#no but it kinda reminds me of post purgatory the first episode of s8 he’s sitting on the floor

[hudbannonarchive]

4x02 is kinda underrated bc dean is like. five days out of hell max you think he might wanna fight for the couch after his stint in ultra super turbo jail but nope his ass is on the floor. and where is sam 😌💅💯

[archivistsammy]

so, im going to try and keep my unkind s8 comments to a minimum, but I can no longer pretend dean gives me any joy thus far in this season, and I think this scene is really emblematic of why. context: sam has his deal with Amelia to meet back at the motel at a certain time if they want to be together. dean reminds sam he has an appointment, and sam--who has received nothing but shit from dean this whole time about Amelia, and in the previous episode dean actually used sam’s love for Amelia against him to get him away from benny--is like...since when do you care? and I kinda hate dean’s answer. a lot. 

for one, I think it’s backhanded. yeah, he’s saying one of them should be happy, but it’s hardly an earnest endorsement. “im tired of fighting, one of us should be happy, and im jealous about your ability to just ~give up hunting~ really couldn’t be me....” is hardly the same thing as actually sincerely wanting your brother to be happy. pretty petty imo, which I think dean is allowed to an extent, but this entire season has just been the pair of them failing to communicate and then dean being nasty (to literally everyone except charlie so far; im shocked at the way he’s been talking to kevin) on top of it. dean’s lost so much joy, so much empathy, after purgatory, and it’s exhausting and demoralizing to see. 

not to mention, as Katharine so smartly and rightly pointed out, this is very similar to how John tries to dismiss a serious conversation with sam back in season 2. 

I think this is notable bc it’s showcasing sort of that this way of handling conflict--brushing it off for the sake of getting down to brass tacks--is a learned behavior. how many arguments, how many conflicts, how many emotionally challenging conversations, have these two brothers been in wherein one of them simply ends it by saying they’re tired of fighting? this isn’t conflict resolution. this isn’t forgiveness. this isn’t healing. it’s just shoving it down to fester at some later date. 

I also think what dean says at the end here is really frustrating and upsetting and indicative of another huge problem both he and sam have. 

dean is still clearly holding onto issues that stem from his time with Lisa and how that living situation ended, and it’s almost like he thinks because he couldn’t make apple pie work, sam shouldn’t be able to either. like sam should function under the same set of rules dean set for himself. no hunting. no car. no relationships with anyone in your past life. you go for it, and you do it 100%. which puts sam in a pretty terrible situation of choosing Amelia or dean. why these brothers think relationships outside of hunting must mean excising what you had before is bewildering to me. dean excised things perfectly well and still had djinn coming for him. that’s not to blame dean, but point out shit’s gonna happen regardless of your efforts to divorce yourself from your previous life. not to mention, the mental and emotional toll it took on dean to cut out everything he had before Lisa...why wish that on sam?

the obvious reason is because he’s still hurt by sam’s not looking for him after he disappeared. but honestly, that’s...not sam’s problem if you never actually talk through your feelings with him. sam can know he hurt you and still know why he made the decision he made. and much like I discussed in these two posts, the fact these two refuse to talk openly about their lost year means they’re never going to move past it. they’re just going to have to decide to shove it back down. and I think we see that really clear here. dean (to me) is basically telling sam you go get the woman you love and leave me out, and we just never talk about this shit again. or you stay with me and leave the woman you love out, and we still....never talk about this shit again. 

idk, im not being very coherent, but this scene just seems like the intersection of their problems with both communication and how they envision happiness as something you cannot have with or without the other. they aren’t happy together this season. the first eight eps or so are filled with barely masked bitterness and rage and hurt. but clearly they can’t be happy apart, because being apart means literally never talking again. I don’t know! it’s just upsetting! depressing! frustrating! and that’s season 8!