#new thing im not extremely experienced and competent at. which means high risk of making fool of myself.
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Anytime I'm remotely near some kind of situation that could make me feel shame my brain starts flashing lights and blaring extreme warning sirens
#shitboxposting#avpd#fourth day at my new job tomorrow & everything is going FINE people are NICE EVEN WHEN I MAKE MISTAKES but its So Scares Me#new thing im not extremely experienced and competent at. which means high risk of making fool of myself.#i think shame is like. maybe the single strongest or most common emotion i feel ever. damn bitch thats rough.#so much of my like brain and personality has been wired on dodging or canning emotions though. thats actuakly a problem#i measure 'doing good' by 'how bad im feeling' but Also: sometimes not feeling bad is done in ways that are not good. like avoiding#or repressing. there's a cycle. I'm doing good im feeling fine oh wait im having underlying thoughts in behaviors that arent good.#things either go downhill from there or i can it back up & forget + move on. rinse and repeat#jf anyone figures out how to deal with shame lmk asap jesjs christ. holy shit
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