#nintendo please in the next game let us change our names/town names

[princeofcyberpunk]

Welcome to Atlas!

I've finished renovating my ACNH Island! Took about a week and a half or so.

Dream Address: DA-0890-9684-3107

Town Name: Atlas

Villager Name: Tep

Visit if u want! I think it's pretty cool :3c

(pictures below the cut)

[blightfics]

POKÉMON AUTUMN VERSION: RISE FROM FALL CHAPTER 8: SURF’S UP!

Previous Chapter: A Test of Strength

Next Chapter: More Coming Soon!

Disclaimer:  Pokémon is a property of Game Freak and Nintendo, while Endless  Summer is a property of Pixelberry. I do not claim any rights here.

Author’s Note: If the “Keep reading” doesn’t work, go here for the full post. Special thanks to @princessstellaris for helping me pick the perfect music recommended for this chapter and @mechaspirit for some scenes. You guys rock!

@xo-endlessmayhem-xo, @zekei-sentry, @mysteli, @choicesyouplayandmore, @brightpinkpeppercorn, @sceptilemasterr, @scgdoeswhat, @endlessly-searching-for-you

Recommended Music: Road Trip! (Choices)

It’s the second annual La Huerta River Race event and Quinn, the first place winner last year is speaking at the stage, alongside Meg, last year’s second place winner. Jake and Taylor spot their daughter, Kaitlyn, and the other kids.

Taylor: Hey, look who it is!

Jake: Li’l marshmallow!

The family run into each other, exchanging loving embraces. The others walk towards them with smiles.

Blight: Lookin’ slick, Flyboy.

Jake looks up and grins at Blight’s compliment.

Jake: Could say the same for you, Goggles.

The two men approach each other and high five. Jake whispers to Blight’s ear.

Jake: So, how is he?

Blight: He’s doing great. Just a few more getting used to his prosthetic limbs and--

Taylor: What are you guys whispering about?

Jake and Blight suddenly jump and look at Taylor with a nervous grin.

Jake: Nothing!

Blight: Yeah! We were just... talking about... umm...

Jake: Psyducks!

Blight:��That’s right, Psyducks!

The two men quickly laugh to cut the tension and suspicion. 

Everyone looks at them with unamused looks. Taylor lightly smacks Jake’s head.

Taylor: Geez, even without Tyler here, you always have someone to joke around with.

Jake: Ow!

Meanwhile, Vishakha and Elesis mock Blight.

Elesis: I rarely see you like this, Blight.

Vishakha: You’re so lame, Jester.

Blight: Hey!

After a few laughs and reconnecting, everyone walks to the crowd. Suddenly, a woman calls out to Mika.

Woman: Mika, my dear!

Mika turns to see her mother, holding a Pokémon egg.

Mika: Mom!

Mika rushes to hug her mother while Kaitlyn follows behind her. 

Kaitlyn: Hello, Mrs. Dinh.

Mika’s Mother: Hello, Kaitlyn.

After they pull apart, Mika’s mother hands her daughter the Pokémon egg.

Mika’s Mother: Here you go, dear. Make sure you take care of it like it’s your own child.

Mika: Thanks, Mom.

The two share an embrace again and Mika’s mother plants a kiss on the girl’s forehead. They exchange “I love you’s” and “goodbyes” before parting ways. Kaitlyn's family approach Mika.

Kaitlyn: Soo, whatchu got there, Mika?

Mika: Oh, it’s a Pokémon egg.

Jake: I think Mikadzuki’s got a Togepi egg there.

(Note: Jake calls Mika, “Mikadzuki” because it is the Japanese word for “Crescent Moon”. Mika wears a crescent moon choker and she has a strand of hair that’s shaped like a crescent moon.)

Taylor: Oh, so you’re planning on using a Togepi evolution line for the Grand Festival.

Mika: Mhm!

Kaitlyn: That’s awesome!

After the four share smiles, they reunite with the others and listen to the rules of the River Race event.

Quinn: Now, the rules of the race are simple; reach the finish line first before your opponents do. The finish line is located at the riverside of Mansingh Town.

Taari: Oh! That’s where our next gym battle is!

Reginald: Then I guess we should participate in this race. Not only is it fun, but it’s also a way for us to reach my mother’s town fast.

Kaitlyn: Yep!

Meg continues the explanation of the rules.

Meg: However, you must NOT knock your opponent out of their surfboards. Only the obstacles are allowed to do that. Speaking of which, the race’s obstacles include, rock formations, small and harmless whirpools, and Carvanhas that only get hostile if you get too close.

Taari: Welp... shi--

Reginald: Language.

Quinn: The first three to reach the finish line will each receive a Pokémon egg.

Kaitlyn: Sweet!

Quinn: First place winner gets a Dratini Egg. Second place winner gets a Chikorita Egg. And Third place winner gets a Tynamo Egg.

Meg: Alright, racers. Please decide on which Pokémon to use and sign up on that booth over there.

Those who are interested in joining the race make their way to the sign up booth. Taari, Reginald, Kaitlyn and Mika do the same. Vishakha, Elesis and Meg are at the stage, exchanging hugs.

Meg: Miss ya, Sistas!

Elesis: Miss ya too!

Vishakha: Yeet!

Recommended Music: Legends of the Past

Meanwhile, Taylor and the other adults gather around to discuss something important.

Taylor: So, Blight... Jake says that you’ve been helping him find my brother, Tyler?

Blight: That’s right. According to my scans so far, he’s been last seen up in the mountains, near Prisma City.

Jake: That’s where Michelle lives.

Quinn: What do you think has he been doing these past months?

Blight: I don’t know but based on his the places he’s been going to... I think he’s...

Taylor: He’s what?

Blight: ...Looking for Vaanu’s other fragments, Palkia and Dialga.

There is a sudden silence between the group. Quinn clutches her chest after hearing what her husband has been doing ever since she lost him.

Quinn: ....Tyler....

Jake: So, Boy Scout’s been looking for answers to the questions we’ve been asking since he and Princess got back her five years ago?

Blight: I guess so...

Taylor scoffs.

Taylor: Well, that still doesn’t excuse him from leaving us! He should’ve told us about his plan. We could’ve covered more ground together! Instead, he did it alone because he’s so hung up on the loss of--

Taylor notices Quinn starting to break into tears.

Taylor: Oh no, Quinn. I’m sorry. I... didn’t mean to...

Taylor gives Quinn a gentle hug while Blight looks at Jake.

Blight: Loss?

Jake: Yup...

Jake clears his throat.

Jake: You see, Goggles... seven and a half months ago... Tyler and Quinn lost their son, Brandon Kelly.

A weight is pulled in Blight’s heart as he hears the sad news. He is also struck by the idea that he might lose his niece, his daughter-figure, Vishakha. He quickly turns to Quinn.

Blight: Quinn, I... I’m sorry...

Quinn shakes her head and wipes her tears.

Quinn: It’s... okay, guys... Just...

She looks at Blight.

Quinn: Promise me that you’ll find him...

Blight gives a reluctant look before nodding.

Blight: I will. I promise.

Jake shared the same expression Blight has. 

Recommended Music: Mantine Surf (Pokémon)

Soon after, the tension is cut by the kids and the Aryndelle sisters approaching the adults.

Meg: Yo! Everything’s all set and everyone is signed up.

Jake gets between the adults and the kids to hide Quinn’s sadness.

Jake: Nice! Now, let’s get this show on the road, Megatron!

Meg: “Megatron”?

Jake: What?! It’s the best I can come up with your name!

Meg and the kids chuckle while Jake groans and leads them to the Grand La Huerta River. Blight and Taylor lead a slowly recovering Quinn to the stage as they watch the racers get ready. Taari, Reginald, Kaitlyn, Mika and the other racers change into their swimwear and call out their ride partners.

Kaitlyn: I’m counting on you, Empoleon!

Reginald: Come out, Croconaw!

Taari: Let’s go, Wartortle!

Mika: I choose you, Blastoise!

The three kids look at Mika’s Blastoise.

Mika: ....What?

Taari: Cool! Your Wartortle evolved! I can’t wait for mine to evolve too!

Reginald: I guess the girls have the evolutionary advantage here.

Kaitlyn: Yeet!

Jake stands on the stage and announces the beginning of the race.

Jake: Alright, racers. Get ready!!

The racers properly leash their Pokémon and mount their surfboards.

Jake: On your mark!... Get set!...

The kids squint their eyes while their Pokémon prepare themselves.

Jake: SURF’S UP!!

All the racers’s Pokémon dash past the starting line as they surf on the river. At the start of the race, Mika and Kaitlyn are competing in first place, while Taari and Reginald are right behind them.

Kaitlyn: Heh! Just like contest, eh?

Mika: You know it!

Taari: We need to catch up, Reggie!

Reginald: Agreed!

Taari and Reginald grin as they give their commands to their partners.

Taari: Use Aqua Jet!

Reginald: Use Aqua Jet!

Wartortle hides inside his shell and fires jets of water behind him from out of his shell holes to give Taari a boost. Croconaw surround himself with water as he does the same for Reginald. The two then pass Kaitlyn and Mika, accidentally splashing them with water.

Kailtyn: Hey!

Mika: Rude!

The boys snicker and high five. 

Kaitlyn: Empoleon, use Bubble Beam!

Mika: Use Water Gun, Blastoise!

Empoleon fires a barrage bullet-like bubbles towards Taari while Blastoise fires a stream of water towards Reginald. The boys end up getting splashed with water but they remain on their boards.

Taari: Hey! No hitting the racers!

Reginald: Yeah! That’s against the rules!

Kaitlyn: It said that there’s no KNOCKING OUT!

Mika: Yeah! You started it!

The kids’ aggressive playstyle backfires as surrounding Carvanhas are agitated by their actions. The Savage Pokémon jump up from the river and ambush their agitators.

Taari: AAAHH!!

Kaitlyn: AAAHH!!

Reginald: AAAHH!!

Mika: AAAHH!!

The other slow-and-steady racers pass the kids.

Kaitlyn: Damn it! We gotta take back our lead.

Taari: Yeah!

Reginald: Truce for now?!

Mika: Yep!

The four compose themselves and work together to catch up to the other racers. Meanwhile, on the stage, Blight, Vishakha and Elesis say their goodbyes to the others.

Elesis: Right, we should probably head to Prisma City to prepare the Masquerade Ball.

Vishakha: Yep. Take care, Sis!

Meg: You too, Sista!

Blight looks at Jake, Taylor and Quinn.

Blight: You take care too, you guys.

Jake: No prob, Goggles.

They all exchange hugs before parting ways. Jake, Taylor, Quinn and Meg focus on the river race while Blight, Vishakha and Elesis make their way to Prisma City. 

Recommended Music: Brink

A few minutes pass and Blight looks up and sees a familiar object.

Blight: Hey, isn’t that..?

His two nieces follow his gaze.

Vishakha: The orange and blue comet!

Elesis: What is that supposed to be anyway?

Blight: I dunno, but... I think this is the first time it’s passing by Earth since it’s never been seen before until now.

The three shrug off the comet and continue on their way. Meanwhile back at the river race, a loud boom is suddenly heard.

Jake: What was that?!

Two large figures pass by the stage. Jake and the others recognize them.

Taylor: Is that...?!

Jake: No way!

Quinn: It’s.... Tyler!

Meg: And Palkia?!

The three spot Tyler flying over the river, on his Charizard, while chasing Palkia.

Tyler and Palkia eventually fly over the racers. The kids notice them.

Taari: Woah! Is that...?!

Kaitlyn: Uncle Tyler?!

Reginald: And the legendary Palkia?!

Mika: What’s going on?!

Due to Palkia’s presence and it being cornered by Tyler, spacial disturbances start to appear around the area.

Recommended Music: Fight or Flight (It Lives)

Dangerous waves start to form on the river and the whirlpools start to get bigger.

Racer 1: Oh no!

Racer 2: Everyone get clear!

But it’s not yet over. Dark purple eyes start to gleam from beneath the river.

Reginald: The Carvanhas! Don’t tell me...

Taari: They’re being corrupted!

Kaitlyn: Hell no! I don’t want this to end up like It Lives Beneath!

Mika: Too late for that!

Taylor, Jake, Quinn and Meg take notice of the situation.

Quinn: The racers! 

Meg: They’re in danger!

Jake: We gotta go help them.

Taylor: Come on!

The four rush towards the endangered racers. Meanwhile, Tyler is still chasing Palkia.

Tyler: Charizard, use Fire Blast!

Charizard attempts to breathe a  大-shaped flame towards Palkia. But before he could do it, another Fire Blast is fired towards them. Tyler and Charizard notices this and avoid it just in time.

Tyler: What the?!

Suddenly, two silhouettes leap from the forest. It’s revealed to be the Flame Vigilante and his Mega Blaziken.

Flame Vigilante: I found you, Tyler! YOU BASTARD!!

Tyler: Tch! You again!

Palkia turns to the two trainers with its eyes gleaming. It’s prepared to fight this time. Tyler and the Flame Vigilante prepare for a three-way battle.

The River Race was going great but suddenly the once-missing Tyler appears, along with Palkia. Then he clashes against it and the Flame Vigilante. But the racers are also in danger! What will be the outcome of the battle and the race? FIND OUT IN THE NEXT CHAPTER OF POKÉMON AUTUMN VERSION: RISE FROM FALL!

[celestialcirce]

Hacked items receiving trouble and fixes

So, I guess you CAN have a bit of trouble with hacked acnl items even if you're just receiving them. A small story + guide to an error that I haven’t seen much of online.

This is not to scare you, but to help you in case it happens to you too. My game is back to working fine and my save is okay as well. So, no worries, you should be fine too. Here is what happened, the solution that worked, and a few of the other solutions that have been suggested to me because they might work as well!

Does this screen (lovingly surnamed “Black Screen of Death”) suddenly appear on your 3DS after launching New Leaf and keep you from loading your game, and only this game? I may have a few possible fixes for you! Click Read More and prepare yourself for a long one!

(image via technobuffalo.com) 

MY SPECIFICS

I'm using an old EU 3DS XL, and a digital copy of ACNL. I'm on the latest firmware available (as of Jan 2018) and the 1.5 welcome amiibo update was properly installed about a year ago. I do not 'hack' this game and have never used homebrew on this (or any) 3DS.

WHAT HAPPENED

I picked up items I've requested from a helper via wifi. The items weren't anything special (amiibo furniture & clothes and a couple crowns) and the town I picked them up from was hacked, but I was in there for a maximum of two minutes and only saw the train station’s plaza and a few bushes (which weren't where they're supposed to, but I've seen way worse in dream towns without any problems).

When I got back to my town, everything was working as usual, but it seems that's where it started to go wrong in the system (I'll explain later why). I did a bunch of stuff, loaded another character, etc. I was able to save and quit, then I turned off my console the proper way and went about my day.

When I came back to my game about an hour later, I encountered an error. It happened as follows: I powered on the 3DS, the home menu loaded, and I pressed A to launch the game. After that the N3DS animation came up on the top screen as usual, but cut the end just a bit to show a black screen. The top screen was completely black while the bottom screen read in a white font on black background (in french for me obv, but I found pictures of the same error on US consoles): 

“an error has occurred. Hold down the POWER button to turn off the power, then turn it on and try again. 

If the problem persists, please contact your local customer support centre. For contact details, check the operations manuals or visit support.nintendo.com”. 

(I put the picture of this error message at the top so you can see it before having to read this Narnia-sized novel)

I obeyed the screen and did the hard reset, and tried again. Once. Twice. Seven times. Still, the screen was popping up. I tried launching another game to try and determine who’s at fault here, and did not encounter any error, so New Leaf clearly didn’t want to cooperate.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

Before even requesting these hacked items, I had done a lot of research to make sure nothing bad could happen. While finding absolutely nothing was reassuring then, it now meant that I was on my own to fix this.

I started looking online for the specific error without hacking conditions and the possible fixes. After a while of googling, I came across a pretty old Nintendo fans message board in which someone asks how to fix the same error I encountered, only theirs happened a few days after updating their game to welcome amiibo. A moderator answered that the update can mess up if it detects items you’re not supposed to have through regular gameplay (implying that the OP hacked in items and didn’t specify it), and suggested to repair the update from the eShop. (turns out the mod was 12 and smarter than me so well done)

THE SOLUTION

So let’s repair our update! Since my console is in French and yours probably isn’t, I’m not going to pain you with my guessed translation of every option. Here are the steps from the Nintendo Website. 

1.On the HOME menu, select the Nintendo eShop icon.

2.Once the Nintendo eShop loads, select the "Menu" icon from the top-left of the touch screen, and then scroll down through the list and select "Settings / Other."

3.Under the "History" section, select "Redownloadable Software”.

4."Select "Your Downloads", located in the bottom right corner.

5. Scroll through the list of titles to find the software you'd like to check for repair, and then click "Software Info". (NB: Here you’re trying to find the update. Usually the game and the update are just above each other, you can tell them apart by their name and size)

6. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and tap "Repair Software," and then tap "OK". This process will check the download data for errors. The time it takes to check for errors will vary depending on the size of the software being checked. (about 10 minutes for me)

7. You will receive a prompt stating the software check was complete. Tap "OK", followed by "Download" to initiate the repair process. The repair process will download the software again without overwriting the software's save data. (NB: The message on your console at this point might also warn you that it could still erase your save data, mine did) Download time will vary depending on the software being repaired. (Big 30 min for me)

8. When finished, click "Continue" to return to the software info page.

So I did the ritual, said the magic words, called upon the gods. Let’s see if it worked. (If you tried this and it didn’t solve your problem, there are a few other possible fixes a bit lower. Look for the next bold title)

I load the home menu, start the game. The N3DS logo appears as I'm holding my breath. Finally, the logo disappears and leaves room to the beautiful train loading animation! Yaaay! We've done it. I can see Freya leaving her house as the Animal Crossing logo is appearing, hiding her face. My save is there, too! Let's see if everything’s in place.

Now, here's the weird part. It seems the game stopped working, or at least saving properly, long before I was actually made aware of it. Everything I did after the automatic save at the end of the wifi session to pick up my items seems to have vanished.

After that I tested a bunch of stuff to make sure everything was back to normal. The hacked items are there and working fine. I put the furniture in my house, wore the outfits, sent some of them in the mail to my other character. I saved and quit a bunch of times, every time turning off the console in between. Everything seems to be back in order and working as it did before.

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

We all know many things can cause the same problem and as such, the same problem may require different fixes. Here is what I have been suggested:

Sometimes it’s just a random thing and it never happens again. Obey the screen and restart your 3DS, it might just be this once.

Make sure you are using the latest firmware available. I know, it’s a pain to update, but it could very well solve all your problems. Update your firmware if needed.

You can also try and change your console system’s date back to the last time it worked without any issue. So if yesterday you played and everything was fine, change your 3DS’ date to yesterday. I have no clue why this works, but it was suggested to me and upon research it turns out it can solve a bunch of problems.

Check if your SD card is working properly. Turn off the 3DS and take the SD card out, inspect it (gently), maybe use the good ol’ Blow on it™ method. Put it back in the console and try launching your game again.

IN THE END

In conclusion, the lesson I have learned here is that it might be better to get a digital copy over a physical one if you can (although in New Leaf's case the update would still be on the SD card if your cartridge is from a time before welcome amiibo, so you could repair it as well).

But then again, maybe the SD card was at fault in this case and it could have been avoided by using a cartridge. Sooo... I guess there’s no lesson to learn in the end. Sorry kids. I hope I may have helped you with this!

[trickormemes]

Elijah & Christine sentence starters

195 starters feel free to change gender pronouns content warning: alcohol mention, cussing, drug mention, sexual themes, violence

"I'll fucking kill you, you hear me?! I'll fucking kill you!"

"I just woke up and realized that I got fucking bit by a brown fucking recluse spider, which is my literal biggest fear."

"I actually feel like I'm on the set of Glee right now."

"You're gonna get bullied. Or do the bullying, I don't know..."

"Someone's gonna jerk off to this."

"No, we have to go. No. Come on."

"I don't have a tongue."

"Yeah, I'm pretty gay."

"What if someone's window was down at a stop sign and I screamed at the top of my lungs "Help! Help me, they're trying to kill me!"? What would they do? How would they react?"

"I got my test results back! I'm gay!"

"I peed my pants at the movie theater when we saw the last Lord of the Rings movie because I drank an extra large Mr. Pibb, and it was like a four hour movie, and I didn't wanna miss it so I just peed my pants and I was literally, like... I was like ten years old."

"This should not be on the internet."

"That is a furry butt plug."

"Do you know where vaginas are?"

"Just eat the lube."

"We're not making a fucking sex tape."

"He just called me ugly."

"You are gonna have the cock of a life time."

"I went to the bathroom because I had to poop, but I was pooping so hard I started sweating and I had to get my makeup redone."

"I broke it."

"What is that on your shirt?"

"I feel like Hannah Montana in the beginning of the Hannah Montana Movie where she has to drive the golf cart into the backstage of the stadium to get to hair and makeup on time."

"Finger me with those!"

"_____! Wake the fuck up, you're at a party!"

"Honey, I'm going to fucking Willy Wonka's goddamn chocolate factory!"

"See, bitch? What the fuck I tell you? Willy goddamn Wonka."

"Tell me why it's five o'clock in the morning and you have a fucking tomato on your bed."

"Why do you have hot dogs in your fucking backpack?"

"Look at that little mannequin. Why is he standing like that?"

"I got this pretty sick disappearing act. You wanna see it?"

"What's your social security number?"

"That's not an air horn, that's hair spray."

"Listen, I was told to be a YouTuber all I needed was some fucking Orbeez and a hot knife."

"I post new videos every day because I have no goddamn life."

"You're fucking cleaning these up!"

"I'm gonna throw up my slushie."

"I always knew since the day I was born I was meant to be a goblin."

"A small child just kicked my leg. Not even joking."

"You look like you might get kicked out of a Christian Halloween party."

"I like my women like I like my forks. In my mouth."

"You lost already."

"You walked a whole block and didn't fall over. Good job."

"Eat the booty like groceries."

"You need to go because you don't fucking live here."

"I hope you both fucking fall."

"I'M LEAKIIIINNGG!!!"

"You look like you're fucking dying."

"I got your beef and broccoli right here, baby."

"I feel like I'm in clay-mation. I feel my whole life is in stop-motion. I'm Coraline."

"Yeah, and by 'yeah' I mean 'fuck no.'"

"Get your witch fingers off me."

"You look like Kesha in 2009."

"Nobody here fucking knows you."

"I know in my heart that it isn't true, but it still hurts my feelings."

"_____ just got a Nintendo Switch, uh, so she just... hasn't said a word for the past 48 hours."

"This is some complicated Lego action. There's two fucking booklets."

"Would you fuck like a real—like a life-size Lego person?"

"I would fuck Lego Chris Pratt. I would fuck human Chris Pratt. I would fuck Chris Pratt's horse. I said horse, I meant corpse."

"Not everything is gay fanfiction, _____."

"It's spicy. It got in my eye."

"Oh my god, it's a Valentine's Day card from my grandpa... And he gave me ten dollars!"

"Get up. We're going out to dinner."

"_____, you are the most disgusting person I know, and I just wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?"

*rapping* "Rain drop, drop top, he just proposed with a Ring Pop."

"Okay, can you not be... so cute?"

"Why are you smoking weed on the fucking toilet?"

"Bitch, you know this isn't your house, right?"

"I wanna bake fucking weed brownies in an EZ Bake oven, so we're going into Walmart to get an EZ Bake oven."

"A solid substance is definitely not a good substitute for liquid."

"I don't know how to park this fucking car."

"How do you smell like Home Town Pride? What would my— My hometown would smell like stale beer and, like, Cheetos."

"Look, they make personalized candles. Smells like divorce."

"Even I don't know why I did that."

"_____, I'm literally gonna shit myself."

"I know you can't drink anymore. You've had too many shots."

"Oh, I fucking hate you! You bitch! Fuck you!"

"This is so easy. Why do you complain about it? It's not a hard job."

"God is a woman."

"Which side are you trying to fucking get on? Which one?"

"Why the fuck would we smoke weed out of a watermelon?"

"I just made a fucking Pringle bong, bitch."

"I feel like I'm being probed by aliens."

"Do whatever you want to me."

"Make it ten dollars next time, bitch."

"I am shooketh."

"I licked it. I got a little taste."

"It's a fucking cake. Stop calling it brownies."

"Honey, my life's Hell on Earth."

"It's not that fucking deep, it's a video game."

"Why the fuck do you look like a Miami coke-dealer dad right now?"

"Man, I feel like I'm in, like, Sex and the City right now. Like an episode of Girls right now. Like I'm in an episode of, like, Broad City."

"I'm giving _____ 'fuck me' eyes."

"Don't change the song, you're not the fucking DJ. What are you putting on?"

"Why do you know the whole dance?"

"If I croak, you can have my eye balls."

"I'm drunk as shit."

"It's been two hours of this shit. Can you guys just fucking stop?"

"We said we weren't gonna drink tonight, and now we're drunk on these stairs."

"YOU'RE FUCKING TOASTING PIZZA?!"

"You get points on the creativity, but you fucking lost on the execution, BITCH!"

"Get in the fucking car."

"_____, we've been driving for six fucking hours. Where are we going?"

"Quit being such a little bitch."

"I'm filming this. This is a horrible film."

"My drag name is Goblin Breath."

"I bit my swimming instructor in the face."

"Why would I have to be drunk to do that?"

"I feel like three-years-old is a little too old to be biting people in the face."

"That is the most 'you' sentence I have ever heard come out of your mouth."

"COME ON, DRINK UP, BITCH!"

"You're ten shots in already? This is gonna be a fucking disaster."

"I full-on peed my pants."

"_____, the smile you got when you thought you answered that right was pretty amazing."

"How my ass taste, bitch?"

"_____, I don't think you can put a dildo on top of Christmas tree. It's really weird."

"Okay, I'm not sure if it's historically accurate, but I'm pretty sure Jesus would puke too."

"If you fuck this up, I will JFK you."

"Why am I fucking trusting you to do this?"

"I'm still drunk, but today's another day, you know?"

"Can you hold it together for two fucking minutes?"

"I can't hold it together for three fucking seconds."

"Sorry you're low-key ugly."

"Hey, baby girl, you high as fuck."

"Someone's gonna Photoshop a dick in your mouth. And now I just solidified that by saying it."

"This looks like the beginning of a CSI episode where, like, a crazy cat lady gets murdered."

"Didn't I tell you you're not allowed to talk on our vlogs unless your shirt's off?"

"I'll fuck your belly button."

"Why are you still here? You have your own house."

"Honestly, these little dick candies aren't that fucking bad."

"My mom is disappointed in me."

"I got a gingerbread house."

"Aggressive, max. size twelve-inch—sounds good!"

"Your math probably isn't off, but like, your morals are."

"Oh look, another sad kid in a black hoodie."

"I built a little ball pit to smoke weed in."

"I'm the Rachel Ray of alien egg-laying dildos."

"Are you using a marker to stir it? There's literally spoons over there."

"Let's keep it PG, please."

"If you spit in my mouth I will murder your family. I will murder your entire family. I will gut you and feed you to the birds."

"Okay, the three things I hate: heights, small spaces, and you."

"Why are you the adult Honey Boo Boo child?"

"Do I need this? No. Do I want it? ...Also no."

"You better stop it, you're gonna give me a little chub."

"This is why people think we're dating all the time."

"This is supposed to be bottomless mimosas. I can clearly... I can cleary see the bottom."

"If I don't get married in the next five minutes I will riot."

"This is the most action I've gotten in years."

"Already spilled... literally ten seconds into my meal. Awesome."

"I don't even know what I said. I don't know what I'm saying right now."

"That ruined my life."

"The taste is good, the texture is like eating your grandpa's ballsack."

"The world would be a better place if everybody just pissed their pants."

"I'm not even gonna try because I know the answer's no."

"I mean, I'm seeing it right now and I'm underwhelmed."

"You're a walking fucking disaster."

"Take a bite. Get ready to have your world rocked."

"I HOPE YOU BREAK UP!"

"You look like a fucking glazed donut, honey."

"Ew, ew, oh my god, there's children, ew!" *gags*

"Not the first time I've ruined a party because I was naked and screaming."

"That used to be a [insert restaurant name] and I almost fought a girl in the parking lot once. But she didn't show up."

"Oh my god, that's dark. Why did you laugh?"

"This show's not for free, honey."

"Why is your brain full of so much useless information?"

"Why did you just call Mr. Krabs by his first name?"

"It tastes like a Starbust for your dick."

"No one wants to fuck you. Sorry."

“Like the most basic law of human nature. Everyone knows that... bagels are straight.”

“Recreate the Friends intro right now.”

“GO! YES! BITCH! GET IT!”

“I got this soda from a gas station-truck stop, and apparently it’s soda that makes you horny.”

“I need two pasties for one nipple because my nipples are so big. Like, this big. They’re, like, not pepperonis, they’re like salamis.”

“I’m, like, livid. I cannot believe you don’t have a phone case right now. What is wrong with you?”

“The horny soda! I’m horny now!”

“I feel like I’m in a romantic comedy.”

“We’re gonna fucking die out here. It’s like The Hills Have Eyes.”

“We’re stranded in the desert... Well, at least we’re together.”

“At least friendship doesn’t overheat.”

“My conditioner opened in my backpack and now it looks like there’s cum on all my clothes.”

“Trying to get laid is so fucking annoying.”

“See, if you get an Audi and you drive it off the lot, it depreciates immediately. Chanel doesn’t depreciate. I can sell this in ten years.”

“I’m having a quarter-life crisis.”

“Why am I out of breath?”

“How do you fit two penises in one hole?”

“You were just crawling naked on the ground. Why would you do that?”

“It’s 7:30 in the fucking morning. Go back to sleep.”

“Does it hurt for water to become ice? You’re changing your molecular composition. Like... you’re probably gonna experience some discomfort.”

“Are you gonna cry now? What is going on?”

“I have not looked this shitty in so long.”

“I feel like I got hit by a fucking bus.”

“Run ‘em over.”

“Why are there ghosts in my fucking apartment?”

“If I wanna sit on the grass and feel the uneasy presence of ghosts, I would just go to my grandma’s house.”

“I’m like a surprisingly good cook for somebody whose method of cooking is just putting everything in a pan and hoping for the best, but it works out, like, nine out of ten times.”

“I flake on people, I’m sorry. I’m also a bad texter.”

[tokupedia]

Kamen Rider 45th Anniversary File: OOO

2011:

Kamen Rider turns 40 and reaches its 1,000th episode! 

Hiroshi Fujioka, Takeshi Sasaki and Hiroshi Miyauchi return to voice Kamen Riders 1, 2 and V3 in Let’s Go Kamen Riders, a 40th anniversary film.

Gokaiger Goseiger Super Sentai 199 Hero Great Battle sees the Goseigers try to take back their powers from the Gokaigers and later try to defeat a revived old foe of the Super Sentai: the Black Cross King from Gorenger! We also get a bit more on the events of the Legend War at the start of the film.

Tensou Sentai Goseiger vs. Shinkenger: Epic on Ginmaku has the Goseigers team up with the Shinkengers and the Gokaigers get in on the fun in one showy scene. (Which is made canon to the Gokaiger TV show later in a brilliant way.)

Kamen Rider × Kamen Rider Fourze & OOO: Movie War Mega Max puts Koichi Sakamoto back in the director’s chair for a Kamen Rider movie.

All Kamen Rider: Rider Generation starts the All Kamen Rider series of handheld Nintendo arcade beat em’up games.

See Fourze for the rest.

Kamen Rider OOO! Three Events happened in the tenure of the show!

First: Naomi Takabe became head producer and Yasuko Kobayashi became head writer for the season!

Second: Preparations were being made for the 40th anniversary of Kamen Rider.

Third: Bandai made record-breaking toy sales on Kamen Rider this year!

(I just noticed this...this commercial is the only time they got the whole Black/Black RX thing right as Black isn’t there and RX is.)

(April 3, 2017: Kamen Rider is now 46 years old!)

OOO was the proud first representative of a celebration of the legacy of a group of superheroes who had endured for 40 years.

OOO first appeared on the scene in Double’s Summer Movie: A to Z/The Gaia Memories of Fate. 

Double was trying to get to Kamen Rider Eternal to stop his plans, but the Luna Dopant interfered. While on a rooftop, a clumsy man wearing a belt had dropped an odd looking red coin and went chasing it onto the battlefield. Double gives it back to him and tells him to run, but the young man refuses and offers to help. 

He then puts the red coin in the belt and slides two more coins into it and uses a scanner to activate the belt and coins. Much to Double’s surprise, the man he just helped was a Kamen Rider!

He introduces himself as Kamen Rider OOO and tells Double he will handle the Luna Dopant and more or less to go stop Eternal. Double thanks him as he leaves, but OOO says no thanks are needed as Riders should help each other out. He then destroys the Luna Dopant with his sword.

Kamen Rider OOO is another Fan Favorite, as it has many elements that gel together well. Great characters, a good theme in how desires can motivate us as a species for good or ill and great music as Avex chose to mix ska with a variety of music styles such as big brass horn instrumentals, rock and the vocals of a tokusatsu anison legend.....

AH! Kussy-San! Akira Kushida of Super Sentai and Metal Heroes fame, who previously sang the opening theme to ZX; Dragon Road. He also voiced the belt and weapons! TAKA! TORA! BATTA! TaToBa! TaToBa ~TaToBa!

This series is where the belts started to vocally sing their activation. Which was a divisive decision at the time among fans, some thought it removed dramatic tension while others started making files to make those earworm tunes their ringtones or put them on their music players. 

Since Toei was a client of digital and telecommunications company Softbank, they insisted they plug thier phones and showcase their latest partnership: Softbank had teamed up with Apple to sell iPhones and iPads in Japan as a carrier. Thus Ankh or someone in the supporting cast is sometimes seen carrying or using an Apple product. (ex. Miss Satonaka relaying video communications from her boss on not-Skype via an iPad.) 

The Rider himself utilizes form changing to a whole new level of insane as OOO has over 129 possible forms he can attain in terms of medal combinations! This plus the two forms of the second Rider in the series make the series the record holder for most form changes, a record previously held by Kuuga!

The concept of OOO was the chimera fusing of animal powers (real or fictitious) into a mix of three powers or a certain set would be all one color and have extra powers to go with the matching set. This is where the “Belt number gimmick” would be recognized as fans noticed Decade had one card, Double had two slots for Memories and OOO had three slots for medals. 

This was intentional for a bit by Toei, but they dropped the gimmick after Fourze and went back to a Rider who used one trinket device at a time, but could multitask by having the belt, gadgets or weapons quickly read the other trinkets for combination attacks. Mostly because Fourze went a bit overkill and having a belt with 5 toy insertion slots would be absurd and extremely bulky. There, the number gimmick existed but does not anymore, PLEASE STOP WITH THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES.

Bandai wanted to go all out with the medal gimmick by showcasing as many animals as possible, but sadly they had a budget to keep (which was reminiscent of Gaoranger as it shared the same problem of great ambition but lack of a big enough budget to make all the animal toy concepts they designed real to fulfill it). Among the medals not used were:

An arctic set with a walrus, a penguin and a polar bear

A bovine set with a bull, deer and a gazelle

A bee medal (My God!)

A centipede Medal

A hermit crab Medal

But this hasn’t stopped fans from utilizing almost the entire animal kingdom in fanart to create new forms! There were also medals only seen in the Expanded Universe based on the evil organizations of the Showa Era, as the SIC story was sequel of sorts to Let’s Go Kamen Rider. 

There was also an in canon novel that explains the origins of the show’s monsters, Date getting bored and writing a silly short story and last how Eiji is doing after Mega Max and how he became the tragic but loveable traveling rainbow underwear hobo we all know. In an epilogue, he uses his powers as OOO to help Africa. 

In Kamen Rider Decade: World of OOO, Tsukasa meets an alternate Eiji Hino who can utilize the powers of Kamen Riders Habataki, Tiger and 1 with his Legend Core Medals.

The 45th Anniversary may be over, but let’s meet our tomorrows with a fresh pair of underpants and one last file!

Let’s count the medals one, two and three! Life goes on! Anything Goes! Comin’ up OOO!

The first OOO

A painting of the King.

In 1211 A.D., there was a corrupt and powerful king in Germany who desired to rule the world by becoming a god. He commissioned his Alchemists to create powerful mystic medallions called Core Medals that imbued the natural and mystical abilities of animals of the world into a human. His alchemists created the OOO Driver, a belt that could utilize any of the three medals to make their King an invincible warrior who had a power that was Over Infinity, also known as OOO (a lemniscate with a third loop on it).

This experiment resulted in the Greeed, beings born from a desire to be completed as their sets of medals were taken away for the King to use. To ensure his own desires would go unchallenged, the King killed his Alchemists. He went on a reign of terror around Europe using OOO’s various powers and conquered most of the land. To ensure the Greeed would not defy him after they rebelled to try and stop him, he tried to absorb their power in an effort to attain godhood. But it backfired as the power overwhelmed him, turning his body into a stone coffin and his Driver into a seal for the Greeed and the medals. 

Despite being dead, his soul tried one more time to gain god-like power by sealing and absorbing the power of multiple OOOs from parallel times and universes..only to be bested and destroyed by the Prime OOO from the main universe and the 7 OOOs of the alternate realities. 

(Mr. Hino circa 2012)

The Second OOO

Real Name: Eiji Hino

Eiji Hino was the son of a politician who traveled around the world with him along with his grandfather. During his time in Africa on the political trail, he befriended a young girl and tries to use his family’s money to help her village and she taught him about her home and a little about world culture. However, during a bloody civil war conflict that erupted, the little girl died in an explosion and Eiji could do nothing to save her. He was taken captive by the hostiles until his family paid ransom. This combined with the little girl’s violent death right in front of him left Eiji broken and suffering from PTSD. His father on the other hand saw it as a means to get more votes, caring little about what went on. 

Eiji left his family and their ties to him and traveled the world, taking odd jobs and raising enough money to move onto the next town or country. All the while, Eiji selflessly tries to help others in need as he had lost all impulse for selfish desires. 

During a return home to Japan to seemingly fund more of his travels, he took a job as an art museum security guard for the Kougami Foundation. Eiji is drugged by robbers posing as guards and they find the coffin of the King. A mass of coins near the coffin forms into a hand and undoes the seal, waking up the Greeed and they wreck the museum and go on a rampage. (A nice anniversary hat tip to Kuuga minus the bloody mess)

Eiji wakes up and finds a red coin on the floor, thinking its his pay for the day. After a chain of events and Eiji being terrorized by a floating hand, one of the Greeeds then creates a monster to find a Greeed named “Ankh” and the monster attacks and kills a police officer with Eiji witnessing it. Realizing that “the others” are after him, Ankh (the hand that opened the coffin) gives the stone seal to Eiji and it turns into a belt. Ankh then gives him medals and Eiji becomes Kamen Rider OOO! 

After the fight ends, Ankh possesses the police officer’s body and after an encounter with the officer’s sister named Hina and a bit of tension, the duo decide to work together, with Ankh the reluctant party, to try to achieve their own goals. While Eiji still has no desire of his own, he uses this opportunity to help others using his new powers at the risk of his own life.

They are later supported by the Kougami Foundation’s eccentric cake loving chairman Kousei Kogami and Eiji and Hina get jobs at the Cous Coussier, a cosplay restaurant run by Chiyoko (It is revealed later to seemingly be located where the Snack Amigo once stood, Kamen Rider 1′s original hangout).

Eiji, Ankh, Hina, the Kougami Foundation and later a second Kamen Rider work to fight the Greeed while protecting the desires of humans from becoming twisted by the evil minions of the Greeed!

Powers:

Being a world traveler, Eiji has picked up a lot of things during his journey such as understanding various languages and culture as well as various skills such as how to spot a pick pocket. Later after the series, he seems to have had training in various styles of combat as his ability to fight gets a serious upgrade.

As OOO:

Super Strength of varying degrees, agility, speed and senses. Flight, energy blast projectiles, Rocket Punch (Gorilla), Elemental powers, healing Factor (BurKaWani only), time stopping (Super TaToBa), cloning (GataKiriBa)....way too many to list! (See O Medals and Eiji’s wiki profile)

OOO main power though can be summed up in a phrase: a one man army and an army of one. 

OOO is capable of using his various animal powers in different combinations to maximize his near limitless combat potential . OOO also has GataKiriBa’s Cloning ability which allows him to use all his Medals at once in different combos as an army of Kamen Rider OOO to destroy anything in his path. The medals, when placed in a set of three of the same color, give OOO extra powers and in some cases new weapons.

Gear:

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/OOO_Driver

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/O_Medals - O Medals are divided into two classes: Cell which are expendable in use and Core, which give OOO his powers.

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/O_Scanner

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Ridevendor - Unlike other Rider Machines, the Ridevendor is a mass production vehicle, so if OOO trashes one, he can get a replacement somewhere in Tokyo disguised as a vending machine.

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Medajalibur

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Candroids

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/O_Medal_Holder

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Taja_Spinner - Time Judged ALL!

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Medagabryu - POWER TO TEARER!

Weaknesses:

Eiji at the start was not the best fighter, often relying on his powers and weapons to do the work for him. But he steadily improved, so this isn't a big deal.

The Medals give different parts to OOO’s armor, each section of the body seems to operate on some kind of “hit points” system. Taking too much damage to one section will cause that part of the armor’s color to “flicker” indicating weakening power fluctuations caused by heavy damage. Any further damage to that area will result in the medal ejecting and the risk of either losing that medal or having it stolen for keeps by enemies. (In other fandom words...Function ceased! The winner is... the Greeed! )  Heavy damage on all sides will knock Eiji out of transformation.

Eiji is vulnerable to mind altering effects, as seen when a woman’s desire to become beautiful comes true thanks to the Greeed. That makes Eiji fall madly in love and briefly talk about a “Love Combo”. He was also brainwashed by Shocker in an alternate timeline, but we don’t talk about that, it is a safe place here. 

Combos, the forms that utilize a matching color and animal set, cause tremendous strain to Eiji’s body. In some cases, using them leaves him exhausted and in the case of GataKiriBa, it was hard for the split hive consciousness among his clones to will themselves back into a single Eiji. However, Eiji is improving as he is able to handle the strain of using multiple combos in rapid succession.

The PuToTyra combo was a danger unto itself, as it fed on Eiji’s lack of desires to slowly turn him into a Greeed (though he managed to be cured of it at the end). The purple Combo also regressed his mind to a savage state when first used, as he attacked his friends and foes. Considering he had to deal not only with the strain of using the combo but also trying to keep his mental state stable, this combo was more trouble than it was worth.

However, a new set of Purple Cores were seemingly made post-series that have no visible negative side effects.

Eiji’s PTSD and impulsiveness to help others is also somewhat of a weakness, as he will put himself in harm’s way just to help someone and does not seem to care for his life and hurts himself constantly. His trauma is something he still had a bit of difficulty getting over until he found purpose in his life by gaining a desire of his own: protect the world and bring back a friend he had lost along the way. However, he seems to be a little better by Movie War Ultimatum, maybe time will heal the wounds. 

Enemies:

The Greeed and Yummies

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Category%3AGreeed

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Yummy

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/White_Yummy

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Waste_Yummies

The Greeed (no that’s not a typo) are a race of coin homunculi who are a chimera mishmash of specific species or type of animals. They were sealed 800 years ago and now wish to continue their plan to “complete” themselves by gaining back all of their lost medals (aside from the 10th of each set which were destroyed) and want to feel the desires of humans that so many take for granted.

Their methods of doing so however are harmful to humans. Each Greeed can spawn a Yummy based off of the type of species they are based on (Ex. Uva makes insect Yummies). Each Greeed’s Yummy is spawned from a human in different ways:

Uva’s emerge from the host and then “molt” into stronger forms

Kazari’s parasitically feed on the desires of the host until that desire literally consumes them into the Yummy 

Mezool’s indirectly influence the human and grow from Roe-like eggs until they hatch.

Gamel’s are born from himself.

When Yummies die, they rain cell medal coins down that were part of their bodies (ala Scott Pilgrim).  When a Greeed dies for good, their medal bodies break apart and are scattered about and the core that hold the consciousness shatters.

Dr. Maki

http://kamenrider.wikia.com/wiki/Kiyoto_Maki

Dr. Maki was the creator of the Birth System, a Kamen Rider who acted as a support unit. But he is also a man who sees only the value of “Endings” to determine the worth of something. As such, Dr. Maki sought to end the world and joined with the Greeed, even becoming one himself. 

He meets his end in a way I won’t spoil, but he does come back in Ghost to briefly fight Kamen Rider Specter and dies again.

SEIYA!

Well, that was fun wasn’t it? 45 years of Riders showcased! 

Sure there were some stumbles and hiccups by me writing this along the way, but now you have been fully aquatinted with this franchise with this last file of the preceding anniversary show. And to think, there is still more to talk about in the future, like in Kamen Rider’s 50th anniversary on April 3, 2021! (If humans haven’t blown the world up by then.)

But now let’s combine the two anniversary seasons in a farewell mashup!

GASHAT! Kimewaza! Megane Musical Finish!

[4colorrebellion]

4cr Interview - Fabraz On Slime-San

I’m currently playing Slime-San for review, so I got in touch with indie studio Fabraz to talk about the game’s development and Nintendo Switch release.

4colorrebellion: Hello! Thank you for doing this interview. Before we get down to it, could you please introduce yourself to our audience and tell them a bit about yourself and your work?

My name’s Fabian Rastorfer, and I’m the founder of Fabraz, a small indie studio based in New York. We’re behind Cannon Crasha, Planet Diver, and the new Slime-san game! Slime-san was a Humble Bundle Monthly Debut title, was picked up by Headup Games, and just released for the Nintendo Switch.

4cr:  First up, let's talk about Slime-San. How would you describe the game?

Slime-san is about a little slime that was minding his own business… Until a giant worm appeared and gobbled him up! Your goal is to escape its innards, out of the worm’s mouth, before you get digested! This is a fast-paced, precision based platformer that will push your skills to your limit. Compete in leaderboards or buy new items in a town of survivors with-in the worm.

4cr: How long did it take to develop the game from its initial concept to the final release? Any challenges along the way?

It took us a little over a year to complete Slime-san. We spent an additional two months developing its first big content patch “Blackbird’s Kraken” and a total of 3 months to port the game over to the Nintendo Switch. Next up: Xbox One & PS4!

4cr: What lead you to work with Headup Games to bring the game to the Nintendo Switch?

Working with Headup Games has been great! They’re a powerhouse of their own, and we’ve become close friends over the past months. We were, however, the ones primarily responsible for the Nintendo Switch port. Headup Games will tackle most of the Xbox One and PS4 port though, which we’re thankful for.

4cr: Are there any changes between the original release and the Switch version?

Definitely! The game features HD Rumble on the Nintendo Switch, which gives you a greater feeling of impact all around. We also allow for our mini-games to be played with one Joy-Con controller, locally! Two mini-games and leaderboards are currently missing, however, and we’re planning to patch them in soon.

4cr: Any other games you might be considering for a Nintendo Switch or PlayStation 4 release?

As mentioned previously, Slime-san is on its way to the PS4 and Xbox One. We’re going to start working on new prototypes soon too, and any of them could end up on consoles. We’ll see!

4cr: And now it is time for us to go. Would you like to add anything else?

Just that we’re phenomenally excited to have our game on the Nintendo Switch. Child me would have never believed that one of his games ends up on a Nintendo console. It’s a dream come true!

[operationrainfall]

Title Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair Developer Playtonic Games Publisher Team17 Digital Ltd Release Date October 8th, 2019 Genre Platformer Platform PC, Nintendo Switch, PS4, Xbox One Age Rating E for Everyone – Mild Cartoon Violence Official Website

I never expected Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair. Not only did the release totally sneak up on me, I somehow missed it entirely at PAX West this year. So when I suddenly saw it announced in the Nintendo Download I cover weekly, I was happily stunned. After all, I did back the original Yooka-Laylee, and while I enjoyed it, it felt a bit hampered by its adherence to 3D platformer norms. Which is why it’s so funny that I loved Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair. Who would have guessed that transitioning from being influenced by Banjo-Kazooie to being influenced by Donkey Kong Country would make all the difference?

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The game starts when our heroic duo crash lands in the Royal Stingdom. Capital B is up to no good, and after being taught the platforming ins and outs by the introductory level, things get dramatic. Capital B has a device that enslaves other bees, and he uses it to take control of Queen Phoebee’s Royal Beetallion. Each of these 48 elite guards now protects the dastardly villain from damage. Luckily, due to some quick thinking, you escape further conflict and land just outside his Impossible Lair. Phoebee uses some magic to create books so you can free the trapped Beetallion from Capital B before he took control of them. That doesn’t mean each one captured will be taken from him, mind you, but each guard freed protects you from harm. While you’re more than welcome to tackle the Lair first, you’d be a crazy person to do so because the titular Impossible Lair is a devious gauntlet of instant death traps, cleverly placed enemies, tricky platforming and multiple boss encounters against Capital B. It also contains zero checkpoints, so one death and you have to start over from the very beginning. So assuming you’re not a total masochist, let’s talk about the rest of the game first.

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Each of the books created by Phoebee serves as a level, and is tossed across a vast overworld. You unlock stages in groups, and though you don’t have to tackle them in order, it’s not a bad idea to do so. Namely, that’s because progressing any farther means getting past multiple paywalls set up by the conniving Trowser, and he charges you varying amounts of T.W.I.T. coins found in each of the many stages to proceed. Another reason it’s good to play each level as you unlock them is so you get flush with Quills. You can often do this by chasing Ghost Quills, or just by finding loose Quills littered about each stage. These are occasionally used to unlock things on the overworld, but they are also used to unlock Tonics. There’s a ton of Tonics in the game, and to use them first you have to find them, then pay their Quill cost. They provide a wide array of effects, some changing how a stage looks and others making the levels easier or harder with various effects. If you make a stage easier, it will take away from your Quill total at the end of each stage, but if you make it harder, you’ll be rewarded with more of them. I actually really liked this setup, since it offers the tools to tweak the game as you please. Given that I’m a platformer purist, I only really used one Tonic in my entire playthrough, which made it so Laylee would stick around longer after taking damage, giving me longer to grab her before she flaps away.

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It would be an easy assumption that the overworld is small and basic, but the truth is the opposite. Despite not being in full 3D, the top-down overworld is quite expansive and riddled with secret passages. There’s dark forests, beach-side grottoes, dank caverns and more. Getting from point A to point B can sometimes be a hassle, and often requires returning to areas from a different vantage point. Most noteworthy is that you will find Pagies on the map, and by clearing their challenges, they’ll reward you by altering some aspect of the overworld. This always opens up a path you couldn’t access before, making it easier to get around and find new things.

Another cool part of this aspect of the game is altering stages. Every single stage in the game, other than the Lair, has both an original and alternate version. You might come across a stage and by freezing it with an ice fruit, you’ll unlock an alternate version that’s totally different. These changes are very clever and often required some extra sleuthing to discover. I really enjoyed it, especially since there’s technically 48 stages instead of the base 24. That may not sound like much, but trust me it’s a very meaty experience. In my nearly 13 hours playing the game, I still haven’t unearthed nearly all the achievements, Tonics, Beetallion guards, T.W.I.T. coins or other assorted goodies. Overall it’s a really cool overworld, but with one niggle. It can be time-consuming wandering around, since after you quit and return to the game, you always start right next to the Impossible Lair. For most of the game that meant constant backtracking, until I finally stumbled upon the game’s warp feature. You can basically select any stage from the map and warp instantly there. This is great, but it would have been better if the game told me it was available.

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Much like the game’s overworld, the stages in Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair are also deceptively complex. While you can beat most of them in less than 10 minutes, finding all the hidden T.W.I.T. coins can be a challenge. Much like in Donkey Kong Country, things are deviously secreted away, and there were many stages I beat without finding more than a couple out of the possible five coins. Though most stages are standard platformer fare, moving from the left to the right, some mix things up with vertical climbing and even some backtracking. A good example is one that requires you to find five gems to exit the stage, and they’re in all sorts of places. Thankfully, each stage has checkpoints, and you can even spawn more of them with one handy Tonic. There’s a ton of creativity on display, from spinning windmill villages to underwater galleons to dangerous factories to honey-covered towns. There are even some pulse-pounding stages where you’re running from impending death the entire time. It’s all good fun, and will keep you busy without being overly unfair. Just be ready to play most stages more than once to find everything.

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More platform fun on Page 2 ->

Now, none of what I’ve been saying would matter if the game didn’t play well, but thankfully that’s not the case. Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair is a lot of fun. Even though the duo have less abilities than in their first outing, there’s enough here to keep things interesting. Also important is that they are a duo. What that means is that when they’re separated, you’re far less capable and can’t even use all your moves. Laylee the bat is basically Yooka’s armor. If you take a hit, she goes flying around frantically. If you don’t catch her in time, she’s gone, and any more damage will kill you and return you to the most recent checkpoint. This was very smart design, and it made me more careful about how I explored stages. When the team is together, they’re capable of tricks like spinning in mid-air to go farther, rolling around and even ground pounding. Yooka can also use his long tongue to grab items and spit them out as projectiles. I thought the game controlled very well, though I found the roll / jump combo to be a bit finicky at times. The only time things didn’t work as planned was when I was rolling and somehow got stuck in a wall, forcing me to restart a stage, and another time the game force quit and returned me to the Switch home screen. Other than those, the game played perfectly well.

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Visually, I found a lot to appreciate. Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair is a cute and cartoony game. Everything has a vibrant quality to it, such as how the Quills glow with golden light. Though there’s not a ton of different foes, they’re all distinct and there’s no color swap nonsense. I especially liked the industrial parts of the game, like red hot buzz saws and dangerous cannons. Musically, the game is also enjoyable. Some stages definitely have better tunes than others, but there was nothing that I found boring or offensive. The sound effects are also really bombastic and match the action perfectly. And thankfully the gibberish talk for all the characters is still in place, and lends everything a whimsical flair. Visually and musically, this is a stellar experience.

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It wouldn’t be fair to talk about Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair without going into a bit more detail on the titular final area. Earlier I said that it’s a very challenging sequence of traps, foes and boss fights, but let me go into more detail. Every time you play, you start off with the initial fight against Capital B. He only takes a few hits that time, but every subsequent battle he’s more resilient. His fights will gate each subsequent corridor of the Lair, and he starts getting really tricky as things progress. There’s tons of instant death traps in the lair as well, such as lasers, buzz saws, heat-seeking missiles and portals that continuously spawn foes. I ended up taking nine tries to finally beat the Impossible Lair, and that was with nearly all of the Beetallion at my disposal, 40 out of 48. It was still a huge challenge, and one that I feel needs to be gradually worked towards. And though I won’t go into spoilers, I will say it’s a good idea not to be reckless, and try and hold onto a few of your Beetallion even after you’ve finally beaten Capital B.

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Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair may not be impossible, but it is a wonderfully fun and challenging retro platformer. Though it still has much of that compulsive collector DNA from the first game, I found it much less bothersome in this format. For $29.99, you get a lot to explore in this expansive world. Though I spent around 13 hours to beat the game, I still have plenty to uncover. And that’s not even touching upon the many super secret treasures still deftly squirreled away. I would strongly encourage most gamers to check this out. With the use of Tonics, you’re able to tailor the experience to your ability level, so really it’s hard to turn it down. A fantastic and worthy follow up to the original Yooka-Laylee from the fine folks at Playtonic Games. Here’s to looking forward to whatever they cook up next!

Keep your eyes peeled and you might even find an Easter Banana or two!

[easyreview cat1title=”Overall” cat1detail=”” cat1rating=”4″]

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REVIEW: Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair Title Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair