#no context ceg

[nocontextceg]

[crabs-and-lyrics]

"I just gotta find / What's at the end (please don't make me say this) of this rainbow?"

[nocontextcxg]

[piracytheorist]

Oh don’t mind the show, just dropping truth bombs about the glorification of having big boobs.

[nocontextcrap]

[luwupercal]

I was re-reading some older posts and I came up with the following idea: Cegorach, Curze, Trazyn, Orikan, and Guilliman locked in a room together, recording a podcast, Gulliman being the moderator. Curze finds out about Orikan's time travel tech and how Orikan has been using it for the very petty reason of maintaining his reputation among other Crypteks, and promptly 404's and curls up into a fetal, catatonic ball due to the overwhelming surge of conflicting emotions at that revelation

konrad curze commits a hate crime en vivo y en directo

i feel like cegorach would start mentally breaking guilliman while guills argues with curze while orikan and trazyn argue but in the meantime cegorach is also running something to break the spirits and wills of orikan and trazyn while trazyn and orikan, separately, are plotting how to put him in a pokéball, guilliman isn't getting paid enough for this and konrad is biting and killing everybody here but at some point cegorach starts being allowed to pet him in a weird full of hate bite violence reverse discord kitten thing (its like greebo and nanny ogg). trazyn quizzes the primarchs about human culture going "oo fascinating". cegorach keeps taking konrad's side in arguments. orikan disdains guilliman intensely but guilliman thinks hes the only half sane person in this room aside from himself, he's trying to forget trazyn exists because he feels like an insect whenever trazyn quizzes him about humans. sometimes guilliman genuinely has no idea how to answer trazyns questions so he just says what he assumes is true and occasionally konrad smugly corrects him and then theres like frantic checking that it's true. konrad is in like a cage hanging from the ceiling with a mic btw. cegorach purposefully goads trazyn into mentioning the humans in his collection so guilliman will start arguing w trazyn so that cegorach and orikan can duel (over their respective species' fates etc but mostly over the most ridiculous dueling methods you can think of). cegorach begins every episode with "hewwo everypony bazinga!" and nobody has any idea what it means but he laughs like a clacketing horse jaw every time afterwards exactly like if you repeatedly slammed the two main components of a billy puppet skull against each other very hard while some apparatus in its throat ululated vividly in bemusement. konrad sleeps through the first three minutes of each episode until he's poked with a broom. trazyn engages konrad in very serious conversation about his meat palace (whether it remained a plan or he made it a reality depends on what sort of au this is); trazyn likes the idea and has suggestions, though he'd rather go for freeze drying the meat and playing its recorded screams. orikan, who does not have as many hangups about fl*sh as certain dynasties but does keep his d*stance from the concept to a reasonable extent for an immortal skeleton robot, calls him an involved necrontyr ins*lt over that idea. cegorach starts echoing it as part of his outro and even gets konrad, repeatedly, and guilliman, once (but a very memorable once), to repeat it. nobody ever finds out what it means because every time they ask orikan he clams up in offense and every time they ask trazyn he starts wheezing with laughter (cegorach knows though). cegorach accomplishes friendship w konrad via slipping decadent little snacks into his jail with his extremely long eldar god clown fingies. occasionally ceg brings a solitaire in as a guest speaker and they have dramatic pauses where they do not clarify what the solitaire is gesticulating in response to what the hosts are talking about. you just have to figure out what the solitaire said based off the context given by the hosts' responses. they have a running count of konrad threatening people with knives. repeatedly konrad has said things so graphic or awful that they had to be beep-censored in post production occasionally lasting a full uninterrupted minute of beeping and they make cegorach billy puppet ululating smack tooth wheeze laugh as soon as he's done like 9 times out of 10. trazyn and orikan keep bringing up niche necrontyr things and nobody else understands them but eventualy guilly picks up a brief understanding of necron copyright and felony law just from their debates. ostensibly it's a podcast about anything but around space halloween they watch bad horror movies and mst3k style commentate and konrad rates them solely based on his weird as fuck standards and they have a running gag from past years about how fucking horrible a movie about abducted cattle from (4)1959 is*. guilliman still prefers it to the 42nd millenniums worship of the emperor, if marginally

how do you even pronounce cegorach anyways like is it chegorajjjj /ʧɛgoɹɑh/ bc that's sorta how i say it

[prudencepaccard]

some of my favorite chords and/or cadences:

sus4 then back down to the third (e.g., CFG->CEG); honorable mention for the sus2

a seventh chord preceded by a major chord a half step above it (e.g., C sharp major->C7). I also really like the aforementioned sus chords with a seventh 

augmented chords in a blues scale context, esp. as the penultimate note for the big finish (e.g., the “and” in the final “big and loud” at around 2:08; the “is” in the final “since my man is dead” at around 3:11)

N E A P O L I T A N

[anthropologicalhands]

ceg fic: impressionism (what completes this picture of me and you)

title: impressionism (what completes the picture of me and you) characters: heather & valencia, beth/valencia, heather/hector summary: Valencia admits that she once had a crush on Heather notes: not totally sure how happy i am with this fic, but at this point it has been sitting in my drafts for literal months now, so out it goes. Ao3 Link

~

In Heather’s opinion, one of Valencia’s best qualities is her willingness to throw herself wholeheartedly into her ventures.

Granted, Heather usually prefers to observe the hurricane from a comfortable distance, rather than letting herself get swept up in it all. But, on occasion, she doesn’t mind braving her way into the eye of the storm.

Like right now, when she is seven months pregnant and less chill than she has ever been in her life, Valencia showing up unannounced and armed with rose, apple juice, and her cosmetics bag is unequivocally a good thing. It’s been a while since they’ve been able to hang out, just the two of them. Hector is nice and Heather loves him and she’s happy he’s been here for her during the pregnancy, but sometimes his niceness is just too much, and almost as annoying as Rebecca’s casual thoughtlessness. In contrast, Valencia’s straight-shooting, take-no-prisoners determination is a gift.

Even better: unlike the people Heather is living with, Valencia is observant, and notices changes around her without Heather having to point them out.

 “What’s going on with Estrella?” Valencia pauses in front the aquarium on her way back to the sofa, bending down to get a closer look. “She looks different.”

 “That’s ‘cause she is different,” says Heather as she reclines on the sofa with her feet propped up, doesn’t bother to look up from her phone.

“What do you mean?” Valencia asks, perching on the ottoman to resume painting Heather’s nails. She’s been looking more relaxed recently, Heather finds herself thinking idly. Probably the result of a series of fortunate events—the small but tangible successes so necessary to building a business. Heather bets that taking on Beth as a partner has probably helped ease the stress.

And, well, also the fact that Valencia is now definitely getting some on the regular. There is no way that there isn’t a net positive effect of some kind.

“I mean that she’s a whole new starfish,” Heather explains, wincing as the Rebyl spawn punctuates her statement with a two-beat kick.

Valencia’s concentration doesn’t waver, but her eyebrows arch up high on her forehead in surprise, followed by a deep sigh of resignation. “Again? Seriously?”

“Yeah. At least this one looks more like the original Estrella, so I didn’t know it happened until this week, because last week was Rebecca’s turn to take care of her.”

Valencia purses her lips, shaking her head in disappointment at Rebecca’s carelessness. “Wow. I’m surprised you’re not more upset.”

Heather shrugs. “I probably should be, but I already got angry at the shower this morning for the wrong droplet-to-skin-volume ratio, so it’s not worth working up the extra energy.”

“That sucks,” says Valencia sympathetically, looking down at her handiwork, forehead wrinkling in concentration.

“It really does. These pregnancy hormones are sending my reactions totally out of whack. I am noticing, like, everything is too much, like this dress is super itchy and you still smell like Beth’s perfume from yesterday. I know that sounds creepy, sorry, but I can’t help it,” she adds, responding to Valencia’s weirded-out expression. “And to make things worse, now I’m missing other things. Like, stuff I actually care about.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I used to be able to tell things about people before they even know it. Like a wolf. I learned a lot about wolves before I dropped my wildlife biology class. Did you know that they can tell if a person is pregnant even before they know it themselves?”

“That must get awkward.”

“Right?” Heather asks, letting her head fall against the back of the sofa so that she is staring right up at the ceiling.  “But I’m not like that anymore – I used to be a wolf, and I knew things, but now I’m a pregnant wolf and I know nothing. Which doesn’t make any sense.”

Valencia’s eyes have gotten almost comically round as she follows this train of logic to its conclusion. “Oo-kay,” she says after a brief pause, setting down the bottle of violet nail polish and taking up the setting. “Speaking of Rebecca, you’re channeling her pretty hard right now.”

Heather rolls her eyes. “Yeah, that’s because she keeps texting me about the gestational periods for different mammals and it’s like, getting really annoying. I don’t care that elephant pregnancies last for two years, I’m human and I want it out now.”

Valencia’s head jerks up and she stares at Heather. “Two years?”

Heather gives a slow nod. “Yep.”

Valencia wrinkles her nose in distaste. “Ew.”

“Right? But it’s true.”

“Weird. Does Rebecca just know these things off the top of her head or is she Googling random animals every few days?”

“Who knows? But I’ll admit that she does follow up with cute videos of the respective baby animals, so that kind of helps, but only because my baby brain is really dumb and easy to please.”

“I mean, cute animal videos will do that,” agrees Valencia seriously.

Heather hums her assent.  “But seriously, my powers of observation are gone. I’m missing out on the subtle social cues that tell me about drama. And you know I love drama.”

Valencia hums her agreement, and they lapse into a comfortable silence. Heather texts Hector a non-negotiable request to pick up non-dairy milk and any bath products that might possibly have lavender in them.

“You’ll be back to normal and picking up drama in no time,” says Valencia soothingly. “It doesn’t matter if you miss a couple of things in the meantime.”

“It kind of does,” says Heather, looking up from her phone, peering over the swell of her abdomen down to Valencia. “It’s like missing an episode of The Nanny. It might not matter in the long run, but it’s still totally possible that a massive change happened while you weren’t looking and everyone is making references to an event that you don’t get and you have to piece it together without context, because streaming is not an option.”

“You’ve missed things before. No one is going to judge you for it.”

“No, I don’t miss things.”

Valencia’s responding hm is just judgmental enough to compel Heather to straighten up in her seat.

“I don’t,” she says, a hint of challenge entering her voice. “It was basically my superpower, before this parasite took it.”

“I’m not saying you don’t pick up stuff,” says Valencia, setting down the bottle of polish. “I’m just saying, that you can’t notice everything. It’s not possible.”

Heather’s eyebrows shoot high up her forehead; pregnancy might be messing with her senses, but Valencia’s carefully blank expression is radiating I have something on my mind loud and clear. “Okay, enough generalities – what did I miss?”

Valencia hesitates, but when she looks up to meet Heather’s eyes, she juts out her chin a little bit, firming up. “It’s nothing. And I’m going to tell you.”

“Good.”

“It might be weird.”

“Valencia, I am currently pregnant with Rebecca and Darryl’s baby. Is it that level of weird?”

“No, it’s not that weird,” says Valencia after a pause. “Right. Let me finish the varnish first.”

“Cool.” Heather opens up her phone and adds egg salad to the list. It’s not something she would normally eat, but whatever the Darryl baby wants, it’s gonna get. Maybe it will get bored by all the luxury and try to strike out faster.

Valencia screws the cap back on the bottle and travels back up to sit on the couch cushion besides Heather. “You’re going to love it –they have little white flowers on them.”

“Cool. I’d offer more specific compliments, except there is no way that I will be able to see them over my distended stomach and swollen ankles.”

“Which is why I uploaded the pictures on Instagram,” says Valencia breezily, waving her phone. “You can leave your comments there.”

“Right, exactly. Because that’s what Instagram is for, looking at things you can’t look at in your normal, day-to-day life.”

Valencia makes another noncommittal hum. Heather watches as Valencia continues to mess around with the bottles in her makeup bag, waiting patiently for her question.

“Well?” Heather prompts, when nothing juicy is forthcoming.

“Oh! Right.” Valencia startles a moment before composing herself, tucking her hair behind her ears. Interesting.

“Do you think you ever noticed anything about me that you don’t think that I was aware of?”

Sounds like Valencia is on another self-awareness kick. Well, Heather’s down to help. She tilts her head to one side, considering the question. “I doubt it. I mean, once you broke up with Josh, you’ve been pretty upfront about what you were thinking. Maybe when you and Beth were becoming a thing, but you figured that out pretty quickly, so it doesn’t count.”

“Okay but…”

“But what?”

“But what about me liking girls, specifically?”

“Specifically?” asks Heather, raising her eyebrows slightly.

Valencia takes a deep breath, setting her shoulders straight. “Yeah.”

Huh, interesting.

“Nothing specific,” says Heather thoughtfully, mentally flicking through their past hangouts for signs of Valencia’s interest in anyone beyond their direct social circle. “I mean, there was a distinct lack of interest in guys going on with you, like, even on our girls’ nights out, but when I saw you and Beth together I, like, knew that you had a vibe going on. I didn’t see that before with you and anyone else.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Okay, then you didn’t notice,” says Valencia, sounding vaguely offended.

“Notice what?”

Valencia takes a deep breath. “Beth might be the first girl I’ve dated, but she isn’t the first girl I liked.”

“That makes sense. Who were the others? Denise Martinez from high school? You’ve always complained about her. No, wait, it was Rebecca, right? I know she kissed you once—”

“She mentioned that?” demands Valencia, sitting up, spine ramrod straight, before she pauses and reconsiders. “Wait, no, I shouldn’t be surprised. But no. That was…something else. Which, in retrospect, might have helped me reconsider a couple of things, but that’s so not what I’m talking about right now.”

“Okay, so it’s not Rebecca. Cool. Then would it have—” she stops suddenly. “Oh.”

“Yes.”

“So—”

Valencia nods. “Yep. I think I liked you.”

Valencia says it casually, but it’s a bombshell all the same. Heather blinks as she considers this new information, comparing this new context to all the things she knows about Valencia, like pulling away a curtain for a clear view. Their ease with one another, how quickly Valencia started seeking out Heather’s advice and was willing to let her slouch on her couch when she needed time to refill her chill bar during the most hectic days of Rebecca’s hasty wedding planning storm. Valencia had been remarkably lax about Heather setting very close boundaries.

“Oh, huh. Okay, didn’t see that at the time, but okay. That tracks.”

Valencia stares, incredulous. “That’s it? That’s your reaction?”

Heather considers the facts, how she had only known Valencia tangentially as Josh’s girlfriend, with a general idea that they were unsuited, but not understanding just how much until Rebecca brought her to Sugar Face for the first time, beaming and declaring that, if it was all right with her, Valencia might hang out with them a few times while she got over her own post-break-up blues. And she was kind of basic, but also acidic, and very fun and a little clueless and then she just stuck around.

“I mean, I don’t think I totally missed it,” clarifies Heather. “I thought I got a vibe on you for a little while there when I met you, but like, I was trying to figure out if you knew that or if it was just getting into the groove of having a girl group, but there was also the stuff where we were both trying to figure out what to do with our lives and then everything went down with Josh and Rebecca and it just, like, kept going down.”

Valencia nods, grimacing at the memory. “Yeah, it was a lot to process.”

“So much processing,” says Heather with feeling, eyes rolling heavenwards. After a beat, intrigue overtakes her surprise and she sits back up again. “So: how long did you carry a torch for me?”

Valencia gives a dismissive wave. “Not that long. After you started dating Hector I had an epiphany.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I realized that our tastes were way too different to ever work out.”

Valencia pulls a face to punctuate her statement, startling a laugh out of Heather.

“That kinda sounds like an excuse,” teases Heather, a little relieved. Valencia’s shoulders ease, and it’s obvious from the way she’s speaking that there isn’t jealousy or some sort of anguished feeling behind her declaration, and that’s soothing in a very Valencia way. She doesn’t want to stir up drama – she just wants to make things clear and straightforward.

“It really isn’t,” says Valencia, in the same tone she uses when critiquing Josh’s taste in formalwear.

“Okay, it isn’t.”

“I genuinely believe that your interest in Hector cleaved our chances as a couple completely.”

“Sure,” concedes Heather with a smile, “I know you don’t like Hector. Is it because he knows all of the embarrassing stories about you from when you guys were kids?”

“No. Why?” Valencia’s eyes narrow and her body goes rigid. “Why do you mention it? Did he tell you something? Was it about the Sleeping Beauty thing, because he really should know better than that—”

“No, he hasn’t,” says Heather immediately, because it’s true and if the way that Valencia’s perfectly sharp eyebrows are starting to furrow in the middle, if Heather doesn’t clear up that point immediately, there is a nonzero chance that Hector’s demise will be imminent upon walking through the door.

“Good.” Valencia leans back on the sofa, her face still thunderous. “At least his sense of self-preservation is intact.”

“I’ll get that story out of you, then,” says Heather, amused. “You really have nothing good to say about him, do you?”

“Hector is very symmetrical,” says Valencia primly. “And I am willing to admit that he’s been handling your pregnancy very well despite not actually knocking you up.”

“Thank you, I know that cost you something.”

Valencia nods, looking faintly martyred before she shifts position on the sofa, leaning against the cushions, her chin propped up in her palm. “So, you didn’t know I had a crush on you at all?”

“No, I missed that. Which is unfortunate, because it really is flattering.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, totally. You’re definitely a catch. So,” she drags out the word, starting to grin, her long-starved desire for gossip sniffing the air. “When did you know that you liked me?”

She’s pleased to see that Valencia relaxes completely at her teasing, whatever fears she has reassured by Heather’s reaction.

“I didn’t at the time,” admits Valencia. “It didn’t take that long to understand that I liked Beth, really, but I’ve been kind of unpacking stuff with her since we’ve started dating. You know what a good listener she is.”

“Right.”

“And I would keep talking, right, about times when I might have been attracted to other women, what I might have thought of them, and I would think about you and about how, when we first started hanging out, I was so giddy about having female friends for the first time in a long time, and you really helped me figure out what’s normal girl stuff and what wasn’t. And I was so excited to have such smart and attractive friends and I wanted to see you guys every day and your opinions really mattered to me—and I realized that there had been, like, two layers to how I was thinking about you, specifically.”

“Two layers, huh?”

“Yeah, both the core that, you were a cool person, but also like a filter on top of it that make things especially nice. Like the Amaro filter on Instagram. Which, incidentally, is the one I used when I posted your pedicure.”

“Got it.”

“Like, I wanted to be friends,” Valencia continues, insistent. “I absolutely wanted to hang out with you as a friend. But I also kind of wanted to impress you and…have you look at me in a certain way. Though, to be clear, that feeling isn’t really a part of our relationship now, that I was attracted to you. That is in the past. It’s important, but not, like, the defining thing about us. But it in our history and it was weird that you didn’t know about it.” Valencia deflates. “I’m sorry, is this making any sense? This isn’t meant to be a love declaration, or anything, and I’m worried it sounds like one, but it’s just—”

“Part of the history of our dynamic,” Heather finishes. “No, I get it. Human attraction is interesting and doesn’t really care about fitting neatly into romantic-platonic categories.”

“Exactly,” says Valencia, smiling. “Like, I just feel that it’s weird that you didn’t know that’s how I felt about you. You know everything.”

“Apparently not,” says Heather wryly. “But I’m glad you think so.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Thanks for telling me. For the record, though, we totally would have been a hot couple in a parallel universe,” Heather adds. “Totally objectively speaking.”

Valencia laughs, her shoulders loosening. “I’ll drink to that.”

 “Yeah. And while you might not think the same about me, I do think you have good taste – I’m glad you met Beth. She’s very cool.”

“Aw, thank you.” Valencia beams, pressing her hand over her heart. “That means a lot.”

Heather smiles, a rush of affection for her friend coursing through her, sweeping aside the discomforts of the day. “Come on, let’s have a toast to your good taste and behaving like mature adults. Now gimme my apple juice.”

Laughing, Valencia does as she asks.

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x15 I Need to Find my Frenemy

Click here for previous recaps!

 Stray thoughts

1) ….

I wonder what this girl must’ve thought, being forced to deliver all these bizarre, irrational one-liners without any context whatsoever. Do you think she knew what CEG was about?

2) I was just about to comment on how Rebecca is talking about happiness while spreading butter on toast and how ironic that was considering the reason she went back to West Covina was that butter ad but she beat me to it. *shrugs*

3) And here she is trying to be focused and not to get distracted by the things that normally throw her off course and…

I’d come to sort of tolerate – if not like – Josh Chan, but… seriously? He literally didn’t hear a word she just said, because if he had and he cared more about her than about expressing his own feelings and getting what he wants then he would’ve kept his mouth shut. What does he think is going to happen? They will almost get married again?

At least Rebecca is having a proper reaction to this confession – she feels utterly uncomfortable and she just ran away. And she should keep running away, far, far away from Josh Chan.

Late, indeed.

4) Paula is not going to fit in in the new firm, is she?

5) I’m on Beth’s side, though…

VALENCIA: Why can't you just let me have this? I love you, I want us to spend our lives together, and I've always dreamed about being a bride.

BETH: Right. And is this part of what you always dreamed of? Bullying the person you love into proposing?

VALENCIA: Yes. Isn't it magical? Say it's magical.

BETH: You're going through a thing that has nothing to do with me. And I don't want to fight about it anymore. I'm going home to New York, Valencia.

6) Tough choices…

I love that what they all have in common is that they’re amazing in the sack. Sounds legit.

7) Wait…

Guys, maybe it is Greg. Maybe it is Nathaniel. Maybe it is Josh. Oh, my God. This is just... This is terrible. I can't believe this is happening again and that I'm back in a... Oh, God.

Could it be… a love square?!

8) Love quadrangles!!!

That… wasn’t as charming as the original. And I get it. Rebecca doesn’t want to be in this position anymore, it feels like a step back in her journey, tbh, and I’m glad she feels the same way, and that how she feels is actually reflected in her demeanor and the lyrics of the song.

9) I mean…

REBECCA: Guys, you heard David. Audra needs me.

AJ: Or you want to procrastinate on your decision and see your frenemy at her lowest so you can feel superior and rub it in a little.

who wouldn’t?

10) So… the girl group is going to Las Vegas and running away from their problems. Can’t say I blame them.

11) Why does Josh think that it’s up to him to decide who Rebecca wants to or should be with? He claims that he cared about her before Nathaniel, but that’s hardly true. He treated her horribly for as long as they’ve known each other, and to be honest, it’s still kind of beyond me how either of them would want to be in the other’s life. Rebecca was basically a stalker and Josh was a douchebag, and I don’t understand why either of them is romanticizing what they had.

12) Oh, they’ve found the board! But they had a more mature reaction than I’d expected? Maybe they’ll freak out later on.

13) I DIED

14) Oh, the callback!!

15) They were disappointed when Audra seemed to be convinced to go back home…

And then they were so happy! This is so unhealthy but I love it!

16) At least Greg had a proper reaction to finding out about the Columns. Well, at least they were Pro Columns. It’s not like she was doing something a la Ross Geller… But still. If you need to rationalize your feelings this way, maybe you shouldn’t be making the decision in the first place.

17) They’re really going all in with callbacks!

18) OH MY GOD!!!

19) WTF Paula

20) They got the suits, and it kind of reminds me of Let’s Generalize about Men?

21) You gotta trust White Josh, he’s been the voice of reason in this show for four seasons…

JOSH: I have known you for most of your life, and I've never seen you as happy as you are when you're with Rebecca, even though I am truly, deeply perplexed as to how, not only you, but two other guys could be so into her. Truly, one of the great puzzlements of the ages. But… Yeah… You, uh you guys seem like you have something special, so I don't know. I think you got to give that a shot.

22) OMG are we getting the opposite of JAP Battle?

I think this song is a great bookend, isn’t it? It’s like coming full circle.

23) What kind of crazy plan did WhiJo come up with?

24) Why is she just realizing this? I don’t get it…

25) So…

This was the brilliant plan? They’ve collectively asked her out and then she’s supposed to make a decision? Okay, I guess.

26) It was a fun episode, but I don’t know, it felt too filler-ish so close to the season finale, you know? I was expecting the stakes to be higher at this point and to be overwhelmed with emotion, kind of like I felt during the previous episode at different points. Will the season finale be about Rebecca choosing one of the guys? That can’t be what this show ends up being about, right?

27)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[notbang]

I thought my heart had learned its lesson It feels so good when you start out My head is screaming get a grip, girl Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

At least out loud I won’t say I’m in love [x]

[jaggedwolf]

top 5 ceg songs

this almost sent me down a rabbit hole of listening to literally all of them again, but I resisted, somehow. In no particular order,

 Don’t Be A Lawyer

it’s catchy as fuck and as far as I can tell, pretty good advice.

Fit Hot Guys Have Problems Too

why is this song so ear-wormy. i had it stuck in my head for almost two weeks after hearing it. the video is also so so funny, especially where it ends with the three of them shirtless crying in the club. “don’t look at us, we’re not dancing for you” cracks me up every time.

JAP Battle

I enjoy watching two people trying to get one over in each other within a very specific contexts while being like “guys, both your lives sound depressing what is this”. The saddest brag-off. Also, I haven’t watched the vid in so long and forgot that literally every backup dancer is hilarious.

You Go First

there’s so much going on in this friendship breakup song. their hair getting progressively bigger? split screen even when they’re in the same room? the random acrobat woman in the background? A+

1. Let’s Generalize About Men

this song is too real. that is all. 

[nocontextceg]

[architectnews]

Church Lane Cottage, Hutton Buscel England

Church Lane Cottage, England, English Building Development, UK Real Estate Extension, North Yorkshire Property, News

Church Lane Cottage in Hutton Buscel

21 January 2022

Design: Ian Hazard Architects

Location: Hutton Buscel, North Yorkshire, England

Church Lane Cottage, England

The project at Church Lane Cottage is the extension to and internal alterations of an existing Grade II Listed building, within a Conservation Area in the North York Moors National Park.

Any new architectural intervention into this historic context needs to be carried out with due consideration to the impact it will have upon the setting of the Listed building, and the Conservation Area.

The design process for the project commenced with a review of how the client’s functional requirements for the extension could be achieved using traditional and vernacular building forms. All of these options were considered to have a detrimental impact upon the setting of the existing cottage. As such the low rise, contemporary design proposal is intended to reduce the visual impact of a new building upon the heritage assets, whilst creating an interesting architectural juxtaposition and dialogue between that which is old, and that which is new.

What was the brief? To create an internal connection between the existing garage and farmhouse, incorporating a new boot room and utility area.

What were the key challenges? The existing building is Grade II listed, in a conservation area and in the North York Moors National Park.

What were the solutions? A low rise, highly glazed contemporary intervention minimised the visual impact of the development on the existing heritage assets, creating an exciting architectural juxtaposition in the process.

Church Lane Cottage in North Yorkshire, England – Building Information

Design: Ian Hazard Architects Completion date: 2020 Building levels: 1

Photos: Scott Wicking Photography

Church Lane Cottage, Hutton Buscel England images / information received 210122

Location: Hutton Buscel, North Yorkshire, Northern England, UK

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[anthropologicalhands]

ceg fic: slow down, follow up

title: slow down, follow up summary: she's dealt with Greg and already apologized to Josh, but then there's Nathaniel. post 4x13. notes:  hey, we do have a break, and I do hope we have this conversation between the two of them in future eps. also wanted to see if i could get that look from the end of 4x13 off his face. Ao3 Link

One day, Rebecca will have the foresight to text Nathaniel before showing up at his apartment to drop bombshells, but honestly the thought doesn’t even occur to her until she’s already in the elevator going up. She’s already nervous, so Rebecca reasons that she might as well just do what she has done so many times before: walk right up to his door and rap sharply against the wood until her knuckles sting.

Of course, Nathaniel should also use the peephole on his door more often, too; his eyes go comically wide, caught off guard to find her standing there.  Rebecca is tempted to laugh, until his expression morphs from surprise to concern in a split second; his gaze intent as he looks over her. She doesn’t entirely blame him, given recent events, but the fact that he feels the need to check at all sends a hot wave of shame right through her. Monitoring her needs and her mental state is her responsibility—not the responsibility of others, and the more she realizes how bad it could have been, the worse the shame grows.

“Hey, Nathaniel.”

“Rebecca,” he says carefully, but now that he’s reassured that she isn’t three sheets to the wind, there’s a slight smile playing across his mouth. Somehow, he’s still happy to see her, and her stomach still turns over at the very idea. Meanwhile, the itch to run away and just avoid the entire conversation increases, but that discomfort is familiar enough that she can push past it; they are in a weird place and she’s the reason and she needs to deal with it and clear the air.

“Sorry to interrupt your night, but, uh, do you have a minute?” She tries to go for a rueful smile, but the strain at the corners is too much to maintain it.

“Yeah. Is everything okay?” He leans against the doorframe and tucks his hands in his pockets; he might have a smile ready for her, but his posture is still wary. It doesn’t seem like he will be inviting her in, and that’s…fine. Of course it’s fine, given the events of last week. She can’t just barge in on people’s lives the way she has done in the past, intruding into their spaces—his space—with nary a thought. Especially not when she was the one to end their relationship and when he was finally ready to step away.

“Sort of. I wanted to talk to you about…what happened last week.” She takes a deep breath to steady herself, tugging the ends of her blue cardigan a little more tightly around herself. “It’s a little late, but there was some fallout I had to deal with, and then Paula was in the hospital—”

“Yeah, I understand,” Nathaniel says, a little too easily. “But look, I don’t know if that’s really necessary. You were pretty drunk—”

“No, it definitely is,” Rebecca cuts in, because no way is she going to him make excuses for her again. “What I did was completely uncalled for, and I really owe you an explanation. Or, if you want a different way to frame it, some additional context. I know you like context.”

He nods reluctantly. “Okay, yes, I do like context.”

“Right.” Relieved that she will be able to say her piece, she starts again, “So, the context is that before you saw me: I was not having a great day.”

“That tracks.”

She nods and takes another deep breath before continuing. “I…hadn’t been monitoring my BPD situation as closely as I should have, so I had a disagreement with my therapist. And then I had a fight with Greg that…wasn’t great, and mostly my fault. I went out, had three drinks, and tried to pretend I wasn’t angry and sad. But it didn’t work, and I was completely revved up and full of this…energy that wasn’t going anywhere and was just coursing through me and when I went to see you, I was really looking for—”

“An outlet,” he finishes, and God, if the situation wasn’t so mortifying there are so many dirty jokes she could play off that, but it is and she can’t. Especially not with whatever multitude of microexpressions are crossing Nathaniel’s face right now, that he tries to distract from her by clearing his throat and crossing his arms over his chest. “For the excess of bad energy. Right. Got it. Then what?”

His expression is neutral, which should be better than angry but also means she can’t read him at all in this moment, when usually he is so open to her; she squirms at the creep of the self-recrimination crawling up her spine.

“Well, after you very sensibly asked me to leave, I went home and I ended up having a, uh, weird massage moment with Josh, which freaked us both out.”

“Ah.” Something shifts in Nathaniel’s expression at Josh’s name: not significantly, but his smile is gone. He pulls himself together quickly, though, shaking off whatever feeling that he doesn’t want her to see. “But nothing happened with him, either?”

“No. Again…we were freaked out. Enough that I ended up going to talk to Dr Shin about getting on track.”

“Right. That’s…good, though, isn’t it?”

“I mean, in general, it really is. I know why I did that, and with hard work, it won’t happen again. But that doesn’t change what did happen,” says Rebecca, twisting her hands together into different configurations, forcing herself not to look away. There is no blame or harshness in Nathaniel’s eyes, but it’s not the look she is used to seeing, either; it’s like a screen placed before the light and whatever message she is searching for is being heavily filtered. “And that’s why I’m here. To apologize for coming over and…basically trying to seduce you. Especially after we left things in such a good place, coming over like that might have…blown things wide open. I’m sorry about that.”

Nathaniel gives a short, tight nod, and glances down at his feet, cheeks puffing out as he exhales.

“It was confusing,” he admits, studying the patterns on the hallway floor.

“I know. I was in a bad place, but that isn’t an excuse,” she says, heart sinking. Despite her hopes, she doesn’t feel any ease for having apologized. “Is there…anything you want to ask me?”

Nathaniel looks up and away, staring over her head at some fixed point in the opposite wall. He rubs a hand hard behind the back of his neck; when his hand drops away she can see red marks on his skin from the drag of his fingers.

“When you came over…you said that you still thought about me,” he says quietly. “Do you remember saying that?”

He’s giving her another out—one that she probably should take, since she doesn’t have an answer, at least, not one that adequately encompasses the swirl of emotions stirred up by her frustration.

She was hurt and looking for validation and she knew he would give it to her. But there was also the twisted justification: how she told herself that she was being honest, that she did still think about him, and wanted him at times even when he wasn’t directly in front of her. That for so long before they fell out of sync he had made her happy, and she knew she could make him happy. If he accepted her, they would both have what they wanted, and what was so wrong with that?

But it would have still been completely unfair, for inevitably she would have regretted it the morning, and any progress they have made towards a potentially peaceful relationship might actually have been irrevocably destroyed. Rebecca bites her lip and looks down at her sandals, thinking through her answer.

“I do, actually,” she says slowly, carefully, to be as clear as possible. “But I said them because I was feeling bad, and I thought you still wanted me and that if you saw that I wanted you, you would just…follow my lead.”

Like you used to.

Like nothing had changed between them. Like neither of them had been making an active effort to be better.

She hates the way Nathaniel passes a hand over his eyes and exhales a shaky breath.

Her automatic impulse is to reassure him, tell him that there’s more— that it was about him, albeit in a twisted way—she didn’t choose his doorstep instead of returning home to Josh on a whim. Her feelings for all of them are muddled these days, but she does have reasons for the choices that she makes, that she has always been assured by the fact of Nathaniel’s interest and conviction in her, and after being told by seemingly everyone that she didn’t know what was best for herself, she wanted that validation from him.

She wants so many things, these days. Her second chance with Greg. The continued comfort of Josh’s presence in her life. To taste Nathaniel’s tenderness again. Just because she can catalog her emotions, can press ‘pause’ long enough to parse through and understand her reactions, doesn’t mean she isn’t still a ball of conflicting desires.

But none of that would be right to say, and so she waits, uncomfortably, while Nathaniel straightens back up and looks at her again, his expression painfully, meticulously even.

“All right, good to know,” he says, his voice flat. “That settles some things I’ve been trying to understand. Thank you, for explaining that. It’s a nice change.” His tone is not acerbic, despite his words, she still bristles in the beat before the implications sink in and he immediately backtracks.

“No, wait—shit. Rebecca, I didn’t mean it like that. I—just that, well, things with us have been frequently confusing in the past.” He scrubs a hand through his hair in frustration and abruptly steps out of the doorframe, not in her space but without as distinct of a line between them. She freezes, unsure how to react at having him half again as close; he freezes, clearly not sure where to go next, and crosses his arms back over his chest defensively.

“I get it this time. I get that whatever brought you here last week wasn’t about me. It’s…kind of a relief, to know that for sure. Even when you showed up last week, it was clear that you weren’t…entirely all there. You didn’t have to come here today to explain what happened, but you did, so…thank you, for that,” he finishes lamely. “I appreciate it.”

Rebecca absorbs his explanation silently, still a little off-kilter by having him closer, and compensates by folding her arms over her chest, unintentionally mirroring his posture.

“Yeah,” she says quietly. “I’m glad. It really wasn’t about you, or Josh, or even Greg; it was about me not taking care of myself. And that was my fault and it’s my responsibility. I’m going to get back on track, I have a plan, and I am going to get back into all of the old stuff. All of it. And add some new stuff, on top of that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” She takes a deep breath, steeling herself. “Actually, as part of getting back into regulating my BPD, I’ve started medication. All those months of resisting, and it turns out, they aren’t such a big deal after all.”

His head jerks down to look at her properly, blinking. The next time he shifts in the doorframe, the lines of him are not so rigid. His surprise isn’t entirely unexpected; she’d talked to him once or twice when they shared an office, but the fact he doesn’t immediately recoil is a surprising relief.

“Really?”

She forces a laugh. “Yeah, I know. Except, you know, adjusting to the dosages. Right now, I still fall asleep everywhere, even standing up. But that should pass.”

“Yeah, unexpected narcolepsy can make things just a little inconvenient,” he says, drawing a smile from her. “But they’re working? You’re doing better now?”

“I am.”

“Good. I’m glad.”

He smiles at her again, and some of her old affection for him rises, unbidden, from all of the places she sought to push it away—threatening to make her jittery with it—unless she says exactly what is on the tip of her tongue.

“Nathaniel?” she asks quietly.

“Yeah?” His voice is equally soft.

“I meant what I said, about liking what you said in our last conversation. The one you had with sober Rebecca and not the vodka wearing a Rebecca-dress.” He huffs a laugh at that; grinning, Rebecca continues, “I said it at the time, and I’ll say it again: it really meant a lot to me to hear you say that you wanted me to be happy.”

“Thanks.” His smile slips a little, and he takes another breath, fingers swiping absently at his temple. “But, uh, while we’re on the subject of things that need to be said…I know I never apologized to you.”

The affection that was making her nearly dizzy abruptly freezes and congeals along her insides.

“Really?” she forces out, suddenly fearful that whatever uneasy, careful moment they have managed to share will be wrecked again somehow.

Nathaniel nods, working his jaw before he speaks. “For what happened with your brother, but also…everything else that have happened, these last few months. I owe you that much, at least.”

When she had broken up with Nathaniel, this last time, she had done so in the belief that they would have no reason to speak to each other, that all arguments, hurts, and curiosities would be rendered null and void. That none of these things have turned out to be quite true has always been a little perplexing (then again, who expected her and Josh, of all people, to renew their friendship), so the sudden want that rises up in her, at the possibility of having that closure, is easy to accept and difficult to resist.

“Okay," she says slowly, straightening up and squaring her shoulders. "I would like that.”

“Yeah.” He nods, and an uneasy silence falls between them, until Rebecca raises her eyebrows meaningfully at him.

“Well?” she prompts.

He blinks, discombobulated.

“Wait, you meant now?”

“I mean,” she shrugs. “I am here.”

There’s a vaguely panicked look on his face. “Look, I am sorry—I can say ‘I’m sorry’ right now and completely mean it. But I was thinking that this might be something we need to sit down for.”

Part of Rebecca, the squishy part, wants to tell Nathaniel not to worry about it—let bygones be bygones. But if she is honest with herself, it’s also the easy way out. Facing the ways they have misunderstood and hurt each other over the last year is not an easy task, and as the efforts of new Greg and new Rebecca have shown, no matter how painful or easily glossed over they seem, past wrongs need to be dealt with.

“I agree, but if it’s not now, would you be able to wait for me? Getting back into my stuff is going to take up a lot of time.”

“I could do that,” he agrees. “Gives me more time to prep flashcards.”

She laughs. “Well, be careful for what you wish for, because you are going to have a lot of prep time. This taking-care-of-myself thing is gonna take time. Like, a lot of time. Nearly all of the time that I’m not spending with Paula. Like, even Greg and I are, um—” she falters.

“Split up?” finishes Nathaniel helpfully. At her questioning, owl-eyed look, he elaborates, “I ran into him at Home Base and he, uh, mentioned it.”

“Oh,” she says, blinking. “Wow, okay, cool. Coolcoolcool.” She isn’t entirely sure how she feels that he already knows—she wasn’t planning on keeping it a secret, but having Nathaniel know that she’s single again makes her stomach squirm in confusing ways. “Yeah. Between therapy and dealing with the new meds and Paula, there was a lot to take care of. But we’re still friends, at least. That’s something.”

Nathaniel nods. “That’s how he put it, too.”

“Really? That’s nice. I mean, we also can’t get around the fact that this is like, the third time I’ve tried to have sex with someone else after one of our dates went wrong and I don’t know much about baseball, but I’m pretty sure that three strikes, you’re out is very much still in play.”

She can see the way Nathaniel’s eyebrows shoot up high on his forehead that this is new information to him. Good. Not that she expected Greg to say anything, but it’s good to have confirmation.

“Uh—sure, I guess. I’m sorry about Greg. I know you were happy with him.”

“Thank you. And I was, but with my issues, being happy doesn’t magically fix anything.”

“I’m getting that,” says Nathaniel, almost ruefully, very differently from the other times they had circled the same subject. She tilts her head at him, struck by a sudden thought.

“How do you know Greg, anyways? I mean, you guys showed up together on my porch a few weeks ago, but I never really got around to asking—”

“We met at the gym. Technically through Whijo, except he was no help at all. And then we kind of spent several hours together locked in quarantine for squirrel flu. Josh was there, too,” he adds, as if that fact is a mitigating factor, rather than a multiplier. She does not need to think about all of her exes together in one room.

Although the hospital setting has the potential for…rather intriguing scenarios, actually…

But that is neither here nor there.

“That sounds like a story,” she says.

“Not a fun one. There was a dumb fight and we crashed the children’s ward. You don’t need to know more than that.”

“I feel like I kinda do,” needles Rebecca, starting to grin.

Nathaniel pulls an exaggerated face, shaking his head. “You really don’t.”

She laughs, and he smiles reflexively at her.

“Wait, you saw him before we broke up, then. And you didn’t tell him about me coming to your apartment?”

“That…wasn’t really the kind of situation I wanted to deal with while trapped in a sick ward.”

“Yeah, that probably would have been awkward,” she agrees, and pokes him gently in the shoulder. “Well, I’ll let you know when I have some time, and you let me know when you have your material down cold.”

He exhales softly and smiles down at her. “I will.”

For the first time in a long while, she leaves Nathaniel’s apartment feeling that things are pleasantly open-ended, without being open to interpretation.

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x01 I Want to Be Here

Stray thoughts

1) Welcome to my first recap of the last season of CEG! I Hope you enjoy this (and if enough people are interested, I might recap the previous three seasons… eventually…) This is both a recap and a first reaction. I haven’t seen the episode yet so I will be writing my thoughts as I watch the episode for the first time. Yay!!

2) Okay, first comment: I love how they’ve changed the titles from “...Josh...” (or Jeff or Nathaniel or Trent…) to “I…”. I think it’s a clear indication of where this season is heading. Rebecca will finally grasp this concept of self-love, self-esteem, and identity. Your life needs to be your own before you can share it with someone, and I hope this is the philosophy that Rebecca embraces this season.

3) I’ve grown to like Nathaniel a lot, but he still needs to continue his journey on this show. He’s made a lot of progress, but the fact that he thinks Rebecca should prioritize him/their relationship over her own mental health and responsibilities and that he may think Rebecca pleading guilty reads as her not loving him enough shows that he still has a long way to go. This whole thing – Rebecca going to prison – has nothing to do with Nathaniel or her feelings for him. Yes, she did throw Trent over the balcony in order to save Nathaniel, but that’s it. Pleading insanity would’ve meant taking the easy way out, which has been Rebecca’s M.O. when it came to facing the music. Until last season, of course. A lot of her decisions were affected by her mental illness, but she truly needed to own up to everything she’d done and take responsibility for it. I get why Nathaniel might not agree with her decision, but he still should’ve stood by her side.

4) Okay, one of the reasons I love this show…

JUDGE: Everybody, just calm down. That's why I brought you into chambers to tell you that I can't accept Miss Bunch's guilty plea. For starters, it wasn't even really a plea. It was more of a speech filled with, uh, irrelevant details that you delivered to this lady with your back to me, and then I find out that you're in a romantic relationship with your actual lawyer, who I'm guessing is also in…

EVERYONE: Real estate.

This is such a beautiful way to deconstruct a trope without taking away from how effective and pivotal that scene was. Yes, as in most movies, Rebecca delivered a speech that moved most of the people in the courtroom as she pleaded guilty. Would this be acceptable in a real courtroom in real life? Obviously not. It was a great character moment for Rebecca, who obviously couldn’t help but have her Hero moment or Grand Gesture or whatever as the protagonists of movies are bound to do so. Of course, she’s not actually in a movie, so her speech, as beautiful and poignant as it was, won’t fly. Let’s not overlook the fact that all the lawyers attempting to defend Rebecca have ZERO experience in this type of cases, which is yet another thing that wouldn’t happen in real life and the show clearly points it out.

5) And I get where Paula’s coming from. Again, Rebecca needed to make a Grand Gesture because she’s still in this movie mindset by which in order to get Redemption you need to make a Great Sacrifice. In real life, it doesn’t really work that way. We find redemption in small – yet meaningful – acts. It’s a long, arduous journey, it cannot be accomplished with one great, over-sweeping act. Yes, what Rebecca did at the end of last season was, indeed, a grand gesture. But by their very nature gestures are merely an indication of good intentions that need to be followed and validated by other actions.

6) “I want to go to jail” “Jail is what I deserve” Let’s see how long this “gesture” lasts... (I’m guessing not long…)

7) Was this… a nipple slip?

Or is that shadowy thingy her fingers/hands?

8) Now, Rebecca and Nathaniel do have a lot in common…

NATHANIEL: It's not a pansy-ass camping trip. It's an intense outdoor survivalist excursion. That's why it's called Death Wish Adventures.

GEORGE: Love that name. Sounds therapeutic.

NATHANIEL: Oh, it is, it is. And for the low, low price of $100,000, I pay this company to beat me up, drive me out to the middle of the woods, and leave me alone to fend for myself.

Isn’t this pretty much what Rebecca is doing with her prison sentence? An over-the-top, uncalled-for reaction to a situation?

9) “I’m not killing myself, George! I’m going on a Death Wish Adventure!” *stabs bag with the machete* OMG the irony!

10) “How did I miss it, Hector?” Because…

11) Josh is basically taking the opposite route…

JOSH: Yeah, maybe I also have a disorder.

HECTOR: What, dude?

JOSH: Yeah, think about it. Okay, those things about Rebecca, they're not the only things I've missed, like, in life. I didn't realize being a priest would be such a bummer. I didn't realize I was dancing at a gay bar for, like, a month. I didn't realize your mom doesn't like it when I whistle in the shower. (…)

HECTOR: Maybe. Or maybe you're a little oblivious, self-absorbed, and need to be more aware of the world around you.

JOSH: No. Disorder.

HECTOR: Or..

JOSH: Disorder. I have one. I wonder which one.

Most of the things he’s “missed” are things that only call for… very basic common sense? But Josh is choosing to take the easy way out. It’s easier to blame our all bad decisions and poor judgment on a mental disorder than to accept the fact that maybe we’re just a big fat dum-dum.

Could he really have a disorder, though? I don’t know.

12) I just love how Rebecca’s cellmate is reading Webster’s Dictionary because why the hell not, right?

13) Oh, this scene…

First, OF COURSE Rebecca took the chance to get the leading role in this number (as opposed being a backup singer like she was in camp, if I remember correctly.) Not only that, but this is actually the first time we’ve seen her sing FOR REAL. As great as EVERY single song in this show is, all of them are “performed” – so to speak – in the characters’ minds. They are not real. The characters are not really breaking into song because, well, that’s just not what happens in the real world. We know that music and songs (and storytelling, to a certain extent) are part of Rebecca’s coping mechanism. So it’s disheartening yet realistic that she’s not actually talented. How hard must have been for Rachel to sing sort of badly?

14) Uh. The phrase “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” just came to mind. How is doing musical theatre – something she’s loved her entire life – penance?

15) This killed me…

And of course, he doesn’t read the first THREE results, he just goes “Ooh! QUIZ!!”

Yes, this will surely solve all your problems, Josh. I mean, who wouldn’t trust the diagnosis offered on a website that also gives you a quiche recipe, right? Sounds legit!

16) I think that Rebecca might have mistaken “penance” with “reward”…

17) And the first musical number!

I truly loved this number, I was watching it with the biggest smile on my face because I was enjoying so much what they were doing here. I mentioned before how I loved the fact that for the first time we got to see Rebecca singing for real, in a real-life context, where everyone is aware that she’s singing and participating in her song. What’s Your Story? is a great blend of that and the typical CEG musical number. Whereas Rebecca is definitely in her own mind, the people around her are pretty much in the here and now of the real world, with very natural reactions to her actions. This is how people would react to someone breaking into song in the real world and trying to romanticize or glamorize things that shouldn’t be, like crime. This is her big Chicago number, yet the criminals in the room, including herself, hardly deserve to be called that. Two shoplifters, a girl whose boyfriend’s meth was found in her car’s glove compartment and a “murderer” who had accidentally killed a teenager while texting and driving. There’s nothing glamorous about this. It’s sad, pathetic even. But of course, that’s only because they, unlike Rebecca, are not good storytellers. And this is how Rebecca is confronted with the reality of her “grand gesture.” She thinks she’s doing this great sacrifice because she’s decided to do her “penance” and spend some time in jail even though the judge did not accept her plea. To the others, she’s just a privileged idiot who thinks this is just a game and who is wasting their time.

Side note: I love the blink-and-you-miss-it tidbit with the two shoplifters and their respective sentences for the SAME crime… the difference being their skin color. And I love how the white lady simply apologizes and walks away.

18) Bless Hector and Heather!

HEATHER: Look, Josh, I really respect your search for self, but these are actual disorders people suffer from, and you're treating it like you're just, like, identity shopping.

HECTOR: Yeah, it's kind of gross.

So much YES. I love this show.

19) Nathaniel’s been in the woods for like four hours and he’s already eating roaches?

20) Nathaniel is season 1 Rebecca and George is season 1 Paula, right?

21) OMG I just called this!!

REBECCA: You know what? I have something to tell you. I figured out something huge. I am privileged.

HEATHER: That just occurred to you just right now?

22) OMG please tell me that we will get see bits of Terrier Chef???

23) Trent woke up from his comma and confessed everything??? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

24) BLESS YOU HEATHER!

REBECCA: What did you expect? I came here to pay penance, and I have not done that yet. I did the opposite of that. I was selfish and I tried to force my own narrative on these women, and steal their stories for my own purposes. And for what? For what? For a Lin-Manuel Miranda tweet?

VALENCIA: Oh, he is so inspirational. Did you know he grew that ponytail just for that show?

HEATHER: What? Okay, Rebecca, I hate to break it to you, but you know, whatever you do in here, nothing is gonna change the fact that you're a rich white lawyer lady who pled guilty for dramatic effect.

25) And bless Valencia, too! (Girl Group 4eva!)

VALENCIA: Uh-uh-uh, honey, you staying here doesn't help anyone who's been wronged, just like your guilty plea didn't help anyone you'd wronged.

This is precisely what I was trying to say when I talked about how small Rebecca’s grand gesture actually was. She wasn’t actively doing anything to make up for her wrongdoings, other than painting herself the victim, yet again.

26) I think staying in jail is yet another way of avoiding responsibility for her actions while convincing herself of the opposite, don’t you think? Like, I can totally imagine someone calling Rebecca out for something she’s done, and her going “I WENT TO JAIL FOR THAT! WHAT ELSE DO YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?”, you know? And, idk, maybe don’t go to jail and actually try to make things better with real, tangible actions towards the people you’ve wronged? Just a thought!

27) Second song!!

Ugh, what a great way to convey this very human emotion of self-pity and self-absorption… I think we’re all guilty of this, at one point or another. When we feel like shit, it kind of makes us feel worse and better to believe no one can understand what we’re going through because no one in the history of humanity has ever felt this way before. (I do think that’s true in one sense, but that’s beside the point right now.) Believing that at the very least we’re unique in having these crappy feelings is a bit comforting. We’re telling ourselves “if anything else, you’re special because of this, because no one else has ever felt like you feel right now.” The thing is, we should actually find comfort in knowing the opposite - that many people before us have felt and many people after us will feel – if not exactly then something very close to - what we’re feeling because, well, we’re all human. Many people have felt this, many people have dealt with these feelings, conquered them, coped with them. And so can we. That’s the thought that we should find comforting.

So it’s nice that even though Rebecca, Nathaniel, and Josh indulge in this moment of self-pity and self-centeredness, they do come to the realization that there are people who care enough about them to want them to get better, even if they can’t really understand what they’re going through. Nathaniel turns to his only friend, Josh turns to the drunk lady at the bar (but listens to Heather and Hector’s advice in doing so,) and Rebecca leaves prison and joins her friends.

28) Dr MAN Akopian! OMG!

29) Bless this show, bless this fucking show!

JOSH: But so if-if I don't have a disorder, what can I do? Because something is clearly wrong.

DR MAN AKOPIAN: You can do exactly what you're doing sitting here with me. Look within. Josh, it's not about checking a box and getting a fancy label, or 12, for what's bothering you. Instead, you can think about the choices you make and why you make them.

JOSH: That sounds hard.

DR MAN AKOPIAN: Yeah, yeah. But don't worry. It will take a long time.

30) OMFG, this show, oh god how I’ve missed this show!!!

REBECCA: Everything I do is wrong, by definition. Because of my privilege.

VALENCIA: Okay, that's it. I've had enough. Rebecca, if I hear you say the word "privilege" one more time… You have privilege. I'm glad you acknowledge it. So now you have a choice. Do something good for the world that actually helps people, or shut up. But stop whining.

This is such an important message, so important! Rebecca was yet again using her privilege to victimize herself and avoid taking responsibility/action. Yes, you are privileged. What really matters is what you do with your privilege, how you use it to help those who are unprivileged. Otherwise, you’ll be falling again into the empty gestures pattern…

31) Kudos to Nathaniel for apologizing and admitting that he shouldn’t have skedaddled when Rebecca didn’t do exactly what he wanted her to do.

32) But… they’re at very different stages of their journey… Like I said, Nathaniel probably mirrors Season 1 or Season 2 Rebecca, and Rebecca is a bit ahead of him… so yeah, it doesn’t really make much sense for them to be together right now. So I think telling Nathaniel to leave was a very brave decision for Rebecca and one that she wouldn’t have been able to do not that long ago.

33) Why was Darryl eating imaginary ceviche, though?

34) Quick! What’s the music that plays when Paula asks her “what’s next, Cookie?” That’s killing me!!

35) Good for you, Rebecca!

REBECCA: So when I'm not forcing my opinions and entitlement on everybody else… Sorry for that… I'm actually a pretty good lawyer.

And I don't know much about criminal cases, but I can study up and with your permission, I would love to try and help you and any of the other women in here.

36) OF COURSE!!!

37)  As usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!