#no i don't have spotify no i am not planning on using spotify any time soon

[rapha-reads]

So my YouTube Music recap is already here, never mind there's an entire month left to the year, and the results are equal parts surprising and totally expected.

Like my sister said, "huh, someone has an obsession for Jackson Wang", and then "I'm not even surprised about Raleigh Ritchie, that's all you were listening this summer".

Well. Sorry for having good taste both in music and in men. And women too, my girl Faouzia is fantastic, and YouTube told me a little while ago I'm amongst the 0.5% who has listened to her the most. And Dana Salah is a queen.

Makes me laugh that in my top 5 artists, there's literally only one British artist, and the rest is Moroccan Canadian, Chinese, Kazakh and Dutch.

Anyway. Go listen to Jackson Wang. This man is an artist.

[waynes-multiverse]

Plastic Hearts – Part 25

Pairing: Director!Dean Winchester x Actress!Reader

Series Summary: Los Angeles, 1985. Y/N’s a young actress without any success, hopping from one failed audition to the next until one desperate mistake brings her to her breaking point. Dean Winchester, on the other hand, is a grade A asshole and washed-up director at the end of his career, known for his godawful slasher movies in the 70s and his love for blow, booze, and women. Lost in the toxic Hollywood life, their paths cross when one hopeless little wrestling show changes their trajectory.

Chapter Warnings: +18, a tinge of angst, FLUFF

Word Count: 5.7k

A/N: I'm not sad... 🥲 Honestly, I don't have words beyond gratitude and cliché goodbyes, so let's end this journey together 🤍

<< 24 || Spotify Playlist || Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist

25. Dare

“Ugh, I can’t believe you convinced everyone to come out here,” Jo groans and raises her flat palm to her brows, shielding her eyes from the scalding desert sun. “What the fuck is wrong with Palm Springs, huh?”

“C’mon, we’ve always wanted to go to Joshua Tree together since we moved to LA. This is like the perfect time,” Y/N argues cheerfully and nudges her friend with her elbow. “Look! It’s so peaceful.”

“There’s a dead carcass over there. Looks like a symbol of my marriage,” Jo deadpans.

Y/N purses her lips before compelling another positive smile to her face. “We can get rid of that. The girls really needed this after the whole Crowley debacle.”

The group left straight after the network meeting in Dean’s office this morning, which didn’t go as planned, to say the least. While several executives were surely interested, Crowley and H-ELLTV put an abrupt end to it. Apparently, they sold their fucking souls by signing a contract with the devil. Crowley’s words still rang in her ears on repeat.

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news, ladies, but H-ELLTV owns your characters, which means you can’t sell them to another network. You all signed a contract and made a deal. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, fucking asshole…” Jo huffs her agreement but then throws her friend a suspicious sideways look. “What’s up with you, though? Why are you so chipper and cheerful like a fucking Disney princess? I thought you of all people would be fucking depressed and devastated about the stupid show ending.”

Y/N shrugs. “I am. I’m just trying to make the best of our last weekend together. Can’t I be happy?”

“Fuck no.” Jo shakes her head. “Something’s up with you. Usually, when you’re like this, it’s overcompensation ‘cause you’ve fucked something up. If I were still married, I’d think you’ve fucked my husband all over again. So, what did you do?”

Y/N shrugs once more and keeps her eyes trained on the sprawling desert landscape in front of her. “Nothing.”

“Dean also was a bigger asshole than usual this morning. So, I’m asking again, what shit did you fuck up now?”

“Nothing, okay? Dean’s always an asshole,” Y/N deflects defensively. Although, even she has to admit – those were some spectacularly icy green eyes this morning. Not that he ever looked directly at her or spoke with her even once. She probably would’ve turned to stone if he did.

“Fine, don’t tell. God knows I don’t fucking care,” Jo says indifferently and joins the other women as they set up their tents on the campground.

Y/N lets out a small sigh as she stares at the bluest sky she’s ever seen while the hot desert sun beams down on her. She watches the girls for a while, her heart slightly cracking at the thought this might be the last time they all hang out together. This year has been the best one she’s ever had.

But then, her heart stings even more when she thinks about the one person who isn’t here, wondering what he’s doing right now. If anything, she owes it all to him.

Dean nurses his beer with a sigh, his green eyes barely paying attention to the half-naked girl who’s winding herself up and down a silver pole in front of him. This used to bring him joy – day-drinking at a strip club and watching tits bounce. But now all he thinks about is how that girl looks nothing like Y/N. None of them do.

“Hey, son. Startin’ early today,” Bobby notes with a chuckle as he sits down next to him.

“Yeah, they canceled the show.” And while that’s certainly true, it’s not the reason why Dean’s sulking at a titty bar.

“Too damn bad. I loved the show!” Bobby tells him enthusiastically. “It was insane. Good insane. It had everything – comedy, drama, heartache, tits, violence, a fucking wedding? There’s something for everyone there.”

“Well, uh, thanks, Bobby. Really appreciate it,” Dean tells him politely. He likes the guy, but he’s not in the mood for chitchat. He’s barely in the mood for naked women, for crying out loud. This is a deep fucking depression.

There are only two promises he’s made to himself: One, he won’t slump like he did after his last divorce. There will be no excessive drinking, which leads to excessively pathetic crying, which leads to a myriad of bad choices out of sheer desperation. Remember that awful dating videotape he made? Yes, there will be no more of that. And then there’s of course two, no drugs – no matter how much he tells himself he wants or fucking needs them. A tiny dot of hope seems to be still dormant in his plastic heart, reminding him that she might come back, and he doesn’t want to risk disappointing her once she does.

Dean has worked fucking hard to be the best version he can be – a version she doesn’t seem to give a shit about. But even he has to admit: He likes himself a lot better now, so he refuses to turn back to old comforts, albeit it’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.

“You guys interested in doing a floor show?”

Bobby’s words pull him from his reverie. Dean arches a brow at him, straightening a bit in his seat. “What? Here?”

Bobby rolls his eyes. “No, idjit. My wife Ellen has some stakes in a club on the Vegas Strip. She manages the hotel there, too. They’re looking for a new headliner. Just do the exact same show, night after night, 300 miles east. Vegas is where the money is. Headliners make at least 25 grand a week. You think that gym is big? We have to fill 1,100 seats.”

Dean stumps and blinks at the old man a bit baffled. “Well, uh… I’ll think about it. Talk to my partner, the girls…”

Bobby smiles and pats his shoulder as he gets up. “You do that. I’ll call you tomorrow. Now, how about a lap dance? On the house. Can pick any girl that fancies your heartache. You ain’t foolin’ an old man like me.”

Dean chuckles. “Nah, I’m good. But thanks. Think I’m gonna head home and drink myself into a coma there.”

“It’s getting dark soon. How much longer?” Jo’s brown eyes dart to Y/N as she drags her feet over a rocky path. The sun stings less than it did when they started their little hike, but her skin feels perfectly tanned by now and the water is running low.

“Uh, I think it’s supposed to be just up ahead that hill,” Y/N muses and swirls her head around the formation of rocks that all look the same, squinting her eyes into the distance.

Jo sighs, and her stare intensifies. “You’ve been saying that for over an hour. Are we lost?”

“Noooo…” Y/N doesn’t sound convincing and surely doesn’t fool Jo with her reply.

“Alright, gimme the map.”

“I don’t have the map. I gave it to Meg.”

Jo groans and rolls her eyes, throwing her arms up in exasperation.

“What? Meg’s the trail leader. Trail leader gets the map,” Y/N defends her faux pas with reason.

“Great! So we’re fucking lost in the desert,” the blonde huffs.

Y/N chuckles lightly, mostly out of uncomfortableness and panic she tries to hide behind it. “No, there’s a trail marker right over there,” she says, pointing to a pile of rocks. “That looks manmade.”

Jo quirks her brow. “You mean like that pile of rocks? Or that one over there?”

Y/N follows her friend’s gaze, only to realize that there are lots of piles of rock that all look too fucking similar. She purses her lips and scratches her head before resting her arms on her squared-off hips. “I think we’re lost.”

“Yeah.” With an exhaustive sigh, Jo plops down on another pile of rocks and watches as the orange sun dips behind the horizon, shadows of blue slowly crawling across the desert floor and swallowing the light.

Y/N clumsily lowers herself down next to the blonde. Her leg hurts like a bitch, and the desert sand that has wound its way into her cast itches a good deal. Her hands and arms hurt as well from clinging to her crutches all afternoon. Maybe Dean was right, and this was a bad idea, after all. Why does he always have to be fucking right about everything? How can one person be so annoying and frustrating all at once?

“Well, you finally get your wish,” Jo deadpans. “We’re gonna die together.”

“I’m sorry,” Y/N says ruefully and looks at the first stars appearing in the night sky. “Maybe the stars will guide us home.”

Jo just looks at her, unamused and unsurprised. “You’ve never been camping, have you?”

Y/N twitches her shoulders apologetically. “It was only supposed to be a three-mile moderate beginner’s trail to a beautiful vista. It’s what the guidebook said.”

Jo shakes her head and blows a raspberry, hugging her knees. “Joanna Wesson, 27, found dead near a random cluster of rocks that might have looked like a trail marker. She was best known for playing Beth Crowne on the soap opera Paradise Bay before trying to revive her career on an unsuccessful wrestling show. She is survived by her son, Sammy, and her bitter ex-husband Sam with his secretary Jessica.”

“Well, at least you get an obituary,” Y/N quips. “Mine would just read: Soap Star Found Dead Next to Unidentified Woman in National Park.”

Jo even snorts at that. “Well, I’m sure Dean would cut and edit an adorable video tribute with a bunch of B-roll about you at your funeral.”

“Yeah, maybe…” Y/N pensively licks her lips, her heart doing those painful twinges again whenever she thinks of him. “You know yet what you’re gonna do next?”

“No, I-… I think I wanna produce,” Jo announces with determination in her hazel eyes. “I don’t wanna ask permission. I’m so tired of it all. For once, I wanna boss people around and tell ‘em what to do. You know, you were right.”

Baffled, Y/N raises a brow. “About what?”

“Men,” Jo says simply and then spits with fire, “I fucking hate them all. The Crowleys and the Dicks and the Cases and the Sams and the Deans… They make the choices. They dictate the terms… I’m sick of it all. I just hate asking them for anything.”

“Dean’s not so bad,” Y/N says quietly but doesn’t look at Jo. Her heart stings for the millionth time. “I got that role for the Sondheim musical. They called this morning.”

Jo’s lips curve into a soft smile that reaches her eyes. “Congrats. I’m not surprised. You were really fucking good.”

Y/N’s heart flutters a little at the compliment. Tears begin to sting her eyes. She can’t remember the last time Jo was nice to her. “Thank you.”

“You don’t seem happy about it,” Jo notes attentively.

“No, I am,” Y/N manages to choke out, but the sniffling betrays her intentions.

“But?”

Y/N bobs her head, swallowing. “I think I’m ready to talk about it now.”

“Fucking finally,” Jo huffs and rubs her cold and goosebump-littered arms as the heat disappears, the nightly air bringing a fresh breeze.

“Dean told me he loves me,” Y/N confesses. “He’s in love with me.”

“Yeah, no shit. Kinda obvious,” Jo says without a twitch of surprise. “Don’t feel bad for not loving him back. That’s what they want… For us to feel bad about every single fucking thing.”

“That’s just it. I don’t think that’s how I feel,” Y/N replies and lets out a jittery sigh.

Jo’s head turns to her, eyeing her friend up and down. “And how do we feel about that? I can’t tell. It’s too dark to see your face.”

“I-, uh, I don’t exactly know,” Y/N says, which is partially true. She might know how she feels about the green-eyed director, but not how she feels about the situation overall.

Jo purses her lips and nods. “Alright, here’s a couple of options: happy, excited, scared, or… repulsed?”

“Well, uhm… scared,” Y/N admits slowly and gulps. “And excited… happy.”

Jo throws her arms up, shaking her head at the stars. “Jesus fuck! Then what the fuck are we doing here?! Is that why you dragged me all the way to the fucking desert? Because you’re running from your feelings?”

“Kinda. I thought the peaceful quiet and beautiful nature would bring me some much-needed clarity,” Y/N explains.

Jo lifts a brow but tries not to seem too annoyed. She’s accustomed to her friend’s theatrics, after all. “And? Did it?”

“The hike didn’t, but facing death kinda does,” Y/N jokes and begins to laugh a little, Jo soon joining her. When their laughter dies down and the desert sounds of chirping crickets and screeching eagles remain, Y/N exhales a shaky breath. “I’m in love with him, too. He makes me really fucking happy. But… I finally feel like I’m on the right track with my career. I am where I’m supposed to be, you know? I don’t wanna throw that away for a guy.”

“Who says you should?”

“I don’t know… Isn’t that how it goes? You did it,” Y/N argues.

Jo licks her lips and clicks her tongue. “Yeah, ‘cause I chose the wrong fucking guy. Sam made me give up everything I ever loved and told me what to love instead. If you pick the right guy, he won’t make you do that.”

“How do I know it’s the right guy, though?”

Jo smiles softly. “Look, I’m not Dean’s biggest fan, but he’s yours. You know that, right? He’d never hold you back. He adores the ground you walk on. Yes, he’s an asshole with so many fucking issues, and he’s goddamn annoying most of the time, but he’s always had your back, even when he pretended that he didn’t. The guy would probably sell every limb and his fucking soul to see you get everything you ever wanted, Y/N. He wouldn’t be a mistake. You know what would be a mistake? Not trying because you’re too scared of making one. Don’t be fucking stupid.”

Thoughtfully, Y/N nods in agreement and grabs her crutches, rising from her rocky seat. “I need to see him. We have to head back to the city.”

“Finally! Thank fucking God.” With a grunt, Jo jumps to her feet and helps Y/N to steady hers. “Maybe the girls made a fire bright enough, so we can find our way back.”

“Shit.”

“What? They have matches, don’t they? I’m sure these bitches can manage a simple fire, right?” Jo then notices Y/N’s hand curling around her bicep, her grip tightening. And then, Jo glances in the direction of Y/N’s eyes and sees the same damn thing. Her brown eyes widen.

“Mountain lion.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” the blonde hisses and holds on to her friend as well. Both women freeze on the spot. “What-, uh, what should we do?”

“I don’t know. Maybe we should throw a stick?”

“A stick?” Jo arches her brow. The big cat snarls and stalks a little closer, making the two women jump back. Their hearts are thumping in their throats at this point. “It’s not a fucking dog, Y/N. It won’t play fetch with you.”

“I know that. How about you come up with a better idea, then?” Y/N snaps through gritted teeth. The lion hisses again, causing the women to tremble down to their bones and hug each other tighter. “I think I should jump it.”

“Are you nuts? No!”

“Look, while it eats me, you can flee. I can’t run with my cast anyways. This is the best option,” Y/N insists, but Jo vehemently shakes her head.

“Fuck no! You’re not sacrificing yourself. We die together. You’re not leaving me behind,” Jo maintains. “I always knew my death would be your fault. Don’t ask me how, but I knew you’d get me killed somehow.”

The wild cat takes another step forward and lowers to the ground as if to get ready to jump its prey – them. But then a few tumbling rocks and breaking twigs draw its attention behind the women. Is there an even bigger cat here?

And suddenly, Meg leaps forward from above them with a loud howl and snarls at the cat, which hastily tucks its tail between its legs and flees down the hill into the dark night. Y/N and Jo expel a big breath of relief and a shaky laugh as they find Meg.

“Meg, what the fuck? Did you just scare away a mountain lion?” Y/N gapes at her friend in utter disbelief.

Meg only shrugs her shoulders. “I hate cats. What are you guys doing out here so long?”

“We got lost. Couldn’t find our way back to camp,” Y/N explains.

Meg furrows her brow and thumbs behind her. “It’s just over there. You guys have been hiking around the same hill for five hours.”

Jo shoots Y/N a small glare of annoyance and blows some loose strands of blonde hair out of her face. “Of course we did…” she mutters.

“We have to get back to LA!” Y/N declares eagerly, trying to climb the small rocky hill with her crutches, foregoing the more suitable pathway.

“Right now? It’s probably 3am when we get to Burbank. Can’t this wait till tomorrow?” Jo says as she attempts to climb after her friend.

“No! I almost died! Twice… Dean needs to know how I feel before I get bit by a rattlesnake, too,” Y/N reiterates passionately.

“It’s probably for the best,” Meg chimes in. “We kinda forgot to pack food. I was about to hunt something for us when I ran into you guys. We have tons of drugs and booze, though.”

Y/N’s knuckles thunder persistently on Dean’s door and conjure up a storm. She has jumped out of Ruby’s limo so fast, the girls are still scrambling out and flooding Dean’s front lawn one by one. They’re loud and obnoxious, but the ringing in her ears makes their chatter barely noticeable.

The lock clicks and the door opens. Dean stands in front of her with weary green eyes, heavy with sleep, tousled bed-head, and a furiously scrunched brow. He half yawns and half grumbles, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Once he feels clearer, minus the soft buzz of whiskey remnants in his bloodstream, he blinks at the young actress in front of him and then tilts his head at the circus show behind her.

God, between his punk rock daughter and this, his neighbors must really hate him.

“What are you doing here? Aren’t you guys supposed to be camping in fucking Joshua Tree?” His voice is a gravelly bark. He doesn’t mean to sound so harsh, especially when he just woke from a dream about her, but he’s not as masochistic as he used to be. He’s not a fan of torturing himself with the image of her any longer.

Y/N’s heart somersaults as soon as she sees him, even though his apprehension hurts a bit. “Look, I almost died tonight. We got lost in the desert and then a mountain lion almost fucking ate us.”

Dean licks his lips, nodding. “Yeah, I’m not fucking surprised. Told you Palm Springs is the better option. So, did anyone fucking die? What’s the head count?”

“No one died.”

“Huh. Then why the fuck are you here in the middle of the night, Y/N?” Dean bites, his brow creasing in anger. He can’t even fucking look at her for a second without his heart being on the brink of an explosion. Even saying her goddamn name hurts like needle pricks in an abused vein.

“I–” Y/N swallows thickly. Her drumming heart is stuck in her airway along with her words.

“She’s here to tell you she loves you!” Ruby hollers behind her before several girls tackle her and clasp her mouth shut.

Dean’s heart twists upon the sick joke, his frown deepening. But then he glances at Y/N and thinks he can spot the truth in her eyes. He thought that once before, though, and was terribly wrong.

Y/N gives a shrug of one shoulder with tears brimming in her eyes. A small smile forms on her lips. “What she said.”

Dean nods and drags a hand over his freckled face, feeling the tears well in his eyes, too. Fucking whiskey. Always renders him goddamn sentimental. “Look, uhm, you kinda gotta tell me this yourself. Otherwise, I won’t believe it, okay?”

Upon his request, Y/N takes a deep breath and looks him into his eyes. “I’m in fucking love with you.” As soon as the words are out, she starts crying and the tears fall down her cheeks. Meanwhile, Dean’s heart tumbles into free fall, and he’s sure not even a parachute can stop it. “I’ve never said that to anyone in my life. Is-, is it too late?”

Dean snorts and shakes his head, grinning brighter than the California sun on the longest day of the year. “Fuck no. Even if it had taken you thirty years, I still would’ve taken you back. That’s kinda how once-in-a-lifetime love works, sweetheart.”

“Okay. Sounds like a good movie,” Y/N jokes between her tears, her fingers tingling to touch him.

“Yeah, best one there is.”

His hands grab hold of her and pull her into his embrace. He claims her lips, Y/N eagerly parting her mouth as his tongue slips between. The kiss is rushed and fervent and perfectly desperate. They’re both so gone they can’t even hear the girls cheering and applauding them in the background.

“You’re gonna come inside?” Dean asks in a murmur against her lips, barely letting her breath.

“Uhm…”

“Hey, Lothario, you got space for us, too?” Cassie shouts with a wide smirk.

“Yeah, we’re fucking starving,” Ruby adds with an impatiently arched brow.

“We, uh, forgot to pack food,” Y/N explains with a chuckle.

Dean sighs and smiles knowingly. “Of course you did.” He then turns to the women waiting on his lawn. “Alright, get in. I’ll order some pizzas.”

The women then proceed to brush past the couple and filter into Dean’s house. Missouri pinches his cheeks, Ruby pats his head, Cassie fist-bumps him and sends Y/N a flirty wink, Meg tousles his hair, Charlie shrugs apologetically, and Jo offers an annoyed eye roll.

“I’m never gonna get rid of them, am I?” Dean looks down at her and tightens his jaw, even when a grin is visible.

“No, I’m afraid not. It’s like you’ve adopted twelve strays. One of which actually turned out to be your long-lost puppy. They’re gonna be here until you die and then eat your corpse,” Y/N quips.

“Funny.” Dean clicks his tongue, his dimples itching to form a grin.

“Oooo! Let’s call the guys!” he hears Ruby exclaim from inside his living room. “It’s a fucking wrap party at the boss’ house!”

“No! No party! Guys, c’mon!” Dean storms inside after them, leaving Y/N giggling on his doorstep.

“Let’s call Garth, Kevin, and Benny!” Donna suggests, ignoring his protests. It’s like they can’t fucking hear him.

“I’ll call my husband, too!” Bela adds and eagerly dials Cas’ number on his landline.

“Oh, right, Cas…” Dean mutters with an eye roll as he remembers the impromptu wedding. “No fucking Benny!”

Y/N joins his side and rubs his back in comfort as he watches his house sink into female doom. “You okay?”

The deep trenches in his brow flatten into soft valleys as his green eyes lock on her. He dips his head and pulls her to his lips, kissing her slow and reverently. “Better.” He smirks. “Just gonna have to sage the whole house tomorrow.”

That earns him a playful slap on his chest. He laughs and pulls her closer with an arm around her waist.

“Hey, uh, speaking of party…” Dean mumbles before he addresses the whole room, grabbing their attention with an authoritative clear of his throat. He’s still got it. “You guys wanna do shows in Vegas?”

“What?!”

Dean’s eyes find Y/N’s gaping face. He chuckles a little. “Yeah, uh, Bobby offered me a deal. There’s nothing in the network contract about live shows. I already went over it with Cas this afternoon. It pays well, too. You guys interested? It’s not like any of you have actual jobs lined up, right?”

Y/N closes her mouth. “I got that Sondheim musical in San Diego. It’s a workshop production, but if it goes well, it could go all the way to Broadway. I could end up in New York.”

“Good,” Dean says and smirks. “You’re fucking fired.”

“WHAT?!” Y/N’s mouth falls open again. “You said you’d never fire me!”

“Yeah, well, this is for your own good,” Dean reasons. “You think I’m gonna let you quit Sondheim for some stupid wrestling show in Vegas? You gotta be fucking nuts! This is what you fucking wanted. Don’t make me kick your stupid ass onto that stage. It’s gonna look embarrassing for you again…”

Y/N bites her lips to conceal her grin. Her eyes meet Jo’s, who mouths ‘I told you so’ at her. “Thank you,” she tells Dean and kisses his cheek. He furrows his brow at her in suspicion. “But rehearsals don’t start until June. Still gonna need a job till then.”

“Oh.” Dean’s brow shoots up in realization. “The June in nine months?”

“Yeah, the June in nine months,” Y/N confirms with a laugh.

“Whoops. Well, consider yourself rehired till June, then,” Dean relents.

“So, if I ever have to work in New York–”

“Then we’ll go to New York. Big fucking whoop-dee-doo. You know I hate LA.”

Y/N giggles, nodding. “What would you do in New York?”

“Same I do here, just on a little balcony instead of a backyard. I sit with my typewriter by a table and smoke and drink,” Dean retorts. “I’ve actually been working on a new script. I’m moving away from horror and into Western.”

“Got inspired by the motel’s wallpaper, huh?” Y/N teases. “What’s it about?”

“Father-daughter storyline. Thought I’d give that a shot…”

1990, 5 years later…

“Dean! We’re gonna be late!” Y/N reminds him and holds the blindfold in place over her eyes as he drags her somewhere by the hand. Her heels can barely keep up with his fast pace. “You know, check-in at LAX is the worst. Our flight departs in two hours. I’m nominated, Dean! I can’t reschedule! The girls are all flying in, too…”

“I know! I’m fucking hurrying, okay?” Dean assures. However, she can hear the stress and tension in his gravelly voice. He then suddenly halts and positions her into place by her shoulders before carefully taking off the blindfold. “Alright, here we are.”

Y/N blinks her eyes open and recognizes blurry shapes of purple and gold. She lifts an eyebrow as ornaments on the walls and a big stage come into view as well. “The Aztec porno theater?”

“Mayan,” Dean corrects her and wipes his sweaty palms on his jeans. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he gets down in front of her on one knee and tries to fumble out the too-big ring box from his too-tiny suit jacket pocket. “Son of a bitch!”

“Dean, wait!” Y/N stops his endeavor with raised palms, her eyebrows meeting her hairline when she realizes what he’s about to do.

“Oh, c’mon, Y/N!” Dean frowns in frustration and rises to his feet with a huff and a shaking head. “I know you’re against marriage and the patriarchy and all that bullshit, but c’mon… We’ve been dating for five years. We have a good thing going, right?”

After spending a whole year in beautiful Las Vegas – the Paris of Nevada – the two of them moved to New York. Dean sold his house in Burbank and opted for a Brooklyn apartment instead. Claire also studied film at NYU before she graduated last Spring. But every few months, the couple finds themselves back in LA – for interviews, for business, for friends.

“Dean–”

“No! You know me. I’d make a great fucking husband. You love it when I make reporters laugh on the red carpet. I’m an awesome trophy husband, okay?”

“DEAN!”

“WHAT?!”

Why the fuck is she angry now? He should be the one that’s angry. She’s turning down the best opportunity of her life. She should consider herself lucky he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. He even had an amazing speech prepared to knock her right off her feet, but does he get to say it now? How he wanted to grow fucking old together and support each other? How he wanted to marry her all those years ago when she told him she was pregnant? Nope...

“I’m fucking pregnant!”

Dean blinks at her in confusion before his eyes begin to wander around the familiar theater. Did he take something? Drink too much? Did he actually travel through time or is this a weird fever dream on his deathbed?

“What’s it with you and this theater? And why do you always yell that?”

“Because you never listen.” Y/N giggles and bites her lower lip. “And I’ll gladly marry you if that’s what you were going for. I just figured I’d tell you before in case you wanna change your mind and bail.”

“Why the fuck would I bail?” Dean’s brows knit together, close to offense.

She shrugs and holds up her palms in surrender. “I don’t know! I didn’t want you to feel trapped.”

“Why? Isn’t it mine?”

Y/N rolls her eyes, a grin twitching on her pink lips as she slaps his arm. “Yes, of course it’s yours.”

“And you’re keeping it? You sure?” Dean throws her a quizzical look.

Her brow furrows. “Why, you aren’t?”

“No, I am!” he assures her swiftly, realizing how it sounded. “Hell yeah, I want another kid! You know I always wanted to make up for missing out on Claire so much! I finally get to change a diaper, go to the park, or the fucking zoo while my wife works… It’ll be so fun!”

Y/N tries to stifle her laugh. He seems happy, judging by the joyful glint in his green eyes. They resemble sparkling emeralds.

“But are you sure, y' know?” Dean checks with a deep look into her eyes. “I mean, I do what I can to support you and keep the thing alive in your absence, but you know you’re still gonna be benched for a couple of months, right? I’m not a fucking seahorse.”

Y/N laughs a little at that. “I know. I’m fine with sitting on the bench for a little while. I’m kinda exhausted. I did two Broadway musicals almost back to back, three off-Broadway shows, all the workshops and the rehearsals and Matinees and the dancing and the singing… Not to mention I’m nominated for a fucking Tony tonight,” she says and is close to out of breath by the time she finishes her list of accomplishments.

“Which you’re gonna win,” Dean reassures her persistently. He’s been telling her since the nominations were announced (and even before that when he first saw her in the role on the first night).

“We’ll see,” she brushes him off, although her blushed cheeks betray her words. In her heart, she hopes so as well. “Anyways, I could use the break,” she admits and takes his hands in hers, interlacing their fingers. She places a loving kiss on his lips. “Right time, right guy, right baby,” she says, smiling.

Dean squeezes her hand happily and pulls her to his lips for a searing kiss. “So, where did we land on that whole marriage thing?”

“See? You’re never listening,” she teases, laughing. “Yes, I’ll marry you. Under one condition…”

Dean smirks. “I've had the same exact thought – Vegas. It’s perfect!”

“What, no! I don’t wanna get married in filthy Vegas, you dork!” Y/N frowns playfully, shaking her head. “I wanna get married in Nebraska. I want my dad to marry us."

Dean’s brow creases. He chuckles in amusement. “What, like a shotgun wedding? Could be fun… Pastor marries pregnant daughter to older man. Is this gonna make headlines in the townie paper?”

Y/N snorts, shaking her head at him. “No, it’s a shotgun wedding. It’s very common,” she deadpans.

“I’ve never met your parents,” Dean realizes then. “Why have I never met your parents? It’s weird they never come visit you,” he ponders.

“Oh no, they do,” Y/N tells him, pursing her lips as she twirls her hair around her finger. “They’ve seen me both in Into The Woods and Gypsy.”

“Really, when?” Dean narrows his eyes at her.

“Whenever you were in LA, visiting Claire,” Y/N admits ruefully. She never told them she was dating the director, not sure if they’d approve – not that she gives a shit, but she wanted to spare herself all the sermons and the exploring of the Sunday school dating pool. Whenever they asked who owned the men’s clothes in her apartment, she lied and said she had a gay-but-in-the-closet roommate. “But you can meet them now,” she promises with a reassuring smile on her lips. Thank God she’s an excellent, Tony-nominated actress. “I’m sure they learn to love you just like I did.”

“Learn to?”

“I love you.” Y/N smiles mischievously and shuts up any further comments by kissing him.

Dean grins and relents with a blissful sigh. “I love you, too.”

THE END 🌅

Thank you all so much for reading and making me laugh with your comments and screams throughout! 🤍

Are we done with these two for good? Probably not. I've left gaps and doors open on purpose, so I'm sure they'll make an appearance again at some point in the future 😉

TAGS:

Everything Jensen: @alwaystiredandconfused @xlynnbbyx @lyarr24 @deans-spinster-witch @blackcherrywhiskey

@deansbbyx @foxyjwls007 @ladysparkles78 @roseblue373 @zepskies

@agalliasi @yvonneeeee @hobby27 @iamsapphine @globetrotter28

@mxltifxnd0m @lacilou @feyresqueen @suckitands33 @onlyangel-444

@syrma-sensei @perpetualabsurdity @deans-baby-momma @yoobusgoobus @jessjad

@hunter-or-the-hunted @k-slla @just-levyy @mrsjenniferwinchester @illicithallways

@muhahaha303 @ultimatecin73 @nancymcl @leigh70

[pedripics]

Pedri via Residency - May 28, 2024

What is something you still want to accomplish in life? - " A lot of things. I am still very young or do you already want to kill me?"

Favourite teammate at Barça? - "I am close with the group in general but Ferran"

Do you play any instruments? or would you like to learn how to play one? - "Better not for the sake of the rest of the people. I like to listen to music but not much else" Favourite series or movie? - "Mi reno de peluche and the one about chapo guzman; favourite favourite is Prison Break and La que se avecina"

Do you know anything about Armenia? - "not too much, to be honest… but recently a very nice driver took me to a shooting was from there. His name was Ara"

Favourite moment of the season? - "It wasn't the best season. On a personal level, I would say the brace."

How do you deal with criticism? - "I try to stay out of it, although it's not always possible, of course... you have to try and keep going and keep believing in yourself"

How do you feel about being able to play for Spain after such a long time? - "Very happy. I haven't been able to play for Spain for a long time. Hopefully we will have great EUROs and also a great 24/25 season with Barça"

How did you feel after the brace? - "crazyyyyy"

"I always try to stop and sign, because I remember when I asked for signatures as a kid"

Plans for the summer? - "I hope to go on vacation, but in a month and a half… that will mean that we go far in the euro with the national team"

Have you eaten German food before? - "Yesss... a member of my marketing team is German and he made us German food a long time ago, with sausages and so on"

How is your English? - "I still have to improve a lot. Give me a few months and I will answer in English"

Do you miss doing anything in your daily life? - "I can't complain. I like to live in peace"

Would you like to go to China? - "Of course, yes. Althpugh in the season there is not really time for anything and during holidays I prefer to stay close and rest. Let's see if we ever have a tour in China"

How many trophies have you won? - "With Barça, La Liga, Copa and Supercopa"

Do you feel ready for the EUROs? - "Siiii"

5 UCL Trophies or a World Cup? - "I don't want to choose. I would like to win it all"

Would you like to play against Portugal in the EUROs final? - "Sure. As long as we play in the final, I don't care against who it is"

Pele or Maradona? - "Maradona... Because he played for Barça and my father told me about him when I was younger. I remember the day he died very well because it was my 18th birthday"

Have you been to New York? - "Yes"

Favourite team to play against? - "Obviously Barça" (he did NOT understand that question lmaooo back to duolingo it is)

Visit Uruguay? You have a lot of fans here - "Ronald also told me once... We'll have to listen to him, because otherwise he gets angry"

How was it going to the Spanish GP in 2022? Are you going this year? - "It was a crazy experience. I don't think I can go this year because it clashes with the EUROs"

Do you like going to concerts? - "I haven't been to many, honestly... I have yet to go to one of Quevedo's. And last year they invited me from Spotify to see Coldplay in Barcelona but in the end I didn't go and I regretted it a little. Teammates went and they love it" (who tf turns down coldplay tickets??? 😭)

Your dad is a great person. - "The best"

How do you feel about receiving so much love? - "Very proud and privileged"

Do you want to score for Spain during the EUROs? - "Clarooo. Let's see if I can make it happen, because I haven't scored for Spain yet"

Red or blue? - "Azulgrana"

Do you like to cook? - "I'm not very good at cooking... My brother and mother are much better"

Pedri or Pedro? - "Pedri... Pedro sounds strange to me. From a young age they already called me Pedri, because there was another boy in the team whose name was Pedro and it was to differentiate us... and everyone calls me Pedri"

What do you think of Alexia, Aitana and Marta? - "They are top footballers!"

Is it difficult to have a 'normal' life? - "It's not easy, but mine doesn't change that much because I really like to be quiet and at home"

Only fish or only meat? - "I prefer meat... but for nutrition, fish"

When you were a kid did you make trouble in class? - "I was more of a quite kid"

Who do you think will win the Golden Boy award? - "Well, I hope a Barça teammate. Lamine, and if not Cubarsi"

What inspires you to perform at such a high level on the field? - "I do what I like the most"

What do you think of your season at Barça this year? - "I was saying this the other day. It hasn't been an easy season and I hope the next one will be much better in every single way and we will win titles"

Have you ever wished to have a sister? - "My mother always wanted to have a daughter, but in the end she had to settle for Fer and me hahaha"

How do you feel for the EUROs? - "Very good. Better and better"

Blue or Black? - "Blue"

[xoxomoonlightxoxo]

Don't Get Attached | Part 2

➪ Playlist (Spotify)

➪ W/c: 1137

No Strings Attached

I’m not sure what you would call what Jungkook and I are. Friends? Lovers? Friends with benefits, maybe? Labels are confusing, but as far as people around us are concerned, we are “dating”. If you consider physical attraction dating then whatever floats your boat I guess. The thing is that neither of us is seeking any other source of attraction, or even if we were then it’s clear that neither of us is willing to showcase it. Jungkook is the type to never have heard the word “no” so it’s easy for him to get what he wants. And currently, his fixation has been me, specifically the chemistry between us. But, I’m not the type to be played around with either, so with two strong-headed players it’s difficult to highlight the whole picture without missing the small details. Thus, we keep each other in place, allowing only surface affection to prevent deep-rooted emotional damage. Don’t get attached y/n.

--

Checking my watch for the tenth time, I shiver in my little jean jacket as the cashier at the ticket kiosk announces the final show times before closing. See, Jungkook and I planned to watch the new Spider-Man movie together, but the only problem is that he is nowhere to be found. Each one of my attempts at calling him goes straight to voicemail. Has he forgotten about our date? Not very on brand of him but maybe something has come up, so I decide to text him instead. 

y/n: Hey, where are you? The theatre closes in about 45 minutes. Are you ok? Please call me. 

No reply. Very strange. Actually, what’s more strange is the fact that his location has been turned off for the past 2 hours. Trying really hard not to go into a manic episode I focus on some deep breathing before succumbing to the sharp pain in my chest. Although my brain is telling me to stay calm, the heart never lies, right? Following my own delusion, I decided to stop by his apartment as there are a plethora of places Jungkook could be at right now, but this one just feels like a good start. 

“Thank you,” I say to the taxi driver before making my way towards Jungkook’s apartment complex. It’s now about 11 pm, so the streets are quiet. As the elevator doors close, the sharp feeling in my chest intensifies making it hard to breathe. Nonetheless, I shake away the nerves and knock on his front door. No one answers, so I try again before using the spare key he gave me to “keep just in case I missed him at night”. 

As the door slowly opens, my eyes scan the room for any signs of Jungkook. Although nothing was out of the ordinary, there was a sweet smell of cherry blossom lingering in the air, which did strike me as a surprise since he is more of a vanilla-scent type of guy. But, people change I guess, so I lock the door behind me before tiptoeing towards his bedroom. 

“Jungkook hurry, I miss you,” a woman's voice echoes behind the bedroom door before it swings open. My mouth slightly drops at the sight of a half-naked redhead who seems to be just as confused as I am. 

“Who are you?” she snaps, eying me up and down before turning her head towards the bathroom where Jungkook was currently in. I abrupt her attempt at getting his attention by pulling her out of the bedroom, slowly shutting the door behind me. 

“I … I just needed to drop off something, but now I see that it's not the best time so I'll just head out. Umm, no need to tell Jungkook,” words stutter out of my mouth as my body begins to fuel with adrenaline from the sudden rush of emotions. Folding her hands in front of her chest, the redhead watches me rush out of the apartment before turning her attention back to Jungkook whose wet hair was dripping down his exposed chest. 

“Who was that?” 

“Some girl, she said she needed to drop something off …” 

“Fuck y/n was here? Why didn’t you call me?” he snaps harshly, putting on a pair of grey sweatpants and a black hoodie over his freshly washed body before rushing out the door. 

The corridor towards the elevator seemed to never end as my steps got faster and my breathing slower. Pressing the 1st-floor button, my body finally gave in as I leaned back on the cold wall before resting my head. Looking at my reflection I can feel my eyes water, pathetic really. I told you not to get attached y/n. What did you expect from a relationship with no strings attached? 

Before my subconscious could answer, the inner dialogue was interrupted by Jungkook, whose tattooed arm was now holding back the elevator door from closing. Quickly wiping the tears from my face I move to the other side as he stumbles inside. 

“Y/n …” he lets out, voice raspy and deep. Turning on the emergency button, he turns his face towards me as the elevator halts. Feeling as if time had stopped completely, our bodies were still, eyes locked on each other. 

“Y/n, please let me explain,” Jungkook whispers, reaching out his hands before I push them away. 

“No need, I totally get it,” I snap, trying to maintain my composure as my throat tightens. Holding back the tears in my eyes I bite down on my lip, reaching out to press the 1st floor button again before I'm inches away from Jungkook's chest as his broad shoulders tower over my form. As my back hits the wall, goosebumps rise all over my skin from the sudden cold sensation. 

“Jungkook, move or else I'll scream,” 

“Do it. Scream, yell, I don't care, just please don't leave like this,” he says softly, pressing his forehead on mine as the scent of his body wash fills the small space between us. 

“What do you want me to do? Dance? Do you want me to skip from joy upon seeing a half-naked woman in your apartment? Huh?” I yell at him, unable to control the tone in my voice any longer. Trying to push myself out of his grip I gasp for air as my throat tightens again. 

“Shhh y/n please, you need to calm down,” Jungkook sighs, caressing the palms of my hands before meeting my teary eyes. 

“Don’t tell me what to do, in fact, don’t ever talk to me again. Forget we ever happened. Here …” I scoff, placing the spare key into his hand before finally reaching for the 1st-floor button. As the elevator gets back in motion, his grip loosens but doesn’t let go completely. 

“Hope she was worth it,”

Previous l Next

[sadiegirl2021]

Writing tag game by @bonecarversbestie !

Describe your writing process from idea to posting/publishing?

I have a notes app called EasyNotes where I jot down all my ideas as I get them; bits of dialogue I think would work in a fic, interactions between characters (which always come to me just as I'm about to drift off to sleep) and very, very rough outlines of chapters.

Then, I'll word vomit onto a doc and copy in any notes I had.

Because I'm better at dialogue than describing the scene, I'll write out all of that first and then work from there to flesh it out. Like starting with the skeleton.

Once I have the first draft done, I start my editing process. I go paragraph by paragraph correcting spelling and grammar (I have a Chrome extension called LanguageTool), and then I play the whole chapter through another Chrome extension called Read Aloud. Because of my ADHD, it can be difficult to catch all my errors by reading alone, so hearing it out loud helps A LOT! Would recommend it. (Although the voices used are hilarious. Hearing your smut scene's read out by a monotone robot is slightly traumatising 😂)

Once I'm happy with a paragraph, I will add HTML coding to it - the <p> tag. In my head, it's just the easiest way to mark that a paragraph is complete. If I'm still not sure about a sentence or paragraph, I will mark it in red to rework. I also add all my <i> tags as I'm writing, so I don't forget about them later!

I realise I'm doing too much! But, I quite enjoy the editing process.

Once I get a chapter or One Shot uploaded, I try my best not to read it again so I'm not continuously making little changes.

Are you a plotter or a pantser?

I want to be a plotter SO BAD! I've got Excel sheets, multiple docs with outlines, plot points, and a solid plan. And then boom! The characters run off like a crazed toddler in the opposite direction, and all I can do is follow. So… I guess I'm a pantser!

What do you listen to when you are writing?

I have multiple Spotify playlists depending on the mood of the fic/chapter I'm writing. If I need to write emotional scenes, I'll put on some heartbreaking Emo songs from 2006! Or, if my energy drops while writing, I'll switch to 90s pop. Generally, though, I just listen to instrumental music. One of my fav playlists is this one.

What’s your drink of choice (while writing)?

Water. I am booooooring. It is sparkling, though!

Promote yourself! What’s your favourite thing you’ve written?

I think it's Hot Girl Summer. This was supposed to be a little funny, 5-10 chapter fic that wasn't serious. And it has spiralled into a multi POV, 40-chapter story with so much plot! I'm loving the process, though. And I think I will definitely have to get it bound when it's all done.

Share a fic of yours that you think is underrated/deserves more love.

I'm going to say Hot Girl Summer too. I think a lot of people aren't as interested in stories that follow both Gwynriel and Elucien (and sometimes E/riel or another pairing with their favourite characters) at the same time. I haven't seen many fics that do it, but they’re some of my favourites in the fandom, and I’m so happy to add to that list. If you're hesitant, I highly recommend giving them a try!

My favs are:

Call Me Home (by @propagandaprincess)

A Court of Vision and Bloom (by studentwriter666)

Best Laid Plans (by @trappedoutside124)

Do you have any advice for new writers?

First of all, just do it! It took me 33 years to build the confidence to try. For most of my life, I didn't think I was good enough to write, even though I had so many stories to tell. In my 20s, I probably wouldn’t have had the confidence to take the plunge. Writing opens you up to criticism (which I hate!), but I’m forever grateful that 99.9% of my readers have only ever been incredibly supportive and encouraging.

Don’t be afraid to use tools that help you. I know my limitations with ADHD, so I created a process that works for me. Everyone has a different method, and the right one is whatever works for you.

Finally, finding a community of like-minded people makes the whole process a lot more fun. I love helping others develop fic ideas or beta-reading for them, and appreciate all the support they give me. It really motivates me to keep writing.

What is a writing style/technique that others do really well that you'd like to get better at?

Flow and angst! I'm really working on improving these areas in my writing. I'm quite impatient and tend to rush through the plot rather than building up tension. I know I need to slow down and let the story breathe, but it's so hard! I just want my characters to kiss within the first 5 seconds 😂

Is there a character you were surprised you enjoyed writing as much as you did?

Eris Vanserra!

Gods, I love torturing this man! I've redeemed him so much in my fic that I'll be heartbroken if he truly turns out to be just a dickhead in the canon ACOTAR world!

Thank you for tagging me @olenvasynyt

No pressure tags: @sunshinebingo @avabrynne @thevalkyriesshadow @aldbooks @hlizr50

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Maggie, this is a question I've had for a while. Once you have an idea for a new story, how do you move forward from there? Do you do research? Do you think about each chapter or the whole story at once and work on it? I may seem a little confused about this question, but what I wanted to know is how do you organize yourself and create such good, well-written stories? What is your vision like when you sit down and start working on a new story? I almost forgot, Merry Christmas

Hello bestie!!! Merry Christmas 🎅🎄❄️🎁 Every time I get a question like this I fear my answer is super unhelpful but I'll try my best... 😅

Firstly, I don't get story ideas very often, maybe 4 or 5 per year. I think a lot of people expect to be constantly generating inspiration, but honestly a lot of it is just living life and waiting for lightning to strike!

When I do have a revelation, I see the end of the story vividly and have a general understanding of the rest of the plot. I open a Word Doc and write down possible titles, character quotes that I "hear" especially loudly, and major plot points in chronological order. I definitely think of each story as a whole (I never begin writing Chapter 1 without having the entire fic planned out and kind of...cemented? in my mind), although I do note in my Word Doc where chapter breaks will happen.

I then spend at least several weeks doing research. I love love LOVE doing research and compiling bits of info in my Word Doc! I remember spending hours learning about different types of helicopters used during the Vietnam War to write Daeron's sections of 1968 and I was having the time of my life 😂😂 This phase is also when I'll fill up a Pinterest board, make a Spotify playlist, and design moodboards for future Tumblr posts/save any gifs I want to use in Drafts.

Once my previous fic series is done and I am fully in the mental headspace of a new story, I write Chapter 1 and post it and hope people are as emotionally invested as I am! 🥰😍

Fundamentally, aside from the research component, most of the writing process feels out of my control. Stories just kind of show up and I have to write them, and how I plan and organize things is just what's intuitive to me and I'm sure different writers have different procedures. Sometimes I feel like I do an okay job with a story and sometimes I don't, but that's life and there always seems to be a new idea around the corner to fall in love with 💜

[stone-stars]

Illuminate me on music!, I'm not good at it but I like hearing people talking things I don't know. So idk, start anywhere I wanna learn. Gimme music faces from emily's work

lol there's SO many places i could start. first, let me say that i get so in the weeds with this. you don't need to be me. however, murph and emily are really deliberate with their music placement so even if you don't go super deep, you can start to notice patterns, especially with the super frequently used songs.

when it comes to frequent songs, alli operationslipperypuppet also did a very helpful "hey how concerned should you be" breakdown of some common songs, which i'll link here. i would say if you want to start paying attention, some easy ones to check out and start listening for are the purge, unknown tome, kingshammer, valiant ol' cobb, mee maw's burden, a fate refused, the campaign themes, twinkling lights of galaderon, and a friend for life. all of these are available on spotify, with the exception of kingshammer, and have very consistent uses. (the bahumia theme isn't by emily, but is on spotify). if you want to hear kingshammer, a good use of it is around 50 minutes into c1e80, during hardwon's flashback (ad free, so you might have to go later for ads)

another thing to note is certain songs get very specific meanings when applied to given characters. mee maw's burden and unknown tome are used incredibly consistently throughout bev sr's hell arc. twinkling lights of galaderon and a bastard no more/hardwon takes the wheel (both names have been used) are used throughout hardwon's.

emily also tends to write a lot of location-based music. a lot of cities have their own themes and their own instrumentation. a great example of this is the tsunaire interlude from c3, which has a very unique sound. also for example, the crick tends to have a lot of similar instrumentation. if you listen through the crick album on spotify, you can start to hear it. there's a lot of strings/piano, drums, and a lot of notes are drawn out in a very specific way.

it's very consistent. there are also like 200+ songs written for this podcast at this point, and so knowing every one of them is insane. but if you start to be like "i've heard this song before, where did i hear it" chances are it's in a moment that connects thematically. i can go into a lot more detail about any of this, this kinda became a "hey here's how to start tracking naddpod music" post more than anything and not really about the themes/uses of songs, but! yeah!

some fun little bonus notes of songs that are only used a few times but that i am insane about the repetition of:

a song called "torn apart" is used when moonshine opens the rift to the feywild during the tarrasque fight, and also when the world is breaking apart after the thiala fight and the boobs heal it

"i just want to know you're taken care of" is the song that is played when moonshine tells paw paw to write up her will. it's also played when lydia tells her that she deserves to be heard by her friends and she should tell them about her plans in hell. it's also used in c3 when callie tells foster that she's sorry for not giving him love.

"a memory" is introduced in episode 100 as thiala shows everyone the failed past adventurers and the "wheel of sorrow". it has recently been used in c3 for both references to the boobs and to melora's adventuring party (melora/telaine/aryox)

there is a specific royalty free (i think) choral song that plays when gemma appears at the party, when gemma dies, when jaina almost kills hardwon, and then later when hardwon dies at scarlet montgomery's hands. do with this what you will.

this isn't about a reuse but the song that plays in ep 70 when moonshine and lucanus are talking is called "a miracle child" and i need more people to know that.

i am insane about "a glittering reunion" (from melora and telaine's in 97) on so many levels. telaine is the piano. melora is the strings. i need to lay down.

[littleturtlefish]

Just a heads up for US (and Canadian, I think?) university and high school students and professors:

There's an organization called Canary Mission that doxxes students/professors who show their support for Palestine and/or any criticism towards Israel. On their website, (I don't feel comfortable linking it, as it may increase its popularity on Google + looking up your name is probably not a good idea if you're doing it on their own website) they straight up write paragraphs about these people: what they did to end up on the site (includes evidence such as videos and photos), their location, their graduation plans, their social media links (Spotify, Instagram, LinkedIn, etc.), and more. They also have a Twitter, which doesn't post as much info but still very much tweets out full names and similar stuff. Their entire goal is to silence people.

Report and block their Twitter. There's a link in my sources where you can report the site to the FBI.

Sorry if this is a bit lackluster in info and such. It's 5 AM right now and I don't have a lot of time to pile up a lot of sources but I feel like this is very important to spread.

Sources:

(This is where I first found out about this. Thread has the FBI link to report the site for doxxing but honestly...I have no idea how to report it. Someone asked what category to choose in the FBI link but didn't get a reply so if you know, lemme know and I'll edit this post)

(Tips on how to avoid being targeted such as creating a backup email for accounts that express Palestinian support or covering up any identifiable features [piercings, tattoos, dye, etc.] in protests) (also has a link at end of thread where you can donate to palestinians with just a single click every day)

Even though I strongly recommend to NOT DO THIS, I did check out the site + twitter to actually understand what's going on and god, it's so fucking pathetic. Obviously not linking anything but everything described is true

[four-alligators-in-a-trenchcoat]

Transitioning to a Flip Phone: Beginning

As my semester started winding down, and finals started ranking up I found myself going back to the ever-present though of transitioning to a flip phone. I finally did it! Here is how it is going. I had done tons of research about transitioning to a flip phone months before hand, I didn't have many requirements like needing WhatsApp or any particular apps as I had access to my computer for specific things such as banking and schoolwork. I ended up going with the Sunbeam Bluebird for a couple reasons, despite its price. (also I just wrote it off as a reward for completing my semester lol)

Accessibility: I knew I wanted a T9 flip phone, a QRTY keyboard would have never worked for me at a flip phone size, woe to my fine motor skills. Voice-to-text is an option if you pay for the subscription (I do) and so although I try to exclusively type as a way to get proficient, longer more urgent texts can be sent quickly. Its very accurate as well! Restrictions: No social media! No googling! No videos! Nothing! Its all I have ever wanted from a flip phone, restriction wise. Instagram reels is/was such an addiction for me, and even with time-limits, greyscale, and just un-downloading it, I always came back to scroll. I was debating on whether or not I wanted a search engine, because although I love to google all the random questions I have, I also will absolutely read on AO3 for as much time as I can possibly allocate to that. Although I am not a huge fan of reading FF on the laptop, its a small workaround for the benefits im seeing. On the case of music: Spotify, I REALLY wanted to keep this as an app, but knew that with what I was looking for I would need to take that loss. I can download music onto the phone through an SD card, and it still has bluetooth which means I am still able to use my noise-cancelling headphones. Additionally, I mainly listen to music while im studying, which means I can just listen through my laptop; and I dont mind driving in silence. Basic Qualifications: Number one, navigation, Im in an area where the construction is crazy and I cant always rely on road signs. I live out in the country, so I havent needed or had the chance to memorize anything other than my usual routes and highways. Luckily, the Bluebird has Waze (which I had never used before) but it works really well! I will need to find a way to attach it to my dash so I'm not looking down at my lap though... I mentioned bluetooth in restrictions, but it was important to me that I could connect my QuiteComfort Bose headphones, especially being on a loud college campus and needing some peace and quiet to study properly.

The transitionary phase was incredibly easy, I have an AT&T phone plan and I just switched my SIM card from my iPhone to my Bluebird. Boom. Done. I imported my contacts with a MicroSD card which was equally as efficient. I can still access and use Messages on my MacBook, but they don't sync to my flip phone. All messages go through to the device I last messaged on. I did have to manually set up my voicemail, but that didnt take much effort.

The only difficulties I have had to deal with is that both my job and my school require apps for two-factor authentication. I believe I can work around that for my school, and get authentication codes by text message, but for my work I don't have that option. This is a big reason why I am considering keeping my iPhone useable, just without a SIM.

On the note of what I am going to do with my iPhone, for right now it is being kept charged and usable, because I'm still transitioning some of the information (like menstrual trackers) and the mentioned need for TFA. Another PRO about the Bluebird is that it does have hotspot capabilities, so Im assuming I would be able to connect my iPhone if I was ever out in the wild and needed to use it, assuming of course that I had taken my iPhone with me.

Day 3 Final Overview:

I have gotten quicker at typing on the T9 predictive keyboard and feel confident responding to messages without using text-to-speech. I also figured out how to attach media to my messages, which means everybody is receiving grainy low-quality pictures of my cats. Im finding that I have so much extra time to do things during the day. Where keeping up with household chores sometimes gets overwhelming by becoming a huge task to schedule into my day, I can do smaller things during downtime. Reheating some food for lunch? Five minuets in the toaster? Boom, I can clean off the counters, sweep the floor, and pick up a little as I wait. That makes such a huge impact on my day-to-day especially compared to the 40 reels I could have seen and than totally forgotten. I learned how to change the ring-tones for my contacts and notifications. There is a 'wolf howling' option that has been dedicated to my friends, of course. The little jingle of my phone can only mean that someone has texted me, so I'm less paranoid about notifications and the urge to pick up my phone whenever I see the screen light up. That was such a huge distraction in my day, picking up my iPhone to check my notifications quickly turned into a 'quick scroll' through Pinterest (my beloved) or Instagram, which was constantly detrimental to my studies. In overview, I'm having a good time and I'm excited to stick with it, especially as winter break approaches (TWO MORE FINALS LEFT LETS GO) and I have a ton of free time I would have spent on my phone. I'm excited to start reading more!

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

Clara Bow outro thoughts:

The two main muses for Clara Bow are vital to the song. Clara Bow herself did not end up alright after Hollywood chewed her up and spit her out (there could be something to be said about her husband as well, but that is a different conversation). She was broken by the machine.

Stevie Nicks ended up alright. She is Stevie Nicks and is still doing things. However, I think there were times when she probably felt like she was not going to be alright.

Taylor dropping her own name is both a flex and a solid mix of the first two muses. The flex is she knows executives are now telling new artists that they could be her (I am guessing she does not think this is a good thing based on her experiences with fame). This is not about any single artist so people should shut up there.

But the other part is she is begging the question: will I be alright (like Stevie) or not (like Clara). And it shows how much of a roll of the dice it is for anyone grappling with fame.

And then there is the great irony of "you've got edge, she never did" following her name. No, Taylor has had edge for years. Blank Space calling out the media and how they portray her. Her taking on Spotify and Apple Music. Her leaving BMR for Republic taking a leap of faith from the only place she knew. Her re-recording her catalogue so she'd own it all. And on her album with WAOLOM and other edgy songs. Just a lot of her guts is shrouded in politeness.

And then there is how her and her family have managed her career. They've done it with a few people hired on. Not all these career managers or whatever. For better or worse, they handled it and now they're saying that more singers are going to non-managers like family members to manage them. It is interesting to think how Taylor might have influenced that.

The other interesting part is the "we're loving it". Unless I am grossly mistaken, I don't think any executive has loved her planning long-term because they saw her as disposable like most pop stars: limited time warranty that cannot stick around long-term. See, Katy Perry (no hate, just a fact).

That’s a really interesting observation about how you see Taylor as a mix of the two inspirations that come before her in the song. I wouldn’t have pieced that together, but I can see where you’re coming from!

What I see as the through line in the song, from Clara Bow to the unnamed future successor of Taylor’s, is that ultimately, what “they” want out of the women is ephemeral and unknowable, because what makes them “it” changes with the tide of public opinion. But also, these women create their own waves that in turn get emulated, exhausted and discarded for the next big thing. It’s a never ending cycle and has been since the dawn of Hollywood.

These women are exalted only to be torn down and struggle in their personal lives to cope. Clara Bow was one of Hollywood’s biggest stars but ended up leaving it all after what I understand was more or less a nervous breakdown and struggled with mental health until her death. Stevie Nicks blazed trails in rock and roll, but struggled with addiction for years and had her love life (e.g. with Lindsey Buckingham, among others) splashed all over the gossip pages. (I’m old enough to remember when Stevie’s cocaine use was a punchline by comedians.) We all know what Taylor’s gone through, between the shame over her love life to the deliberate attempt to destroy her career with Snakegate. Whoever comes next will face their own battle in turn. To me, the message is that the cycle will always perpetuate itself, even if it comes in different window dressing. The scrutiny over these women’s sex lives and virtue signalling seems to never end. Nobody comes out unscathed, but it’s a matter of what price they’ll pay for it.

“You’ve got edge, she never did,” to me is sooooo telling and also like, a reflection of the whole cyclical process of it all. For instance, Taylor was held up as this role model in her teen years and early 20s, which she deeply internalized and as we know now, was probably quite damaging in a lot of ways when she started growing up and the standards to which she was held were impossible to reconcile with an adult woman. She was supposed to be girlish and chaste, but not so girlish and chaste that she didn’t also appeal to men. That’s a hell of a thing to deal with as a hormonal 16 year old, and even more damaging as a 20something woman trying to find herself and own her sensuality and sexuality.

Taylor was the fairytale princess love song girl, because that’s what people wanted out of her, but she was just as quickly turn down for that hyper-perfectionist image after 1989 and she had to rebuild her entire self from the ground up in many ways. But the line in the song is kind of ironic; the person is blaming Taylor (the image of Taylor, because Taylor herself is a character in this whole story) for being a goody-twoshoes, but it ignores the fact that that was an image projected onto her as much as the next girl might be extolled for being punk, or whatever, and how the pendulum of public favour swings violently and at lightning speed. Taylor falls from grace and then the next big thing is her polar opposite in appearance only, but the same mechanics operate behind the scene and that next person will get chewed and spat out as much as Taylor did.

(We know Taylor is a badass in all aspects of her career, but I think she’s always going to be associated with the image she had when she first became famous, no matter how many eras pass by.)

So by the time we get to the “We’re loving it,” again, it’s a commentary on how the industry will create variations on a theme with these stars, and say “yes this is the one we want,” but ultimately they all meet the same fate. Because it is a cycle, and there will always be someone in the wings waiting to fill the void.

[pardonmydelays]

prison gang as tøp songs?

everyone gets three songs, because i just couldn't decide (i even made a playlist but it's more for me than for you cause i'm not gonna force you to listen to it, obviously). there will be very little explanation, just some quotes:

ME: forest + car radio + backslide (forest is the one i relate to the most, it's not on spotify so youtube is your only option if you wanna listen to it)

the situation's becoming dire, my treehouse is on fire and for some reason i smell gas on my hands, this is not what i had planned...

i'm forced to deal with what i feel, there is no distraction to mask what is real, i could pull the steering wheel

cause i feel the pull, water's over my head, strength enough for one more time, reach my hand above the tide, i'll take anything you have if you could throw me a line...

BEL: heavydirtysoul + midwest indigo + migraine (in my mind those are your songs now, they are not mine anymore, and i honestly love it so very much)

gangsters don't cry, therefore, therefore i'm mr misty-eyed... can you save my heavy dirty soul?

i want love and sunny days, i'm a bit too old to run away, you make me sad and second-guess myself, you can be so cold...

am i the only one i know waging my wars behind my face and above my throat? shadows will scream that i'm alone... but i know we've made it this far, kid.

RED: formidable + paladin strait + bandito (for some reason i gave you all joshler songs, and yes, formidable is not about jenna, it's about josh)

i'll follow you, but you should know, i might be cynical towards you, i'm just worried my loyalty will bore you, i can die with you, just let me know.

i would swim the paladin strait without any floatation, just a glimpse of visual aid of you on the other shoreline, waiting, expectations that i'm gonna make it...

i could take the high road, but i know that i'm going low... i'm a ban-, i'm a bandito...

ANIX: taxi cab + the craving (jenna's version) + nico and the niners (i was crying while typing this, especially because of taxi cab, maybe i will explain it to you one day)

i know the night will turn to grey, i know the stars will start to fade when all the darkness fades away, we had to steal him from his fate so he could see another day...

say enough, say enough, did i let her know, let her know? if i found my body in chains i'd lay down and wait and hope she looks for me...

i'm careless when i wear my rebel clothes, when bishops come together they will know that dema don't control us.

M: oh ms believer + screen + shy away (two of those three always make me cry, i don't know why but in your case it was such an obvious choice)

oh, ms believer, my pretty weeper, your twisted thoughts are like snow on the rooftops, please take my hand, we're in foreign land, as we travel through snow, together we go...

i do not know why i would go in front of you and hide my soul, cause you're the only one who knows it... yeah, you're the only one who knows it.

don't you shy away, manifest a ceiling when you shy away, searching for that feeling just like an "i love you" that isn't words, like a song he wrote that's never heard.

EDITH: tear in my heart + we don't believe what's on tv + oldies station (it's totally not because you love oldies station, but somehow i feel like even if you don't like twenty one pilots, you may actually like those three)

sometimes you gotta bleed to know that you're alive and have a soul, but it takes someone to come around and show you how...

i need to know that when i fail you'll still be here, cause if you stick around i'll sing you pretty sounds and we'll make money selling your hair

add some years, build some trust, you start to feel your eyes adjust, when darkness rolls on you, push on through.

[stiles-o-dylan24]

King of My Heart Chapter 19 - The Case of the Missing Lifeguard

Author: @stiles-o-dylan24​ Pairing: Steve x Summer Byers (eventually) Word Count: 5.8k Warnings: language, mentions of guns, dual pov SERIES SPOTIFY PLAYLIST

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SUMMER POV

Rain is on the forecast for today so Steve thankfully offered to stop by the house to pick me up and take me to work so I didn’t have to ride my bike.

I meet him outside and climb into the front seat, smiling over at him as I shove my bag and my rain jacket down against the side of my leg “Thanks for picking me up.”

He lifts his hand off the steering wheel, shifting back in his seat as he returns with a smile of his own and stammers “Yeah, yeah– of– of course, any time.”

Once we get to the mall we unlock the front gate and head into Scoops, working through the opening checklist and getting everything ready for when the mall opens.

Robin shows up almost an hour into our shift and she grabs her headphones out of her backpack and sets them on the back counter while we wait for Dustin to arrive with the tape recorder. 

Once Dustin gets to Scoops we make our plan for the day– he hands the tape recorder to Robin so that she and I can continue listening to the recording and see if there’s any other clues or part of the code to translate. 

While we stay at the ice cream parlor to do that Steve and Dustin head out for a stake out of sorts, trying to see if they can see anything out of the ordinary or any evil Russians that stand out among the mall patrons.

I’ve got the headphones on and I’m listening to the recording again while Robin wipes down some tables. I hear the bell ring on the front counter a few times before I look over my shoulder and see Erica and her friends here once again. 

I smile at her and spin around to face her, dropping the headphones down to rest around my neck “Yes, Erica?”

She smiles a little forced smile and brightly announces “I’d like to try the peanut butter chocolate swirl, please.”

I snort and shake my head softly at her “No, I’m sorry but no more samples today.”

Her face falls as she asks “Why not?” and Robin walks back behind the counter, chiming in “Because you have been in here the last few days, including this morning, sampling flavors.”

Erica swings her offended eyes from Robin and back at me and I raise my brows once with my words “You’re abusing our company policy which is to allow someone to try one or two flavors to make a decision”

“I am trying to make a decision” Erica counters and I’m quick to laugh once and throw back at her “You’ve tried every flavor twice– you know which ones you like.”

Erica throws me a frustrated look and looks around “Where’s the sailor man?”

Robin chuckles and I shake my head at Erica as I answer her “Sorry, but Harrington can’t help you today– he’s busy.”

“Busy with what?” she asks and I share a look with Robin who smiles and answers “Spycraft.” 

⋇・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・⋇

STEVE POV

Dustin and I head towards the center of the food court where the seating area is surrounded by an outline of planters that are filled with fake plants. We head to the back left of the bench area so we’ll be able to see everyone walking by from the front main entrance of the mall as well as the escalators.

Dustin lifts up the binoculars that he brought and hands them over to me. I grab them and toss the strap behind my neck before I lift the binoculars up so I can look through them. I slowly move from side to side so I can look at everyone I can see around us down on the first floor as well as up above us on the second floor.

“You see anything?” Dustin asks and I make a noise as I reply “Uh, I guess I don't totally know what I'm looking for.”

“Evil Russians” he says like it’s obvious and I resist the urge to roll my eyes as I say slowly “Yeah, exactly. I don't know what an evil Russian looks like.”

“Tall, blond, not smiling” Dustin offers and I sigh “Mm-hmm?” while Dustin continues “Also, look for earpieces, camo, duffel bags, that sort of thing.”

“Right, okay, duffel bags” I repeat absentmindedly and move the binoculars so I can look up at the second floor level, scoffing at what I see next “Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.”

“What?” I hear Dustin say and I grimace as I fill in “Anna Jacobi's talking with that meathead Mark Lewinsky.”

“If you're not gonna focus, just gimme the binoculars” Dustin sighs, however, I just talk over him “Aw, Jesus Christ, whatever happened to standards? I mean, Lewinsky never even came off the bench.”

Dustin makes a noise and says “Dude, you are the worst spy in history, you know that?” as he grabs the binoculars from my hands and pulls them towards him. Problem being the strap is still around my neck so I lean with his pull and say “Stop, hey,” at the same time he says “Give me those.” I succeed in removing the strap attached to the binoculars from my neck and toss it at him “Just stop being so impatient.”

Dustin takes the binoculars and lifts them up to look through them, throwing at me “Besides I don't get why you're even looking at other girls–” he starts and I’m quick to interrupt “I wasn’t looking at other girls, I just saw them together and it was a little appalling.” 

Dustin looks over at me just to roll his eyes before he goes back to looking through the binoculars “You literally have the perfect girl right in front of you.”

I sigh, lifting my arm up to lean against the planter wall in front of us “Seriously, if you say Summer again…”

“Summer– okay, Steve,” he drops the binoculars once more to look right at me while he stresses “Summer. I mean what the hell have you been doing for the past few months?”

“Nothing man–” I start and he just nods, interrupting me “Exactly, nothing–" he scoffs, shaking his head and continuing "Even I can see you’re not doing anything... I think you’re taking your 'not caring' advice a little too literally.”

“Summer was never a girl that was going to fall for the 'not caring' trick” I scoff lightly, shaking my head as I look down at the fake plant in front of me. I hit the leaves and sigh to myself, not wanting to admit to this little twerp that what I’ve been doing for months is trying to figure out if I even have a shot with Summer… which no matter how much I want to look into how she is acting more friendly towards me, I keep coming back to the same conclusion– I don’t stand a chance in hell with her.

Dustin snorts, completely oblivious to my turmoil “Yeah well what’s your trick going to be for getting Summer then?”

“There are no tricks, man,” I breathe out helplessly, shaking my head as I continue “Besides I already told you she is different– you don’t get a girl like Summer, you’re winning the state championship lucky if she decides you’re worth her time. She’s–”

“Perfect” Dustin interjects and I nod, looking over at him “Yeah exactly– Sum is perfect.”

Dustin sighs, looking at me quickly before resuming his binocular lookout “She’s also perfect for you.”

“Maybe,” I mutter quietly, shaking my head once as to not get my hopes up as I drum my fingers against the top of the planter “But that fact goes out the window when you think about how I’m not perfect for her”

“Steve, stop selling yourself short” Dustin tells me and I look over at him “No I’m serious, I’m not– she deserves someone better than who I was and how I treated her for years”

“You’re not that person anymore” Dustin says and I draw my brows together while I question genuinely “How exactly do you figure that?”

Dustin drops the binoculars down once more and connects his serious eyes with mine to make sure I hear him when he says “Because Summer wouldn’t be friends with you if you were.”

I’m silent with that, really wanting to punch him in the shoulder for attempting to get my hopes up with everything he’s saying right now. While I appreciate it, he’s not any closer to knowing what’s going on in her head than I am.

“Pretty sure all she will ever see me as is a friend” I grumble pathetically and Dustin rolls his eyes “You never know until you ask her– like with me and Suzie.”

“Oh, Suzie” I state, widening my eyes a little while I humor him “Yeah, you mean, hotter than Phoebe Cates– yeah, that Suzie. And, uh, let's think about how exactly did you score that beautiful girlfriend? Oh, yeah. With my advice. Because that's how this works, Henderson. I give you the advice, you follow through. Not the other way around, all right, pea brain?”

Dustin snorts, not even bothering to look at me as he counters back quickly “Deflecting is a nice touch to let me know that you know I’m right.”

Dammit, Henderson.

I scoff and roll my eyes, looking away from him so he can’t see that I do in fact know he is right– I do just need to bring it up to her. 

Worst thing she can tell me is she won’t ever see me as anything else other than the same shallow douche she went to school with– which she has told me before so it wouldn’t be anything I haven’t heard before.

Only difference now being I actually like her so her shooting me down will actually hurt.

“How am I supposed to just bring that up to her though?” I ask and I can hear the smile in his words “Summer is like the easiest person to talk to–”

“Yes I’m aware…" I deadpan towards him, sarcastically laughing once "But, you know, baring my feelings to her is understandably going to be a little more nerve wracking than how’s your trauma from fighting monster slug babies going?”

“Steve, come on” Dustin says a little louder than before and he looks at me, raising his brows at me like I’m ridiculous for being this worried and I jerk my head back in my bewilderment.

Dustin just rolls his eyes and continues “You are so worried and nervous that she’s going to turn you down but have you even stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, she feels the same way about you?”

I make a face, shaking my head once as I fire back “Umm no” and he just sighs loudly through his frustration “Jesus Harrington, you already got her to somehow agree to be your friend and to work with you– I think getting her to agree to date you wouldn’t be too far of a stretch.”

I think about that for a few seconds, ultimately landing on he’s crazy and I let him know just that “Yeah and I think that you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think I’m the only one who knows anything at this point– you two are idiots” Dustin remarks and I hit his shoulder lightly “Hey, don’t call her an idiot.”

Dustin just rolls his eyes and lifts up the binoculars again, sarcastically laughing at me “Oh my god just tell her you love her already or I will do it for you.”

I drop my mouth open in shock, glaring at the side of his head and silently cursing the little jackass.

It’s only a few minutes later though when thoughts of feelings and Summer get the pause button when Dustin is saying “Target acquired” and I look up in the direction he’s looking “Where?”

“Ten o' clock” Dustin says, continuing with “Sam Goody's” as I reach for the binoculars and say “Give me that.”

I look through the binoculars and find Sam Goody’s, my eyes widening behind the lenses when I see a not smiling, tall, long blond haired guy wearing sunglasses and carrying something over the back of his shoulder.

“Shit” I breathe out, noticing what exactly is in his hand and announcing “Duffel bag.”

I drop the binoculars down and look at Dustin, both of us muttering at the same time “Evil Russian.”

The long blond haired evil Russian heads up the escalator towards the top floor, so Dustin and I quickly follow after him, choosing to instead run up the escalator once he’s stepped off of it.

We head to the right and follow behind him, and while I’m trying not to lose him by walking quickly Dustin is countering that plan as he says “Slow down.”

“We're losin' him” I reply, trying to keep an eye on him through the crowd in between us and Dustin argues “You're getting too close.”

Someone bumps their shoulder into mine, exclaiming loudly back at me “Watch it, dickwad” and I notice how the guy we’re following stops walking. 

When he starts to look over his shoulder Dustin and I quickly step off to the side and I turn in a circle before I come to a stop and look through a store's front display window. Dustin grabs the payphone off of the receiver and talks into it in the most monotone voice “Hello. Yes. I am fine. How are you?”

I look through the leaves of the fake tree that's in between us and notice the guy turn back around and start walking forwards again.

I step towards Dustin and tap his shoulder to get him to walk with me again and he reaches over to hang up the phone.

We follow the guy until he makes a move to walk around to the walkway on the other side from where we are so we hide behind a pillar and keep watching which direction he’s going to be heading in.

He however doesn't keep going along the walkway and instead walks through the front doorway into a Jazzercise store front with a bunch of women inside who are stretching on workout mats.

As soon as he’s half way inside he starts yelling “All right, everyone, listen up!” he sets his duffle bag on the counter and unzips it “I just have one question for you. Who… is ready to sweat?”

He finishes his question by lifting out a boombox from the duffle bag and all the women inside the room stand up and face him, cheering and clapping with their excitement as an answer.

“What the–” I trail off as the notes of Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go start to play in the room and he takes off his jacket “That's right! Okay! Let's start it nice and easy now.”

He finishes taking off his jacket and reveals a workout outfit as he starts to move his hips, saying instructions to the group in front of him “Let's move our thighs. Yeah!”

I frown as we continue to watch him begin this jazzercise class before I tap Dustin on the shoulder and nod my head back towards the direction of Scoops “Let’s head back, yeah?”

“Yeah” Dustin sighs and we turn around, walking back the way we just came from.

⋇・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・゜゜・.・⋇

SUMMER POV

Once the rush of the afternoon dies down, Robin hops up to sit on the back counter and opens the window into the back where I’m pacing back and forth with the headphones around my neck and my arms crossed over my chest. 

Robin makes a noise to gain my attention while she leans over to hit her hand on the counter that’s on my side of the window “Come on, sit down and we can go over this again.”

I look over at her and she just smiles a little more, tapping the counter twice more and I huff through my frustration “There’s nothing else to translate though it just repeats.”

“I know” she hits the counter again “Come on– up, up”

I drop my arms down to my sides and walk over to the counter, hopping up and spinning around to face her. I cross my legs in front of me and set my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands in front of me.

She makes a noise and grabs the notepad with our translation on it and she reads it slowly "The week is long… the silver cat feeds when blue meets yellow in the west… a trip to China sounds nice if you tread lightly."

“Tread lightly?” she repeats and grabs the translation dictionary to flip through the pages again. 

“You gotta be quiet?” I offer oh so helpfully and Robin throws me a look, trying not to laugh as she turns another page. I make a half laugh noise and huff, keeping my elbows on my knees while I set my hands on the sides of my face “I have no idea but my brain hurts, none of this is making any more sense today than it wasn’t last night”

“I know” she agrees, breathing out a sigh before she lifts up her soda cup and takes a sip.

There’s a knock on the back door from the service hallways and I sit up straight, saying “I got it” before I spin back around and hop off the counter. I walk over to the door and open it, seeing a delivery guy with a dolly. He smiles an exhausted smile and holds the clipboard out for me to sign the delivery sheet “Delivery for you.”

“Thank you” I reply and as I’m handing the clipboard back to him I notice the name on his uniform shirt and my eyes travel up to his hat which says the same thing– no fucking way.

A lynx is definitely a type of cat… and 'feeds'... what if that's code for delivers?

He sets the box onto the floor by my feet and grabs the clipboard from me “Have a nice day”

“Yeah you too,” I reply absentmindedly and he starts to walk away back down the hallway. 

“Summer?” Robin calls from behind me and I quickly look back at her and see her lift her shoulders up with her question “What’s wrong?”

I make a noise and quickly step out through the door, looking down the hallway and seeing the the silver cat head logo on the back of his uniform. I widen my eyes a little as I mutter “The silver cat feeds”

“What?” Robin calls from the other side of the window and I look over at her, closing the door and repeating a little louder “The fucking silver cat feeds!”

She jerks her head back, furrowing her brows in her confusion while I quickly run towards the door that leads into the parlor. 

“Summer, wait” Robin calls and swings her legs around from how she was also facing the window. She hops down and follows after me just as I’m passing by Dustin and Steve as they walk into Scoops “Yo Sum, you’re not gonna believe who Dustin thought was a Russian” Steve says to me, quickly followed by Dustin saying “You did too” however over Steve’s response of “No I did not” I just wave my hand at them as I run past and say “SIlver cat– I found the silver cat”

“Wait, you found what?” they call out behind me as I run into the mall and head for the center seating area that’s surrounded by the food restaurants. There’s a bunch of fake trees and bushes right in the center with benches surrounding them in a circle and I run right for an empty bench, hopping up onto it while I look around at all the different stores. If silver cat is a delivery person then these other stores have to be the other clues, specifically where they’re delivering and possibly when.

"A trip to China sounds nice" I mutter quietly, quickly looking around and repeating “A trip to China sounds nice– a trip to China– sounds nice… a trip to China” I stop when I find the Imperial Panda cuisine restaurant and half laugh to myself as I lift my hand up with my words “A trip to China sounds nice.”

"Okay, if you tread lightly" I move on to the next clue, moving my eyes along the stores down here and also what I can see on the second level “If you tread…,” I swing around, looking at all the stores surrounding the food court area and stop when I see the Kaufman Shoe store on the second floor above me and I smile, repeating “If you tread lightly”

"When…” I frown, quickly looking up at what stores could be blue or yellow “When blue and yellow meet in the west" I spin in a circle, my eyes landing on a massive clock and I smile when I notice the hands are the exact colors I need “When blue meets yellow… in the west–” I laugh once, whispering “Eight forty five.”

“Sum” I hear Steve call my name as he, Robin and Dustin stop in front of me and I look down at them, watching as Steve lifts his arms out to his sides “What are you doing?”

“I cracked it” I state proudly, smiling even wider and Steve just furrows his brows “You cracked what exactly?”

Robin smiles and points at me “Holy shit, super genius here cracked the code”

Steve and Dustin widen their eyes and look from her and back at me, Dustin asking “The super secret spy code?” While Steve says “Seriously? What is it?”

“Come on” I say and smile, hopping down off the bench and the four of us head back into Scoops.

“So?” Steve asks when we walk into the back of the store and I fill them in on what I found “I think the evil russians are having something delivered here to the mall using the Lynx delivery service whose logo is a silver cat and they’re using the Imperial Panda and Kaufman Shoes as a cover for their deliveries.”

“What about blue meets yellow in the west?” Dustin asks and I smile, lifting my brows up once with my final riddle solving words “The hands on the clock are blue and yellow so it’s a specific time for this delivery… eight forty five.”

“Holy shit” Steve mumbles and Dustin laughs through his excitement “That's definitely a super secret spy plan– so what do we do?”

“I think” I say, shrugging my shoulders while I look between them all and continue “In just over six hours we should head up to the roof opposite the loading dock where the deliveries come in and see what exactly gets delivered and where exactly it gets delivered to.”

The three of them offer nods of agreement, smiling in our nervous excitement as Robin laughs once "I can't believe we were right."

“What are we supposed to do until then?” Dustin half whines and I set my hands on my hips, smiling “We need to figure out how to get to the roof and not be seen by whoever is getting these deliveries."

Robin and Dustin stay at Scoops while Steve and I follow the evacuation route in the hallway that will lead us outside. Though before we get to the hallway that leads out the back exit we turn to the right and find another door with a stairs access sign on it. We open it and find a stairwell with a sign on the far wall saying roof access, I smile and point over towards it “That looks promising.”

Steve raises his brows once and holds open the door for me “After you, m'lady.”

I chuckle and walk past him and he makes sure the door isn’t going to lock on us. We close it softly to where it doesn’t latch just in case and we head up to the stairs towards the roof.

We open the door we find at the top of the stairs and prop it open with a rock we find off to the side, figuring that’s probably what it’s been used for, before we step out onto the roof. 

I slowly move towards the ledge to our left, seeing the coast is clear from anyone standing around and I try to figure out where we are. Steve shares a look with me and we slowly walk across the roof to the far side of the ledge and down below we see a delivery truck leaving from the loading dock area “This has to be it, right?” Steve asks and I nod “It’s gotta be.”

I look up at him and see him smile when I do, asking me “So we’re really going to do this?”

I shrug and look back at the ledge, pointing at it as I crouch down behind it “This is high enough that we shouldn’t be seen by anyone standing down there–” I look up at him and he nods in agreement while he crouches down beside me and I continue with a little shrug “Very low risk and we’ll just be observing if my code cracking was right.”

Steve chuckles, nodding as he rests his arms on his knees and looks around “Yeah, definitely shouldn’t find ourselves in our usual risky monster situations with this stake out.”

He smiles and stands up with that, holding his hand out for me. I smile softly and set my hand in his, feeling him wrap his fingers around mine so he can pull me up.

With my hand still in his, I feel a raindrop on my arm and another one before I quickly look up at the dark cloudy sky above us “Well rain will definitely make the stake out interesting.”

Steve chuckles and in the next instant the clouds open up and it starts pouring down on us. “Oh!” Steve flinches back and increases his hold on my hand while we run back to the door, laughing as I lift my free hand up to push my wet hair out of my face.

Steve does the same with his hair, looking from the pouring rain belting down onto the roof in front of us and down at me. I watch as the water drops slowly roll down his face and off his eyelashes, the smell of the rain surrounding us and I smile brightly “The smell of rain on the pavement is one of my favorite things about a summer rainstorm”

Steve smiles, nodding his head slowly as he moves his eyes between mine “Mine too, nothing really quite like it.”

Silently he reaches up and moves his fingers along the side of my head near my temple, moving some of my hair that apparently was stuck to my skin and I shiver– mentally telling myself it has everything to do with the rain seeping into my clothes and absolutely nothing to do with him touching me.

I feel his hand squeeze around mine again and it seems to make us both startle since we realize at the same time he’s been holding my hand this whole time. He nervously clears his throat and lets go, reaching up to scratch the side of his temple as he mumbles a quiet “Sorry, I uh–”

I smile, shaking my head like it’s not a big deal and Steve lifts his arm to point over his shoulder to indicate the stairwell “We should, uh, head back and let them know what we found.”

“Yeah” I breathe out “Yeah, let’s go” I nod and hold onto the door handle for support while I move the rock out of the way with my foot.

When we get back to the hallway for Scoops we knock on the back door and Dustin opens the door for us, jerking his head back when he looks at us and our drenched state and smiling wide “What happened to you two?”

“It’s raining, Dustpan” I remark like it’s obvious and he nods slowly “So just got caught out in a rainstorm on the roof… that’s–”

“Wet” Steve interjects, nodding his head once and raising his brows towards him “We’re wet, Henderson now can you move so we can grab some of the towels.”

Dustin moves aside, sharing a knowing look with Steve that I throw a curious look at and when he notices he clears his throat and his face from any previous humor he had. 

I look over at Steve and he smiles softly, holding out one of the clean cleaning towels for me and I wipe off my arms and face while he does the same.

Since Dustin doesn’t have a jacket, and he refused to use one of ours, we improvise and spend the rest of the time fashioning out a rain cover for him as best we can with some trash bags and duct tape. 

Just before eight thirty we head through the service hallways, up the stairs and out onto the roof that Steve and I found will give us the best vantage point of the delivery dock area.

Once we make sure our roof is clear, and Dustin checks the surrounding roofs are clear from any other lookouts with his binoculars, we step out into the rain. The rain is coming down in sheets, followed by the occasional lightning strike and thunderclap while we crouch down behind the ledge and wait for this delivery to happen or not.

The four of us peer over the ledge just enough for our elbows to rest on top of it and we keep our heads low while we watch the back doors.

“How sure are we that this delivery happens every night?” Robin asks what we’re probably all thinking and I shrug, offering lightheartedly “About fifty percent.”

“Hating those odds, Byers” Steve grumbles and I smile over at him “If it’s not tonight, Harrington, then we can always meet out here tomorrow and see...”

Steve throws a sarcastic thumbs up my way before he squeezes his eyes shut from the rain getting in his eyes.

I set my hands on the ledge and mumbling honestly "And there's also the chance I didn't actually crack this code correctly."

"No, you did–" Steve says, smiling reassuringly at me when I look over at him and he nods "It makes too much sense for you to be wrong, Sum."

Sure enough at fifteen to nine a delivery truck pulls around the back of the mall and starts to back in towards the loading dock area where two guys are standing armed with guns.

“Look for Imperial Panda and Kaufman Shoes” I remind Dustin who has his binoculars and is looking at the two guards and the delivery truck.

A guy in a yellow jacket walks out from behind the truck with a red dolly carrying a stack of three boxes and Dustin confirms “Those stores boxes are with that whistling guy, ten o'clock.”

“What do you think's in there?” Steve asks and Dustin answers without missing a beat “Guns, bombs?”

“Chemical weapons?” I shrug and Steve looks over at me, wiping his face with his hand to get the rain out of his eyes.

“Whatever it is, they're armed to the teeth” Dustin continues and Steve once again wipes his fingers over his eyes to clear the water from them “Great,” he nods once, repeating “That's great.”

We see one of the guards sling his gun back behind his shoulder as he walks over to the side panel next to the two big gray doors and he taps the panel. I see a green light shine before the doors open and the guy in the yellow rain jacket with a silver cat logo on the back puts his foot on the back of the dolly. He pulls the dolly back towards him and walks towards the doors that just opened up.

“Hey, what's in there?” Robin asks and Dustin answers “It's just more boxes.”

Steve reaches over and tries to grab the binoculars “Let me check it out.”

“No, I'm still looking,” Dustin argues and Steve continues to try and grab the binoculars from him “Lemme see it.”

“Hang on!” Dustin says at the same time a loud thud rings out as the binoculars slip from their grip and hit the side of the roof ledge we’re looking over.

Both of the guards hear the ominous thud sound and we gasp, Dustin ordering “Duck!”

I move quickly to drop down below the ledge and turn around to lay back against it as flat as I can. Robin twists out of sight on one side of me while Steve does the same on my other side and Dustin flips around on Steve’s other side. 

At the thought of us being seen adrenaline starts coursing through my body and my breathing starts coming out in quick, nervous pants. Everything from the echo of the binocular thud to the guards reacting to us ducking out of sight all happens so fast that I don’t even register that Steve grabbed my hand in the middle of all of that. His fingers are linked in between mine, gripping tightly while he holds up our hands in between us. Slowly I look from our hands and over towards him, watching as he does the same and looks at me. He doesn’t let go of my hand, just keeps hold of me as he silently tries to reassure me that we’re going to be okay and I squeeze his hand back.

I can just make out through the pouring rain something being shouted in what I’m betting money on is Russian and I slightly widen my eyes at Steve. He nods like he’s coming to the same conclusion that they’re probably going to search up here and we move to get up, telling Dustin and Robin “Come on, hurry”

Steve keeps a hold of my hand while we quickly run across the roof to the door, only letting go once he opens the door and ushers us all inside. We’re rushing down the stairs and taking the first door we come to that will lead us back into our service hallway before I know it and I breathe out a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves with how close that all was.

We quickly make our way down the hallway, our wet shoes squeaking on the floor as we walk around corners mixing with our panting breaths, and Robin looks between us, smiling nervously “Well, I think we found your Russians.”

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A/N: Thanks so much for reading! As always let me know what you thought– comments & reblogs give me life!

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Please do not copy and paste my writing anywhere without my consent. This work is property of @stiles-o-dylan24​ on here and wattpad and stilesodylan24 on AO3.   Stranger Things and its characters aren’t mine, however, Summer and this fanfcition is. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited.     No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author/publisher.

Posted: 18 Aug 2023

[goldenworldsabound]

HI i went to find that end of the year self ship game because i wanted to do it when i made my new blog -- so IF you want to answer these still (since we're only a week into the year): 3, 5, and 12!!!!

I sent you some as well hehe~ and yes I do I appreciate you sending them!!!

3. did a relationship with an F/O change in a major way (i.e. you started dating a platonic F/O or realized you prefer a formerly romantic F/O to be a friend, got married/engaged to an F/O, etc)? if so, did it happen more spontaneously, or was it something you had planned for a while?

Quant went from friend to husband- fdkjsahfjkds though it didn't really take that long and I think everyone knew it was gonna happen fdksjahfdjksa sooooo you know.

More to the point I think I shifted some tiers around and Clayman became King of Kings I think (not that carrd reflects this yet).

OH WAIT the major one was Shiroe who had almost been an f/o twice before but THIS TIME came back and was like "I'm not just an f/o, but a main" so FKJEWHFKJWEHJK there he is. He's here now. Forever hehe

5. regardless of who you'd pick for the previous question, which F/O would you say you spent the most time with this year (i.e. by thinking/talking about them the most, creating a lot of art or writing for your ship…)?

Clayman. Clayman had his own art summary. I learned to make plushies for him. I made a whole music video for him. An entire blog dedicated to him (not this one I mean @demonlordclayman) like. Cannot be overstated.

12. if you have spotify wrapped, were there any songs related to your F/O(s)/selfships in your top 100? if you don't, were there any songs you listened to a lot this year because they remind you of your F/O(s)?

All of them. Literally all of them fdkasjhfdsjk Spotify is a fave playlist machine to me basically so FKJWEHFJKEWHJK Clayman's playlist now has over 100 songs in it!!! I am insane about him! The newest one is:

it's um. angsty. His playlist is a jarring mix of angst and lovely dovey soulmate stuff sdkjafkajh it's fun

meanwhile the Triple Happy Meal playlist is coming along AND!

Very fond of this one for them. The trio climbed the tower together and pre plot they're just vibing together as a polycule being happy and in love. 🥺

[coquitokisses]

Trusting Again | Bucky Barnes (introduction)

series masterlist • m. masterlist

spotify playlist • moodboards • files

After having spent much of her childhood being trained in a private organization in Bulgaria, Catalina Navarro is finally free when she is rescued by Nick Fury during a SHIELD mission.

Nick took the responsibility of taking care of Catalina and thus preventing her from falling into the adoption system. He saw how much potential she had and as she got older, he thought that she could use everything she knew for good so at the age of 16, he decided to get her into SHIELD and since then she has worked for the organization as an agent and spy.

In 2014, Catalina witnessed the Winter Soldier event in Washington DC. A few months after all the files, from both SHIELD and HYDRA, went public, Catalina decides to help Steve and Sam find Bucky.

But when she finds him, instead of bringing him with her, she decides to let him go. An action that will have consequences later on..

A/n: hiiii! I have a few things I wanna clarify before starting the story

— I said it before but I’ll say it again, this story is 18+, it contains strong language, explicit and/or implicit sexual scenes, topics like mental and/or psychological health and PTSD.

— The story takes place during Captain America: Civil War, but there'll be a prologue which is set in 2015 just to give a little context of the story between Cat and Bucky. Then it’ll go along with the MCU timeline, although the story will be one year ahead (for example, Infinity War happens in 2019, not 2018, but everything will happen according to the timeline)

— I'm planning on following the order of the rest of the movies probably till Avengers Endgame (if things go how I've planned) maybe till TFATWS but I’m not sure yet, however, there may be some changes to the storylines of the movies just so I can introduce Catalina's character into the story.

— My first language is not English, is Spanish. I am bilingual, even tho I don't really talk in English just because I really don't need to, but I wanted to make this story in English. In case there's any errors/mistakes well now y'all know lol my brain process things in Spanish first and then translates them to English.

— This story is available on wattpad as well, (even tho I don’t really use that account much, the user is -dolcekisses) but I’m also uploading it in spanish in case anyone wants to read it, my user is coquitokisses (same as here lol) and the account is in spanish if any of y’all are spanish speakers.

— Also, I don’t know how many chapters this story will have lol (with everything I have written, notes etc, I think maybe like 55-65? I’m not sure, is that a lot? Lmao I’ll just go with the flow)

— When I started the story I started writing it in 1st person (my oc’s pov) but I actually write my stories in 3rd person now so there’ll probably be some times where it’s narrated in 1st person and some other times in 3rd. Sorry about that lol

— I chose Eva de Dominici to be the face claim of Catalina Navarro (my oc)

That'll be all, besties, I hope you like this fanfic as much as I do, let me know what y'all think, feel free to comment your opinion! Feedback will be appreciated <3

I'll see you in the prologue!

Likes and reblogs will be appreciated!

[healthilyathome]

Things I'm NOT Putting on My Baby Registry as a Crunchy Mom

Wipes warmer- I'll be using cloth wipes so this won't really be necessary, but even if I was using disposables I wouldn't be getting one. He'll get used to the wipes being cold, learning how to be mildly uncomfortable is okay.

Sound machine- My husband doesn't sleep well with extra noise and it would only get used as night since I'll be doing contact naps in a carrier. If we do decide we want white noise Spotify, YouTube, and countless other apps have it as an option on our phones.

Diaper pail- I'll be using cloth diapers so I'll have a wet bag instead, but I'd still probably just use a trash can with a good lid.

Dock-a-tot/bouncer/swing- I'll be holding/carrying him probably 80-90% of the time and when I want to put him down I'll just put him on a blanket or play mat on the floor. These aren't safe for sleep anyway, so I'd rather not put him in something I have to worry about him sleeping in.

Walker- I've seen a lot about these messing with the way they learn to walk. They're more likely to tip toe/walk on the front of their feet.

Play pen/pack and play- If I lived in a house maybe, but I currently live in a 900sqft apartment. If I don't want him in one of the two bedrooms or bathrooms I'll just close the door, otherwise the living room and kitchen are one big area where I can watch him. I already have baby locks on cabinets to keep the cats from opening them, so there's not much for him to get into.

Bottles- I am getting nipples, but I'm using mason jars for bottles so I just need a couple nipples that fit them. He'll only get maybe one bottle a day so I really don't need very many.

Changing table/cover- I'll probably just change him on the floor or wherever I am. I am getting a few washable mats to put on public changing tables that can be used as play mats later.

Baby food maker- I plan on doing baby lead weaning instead of purees.

Bottle warmer- I'll only use a it once a day so I'll just warm it in a bowl of warm water.

Baby monitor- he'll be sleeping with me and my apartment isn't big enough to need one anyway. I'll easily hear any fussing from a different room. I might find this useful in the future once I'm back on my parents farm so I can garden or take care of animals while they nap, but I also might just have them nap in the shade outside depending on weather lol.

Pacifiers- I'll just let him comfort nurse.

Baby registries are pretty personal. I try to be pretty minimal so these are just things I don't personally find necessary. I could change my mind on some of these once he's here or for future babies.

[lifeascaty]

I've been away from tumblr for a few months. In October 2021, my Dad was diagnosed with Stage 4 neuroendocrine pancreatic cancer. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. He already followed me on tumblr, so I filled my feed with things he would like so he had something new and interesting (or a cute cat) to see every day. (I was already posting a lot for him, but now my queue was entirely for him.) It was a small thing, but I wanted to do anything to help make him smile or distract him. As it was a neuroendocrine cancer, there were treatment options, and soon he was back to living life as if nothing was wrong. But I still kept my queue running for him. In November 2023, a scan was misread. They told my Dad his cancer was responding well to treatment, and he wouldn't need any more nuclear medicine for two years. Unfortunately, this mistake meant my Dad passed away on January 26th 2024. There's no question that this is the worst thing to ever happen to me. My Dad is the person I am/was closest to in the whole world. I've never felt pain like this. I don't know what to do with my tumblr now. I've had it for over a decade, but I've been posting for my Dad for so long that it feels wrong to post without him. I know that's silly. I just miss him so much.

I'm going to post the eulogy I wrote for him below the cut. I don't expect anyone to read it, but I want it to exist somewhere online. I'm really proud of it. It has mistakes - repetitions of words etc. - but I also think it's the best thing I've ever written, because it's about my Dad.

As a professional writer, I’ve felt a lot of pressure to write a eulogy that does my Dad justice. The problem is, I don’t think that’s possible. Especially without him here to give me notes. My Dad has always given me his opinion on my writing at whatever stage it was at, bouncing ideas back and forth with me and arguing over intricate punctuation but, on this occasion, he can’t. I hope he’d like this anyway.

I could talk forever about my Dad. There are so many things I want to tell people about him, about his love and excitement for the world and his joy in getting to live each day. To quote Marcus Aurelius, as my Dad often did, “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” This sentiment defined him, really.

My Dad and I have so much in common. We traded books back and forth. He introduced me to his favourite shows and I showed him mine. He showed me his favourite movies from when he was growing up, and we were always first in line to see new releases at the Odeon in Wrexham. I would spend hours hanging out on the couch in his study as he worked and played music, talking me through his love and admiration of various songs and bands, like Led Zeppelin, Genesis, The Jam, The Smiths. We talked a mile a minute over dinner, always excited to share whatever new thing we’d learned that day. We experimented with various recipes and he gave me my love of cooking. We debated politics constantly, always talked about what was in the news, forwarded interesting posts and memes to each other across multiple social media platforms. Even when I lived on another continent we were in contact with each other every day, keeping track of our respective timezones so we could always find time to talk.

My heart aches every time I read a news article about some interesting new archaeological finding or a new discovery in space, because I want to share it with him. There are so many movies we planned to see, upcoming TV shows we wanted to watch, books we were waiting to be released.

I want to talk to him about the new Taylor Swift album and the Grammys she just won. As some of you may know, my Dad was a Swiftie – he was in the top 0.5% of Taylor Swift Spotify listeners last year. He was a fan of her before I was, often falling asleep to her 1989 album on international flights. He bought us tickets to see her Eras Tour together this summer and we were so excited. I can’t describe the pain I felt when last month he told me that I’d have to go and enjoy it without him. Because he should be here to see it with me. He loved stained glass – even taking classes and making his own artwork. He promised to teach me this summer, and now I’ll have to do it without him. But I’ll still do it. Like I’ll still go to the Eras concert – because it’s what he would have wanted, and because it keeps his memory alive.

I recognise how lucky I am that he is my Dad. So many things had to happen to make it so. Various ancestors had to meet and have children. My parents needed to be born, needed to both decide to go to the same university, needed some anonymous admin person to assign them both to the same university halls where they would ultimately meet. All so that one day I would come in to being and he would be my Dad. The chances of that happening, for everything to have gone right, are so infinitesimally small. And yet they happened. How miraculous is that?

I am who I am because of him. As a young man, he reviewed books for The Oxford Times and Interzone, a Sci-Fi and Fantasy magazine. (He was particularly proud to interview Terry Pratchett, his favourite author, and have his quote used on Pratchett’s books for years to come). He fell in love with stories and storytelling, a love that he passed down to me. Without him, I don’t know if I would have become a screenwriter and author. Storytelling is such a huge part of me, and I don’t know who I’d be without it, and without him. 

There are so many big, impressive things that my Dad did and achieved through his lifetime, but the things that make up a life are the smaller moments. My parents dancing around his study to God Only Knows by The Beach Boys. His love of all our cats across the years and his special relationship with each of them. The time we went out into the garden, on a freezing cold night in November, to watch the Leonids – shooting stars – falling brightly through the atmosphere. Picking me up from Gobowen station every time I came back from London or undergrad, no matter how late my train was. His specific way of stacking the dishwasher that only I could emulate. Summer holidays swimming in the pool, eating ice cream together, and marvelling over his tan.

The problem with loving my Dad so much is that it’s incredibly painful now he’s gone. One of his favourite Marvel TV shows, Wandavision, had the line “what is grief, if not love persevering?” There is so much grief because there has always been so much love between us. And I am thankful for that. Thankful for him, and everything he has done to build a beautiful life for our family.

My Dad’s last words were beautiful. Something we often said to each other, from childhood to adulthood, was “I love you more than the moon, and the stars, and the wide, wide world”. I started saying it to him, none of us knowing the end was hurtling so quickly towards us. He smiled as I began to say the familiar words, and as my Mum and brother joined in, so did he, still smiling as he said “and the wide, wide world”. And that was it.

'To reference Marcus Aurelius once more, he talks in Meditations about how just a day–just a minute–of happiness, of perfection, of peace, is enough. The same goes for the people we love. That we ever had my Dad in the first place is a wonderful thing, something to be so grateful for. Whatever comes after, whatever fortune has in store for us in the future? It can’t change that. What happens next matters less because of the wonderfulness of having had my Dad at all.'

He is my best friend. He will always be my best friend. Whatever happened, I knew he would look after me. That he loved me and cared for me and that with him I was safe. He would look after our family, always. And he did. Even now we’re discovering things he did and put in place to make sure we were okay.

I know I need to stop talking, although, as I said at the beginning, I could talk forever about my Dad. I will finish with a quote from Terry Pratchett: “No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away.” Hopefully my Dad will live forever.