#ngl i did cry real tears about dragon zelda

[carpisuns]

me (newish zelda player, very bad at video games) being so so brave and venturing back into the depths (scary, real heebie-jeebies hours) to find a way into korok forest (my little haven, everyone loves me and calls me mr hero there)

I am in there for way too long and am being to feel more unnerved but then I see BEAN LIGHTS! I KNOW THOSE! I ascend. At last. My safe place.

but why is it so dark here?? It’s 9:25 am. All the koroks are zombies. gloom is creeping out of the deku tree’s belly. oh no.

I go in. I see chasm. I descend. gloom hands jumpscare. are you serious. I have never attempted to fight these things I only run away they’re so scary!!!

They squeeze my little lifey out multiple times and then i finally manage to do some damage but ALAS! I run out of arrows. I decide to retreat for supplies. I buy beedle out of arrows at three stables. I hunt for bombflowers. I bravely return. I end up using about 50 arrows and bombs and ice fruits (they come BACK if they’re not all down at the same time??? Good grief.)

but finally. finally. THE EVIL IS DEFEATED. I DID IT. THE HERO OF HYRULE. korok forest is safe!!!

WRONG! hello little guy says phantom ganon. I scream and die immediately. You can’t be serious. I already DID the hard scary thing. How is there MORE.

I fight gloom hands again and am killed by ganon again multiple times. I retreat for supplies AGAIN. More arrows. I go to the depths and collect millions of poe to trade for bombs and anti-gloom stuff. I transport to multiple locations to pick up more sundelions that I marked. I make so much food. I am finally ready.

I bomb the crap out of the gloom hands. I’m ready for you ganon. I eat my anti-gloom food. I still die. I try again. I am very bad at fighting. Theoretically I know how to perfect dodge and shield parry but I can never seem to manage it when it matters. But whatever. I brought so much food. I will simply eat a meal every time he hits me, which is many times.

Eventually I succeed purely from the power of kebabs. The forest is purified. I don’t even get a treat for it.

I miss the guardians.