#no i totally didn't base senator balem off of balem abrasax from jupiter ascending lol

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Twist of Fate, Chapter 4

You GUUUUUUUYYYSSS!!!! I FINISHED WRITING THE WHOLE THING!!! GO ME!!! I can’t believe I did it, holy shit. I am so proud of myself right now. And it’s great for you guys because that means more frequent updates!!! Starting with this one! Hope you enjoy! Tagging @cosmicrealmofkissteria and @tanookiroxx. Read on!!

In which unpleasant memories are forced to mind, and Starchild makes either a huge mistake… or a huge leap forward.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The days went on, and soon it had been a full week since the KISSterians arrived on Jendell. Starchild spent most of his time in meetings when his presence was required, and when he wasn’t in meetings he went off by himself to read or draw, or spending time with Ace, Amalthea, his mother, or Tomaziel.

Though with Tomaziel he could never spend as much time with him as he wanted. Being the aide to the King meant Tomaziel was off performing duties and taking care of things when he wasn’t sitting in on the meetings, and so they weren’t able to interact very much. But whenever they did find time to interact, Starchild found he greatly enjoyed it. The Jendellian had a surprisingly good knowledge of politics, which lead to them having often long discussions about the meetings taking place and what they meant for the future of the alliance between KISSteria and Jendell.

Apart from that, Starchild also noted how Tomaziel never minded when he began to passionately ramble about something. Instead, he listened, even contributing when he could. The first time it happened, Starchild stopped in the middle of his spiel when he realized Tomaziel was probably bored and laughed awkwardly. “I’m sorry,” he felt his face flushing, “you probably are bored by what I’m saying…”

But Tomaziel only shook his head. “No, not at all. Keep going; you have me interested.”

The fact that he didn’t mind contributed to the easy feeling Starchild felt when he was with Tomaziel. He just couldn’t help but feel incredibly comfortable around him, and like he could tell him anything. He sincerely hoped Tomaziel felt the same.

Starchild sighed as he realized his thoughts had drifted yet again. He couldn’t do that… especially not now.

He was sitting in the meeting hall and watching with dread as he watched a debate slowly spiral out of control. Senators and Councilmen were firing back at one another, each side growing angrier the longer it was drawn out. Starchild couldn’t even begin to summarize to himself how it had begun, because frankly he wasn’t even sure of that himself—all he knew was that one moment they had all been sitting and listening to Councilwoman Payne present her points for consideration, and suddenly there was a heated debate happening. The Elder was sitting and watching with a fairly neutral look, but he knew it was only a matter of time before she stood to dispel everything.

He sighed and turned to Ace, who was watching the debate with a similar look of dread. “How did this happen, again?” he asked quietly.

Ace shrugged. “I’m not sure,” he muttered back. “I think it was because Councilwoman Payne said something Senator Balem took issue with?” He sighed. “It’s always Senator Balem… I can’t even use the word “outraged” now because he took all the impact out of it.”

Starchild chuckled. “At least they aren’t shouting at each other.” His mind couldn’t help adding on, Yet…

“Yeah, that’s good, at least. Oh, speaking of good things.” Ace leaned over to him, smiling. “You remember how I said Monique wanted to meet you?”

“How could I forget when I’ve been waiting for her to find me all week?” It was true; whenever he had the chance, he made sure he was in obvious places—the Garden Dome, the library, etc—so Monique would have an easier time trying to find him.

“Well, I had a talk with her governesses—turns out she kept trying to sneak away all week but kept getting caught. So we came to a little agreement: if Monique stays on her best behavior all day today, she can join me, Amalthea, you and the Elder for lunch tomorrow.”

Starchild smiled. “That sounds great. I can’t wait to finally meet her.”

“Oh, neither can she,” Ace chuckled. “Just wait; when she sees you, she’ll be starstruck.”

“Pun intended?”

“Pun intended.”

They both laughed… and that was the only little reprieve they got before a sudden shout made them look up. The Senators and Councilmen were now on their feet, and a man with slicked back dark hair and a pale face was shouting at Councilwoman Payne. “Your words are filthy lies and absolute slander!”  

Ace sat forward. “Senator Balem, there is no need to accuse Councilwoman Payne of slander,” he said, in a voice that was calm yet stern.

“I am sure Councilwoman Payne did not intend to do so,” Starchild added. He turned to Councilwoman Payne. “Did you, Councilwoman Payne?”

“I promise you, my Prince, I did not,” Councilwoman Payne insisted. She glared at Senator Balem. “It’s him who’s accusing me of such things!”

“That is a lie!” Starchild actually jumped at how loud Senator Balem’s voice became. “This woman slanders the good name of Jendell, and I am outraged she would do so!”

Councilwoman Payne’s glare turned deadly, and Starchild quickly stood up to give Senator Balem a warning look. “Senator, that’s quite enough. I will not have you throw baseless accusations at a member of my Council. If we could all calm ourselves and return to—”

“How dare you call it your Council, boy!” Senator Balem suddenly rounded on him, face blue with rage. “As if you run it! You aren’t fit to run it!”

Ace stood up, frowning. “Senator Balem—”

The Senator ignored him and continued shouting. “All you are is a spoiled, puffed-up prince who cares more about a trivial music group than serving his realm! Your façade has fooled no one from the moment you displayed your ignorance at the simplest of matters! You may be grown, but you are nothing more than a CHILD!”

Starchild had at one point opened his mouth to defend himself, but as Senator Balem continued his raving, he was reduced to staring dumbly at him. But the last few words he screamed at him… he might as well have punched Starchild in the face.

“Enough!”

Everyone froze as the room suddenly went dark. The lights dimmed, and a powerful gust of wind whipped through, even though there were no windows. The Elder had risen to her feet and was holding her staff out in front of her, her markings glowing a dangerous purple.

“This meeting has descended into madness!” Her voice boomed around the room. “Such anger-fueled debates do nothing to strengthen this alliance! We shall reconvene after a twenty-minute recess so that everyone may calm themselves,” here she glared directly at Senator Balem, who to his credit had been shocked speechless, “and after which Senator Balem shall apologize for his childish behavior and insults to the Prince of KISSteria!”

Then she pulled back her staff, and the purple of her markings began to fade. The wind died down, and the lights turned bright again. But before anyone could say anything, the Elder looked around at them all with a look that dared any of them to argue. “Twenty minutes,” she repeated. Then with a sweep of her cloak, she turned on her heel and left out the door.

The Senators and Councilmen quickly dispersed amongst themselves, talking in shock about what had just occurred. Starchild stood frozen, his head bowed and his fists clenched. His mind kept repeating the words Senator Balem had hurled at him.

Ace reached out to nudge his shoulder in concern. “Starchild?”

Without a word, Starchild turned and walked quickly out the door. He couldn’t stay in this room; he had to get out of here.

Unfit. Spoiled. Puffed-up. Ignorant. Child.

You are a child.

-JENDELL-

He finally found a bench far enough away from the meeting hall and sat down heavily. He sat back against the wall and looked down at the floor.

This was ridiculous. He’d come too far to have his confidence shattered by a few simple words. That wasn’t growth or improvement—it felt more like regression. He couldn’t regress, not after so many years of trying.

But not everyone had seen those years of trying. To everyone outside his Inner Circle, Senator Balem was probably right—he probably looked like he had abandoned his realm in favor of going to Earth. No matter how many years he had spent trying to improve himself, everyone probably still saw the impulsive, naïve, idealistic person he’d been before.

Starchild sighed frustratedly. He hadn’t even defended himself. When would he be able to defend himself against people like that?

“Is everything all right?”

Starchild closed his eyes at the voice. He couldn’t… not right now. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he just… he couldn’t. Not when he had practically fled the meeting hall in embarrassment.

And yet he opened his eyes and turned his head anyway. There was Tomaziel, standing there and looking at him in concern.

“No,” his voice came out quiet. “No, everything is not all right.”

Tomaziel sat down beside him. “I’m so sorry that happened,”

“You don’t have to apologize, Tomaziel,”

“I feel as if I do. Senator Balem has a habit of screaming nonsense when he works himself up into a rage.” If only it was just nonsense. “I’m sorry his words were so hurtful.”

“They’re the truth,”

Tomaziel blinked and frowned at Starchild’s quiet words. “What do you mean?”

Starchild’s eyes turned down to the floor again. “What he said… they’re the truth… partially. What he described is everything I don’t want to be anymore.” His fingers dug into his arms as he hugged himself. “Do you remember how I told you about that one day, when I was a child, and how I drew a picture of the roses in the gardens?”

Tomaziel nodded. “Yes,”

“The whole reason I did it was because…” he suddenly trailed off as he realized what was happening. He was about to tell Tomaziel, a person he had only interacted with for a week, everything. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t put a burden like that on a friend. Even if he did feel like he could tell him, he didn’t know how Tomaziel would react.

But then Tomaziel leaned closer. “Starchild?”

Starchild had to close his eyes again. Why did he like hearing his own name coming from Tomaziel’s mouth?

There was no going back now. So he swallowed and continued. “It was because I was all alone. No one to talk to, no friends to play with… Sometimes I wished I had a brother, or something, just so I wouldn’t have to be so alone. And then… then I grew up into everything Senator Balem described. I was emotional, and idealistic, and… and so naïve. I made decisions before I thought them through. I never listened to anyone. And I did leave my realm, so I could go to Earth with my friends and form KISS.” Here he briefly looked up at Tomaziel, hoping and praying he would understand. “I’m trying to be better. I’m trying so hard…” Oh Gods, was he going to cry? “I don’t want to be that person anymore. I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t love himself, o-or even respect himself, enough that he knew he wasn’t happy being with the person he was with anymore but stayed anyway. I��m still trying so hard to be better, and where I am now, I’m so much happier than I was before. But to have it all thrown in my face that people still think I’m that person…” He closed his eyes and looked down. He couldn’t cry. Not in front of Tomaziel.

“Starchild…” he glanced up and found Tomaziel looking at him… incredibly gently. “I don’t think you are that person anymore. No one does. Senator Balem, he’s… he’s everything you don’t want to be, but he’s worse. He lives in his own little bubble, where everyone thinks the same way as him. But he’s the only one who thinks the way he does. Everyone else can see you are no longer that person.”

Starchild fully turned his head to look up at him. “You really think so?”

Tomaziel nodded sincerely. “I do. It’s an admirable thing to want to change and grow as an individual. And I’ve heard the acknowledgement of faults starts one on the path to mending them. And really…” Starchild suddenly became aware of how close their hands were on the bench. His heart began to beat a little faster. “I think accepting oneself is incredibly brave.”

For a moment, Starchild couldn’t speak. “… Do you mean that?” Why had his voice gone quiet again?

Tomaziel gave another sincere nod. “I do,”

After another moment, Starchild hesitantly smiled. “Thank you, Tomaziel. Really… That means a lot to me.”

Smiling back, Tomaziel replied, “Of course. I saw you leave the room and… I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

Sitting up, Starchild took a deep breath and blew it out. “I think I will be now.” He gave Tomaziel a grateful look. “Thank you for coming after me.”

“You’re welcome.” They both stood up. “Are you all right to go back? I think the twenty minutes the Elder dictated are almost up.”

“… Yes, I am.” He pushed the thought of As long as it’s with you out of his head and smiled jokingly. “Even if I wasn’t, we should still probably get back. The Elder would be cross with us if we were late. Besides, Senator Balem is supposed to apologize and I would like to see that.”

Tomaziel chuckled as they set off down the hallway. “So do I. Senator Balem has hardly ever apologized unless the King orders him to.”

Starchild gave a laugh. “How is he even a Senator?”

The aide could only give a shrug. “Despite his anger problems, he does have a very good head for inter-realm trade.”

“Such is the way with politics,”

“It seems that way,”

They looked at each other, then smiled and began to laugh again.

-JENDELL-

The meeting reconvened and Senator Balem did indeed apologize for his disrespectful behavior, to both Starchild and Councilwoman Payne. No doubt Ace had reprimanded him as well. Either way, Senator Balem looked properly scolded, and after the two accepted his apology the meeting continued with no other incidents.

That night, when Starchild turned out his lights and got into bed, he let his hand drift down under his blanket. After a whole week of so many meetings and so many people with only chunks of the days to himself, he needed some form of relief.

Starchild threw back his head and moaned in pleasure as he worked himself over. It had been odd and awkward at first to pleasure himself. But he was used to it now, very used to it. And he knew what to do to make it feel good, and how to be good to himself.

“It ain’t a crime to be good to yourself!” flashed in his head and he let out a laugh into the darkness of his room. The words were true.

His pleasure rose higher and his hand moved faster. Closer and closer… And suddenly images flashed in his head—images of a man with dark hair and a white face with silver markings and brown eyes—oh, what beautiful eyes—lit up in a fire of pleasure. His dark hair fell beautifully around his face as he threw back his head in a cry of ecstasy.

And then Starchild tumbled into his climax. He groaned happily and relaxed into the sheets, stretching out in bliss. This was exactly what he needed. And as he floated in his sweet haze his mind just barely caught him moaning out a name.

“Tomaziel…”