#never thought I'd get to categorize anons some day!

[sillynarcissist]

as an autistic creature with BPD & OCD, im glad to have found your blog. i realized that i might have (covert) NPD your blog helped be realize/confirm this.

p.s: i think you're neat

-🌺 (if that's already taken then im Hibiscus anon)

glad I could help ya out! godspeed to you on your journey, anon

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

A Personal Post

Hi guys, I'm finally making the post I kept telling myself and my best friends I'd make but wanted to put it off until I felt better. That hasn't happened and with how things are going I thought it was best to just post it now.

So for a while, since probably late 2023, I've felt less like my blog is for me, and more like it's some kind of fandom archive. Which, if you use it this way as-is, great! I'm glad my blog could make you happy like that! But that's not what I set out for it to be.

I'm the sort of neurodivergent person who likes to categorize things, including my interests. All my tumblr blogs are specific to one thing, and this one was no exception.

I began tagging things soon after I made the blog because I saw a lot of people were sad about the twins, and I thought "well since I love both sad and happy stuff, and I'm really good about categorizing things, maybe I can try and help!" And according to many, it did help!

But I think that also gave off the impression that I was making this blog for other folks, and that isn't the case. I'm sorry I never clarified. It's not an archive; I do not reblog shipping posts, posts from people I've blocked, AUs I don't click with, and sometimes just not everything I see.

I've gotten popular in the fandom, and for the most part I do, from the bottom of my heart, enjoy it. I have people who care about my hyperfixation! That's amazing! I have people who love my cosplay and want to meet up with me. I've made so many friends of all shapes and sizes and it's probably the most incredible thing I've ever experienced, truth be told.

But yeah my blog being mine has gotten away from me a bit, I think.

I want to keep tagging my submas tags, that isn't going to change. I will tag triggers when asked, unless it's kind of impossible due to the blog's subject (trains, for instance) or a name or really common word (like the word 'head' or something). Other than that please reach out and I'll do my best to remember. But other tags? Those will be up to me. I don't want to tag when OCs show up. I love OCs and like seeing them, and don't want to have to remember that one person who visits my blog doesn't.

I had anon off for a while because honestly ever since making this blog, there have been anons who really made me unhappy. (Also yes, non-anons but that's been fewer and far between). I've gotten misinformation, accusations, horrible and disgusting explicit asks, and criticisms and complaints, and I'm just... Not here for that. Keep the explicit things and misinfo out of my inbox, I am no arbiter of morality or personal decisions, and I am not here for you to share your negative opinions of submas or the fandom.

Anon is on for people who are too self conscious to chat face to face, for people to send fun headcanon ideas (remember when people did that back in 2022 when this blog started? I miss that, it was sweet and wholesome), to share song recommendations... That kind of stuff. If you have an actual problem, please, PLEASE talk to me off anon, whether that be DMs or a non-anon ask that I can answer privately. Especially if we're friends; please, please just talk to me about stuff. I don't bite! I swear!

But yeah the bottom line is I'm here to participate in fun (and sometimes heartbreaking!) fandom stuff. I'm here for FUN, not as my job. I know that we're all a bunch of neurodivergent folks and sometimes interactions can be a swing and a miss, but please try to be mindful. Please treat me like a person and not just like a museum curator for this blog.

Truth is, I haven't been okay for a while now. It's gotten worse this year for sure, and due to life stuff I cannot see things feeling better for me for some time. I need to go day by day for a lot of things, and I am trying to get better about needing to set boundaries and all that sort of thing. I suffer from intense paranoia too, and having so many eyes on me is genuinely terrifying at times. I'm trying to manage that as best I can, but I do ask that folks be kind.

NO I am not going anywhere, my blog is staying and will continue on as normal, but I really, really needed to get this posted.

Please continue to interact with me and chat and everything like that! But also please remember to treat this space, my blog, as my space. Thanks for reading!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch, i realise that this is not an actual sex ed related question and I hope this isn't overstepping any bounds.

I'm sort of in a weird spot right now a la my sexuality and am trying to figure out if I actually want a relationship and if what I feel is romantic attraction or Friendship levelled up. I've known for a long time that I'm Demisexual or Ace, and I thought I knew that I still felt romantic attraction but now I'm less sure.

How did you come to realise that you were aromantic? In that discovery did you ever wonder if it was a sort of 'mental block' or something similar that would be better off working through? (I ask because I'm sort of stuck in that state of mind right now, and I'm just curious to see if it's a common experience or not)

I realise that this is a fairly sensitive topic, and I really don't mean offense by asking.

I also realise that no two people's experiences will be the same but I was interested in hearing about it from another person's perspective.

I hope you have a great day whether or not you give this ask the time of day.

I've asked you other things in the past and it's always been brilliantly helpful. Thanks a lot for everything you do.

hi anon,

no worries about overstepping boundaries :) this is a pretty reasonable thing to ask of someone, and I'm happy to talk about it!

there's a funny story that I tell about the moment I probably should have known, but didn't yet have the language. in sixth grade my class had an assignment that involved making a collage timeline of the rest of our lives (a proto-vision board of sorts) and I think I was the only kid in the class who didn't put getting married on my timeline. everyone else did, as far as I can remember, and most of them also included having kids. being a pedantic little fuck I pointed out to several of my friends that it was really unreasonable to assume they would find someone they liked enough to marry who liked them back, to which everyone told me (paraphrasing) to shut the fuck up and stop being a little bastard.

but it still seemed very strange to me, because even when I was very young - back when I barely had the language to conceptualize being gay, let alone aromantic - I never imagined my life with a romantic partner. romantic pairings were interesting in stories, sure, I ate that shit up from a very young age! the star-crossed lovers shit going on in American Dragon: Jake Long did a number on my developing brain, and my Barbies and Littlest Pet Shops got up to INSANE relationship drama, but for myself it never really felt, like, relevant? not unpleasant, just uninteresting.

but I still had crushes on people as I grew up, and more importantly I had crushes on people of various genders, so during my teen years I was WAY more preoccupied with repressing my burgeoning bisexuality than drawing any conclusions about my romantic orientation

spoilers: the bisexuality won.

in college I had a friend who identified as asexual at the time, who spent maybe a year trying to convince me that I was aromantic. and I didn't want to hear it! I don't know why, honestly; maybe some part of me, despite loving the community I had found coming into my queerness, was still subconsciously afraid of being too different and grappling with the consequences.

so instead I did this uuuuh real dirtbag thing where instead of just acknowledging to myself that I was pretty fundamentally uninterested in romantic relationships and that that's fine, I spent the first half of college leaning hard on self-deprecation to explain my single status. oh, me? why aren't I dating? well, I'd probably be a really bad partner. yeah, I suck. I mean, I'm so busy all the time! and I'm weird.

(at the time I know I definitely had friends who assumed I was Like That because my parents were divorced, which is hilarious old-fashioned and also categorically untrue. I was Like This way before my parents got divorced!)

it actually took a relationship ending pretty badly to make peace with the idea that maybe I didn't want a relationship at all. I won't get into the details on that, because it involves another person and we were both very young and accidentally hurt each other a lot in ways we didn't mean and I don't think anyone was the villain, but I don't want it to come across like I had one bad breakup and then swore off romance, a thing I'd previously been interested in, forever. it was more like I found myself in a really heightened situation - they really desperately needed a good and attentive romantic partner after getting out of a bad relationship, I wanted our friendship to stay exactly the same but with a sexual component - that made very, very obvious what I was actually looking for in non-platonic relationships. which was, I guess, actually pretty platonic relationships, but with genitals involved.

haha just kidding, I actually didn't get that part through my skull until I spent an entire summer crying constantly, dissociating frequently, and spending way too much time on BAD dates having even worse sex that made me feel gross! but we got there eventually.

that part probably isn't super relatable to you if you're somewhere in the ace realm, sorry about that.

anyway, once the dust settled and I felt halfway human again I was feeling vulnerable and open to change - finally willing to see myself in a new way and reckon with parts of myself that I hadn't been before. I remembered what my buddy had always said about me seeming Really Aromantic, and I let it settle on me. how would I feel, if I actually was aromantic? how would it change my life, how I thought about myself?

and if I can use a cliche with you? it felt like a weight rolling off my shoulders. I suddenly had a whole sturdy base to build a better understanding of myself on, an easy way to justify the way I lived that didn't require throwing myself under a bus.

thinking of myself through the lens of aromanticism felt like a huge, HUGE relief, and frankly I think that, more than anything, is the best way for anyone to decide if they should be applying any identity label to themselves. which brings us back to you! I actually don't believe in the model of sexuality and gender that posits a secret innate Right Answer buried in each person that they'll discover if the just find the right terminology. all of the words we use are the result of our time and place, right? people like us existed all through history with different words for themselves, and they'll exist way after us calling themselves things we can't imagine.

so basically: I came to realize I was aromantic because calling myself aromantic felt like loving myself, and if that's the case for you than I strongly recommend you do it, too.

happy pride xoxo

[aiizaph]

Sometimes I think I am on the aro spec and just haven't found myself yet but I feel like I am too allo to fit there too. It's like I'm stuck in the middle and Valentine's is such a confusing time for me. The "Nope. I define my love." images you reblogged were so profound to me I think I need to close tumblr and do some soul searching, thank you

Uhm… Oh my god you’re welcome???? /pos

I- I’ve never really changed someone’s life in such a positive way before and I hope you find where on the spectrum you are! If you don't mind, I have a few things I'd like to share with you that I hope will be able to help!

Queerplatonic feelings can be quite confusing and can be easily mistaken for romantic and/or platonic ones. I, recently, have found out that the type of queerplatonic relationship that I want to be in is very close to what allos might consider to be a “romantic relationship”. I want to be close and intimate with my partner by doing things such as cuddling and kissing. But it’s not romantic. The type of relationship you are in is defined by the people in it, not by the actions they take within it.

The queerplatonic label was made to be ambiguous on purpose-- to bend the platonic/romantic binary that truly limits how vast and beautiful relationships can be. Which means, queerplatonic relationships can look like anything! (Technically the former binary ones can look like anything as well but, oh well). Queerplatonic relationships can include any number of romantic or platonic actions such as kissing, cuddling, dating, or even having sex. Again, it's all up to the people in the relationship to define what they are comfortable with!

Attraction that isn't romantic is CONSTANTLY undermined by allos and they fail to recognize that attraction that isn't romantic can be STRONG AS HELL. I'm excited to one day find my queerplatonic boyfriend and just the thought of finding him gets my heart to beat a little bit. Not too crazy but definitely noticeable. I get this with platonic squishes too. I get happy to see them and I get so so excited whenever they say something. I understand how I mistook the feelings for romantic ones back in the day, but now I know that just because my love isn't romantic doesn't mean that it isn't strong as hell. Romantic love is not the pinnacle of human love/attraction. Literally any other type of attraction can be just as strong if not even more!

There are many different labels for all different types of love and at some times I feel as though they’re redundant because love is so vast and unique between individuals that I feel as though they can’t be categorized. I feel as though each relationship with each person is it’s own unquantifiable thing. But to each their own, I suppose.

I like using relationship labels as it helps me identify to me and other people how I feel about them and how I think we'll interact with each other because of it. Though, I can completely understand why someone would want to reject relationship labels altogether since they can often be confusing and unspecific.

I want to end this post by saying that no matter where you find yourself on the spectrum, that you are still aromantic! Whether you're demi-romantic, greyromantic, aegoromantic, aromanticflux, literally any aro-spec label you are still aromantic! It's a spectrum for a reason, and there is no "right way" to be aromantic. The aromantic experience is not something that can be wholly defined in one post because of how unique it truly is. Everyone's experience is different and I find that so fucking awsome and beautiful.

I want to recommend checking out the blog @aspecpplarebeautiful as it played a HUGE role in helping me accept my aromanticism, and I hope it can help you too.

If you have any questions, anon, PLEASE don't hesitate to ask. I know I probably missed some things and I know that this is a lot of information to take in so if you need clarification on anything I am here to help.

Take care, anon. Godspeed.

[violettduchess]

Dear Anon-

I accidentally deleted your ask but luckily I DID take a screenshot. I haven't really thought about taking requests because I know with real life, it would take me some time to get to it but your caring for your friend and asking for something to help her feel better was really sweet. So I did it!

I hope you both like it!

Keywords: first kiss

Pairing: Gilbert von Obsidian / MC

Word Count: 1236

Its hard to categorize this. I'd say it veers towards spicy angst.

The night is angry. The sky flares with white hot lightning, raging against the light of the moon, now imprisoned by black clouds. Thunder booms, rattling the earth, and the wind whips through the trees, strangling thinner branches and ripping leaves off by the stems, scattering them like drops of blood.

But you aren’t afraid. Storms have always meant an appreciation of being safe and warm indoors, of curling up with a book and candlelight and allowing the sounds and words to carry you somewhere far away, to travel out of the moment on the winds and be somewhere else.

A glance at the clock tells you the rest of the palace should be asleep. It’s close to two in the morning, an hour folded deep within night’s arms. You slide out of bed, forgoing slippers or shoes for the sake of quiet. Yes, the storm is raging but who knows if it would be enough to cover the sound of footsteps, however cautious you may be.

There is no question where you are headed. The carpet is soft underfoot, the corridors dark but you know the way. You could do it blindfolded. Shadows accompany you as you make your way to the library.

The heavy wooden door opens silently. You step in and feel the way peace sinks into you, relaxing your shoulders and the tension in your neck. You are where you belong, surrounded by the things that bring you joy. You are safe.

The book from earlier that day is right where you left it. You know Chevalier hasn’t been here or he would have put it back. Or chastised you. Likely both. You pick it up and along with the silver chamberstick, head for the cushioned velvet window seat. You curl up, leaning against the sliver of wall, only glass and lattice between you and the wild winds, the howling and snarling storm.

You reach up, pressing your hand against the cold glass. Your book lays forgotten in your lap. You haven’t even lit the chamberstick. Your eyes close, your hand pressing harder. The storm feels like it’s calling to you. Promising you something. Digging into the trenches of your heart, trying to unearth hidden secrets. Speaking to your very soul. 

So enrapt are you, that you don’t notice the library door open or the man who steps inside, closing it behind his back in one fluid movement. You don’t notice the way he pauses when he sees you or the way he then remains perfectly still, observing before making his way purposefully over, his footfall breaking your reverie.

As if in slow motion you turn your head away from the window and are met with the sight of Prince Gilbert von Obsidian standing right in front of the window seat. Gone is the heavy black cloak, the opulent cane. He is however still swathed in black, as if the shadows themselves have wrapped themselves around him, lovingly.

Startled, you jump up from the window seat, a reflex. You don’t want him towering over you like that. But standing does nothing but bring you even closer to him, close enough to see how dark his eye looks in the night-soaked library, dark as Shiraz wine. 

You’ve never been this close to him before. Your gaze has always been drawn to him, no matter whether in a ballroom or a dining hall but you’ve avoided being close to him. A few polite exchanges is all….

Exchanges, if you’re honest, that have replayed themselves over and over in your mind, in the dark, in your dreams. 

He tilts his head, skin pale as cream, hair dark as smoke. 

“What a late hour for you to be up and hopping about.” His voice is silk ribbons and velvet and a blade’s edge. You could wrap it around your wrists and throat, drape yourself in it, hurt yourself with it.

You refuse to move, squaring your shoulders. His eye drops to the bare skin of your neck, your arms. Outside the wind howls.

“The same could be said of you.” No titles, no formality. The hour, the storm, the intimacy of the dark have stripped them away, burned you down to your essence, bare to him.

He breathes in and his eye closes for a moment. When he opens it again, he looks intrigued.

“Most everyone here in Rhodolite stinks of roses. But not you. You’re….different.” His gaze runs over your face, almost palpable. You feel the way he takes in the lines of your jaw, the curve of your lips, the way your lashes frame your eyes. In front of him you feel diaphanous, every thin layer of yourself easily discernible to that eye.

A loud crack of thunder shakes the palace.

You jump and his hands come up instinctively, fingers curling around your upper arm. His touch is cool.

His lips lift in an amused smile. “Afraid of the storm, Häschen?”

You turn your head to look at the window again, at the rain lashing against it, the dark, distant shapes bending to its will. Your heart thunders in time as you turn back to face him.

“Afraid of it?” You shake your head, loose hair brushing against your cheek, his hands. “I’m not afraid of it, Gilbert. I savor it.”

That word hangs from your lips, ripples through the space between you. He draws in a short breath, as if stung. His grip on your arms tightens…and then his mouth is on yours. Hungry. As if he wants to taste what you just said, swallow it for himself. You find your fingers curling into the soft black of his clothing, unafraid of the tornado of want that his kiss unleashes inside you, smashing through all your doubt and concern and questions. You meet his hunger with your own, body pressing up against his, unable to stop yourself. Irresistible. Lightening and copper.

Only another crash of thunder, wild enough to rattle glass, is enough to shatter the unexpected haze of want. You both break contact at the same time. There is no satisfied smirk on his kiss-bruised lips. No knowing arch of brow. There is only surprise and hunger and need. Your arms ache with the desire to reach out and pull him back, to taste him again. You aren’t aware of how hard you’re breathing, your lungs struggling to find room for the oxygen it needs and the fire inside you burning it all away.

Gilbert von Obsidian lifts his hand, then lowers it, his fingers curling into a tight fist. He is the first to compose himself, ever a master of control, except for just now, with you. Inside he’s as rattled as the window panes.

It’s too dangerous. All of it. Your secret role as Belle, your duty to Rhodolite. You can’t do this. You can’t. You can’t.

This jumpstarts your sense of place and time and purpose. Your muttered apology is lost to the sound of rain as you rush past him, ignoring the brush of his hand on your waist, the call of your name. You run, through the dark, until you are back in the safety of your room.

Panting, you lean your back against the door.

Outside the storm wails, ever onward.

Inside, your heart is its own tempest, howling in frustration and fear and fervor.

What have you done?

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! I have a question. My girlfriend is aromantic & I always thought I’m not, just asexual. But she taught me a lot about it & says I might be too. I know that it’s my decision to id or not in the end, but I wanted the opinion of someone who’s not my gf. While she has never felt or thought about romance, I do it all the time. But I don’t feel a difference between platonic & romantic. If I like you, I like you. Do we both want similar things? Great, let’s get married! But is that enough?

If this is something you want to look more into, there is definitely a sort of gray area where people feel like their feelings are neither entirely platonic or romantic. And if this something you're interested in exploring or learning more about that's where I'd focus.

Some identities I would recommend looking into are:

Idemromantic: Someone who categorizes relationships as romantic or platonic but experiences no internal differences.

Platoniromantic: When someone experiences no difference between romantic and platonic attraction.

Alterous attraction: A type of attraction that may contain romantic or platonic elements, but won't be fully either. Someone experiencing platonic attraction often wants a strong emotional bond with the person they're attracted to.

One way some people look at alterous attraction is if you see platonic vs romantic as a binary, alterous is a non-binary option.

Quoiromantic: Disidentifying with the concept romance/romantic attraction/romantic orientation, or finding it inaccessible, inapplicable, not useful, etc. There's a very good article on quoiromanticism here that's get into detail about who is quoiromantic and common reasons people find quoiromantic a useful label.

You are right that at the end of the day it's up to you if you want to ID as aro or not, and if you find that useful. Similarly it's your choice if you want to identify with any of the above labels or identities too.

Even if you do relate or find any of these labels useful it doesn't mean you necessarily have to ID as aro, there are some people who ID with one or some of the above labels who don't ID as aro. I see these labels as more of a gray area where some people find also identifying as aro very useful but some don't and either see themselves as more alloromantic and some see themselves as being outside of the aromantic/alloromantic binary.

So there's a lot of personal choice that happens at this stage of figuring out identity, so it's all about what's useful for you or what resonates with you.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[sweetsoursugarcube]

Tag Game: Reveal Your Blogging Style

Hehe thanks @cosmicsnufkin for tagging me, when was the last time I played a game?

Bold what applies to you (I babble in the parenthesis)

different blogs for different interests OR all-in-one blog // (I got an aesthetics blog but it's basically dead because I got lazy)

default theme OR custom theme //

one username till death OR change username according to mood/obsession // (I changed my ao3 username once, but my tumblr hasn't changed)

round avatar OR square avatar //

personal avatar OR fandom related avatar //

thematic consistency between header image and avatar OR who gives a fuck //

reblog without tags OR reblog with tags //

category tags only OR personal commentary in tags // (I also meticulously categorize my shit both on tumblr and ao3, get a girl who can do both)

like+reblog OR only reblog // (I used to always like+reblog but then I once tried to "clean up" my likes on tumblr and had severe anxiety about it and now I don't like stuff as much even though "cleaning up" my tumblr likes is like the most useless thing I could spend my time on and I will never do it but just in case... it will make clean up easier)

replies allowed on posts OR replies switched off //

askbox open OR askbox closed //

anons allowed OR anons blocked //

respond to every mention in replies OR be a hermit // (I respond to almost every reply. I do my best. I really do)

a quiet observer and enjoyer OR initiate conversation with an unknown blogger// (I do both and have always done both. Mysterious woman working in mysterious ways. If I've initiated, your names was drawn from a bowl Hunger Games-style)

send ask OR send message on chat OR converse with people in replies // (I rarely send chat messages unless we're friends)

blog from computer/laptop OR blog from phone // (why pick one?)

personal posts OR fandom posts only // (If you follow me, you know me and the void are friends and I tell them things)

have a well organised filled queue OR post intermittently and make it everybody else's problem OR post daily like it's a 9 to 5 // (who remembers my neat queue??)

likes and following displayed on blog OR likes and following hidden //

Bonus game, what does your username mean:

I wanted a username that mirrored the online-persona I was going for, cute and candy-like but not just cute. I didn't want it to sound like a drug, but I ended up with something like that anyway. Sweetsoursugarcube is pretty funny to say too. I thought about changing it to my ao3 username when I rebranded, but I still felt weirdly attached to my personal street drug nonsense at the time. I guess it's not as important to me anymore as it used to be, I kind of projected what I wanted my identity to be when I was younger and couldn't express myself irl. Now that I feel safer openly being myself outside my online spaces it doesn't matter as much anymore. I guess the only thing stopping me is that I'd have to go around and change links and stuff for every ao3 work and uhhhh no thanks, it's whatever.

My tumblr is so dry these days because I'm lazy. I should follow some new blogs, but I've been putting it off for so long it has turned into an Impossible Task. If you follow me just consider yourself tagged, these things are fun!

[aro-botic]

I'm a bit shy about this but I wanted to ask.

I don't really know how a crush feels. not that I'm looking to date anyone, but every time a friend describes their crush/partner, that just seems to me like... having a friend. I would totally take my friend on a "date". I wouldn't kiss 'em, but I don't really want to kiss anybody.

I see people describing their crush as a flutter. I've gotten flutters! but they go away. they never come back. I have people who's presence I love and adore! I'm not even close to them. I just want to be around them. I don't want to date them. seeing them happy is enough.

maybe I'm expecting "love at first sight" but i really wish that fluttery feeling would stay. my definition of friend is everyone else's definition of crush, and it's kinda stressing me out. not because I suddenly think that I have a crush on my friend. but because I don't know what that means for my definition of romantic attraction. it's just kind of silly, really. I don't want to date anyone, I'm not ready for that. this is one of the reasons why.

I'd just appreciate some help. is there a word for this? am I "aromantic" under any definition of the word? is this how other people have felt before?

Hey anon!

Sorry for the delay in replying to this, I'm awful at replying to asks within a reasonable timeframe these days haha

In regards to you question(s), I can absolutely empathize with the confusion. I've had similar conversations with friends about what they think about, and how they experience, romance and honestly it never gets less confusing (at least in my experience).

The fluttering you're describing could be described as a squish, which is sort of like a crush, but in a platonic sense rather than a romantic one. Or it might be something else entirely that is unrelated to romance or attraction.

Of course, I have to give the mandatory "I can't tell you what you're feeling or assign you an identity, it's important for you to explore the options and come to one yourself" spiel. But the things you describe definitely match up to my experience of aromanticism! When I was younger I just thought that "crushes" were girls wanting to be friends with boys (or vis versa) but convincing themselves it was love bc that's what they saw on TV (I thought this about adults too lol, it was a real can of heteronormativity with a buunch of confused baby aro feelings).

The tl;dr is that you're absolutely not alone in these feelings, and that you can definitely call them aromantic if you want to. I think a lot of people assume that because aros don't experience romantic attraction, we'd have some big hole of feelings in us and must always be aware that "something" was missing, but honestly, often it's just feeling like romance categorically doesn't map onto your emotional understanding of the world.

It can be very confusing to figure out if the way you think about/experience romance is a way that fits with the aro community, but I wish you all the luck and hope this helps you feel a little less alone in the confusion!

[secret-delirium]

I'm not going to argue this assessment, it seems pretty fair to me. I'm a hermit. A recluse. I didn't have lowblood struggles with food or housing, and I'm not sure if I had highblood privileges or not. Surely a few. I didn't really go without, I figured out how to replicate stuff pretty quickly. I had ~stuff~, if they met the criteria for things I could make with the generator. Some things I can't, for whatever reason.

But I did have problems with social perception, and with medical stuff? Maybe not. I don't know how you're measuring it, maybe I didn't. Either way it doesn't feel fair to say that I "didn't worry" about that stuff. :T

The first time I went to a public medical office was when I was dropping off the injured from Nadire's war at the Maryam Hospital, and the first time I was admitted for care by a medical professional was when I had that severe case of pneumonia. All of my medical care was done at home by my guardian, Anista, or by myself. ...I gave a lot of blood, I doubt the majority of it was for my health. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it, for reasons.

I was never allowed to go outside, not in public, only ever in those little crafted worlds, and only after I learned to make them myself. A lot of the animals there are basically kidnapped, I can't replicate them. It's actually kind of inconsistent. Why plants and not animals? Why some animals and not others? I don't know. Not the point. I was under house arrest for three full sweeps. Three and a half of my four remembered sweeps were in captivity, because the world was "too dangerous for a limeblood" and Anista ALWAYS parked our hive on an Alternia for who knows what reasons. She never did like answering my questions. Not really. She was... strict, though.

When she started disappearing for days on end, when there wasn't this hovering shadow in the hive all the time, I thought to get out and meet the people I spoke to in secret. I left the hive! Gods, that was TERRIFYING, meeting Irakit in person. Meeting ANYONE. Irakit, and then Tulket, and then more from there. I was afraid of Anista catching me, it was ugly when she used to catch me before, but I was also still so afraid of other people, too.

That's off topic.

I was trained to be scared of my blood color, which is stupid. So what if I'd be pulped on the majority of Alternias? They're only a fraction of the multiverse anyway. Anista was a liar through and through. So I guess if I were assessing myself I'd BELIEVE highblood if someone else felt I was, but not lowblood since I had so many materialistic privileges, but I don't really feel like I fit the schema for the spectrum anyway. I'm nothing.

Not one single person I have met has ever cared about my blood beyond treating it like a curiosity or a commodity. I've never been threatened or treated like a lowblood, except by that one anon who was hassling Ringleader, and that was just a jealous anon with no weight. But then, I take precautions when traveling to dangerous timelines, because I'm not an idiot. That could be said for any color going anywhere hostile to them though, I'm not special.

I don't ever try to shop though. Or I didn't. I'm still scared... and it feels so rude, and impersonal...

Bleh. I'm notorious for losing track of the point. Categorizing a hermit, okay. You can't. I agree. The end.

[robininthelabyrinth]

I know you've already got a pile of prompts, but I had this idea pop in my head the other day and I thought I'd send it to you. What if Oculus!Len, when he comes back, returns as a sort of time vampire? Basically instead of needing blood to feed on, he feeds on the temporal energy that surrounds time travelers... Can you imagine Eobard's surprise should he try and recruit that Len? Or the Legends when they find out?

I’ve started a new ‘tumblr fills’ entry on Ao3 so that I can start to fill a bunch of my prompts again at last, so if you’ve sent me a prompt in the last…forever…keep an eye out, you never know. This one is short and not quite the prompt, but I hope you like it, anon!

ao3 link

————–

It wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened.

It’s pretty bad, yes, but it’s not the worst possible thing.

He could be dead.

Technically, Len reflects wryly, he is dead.

He’s just also a leech.

A leech currently swimming through the whole goddamn time stream trying to find his particular group of time travelers, but a leech nonetheless.

Len hadn’t known that creatures that fed on temporal energy – all sorts, regular people and time travelers and speedsters and sometimes timepieces - even existed, much less that he could turn into one of them if he got 'frozen’ in a massive outpouring of temporal energy.

Frozen, because technically Len’s body is still back there, frozen in that eternal moment of exploding.

Center of a black hole, baby.

A singularity that sucks in even time.

That singularity sucked in Len and the rest of the Time Masters, and a lot of that structure, and it dumped them in the Topsy-Turvy.

Well, that’s what Len’s been calling it, anyway. It’s not quite another universe, not quite a reflection, but boy does Len feel like he went through the looking glass to get there.

The Topsy-Turvy is built on more dimensions than just four, for one thing. Len tries not to think about it too hard, or his head will explode.

Quite literally, as most of the Time Masters found out.

Len had been too busy having a panic attack about what the fuck stupid thing he just did to really pay attention to what was going on, which gave the Creatures enough time to convert him into the leech he is now.

The process had taken only seconds. Len was (is?) now unmoored from his frozen body stuck back in the Topsy-Turvy, able to swim through the time stream like some sort of demented spawning salmon (the Creatures thought Len’s comparisons were hilarious), but condemned to feed off the temporal processes of the living.

If he tried to feed off normal people, they got old.

Sometimes they stayed where they were, sometimes time itself went by and they woke up a good five months or twenty years later, but either way, they lost some of their life.

Luckily, time travelers and speedsters gave off temporal energy like crazy people - more than enough for a leech like him to feed on for a good long while without harming anyone.

Of course, most Creatures from the Topsy-Turvy didn’t really understand the whole concept of consent, and that’s why they were commonly mistaken for monsters. Or, at times, fairies.

Len’s about 90% sure that Rip van Wrinkle was some poor sod who had the misfortune to be some Creature’s first feeding before he figured out which way was up.

He’s somewhat worried that Creature might’ve been him.

It’d taken a while for him to regain his footing.

Luckily, he’s not doing that to anyone else. He steals little bits of time, snacks and bites barely large enough to keep him full; he’s been advised by those with some experience in the matter to just find himself a group of time-travelers to fix things and keep a proper meal with him at all times, but he doesn’t want to just find any group, he wants to find his specific group of time-travelers.

He misses them.

Okay, he’s not going to lie, he mostly misses Mick. And Lisa, though Lisa he managed to catch up with due to her being smart enough to stay in one time and place; Mick, on the other hand, Mick kept up with the time-traveling bucket of bozos for some reason (Len thinks he knows the reason, and feels guilty), and now Len can’t find him.

At least he’s in decent company, Len figures. Jax actually cared about Mick, even when everyone had thought Len had killed him; Sara’s pretty good at cards and has a low-key, friendly way about her – just as long as she’s never put in charge of anything other than tactical strikes, because major strategic decisions make her stress level go through the roof, see example a: Russian gulag; and Ray Palmer keeps trying to be Mick’s buddy.

Len’s sure they’re taking good care of Mick. Mick needs the care – he’s more fragile than people think, softness hiding underneath his thick tough hide, and he likes being able to rely on people he trusts to guide him; that’s usually Len’s job, but Len’s still struggling with this whole 'not a human’ thing and it’ll be good to have some support.

The crew – they call themselves ‘Legends’ or something, which sounds more like a Fall Out Boy song than a proper team name – will be taking good care of Mick.

And, well, if they’re not, he can always eat them.

Len will figure it out once he finds them.

Which is taking longer than expected.

For one thing, all of time and space is a pretty damn big haystack to find a needle.

For another, Len’s still not a hundred percent on this whole 'Creature in the regular world’ business.

The Creatures are pretty good about taking care of him whenever he flees the usual universe to take refuge in the Topsy-Turvy, which he did pretty often at first and still every once in a while now when he just gets plain overwhelmed, but they didn’t really understand humans. Ninth-dimensional possibly Lovecraftian beings just didn’t have the life experience to connect with people like Len.

Len’s lonely.

And worse, he’s pretty sure Mick still thinks he’s dead.

Besides, of the whole slew of people who ended up dragged into the singularity with him, most are dead (see: head blowing up) and only about half a dozen survived the conversion process.

The Creatures encouragingly say that their 2% survival rate is the best they’ve had in millennia.

Of course, the Creatures also then pitted them against each other in death matches and bet on it - forget math, gambling is universal - which narrowed the numbers a bit further.

Basically, Len and some guy named Booster are the only ones left, and they cordially detest each other in a way that only two people frantically clinging to each other because they’re the only two things that remember what being human is like while being stuck in a world full of mathematically improbable monsters can.

For one thing, Booster reminds Len of some awful conglomeration of Ray Palmer and Rip Hunter.

For another, they’ve been literally sharing the one human-style bed the Creatures managed to create for them for nearly a year. It’s a narrow single and they’re both grown men.

Len would categorize them as friends, but friends that would be deeply, deeply relieved if they never had to spend more than ten minutes in each other’s presence ever again.

They work much better communicating long-distance.

And, of course, speak of the devil and he appears -

“You found them yet?” Booster asks. His voice just appears in Len’s ear, just like having one of Rip’s high-end communication devices in if you forget the fact that A, they’re in different times and places and B, there is no communication device.

Stupid fifth-dimensional communication.

“If you don’t have a lead for me, we’re still not talking,” Len tells him.

“I said sorry already! Also, I think I have a lead for you.”

“I’m listening.”

“Aruba.”

“I’m not listening.”

“No, wait - I’m serious! This isn’t a sneaky attempt to make you go on vacation!”

“Unlike the last seven times?”

“Not my fault you work too hard. You don’t even have a job, I don’t know why you -”

“Booster.”

“- right, rant over. Anyway. Aruba. 2017. I’m sending pictures now.”

Len reaches into his pocket and pulls out the photographs, carefully not thinking about how they weren’t there a minute ago.

It’s -

It’s them.

They’re in stupid beachwear, and Mick is in the king of stupid beachwear, involving two layers of shirt (one tourist Hawaiian print) and a sarong.

He looks just like he always has, the big goober.

Len’s throat feels tight, and for once it’s not because he forgot to steal people’s coffee break time ('where did the time go?’ they bitch as they head back into the office, 'I feel like I just got out here’).

“Be careful,” Booster warns. “There’s been a lot of weird stuff going on in this period.”

Len nods. “Thanks for the tip,” he says, and then he leaps into the time stream, eeling through green swirls that he breathes in like air, inhuman and leech-like. He hopes Mick doesn’t mind.

And then he’s there.

Aruba. 2017.

Mick.

A set of time travelers that Len can stick with and drain slow, or - if they piss off Len and his newfound claustrophobia - visit occasionally while he uses the Flash’s endless collection of speedsters as his main source of substance.

Mick.

Len isn’t entirely how to explain what’s happened and how he turned into a temporal leech-thing (time vampire, Booster calls them) without going into eighth-dimensional mathematical concepts, but he can’t wait to give it a try.

Mick Rory, here I come.

[aro-botic]

Hi! Lately i'm confused whether i'm aromantic or demiromantic. Could you help me figuring it out?

As for right now, i identify as agender demipanromantic asexual. But i've been confused whether am i demiromantic ( falling in the aromantic spectrum) or am i aromantic. So basically, I don't know whether am i an angled aroace or am i an oriented aroace.

I have difficulties differentiating types of attraction/love (except sexual, since i know i don't feel any sexual attraction). I know every kind of attraction and love is just as important, but i'd like to know how to differentiate it yknow?

I'm 16. And i (thought) i had 3 crushes or people that i loved throughout my whole life.

The first one is a guy that i liked since i was in 1st until 6th grade, i told some people and even convinced myself that he was my first love. But was he? When i also loved my bestfriends the way i loved him. Did i romantically love him, or did i feel i needed to love someone, because ever since i was so young having a crush was considered important. Did i love him romantically or did i love him platonically because at that moment, he was the only decent guy i knew, and he was a kind person. As someone who was heavily bullied ever since i was a kid, i think i loved him because he was the only one who defended me when i was bullied, he was a genuine person.

The second one, is a girl i met in junior high school. She was my bestfriend and someone i thought as my platonic soulmate, by how deep our friendship was. I loved her, i know i did. But after rethinking, did i love her romantically, or did i love her platonically, or maybe i loved her with a mix of both? When our friendship ended because she picked popularity over me, i was devastated. The person i loved, stopped loving me. I lost my bestfriend. Over something so dumb. She started making rumours about me with popular people who bullied me, and it hurted a lot. I never did it back to her, even if i could, just for revenge, because i cared for her, and i loved her. Rethinking back, i thought what i had for her is purely romantic love. But i didn't think it was, it was either platonic, or a mix of both platonic and romantic.

The third one, is with my current lover. We're in a long distance relationship. I met them through tumblr, and we clicked instantly. We talked and got to know with eachother for a few days, and we finally decided to date eachother. Future or past me would probably scoff at me for getting into a committed relationship that fast, especially when i had a traumatic and abusive relationship before i met them. But no one, even the people i've ever loved in the past, had ever made me feel this way. I never felt so loved, and i know how genuine it is, there's no ulterior motive behind it. This is the first relationship where i loved someone, and they loved me back. Most importantly our relationship is healthy, we communicate a lot.

But sometimes i'm afraid i'm not good enough for them. I couldn't differentiate kinds of love and attraction. But i know i love them. I love and cherish them so much. But what if my love isn't enough for them, because it's not the type of love they want or deserve?

One day if we ever meet, i would love to hold hands with them, hug and cuddle with them, go on dates, spend time with eachother, and also kiss eachother. But isn't doing all of those things, not exclusively categorized as romantic love? You can do those even with someone you don't romantically love. And that's why i'm confused with who i am, am i aromantic? or am i demiromantic? what is romantic attraction or love even. Isn't "love is love"? Why are there so many types of it and how do i even know the difference between them.

Is my relationship with my lover, queerplatonic? or alterous? or something else? i don't even know. I just know that i love them...but is it enough?

Hey anon, thanks for the ask!

I'm not sure if I'm the absolute best person to help with this one as I've never experienced anything I'd say resembles romantic attraction, and therefore have no real grasp on what the differences are. I've also never been in a relationship and have no desire to, so honestly I'd say to take all of the specific relationship advice with a healthy dose of skepticism 😅😅

I will say my biggest advice for situations like this is to not stress the details too much. From my perspective the label you choose won't affect the relationship you're in beyond having a label to give it. It doesn't seem like either of you have got any conflict or questions over what you want out of your current relationship, and I can't see why deciding you prefer the label aromantic over demiromantic (or vice versa) would change that. As long as the two of you have good communication and are confident enough to ask for what you want then you'll be fine.

On your final sentence: yeah your love is enough. Your partner chose you and continues to do so by staying in the relationship. You need to trust them to know what they want, and trust yourself enough to know that if eventually they decide they don't want to be with you it isn't because you or your relationship style weren't "enough". Allo people have the same issues in their relationships all the time, and often people's boundaries and expectations just aren't compatible regardless of the "depth" of their love.

Ik that's not particularly helpful for the question you asked but I hope it helps take the pressure off. Labels aren't meant to be things you know 100% they're tools to help you explain your experiences to others.

Sorry for not being able to give you some more concrete advice, but I think finding a label is a pretty personal thing, and it can take a while to settle on one. Or you might never feel like you want to. For example, when it comes to my sexuality all I know is that it exists. I don't bother to label it more specifically than that bc I can't distinguish very well between the kinds of attraction that might lead me to want to have sex with someone, or the contexts they might come up in, or who they might be directed at. So I kind of just decided to not worry about it and roll with whatever feelings come up around that situationally.

Ik this is easier said than done, but try not to feel the pressure to define yourself to the point that you start finding it more stressful than helpful. You've got basically forever to figure it out, and these things can change over time and evolve anyway 💚