#next one is Yuri’s birthday…and then a lil later is Nuci body birthday…
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#anyways I’m not doing alright and I think I’m gonna go sleep now#I guess I should’ve kept a journal for myself…but I said I’d get ‘em something and I did cuz I was busy and dying on the 23rd#next one is Yuri’s birthday…and then a lil later is Nuci body birthday…#I can figure something out..#…damn I need a place to vent..#I guess here is as good as any…#……I feel sort of miserable and like everything’s my fault#…I need to go outside and sit on a rock and just…fuck I dunno#disconnect from technology for like 3 hours…#…I feel like it’s my fault…#but I also feel like…I stayed within the boundaries…?#but…I…#I can’t remember the boundaries…#and I think that’s what fucks with me the most#am I supposed to cut off that friendship?? even if it’s one of the only ones we have?#I know it’s not just ‘simply don’t talk to ‘em’#and I try not to bring anything up…I try to keep ‘em on mute when it’s on the larger screen…#…I don’t know..#I feel tired..#everything feels like static and numb#‘you’re not gonna remember in the morning anyways’#…how many times has that been said..we try to remember…we really do#it doesn’t work most of the time…#…I really wish it did…we’ve tried a lot of things…#…the list of rules was the most effective..but it ended up becoming our noose#our therapist at the time said that…#this is the one thing I’ve tethered myself to#and it’s slipping out of my grasp
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