#no dukes no bojangles no cook out

[healingheartdogs]

It should not be 60 degrees in upstate NY at this time of year. Is it nice for taking the dogs out? Sure. But it also fills me with a deep sense of dread. The plants are going to get confused and flower early if this keeps up then get killed off when it inevitably snows again because winter doesn't end here until mid-late May.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #111

You know you’re from North Carolina when...

- You either have the lighthouse or the plane on your driver's license (nobody gets the seal). (don't have my license *shrug emoticon*) - You roll your eyes and correct people that pronounce it "App-a-LAY-shun" instead of "App-a-LATCH-un." - You have probably been to the Biltmore Estate (AKA America's only castle) before on a school field trip. - If there is even a CHANCE of snow school will be cancelled for a week, the grocery store will be out of milk and bread, and everyone will be afraid to drive. (THIS IS SOOO FUCKING TRUE) - You either like light blue or dark blue, not both. - Some of your family members probably make/sell real moonshine and it's WAY better than that knock-off crap they sell in gas stations now. (I know someone who does, though.) - Cook Out is life. - You have waited in line in your car for two or three hours just to see a street of Christmas lights in McAdenville (AKA Christmastown, USA). - In elementary school you heard the phrases "Duke is puke! Wake is fake! But NC State is the one we hate!" and "You can't get to heaven in a red canoe 'cause God's favorite color is CAROLINA BLUE!" thanks to your obnoxious UNC-loving classmates. - Billy Graham is a state-wide hero and you've probably been to his beautiful library. - You often wonder why Charlotte isn't the capital instead of Raleigh. - Two of God's greatest gifts were invented in North Carolina: Cheerwine and Krispy Kreme Doughnuts. (I've never had Cheerwine) - NASCAR is a big deal. (Not to me, but to literally almost everyone else, yeah.) - In school there was importance placed on the Lost Colony, Blackbeard, and tobacco. - It doesn't matter what time of year you go swimming in the mountains, the river water is always freezing. - You've been to Sliding Rock before. - "Wagon Wheel" (by Old Crow Medicine Show) is a very important song to you and you knew it way before Darius Rucker covered it. - Occasionally, you have to worry about a hurricane destroying your town. (We get hurricanes every couple years I'd say, but the bad ones usually curve back into the ocean.) - Bojangles is the best way to cure a hangover. (You haven't fuckin' lived until you go to Bojo's, but it's not gonna cure a hangover.) - We love going "all the way," AKA chili, slaw, onions, and mustard on our hotdogs. (Again, not me, but pretty much everyone else.) - You brag about all the amazing movies filmed here, including "The Last of the Mohicans," "Dirty Dancing," "The Hunger Games," "A Walk to Remember," "Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby," and "The Color Purple." - And also the popular TV shows filmed in North Carolina, including "One Tree Hill," "Homeland," "Under the Dome," "Sleepy Hollow" and "Dawson's Creek." - You rep 23 because the greatest basketball player of all time is also from here: Michael Jordan. - There are two kinds of barbecue: Eastern-style and Lexington-style, and you probably have a preference. Either way, North Carolina has the best barbecue in the country. - And barbecue is a NOUN, not a verb. - We have some of the best breweries in the country, also. - The ACC tournament is an extremely important time of the year where families and friendships will be torn apart. - Many people think North Carolina is super conservative, until they make their way to Asheville. (Uh, no. The entire state is conservative.) - There's nothing more relaxing than driving along the Blue Ridge Parkway in the fall. - You've definitely been to Carowinds and then realized it's not that great. - Every hour is happy hour to you, because North Carolina legally cannot have an official happy hour! - You can always see a lovely dogwood tree blooming in the spring. (Never, ever, do you want to smell one.) - You will fight anyone who says Ohio was first in flight. - If you need to buy furniture, there are only two places to go: Hickory or High Point. - You know the North Carolina mountains are the best and only place to get a Christmas tree. - You know the struggle of waiting to get your after 9's when you first get your driver's license. (It's the same for a permit.) - Even though we're on the coast, most people go to the beach in South Carolina. - You think the Rocky Mountains are great, but the Blue Ridge Mountains are home. - Tracking red clay into your house is normal. - You had to memorize the names of all the North Carolina lighthouses in 4th grade. - You either conquered the swinging mile-high bridge on Grandfather Mountain, or turned around halfway in fear. - There's a certain time of summer when it's too hot to even go swimming because the pool water feels like bathwater. - People from other states get confused when you say you're going to Beech and grab your skiing gear. (Lmao what.) - You know our state motto "esse quam videri" (meaning "to be, rather than to seem") is an appropriate representation of our great state. (Well that's a load of shit.) - You have strong feelings about barbeque. (Yeah, in the sense that I hate it.) - Somehow our favorite team always come down to some last-minute victory or loss. Ensue floods of tears. - On a Florida vacation at least three people have asked you where you're from. (My grandma lives in Florida.) - You LIKE tobacco, as in, the gorgeous tobacco fields and the rich heritage it has in our state. - You've partied in a field. (We were what, 13, so it wasn't exactly a "party," but we played out there, if that counts?) - It's not Christmas unless you watch the Andy Griffith Christmas Episode - It doesn't feel like fall unless you visit the State Fair. - Summer vacations meant one thing, ferry rides to the Outer Banks. (Again, to other people. OBX is huge here.) - You've bought watermelons, peaches, and vegetables off the side of the road. (I don't trust that shit.) - You have mixed feelings about Myrtle Beach. - You've attended a pig pickin'. (And they're fucking gross.) - Your accent and dialect varies depending on which part of the state you grew up in. - You've never met ANY celebrities. - You measure distance in minutes. (Literally everyone here does.) - Down South to you means South Carolina. (It can.) - You know Pepsi originated in New Bern, Cheerwine in Salisbury, and that Mountain Dew was invented in Fayetteville. (I knew they were all invented here, but not where specifically.) - You know Coke tastes better in the little bottles and that peanuts make coke taste even better. (Don't like peanuts) - Your folks have taken trips to the mountains to look at leaves. - Your school took a field trip to the State Fair in Raleigh. - You watched as Dale Earnhardt was the only man who ever lived who could go 200 mph, spin somebody out, flip them the bird, call them a you-know-what, and win the race all in the last lap. - You skipped school to go to Dale Earnhardt's memorial service. - You know a bunch of people who have hit a deer. (Like everyone lmao) - You know a few that have also hit a bear. - You remember watching the ACC Tournament on television at school. - The local newspaper covers state, national, and international headlines in one page, but sports require six pages. - Most men in town consider the first day of deer season a national holiday. - Fifty degrees Fahrenheit is "a little chilly" (To other people; that's like perfect for me.) - You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Conetoe" or "Top Sail" (I've been to Conetoe once and it blew my mind how it was pronounced lol.  I didn't know Top Sail had a weird pronunciation...?) - Your school classes were canceled because of cold. - Your school classes were canceled because of heat. - Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. (Happens rarely.) - You know tea is served sweet unless you specifically asked for unsweetened. - You've ever had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in the same day. - You end your sentences with a preposition, for example, "Where's my coat at?" "What's that made out of?" (Doesn't... everyone sometimes...?) - All the festivals around the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or tobacco. - You know the difference between a deer dog, a bear dog and a coon dog by the way they bark. - Your four seasons are almost summer, summer, still summer, and highway construction. (PRETTY FUCKING MUCH.) - You think the four major food groups are beef, pork, beer, and Jello salad with marshmallows. - Schools and churches hold barbecue fundraisers with banana pudding as the dessert. - Your folks would rather eat at Bojangles's than McDonald's. - You know what "cow tipping" is. - You say, “it don’t” instead of “it doesn’t." - You sometimes eat country ham, grits and eggs for supper. - “Onced” and “twiced” are words. - You know how much a "mess" of anything is. - You say "tater" instead of "potato" - You say "skeeter" instead of "mosquito" - You say "possum" instead of "opossum" - You say "coon" instead of "raccoon" - You know that "barbeque" means cooking pork on an open pit and a "cook out" is grilling hamburgers and hotdogs. - You know that "pop" is a sound, and "soda" is used for baking. - Everything tastes better when served in a mason jar. - You'll never hear anything more passive-aggressive than "bless your heart!" - Everyone knows someone who's in the military. - Everyone seriously loves the North Carolina Zoo. - People have to ask, "Is there alcohol in this?" - You loooove Sun Drop. - You know to NEVER go to the Crabtree Valley Mall on the weekend. (Never, ever, do it.)

[junker-town]

The NCAA’s 4 biggest titles are all currently held by the Carolinas

Four schools in two states. Bojangles victory dinners for all.

We came pretty close to having the champions in college sports' four most popular competitions all come from the same state, with South Carolina making the men's Final Four and winning the women's. But North Carolina's redemption thriller over Gonzaga still means all of Cook-Out country* is walking tall.

In football, Clemson won a similar redemption thriller over Alabama in the 2016 season's Playoff**, and in baseball, Coastal Carolina is the reigning College World Series champ (watch Clemson players celebrating that at the time), until June at least.

North Carolina has long been known as a home to basketball powers (only California equals its 13 all-time men's titles), Clemson's had previous spurts of football greatness, and the Palmetto State's been a steady CWS participant. But the Gamecocks' sudden emergence as a basketball school, via Dawn Staley and Frank Martin, has really rounded things out nicely.

A Cheerwine salute to you all, and today, we wave our shirts around our heads like helicopters for Carolina sports as a whole.

* Except for fans of Appalachian State, Charleston, Charleston Southern, Charlotte, The Citadel, Duke, East Carolina, Elon, Furman, Gardner-Webb, High Point, NC Central, NC State, North Carolina A&T, Presbyterian, South Carolina State, South Carolina Upstate, UNC-Asheville, UNC-Greensboro, UNC-Wilmington, Wake Forest, Western Carolina, Winthrop, and Wofford. Especially Duke.

** The College Football Playoff isn’t technically run by the NCAA, but the NCAA recognizes its champ.

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Presenting the NFL Draft's All-Name Team, captained by Jake Butt.

Please watch this 330-pound LSU recruit run a relay.

Bill C team of the day: Fresno State, where ... hey, it's Jeff Tedford!

Bill wrapped up the MAC with PPPPPPPPPPPPPPOWER RANKINGS, topped by Toledo, as is custom.

Here's Deshaun Watson leaving a Tuscaloosa bar under duress; the bar denies it booted him.

Behold: a Rutgers game someone might actually care about!

QB recruit says he's both 110 percent committed to Ohio State and visiting three other schools, which all makes sense in Recruiting World.

I regret to inform you Brian Kelly is at it again.

I even more deeply regret to inform you the post-Bitcoin Bowl no longer has turf that looks like a tarp that was crumpled up in a pool all summer.

Nick Saban even follows The Process at Chick-fil-A.