#next week my boyfriends summer house probably and then we leave for Amsterdam

[makemycitybreak]

Sm to do

[winnipegpatty]

We’re Fatally Flawed | five | s.m. series

a/n: this is 5.4k of cute shit, and i’m in love with it. please send me feedback. catch up with the masterlist in my bio, and feel free to support me on ko-fi if you like what you read! <3

“We are always in motion Like the winds, the tides, the ocean Everyday I'm born again I wake up I feel that second wind We're gonna be alright, we're gonna be alright”

At the age of nineteen, Mandy hadn’t been on many dates. She’d spent most of her teenage years listening to punk bands and attending Warped Tour with her best friend Valerie. But at nineteen Mandy had also been in college for a semester, and felt like her life was quickly changing forever. She was pursuing a teaching certificate, and he style was changing everyday. She’d lost some of her punk flair for a more reserved, comfortable style. She’d started researching child psychology and wondered more and more about how she may one day change lives for the better.

It was in her first psychology class where she met James. He was handsome, with short, styled blonde hair. His eyes were a bright blue that were captivating, and Mandy wasn’t quite sure she could trust him. But when he’d asked her on a date, there was a part of her that wanted to say yes simply because she hadn’t been on a date since coming to college. And that’s part of the big college experience, right? Dating, going out, partying? Some part of her, admittedly primitive but nevertheless there, felt like she may have been missing out on some grand life experience.

So she’d yes. And on a Friday evening, in the heart of downtown Toronto, Mandy felt what it was like to be completely broken for the first time. When she’d arrived at a movie theatre, expecting to meet an eager James. She’d thought, maybe they’d get a popcorn to share and half way through the movie maybe he’d kiss her. That’s what people always did in the movies anyway. But it became increasingly apparent as their agreed upon time and spot grew closer. Fifteen minutes. Ten minutes. Surely by five minutes? And then...ten minutes late. Twenty minutes late. Mandy was sure the previews were probably over. Maybe the movie had even started. But, she’d been standing outside of the theatre for a half hour, and it was embarrassing to turn around.

So she did what any independent, strong, slightly hurt girl would do. She marched up to the ticket window in her brand new black platform boots and ordered a ticket for the Fault in Our Stars. They’d planned on seeing Captain America: The Winter Soldier. But, if Mandy wanted to watch a romance movie then she fucking would. The movie had been out for weeks, and had been moved to one of the smallest theatres. When she entered, the movie had just begun. From the back, she could see another person sitting towards the middle, but no one else. Another lonely soul. She wondered for a moment what their sob story must be. Did it rival her own? Mandy took a seat a few rows in front of the guy, and leaned back into her chair, hoping to absorb herself in the story of Augustus and Hazel and forget for even a moment about herself.

It just wasn’t in the cards for her.

Hazel was sitting in The Heart of Jesus, which Mandy was pretty sure she probably couldn’t say without a trademark at this point, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked to her left to see a boy, slender in figure with boyish curls and a sweet smile, hovering near her.

“Any one sitting here, or do you happen to be as lonely as me?” His lips lifted slightly as he motioned to the seat next to Mandy.

She let out a soft laugh, feeling somewhat embarrassed at being called out on her loneliness, but she really couldn’t deny it.   

“Nope, it’s just me.”

“Two makes company,” the boy offered.

Mandy smiled, but didn’t respond as the boy walked around the row of seats and into her own. For a moment he stood by Mandy, still not sure of taking the seat.

“I’m Shawn.” He offered his hand to her as he finally took a seat.

“Mandy,” she shook his hand, then looked at the screen, “And that’s Hazel Grace. She has cancer.”

“Damn that must suck,” Shawn muttered, also turning to the screen.

Mandy chuckled and just whispered a ‘yeah’ under her breath.

Being the only two people in the movie theatre was pretty great because you could laugh and talk as much as you wanted.

“What a fucking bitch,” Shawn shouted, completely outraged at the way Monica had dumped Isaac.

And then they’d gone to egg the house, and Mandy about lost her mind.

“You’re daughter’s done a great injustice, and we’ve come here seeking revenge.” Gus had said when they decided to egg Monica’s house.

“Oh, that’s a good one. I’ll have to use that one day,” Shawn laughed and Mandy laughed along with him.

And then they’d gone to Amsterdam, and Gus told Hazel Grace his cancer had returned, and Shawn cried. Mandy cried too, but it wasn’t as loud.

“They’re so young,” Shawn whispered to her.

“I know,” Mandy hiccuped lightly. “Why the fuck do people like this movie?”

They walked out of the theatre together that night with each other’s numbers, red eyes, and bleeding hearts for Hazel Grace and Gus.

__

“Mandy?” Shawn whispered.

They were laying in bed, Friends playing on the tv across the room, and Mandy was dozing between consciousness and a blissful sleep. Her sleeping since Shawn had told her about the tour hadn’t been stellar, and she didn’t even want to think about what was going to happen when he was gone.

She hadn’t slept alone for two years.

Shawn was leaving in two days on a red eye out of the country. She wasn’t ready, but she knew it was coming with or without her permission.

“Mandy?” Shawn whispered again, this time nudging her lightly.

“Hmm?” She asked, not asleep but at that point when you’re right on the edge and really don’t want to be bother.

“Come with me.” Shawn said.

“I’m not going anywhere, this bed is warm, and I’m going to sleep in the next ten minutes,” Mandy said in a monotone.

“No,” Shawn stammered, “Come with me. On tour.”

There was a pause – and not like a good pause, an accessing pause – before you Mandy sat up in the bed.

“Excuse me?” She asked, pushing her back up against the headboard.

“I know we said that you’d visit and I’d visit and we’d talk. I just, I don’t want that for us Em. I want to be with you, in person, together. So come with me.”

Mandy scoffed, she actually scoffed.

Crossing her arms, she looked at Shawn before saying, “I can’t.”

“I know,” Shawn whined, “You have a job, but I’ll be making money Mandy! We can afford it. We’ve saved, tour covers the costs of living. You can quit and come with me, and we can be together.”

“No, Shawn, I can’t quit.” Mandy responded, her tone reeking of her annoyance with Shawn.

They’d talked about this, discussed it like the adults they were, and now Shawn just wants her to up and quit her job to be with him? It wasn’t happening.

“Come on, Mandy,” Shawn groaned, throwing his hands up in a frustrated gesture. “It’s just a job, and you can get a new one when we come back. There’s always going to be another job for a teacher.”

“Shawn it is the middle of the school year, my students rely on me, and I cannot just leave them because my boyfriend doesn’t think he can live without me for a few months.”

“Thirteen months, Mandy. Thirteen. It’s more than a few,” Shawn’s voice rose slightly. “You realize, that thirteen months is getting quite close to half of the time we’ve even been in a committed relationship. We’re not talking about a short vacation or a small business trip. We’re talking about over an entire year Mandy. And I want this relationship to work, and I just don’t know that it will last a entire year of long distance.”

“Winter break is in less than two months Shawn,” Mandy reasoned. “I’ll see you then. I’ll buy tickets right now if you want me to. We’ll be long distance for a few months, sure, but we can handle it. And then the summer will be here before you know it. I am willing to work on this Shawn. This is important to me. You are important to me. But I cannot quit my job. I will not give up on the kids. I won’t give up on Jack right as I’ve begun making progress. You’re important, Shawn. God you’re so important to me, you have no idea. But my job and my dreams are important too. Please, please understand this.” Mandy pleaded with him. “Please,” she whispered finally.

Shawn stared at the ceiling for a minute, feeling dejected. He knew Mandy was right, but the sinking feeling in his gut told him they weren’t going to last even a month of tour. He told himself that was just his anxiety talking to him. He did his best to push those thoughts away.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Shawn resigned. “You’re right, and I had no right to ask you to do something like that.” He leaned over the middle of the bed and lightly placed a kiss on Mandy’s lips, before he turned away from her. Shawn laid down, covering himself with his blanket, and turning off his bedside lamp. “Goodnight, Mandy.” He mumbled.

Shawn tried his best to fall to asleep instead of falling into the anxiety attack that felt like it was lingering at the door, waiting for his guard to come down.

___

Dating Shawn had been like a dream, consisting of everything girls grew up hoping for. Over the five months they’d been dating, Mandy had seen Shawn transition out of business college and into a budding musician. He’d gotten his lip pierced, which Mandy found to be incredibly attractive. And his once small gages had grown two sizes. His curly hair had grown, and now his curls flopped in front of his face lightly if they weren’t styled. He’d switched from wearing slacks and dress shirts to torn band tees and ripped black jeans. Mandy wasn’t sure if Shawn was just becoming who he’d always wanted to be, or if she’d taken him to one to many punk shows on the weekends and started to rub off on him.

She couldn’t really bother to care though, because she loved any version of Shawn that he wanted to be.

Five months wasn’t much time, but Shawn knew it was enough time to fall in love. Because that’s exactly what happened to him when he met Mandy. He had no idea what had possessed him that night at the theatres to tap on her shoulder and take a seat next to her, but he thanked his lucky stars everyday for it. It was around the fourth month when he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he loved her. There was no momentous moment that brought his attention to the feeling.

It was just like any other day. It was warm outside, which was something Canadians didn’t get frequently. It was early August and there was a carnival in town in his hometown of Pickering. He’d made the drive with Mandy on a Saturday morning. Classes hadn’t started up again for her, but Shawn wasn’t going back this semester anyway. The drive was quiet, peaceful. Mandy had her window rolled down, and the wind was blowing her hair in her face. She never seemed to mind though, a quiet smile on her lips as she watched the buildings of toronto turn into trees. The sun was shiny onto her tight brown curls, making them appear lighter than they were. Over the four months, her freckles had become more pronounced than when they’d first met. Her thick, round, metal rimmed glasses sat perched on her nose, and she just looked like a dream to Shawn. She was perfect to him.

When they’d stepped out of the car, the carnival in full swing, Shawn looked to Mandy and smiled. She was a few inches taller than usual, in her favorite black platform docs. Her plaid skirt was short and her black long sleeve crop top finished off the look. Shawn was always stunned by beauty, sure, but what made Mandy special was her confidence in wearing whatever she wanted. She’d show up to a punk rock concert, not a single piercing or tattoo on her body, feeling completely at ease where other may feel intimidated. She’d show up to class decked out in fishnet tights, a polka dot red dress, and three inch platforms. She didn’t give a fuck what others thought about her. And Shawn admired that about her.

“Where to first?” Shawn asked, reaching for Mandy’s hand as they walked into the sea of people.

It was like breathing in childhood nostalgia. The small of corn dogs and cotton candy, kids running around screaming with balloons in their hands, couples kissing sweetly behind game booths. Carnival workers hollered out at passer bys trying to tell tickets, trinkets, or the like.

Mandy hummed, “Funnel cake.”

“Funnel cake,” Shawn repeated happily.

With their hands tangled together between them, they set off for funnel cake. Shawn paid, and they found a plastic table to sit at while they talked softly about Mandy’s next semester of school. Shawn’s left hand rested on Mandy’s thigh as they both ate. Mandy sucked the powdered sugar off her fingers, and rested her head on Shawn’s shoulder as he ate the last few pieces.

“Wanna go ride the sketchy death machines?” Mandy’s smiled into Shawn’s shoulder as she mumbled the words, referring to the carnival rides.

Shawn’s chest shook with his laughter and he nodded, “I’d love to ride a sketchy death machine with you Mandy Stein.”

She giggled sweetly, “That just might be the most romantic thing anyone’s ever said to me before.”

“Well, I’d hope so,” Shawn rolled his eyes, “I just said I was willing to die with you. It better earn me some boyfriend points.”

Mandy peered up at Shawn through her mascara covered lashes, “You already have all the boyfriend points you could possibly need.”

Shawn beamed down at her, lightly kissing her lips, tasting the sugar on her tongue as their breath intermingled. As they pulled away, Shawn squeezed her thigh before patting it lightly. “Okay, up. Time to die.” He said sarcastically through another laugh.

“Off we go!” Mandy shouted, as she dramatically skipped off to the ticket booth.

If Shawn thought Mandy looked beautiful in the sunlight of the car ride down, then he wasn’t prepared for her beauty at sunset. They’d managed to spend the day at the carnival, sharing kisses, playing rigged games designed to make them lose, and eating enough sweets to make someone hurl. It was perfect. It was beautiful. They were getting tired, but Mandy was determined to ride every ride one more time before they could leave. Now, the sun was a golden orange and the sky was a blushy pink. They were buckling into a ride that would lift them high and swing them in a circle (a glorified swing for adults is how Shawn described it, but Mandy said that took the fun out of things). Their legs began to dangle as the ride lifted off the ground, and Mandy squealed in anticipation in the feeling of her gut dropping. Rides like this gave her such an adrenaline rush, and she’d stay on them all day and night if she could just chase that feeling forever. Her short curls blew backwards and her legs swung freely. A look of bliss swept her face, and Shawn smiled contently, knowing in this moment that he really did love her. He knew-- not because her beauty, though it was breathtaking-- but because he’d do anything to see that look of happiness again. He’d do anything to put that look on her face, and assure that she was always as happy and free as she was in this moment.

As the ride came back to the ground, Shawn felt more grounded than he ever had in his life. Grounded with Mandy by his side, he ran his hands through her hair and tugged lightly on one of her particularly tight curls. She looked at him, thinking he wanted her attention. Her eyes were bright, and Shawn smiled down at her. While they waited for the ride attendant to come around and unbuckle the bar, Shawn took the moment to appreciate Mandy. He cupped his hands on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her softly.

He pulled way, his lips inches from hers and whispered, “You’re beautiful, I hope you know.”

A blush ran up her fair skin, and Shawn loved that. Loved that she blushed just as wildly and easily as he did.

“You’re beautiful,” He said again, this time with a slight fire in his belly and his tone stronger, “And I love you.”

A small gasp slipped from Mandy’s lips, puffing over Shawn’s lips.

“You love me?” She whispered.

“With everything in me.”

“I love you too, Shawn.” She push forward, connecting her lips to Shawn in a passionate kiss. He nipped on her lower lip and she moaned ever so lightly. He pulled away, leaving her breathless, her lips plump and red.

“I love you so much, Mandy Stein. I could never come up with the words to make you understand.”

__

Shawn leaves for tour tomorrow, and Mandy was determined to make the most amazing, not at all sad, memorable day that he’s ever had. She wanted it to be a day they could look back on and smile and remember fondly. Not a day that they thought back on and were sad. There would be no tour talk today. No talk about distance. Or missing each other. No, this was going to be an exciting day filled with adventure and memories.

And if it wasn’t, so help Mandy, she would find a way to turn back time because a bad day simply wasn’t an option.

She may have an entire day full of activities planned that Shawn had no idea about, but could she really be blamed? She had no idea when would see Shawn next, and she wanted to remember this day. She woke up at six, which was unusual for a Sunday morning, but she had a plan to execute. She started with a quick shower, styling her curls into a top bun to keep it out of her face. Then she headed to the kitchen to fix Shawn’s favorite breakfast, french toast and bacon. It was around seven when she heard Shawn shuffling down the hall. He entered the kitchen with a yawn, scratching his stomach like a fucking chimpanzee scratching itself. But he looked cute, his eyes still heavy with sleep.

“Why’d you get up so early?” Shawn asked through another round of yawns.

“Wanted to make you breakfast,” Mandy said as Shawn leaned his large frame onto hers, causing a laugh to spill out of her. “Get off of me you fucking giant.”

Shawn mumbled, “Don’t wanna.”

He wrapped his arms lazily around her waist, nuzzling his nose into her neck.

“Ugh, you’re such a baby koala when you’re tired.” Mandy adjusted under Shawn’s heavy embrace, to be slightly more comfortable under his weight.

“You’re supposed to love it when I’m clingy and cuddly,” Shawn said with a pout on his lips that Mandy could feel on her neck.

She laughed softly, “I love everything about you babe, even when you’re clingy as fuck.” She pinched his love handle softly and jumped a bit, muttering a quiet ‘hey’.

“So can I eat this food? Or is just for show?” Shawn asked, kissing Mandy’s clavicle quickly as he popped off her, standing up straight. Mandy straightened up from the release of Shawn’s body on hers.

“Of course, eat as much as you’d like.” Mandy smiled, pushing up on her toes to kiss Shawn on the lips lightly. “And good morning.”

Shawn returned Mandy’s smile, “Good morning.”

They sat next to each other, eating quietly in the peaceful atmosphere Mandy had tried so hard to create.

“So, I had something I kind of wanted to do today,” Shawn said as he finished his last slice of french toast.

“Oh?” Mandy asked, not giving indication that she’d already had the day planned completely.

“Yeah, I…” Shawn stuttered for a moment. “Well, I don’t know if you’d be up for it, but I was just thinking maybe it would be cool.”

He continued to ramble for a moment before Mandy finally interrupted, “Shawn, stop rambling. What are you talking about?”

A light blush covered Shawn’s cheeks, “I have an idea for a tattoo I want.”

Mandy’s brow creased, “And you want to do it today? Why today?”

Shawn scratched his neck for a moment, “Well...I want you to get the tattoo too,” Shawn trailed off.

“What?”

“Like...I want to get matching tattoos.”

“Shawn, I don’t have tattoos…”

Shawn nodded, “I know, and I know you can’t have them at school...so I thought maybe you could like...get it on your shoulder or leg or something that’s covered by clothes.”

Mandy stayed quiet for a moment, thinking about Shawn’s words. “You’ve really thought about this?”

Shawn nodded quickly. “If you don’t want to that’s okay. But like...I think it would be nice. It’s like a reminder that we’re going to be waiting for each other...” Shawn’s blush deepened, “I don’t know maybe it’s stupid.”

Mandy shook her head, placing a hand on Shawn’s thighs. “It’s not stupid. If that’s important to you, then I’ll consider it. What’s the design?”

Shawn’s face lit up with hope. “Hold on!” He was beaming as he stood up from the table and bounded back to the bedroom. He came running back with his phone moments later. “Okay, so like I was thinking this.” Shawn pulled up a picture on his phone of a bird.

Mandy eyed him, “A...bird? You want me to get a bird tattooed on my body for the rest of eternity?” She was skeptical. She thought he’d have something romantic in mind...not a fucking bird.

Shawn chuckled. “Not a bird...a sparrow.”

As if that were better?

“Shawn...that’s a fucking bird.” Mandy said pointing accusingly at the photo.

“It’s a sparrow, and it’s cute,” Shawn pouted again. “It has a meaning. It’s not just a bird.”

Mandy rolled her eyes at his adorable pout. Even with a lip ring, gages, and a tattooed chest, he somehow looked like a little boy asking his mom to buy him candy. “Okay, well, what is it?”

“The sparrow is one of the only bird that remembers it’s home.” Shawn said, his eyes lit up with excitement. “And sailors used to get this tattoo before going on a long voyage, it was the sign of someone who’s a traveler and away from home a lot, but that they remembered their true home.” Shawn’s lips lifted slightly as he looked at Mandy smiling. “And well, Toronto is great and all, and sure Pickering used to be home...but Mandy,” his breath ghosted Mandy’s lips and she did her best not to shiver, “You’re my home now. And I don’t want to forget that, and I don’t want you to forget that I’m always going to be coming home.”

“Well, shit,” Mandy breathed. “When did you become a fucking poet.”

Mandy’s plans for the day flew out the window as they got dressed together, going to a tattoo parlor down the road that Shawn loved.

“Anthony is literally the best in Toronto,” Shawn said as they walked into the parlor, nervous energy pouring out of him.

“Okay babe,” Mandy laughed after squeezing his hand.

“Hey Shawn!” Anthony hollered at Shawn from a chair where he was finishing a tattoo for someone. “Be with ya in just a minute, man.”

“Thanks Anthony,” Shawn smiled.

Fifteen minutes later, Anthony was wrapping the person’s tattoo and was giving after care instruction before he came to greet Shawn with a shake and a clap on the back.

“Been a while, man.” Anthony smiled. “What can I do for you today?”

“Looking to get two tattoos. One for me and one for Mandy,” he gestured to Mandy.

Anthony nodded, “Can absolutely help you with that. You have an idea? How big are we talking?”

Shawn reached into his pocket pulling out his phone, showing the picture. “I’m going to get it here,” Shawn pointed to his right hand. “About this big,” he made a circle that took up a good portion of his hand.

Anthony nodded, turning to Mandy, “And yours?”

“Same one,” Mandy said quietly.

“Same place?” he questioned.

She shook her head, “No, uh,” she looked up at Shawn, questioning. “I think on my thigh, here.” Mandy gestured to her left thigh, just right below where her underwear would end.

Anthony nodded. “Okay, about the same size?”

Mandy nodded.

He walked behind the counter, opening a book of appointments. He muttered a few things to himself for a moment before looking up to Shawn. “You okay with coming back in about two hours? I have enough time to get you both in back to back then. Otherwise, we’ll have to do them separately.”

“Yeah, that works.” Shawn smiled.

“Okay, be back at eleven-thirty and we’ll be ready. Send me that picture so I can prepare a bit.”

Shawn nodded, sending the picture to Anthony’s number. They’d worked together enough that this had become a routine.

“See you,” Shawn said as they walked out of the parlor.

Mandy smiled, thinking she could probably execute a few of her plans with Shawn before they’d have to be back for the tattoo.

“Okay, my turn now.”

Shawn smiled, holding her hand tight. If he knew anything about Mandy Stein, he knew she probably had an entire schedule planned for the day. Her type A and teacher personalities sometimes came together to become controlling of time spent together. He’d been a little worried about Mandy being okay with them just getting tattoos on a whim like this, but she was doing so well at going with the flow.

“Where to, Ms. Stein.” Shawn smiled, “I know you have a million things you want to do.”

Mandy’s cheeks heated, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Shawn hummed, unconvinced.

Mandy refused to give any clues as to just how planned the day had been prior to Shawn’s interruption. But she really didn’t mind. If Shawn was happy, she was happy. She led them to High Park, just wanting to go for a walk and enjoy his presence. She hadn’t wanted this day to be full of tourist adventures or excessive experience after another. She just wanted to spend the day doing all of the things she and Shawn had been doing with each other every weekend for the past three years. She wanted to remind him of their life together.

“You wanna go to a movie tonight?” Mandy asked as they walked through the garden.

“Sure,” Shawn shrugged, not really concerned.

“Cineplex is having a throwback weekend,” Mandy said mindless as she stopped to look at a particularly patch of daisies.

“Yeah?” Shawn questioned.

Mandy hummed, “Thought we could see The Fault in our Stars again,” she replied quietly.

Shawn nodded, “I’d love that.”

They returned to the parlor not too long after they’d eaten an early lunch.”

Mandy got on the chair first, nervous and ready to get the everything over with.

“Okay, just show me where,” Anthony asked.

Mandy pushed up the left side of her flowing yellow sundress, pointing to the area on her leg she wanted it. Anthony went to work preparing her skin and the needle as Shawn sat in a chair next to Mandy.

“How much is this going to hurt?” She asked Shawn quietly.

“You’ll be okay.” Shawn smiled.

“You might have to sing to me.” Mandy laughed lightly, nerves keeping her on edge.

“Happily.”

Anthony swiped over Mandy’s thigh with a pad and rubbing alcohol. The feeling cold on her skin, as Mandy felt her muscles tense. Anthony pulled out  razor, unwrapping it from plastic, and then quickly shaved the peach fuzz hair off Mandy’s thigh.

“Okay, Mandy,” Anthony spoke, “Which direction do you want the bird to face.”

Mandy placed the bird the way she thought it would look best, and Anthony got to work tracing the stencil onto her skin. Shawn and Mandy talked quietly, just going about business as usual as if someone weren’t coloring on Mandy’s skin.

“Okay, just going to get the machine ready, and then we’ll be ready.”

Mandy breathed deeply, trying not to think about it.

Shawn chuckled lightly as Mandy pushed her head against the chair, closing her eyes.

“This isn’t funny, Mendes.” She grumbled.

“It actually is. You always act so tough, listening to your punk music, and going head first into a mosh pit, but here you are scared of a little needle. It’s pretty funny.”

Mandy’s teeth gritted, “Needles are sharp.”

Shawn laughed lightly.

“You’re lucky I fucking love you,” She said with her eyes still closed.

“You’re right, I am lucky.”

“Okay, I’m ready. I’ll do the outside of the bird before doing the inside. There’s very little shading involved, so it really shouldn’t take too long.”

Mandy squeezed her eyes tighter, “Okay.”

And Anthony was off, diligently pressing the needle in and out of Mandy’s skin. Anyone who said tattoos didn’t hurt were lying to themselves because this hurt really fucking bad. Mandy grumbled a bit under her breath, doing her best to breathe.

“Want me to sing?” Shawn asked with a glint of humor in his voice.

“Wipe the fucking smile off your face first,” Mandy said without even opening her eyes.

“No idea what you mean,” Shawn’s eyes gleamed, not that Mandy could see.

“I know what your smug voice sounds like. So either shut the fuck up or sing a song.”

Shawn laughed, thinking through songs he could sing. He finally settled on a song, starting the verse of End Game.

“Really? Taylor Swift?” Mandy asked, not able to help the small smile on her lips.

“You got beef? Take it up with T Swift. She’s an icon.” Shawn laughed, continuing to sing the song.

I wanna be your end game. I wanna be your first string. I wanna be A team. I wanna be your end game. I don’t wanna touch you. I don’t wanna be just another ex love you don’t wanna see. I don’t wanna miss you, like the other girls do. I don’t wanna hurt you.

Shawn eventually transitioned out of Taylor Swift and moved into a Shawn Mendes original. Mandy smiled at the sound of his sweet honey like voice filling her ears, imagining she was laying in their bed at home and not in downtown Toronto in a tattoo parlor. She’d never get tired of hearing Shawn’s voice sing to her like she was the only person that mattered in the world.

“Okay,” Anthony said sometime later, Mandy almost having forgotten he was even there. “Just gonna bandage it up real quick.”

The next thing she knew, she was trading places with Shawn, and Anthony was prepping Shawn for his matching tattoo.

“See?” Shawn smiled, “Not so bad, babe.”

“Whatever.” Mandy mumbled, but smiled back.

Shawn, of course, took his tattoo like a champ despite the fact that Mandy knew it had to hurt like a bitch to get a tattoo right on the bones of your hand. Shawn didn’t even complain once though. Mandy and Shawn and Anthony chatted idly as Anthony worked with the confidence of a pro. Once Shawn’s hand was bandaged like Mandy’s own tattoo, they went to the counter to pay.

“Send me pics of it when it’s healed up,” Anthony said to Shawn as they started to leave the parlor, “And don’t be a stranger!”

“Thanks, man!”

They walked out of the parlor, Mandy holding Shawn’s left hand.

“So it’s official,” Shawn smiled, “We’re an annoyingly cheesy couple with matching tattoos and call each other their homes.”

“I hate us,” Mandy grumbled.

Shawn bumped her hip as they walked down the street, “Well, I love us.”

She loved them too, really. Even if being a stereotypical cutesy couple went against every rebel fiber in her body. She’d conform to every societal norm if Shawn asked her to.

tagged: @fourtristattoos @shavvnmendcs @unhealthyobsessionwithmarvel @justanotherfangurl272 @yourwonderbelle @babyangelshawn @rosecth

[lifeofaliterarynerd]

YA & NA Contemporary Reads for Valentine’s Day

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before - Jenny Han //  Lara Jean  has never openly admitted her crushes, but instead wrote each boy a letter about how she felt, sealed it, and hid it in a box under her bed. But one day Lara Jean discovers that somehow her secret box of letters has been mailed, causing all her crushes from her past to confront her about the letters.

P.S. I Still Love You - Jenny Han //  Lara Jean didn’t expect to really fall for Peter. She and Peter were just pretending. Except suddenly they weren’t. Now Lara Jean is more confused than ever. When another boy from her past returns to her life, Lara Jean’s feelings for him return too. Can a girl be in love with two boys at once?

Anna and the French Kiss - Stephanie Perkins //  Anna is looking forward to her senior year in Atlanta, where she has a great job, a loyal best friend, and a crush on the verge of becoming more. Which is why she is less than thrilled about being shipped off to boarding school in Paris--until she meets Étienne St. Clair. Smart, charming, beautiful, Étienne has it all...including a serious girlfriend.

Lola and the Boy Next Door - Stephanie Perkins //  Lola Nolan is a budding costume designer, and for her, the more outrageous, sparkly, and fun the outfit, the better. And everything is pretty perfect in her life (right down to her hot rocker boyfriend) until the Bell twins, Calliope and Cricket, return to the neighborhood. When Cricket, a gifted inventor, steps out from his twin sister's shadow and back into Lola's life, she must finally reconcile a lifetime of feelings for the boy next door.

Isla and the Happily Ever After - Stephanie Perkins //  Hopeless romantic Isla has had a crush on introspective cartoonist Josh since their first year at the School of America in Paris. And after a chance encounter in Manhattan over the summer, romance might be closer than Isla imagined. But as they begin their senior year back in France, Isla and Josh are forced to confront the challenges every young couple must face, including family drama, uncertainty about their college futures, and the very real possibility of being apart.

My Life Next Door - Huntley Fitzpatrick //  The Garretts are everything the Reeds are not. Loud, messy, affectionate. And every day from her rooftop perch, Samantha Reed wishes she was one of them . . . until one summer evening, Jase Garrett climbs up next to her and changes everything.

Better Off Friends - Elizabeth Eulberg // For Macallan and Levi, it was friends at first sight. Everyone says guys and girls can’t be just friends, but these two are.  They are platonic and happy that way.They can’t help but wonder . . . are they more than friends or are they better off without making it even more complicated?

Wait For You - Jennifer L. Armentrout //  Traveling thousands of miles from home to enter college is the only way nineteen-year-old Avery Morgansten can escape what happened at the Halloween party five years ago—an event that forever changed her life. All she needs to do is make it to her classes on time, make sure the bracelet on her left wrist stays in place, not draw any attention to herself, and maybe—please God—make a few friends, because surely that would be a nice change of pace. The one thing she didn’t need and never planned on was capturing the attention of the one guy who could shatter the precarious future she’s building for herself.

A Little Something Different - Sandy Hall //  The creative writing teacher, the delivery guy, the local Starbucks baristas, his best friend, her roommate, and the squirrel in the park all have one thing in common—they believe that Gabe and Lea should get together. But somehow even when nothing is going on, something is happening between them, and everyone can see it

Royally Screwed - Emma Chase // Nicholas Arthur Frederick Edward Pembrook, Crowned Prince of Wessco , grew up with the whole world watching, and now Marriage Watch is in full force. Nicholas has to decide who he is and, more importantly, who he wants to be: a King... or the man who gets to love Olivia forever.

Summer Days and Summer Nights - Stephanie Perkins //  Maybe it's the long, lazy days, or maybe it's the heat making everyone a little bit crazy. Whatever the reason, summer is the perfect time for love to bloom. Summer Days & Summer Nights: Twelve Love Stories, written by twelve bestselling young adult writers and edited by the international bestselling author Stephanie Perkins, will have you dreaming of sunset strolls by the lake.

Just One Day - Gayle Forman //  Allyson Healey's life is exactly like her suitcase—packed, planned, ordered. Then on the last day of her three-week post-graduation European tour, she meets Willem. A free-spirited, roving actor, Willem is everything she’s not, and when he invites her to abandon her plans and come to Paris with him, Allyson says yes. This uncharacteristic decision leads to a day of risk and romance, liberation and intimacy: 24 hours that will transform Allyson’s life.

Just One Year - Gayle Forman // When he opens his eyes, Willem doesn’t know where in the world he is—Prague or Dubrovnik or back in Amsterdam. All he knows is that he is once again alone, and that he needs to find a girl named Lulu. They shared one magical day in Paris, and something about that day—that girl—makes Willem wonder if they aren’t fated to be together. He travels all over the world, from Mexico to India, hoping to reconnect with her. But as months go by and Lulu remains elusive, Willem starts to question if the hand of fate is as strong as he’d thought.

The Sun is Also a Star - Nicola Yoon //  Follow Natasha, a girl who believes in science and facts, as she meets Daniel, a dutiful son and dreamer, as they spend a single day together in New York - and try to stop Natasha’s family from being deported to Jamacia.

Everything Everything - Nicola Yoon // My disease is as rare as it is famous. Basically, I’m allergic to the world. I don’t leave my house, have not left my house in seventeen years. The only people I ever see are my mom and my nurse, Carla. But then one day, a moving truck arrives next door. I look out my window, and I see him. His name is Olly. Maybe we can’t predict the future, but we can predict some things. For example, I am certainly going to fall in love with Olly. It’s almost certainly going to be a disaster

Beneath Wandering Stars - Ashlee Cowles //  After her soldier brother is horribly wounded in Afghanistan, Gabriela must honor the vow she made: If anything ever happened to him, she would walk the Camino de Santiago through Spain, making a pilgrimage in his name. The worst part is that the promise stipulates that she must travel with her brother's best friend--a boy she has despised all her life.

Isn’t She Lovely - Lauren Layne //  Stephanie Kendrick gave up her whole summer to ace her NYU film school screenwriting course, so she's pissed to be stuck with a preppy, spoiled frat boy as her writing partner. Then again, with her piercings, black-rimmed eyes, and Goth wardrobe, Stephanie isn't exactly Ethan Price's type, either. He's probably got his eye on some leggy blonde with a trust fund... or does he?

Catch a Falling Star - Kim Culbertson //  Nothing ever happens in Little, CA. Which is just the way Carter Moon likes it. But when Hollywood arrives to film a movie starring former child star turned PR mess Adam Jakes, everything changes. Carter's town becomes a giant glittery set and, much to her annoyance, everyone is starry-eyed for Adam. Carter seems to be the only girl not falling all over herself to get a glimpse of him. Which apparently makes her perfect for the secret offer of a lifetime: playing the role of Adam's girlfriend while he's in town, to improve his public image, in exchange for a hefty paycheck.

The Hating Game - Sally Thorne //  Lucy Hutton and Joshua Templeman hate each other. Not dislike. Not begrudgingly tolerate. Hate. And they have no problem displaying their feelings through a series of ritualistic passive aggressive maneuvers as they sit across from each other, executive assistants to co-CEOs of a publishing company. Now up for the same promotion, their battle of wills has come to a head and Lucy refuses to back down when their latest game could cost her her dream job…But the tension between Lucy and Joshua has also reached its boiling point, and Lucy is discovering that maybe she doesn’t hate Joshua. And maybe, he doesn’t hate her either. Or maybe this is just another game.

Wanderlost - Jen Malone //  Aubree’s ready for a chilled-out summer at home in Ohio, until she finds herself taking over her sister’s job as a tour guide…in Europe. Things fall apart almost immediately, and when the tour company owner’s son comes along for the ride and steals Aubree’s heart, keeping up the ruse of being her own sister becomes the hardest challenge of all.

The Statistical Probability of Love at First Sight - Jennifer E. Smith //  Today should be one of the worst days of seventeen-year-old Hadley Sullivan's life. Having missed her flight, she's stuck at JFK airport and late to her father's second wedding, which is taking place in London and involves a soon-to-be stepmother Hadley's never even met. Then she meets the perfect boy in the airport's cramped waiting area. His name is Oliver, he's British, and he's sitting in her row. A long night on the plane passes in the blink of an eye, and Hadley and Oliver lose track of each other in the airport chaos upon arrival. Can fate intervene to bring them together once more?

The Geography of You and Me - Jennifer E. Smith //  Lucy and Owen meet somewhere between the tenth and eleventh floors of a New York City apartment building, on an elevator rendered useless by a citywide blackout. After they’re rescued, they spend a single night together, wandering the darkened streets and marveling at the rare appearance of stars above Manhattan. Lucy and Owen’s relationship plays out across the globe as they stay in touch through postcards, occasional e-mails, and—finally—a reunion in the city where they first met.

P.S. I Like You - Kasie West //  While spacing out in chemistry class, Lily scribbles some of her favorite song lyrics onto her desk. The next day, she finds that someone has continued the lyrics on the desk and added a message to her. Soon, Lily and her anonymous pen pal are exchanging full-on letters—sharing secrets, recommending bands, and opening up to each other. Lily realizes she’s kind of falling for this letter writer. Only, who is he?

On the Fence - Kasie West //  For sixteen-year-old Charlotte Reynolds, aka Charlie, being raised by a single dad and three older brothers has its perks. She can outrun, outscore, and outwit every boy she knows—including her longtime neighbor and honorary fourth brother, Braden. But when it comes to being a girl, Charlie doesn't know the first thing about anything. To cope with the stress of faking her way through this new world of  makeup, lacy skirts, and BeDazzlers , Charlie seeks late-night refuge in her backyard, talking out her problems with Braden by the fence that separates them. But their Fence Chats can't solve Charlie's biggest problem: she's falling for Braden. Hard.

Since You’ve Been Gone - Morgan Matson //  It was Sloane who yanked Emily out of her shell and made life 100% interesting. But right before what should have been the most epic summer, Sloane just…disappears. All she leaves behind is a to-do list.  Emily now has this unexpected summer, and the help of Frank Porter (totally unexpected), to check things off Sloane's list. Who knows what she’ll find?

Georgia Peaches and Other Forbidden Fruit - Jaye Robin Brown //  Joanna Gordon has been out and proud for years, but when her popular radio evangelist father remarries and decides to move all three of them from Atlanta to the more conservative Rome, Georgia, he asks Jo to do the impossible: to lie low for the rest of her senior year. And Jo reluctantly agrees.  Things get complicated when she meets Mary Carlson, the oh-so-tempting sister of her new friend at school.

Far From You - Tess Sharpe //  After a painful car accident led to a dangerous OxyContin addiction, Sophie’s fought every day to get and remain clean. When someone plants drugs on Sophie after the death of her best friend Mina, everyone assumes that Sophie fell back into her destructive habits and took Mina down with her. Only she knows that Mina’s murder wasn’t a drug deal gone wrong, and only she can stop the killer.

Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe - Benjamin Alire  Sáenz //  Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship—the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be.

History is All You Left Me - Adam Silvera //  When Griffin’s first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he’s been imagining for himself has gone far off course. To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. 

I’ll Give You the Sun - Jandy Nelson //  Jude and her twin brother, Noah, are incredibly close. At thirteen, isolated Noah draws constantly and is falling in love with the charismatic boy next door, while daredevil Jude cliff-dives and wears red-red lipstick and does the talking for both of them. But three years later, Jude and Noah are barely speaking. Something has happened to wreck the twins in different and dramatic ways . . until Jude meets a cocky, broken, beautiful boy, as well as someone else—an even more unpredictable new force in her life.

Amy & Roger’s Epic Detour - Morgan Matson //  Amy Curry is not looking forward to her summer. Her mother decided to move across the country and now it's Amy's responsibility to get their car from California to Connecticut. The only problem is, since her father died in a car accident, she isn't ready to get behind the wheel. Enter Roger. An old family friend, he also has to make the cross-country trip - and has plenty of baggage of his own. The road home may be unfamiliar - especially with their friendship venturing into uncharted territory - but together, Amy and Roger will figure out how to map their way.

The Unexpected Everything - Morgan Matson // Andie’s got a plan for her summer, just as she does for everything in life. But when it falls apart thanks to a political scandal, and she ends up spending the summer living with the last person she ever wanted to—her own father—all her carefully laid plans take turns for the unexpected, including the one she had for her heart.

Fangirl - Rainbow Rowell //  Cath is a Simon Snow fan.  She and her twin sister, Wren, ensconced themselves in the Simon Snow series when they were just kids; it’s what got them through their mother leaving. Cath’s sister has mostly grown away from fandom, but Cath can’t let go. She doesn’t want to. Now that they’re going to college, Wren has told Cath she doesn’t want to be roommates. Cath is on her own, completely outside of her comfort zone. For Cath, the question is: Can she do this?

Eleanor & Park - Rainbow Rowell //  Set over the course of one school year, this is the story of two star-crossed sixteen-year-olds—smart enough to know that first love almost never lasts, but brave and desperate enough to try.

Everything Leads to You - Nina LaCour //  Emi, a girl who knows how to design a film set like no one else, but finds her love life far from cinematic. Stuck in a hot-and-cold pattern with the same girl, she begins to break the cycle when a mysterious letter from an acting legend leads her to the beautiful and unconventional Ava.

Gena/Finn - Kat Helegeson & Hannah Moskowitz //  Gena and Finn, two girls in different life stages, brought together by fandom for a TV show called Up Below. While their shared love is what initially bonds them, it doesn’t take long for them to click in every other way, baring their souls to each other about their lives and loves and worlds beyond the screen.  But the closer they get, the more complicated things become, especially for Finn and the boyfriend she lives with.

South of Sunshine - Dana Elmendorf //  In Sunshine, Tennessee, the main event in town is Friday night football, the biggest party of the year is held in a field filled with pickup trucks, and church attendance is mandatory. For Kaycee Jean McCoy, life in Sunshine means dating guys she has no interest in, saying only “yes, ma’am” when the local bigots gossip at her mom’s cosmetics salon, and avoiding certain girls at all costs. Girls like Bren Dawson.

If I Was Your Girl - Meredith Russo //  For Amanda, moving in with her father is an opportunity to start over where no one but her dad has ever known her as Andrew, and the move most certainly agrees with her: she makes new friends in no time, and it gives her and her father a chance to get to know each other again. But she also falls in love, which is something she never expected to happen, has no idea how to handle, and just may spell her downfall.

Run - Kody Keplinger //  Bo’s a wild girl who does her own thing and whose parents couldn’t care less what she’s up to. Agnes is legally blind, and has parents who practically keep her prisoner in an attempt to keep her “safe” from the outside world. Despite their differences, the two become best friends…which means when Bo comes to Agnes one night on the run from the cops and asks her to leave town at her side, Agnes agrees, and the two head off on a hell of an adventure, complete with a whole lot of law-breaking.

A List of Cages - Robin Roe //  When Adam Blake lands the best elective ever in his senior year, serving as an aide to the school psychologist, he thinks he’s got it made. Sure, it means a lot of sitting around, which isn’t easy for a guy with ADHD, but he can’t complain, since he gets to spend the period texting all his friends. Then the doctor asks him to track down the troubled freshman who keeps dodging her, and Adam discovers that the boy is Julian—the foster brother he hasn’t seen in five years.

You Know Me Well - Nina LaCour & David Levithan //  Mark and Kate have sat next to each other for an entire year, but have never spoken. For whatever reason, their paths outside of class have never crossed.  When Kate and Mark meet up, little do they know how important they will become to each other—and how, in a very short time, they will know each other better than any of the people who are supposed to know them more. When Kate and Mark meet up, little do they know how important they will become to each other—and how, in a very short time, they will know each other better than any of the people who are supposed to know them more.

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli //  Sixteen-year-old and not-so-openly gay Simon Spier prefers to save his drama for the school musical. But when an email falls into the wrong hands, his secret is at risk of being thrust into the spotlight. Now Simon is actually being blackmailed: if he doesn’t play wingman for class clown Martin, his sexual identity will become everyone’s business. Worse, the privacy of Blue, the pen name of the boy he’s been emailing, will be compromised.

Always the Last to Know - Crystal Bowling //  Wearing a Maid of Honor dress that very well may cause the South to want to rise again, Jess Reynolds is prepared to walk down the aisle at her best friend's wedding. It's just that things keep getting in the way, like a sex-crazed coworker, an annoying brother-of-the-bride, and a handsome and horribly charming friend posing as the Best Man. As it turns out, Jess might just be the last one to know everything, including the workings of her own heart.

Can You Keep a Secret - Sophie Kinsella //  Meet Emma Corrigan, a young woman with a huge heart, an irrepressible spirit, and a few little secrets: Secrets from her boyfriend: I've always thought Connor looks a bit like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken. Secrets from her mother: I lost my virginity in the spare bedroom with Danny Nussbaum while Mum and Dad were downstairs watching Ben-Hur. Secrets she wouldn't share with anyone in the world: I have no idea what NATO stands for. Or even what it is. Until she spills them all to a handsome stranger on a plane. At least, she thought he was a stranger.…

Famous in Love - Rebecca Serle //  The romantic story of a girl who gets plucked from obscurity to star in the next major feature film franchise based on a book and the ensuing love triangles she gets entangled in on—-and off screen. 

Love and First Sight - Josh Sundquist //  On his first day at a new school, blind sixteen-year-old Will Porter accidentally groped a girl on the stairs, sat on another student in the cafeteria, and somehow drove a classmate to tears. High school can only go up from here, right? As Will starts to find his footing, he develops a crush on a sweet but shy girl named Cecily. And despite his fear that having a girlfriend will make him inherently dependent on someone sighted, the two of them grow closer and closer.

Fan Art - Sarah Tregay //  With the hurdle of coming out to his family overcome, some might think that the worst of Jamie’s problems are over, but really, they’re just beginning. With prom around the corner and his best friend Mason already lined up to take a girl, Jamie is forced to confront overwhelming jealousy and the knowledge that his growing feelings for Mason aren’t going away anytime soon.

One Man Guy - Michael Barakiva //  Aleksander Khederian doesn’t need (or want) summer school, but his strict Armenian-American parents think it’s the best way for him to stay on the honor track. Just when he thinks his summer couldn’t get any worse, he meets Ethan. Cool, confident, and adventurous, Ethan is everything Alek wishes he could be. As he’s drawn closer to Ethan’s alluring persona, Alek realizes that he might want to be a bit more than “just friends” with the attractive skateboarder.

Look Both Ways - Alison Cherry //  A summer away from the city is the beginning of everything for Brooklyn Shepard. Her theater apprenticeship at Allerdale is a chance to prove that she can carve out a niche all her own, surrounded by people who don’t know anything about her or her family of superstar performers. Brooklyn immediately hits it off with her roommate, Zoe, and soon their friendship turns into something more.

The Art of Being Normal - Lisa Williamson // David Piper has always been an outsider. His parents think he’s gay. The school bully thinks he’s a freak. Only his two best friends know the real truth – David wants to be a girl. On the first day at his new school Leo Denton has one goal – to be invisible. Attracting the attention of the most beautiful girl in year eleven is definitely not part of that plan. When Leo stands up for David in a fight, an unlikely friendship forms.