#nihil choosing epsom salts because he knows it helps with her pain ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[gogodollie]

May I hear about the old people being in love and making it everyone else's problem, please?

omg thank you for the ask <3 the old people are currently losing in a preference poll i did for young/old sister and nihil so i looooove chatting about those old people. um anyways i wanted to write a little fic instead of my usual headcanons but if you would also like headcanons i can do that too. anyways here is nihil and sister being annoying about their pda and yapping to some poor butchfemme couple

Just a Sip

Sister Imperator is sat up on the old antipope’s lap, front teeth stained red from where she’d been drunkenly biting her lower lip. In her right hand she juggles a half-empty glass of prosecco, complete with alcohol soaked strawberries drowning at the bottom of her glass. She may have drunk just a tad more than she’d intended to and shows no sign of stopping now that the delightful burn of her cheeks eats away all reason.

Nihil’s lap has always been a favorite spot of hers. In their early years of marriage it had been a given but as time passed and their responsibilities, the call for respect heightened, it became more of a guilty pleasure enjoyed in the peace of their private rooms after curfew. But with the wine passing through her at this rate, there really was no stopping her insistence as she drunkenly crawled over to Nihil’s spot on the dining bench and made herself comfortable on his lap. Papa was more than happy to make space for the woman and wouldn’t at all be the one to remind her of etiquette or their efforts of preserving a hidden relationship that the entire ministry was aware of at this point. 

It was supposed to be a small celebration of sorts for the success of some release or another, a late night gathering with drinks and charcuterie laid out for any lingering siblings that decided to stop in. Though it was not the usual night she would hold for her sisters to enjoy each month, the abbess would never say no to clergy funded wine.

Sister is busy talking the ears off of a pair of young siblings, who Papa Nihil would assume to be a couple seeking a bottle of wine to sneak away for the night for some fun- at least judging by the way the shorter woman shuffles her feet a reaches forward to cling to the taller woman’s arm. He feels half bad for them through his drunken haze, although he does take his Imperator’s random burst of energy with more than a little amusement. Not to mention, it’s his favorite story that she’s caught up telling.

“-and, you know, Papa and I actually met at a party. A real hoot and a half, if you know what I mean.”

The brother nods along with a tight smile, cheeks sore from keeping this up for the past half hour as she was given the brief on the very public information that was Sister Imperator and Papa Nihil’s meeting. Beside her, her femme speaks up, “Yes, I think I’ve heard about that before! It’s very romantic, Sister-Mother, but it’s getting kind of la-”

“It was romantic!” Sister ignores the latter half of her sentence and melts back into her lover, “Papa has always been such a romantic. So generous in all ways, I swear.”

Nihil pays the couple in front of them no mind as he chuckles along with Imperator, squeezing the handful of ass that he’s been holding her by and receiving a playful slap in return. The girls try to mask whatever look of disgust may cross their features at the unnecessary confirmation that, yes, their elderly cult leaders do still get it on contrary to popular belief, along with the unwanted image of Papa’s penis size. “Oh, that’s…” 

“Don’t mind him,” Sister manages to catch their discomfort, “he’s just a dirty old man, nothing new really.”

It feels like they’re interrupting something that they shouldn’t be seeing. In fact, they know they are. There is absolutely no way in hell that the sober Sister Imperator would want anyone to catch her like this but even worse- the siblings are being forced to witness it. The brother and sister nod along with the explanation like it means anything to them.

Nihil is busy slipping his hand up Sister’s blouse, fingers sprawling out over the bare skin of her stomach that pouches over the band of her slacks and earns a giggle from the woman as she tries to squirm away from his cold hands but only pushes herself further against him. When she stills in his arms, Nihil squeezes the fat of her stomach and tucks his face into the crook of her neck. “She was the prettiest thing in the room and she was staring at me. It was like I’d won the lottery.”

Okay, great. Back to how they first met. 

“That’s very sweet, Papa,” the brother speaks up and squeezes her partner’s hand. “I’m sure it was magical.”

“Blessed, even,” the femme chimes in.

Sister Imperator is delighted by the comment and lets out a dreamy sigh as she leans back to better look at the antipope. “Sanctified in blood by the Old One himself,” she recalls and cups Papa’s face, thumb brushing along his cheek as she imagines a much younger Nihil before her- scared and dipped in red, just how she liked him. Moving forward, she plants a sloppy kiss against his cheek, drool and lipstick staining the gray of his already smudged paints. 

He leans into her touch and revels in the attention for a moment before his limited vision moves along to meet the tense forms of the siblings before them. “Sister,” he urges with a soft smile, thumb working sweet circles over the hip fat that presses past her waistband, “don’t you think we should let these two off the hook? I think we have some other things to catch up on privately.” 

The couple perk up as they’re finally given their out, eagerly nodding along, ignoring Papa’s implication of how the rest of his right would be going.

Imperator is either too drunk to notice this or just too naturally pushy to let it slide. The older woman half pouts at the suggestion and squirms in Nihil’s lap as he gropes her. She slurs and looks to the siblings to back her up, “Ah but we were talking…” 

“It is getting late,” the younger sister speaks up, knuckles white with the way she’s gripping her butch’s arm for support, “we were just about to head up to bed. Right?”

Her butch is nodding eagerly, desperate to take Papa up on the escape from the conversation, “It’s been a long week so far, it’s best we’re well rested for mass tomorrow.”

The abbess regards them with a disappointed hum before she is distracted by Nihil reaching up her blouse yet again. “Well, have a nice night you two. Don’t do anything that I wouldn't do!” They hardly catch the end of her sentence before they’re stumbling out the dining room doors, waving their apologies and thanking the heads of the church for their time and wisdom. Whatever. 

Sister Imperator turns to her Papa with sudden interest. “Soo… what’s all this about catching up privately?” Her brow is raised and a familiar naughty smirk to match. “You know, I think the bathtub could be a great meeting space. Maybe we could discuss over a glass of champagne?” 

The glass of prosecco that she’s been waving around for the past half hour is empty now; whether from being spilled over the front of Papa’s vestments or being downed without a second thought, she’s unsure. “A bath sounds wonderful, Sister,” he guides her hand to set the empty glass on the table behind them.

“Let’s hold the champagne,” Nihil continues much to her disappointment, “it’s too late for me as is. You don’t want to have to drag me out of the tub when you can’t stand upright yourself, Sister.” He’s sure their respective doctors will have something to say about yet another confession that they’ve been drinking after taking their meds for what has to be the third time. Nihil is also sure that waking up beside Sister who’s already two bottles in and bound to have a raging hangover will be a nightmare in itself- he’s not going to push his luck. 

Wary of the suggestion, Sister Imperator is still eager enough to slowly make her way off of his lap as she dreams about the warmth of a soothing bath and her lover’s company. 

“Epsom salts or bubbles?” 

He contemplates for a moment but recalls hearing the sister complain about her hip bothering her earlier in the evening. “Salts.”