#no joke i've been camped out in a field for 2 months

[priskeys]

alright we're doing another build poll

I play as a cat origin on a server and can't decide what style to go for, so:

[dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth]

Every once in a very rare while, I'm reminded of the tragedy in my life that was growing up unable to participate in Boy Scouts.

For those who don't know, up until 2017, Boy Scouts of America (BSA) did not permit anyone who wasn't a biological male to join them. Trans men could not be part of their organization, and until I think 2015, gay men couldn't be part of it, either.

When I was growing up, I had a brother who did BSA, and he would go once a week or so to the meeting hall with all the scouts in town (it's a VERY small town), and they'd, together, participate in an hour long meeting.

All my friends at the time were boys. I knew almost every boy in the town that was my age, by name first and last. And they knew me. We hung out together at recess, played basketball, or on the playgrounds, and so on. They, too, went to BSA meetings with my little brother, and basically every single boy in my town was a BSA kid period.

My mother would help out with the leadership, since there wasn't a restriction on which gender adults could be leaders, but that meant for every single meeting, since I was too young to stay home alone, she took me with her, and I would have to sit there watching basically every single boy ever doing Boy Scout things.

Now, since all my friends were boys, and two of those friends' parents were leaders, those friends would occasionally drag me into the meetings and forcefully make their parents let me participate.

But I could NEVER be an official member.

No matter how bad I wanted to, I couldn't go to camps, I couldn't go to field trips, I couldn't earn badges, I couldn't earn trophies, I couldn't gain ranks and someday achieve Eagle Scout status.

The only girl scout troop in my town was run by a mother of an autistic child who required constant attention, which is perfectly fine genuinely, I'm autistic myself and I've had autistic adult family members who also require specific care and constant assistance, but because of this mother's position, she never in over 10 straight years could coordinate a single field trip, a single camping trip, a single excursion, and we NEVER earned more than 2 badges in an entire year. By the time I was supposed to be above a Junior Scout, I'd only JUST earned my Junior Scout status like a month before this.

What's more is, I didn't quite know I was trans by this point, but I most certainly did not get along with any girls. They were VERY catty, clique-based, and all the girls my age in town HATED me. They jumped me, pulled my hair, excluded me unless it was to make fun of me, made memes and jokes about me in school, and I was there in Girl Scouts surrounded by dozens of bullies, in a singular room of a house, and I just FELT the tension there. It was so thick you could cut it with a knife, but we weren't taught how to use knives so nobody would be able to. We weren't taught anything period. No survival skills, no life skills, no educational skills, nothing. We literally just sat there each meeting reading from our Girl Scout guidebook, and that was it.

Meanwhile, all my friends, and my little brother, went on camping trips several times yearly across the country, they gained DOZENS of badges, trophies, held town events and went to other towns' events for BSA, but I was sitting there in Girl Scouts. Miserable. Lonely. Out of place. Hoping each meeting we'd do SOMETHING (plant trees at a park, go hiking, camping, cook smores over a campfire, whatever). We never did any of this. At all.

Eventually I quit Girl Scouts to take on MMA classes instead.

And by the time I'd come out as male, there was still the ban on trans guys in BSA.

In mid 2017, BSA lifted this ban.

I was 4 months away from my 18th birthday, wherein I'd be too old to join them. And what experience would 4 months of BSA give me when I'd be starting from the bottom while all the other guys my age would have been mid Eagle Scout project??

I never did join BSA... I just do my damndest now to take solace knowing that young trans men now won't have to endure what I did, that they're free now to have the experience I always wanted. Their lives can be better than my own, and that's genuinely beautiful. The whole point of creating a future is to make the world and their lives better than what we have lived.

But I'd be lying if I said it didn't cause me pain to this day when I'm reminded BSA is a thing that I never got to do.

Just recently, BSA changed their name to "Scouting America", and they're allowing all people to join regardless of gender. That's genuinely beautiful, and I am honestly SO happy to hear this!!!! Their goal is to be more inclusive, which is fantastic and I am very proud of the leaders for doing this, especially considering the announcement was made at an official meeting in Florida of all places, where LGBT+ rights are being taken away left and right.

I just wish that, somehow, I could be a part of it all not as a leader, but as a kid... That I could've gone to camps for weeks at a time in the mountains, and gone hiking, all before my now disabled body went to hell and I can't even walk anymore...

I make up for this doing LARP events in the mountains and woods for 3 days at a time, at least. I find that even more fun because instead of just doing regular camp stuff, you're dressing up in fantasy gear and metal armor, and fighting each other with foam and latex weapons the entire weekend while playing along to a story, and making epic memories.

But again. It still hurts me to know I'll never have the experience that BSA could've provided me, if only they'd dropped their gender bans sooner...

[lets-dance-to-joy-division]

List five things that make you happy, then put this in the ask box of the last ten people who reblogged something from you. Spread the positivity ✨💛🌻 (no pressure if you don’t want to)

What a wonderful question to wake up to today! I should probably be better about doing these types of affirmations, so thank you for the ask!

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So here we go in no particular order.

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1: Music.

Everything about it. From playing my guitars and singing, writing new songs, learning music theory, to just listening to it and finding new music and styles. All of those things bring me peace and calm. Music also has this ability to just take all my anxieties away like nothing else I've ever known, and when I go to concerts I feel like a different person who's more free. I don't get freaked out by strangers touching me, I don't mind how crowded and loud the space is, I can just live in the moment and feel excited.

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2: Reading.

I love reading so much, I'm particularly fond of novels, adventure and fantasy are my loves but I also love tragedies and dramas. The sad bits are my favorites. Really all types of books even non fiction, especially those that are scientific. When I read I'm taken in my mind to other worlds and lives. I almost always learn something about myself from a book by how I relate to a character.

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3: Cosmology: the science of the origin and development of the universe.

I am in love with the stars and space, physics, and all things science; I always have been and always will be. I still have my first telescope that I cried for months to get when I was 7. This is the field of study that I want to pursue and it's what I want to shift my life towards when I go back to school in the near future; once I'm done working remotely away from my home. Just saving money right now to start pursing that lifelong dream come winter semester.

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4: Camping and hiking.

I'm a lover of all things outdoors and am an avid gardener, flowers and vegetables. But camping and hiking always make me feel closer to the earth and closer to myself. And seeing the stars so clearly at night makes me feel closer to my dreams.

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5: My best friend Fuzzy.

He has been there for me through some of the roughest moments of my life, and he truly is one of the only people I've ever met who truly understands me. We've been through hell together, we've both struggled with depression, suicide, love, loneliness, and through everything we've always had each other to hold. Fuzzy, you are a beautiful human who always makes me laugh. We've become walking bags of bits and jokes together over the years and I think you've brought more joy into my life than anything else. I love you deeply, more so than I could ever express. You help me to hold on in my dark moments and I'm so happy that I have had the chance to have you in my life. You're the brother that I never had growing up, and my only regret is not having met you sooner. I could kiss you on the lips you fucking troglodyte. I really wouldn't be alive today without your friendship. I miss you buddy and I can't wait to come home and see you again. ❤ @scoutshonorband

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BL

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Bonus: Writing poetry. Obviously this bring me joy, but considering it's like 80% of my blog it felt like cheating to list it.

[kuiinncedes]

but i want 'em all

@gleeadvent day 2: bonfire!

yeeee this is BARELY proofread and pretty quickly written and i will almost certainly read it again and edit later lmaoo i'm just writing and posting and hopefully it doesn't all suck 🤪

also idk how summer camp shit works i've never done it but that's what this is lmao so yeah

title from "lover" by taylor swift!!! ALso this is quinntina (we BACK BABY) but like lowkey highkey can be kinda read as minor quinntike as welllll 😈 idk but it happened i love it here 😌

word count 825

read under the cut or on ao3!! <3

Quinn squeaks in surprise as a weight lands on her back, almost knocking her over, and her hands come up instinctively to find themselves meeting and holding up a pair of legs that end in familiar combat boots.

“Tina!” she laughs, stumbling to regain her balance with another person suddenly attached to her. Mike, who she had been talking to, laughs and takes a step away from them. “We’re right by a fire!”

Tina giggles right by her ear. “Sorry! Was just excited to see you.” She hooks her chin over Quinn’s shoulder and kisses a spot by her ear. “How are you?”

“Better now that you’re here,” Quinn teases, knowing Tina will roll her eyes but love the cliché. She turns her head to press a slightly awkward kiss to Tina’s temple, some of both their hair in the way but she doesn’t care. “Missed you.”

Quinn feels the missed you, too in the way Tina holds onto her tighter, leans her head in closer. “I’m here,” Tina says. “Not leaving anytime soon.”

--

Quinn knows she’s being... lame, annoying, sad, pathetic, mopey -- you name it, Mike tells her as much and she scowls at him but secretly is grateful that he’s here; he knows she doesn’t need to be comforted or coddled, knows not to because while the leather and chains and cigarettes are long gone, the pink hair is still here and the combat boots are in the back of her closet.

It’s just -- the annual bonfire… sue her, but she’s sentimental. It’s special -- it’s where they first met when they were campers a long time ago, where they reconnected as counselors, where they know they will see each other again every year because getting everyone settled is always so hectic and busy and then they can just let it all go for a moment. This is the third summer out of the four they have before graduation, and Quinn knows Tina’s not gone, just away this summer, but it’s the whole summer and it just feels like too long since she’s gotten to talk to Tina, with her unpredictable service and her constant other activities all the way across the world, just not here at camp like she always is and not with Quinn which isn’t fair because she just misses her --

“You’re moping again, Fabray,” Mike jokes, nudging her with his shoulder.

Quinn leans her head on his shoulder and he kisses her head lightly. She focuses back on the bonfire, watches the sparks float into the night sky, lets Mike’s warmth and the energy of all the new and returning campers and counselors fill her up with undeniable happiness and excitement for the next few months. Being with Tina would just make it a hell of a lot better.

--

��Have you been avoiding me?” Tina asks, crossing her arms slightly but Quinn knows it’s her way of sort of hugging herself and fuck, she already knew this but she fucked up --

“Do you -- do you not want to do this?” Tina continues when Quinn can’t come up with an answer, her voice growing small at the end.

“No! No, I mean, I do -- sorry, I just -- ” She doesn’t know -- she just wants Tina’s hand in hers in the way she’s wanted to for so long and finally can do, and no one’s stopping her but herself, and she’s hurting Tina too --

Tina sees what Quinn can’t put into words and her eyes soften, she pulls Quinn gently over to the edge of the field. There’s only a dim orange glow from the fire at this distance.

“It’s just us, okay?” Tina says softly, offering her hand between them and Quinn interlaces their fingers, finally. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I just… got nervous, I guess. It’s been a long year.” A weird year; Quinn feels like she’s just finally finding her way back from it all.

Tina smiles softly. “We don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.”

“But -- you want to -- ”

“I want you,” Tina says. “I don’t care about them.”

“You are -- fuck -- ” Quinn says breathlessly. Tina grins wider and pulls her close, brushing her fingers through slightly pink hair as Quinn wraps her arms tighter around her.

“I’m sorry for avoiding you.”

“It’s okay. Whenever you’re ready.”

--

Quinn didn’t know if she’d be here, but sure enough, from across the fire, she sees her, talking to Kurt who Quinn also didn’t know would be here, how has she failed so badly at keeping up with these people, it’s been so long since they were all here as campers --

Tina laughs at something Kurt says, the wide open-mouthed laugh that Quinn still remembers, that throws her whole body forward and her head back and she turns toward the fire and meets Quinn’s eyes.

Quinn grins -- Tina’s huge smile has always been infectious -- and waves slightly. Tina’s eyes widen in surprise, and she waves back, smile growing impossibly wider.