#no fyodor don’t open twitter

[minkkinii]

Fyodor goes on Twitter 🦕

[fyodior]

(Warning: twitter porn vid)

https://x.com/hornyteezbts/status/1746318044295495967

You have to do this to Fyodor while fucking him because he’s just too tight your cocks gonna slip out if you don’t keep him stretched

PHEWWWW GODDAMNNN thats CRAZY

having to pry him open like that good god i…… WOW

[chuuyadelune]

NAVIGATING MY BLOG 🌱

hello and welcome if you’ve come across my page! this is the long overdue introduction + organisation post for this blog (2 years late. but oh well)

ABOUT ME: you can find a more detailed profile on my carrd — but here are the basics.

you can call me jem, i use they/them, and i’m 22. i am currently a music student—if ever i suddenly disappear for like, a month or two, just know it’s because of school, lol.

i can also be found on:

twitter / @ chuuyadelune (where i’m more active)

youtube (i post an edit once every 6 months)

FANDOMS: i mostly engage in bungo stray dogs content, but i’m also a fan of sakamoto days, skip to loafer, chihayafuru, moriarty the patriot, mob psycho 100, chainsaw man, yona of the dawn, witch hat atelier and a whole lot more —a more comprehensive list is in the carrd (since i have not updated my MAL in a very long time)

WHAT I POST ON THIS BLOG: beyond reblogging a bunch of fanart/theories, i have posted a variety of things, which include:

manga colourings (i don’t really do these anymore, admittedly)

written theories/analysis on the BSD manga

half-fleshed out analysis of the BSD anime’s cinematography (lighting, composition, etc)

general ramblings about the BSD anime’s music (because i am nothing if not a huge nerd about this sort of thing)

i have tried to organise things via the tags in the past but not all of them show up, so i’m leaving all the links to everything here—alongside the tags i used—for posterity and so i can find things when i want to. everything is below the cut:

WRITTEN THEORIES ON THE BSD MANGA

the tag i use is jems bsd theories, but not all of these show up all the time, unfortunately. so here’s the list:

(a very silly post about) vampire chuuya (chapter 98)

(a very shitty) attempt at breaking down BSD 101

sigma is the key to winning meursault, and the why in relation to the BSD themes

[BSD 113] the fyodor jesus references go crazy ngl (less analysis more a list of things i noticed)

ANALYSIS (KINDA) OF THE BSD ANIME’S CINEMATOGRAPHY

both this section and the one below (music ramblings) can be found under the tag jem rambles, but here are the links for everything anyway:

the use of levels and how it links to ranpo’s character in S4 E2 (untold origins)

the effective use of lighting in yosano’s backstory, S4 E9

visual parallels in the shin soukoku fights, S1 - S5

BSD MUSIC RAMBLINGS

i really like screen mode BSD ops

BSD S5’s opening fucking bangs thank you kisho taniyama i love you

MANGA COLOURINGS

i used the tag jems colourings for this, but some of them don’t show up, so i’m listing everything here.

BSD:

smiley kenji from 100.5

fyodor drowning from 101

hunting dog tachihara from 68

fukufuku (fukuchi and fukuzawa) from 103

chuuya entrance from fifteen manga phase 1

chuuya stopping bullets from fifteen manga phase 2

titan chuuya from fifteen manga phase 3

that’s what makes me love you skk from fifteen manga phase 5

other:

spy x family mission 15 cover page

[verlaines-corner-archive]

KICKS YOUR DOOR DOWN !!! idk if these count as wholesome, but they are all general fedya headcanons i have (can you guess which ones are me self projecting ???)

he's epileptic cause the real fyodor was epileptic

he's a super sex positive person and the stigma that having a lot of sex/exploring your sexual self makes you a lesser person infuriates him to no ends. he also thinks the whole 'pre-marital sex is a sin' thing is fucking bullshit

he's an orthodox christian, but he's a little more on the ambiguous side of being an orthodox, he identifies with the faith, but not to the T

he likes small soft animals, and he likes small stuffies

he didn't learn to read, write or speak until much later than his peers, but once he did learn all the things, he was far ahead of everyone else.

he gets sick quite a bit, but he gets self conscious about how weak his body and immune system are, so when he does get sick he just hides away from everyone around him. good thing he's very competent and can take care of himself.

he actually has a very good relationship with his mom. he still calls her from time to time and they talk for hours to catch up. she doesn't know what exactly he's doing, but she loves hearing from her dear son

he very much enjoys romance novels, they're kinda his guilty pleasure, but one of his favorite things to do to relax is drink some hot tea and read a good romance story.

speaking of tea, he likes it really sweet, more cream and sugar than actual tea.

he has an over active imagination, and when he was a kid was absolutely convinced that everything was living, he talked to his toys all the time. having whole conversations with them.

wears his hat all the time because he HATES when things touch his ears.

his hands are really soft, but constantly cold, and his knuckles get very red a lot of the time bc of how cold his hands get.

he finds slasher films to be corny and annoying, but he does enjoy himself a good psychological horror film. but his movie is v for vendetta. he likes the themes that are used, the film style, the use of colors. it's definitely his go to when he gets to pick the movie for movie nights.

speaking of movie nights, on the topic of dates, as tedious as it is, he has scheduled dates. it's all he can do for dates since he's so busy.

he talks to himself a lot. he often narrates everything he does, and doesn't even notice it sometimes. he just goes about his day spewing silly little monologues as everyone just stares at him weird.

he likes stars quite a bit, and planets fascinate him. despite how smart he is, he has never been able to fully wrap his head around how big the world really is, and how tiny he and everyone he knows is so tiny in comparison.

every time he sees an animal out in public, he waves to it, of (if he can do it discreetly) blows it a little kiss.

he likes cabbage a lot !! no particular reason, he just likes cabbage.

okay i'm done... for now. patiently awaiting the fyodor filth :D

Hello dear Lev! I am going to respond to some of your hcs with my opinions on your hcs. Under the cut for space

 -> I agree with Fyodor being epileptic! There’s actually a really interesting twitter thread by faust [@CosmicFaustus] going over his health and possible conditions he has.

 -> Now, I don’t really agree with the sex positivity one and I’m going to go over why because this is a very interesting topic to me.

Firstly I believe Fyodor to be both sex repulsed and a virgin. This is for a few reasons, the main one being that sex is something that requires vulnerability. The other person would have to see his body, frail and weak as it is, and despite his ability he would be in a position where he is out in the open. Bare and fully exposed, and the intimacy and vulnerability that comes with that is that freaks him out, leading to being him repulsed by the idea of it. With a lover he’d definitely warm up to sex, but it would take a long time and a lot of trust/comfort. But once that has been reached yeah, he’s all for exploring himself/themselves sexually.

In regards to other people I can’t see him being really sex positive. To Fyodor sex is something sacred, to be done only between lovers, an ultimate display of love and trust, and while he doesn’t really care about what other people do he will definitely silently judge them. People who sleep around or have had many partners are, to him, idiots who can’t control themselves. None of his business once again, and he’ll never actually say anything, but he definitely judges.  Fyodor definitely has a “my way or the high way” mentality, so those who go against what he believes are definitely lesser to him, which can pose a problem when it comes to relationships. He is not the best at understanding other peoples point of view beyond a theoretical understanding.

I do agree with the pre-marital sex though. I don’t think he cares much for that, but once again if someone has had a lot of bodies before marriage then he’s definitely side-eyeing them. But he would definitely have sex with his own lover before marriage, hundred percent.

Tl;dr: Fyodor is only sex positive with his lover, and that takes a while.

 -> I agree with him being Christian! I definitely see it being more ambiguous though, like you said. His relationship with religion is most certainly very strained and odd but that would require a whole analysis to get into.

 -> Fyodor definitely likes animals. I think he does both the “man is nothing more than animals” and “animals are so much better than man” thing. I also do see Fyodor having kept a teddy bear from when he was a child, though it’s hidden away and he seldom ever looks at it.

 -> He definitely gets sick a lot [once again pointing back at the tread by Faust], though I don’t think he’s good at taking care of himself. Fyodor can very easily get lost in his work and got days on end without eating or sleeping, and when he does take care of himself it’s either the bare minimum or actual proper self care, with the latter usually only being on days where he’s free [read as Ivan forcing him to take a break].

 -> I kind of see him liking romance? It’s by no means his favourite genre, but sometimes he’ll indulge and read one. I think he prefers tragic romances though, though the cheesy ones can be fun to pick on [especially with his lover].

 -> I don’t agree with him having an overactive imagination at all. Even as a kid Fyodor probably had a very ‘mature’ understanding and awareness of mortality and so on, I don’t think he ever believed everything was alive. I could see him talking to a stuffed animal maybe, but that would be from pure loneliness, nothing else.

 -> Now I don’t really see Fyodor watching movies, but I certainly don’t think his favourite would be V for Vendetta.

And yeah, he definitely schedules dates. There are some spontaneous ones, but a lot of times they’re predetermined. Which, honestly, is how Fyodor likes them. It gives him something to look forward to and creates a very welcome consistency. 

 -> I half agree with Fyodor narrating. I firmly believe Fyodor wouldn’t narrate aloud at all, no silly monologues or anything of that ilk. To everyone else Fyodor is ghostly silent, to the point where some people wonder if he’s actually there or not. Everything Fyodor thinks is internalised, he’s extremely in his own head.

[leonawriter]

Okay so, yesterday Aja on Twitter kindly wrote up some of the differences between the Dead Apple movie and the stage play. Here it is, if you want to read it.

My problem is that despite the script having been written by Asagiri, there’s a strange juxtaposition here - a love of making references to events that happened in the past, or previous books that have been released since Dead Apple first premiered, while at the same time having a certain disregard for characterisation continuity.

I’m not going to copy the images into this post, but assuming you’ve got it in another tab or something-

Starting with the first image, and in the first lines, we have Atsushi not finding Dazai. The graveyard scene doesn’t happen. Personally, I liked having it there, because it emphasises how Atsushi can find Dazai when no one else can, and it has Dazai explaining to Atsushi that if it weren’t for Odasaku, he’d still be “in the mafia, killing people.” The fact that this scene has Atsushi calling Dazai out on being a better person than he thinks he is, is vital for setting the scene for the entire rest of the movie - since Dazai spends most of it among people who are encouraging his manipulative and dark side, we needed the graveyard scene to tell us that Atsushi’s belief in Dazai isn’t just blind. There’s something to it.

The second part here has Atsushi meeting Shibusawa in person, and thinking he’s a “kind person.” This... goes completely against everything in the movie. The entire premise of the movie for Atsushi’s arc is that the very sight of that man’s image on a report triggers PTSD flashbacks. No way in hell would he think Shibusawa is a “kind person.” That’s just so wrong.

The other side of the image now, and we have... okay, Chuuya tasking Akutagawa with tracking Shibusawa makes a certain amount of sense. That’s an executive telling a subordinate what the mission is, and it fits. However, “Dazai attacks Akutagawa and makes him pass out” does not. Dazai is never shown to use this sort of violence since his defection from the mafia, instead using manipulation of other people to achieve the same result. Likewise, this goes in opposition to Dazai’s actions regarding Akutagawa in the main series, where he seems to be wanting to encourage him, which I personally take as Dazai wanting to make right what he did wrong all those years ago, but still not being great at it. This here, would be a step backwards.

Chuuya’s ability not separating from him at this point in the story because Arahabaki is a different kind of ability could potentially make some sort of sense. However, it also would have to fit thematically with the fact that Atsushi’s ability, which is seen as a literal part of Atsushi, does separate from him. And so does Fyodor’s. Why does Chuuya still have his, and the others don’t? Even with the explanations here I’m still confused. Also, Dead Apple - as in, the movie script - was being written around the same time as Asagiri was writing Fifteen, so there’s no reason why he couldn’t have told the scriptwriters to throw that in at the time, if he wanted to.

Following on from that, we have... Chuuya telling Akutagawa to kill Dazai? I’m sorry, but knowing that Chuuya is later going to risk his life in order to save Dazai - never mind that the rest of the city is at stake too! - makes this feel off. But what’s worse, is that we now have what I feel is a reversal of characterisations; here, in the stage play, it’s Akutagawa who’s saying that Dazai now wants peace in Yokohama, when in the movie he was solidly following orders, more reminiscent of the way he threatened Dazai in the dungeon scene. 

But we also have Chuuya saying that he’d known Dazai for seven years, and that “there’s a monster inside of Dazai that no one can understand” which, when considering their entire backstory, doesn’t make sense! Same goes for Akutagawa saying that he does understand Dazai. Chuuya in the past has been shown to understand Dazai’s plans without the need for discussion, and those hearing them talk about plans haven’t been able to understand what they’re saying, because they’re on the same wavelength. Even outside of the line said by someone that “Chuuya [...] understands Dazai’s true motives.”

Aside from all that, we have Akutagawa’s statement being in conflict with canon:

Those are Akutagawa’s own words, by the way.

Still in the same scene, and we have Chuuya taunting Akutagawa and telling him that his constant “Dazai-san, Dazai-san!” (following him like a lost puppy/being a sycophant) is what makes Dazai not approve of him, and if he doesn't deal with the fog he’ll remain weak.

I can understand to a certain extent that the characters are all going to be stressed and that’s going to affect how they talk to one another. But this feels strange compared to how Chuuya is characterised talking to Akutagawa on the same subject in the Port Mafia Onsen drama CD, as well as another audio scene where Chuuya, Akutagawa, and Kajii are having soup. In the stage play, he might be telling the truth, but it’s in a way that hurts; in the audio plays, he acts more as a mentor, and as a mother hen to all of his subordinates. I personally see the latter as the more realistic version, and the only way that I can see the former being a thing is the stress of heightened emotions and the tension of Chuuya wondering if he’s really as safe as he says he is.

Skipping past the parts on the white trio, as I don’t feel that those bits really affect and change things so much, and I get to parts with Akutagawa, Atsushi, and Kyouka. To be honest my main issue here is that Akutagawa is saying way too much. This feels like those three are together and talking more for humour than anything? Atsushi should be able to list off more than just Kyouka’s likes and dislikes from her character profile! 

And to be clear, by “Akutagawa is saying way too much” I mean about letting on secrets. He says things about Kyouka that should be hers to reveal, such as the part about her parents - which in the movie, doesn’t get brought up at all, with Atsushi finding out about the phone being her mother’s and that it controls Demon Snow. As far as I remember, he shouldn’t learn about her parents until the manga chapter that’s revealed in. More importantly, though, he makes a thinly veiled reference to Verlaine; surely, if Verlaine is such a heavily guarded secret that he can’t come out into the light of day due to every authority thinking him dead, Akutagawa should not be mentioning his existence in a way that anyone could casually mention to someone they shouldn’t.

The banter between the three of them then goes back to, uh... bickering? Cheap shots? I dunno, it makes them all seem immature in ways I’m not sure about.

Following on from that, we have Akutagawa talking to Kyouka with a “gentle” voice, which to me feels off, because if this is supposed to be set before the Cannibalism arc, that’s before the first time Akutagawa says “I’m happy for you” which is the first time he seems to treat her with any real kindness. So, uh. Yeah.

Shibusawa killing “Fyodor” right after Dazai feels weird, and given later explanations, needlessly complicated.

Ango asking Chuuya to deal with the dragon feels like it’s handled weirdly - if I remember right, in the movie Chuuya only appears after the dragon has formed.  The movie version, I think, works better due to making it seem as though both Ango and Chuuya are more aware of the pressing danger. That’s my preference, though.

About the ending - the headmaster saying that if Atsushi had known about having killed Shibusawa, it would have crushed him mentally, makes sense. The multiple times the headmaster appeared in the movie were to warn Atsushi not to open the door to his memory of that day. One nice little bit of extra context that works.

However, Dazai reappearing and having the same conversation as in the movie with Atsushi saying that he was the one who saved them, doesn’t work quite as well without the graveyard scene. Instead it just makes me think of how through the play, Dazai has hardly done many things worthy of being called “good,” has he... which makes it feel like Atsushi in the play is placing his blind faith in Dazai more than the Atsushi in the movie.

Ango offering his life for what has happened due to his part in things (small though it was, which Chuuya acknowledges) emphasises the way that he’s dealing with his own self-hatred here. However, I’ll admit that I preferred this conversation taking place on the helicopter, before Chuuya goes to fight the dragon, rather than afterward. Because if it’s before, the feeling of the scene is shifted more toward knowing that Chuuya might not come back at all, and that these could be his last words not just to them, but at all. Having Chuuya’s potential last words include “I don’t actually blame you” was powerful.

Akutagawa not bowing to Chuuya at the ending and being unwilling to help (or so it seems) feels weird compared to how he’s shown being respectful to his superiors in almost all other appearances. I liked Chuuya saying that as far as he’s concerned, Dazai’s already acknowledged him, and he (Chuuya) does at least, though.

The closing scene with Chuuya talking to Mori feels like - I can understand why Mori wouldn’t appear in person, given the situation with his actor, but they could have handled something to emulate the way the scene was in the movie. I think that they attempted to put some of that into the Chuuya-Akutagawa scene (what with them talking about how Dazai included both of them in his plans), but Mori saying that specifically to Chuuya was important, as it’s Mori who Chuuya respects.

On “other points,” it’s stated that Akutagawa is the one to land the final blow in defeating Byakko; this goes against the movie’s statement that the ability user must defeat their own ability.

So... all in all, I feel like there’s a lot here that could have been improved if they’d just stuck closer to the way the movie felt, and what happened there, rather than changing things so much. 

There’s also a lot of references to things in the light novels that don’t always necessarily work - especially when some of those things might be top secret! Or such as when Chuuya talks about his ability, it seems to me that it’s not the sort of thing he’d normally be so open about. It feels as though the play treated such things as free reign to use and reference, rather than adding them in only when it makes sense.

I think the biggest thing though, is that the characterisation continuity doesn’t seem to be there at so many points. There are so many places where I can just grab out the manga (as I did once above) and point out that the stage play goes directly against established canon characterisation. Or drama CDs that have been accepted as good characterisation as they feel as though they’re correct portrayals, yet the stage play shows a different version of the characters than we saw (heard) in those.

This makes it hard to accept, as someone who puts a lot of stock in continuity. Continuity means no plot holes, no “but wait, that doesn’t make sense when you take [x] into consideration” and no “but didn’t they say [x] earlier, they’re contradicting themself.”

There were parts I read about that seemed nice, or decent additions, but the general impression I get is one of extreme frustration.

I saw someone - the OP of the translations, I think - say that they were upset with Chuuya for treating Akutagawa like this, but I can’t help but feel that it isn’t Chuuya I’m upset with, because Chuuya is a character. Perhaps unlike some, I don’t put authors on a pedestal; yes, the series belongs to them, and their word is god in terms of characterisation and so on, but they’re also a human being. And besides, it’s not a bad thing to be able to argue with “god” and say “hey, you said [this] ages ago, but now you’re saying [that], why’s that?” and hope for an answer that makes sense. If Asagiri approved of the content of the drama CDs, WAN, and the movie itself, why are they changing so many things now? I can’t help but wonder.

[silxntrabiddog]

//If I wasn’t so deep in Mystery Murder AU on twitter I would probably deactivate my account for at least a week because I’ve had enough of ship shit that’s still going on there. And since I really need to spit this out because it’s bubbling inside of me, I am going to do it here, because idk, I feel like here I am safe.  Basically. Soukoku is not my favorite ship from BSD, but I have nothing, NOTHING against it. Actually, I started to rp as Chuuya in Soukoku ship privately and I am starting to get very fond of those two dorks being together. And tbh?? I don’t hate a single BSD ship, some of them are just not interesting for me but I literally have nothing against any ship I’ve ever seen. BSD Characters are very shippable, right? XD  What pisses me off and the reason why I sometimes feel irritated with Soukoku is what people are doing. Soukoku. Everything is Soukoku. Only valid ship is Soukoku. People claim that there’s no one else good for Dazai or Chuuya because no one besides them would be able to handle them. People literally hate on other ships just because they think Soukoku is only ship for Dazai and Chuuya that’s ALLOWED.  You know what? IT IS NOT. Chuuya can work perfectly with Akutagawa too. I can see Dazai opening up to Atsushi. Or to Akutagawa, why not? Hell how about throwing Chuuya or Dazai at Fyodor? Every single ship can work - and if not why not to make an AU for it? It’s fiction. You have literally no boundaries there.    To be clear, I’m not hating on Soukoku, I like this ship, I can see how deep it is between those two dorks (even in canon, they went through a lot together after all), I can see why and how it could work between them. But what people inside the fandom are doing is making me so. damn. mad.  Could people.. like... chill? And maybe let the others who love also other ships containing one of these two characters let enjoy what they love without being constantly blamed, judged and attacked???? THANKS. Shizu out. 

[cyannawine]

Pining (Day 16)

This is loosely linked to ‘Booked’ (Day 8) but you don’t have to read that to understand this :)

Chuuya catches Dazai’s eyes, Dazai’s mouth stretches into a grin as he passes Chuuya’s table.

“Hey, Chuuya.”

“Hi,” Chuuya replies, batting his eyelashes. He’d offer Dazai and Fyodor a seat but his table has space for two, and Shibusawa is sitting opposite him. It’s common enough to bump into people from their university since this restaurant is actually near enough for students to pop over for lunch before heading back.

“See you later,” Dazai says, and Chuuya nods, sighing after the other man as he walks away.

He turns back to Shibusawa, ignoring the sour look on his friend’s face.

“I live for Thursdays.”

“You don’t even sit with Dazai during lecture.”

“We’re still breathing the same air.”

Shibusawa sighs. Loudly.

“What?”

“Such a concerned friend you are.”

Chuuya smiles sweetly. “Tatsu, darling, is there anything bothering you?”

“Fyodor.”

Chuuya rolls his eyes. “This is exactly why I don’t ask, because I already know.”

“Hey! This isn’t fair. You and Dazai just spend all the time in the world making eyes and smiling at each other without getting anywhere, may I add. I mean, did you see Fyodor’s expression just now? He was just standing there, looking so bored with the world as he waited for you two to work out your raging hormones.”

Chuuya scoffs, ignoring the jabs. “It’s Fyodor. He’s like that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him smile. It’s like he did Botox or something.”

Shibusawa gasps. “Rude.”

“I speak only the truth.”

“Is it me?”

“What?”

“Is it because of me?”

“What are you even talking about?”

“Is it because I look old?”

Chuuya frowns at his friend. He reaches over and places a hand against Shibusawa’s forehead.

“You’re not having a fever.”

“Chuuya, I’m being serious!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

Shibusawa deflates in his chair. “My white hair. And it’s long. He probably thinks I'm Snow White’s evil stepmother.”

“At least you’d be a queen.”

Shibusawa wills Chuuya to death with his eyes.

“Oh, please, Tatsu. Everyone knows that – and yes, Fyodor is part of everyone. Just because you think he’s so special doesn’t make him some sort of a king – you have naturally white hair. And you’re not the only one either. Look at Atsushi-kun. You’re not special.”

“… You have a terrible way of comforting people.”

Chuuya rolls his eyes. They finish the rest of their lunch in silence because Shibusawa is determined to sulk. When they’re done, Chuuya drags him over to Dazai’s and Fyodor’s table, tightening his grip on his friend’s arm when Shibusawa tries to make a run for it.

“Hey, Dazai!” Chuuya chirps, “Fyodor!”

“Hi,” Dazai replies while Fyodor nods.

“Could Tatsu and I sit with you guys today?”

Dazai’s face lights up immediately. “Of course, Chuuya! You don’t mind, right, Fyo?”

Fyodor spares them a glance before shaking his head.

“No.”

“Okay,” Chuuya says. “See you guys later then!”

After they leave the restaurant, Chuuya smirks at his friend. “You can thank me later.”

This was also inspired by a conversation I was having with 13ariuko on twitter, and she came up with the part about Shibusawa being scared that Fyodor thinks he's old xD 

I’m also taking commissions at the moment so let me know if you’re interested! :) I might have to close it when I get busier later in the semester, but it’s open for now ~ 

[fyodorsuggestions]

Tagged by @fy-soukoku

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

My A03 username, and main blog and twitter and facebook and freaking discord and literally every single thing is Darke_Eco_Freak either with hyphens, spaces or underscores and basically I was an edgy 11 year old who loved Jak II and the concept of the evil version of the protag Jak. Only I wanted to be extra Edge™ so I added an extra E to dark.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Hits: Sex Pollen isn’t a real Thing (it was one of the first smuts I wrote and it’s kinda bad now whoops)

Kudos: Sex Pollen again

Comments: T(w)o Me, Fo(u)r Us, or as I call it 2/4

Subs: 2/4

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s been Virus from this piece of art for some months now. Why? Because Kat made it and I love it a lot so you know

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Um damn, I haven’t gotten regular comments in a few months except from my friends whom I spam with my many many fics. I’m actually in another fandom I made another archive account for because reasons but yeah. My friends are my fave

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I haven’t actually read fic in a while, there’s one or two Daredevil ones I think about but I don’t go back and re-read, my attention span’s been pretty shit for a while.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I’m not subbed to anyone but I have bookmarked 6 fics

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

None really. My latest fandom isn’t really open for AU’s, well written Au’s at least and yes I’m forever salty over that. Hmm, if there’s one I like to toy with though it’s Evil AU’s, you know the villain turns bad AU? Love em

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Subs: 465

Bookmarked: 2133

I don’t really care though because A) I’ve been in a lot of fandoms since 2014 and I know most ppl are here for the porn as per comments on said porn.

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Idgaf. I’ve written necro, cannibalism, torture porn, self-insert stuff. Honestly I dump most of what my other fandom wouldn’t accept on this one. Plus Fyodor is a very easy character to manipulate for me so it’s always fun.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d like to be better about my chaptered fics, not abandoning them and things like that. Also, action scenes, I want to get better at those.  

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

I multiship myself to hell. For this fandom I write whatever catches my eye because I don’t know the characters all that well? The running meme of me not watching the show is still a thing. In my other fandom, I’m one of the few writers around and I write every single ship I can think of cause I can.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

One my darke account: 73, on my other account; 10 but I post a lot to tumblr and don’t really cross post all that much.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

I can’t tell you that because I just keep huge word docs around but for the year I’ve written about 600 k so that’s cool.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I just write off the top of my head most of the time, I’ll talk out a plot with a friend sometimes but otherwise it’s just whatever I feel as the day goes.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

I have, two, soon to be three.

16. How did you discover AO3?

I think I saw someone on ff.net mention it and I started looking at the site.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Fuck no lol. I’m here writing the rarest of pairs and writing oc/characters, not to mention in first person sometimes and those tags alone mean ppl won’t read. Eh, I’m just posting to archive to bolster the number of fics a character has tbh. (this is for BSD fandom but I’ve never been a popular/famous author in any fandom)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Umm, half the time I’m not sure I have ppl beyond friends who read my fics so yeah.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I’d say Lakshmi Persad, a local author. Mostly because I hated having to do that book in lit class and wanted to do better than her.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

If you want it, make it. I’m serious, don’t count on anyone to make the content you want to see, do it yourself and people might follow suit, if not, at least you made it. Hella.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I finish stories and still have no idea if I figured them out or not.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

I’ve gotten a few, mostly I ignore them. But there was this one fic, it wasn’t for anyone but me and I shouldn’t have posted it at all but I did and someone told me that the characterization was completely wrong for the character I was writing and I ended up leaving the fic alone for months and months. I got back to it eventually but I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish that fic tbh.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action gives me joint pain. I just how do you make it flow?

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

I want it All

Deathless Sleep

Missing Pages

Five times he fell

Divine(d) Visions

2/4

Many lil drabbles and sexy times.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I can’t plan to save my life

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

It used to be 300 a day now it’s 2k because apparently I hate myself. Most of the time I meet it, between the two fandoms I write for daily so yay.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Absolutely.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Step back Through Time and Remember my Touch, definitely those two. One’s the original fic and the other is the sequel. Best things I wrote all year

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Maybe Gone, that’s a really old one but god the cringe.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully I figured out those damn action scenes.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

I think bringing the characters to life in my own head is the easiest thing.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Not letting lack of feedback get to me cause I’m not writing popular shit, I don’t expect it but god damn it gets discouraging as fuck to see something I worked hard on just kinda flop and drown.

33. Why do you write?

I can’t do anything else and crave validation like the attention whore I am.

I’m tagging @chuuyasuggestions @kyusakusuggestions um idk who has archive shit. If you follow me and you see it, you have to do it okay? 

[ayumicchi14]

Tag game

Rules: tag 20 followers you want to know better

Tagged by: @principessabel (thank you for tagging me. I’m surprised that I got tagged. Often got tagged on twitter tho than here lol what a lone wolf I am /slap/)

Name: do you want to know my real name or penname /kid/ okay… so everyone have known me as “Ayumi”, for my real name… just erase the word “mi”. Okay I said it, my name is Ayu /double slapped/

Nickname: Ayu or Yum or YumYum (all of my twitter friends called me YumYum btw)

Gender: female

Star sign: Leo (yeah, if someone messed with me, I’m gonna switch into wild mode lol)

Height: 165cm (forgot. If I remember, that’s what I’ve checked for the last time)

Sexual Orientation: heterosexual of course. I loved ikemen hehe 😁

Hogwarts house: ok. Tbh I don’t understand this part lel, but well… I like Gryffindor but like Slytherin too… well… why not both ( ͡° ͜･･ ͡° ) /slap/

Favorite color: Blue, Black, Grey, Red. I loved dark colours tbh but yeah…

Favorite animals: Cat, dog, baby lion, fox, wolf /wow/

Time right now: 20.00pm

Average hour of sleep: GONNA FIX IT. Mostly sleep for 6-7 hours… not enough tho… I need 8 hours!!!

Cat or dog person: Lion person. I mean cat person.

Favorite fictional characters: too much.

Okay here is it: -Leonardo Watch (Kekkai Sensen) -Kisshu (Tokyo mew mew) -Dazai Osamu /ofc/everyone knows/ (Bungou Stray Dogs) -Yuuki Makoto (Persona 3) -Akechi Goro (Persona 5) -Sanada Akihiko (Persona 3) -Kaaya / Amanojaku (that ghost cat tho) (Gakkou no Kaidan / Ghost stories) -Hamuko / FeMC (Persona 3) -Mamiya Sakura (Kyoukai no Rinne) -Rokudou Rinne (Kyoukai no Rinne) -Inuyasha /yes/ (Inuyasha) -Higurashi Kagome (Inuyasha) -Kikyou (Inuyasha) -Fushimi Saruhiko (K project) -Fyodor Dostoevsky (Bungou Stray Dogs) -Yagami Taichi (Digimon Adventure) -Yagami Hikari (Digimon Adventure) -Izumi Koushirou (Digimon Adventure) -William Macbeth & Mary Macbeth (Kekkai Sensen) -Lavenza (Persona 5) -Sakamaki Ayato & Sakamaki Reiji (Diabolik Lovers) It’s just too much…

Number of blankets that I sleep with: none. Indonesia is hot right now

Favorite Singer / Band: I don’t have any, but I like Do As Infinity, Hamasaki Ayumi, BoA, Miyano Mamoru (damn that voice), Namie Amuro, Utada Hikaru. Mostly japanese damn, but I like western too don’t worry.

Dream Trip: Right now I want to go to Japan.

Dream job: MANGAKA!!!! I want to be a professional mangaka in Japan since I’m in junior high school. Thanks to manga “Bakuman” which always motivated me to draw and draw and draw and hold on to my dreams.

When this blog was created: dunno… forget.

When did your blog reach its peak: when I’m in nostalgia mode. But mainly when I’m joining Persona fandom.

What made you decide to make Tumblr: when I can’t manage my main blog in FC2, that’s why I decide to make Tumblr which is an mini blog. But now… this blog become my main blog.

What did you choose your URL: just to be easy to remember. That’s all.

That’s it. Well… I think I’m not gonna tagging anyone since some of people don’t often to open tumblr… even I HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA

I will put it here. So yeah this is me~ 😂😉

[jamiededes]

American Novelist and Short Story Writer, Erskine Caldwell (1903-1987)

“I would go home in the evening and write short stories and mail them to magazine editors in New York. The stories, no matter how many times I rewrote them, were always returned, usually without comment, with unfailing promptness. I received so many rejection slips, and such an interesting variety, that I passed them neatly into a stamp collector’s album.  The only consolation I ever got out of them for many years was in visualizing how big a celebration bonfire I could make with them when I had my first short story accepted and published in a magazine.” Erskine Caldwell, “Call it Experience,” in The Creative Writer

Many many years ago – circa 1964 – I read The Creative Writer (quoted above), which is out of print now. You can find old copies, not that you necessarily need to. Much is outdated. At the time, I found it helpful and inspirational. The book, a collection of instructional and inspirational essays, was published by Writer’s Digest, the publishers of the magazine by that name.  This was my go-to place to hob-nob with writers and publishers, a publication I read through high school and even into my son’s grammar school years. He told me not too long ago that as a child he found it rather magical that it showed up no matter where we moved.

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My other go-to magazine was The Writer. These magazines didn’t so much teach me how to write as offer me some knowledge of the business of writing, which has changed much since then. A story perhaps for another day. The articles I read  instilled a sense of perspective, rational expectations (do NOT read lowered expectations), and a stronger determination. I discovered that sending my writing out into the world is like applying for a job. I do my homework and refine my technique and that improves the odds. Nonetheless, it’s still a numbers game and I may never know why I get a rejection slip. I don’t always know why I get an acceptance letter (or email) either.

Reading what others had to say about the business of studying markets, writing query letters and submitting work helped me to understand that I had to keep on keeping on. This was a good thing. My first poem was published when I was seventeen and that created some rather unrealistic expectations. I thought I was such a hot-shot that my seventeenth year was also the year I submitted a short story to Mademoiselle magazine (closed 2001) for its annual fiction contest. The contest was for college students. I was still in high school. I lied and put Brooklyn College on the entry form. Joyce Carol Oats won.

All this is to say I am reminded of my history because now and again I get emails from discouraged writers and I’m finally – FINALLY – getting around to reading Victor Villaseñor’s Macho!  Apropos this post, I found his dedication interesting:

“To my parents …. after ten years of writing and 260 rejections – my first one! …” [My emphasis.]

Also interesting is his author’s note to the 1997 paperback edition:

Mexican-American Writer, Victor Villaseñor (b. 1940)

“In re-reading Macho! I found out that I am not the same person who wrote that book twenty years ago. I thought of rewriting parts of it – feeling almost ashamed of some sections. But then I got to thinking, hell, the 60s were the 60s and that’s who I was then, so I’m not going to change it. It’s rough and sometimes it sings as badly off-key as Bob Dylan – he was no Joan Baez, believe me – but what it says is still important.”

In my small way, I know what he means by the roughness and dissonance. I’ve been shredding years of my newspaper column clips. After reading a couple, I couldn’t stand it. Not only did I dislike much of the writing but I disagreed with the opinions I’d expressed. One problem with writing is that floundering is so visible. I shudder to think who among family, friends and colleagues might have read that material. It does take a certain amount of chutzpah to be a writer, not as much as public speaking but almost.

Yes! I know what you think. Writing is an art. It’s also a job. Every job has its downside. With writing it’s rejection slips, growing personally and artistically in public, and that aspect which requires some sales savvy, something most of us would rather not pursue. These, however, are part of the package.  

After some 360 rejections, Erskine Caldwell went on to critical acclaim and controversy for Tobacco Road (1931) and God’s Little Acre (1933), both made into movies. Twenty-five of his novels, 150 of his short stories, twelve nonfiction collections, two autobiographies and two YA books were published. He edited American Folkways, a series of books about various regions in the U.S. Apparently, he got over rejection slips, chalked them up to “experience” and moved on.

My celebration bonfire: Not a bonfire at all, just shredding and shedding of old clips I’d rather not see anymore and feeling grateful for the lessons learned, the opportunities enjoyed, the writing life and my fellow poets and writers who enrich my time on earth with their own art and insights.

© 2017, Jamie Dedes; photocredits, Erskine Caldwell (1975), public domain and Victor Villaseñor courtesy of Jeffrey Beall under CC BY-SA 3.0 license.

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Celebration Bonfires, Putting Rejection and Other Writerly Frustrations in Perspective "I would go home in the evening and write short stories and mail them to magazine editors in New York.