying to solidify things with Michael right now. I think out of everyone on my current tribe I can honestly see myself making a run at this game with him (at least up until merge). I offered him the prospect of sharing idol clues (it's literally the only collateral I have at the moment) so hopefully this doesn't bite me in the fucking ass. Other than Michael I was kind of hoping to somehow get closer to both Julian and Matt (plot twist I know). Matt has hosted me before and it's no secret he is a founding father of the "I Hate Jess" Club. However, these two seem to be the odd men out right now. They aren't overly socializing with people so there's a high chance they'll be taken out if our current tribe loses. HOWEVER.. I see potential numbers in them. So I can't let that happen. As of right now both Foxx and Stoner seem to be the ones to watch out for. I just can't let them think or know... that I know that about them. Stoner gives me mega "I say the same things to everyone" vibes. He's clearly playing a strong social game so far. I just need to play dumb and ensure that he thinks he can control/trust me. Honestly, as soon as he doesn't see value in me I have no doubt he's gonna cut me. Foxx on the other hand, just seems like he's playing too hard. He's another guy who I strongly believe is going to drop me as soon as I have no value to him. I'm just going to have to have to lay low and be dumb. Owen scares me shitless. He's giving me PTSD from my last season because homeboy is playing a strong contender game. He's definitely a pick to win. He's another person who I'm going to have to try and pretend I'm under their spell. Am I playing too hard too fast? I'm not entirely sure. I'm just going to slow my role a bit and see what happens
MATT
What’s Up? WHAT’S UP?!?!?!? how dare you ask me such a ludicrous question. Alright so first real general confessional of the game here. I wanna eventually try and record some video confessionals, but that’s if i have the time. but for today, we’re good with a text. So starting off the game on the Cahaya Tribe, which consists of entirely returnees. So right off the bat it makes nervous bc i’m really not around much in the community. Yeah i’m in a few VL’s and i played once before, but i really don’t know anyone. So being the odd one out for that reason was a real fear for a little bit. Looking at my tribe, there are a few names that stood out the most to me. Owen stood out bc we both played Kuwait, and even tho we never met each other, we still have that little connection. Chris motherfucking Stoner is here too!! Chris is such a chill dude. we played together once before and i voted him out pre swap. But that game was so long ago, and i really don’t think he cares (i know i dont). So i’m looking forward to reconnecting with him. Jess is also here!! Jess and I had met previously because i hosted her in Celestial Komnata, and we had some rough misunderstandings there. But months have passed and I know that I am well over it bc i frankly don’t care. But i feel like she still probably cares which will not be good for me. Michael was the last person that stood out to me. Not because I know him, or know of him. But because he’s the only Non-North American in the cast, which means if i can stay up late and socialize with him, he might favor me over other When i looked at the other tribe, i think the only person i know is Anabel? We played together once, i hosted her, so we have somewhat of a connection that if we swap together, i hope that works in my favor. So on the first night of the game, i was very busy with Celestial All stars premiere, so i didn’t get to talk as much as i would’ve liked. which resulted in me telling jones on call like 5 times that i’m gonna be first boot. But the first night, i talked with everyone (to some degree) except Issac bc i forgot Issac was here. The torch twist thing i have no idea what it’s going to be and it worries me. My first thought is that it somehow would result in a third tribe bc there were six torches. so someone would light a torch and be placed on that tribe. But it’s too early to figure out what they even mean and i’m sure as the game progresses.
LEIGH
Woooo so what's happened. Well, we lost the challenge and it wasn't even close. I haven't looked at the spreadsheet to see the final scores but I feel like Me, Trent, and Anabell did the most work. I talked to a few people last night and put Evan's name out there cuz I know most people are too scared to say a name first and I feel comfortable enough about my position to be the one to say a name that most people should agree with. A mutual alliance formed between me, Chris, Trent, Anabell, and Lorelei. Within it, an all girls 3 alliance formed which I'm super happy to be part of. I'm sure Trent will be paranoid about that sooner or later so hopefully Chris and I can make him feel confident. Trent is sharing idol guesses with me so I'm hoping that means I'm like the closest person to him right now. I like the number of options I have so far.
I feel like Facebook might be falling out of style so maybe these youngin's don't even have it or aren't familiar with Facebook ORGs. The only other people here who know my history as far as I know are Foxx and Chris, and I hope neither of them bring it up. If I can stay UTR that'd be nice. Also, I think I need to stop capitalizing letters/using punctuation if I wanna fit in with these kids. Did I already confessionalize that? Not sure.
Apparently Lorelei missed the HII thing day one haha oh well. I'm compiling guesses from me, Chris, and Trent. Hopefully I'll get them from the girls too. I'm not showing the girls' guesses to Chris though. I don't think he'll be mad at me for it. We gotta play close to the vest sometimes yo
TRENT
So far I think the game is going alright. My tribe is incredibly quiet for some reason but I guess that isn't too bad. I made a connection with Anabel and Leigh pretty early on. Decided to suggestion and alliance and both we in so I added Chris and Lorelei so we had a majority. This is the alliance I wanted from the beginning. I wanted the older people to stick together and then add in one young one. I think it's a pretty solid idea. Ive been messaging both kenny and dylan as well. I don't want an alliance with them, but I would like for them to like me and want me to stay in. I also think im getting along pretty well with the two infiltrators right now. Julian was spilling all kinds of info about his tribe to me this morning and then me and owen connected really well. Hopefully this will help me in the future if there is a split soon.
OLIVIA
Jess was hinting that her, foxx, stoner, and I should get together and I said we’d make a nifty cool group. A NIFTY COOL GROUP WHAT THE FUCK IS A NIFTY COOL OLIVIA
ISAAC
This twist can become SO detrimental. And I’m so MAD Owen went over there first because that bitch is unbelievably charismatic. Hopefully it paints a bigger target on him but like it’s whatever. I like my tribe. We seem chill and I seem to vibe the most with Olivia and Jessica Messica. Foxx is cool. Julian is....Julian ig. Matt has yet to talk to me so that’s a wig ig. Michael seems nice but ngl I get kinda bored when I try to talk to him? He seems very gamebot-y which could be frightening but idk he’s not my biggest problem atm. I’m terrified of Owen - he’s unbelievably charismatic and has the ability to twist people around his finger so like I’m gonna keep my eye on him and I’m not gonna let him out of my sight. With that being said I do wanna see him live for at least a little while for meat-shield purposes. Anyways I hope I do well this game but 👀 I have a sinking feeling.
KENNY
So yeah.. it seemed like a pretty laxxed day and Evan was the vote. How true is that? Idk but I have to trust strangers. But just heard he through my name out like 20 minutes ago, with less than 3 hours to go. So I just hope everyone’s being honest 😭
OWEN
what’s up? Everything :’) I couldn’t help as much in the scav hunt as I liked because I was living my life. But thankfully we won anyways bc my tribe kicked ass! I still contributed some and I made sure to keep talking to people. I still love olivia, and matt has been fun to talk to. Don’t rlly know why but foxx seems hard to get to know. And not big into michael rn either. I think I will stick with Julian and chris, hopefully can pull in jess and olivia to do something if we lose. Chris mentioned that both him and jess DO like foxx so we will see.... The main thing is that this twist worked out perfectly for me!!!! I couldn’t call when we were decided and I REALLY wanted to go. Thankfully I was able to take advantage of the majority vote thing and pretend like I wasn’t online hehe and by some miracle I got picked to go. MEANT TO BEEE and let me say I was right, I do love this tribe so much more than my own for some reason. Trent is great, Annabel and I are talking like I wanted, the Chicago girl and the Pokémon mystery dungeon girl. It’s so good over here, but the biggest surprise has been chris o. I really like him and could see myself working well with him if we swap. The only thing is that Julian said he was sketchy sometimes..... hehe so down the road I might have to tell chris o that Julian is after him :~) but I don’t need to snake too hard yet, for right now I’m a crocodile lookin like a log. Vote should be easy on Evan from what I’ve heard but if it changes? I’ll be living for the drama!
LORELEI
It looks like Evan is the consensus. I feel really bad though because it's not his fault. He tried to plead his case with me by saying that he wasn't the only one that was inactive, but that doesn't change the fact that he contributed the least. I know it's the fair thing to do but I feel bad about it. Voting out people is so not fun, I really hope we win the next challenge so I won't have to do this again.
EVAN
I’m pretty sure I’m fucked. I’ve been trying to get people to vote Kenny but idk fuck
KENNY
“I know I’M voting Evan = I might be voting Evan but I know others are voting you”. Or am I being paranoid
JULIAN
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaH8l2R-Xt0
MATT
i feel like i did pretty good on the scavenger hunt. i managed to scoop up a bunch of items that were left over and some that were high points. so i do feel good about my performance and think i pulled my weight. Speaking of pulling weight...Julian is...there. I think he only submitted one item which was the Vine. I mean i get you have work and are busy, but like...most of us were the same? even issac who was celebrating his birthday did more. after challenge results we got on call in the tribe chat (olivia, chris, michael, myself). and we were talking about the infiltrator twist and the challenge results. We agreed to have myself and Olivia go, but we needed 5 for a majority. Julian shows up and says he “might wanna go tbh”. and then disappears. We’re on call laughing bc we wanna submit this and not randomize it, so someone who isn’t here gets forced to go. BUT JULIAN won’t talk in tribechat even tho we’re all like, “hey we’ll take turns and you can go next time.”. but no. Julian is only talking in olivia’s pm’s and she’s telling us whatever he’s saying. eventually the hour is up, and julian got randomized to go. that fucker strong armed us into randomizing and he still went god damnit. I think that call was good for my game because we were just chatting for like 1.5 hours about the game stuff and people. After michael/chris left the call it was just Olivia and myself on call and we stayed on for another hour and a half(????? ish??? probably less i can’t remember). But that was a nice call and i think helped start to solidify a bond. Olivia is someone i can see myself working with in this game. Same goes for Michael and Chris. I feel like that call group was pretty natural and we got along really well. I’m too nervous to initiate any kind of alliance talk, but i know it’s gonna have to happen eventually. i’m sure alliances already exist on the tribe and i’m obviously not in them. I think for starters, i need to work on conversations a bit more, because they are somewhat weak right now. My goal for the future is to work on olivia, michael, chris and owen. Those are the people i feel most good about. Foxx is cool but idk it seems hard to gel with them. Julian is cracked and i hope he’s our first boot. and the four of us on call forgot issac was on the tribe so that’s not good for him. i think i’m in a decent position for now, but i’m not gonna count my chickens before they hatch (i think that’s the saying idfk)
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autistic q&a
1. When did you discover that you are Autistic? about 15 or 16, I believe. didn't understand what it meant til I was a bit older than that, tho 2. What are your favorite stim toy(s)? clicking pens and fiddling with the fidget cube my mom gave me this past christmas~ 3. What are your favorite stims? I tap- my fingers, feet, knee... anything really 4. How do you calm down after a meltdown? I hide out in my room and sit in the quiet for a bit. no music, no one talking to me- just the solitude. 5. What method(s) of communication do you prefer? texting/IMs over chat. I am not fond of speaking and I especially hate phone calls because if I'm speaking to someone, I prefer to see the other person's face. 6. What are your special interest(s)? music, writing, singing, anything artsy and creative really! 7. What kind of sensory inputs do you find very unpleasant? the feel of velvet is the biggest one I can think of. it literally makes my skin crawl. also not a fan of super bright lights, my room tends to stay pretty dim. or chalk. can't stand that powdery shit all over my hands 8. What kind of sensory inputs do you like the most? the feeling of being in water, the warmth of sunshine, being wrapped up in a bundle of blankets while it's cold, music 9. What are your thoughts on self-diagnosis? considering how expensive it can be to get diagnosed, it can be alright. people tend to know themselves pretty well and with the right research can find names for what they think they have/are. 10. What is one thing that you wished everyone knew about Autism? that it's not something I can change and that I'm not trying to be difficult or high maintenence with my needs/quirks. 11. If you could repel one myth about Autism, which one would it be? THAT AUTISM ISN'T CAUSED BY FUCKING VACCINES. seriously. hurts every time to hear that it is. also that autism speaks is a good organization. it's not. it's fucking awful. 12. What are some of the things that allistic people often expect you to do that make no sense to you? honestly have no idea 13. How do you feel about being Autistic? it's difficult as hell but has made me the person I am today and wouldn't change it for the world. it gives me my creativity~ 14. Describe a place/room/situation that would be sensory heaven to you. prolly floating in the dead sea. I love swimming and water and would LOVE to try that sometime. 15. Describe a place/room/situation that would be sensory hell to you. a room covered in velvet and chalkboards, ughhh 16. Do you have any mental illnesses/other kinds of neurodivergence? How do they interact with/affect your Autism? I have oppositional defiant disorder, depression, and anxiety. 17. Do you prefer person-first or identity-first language? I 100% prefer identity first. please do not tell me I 'have autism.' makes it sound like a disease when it's not :c 18. What are your Autistic headcanons? uhhhhhhh no clue? 19. Are there any books/shows/movies that you would recommend to other Autistic people? none come to mind at the moment, might change this tho 20. What are some of the Autism-related problems you often have in your everyday life? anything involving socialization with people I don't know/are only barely acquainted with, fidgeting 21. What are your favorite Autism-related blogs/websites? I'm not honestly sure I follow any autistic blogs on here. if I do, they're all inactive now~ 22. What do you like about being Autistic? I love how passionate I feel about my interests, and the creativity and drive it's given me. maybe I'm not one of those math/science savant autistics, but give me a camera or a sketchbook or photoshop and I'm set. (I AM a savant when it comes to spelling, tho!) 23. What do you dislike about being Autistic? my meltdowns. my inability to look people in the eye unless I'm good friends with them. the fact that it's hard to hear when there's a ton of background noise going on- not because there's something wrong with my ears, but because the part of my brain that controls my hearing gets overwhelmed and everything sorta blends together into mush. 24. If there was a cure for Autism, would you want to take it? nope! I am the way I am for a reason, why should I change just to fit in? 25. What topics are you most likely to infodump about? the story I've been creating over the past couple years. music. makeup. animals. I have a few things I'm super interested in xD 26. Are there any stereotypes about autistic people that you fit? that we're socially awkward. so true for me. it's like I completely derp in social situations- at least around people I don't know. 27. Which ‘social rules’ do you often have trouble with? I hate eye contact. with a fiery fucking passion. my first therapist back when I first starting going to one (at 9/10 years old) used to try and not let me leave til I looked her in the eye. it was a battle she never won. ever. also probably being too blunt and honest. I have no issues speaking my mind and that gets me in trouble sometimes XD 28. Can you pass for neurotypical? I've been told I do but I'm biased and don't see how. I DO know I've come a long way, tho. 29. Have you had any previous special interests? What were they? CATS. I was obsessed with anything and everything cat related from the time I was born until around high school age.
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