#no i do not think rap tugger worked but i want to see his version! he spoke about it so convincingly!
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the problem with being a snob in the year of our lord 2024 is that i'll listen to interviews on the wrong cat died and feel compelled to find videos of that actor's performances, but so many of them are from the broadway revival or us tour 6 and i'll start watching and have to stop halfway through bc i still hate the revival choreography sorry
#i am a snob#the jellicle moon is shining bright#tyler hanes's tugger is such a cartoon character it's an absolute delight but very different to e.g. partridge's tugger who is a sexpot#anyway instead of listing all my choreo complaints (yes there are specifics i'm not just being a curmudgeon (although i'm not NOT being a#curmudgeon as well)) let me just say: my kingdom for video of daniel assetta actually performing as tugger in the australia tour#no i do not think rap tugger worked but i want to see his version! he spoke about it so convincingly!#... while we're talking about twcd‚ the guy who dressed as bombalurina for the eras tour is stronger than any us marine
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CATS: 1998 vs 2019
Alright, going to do this already. Note: these are my personal opinions. Intelligent rebuttals will be considered and replied to, anything else may likely be ignored. Also spoilers, and LONG. So onward to a comparison of the 2019 movie against the 1998 filmed stage version.
Edit before posting: Apparently I never queued this. I feel a little silly now
Plot/Framing: The use of an abandoned Victoria to frame the introduction of the plot of the Jellicle Ball and Munkustrap acting as narrator/guide to Victoria is a decent idea, and one that worked fairly well. Granted, when you take a book of poems and turn them into songs, it’s a little hard to create plot for a musical, but inspiration comes from everywhere. Victoria is a pretty blank slate for directors to work with, so having her be the framing vehicle is a really good idea. She’s the white cat, the dancer, doesn’t have any specific lines of dialogue or song attached originally.
I think that Munkustrap didn’t have enough presence in the movie. He’s the primary narrator, he needs to be someone we want to pay attention to, not just because he’s the one who happens to be singing or speaking at the moment. Maybe it’s a difference in how the two versions were filmed, and the focus was a little more on Victoria as our window into the world of Jellicle Cats, but I didn’t catch myself looking for him, or even noticing him in some shots, and you want your main source of information to be someone/thing you’re aware of, if only to see the mood of the scene.
“Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats” and “The Naming of Cats”: I thought the pacing was a touch fast, but I can understand trying to get all the material of the musical to fit into a film. Same with the cut lines here, and it did flow very well for the most part.
Having each cat introduce themselves via their song, and thus their entry into the competition for the Jellicle Choice, is interesting, and it does give a reason for not doing either the songs “The Awefull Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles,” or “Growltiger's Last Stand,” as they are the Jellicles entertaining each other in “play within a play” scenes. It also gives Growltiger a reason to be a villian/henchman of Macavity’s, by using a snippet of his song during one of the capture sequences.
“The Old Gumbie Cat”: I was not happy. Rebel Wilson is an amazing singer and actress, and I was very much looking forward to her interpretation of Jennyanydots. What I saw was a petulant, whiny brat, instead of the example of Edwardian do-gooder. Also, the mouse costumes were ridiculously bad, and the replication of the cockroaches was just showing off CGI work for no real effect.
“The Rum Tum Tugger”: No. Why would you use this version, it’s a trainwreck? And the music choice made no sense! Jazz by itself would have been fine, but as far as the hip-hop/rap elements go? Are we trying to make the timeframe screwy? I miss the rockstar Tugger.
“Grizabella: The Glamour Cat”: Alright, Jennifer Hudson is amazing. That said, I don’t think she made sense as a casting choice. Grizabella is older, she’s past her prime and her singing should have more of that age and grit to it that shows her experience. If you’re going to use someone younger, at least put some convincing age makeup on her, and choose a singer who has a huskier tone.
“Bustopher Jones”: James Cordon did a very good job to make this about more than a cat who eats his way through life, though I’m not sure about his scavenging through the trash. He’s supposed to get huge amounts from the gentlemen’s clubs he attends, I would have thought the proper attitude of “the St. James’ Street cat” would not allow for his digging in the garbage. And the sensitivity about his weight was stupid.
“Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer”: Perfect. The mischief makers in their element, and Victoria having to deal with the fact that they can be not nice cats, it works.
“Old Deuteronomy”: Judi Dench was an interesting choice for the role, but it works. There are some slight differences that come with having a matriarch for the Jellicle tribe instead of a patriarch, and they were handled with grace. It also is a way to give Dame Dench a role in Cats that fits her experience, since her injury during the rehearsals for the original London opening meant her planned dual roles didn’t happen.
“The Jellicle Ball”: The dancing was nice, and I liked the way several other cats became more than faces in the crowd during it.
“Memory(Prelude)”: Again, I just don’t think Jennifer Hudson has the age for this to work. Beautiful rendition though.
“Beautiful Ghosts”: A Victoria solo. Huh. It makes sense, given that Victoria is the primary viewpoint character in this version, for her to have something of her own. And it’s a pretty little song.
“The Moments of Happiness”: It doesn’t have quite the impact it should, since the only real witness to Deuteronomy is Victoria here. It works better when the entire clan is being given this lesson, even if most of them don’t understand it yet.
“Gus: The Theatre Cat”: Ian McKellan, ladies and gents, in a role that suits his age and expertise? I almost don’t miss Jellylorum. Also the lead up to it, with him giving some words of wisdom to a fellow performer? Yes, and yes!
“Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat”: The vocals and dancing went very well, but I kept getting distracted by the costume. What’s up with that facial hair and the suspenders? Also, the way the scenery shifted during this song where it never had with any other Jellicle performance. More questions than answers here.
“Macavity: The Mystery Cat”: Hoo boy. Where to begin? Making Bombalurina one of Macavity’s cronies sits a little funny with me, but I understand the logistics behind the choice. The one place though, the one place that lyrics should absolutely have been changed in the entire show and you MISSED IT!?!?!?!? Idris Elba is not a ginger cat, there is no way to make him a ginger cat, and you didn’t try to make him a ginger cat, so why does the song define him as one? You couldn’t try, I don’t know: “Macavity’s a midnight cat/ He’s very tall and trim”?? Instead, you call him ginger, and thin. Ugh. Also, as much as I love to watch Elba, a lot of the threat of Macavity in the musical comes from the fact that this is the first time he’s been openly on stage, and not just a shadowed figure hiding along the fringe. Using Macavity often earlier in the movie, having him spirit away the other competitors for the Jellicle choice so obviously, damps down on that. Shadows crank up anticipation better than overt threats most of the time. The stage version creates a scarier Macavity, though I’m sorry to say it.
The use of catnip is kind of hilarious as a drug, though I’m a little sad there was no fight between Munkustrap and Macavity, and that the Jellicles all came under Macavity’s power so easily. Little annoyed that Griddlebone and Bombalurina seem to just melt away after the song, but understanding not wanting to use T Swift for ��lesser” plot type issues.
“Magical Mr. Mistoffelees”: Mistoffelees is adorable here. This show is as much him coming into his powers and abilities as it is introducing Victoria to what it means to be a Jellicle. His attempts, as he tries again and again to bring back Deuteronomy, are laced with just enough desperation that he’s trying his hardest without making it overacting. The final success, when he’s sure he’s failed utterly, is so very sweet.
“Memory”: Same critique as before. The thing about Grizabella’s songs is that they are reminiscing. Looking back on a more golden youth. Crying for understanding that those without experience in the shades of gray life throws at you won’t have. It’s significant that Victoria (or Jemima, depending on the rendition) reach out to her, but Deuteronomy is the only one who has no problem with her, even from the get-go. You need someone with either a hell of a shitstorm life experience, or just plain experience to get that.
“The Journey to the Heavyside Layer”: I liked the transition of the broken chandelier into a balloon carrying away Grizabella. Little confused at Macavity’s loss of power, but okay.
“The Ad-dressing of Cats”: Deuteronomy addressing the crowd certainly brings the magical nature of cats to the fore, leaving the audience wondering how long she and the rest of the Jellicles have been aware of our view into their world. I liked how when she was describing the food gifts a person can give to their cat, all of those surrounding her got excited.
Costuming: Just bodysuits and CGI ears, tails, and whiskers do not turn people into convincing cats. The giant wigs of the stage show, while an 80′s throwback to the extreme, also change the profile of the face to better mimic a feline skull. I get it, having that poof would have been annoying with having to deal with the CGI ears, having to compensate for every fur twitch, but still! Also, nobody’s fur had any significant fluff amount to it whatsoever, it was all extra elements, like the coats and other accessories, but you could have used the legwarmers and armwarmers of the stage show give a better illusion of volume to fur. Having everyone be sleek shorthairs is boring. To my mind, the makeup was not convincing enough either.
Final thoughts: The movie version was okay, casting choices were decent for the most part, but I have to say that all together, I prefer the 1998 version. It could also be that the actors for the filmed stage version had been doing these roles for some time and it shows, especially in movements. Don’t get me wrong, the movie actors are good at their jobs, but there’s a difference in living a role for months or perhaps years during a stage run, tweaking things each performance, research and changing your approach, and making a movie, trying things only to have to move on to the next shot.
#CATS#cats the musical#CATS 2019#CATS 1998#movie review#movie critique#i forgot this was in my drafts
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CATS movie thoughts~
(post mirrored from Pillowfort here)
I went to see the new CATS movie with @mad-madam-m yesterday (we've been planning this since the first trailer dropped) and it was actually a) better than I expected, and b) enjoyable, which was a nice surprise! (I expected us to enjoy it because it was entertainingly bad, honestly.)
I've loved CATS since I saw the Broadway version as a kid, and listened repeatedly (incessantly) to the soundtrack thereof back then - and at times even these days - and was delighted to see a production of it when it came to our city when I was small.
The movie left me with 2-3 major issues and a handful of quibbles. . . I have not organised them at all, but here are my thoughts.
. . .which I am putting under a cut because I had a lot more to say than I thought, apparently.
I am not surprised they did an outsider character to be an audience surrogate, but *SIGH*
Also . . . Victoria? Whose characterisation in the stage show is 'excellent ballerina'?
I know that's why they chose her, they could fill her in as they chose, but it was weird to have a cat who left almost no impression in the stage show as the 'main character'
Okay I admittedly missed that they apparently folded in Jemima/Sillabub to her as well, but that really doesn't make me feel any better
Did we have to have the incredibly forced romantical feeling type focus?
Not to mention we had some oddness towards that with Munkustrap initially
Then there was Misto falling tail over paws - because he bumbles through everything - at her
Then the oddness of the Munjojerrie and Rumpelteazer song which was probably not supposed to added the both of them to that list, if more briefly
Holy heckies adding a new song for the new central character was not a bad idea but literally anywhere else in the goddamn movie, and not spinning off of Memory oh my lord all the no it was so cringe
Look you cannot build off of Memory as 'but I have it worse than you so feel better'
Who has it worse is never a good game to play at all, playing it here was so cringey
'What's a Jellicle?'
Okay I know, audience surrogate, but oof
Actually let me skip back - the CGI did not bother me that much and it's like 99% of the ranting I have seen about this since the very first trailer. It never bothered me that much.
The cats were made a bit more plain; that bothered me.
Let them have ruffs, especially the toms, wtf did you remove those for it looks a) weird, and b) wrong for cats
However the show really can only be played by humanoid cats, I think, or it . . . look, the production wouldn't work with more catlike cats
The addition of dialogue stringing together the songs and adding more plot elements and freedom to work with them was really not an issue in my opinion
It strung together the slightly expanded plot in a way it really needed
It wasn't that jarring or awkward, to me
Misto, oh baby, why oh why did they do that to you~
Mister Mistoffeelees, who is an aloof, confident, and incredibly skilled magician in the stage show is made into a nervously fumbling barely-past-kitten who fails at almost every bit of magic he attempts (and falls and trips rather a lot as well, when he's a brilliantly graceful dancer in the stage show)
It was painful, oh sweetie
I can guess part of why they did it, but it was not well done and I don't think it was necessary
Misto's magic was painful; not because it was painful itself but because he was so bad at it, and everyone expected him to fail every time he tried
Misto using his magic for Gus' song, for dramatic effect? I thought it was really great and also really sweet
Actually Misto being so starry-eyed at Gus was adorable all around
That could have been put in even with Misto being his confident stage self, in fact it could have been super cute to have him be composed and confident and then go to an overexcited kitten with Gus in front of him
The absence of the Conjuring Turn was so sad, it is a star point of Misto
Look I'm not a fan of the 'awkward bumbling male finds his confidence because of the unwavering (with no reason) faith of the new female love interest' trope in general, having it wedged in here suddenly did not make me like it any more
Upon the note of Misto, the rescue of Deuteronomy . . . was very badly timed on the beats, and badly done (I felt) when it finally happened.
I didn't expect her to show up when Misto first tried
I semi-expected the second time, but okay
When she didn't show up the third time it stopped being any kind of suspense - especially since, let's be real, the plot is not really a huge mystery - and became 'okay so . . . what are we doing instead now?'
And then the fourth try, when she did appear, it was done very anticlimactically
Deuteronomy being female didn't really bother me but it left me a bit eh
Judi Dench is awesome, but Deuteronomy not really singing is weird
Also, let Judi Dench's Deuteronomy have been implied to have had 9 - or 99 - wives you cowards
. . .plus that line being altered to be another repeat of 'Old Deuteronomy's had many lives, some may say ninety-nine' . . . it was awkward/clunky and felt over repetitious
Jennyanydots . . . oof, poor hon
Jennyanydots is a mature and above all sweetly sincere queen in the stage show
She honestly wants to better the mice and the cockroaches, and it's a bit silly perhaps, but she is determined to do it - and does
And the other cats respect her and, more, they genuinely care very much for her it seems
And she's earnest
I expected her to be played more for comedy given who was cast to play her, but the extent of it felt not great, to be honest, even before the other cats began to feel like they were mocking her a bit
Not to mention - the joke about the mice being dinner and a show I could let pass despite being very different from Jennyanydots as she originally was, but actually eating cockroaches as it went was a bit too far
As I told M when we were discussing the movie after the showing, it was like, I was rolling with it, and then they rolled too far
Also on that note? The CGI mice were a bit o.O - when the CGI cockroaches started marching my thought was actually 'oh, this won't feature in my nightmares at all'
They won't actually but they were kind of horrifying
I did like the cats watching with that alert, slightly twitchy focus of a cat seeing a small moving creature
The traditional costume change looked . . . weirder and creepier with the CGI than costume work
Bustopher Jones went from a dignified figure to a ridiculous one
It was again rather terrible to watch, wince-worthy
Prancing through the rubbish bins and splatting through things instead of his usual stage show refinement and rather snobbishness? Oof
Bustopher has always been respected, even specifically so because of his size, making his weight a joke and/or something he's 'extra sensitive' about was . . . so unnecessary
The Rum Tum Tugger has always been my favourite, since I was a wee tiny Kalira
. . .he was blessedly not so bad as I feared - and even went back closer to the rocker cat (complete with flirtatious tease nature) than the rap adaptation I have heard of and been continually ohgodwhy no at
However, why did they discard the few details of his character that are not a self-important flirt?
He's not even focused at that - in the stage show I am accustomed to he is very much a determined performer, basking in being adored
he was a bit 'oo shiny' and kept ignoring his adoring audience in the movie?
In the stage show he is also around to drop in playful lines from time to time
Also he sings a good chunk of Misto's song and brags him up, as well as pieces of other songs
While he claims to be distant and aloof, and may somewhat be, he continually comes back and causes minor disruptions for his own (and others') amusement in the stage show
He also protectively shelters some of the kittens more than once
Misto's barb was kept in but sounded more like a jealous, anxious attempt to detract attention instead of a teasing barb at an egotistical friend
Along with many of the songs, Tugger's was altered so that it is entirely sung about himself, and as with many of them, I felt it was better with some of the lines from another singer
Though his is not so bad as many, perhaps because he's already talking himself up
I wasn't really surprised to find he's changed from the inspirations I remember from the stage show and when I was little (Mick Jagger and David Bowie, mother told me when I got older XD) but it was still a little bit of a disappointment
Also a bit random, when mostly the soloing cats - at least/especially the ones singing for themselves in front of all the others - were competing in the formalised 'who gets to ascend' spread, that Tugger is evidently not
Mungojerrie & Rumpleteazer were kind of fantastic and then kind of wtf for me
me, during their song, as they pulled Victoria along with them to play and cause all manner of mischief in the house: I don't think I'm intended to be shipping Victoria with both of them now, but I definitely am
me, at the end of their song, as they deliberately abandoned Victoria strangling and trapped as a dog came barrelling up after her with saucy nonchalance: . . .what the fuck?
me, when they were helping with Macavity's attack directly: excuse me no
I know they're said to be 'rumoured' to help him out in the stage show but this was very different
Yeah they said here that it was 'only a bit of fun' and they didn't know Macavity was planning to kidnap Deuteronomy, but . . . no
I did actually like their colouration redesign, making them I think the only cats I did in the entire movie
The lack of their tumbling and acrobatics was a bit sad, though their song and playful successsion of running about, Victoria in tow, was fun
Macavity was played super well considering he has no lines in the stage show so rather little to go on, and the expansion of his plot was honestly understandable - I mean, CATS has a heck of a thin plot for a musical, let alone a movie
One of the things that bothered me about him was honestly that his song where he is described he is described as ginger and poorly-combed
He's played by Idris Elba and his fur is sleek rich brown
He looks great, but alter the lines, you've already altered several, including Deuteronomy's because of the genderswap
On that note, the plot expansion in general . . . it was way better than I feared
I was afraid they were going to wedge in another plotline alongside the (very thin/hardly there, admitted) one in the stage show and it wouldn't go well
On the other hand the making the Jellicle Ball an official competition was a little eh to me
The more I think about it the less I like it even, really
I suppose it had to be, maybe, to work with expanding Macavity's plot and actions, but I don't care for it (and I think it could probably have been worked around)
I could have done without the queens being actively aggressive to Grizabella, oof that was owch
They recoil and hiss and act like she has the plague or a curse, very disdainful of her, in the stage show, and it works well
Having the queens actively attack her, not only hissing but instead of recoiling circling her and closing in on her to slash at her? It was . . . not good
So I guess the lead queen that I noticed doing that the most is . . . Cassandra? I honestly thought it was supposed to be Bombalurina
Bombalurina only showed up as Macavity's chief singer and queen underling, to distract and drug everyone
Really? Yeah some of the queens sing about Macavity in the stage show, but Bomba is even the one who comforts Demeter when Macavity's presence freaks her out (in what seems like a trauma reaction, rather) in the stage show
I have no idea who is supposed to be Demeter, the queens were all but interchangeable background, really most of the chorus cats were
Which brings up the theme of a lot of the cats being unrecognisable to me, honestly, and/or having their roles remixed a little, or straight-up lessened
Skimbleshanks was awesome, and his song/number was perhaps even better than in the stage show
The tap-dancing along the rails? Awesome
The cats playing around in the sleeper cabin was also pretty great honestly
I will say when Skimbles appeared my immediate impression was of a very specific within-the-LGBT+-community gay man stereotype
Also I am terribly amused that he's wearing half a suit of clothes and it's the opposite half that he was in the stage production I'm most familiar with
Munkustrap was rather different, still a large part of keeping things going, if not the same way
Less serious than I'm used to? Not that he's only serious, but still
He made the best faces, like, it rescued a few awkward moments
At least a handful of moments that made me go 'this is so very not the Munkustrap I know' characterisation-wise
With the battle removed and a few other things, many of the moments that make his personality shine were gone
No seeing him lunge into action as the Jellicle Protector, basically
No seeing him trying to manage the little play-within-a-play put on for Deuteronomy (even when Tugger causes mischief) although I can't blame them for cutting both of those
No seeing him shield the kittens or younger/other cats without hesitation
Instead there was mostly just the slightly silly characterisation that showed in the moments between in the movie, it seemed to me
Gus the theatre cat was another of those whose song was rewritten to be sung by themselves, though his is the most notable for that, given he barely sings at all in the stage show
I really think it worked better the other way
But they gave me Ian McKellen being awesome in that song so I am okay with this
Also, Gus using a bit of that to scare Growltiger off the ferry and into the Thames? Fabulous
Misto's song - I talked about him and about Deuteronomy's rescue, but the song
I love having it led in by Tugger in the stage show, and I love having Tugger brag him up
Tugger is good at that, honestly, it so suits his style
Misto needs a bit of bragging up, especially for this moment
First of all, changing it up so Misto sings most of it himself instead is a bit sketchy
Changing it so it becomes less of a confident, showy number and instead is Misto being so anxious he can barely sing and constantly checking reactions . . . that made it worse
Next up, changing it from Tugger - who reads as friendly to Misto, in the stage show - leading in Misto's song and encouraging the others to praise him, to Victoria who has only just met him and all the other cats being dubious as they join in. . . I did not like
My shipper heart: why would you take that away it was excellent interaction!
My non-shipper heart: why would you take that away it makes much more sense and it also makes a lovely balance with Misto teasing Tugger during his song and shows that Tugger took it in the light-hearted spirit (they're friends, they're there for each other) it seemed to be
Also that it was so sweet a bit of interplay they took it away from Tugger to give to Misto's Sudden Romantic Interest in the movie, with zero changes otherwise? I have some side-eye.
I already mentioned the rescuing Deuteronomy beats being all wrong, but it also left me thinking we'd be getting less of Misto's song and it was oddly broken-up when we did get more
The catnip usage had me a bit o.O I'll be honest, for several reasons
Erwhat with the drugging everyone in that scene?
The glowing I'm going to assume is to show that it's having an effect on the cats, but it came off a bit weird to me
There were several cats it looked like were 'trying to escape' the catnip who most definitely had/should have already been hit
Also how did the cats assisting Macavity avoid being affected? Bombalurina at first made sense, sprinkling it below herself, none of it after that did
Wow Macavity's song and climax there with the stairs right up to the 'Heaviside Layer' in his stage display? So cocky! An unwise cat
Deuteronomy smacking him down? Very nice
Continuing to do so when he disappeared them both? Even better
I was really rather surprised not to see the melee battle among the cats in the climax with Macavity
Of course that also took away some of the drama, aaand some of the chorus cats, especially the toms', chances to shine
The queens were pretty indistuingishable from each other but at least we saw them somewhat, the toms mostly seemed to be entirely background blur
Growltiger being added in as Macavity's henchcat was actually kind of great? Watching over the kidnapped cats and as a secondary (and subordinate) Bad Tom, yes
In contrast to the mischievous Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer being used that way, I am so there for it
Grizabella was . . . a little disappointing?
She was played wonderfully! But she could have been played more
Seriously, fabulous actress there for her and they did nothing with her other than her songs and crying while singing them?
The stage production I'm familiar with has more than that with her and less time
Let her be proud and trying to gather herself up
Let her be dubious of herself and/or the others
Let her stand aside as though she doesn't even want to rejoin them after being turned aside
Look there's lots more that could have been done in the space there was with her in the movie (and without involving Victoria so much as she was, which was still a bit cringey outside Victoria's song, but at least not so badly)
She 'went with Macavity'? Felt a little unnecessary and also . . . hrm, to me
The stage show doesn't explain why the Jellicles reject her or where she was
I honestly always assumed she left on her own - Grizabella the Glamour Cat? - to make her own way, and eventually fell from grace
It was also a little strange to see her so young
Deuteronomy making the choice also felt . . . a little flat to me
I'm not sure what I was expecting or what the problem was
Regardless, it felt a little lacking somehow
I was impressed with how they had Grizabella's ascension managed, since that would be necessity be rather different from the stage show
Also great for Misto keeping some of his confidence from his song and rescue for this bit
Macavity trying to leap on and hitch a ride to the Heaviside Layer was excellent, and his getting stuck and having his magic not work to get himself un-stuck? Great
I do wonder - is his magic entirely broken, or just not working to catch his ride on Grizabella's balloon again?
The Ad-Dressing of Cats feels a bit awkward in a stage production to me; having a close-up of Judi Dench staring at me in the movie screen, for an extended time, did not make it better
Also the prologue bits about the naming of cats and what a Jellicle is were both changed and so there was no semblance of something similar in the beginning
I still think it would have been awkward, but if it bracketed the movie with the fourth wall breaks it might have worked better
The faces of the three cats close around Deuteronomy as she recited the entirety of that - which felt too long - were the only things that kept it being too awful
Munkustrap was the best in that
Misto looking horrifically embarrassed a few times and hiding behind his hat once . . . oh baby, I feel
'You're a Jellicle now!'
There's a Jellicle Ball once a year, see you then
So . . . for now, goodbye to your butt that was thrown in a sack into a junkyard we immediately ran away from
Rather than it being the Jellicles' (second, in some cases) home
I know your whole arc has been please accept me, see me, give me a place to be
But run off on your own, see you in a year
Seriously Victoria could have followed Misto, or Munkustrap, or Mungojerrie & Rumpleteazer, or anyone
Even Munku's mate could have, say, come up and encouraged Victoria to come with them
Not that we saw enough to assume he had one, still don't know who was supposed to be Demeter, but beside the point
It was a rough ending there
. . .I had a lot to say, and I'm not willing to swear that I didn't repeat myself anywhere - if I did I apologise - or skip over things I might have wanted to say. I saw the movie 24 hours ago and wrote most of this when I should have been asleep.
I did enjoy the movie and will probably watch it again - I also plan to watch the Broadway version again very soon (as soon as the library brings it to me) and have been listening to the Broadway soundtrack since yesterday afternoon.
(I may also be writing more for this fandom soon, but we'll see about that.)
#CATS (movie)#CATS (musical)#by way of my rambling references and preferences#Kalira rambles#yelling at M about things#MadMadamM
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Nobody asked, but here’s my opinion on the CATS-trailer
So it’s been about three months since the CATS-trailer came out and somehow I thought NOW would be a good time to express my opinion on it. It’s quite controversial, but have you ever wanted to hear what a long-time hardcore CATS-fan who has been wanting a CATS-movie for years thinks about it? Probably not, but I went and made this very long post anyway.
1) Cast
Can’t spell ‘cats’ without ‘cast’ and there’s some big names in the list of actors they’ve released. Some are excellent choices, some are more… questionable.
Ian McKellen as Gus: Now this is something that makes me profoundly happy. Sir McKellen honestly seems perfect for the role, I mean, he practically IS Gus the Theatre Cat (maybe a little younger, and less feline). Great choice, looking forward to it. Judi Dench as Old Deuteronomy: Now here’s one of the more questionable ones. I love dame Dench, that isn’t the problem; it’s just that Old D is supposed to be a large, old, deep-voiced male cat, and dame Dench only fits one of those characteristics. Of course, they could very well change Old Deuteronomy to be the matriarch of the tribe rather than the patriarch, and that would probably be fine. I’m more worried about whether Old D’s singing parts (like The Ad-dressing of Cats) would work as well with a higher, female voice. And of course, they would have to do tweaks to the song Old Deuteronomy itself, and ‘Old Deuteronomy’s buried nine husbands’ doesn’t sound that great. Idris Elba as Macavity: Here’s one that I’m very interested in. I think they might give Macavity a larger role in the film, which is a big ‘heck yeah’ for me, and Elba seems like he could portray the Napoleon of Crime like the menacing figure it’s supposed to be very well. I look forward to both the portrayal, and what the writers do with him. Jennifer Hudson as Grizabella: There’s an old saying that goes: “a CATS-performance is only as good as its Grizabella”. Will this one be any good? I don’t know, we’ll have to see. The bits of Memory we have heard so far sound decent, although nothing will ever top Elaine Paige for me (as you will notice further in this post, I’m a bit of a ‘1998 video version’-purist) It should be noted that her design doesn’t look a whole lot like Grizabella, but that’s a different category. As long as she can deliver a Memory that almost makes me cry, then it’s fine. James Corden as Bustopher Jones: I know a lot of people hate Corden, but I personally don’t mind him. He’s okay in my opinion (I have never seen his late night show, so that might be the reason). Whether he’ll be able to pull of BJ’s almost opera-like singing is something we’ll have to wait and see, because I very much doubt he did the singing in One Chance himself. Taylor Swift as Bombalurina: I have no idea how this will turn out. She can certainly sing (something we can’t say for sure about a lot of other cast members) but I have no idea if she’ll make a good Bomba. Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots: I’ll go ahead and say it: I wasn’t too fond of the Jennyanydots bits in the trailer. They were a bit too slapstick-y for my likes, and Rebel Wilson isn’t exactly known for subtle humor. Once again, we’ll see how it turns out. Jason Derulo as Rum Tum Tugger: Recent CATS-productions have been changing the classic RTT we know and love to some sort of rapper abomination, and many fans (including myself, as you may notice by that wording) don’t like it. It’s unclear which version the movie will be going for: Derulo certainly resembles the rapper version more, but what we saw in the trailer looks like neither, though slightly leaning towards the classic version. Let’s hope we don’t have to hear RTT rap his own song. Ray Winstone as Growltiger: Look, I have never seen or heard of Ray Winstone, but just seeing Growltiger on the cast list fills me with profound happiness, because that’s the one big complaint I have about my beloved 1998 video version: no Growltiger. Hurray for Growltiger’s return!
That’s the main ones I wanted to discuss. Munkustrap seems unimportant in the trailer (we’ll get to that in a bit) so I won’t discuss him. Victoria mainly just has to be a good dancer, and Francesca Hayward seems to be just that, so no further comment (though more on Victoria later).
2) Character design
Alright, let’s address the elephant in the room: the CGI. Yes, some of the characters make me very uncomfortable. Yes, I hope they change some things before the final product. But what I want to discuss is the designs themselves.
First of all: head shapes. Apart from some exceptions (Grizabella, Old D, Gus) all cats seem to have a human shape of head, and this bothers me. Usually, Cassandra stands out by her head shape, and so do Cori and Tanto, but here they all have that shape. Usually, RTT has a very wide head to go with his mane, but here? This is my biggest problem with RTT in this trailer (ignoring the threat of rapper-Tugger): the combination of his thin head, kind of small mane and completely different colors make him barely recognizable as Tugger. Many cats look very different: Old D, even ignoring the fact that it’s a woman now, has completely different colors. The same goes for Bombalurina. Maybe this is the ‘don’t you dare change anything’-fanboy side of me talking, but in cases where fur color is the only way to recognize a character, this is a big deal. Macavity also looks completely different, although cool. The hat looks be a bit weird on him though. Also Mistoffelees has black patches on his eyes, not sure how I feel about that.
Overall, the awkward CGI and many changes make character design one of the things I’m less happy about, but oh well.
3) Sets & backgrounds
I think the backgrounds look gorgeous, although some are very obviously CGI (here we are at the CGI again). But there’s one problem: CATS takes place on a junkyard. I know, obviously they would want to expand a little in the film and include more different settings, and I completely agree: I would’ve been disappointed if they hadn’t. The problem is that I haven’t seen a single junkyard in the trailer. We see streets, a theater, a fancy house, a square, a graveyard, a bar… but no junkyard. Some shots may look like they’re on a junkyard, but trust me: they’re either in the theater, graveyard, or the alley at the back of Bustopher’s favorite club. Again, this is basically me going ‘they changed something reeee’, but come on. It’s like if the Les Mis movie was set in Italy. Tom Hooper, do me a favor and include at least ONE scene on a junkyard.
4) Story
The musical is, much like Les Mis, 100% singing and talking with music accompaniment, and 0% regular dialogue. From the line said by Victoria at the end of the trailer, we know that they won’t do like Les Mis and completely sing the movie, and I’m perfectly fine with that. CATS’ story has always been a bit unclear for a casual patron who doesn’t know the lyrics and deep lore of the musical, so I’m glad they’re putting in some regular dialogue. If anything, it’ll give us a chance to see the Jellicles’ personalities better.
But speaking of Victoria: it seems like she and Mistoffelees will be the main characters in the movie. This is odd, but understandable. CATS doesn’t have a clear main character. You could say it’s Grizabella, but she’s only in a couple of scenes. You could say it’s Munkustrap, although he is regarded more as the narrator than the main character. However, the trailer has a disappointingly small amount of Munk, and his name is very low on the IMDB cast list. The same goes for Skimbleshanks, who I’m not sure if he’s in trailer at all (unless he’s the cat with the pants) and is even lower on the list than Munkustrap, plus there are no trains or train stations in the trailer. Odd.
Anyway, back to Misto and Vic. Normally, Victoria’s only role is performing a couple of amazing ballet routines, but that doesn’t seem to be case here. I personally would’ve picked Jemima over Victoria as a main character, but I guess her design isn’t as easily recognizable as Victoria’s (have I mentioned how many of the cats look pretty much the same in this version?)
Someone who also seems to have a much larger role is Bustopher. Normally he only appears during his own song, but here he seems to be a more general presence. We’ll see how that works out.
Anyway, if Munkustrap is reduced to just being the cat who sings about the Old Gumbie Cat and maybe Old Deuteronomy, I’ll be mad. (AND THEY BETTER NOT REMOVE HIS FIGHT OVER DEMETER WITH MACAVITY OR I’LL BE VERY MAD) Speaking of Demeter, she’s also very absent in the trailer and low on the cast list. Guess they made Bombalurina more prominent because they got a big name to play her.
5) Background characters (specifically Tumblebrutus)
As I said in the previous bit, it looks like many characters will be reduced to minor characters, so cats who already were background characters in the musical (like my boy Tumblebrutus) will probably have very little time to shine. I guess that’s inevitable, but I hope they at least make an effort to include the various background characters rather than replace them with generic OC’s. Luckily, I already recognized Pouncival in the background of one of the shots, so there’s hope. But if they don’t include my boy, my all-time favorite Jellicle, the best character in CATS, known as Tumblebrutus, then I’ll be even more mad than if they remove the Munk vs. Mac fight. He’s not on the IMDB list (unless he’s one of the ‘ensemble’ characters) but neither is Pounce and I definitely saw him so fingers crossed I can spot Tumbles when I watch this movie.
Conclusion
Am I excited for this movie? Heck yeah! Am I scared this movie might turn out shit? Heck yeah! There’s really no telling how good this will be (a lot depends on whether the final product has better CGI cats), but I think my viewing experience will be a mix of “Oh my god I’ve been waiting so long for a CATS movie oh look I recognize that character this is awesome oh here comes my favorite song I literally know this entire 2 hour musical by heart” and “Oh my god what is this RTT design where is Tumblebrutus why is there no junkyard why did they slightly alter this one lyric why isn’t this EXACTLY like the 1998 video version I love so much when I get home I’m just gonna watch that version again it’s much better anyway”.
Yours sincerely,
Ethan Livemere, certified CATS-expert and Tumblebrutus fanboy
#cats#cats the musical#cats the movie#cats 2019#cats 1998#my opinion#tumblebrutus#more like tumblrbrutus amirite
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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Subtext
So i saw Cats. I had to know if it really was as bad as everyone says. It is. It’s terrible. It’s literally one of the worst films i have have ever seen but for different reasons than publicized. I plan to describe every short coming this film proudly presents, at length. Before we get into why it’s so goddamn awful, there are certain things that deserve recognition.
The Good
Cats is kind of ambitious. I like that they decided to build actual sets to scale. There is a sense of realness to this world and you have to this movie that i didn’t expect.
The actual effects on the cats, themselves, are pretty legit once you get outside of that uncanny valley. Like, the process to create those fur suits was ridiculous. It’s every bit as impressive as what Cameron did with Avatar. The theory of those cats i mean.
Francesca Hayward is pretty dope in this. She’s a great singer, brilliant dancer, and absolutely gorgeous. If this were a play, it would have been dope. If they would have used actual makeup and sh*t, it wold have been dope. choosing the way they decoded to present this sh*t? A waste. This was a waste of Francesca’s talent.
Jennifer Hudson singing Memory was f*cking incredible. I’m told the version she sang on one of those reality talent shows was much better, so i googled it, and it was. So much better. Still, the one they decided to film was decent. Hudson is one of the best singers of her generation and Memory has ample opportunity to belt out them emotional notes.
You can tell Tom Hooper had a passion for this material. Like, he wanted to make this grandiose film based on the garish play. That’s going to come back to bite him in the ass overall, but it’s nice to see a director making something that the actually loves.
The Bad
Literally everything else. his entire film is, quite literally, one of the worst films i have ever seen in my entire life. There is just SO much wrong with this thing. So goddamn much. Every decision made during this production was wrong and it’s kind of amazing.
First and foremost, why the f*ck did they choose to portray the Cats the way that did? These things are HIDEOUS! I mean, uncanny valley, for sure, but i’ve seen enough films and played enough games not to be unnerved by bad graphics. But this? this sh*t is so much more than that. These little cat people things are unforgivably odious in so many ways. I’m not going to get into the way they have people hands or can’t decide to be bipedal or how ridiculous they look on all fours. No, my thing is the way the faces are integrated into the fur suit. That’s not makeup. It’s legit CG. They tried to emulate the Cats Broadway makeup in a more realistic way and it misses the mark by a long shot. They’re gross. Gross and weird. Your main characters are gross and weird to look at.
Bro, these cats are constantly f*cking Like, all of the time. It’s not outright but you can tell they are constantly making with the coitus, figuratively. I’m pretty sure there’s a catnip fuels orgy there toward the end? Middle? i don’t know. I thought maybe it was just, you know, Hooper being cheeky in the beginning but then Jason Derulo, f*cking Rum Tum Tugger, shows up and just simulates the f*ck while Rebel Wilson cat, quite literally, makes overtly objectifying about Tugger’s tugger. It’s gross and weird.
Everything is washed in neon lights and i don’t understand why. The majority of this film supposed to take place at night so it make sense that there would be neon signs and everything but. even indoors, during that big Taylor Swift number, fluorescent neon lights. It’s unnerving and grates on the eyes, man. You put in all this work to create these detailed sets and thing but then immediately erased the detail by saturating it in artificial, scathingly colored, light? Really, dude?
There is no substance to this film. There is no character growth, no pathos, no stakes. Nothing. It’s a bunch of dance numbers introducing a bunch of asshole cats, looking to be ritually murdered. That’s it. That’s the entire plot. One cat wants to be murdered more than all the others so he’s kidnapping the competition to be the only option left for sacrifice. That’s stupid when you hear it like that, right? Because it is. Cats is stupid. Giving it that big budget, Hollywood Oscar bait treatment doesn’t change any of that stupid. The play Cats is fundamentally retarded so how could the movie version not be? I hate films that never grow, that never have resolution but this sh*t doesn’t even have anything to resolve. It’s a literal waste of time and my time is actually valuable.
Im not going to get into the many, many, MANY plot contrivances because then i’d have to actually think about this movie instead of just referencing the notes i already took down. I did the work beforehand and i do not want to revisit this feline hellscape any time ever. That said, nothing makes f*cking sense in this move. There are Jellical cats, magic cats, gangster cats, thief cats; it’s all over the place. Motherf*ckers are in cahoots with the main villain cat and when the does a villainous thing, they are all, “ We didn’t know he was a villain.” Really? Magic cat is magic but literally doesn’t us it until the plot absolutely demands it making that use that cat the definition of deus ex machina. Like, they’re not even clever about it. It’s actually insulting how blatant it is.
Interesting enough, outside of Memory, the music in this musical is forgettable. I can’t name one song from this thing that sticks with me. I still remember the first few lines to the opening song of Sweeney Todd. I can sing to you the colors of the wind. Hakuna Matata means no worries. I can show you the world. We’re of to see the wizard. I bet you know those songs. Bet you don’t even know the original track Swift and Webber wrote for this fart of a film.
The writing in this thing is f*cking putrid, man. The source material is sh*t and i didn’t expect anything great from an adaption but this? I expected more than this. Nothing makes sense. The dialogue is, one could say stylized but i’d say it’s dumb. This sh*t is dumb. Nothing feels organic, especially at the end. That whole situation with Judi Dench accepting Francesca James into her little weird stray cat cult was all cringe, no love. Everything said in this ridiculous movie is cringe. It’s just a goddamn cringefest! Seriously, the writing in this “movie’ is about as good as the writing in a Michael Bay flick. It’s that bad.
This movie has some of the most uninspired camera work i have ever seen in my entire life. It’s shot like a play; A single camera, centered on the shot, with no dynamism at all. There’s no pans or strafe or anything of that nature which works if you’re filming a play but this ain’t a play. It’s a film. Take Sweeney Todd for example. That’s how you make a film musical. West Side Story is another decent example. F*ck, that one movie with Gosling and Stone, La La Land? Yeah, even THAT one was shot dynamically. it was shot like a f*cking film. An even better example? the Les Miserables example. That Hooper, himself, shot! You did this once before and got Oscar for it. The f*ck happened? Yu forget hoe to make movies or something?
While i’m on Hooper, the f*ck kind of direction is any of this? It’s terrible! All of these performances, outside of Jason Derulo who was truly awful but brought a very refreshing energy to his nonsense, were uninspired. Like, they all just kind of went through the motions, you know? tom Hooper had been trying to get this film made for years and THIS was what he was able to muster? With THAT cast? are you f*cking serious??
Now, i lauded Francesca Hayward in her performance as Victoria, and that is legitimate praise, but everyone else in this thing is sh*t. Like, James as spectacular in her role, but her role is sh*t. That’s the ebb and flow of this movie. One thing is decent, but it’s mired in sh*t. James is gorgeous in real life and you see a bit of that in Victoria’s face but Victoria is a computer generated monstrosity and this movie insists upon reminding you of that every time she does anything with her face It’s weird and gross, man.
Speaking of probably brilliant performances mired by the outright sh*ttiness of the visual aesthetic in this clusterf*ck masquerading as cinema, i’m pretty sure Rebel Wilson has a beautiful voice. I wouldn’t know for sure because they limited her character to kind of a terrible lounge lizard set piece full of cockroaches and baby mice. I got a whole eyeful of her cat puss though. Thanks for that, assholes.
Another anecdotal performance that it thought might have been really good belonged to Idris Elba but i think his shortcoming had more to do with the character writing that screen time. Elba is almost always brilliant in any role he accepts and dude is musically incline, Elba was once a DJ and raps wonderfully if you didn’t know, so i can see them throwing a hip-hop curve to Macavity that could have worked if approached with respectful aplomb. Nope. This motherf*cker is a campy goober in a fur coat and a derby. Macavity is the main villain if this entire bullsh*t and i’m supposed to be afraid of him when he looks like a brown, nude, 70s style pimp with cat ears? For Real?
Jame Corden is the goddamn worst. That’s it. That’s the grievance. James Corden is the goddamn worst.
Why was Jason Derulo in this? He’s a singer, not a film actor, which is easier than being a theater actor. Dude just acts like he’s in a music video. Like, i’m watching his little set pieces or whatever and all i see is 90s Usher, dancing to My Way or some sh*t.
Why was Taylor Swift in this movie? I mean, i know why. They promised her a chance to win win an Oscar with an original song, that’s why. Hooper thought this thing was going to sweep the Oscars but this it sh*t the bed in theaters. it probably should have sh*t Swift out before production, though. She’s kind of awful.
And then there’s the two most egregious offenses in this entire film; The casting of Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen. These are Actors. They are Oscar caliber talent, Dench winning several while McKellen being nominated twice. Both of these individuals have a background IN theater. Hell, Dame Dench was cast as Girsabella in the original 80s run but had to drop out due to injury! They live this life! How are they so goddamn awful in this movie??
The Verdict
I said this in the beginning but Cats is one of the worst films i have ever seen in my entire f*cking life. I feel like there were more decent performances in this thing, Idris Elba was probably fantastic, bit the material the had to perform and the god-awful cat effects just wash over anything these actors can possibly do. Who is this for? Why are all of these cats so f*cking horny? What was the point of this aimless journey Hooper took us on? There are no answer for anything, which is hilarious, because this movie asks no questions. It asks nothing of the audience. It just kind of happens to you. I reference the writing being as terrible as a Michael Bay film but Cats IS a Michael Bay film. If you replace the dance numbers with explosions or creepy shots of Francesca Hayward’s butt, and it’s Revenge of the Fallen. Straight up Bayhem in a fur suit.
Cats is vapid, superficial, and insists upon itself. This movie thinks it’s more than what it is and believes it should be recognized when, in reality, it’s lowest common denominator film making and should be forgotten. This thing was constructed to swoon over the Academy but it ends up grossing out the audience. Cats is hollow and a waste of time while being one of the most visually revolting experiences i have ever had the displeasure of enduring. Do not watch this film unless you want to be angry you wasted damn near two hours of your time. Also, it’s ugly.
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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Subtext
So i saw Cats. I had to know if it really was as bad as everyone says. It is. It’s terrible. It’s literally one of the worst films i have have ever seen but for different reasons than publicized. I plan to describe every short coming this film proudly presents, at length. Before we get into why it’s so goddamn awful, there are certain things that deserve recognition.
The Good
Cats is kind of ambitious. I like that they decided to build actual sets to scale. There is a sense of realness to this world and you have to this movie that i didn’t expect.
The actual effects on the cats, themselves, are pretty legit once you get outside of that uncanny valley. Like, the process to create those fur suits was ridiculous. It’s every bit as impressive as what Cameron did with Avatar. The theory of those cats i mean.
Francesca Hayward is pretty dope in this. She’s a great singer, brilliant dancer, and absolutely gorgeous. If this were a play, it would have been dope. If they would have used actual makeup and sh*t, it wold have been dope. choosing the way they decoded to present this sh*t? A waste. This was a waste of Francesca’s talent.
Jennifer Hudson singing Memory was f*cking incredible. I’m told the version she sang on one of those reality talent shows was much better, so i googled it, and it was. So much better. Still, the one they decided to film was decent. Hudson is one of the best singers of her generation and Memory has ample opportunity to belt out them emotional notes.
You can tell Tom Hooper had a passion for this material. Like, he wanted to make this grandiose film based on the garish play. That’s going to come back to bite him in the ass overall, but it’s nice to see a director making something that the actually loves.
The Bad
Literally everything else. his entire film is, quite literally, one of the worst films i have ever seen in my entire life. There is just SO much wrong with this thing. So goddamn much. Every decision made during this production was wrong and it’s kind of amazing.
First and foremost, why the f*ck did they choose to portray the Cats the way that did? These things are HIDEOUS! I mean, uncanny valley, for sure, but i’ve seen enough films and played enough games not to be unnerved by bad graphics. But this? this sh*t is so much more than that. These little cat people things are unforgivably odious in so many ways. I’m not going to get into the way they have people hands or can’t decide to be bipedal or how ridiculous they look on all fours. No, my thing is the way the faces are integrated into the fur suit. That’s not makeup. It’s legit CG. They tried to emulate the Cats Broadway makeup in a more realistic way and it misses the mark by a long shot. They’re gross. Gross and weird. Your main characters are gross and weird to look at.
Bro, these cats are constantly f*cking Like, all of the time. It’s not outright but you can tell they are constantly making with the coitus, figuratively. I’m pretty sure there’s a catnip fuels orgy there toward the end? Middle? i don’t know. I thought maybe it was just, you know, Hooper being cheeky in the beginning but then Jason Derulo, f*cking Rum Tum Tugger, shows up and just simulates the f*ck while Rebel Wilson cat, quite literally, makes overtly objectifying about Tugger’s tugger. It’s gross and weird.
Everything is washed in neon lights and i don’t understand why. The majority of this film supposed to take place at night so it make sense that there would be neon signs and everything but. even indoors, during that big Taylor Swift number, fluorescent neon lights. It’s unnerving and grates on the eyes, man. You put in all this work to create these detailed sets and thing but then immediately erased the detail by saturating it in artificial, scathingly colored, light? Really, dude?
There is no substance to this film. There is no character growth, no pathos, no stakes. Nothing. It’s a bunch of dance numbers introducing a bunch of asshole cats, looking to be ritually murdered. That’s it. That’s the entire plot. One cat wants to be murdered more than all the others so he’s kidnapping the competition to be the only option left for sacrifice. That’s stupid when you hear it like that, right? Because it is. Cats is stupid. Giving it that big budget, Hollywood Oscar bait treatment doesn’t change any of that stupid. The play Cats is fundamentally retarded so how could the movie version not be? I hate films that never grow, that never have resolution but this sh*t doesn’t even have anything to resolve. It’s a literal waste of time and my time is actually valuable.
Im not going to get into the many, many, MANY plot contrivances because then i’d have to actually think about this movie instead of just referencing the notes i already took down. I did the work beforehand and i do not want to revisit this feline hellscape any time ever. That said, nothing makes f*cking sense in this move. There are Jellical cats, magic cats, gangster cats, thief cats; it’s all over the place. Motherf*ckers are in cahoots with the main villain cat and when the does a villainous thing, they are all, “ We didn’t know he was a villain.” Really? Magic cat is magic but literally doesn’t us it until the plot absolutely demands it making that use that cat the definition of deus ex machina. Like, they’re not even clever about it. It’s actually insulting how blatant it is.
Interesting enough, outside of Memory, the music in this musical is forgettable. I can’t name one song from this thing that sticks with me. I still remember the first few lines to the opening song of Sweeney Todd. I can sing to you the colors of the wind. Hakuna Matata means no worries. I can show you the world. We’re of to see the wizard. I bet you know those songs. Bet you don’t even know the original track Swift and Webber wrote for this fart of a film.
The writing in this thing is f*cking putrid, man. The source material is sh*t and i didn’t expect anything great from an adaption but this? I expected more than this. Nothing makes sense. The dialogue is, one could say stylized but i’d say it’s dumb. This sh*t is dumb. Nothing feels organic, especially at the end. That whole situation with Judi Dench accepting Francesca James into her little weird stray cat cult was all cringe, no love. Everything said in this ridiculous movie is cringe. It’s just a goddamn cringefest! Seriously, the writing in this “movie’ is about as good as the writing in a Michael Bay flick. It’s that bad.
This movie has some of the most uninspired camera work i have ever seen in my entire life. It’s shot like a play; A single camera, centered on the shot, with no dynamism at all. There’s no pans or strafe or anything of that nature which works if you’re filming a play but this ain’t a play. It’s a film. Take Sweeney Todd for example. That’s how you make a film musical. West Side Story is another decent example. F*ck, that one movie with Gosling and Stone, La La Land? Yeah, even THAT one was shot dynamically. it was shot like a f*cking film. An even better example? the Les Miserables example. That Hooper, himself, shot! You did this once before and got Oscar for it. The f*ck happened? Yu forget hoe to make movies or something?
While i’m on Hooper, the f*ck kind of direction is any of this? It’s terrible! All of these performances, outside of Jason Derulo who was truly awful but brought a very refreshing energy to his nonsense, were uninspired. Like, they all just kind of went through the motions, you know? tom Hooper had been trying to get this film made for years and THIS was what he was able to muster? With THAT cast? are you f*cking serious??
Now, i lauded Francesca Hayward in her performance as Victoria, and that is legitimate praise, but everyone else in this thing is sh*t. Like, James as spectacular in her role, but her role is sh*t. That’s the ebb and flow of this movie. One thing is decent, but it’s mired in sh*t. James is gorgeous in real life and you see a bit of that in Victoria’s face but Victoria is a computer generated monstrosity and this movie insists upon reminding you of that every time she does anything with her face It’s weird and gross, man.
Speaking of probably brilliant performances mired by the outright sh*ttiness of the visual aesthetic in this clusterf*ck masquerading as cinema, i’m pretty sure Rebel Wilson has a beautiful voice. I wouldn’t know for sure because they limited her character to kind of a terrible lounge lizard set piece full of cockroaches and baby mice. I got a whole eyeful of her cat puss though. Thanks for that, assholes.
Another anecdotal performance that it thought might have been really good belonged to Idris Elba but i think his shortcoming had more to do with the character writing that screen time. Elba is almost always brilliant in any role he accepts and dude is musically incline, Elba was once a DJ and raps wonderfully if you didn’t know, so i can see them throwing a hip-hop curve to Macavity that could have worked if approached with respectful aplomb. Nope. This motherf*cker is a campy goober in a fur coat and a derby. Macavity is the main villain if this entire bullsh*t and i’m supposed to be afraid of him when he looks like a brown, nude, 70s style pimp with cat ears? For Real?
Jame Corden is the goddamn worst. That’s it. That’s the grievance. James Corden is the goddamn worst.
Why was Jason Derulo in this? He’s a singer, not a film actor, which is easier than being a theater actor. Dude just acts like he’s in a music video. Like, i’m watching his little set pieces or whatever and all i see is 90s Usher, dancing to My Way or some sh*t.
Why was Taylor Swift in this movie? I mean, i know why. They promised her a chance to win win an Oscar with an original song, that’s why. Hooper thought this thing was going to sweep the Oscars but this it sh*t the bed in theaters. it probably should have sh*t Swift out before production, though. She’s kind of awful.
And then there’s the two most egregious offenses in this entire film; The casting of Dame Judi Dench and Sir Ian McKellen. These are Actors. They are Oscar caliber talent, Dench winning several while McKellen being nominated twice. Both of these individuals have a background IN theater. Hell, Dame Dench was cast as Girsabella in the original 80s run but had to drop out due to injury! They live this life! How are they so goddamn awful in this movie??
The Verdict
I said this in the beginning but Cats is one of the worst films i have ever seen in my entire f*cking life. I feel like there were more decent performances in this thing, Idris Elba was probably fantastic, bit the material the had to perform and the god-awful cat effects just wash over anything these actors can possibly do. Who is this for? Why are all of these cats so f*cking horny? What was the point of this aimless journey Hooper took us on? There are no answer for anything, which is hilarious, because this movie asks no questions. It asks nothing of the audience. It just kind of happens to you. I reference the writing being as terrible as a Michael Bay film but Cats IS a Michael Bay film. If you replace the dance numbers with explosions or creepy shots of Francesca Hayward’s butt, and it’s Revenge of the Fallen. Straight up Bayhem in a fur suit.
Cats is vapid, superficial, and insists upon itself. This movie thinks it’s more than what it is and believes it should be recognized when, in reality, it’s lowest common denominator film making and should be forgotten. This thing was constructed to swoon over the Academy but it ends up grossing out the audience. Cats is hollow and a waste of time while being one of the most visually revolting experiences i have ever had the displeasure of enduring. Do not watch this film unless you want to be angry you wasted damn near two hours of your time. Also, it’s ugly.
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