#newtons third law of motion

[davidaugust]

3rd law joke

[old-anime-refs]

Macross (1982)

Ichijou Hikaru throwing a weight to catch a tuna in space.

[irbcallmefynn]

Youre hug

^w^ You're hug too!!!

[jyndor]

rebelcaptain week | day one: rebel

for today's prompt (significant moments/rebel) I decided to use newton's third law of motion to highlight two things: 1. how jyn and cassian are radicalized by how fascism and imperialism impacts them personally; and 2. how jyn and cassian's actions spark reactions in the other.

[chobani-flip]

meeting friends and family @bucktommypositivityweek

a bit of bucktommy fluff that unfolded as i wrote it

--

putting the car in park, buck checked his watch. shit, he was late. he was so late. he eyed the bags on the seat next to him and wondered if he should have bought the other two types of muffin as well. but he was so late, and today of all days, that he seriously doubted if tommy's love of cake might work in bribing his forgiveness.

but it hadn't been his fault! he couldn't just stand by when kathy went into labor right there next to the chicken nuggets! or it might have been kate, buck wasn't sure he heard her equally pregnant friend (mallory?) right the first time she'd moaned their names at him before thrusting two shopping carts containing two toddlers into buck's free hand once he'd introduced himself as a firefighter and dialed 911. then she proceeded to lean against the walgreens freezer and talk both herself and her friend through lamaze breathing, while buck clutched his phone with his shoulder and gave directions to sue blevins and at the same time tried to keep the toddler in the green bear tshirt from biting the toddler in pink, taking turns smiling encouragingly into their crying faces and the equally distressed but less snotty face of the walgreens manager.

and once he'd calmed the kids down a bit and nowak and wyatt from the 127 arrived, he couldn't just leave them to go to the hospital on their own. luckily, it didn't take very long for melanie's (?) partner to arrive, but still.

so now buck was late, by about two hours, on the evening that he and tommy had offered to babysit jee for the first time together.

remembering his own complete exhaustion after he'd spent an afternoon running around his niece that first time maddie had him watch her, buck was sure he should have bought those extra muffins.

buck didn't really know what he expected to find when he opened the door to his loft, but it definitely wasn't his niece sitting in her high chair at the kitchen island, quietly nibbling a carrot stick and staring at his boyfriend as though he was a new paw patrol character.

at a second glance, buck closed the door behind him and felt a bit like doing the same.

because tommy was holding a large piece of cucumber and two leaves of ice berg lettuce on the other side of the kitchen island and...

"...and like we said, because newton's third law of motion says that any action has an equal and opposite reaction, like when-"

"when i jump on the trampoline!" jee pulled the carrot out of her mouth to yell in excitement as tommy grinned at her in approval. buck felt a little faint.

"exactly, princess! and when the airfoil here," tommy shook the lettuce, "splits the air, the air pressure on top is smaller than on the bottom, that makes the air move faster downward and that generates lift!"

"lift!" jee yun cheered and danced in her chair, and buck had no idea whether she actually understood the lesson in beginner aviation just now, or if she just liked how tommy nodded approvingly at her as he handed her a wedge of cucumber. buck watched in disbelief as she rammed it into her mouth like a little chipmunk and grinned wide and green at his boyfriend, who couldn't possibly appreciate it for the miracle it was.

buck had been forced to pinky promise her never to include cucumbers in any of her snacks, "not even hided in yummy dip!", because they were "wet and ew".

although buck had to admit, he too would do (and had done) a lot of crazy things in order to get tommy to look and smile at him, so he couldn't blame jee yun too much for her change of heart.

he must have make some sort of a sound, because in the next instant jee was wriggling on her chair so much it was a wonder it didn't topple with her in it, and tommy was throwing his vegetable airplane model back into the salad bowl as though he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"uncle buck! uncle buck!" jee yun yelled, interrupting his stunned staring. "this is uncle tommy!" she added when he came up to her and at her request, lifted her into his arms.

"yeah?" was the only thing buck could think to say, as he pressed a scratchy kiss against her cheek, and turned to stare some more at his gorgeous boyfriend the tips of whose ears were turning a lovely shade of pink.

"he's a pilot!" jee yun continued to cheerfully shout in his ear.

"no way!" buck gasped.

"way way!" she yelled, and then went on to explain very seriously that she shouldn't jump on the bed because she didn't have a "jet-gin" or an airfoil and so she wouldn't fly because she couldn't "genate lift". buck nodded, also very seriously, and agreed that uncle tommy was "so cool!"

"the coolest," he said as he watched tommy start to put away the groceries.

buck had a feeling that the title of the favorite uncle that he had won from albert by knowing which brand of dino chicken nuggets to buy had just been stolen but he couldn't say he minded very much.

[justalittlerandomartist]

the teacher: what’s Newton’s third law of motion?

me: every action has its equal opposite reaction.

[drnikolatesla]

Nikola Tesla on Human Energy

In an article written in 1900 titled “The Problem of Increasing Human Energy,” Nikola Tesla shares his ideas aimed at revolutionizing the way energy is generated, transmitted, and utilized, with the ultimate goal of enhancing human well-being and progress.

Tesla starts with his philosophical perspective on human life–what is it, and where is it going? He implies that human life is a movement, and since the existence of movement naturally implies a body which is being moved and a force which is moving it, then wherever there is life, there is a mass moved by a force. Since action and reaction are coexistent (Newton’s third law of motion), then human movement, along with all movement in the universe, is rhythmical. He explains how we are witness to this rhythm in the motion of the stars, the surging and ebbing of the oceans, the changing of seasons, and the infinitely varied phenomena of organic life. Tesla then identifies humanity as a unitary whole, and comes to the conclusion that the same general laws of movement that govern the whole physical universe must be applicable to all living things, including humankind, and we may understand this movement by using mechanical principles. Consequently, Tesla implies we may measure human energy using the formula for kinetic energy, E=MV²/2, which is one of the fundamental physics equations that describes a moving object's energy. E represents energy, M being human mass, and V a hypothetical velocity. Tesla goes on to consider humans analogous to machines and asks how do we increase the energy of this machine positively and decrease the negative forces decelerating it? In answering this question, Tesla suggests:

Promoting marriage

Having more children and raising them to a higher velocity, or enlightenment, than their parents

Attention to health

Improving quality of drinking water

Providing healthful food to those in need

Encouraging a vegetarian diet rather than a carnivorous one

Discouraging artificial food

Moderation of exercise between both mind and body

Discouraging bad habits with alcohol, tobacco, tea, coffee, and other stimulants

Discouraging gambling

Improving hygiene, education, and morals

Reducing ignorance, stupidity, imbecility, religious fanaticism, etc.

Improving the productivity of soil by electrical means

Increasing the workforce

Ending warfare by developing machines (remote controlled robots, drones, etc.) to fight battles leading to fewer human casualties

Encouraging peace by bringing humans in closer contact

Improving methods of manufacturing (i.e., coal, gas, iron, aluminum)

Withdrawing from traditional energy sources and tapping into renewable energy

Tesla shares his invention of a radio controlled boat and its possible use. He also shares his experiments involving burning of nitrogen in the atmosphere, wireless transmission of power, and more. He discusses his vision for harnessing natural forces to help increase the energy needs of humanity. He proposes a global system of wireless power transmission, using the earth as a conductor and waterfalls as a power source. He also explores the possibilities of interplanetary communication and ideas related to tapping into cosmic energy sources and utilizing them for the betterment of humankind.

Tesla finishes his article saying:

"I anticipate that many, unprepared for these results, which, through long familiarity, appear to me simple and obvious, will consider them still far from practical application. Such reserve, and even opposition, of some is as useful a quality and as necessary an element in human progress as the quick receptivity and enthusiasm of others. Thus, a mass which resists the force at first, once set in movement, adds to the energy. The scientific man does not aim at an immediate result. He does not expect that his advanced ideas will be readily taken up. His work is like that of the planter — for the future. His duty is to lay the foundation for those who are to come, and point the way. He lives and labors and hopes with the poet who says:

"Schaff’, das Tagwerk meiner Hände, Hohes Glück, dass ich’s vollende! Lass, o lass mich nicht ermatten! Nein, es sind nicht leere Träume: Jetzt nur Stangen, diese Bäume Geben einst noch Frucht und Schatten."

(Daily work — my hands’ employment, To complete is pure enjoyment! Let, oh, let me never falter! No! there is no empty dreaming: Lo! these trees, but bare poles seeming, Yet will yield both food and shelter!)

*Goethe’s “Hope." Translated by William Gibson, Com. U. S. N.*

[starzgaze]

boing..??

shitass synopsis: zhigang's hair is confusing, it makes him look like a bug but it's okay!! bc u will MIGHT get to the bottom of this by playing around with it. maybe.

pairing: liu zhigang/reader

a/n: this is so stupid why did i write it LMAOOO???? he's a cutie pie even if he has antennaes

you were always a curious individual, always seeking out the answers and reasons why things are they are.

and recently the main topic that has caught your curiousity is just how the hell does zhigang's hair stand up like that??

the two of you were resting in your shared apartment, zhigang coaxed (begged) you to move in with him and promised you that he'll take care of everything and you which was more than enough reasons for you to move in with the famed hunter.

zhigang was sitting at the other side of the sofa, his legs propped on top of the coffee table while scrolling through his phone. you can't help but admire his appearance, you were one lucky person to somehow become the object of affection of liu zhigang!

but he was sort of unfortunate to have you as his lover because now you were narrowing your eyes at him, well not at him- more like his weirdly shaped bangs.. zhigang noticed this

a pair of honey colored eyes met your gaze, zhigang's brow raising.

"what are 'ya looking at?" he mused, cocking his head to the side.

you didn't reply immediately but continue to observe the chinese hunter, his pointy hair bounced along when he moved his head. so it isn't hard like rock as if gel was drowned into it?

"nothing, nothing" you shook your head but zhigang knew that was a lie.

zhigang motioned you to come over his side and you followed, his calloused hand slithering over to your shoulder as zhigang pulled you closer to him.

"oh please. i know that look in your eyes, baobei. there's something that caught your eye and i want to know" you hear him chuckle, the sounds sending flutters to your stomach but he was right.

you sighed, nodding to the fact he was right.

"yeah there's something that caught my eye."

"oh? then what is it?"

a hand reached out to flick his hair which bounced, still surprisingly following the third rule of newton's law. zhigang's eyes widened.

"oh my gosh even if it's defying the laws of physics it still follows some of it?!" you gasped as you sat up straight and stared at the strands of hair that was protuding from zhigang's pretty head. the hunter was amused by your reaction, was it really that shocking?

"you were looking at my hair this whole time? and here i thought you were admiring my face"

you huffed at this, he wasn't wrong but you were more curious on how his hair operated. "you're not exactly wrong but your hair is more interesting right now"

zhigang sat there as you continued to flick and sometimes pull on the strands of hair that was 'floating', trying to figure out why was it doing what it was doing?

"baobei stop trying to flatten my hair"

"i swear it has a mind of it's own!"

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

shit my actions have consequences. i didn’t think about this

newton's third law of motion did state that every action will have an equal and opposite reaction

[riverlikethelake]

Tìfyawìntxu

Summary: Your training starts, and you can't quite figure out Neteyam. Tension is thick, you know next to nothing about anything but the research done about Pandora, and you wish you could hear his thoughts, know what he thinks about you.

Pairing: Neteyam x Avatar!reader

Word count: 8.5k

Warnings/notes: mentions of death, depression, angst, fluff, development of platonic/familial relationships, Spider tries, Protective!Norm, foster family in the lab, the pacing isn't really what i wanted but we're getting there, slowburn, slight enemies to lovers, Neteyam and reader are in denial

series master list | Would stardust fix us? Part two

Newtons third law: Action & Reaction

His third law states that for every action (force) in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction. If object A exerts a force on object B, object B also exerts an equal and opposite force on object A. In other words, forces result from interactions.

You learned about Newton’s laws 4 years ago when Grace mentioned them in one of her logs, she was explaining her an another scientists research on the Ikrans, their anatomy vastly different from anything alive on earth and they wanted to compare them to Pterosaurs. Flying fascinated you after that, fully diving into any books you could find on physics and birds. 

Like how you wanted to learn about everything on Pandora, compensating for never being able to see it, you wanted to know everything about flying, maybe if you knew enough you could imagine what its like.          

-

“And she just let you in like that?” Norm questions, from across the table, pulling a chunk of bread off his piece with his teeth. You nod, widening your eyes and smiling, just as surprised as your foster father.

The two scientists look between each other, a moment passes and Norm shrugs “I mean Jake got in for about the same while the relations were significantly worse, it’s not unimaginable” He nods to Max who has a tentative look on his face.

He purses his lips and shakes his head to himself “Y/n I’m not sure how i feel about this” He speaks hesitantly “I mean i don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be in the link pod for extended periods of time, all day every day” You frown at his words, your shoulders slumping, demeanor visibly changing.

“Max..” Norm says in a low whisper, moving his hand to shield his mouth from you, as if what they’re saying isn’t to be heard. Max looks at him, he tilts his head carefully. After a moment, Max purses his lips and turns to you, “We can continue this conversation later, tell us about what you saw” a guarded smile forming on his lips.

You don’t like how he changed the subject, feeling as if they’re hiding something from you, but you take a deep breathe and start recalling the forest, every image of it engraved in your mind

The decompression door goes off and all your heads turn, Spider walks through, pulling off his oxygen mask and tilting his head to the side to stretch his neck. 

“You’re late” Norm speaks through a full mouth. 

“Aren’t I always?” Spider asks, a smirk on his face. “Jake and Neytiri wanted to talk to me about Y/n, they wanted to talk to her but you were disconnected by then” he explains motioning his hand towards you as he walks over.

You frown “They told me i could go to sleep?” You state confused. He shrugs and plops down next to you, grabbing a piece of bread from your plate and taking a bite.

“Yeah but I guess they forgot that you can’t really be ‘woken up’” He mumbles through the bread in his mouth “It was funny seeing Jake get all fumbled about forgetting” he laughs, pointing at Norm who cracks a smile.

“The mighty Olo’eyktan, you’d think with how attached he is to guns he’d still have some human left in him.” You roll your eyes as they take turns making jabs at the ex-marine. You make eye contact with Max who shares your expression, a smile cracks on both your lips as you roll your eyes and he shakes his head.

You lean over and nudge Spider’s shoulder “Y’know Spider, this means you don’t have to try and remember every detail of your day.” You grin. His smile falters for just a moment, a look passes through his eyes but it blinks away before you can recognize it. “And you can take me to all your favorite places”

He leans back in his chair, keeping his eyes on you before he grins. “That’s as long as Neteyam doesn’t take up all your time” your eyes widen, you purse your lips nervously and glance away. You hadn’t thought about the training yet, Neteyam had yet to leave your mind but you honestly don’t know what to expect with the upcoming training.

You shake your head and open your mouth to deny the accusation but he interrupts you, “Or maybe you’ll get all spiffy and serious like him” his smirk has doubled in size now. At this, you roll your eyes and throw your plastic fork at him. 

“I will not, I doubt he’s gonna even pay much attention to me” You lean back in your chair and grab your stolen bread out of your brothers hand. You hadn’t realized Norm had gotten up until hes reaching over and placing a food tray in front of Spider and taking his place in the chair across from you.

Spider leans forward and immediately starts stuffing the food into his mouth, earning a “manners, please” from Max.

“Knowing Neteyam, he might not pay much attention to you but he’ll take his job seriously” Norm states, leaning onto the table. “And he won’t go easy on you” Your eyes dart to Max to confirm his statement, he nods and you throw your head back and groan. 

Spider chuckles and pokes at your head making it loll to the side. “Don’t worry Bug, me and Kiri will be on your side” He comforts, pinching at your ear. You move your head to be facing him, you raise a brow and his smirk returns “Lo’ak might try and make things harder” you roll your eyes.

“Of course, what are friends for” You mutter, reaching your hand over to flick his forehead

-

Norm strides into your room, flipping on your light and pulling off your covers. You groan, flipping over to your side and curling in on yourself. “Rise and shine bug!” he bends down and ruffles your hair “village life starts early so if you don't wanna be late you should get up” you groan and swat your hand at him before rolling back onto your back.

“Maybe a more careful approach next time?” You murmur, squinting your eyes to help them adjust to the light. He laughs and places his hand on your back as you start to pull yourself up, he slides his arm under the bend on your knees and picks you up. 

You slip your arms around his neck, your head lolling into his chest. “I can walk” you mumble out, your eyes squint close as he exits your room, subjecting your sensitive vision to an even harsher and brighter light. His chest rumbles, considering your comment before carefully placing you down, keeping his arm your yours for support.

Thankfully, the movement didn’t rush to your head and you remained composed. The walk to the moin area wasn’t far, your eyes still blinking in annoyance when you reach the table. Norm pulls out a chair for you and immediately your scooting closer to the table and resting your head into your arms. A chair scratches the floor next to your and a hand is shaking your upper arm. 

“And the princess has risen!” Spider teases, sitting down in his chair and scooting closer to you. You raise your head and realize he had placed your breakfast tray down in front of you. You shoot him an annoyed look for his comment, aware at how you were always the last to wake up. 

Despite always waking up late, you barely slept, staying up late at night stuck in your own thoughts, it was going to be a hard adjustment to wake up earlier.

You reach over and pick a grape and pop it into your mouth, chewing sluggishly as your eyes slowly blink open. 

“Hurry up, usually i’m out the door by now but I thought id wait for you” The statement pulls a smile at your lips, you straighten up and pull your arms above your head to stretch. Spider’s not the most patient or thoughtful person you know, but you’ve grown to appreciate little moments like these, softness peaking out of the nonchalant exterior he puts up. 

-

The difference you feel when you open your eyes is immediate, maybe it’s the fact that your avatar isn’t sick like your human body is, but there’s something else. The smell of the forest, the rustle of the village and jungle outside of your tent, the air is fresh, moist and sticking to your skin compared to the sterile air of the lab.

It still dark, just a hint of light streaming in through the cracks and makeshift windows of your tent. You pull yourself up from the hammock and take a moment to look around your tent, having been too giddy to really take it in last night. It’s empty, save for a table and some bowls, and of course your hammock and a few spare furs Kiri brought you. It’s not quite homey, a guest room at best, but your room back at the lab isn't much better. The blinding white walls and medical equipment just inches away from your bed always made it feel more like a hospital than a home, so this tent is already a step up.

You run your hand along the walls, feeling the material beneath your fingers, squinting to see the intricate weaving and texture. You want to decipher what it was made out of, what plant, what the technique was, why that plant, when did they find out that plant and that technique worked best. You furrow your brows, you can’t place what it was made out of, it reminds you of the cloth of Jake's battle band but thicker. 

You run your eyes across the rest of the tent, looking for a clue when the blanket covering the entrance flaps open. Your freeze, your head snapping towards the entrance, making eye contact with Neteyam. He’s just barely visible, peaking in, holding the blanket aside with his forearm. For a moment he examines you, looking you up and down before glancing around your hammock. You’re frozen in place, hands sweating under his gaze unsure of what to say.

His eyes come back to you and it feels like there’s a dumbbell in your chest. “You are up.” he notes, his voice carrying through the silence of your hammock. You glance down at your hands, wringing your fingers together.

“Norm told me it would be a good idea” You didn’t mean for your voice to come out in a whisper, you’re worried he didn’t even hear you but he nods. 

A moment passes before he speaks “You should join us for breakfast” a brief smile presses against his lips before it's covered by the flap, you stare at the spot he stood for a moment before taking a deep breath. 

You’re met with the village, alive and waking up, preparing for the works of the day. You’re only a few feet behind Neteyam, meeting his eyes when he briefly glances back at you. You follow behind him anxiously, resisting the urge to look around, wanting to seem as small as possible when you feel the stares follow you.

You speed up your pace, catching up to Neteyam, hoping his presence will shield you from the intensity and distaste that seemed to stab into your skin. 

In contrast, Neteyam seems to embody power, with others nodding in his direction when he passes by. despite the feeling on eyes on you, you're almost completely ignored when in Neteyam's presence. Warriors and hunters looking to him with respect and idolization, domestics and gatherers watching him with fondness and curiosity, unmated women unable to keep their eyes off of him.

You wonder what a spectacle you two must be, the chief's son who stays humble under the bows of respect from others, and the outsider stuck by his side, suffocating under the intense air around him.

Neteyam notices your unease but does little to acknowledge you, he’s still unsure of you. You’re harmless, raised by scientists loyal to his people, close friends with his siblings, and the sister of an extension of his family, rationally he shouldn’t have any hesitation in your presence.

But rationality is quick to become scarce, he’s learned. Yesterday he couldn’t take his eyes off of you, analytical of the unknown sky person Eywa brought him to. Today; he can’t bring himself to look at you, unappreciative of the way his body and mind freezes at the mere thought of you.

The only other time he’s felt this was when he came face to face with a pack of nantang, unable to draw his bow or knife, only able to dodge the beast that lunged for him when he heard his sister scream for him. 

His uncertainty isn’t absurd, you’re not a danger but he doesn't know you. He’s never actually met someone new, everyone in his life is someone he’s known, even the Na’vi he doesn't know have been present long enough to never raise a second thought in Neteyam’s mind.

You’re a complete mystery to him, you’ve lived not even that far away for 17 years, he’s known your brother for as long as he can remember, and his siblings have apparently been visiting you since before they knew how to hunt. Yet somehow, your mere existence has seemed to go unheard of by him.

He watches as you sit down next to him nervously, a close but comfortable distance, and starts fiddling with your fingers. You look severely out of place, still wearing your human clothes and keeping your head down, but you seem invisible almost. Like he could look away for a moment and you’d blend in with the background instantly, like if he reached out and touched you, you’d dissipate into the air.

He considers testing the theory, watching you out of the corner of his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d been staring until Kiri lunged at you from behind, wrapping her arms around your neck and pulling your back to her chest, nuzzling her cheek against yours.

You yelp before being thrown into a fit of giggles. “Kiri, do not scare me like that!” You place your hands on her forearms that rest against your collar bones. She pulls you back further, positioning herself on her knees so she can rest her chin atop your head. 

“Y/n, you are are up early.” She teases, rolling the ends of your loose hair between her fingers. You tilt your head back in an attempt to get a better look at her when you see Lo’ak pop up from behind her, leaning over his sister to poke his finger at your cheek.

“Yeah aren't you usually like, just going to sleep by now?” He places his hands on Kiri’s shoulders for stability as he leans over you both to place his face in front of yours, his braids hanging down. You stick your tongue out and push at the side of his head, you thought that since you technically complied with what he wanted by leaving the lab, he’d give up his pestering habits he developed over the years.

Whenever he felt like you were paying too much attention to the computer or something else he blamed for your disinterest in leaving the lab, he’d do anything he could to get in the way of it.

“I’m not up by choice” you state, keeping eye contact with the na’vi as he repositions to be sitting next to you. “I’m just as surprised as you are” a grin spreads across your face in sync with the boy next to you, you hear Kiri sigh before she pinches your cheek.

Neteyam watches your interaction with his siblings, he wouldn’t be surprised if he has whiplash from how quickly your entire demeanor changed, how differently you act with people who aren’t him. Just seconds ago you looked like you were ready to lie down and melt into the ground, now you were much more relaxed, the quiver in your lips replaced with a loud grin.

He didn’t know that you being up at this time was apparently unusual, he half expected it when he came to check up on you. You didn’t tell him that was an ordinary occurrence, but you sure didn’t tell him it wasn’t one. The information you offered his siblings doesn’t contrast what you told him, in fact you didn’t tell him much, not that he asked for much, but it’s vastly different, much more personal.

His point is driven home when Tuk comes bounding through the crowd and throws herself into your arms. “Y/n! Y/n! So it’s true!!” The young girl cries, she wraps her arm around your neck and plops herself down onto your thigh. Her eyes beam up to you, a massive smile stretching across her face as she stares at you in awe.

A soft giggle escapes your lips as you wrap your arms around her and pull her closer, her back against your chest. You smile, repeating her name in a fondness their mother often does. Tuk nuzzles herself into your hold, grabbing your hand and holding it in front of her face to marvel at.

Tuk sputters out as many comments as she can while you and Kiri giggle at her excitement, Lo’ak rolls his eyes and falls back from his heels to sit flat on his butt. 

“Are you coming with us today?” Tuk’s question makes both you and Neteyam pause, making brief eye contact before she babbles on about what she has planned. “I wanna collect fruit! I reeaaallly think you’d like Yovo, it’s so sweet and-” 

Neteyam reaches over and places a hand on her head, she turns her attention to her brother, her excitement not faltering. He offers her a soft smile before speaking “I’m sorry Tuk-tuk, but it’s my job to teach Y/n” He watches as her head tilts, Kiri and Lo’ak’s attention on him now too. “That means I have her today.”

A stiff pout reaches Tuk’s lips, she glances up to you for some kind of consolation but you simply offer her an apologetic smile. 

“I’m sorry Tuk, but I promise I'll still spend time with you” You brush a braid that fell in her face behind her ear “and once I’m done with my training then we’ll have more time together than ever!” She tilts her head, considering it for a moment, she glances between you and Neteyam before burying her head into your chest.

“You promise?!” 

“I promise”

You’re so sweet with his sister, the softest and fondest smile on your lips. 

He can’t explain the unpleasantness he feels.

-

Neteyam doesn’t look back as he strides through the forest, he knows you’re behind him, your raucous stumbling letting him know you’re just a few feet behind him.

You, on the other hand, struggle to keep up with him. His long strides and adept knowledge of the forest give him an advantage you can’t dream of attaining. You try to keep your eyes on him, not wanting to lose him in the forest, but you keep having to look to the ground to watch where you’re stepping. 

You doubt Neteyam would let you get lost, you don’t know how long he had followed you, but you know that you weren’t alone for the majority of your time in the forest yesterday. You still try to keep up, jumping over logs and narrowly dodging trees and other sudden obstacles. 

A branch jutting out from a nearby bush snags at your shirt, feeling the pull, you immediately turn around to undo the catch, but your foot catches on a surfaced root as you step back. A yelp leaves your lips before you even begin to fall, you throw your arms out to try and find stability in something but it’s useless.

You pull your arms up to protect your head when a pair of hands find purchase under your armpits. Neteyam pulls you up and towards himself, peeking his head over to see the source of your fall as you straighten yourself out.

“Must I carry you?” A smile perks at the corners of your lips but you quickly smush it away. You shake your head and turn to face him, his head tilts forward as he examines you. “You are like a baby, learning to walk” he speaks lamely.

You smile shyly “I have a hard enough time walking in my human body, this will definitely be a learning curve” you try to joke but it falls flat as he scrunches his brows and tilts his head in confusion. He stares at you like he’s trying to speak to you through his eyes, like he’s saying a million things and you’re just not getting it.

After a moment he shakes his head and turns around, continuing his path through the forest. His pace is slower, you notice when you struggle less to follow him. You tread the forest for a few more minutes, you try to keep your focus on Neteyam, knowing that this wouldn’t just be a leisurely walk, but you can’t help the way the forest captivates you.

The weight in your stomach grows with every step, every new specimen you get a glance of, you can’t explain what the feeling is, but you don’t want it to go away.

You snap your attention to Neteyam when he stops abruptly, he looks up to the trees and glances at the surrounding flora. 

“What is around us?” He asks, his question catching you off guard. Vague yet intense questioning must run in the family…

You glance around, taking in the forest and vines, plants and creatures growing and living around you. “The forest” You’re technically not wrong, but you know there’s more to it than that so you scramble to say more before he comes to resent your shelteredness more than he probably already does. “Life, plants and animals”

Again, you’re not wrong, but the look he gives you tells you that you’re off the mark. He keeps his gaze on you, looking at you from over his shoulder before turning his attention to a short bush-like plant on the ground. He bends down and plucks two large seeds from the center bulb of the blue plant.

Lionberries, or Cynaroidia decumbens, it’s one of the lesser researched plants, but still well known. He stands up and hands you the seed, carefully you take it and cup it in your hand. 

You study it for a moment before looking up to him. “This is the umm.. Kllpxiwll?” You speak slowly, wanting to get the pronunciation right, he tilts his head and nods, a small smile on his lips.

“Kllp-xi-wll” He repeats, sharpening his pronunciation in the beginning “You know of it?” he steps closer and takes a bite out of the second seed. Nervously you glance from the seed to him and nod.

You fiddle with the seed in your hand, feeling the texture and density of it for yourself. “I’ve studied the logs Grace made about the forest” Your eyes dart around the trees, landing on different vines and plants, names popping in and out of your head “um uh this is good for protein right?” 

He nods carefully, he takes another bite out of the seed and motions towards yours. Nervously you take a bite, it’s an earthy flavor, a little bitter but its mellow enough to be enjoyable, like the piece of dark chocolate Norm found and gave to you years ago.

He steps back towards the plant and plucks one of the leaves, he rubs his fingers across it several times before running his fingers along the tree next to you, a faint blue mark left behind.

“Around us, is our way of life” He speaks in a mellow voice, keeping his eyes on the shapes he lazily draws with the pigment “When ground up, these leaves create a much more vibrant paste that we use for painting”

He turns to you and holds out his hands, one with the half eaten seed and the other covered in the pigment from the leaf. “Everything here is apart of the way of life we have created, a plant is created from the energy of Eywa” He gestures to the green surrounding you “Animals feed on the plant, using the energy for themselves, we then hunt those animals and use that energy”

He steps forward and swipes his thumb down the center of your forehead, leaving a faint blue mark that blends in with the color of your skin “And once we die, we return the energy back to Eywa” His eyes meet yous “and a plant is born”

Slowly you nod your head, it’s basic science, you learned about life cycles when you were 8, when you were first really getting into the scientific part of everything. It’s an easy thing to understand but somehow this feels deeper, it’s more than just the basic life cycle lesson. 

Everything you’ve learned up till now has been through the eyes of a human born on earth, someone who grew up with the way of life that almost destroyed the beautiful planet you stand on now.

You wonder if earth was once this beautiful.

The way humans perceive things is inherently different from the Na’vi, from what you’ve heard, life on earth was kill or be killed, take for yourself and don’t look back. An unimaginable way of life for those on Pandora. So everything you have learned isn’t wrong, scientific wise it might be more than the Na’vi themselves may know, but something tells you that it’s not right either. Perhaps it’s the perspective you’ve learned it through, it’s the same information, but completely different meanings.

You knew that things would be different outside of the lab, being an avatar, but the revelation makes your mind feel paralyzed. It’s barely been a day since you found out you had an avatar at all and you can already feel the humanity of your existence being challenged.

Neteyam saw the change happen, the way your eyes widened and you weren’t just listening to him, but you were hearing him. A smirk passes over his lips as he turns and starts walking away, knowing you’ll follow behind him.

-

You're exhausted to say the least. Your legs ache from the almost constant walking, the bottoms of your feet sting from the scrapes and pricks from the unforgiving forest floor, your stomach turns and you wonder if you ate too much or too little before you eagerly followed the Olo’eyktan’s son on this journey. 

You had been walking for hours, Neteyam wanting to waste as little time as possible. Your head hurt from the constant quizzing he started after you revealed your years of knowledge on the research of Pandora. 

You thought you had been making progress with him, his stone demeanor faltering, until your exhaustion got the better of you.

He’d point at a plant or passing animal and you’d have to name it and everything you knew about it. The increasing venom in his stares when you pronounced something wrong only worsened your anxiety, resulting in a less than satisfactory performance.

You pronounced it wrong, you were thinking of a different thing, you didn’t know enough about it, you were just flat out wrong. You just wanted the ground to swallow you whole, you know that you don’t know everything but you’ve studied Pandora your whole life, you know a lot and he’s definitely being to nit picky. It’s your first day being outside of the lab for christ sake! You try to be patient, not let his words affect you, but his snappy comments and rather mean words make you wonder why he even agreed to this in the first place.

“Skxawng, wrong again.” he scoffs, skillfully climbing over a large fallen branch and continuing on, not even waiting for you. The branch is arched and high up, propped up against another tree enough to see through the bramble and vines hanging below it. The tangled vines are too thick to go through, the brush to your sides the same, leaving you with only the option to go over. 

You bite your lip and reach your arms up to try to climb the fallen branch but you can’t find a good grip, it’s suspended in the air enough for you to have to almost rely entirely on upper body strength. You grip your fingers into subtle grooves but your fingernails start to sting, so you pull them away. You step back, considering going around it when you notice Neteyam had stopped, you can see his still figure though the vines in front of you.

He stands watching you, narrowing his eyes and observing you. If you went around, you feel it would be failing whatever test you think he’s putting you through. He can’t not teach you, if anything he should understand your hesitation and inability to travel like he does, it would just show him what he needs to help you with more.

But you want to impress him, show him that you’re not just some human that wants to learn for fun, prove yourself worthy of his teaching.

So you take several steps back, eyes scanning the scene when you spot a thick vine hanging from the tree the branch is propped against. Quickly you stride over and pull at it, testing its stability. When it does give, you smile and back up a few steps. You wrap the vine around your hand and pull yourself up, throwing your other hand up and gripping the vine and pulling yourself up till you're at height with the branch. You brace your feet against the free, stabilizing yourself on one before throwing the other over the thick branch. 

You can’t help the laugh that escapes you once you’ve let go of the vine and you look down. You actually did it. You bite your lip in excitement and swing your other leg over before jumping off and landing on the ground with a thud. 

You’re a little disoriented, admittedly, having never jumped from such a height, but you’re on your feet and have no sprained or broken limbs. You whip your head up to meet Neteyams, an excited smile on your lips, full teeth. 

He looks you up and down before nodding and turning around. “You are a fast learner, but here…” He looks at you from over his shoulder, gesturing around you “There is no room to hesitate or make a mistake.”

Without a second thought, he continues walking through the forest. You realize what an advantage being blue is, the farther you go into the forest, the more you really have to pay attention as to not lose him. You wonder how he was able to stalk you so well yesterday without even being close or in sight.

You walk for about another half hour, reciting the names and purposes for plants and different animals you pass by, often repeating the ones that show up more than once. You struggle to climb the trees when he insists on it, you’re slow but you manage to make it a fair way up. You can see one of the branches, eagerly, you reach over to pull yourself up to it when you loose your grip.

You scream embarrassingly loud as you fall, grabbing tightly onto the branch or vine you can get a hold of. You still for a moment, still suspended in air, you’re about to take a breath of relief when it snaps and you’re falling again.

The Na’vi are cat-like, you wonder if your avatar wasn’t combines with human DNA if you’d land on your feet, if that happens to the Na’vi in the first place. 

Your survival instincts aren’t… good. Anyone raised in the forest would surely do better than closing their eyes and freezing as soon as they feel any type of fear or pain, if you don’t die from the fall then you’re going to die from embarrassment and humiliation.

You can only wonder what Neteyam must be thinking when you feel yourself stop, the ground isn’t as painful as you thought it would be. In fact you don’t even feel the ground, you’re still half suspended in the air.

Slowly you open your eyes to a worried Neteyam, his eyes are scanning your body for any sign of injury before they meet yours. You grimace, about to apologize for your oafishness when he kneels down and carefully sets you down. 

You’re on your knees and he’s grabbing your arms, inspecting them with a frown on his face. You silently let him, still frazzled by the experience and not wanting to bother him. His hands ghost across your skin when they land on your shirt, torn at the bottom and along the side up your your armpit. 

It doesn’t sting, so you assume the rip is the worst of the damage. After a moment he pulls back and glances over you one more time before meeting your eyes. “Are you ok?” The question snaps you out a state you didn’t realize you were in.

His face is serious, all you can do is nod. A beat passes and he nods and sits back, he stares at you for a moment. “You climbed well…” The statement is awkward, maybe because you’re still in shock but you take a moment before responding.

“I fell” your voice is quiet, you have to clear your throat after it comes out raspy and crackly. 

“You made it far” He keeps his gaze on you, intense as always “I am surprised you didn’t fall sooner” You glance up and see a smirk sneaking onto his lips. A quiet chuckle escapes your lips, you wrap your arms around yourself and shift so your legs are folded and you’re no longer on your knees.

“I’m surprised I’m still alive” You joke, rolling your eyes and looking back up to the spot you fell from. Neteyam furrows his brows before leaning forward and pushing at your shoulder.

“You wouldn’t have died” he states, you raise your brow questioningly and he looks up to the tree before pursing his lips “You would have just… hurt a lot” He adds, a wry smile forming on his face.

You roll your eyes again before laughing “I don’t think Norm and Max would ever let me leave my room again” You lean back further and hit the tree, letting all your weight rest against it. “Injuring my avatar in less than 24 hours? I definitely would have thought i’m cursed” 

He tilts his head, confused again by your statement, but chooses to drop it. “I think my dad would skin me if i came back and the daughter of his closest friends was injured” 

You let out a laugh “Considering how you’ve been able to save me from myself several times, it wouldn’t be your fault at all” You point out, you loom down and start drawing random shapes in the dirt. “Plus i doubt he would care much, maybe he’d be upset but no way you’d take the fall for it.”

He shakes his head “He would definitely care, plus you’re my responsibility” He lazily points to you “You’re like a baby” you roll your eyes “It’s my job to teach you, if you get hurt it’s because i failed to teach you.”

Theres a beat of silence before you frown “That’s stupid” you mumble, keeping your focus on the array of lines and crudely drawn shapes in the same spot of dirt “I’m not helpless” you state. You glance up for a moment only to be met with a raised brow. “I’m not! I mean I’m here because the Tsahik saw some kind of worth in me”

You feel that churning in your stomach you always get before you retreat back to your room, curling up on your bed and pulling up a research log or movie to occupy yourself with. This is the longest you’ve been around someone who wasn’t one of your dads in… years.

Spider, Kiri, and Lo’ak would come around a lot, but it wasn’t for long and when it was, all the attention was on an argument Kiri and Lo’ak were having or Spider, never you. You don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t know anything about actually being in the forest or talking to people. Lo’ak and Spider did most of the talking, it was easy to listen and occasionally egg them on.

Neteyam, he didn’t speak. Silence around him was deafening, it wasn’t the kind of silence you could have with Kiri or your dads, it suffocated you, so you talked. You talked to fill the space but you don't know how to talk! You’ve made it this far but the lump forming in your throat makes you think you’re going to throw up before you can carry on the conversation.

He stares at you for a moment “Why else would I be teaching you?” The statement strikes you. 

You stare blankly at the ground beneath you, trying to decipher his words, trying to decipher how you feel about them. 

Before you can decide, he stands up and nods for you to do the same. 

“Lead us home” 

A moment passes

“... huh?”

He gestures to the direction you came from “Lead us home, we are not that far out.” Slowly you tilt your head, staring out into the deep forest before looking back to him.

“You’re serious?” It comes out quieter than you mean, nervous. He nods.

“I am here, we will not get lost” He steps out of the way and reaches for your upper arms, nudging you closer “I trust you were paying attention?” 

You nod, you were definitely paying attention, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of what’s around you, but you’re nowhere near confident enough to lead yourself back home. Going alone far into the woods yesterday was simply a one-off situation, excitement completely taking over your sense of logic. 

Another beat passes and you don't make any move to start leading you both home. You look down to the floor, much more interested in the flowing grass than the multiple different looks Neteyam could be giving you. Nervously you wring your hands and bite your lip.

Neteyam watches you for a moment before sighing. You were making so much progress, the park he saw in you yesterday came out, only for a moment before retreating back, and he was faced with the nervous girl that seemingly only came out when he did something. 

Maybe he was pushing you too far, but he wanted to get this over with. He doesn’t know what to think of you and he doesn’t want to. You’re a human, a dreamwalker that just so happened to be interested enough in Pandora to catch Eywa and his grandmother's eye. 

His father was once in your place but that was different, not only was he Toruk Makto, but he made a choice to join the Na’vi and stay on Pandora. He had an entire life back on earth, everything he ever knew, and he gave it up to protect and learn from the people. You don’t have much of a choice, yeah you could choose to stay in the lab, reject his grandmother’s offer to learn, but why would you? There’s nothing else for you. He doesn’t doubt Eywa’s judgment, but he wonders if it would be the same if the choices weren’t so… definite.

“Fine, but tomorrow you will learn.”

-

You’re exhausted when you get back to the village, you pull up enough energy to entertain Tuk, listen to her story about her day. Your voice is quiet but smooth when you respond, she nuzzles closer to you everytime you speak, seemingly making her sleepy.

Kiri and Lo’ak sit around you asking about your training, you honestly don’t want to talk about it but you don’t want to give them the wrong idea, so you give them vague and brief answers. It doesn’t take them long to pick up the vibe and change the subject, at least it doesn’t take Kiri long, Lo’ak needed more of a harsh nudge to his side from his sister when he asked a probing question to get the memo.

As soon as you eat, you go back to your hammock tent to sleep, waking up in the pod almost immediately.

The headache you get is splitting, a hissed groan escaping your dry throat. Norm is at your side with a glass of water “Hey kid, you came out at just the right time, dinner is about ready” He places a hand on the back of your head as you take the glass and gulp down the water as fast as you can.

He helps you over to the table where Max sits across from you and slides a screen over. You look over it but only look back up at him confused.

“I thought we could open the Avatar program back up, a little un-officially but you’re the youngest Avatar driver in action, and the only one trained by the Omaticaya, after Jake.” He explains, pulling the screen back and replacing it with a food tray. Carefully you scoop a piece of food into your mouth.

“You’ve watched enough logs for me to not have to explain them” a smile creeps onto both your mouths. Look down to your food and think. 

“Why?” you finish chewing the food in your mouth and swallow before continuing “I mean the research wouldn’t exactly benefit us, it’s not like we have any inexperienced drivers or scientists readily available to test something new” 

He chuckles, shaking his head “Kid, if we wanted successful research that would ‘benefit’ us, we wouldn’t have become ‘rogue humans’ and stayed on a planet that doesn’t want science at all.” You look down at your food and consider his words.

And with that, the Avatar program opened again. After eating dinner you sit down in front of the video camera and talk about your experience.

It was therapeutic, especially when you did them late at night when you were completely alone. You talked about how weird it was to be in a new body, a healthy one. Being able to walk and run, feel the forest floor and see the forest.

Talking about Neteyam’s lesson was more or less something you wanted to avoid. You were embarrassed but you also didn’t know how to talk about Neteyam. You had this preconceived notion of him, you didn’t take it to heart but it was still your only knowledge of him. You couldn’t decide if it was right or not, you couldn’t decide how you feel about him. 

You didn’t get to talk to Spider much, being busy with the log and then falling asleep almost immediately. You didn’t get much time at breakfast, waking up late because you spent so much time recording your log. So when Spider was out the door, your link pod was closing and you were in the jungle, laying in your hammock as the slimmer of sunlight creeps into your tent.

You’re not so tired anymore, the perks of being an Avatar you guess. You don’t hesitate this time, leaving your hammock and joining the bustle of the village with as much confidence as you can muster. 

“Tuk! Don’t go so fast! Mom wants you with her for breakfast!” You hear Kiri yell, before you can really process anything, a small figure is slamming into your legs, almost knocking you over.

“Y/n! Y/n!” She grabs both your hands in hers and starts jumping up and down, she’s way to energetic for this early in the morning. A fond smile creeps onto your lips and you reach down, scooping her into your arms and bringing her close for a hug.

“Oh tuk tuk tuk..” You murmur her name as she wraps her arms around you neck, her hands fiddling with your loose and messy hair. You smile as Kiri jogs up to both of you, smiling and reaching over to place a hand on Tuk’s back.

“Tuk you cannot run off like that!” Kiri scolds as calmly as she can, you chuckle as Tuk just whips her head around with a quick “Sorry Kiri!” before turning back to your hair, mumbling something about the beads she wanted to braid into it.

You offer her a smile “Good morning Kiri” you giggle, she stares at Tuk for a moment before turning her attention to you.

“Good morning Y/n, more training today?” She asks, Lo’ak walking up next to her, raising his brows to say he’s wondering the same thing.

You nod, smiling as Lo’ak rolls his eyes. “God you’re gonna have such a stick up your ass by the time Neteyam is done with you” You gasp as Kiri punches his shoulder, both of you gesturing to a now confused and curious Tuk.

She looks at you wide eyes, humming a confused noise before you tell her nothing was wrong, she shrugs and goes back to the loose braids she was making with the underside of your hair. You glare at Lo’ak as he puts his hands up and laughs. “Point proven” He mumbles out, being met with another sharp punch to his shoulder.

“Well i’m glad you finally met Neteyam, making up for all the years you hung out with us but never him huh?” Kiri nudges your arm, wriggling her eyebrows. You roll your eyes and shake your head.

“If i’m gonna learn the ways of the people then i’m going to be spending a lot of time with him.” You state with a sign, you roll your eyes as Kiri and Lo’ak both chuckle, making comments about your ‘soon to be closeness’ with their brother.

Tuk pulls back for a second, a wide and curious smile on her face. “Y/n!” she whisper yells, you turn your head so your ear is facing her, playing along with her childish habits. She giggles before leaning in and ‘whispering’  even louder “Do you have a crush on Neteyam!?”

Her question catches you off guard, making you freeze, a slight blush heating your cheeks. Kiri and Lo’ak, who both unintentionally leaned in to hear Tuk, burst out laughing. Lo’ak with his full chest, doubling over, over dramatic laugh he always does. Kiri, in contrast, throws her head back and stifles her laugh a bit by covering her mouth with her hand.

You send the two siblings a quick glare before looking back to Tuk. “No no Tuk, he’s just teaching me” you’re quick to clarify, flustered by her question. 

She giggles “But if you diiiiid, then you could be my sister!” she exclaims, patting your shoulders excitedly. Kiri and Lo’ak look to you, you widen your eyes as if to ask how on earth such a young child knew all this?

Kiri raises a brow to Lo’ak who shakes his head and mouths “it wasn’t me”

You shake your head and look down to Tuk. She’s a persistent girl, she latches onto an idea and rarely ever gives it up, her easily distracted demeanor misleading you to think she’d forget, only for her to bring it up with as much determination months later.

You think for a moment before nuzzling your head into her cheek making her giggle. “Oh but Tuk-Tuk I love you so much already!” You glance up to Kiri who steps forward and places her hand on Tuk’s head. 

“Yeah Tuk, Y/n doesn’t need to mate with our brother to be your sister” Kiri explains, Tuk looks back to her and thinks for a moment before smiling and turning her head back to you, nodding vigorously. Kiri leans into your ear and whispers “Nice save”

You give her a smile and lean closer to her “You too” you say under your breath. Lo’ak appears from behind you both, throwing his arms over both your shoulders, wedging himself between you and the older sister.

“Besides, Tuk, if Y/n were to mate with anyone it would be me!” He states proudly, shooting you a sly grin. Before you can react, he’s looking over his shoulder and calling out to someone behind you. “Isn’t that right Neteyam?”

You can feel your body freeze, you feel your blood run cold as you turn your whole body, Lo’ak briefly taking his arm off you to turn with you, placing his arm across your shoulders again and leaning against you more.

Neteyam stands, several feet away, carrying several logs of wood, a confused look on his face. “What?” he asks, looking between you and his siblings. You can hear Kiri angrily asking Lo’ak ‘what the fuck is wrong with him’

Lo’ak grins at you before looking back to Neteyam “If me and Y/n mated then she and Tuk could be sisters!” His voice is loud in your ear, his hand reaching up from next to you head to pinch your cheek. Lo’ak’s always had a bit of a flirty personality, it was a joke between the two of you to flirt sometimes, always acting out dramatic scenarios as a kid, but it’s been a while since he showed any form of interest outside of his usual flirt.

Neteyam looks between the two of you, Lo’ak is smirking like an asshole, tilting his head back in the defiant way he started doing the past few years. Tuk is looking at him bright eyed and shaking her head up and down, her intentions much more innocent than her brothers, genuinely excited at the idea of the girl she’s been so fond of being apart of the family.

Kiri seems to share his confusion, looking at their brother with an annoyed and baffled look. She turns her attention to him, shaking her head, the scene resembled the almost everyday occurrences when they were kids. Kiri compliant with Lo’ak’s antics while avoiding being an enabler and encouraging Neteyam to let it go. Neteyam and Lo’ak at a standstill, except this time its different, it’s no longer about Lo’ak unable to hold back from his adventurous personality and Neteyam only wanting the best for him.

The air between You and Neteyam as he makes eye contact with you is thick. This situation mirrors the game they’ve been playing their whole lives except you are here. 

“Yeah” his voice is flat. You stand there awkwardly, eyes following his retreating figure. Lo’ak cackles and Kiri scolds him more loudly. 

“C’mon it was funny! And I didn’t do anything wrong!” You hear Lo’ak defending himself from Kiri, reasoning it’s not a big deal and Neteyam could take a joke. “C’mon Y/n, stop pouting like that, It wouldn’t be that bad if we mated”

You finally pull your eyes off of Neteyam, who was now sitting in front of the fire, meeting Lo’ak’s grinning face. This is the boy you’ve known almost all your life, the one who’d stay in your room for hours on end despite how cramped it was for him. It’s Lo’ak.

You smile lamely “What is that Kiri says?” You raise your eyebrows, Kiri stepping closer and flicking Lo’ak’s forehead. “I would drink acid” you articulate, leaning into his face, grinning. He rolls his eyes and laughs, pushing you back by your shoulder.

You were focused on recovering from the situation that you failed to notice Neteyams eyes on you.

More drama and romance is to come! been a little busy but i've def got some ideas lol

[babyspiderling]

We Can't be Friends Part 1

Pairing: S1!Spencer Reid x reader

Genre: Angst, Fem Reader, BAU Reader

I was never good at giving space when someone was upset. I had this almost detrimental need to fix whatever was creating the problem. To poke and prod until a solution was reached or the tension reached its breaking point, forcing a cool down by the sheer concrete logic of Newton's third law of motion. Triggering such a reaction usually caused much worse consequences in terms of bonds and relationships, but almost selfishly, it brought an end to the guessing and desperation to fix what was “wrong”. Even if the cause and the effective solution were far from my own control. 

On the mirrored side, the anxiety that came from the tension and the restlessness that followed made me meek and almost overly cautious, tip toeing on the eggshells. To bite my tongue, to make myself invisible in an attempt to escape the feeling. The urge to cower and hide from the heavy emotional pressure was almost as strong as the compulsion to push and dig in my heels until everything reached climaxing peak, to allow the hurt if it meant the claustrophobic feeling to subside. 

I can’t tear my eyes from her. From her long, perfectly conditioned and styled blond hair. From her perfect figure. She disappears around the corner, so blase, almost flippant in her denial. She wasn’t the first reluctant victim and I consciously knew she wouldn’t be the last. I heave a large sigh and turn back to the cork board, room temperature coffee bitter on my tongue no matter how much sugar and creamer I added to the styrofoam. I open my mouth to ask Spencer his own thoughts only to find his gaze glued after Lila. I frown, pursing my lips as I cross my arms over myself, as if to hold myself against the stirring feeling deep in the pit of my stomach. “Ahem, Ground Control to Spencer. Are you listening?” 

My frown deepens as his almost criminally prominent jaw line tilts in an attempt to give the illusion his attention had turned to me. His refusal to let her leave his eyeline until he is physically unable to see her through the walls of the precinct sends a pang through my chest. My lips part to grumble a snide comment, to inflict the same prickling feeling he forced upon me but I bite my tongue. It’s almost comical, the conspicuous real time buffer as his mental capacities finally catch up to their normal levels. As if Lila’s mere proximity caused his boasted IQ to slash itself in two, only recovering when she was no longer in visual range. My teeth pierce painfully into the flesh of my cheek, echoes of Elle’s teasing ringing in my ears, how Spencer would only lose his extensive articulation around pretty girls, and the glaringly painful reminder that he never tripped over anything due to my presence. 

“Never pegged you to be the type to be stunned by Hollywood.” I purse my lips after the rebellious jab that had escaped from the tip of my tongue and through my clenched teeth. I sigh to myself seeing his puppy eyes and his little pout, the one that always made an appearance when the team cut his little rants off. Guilt smothers the sparks of jealousy swirling in my stomach. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m just… stressed about this case. Something just doesn’t sit right.” 

A pair of dark glasses cover my tired eyes. I hadn’t slept much the night before, restless and yet unable to do much more than stare up at the dull hotel ceiling. We had finally given the profile the night prior. I lean against the set wall, watching every interaction. I watch as Lila’s manager spoke to her. I glance up out of the corner of my eye, coming face to face with Morgans bicep as he joins me against the wall. He looked much more in place than I did. He looked like the rest of the muscled security milling about the set. 

“Tell me I’m not crazy.” I find myself mumbling. “Tell me I’m not the only one who finds something wrong with the profile. It makes sense, I guess. But it’s like walking into the room with everything moved an inch. It’s close but not quite. I just can’t… I can’t pick it out.” I sigh, forced to watch as she struts to Spencer, perfect expanses of skin on full display, only scraps of sequined fabric keeping me from having to arrest her for public indecency. I bite my cheek, crossing my arms over my ribs. I watch as he fawns over her. I watch as he stumbles over his words, losing any semblance of articulation. The back of my mind chimes cruelly that he had never so much as broke stride with me. 

I physically feel my jaw drop from its clenched position as he allows her to share his drink. On the occasions I was the subject of his sharing, things were put in separate glasses, foods cut in half and separately plated. He couldn’t stand the possibility of me contaminating his food, the person who’s been his assigned partner for the better part of a year, but the beauty he had known for mere hours had earned the almost casual intimacy that I had spent sleepless nights scheming for the mere chance of. It wasn’t fair. 

Morgan leaves me, pushing off the set wall to sneak behind the genius. My heart squeezes in my chest as even he acknowledges the break in Spencers rigid habits when it comes to sharing. Spencer grimaces as Morgan ruffles his hair. My breath catches in my throat as his eyes reach mine. I do my best to blink away any evidence of anything other than pure focus and analytics. I purse my lips despite my efforts, turning to walk away from it all, letting cowardice win.

[kafkasapartment]

The gyroscope and the box demonstrates the principles of conservation of angular momentum and Newton’s Third Law of Motion. The gyroscope, by exerting a torque on the box to maintain its orientation, causes the box to rotate in the opposite direction. This conservation of angular momentum ensures that the total angular momentum of the system (gyroscope + box) remains unchanged.

[indelicate-delicacies]

Hey so not to get too wildly off-track from the normal topic of conversation on this blog, but if you so permit it, I'd love to talk about another little theory of mine about the Magnus Protocol of all things. It's only a little hatchling, too young to really be too particular on the details, but we've got that season 2 drop closing in, so there's only so much time I have left to ship it off before it gets completely demolished from being proven wrong 6 times over.

As you might expect, spoilers incoming for pretty much the entirety of Season 1 (Not including the s1 epilogue).

So, the fears, right? If you've not heard of them, then you are the very rare individual that has somehow both found my blog, and listened to the entirety of Magnus Protocol before listening to half of Magnus Archives. I am very proud of you for managing to find this; though perhaps you should check if you've been marked by the Eye. (Joking.)

We're here to get down to the fears, where are they now, what's their new business plan, etc. etc. Well, I can say one thing for certain: Smirke's 14 is certainly not the main system we're operating with. There are some clear remnants of this system, such as the Stranger--they're still going strong, what with the Mr Bonzo and such. And I'll get into why that's still here later, but my point is we will not be relying on Smirke's 14.

But even if it's not 14, there are still some kind of division of the fears present. While the motifs may not be familiar to us, they are there if you look for them. The Deep is a clear example, because once it is literally name-dropped by an avatar external, the motifs become pretty easy to look out for. Even in one season, the amount of episodes involving drowning or water is too statistically significant to be some accident.

So you may be asking, "how does this work? How are the fears being stretched in such awkward ways that they have to go by completely different names?" Well, the thing is, they are not being stretched any more awkwardly by these new names than they were by the old ones. Think of it this way: they are mapping out the same landmass, but they break up the landmarks with completely different borders. You can see some decent overlap between certain fears, like the Deep with the Buried, and that's because that area has to go somewhere. And the Deep takes a good chunk of it, so as a result it seems awfully familiar.

The next question to answer: "If it's not 'Smirke's 14' anymore, then who's responsible for this one?" Shockingly, I think we can answer this. With the statement regarding Sir Isaac Newton himself, a Historical figure just like Robert Smirke, that shows him speculating on fear and its mechanics, we have a potential culprit for this new arrangement. Consider this parallel: Robert Smirke was always focused on balance, and how the fears are supposedly able to cancel each other out; Newton's third law of motion states that "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." That's not much evidence to place him as specifically responsible for all the current fear stuff, but it would be particularly powerful foreshadowing if the guy who designed these new fears was name-dropped all the way back in Season One, and Mr. Sims has made it clear he is quite fond of making sure everything is included for good reason. So I'm just going to make an educated guess and point my finger at Newton.

But the main thing I'm going to be discussing here is what the new fears are, how they're broken up, what their motifs/"motives" are, and afterwards, how the old fears factor into all of this. The thing is, I'm not exactly studied up on all the alchemy stuff, or much of anything regarding Isaac Newton outside of his theory of gravity; Maybe I'll research in the future, but again, we're working with a limited amount of time so I won't be diving into Isaac's methods and ideas just yet. Right now, I just mentioned him as a possible lead so I could have a name in here for the sake of naming this system of fears. That being Newton's system of 8. But let's get into that, shall we?

Here's how I think the fears are broken up:

The Deep. Related to the Buried and the Dark (and a portion of the Vast and the Lonely).

(Note: this is the only name confirmed in canon--the only other possibly canon name is "Liminal Hunger," which although it could be a name, it is likely not a frequent name. But for all the other names, they are speculations based on their themes.)

There seems to be only a small difference between the choking of the Buried and the drowning of the Deep. But there is certainly a difference. In the Buried, there is no action, no moving, no seeing. But the Deep is always moving. It pulls you downward, always further in, perhaps even convincing you to try and swim. But the pull is too much. You are locked in its grasp, and it will never stop pulling you closer and closer. The shock of cold gets you, paralyzing all your muscles except the ones in your heart, that cannot stop beating faster and faster. You struggle and fight and you try to swim, try to get one gasp of air. But it holds you close, and yet closer still. The cold grip tightens until you freeze. And only then do you stop moving.

Occurrences of this fear are: Episode 11 case file; statement of the corpse from episode 15; Episode 29 case file.

The Wild. Related to the Corruption and the Hunt.

The climbing, crawling, creeping Wild. It describes the Wrath of Demeter, the dense weeds with desire to spread and take control, the angry beast that wishes to fight and defend its territory. Sometimes it comes to devour, sometimes it comes for the sport of sewing chaos. Its truth reveals we are all not too distant from animals. It's angry, and hungry, and it just wants to survive. So it will take, splitting rock open with its roots. From nature we came, and it promises that to nature we will return.

Occurrences of this fear are: Ink5oul's floral serpent tattoo (described in episode 2); episode 3 case file; episode 14 case file; Lady Mowbray (episode 15); episode 24 case file.

The Risk/Never Enough. Related to the Desolation and the End (and a portion of the Web).

There's always a risk. At any time, there's risk of an accident, an injury, death--every day is a gamble. We believe that we get control over our lives, but there will always be a risk of losing everything. And if that's the case, what harm is there in challenging risk? If you're already living with a ticking clock that could run out at any moment, why not try for something more? If a small gamble pays out, then maybe you'll earn yourself a bit of a safety cushion? You'll only be taking one risk to replace another, and if your luck is as good as it's been so far, with you still being alive and all, maybe you'll finally be safe from the risk entirely. Except, there's still a risk. Maybe smaller after taking that chance, but not small enough. You need more gambles, more wins, until you're finally safe. Finally free. It won't matter how many times you lose, as long as you win in the end. Just one more try, just one more risk...

Occurrences of this fear are: Episode 1 case file 1; Episode 9 case file; Episode 13 case file.

The Pain. Related to the Slaughter (and a portion of the Flesh).

Fear of pain is simple. We're all familiar with it; that sting as some new injury has disgraced your flesh. Perhaps some marking their brand forever on your body, cutting deeply enough that your skin cannot repair without producing scars. A fear so common, it is almost ubiquitous. And yet despite this, it is a fear so commonly disrespected. What harm is there in hesitance in the presence of a needle? Why compare it to larger injury, when even such a tiny thing is capable of causing permanent damage? One needle is enough. Enough to burrow deep into you with complete disregard for the body it has infiltrated. Even a single sting is small, but it stays, and leaves you with some unnamable, deeper ache. A fear of its ability to return, and to take the opportunity to cause something much, much worse.

Occurrences of this fear are: Ink5oul (episode 2, 11, 16, 20); episode 6 case file.

Liminal Hunger. Related to The Spiral and the Flesh.

I'm not sure I understand this one. It is a hunger that must be sated, an emptiness that wishes to be filled. A place waiting to fulfill its purpose. But are the people who made it the source of this desire? The wish to have their work mean something, brought to life? Or is it something carried by the viewer, who expects something from a building until it decides to oblige them? Either way, there's something about those places. That it was created, theoretically with some purpose, and now its potential is being wasted. Even if it's some niche use, it still deserves to be used. It deserves to have a place, to get the appreciation that it earned. It deserves to have its purpose. At first I believed this fear to be something from the Flesh, being that the Hungry Man Grill really suggested that that fear was still around. I considered that it could have just expanded to be more than just meat and food, shifted toward a matter of creation. A hunger for purpose. But that wasn't it. While there are shared components with the Flesh, it is distinctly separated from its desire for simplicity and nature. The Flesh says we are all nothing but meat, but Liminal Hunger says we are something more. Something strange. And whatever it is, the fear wants it drawn out of us, have it pushed out our lungs and our hands and our eyes. It wants to live through us. It wants to be our creation.

Occurrences of this fear are: Episode 7 case file; episode 8 case file; episode 18 case file; Helen Richardson (Episode 26); The Custodian (Episode 30).

The Stranger. Mostly similar to the version of the Stranger in the Magnus Archives.

This version of the Stranger is very similar to the one we're familiar with, but it's not the same. All these ideas on the "other" and the unfamiliar are present, but they have been shifted to be an examination of objectification and desire. For an example of the contrast: while the previous horror in the taking of Breekon and Hope's name was about identity theft and your name no longer being yours, the loss of Nigel Dickerson's self is quite different. Mr. Bonzo was a simple property of his, one that was such an obsession for people that it eclipsed him as a person. People knew Mr. Bonzo, they liked him and were familiar with him, but everybody forgot the person behind the character. And then, all of it was taken away when the famous face was turned infamous. Mr. Bonzo is a story about celebrity culture, about being popular but never seen. Breekon and Hope were quiet, a personal and secret theft of personhood, while Mr. Bonzo was loud, an identity tainted and swept away by a roaring crowd. Not all of the fear is reaching this level of publicity in its motions, but it does permit itself to be seen more often, even if that image will always be false. If the Stranger had a name-change to reflect the way it's been changed, it could be called the Performance.

Occurrences of this fear are: Episode 5 case file (possibly located at the amphitheater); Mr. Bonzo (episode 10, 12); Episode 27 case file (though seemingly a more traditional version of the Stranger than my suggestions of the Performance).

The Mirror. Related to the Lonely and the Spiral (and a small portion of the Eye).

Sometimes when we look in the mirror, we are disturbed by what we see. Either by what is there, or what isn't. Some become trapped by the sight, trying to make fixes, or make conversation. Some are disturbed by the warps they see in the reflection, wishing to find an image of themselves that portrays them in perfect accuracy--in the attempt to deny something they wish to not be true, or in the hope that they will one day be able to understand just what they are. It's a fear that many people interact with in many different ways. And because the way we fear the Mirror is personal, I can do no more than describe its silhouette. I cannot fully express the complexity of its design, the intricacies of its attack. Because it is impossible for me to be a part of the dialogue that only You and the Mirror can share.

Occurrences of this fear are: episode 17 case file; episode 21 case file; episode 22 case file; episode 23 case file.

The Network. Related to the Web and the Eye.

The Network is a lot of things. On some matters, it is much like the Eye, nosy and knows how to find people. But on others, it's blind and clumsy. Because the Network is the fear of people. Not like how the Stranger is the fear of people--crowds of unblinking dolls and false identities--but real, genuine humanity. People that are just the same as you, and yet will always stay separated. The disconnect from others that cannot truly be broken, despite how tightly we are all interwoven. The truth that everything, every bit of the social structure we have created to make people feel safe, will always be vulnerable to simple human error. And this fear is only exacerbated when systems of hierarchy are concerned. Humans that are no different than anyone, no better than anyone, are put above each other in a never-ending cascade of hierarchy. At times, some feel they gain power from this system, some genuine control over their lives, not subject to the bizarre whims of a stranger. But then, no matter how big the role they play, a bigger fish shows up. Even the Externals have something to fear. Because there is no top, no point where you're above other people. That's a fiction invented by the desire for control, for stability. The Network is the fear that there is no stability, because the world is filled with people just like you. The fear that we will continue to enforce a broken system, not out of ignorance, but because it's the best we can do.

Occurrences of this fear are: The OIAR (all episodes); episode 16 case file (though caused by Ink5oul, an External related to the Pain); statement of Samama Khalid from episode 28 (just speculative--motifs are unclear, but not sure how else to place it).

If you kept a careful tally of the different case files I divided up amongst the different fears, you might have noticed I missed a few. You might think this implies I left one of the fears unclassified or something of that nature, but I think it's different. All these edge-cases are essentially arguments between "philosophers"-- because despite the mostly lacking presence of Robert Smirke, there are clearly still some remaining artifacts from his work. Some examples include... You know... The Magnus Institute existing at all in the show. Also that violent violin that was nothing but a dead-ringer for the Slaughter (episode 4 case file). And I think they are present because, at some point in time, Smirke did actually get down to the brass tacks of trying to break up the fears like he did in the Magnus Archives. The only difference is, he failed, and most of the fear structures that he built eventually dissipated back into the format they were previously reliant on. There's a reason why the violin story was so old, and why the Archive only spits something out when someone goes picking at its supposed corpse. It's not clear whether the buildings were destroyed because Newton himself came down to beat Smirke to death with a metal pipe, or because Smirke made some little mistake that got him killed (resulting in his architecture being left to slowly erode over time). But clearly Smirke had a short time where at least some of his structures were in place, and if some fragments of their remains are intact, then they remain capable of producing the occasional little nugget of fear. The Stranger, however, might have outlived the rest for a reason. If Newton's setup already had something remarkably similar to the Stranger, it could have decided it was easier to adopt/reformat the new motifs than it was to wholly reject them-- perhaps even leaving the amphitheater mostly undamaged. This is why I listed the Stranger as one of Newton's system of 8.

With all that wrapped up for now, I wanted to leave you with an "honorable mention" of a theory. For how close the number of fears was to 7, and for the Christian themes in the Newton case file, I almost made my theory revolve around the seven deadly sins. But 7 just didn't make as much sense as 8, so you all have been saved from this theory cliché. But just so you all know how close it came: The Deep was Sloth, the Wild was Wrath, the Risk was Greed, the Pain was Envy, Liminal Hunger was Gluttony, the Stranger was Lust, the Mirror was Pride, and the Network was assumed to be from remnants of Smirke's 14--though that wouldn't have made sense when they were the ones responsible for destroying the Magnus Institute (and likely the other buildings).

[ma-lark-ey]

AFTG & scientific ideas/paradoxes i connect them with no elaboration

Originally this post was going to be all scientific laws & then I remembered the Irresistible Paradox & went down a paradox rabbit hole. I simply think about how 90% of scientif law/theory/paradox is deeply poetic.

Firstly, the Monsters (+Jean) all apply to: Hedgehog's Dilemma (despite goodwill, intimacy cannot occur without substantial mutual harm) and I mean that with my full chest.

Neil: Newton's First Law of Motion (an object in motion will stay in motion) Bhartrhari's Paradox (the idea that something can be unnameable conflicts with the notion that it is named by calling it unnameable)

Andrew: (OBVIOUSLY) The Irresistible Paradox (an unmovable object meets an unstoppable force)

Aaron: Newton's Third Law of Motion (when two objects interact, they apply forces of equal magnitude in opposite directions)

Nicky: The Catch-22 (having a need for something that can never be acquired on the basis of needing it)

Kevin: Hess' Law (the total change of a complete course of a chemical reaction is independent of the sequence of steps taken)

Jean: Hagen-Poiseuille's Law (liquid left in a vacuum will always rise)

Renee: The Law of Microscopic Reversibility (any chemical reaction can be undone if given enough energy & time)

Jeremy: Olber's Paradox (why is the night sky dark if there's infinite amounts of bright stars covering it?)

Wymack: Yule-Simpson Effect (a trend that appears in a group of data will disappear when similar groups are combined, and reverse trends will begin to appear)

Honorable Mentions:

Ferme's Paradox (the probable existence of alien life despite the complete lack of concrete evidence) (Neil)

I also think ship of theseus is very Renee coded.

Jeaneil: The Conservation of Energy (isolated systems can be found to be symmetries in time) Andrew, Aaron, Nicky: The Prisoner's Dilemma (people might not cooperate despite it being in their best interest)

The Young Sun Paradox (the evidence of liquid water early on earth despite equal evidence that the sun should not have been able to melt the ice yet)

[numinousmysteries]

For the prompts: Mulder peering into the wondrous world of his fishtank.

This prompt is ancient now but the muse strikes when the muse strikes. Origin story of Mulder’s fish tank comes from @sagan-starstuff's brilliant post here. (I also don't actually. think I answered the prompt but this is what happened.)

A true one-bedroom in a good neighborhood—”in walking distance to Old Town,” according to the matronly realtor—2630 Hegal Place wasn’t a posh address but it wasn’t a total shithole either. Despite his burning instinct for self-flagellation, Fox Mulder’s trust fund parachute and Brooks Brothers upbringing would only let him stoop so low. Still, it was dreary enough to feel like a punishment.

He wasn’t naive enough to think that apartment 42 would be the answer to life, the universe, and everything, but it was an appropriate answer to the question of where to put a brooding man, ears still ringing from the shellshock of a failed six-month marriage. A fitting habitat for a 20th-century Heathcliff in virgin wool Zegna suits locked on course to ruin his professional reputation in the name of a long-lost sister and memories he didn’t fully trust. 

It was meant to be a stopgap. He signed a month-to-month lease. Months turned to years.

Late at night, dozing on the couch (beds are for men deserving of rest, who have the luxury of shutting off their brains a third of each day with no need for constant vigilance), the only light came from the fish tank. 

He hated the fucking fish at first, resented their glorious ignorance, their freedom from the burden of comprehension and consequence. The tank and its occupants were a housewarming/divorce gift from the Gunmen; a poorly-considered insurance policy against what they expected was his impending suicide. Fuck them, he thought, let the fish die. Let it all burn to the ground. After two days of mutual starvation, though, he locked eyes with a translucent molly and felt his humanity pulse beneath callused layers of cynicism. He tipped the container of freeze-dried flakes into the tank. He made himself a piece of dry toast. 

Newton’s first law of motion governs that action begets action. He kept rising every morning, searching for the truth, and feeding the fish. 

He was assigned a new partner. She fed the fish when he was detained in military custody, quarantined with a parasite of unknown origin, or chasing radio signals in Caribbean jungles.  

But Scully didn’t belong in his fox den. His newspaper-plastered bile nest. 

Her home was light where his was dark, soft where his was hard, warm where his was cold. She displayed framed family photos out in the open. Apple-cheeked baby nephews. A younger Scully in a cap and gown with her father grinning beside her. He hid an album of patrilineal co-conspirators under the false bottom of a desk drawer. Unsmiling men quietly plotting the demise of all mankind over cans of Rheingold in well-manicured backyards. Demerol-dazed wives trading their children for Givenchy dresses and empty promises of a valiant future. 

All her blonde wood Pottery Barn furniture and Yankee Candle torches couldn’t protect her from his darkness, though. Duane Barry stepped right into her sanctum and tore her away from him.

He took off on an ill-fated West Coast vampire hunt that ended in a bloodless climax and a three-alarm blaze. Somehow, all but one of his fish survived. He flushed down the fallen soldier, contemplating the shortcomings of mortality and the prison of eternity. 

Bleary-eyed and broken, he sat in the darkness, his gaze darting between his loaded gun and the glowing tank. This new knowledge of himself—that he was a man who’d kill in cold blood for vengeance—threatened to obliterate his reluctant detente with the fish. By tomorrow morning, he would no longer be their worthy steward. 

A knock on the door. Melissa Scully entered, her presence a tauntingly inaccurate facsimile of the woman he wanted to see. She was a few inches too tall, her hair several shades too dark, her rosy worldview miles off base. But she wasn’t that different from his partner after all. She called him out on his masochistic bullshit and saw the light within him. 

Newton’s second law of motion states that an object requires a commensurate force to launch it into action. He doesn’t believe that. These wispy Scully women with their birdlike bones and feather-soft breath shouldn’t have the power to lift him out from under two decades of self-hatred—but they do. So he put his faith in this patchouli-scented witchy sister with her silk choker and mall-bought crystals, bid the fish (and his blood-stained, testosterone-fueled revenge fantasy) goodbye, and went to see his dying partner.

[sushirrrry]

CELESTIAL | II. NEWTON'S THIRD LAW OF MOTION

7.1k words - on-going story

chapter one here

Chapter One. Fundamentals of Statistics.

I write a few problems down, a few definitions that seem to be a bit more of a challenge. My handwriting flies across the page as I write in a few calculations that would be helpful for the exam tomorrow. I'm not an expert on statistics, but I can problem-solve easily when it comes to mathematics equations.

Everything I look at makes perfect, logical sense when it comes in the form of equation and number sequence. That was the way I liked it.

And if there was one thing that I was good at, it was creating study sheets. While I didn't necessarily need it, I thought that there may be a time tonight during studying that someone does need it.

The possibility of that felt oddly exciting, but I tried not to think too hard into it.

I had made my way home after my two classes this morning. Grabbing lunch at the dining hall, I decided to bring it back to my apartment—just a salad, really—and watched a few episodes of The Twilight Zone on the sofa while I ate. I particularly liked the episode about the bank clerk that enjoys reading, but never has the time– it keeps my attention even though I know what happens in the end.

Chase had chosen to have his classes in the afternoon, I had classes in the mornings on Thursday's. We missed each other, usually, and then were home in the midafternoon together. On Thursday nights, it kind of depended on his schedule, we would normally order in some food and just kind of hang out together.

Lately, though, Thursday afternoons had started to turn into his night to go out with friends. I knew that he had class in the morning and had seemed to overlook this part of his schedule. He leaned more towards getting drunk with friends nowadays than what we had normally scheduled, especially last year.

But that was okay—it was fine. I was fine to study Thursday nights, and I wanted him to be able to have fun, if that's what he wanted.

My only problem was when Chase brought his friends around the apartment. This was the only part of our relationship that slightly bugged me, but of course, he shared the space. I just didn't enjoy this because his friends were horrid, and I would have just rather that they weren't involved at all.

Of course, I tried not to be too much trouble. I sat back and let Chase do what he needed to do—if that meant having friends over, I wanted him to do that. I wanted him to have the experiences that he wanted, and I knew that he would be courteous to me, as well.

But that didn't keep his friends from being major blow heads.

After I ate, I had finished watching some of my show, and decided to get a start on creating some questions to go over for the statistics course. I figured that at least getting the basics down for the exam would be good—even if it wasn't going to get her the A, I still wanted her to have a clear understanding of what was being asked so she could at least have a solid effort.

I'm sat at the small table in our dining and living space; it's not much, but we're able to use it for studying or having a meal together. I decided to sit outside of my bedroom to start, the light from the living room brightened it up – it was nice, quiet.

Until Chase and his friends have arrived over to our place. I have my headphones in, eyes averting to the three men as they walk in laughing, their voices loud now.

I notice that they have started to unpack a few bags from their trip to the store. There's some food, some drinks—by some, I mean, quite a few. I hadn't asked any questions about the plans for the evening, mostly because I wasn't really interested in whatever they were.

But I did keep looking up occasionally, seeing the cases of beer, the handle of liquor, and bags of crisps that were starting to grace our small kitchen.

Again, no questions asked—that was usually the best policy when it came to things like this. I decided to keep to myself, working on categorical sequences that would be used to study patterns.

Through my headphones, I can hear a bit of banter from the three of them—I don't know if they're trying to be quiet at all, but I can hear them clearly through the Mozart No. 23 in A Major.

"So’s he, like," The tall blonde one, with the very noticeable Liverpool accent, scoffs, "Gonna stay there all night?"

I can hear them beside me, but I'm just pretending that the headphones are blocking out all the sound. They aren't, but I pretend that they are for my own sake. Maybe focusing on the work in front of me will keep me distracted.

"That guy's totally brings the vibe down— we like never see him out or anything." The other guy says. His voice is quiet, but not quiet enough. "How do you sleep here with him? He's weird, bro. Like never talks."

I look up from the computer screen just a bit, just enough to see that Chase notices that I've heard what they're saying. Chase and I make eye contact for a moment; he shakes his head.

He noticed that I heard them, and that I'm able to continue to hear them. I scoot out from my chair—the one that I pay rent to sit in—before I move up towards the fridge to grab something to drink.

They're staring at me now that I've moved, almost like it's an anomaly to them.

That's the thing—Chase has been my roommate since last year. We were paired together randomly; I didn't care who I roomed with because I felt like I could get along with anyone if it really came to it. I wasn't really an issue, I didn't think. I was quiet, kept to myself. I didn't think that I was necessarily a problem.

Chase was extremely kind– he was a bit unsure of himself, maybe testing out the waters of who he wanted to be. We got along fine, he was a bit shy when he first arrived, too. That's how we became pretty good friends. Maybe we didn't have all of the same interests, but I knew that we looked out for one another.

But then things changed when he started to meet people who wanted to go out every night, and who were drinking to get drunk. And do other things, I guess.

Chase never brought anyone home or anything, which was good– well, for me. Maybe not him, I wasn't sure. We didn't talk about that.

His friends, the drinking, the going out– it didn't stop Chase and I from being friends. It just made me a bit uneasy when he's brought his friends to our apartment that we shared.

His friends weren't my friends.

His friends were on the football team and went out to pubs to find pretty girls. That just wasn't where I was, and it wasn't what I was directly focused on in school. Girls weren't interested in astrophysics, I seemed to find.

Chase's stare on me doesn't go unnoticed as I look back from grabbing a can of Coke from the fridge. I make my way back to the small table, starting to pack up the papers I had spread around it.

"Harry, you remember Hayden and Shawn, right?" Chase looks at his friends and I can tell he's trying to mitigate like always. He looks back at me with a bit of sadness reigning in his face, "We'll leave you alone, H, you can stay and study."

I shut my laptop, knowing it's much easier to find a more comfortable spot elsewhere.

I had to be at the library soon, anyways.

"No, it's fine," I say, a bit quiet as I watch his friends grumble under their breaths "I'm meeting someone anyways."

The tall blonde with a middle part and a denim jacket scoffs out a laugh before I feel a rush of anxiety flood my upper chest as I can feel the judgement and overwhelming sense of unease. I clear my throat, grabbing my laptop and loose papers before heading towards my bedroom.

"Wait," I hear Chase following me, but I just make my way to my room in a few strides anyways. I start to pack up a bag of my belongings, eyes looking up at my friend. "Why don't you stay here and drink with us? You don't even have to drink, really. It'll be fun. Maybe they can, I don't know, get to know you."

"I'd rather not get to know them," I tell him honestly. My lip pulls into my mouth, his exterior shows a bit of defeat as he stands inside the doorframe. "They're pricks, Chase."

Chase looks over his shoulders at his friends who have started to make themselves at home. They've started to take already opened liquor out of our cabinets, putting them on the counter space around the unopened ones. They take bowls out and plates and other things that are also mine but it's easier to stay quiet.

"Just keep everyone out of my room, please." I tell my friend before I pick my bag up from the floor. I grab all of the statistics papers from the desk, placing them in their own folder.

Chase stands at the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, keeping conversation. "You meeting with Niall, then?"

Niall was one of my closest friends in uni. He was majoring in engineering, but we had a few math classes together which had made us grow close. We had the same type of love for our education; wanting it to be the best we could be.

We were competitive with grades, in a fun way. We liked knowing how everything worked and figuring out problems together.

Niall and I had gone to a few parties and events together in the past– we had both understood that wasn't our scene very quickly.

And that's why we were friends.

"No," I shake my head. "He's busy tonight. I think has some sort of club fundraiser. Don't really know."

Chase's face changes a bit. I look up to him when he squints at me, his lips quivering a bit into a smile. It's a bit unnerving when he does so, and it's just a bit confusing at first.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask, grabbing my shoes that sit over by the closet to put on my shoes.

"Is it someone I know? The person you're meeting?" Chase doesn't attend back to his friends, and only seems to be entertained by what I'm doing. I blink a few times at him, wondering his angle.

"Uh," I think a few times over at how Chase could have possibly known Stella, "How would I know? Maybe. It's just a girl from my statistics class. Needs some tutoring for our exam tomorrow." I throw my bag over my shoulder before I'm standing in front of him.

We're standing in front of each other, but he's not backing down from his way in the door. Chase's smile flips up and he stares at me for a moment.

"Chase." I say, pushing my glasses up, "I have to get to the library."

"Tutoring is kind of sexy, huh?" He teases, my eyes roll at his stupid comment.

"It's not like that." I tell him quickly, shaking his head.

"Surely, she asked you to study with her. Not the other way around." He questions, putting his arms across the doorframe so that I couldn't leave. I stand in front of him, trying my best to dodge the questions and seemingly meaningless accusations.

"Does that matter?" I ask, a bit confused by his statement.

I watch as Chase smirks, his eyes lighting up at my words, "Hope you won't end up in 414.”

Pushing my glasses up my face, I shake my head a few times as I stare at him, completely unsure of what he was talking about. I don't even want to ask, but I can see that he's pushing me to, so I shrug my shoulders at him. I've given up that he's going to let me go.

"I don't know what that means." I say to him before I watch his eyes get bigger.

"You don't know about 414? Damn, you do live under a rock."

I roll my eyes, pushing at his shoulder to try to move past him before he pushes me back and laughs a little.

"414 is a room on the top level of the library where no one ever goes—it's like, completely hidden. There's a journal for it across from the room where people like, write in time slots to go and fuck because it's a completely soundproof study room that you can lock. For all those freaky kids. You'd probably be into that, honestly."

I lick over my lips as I push into him again, but he's not budging. I look at him, trying to get him to wipe the smug smile from his face before he raises his brows at me.

I click my tongue, "I'm going to completely ignore this conversation, if you don't mind. Now, if you'll excuse me."

Chase rolls his eyes, letting me finally go by removing one arm from the doorframe.

I knew I've made a mistake saying anything at all, as I push past him to try to make my way out of the apartment in one piece without thinking anymore into what kind of information he's just given me.

I walk into the kitchen; it's not much, so it feels a bit cramped with the four of us now inhabiting the space. Chase's friends are standing around and suddenly quiet when I approach the room. I unscrew my water bottle at the sink, filling it up in the silence of the room.

“What's up, Einstein?" The other friend with very dark hair smirks at me, both lingering as Chase approaches too. "Why don't you take a break from studying and hang tonight with the boys? Or are we too much for you?"

I ignore it– pulling my lips into my mouth as I bite my tongue. I screw the lid back on before I turn and see Chase looking at me.

"We're just having a few people over tonight, nothing big. Then we're going to happy hour at Lou's." Chase assures before I nod at him. I clear my throat before pulling at the straps of my backpack.

"That's– okay, yeah, that's fine." I assure him. "I'll be back later."

With another nod, I go to the front door where a small dish holds all our keys. I grab my lanyard that holds my car key and my apartment key before I start to head towards the stairs. A few sets of those, and I'm on the main floor as I move out towards the library which is only a short walk.

Just my thoughts and I again.

It had thankfully stopped raining a few hours ago, which just left everything quite damp and wet. I trudged through a few puddles on my way there, looking across campus.

There weren't a lot of people walking around, probably because it was also a bit on the cool side. I had been wearing the same black hoodie from the morning, so I wasn't cold on my walk over there.

But it was getting to be the colder part of the year. England had rainier seasons, and the fall always seemed to have the worst weather. At least snow looked nice—rainy, damp, and dreary were just a bit depressing.

Making my way to the library, I open the large door and smile at the girl who sits behind the desk at the entrance. She's always very friendly, giving me a warm welcome when I walk in. She had short blonde hair, golden brown eyes and is always looks like she's happy to be there.

If she's not, she's putting on a great show.

“Hey, Harry,” She states softly, “How's it going?”

I wish I knew her name– she knows mine, so I feel a bit awkward as I approach the desk. She's never really talked to me before, but I smile at her.

“Uh, it's good,” I nod, rolling a hand through my hair, “I– just have an exam tomorrow. So,” I reference upstairs, feeling that my cheeks are most definitely hot from the way she's hanging in every word.

She’s sitting behind the desk, a book on the table as she seems to have been reading while she sat there. I know I should say something– maybe add a bit of conversation but I don't know what else to say.

I smile and nod a few times, using my hand to scratch at my hair in an uncomfortably awkward way.

“I’ll see–“ I start.

“Would you–“ She says.

When we speak at the same time, we both smile, and I hear her giggle for a moment before she shakes her head.

“I was just saying,” She licks her lips, “If you're ever interested, we have a book club here on Tuesday nights. I-I mean, I’m just saying because you're always here– I don't know if you read for fun or anything,” She clears her throat, “But if you did.”

I look down at the book in her hands, nodding a few times before I speak again. “That– is that the book?”

She notices that I caught sight of what she was reading, looking up me and holding the cover up, “Yes– well, no, actually. It's just a Murakami book– After Dark. This isn't what we read for book club– well, kind of.”

I looked at the cover and back to her, cutting her off as she seems a bit flustered. “I may check it out, yeah,” I swallow before clarifying, “The club. The club and the book.”

The girl bites her lip before she shakes her head, “Um– sorry, I’m Faye, by the way.”

I bite my cheek as I watch her eyes crinkle at the sides when her cheeks turn up in a small smile.

“Faye.” I say quietly before I nod at her, “I’ll see you around.”

She nods back at me in acknowledgement before I start to make my way back towards the steps, so I can make my way to the third floor where I usually have my set up. It's nice because it's always the least busy of the levels. The first floor holds computers, which are the most used for printing and workshopping. The second and fourth floors have more study rooms, and the third floor is mostly aisles of books and free tables.

That's where I prefer to be, close to the window so that I can look out occasionally over all the people who are making their way across campus; heading wherever they need to be on a Thursday evening. It also adds a bit of lighting until the sun heads back on the other side of the world, which is helpful just for a while.

The watch on my wrist reads 6:12pm. I had a while before I was expecting someone else to arrive.

It had started to get a bit darker—mostly because the clouds had started to overcast, which meant that the sun wasn't visible anyways. The days were starting to shorten, and winter was starting to become a bit more of a reality.

As I sat and studied other classes, I had realized that my watch started to move a bit faster every time I looked at it.

Six turned into seven.

Seven turned into eight. And I was still sitting at the table by myself.

Being in the library by myself was lonely– it was the first time that loneliness and being alone were coexisting. Something about being stood up, being left alone was a different level of loneliness. It was an embarrassing loneliness.

I tried to focus on other work at my table, tried to think more about Mach's principle as I read through the textbook. I tried to ignore the time, tried to ignore the feeling in my chest that maybe I had miscommunicated about times or where we were supposed to meet. Maybe I had given her a false impression, or we miscommunicated on time.

There were reasons I didn't put expectations on people– in many ways, they never showed up like they were supposed to. I didn't want to feel disappointment anymore, or that my excitement didn't match others.

Doing good deeds seemingly never panned out in my favor, as it showed. Maybe I read into it too much, maybe she felt bad for me and decided to ask to hang out so I wouldn't feel so shy. Maybe she said yes because so had approached her, now she felt bad.

It worked, I guess. For a bit.

I couldn't focus– I hated that feeling. I never had a problem with it before, and now these ideas of anxiety rushed through my head as I tried to put my nose to the page to forget about the way that this had made me feel. My glasses fell to the bridge of my nose, and I pushed them up to their place.

A heavy sigh fell through my lips as I noticed the time that had simply slipped by.

8:30.

I had been waiting for hours– I told her I'd be here at six, and I gave her the benefit of the doubt for an hour. But now it was spelled out perfectly for me, and I didn't really want to read between the lines.

Sitting back in the wooden library chair, I ran a hand through my hair as I finally decide that it's time for me to start heading home.

Hopefully, Chase and his friends have moved onto the bars, and won't be there when I get back. That would just put me in a worse mood. As I push myself up to start packing up my belongings to head home, I hear the door of the staircase open.

I'm the only one up here most nights, so the noise elicits me to jerk my head up. The sound of clicking heels on the tile make my eyebrows knit before I see the culprit of the noise, and the person heading towards me from around the large bookcases.

My eyes gravitate towards the extraordinarily long, bronze legs that melt into tall, brown boots on the ends. A cream skirt that sits short on her thighs but high on her waist, with a knit sweater top that has a few buttons done up in the middle, but the rest of open in a triangular shape on her torso. Also bronze, also tall.

I've never seen anything like that in the library before.

"Oh my god, there you are!" The girl stomps her way over, her voice relatively loud for the space as I feel an unsettled amount of surprise. It is a library, after all, and she's a bit loud.

I'm a bit taken aback; I fall into the chair once again as I'm watching her pull out the chair in front of me.

"Who knew there were so many levels of this place?" She laughs to herself– the glitter on her eyes shines so bright as I notice the crinkles by her eyes. "Don't know if I've—well, I don't think I've ever been in here properly, really."

It's such a difference of what she looked like just hours before. The tear stains are gone, there's a lightness to her now that's different. The makeup coating her face is natural and dewy with such high points of shine, her lips pouty and brown with a glossy finish.

I'm absolutely confused and feeling suddenly warm underneath the black hoodie at the same time.

But there's also a slur to her words as she places her hands and the small bag on the wooden table loudly.

"I'm sorry I'm late," She rolls her eyes dramatically, "I got dragged to this thing– well, I mean, I had to go to it. But I thought that this was a really good excuse to leave." She giggles a little, her smile bright and white.

I watch as her sleek, dark brown hair coats over her shoulders. It's got a bounce of soft curls that are much different than the chaos of curls that had been thrown into a ponytail earlier.

I'm in a bit of shock as I look away from her and back to the papers that have surrounded me just moments before.

"Um– I mean, are you—" I look up at her, watching as her eyes struggle to follow mine. There's a soft smile on her lips as she leans on the table a bit almost like my question is the most exciting thing to her. "Are you drunk?"

Her face falls a bit, as if I just found out her biggest secret. She shakes her head a few times, "No– no, I just had a few—" She shakes her head more, but I can tell that her balance is a bit off as she shakes her head. "I'm totally fine."

In the moment, I see that her body seems to stiffen at recognizing that my energy simply doesn't match hers. She can see that I'm a bit taken back by her suddenness of being here, and I don't really know how to react to her sitting across from me now.

I don't really know how to feel now because I'm not sure I was planning for this situation at all. Especially from the morning that she had. It was different, it wasn't exactly what I had expected from her, and I'm trying to think about how to proceed.

"So," I start, a bit confused, "you're not here to study.”

I watch as her eyes shift over the papers that I am starting to put away, maybe a bit guilty that she had come in the first place. Maybe it would have been better to be stood up than to watch the look on her face.

"Oh, are you, like," She licked over her lips, her eyes batting a few times before she notices that I've started to pick up a few things around me. "Were you getting ready to leave?” The look on my face must register because her eyes drop and she bites her lip, “Oh, fuck—okay, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm so stupid– I'm sorry."

"No, you're not. I just– must've been some miscommunication." I tell her softly, nodding a few times to remind us both that we had just been mistaken.

Stella goes to stand from her spot, pushing herself up from the chair before she pulls the skirt down her legs a bit. I watch as she grabs the small bag that had been sitting on her shoulder when she walked in.

She tucks her hair behind her ear, and I notice the small earrings that are in the dainty shape of stars settle into her lobes.

I clear my throat.

"You didn't have to—I mean, you didn't have to come, if you were having fun. I just– I mean, I thought you needed help.” I tell her softly, watching as she seems a bit lost about where to go now.

As if this was the only place she was planning on going. Almost like she didn't really see this outcome, or maybe felt like she wasn't wanted here. That wasn't the truth at all, but I didn't know how to express that.

A bit of glitter has fallen from her eyes, landing softly on her cheeks as she stands at the table.

"I knew that I was going to leave the party early," She nods her head softly, "I just didn't—yeah, I messed up and– like, I do need help but I just... Sorry for wasting your time."

There's a moment when she starts to walk off that I stand from my seat, pushing the chair back. A weird, unidentifiable feeling comes over me.

“Stella, wait."

Her head turns back towards me, a bit of a stumble in her step at the high-heeled brown boots that stack up her calves and to her knee. The unsteadiness of her walking seems a bit dangerous to me, and I don't really want to see her fall.

"Can I—I mean, don't feel like you have to say yes but," I push my hands into my jean pockets as I take in a deep breath, "Let me take you back to your friends, or something. I mean, I don't want you to—" I shake my head at my words, knowing that they sound a bit odd as we don't know each other at all. "You shouldn't be walking on campus by yourself at night."

Her eyebrows knit together, like she was trying to process the way that I spoke to her. She stared at me, a familiar stare from earlier in the morning. This time, she looked a bit more vulnerable. It was almost like she was in disbelief that I would even offer in the first place.

"Oh," She turns to me a bit, her arms crossed over her chest. "Yeah, sure."

Before there's any more conversation, I start to pack my belongings back in my backpack. All of the papers I had created for her were stuffed back into the folders, hopefully she didn't even notice that I had done that to begin with. My cheeks flush just at the thought of how ridiculous it sounded now.

Once the backpack is full, I throw it over my shoulder and start to move a bit closer to her.

Orange blossom and citrus melt from her skin, which makes me shut my eyes just at the idea of it. We start to head down the steps of the library, her feet almost dragging underneath her.

I'm not entirely sure that she realizes how many drinks she's had, but I let her take the side of the railing so that she can make her way down without tripping.

On the last staircase, her toe gets stuck underneath her foot, which makes her stumble a few times. I reach my hand out, grabbing at her elbow to steady her as she gasps at the way her balance has been thrown off. The immediate touch burns my palm, feeling her skin through the sweater material of her top.

"You okay?" I ask, watching as she nods her head a few times, humming—possibly a bit embarrassed by how off she really is. "Where do we need to get you?"

I watch as her brain starts to turn at the thought of where she needs to get to. I wonder how she got here in the first place, and who let her walk around campus like this on her own. I try to meet her eyes as she rubs at them, a bit of makeup smudging as she does so.

"Um," She shakes her head, "Flats towards 12th West. Don't really know what they're called."

We're standing outside of the library now; I'm facing her as she tries to recall where we need to go. I don't know that I've ever really dealt with a drunk person before like this. Chase was better at taking care of himself, so this was new to me.

I nod a few times, "I'm headed over there, too. Can you call a friend to ask?"

I watch as she hums to herself, agreeing with me and grabbing her cellphone out of her purse. It immediately drops to the ground from the slip of her fingers, landing with a crunch.

"Son of a fucking bitch," She exclaims, moving to squat down to grab it, but I'm already there.

Her reflexes are obviously not what they need to be, as she puts her hand over mine when we both reach for the phone. She doesn't pull away quickly, instead, keeping it there for a moment as I turn the phone around in my palm so that she can grab it.

"Thanks," She says softly, looking at the newly broken screen that leaves a large crack up the middle of her phone. "Fuck."

I watch her go to unlock the device, scrolling through her apps before landing on one and looking at it a bit intensely. The crack seems to not be that big of a deal anymore as she starts to focus harder on the screen.

"This building, here," I see that she's looking at the Find My Device, looking at a device that is right in the general direction of my apartment building. A friends contact pops up, and I try to see where it is.

The closer I look at the device, the more I notice... it is my flat building.

I take in a breath as I look at the girl, wondering if she had partaken in the Jack Daniels that had sat on the counter before I left for the library. I wonder if the scent of orange blossom would linger on my sofa at home.

The odd thought is immediately pushed from my brain as I return to reality. "I live over there, so I'll just walk you back, okay? Tell me if anything looks familiar."

My eyes linger over her body that she is crossing her arms over. The slight chill in the air makes her legs to shift a few times as we stand. I can tell that her discomfort is overwhelming her, and I feel like watching her is hurting me in a way.

"Here," I set my backpack on the ground by my feet for a moment.

Her eyes watch me do so before I pull the black hoodie from my torso, over my head. I knock my glasses on my face a bit so they're on the edge of my nose. The warmth of the cover on my body is now gone, but I watch as she seems a bit uncertain on what I'm doing.

"Take this. It's a bit of a walk." I hand her the black hoodie, her eyes trailing over it for a moment. I can see there's hesitation, which only makes the anxiety settle in my chest at her unwillingness to take the piece of clothing.

This is probably weird, and I regret it immediately.

I watch as she grabs it from my hand to throw over her body, a bit disoriented. When she lifts her arms up, the edges of her top move up around the bottom of her ribs.

I flush immediately, a heat rising up my neck almost disregarding the coolness in the air tonight.

My eyes look away, but seeing her head pop out from the hoodie makes me feel better that at least she can stay warm now.

I can't imagine that someone has allowed her to be out here like this. She walked all this way, alone, without someone to help her. She can barely walk in a straight line as we start down the other towards the apartment.

A bit of wind sweeps through, her legs exposed, and my own arms now just bare with my t-shirt.

I don't know how to firmly create conversation with her– mostly because I know that her mind isn't in the right place. Stella and I do not seem compatible, and every move she makes reminds me of that. I've watched an odd twelve hours of her life, from a huge mess to a complete mess.

But, something about her is intriguing. I’m the curious type.

My hands push into my pockets, the backpack thankfully shielding my back as we walk down the cobblestone pathways. We've walked a bit in silence, and I feel like that's for the best. But I try to give a bit of talking points in case she needs it.

"Anything look familiar?" I say, trying to keep myself warm as I feel her sway a bit against me.

Her eyes move from their site in the path to where we are on campus.

"N-No," Her teeth chatter, and I feel incredibly guilty for not driving over here instead. "B-but this is s-so nice of you." She turns her head, a mess of soft curls in her face as she pushes they out of her eyes. "You must h-have a good m-mum."

I knit my brows together, a bit confused by her logic. I push my hands far in my pocket as I grit my teeth together at how cool out it is. "Why do you say that?"

"Only a g-guy with a nice m-mum would walk a g-girl home in her going-out clothes without l-looking at her ass and just covering her u-up more." Stella chuckles a little bit; it sounds like she's trying to make a joke, but it only aches in my chest as she crosses her arms over her chest tightly.

I didn't really find that funny.

I pull my lips into my mouth as I turn my lips up just enough to acknowledge her humor. "You just need to get home safely."

I hear her sniffle next to me, the coldness getting to her. The bright pink of her nose is noticeable as the coolness hits us.

My apartment building is in sight, her eyes reach up. "This is where the party was." Her hand points directly at my building before I nod a few times.

"I live there, actually," I say, biting my lip. "I think my roommate was throwing the party you went to. His name is Chase."

Stella clears her throat, wiping at her nose, "Oh! Yeah, yeah. I know Chase.” She tells me, biting her lip, “I didn't know you lived there. You're never there when we come over.”

I take a breath in, “I– I probably am there. I just– I just don't really…”

“Not your scene?” She asks, the heel of the boots click across the pavement.

I shrug. “Not really. I– I don't drink or anything. I don't know.”

Stella tucked her hair behind her ear, “You don't have to drink. Maybe you could just hang out. You seem,” I look over at her once she pauses, “You seem really nice.”

I tuck my bottom lip between my teeth before I feel the tinge of a smile. “Thanks. You're pretty nice, too.”

When we reach the door, I open it before she walks inside the lobby. We make our way to the stairs– the elevator is seemingly always broken. I take the lead, going in front of her before we reach the second level.

When we make our way down the hall and to the front door of my flat, Stella doesn't say anything else. She just seems to accept that this is where she needs to be, and she seems to recognize where she is.

The music is over-stimulatingly loud from where we're standing out front, and I’m trying to anticipate walking into it. My hands reach into my pockets as I grab the keys. She looks much smaller wrapped in the black hoodie as it drapes down her front, hiding the remnants of the cream skirt that is gracing her small frame.

I stick the key in the door, pushing it open and hearing the blast of music immediately hit us both.

They hadn't left yet, like they said they would.

When we walk in, I move in first, Stella following behind. I look around, seeing more faces that I didn't know. There are significantly more faces now, and I just let out a sigh.

When I walk towards the kitchen, I can feel Stella behind me before I catch Chase’s eye, but I hear a louder voice first.

"Stella," I hear, "where the fuck did you go?"

I watch the blonde man from earlier approach her immediately disregarding me, a beer in his hand as he gets too close to us. I watch hesitantly as he pulls her closer, as if my existence was purely nonexistent to him.

I drop my keys in the small dish before star making my way through the crowd of people to walk back down the hall and to my bedroom, as if the past hour didn't happen. The noise of the bass is a bit overwhelming; the people don't seem to interest me.

"Needed to go for a walk." I hear her say, "I thought you guys were going to get something to eat?"

"Harry!" My eyes move to the kitchen where Chase seems a little looser than before; his smile undoubtedly bigger as he comes closer to me.

My head turns back, as I feel a grip on my arm before I can make a getaway.

"You found Hayden's girlfriend?" He asks, his eyes moving towards the familiarity of the brunette with amber eyes who had my black hoodie on over her body.

Everyone was way too drunk to miss that part. The black hoodie– I’m sure if someone knew, I'd be in trouble for that.

I stare at her talking to Hayden, her face looking relatively upset from their conversation. His hand reaches to her waist, pulling her in to kiss her.

Immediately, I look away. I feel a racing in my heart that's feels completely unnatural and like anything else I've ever felt before. Maybe the feeling of throwing up is also present, which is also weird to me.

My head turns away from the interaction– I start to pull away from Chase, back to the safer confines of my room. Back where my time and kindness aren't taken for granted.

Back to where something as simple as watching that interaction doesn't add a ridiculous ping of annoyance in the settlement of my chest.

"Yeah, something like that." I say to him, moving away before he can follow me to my room, just like earlier.

"How was your studying?" He asks, pretending like he cares for a moment. I can tell by the look in his eyes he won't remember this conversation tomorrow.

I turn towards him, holding my door in my hand, "Don't know if she's going to remember anything tomorrow for the exam. But I tried."

With a simple shut, the music is still a bit too loud from the other side of the door. But, out of sight, out of mind.

I had a stats exam to finish studying for.

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