#no fr i have just so much thoughts about les mis and about r and enj like i can't help thinking about them

[dis-astre]

i love love love the quote "tu sais que je crois à toi" ("you know i believe in you") in les miserables cause it hold so much meaning for grantaire's character cause he's a cynic, he's not supposed to believe in anything but he believes so much in enjolras that he's willing to die for the cause etc

but at the same time i can help but to think that this line is just a lie. he doesn't believe in enjolras, because believing in him means believing in the cause and in the revolution and everything enjolras' character symbolizes. he doesn't believe in him, he loves him. he means "you know i love you", but obviously doesn't say it (and so enjolras doesn't know it). he doesn't go to the barricades because he believes in the cause. he goes to the barricades because he loves enjolras so much he can't do anything else.

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Tuesday 24 April 1832: SH:7/ML/E/15/0058

8 10

12

- finis morn[in]g F[ahrenheit] 58° on my dress[in]g tab[le] at 8 10/.. - ver[y] lit[tle] poky r[oo]m b[u]t slept pret[ty] well and feel the bet[ter] for it - br[eak]f[a]st at 9 3/4 - wr[ote] a lit[tle] no[te] to L[ad]y S- [Stuart] for Miss H- [Hobart] to gi[ve] on h[e]r arriv[a]l to say I w[oul]d dine w[i]th h[e]r tomor[row] - w[e]nt out at 10 55/.. (alone - too early for Miss H- [Hobart] to venture out in the so m[u]ch cold[e]r sharp[e]r air th[a]n that of Hast[in]gs) - walk[e]d all r[ou]nd the place - to Calvary park - none admitt[e]d b[u]t by a tick[e]t fr[om] the propriet[o]r who nev[e]r refuses it to respectab[le] visit[an]ts - nice place to walk in - sev[era]l neat look[in]g h[ou]ses there - on[l]y 2 of th[e]m to let - then walk[e]d r[ou]nd and g[o]t int[o] the park n[ea]r the houses - w[e]nt int[o] the ch[ur]ch - ver[y] new and neat plain goth[i]c - serv[i]ce at the ti[me] - w[e]nt in for a min[ute] or 2 - w[e]nt int[o] Sharp’s gr[ea]t Tunbridge ware shop n[ea]r Mount Ephraim (on the Lond[on] r[oa]d) the gr[ea]t court end high airy situat[io]n chosen by all who can get there - In the h[ei]ght of the seas[o]n (July Aug[u]st and Sept[embe]r) apart[men]ts are at a guin[ea] a bed per week (i.e. lits de maître) serv[an]ts beds includ[e]d - b[u]t at oth[e]r ti[me]s and ev[e]n May and June a 12 guin[ea] apart[men]t to be h[a]d for 3 or 4 guin[ea]s - gr[ea]t deal of good comp[an]y co[me] for the east[e]r holidays - a fortn[i]ght or 3 weeks that the houses of parliam[en]t do n[o]t sit - bought a playing card case for Miss H- [Hobart] who dad [did] give me a purse got yesterday at Hastings and a little Tunbridge ruler got last night on our arrival -  she said it was the first thing I had given her since the Denouement (that is the offer and acceptance) - It rain[e]d a lit[tle] - walk[e]d b[a]ck al[on]g the fine op[e]n com[mo]n that seems a contin[uan]ce of M[oun]t Ephraim, and intersect[e]d in all direct[io]ns w[i]th walks br[ou]ght me d[o]wn in front of our hot[e]l - then exam[ine]d the Sussex hot[e]l a new, clean, large handso[me] look[in]g h[ou]se - then met Miss H- [Hobart] in the Pantiles now call[e]d parade and took 2 or 3 turns togeth[e]r there and I tast[e]d the spring a ver[y] weak chalybeate at the near end of the parade - s[ai]d I w[a]s qui[te] charm[e]d w[i]th the pl[a]ce and jok[e]d ab[ou]t return[in]g or liv[in]g there or near - It is really one of the prett[ie]st nicest wat[erin]g places I ev[e]r saw - I sh[oul]d ha[ve] no object[io]n to being there w[i]th L[ad]y G- [Gordon] if go[in]g to Fr[an]ce just now is n[o]t qui[te] practicab[le] on acc[oun]t of cholera - our bill at the Roy[a]l Kentish hot[e]l n[o]t sm[all] consid[erin]g our hav[in]g no wine, and our mod[era]te din[ner] and sm[all] r[oo]ms = 40/2. for our 2 selves and my 2 servants - c[oul]d n[o]t surely ha[ve] been dear[e]r at the Sussex, c[oul]d we ha[ve] been tak[e]n in there - Off at 1 40/.. - pret[ty] dri[ve] (5 m[ile]s) to Tunbridge - beaut[iful] dri[ve] fr[om] T- [Tunbridge] to Sevenoaks (pron[nounce]d Senoks [Se..?] ŏks) and ver[y] pret[ty] to the top of Madame’s court hill ab[ou]t 1/2 way bet[ween] 7 oaks and Bromely and fr[om] all along w[hi]ch a fine look d[o]wn (left) on the rich wood[e]d valley bel[ow] - n[o]t so pret[ty] b[u]t still pret[ty] fr[om] this long hill to Bromley a nice lit[tle] vil[lage] or town en[ou]gh - th[e]n beg[a]n to shew of nearness to Lond[on] by crowds of peop[le] and carr[ia]ges - Miss H- [Hobart] s[ai]d it w[a]s Greenwich fair w[hi]ch w[oul]d ma[ke] so[me] diff[eren]ce - at Whitehall at 6 1/2 - L[ad]y S- [Stuart] w[oul]d ha[ve] me go in for a min[ute] or 2, and th[e]refo[re] I d[i]d oth[er]wise it h[a]d been plann[e]d bet[ween] Miss H- [Hobart] and me n[o]t to do so - 10 min[ute]s th[e]re and alight[e]d at 29 Albermale st[ree]t at 6 50/.. - ord[ere]d tea immed[iatel]y, b[u]t h[a]d to wait for it an h[ou]r - amus[e]d mys[elf] w[i]th read[in]g the 2 last Globes - L[ad]y S- [Stuart] look[in]g ver[y] well, and all kind[ne]ss, h[a]d told me how b[a]d the chol[er]a w[a]s in Paris - I sh[oul]d be mad to go th[e]re now - she has ten times more heart than Miss H- [Hobart] and was all kindness wanted me after all to stay dinner offered me her carriage tomorrow  thought she might have or sorry she had not taken me into Whitehall somehow I could scarce keep up at all Miss H- [Hobart] followed me out saying she hoped I should not go and take on so ‘com[e] give me one good kiss?’ I did and so we parted we had not had much conversation in the carriage  but what we had was well enough tho’ the least thing would have made her crossish but I avoided all this  talking of congratulations ssaid she had not had mine except that I had said I was glad  she said ‘oh I know you are both glad and sorry’  she had laughed and said  shall we turn and go back to Hastings  yes ssaid I directly if you will then I joked and said I ought not to have said that but something different  she said she should not have liked it if I had   true thought I she loves the attention and attachment of others  however little she herself may return either  but after all the work I have somehow made at parting and I could not help it yet still she thinks me desolate about her than I am my remembrance of her will soon pass over to what is comfortable  I could not have lived happily with her and the being without will soon cease to pother  I have really been very comfortable all this evening - I ha[ve] a ver[y] nice

SH:7/ML/E/15/0059

handso[me] apart[men]t and am ver[y] comf[orta]ble I fear it will be expensive but I must do as well as I can  I only wish to see Lady Gordon and know my fate with her   till then I must be in doubt wr[ote] all the ab[ov]e of today and h[a]d just done it at 10 10/.. - how forlorn and solitary I might feel but thank God I do not   if I had but a little money I should do  I only fear getting rather beyond myself  Mrs. Hawkins is ill - a chill she g[o]t the oth[e]r day - I hope n[o]t any deg[ree] of chol[er]a w[hi]ch is b[a]d en[ou]gh here - L[or]d Durham’s moth[e]r is just dead of it - well! if I h[a]d made my will to my mind, I feel as if I c[oul]d say in calm[ne]ss, God’s will be done! I ha[ve] liv[e]d long en[ou]gh to be content[e]d to be call[e]d hence whenev[e]r it may be the good pleas[u]re of that provid[en]ce w[hi]ch ordereth all th[in]gs wisely - I h[a]d made up my  mind to go out early in the morn[in]g, and do all my jobs - th[e]re is so[me]th[in]g brok[e]n ab[ou]t the rumble of the carr[ia]ge that I can[no]t ha[ve] it tomor[row] I h[a]d best  perh[aps] sit at ho[me] and be busy ab[ou]t my will - How quiet and tranquil I feel! If I live, may it be for good! If I die soon, how m[u]ch mis[er]y I n[o]t escape! a lit[tle] r[ai]n at Tunbridge wells and a lit[tle] en route at 1st and for so[me]ti[me] aft[er]w[ar]ds - qui[te] fair latter[l]y, b[u]t thickish and foggy ov[e]r Lond[on] and too thick for  good view all the way - F[ahrenheit] 61° now at 10 20/.. in my salon - ca[me] to my r[oo]m at 11 1/2 -

[doug-eiffel-deserves-better]

a heckin list of my thoughts from throughout that episode

i am thoroughly dead

the intro music has barely started and im already almost in tears

OH ANOTHER HERA NARRATION AHH

wait no no this isn’t Hera tHIS ISN’T HERA??? HECK

i am s c r e a m i n g i am S C R E A M I N G IT’S ALMOST T I M E

the last time i’m ever gonna hear that intro for a new episode AHH

TELL US THE EVIL PLAN

wow eiffel, a man after my own speaking capabilities

“KEPLER WHY ARE YOU ON MY SHIP” Y E AH

“welll.... that seemed heealllthyyyyy” that’s a Mood

that sounds like me when i turn the garbage disposal on instead of the light

omw omw omw WHAT IS THIS AAAAHHHHH IM GONNA CRY HERA AND EIFFEL MEETING AHHH

THEY’RE SO CUTE IM DYING

my boy Jacobi standing up for himself i’m SO PROUD

I love hearing Eiffel and Lovelace together SO MUCH

PROUD OF MY SON DOUGLAS EIFFEL

P R O U D OF MY S O N

“do let it hit you on the way out” GOT ‘EM

MINKOWSKI IS MY MOM AND I’M VERY VERY VERY SCARED THAT SHE’S GOING TO DIE

“I’m starting to think that these guys are my kind of stupid” I’M IN LOVE WITH ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS

“Have fun storming the castle” asdhgfj

“You’re allowed to make mistakes, as long as, at some point, you admit that they’re mistakes” BAM THERE IT IS FOLKS

“we’re going to crush them” I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG

JACOBI AND MAXWELL JACOBI AND MAXWELL IM SCREAMING IM SCREAMING IM SCREAMING THIS MUSIC IS BEAUTIFUL

t h e w h i s k e y s p e e c h

“No matter what happens, I’ve got your back” i m

WHAT OTHER LITTLE DETAIL

O H    N O O O O O NOT OKAY NOT OKAY NOT OKAY HOW DARE YOU DO THAT THAT IS R U D E

what is it what i S OH OH OH OH OH NOW I’M CRYING I’M I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE

THEY’RE QUOTING LES MIS TOGETHER I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR YEARS

no no no oh no NO MINKOWSKI HOW COULD YOU NO MINKOWSKI NO NO NO NONONONONONONONONONONONONOONONONO OH MY G O S H

I CAN’T BELIEVE HE GOT LAUNCHED INTO SPACE AGAINST HIS VOLITION A G A I N

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“I AM SO SICK OF THIS H A P P E N I NG” me too eiffel ME HECKIN TOO

“you could’ve given us a chance to say goodbye” STAB ME INSTEAD PLEASE??? THAT WOULD BE LESS PAINFUL ???

I love Minkowski i’m dying MINKOWSKI AND HERA A4KLVEFHIUDJSNJH

Alan Rodi has personally victimized me with this soundtrack i swear to GOSH

“Something about a harpoon” THE HARPOON REMAINS TIL THE VERY END

is he really gonna hE IS HE IS REALLY GONNA

~SURPRISE~ HOLY FRICK HOLY FRICK WHAT THE HECK O H HE’S S A FE FALSE A L A R M HE’S O K A Y

“we are gonna partyyyy allll night l o n g” IM DECEASED

“I am never going to be rid of you, am I” look i LIVE FOR THESE SNIPPETS

DOUG YOU CAN DO IT YOU CAN D O IT

“and that’s why you’re here” NO NO NO STOP MY HEART CAN’T TAKE THAT ATTITUDE

oh no

no stop this i’m crying again HOW DARE YOU PULL THIS ON ME

“right now the only person saying that is you” I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING

HE DID IT HE DID IT HE DID IT I’M SO PROUD OF HIM I’M SO HECKING PROUD OF DOUGLAS EIFFEL

the starboard engine has completely stopped HECK YES H E C K YES

oh holy heck HECK DANG

CUTTER YOU ARE LITERALLY THE WORST THING I’VE EVER ENCOUNTERED

“Bob” dfbhkjnlm

uuummmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM C E A S E   T H I S

WHY DO THEY WANT HUMAN DUPLICATES W H Y

oh

o h h h h h?????

IM SCREAMING THEY NEED EIFFEL SJDHBFKNG AHAHHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHH GET REKT CUTTER

oh wait no. no no. but Eiffel is coming back EIFFEL OH NO STAY AWAY ASFGDVHFJG ARRRRRGHHHHHHH

this is a request for Gabriel Urbina to come all the way to my house and literally fight me please and thank you

HE’S NOT SLOWING DOWN???? HE’S NOT SLOWING DOWN MY BRILLIANT BOY

I am ??¿¿¿??¿?? IN LOVE

Eiffel!!!! My son has hurt himself!!! someone help him

“With my life darlin” I’VE MISSED THEM S O MUCH

minkowski please you might save the world but you’ll break my heart

LET’S GO GET OUR IDIOT BACK

oh no Jacobi is not doing well

He’s gonna die isn’t he mY BOY IS GONNA DIE

HE KILLED B O B ????? HE KILLED B O B idc if he can come back that is VERY RUDE

Kepler hesitated HE HESITATED CMON MAN DON’T LET ME DOWN

he’s so happy with himself HE’S SO CONFIDENT AND H I M S E L F I’M SO AMAZINGLY PROUD

she’s going uhh... i n ?

SO MANY MEMORIA PARALLELS THERE ARE SO MANY PARALLELS BETWEEN EIFFEL AND HERA AND I’M SCREAMING

WTC NO WHAT IS SHE DOING THIS IS HORRIBLE AND I HATE IT

IF DOUG EIFFEL LOSES HIS MEMORIES I WILL

OH

MY

GOSH

OH MY GOS H

H E R A

“YOU MAY WANT TO HANG ONTO SOMETHING, THIS IS GOING TO GET COMPLICATED” IT’S MEMORIA I LOVE THESE WRITERS

“Do you really think we’re not going to shoot you?”

HOW DID HE CATCH A BULLET I HATE THIS AND I HATE HIM

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES JACOBI MY BOY LIGHT OF MY LIFE Y E S

but what does she l o o k like? no wait not important

OH

SHE DOESN’T LOOK LIKE HER GOOD I’M SCREAMING I LOVE HER

~not today, satan~~~

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOP WHAT DID SHE TAKE

fhjgknhnb the star wars prequels im d y i n g

YEAH YEAH MY BABY GIRL YOU CAN D O THIS

SHE! CAN DO! A N Y T H I N G!

i just remembered this is Michaela Swee having a conversation with herself

“there he goes” n y o o o o o o o o m there he go

p r o b a b l y   n o t ? u m m m m m

YES OH MY GOSH OH MY FR I C K I NG GOSH YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES HE SHOT HER HE SHOT HER HE SHOT HER HE’S A GOOD GUY HE’S A GOOD GUY FINALLY I CAN ACCEPT HIM WITH MY FULL HEART AND LOVE HIM

I AM STILL A    P E R S O N  

oh no nOOOOOOOOOOOO WHHAAAATTTTTT AREEE YOU DOINNNGGGGG STOP STOP STOP

he had the bottle on him

the whole time

I WAS ABLE TO LOVE AND ACCEPT WARREN KEPLER FOR A FULL THIRTY SECONDS OF MY LIFE AND THAT WAS MORE THAN I ACTUALLY EXPECTED BUT NOW HE’S GONE AND IDK HOW TO FEEL

what is happening. please explain to me what is happening. i cannot comprehend and i have never hated anything more than i hate cutter

OH MY GOOOOSSSSSSSHHHHHH NO NON ONONONONNO

sarcastic and bitter to the end and oH MY WORD I CAN’T. I CAN’T ACTUALLY. BELIEVE. I KNEW IT WAS GONNA HAPPEN BUT.

Cutter what the f r ic  k I hate you i hate you

"You’re crazy” NO D U H

SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE CAN’T BE DEAD SHE I S N ‘T DEAD R I G H T

HERA BABY IT’S OKAY IT’S OKAY

NO IT’S NOT IT’S NOT IT’S NOT MY BOY IS LOSING HIS MEMORIES

OH FRICK OH F R I CK IN G  H E C K STOP PLEASE STOP PLEASE

SHE’S NOT DEAD IT’S OKAY SHE’S NOT DEAD

FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT FIGHT IT

THE HARPOON

T H E    H A R P O O N

T    H    E      H     A     R    P     O    O    N

AHHHHHHH

I CAN’T BELIEVE AFTER ALL THIS TIME THEY’RE LIKE. PHYSICALLY TOGETHER?? HERA AND EIFFEL ARE ABLE TO PHYSICALLY BE TOGETHER??????? I AM DYING INSIDE???? AND LIVING???

“I’m just going to clip your wings a little” I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD

“BYE BYE AND THANKS FOR ALL THE FISH” AHHH AHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHH OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NOOOOOONONONONONO

I CANT BELIEVE HES DOING THIS I CANT??? BELIEVE??????

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH

i’m never leaving my room ever again

star wars

JACOBI MADE IT WTC IM ABSJDHFNKG

I WANT TO KICK HIM

im sitting in bed sobbing and that’s okay!!!! that’s fine it’s fine!!!!! no it’s not fine!!!

oh my gosh hera and pryce

he did all that just to win a b e t of COURSE he did

she hasn’t glitched since she had the conversation

my kids. my space kids are going home. they’re done. the show is over.

the show is over

the show is over

i’m going to cry for a few days now. hope you’re all as emotionally traumatized as i was. it’s been a fun ride.