#never thought i'd relate so hard to a bee in my life

[jinikaris]

FELIX ⟡˙ ̟ bst hyde park // ep 2: docuseries

[pushingdaisies1]

Kinda hate you, kinda love you . . . ♡

(✧ ˚.) PAIRING-> James "Logan" Howlett {A.K.A} Wolverine x Reader >_< (✧ ˚.) SUMMARY -> Being an X-men was a lot for you to sign up for. Well.. you didn't have a chance to deny this safe haven. The school became your home and the people that made up the X-men like a weird little familial unit. You had many reasons for staying as long as you did, but one was more prickly and jaded. The feelings you harbored for a stern and calloused Logan were.. weird for you to feel firsthand. One day, you are stuck overlooking a danger room drill between Gambit and Logan. With the new member of your world-saving team Jubilee by your side, it's too dull to NOT talk with each other. She was a good kid, hyperactive and spirited that's for sure. You talk, and talk a lot you do to the human embodiment of the fourth of July. It makes you think a little bit too hard about yours and Logans... predicament. (✧ ˚.) AUTHORS NOTE -> Hiii!!! This is my first time writing stuff for Logan so - bee tee dubs it may be complete and utter horse shit. I'd like to thank @velvrei for helping me ignite some well-dead thoughts. Genuinely love ur work sm and reading that and a lot more new/old logan content helped TONS. This is linked to the {♡x-men animated series/x-men97♡} series. I do wanna write more for the Deadpool timeline xmen/early 2000s timeline xmen!! But after seeing the masterpiece that is Deadpool and Wolverine, I lowkey just clung to those shows. I love animated Logan!! He is even more emotionally stunted/sassy sad!! (✧ ˚.) CWS (?) -> Logan nd u are sad ppl who don't know how to voice ur feelings!! , pining from afar/one-sided not so one-sided yearning, UHM HURT/KINDA COMFORT??? MAYBE??? I THINK??? , unprompted suggestiveness from logan , mentions of struggling to connect with other ppl/fears of the future (bay bay jubilee my love) , u and Jubilee just kinda bond, off topic idk cajun dialect so..... , and u infodump as a weird suto older sister/mom in her life, this was all very spur of the moment so uhm - not proofread!!! kinda!!!!!!!

The dangeroom was a room a lot of the X-men team spent their time in. To either train for a new threat or for general movement, drills were a common theme. Especially after world-shaking events, which were always somehow a constant, the professor was the equivalent of an alarm clock. Drills this, always having to run down into the war room. You didn't mind the training sessions if it was one-on-one or even with the whole team. Sometimes though, it was almost nagging. 

Though there were little things you'd do to pass this time. If you were made to overlook it or otherwise. Most of the time there didn't need to be supervision within the training center itself. Everyone was on high alert, and off days were few and far between. Logan had been hashing it out with Gambit all morning and wanted to do a specific procedure setting. You held your head in your hands as you sighed at the grown men's demands. Gambit was a professional sweet talker, Logan wasn't when needed. Of course, you complied, understanding the sudden want for more extensive training. When Jubilee volunteered you started to not loathe the idea of sitting in on Logan and Gambit - literally butting heads. 

Jubilee was a nice kid, you felt bad for her sudden entrance into life within the school. The professor was welcoming as always. With your push and her foster parents wanting her to be safe from threats like the sentinels, she was a bonified member.

Being the "newbie" always had its drawbacks. From day one you made sure to have her back, you could relate to her whole fish-out-of-water point of view. Logan saw the way you attached fast to the kid. He was like a vault of thoughts and feelings. Thoughts and feelings he never wanted to bring up or even let alone talk about. But it made your heart flutter just a tad when he sat his hand on your shoulder, gently rubbing a thumb against it.

He had stopped you before you were about to retire to your room. In the doorway to your personal, pillow escape he made sure to reel you down to earth. "Give the kid some breathing room. I know you want to help but there's no use for you smothering her."

You were almost baffled. What was he going on about? You were just looking out for her? Deep down, you did know what he meant. He might have not been a long-term X-Men member. But he did know you and the fragments of "memories" you held so dearly close to your chest. You two were so different and yet one in the same. Before you could even argue, he gave you a small .. somewhat comforting pat on said shoulder. "Just a friendly word of advice bub, don't take it so close to heart. Oh wait, that's inevitable." He joked at you with his signature toothy grin. You couldn't help but scoff in surprise and laughter as he jabbed at you with his SINGULAR witty remark.

Logan could be many things. Rough around the edges, even a total asshole when he felt like it. But to you, he was your kryptonite. It was pathetic the way you'd always eventually be pulled to bend at that man's every word. He just did that to you, and you had no answer to it. 

Making your way up to the upper room with Jubilee, you watched with tired eyes as the door to the observation room slid open. Cold - walls and floor head to toe with this sleek metal texture. There were two chairs, right behind the control panel where the training sequence(s) would be initiated. Your eyes were trained on the window as you watched Gambit and Logan make their entrance inside the training room itself. Gambit of course was rapidly shuffling a deck of cards. They were almost flying in the palms of his hands as he prepared them. Logan was of course blabbing his big mouth, in his signature suit "lumbering up" as he would call it. Finally, as you just now sat your bottom into the smooth-cushioned observation chairs, Jubilee was already starting the conversation. Thank god for you as you were still shaking the morning off of you."So what? , we just watch them throw around with each other, or what?" She cracked with a curious glance at the two men down below. You rested your chin in the palm of your hand as you leaned back. "Pretty much, we're here just in case the system doesn't shut down in time. Sometimes it does that."

She paused before she gave you a pointed look, her chunky pink sunglasses almost falling off of her black head of hair. "We're babysitting them!?" She retorted with a sort of faux annoyance. "I mean it's 'something' to do but - come on...." She groaned as she crossed her arms, heavy in on the air quotations. Cutting in, you directed your hand to the control panel. "No no no, not just that.”

Gathering your thoughts, you pointed out each scenario on the deck. You couldn't help but crack a smile at Jubilee's small "ohs" and "ah's". With the development, you two were brought into a nice steady stream of conversation. Hunched in her seat, yellow boots crinkling in this position, she poked and prodded you about your style and so on. it was nice to be looked at with such idealization. Her eyes were huge with wonder as she jumped to questions and searched for answers. Though it was only so nice until the two of you were interrupted by the impact of a card deck. As it smacked against the window, you pinched the bridge of your nose.

Hitting the intercom, you cleared your throat. "So sorry gentlemen! You two ready or what?" You retorted as you leaned over the panel. Gambit gathered back the cards into his hands. "Me? , 'course cher! Any day I would love to stick it to da fuzz ball over der." He remarked with a scheming smirk. Logan growled as his claws immediately sprouted from his knuckles. "I'll show you fuzz ball you pest." His lip curled up almost like a predator ready to pounce.

Jubilee sat back quiet as a mouse as she watched you talk through to the two. "Alrighty alright! Save the pouncing for later." You barked with a small chuckle at the end. You couldn't help but feel buzzy at the way Logan reared his head up. Gambit was too busy swapping cards from hand to hand. But all of Logan's attention was just on you, it was always just on you.

 "Okay, how are we feeling about the ruined city for today?" You asked the two as Gambit started to twirl a card in between his middle and pointer fingers. "Yes yes yes, dat will do just nicely, right Wolvie?" He asserted - training a hard on the hard-headed "foe." Logan's voice was low and gruff as he found his stance. "Don't get so ahead of yourself Gamby." He retorted as he turned back to you in the window. "Start it up doll, before this one here loses all of his spice." He barked with a laugh as Logan jostled his mask on. You rolled your eyes with a faint smile. "If you say so, bee-tee-dubs .. don't kill each other! Please and thank you." You affirmed as the array of buttons were clicked. As the scenery shifted into a torn-down cityscape, foes were already on the two men. The only fun thing about watching over the training sessions was getting to watch fellow X-Men in action. Just not with the risk of losing your life in the process. Leaning back into your chair, you took in a nice breath of air. Peace, for now at least. Jubilee sat up more straight, letting her bright yellow duster-like jacket collect at the sides of her chair. She brought her legs to her chest as both you and she watched Gambit and Logans fighting. You could feel her eyes wander to you in the quiet. You looked directly towards her, a sympathetic smile gracing your face. "How are you feeling?" Your voice was small but warm, comforting almost. This was the first time someone had even really asked her. "I don't know... it's like everything is just changing at once. I feel like a big Rubix cube." She said with a frown as she got more comfortable where she sat. You nodded your head in almost remembrance. "Trust me, becoming an X-men isn't the hardest part. It's living like one." Admitting with a soft sort of comfort, Jubilee was already warmer than before. The training session flew by as you two just talked and talked. She lamented about what life would be like now, what she would and wouldn't miss. How she was stripped of living like a normal teenager. "I mean everyone here has already been so nice to me, but this is just gonna take a lot of getting used to. ", she would lament to you in honesty. You tried to be as insightful as possible. Telling her that living as an X-men will always be tricky. But there will always be the people around here that'll keep you steady. Her ears perked up when you listed off your so-called "anchors." She immediately butted in after you listed off the Wolverine himself, Logan. "That guy? You two seem to be always at each other's throats?" She cracked at you with an inquisitive grin. "Well I mean yeah - he can be .. overly confident a lot of the time." You were almost reminding yourself. You didn't realize how long you spent talking about your scruffy metal-clawed 'friend.' You went on and on about how he combated with you in the best possible ways. How with his time in the X-Men, he opened up your worldview in many instances. He did so much to you and for you. He was almost like your escape in a way, and he maybe shared the same view. You didn't get into the nitty-gritty details of it, 'cause ew. But the moments away from daily life hecticness within the school you and he shared were your favorite. His arms were the sweetest embrace anyone could ask for. But that's what friends do, that's what friends are for.

 Though you always wondered if maybe you were wrong. Maybe you were holding on to nothing. Maybe there was an intimate connection between you two hiding under the surface. But you had a track record of getting your hopes up. You dashed those daydreams away as Jubilee yanked you back down into the now of things. Time flew by as the training sequence ended. Logan was immediately gloating his way out of the danger room. You and Jubilee met the two halfway. Gambit sang your high praises as he lamented about kicking Logan's ass in the drill. As the two grown men bickered Jubilee made her exit known. Since the professor was already summoning them all to the war room. Gambit waved you off with a small wink and another grand shuffle of his cards. Which just left you and logan ... fun. 

He quirked his brow in your direction as he realized your quiet demeanor. “Can you believe the guy? - come on bub you saw me!” He said in astonishment at Gambit's gambit tendencies. You crinkled your nose in a small giggle. If you were seeing straight, you couldn’t help but notice a small dash of a smile on Logan's face once he saw your mood brighten. His smile always found ways to make your knees weak and arms all jelly. “Yeah yeah, dont get your panties in a twist Lo.” You said with a twinkle in your eye. A grin followed spreading almost ear to ear.

His eyes softened ever so slightly with your jokes. He grumbled out his poorest joke yet. “Oh, I’ll show you.” He retorted before yanking you into him. Your back met his chest plate as you felt his collection of sweat. His muscled arms wrapped around your midsection as he whirled you around like a windmill. You ignited with laughter and “yucks” as you felt his sweat spreading onto you. You fought out his hold with a grimace and a sheepish chuckle, wiping your eye. “Christ man, you got all your .. muck on me!”

By now his claws were already dashed away. So his hands were now placed on his hips. He rolled his eyes as he looked you up and down. “Come on, you’ll live to see another day shrimpy.” He claimed with his eyes slowly wandering. “I look like a wet dog thanks to you.” You frowned jokingly, shaking your arms out. “On and on with you.” He remarked once again with his eyes rolling AGAIN soon after.

Closer and closer the two of you got as you both threw phony insults back and forth. Before your lips were inches away from one another. He drawled his quick mouth up and spat back something that would leave your mind in utter… shock. Was confusion the right word?  “Don’t play around with me, dimples. I know you’d like more than just my arms around you.” You quickly gasped out the pocket of air you were holding onto. A long pause was felt throughout the hall before you two darted in separate ways.

“I need to change!” You sheepishly shouted as you headed in the opposite direction of him. He did the same, mumbling whatever under his breath. “Don’t slip and fall!” He coughed out as you rubbed your face in annoyance. “Eat shit, Logan!” , “That’ll be a long time coming!” The both of you remarked to the other in unison. Both of your voices share the same sort of flustered frustration. You raced into the showers as you soon stumbled towards the sinks.

You splashed your face with cold water as your heart was still racing. Your cheeks were burning up let alone from his words. But you were soon able to catch up with your breath. Regaining your composure you looked yourself in the mirror. Gritting your teeth as you looked at the fool Logan made you. The Wolverine could be a hard-headed buffoon. Always on his way to making a snide insult with whichever X-men member was disagreeing with him. But god damn it was he your poison. You hated him and he hated you. That was the thing that kept you steady as you changed into uniform and raced towards the ongoing meeting. You knew that same smile still lingered on your face once you made your entrance into the war room. Able to brush off the team's sudden accusations as you made sure to remind everyone about the issue at hand. The Professor thanked you as he went back to discussing what new threats plagued human life. Your eyes always made their way back to Logans with small lingers. Making eye contact with you, his eye-line was diverted by you as you turned your attention back to the professor. The Wolverine was a fool, and he had already found purchase in your foolish heart. 

ꔫ✉ reblogs/interaction is appreciated <3 part two - ⭐️

[thehollowwriter]

Warnings: death, blood, violence, implied suicide, cannibalism, gore, Silas eats a guy, and it's pretty graphic, some implied nsfw but it's super brief (don't attack me.) Word count: 4024

Key: Regular text is for the present. Italics is for flashbacks, bold is for journal entries

(Pls reblog and leave a comment ❤️)

Lamentations Pt. 6.1

Silas tapped his claws against his desk, his face blank. He wanted to write, but... he was thinking about how Raine, one of his hunters, was out of town for a funeral.

"This kind of thing always takes you by surprise, you know?" Raine said through sniffles and an attempt to level her voice. "My sister was always so healthy and happy... to think she would have a heart attack..."

Silas didn't know. He didn't know because "this kind of thing" never surprised him. It was so normal for him that he forgot it was a nasty disruption of peace for others.

He picked up his pen and looked at the paper. Then he began to write.

In the Abyss, death is a guarantee. It is rampant. Constant. Swallowing up every flicker of life it can. I'm no stranger to death. But that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Meeting Morrigan's parents made me think of my own for the first time in years.

I can't remember much about them, really. They died when I was quite young, and most of my memories are fuzzy.

My mother, Lilith, was... distant. I don't think she liked me or my siblings all that much. Smaller, weaker versions of herself she's stuck taking care of with the rest of the family, using up energy that could've been spent getting food.

She wasn't cruel to us, but she wasn't loving and warm either. We were there. We were related to her. That was about it.

It wasn't a secret that we were an accident, an unwanted outcome of a passionate night with my father. There was no way to safely get rid of us either, so we were kept around until we were born.

There were moments where she was somewhat positive towards me. When we were unable to find food for about a straight week, she tried to coax me out of the ball I'd curled myself into. Loving, in a way.

I was unsure how she even died for the longest time. I never witnessed it like I had with so many of the deaths of the others in my family.

I just barely recall the last day I saw her. Everything is fuzzy, hard to know if they're accurate. Except for one thing. Her eyes.

I'm not sure why I remember her eyes so clearly. It's a detail that has stuck with me for years.

Everyone else was sleeping, I think. She was hovering by the entrance of the cave we were in. Or was it a hole? It doesn't matter.

She was staring into the nothingness, the vast expanse of lifeless black that made up the Abyss. The weakly flickering light in her eyes had long since sizzled out.

Once bright pools of jade were now dull and sombre. I never thought you could see the life in people's eyes until I looked at her and saw there wasn't any. They were dead.

Then she just... left. She didn't say a single thing . She didn't glance back at us. She just swam out into the open waters and didn't come back.

Sometimes, I wonder if I had woken up my father or someone else, maybe she would have been brought back safe, but I just went back to sleep and later woke up to find the adults in a panic.

Nobody ever told me what happened, not even when my father and grandfather came home with grim faces and teary eyes. But now... I think I know. And I don't think we could have stopped her if we tried.

My father was kinder to us... but I don't think he really knew what to do with us. He made sure we ate and congratulated us with a headpat when a hunt was successful, but other than that, he too was distant and unfamiliar. More focused on my mother than anything else.

He was killed during a raid when one of our attackers took a bite out of his throat.

It was during this same raid that I lost three brothers and two sisters. They were devoured in a few bites, alongside the scraps of food we had stored, and my sister Mei and I would have been next if it weren't for an older cousin intervening.

It's almost laughable how quickly I lost the rest of my family during my childhood. They were picked off one by one until only myself and my grandfather remained.

My aunts and uncles died in raids and fights, my cousins went out to hunt and never returned, and Mei... Mei was shot by a harpoon gun.

Out of my siblings, I remember Mei the best. She was tough, clever, determined, and powerful. She didn't have magic, but that never stopped her. We were inseparable until we were 14, when Mei was shot by a harpoon gun.

It was the closest we had gotten to the surface. We were following a ship to target bigger prey like the reckless teenagers we were. One of the humans on board saw us, and, well, before we could get away, the gleaming metal of the harpoon was piercing through Mei's chest.

She looked at me with such terror and anger in her eyes as the water filled with her blood, and she told me to get away before they fired again.

I wasn't able to. The tip of another harpoon got lodged in my tail. I ripped it out and left a trail of blood on my way to our grandfather, who was waiting for us.

He helped fix me up, and I couldn't hunt for a long while after that. I only learned this later, but the injury caused nerve damage to my tail.

My tail hurts when I swim, and I can't move it like I used to. I can't chase prey or swim long distances anymore without being in incredible pain and feeling my body resist me.

I switched to stealth hunting after that. I'm used to pushing through my pain, but I'd rather save my energy for a quick escape if I need it.

I never told any of this to Morrigan. Why would I? How could I? How do you tell someone they can never meet the rest of your family because every one of them met their end in various excruciating ways?

Sometimes, Morrigan would tell me about his childhood and then look at me expectantly for a story of my own. I could only look back at him, unable to answer.

My childhood was violent. I am violent. At least, I'm capable of being so. This fact was a concern that gnawed at the back of my mind at the start of Morrigan and I's relationship.

Morrigan had not seen the worst of me. The me that he knew was the one who had long since escaped the Abyss, someone who hadn't needed to kill other merfolk to eat for a very long time.

The idea of Morrigan coming to realise who I truly am, the violent cannibal his family warned him about, kept me up at night. It left me worried. Almost afraid.

It was stupid of me to doubt him like that. Disrespectful, even. Morrigan is clever and likely already knew. However, knowing isn't the same as seeing... and see it he did.

I got sick with some form of flu a few weeks after our visit to the city. I had a fever, and I couldn't keep anything down.

Morrigan came to stay to help my grandfather look after me, worried I would get worse. However, I had caught up on vaccines, and my health was far greater than it ever was, so I recovered quickly.

Just my luck that just as I was going to get more food after not eating for a week, we were raided.

Midway is much safer than the Abyss, but it sits right on the edge of it, so raids still happen every now and then when the local law can't prevent it. It's mainly businesses that got robbed, including my own, but I can hold them off just fine.

There was shouting in the streets, and the sounds of doors and glass breaking, and one of the raiders... a squid mer, I think, got inside.

Morrigan was dealt the first blow and sent crashing into the nearby wall before he could even react.

He groaned, stomach churning and head hazy. His tail fins whacked him in the face and obscured his vision. He was bent nearly in half, his head resting against the floor and his eyes facing the ceiling.

He rolled over, his head spinning and body screaming in pain, and propped himself up with one elbow and one hand.

Morrigan trained his eyes on the squid making their demands, with full intent to lunge, when a blur of purple tackled them to the floor, and it suddenly got very, very quiet.

Ominous wisps of blood began drifting into the water, billowing into large blooms of red before slowly dissipating.

Morrigan watched in silent shock as Silas released his hold on the mer's throat, his teeth stained red.

Morrigan opened his mouth to say... something, but he froze in place when Silas dipped his head, and a wet tearing sound filled the silence.

Morrigan's stomach dropped, and icy fingers of fear crawled up his spine. He backed up until he was pressed against the wall, his heart pounding in his chest.

The sound of flesh ripping carried on for far too long, interrupted only when Silas stopped to swallow.

There was so much blood. It seemed to overtake the little shop, swallowing it in a cloud of dark red. Viscera slipped to the floor with a wet splat, and Morrigan felt his stomach churn.

He felt bile rise in his throat when Silas tilted his head back and swallowed a large tentacle he had violently torn off the squid whole.

Morrigan covered his mouth when Silas' hands, slick with blood, were caught in the dim light of the lanterns.

Morrigan pushed away from the wall, his back aching, to try sneak away and come back later when Silas was done doing... that.

The moment he made the slightest movement, Silas' head snapped in his direction, and he stared at Morrigan, his pupils blown so wide that only the tiniest slivers or his irises were visible.

Morrigan briefly wondered if Silas had perhaps been letting him win at their game this entire time, but he was distracted by the fact that lower half of Silas' face was caked with shiny, sticky blood.

"S...Silas," Morrigan said slowly, his voice raising several pitches. "Silas, calm down."

Silas didn't say a word at first. He simply stared at Morrigan with that wide-eyed, intense gaze. Then, he blinked a few times and huffed.

"I'm perfectly fine," He growled, his words warbled from the blood in his mouth. He swallowed and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, glancing at the squid he had torn into. "This one hurt you and tried to rob me. I'm just taking care of a threat. "

Morrigan suddenly felt very relieved that he overpowered Silas when they first met.

"That's- uh- great, love, but can you put that away? Far away?"

Silas glanced at the corspe, then at Morrigan. "Alright. Stay here. You're hurt."

Silas grabbed the squid mer by the hair and began dragging it to the back of the shop. Morrigan tried not to look, but before he could turn away, he was met with the sight of the carnage Silas left behind.

He promptly bent over and threw up.

The image of that squid was burned into his brain, flashing every time he closed his eyes. Silas killed them before he could even react. Then he... why would he do that?

He'd just been sick, right? He spent a whole week without eating anything because he couldn't keep anything down.

Maybe it was an instinctual thing. Silas never outright said it, but Morrigan was pretty sure he's eaten people before. And he was protecting himself, Morrigan and Emrys, right? So it wasn't a malicious act per se...

The thought alone made Morrigan wince at the barage of rage his parents would send his way were they to hear it. Endless ranting about Silas' bad influence on him, how Silas' monstrous nature would corrupt and damage him...

Well, they never knew what they were talking about. Silas was constantly proving them wrong.

Even now. He was protecting Morrigan and making sure they weren't robbed. Nothing monstrous about that. Besides... he certainly didn't look monstrous either.

Morrigan's cheeks pinkened, and he smiled a bit, running his hand over a bruise on his arm.

"Thanks, Si." He mumbled.

Morrigan turned out fine, though he had some bad bruising and quite a sore back. I was... afraid he'd leave me, want to get away, and never come back.

But... while I was looking him over and making sure he was alright, he put his hand on my cheek and kissed me. Hard.

Even though the blood stained his fingers and his tongue. He wasn't afraid or disgusted.

"When you looked at me, I was afraid you were in a frenzy," Morrigan mumbled. "That you didn't recognise me. How stupid of me. You'd never lose yourself like that."

I'm glad he stayed. And that he understood me.

I never intended to eat that squid mer. Just kill it and maybe eat it later. Not in front of Morrigan. Not like... like that. I think it was because I hadn't eaten in so long.

The next few years blended together as life carried on. I wish I could remember every detail, every joyful moment that young, ungrateful version of myself didn't appreciate like he should have.

Morrigan visited almost every day. We talked, we fought, we kissed, we embraced, and when my grandfather went to bed and the night got quiet... we tangled further.

Morrigan was never gentle, and I loved it. There was a care to his roughness. For every bite and for every time his claws raked across my skin, words of love and praise flowed endlessly from his mouth in quiet huffs.

And when it was over, he held me like I was his most precious treasure and sang to me. His voice was like honey.

I miss his touch. I miss his embrace. His compliments and kisses, his voice, his smile, and his field nature. I miss Morrigan so much.

But that's not important right now. We made the most of our time together. Morrigan began teaching me the spells and magical arts he knew, and in return, I began teaching him Abyssal magic.

Morrigan is a powerful mage, I know. He reeked of magic. It was powerful and pulsing and seemed to fill the air of whatever room he was in.

Morrigan always amazed me. He mastered spells almost faster than I could teach them, perfecting them within a few tries. Even more dangerous or complicated spells that took me months to perfect only took him a week or two.

"That boy," my grandfather would say with a fond expression. "Has an incredible gift."

And he was right. Even nowadays, after meeting other mages, I have never met someone like Morrigan.

"At its core, all magic has a basic structure," Morrigan would say to me. "Spells are just add ons to these structures you need to memorise."

It seemed so obvious to him. So clear. He knew magic like the back of his hand. He lived and breathed it. He saw the details that made the bigger picture, the threads that formed exactly what he wanted.

It took me much longer to learn Morrigan's magic. Not only the craft of the sea, but also the magic he learned on land.

Fire, water, flora, cosmic... it is all so fundamentally different to abyssal magic in a way I almost can't explain. It's like learning a new language with rules that are nothing like that of your own.

Morrigan's magic... it is filled with life. You draw from the plants, the water, the stars... it is channelled with imagination and a point of your pen or hand.

Abyssal magic is drawn from death and... I suppose you could say life. But not plants. Not the water.

Bones, blood, skin... they are what fuels Abyssal magic. A body will get you quite far. Crush a crab or something in your hand. It will give you what you need to cast a spell.

I suppose it is because death is such a core part of the Abyss. It only makes sense that a practice native to it will thrive in death, even in small doses.

Many abyssal spells have a similar outcome to "regular" spells but are much more powerful. Many more require drawing out sigils and saying certain phrases in abyssal tongue... I'm not sure why.

It was a change for me. I itched to start tracing a symbol in front of me or on the ground, to murmur those magic words that would get me want I wanted, but... I had to just envision instead a draw from the world around me.

"You're clever," Morrigan would say when my attempts failed. "You'll get it eventually."

I did get those spells right, eventually. Cosmic magic came easiest to me. It felt similar to abyssal magic. It's funny. The stars above and the inky black depths below should be polar opposites.

But... "As above, so below" is a saying that comes to mind.

However, to this day, I don't understand this new magic well enough to teach it. I wish I could.

I can't remember most lessons well as it was so long ago, but I do remember the way Morrigan's eyes lit up with joy and burned with a sense of victory when he got an abyssal spell right, teeth glinting in a large smile.

He's so perfect.

Morrigan told me about blot during one of his lessons. That thick, black, sticky substance that forms when you use magic.

Silas' breath hitched for a moment.

Morrigan's magestone was encrusted on a thin, gold bracelet he wore. He said he originally wanted it in an earring, but his nieces and nephews would yank on them.

I didn't have a magestone. I still don't. I was confused when Morrigan explained what they were, and he was shocked I hadn't overblotted as the blot gathered directly rather than on a stone.

"I don't use my magic much," Silas told him. "Not like you mages do."

Morrigan looked concerned. "Yeah, but with your level of power and how you grew up, that doesn't matter. Blot accumulates even with the tiniest bit of magic, and proper sleep and eating well are some of the only things that get rid of it."

There was a sad tinge to his voice for a brief moment. "You... you were literally starving, Si. And I've only ever seen you sleep properly a few times. Naps don't count."

Morrigan was rightfulfully concerned, but what could I do? Where or how could I get a magestone? Would I even be allowed one, untrained by government standards and technically not an existing person?

"I could organise one for you," Morrigan offered. "A schoolmate of mine is a professor at Night Raven now."

Silas shook his head. "No, it's fine. I haven't needed one up till now. I'll be fine."

I suppose one could say Morrigan should've pressed me more about this, considering how dangerous blot is, but my way of getting rid of blot was good enough for him.

My unique magic. I never knew that's what it was called, not until I told Morrigan about it. When he was pressing me about getting a magestone, I told him I knew a spell that got rid of the odd weight on my chest that would gather when I used magic.

"Another abyssal spell?" Morrigan asked, lighting up in excitement. "Could you teach me?"

Silas shook his head. "No... None that I or my grandfather know. I could just... do it one day. I don't know how."

"Oh, your unique magic?"

"My what?"

A unique spell of my own that no other person can be taught. Many people name theirs, but I've never named mine.

At first, I thought it just made my magic stronger and made me feel less sick. However, when Morrigan explained blot to me, it suddenly made things click into place.

I know what blot feels like, though I used to think I was just sick. It's a warm, wet weight on your chest that only grows if you don't clear it.

It feels like when you get sick and whenever you inhale, you can feel something coating your throat and lungs. It makes you gasp and gasp for just a bit of air.

I can't remember when I first used my unique magic. I try to, but it won't come to me.

Silas stopped writing for a moment. He sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, racking his brain for a memory that refused to surface. He has brief flashes of something... but it was too vague.

Blood. Teeth. Bursts of light. Then, nothing. Same as always.

Silas made a noise of exasperation and continued writing.

I can't remember. It's something so important, something that has kept me alive all these years, and I can't remember when or how I got it.

I... I think that applies to much of my life. There are so many things I can't remember, even nice things. They are locked somewhere in my mind. What did Doctor Koi call it again... suppressed. They're suppressed.

I still forget things. I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning. I sometimes can't remember who spoke to me ten minutes ago unless I write it down.

I have to write a lot of things down. I think having my grandfather and Morrigan around to do the remembering helped me all those years ago. Even though I didn't know I had... what's it called... dissosociative amnesia. And short-term memory loss. I have both of those.

I don't like forgetting things. I don't like the fact that I can't rely on my own memory, that unless I write it down, I have to trust that others won't lie to me.

And really, I have to wonder if there is some type of god out there. I never believed in things like that, but... how else could I have lived this long, if not through divine intervention?

A forgetful shark who can't swim properly. I might as well have gone up to someone and asked them to eat me.

Anyway, while I mainly use my magic on other mages, who I rarely find, I can also use it on regular people. The effects when there is no magic are much more dramatic, but I won't go into that now.

Morrigan admired my unique magic but was more relieved that I had an efficient way of getting rid of blot than anything else, even if it came at the cost of others.

"You should use it more often," He would say. "So you don't risk anything happening."

I never did that until much later in life, but I appreciated the sentiment.

There isn't much else I can say. The next few years were relatively peaceful. Morrigan came over more and even spent the school holidays with us. He let me sit with him as he planned out his lessons, telling me about his new and old students, an excited spark in his eyes.

My grandfather and Morrigan got closer. They got along so well. I was so glad. Morrigan went to get my grandfather's medicine for us and helped me get it ready, and helped me feel better about his declining health.

I would often come back home from a hunt to find them talking and laughing, showing each other tricks and spells they knew.

Yeah, it was peaceful. Fun, even. Until it was ripped away from me.

...........................................

Guide: Start, Prev, Next

A/N: Thank you so much for reading, guys! You may have noticed that this time, the flashback was from Morrigan's perspective rather than Silas'! I think it would work better that way. I'm really proud of this chapter, and it took a really long time to make, so I hope you like it! Those who are new, I've got the guide right above!

Tagging: @distant-velleity @br3adtoasty @rainesol @theleechyskrunkly @jovieinramshackle

@galaxies-and-gore @cyanide-latte @cynthinesia @officialdaydreamer00 @krenenbaker

@offorestsongs @kitwasnothere @elenauaurs @boopshoops @inotonline

@1dont-really-know @kazumify @minteasketches @elysia-nsimp @skrimpyskimpy

@casp1an-sea @offorestsongs @tixdixl @poisoned-pearls @the-trinket-witch

@ramshacklerumble @ghostiidasponk @thegoldencontracts @the-banana-0verlord @cloudcountry

@skriblee-ksk @twstinginthewind @lumdays @theolivetree123 @natsukishinomiyaswife

@authoruio @jewelulu @raguiras

[pocketramblr]

Ask Game : How about an au in where Manual is a Todoroki (Any type of relative)

oh, you mean like when i said Fuyumi should adopt Manual as her brother? Or when we just made Manual the oldest todoroki sibling here, here, (and then...) here? or the separate fic where he's the oldest sibling and also the personification of water and the water cycle itself? Or the series where Tensei and Masaki are Vampire Fuyumi's scions and they're members of the Todoroki clan?

Just kidding, im sure everyone who saw the family tree reblog knows which one i'll talk about here.

1- Masaki, eldest Todoroki Himura child, does not have the quirk his father wanted. He also did not have an ice quirk useful to the Himura family. But he is the eldest, and an eldest son at that, so he's still trained and included by the family. Growing up though, Masaki knows that he's not quite right, not quite what people wanted of him, and tries hard to overcome it. He trains, a lot. He studies the family tree the Himuara clan is so proud of, and then branches out more, as if that'll earn their approval. (he knows most of the whole chart ehehe)He trains to the point that he doesn't just have the ability to manipulate water, but create it too, as his parents create fire and ice. Unfortunately, he can only do this by drawing on his body's stores, so he ends up out of breath and dehydrated too easily when he tries, and wielding large amounts of water is terrible for finesse. Touya, a bright firecracker of a second son, is trained instead. He hurts himself in training too, but can keep going, unlike Masaki. Masaki eases off, still training, still going to be a hero, but giving his little brother more of a spotlight. He's satisfied with what he has. But his brother and father aren't.

2- Masaki stops caring about training with overwhelming power, and focuses on learning how to move small amounts of water with better grace. He dives into the detective part of the job, even as Enji largely neglects passing this on to Touya. He uses his weird knowledge of his family tree for connections- why does he keep getting invited to such high level meetings, missions, and parties?? oh well, you see, Captain Celebrity's sibling married one of Masaki's mom's siblings, so they're in-laws-in-laws, and Ryukyuu's uncle married another one of CC's siblings, so of course Masaki got an invite. He isn't even bragging about his connections, or using them for ill, he just shows up and if people ask why, he says it so matter of fact that they're like 'oh yeah of course, i mean if Manual were my cousin's cousin's aunt's neighbor i'd invite him too, cmon in man." It's amazing how most heroes are more likely to know how they and Masaki are connected than to be aware of the fact that Masaki is straight up Endeavor's son. He doesn't need to be networking this hard. he's doing it anyway. He likes, after all, to be treated normally. He just has a skewed view of normal- but i mean, so does Fuyumi! they're just different skewed views.

3- Sadly this is not a Tensaki au for the simple reason that on one of Endeavor's parent's side, Masaki is distantly related to the Iidas. Now that would not be a problem for literally anyone else, but Masaki took the advice of "if you know how closely you're related, you're too closely related and applied it to his life, not thinking that most people do not in fact have a full knowledge of all of their relatives up to tenth cousins four times removed, and a partial knowledge up to fifteenth six times removed. Tensei is bemused when Masaki asks him how the crawler vigilante is doing, since they never officially partnered, and even more so when Masaki explains "Oh, no, it's just that he's been mentored by my uncle Oguru, has my grandparent's speed quirk and he's like, sixth cousins with your mother, only three or four times removed, so i thought maybe he might have mentioned it to you. But i hope he's doing alright, seems like a good guy and i know that bee bombing thing last month was rough."

4- Masaki dyes his hair brown to look more normal, and because he feels like his natural pink hair clashes with his costume too much. (Hey wonder if all that sexism in the family maybe impacted his view of it too. He very much disapproves of Touya's actions and words but maybe he doesn't want a girly pink hair color either.) Anyway, he also didn't stay at his father's agency for clear reasons. Once his own agency is set up, Fuyumi asks him if he'd consider taking in Natsuo- because he's completely neglected by their father, mom's in the hospital still, touya's dead, and Fuyumi's busy with school, Enji, and Shoto. Masaki agrees, and Natsuo ends up going into school for logistics with a science minor, still considering med school later.

5- "hey uh pocket is dabi not touya here" well that chart was made before the reveal. by not a whole lot of time lol. So, MASAKI doesn't think Dabi is Touya. After all, Touya is Dead. and Dead People do not attack school camps and set trees on fire. Dabi is, therefore, infinitely more likely to actually be Masaki's half uncle- he's pretty sure there are other kids on the fire side of the family, and it gives him a reason for hating Endeavor and his kids so much. Masaki stands by this even as his other siblings start cottoning on to the true identity of the arsonist. He's too normal to believe Dabi could possibly be Touya. After Jakku, he gets a call from Tensei like "hey man, i just heard about the news and i'm so sorry, you know you helped me a lot with my brother and family mess so i'll help you with your brother and-" and Masaki goes "OH THANK YOU i know other things like Eraserhead cutting off his own leg are more important, but i cannot believe my uncle would steal my dead brother's identity like that, with that awful dance-" and Tensei is like 'ah, right.' and just... lets him rant a bit to feel better, before he sniffs and goes 'its actually touya, isn't it.'

[oh-the--places--you-will-go]

crAcked: Chapter 1

Characters: Aria Montgomery, Spencer Hastings, Hanna Marin, Emily Fields, Alison DiLaurentis, Mike Montgomery, Byron Montgomery, Ella Montgomery, Darren Wilden, Melissa Hastings, Ian Thomas, Ezra Fitz

TW: Suicide mention, grooming, fatphobia, ED, bullying, murder

Word Count: 2,057

Author's Note: This is a PLL fanfic that I mainly started writing for myself. I'm a die hard PLL fan but, like a lot of other people, I was thoroughly disappointed with a lot of their choices so I decided to try my hand at writing what I wanted to happen in the story. I've never written fanfic, as most of my writing experience has been via Tumblr rp's but I thought I'd give this a try!

September 1st, 2009. That was a night that Aria Montgomery would never forget, not for as long as she lived. That was the night that everything had changed.

It’d be silly to ever think that she could erase those memories from her brain, so she didn’t even try. Instead, she had decided to accept it–after all, what else was there to do? Things had happened–things that were never supposed to happen. Yet, the events of that September night had changed everything. As Lady Macbeth famously said, “What is done cannot be undone.”

By sunrise, the whole town of Rosewood knew that blonde bombshell queen bee Alison DiLaurentis was missing and nothing would ever be the same again.

Even now, after a year had passed, Aria was still unsure about how she felt about the entire situation. As she unpacked her boxes and placed her books back in their rightful place, she thought about everything that had happened and the impact her choices had had upon everyone.

One thing was for certain–she was grateful to be back in her own bedroom. The warm, dark wood of her bedroom floor and bed frame were certainly much cozier than the cold, white walls she had grown accustomed to this past year. It felt good to be back at home again.

Of course, to the outside world, she’d been away on a special study abroad program in Iceland this past year, an incredible opportunity that had happened to arise in Aria’s time of need. Her little brother, Mike, had even agreed to try to keep her Facebook page updated with beautiful pictures of the stunning fjords of Reykjavik. However, the truth of Aria’s whereabouts were much more…complicated, per se, than a study abroad trip to Iceland.

She’d spent this past year locked away hiding away in Radley Medical Center, trying to repair her fragmented mental state. After September 1st, it hadn’t taken very long at all for her parents, Byron and Ella, to figure out that her best friend’s friend’s disappearance had taken a serious toll on her mental health. As soon as the “MISSING PERSON” fliers went up, Aria just about lost it. After attempting to take her own life near the end of September 2009, her parents felt as if they had no other choice but to try and get her the help that she needed.

However, in the town of Rosewood, being “mentally ill” was not acceptable, or even relatable–sure, everyone had their own struggles but you kept that quiet and to yourself. It was the “polite” thing to do. Besides, after Aria had woken up in a hospital room, realizing her attempt had been unsuccessful, she couldn’t face her friends–hell, it was nearly impossible to face her own family, especially her little brother. Therefore, it was decided: Aria would go to Radley Medical Center in order to heal, and no one would ever know. To the outside world, she’d be experiencing an incredible opportunity overseas in Iceland and none would be the wiser.

It was quite the ruse and honestly, her parents had been a little unsure about the entire thing. Sure, people who were open about their family problems were judged harshly in Rosewood but who even cared about petty scrutiny and gossip if their daughter wasn’t okay? But it was Aria that had begged her parents to keep the truth a secret, only letting the principal of Rosewood High School know what was actually going on so she could continue her studies.

Now, after nearly twelve straight months of intensive therapy and “rest,” Aria was ready to return to the real world of Rosewood and continue on with her life. Still, the night of September 1st, 2009 still haunted her–more than anyone would ever know.

In just a few weeks–and still, years from now–the town of Rosewood would be full of gossip: gossip about a particularly handsome new teacher and his apparent penchant for underage girls. Yes, by now, it’s no secret that Ezra Fitz had been taken with Aria Montgomery when they first met at the Hollis Pub the day before school started. However, what a lot of people don’t mention is how Ezra was able to manipulate his way into Aria’s life and strike when she was most vulnerable.

You’ll come to find very soon that everyone in the town of Rosewood has flaws and secrets–absolutely everyone. But some things are more forgivable than others. And what was unconditionally unforgivable was a grown man preying on the innocent young girls of Rosewood High. Ezra had zeroed in on Aria and was just waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce.

After all, Ezra was already well aware of Aria’s own secret–well, at least one of them. You see, during his junior and senior year at Hollis, he had heard rumors about Professor Montgomery and one of his grad students. Now, Ezra didn’t usually listen to gossip–he believed himself to be above all of that. However, it had become rather difficult to simply ignore the rumors about a professor taking advantage of one of his students. Though he’d never actually had a class with Professor Montgomery, he knew of him and figured that the rumors were probably true.

Once he put two and two together–that Aria was the daughter of Bryon Montgomery–he knew that he had an in. He was aware that it was rather ironic. But this was different, he told himself. Ezra knew she was in a susceptible position–she needed guidance, someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on. That’s what Ezra told himself and that’s what he set out to do. Truthfully, as cunning as she was, Aria never stood a chance against someone so sinister.

However, that didn’t mean that Aria didn’t have her own ammunition. Sure, her family was holding on by a thread–but the other girls had their own secrets, too. They always had. Luckily, Aria had always been incredibly observant. Though she could certainly have her moments of outspokenness, she also knew how to sit back and listen. One could learn a lot of information when they were simply listening.

Take Hanna Marin, for example. Poor little Hefty Hanna–Aria had always detested that nickname that Alison had placed upon Hanna’s head. It was cruel and unnecessary. But Alison was the queen bee and whatever she said simply…was. However, anyone with eyes could see the toll that it took on Hanna. Aria remembered that one time, during a sleepover, the girls had been enjoying chick flicks and ice cream. They had been watching Mean Girls, one of Alison’s favorites. Aria always assumed it was because she viewed herself as Regina George.

Just before the Burn Book fight scene started–arguably one of the best scenes in the film–Hanna had gotten up to go to the bathroom. Aria thought it a bit odd but continued watching and laughing along with the other girls. But the minutes continued to pass and Hanna still wasn’t back. Curious, Aria mentioned checking on Hanna and got up off the couch and headed to the bathroom, her feet padding on the hardwood floor. When she got to the bathroom door, the unmistakable sounds of retching came from the other side of the door. Aria gave a small knock on the door. “Hanna?... Are you okay?” Hanna cleared her throat and quickly said “Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be right out.”

Sure, Aria probably should’ve said something about it–but what could she say? Hanna was clearly embarrassed, you could hear it in her voice. Wouldn’t it just make it worse to question her about it? Aria tried to tell herself that maybe Hanna’s stomach had just been acting up but deep down, she knew the truth. She knew how Alison made Hanna feel like shit about her body–honestly, it wasn’t very surprising that Hanna would attempt to find comfort in bingeing and purging. It made Aria’s heart sink but what else could she do?

As far as Spencer and Emily went, their secrets weren’t too difficult to figure out, either. Really, all you had to do was have eyes. The way Spencer so desperately wanted to be like her older sister, Melissa, was obvious to everyone. On top of that, the brains of their group suddenly seemed to become a brainless lovestruck girl whenever her sister’s skeezy boyfriend, Ian, walked into the room. He was not only her field hockey coach but, as everyone figured, most likely her future brother-in-law as well. However, no one could deny the brunette’s heart eyes whenever Ian cracked a subpar joke.

Emily was somehow even more obvious. Between the odd comments from Alison and the way you could practically feel Emily’s giddiness radiating from her every time the blonde bombshell simply spoke, it was clear to anyone with a brain that Emily was in love with Alison. Not to mention the time that Aria had accidentally overheard one of their conversations during another infamous sleepover. She’d forgotten her phone in Emily’s room and when she was approaching the doorway, she overheard the distinct sing-song sweetness of Alison’s voice. It was the voice she used whenever she really, really wanted something

“Look, Em, I’m sorry that I was so mean to you the other day in the locker room. I didn’t mean to snap at you, I just… I just don’t feel…that way. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still kiss–but only if you want to, of course.”

Alison’s voice was sugary sweet and full of softness–god, she was such a manipulative bitch. Don’t fall for it, Em, Aria thought to herself. But then, seconds later, Aria could hear the undeniable sounds of lips locking, so she slipped back downstairs and never told another soul.

Truth be told, Aria was mildly horrified at the state of her friend group when she returned to Rosewood High. The girls hadn’t even tried to remain close to one another? The brunette realized that it was going to be a lot more difficult to get her friends back together than she initially thought.

What horrified her even more, though, was the face that she saw at the front of the classroom during first period on the very first day of junior year. It was none other than Ezra, the man boy from the bar. He looked just as equally horrified to see her face and she was certain that he’d never speak to her again. And honestly, if he were even half a decent man, he would have quit his job right then and there–but of course, “decent” was the last word anyone would use to describe Ezra Fitz.

The situation with her English teacher might’ve fully taken over Aria’s brain that night if it hadn’t been for the sirens that began to ring out around 9PM, just as Aria was about to get ready for bed. The sirens were down the street but something made Aria’s blood run cold and she followed that feeling out onto the sidewalk. Sure enough, the sirens were just a few streets over, down by the DiLaurentis house. Oh, fuck.

Alison DiLaurentis’ body was found buried under the gazebo her parents had put up the previous summer. The backyard had been under construction at the time, making it the perfect place to dispose of a body.

The day of Alison’s funeral was what finally brought all the girls back together. They sat with each other in the same pew, as if no time had ever passed. While waiting for the service to begin, the four girls realized that they’d all been getting messages from a mysterious person who signed their messages with nothing but an “A.” Was it “A” for Anonymous? It couldn’t have been “A” for Alison. After all…her body was lying in a closed casket just feet away from them.’

However, it wasn’t until the very end of the service that the girls realized how serious all of this was. Detective Wilden, a hot shot police officer, approached the girls and vowed to find out what happened the night that Alison disappeared, which sent a chill down Aria’s spine. Just as he walked away, all of the girls’ cell phones eerily rang at the same time and the threatening message stared back at them through the screen:

“I’m still here, bitches, and I know everything - A”

[isabellehemlock]

🏆

Thanks Bee for sending me a reader ask 😍

🏆 "What do you wish more authors in your fandom would write about?"

This is such a loaded question that could go multiple ways lol . . . But I think the reader asks are looking for subject matter, so let's head there 😅

Though before I do, allow me to say, that though there are some tropes that I enjoy, or fics I'll blog about because I really resonated with something, I don't think my personal opinion should really sway any author in any way. It's one thing to share resource posts about a subject matter, and another to inadvertently imply my personal opinion is like the standard to aim for.

Also, this got way longer, and heavier than I ever thought it would so quick cw warning for themes of religious LGBT+ character representation and (non descriptive references to) spiritual abuse mentioned below.

Okay all that being said . . . Honestly? I, and many other faithful people (of any religion, not just Christians) are on a spectrum that is not heteronormative. It can feel like a fairly niche group to toe the line between two very specific identities and some of my greatest joys have been to write and read about characters like me (I know, I know, self projection to the extreme). If you ever wanted to read a post that spoke to me on a core level about how exhausting it can feel to navigate those two things (though it ends on a hopeful note), please check out this one that I keep on my phone.

I've been truly blessed to have had opportunities of discussions with other people of faiths in this fandom about LGBT+ issues, but some of us would love to see more representation for both religious and LGBT+ affirming, because it can feel so miniscule. But we exist, and even the smallest possibility to see that in fandom spaces and across platforms - where it can echo our real life experiences - just yeah, it really does mean something to see it.

You weren't there last November, Bee, but @mostlyimmortal commissioned the header in my blog for me for my birthday - it's Joe and Nicky in the helicopter scene, praying together and holding prayer beads of their respective faiths. I literally started crying when I saw it and recorded a video I shared bc my hands were too shaky to type it all out. I was a blubbering mess trying to express my thanks because I was seeing something so deeply personal that spoke to a younger version of myself. It felt both healing and like a relief. I love that picture.

Of course the other half of all of this is the very real and hard truth that religious trauma exists - in fact I've personally experienced spiritual abuse in relation to my sexuality as well - and the last thing I would ever want someone to do is to read something that involves a religious LGBT+ character and have a triggering response - it's why I over tag my fics. And I definitly don't mean to come across as suggesting anyone should make themselves push through a discomfort and write something that would bring pain (writing should bring joy, or healing, but never pain). Same goes for reading, I would never want anyone to pressure themselves to read my fics and experience anything but either joy, or healing, or both.

And really, the fact is within this fandom, we have no concrete evidence that any of the characters are religious (maybe Nicky with the script leak and some visual comic references but again maybe) and gosh, my brain is tired, I forgot about Nile and her cross and her "not my God" line (thanks Bee). So frankly a fic where they are not religious, or used to be but now hate all things religious is no less valid of a take. Just want to be super clear about that.

So long it's tagged accordingly so each reader can make an informed decision about whether to read it or not, I'll admit I'd love to see more of the TOG characters as religious LGBT+, and I know I'm not the only one 😊

[indigobackfire]

Phoenix Lazar Nobleworth Silverwood

Below is a lengthy history of his parents, their involvement with dragons, and how he lost them.

Ps: I tried adding some Scottish dialect in the dialogue, but I'm not the best at it considering all I have as reference is my love for James McAvoy and Outlander. Forgive me in advance for any atrocities lol. Also, diverging from canon especially in relation to Veela powers and physical descriptions.

Phoenix's father, Emilian, was sorted into Gryffindor and with pride, he was a Gryffindor by the book, adventurous, brave, often reckless, fun, with a strong sense of protection over his friends, someone who valued courage and honor.

Emilian didn't know how he and Palmer Silverwood - Slytherin, pureblood, much more popular than him, and one of the best duelists in their year - became friends, he also didn't know how Palmer found an about to hatch dragon egg in the forbidden forest, or how he even got into the forbidden forest to begin with, but being who he was, Emilian wasn't much surprised.

The biggest surprise was that Palmer even knew who he was.

Emilian takes a peek into Palmer's robes where the egg is hidden. "So? You're the dragon laddie, Nobleworth."

"Yeah, it's a dragon egg. Common Welsh Green this one." He looks up. "And is that what people call me?"

"Are ye really surprised? You talk about them all the time, yer the best in Care of Magical Creatures, and ye have a dragon painted at the back of yer bloody robes."

"Only fair. McGonagall hates it."

Palmer laughs. "Will ye help me?"

"Aye. But what ye want me to do?"

"I dinna ken. I just don't want the wee dragon to die. The poor creature wasn't warm when I found it so it's probably motherless. I mean... they fire up their eggs, don't they?"

Emilian smiles. "You're not as unknowledgeable as you think, Silverwood. Let's go somewhere more private."

In the humid and dusty air of the artifact room, they hide. "Hand me the egg."

Palmer hands him the egg delicately as if the creature inside it wasn't one that could eat them both in a bite when grown. And for a moment Palmer wonders what he'll do, but Emilian just stands there holding the egg. And as he's about to question him, he sees Emilian's fingers get bright red.

"Mate? What's wrong with yer hands?"

Emilian snickers. "I have a secret, can you keep it?" Palmer nods eyes fixated on the egg whose cracks were very slowly growing. "I'm half Veela and whilst I can't throw balls of fire from my hands... I can heat it up to... oven temperature."

"Oven temperature?"

Emilian smirks. "Ah dinnae have exact numbers, but if ye want to give a touch."

Palmer looks at his hands again. "Nae. They're as bright as molten glass, lad."

Emilian raises his eyebrows. "Oh, I felt it move."

"Ooohh, it's gonna set this tiny room on fire."

"Let me hide it this time. I ken a place we can go. The person ye should've gone to in the first place."

Palmer widens his eyes. "Kettleburn, nae."

"Silverwood, ye cannae keep the dragon. It'll set you on fire before completing one year."

Palmer puffs as they walk out of the artifact room. "If the dragon enthusiast dinnae want to keep a real dragon, why would I?"

"A dragon lover is the same as a bee lover. You can appreciate the honey, the lovely stripes, but if ye hold it in yer hand, it'll sting you. Dragons were made to live outside, flying, spitting fire. A wee dragon is cute, but once is grown..."

"Yer a curious lad, Nobleworth." Emilian gives an awkward half smile. "I like you."

Their friendship was as unexpected to them as it was for the bystanders, but one that sustained for their last two years in Hogwarts - including Palmer's girlfriend, Clarin, an uptight but curious Ravenclaw, who despite her best instincts followed behind on the boys' adventures.

When Emilian announced he would be leaving England for the Dragon Sanctuary in Romania a couple of years later, as much as Palmer and Clarin expected that to happen, it still came with the bittersweetness of watching one of their best friends go.

Years go by, but still, their bond sustains time and distance. Every opportunity they had, the SIlverwoods would travel to Romania to visit their friend who in a lighting in a bottle chance found himself a wife of "his kind".

Full Veela, Antonia Lazar, practically raised herself as her father left her mother, a temperamental full Veela woman, to deal with Tonia herself, a task she delegated to her equally careless family members, closely involved with the Dragon Sanctuary in times the place was still informally managed.

When Emilian meets her, barely wearing rags over her body, barefoot on the grass, pearl blonde hair unruly, looking as if she was raised by wild house elves, he couldn't help his heart hammering in his chest. Female Veela beauty wasn't something he was unused to, considering his mother and aunts were ones as well, but when Antonia was before him he thought of himself before a goddess.

Emilian tries not to spill the water in the heavy buckets while Antonia doesn't seem to be struggling at all. He wouldn't have a need to even carry them if he hadn't forgotten his wand, but at least he got to be alone with her.

"Why is it that ye dinnae like us?"

"You English think you run the place just because you read about dragons in a book, think you know more than us who grew with hundreds of them." She shoots him firey eyes. "Know when I first rode a dragon? I was five years old!"

"I never say I doubted yer capacities. And I'm not English, I'm Scottish." She glares at him again. "I'm kidding."

"Don't get me angry, you won't like it me angry. Trust me."

"I would actually. I wonder what color yer feathers would be."

"I'm sorry?"

"I ken a Veela when I see one. Especially cause I'm half one."

Her expression soothes a little. She puts the bucket down and grips his hand. "Go, do your magic."

While his hand goes as hot as they can, his eyes slowly change hues to match her, never breaking eye contact. "It's nice touching a girl who doesn't mind a more... ardent touch."

She gives a small smile. "You're pathetic."

"I'd love to fly on a dragon's back with someone who understands about them. I promise I'm not here to mock or doubt you. I love those creatures more than anyone I know."

She lets go of his hand and with a smirk picks up the bucket. "Well, now you know me."

Their relationship quickly becomes stronger as they spend day after day together. The work at the Sanctuary is as rewarding as it is tiring, so at the end of long days, they would sit together and exchange stories, her of her buckwild childhood and him of his years in Hogwarts. In each other's company that they find an air of normality and peace.

After recognizing and accepting her strong feelings for Emilian - something hard considering how men had treated her before, seeking what she had to offer them more than considering her needs - and finding out he felt the same for the longest time, they decided to marry, her seeing in him a sense of stability for the first time in her life.

It doesn't take long until Antonia is pregnant with their first child, and in the pool of genes and possibilities, their first-born boy is a full Veela like his mother, something uncommon for boys. Not considering what would be 'formal' or well accepted, Antonia decides to name him Phoenix for encompassing what being a Veela means to her, a bird of elegance and fire and perseverance.

And as if it was pre-destined, just a couple months prior, Clarin and Palmer had given birth to a girl of name just as uncommon, little Indigo Silverwood, who is but three months old when they come to Romania to meet little Phoenix.

To this day, the Silverwoods wonder if their timing was the best or worst it could've been.

As in the same week they came to visit, an attack happens with the intent of capturing as many dragons as they could from the reserve, something that had happened times before but this time much better planned and heavily armed with the best wizards they could get.

They start picking up their wands in haste while seeking the fire protection potion they had brewed specially for this trip back at home. "What do they need dragons for? Can't they breed their own." Clarin asks.

"Is not like is legal or easy to do so." Antonia has her eyes soaked with tears. "They don't care about the creatures, they want money. Oh, they use their blood to make spot removers. Oven cleaners! How can you take a marvelous creature and turn it into such a pathetic thing? Then they use their hearts in you wizards stupid wands and their skin into gloves!"

"Somebody must have heard about the new Chinese Fireball," Emilian says, "People seek the gold in their horns and eggs, but if you pull them out, they die."

"Not to mention the baby Romanians. Put your goddamn boots on already, Emilian!"

"What 'bout the bairns?" Palmer asks anxiously.

"There's no time. They probably ain't getting all the way up here, but in all cases." Emilian grabs the potion from Clarin's hands turning over Jacob's and baby Indigo's mouth, knowing the fire wouldn't do harm to Phoenix. He places something in Jacob's little hand. "Jacob, if any mean person comes trying to hurt ye, throw this at their feet and run. Alright?" Jacob nods, eyes wide with fear and excitement of a five-year-old.

"What is it?" Palmer asks.

"A vial of Peruvian's Vipertooth venom, extremely deadly and volatile. Don't ask me why I have it."

Palmer looks at Jacob. "Stay quiet and protect the babies, right, love?"

Antonia kisses Phoenix on the forehead one last time then turns to the others. "Let's go, please!"

And if they knew, she would've held him a little longer, Emilian would've stopped time for a couple of seconds to look at their boy for a lingering moment more. But they didn't and time never reversed.

They weren't the only lives lost, but side by side they fought and won and lost and lost and lost. They managed to protect all but two of the dragons at the end, blood of dark wizards - and innocent ones - soaked the grounds. Dragons loose on the sky overhead, blood spilt from both sides, burnt buildings, scars that would never heal, the body of a friend devoided of life, a mother of dragons and children never to wake up again, children crying in a cabin kilometers away.

When Antonia's mother refused to watch over her own grandson, Clarin felt as if it was her own son the woman refused and it was that soon the decision to keep him came. She was still breastfeeding and no ordinary family would know how to raise him right, at least that's what both her and Palmer told themselves. Emilian's parents, both devastated by the news of their son's death were quick to agree with the Silverwoods' proposal.

And it's like this that Phoenix and Indigo are practically raised as twins, still young when he notices he doesn't look like the rest of them - a pale and blonde boy in a family of tanned brunettes - not only for his looks but by the fact that sinking his hand into a pot of boiling water doesn't hurt or the fact his anger makes his body react differently from the others or that people got mesmerized by his looks enough to do whatever he asked them to.

But the Silverwoods learn the painful way that raising a Veela child is not easy work. Not only easily irritable but also dangerous when transformed, not much to others while still young, but to himself due to painful and harmful transformation, taking hours until he could retain his human form. Meditating and thought exercises became pivotal from an early age. As not make their treatment towards him different from Indigo, they become tougher with both, demanding an altruistic, patient, and empathetic behavior from both.

This leads Phoenix to grown into a level-headed, sweet and compassionate boy who eventually got sorted into Hufflepuff without the sorting hat having to consider long.

As much as he wishes he had grown with his biological parents, he's grateful to have grown in the family he did and doesn't consider himself any less part of it, he loves his siblings dearly and considers and reslects his parents as if it was from their blood and cells he was made of.

---

This is my attempt at a concise history of Phoenix, mostly his parents who I dream of drawing someday. I'll make something in the future for his romantic life as it is its own ride. I ship him with Ismelda and boy oh boy I have some to say about that.

If you wanna more info on Phoenix, I made him an OC profile :)

[luvdsc]

Hey Cat!! I hope you're doing well as always ! 💖 AHHHH huhu I closed the form last Sunday since I've collected enough responses dy! (NOOOOOOOO ToT) I got a total of 221 responses at the end of the week, which is 3x the amount I initially needed! :o I'm beyond grateful and appreciative ToT I've cleaned the data and have proceeded to run some data analysis, but I ran into an issue whereby the scores on the subscales are equal (it has never been reported in past studies! :O) so I'm waiting for my supervisor's feedback on how to proceed. Hopefully it's nothing too serious ToT

Hehe finance is interesting indeed! I just started reading a book on finance for young adults (Rich Dad Poor Dad) and I look forward to learning more from the author's tips! The Coursera introductory course has also made financial terms a lil more familiar, even though it's just the basics and it's really helped w my financial literacy 🥺 I can push myself to study but it's also the numbers and calculations I'm worried of cuz I am rly a nong (idiot) when it comes to numbers * - * it runs in the genes I guess AHAHAHAHA my mom and sister aren't good at numbers either keke

Aww I'm glad yr professor made financial accounting enjoyable and a fruitful experience for you! Some lecturers / professors rly just have that spark in them to inspire ppl and I'm blessed to be surrounded by a bunch of em in the psych department!🥺😭 it truly makes a difference and I'm sure we both are living proofs of that!

After debating for a while, I've decided not to take a minor mainly because I'm so tired HAHAHAHAHAHA and I'll just do my own self-studying and exploration whilst working! Go out and explore the world, live life! Whilst ironically still staying in my room because of the COVID-19 situation in our country (cases are abt 20+k every day :') ) My proposal has been finalized and it's been accepted! It's just that some elements of my proposal is also part of my actual report, so I have some guidance to refer to in terms of structure! :3 and yes don't worry! I got plenty (sometimes a lil too much) rest during the sem break whilst remaining productive! Plus, I got to catch up w some friends and had game nights (maybe too much of game nights hehe) and movie nights w my friends which was truly refreshing! Also cuz I might not see a lot of them again after we graduate so we gotta cherish every moment 🥺😭

I'm a freelance graphic designer for my uni's newsletter! Occasionally, they'd ask us to create both the content and design! I'll place the link to my recent work below if you wanna check it out! UwU I'm trying to incorporate the same practices during sem break in my last sem (current sem) too! cuz yes mental health is so so important and I'm just tired of being academically tired you get me? :(

What makes me most trilled abt learning abt psychology is how to apply it in daily life too! I find it so fascinating and awestruck at how relatable and within reach these things are like wow we can be influenced in such ways?? :o can be both good and bad but imma stick w seeing it as the development and evolution of us humans UwU

Also, the vaccine has fixed my sleep schedule HEHE (another perk of getting vaccination :3) I got some rly good rest and managed to reset my usual sleeping time, thank you science ToT oooo I see I see, we've had cases of nurses injecting empty syringes hence the recording :( but GHIOGHWEOGIOHW I could never do that, I can feel the liquid entering me as it is so that's good enough ToT (* plays Love Talk * I can feel it coming)

OMG YOUR ART PIECES ARE SO BEAUTIFUL, ADORABLE AND ELEGANT! 💖🥺🥰 it must've required a lot of hard-work and effort AHHH thankiew for showing me yr work!! it's truly unique in its own manner despite it's simplicity UwU is there a reason or backstory to yr chosen theme and objects? :3

I just Googled Somi Somi and omg that's such an UwU ice cream AHHHH 💖🥺😭 ice cream is my fav food of all time and it looks like an ice cream haven omg imagine eating it after a loooong hard day's of work ToT and OMG THE SATISFACTION OF EATING THAI MILK TEA ICE CREAM ON A HOT DAY YASSS 😋🤤 hehe if you get the chance to try milk & biscoff, do try it! It's amazing !😍 and ooo i haven't tried alcoholic ice cream before but I will one day!! :3 my alcohol tolerance is rly low though, will I get tipsy over alcoholic ice cream? We shall see UwU (i can only drink half a bottle of apple cider before my face gets red and I start getting a lil tipsy + headache)

and lovie....knowing yr school schedule now...OURS IS DEFINTELY BRUTAL OMG a 3 month long sem break huhu that's only the total amount of sem breaks we get in a year ToT i thought uni was hard but not that hard ToT

Always glad and honored to have you onboard! and AHAHAHAH the contractions about to start soon 👀 I enjoy talking to you huhu you're such a sweet and supportive person 💖🥺🥰😙 huhu for my period cramps, I've been having them since I was 12 ToT my doctor prescribed me some panadols but sometimes I can't even swallow them cuz I'd puke them out ToT I've settled w heatpacks to reduce my reliance on medicine, but I finally got some upgraded and safe to eat medicine from my gynae! She said it's fine to take it every month to keep my womb healthy and apparently my ms. lil uterus is suffering from inflammation, hence the super crazy bedridden cramps :( the upgraded medicine worked for a while, but after time it kinda didn't help either :/ but I realised that exercise rly does wonders to reduce the cramp too (gynae also recommended exercising) so i take walks and do my back stretches more frequently now! my period in the previous months (2 months ago) have been almost painless and bearable, it's so weird not seeing my bedridden ._. when I was in high school, there would always be a day in every month in which I don't attend classes, and that's solely because of my cramps. It just isn't worth suffering in school, plus we don't have a sick room :/ I hope the pain continues to subside! ToT

And ayy internship is also working experience, yr advice would be of great help to me regardless! 🥺 oh yes, I always remind myself that interviews are similar to the speaking test I took for my Cambridge English exams! That kinda help calm my nerves down a lil, but w nerves comes bigger smiles, so I guess it takes on a rather practical form of coping mechanism (sublimation) AHAHAHAHA

WAAAA WHAT A QUEEN you got an offer from every interview?? I aspire to be like you! 💖🥺🥰 huhu skill wise I believe I have lots to prepare esp in terms of case studies, and I perform rly poorly on certain assessments (*ehem * esp those concerning numbers) so I took the chance to study a lil during sem break too ToT but noted on that! I will work on that too and try to maintain that me element in interviews and overall just be myself keke

That's all from me for now! Imma wait for my supervisor's feedback and journey on w my last semester. Bon voyage! Link to my recent work: https://www.instagram.com/p/CTBqGzjr6sN/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Other works: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPpv-IyM7Gi/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link https://www.instagram.com/p/CL55EG-MbL2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

hi hello honey bee !!! 💓 omg i'm so sorry for the belated response, i finally got on my laptop 😭 i'm gonna put my response under the cut since it got a little long 🤧

omg 221 responses !!!!! that's so many 🙀 congratulations aaaaa it's amazing that you were able to get 3x the data you needed !!! was it difficult to run data analysis? were you able to solve the issue with the equal scores on the subscales? i hope it didn't create too much additional work for you ):

omg yes finance is really interesting! i enjoyed the classes i took for it :') how is rich dad poor dad? did you learn a lot from it? i know it was a book my prof recommended, but i never got around to reading it 😶 did you learn any helpful tips? and ooo i'll have to look into coursera! yeah, there's quite a lot of terms for finance, and it can be a little intimidating paired with all the math formulas and such, but it's pretty useful imo! how are your financial studies going so far? 💕 omg nong is such a cute word?? i would never think it meant idiot asdkfhlkajsdf omg my whole family is good at numbers and really like math, but i didn't like it 😭 my mom made me study it a lot everyday though rip are the financial calculations getting easier for you as you practice more hopefully?

yessss omg i absolutely agree with this!!!! like you can just feel when a professor loves to teach and is genuinely so excited to talk about their subject, and it just makes the most boring horrible subject into something you learn to enjoy and hate less :') and i'm really happy to hear you have tons of professors like that in the psych department 🥺💗

that's great to hear!!!! ��🌷 i'm glad that you're prioritizing yourself and your health, which is so much more important than taking on a minor. what fun subjects have you decided to explore and self study so far? 💞 oh my gosh, the rising cases are so high?? i hope it's gotten better there for you ): are you able to go outside yet?

big congratulations on your proposal being finalized and accepted, lovebug !!!! 🥳🥳 i'm very proud of you and hoping one day i can read your published studies in a scientific journal :') aaaa i'm so glad to hear that you got to rest and enjoy your time with your friends!! i definitely feel that omg i regret all the times i skipped out on movie nights or game nights with my friends because now we're all scattered across the country and the only way we can have them again is over zoom calls 🤧

I SAW YOUR DESIGNS AND THEY'RE GORGEOUS OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH !!!! 💖 I'M IN AWE AAAA IF PSYCH DOESN'T WORK OUT, I HOPE YOU BECOME A GRAPHIC DESIGNER 🤩🤩💖 and yes i totally get it ): i really felt the academic burn out when i was in college and it was really difficult at times 🤧 but i hope it's going better for you nowadays, sweetpea 💝💝

omg yeah i absolutely agree !!!! whenever i read about psychology, i keep it in the back of my mind and then when i see something irl that relates to it, i'm like :O amazing. it's so cool to learn about different psych tricks too and see how it works when you test them out yourself and whatnot. and it's really crazy to see how the human brain is so easily influenced at times ??? it truly is an amazing subject !!!

ah what a great side benefit of the vaccine - a better sleep schedule 🤩 i'm happy to hear that your schedule has been fixed 💘 and omg what ??? they're injecting empty syringes wth ????? 😭 that's absolutely horrible, are they getting sued?? lmaooooo that love talk reference askdfhlaksjd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR KIND COMPLIMENTS 😭😭💗💗 there were many late hours spent in the art studio to finish them, but i'm really happy with the end products :') i thought light bulbs are an interesting subject to do, and my prof said that cutting out circular objects or sculpting them is the most difficult since they're made up curves and not straight lines and i was like ok bet i'm gonna do it aND I'M SO GLAD I DID BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THEM 🥺 and i love honey bees !!! that's why i decided to paint them and we were supposed to paint them in a combined style of two artists so i tried monet's impressionist style with the short brush strokes and pop art triptych style like marjorie strider 💕

somi somi is sooo good and i just had it again a couple weeks ago :') omg ice cream is your favorite food? :o and YES ice cream is so satisfying after a long day of hard work, like it's such a nice reward to look forward to at the end of day ✨ aaaaa i have to try thai milk tea ice cream one day now !!!!! it sounds amazing 🤩 and YES i must look for places that sell milk & biscoff ice cream !! i have milk ice cream from somi somi, but i need to try to combined flavors 💘 i don't think you'll get tipsy over it !!! it's a really faint taste of alcohol, like i didn't even notice it at first, and i don't think they put very much of it in there! aksljdfhals omg you're a lightweight :o at least that means you save money on alcohol LOL i need like nine shots to get drunk 🤧

your school is too hard 😭 you need more than just 3 months of break !!! 😡 we get a week off for thanksgiving in fall semester and a week off for spring break in spring semester too and then the month long winter break and three month summer break. and we have the one day holidays off too like labor day, memorial day, etc. i can't believe they give you so little time off after working so hard???

asdfhlkajshdlksja loool are the contractions over yet? has it been born? what's the current status, doctor? 👀 i really enjoy talking to you too !!! i'm very sorry for the late responses, work is really taking over all of my time, and i never have enough time to get on my laptop to reply to my asks 😭 and thank you for saying such kind things about me 🥺🥺💝 oh my gosh, i'm so sorry to hear that you have such terrible cramps 😭 i can't even imagine going through that - mine are nowhere near as horrible 😖 do the heatpads help a lot? i'm relieved to hear that you were prescribed better medication though! but yeah, your body does eventually get used to the medication and you have to continue taking stronger meds for it to work, but that's not a very healthy solution /: but i'm really glad to hear that exercise has been helping out a lot!! 💖 hurray for almost painless and bearable periods 🥳 i'm sorry to hear that you had to go through that in high school ): that sounds absolutely horrible 😭 periods are just awful, but it's like i'm grateful that i have my period because that means i'm not pregnant, but also please go away aslkhdfaklsj

omg what was the speaking test for the cambridge english exams like? :o it sounds so formal and a lil intimidating askdjfhalsd do you know of any psych tricks that can possibly help calm your nerves? :')

aaaa yes i did !! i was really surprised that i got an offer from them all because at the time, i was not in the right major and i think i was one of the most underqualified applicants 🤧 one person who interviewed me asked why i withdrew from my engr physics class and i explained it in a kinda funny way but in my head, i was like "oof i'm not gonna get this offer anymore" but then he laughed at my response and told me about how his prof told him he should drop a guitar class he was taking because he was doing very poorly and we bonded over that aklsjdhfkals omg how do interviews for psych jobs go? do you have to discuss a lot of case studies? do they give you a list of possible case studies they'll ask about? :o what sort of assessments do you have to do? good luck on all of your interviews, honey bee 💛 i'm rooting for you, you're gonna do amazing !!!! 💘

omg what did your supervisor say about your case study? and how is your last semester going? are you almost done now? 🌸 (also how have you been? what have you been up to? thank you for taking the time to leave such detailed messages for me, i'm really excited to see all the fun updates in your life, lovebug 🌷🌷)