#no but seriously im going insane over this trap rn

[hacksawboy]

honestly if the ending of saw 2004 didnt tell you that lawrence was fruity than maybe the mausoleum will. look at this shit. youre telling me this guy was so extra that he needed to make a pretty palace building just for one tiny miniscule trap. you expect me to believe hes straight? thats dedication of someone who is either autistic or has way too much gay audacity, or both. gay ass doctor. got his degree in doctor and dicksucker

[wereallsaloonaticshere]

I love having characters discuss media they like / characterization-through-fandom so maybe have A Boy of choice discuss their favorite movie and everyone else reacts?

Okay so this isn’t very good, but I guess I like how I wrote Eduardo. Basically teenage Eduardo, Jon and Mark lowkey larp as their old west ancestors, Eduardo Juan and Marco, while waiting at a park for Edd Tom and Matt to come larping as their respective ancestors, Edward Thompson and Matthew.

Critique is welcomed but idk why you’d wanna do that with this piece lmao.

Word count: roughly 1,400. 

~

“Barbie and the Diamond Castle,” Juan said, biting into his very authentically old west McDonald’s Mcdouble. 

Eduardo’s laughs quickly turned to wheezing coughs. “God, Jon, what’re you, my niece?” 

“Who?” Juan looked at him expectedly.

“Fine, Juan.” Eduardo said, “why’d you choose the most feminine movie out there? Not enough reasons to not have sex with you yet?”

“I just really like it, okay?” Juan said, “the animation’s really cute, the songs are nice, and I watched it at least once a month until I was seven.” 

“Jesus you’re gayer than me.” Marco said.

“Haha, I think my parents are still waiting for me to come out,” Juan laughed.

“What’s your favorite scene from the movie?”

“I’m sorry are we seriously talking about fucking Barbie movies now?” Eduardo said, “this is supposed to be a stake out.”

“We had to listen to you play Mindless Self Indulgence the entire car ride here, so shut your mouth.” 

“What are you talking about? I had my earbuds in.”

“You were blasting it.”

“Oh, that’s why your mother kept looking at me weird through the front view mirror.” Eduardo said, “that sucks.”

“It’s okay, I think she’s come to terms with the fact that I’m friends with exclusively delinquents.”

“Hey!” 

“Just kidding, just kidding.”

“That’s mean, Mark. O. M-Marco.”

“Hypocrite.” Eduardo said.

“Anyways,” Marco rolled his eyes, “what about Barbie and her castle and your obsession with them both?”

“I don’t like it anymore! Just when I was a kid,” Juan said. “And it wasn’t her castle, they were actually really poor, they just had to travel to the castle to save a girl trapped in a mirror and the concept of music.” 

“...Huh?” Eduardo said.

“I don’t remember the plot very well, but I think that’s about it.”

“Huh. Sounds like something my niece would actually like.” Eduardo said, “they wear dresses in those movies, right?”

“Yeah of course, it’s Disney.”

“Can you text me a picture of the main girl? I’ll draw her in the dress and give it to her on her birthday.” 

“Aw, how sweet! Sure.” Juan, the infamous old west bandit, got out his phone and texted Eduardo the main girls.

“When are Edd, Tom and Matt supposed to come, anyways?” Marco asked, “my mom’s picking us up in a couple of hours.”

“Shut up Mark, they’ll be here,” Eduardo said, looking out across the grass and duck pond. 

“How do you know?” Juan asked, collecting the group's trash to throw away. “You said Edd has bad handwriting, maybe you read it wrong.”

“I didn’t read it wrong! Trust me, they’ll be here. They’re fuckin’ nerds and their ancestors were these cool action hero guys, of course they’ll wanna larp as them!”

“I thought you said they weren’t cool at all?” Juan asked, “and that their ancestors were gay or something?” 

“Of course they’re not actually cool!” Eduardo said, “but they sure thought they were, so I’m just explaining their train of thought.”

“Couldn’t we just larp as our ancestors?” Juan asked, “it would be fun, and a lot less stressful.”

“I thought that’s what we were doing?” Marco asked, tugging at his cheap brown bandanna Juan had found at Walmart the day before.

“I mean, I guess, but it’s not really authentic if we keep talking about Barbie and cars.”

“Then stop talking about fucking Barbie, problem solved,” Eduardo said. “Now make use of that second pair of binoculars, I think I see their car.” 

“Fine.”

“...I wonder if Marco was gay.” Marco said, watching the ducks sleep.

“What d'ya mean?” Eduardo asked.

“Oh, I don’t know. Obviously I know there were quite a few gay people in the old west, it’s just funny to think about. How different of a life he would’ve led.”

“I found a photo of him kissing a guy on google.” Juan said, getting out his phone to find it again.

“Really?” Eduardo turned to face him, the car having driven past the parking lot. “How?”

“I remember hearing Edd talk about how that detective’s diary was really gay and thought about if that made Marco’s ancestor gay, to.” 

“Well not everyone in my ancestral line was gay, you know.”

“Yeah but the detective looked a lot like Edd, and Marco looked a lot like you, so I figured it only made sense to check. Here.” Juan handed Marco his phone. “It doesn’t say who the guy is.”

“Wait, so are you saying you think Edd’s gay?” Eduardo lit up and put his fingers together like a pyramid, “oh that’s interesting.” 

“What, are you planning on outing him to the school or something?” Marco asked. 

“No, of course not!” Eduardo said, “I just think it’d be something to bring up.”

“What does that even mean?” 

“Come on, he’s bullied you for being gay before!”

“That was a year ago, and that doesn’t mean he deserves the same treatment!”

“Mark-”

“Marco.”

“-Mark,” he glared at Juan, “just drop it, okay? If they don’t show up we won’t be able to catch them being idiots, so we’ll have to find some other way to do it!”

“Why do we need to? Have you ever considered that maybe if you stopped picking fights with them they’d leave us alone?” 

“Me?! They’re the ones that pick fights with us!” Eduardo slammed his fist down on the table, making the old wood wobble, “don’t you remember when we were in English and they told the teachers we were the ones that started that knife fight, when really it was them? Or when they were throwing knives at each other, and then stashed them in my locker when they heard a teacher coming? Or when that girl got stabbed-”

“Look, I get it, they suck, but at some point we become just as bad as them.” Marco reasoned. 

“...”

An alarm went off in Marco’s pocket.

“Hey, it’s almost 7. We should be packing up.” 

Eduardo sighed, “...fine.”

Juan threw away their trash as they were walking back to the parking lot. Marco took his bandanna off and stuffed it in his pocket.

“Are you able to eat dinner at my place?” Mark asked.

“You sure your parents would want me over again?”

“What are you talking about? Of course. Why not?”

“I don’t know, I just got the impression I annoyed them last time.”

“You didn’t. So, can you come?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t think to ask my parents.”

“Do you want to?”

“Yeah sure.” Eduardo got out his phone and texted his mom. 

“I won’t be able to come, my grandma’s over and dad’s making stew.” Juan said.

“Oh, nice.”

“Yeah, it is.”

The ducks walked out of their way as they passed.

 {i really am just writing the most boring shit rn, huh? I mean i guess its realistic.}

 “Okay I can go, she said to be home by 10.” Eduardo put his phone away.

“Excellent.”

“Your dad isn’t gonna gril me about colleges again, is he?”

“Hey, if I have to deal with it then so do you.” Mark smirked. 

“It’s just annoying to hear him talk about all these engineering colleges.” He rolled his eyes, “as if I want to drive myself insane with those classes.”

“He’s only doing it because he wants you to have a nice job.”

“...I can have a nice job as a painter too.” Eduardo said, but the bite was gone.

 {my moms getting mcdonalds i cant wait im so hungry its literally 10pm} {its 1230 now and btw i loved it}

 “It’s your choice.”

“Have you decided what college you want to attend yet, Marco-Mark?” Jon asked.

Eduardo chuckled.

“I’m not sure yet. I might become an english teacher, or a librarian.”

“Huh. Nice.” Jon said. “I kinda wanna be a photographer, but I know there isn’t a lot of 

{and then I gave up}