#no joke tho I just learned about stps too and I WANT ONE

[atrocitahs]

"Gear time!"

Kamado's immediately excited. She's never gotten any from professionals before. She usually makes her own things, with varying levels of success. (Looks? Good levels of success. Ability to actually protect her? ...failure).

"Where do you shop?"

-chimugukuru

" @chimugukuru, I'm broke as fuck, and I literally just came out yesterday. You think I know where all the good shops are? " Ramsey scoffs good-naturedly. " I mean, we could definitely look together, see what we can find? I asked Gabri, and he had no clue. " It's now all a matter of looking in every nook and cranny available in 2099 and 2027. " God, I just now discovered STPs. I had no idea those things existed. I need one of em now. " He's scrolling through their phone, deep into her research. " Sorry, got distracted. So you wanna go looking for some gear, yeah? Get you some real stuff? That is, if you got the cash for it. "

[mlm-writer]

Piss Paladin (Wade Wilson x FtM!Reader)

Pairing: Wade Wilson/Deadpool x FtM Reader For the pride prompt: FtM reader learning to pee standing up, failing miserably, getting anxious and then getting help from their lovely AMAB partner Rating: Mature  Words: 1321 POV: Second Summary: Wade got you an STP and you can now finally pee while standing up. Easier said than doen tho. Notes: Happy Pride! See all works for pride 2022 here. Reader has not undergone bottom surgery, but everything else from HRT to top surgery is up to you. Tags: fluff, hurt/comfort sort of, domestic fluff, established relationship, we all know Wade is a horndog oh and he also breaks the 4th wall

“Babey!” Your boyfriend was as loud as ever, as he barged through the front door. Well, it was technically his apartment, so he was allowed. You looked up from your phone and shifted on the couch, bare legs no longer folded over. You tugged your shorts down, so they were no longer giving you a wedgie. Eyes narrowed at Wade, when he got a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. “I got you something,” he practically sang, approaching you with the glass and a package held behind his back. You were more confused by the glass of water to be honest. Wade was not one to hydrate voluntarily. “But - and that’s a big butt - you first need to drink this.” 

You let out a scoff and took the glass he held out for you. Wade had weirder antics, so you did not question him. You wished he had picked a smaller glass though. It took you a moment, before you had consumed its entire contents. Wade made in the meantime three jokes about swallowing and being so good at it. One time you laughed accidentally and almost choked, which triggered a choking joke or two. 

When you finally put the empty glass onto the already-full coffee table, he handed you the package. You raised a brow at him and took the package, ripping off the top while looking him dead in the eyes. “This better not be another strap-on, Wade. We already have enough.”

“Well this one you can use for multiple things.” You sighed and pulled the bubble wrap out of the box, then frowned at the hollow strap-on you found inside. It was limp and did not seem good for fucking at all. Then it clicked. You gasped and turned to your boyfriend hanging off the back of the couch. 

“No way!” “Yes way!” “Wade!”

You jumped and hugged him, slapping him in the face with your new dick. “Ho there fella, might want to wait with slapping me in the face with that thing until I’m on my knees.” You were giddy with excitement and took the glass off the table to fill it with more water, chugging it as if you’ve been in the desert. “It is for pack, pee and play, but I guess the first thing you want to do is pee while standing up?” 

You nodded. “Honestly, it is the best part of having a dick if you ask me.” You fished the harness out of the box and started placing your cock inside in various ways, until Wade grabbed the manual and helped you with sticking things in the right hole. 

“Well then let’s get you in this thing, go to the park and find you a nice little tree.” You wiggled out of your pants and underwear. Then tried to put the harness with the STP in it up, only to find out that it was rather tricky. 

“Maybe first try the toilet?” You suggested, as you moved the silicone around until it was comfortable. You then pulled the underwear back over it and your shorts. You wiggled around and reached into your underwear to find a comfortable position for the dick. “Where do you leave the shaft?” You complained. 

“You’re boring,” Wade sighed playfully. He nearly giggled like a schoolgirl as he watched you struggle. “Well I just leave it parallel to my right leg, but you can also do it to the left.” You followed his instructions and then stared at your bulge. “Damn baby boy, you are packing,” Wade exclaimed as he stared at your crotch with you. 

“Is it too obvious?” He shook his head. You read the manual to figure out what else came with the penis, while you waited for mother nature to make her call. When you finally felt it, you jumped up from the couch to go to the bathroom. 

“Go my piss paladin! My golden shower champion! My urine conqueror! My…”  “Shut up, Wade!”  “Hey don’t blame me! We are over 650 words in and the readers still haven’t gotten what they came for!”

You rolled your eyes and then closed the bathroom door behind you without locking it. Excitement coursed through your veins, but as you stood above the toilet, seat up and silicone dick in hand, nothing came out of you. As if your body was saying ‘we need to sit down to piss’. So you stood there a good minute or two… or three… Eventually Wade was knocking on the door. “You know, it is supposed to be quicker,” he called from outside the door. You tried to force something out again, but not even a drip left you.

“Urgh, it won’t work!” You exclaimed, stomping your foot and zipping your pants back up. You heard Wade come in, but did not look at him. “I just… I can’t do it!” You felt Wade approach from behind and then his arms were around you. 

“Yes you can, my piss paladin. Come on, let’s zip those pants down.” Wade pushed everything down to your ankles. “You’re just having a mental block so let’s try this a bit more like you’re used to. Bend the knees, rest that pretty butt on me, yes just like that.” You were sort of leaned forward with your butt on Wade’s knees slash thighs. Wade had his hands on your hips, steadying you. “Ok now close your eyes and breathe. Once you let go, everything will just flow.” 

It took you a good minute more, but with Wade keeping you calm and reminding you that one step at a time was fine, you eventually succeeded. When the dam finally overflowed, it was a relief like nothing else. The sound of piss landing in the toilet water had never before triggered so much relief and happiness. You and Wade were cheering like you just won the jackpot. 

However, victory did not last long, as you felt a warm stream trickling down your leg. “Oh shit,” you exclaimed as you tried to stop yourself from filling the overflowing penis even more. The idea was great, but the execution was not as smooth as you had envisioned. 

“Keep calm, king, this is fine,” you heard Wade say behind you, but piss was trickling down your leg and you could not really stop yourself mid-way. It felt like it was just coming and coming. By the time the STP was empty, you just stared down at it with absolute horror, trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, baby, I pissed all over you. Oh my god this is so embarrassing.” You felt like crying. The entire vicinity was stinking and covered in yellow fluid. You heard Wade talking, but you were frozen in place and your ears had stopped working. 

Wade turned you around roughly, but you closed your eyes, unable to look at him. You pissed on him for fuck’s sake. “Hey, my handsome piss paladin, look at me. Come on, open those beautiful eyes… there you go. It’s all right.”

He smiled at you reassuringly, but you had tears pricking in your eyes and you could feel the distress everywhere in your body. “It’s not all right, Wade, I pissed on you.” 

“And I don’t care! Really! Look! Look here!” You followed his pointed finger to where you saw the stain on his pants and… a boner. Seeing it made you chuckle. 

“Really, dipshit? A piss kink?” He chuckled with you and reached past you to grab the roll of toilet paper. 

“Don’t blame me, you’re the one who is hot no matter what… just like your pee.” He whispered the last part, making you laugh again. Wade handed you some TP, but you refused, telling him a shower was going to be a better idea. He agreed and then joined you under another warm stream. 

[aceofthegreenajah]

Sandman 6-10 liveblog

6

First of all, dream here is being so utterly relatable. He was hurt, he used his anger and his focus to push past it and cover it up, but now that those are gone the hurt is still there.

Secondly, feeling nothing is the worst. I’ve been depressed in a way that I felt nothing and didn’t care about anything, and I’ve been depressed in a way I felt so bad I wanted to die. I’d take the second back over the first any day of the week. Obviously someone else might choose differently but that’s my experience.

Third, that was some good acting. I kinda want to rewind and stare at his face again.

Fourth, I want to reach through the screen and hug him.

I mean he deserves some of this but don’t be too hard on him. Dreams are not usually much use for thinking, they’re for feeling and experiencing. And he is the Dream.

”I’m just feeding the birds” he’s so cute!

I’ve heard ��the prodigal’ before but I can’t think of where and how. I’m super curious tho. Dunno exactly why but I am.

”how are you my sister” ditto on the cuteness. She’s fun too don’t get me wrong. I’ve been spoiled on that she’s death and that everyone loves her and that might be making my reaction a little underwhelming.

Having something to find out after death is all I’m really asking for. Really.

He was sweet, you’re very right. And it’s good to touch the earth, you’re right on that too. Very wise.

What would happen if you missed it, tho? Would they miraculously survive whatever they were going to die of, or would they die but stay haunting the place, what?

Your wife is very pretty and I feel very bad for her.

I like her attitude. About most everything, really.

”And yet I’m far more terrible than you” yes sweetie that’s part of your charm to me.

Kind word and a friendly face certainly never hurts.

Feel very bad about the kid and the mom too.

Yes it is as natural, but it’s also… unknown, mostly out of our control, and strips us of every potential future we might have dreamed of.

Aww these two

Franklin dying in the background tho :)

I don’t get the rabbit joke

I enjoy rhyming too

I do agree with Hob tho

1500:s Dream is so unimpressed the entire time

I don’t know enough about iambic whatever to appreciate this as it deserves

Every one of Dream’s looks speaks to me in a different way

I agree with Hob so much

Well put dream (would you use your choice to take away the choice from others)

Having two different constantine roles must be fun

But she is so overconfident it hurts

Hob you’re immortal why do you care about a tiny knife

I know these two are a popular pairing but I don’t really get romantic vibes. I’m up for it tho I can hold sevral different headcanons or reads simultaneously.

Lou is fun to watch and listen to

Ow poor Lou

Oh I really like this scene. People being almost always better than you think they are, learning from your mistakes but not being able to stp making them.

Dream that is a tiny bit of an overreaction. Granted, you don’t owe him friendship, that isn’t a necessity, but you don’t need to be condencending about it.

Great music choices.

Hob has the perfect attitude about being stood up tho. He knows Dream already gave him immortality for practically nothing and doesn’t owe him anything.

See these transitions are just so good. Glass to dream in glass to reflection in glass etc. Just showing of fat this point.

Hob’s a good pal tho. Not perfect at other things but a good pal.

Oh they both look so happy. These last two I get some vibes from them but not in-love vibes just there-could-be-chemistry-they-suit-each-other vibes.

7

I want to give the mom the benefit of the doubt it's probably hard enough for her to leave at all but that is shitty

Is this the inside of a heart

Despair seems interesting good sense but Hook in her cheek and delighted by future pain

Rose has great hair

Awkward and sad

Lucienne you should tell him or it will go wrong. Storytelling rules.

I get the sense grief will be a dream

I love the windows

She saw them. Interesting.

Is this trip a plot by one of The rogue dreams

Rose 21 is young to me. Not a child but very young.

Oh Unity she looks lovely. Just in general but especially for 100-something

Family is exactly what she needs

These people freaky

Serial killers. Who fanboy Corinthian. Why not.

She's off doing that already

See.

Aww unity come too

That is ominous (may all our dreams come true)

I love these transitions. Honestly The whole series has such excellent transitions.

I love Hal

I love everyone in this House

The money might be the motivation tho

I just realized her name is rose did he choose the song for her? I love Hal.

Trauma incoming?

No just more lovely oddballs

Relatable (i was reading lost track of Time)

Corinthian wtf do you want the universe to explode or something

Dream or real? (Jed) real I think

Is he the shape-shifter

Is he gonna shoot her

8

Same or different actor I couldn't tell

I love everyone in this House

Lyta this is not helping you to heal

Good try Jed but a bit obvious

Ah Damn it Corinthian Will kill her

Someone save Jed

... Someone that is not Corinthian but I think that's what is going to happen

You I love you but you don't appreciate your found family. Not that you need to live together to Be found family.

Fucking nightmare Fuel

Oh is Every Room a different persons dream

Or Door I guess

Gault what is your motive

Morpheus looking amused is giving me life

Gault seems nice. So barnaby really was just a shitty human.

Is it Corinthian at The Door

Who is this baiting lyta IS IT actually her husband? Or is she pregnant with a nightmare of some kind now?

Gault has good ambitions I like her. She has sense.

Morpheus you're making poor choices now and I think you know that deep down now go and save Jed

Corinthian I knew it

Going to The serial killer meetup I bet I'm really not looking forward to it

9

Lyta If that is a nightmare baby of some kind I'm afraid for you Tho it could just Be bc Rose was there

Lyta don't. I understand but I don't like IT.

Cerial *facepalm*

These serial killers Be creepy

Oh The Kid killer what luck

Yes take Gilbert some backup is advisable

Corinthian being useful for once

Is The dream collapsing since Rose isn't there

Let's hope those aren't the famous last words

Morpheus you're hilarious and pitiful

Rose you're silly

Gilbert IS a delight

Jed I'm not sure this is a good idea

Rose I get IT but don't

Gilbert and his music and expressions are The best

Does he recognize The Corinthian????

Ah The dreaming

Fiddler's green!!! I love you!!!

Fanboy is at least good as a distraction and wakeup Call

Fun land ofc

10

Rose don't believe him

Rose please

He's fanboying so hard

Corinthian please what are you up to

Rose being here is The key

Good punishment

That is some Bad advice

Yes found family this shit up

Desire is a vibe and a half tho

Also dream whoa I think I just fell in love

Aww dream gault

Yeah I'm in love. Don't sen help let me die in peace.

Lucienne's smile aww

Azazel looks cool