#nikolai rostov x marya bolkonskaya

[mynameisemma]

Keeping my musings on Nikolai/Marya: the hereditary aspect of this pair for me is also Nikolai lowkey becoming a light version of opb and it's honestly mind-blowing how tolstoy writes unintentionally this cycle (i don't mean that he abuses her in the epilogue BUT once again Nikolai finds himself in a relationship with a woman who has a background of decades long severe emotional abuse and creates an emotional rollercoaster for her with this occasional emotional distance, not because he has ill intentions but because he essentially forbade himself any reflection on his actions) while insisting that Nikolai and Marya are soulmates.

And speaking of the gender aspect: you're right, epilogue!Nikolai leans heavily into toxic masculinity (that's morsel of flesh line is so jarring I still can't get over it) and it's extremely curious how he becomes closer to Dolokhov in it (Dolokhov is hypermasculine, and I think it's no coincidence that he's so strongly associated with war and destruction, and isn't mentioned at all in the family utopia that is the first part of the epilogue) to the point of having occasional bouts of violence. And its extremely ironic how the aftermath of these bouts is essentially what Dolokhov dreamed about in his vision of perfect woman and wife: a domestic angel who cries when you become too wanton but gives you her absolution nonetheless and you give her your empty promises to become better until you get violent again and the cycle goes anew.

Anyway it's very brainrot inducing

we just had the most interesting discussion about war and masculinity in the old wap server and you gotta hear this.

If you wanna talk about nikolai rostov you will always, ALWAYS get to the topic of manliness. Because genuinely masculinity is such a core part of his character. There is no nikolai without masculinity, and that masculinity is as performative as it gets.

We like to joke about his tsar crush and okay yeah he definitely does have a gayass crush on the tsar. But he himself connects it to being part of a group, a group with a common interest. Everyone in the army loves the tsar.

Being part of a group is why he joined the military in the first place! He wants glory, he wants to prove himself, to be strong, and to be a part of this big group of manly men. And he needs to be a part of a group, because nikolai is a follower in every single way. He's not a leader at all. And the moment he becomes a hussar, he fixates on Denisov. Denisov is brash, headstrong, hairy, and so intelligent. He knows what he wants, he stands up for himself, but he also cares deeply for his men. He's a really great leader, but to Nikolai he's also the perfect manly man.

Weirdly enough, hair is such an important part of Nikolai's relationship to manhood. Denisov is consistently described as hairy. At the start of the novel, Nikolai has some very sparse beginnings of a mustache on his lip. A shitty teenage boy mustache, truly. Over the years it gets thicker as he gets better at performing his masculinity, and soon enough he's just like Denisov. He's the man he always dreamed of being (except a little worse because Denisov is a much nicer person than him).

Dolokhov's hands are also described as hairy. Sure, it's gay as shit, but Nikolai, in distress, fixates so much on the hair on Dolokhov's hands. He says himself that those hands hold him in their power.

And the gambling, too. Cards and gambling are very much a man's thing. No girls allowed. Nikolai is so terrible at cards, and he plays against a known cardsharp. You might think this is an idiotic move, and it is. But he is indeed kind of stupid, so he does it anyway. And why does he keep going? Well, one, gambler's fallacy. Two, he convinces himself it'll all be okay in the end. Gambling is a Man Thing, men gamble all the time and they turn out okay! It's okay! It always turns out okay, except for when it doesn't, but surely he's enough of a man to know how to gamble. But then Dolokhov is more masculine than Nikolai, and his hairy hands hold him in their power, and they ruin him.

So, Nikolai succeeds in his performance as a manly man. He becomes what society expects him to be, even if it's not his true self. And then he marries Marya, a woman, because what else would he do? Men like women, and men marry women. Men don't like men. Remember all of this definitely has to do with how he's at least a little bit aware that he's gay.

And what kind of husband and father does Nikolai become? A neglectful, dismissive, rude one. He's a masculine man, he doesn't have time for his family! Of course he has to have a family, because he has to pass on his genes and create a new generation of Big Strong Sons, but he shouldn't actually care about his wife or children. And he becomes a farmer, too, which is just THE most masculine thing he could do.

So do we ever actually get to see Nikolai being his honest-to-god true self? Does he ever drop the manly man act and just enjoy life? Well, no, it's never truly gone, but I think he's most comfortable with Natasha. I mean, Natasha is his best friend, really. She's his favorite person in the world, and he can be honest with her. They're very similar people, and thus she understands him and he understands her. Just read the Christmas part of the book please. It's so amazing.

In conclusion, in the immortal words of jimmy rostova, "he's trying so hard to transition to hussar gender"

[divineandmajesticinone]

WAR AND PEACE (2016) | Princess Marya Bolkonskaya and Count Nikolai Rostov

“This is an outrage, and I am only too happy to be able to assist you.”

[rostovs-lover]

Sick

Andrei Bolkonsky, Marya Bolkonskoya, Natasha Rostova, Nikolai Rostov, Sonya Rostova, Boris Drubetskoy | discussion of sickness, not graphic | gender neutral reader | fluff

Andrei

Andrei worries a lot 

He won’t let anyone else take care of you, it has to be him

This means you're being waited on hand and foot

He's also constantly got the back of his hand on your forehead 

He's just always rushing around to try and get what you need

So much tea, he makes you drink so much tea

Like, an excessive amount

But its all just out of care

Marya

Marya is amazing 

She actually knows what to do

She puts a cool cloth on your head and changes it about every hour

Gives you healthy meals keeps you hydrated

You can bet that there's a glass of water by your bed the entire time

She also reads to you a lot 

It's a good way to pass the time 

Natasha

As opposed to physically taking care of you I feel like Natasha would try and make you feel better in a fun way 

Like she’d tell you elaborate stories

I feel like Natasha would be a really good storyteller 

If you were up for it she would brush your hair

If you were miserable enough that you couldn’t move she would just lay next to you and quietly sing 

She would just want you to feel better and she’d do all she could to try and help

Nikolai

Nikolai would be so clingy 

He would literally just lay with you the whole time like he refuses to leave

Every now and again though he would because he had to but my gosh he would complain so much

Like you being sick would be more taxing to him

But when he was with you he would be so dang soft 

Like rubbing your back and quietly whispering to you 

And he honestly couldn’t care less if he got sick, he just wants his person to feel better 

Sonya

Sonya would be so gentle 

She says “please” so much 

“Could you please eat a bit?” “Will you please drink some tea?’ 

When your sick she goes full mother hen mode

Every protective instinct kicks in and she just wants you to get better

She would make sure to stay with you all night, just to make sure you were okay 

Boris

I feel like our boy Boris would be kind of a germaphobe 

It's not like he doesn't want to help he just doesn’t want to get sick

But he finds the courage to face whatever illness is floating around and eventually goes to see you 

Just tries not to be in a direct line of breath

Baby would make sure you’re taken care of and have everything you need

This includes snuggles because he’ll eventually give in to temptation and hold you

Accepts the fact that he will probably get sick 

He would totally fall asleep next to you still wearing his day clothes and honestly wouldn’t care because he's soft but don’t tell anyone

[lisiya-gori]

lord help me, etc. (also @mynameisemma this is not at all what I told you I was working on, sorry)

lord help me, I’m writing wap fanfiction again

[brunettegf]

my irrelevant babble

I was planning on watching War & Peace and recently I finally did it. I was fully prepared to ship the shit out of Andrei/Natasha, but welp guess who ended up being my OTP? Nikolai and Marya, i just love them so much, too bad there are not many edits & stuff about them bc I’m obsessed lol. That look they exchanged when leaving Voronezh...was just everything and got me hooked ♥

[brunettegf]

Sooo, I finished War & Peace finally, daaaamn my feels. The series is such a masterpiece though, 11/10 would recommend! Despite everything, the ending was beautiful ♥ Marya & Nikolai warm my cold dead heart ♥♥

[mynameisemma]

I didn't mean that Nikolai was a bad father. I think even Marya recognized that this line was too harsh and tried justify him and in that context it looked well..sad? At least for me. But in general this line always seemed too OOC for me, especially given that he doesn't talk about a random baby or babies in general but about his nephew, son of his beloved sister. And even if we assume that we was jus in a bad mood it still looks very big "what the hell nikolai" for me.

The reason I believe Nikolai and Marya fell out of love is more based on my subjective view but idk there is quite a stark contrast between Bogucharovo and Voronezh episodes where you can see that they are certainly attracted to each other (I personally like this "How Nikolai saw Marya vs how Anatole saw her") but then you see the epilogue and it all kind of gone (for example, Nikolai getting along with Nikolenka instantly vs Nikolai struggling tolerate him in the epilogue)

I'm aware that Marya is an abuse victim and her trauma has impact not only on her marriage but on her motherhood too (her telling her son she doesn't love him when she can't make him dress up) but I don't think it justifies Nikolai. I mean, yes, no couple can live in the "😙😍😍" mood 24/7/365 but there are several reasons his occasional emotional distance from her leaves bad taste in my mouth

1. Marya notices that it happens most often during her pregnancies which is not like easiest period for any woman

2. I think it also lowkey triggers her old traumas. They are not Nikolai's fault of course but it certainly doesn't make the situation better

3. The fact that Nikolai's ex-partner is also a victim of his family's long lasting abuse. And let's be real, Nikolai was a shitty partner for Sonya.

It doesn't make Nikolai an abuser of course but still I personally do not buy this picture of Nikolai and Marya's being deeply in love with each other. Of course their marriage is far more decent than Pierre and Natasha's as I already said since they managed to save their own personalities but on its own, imho, it lacks warmth and equal understanding on mental or spiritual, if you will, level. What I saw was Marya being upset by Nikolai's another pang of coldness and Nikolai going like "my wife is soo good and spiritual uwu" without being quite able to understand her

I just wanted to explain my opinion. Hope that was okay!

someone commented on my post abt nikolai calling his baby newphew a “morsel of flesh” that it was sad that marya was defending him as a great father after and that they though the two of them had probably also fallen out of love which i actually don’t agree with so i guess i’m writing an essay about war and peace

the reason this scene was so funny to me was because it came shortly after a scene in which we see that marya is 100% correct: nikolai IS a good dad! when he’s taking a nap his daughter sneaks in to bother him, and we are treated to an incredibly cute scene where he gives her a piggy back ride. (”he’s not sleepy, mama, he’s laughing!”) kids that little do not go and bother their sleepy fathers if they do not know they are beloved and will be rewarded for this!! when marya then asks why he isn’t charmed by babies you’re kind of expecting him to go “how dare you i love babies >:( “ or maybe “idk they’re more fun once they’ve grown a personality?” not fucking “morsel of flesh”. he’s an idiot your honor!

honestly i kind of read this as a bit that nikolai and marya do with each other, and then marya’s explanation to natasha being kind of this tired “your stupid brother is a good dad he just cannot be bothered with infants”

and i think also nikolai and marya’s interactions with each other make more sense when you remember that marya spent basically her whole life being emotionally abused by her father. the scene where nikolai comes in to dinner grumpy bc he’s been working all day and now he has to entertain guests and tomorrow’s his name day and he’s going to have ~adult obligations~ and marya’s like “he is angry at me, specifically”? that’s trauma baby!!! and they do have a little fight about it! and then they sort that shit out! the thing about nikolai and marya is that because tolstoy wasn’t making them his idealized couple in harmony who stop being their own people is that…they got to keep being different people. and marya is afraid that she’s upset nikolai and that he’s going to be angry with her, and nikolai is a hot headed buffoon, but they love each other and they figure it out! they do not always understand each other, but they are always proud of each other, and they know that they’re on the same team. like, marya doesn’t really get nikolai’s obsession with farming, but the way he talks about it you know he’s trying to make sure that when he dies his kids aren’t fucked over like he was when his dad died. and you know that marya understands that. (he’s being a good dad!!) and when she shows nikolai her diary where she’s taking notes on the best ways to raise their kids and he’s like “this seems a little unnecessary but god she’s SO smart i’m going to stay the fuck out of her way”? that’s love! they are a little weird about it but they’re fucking weird people.

[mynameisemma]

I wouldn't say that Andrei frees himself from his father, quite opposite: OPB'S treatment kind of doomes Andrei's chances for happiness. There's Russian word Неприкаянность, one of its meanings can be explained as "The absence of inner harmony, sense of belonging". Idk, but I associate it with Andrei. Maybe because his fate is more tragic considering that he finally reaches some sort of inner peace soon before his death, but I feel like he was damaged more than Marya (if comparing is appropriate in that sense).

I'm not saying that abuse was "more ok" for Marya than for Andrei. They both are damaged but Marya is still able to create bonds with other people (Natasha, Julie to some extend) while Andrei seems to be alone and quite emotionally unavailable most of time (except for his meetings with Pierre) thus isolated and left alone with his traumas.

I'm also disagree with you on Marya completely losing herself. I think it's where her religiousness steps in and "saves" her (though not completely):

1. She has her own small world outside of her family (her conversations with Julie about religion; her conversations with "God's people")

2. She has dreams outside of her family (to become a pilgrim)

3. Her religiousness gives a lot of space for constant reflection on herself and makes her strive to become a better person and be closer to God (when she realizes she loves Nikolushka less than her own children she decides to keep working on herself to come to love everyone equally).

And she not just accepts roles of a mother and wife — deep in her heart she dreamed to have a husband and children (although it was more about loving and being loved healthily). The sad thing is her dream didn't quite come true with Nikolai.

Marya's marriage with Nikolai is viable and I'd say comfortable for both of them most of time, thought Nikolai's occasional emotional distancing is what concers me the most, especially given that it happened usually during Marya's pregnancies, which aren't the easiest periods, you know. Like I know that spouses (and family members in general) can't live in "😍😍" mood 24/7 and become tired of each other sometimes but there's something cold and off putting in this distancing. It is especially sad since there was mutual attraction in Bogucharovo and Voronezh episodes (I especially like the way Nikolai saw Marya in Voronezh vs the way Anatole saw Marya during the disaster of courting) and it's jarring to see it's all gone once they're married.

As for better options: I haven't reread the episode with Marya and Nikolai's first meeting but I remember they both thought it was fate so it would be strange for them to consider other options. Besides I think the other option for Nikolai was Sonya (since he was strongly against marrying for money) and, imo, it's the worse one economically (Sonya didn't have any dowry so they would have lived in poverty) and socially (Nikolai had fallen out of love with her long ago but couldn't admit it to himself until he met Marya) so I think he would have been even colder and harsher with her if they had married, maybe he would have eventually come to hating her.

I wish Marya married epilogue!Pierre, to be frankly. He's solid and thoughtful and Marya wouldn't be as super jealous of his past as Natasha is, and I feel he wouldn't just convince himself "I'm a good person because my wife is good". Also they would have Deep Spiritual conversations, be each other's safe ground and encourage each other to be better. And Pierre would totally love Nikolushka as his own son, not just tolerate him. Ugh why aren't they together q.q

I'm sorry I lost the point when discussion about The Bolkonskys and impacts of parental abuse developed into Nikolai/Marya < Pierre/Marya meta x)

I've always felt like... Yeah, OPB sucks but I honestly don't hate him that much. To me he's an example of a father who does love his children, tries to love them but just does it the utterly wrong way. He's a complex character and I'm honestly surprised that we don't talk more about him.

Then I realize it's because he reminds me of my own freaking dad.