#no idea why these didn't sell at retail price

[greenticklerdreams]

So I was out at HomeGoods and uhhhhhh

... do I have kink brainrot, or did they really not think about what this looks like?

[reorientation]

i might suck off a straight boy from my class for zyns (nicotine pouches lol). i can't buy them yet but he can (i just turned 19 and hes 23). when i hit him up to buy off him, he sells for double the retail value, and triple for anything higher than 10mg. i asked if i get a classmate discount, or if i can buy one at a time. and he said no :(. i ""jokingly"" said id blow him for some, and he said the only people he'd accept that offer from are girls.

so, like a good crackwhore, I told him im actually ftm and it wouldn't be really gay. he didn't believe me until I showed him my pussy on a video call. he said he'd consider it, and responded like an hour later. lmao. he said it sounds kind of gay but if i came to his apartment looking pretty, and wearing something feminine he'd see if he felt gay about it. he went on to say he just thought i was gay since im too feminine to be a guy, but being trans makes more sense. he also asked why i transitioned when id make a really cute girl. im swooning.

the joke is that i can afford to buy the zyns at the price he listed. its inconvenient and annoying but doable. i could also keep trying my luck at local convenience stores and eventually be able to find something, probably. im not even trying to quit that hard. but likeee. not going to lie, he's hot and i was slightly horny already when i hit him up. id suck his dick for free tbh. its embarrassing that im willing to let him use my mouth for fucking nicotine pouches, and because im a perv who likes being misgendered. but ive already came twice, and post nut clarity is not kicking in, so its probably a good idea. will keep you posted.

God, this is fucking funny. You went to such lengths to sell your virginity to a straight man - and you didn't even save any money off of it! Plan B is like 50 bucks!

Let's see, the series of events here is:

Offered to suck a straight guy off for convenience-store drugs

Had to show him your cunt just to get him to consider it

Went over "looking pretty" like a good call-girl

Intended to just blow him and instead wound up getting fucked for the first time and creampied without protection

Went home with a few nicotine pouches, a pussy full of cum, and negative net savings

A savvy consumer you are not! God, FtM girls will take any excuse to slut themselves out.

but ive already came twice, and post nut clarity is not kicking in, so its probably a good idea.

That's the thing: actual men have refractory periods. You can only make sperm so fast, and there's not much biological point in putting another load in a girl when there's a few hundred million fresh sperm already on target. Girls who've pumped themselves full of testosterone don't get that! You can just keep rubbing yourself dumb, convincing yourself that being a stupid whore is a brilliant idea. Just another one of the dangers of trying on hormones that you weren't built for.

Still, this was very funny. Hope you enjoyed the walk of shame home from your extremely-lame-drug dealer's place, and congratulations on the start of a long career of taking cum.

[cathkaesque]

I went to the Ethical Consumer conference last week (I know they sound wanky but they're good people, been working with them support farmworkers unions for ages) and they did it on the theme of degrowth. I went to the economics of degrowth session and my god it drove me up the wall, one of the speakers basically saying economics is twaddle, impossible to understand because it is too mathsy (actual quote), it's all pale male and stale, and most the audience came away more confused than when they started. They didn't even define growth! I know a quite hippy magazine is not going to be a hub of political economy but economics understanding is so lowwww at the moment, especially compared to 10 years ago at the height of the anti austerity movement.

I was lucky enough to speak briefly on a panel and I used the 8 mins i had to speak to just set out the basic degrowth premise. Growth is defined as the increase in gross domestic product, the sum of all transactions, wages, investments, purchases in an economy in dollars. It is important because if you are seen as growing, your currency will be more valuable, it will be easier to borrow money on the world market, and attract foreign investment. If you are a poor country, with a weak currency (I.e. not pounds, euros, or dollars), you need to bring in a flow of foreign hard currencies in order to important the things you need (e.g. oil) from abroad.

This has several adverse effects. One is that the sale of goods produced in poor countries on the high streets of rich countries adds more to the rich country's growth than making it does to the poor countries. The selling of a t-shirt made in Bangladesh in an H&M in the UK will add more to the UK's economic growth than Bangladesh's (Sale price of: £4.95; £0.95 paid to the Bangladeshi factory; £3.94 pays for retailer, wholesaler, VAT and 60p profit for H&M; worker gets an 18th of a penny per shirt). The selling of bananas grown in Costa Rica in a UK supermarket will add 20.7p to Costa Rica’s GDP while 74.3p will be added to the UK’s GDP. The UK grows richer at the expense of poorer countries, by consuming the labour and resources of poor countries.

This approach also encourages poor countries to turn over their land from peasants, who produce food for their communities, over to large agroindustrial cash crops like coffee, bananas, and palm oil which bring in dollars at the cost of local people and the environment.

I was quite pleased that people came up to me afterwards telling me that they understood what I was saying and thanked me for explaining it to them. I don't understand why people who are meant to be experts in this are so bad at communicating economic ideas to people, it is not impossible to understand.

[helenarlett-rex]

So if you've ever heard of Game X Change before, it is the 2nd biggest retail chain of used video games in the United States. This company is second only to Game Stop. Which I guess isn't hard to do when Game Stop is already a dying company... I happen to work for this company.

I should point out that this company is actually broken up between a couple of different owners. Each owner running a handful of different stores in different sections of the country. The man who runs the store I work at... will not be named... but what I will tell you is that he is a rich frat boy who was born into money, never had to work a day in his life, and then married a literal Saudi Arabian oil princess on top of that. This man doesn't need Game X Change... It's just a pet project because he thought it would be cool to own a chain of game stores. Why he thought that would be cool, I have no idea... Because he knows nothing about gaming... He knows nothing about geek culture as a whole... He knows nothing about ANYTHING any of his stores sell... This is probably why we are a store that depends on trade-ins for all of our stock while still offering the lowest trade-in values in town. On everything except video games, that is... We have an app that makes sure we offer a fraction more than Game Stop on all video game trade-ins... But on literally everything else, the amount we will give you for your stuff is just insulting. Generally speaking, we offer 10% of what we are going to turn around and sell it for. 20% if you will accept in-store credit instead of cash... That's pathetic. If you bring in a Pokemon card worth $100, I'm going to offer you $10 for it... There is literally a card shop right on the other side of town that will pay more than that. If I drive an hour into the city, I can find card shops that will pay as much as 50%.

Our company is so bad at what it does, we are $200,000 in the hole on comic books... We buy comic books for $0.05 and then turn around and resell them for $1.00 each. And somehow we are $200,000 in the hole doing that... I don't even know how you do that... That math doesn't work...

But maybe I should also mention that our owner is a raging cocaine addict who is always coked out of his mind... That could maybe have something to do with it...

Either way, today he came up with a great new plan for the company. He is testing this idea out on a couple of different stores, and mine happens to be one of them. What is this new plan...?

"The company isn't making enough money to keep up with my growing habit. Stop buying and selling DVDs."

Oh... but... DVDs make up half of our sales... Half of our customers only come in here because we are the only place in town where you can even get DVDs... If we stop selling them, we are going to lose half of our customer base... And I mean... we're doing really well on DVDs. We buy them for $0.15 each and then resell them for $4.99 each. We're making money...

"We're going to make it up in a different area. I want everyone to focus on used collectables instead. Like, action figures and shit."

Oh... but... we don't even pay value on those... We have a flat rate trade-in value based on size... It doesn't matter if a figure is worth $500 or nothing at all, if it's six inches tall we are paying $1.50 for it no matter what... People won't sell to us at those prices... Literally everyone who comes in with that sort of thing refuses to sell to us when they hear what we are offering... Most of them get mad at us for wasting their time and insulting them with those low offers... You are taking away our best product and telling us to focus on selling the one product we can't get...

"If this doesn't work, it's the staff's fault for not working hard enough. I'm strongly implying that all managers should fire their staff if sales don't improve under these new instructions."

And so, yeah... That was my day today... I really didn't want to have to start looking for a new job again, but like, this place is going to go out of business at this rate...

[kremlin]

nutcase emails i sent 5 years ago on a drug bender part 1

Hello,

I am a new customer to Bass tool, having only started shopping here in the last 6 months or so. My experience with Bass has been different than any business I have dealt with in the past, to such a remarkable degree that I am compelled to write this letter which follows.

Virtually everything I've ever needed from Bass has been available, in stock, ready for pickup minutes after I place an order, and this is the case not only for flagship items you would expect a tool store to carry, but also for loose odds and ends I didn't know I needed until I needed them -- things like shear pins of specific lengths/widths/heat-treats, hex head screws with nonstandard threads, etc. I was even able to get a lathe chuck of specific and unusual parameters I couldn't even find online.

Bass appeals to me as I prefer to get things the same day I order them, I am willing to pay a premium not to wait for shipping, but even after looking online I notice Bass' prices for general items are comparable to online retailers -- not only this, but for flagship items (a specific example being M-series Dorian lathe tool holders) I usually find Bass' prices being even better than what I can find online -- for quality tools!

Large inventories of reasonably-priced items are not remarkable on their own -- what really makes Bass stand out is how I am treated when I walk in the front office. After only several visits, I walk in & am met with a warm smile and greeted by my name. I speak with the associate across the counter about what I am purchasing and why, and it quickly becomes clear I am a novice in this field, that I do not have a clear idea of what I am talking about. It also becomes clear that I am only an individual hobbyist, non-professional, and that my sales likely are a fraction of a drop in the bucket compared to your professional clients.

*Nonetheless*, the sales associate listens to what I have to say, puts in the effort to see through the fog of my inexperience in order to ascertain what I am looking to accomplish, and then draws upon their own experience to send me home with the right tool I need to correctly accomplish what I am looking to do. I usually do not even realize it until after I get home and figure it out, but the end result is always that I always end up with the right tool. I believe this is due to Bass' intention, or MO, of enabling their customers to efficiently and correctly perform their work above all else. Shopping at any other vendor, I could expect to either be sold whatever the most expensive item the staff could get away with selling me, or to simply fill whatever flawed order I come in with to complete the sale and get me out the door. I work as an engineer for IBM, and the quality of service I find at Bass is comparable to the service we only provide clients spending 7 figures on a monthly basis.

The experience I've had with Bass Tool is a reminder that it *is* worth it to put in the effort to do a good job, that the customer/vendor relationship can be a *cooperative* one and not an *adversarial* one, that this is *not* a zero sum game, and that at the end of the day real work and accomplishments can be achieved by both parties.

It goes without saying my future business will go directly to Bass, I do not even bother checking online anymore, y'all have made that obsolete. I wish to recognize two associates that have helped me in the past and whose performance compels me to write this letter -- █████, a hispanic gentleman at the front counter & another 2 men whom I regret not knowing their names, but have circled in the attached picture I found on your website under the Staff Photos page.

Best regards, Ian ████████ (███) ███-████

PS -- I hereby grant Bass Tool to use the above text in full form, abbreviated form, or any other form, for marketing purposes, customer testimonials, or any other purposes they wish, with or without attribution, without the need for permission and in perpetuity.

----------------------------------------------------------

[galacsin]

I have stumbled onto a project promising to grant buyers "real ownership" of their e-books called book.io

From their website:

"Currently when you buy an eBook or Audiobook, you do not own it – you only bought a license to view it. And it’s stuck forever on that retailer’s platform. You can never give it away or sell it. Readers deserve to truly own the digital goods they purchase."

Rant about DRM, Crypto shitcoin bullshit and crypto evangelists inability to understand what owning a thing means under the read more.

Which is true, I agree with the sentiment, but their solution is blockchain theology, and encrypted nfts. I have listened to two interviews with a dev and then with one of the founders so I could understand how their business works. Unsurprisingly they are talking about it as "the future of publishing". The underlying technology might be impressive, but I didn't care much about the details, besides getting the gist of it.

In order to "own your copy", you have to go to a coin exchange to buy your funny money, then you have to have a wallet browser extension to facilitate the exchange of shitcoin so you can get your "NFT book". This is the method recommended by their own FAQ .Every title has a limited amounts of "unique copies" you can mint, (there was talk about having unlimited mints, because even they realize , that having a limited amount of eBooks is counter intuitive to the whole idea of having eBooks.) Most of their catalogue so far are works in the public domain, you can download for free from project Gutenberg and like half a dozen authors I have never heard about, and after seeing their names, will never care about. The site was launched in 2020, I think. Great catalogue, I bet people who prefer eBooks and who have never bought an NFT will just swarm the site for it.

As far as I was able to tell, the price is higher than what you would pay for a book on any vendor website (in some chases twice as much) . Most importantly (this was the point where I was feeling the veins in my brain popping ) You can only read your books in your browser or on the book.io phone app. The website specifies, that this is an anonymous reading app. What makes it so, who knows, but don't worry nobody will spy on you, while you open your very unique copy of Peter Pan, I guess. I would rather open my books in my very anonymous Calibre library on my very private personal computer, but thanks.

Functionally this is no different from Amazon's or Adobe's product, but special web 3 encryption DRM bullshit this time. (The founder called it DRM)

The reason, the very tool which with big vendors like Amazon Apple and Google wish to lock you into their ecosystem is the fucking DRM. I only own a file if it sits in my storage that I own, and can be moved and opened whenever and however I want it to open. If anything breaks in the chain that connects me to the content hosted on the IPFS server, they graciously provide an encryption key for, I loose my file the same way people lost their purchases when Microsoft closed up their e-book store. In other words , I do not fucking own it.

I have already own all of my e-books, I do not have one thing in my possession that has DRM on it. Some publishers/authors do not treat their readers as criminals, and put the books up for sale without it. It is unfortunate that this is not the standard practice in the industry. The rest I had to wrangle the "protection" off myself.

There is of course the usual bullshit with "collectible AI generated covers" and "reselling your purchase" thing going on, but they are a different topic, and are not connected to the topic at hand.

In any chase why are these people obsessed with the reseal value of every stuff they own. They fundamentally do not understand why people buy books, or most consumer products.

[rbmit]

The Cool Kid Factor

I admire the underpinnings of Rogers' work on the Five Factors that lead to diffusion, along with the cohorts of adaptors in relation to popularity, however, I find myself asking the same questions: why do modern brands with no actual product innovation take off with rocketship velocity, and why do brands that seem to have incredible momentum lose traction so quickly? What was missing from the world when Rogers was considering influences and diffusion: the internet and unicorns.

Case in point - the advent of "digitally-native direct to consumer" brands, largely created by selling the same exact products enjoyed by prior generations, just wrapped in a better package with more thoughtful and intentional design and a better web experience. The first generation of these brands - Warby Parker, Everlane, Allbirds, Sweetgreen, Harry's, Glossier, Casper etc - all came onto the scene with a story to tell in a total experience that just felt like it spoke to its generation of consumers as though the target customer was proportionally representative of the management of the company. One can argue, much of this is culture. Rapid adoption of these brands didn't necessarily coincide with a traditional uniform bell curve of innovators and early adopters. This shift was the largest generational shift in consumer spending in history, and made many people a lot of money (at least on paper) and caused a lot of damage for legacy brands. The result was a $0 to $100 million revenue ride in half the time it took Lululemon, a quarter of the time it took Nike. With this level of initial success, company valuations ended up being 10 times that revenue.

So what's the issue?

These growth rates had never been seen before in consumer brands, and they were too appealing to investors - individuals as well as venture funds - who made a ton of money over the years in technology bets like Facebook, as well as consumer services like Airbnb, Uber, etc. So the agreement that consumer [goods] was a natural extension of that insight and instinct was sound in the eyes of the underlying investors, or limited partners, who are largely clueless. As these brands started gaining momentum, they traded growth and growth rates over profitability and over time it became harder and harder to execute the same playbook and get the same rate of growth. On top of all this, unlike Roger's #1 factor, Relative Advantage, a lot of these companies were not really doing anything innovative. Their business models were centered on this idea of taking out the retailer/middleman and passing some savings onto the consumer. As ad prices skyrocketed, not just from all these DTC brands moving quickly into digital, but the large global brands and their respective agencies catching up quickly, it became harder and harder to maintain momentum.

So what happened?

The match is still unfolding, but it seems as though business generally still believes that companies that don't [eventually] make money go broke, but we are likely still far off from this happening with all of these new brands we have come to love, however the psychology of founders and decision-makers comes into play when these opposing forces start to become meaningful. To fund the revenue growth, these brands needed to hire tons of people and carry sizable quantities of inventory. Because they were so new, they didn't necessarily have access to capital markets ie debt or credit-based financing, and were oftentimes first-time founders who turned to equity investors for all things to do with money. This was the beginning of the end for several of them, who were diluted down to minority positions of ownership, and sadly in some cases just 1-5% of a company they founded. With this absence of control and increase of pressure to grow, their brands shifted tremendously towards a price-first story, instead of a story-first story. While the drug may have been nice at first, this shift in value or discount-based messaging is something that discounts the beliefs and associations that innovators and other early adopters had with these brands and they fall off rapidly. With early adopter word of mouth falling off a cliff, perhaps there will be opportunities for the incumbents to acquire them (team, talent, tech, customer lists, reviews) for pennies on the dollar and find ways to speak to the next generation of cool kids, but perhaps only with the relative advantage of perception versus actual product advantage or differentiation. The result of this, ultimately strengthens the multi-brand holding company and perhaps a sea of companies who couldn't find ways to sell themselves to P&G.

The main takeaway is that brands, new or old, should be considering not only the relative advantage but the full extent of the five factors when innovating but how they play a role in the entire lifecycle of communicating with potential customers through their entire relationship with the brand.

[stachehand]

My Banjo-Kazooie Duology Remake Ideas

Two decades have passed since we last saw an adventure from Rare's iconic duo of a chubby honey bear and a red-crested bird. After the Nintendo 64 ran it's course and Rare was bought by Microsoft, Banjo-Kazooie have basically gone dormant as a franchise. Sure, we had a side story and a racing game (based off a scrapped Donkey Kong title) on the Game Boy Advance in the early to mid 2000s, and on the Xbox 360, for their high-definition debut in 2008, we had... a Lego vehicle construction and driving game with the IP slapped on to boost sales (a strategy that didn't work out), but otherwise these unorthodox pals have been completely out of work, and to this day there remains no sign of a spark of life. Recently, however, the classic duology that gave them life in the first place has been noticed and celebrated again.

This is thanks to a pleasant surprise that the creators of the Nintendo Switch fighting game, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, presented to us in 2019. Banjo the Bear and Kazooie the Breegull were confirmed as playable fighters, which you can bet your butt reignited them as a discussion piece. It was insane how much love came their way, considering the fact that they had been dead for 11 years by that time. Speaking of reignited and insane things...

The last several years have seen developers remake beloved old-school platform games and sell them at full retail prices, including the PlayStation 1 Crash Bandicoot and Spyro the Dragon trilogies in the form of N. Sane Trilogy and Reignited Trilogy, respectively, and even SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom with Rehydrated. Yeah, even a tie-in game for a television series received this HD remake treatment. So I and many others are inclined to ask this:

When are Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie, the two most acclaimed platformers on the Nintendo 64, going to have their turn?

I played these games extensively as a child, and I still adore them to this day. The first game, in particular, is always fun to run through when I need something to do, and I could spend hours in Tooie's multiplayer features. The world scaling and item collecting-focused gameplay of both entries is accessible and appropriately challenging, the humor is on point, the characters are unforgettably charming, the art style is beautifully cartoonish, the worlds are interesting to traverse, and the music is masterful at capturing the grand and adventurous mood that permeates throughout. If there was a soundtrack for my youth, it would be these fine collections of hoppin' tunes composed by the one and only Grant Kirkhope.

I know there are people out there that would prefer a new installment, but If Banjo were to return, I wouldn't mind seeing a remake collection as his comeback, because I think he and his avian companion deserve it. It'd be a great gateway for any new players, and if a SpongeBob game could be blessed with this modern-day facelift, why not the Bear and Bird?

One thing these past remakes of old platformers have been criticized for is that the developers behind them were so intent on staying faithful to the original versions, they even left in many, if not all of the commonly dislked game design choices from those original versions (they removed some, but sometimes made new ones). They haven't been willing to change much to make the absolute definitive Crash, Spyro and SpongeBob experiences. Maybe they didn't want to replace the old games? Who knows? My point is that remaking a game shouldn't just be an excuse to give it a fancy new coat of paint, but an opportunity to make it much better than ever for the current generation, as well as the longtime fans.

So, I have considered typing a list of things that I think should be incorporated to make these hypothetical remakes of Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie the best new iterations they could be. What features do these already amazing games need? What can be changed to iron out the kinks? Grab a bowl of Honeycomb cereal, because we've got a journey ahead of us.

To start off, changes and additions to Banjo-Kazooie.

B-K - Number 1: Never Lose Collected Notes and Jinjos

I feel this is the most appropriate change to start out with, because doing it ought be the easiest thing in the world. I say that because guess what? They've already done it! Let me explain.

In the original Nintendo 64 version, when you collected Notes and Jinjos, then exited the world (or died), you'd lose them and they'd reset to their original positions, the former totaling towards a "high score" system. This doesn't bother me nowadays, but it can be a pain for newbies. Due to this quirk, many veterans tend to go for the ones in dangerous places first. In the late 2000s, Banjo-Kazooie was remastered and re-released on Xbox Live Arcade, and it's been considered a superior version for one big reason: it made the Notes and Jinjos permanent collectibles.

All they need to do is put this much-needed advancement into the HD remake, and nobody will have to worry too much about falling into that death pit in Rusty Bucket Bay's engine room anymore.

Don't worry, Nintendo 64 original. I don't have access to the XBLA version, so you'll always have me.

B-K - Number 2: Life System Removal

Another simple change they could make, because let's face it, what is even the point of lives anymore? They're a relic of a time before save systems were common, when Game Overs actually came with serious penalties for making mistakes. Somehow, they survived past their expiration date before eventually, some of the oldest franchises that used them for so long eventually came to their senses and decided to get rid of them. Even by 1998, when Banjo-Kazooie was first released, lives were coming across as an archaic nuisance, so they removed them in Tooie.

Sure, running out of them triggered the Game Over cutscene, the "Bad Ending" of the game, but when you have instant access to it through the 'Quit the Game' option on the Pause Menu, lives look even more out of place. Nowadays, it's just preferrable for the players, new or old, to have as many chances as they desire. Whenever we screw up, getting booted to the entrance of a world is enough of a penalty.

If it can't be let go, then the least you can do is give players a setting in the options, before starting a file, to play with either limited or infinite lives. That way you please both those looking for a more old-school experience and those that don't want the threat of booting their save back up and re-entering the world dangling over their heads.

So, if you play with infinite lives, what purpose would the Banjo statues serve? Well, either remove them or repurpose them into items you can only hold one of at a time, and which act as single-use resurrection power-ups that restore Banjo on the spot upon death. That's one idea.

B-K - Number 3: Brentilda's Notebook

So, you collect enough Notes in Mumbo's Mountain to get past the first Note Door, you explore the new room and find a fairy godmother-like figure who tells you three disgusting facts about Gruntilda, and she reappears many times throughout the lair to give you three more each time. This is Brentilda, the witch's friendly sister whom, close to the end of the game, turns out to be a useful ally for answering questions in the Furnace Fun quiz challenge. Once you realize that, you'd know to write the facts down on a piece of paper during repeat playthroughs. But wouldn't it be better to have them written down within the game itself?

Have it so that when you first meet Brentilda and you stay to listen to those first three facts, she'll reward the player's patience by handing her a notebook, which from then on you can access from the Pause Menu. It'd remove a fair bit of unnecessary difficulty for veterans and newbies.

Would it make the Grunty Panel questions too easy? Perhaps. But to remedy this, simply disable the Notebook when players enter Grunty's Furnace Fun, so they'd have to remind themselves of the facts before going in. Not a hard fix, i'd say.

Speedrunners will still get the short end of the stick no matter what, though.

B-K - Number 4: Less Jiggies and Notes for the Endgame

While this game encouraged players to collect every single item in sight, and maybe they designed it so that no single world could be skipped, not everybody is a completionist, and new players will probably try to reach the end of the game above all else. The original Banjo-Kazooie required us to collect a whopping 94 Jiggies and 810 Notes to reach the final boss battle! That's close to every Jiggy and Note in the game!

To make things less painful for first time and repeat playthroughs, lessen amount the Jiggies and Notes to a more generous amount, even if it means making it so that you can skip a world. I'd recommend at least 80 Jiggies and 710 Notes; 7 worlds + a lair's worth of Jiggies, and 7 and a tenth worlds worth of Notes. Those who really hate Rusty Bucket Bay and/or Click Clock Wood would be pretty happy with this kind of change, right?

Certain other 3D collect-a-thon platformers allow you to skip a world in your quest to reach the end, so I believe this one should do the same.

Just for fun, let's add up the Jiggy puzzle requirements needed to make 80 the required endgame total, from Mumbo's Mountain to the Gruntilda picture. Here we go:

1. Mumbo's Mountain: 1

2. Treasure Trove Cove: 2

3. Clanker's Cavern: 4

4. Bubblegloop Swamp: 6

5. Freezeezy Peak: 7

6. Gobi's Valley: 8

7. Mad Monster Mansion: 9

8. Rusty Bucket Bay: 10

9. Click Clock Wood: 13

10. Gruntilda: 20

1 + 2 + 4 + 6 + 7 + 8 + 9 + 10 + 13 + 20 = 80

And now let's add up the Note Door requires needed to meet the requirement of 710 Notes, from the one in the castle entrance to the one leading to the Gruntilda puzzle. Let's go:

1. Castle Entrance to Grunty Floor Room: 50

2. Pipe Room to Grunty Statue Room: 180

3. Grunty Statue Room to Urn Room: 260

4. Grunty Head Room to Lava Room: 350

5. Grunty Head Room to Water Level Room: 450

6. Water Level Room to Click Clock Wood Entrance: 540

7. Click Clock Wood Entrance to Grunty's Furnace Fun Entrance: 660

8. Tower Stairway to Gruntilda Puzzle Room: 710

What about the Note Doors leading to the big item refills and the four piece health power-up puzzle? For their totals, I'd go for 746, 782, 828 and 864.

As a bonus, for collecting all 100 Jiggies and 900 Notes, it'd be neat if you not only unlocked the true ending of the game, but also a new stage designed to put all of the players' Banjo-Kazooie skills to the ultimate test. Maybe hide it behind that closed door in the room with the beauty-swapping machine, because I always thought there should've been something there, and someway to open it up and explore it. Every last Jiggy and Note you collect would then have a purpose beyond just 100% completion, rather than leaving 2 of the former and 18 of the latter that do nothing.

B-K - Number 5: Badbutt Boss Battle Buffs

First thing's first, i'm not suggesting anything for the final battle with Gruntilda. Most people that played this game all the way through, myself included, love that fight and wouldn't change it for the world. An option to quickly replay it after defeating her is a must.

The rest of the bosses, on the other hand, are stupidly easy at best, and barely qualify at worst. You can really tell that Rare put most of their effort on level design than making much in the way of challenging battles against big, powerful foes. I feel it's time we gave these monstrous bad boys a king-sized update, because people expect far better in this day and age, if i'm not mistaken.

Just to make a few suggestions, let's give Nipper a second phase inside his shell where he adds a couple of moves to his arsenal, and the area is redesigned to be more like an arena. Add a mighty Queen Zubba to fight after defeating the Zubba wave in Summer Click Clock Wood. Give Boss Boom Box a few new moves that take advantage of his large size, cube-shaped body and, well, the fact that he's supposed to be a TNT crate, going by his name. Reveal a massive, mutant monster behind the Mutie-Snippets in Clanker's Cavern.

It'd be more bang for the fans' buck. If you guys have some good ideas, i'd like to know about them.

B-K - Number 6: Mini-Game Refinement

It needs to be said: Rubber Band A.I. needs to die! It especially has no place in games that aren't part of the racing genre.

You know what i'm referring to when I mention that accursed cliche of game design, right? I speak of the eating contest against Mr. Vile and the races against Boggy the Polar Bear. They both use Rubber Band A.I. just to make the mini-games more difficult than they really need to be. They need to update both of these to remove it, then maybe they'll finally be legitimately fun challenges.

Another thing regarding the racing with Boggy: they seriously need to lock players out of the second race until they've gone to Gobi's Valley and unlocked the Turbo Trainers, or better yet, make it doable, but still challenging, without them. Why allow them to play a race they can't possibly win until they have access to an item that won't be usable for another stage?

The other mini-games are fine. I don't know about you, but i'd like an option to replay Grunty's Furnace Fun after beating it. You know, besides starting the entire game all over again on a new save file?

B-K - Number 7: Fast Travel Expansion

The original Banjo-Kazooie has a fast travel system to an extent. You find cauldrons spread across Gruntilda's Lair, and you open up ways to get around quicker by activating two of each colour. This doesn't apply to the worlds, however.

What I suggest here, first of all, is for the fast travel system in the castle to be revamped so that every warp cauldron can be teleported to with a simple selection menu, and for some to be moved and added to cover every world entrance. Second, the worlds could use Warp Pads, like in Banjo-Tooie, to quickly deliver you to certain points you want to be in, and create extra gameplay consistency between the two games. I know the first game's worlds are more compact, and thus take less time to navigate, but this would still be a good time saver, especially for parts like scaling the gigantic tree in Click Clock Wood.

Now what about Mumbo Jumbo's transformations? Just limit the fast travel, if not disable it altogether, while you're in those forms to make sure they don't end up in places they're not supposed to go.

I'd also think of restoring that 'Exit to Witch's Lair' option that was intended to be in the original game's pause menu, but got dummied out.

B-K - Number 8: New Hidden Rewards

There are a few extra goodies you can find in the original Banjo-Kazooie, mainly revolving around that sandcastle in Treasure Trove Cove. You could find Cheato to unlock codes that expand your egg and feather supply, play Bottles' puzzle piece challenges in Banjo's House to unlock codes that distort the bear and bird's bodies and turn them in a washing machine, and you even have a bunch of lengthy, top secret codes to use, though they either unlocked the unusable Stop 'N' Swop items (that's a long story that we won't get into here), or gave you boosts that only last as long as you are still playing.

How about we expand on the kinds of rewards you can win for simply playing the game as intended? I've already mentioned the idea of unlocking a super-challenging bonus level after getting every last Jiggy and Note, so apart from that, let's imagine that if you accomplish certain feats, like defeating Gruntilda without taking damage, collecting every single Mumbo Token in the game, completing a 100%-exclusive Bottles puzzle, and of course beating that aforementioned bonus level, you can unlock more upgrades.

You could unlock the ability to activate the Flight Pad anywhere, so you can fly around every area in the game. Yes, even the Engine Room. You could pay Mumbo the Mumbo Tokens to have him actually turn you into a T-Rex in any world, with all the awesome power that entails. You could unlock the rapid-fire Golden Eggs from Tooie as replacement ammo for the regular Blue Eggs. You could earn a feature that allows you to replay the game on a new file using Tooty, and she tags along with Kazooie to save Banjo from the wicked Winkybunion, complete with different attributes from her big brother, e.g. faster running and swimming speed and higher jump height, but less health and lower attack strength.

Treat us a bit! I think the fans, for their years of love and dedication, would love to have that kind of stuff spicing up this over 20-year-old game. I sure would. Now, I want to hear from the readers what they think would be great features to unlock.

B-K - Number 9: Moveset Tweaks

This is going to be a short one. A lot of what I could mention would also count towards Banjo-Tooie, so i'll restrict this to quirks that are only present in the first game.

First, there's the Claw Swipe. Nobody really uses this when seriously trying to get through the game, but you could easily update this to be a three-tap combo, like Mario's punching and kicking in Super Mario 64, and heck, Banjo's standard attack in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. Super easy. Second, there's the more useful rolling attack. Just change it a little so that Banjo doesn't come to a complete, momentary stop after he finishes the move. Third, the Beak Barge. Allow us to turn around during it, like in Tooie. Fourth, and lastly, the Beak Bomb. Allow us to influence it's movement a little and keep it going for as long as the attack button is held down, like in Tooie. That would be much appreciated.

B-K - Number 10: Happiest Ever After

Another short one. In the 100% ending, have Mumbo show Banjo, Kazooie and the players not the locations of the locked away, unusable Mystery Eggs and Ice Key in the first game, but those of the legitimately usable, but highly elusive, Mystery Eggs and Ice Key in the Tooie remake, just to get them more excited to play that after besting one half of the collection.

Finally, i'd include new locations in Tooie to go looking for the Yellow Mystery Egg, which was already in the game but not received from a B-K Game Pak, as well as the Red, Green and Cyan ones. Now you have every Mystery Egg available and even more goodies to gain.

That's all for Banjo-Kazooie. Maybe my ideas are unrealistic, but hey, let a guy have his dreams. No pun intended. There are a few more good ideas which are so small that I didn't include them on the list, like making that final Empty Honeycomb actually work and give you a 9th health slot, and adding a list for unlocked cheats in the sandcastle.

Now we move on to the sequel, and the game that I think we can all agree could use way more improvements than it's predecessor (because it's way bigger), the great, mighty Banjo-Tooie. Regardless, i'll try not to make the list too long.

B-T - Number 1. PLEASE. NERF. CANARY. MARY!

Yeah, we're getting this out of the way first. For those whom weren't there, in Tooie's second world, Glitter Gulch Mine, you free a humanoid bird called Canary Mary, and she goes to another part of the world where you can challenge her to two races in a handcar to earn a Jiggy and one of Cheato's Pages. After that, you meet her again in the penultimate world, Cloud Cuckooland, to do two races against her for the same rewards, but on a windup mouse. These are infamous and a plague upon 100% completion runs for a very good reason: they're button-mashing marathons with rubber band A.I.!

I could beat the handcar races with enough strenuous effort, but I never beat even the first mouse race until I found out about a trick that involves pausing the game and relaxing your thumb in intervals. If you need an exploit or possibly a turbo controller to have a chance at winning, your game design has problems. This time, it's not just rubber banding that needs to take a hike, it's the element that wears out poor jump buttons.

They could update the controls to maybe make them rhythm-based, having the players alternate between two buttons in time with Banjo pushing the handcar's walking beam, and the mouse's key turning. Such a simple change would make the process of beating these races more tolerable. It didn't help that in Tooie, your only rewards for getting 100% completion were a "Character Parade" and a Sound Test, so it was a lot of grief for little reward.

You know what? To any game developers that may deliver us this fantasy remake, you don't have to do much to change Tooie. We'll forgive you for leaving everything else in the game unaltered as long as you at least give Canary Mary the difficulty reduction she deserves. That's not too much to ask for, right? Right?!

B-T - Number 2: Bigger, Faster, and Stronger too

When they made a sequel to Banjo-Kazooie, Rare wanted everything to be bigger. The worlds in Tooie got so big that they included a fast travel system in the form of the Warp Pads you can find spread across them. However, wouldn't it be nice if our natural maneuverability was increased, too?

Jamjars, the Bottles substitute in this game, is a drill sergeant, a type of person who loudly motivates aspiring soldiers to get their exercise daily so that they're strong and agile on the battefield. Add a level up system where with enough Notes, he'll train Banjo and Kazooie to increase their running, flying, climbing and Grip Grab shimmying speed, and their attack strength and range. The first thing would help wonders in the wider world design. These can carry over to Mumbo and the transformations, too.

Now, i'm aware that in Tooie, there's a hidden cheat code you can enter in the Code Chamber called 'SUPERBANJO', which gives the player character that much desired boost in running speed, but again, it's hidden. Why does such a useful enhancement have to be locked behind a code you won't know about unless you look it up online, and that isn't part of the intended unlockables? That ain't cool!

I'm sure certain parts of the later worlds could easily be tweaked a bit to compliment the ability increases, though it'd be great to still be able to sequence break here and there. And there's our segue into...

B-T - Number 3: Backtracking Backpedalling

A lot of people have had their backtracking-related complaints with Tooie. So let's do something about those sore spots that make one dread to replay it, why don't we? You can tweak many Jiggy objectives to either remove some bits of backtracking altogether, or make it less of a chore.

Along with expanding the fast travel system like I mentioned in B-K - Number 7, i'd recommend that Banjo-Tooie has a teleportation option for when you get enough of Cheato's Pages to unlock the next cheat code, or you want to enter a cheat in the Code Chamber, or you have enough Empty Honeycomb Pieces for a health upgrade from Honey B., or you immediately want to leave the the world through the main exit or one of the doorways to other, connected worlds (so, an expansion on the 'Exit to Witch's Lair' thing). On top of that, include a world map that pinpoints collectibles and gives you the option to place rendezvous markers. Wouldn't that save players the long treks?

Aside from that, I think what would help with this issue is getting a little bit more creative with Banjo and Kazooie's capabilities to reach the collectibles. You can spread some visual cues throughout the game to give the players different kinds of tricky tricks they can use, so they have both a short, but more advanced way, and the long, but safe way around when they're going for 100% completion. Basically, I want sequence break potential to ascend to a higher plane of existence.

Did this make any sense? I sure hope it did. Gotta think of the speedrunners.

B-T - Number 4: Old Moves, New Tricks

The duo's list of moves by the end of Tooie ends up being huge. Put them together, and you have one of the most diverse lists of abilities in any platformer. With that many, however, some are inevitably going to be more useful than others. My aim here is to bring you ideas for how to raise their utility.

First, there's the new footwear. They're fine as they are, but a few adjustments are in order. The Springy Step Shoes could use a charge metre, which goes up the longer you hold the jump button, and needs to have it's bounce trajectory be influenceable. The Claw Clamber Boots would benefit a fair bit from being updated to cling on to any wall. Call that overpowered, but I think it'd make them more fun to use.

Next up, the moves of the player characters. Kazooie's are okay. The Wing Whack, the Leg Spring and the Glide are great, and the Hatch is serviceable. Banjo, however, could use a fair few upgrades. Don't fix the Pack Jump bug (which lets Banjo jump in mid-air while doing the Pack Whack). Instead, ascend it to a regular move that gets acknowledged in-game when learning the Pack Whack. Now for ideas I think are cool. The Shack Pack could double as a stealth mode to help Banjo get by enemies without trouble, the Sack Pack would look pretty cool if it had a sliding function that builds momentum, like Mario's roll in Super Mario Odyssey, and the Taxi Pack should make the Pack Whack stronger after bagging something (or someone). The Snooze Pack, aside from needing a faster self-healing rate, is perfect.

As for Mumbo, i'd give him a projectile attack for more useful offense. Two final things: for those early missions where you need to take a quiet approach, a sneaking button would be super convenient, and the mechanic where Jamjars only teaches solo moves when the characters are solo must be removed. No excuses.

B-T - Number 5: Enemy Progression

Just a small thing I wanted to touch on. Notice how in the original Banjo-Kazooie, as you got further into the lair, you would meet stronger, differently coloured variations of that Gruntling enemy, and entering worlds would cause the hostile creatures that inhabit them to move into the world entrance areas, but in Banjo-Tooie, the Ugger and Gruntydactyl enemies that you first meet in Spiral Mountain are repeatedly used all the way to Quagmire, and not a single monster from the worlds appears in the Isle o' Hags. Pretty odd feature cut.

Return the enemies escaping into the hub world and introduce stronger Uggers and Gruntydactyls the further you get towards the end of the game, just to strengthen the impression of progress in your adventure. Perhaps the worlds themselves could use a few new enemy types too, if only to make them feel a bit more lively. Think of sliding lava lizards in Witchyworld and less annoying successors to Sir Slush in Hailfire Peaks, for example. Maybe give the enemies of later worlds faster attack speed as well, just for good measure.

B-T - Number 6: Egg Aiming Recalibration, and First-Person Leaping

You know what we all love? Free aiming with our character's weapon. The original Tooie had an aiming system where whenever you weren't pushing the Control Stick in a direction, the reticle were return to the centre of the screen. This was probably acceptable back in 2000, but nowadays, we have better versions of this sort of things thanks to Right Analog Sticks and motion controls. For all the times in this game where you need to make precise shots with eggs (and Submarine torpedoes), modern day aiming controls are literally required.

On a smaller note, does anyone else here think that Banjo should still be able to jump in the First-Person shooting sections? With Kazooie out, it'd be gimped, but certainly a helpful time saver. Think Metroid Prime, but with a bear using a bird as a gun.

B-T - Number 7: Badbutt Boss Battle Buffs Part 2: Electric Buggablue

Yeah, we're doing this for Tooie, too. In this game, the bosses aren't bad, actually. At least more of them aside from Gruntilda are true battles against powerful foes. So, what needs to be fixed and added to this roster of hit-taking giants? Well, I won't suggest adding bosses to Tooie, as it already has a full roster, having one (or two in Hailfire Peak's case) in each world.

First off, i'd keep the whole deal of the bosses mixing up their patterns and getting more aggressive completely consistent across the board. Originally, Old King Coal was consistently incompetent, wandering aimlessly while you destroyed him with Eggs, Terry added extra Mucoids and not much else, and the fire and ice dragons didn't add much as their health lowered, besides sticking out their tongue. When you have big appendages, likes arms, feets and a beak, or have fire and ice breath, you ought to make good use of them. You get me?

Secondly, some bosses could use an adjustment to the way they're fought. Mr. Patch and Lord Woo Fak Fak in particular are known for how awkward it is to hit their weak points. They need to bob up and down a little bit less so that they won't cause as much frustration with the aiming, and perhaps just for the extra convenience, Heggy's Homing Eggs cheat should work on the former's patches and the latter's boils. Lastly, there's Mingy Jongo. Because of how his hitbox worked, you could find ways to cheese the fight, like effortlessly murdering him with Dragon Kazooie's fire breath. Give this robo-shaman a barrier to put up in his teleportation and attack intervals.

Like the first game's Gruntilda battle, the ending showdown with the Hag 1 is a perfectly fine, challenging and entertaining way to cap off the adventure. I say it doesn't need to be touched, and it would also be a great conclusion to something i'll get to at the end of this list.

B-T - Number 8: Cinematic Story: the Snide Cut

One thing I absolutely love about Tooie is how the cinematic story cutscenes present the massive threat to our heroes and make this journey feel more grand in scope. Unfortunately, after the first two, both of which are shown before you even set foot into the first world, we don't see another for a long time.

This was not a problem in the first game, as Gruntilda would chime in to taunt the duo every now and then while you traversed her lair, and make comments about certain elements within the worlds you visited. Thanks to this, her presence was felt throughout the entire game, and it made us more excited to eventually kick her butt. In Tooie, she doesn't do that anymore, nor do we hear from her sisters, Mingella and Blobbelda, until the quiz show near the end, so the looming danger over the Isle o' Hags is easy to forget about.

Write and animate brand new story scenes, perhaps after the 2nd Klungo fight and when you first enter the final world, to show how their plans are coming along, what effects they're having on the world and how they respond to the heroes' progress. Mingella and Blobbelda may get the interactions with Banjo and Kazooie they were originally denied in these. You can show more of Klungo interacting with the witches this way, too. Another thing to add is a Game Over sequence. I know the N64 version was hindered by time constraints, but it just makes sense to have one, just like it's predecessor. We need to see Gruntilda succeed and get her old, fat, green body back. It won't beat Sexy Grunty, but it'd complete the package.

The last thing regarding cutscenes that they need to address is having one to properly reward completionists. Unlike in the first game, getting every last Jiggy, after all the trouble it put players through, literally has no effect on Tooie's ending at all. How about you extend it to show the new, super-secret locations of the Bronze, Silver and Gold Mystery Eggs, or the restoration of Spiral Mountain, including Gruntilda's old lair so you can explore it like good old times, or even... a delicious taste of amazing things to come? Eh? Throw us a bone!

B-T - Number 9: MORE Jiggies for the Endgame

Yes, I ask for less in the first game, and more here. To reach the final battle in Tooie, you need 70 Jiggies, and there are 90. Certainly a more generous requirement than before, but for this hypothetical remake, i'd change the prerequisite to 80. Why? Because the last suggestion on this list will boost the total Jiggy amount in Tooie to 100, and I want endgame consistency between the two remade games. Be patient, folks.

In accordance to this change, altering the unlock totals for every world (except the first several) is necessary. Here we go again:

1. Mayahem Temple: 1 Jiggy

2. Glitter Gulch Mine: 4 Jiggies

3. Witchyworld: 8 Jiggies

4. Jolly Roger Lagoon: 14 Jiggies

5. Terrydactyland: 22 Jiggies

6. Grunty Industries: 30 Jiggies

7. Hailfire Peaks: 40 Jiggies

8. Cloud Cuckooland: 50 Jiggies

9. Cauldron [SPOILER]: 65 Jiggies

10. Final Battle: 80 Jiggies

And just like in the first game, getting all of the Jiggies (and Notes) would be well worth it to unlock a challenging bonus level, this time with even more skills to prove your expertise with. Add an exclusive Jiggywiggy puzzle challege to unlock it, and done. Where would it be? Well, I think behind that shutter door in the Quagmire, surrounded by purple toxic sludge.

B-T - Number 10: The Ultimate Rewards

So, what were the awards that you were blessed with for acquiring and using those Stop 'n' Swop items in Tooie? A Mega Glowbo that makes Humba Wumba turn Kazooie into a dragon with fire breath and infinite Fire Eggs, a Jinjo as a multiplayer character, the darkly comical Breegull Bash attack and the Homing Eggs cheat. I'm going to suggest even more rewarding goodies. I mean, certainly more than an Xbox gamer pic and a Banjo-Kazooie menu theme, Right, XBLA version?

For the already existing stuff, i'd update Dragon Kazooie to give her fire breath more range from Jamjars' training, strengthen her Wing Whack and Beak Bomb with fiery auras and give the duo a continuous rolling attack, like what Donkey Kong does with a partner in Donkey Kong Country Returns and Tropical Freeze, and i'd add a decently-sized, damaging shock wave to the Breegull Bash's impact. A mega miniature screen nuke, pretty much.

Now, for the additional Mystery Eggs I proposed, here's what i'd love to add. 1, egg enhancements; rapid-fire Golden Eggs to replace the Blue Eggs, Fire Eggs that pierce through enemies and leave damaging flames, Grenade Eggs that split into smaller Grenade Eggs, Ice Eggs that create freezing crystal platforms, and Clockwork Kazooie Eggs with increased time limits and hovering capabilities. 2, a two-player cooperation option that lets two members of the playable cast be controlled at once. And 3, a cheat that unlocks the double health power-up from the first game. Yeah, Tooie was lacking in that, and I feel the sequel should share a cool feature, not omit it.

We then come to Cheato's Pages and the Notes. I'd change HONEYBACK so that it only regenerates health when you're standing still, and replace the JUKEBOX cheat (the sound test can be a menu outside the game that's immediately availabe) with one that gives the characters extra jumps (a little height-increasing Feathery Flap for solo Kazooie and the duo together, an aerial jump for Mumbo, and a third jump for solo Banjo). With the Notes, i'd have Jamjars, in a 100%-exclusive location, grant you the ability to use the Flight Pad's function and split up anywhere if you have obtained all 900. That leaves us with the final bonus level reward. Here's a good one: King Jingaling and Toots as playable characters on a new file! The former would be slow, but strong, while the latter would be weak, but fast!

B-T - Number 11: Multiplayer Multiplication

As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I sunk many hours of my life into Tooie's multiplayer mode, whether by myself or with a family member. As a big side distraction, it can only benefit from a modern day update. There's the obvious additions we can make, like online play, more match customization options, adding the remaining mini-games that you can access in Replay Mode, and speeding up the respawn time in the shootouts. What else is there?

Well, remember that two-player cooperation feature that I proposed for an unlockable feature? What this would allow is for you and a friend to control separate playable characters and either follow each other around or go off to different parts of the world to handle different tasks. It'd give that extra bit of spice to the splitting up gimmick. Include Mumbo and he can handle his magic pads while the duo take care of a separate mission, or join him to reap the rewards of his work. It could potentially be a bit broken, which I why I suggest it being unlockable.

The other multiplayer idea i'd like to see is two-player Boss Battles. The designs of the bosses seem fit for a race to see which player can defeat them faster, I think. What i'm saying here is that the two players would exist in completely different realms, fighting the same boss, but with different boss health metres for their respective split-screen windows. Though, you could also have two players take part in an actual two-on-one with the bosses, just to add a little more content. You can even have them able to fight amongst themselves, like in Battletoads.

The last thing i'd ask for in multiplayer is new playable characters in the shootouts on top of Banjo, Mumbo, Jamjars, Gruntilda and the unlockable Jinjo. Those would be Klungo, King Jingaling, Humba Wumba, Ghost Bottles and an Ugger with a Gruntydactyl. The same should go for the Tower of Tragedy Quiz (except Grunty, because she's the host).

B-T - Number 12: Cauldron Castle Construction Complete

Nothing would be a greater spectacle for first time players of this remake, whether or not they played the original Tooie, than to come so far, unlock the final world and find that it's been expanded into an enormous, medieval/technological castle world, the one that time constraints back in 2000 prevented from seeing the light of day!

It was always rather disappointing that the final proper world of Banjo-Tooie, Cauldron Keep, was nothing more than one obstacle, a quiz show and two bosses. Also a single Minjo to barely inconvenience us. According to the game's designer, Gregg Mayles, it was going to be this full-fledged, climatic level with a stone castle being converted into a mechanical one, a graveyard like Mad Monster Mansion, cannons, animated suits of armour, an explorable rooftop, a shortcut to Cloud Cuckooland, a treasure chamber with security lasers, a "glide tower", a "dark tower", a firing range, a hallway with an electrified floor, and an armoury. It was even going to include Mumbo for one more type of magical trick.

Mayles has made three pages of this castle world concept public on Twitter (how great it'd be to see even more), so I recommend checking out the tweet on it he posted over half a decade ago for details: https://twitter.com/Ghoulyboy/status/620900945090768896

While we currently don't have acess to the full set of scrapped ideas, I can think of other things the world can use. One is the presence of Humba Wumba. Throw her a Glowbo, and my idea for a transformation here is the Tank from the Game Boy Advance title, Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge. It'd have powerful projectiles, jumping capabilities it didn't before and wall scaling powers like what the Hag 1 has apparently.

Another thing is we can give Mingella and Blobbelda more presence by having them operate the death traps that the duo needs to get past. and we can get those sweet, much-desired interactions. They built the Big-O-Blaster (B.O.B.), so I want to see what other cool stuff they've built for murderous use. They really need mini-boss battles, and their defeats shall explain away Klungo's role as the last line of defense in the keep.

And just to increase the tension, i'd like a sequence where the Big-O-Blaster is about to be fired on the Isle o' Hags, forcing the players to race against a time limit and nullify the power source, lest they watch the Game Over cutscene, a la Hideout Helm from Donkey Kong 64. There's a lot you could do with the creatively rich setting.

With the addition of this world, the amount of Jiggies in Tooie goes up from 90 to 100. Also, I would move the Isle o' Hags Notes to Cauldron Castle, because that was just how things worked in Banjo-Kazooie, and I don't think it's really a problem.

When you get to the keep, you can still have the final Klungo fight, the Tower of Tragedy Quiz, the Gun Chamber, Dingpot, the last Jiggy barrier and the epic showdown with Grunty, all faithful to the original. For veterans, it'd feel like going through a bizarre alien world you know nothing about to reach your familiar comfort zone.

On a quick visual-related note, with modern age graphics, this world could provide an awesome view of the rest of the Isle o' Hags, just as promised.

I realize that this idea is probably one of the most unrealistic to ask for. I'm truthfully expecting them to just keep the final world as the simplified Cauldron Keep if they actually make this remake collection a reality. But it's right there, man! It's gold waiting to drop in someone's hand and scream at them to have it's already obvious value recognized and utilized to the fullest!

And... DONE! Those are my ideas for what i'd change in and add to Banjo-Kazooie and Banjo-Tooie in an HD remake collection of these two wonderful Rare classics. There are plenty of others that would be shared between them, such as a map screen during unpaused gameplay that can be toggled on and off, a Jiggy checklist with small hints for obtaining each one, a collectible-finding feature accessed through clicking the Left Stick, an option to switch between the rearranged soundtracks and the original Nintendo 64 versions, sound test menus and a crosshair for third-person Egg shooting and the Beak Bomb. Even those little touches would help make these the definitive editions of the Bear and Bird's two-game tale.

Now, tell me what you think of all this and share what you would change in and add to these fine, cartoon-y, family-friendly platforming experiences. Perhaps one day, if we're lucky duckies, a studio, whichever one it may be, will create this well-deserved duology remake and incorporate at least a few things we'd like to see. But of freaking course, only time will tell, so don't lose track, or you will smell. Here be Stache Hand the Clutcher, out and about!

[draftmare]

I had a situation happen to me on Facebook last night, and while the logical solution is to forget about it and move on, I keep feeling really pissed off about it. Mostly because of the part at the very end of the altercation where the harasser said she's going to make it her personal mission to make sure everyone knows I'm a "scammer." Since I sell a lot of tack on Facebook that is really bothersome to me.

I bought a set of Lemieux front and rear jump boots. The total including shipping came out to just shy of $140. I bought them from the UK. In the US they retail for $105 for the fronts and $95 for the rears. They are quite lovely but did not fit my horse.

I posted them for sale for $150 to account for people making offers, people asking for them to be shipped for that price, and of course PayPal taking its cut. So this lady comments that my price is insane and that they can be bought cheaper in the UK. I told her thank you for the feedback, this is what I am asking for them, if you don't like the price you can keep moving. This is where she starts calling me a scammer. She asserts that I am scamming people and asking too much. I again say thank you for the feedback, if you like the price from the shop in UK you may buy them from there. She responds that she isn't interested anyway, she has a nicer pair already. THEN WHY ARE YOU BOTHERING ME?! I tell her I'm simply trying to recoop what I paid, that isn't a crime. Now I don't know what planet this lady is living on, but she tried to tell me that it only cost $6 to ship something from the UK. Say what now?! I've never paid $6 to get something from the UK. You can't even ship something in the US for $6 any more. It cost me $37 to ship the boots to me. I send her a screenshot of the total including shipping.

She ignores the screenshot and in a separate post starts calling me a scammer and saying she's going to make sure the everybody in tack sale groups know I'm trying to scam people on the boots. I tagged a moderator on the post saying I was feeling harassed by this woman. Which I was. All of the posts then disappear and the lady has me blocked. So now I have no idea if she's going around telling people I'm a scammer just because she didn't like my pricing on an item. 🤦 I really hope she's not.

[isaiah-lee]

ISAIAH:

'I am nearby! Where are you?' The woman's voice across the phone put his heart to be delighting, successfully inviting smile, drawing itself on his lips. Yet, it is not a secret that his life has remained dark and strict. Every day has always been all about Hiram and his obsession. But, of course, being the firstborn of Lee means carrying the responsibilities, and he tends to do whatever his father asked him to do.

However, there is a part of him that he shall reveal.

The love life.

Her name is Anastasia Young. Her existence is indeed a clear explanation of every life lesson that he never gets from his family or even every living substance around him. But, to his dull life, her presence seemed to be a relief in the atmosphere. Any woman has never stirred his heart but her.

He walked closer, "I am here."

She seemed to inhale a relief breath. "Oh, God. Thank you."

It took Anastasia the whole day to persuade Isaiah at this point━to give her company. To be involved in a crowd was never his forte.

"I promise, I promise, it won't take long. Two shops then dinner. All done."

“Okay.” He understood with a slight nod of his head.

SABAI:

Like most girls, Sabai just finds herself fond to shop, especially in her early years of working as a flight attendant. The system of laying over surely gives every crew time to at least spend the glamorous life. May be some people were born to love sport, some others were born to love music. Meanwhile Sabai, everyone, she was probably born to shop. One of the life goal that she would achieve when she aimed to be a stewardess. As the sector of the flight today is New York, Sabai won't waste any chance. After two hours of doing the post-flight, checking each of the seat in the cabin, heading straight to the hotel, Sabai is all ready to do her 'retail marathon'. The shopping mall in NYC is just like any other state or city. They have Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Armani, Chanel, DKNY, and many other world brands.

Chanel has always been Sabai's favorite ever since she had her eyes on such taste. Sabai strolls, but her eyes direct to the store she badly wants to go in. It turns out that Chanel has just put her SALE on the website.

Few people come in, Sabai is much more attracted!

The flight attendant who is now wearing no uniform but a denim skirt and sky blue silky blouse enters the building. It is decorated elegantly in black and white. All the products are all shown with the price tag can be known only if you are asking the keeper. Jet lag and lack of sleep often make Sabai becomes more delirious. But especially today, a black dress with signature suit from Chanel has completely stole the lady's attention.

ㅤㅤ"Oh." ㅤㅤ"Sooo pretty!!!"

Sabai claimed, falling in love at her own first sight.

ISAIAH:

Isaiah might seem old-fashioned, and everything within his life was all about serving the name of Lee to reach its peak. However, even since he was little, he was destined to be the key person of The Lee Entertainment. So, whether he wanted it or not, fashion sense is one of the soft skills he had to master within the industry. And Anastasia contributes to that point very well.

"See? I told you, I have a very good reason why your father let me out with you. He doesn't seems that tough like how you told me." A thin chuckles let out of his lips. Because, of course, in a blink of an eye, a powerful person like Hiram Lee must be seen as a good person. "You don't even take a look to magazines I sent to you. So, while I am doing my part, you do your part." A light pat is given to his chest. Her part means she does the shopping while he does the research.

They entered a famous store, Chanel. Once they went in, it doesn't take too long for them to get separated. He took a slow step while his eyes wandering to all the products the company served.

SABAI:

On the other side, Sabai walks closer to the mannequin and caresses the fabric on the dress. Her eyes itself scan closer into the details.

ㅤㅤ'Damn, beautiful.'

She claimed, while her mind is capturing herself wearing it. While she is into admiring the black dress in front of her eyes, a keeper comes to wake her up from the dreamy mind.

'A 70% discount, Ma'am.' 'Are you sure to skip it?' 'I don't think it's a good idea.'

A 70% discount? Sabai is screaming inside her head! They are almost giving them away, aren't they? Her eyes are sparkling, Sabai is more and more wanting it to be in her wardrobe.

'Perhaps, do you want to give it a try?'

Chanel's keepers are mostly this well-trained to persuade their buyers. Sabai is the living proof of how easy she is persuaded to nod her head for the offer.

Or is it just her, though?

ㅤㅤ"Yes, please?"

The keeper smiled in his victory. Right? He wins.

'Alright.' 'Please wait for a while.' 'I will take a new one for you to try.'

Sabai nodded and the keeper walked to do his part. In no time, he is back with the same black dress just like on the display. The eyes are sparkling the same like before, the spark of having the dress on the body is nearly there. Sabai can't wait!

'Here is for you, Ma'am,' he handed it. 'Shall we go straight to the fitting room or do you want to check for the other?'

No. She claims that she can't wait.

ㅤㅤ"I will give this one a shoot."

'Okay.' 'Please?', the keeper then escorted Sabai to a fitting room inside the store. She stepped in bringing the dress and now it is the time for her to see if she would buy it or not. What will be her choice?

ISAIAH:

Even though Anastasia and Isaiah were separated, he followed Anastasia's steps to enter the women's section. However, his woman must be somewhere at the store.

"Is there anything I can help, Sir?" A woman's voice reached to his auditory receptors.

"This one." His finger touched one of the bag collections. Before the keeper opened her mouth to explain further. Isaiah cut her off. "The classic black quilted calfskin... 'Packaged Meat' Handbag from Fall/Winter 2014 Collection."

"You're right, Sir. You seems familiar with these items. Your girlfriend must be lucky to have you." The man refused to answer. Instead, a thin smile stretched over his features. He knew every collection to this store's products. Hiram pushed him so hard to dig deeper about how every world's major fashion houses work. One part that he hates the most during his study. Without the help of Anastasia, he might never be able to master it all. However, Isaiah being skeptical of the compliment given because he knew that service quality is one of the most important value propositions for the store, so it has to be stand out among the competitors.

Just like how a woman who sits just a few steps in front of him. She got the service and a glass of wine plus unnecessary chit-chat. Then take a look at this keeper. She will compliment others with the same tone like she did to him. Knowing that fact, no matter how the girl tried, it doesn't feel special to him.

"Please have a seat while I take care of this for you." "Nevermind, I want to look around for a while." "Alright, Sir. I will be near if you need something else."

Isaiah took another stroll to look around the store. His eyes wandering to every product they served. The company's brand resonance reflected a strong brand loyalty. The classy and timeless design is all over the store.

Another lesson to learn.

SABAI:

With the black dress she got on her hand, Sabai entered a fitting room. A cubical with a curtain that the fabric might be more expensive than your gadget.

The smile couldn't leave her visage, she couldn't wait to try it on.

Once she stepped in, she claimed once again that she HAS TO own it. Actually, it was funny that 'I have to have it', 'I must have it', 'I need to have it' had come to mean the same for Sabai now. As she recalled her old days in university, they all meant different based on the needs she got.

Sabai started to take everything off her body, her blouse and her skirt obviously. But she left the bracelet, necklace, were on its place. Carefully she tried on the dress by unzipping the back first. Damn, its fabric itself was as smooth as a cotton candy. People could even tell the price by just watching it.

It's true that they said Chanel sells class.

Sabai could see her reflection on the standing mirror. It was almost looking perfect.

Almost until she realized she was unable to unzip the back because the fabric was stuck on his necklace. Or whatever you just named it, it was dangerous enough if she forced to pull the dress down. Might as well leaving scratch on that expensive dress.

ㅤㅤ"OMG," Sabai was shocked.

She could do nothing but needed a help. Shop assistant, yes, she needed him. Or her.

So Sabai with the hand tried to hold the back dress, she stepped out the fitting room. But why couldn't she find anyone around?

Only a man that strolled around, she guessed. This wouldn't be weird to ask for a help, right? Just a simple help.

ㅤㅤ"Excuse me," Sabai greeted. ㅤㅤ"Would you help me, please?"

Sabai didn't want to take any risk, not that she didn't own the money but it would much better to shop for more items than the damaged one?

She hoped that the man would gladly help her.

ISAIAH:

"Excuse me,"

"Would you help me, please?"

The woman voice diverts his attention from one of its product, the store. He was certain no one around at the moment. Later he turned his head to look around to make sure no one, not even the keeper, but him. So, was it aimed at him?

"Me?"

The woman behind the curtain was wearing a beautiful dress, a strike for wearing one. Not to mention, judging by her figures, her conditioned body, slender midsection and immaculate skin will be sizzling on-screen, the public will love it.

"What can I do for you?"

Meanwhile, in another place, Anastasia happily bought a pair of dress. The woman was so immersed in her shopping session that she didn't feel like leaving Isaiah anywhere else. After getting the shopping bag, she hastily looked for Isaiah with elated footsteps.

SABAI:

Panic. She needs the man. No, she needs his help. So when he aims himself, Sabai quickly nods her head.

ㅤㅤ"Yes." ㅤㅤ"Please?" ㅤㅤ"I have something stuck on my back."

At this moment, Sabai doesn't want to look like as someone who sets a scam only to get advantage. She turns around, shows him off her upper bare back and the zipper which stuck on her necklace.

Please. Please. She desperately needs help for this one.

Sabai doesn't even pay attention on how good looking the man is. She shall have been paying her eyes to, but his help comes first.

Will he mind helping her?

ISAIAH:

"I have something stuck on my back."

The man took a peek behind her shoulder, but Isaiah can see nothing clearly which part of her dress that is stuck. Later he decided to enter the fitting room, and the curtain closed after him.

He stood up behind her, parting the woman's hair to the side so he could further notice her stuck dress. The back zipper of her dress jammed onto the necklace she wears. Fortunately, she didn't force them to remove, or else the dress would rip off.

It doesn't take too long for him to help her unstuck the dress, but he pushed too hard until the dress opened to the point he reveals her bare back.

"Uh, I am.. sorry." He tried to zip her dress back, but someone pushes open the curtain and stops him from doing his way. It happens to be Anastasia who stood there.

SABAI:

THANK GOD! The help just comes right when she desperately needs it. She quickly stands up properly back to face the mirror and the guy followed after. In a fitting room like that, that would be weird to see a man and a woman inside at a time right?

Yet again, screw it!

They won't take long, it will be finished at a moment. He just needs to help fixing the zipper and they will finish it at a moment, not even a minute?

'Uh, I am sorry...'

Wait. The guy just unzips it lower so Sabai's bare back is exposed. That surprised the woman and she can't help but jaw-dropping. And that's even not stopping just like that. Sabai sees the mirror and her eyes are widen seeing that the curtain is opened by someone, by another woman that Sabai doesn't even expect this will happen.

The view of a woman shows her bare back to a man inside a fitting room, isn't it mindblowing to some? Really, Sabai lost her words. She doesn't even know that woman but she can feel the vibe. Some possible scenarios are popping up inside her mind.

ㅤㅤ'What if...' ㅤㅤ'What if...' ㅤㅤ'What......'

ISAIAH:

"This is not like how you see, Anna."

"What am I seeing?"

Anastasia left the fitting room, later he followed her but stopped for a moment to look at the woman he helped a while ago. "Everything settled, right?" Even though she had not given a response yet, he ran to catch his significant other right away, but then a keeper restrained his step.

"The bag is ready, Sir."

"Wait, I-"

It seemed that Anastasia listens to their conversation. The situation started to look even more suspicious to her. But she doesn't want to render hustle inside, then dragged Isaiah out of the store.

"I am helping her, the zipper was tucked to her necklace."

"But, you don't have to zip it open down to her back."

"I didn't do it on purpose."

"And the bag?"

"For you, of course."

For the first time in forever, this is their very first fight. Within a relationship, Isaiah faces so many drastic sentiments that he barely feels before. From falling in love to this point, he was confused about what to do and explain. But, he knew that Anastasia was misunderstood to read the situation. The tendency to leave her was so strong because eyes are everywhere. His father would be furious to the death if this problem reached him. But then he stayed.

He fights; for the love of his life, he fights.

SABAI:

ISAIAH:

[euro3plast-fr]

Best Christmas Adverts of 2017

25 of the best and the worst Christmas adverts from 2017, with reviews from the Smart Insights team

The battle for the most popular Christmas advert is underway. It has been reported that UK companies will spend an estimated £5.6bn on marketing in the run-up to Christmas. While prime television spots alone are expected to attract a spend of £1.3bn. From Tescos to John Lewis we cover the best and the worst of Christmas adverts for 2017.

Marks & Spencer

Marks and Spencer have used a well-known character, Paddington bear as part of their Christmas advert this year. They have launched a fully integrated campaign using the hashtag, #LoveTheBear, accompanied by its own paw emoji. The campaigns aim according to M&S’s Marketing Director, Patrick Bousquet-Chavanne was:

'We have to break through that mood of the nation, which is why the campaign plays into something much warmer and more heartfelt. As we see every year, people do want a break, a little bit, from reality and this is what the campaign is supposed to provide them with,”

Alongside the advert and social media promotion, they have created marmalade-themed recipes and are hosting private screenings of the new Paddington film both for members of its Sparks loyalty scheme. In-store, you will find Paddington Bear merchandise, childrenswear, Paddington Bear themed foods and a book dedicated to the story.

Latest update: We can now reveal our tale of true Christmas spirit with our favourite @paddingtonbear #lovethebear > https://t.co/CbdLGcbYIn pic.twitter.com/fNKu7Sr5f0

— M&S (@marksandspencer) November 7, 2017

Campaign Live reported that 'M&S's campaign achieved 159,957 engagements within the first 12 hours of release on 7 November. Of those interactions, 93% were positive in sentiment'. Whereas John Lewis only received 74,039 engagements within 12 hours.

Vodafone

Martin Freeman returns in Vodafone's Christmas ads, with a festive love story. Martin meets a young lady who’s using her Vodafone Video pass to stream It’s a Wonderful Life. The love story is told across six pieces of content – two for TV and four for social. Their main aim is to highlight two new launches their pay as you go product PayG 1 and Vodafone Passes.

Tesco

Every family has a different turkey tale, Tesco features a range of families spending Christmas day together as they focus their attention t0 the turkey. They finish the Ad with the tag like 'However you do Christmas, we’ve got a turkey for you'. I think this is a great advert from Tesco, it's heartwarming, and authentic.

Tesco did receive some backlash for the advert because they featured a Muslim family in the advert. Tesco replied by issuing a statement:

“Everyone is welcome at Tesco this Christmas and we’re proud to celebrate the many ways our customers come together for the festive season.”

John Lewis - Moz the Monster

The much anticipated John Lewis advert was launched last week, and there have been mixed reviews. Similar to previous years John Lewis has returned to its focus on creating an ad that will pull at your heartstrings. The advert focused on a little boy befriending a monster named Moz living under his bed. In True John Lewis style Moz the Monster is accompanied by Elbow, who perform The Beatles’ lullaby Golden Slumbers.

They launched the advert on John Lewis’s website, social media channel, and in-store. as part of their campaign, they have teamed up with Facebook to use their augmented reality platform, offering consumers the chance to ‘Mozify’ their faces. You can also buy Moz merchandise such as cuddly toys, books, mugs, and pajamas.

Marketing Week reported that the advert received '2,906 mentions of the John Lewis Christmas ad on social media between 7 and 8am, after the ad was released at 7.40am. During this first hour, mentions peaked at 246 per minute. Overall consumer sentiment was 86% positive, while 14% of mentions were negative.'

For me, this advert didn't reach the expectations of previous years. it didn't leave me feeling warm, fuzzy and excited for the festive season, it actually left me confused.

Sainsburys - #EverybitofChristmas

The supermarket says it made a conscious decision to move away from one-off Christmas ads in favor of a more consistent brand approach. They made an advert based on their 'Living well' campaign for consistency. The campaign is centered around a song about Christmas, featuring members of the public and a couple of 'celebrities'. For me, Sainsbury's was the biggest disappointment, compared to previous years such as Mog the cat or 1914 Christmas day ads, Sainsburys really missed a trick. For those who can keep up with the jumpy, feative song you can sing along in their karaoke version.

Peacocks - #XMASFACTOR

That's right peacocks have joined the battle of the Christmas adverts, with an XFactor theme. Featuring ex-contestants such as Jedward, Honey G and Wagner, they sing a bespoke rap 'Deck the halls with rhymes from Honey'. Although I felt a little sorry for the acts featured in the ad, it stands out from teh crowd and is perfect for their target audience.

Mcdonals - #reindeerready

Mcdonals based their story on a young girl who saves a McDonald's carrot for Santa's reindeer. We follow her as she takes the carrot home ready for the reindeers until she gets home and her older brother says You know there's more than one, right?'.

Although a slightly confusing message going to McDonalds for 'carrots', they have supported the advert with a Snapchat partnership that introduces a hub on the social platform with special features. There's a carrot-collecting game, an augmented reality lens that shows dancing reindeer and new geofilters.

The link between a carrot and McDonalds seemed odd to me as that's not what they are really about. But it tells a sweet story which got the 'Aww' vote from the Smart Insights team.

Argos - #Readyfortakeoff

Argos take us to their magical Argos distribution centre, where the elves are busy helping Santa deliver toys. However, a robotic puppy is left behind, so one of the elves chases the delivery spaceship to make sure the toy gets to the child in time. The ad ends with the message: “Argos, ready for take-off. Presents delivered within four hours'. The ad helps promote that Argos will be making deliveries within 4 hours up until 6pm on Christmas Eve.

According to Gary Kibble, Marketing Director at Argos:

'There’s an opportunity as 40% of the respective customer base currently shops at both brands so encouraging the other 60% to shop across the two is a big opportunity.'

Aldi - Kevin the carrot is back

Our Email Marketing Manager, Kim Greenop-Gadsby had to say about Aldis Christmas advert:

'Kevin the carrot is back and this time he’s looking for Santa and love. This year we find Kevin outside in the snow, acting as a substitute nose for a snowman. Harry Potter actor, Jim Broadbent commences to narrate, as Kevin is awoken by a passing train. Believing to have seen Santa, Kevin catches the train. Once inside he enters the dining car and his gaze falls upon the beautiful Katie, as she lounges upon some mince pies while reading “9½ Leeks”. Our hero is instantly infatuated and undertakes the perilous journey to reach his carrot love. He travels passed a needle-like fork and the remains of a bisected gingerbread man. Horrified, Kevin starts a chain-like reaction that leads to peas being throw into the air and heading directly towards his love. With no thought of his own safety he throws himself in front of the speeding pea. And all goes dark. He awakens to being held gently by Katie and continues to say, “I think I pea-ed myself," thus winning over his lady as she bends down to kiss her romantic hero.

This ad pulls at the heartstrings, as much as animated carrots can. Like most retailers who have a mascot in their advert, Aldi is no different and is selling a plush version of Kevin and Katie. Last year, customers scooped up multiple Kevin's and proceeded to sell them on various auction sites at extortionate prices. This year Aldi have restricted purchases to 2 Kevins and 2 Katies per customer with sales supporting the Teenage Cancer Trust.'

The carrot soft toys went on sale on 19th November online and sold out straight away. People already have the toys on eBay selling for around £50.

Pandora - DO Get What You Wish For

Somya our Content Intern, reviews Pandoras ad:

'Pandora – the jewellers you can rely on, to deliver great Christmas adverts. Unlike the dreamy Debenhams video, Pandora has gone for a more light-hearted approach, yet, making for a highly effective Christmas advert! Starting with a groovy background score, the video immediately establishes a relaxed, cheerful setting, where we see couples asking for their dream Christmas presents, by dropping not-so-subtle hints.

In addition to giving you numerous clever ideas on how to nudge your partner on getting that perfect present, the advert cleverly makes use of Christmas symbolism, to create a simplistic yet powerful holiday narrative. Moreover, the video cleverly ends in exactly 60 seconds, avoiding any dangers of becoming too repetitive.

Another interesting feature of this Christmas advert is definitely the choice of words. The caption, “DO Get What You Wish For”, could’ve been a question asking people what are they wishing for, this Christmas, but Pandora wanted to leave no scope for confusion there. Even though the caption may sound quite authoritative, oddly enough, it can help give a sense of rightfulness to the viewer. Through its simple yet powerful use of diction, the Pandora advert can leave you with a sense of worthiness, worthiness to deserve a great Christmas present!'

Asda - Best Christmas Ever

The very Charlie and the Chocolate Factory advert features a grandad and his granddaughter. The couple explores the Asda factory discovering new and exciting creations for Christmas. Although a good advert for me this doesn't have the wow factor or get me excited for Christmas.

Waitrose - #ChristmasTogether

Our Blog Editor, Annie shares her thoughts on Waitrose:

'One of the greatest things about Christmas is the magical element in colour, either garish reds and greens or delicate silvers, golds and blue to represent chilly winter days. Waitrose’s Christmas advent doesn’t capture any of these elements, instead choosing to represent their best food with a dull black and white filter. Like many other supermarket Christmas adverts, you find yourself looking at the different festive foods they offer, but the bland colours leave me feeling disappointed. Where is the crisp golden turkey skin? The brownness of the gingerbread? The light, comfortable and supportive warm hue of a family coming together at Christmas? I’m sure that even when snowed in with a black-out the candles would still shine some festive, warm emotion into the house but there’s nothing warm about this advert. I find myself staring at some black and white boiled potatoes in a black and white pan and it doesn’t make me want to run to Waitrose to buy them. I want colour.'

Sky - Movies at Christmas

Our Rob Jones reviews Skys Christmas advert:

'With the aim of bringing the family together around a movie at Christmas, Sky Cinema have produced an ad for the Christmas season which follows the relationship between a mother and daughter over 25 years. The piece, created by WCRS for Sky follows a mother and daughter from 1992 to the present day. The focus of the ad is onThe Sound of Music, one of the first films to be broadcast on Sky in 1989. The clever part? As the little girl ages, the Sky TV boxes change too. If you watch closely at each shot of the TV, you’ll notice the Sky boxes accurately change over time. For example, moving from the old Amstrad Sky TV box and finishing with a Sky Q box, in the present day.

This represents the relationship between Sky and their loyal customers. Even in the age of Netflix, who doesn’t know someone who has Sky TV. Brilliantly thought through, effectively put together and finished off with a few mentions of “The Sky is full of stars” a quote from the Sound of Music'.

Talk Talk - This is Christmas

A real British family enjoying Christmas day. Talk Talk film a one families Christmas day to capture authentic, unscripted footage. Compared to the big brand campaigns this is a refreshing advert that everyone can relate to. For me Talk Talk have capture what christmas is all about.

Boots - #Showthemyouknowthem

Boots take us back through two sisters memories, looking at their Christmases together sharing 11 boots products from the brand’s archives. Annie shares her thoughts:

'I am a big fan of storytelling! Storytelling is a great way to represent your brand, what you stand for, and what your product means to your audience. I think Boots got this right! We’ve probably all sent at least one beauty related product to a family member or friend, but here boots shows you WHY it’s important and what it means. Two sisters who have been through life’s challenges and milestones together, coming together for Christmas. But, for me it’s the story Boots tells that engrossed me into the advert because above all else, it’s relatable. Being able to empathise is a valuable personal emotion and Boots shows that they can not only relate, but empathise with the wider population and show the value in their products - the coming together of family at christmas with gifts that mean something.' 

Debenhams - #Youshall

Somya, our Content Intern shares her thoughts on Debenhams attempts to copy the cinderella story:

'The Debenhams Christmas advert is here and let me tell you, it’s here to stay! Amidst a plethora of not-so-christmassy Christmas adverts, the Debenhams advert hits you right in the feels. It makes you want to curl up in your bed, with some fuzzy popcorn and re-watch all the versions of the Cinderella movie ever. No, really, the advert itself has the potential to bloom out in a full-fledged feature film, Cinderella 2.0.

The advert begins with a romantic train setting, where the modern-day, clumsy Cinderella meets her prince charming, and needless to say, it’s love at first sight! However, Debenhams has taken the age-old fairytale, added a quirky twist to it and made it oh-so relevant to today’s day and age. Even though the advert consists the classic lost shoe, romance finds its way through hashtags and social media. With the help of rapid reposting, #FindMyShoe and #FindThatGirl seem to be the two magical hashtags that unite the digitally-savvy lovers.

In a short duration, the brand has managed to convey a powerful narrative with a strong emotional quotient. The advert effortlessly showcases the strength of smooth and crisp storytelling, in conveying a brand message and engaging the audiences. As Ryan Deutsch (Senior Vice President of Global Customer Success at Persado) correctly points out, “Retailers need to get their arms around the fact that emotions matter and that urgency is not the most important emotion." Oh, and a cameo by Ewan McGregor ain’t hurtin’ nobody!'

Barbour - The Snowman and The Snowdog

Rob gives his honest thoughts on Barbour's Christmas ad: 

'The ad features the story of The Snowman and The snowdog, which was a animated film launched in 2012, a sa sequel to The Snowman.

Whilst the ad includes some brilliant animation, snow and a pet dog, which all make the ad feel christmassy, the ad also doesn’t seem to have any association with the Barbour brand. Nevertheless, it’s great to see an animated christmas film being used, as we all those those sort of ads.'

Matalan - Creating Value in Every Moment

Our Email Marketing Manager, Kim Greenop-Gadsby had to say about Matalans Christmas campaign:

'This year Matalan feature a busy family and Dodger the dog. While the busy mum and teacher dashes off she grabs the dreaded “to-do list”, which Dodger tries to eat. We cut to the mum trying to organise the primary school Christmas pageant (which of course, includes a dinosaur, superheros and Santa). Through all the chaos of kids picking noses, fighting and set disasters, our mum receives a text from Matalan that her click-and-collect is ready. We can instantly observe our mum relax and smile. We cut to the dad and kids at home, dealing with their own chaos. Dodger again is trying to eat dad’s to-do list. After they struggle to get the tree and house ready we see a well behaved Dodger in a cute reindeer outfit. Mum collects her order from Matalan and arrives to the Christmas party. Our mum changes into a stunning red dress, is relaxed and full of smiles. Mum and dad enter a room and we see their smiles disappear. Naughty Dodger has eaten all the food.

I can relate to this advert. A working mum, having loads of those to-do lists on the fridge and dogs that would happily eat anything in sight. However I don’t think I would be as relaxed or cheery as the mum without a relaxant pill or copious amounts of mulled wine. For Christmas we all have a desire to make things as perfect as possible. At least this advert shows no matter how many to-do lists you have, things can still go Pete Tong.'

TK Maxx - A White Christmas

TK Maxx offer something a little different as they promise that they will deliver actual snow to people for free if you find an exclusive snow globe in the shop. This is a grwat spin on the normal christmas advert and makes them stand out from the very competive crowd.

Children's Hospice - #FirstChristmas

Among the chaos of Christmas, adverts like this bring us back to what really matters and raises awareness for those who find Christmas hard. This advert by Shooting Star Chase brings to life the story of the Barker family, who tragically lost their son, Matthias, after a battle with cancer. The ad tells the story of a father, struggling to come to terms with the passing of his son and how the family comes together to help him cope with their grief. Although hard to watch, an advert like this always gets my vote.

House of Fraser - Bring Merry Back

The sister theme strikes again, as House of Fraser follows two sisters through each Christmas they have spent together.

Paddy Earnshaw, Chief Marketing Officer at House of Fraser, said:

"As adults we can sometimes lose sight of the magic of Christmas as we have to do grown up stuff like manage plans and ‘to do’ lists. There is no such thing as a picture-perfect Christmas where everything goes to plan; that’s half the charm and the fun. "

Lidl

Lidl have a series of six short separate adverts following different characters such as The Cavalier Carver, The Mince Pie maverick, and the Double Dipper. Characters we can all relate to and see through the Christmas period.

Claire Farrant, the supermarket’s Marketing Director, said:

‘Our campaign “Every Lidl Thing For Christmas” has been developed to showcase the fantastic breadth of food and drink we have for the UK customer at Lidl.'

Morrisons - Christmas List

Morrisons looks to tell the story of how three families prepare for their perfect Christmas. The first ad shows a family writing letters to Santa, listing what they want this Christmas. The second focuses on a young girl and brother, who encourages her to do things such as feed a reindeer and putting the star on the tree. The aim to promote their Free From range. The adverts lack the wow factor for me and I the link between an older brother encouraging his sister to do new things and eating gluten-free are still confusing.

Here is what our Senior Research Analyst, Rob Jones, thought:

'As Tesco, ASDA and Sainsbury’s have suffered over the past few years, Morrisons have found their feet. Morrisons have increased market share, profits and revenues more recently, this is is almost unheard of in these difficult times for grocers, with the exception of the discounters Aldi and Lidl. A marketing overhaul has also helped to reinvent the brand. Continuing the brand message that Morrisons is a family focused brand, the story follows a little girl that is nervous to feed a reindeer and take centre stage in a school play, but isn’t nervous about the treats she can eat, as they are gluten free. It’s easy to associate. those with allergies and dietary limits are always unsure of what they can eat, represented by the little girl's nervousness of most things. The ad promotes the free from range, sharing the message that everyone can enjoy mince pies at Christmas.'

Overall the quality has been good but not as good compared to previous years. The biggest disappointment for me was John Lewis. It has been good to see brands using more digital platforms to promote their campaigns and adapting to platforms such as snapchat or Instagram. Next year I would love to see retailers take a brave move into new creative territory to shake it up and to challenge consumers’ perceptions with something unexpected.

Which Christmas advert gets your vote this year? Let us know what you think and connect with us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or LinkedIn.

from Blog – Smart Insights https://www.smartinsights.com/internet-advertising/best-christmas-adverts-of-2017/