#nevena trevelayn

[blustersquall]

Only Make Believe // Chapter 19: Christmas Secrets

Tumblr’s interface is still a butt, so the source link to this post leads to the chapter on AO3 for those who prefer to read on that platform. <3

Warning: this chapter brings up subjects of familial abuse (mental, emotional, and physical), and suicide (not specific in the method). Please be cautious of your own sensitivities and triggers while reading and stay safe. <3

December 25th, Christmas Day

--

The excited shouting of Rowan and Dante woke Cullen abruptly. Their voices echoed up the stairs, calling everyone in the house to the living room to watch them open their Christmas stockings. Within no time, he could hear Josef's voice asking the boys to quiet down, Beau barking, and Liam whining at being awakened so rudely. Ineria's voice was interspersed with the noise, as were the voices of Clotilde and Arienne.

Cullen didn't move. Or rather, didn't want to move. He was comfortable, warm, and for the first time in a long time, had slept almost completely through the night, only waking once and briefly at that. It was fanciful to even consider it was because he was sleeping in the same bed as Nevena - he managed to sleep decently enough with Solona after all - but it was a nice thought. That somehow having her close put the nightmares to rest briefly.

Sleeping with Nevena was an experience in itself. She kicked and moved like no one he'd ever shared a bed with. When he woke it was in part because she was curled up against him, like some lap cat, and had stolen almost all the duvet leaving all but Cullen's right leg open to the elements. He couldn't find it in himself to be irritated by it though. Everyone had their own habits. If their relationship progressed, he would have time to learn more of them.

Rowan and Dante's shouts died down to muffled white noise blocked out, Cullen assumed, by heavy doors and the distance between the living room and the Regency room. A smell of coffee wafted up through the house, mingling with the already prominent scent of roasting food and herbs. Cullen shifted, his limbs waking up gradually. He stretched, groaned and rolled onto his side towards where Nevena was lying on sprawled out on her belly, arms tucked under her pillows, one leg sticking out of the duvet.

"Time to get up." He spoke loud enough to disturb her and while he was tempted to reach out and run his fingers up her bare arm, he held himself back. There was still a divide between them, and just because their interactions the night before verged on intimate did not mean they would now. The darkness might have made her more comfortable, after all, she did kiss him.

One eye opened slowly. Nevena groaned and buried herself into her pillows to hide. "Too early," she mumbled.

"Sounds like everyone else is awake." Cullen reached for his phone to see the time. "It's almost ten."

"Mhmm - don't care."

Cullen laughed. He wouldn't pester her, but he was awake and while lounging in bed with Nevena was tempting, he had the distinct impression they would be unceremoniously disturbed before long. "I'm going to have a shower." He told her and climbed out of bed.

"Have fun."

Cullen took his clothes into the bathroom to save awkward conversations and found Nevena wide awake when he walked out, fully dressed and drying his hair. In the time it took her to shower and change, Cullen styled his hair neatly and packed up his overnight bag. Noise and conversation were louder now, and audible through the door. A faint tinkle of Christmas music came from downstairs. While waiting for Nevena, Cullen checked the weather on his phone. It seemed the bad weather Ineria was so worried about had passed on, leaving only a light spray of snow on the roads. He understood her initial worry but would be happy to return to that cabin that evening.

He heard the bathroom door open and gave the direction of the door a cursory glance. "The snowstorm Ineria worried about didn't happen. If you pack up your stuff, I can put it in the car and it'll be ready for when we leave tonight."

"Okay," Nevena appeared in front of Cullen. "Would you mind zipping me up?" Cullen jerked his head up and dropped his phone into his lap at the same time. Warmth flooded his senses when he realised Nevena's almost totally bare back was facing him. She had most of her hair cleared over one shoulder, a few stray segments still dangled down her back. His mouth went dry and for an instant, he forgot how to form words.

"Uh..." Swallowing hard, Cullen felt his throat bob as he did. "Y-yes, of course." He blinked owlishly, trying to focus on what she asked him. To zip up her dress. Right. He could do that. Not that hard. She'd already got the zip done up about a third of the way, all he needed to do was pull it up to the neckline of her dress. Rising to his feet, he flexed his fingers and grasped a section of fabric beneath the zip between his thumb and forefinger. He held the pull of the zip in his other hand. "It's uhm... a ni-nice dress."

"Thank you."

Inhaling deeply, Cullen dragged the zipper up watching the fabric tighten around Nevena's body as the two sides came together. His breath shuddered when he exhaled, the loose tendrils of her hair wafting out of the way. He could smell the soap she used, intermingled with the fragrance of whatever she used to wash her hair. Something fresh and pleasant, but not overwhelming. The two smells together made Cullen's head swim. His fingertips ghosted over her skin and the strap of her bra as he dragged the zip up. He tried not to notice how smooth and warm her skin was, nor how she gave an involuntary shudder.

Maker, her skin looked kissable. Her neck was so tempting with all her hair pulled over one shoulder and her looking back at him with half-hooded eyes. Cullen wondered what she would do if he did kiss her neck there and then. What would he do if he did that? Probably continue. And potentially undo the zip he just fastened. Maybe slide his hands inside her dress, drag his fingers up over her shoulder blades to peel the sleeves off her shoulders--

Get a grip. He shook his head vigorously from side-to-side to banish the thought and took a purposeful step away to put some space between himself and Nevena. She examined her reflection in the mirror, smoothing her hands down her dress.

"What do you think?" She turned to him, looking uncertain.

Cullen looked her up and down. It was a nice dress, cut just above her knees and form-fitting, flaring out just a little at her hips. A burnished bronze colour, the fabric seemed to change shade whenever the material was touched or stroked in different directions. The neckline was low enough to show off her collarbone and hardly sat on her shoulders. The sleeves were three-quarter length, cutting off part way down her forearm. She'd coupled it with flesh coloured high heels, which gave her an extra three inches of height, at least, and black tights.

"Too much?" Nevena quirked her head to one side, his hesitation clearly causing her concern. "It's too much. I'll change."

"No, no. It..." Cullen shook his head, "Its fine. It's pretty. You look… pretty." She smiled, relieved. "I just didn't realise we were dressing up." Cullen glanced down at himself in his black jeans and jumper.

"We're not. Not really. I mean, we are for my parents’ anniversary dinner, but that's in a couple of days." Nevena shrugged. She began gathering up her belongings from around the room and shoved them, unceremoniously, into her overnight bag. "Roselyn convinced me to buy this months ago and I’ve never worn it. She thought it was kind of Christmas-y, said I should bring it, so I figured... Might as well make the effort, right?" She ran her fingers back through her hair, puffing her cheeks out. "You sure it's not too much?"

Cullen chuckled, "You look lovely."

Nevena laughed nervously, her cheeks flaring red, and continued gathering up her things.

Once they were both packed and certain they had everything they went downstairs. The house was noisy, with Dante and Rowan shouting excitedly from their bedroom about new toys. Christmas music was filtering up from the living room, and there were other voices coming from the kitchen; Ineria giving instructions to whoever was helping her in a sharp tone. After dropping their bags off in the car, Cullen joined Nevena in the living room where Monty and Arienne were also relaxing.

They made conversation for a few minutes until Rowan and Dante charged into the living room, eager to begin opening the gifts under the tree. Matilda followed after them, more subdued. She sat quietly on a footstool while her brothers sat on the floor. Gradually, the remaining members of Nevena's family joined them one-by-one. Ineria wore an apron over her dress and carried a timer with her to alert her when something was ready to come out of the oven, or needed to be turned.

Once everyone was assembled, the gift opening began in earnest and chaos. It was the first time since being around Nevena's family that it felt like a real family gathering. There was no sniping or passive aggression. No long glares or deep sighs. Cullen was surprised by the way her family embraced the gift giving. How they laughed with each other and teased each other about presents they gave or were given. Even Katrin cracked a sincere smile when she was given something Rowan made for her at school. He and Nevena were mostly ignored, the two of them exchanging words when they were spoken to, but the rest of the time their attention was solely focused on each other.

It reminded Cullen, briefly, of his own family. Of his sisters and brother, and what it was like when their parents were still alive. The sounds and mirth of it all. He made a mental note to call his older sister that evening. He had already sent her a cursory text message to wish her 'Happy Christmas' but now he just wanted to hear her voice and sit down to have a long talk with her. To hear about her year and her plans and just talk.

Nevena seemed sincerely appreciative of the small gifts he bought her. The picture frame, in particular, went over well and she gave him a tight, lingering hug when she opened it. He still had the book from Varric he wanted to give her, but that was a more personalised gift and he wanted to give it to her in private, rather than in front of her family who would undoubtedly want to handle the book.

The presents Nevena gave him were surprisingly thoughtful and he got the impression she clearly put more thought into them than he expected. A book on meditation and methods to manage panic attacks would be useful, and he would probably read it several times over. Two key rings; one a replica of the largest of the stained glass windows in Redcliffe cathedral. The other was the constellation from the astrariums that best suited his birth month. She also presented him with a smart, handmade leather-bound journal, with his name embroidered on the cover and the pages gilded in gold leaf.

"I don't know if you'll use it," Nevena said, watching him turn it over in his hands and flick through the blank pages. The paper inside was thick to the touch, and it seemed like each page had been crafted by hand. "But I thought..." She leaned closer from where she sat on the corner of the footstool, clasping her hands together.

"Thank you," Cullen smiled. He put the journal to one side after examining it thoroughly and closed the space between them. "I'll make good use of it, I promise." He kissed her, in part because he knew her family expected it and there was no doubt in his mind that someone was watching them carefully. But he kissed her more because he wanted to. Kissed her because the opportunity arose and he didn’t want to waste it. Kissed her because he enjoyed kissing her, and would happily spend a day doing so if she allowed it. Nevena reciprocated, opening her mouth a fraction, and leaning one of her hands on his knee. Her fingers dug into his jeans and it took all of Cullen's willpower to pull away, the two of them laughing together briefly and then gently bumping foreheads.

The Christmas tree looked rather bare once all the presents were distributed and unwrapped. Cullen took the new items belonging to himself and Nevena to the car, and then helped in tidying up the living room of discarded wrapping paper. Nevena assisted Matilda in setting the table for dinner. Cullen noticed Matilda seemed a little more responsive and talkative than the day before, smiling with Nevena while they playfully bickered over who should sit where.

At just past one o’clock, Ineria informed everyone to take their seats at the table and with all the pomp and ceremony of a royal coronation she began to bring in the different dishes of food with help from Josef and Matilda. The variety of food was immense, and for all her faults, Cullen could not find fault with Ineria's cooking. There were serving bowls of crispy roasted potatoes and other roasted vegetables, sausages wrapped in bacon, sausages and rashers of bacon on their own, a bowl of homemade stuffing, two large gravy boats of homemade gravy, and an assortment of other homemade condiments. The main event was a golden brown turkey that Josef carried in. Cullen found it amusing and a just a little sycophantic when several people applauded its arrival.

Josef carved and handed out plates going around the table in a clockwise manner. Ineria piled up Dante, Rowan, and Matilda's plates with vegetables and other extras, while everyone else picked and chose what was on offer. Cullen's mouth was watering by the time he had a full plate. He offered his genuine thanks to Ineria, though his voice was drowned out by all the others, still Ineria offered a tight smile from the other end of the table.

It was the most relaxed Cullen felt being in the presence of Nevena's family as a whole, and while the noise was slowly bearing down on him, he didn't feel like he needed to get away. Nevena seemed to be handling things well, too. She was smiling, talking, and animated in conversation with Monty who sat across from her. Cullen took her hand on the table when she paused her talking to hear Monty respond, and pressed a brief kiss to the side of her temple. Nevena looked at him as if to ask; 'what was that for?' and he simply smiled. Sitting across from him, Arienne was watching and positively glowing at the display. He quickly averted his gaze down to his plate, his cheeks warm.

The meal went on without incident. There were no underhanded comments, no sniping, or attempts to get under anyone else's skin. Conversation flowed easily between everyone at the table, though most of the discussions were monopolised by Ineria, Nevan, Clotilde, and Katrin. Even though neither Cullen nor Nevena spoke much, he listened attentively and chimed in when he felt he had something to say.

Cullen finished his plate and sat, clasping his hands together in front of him with his elbows leaning on the table. He was pleasantly full and warmed by the food, and was happy to let it all go down and settle before contemplating anymore eating. Nevena was still picking at a few things on her plate, listening to the conversation Ineria and Katrin were having while trying not to be obvious about it. Other conversations going on between different people. Cullen following Nevena's gaze across the table and realised she was staring at Matilda, who had stopped eating altogether and looked pale. He turned his attention fully to the discussion Ineria was having, his sense of quiet contentment turning to a prickling dread in seconds.

"--anyway, you saw the school. There's so much they could be doing with the funds some families give them, but I swear they fritter it all away," Ineria was saying. Katrin nodded her head, the harsh angles of her face making her appear more severe. Nevan had his eyes closed, listening and absorbing. "I keep writing to the board of governors about getting a wing or a building named after you and daddy, but they're so stubborn. You'd think, after all the money our family have funnelled into the place they'd at least give us some kind of notoriety."

"Just keep writing to them," Katrin gave a prim sigh. "They'll give in eventually. After all, your father can withdraw his funding, if they don't do something."

Ineria nodded, "That's what I said." She brushed her fingers back through her hair. "When I went and spoke to the principle about Matilda's miscasting in the school play, I told them in no uncertain terms, that the money the Trevelyan family put into the school could be easily removed. And wouldn't you know, the next day Matilda was given the part she should have got in the first place."

"I... I didn't actually want the part." Matilda's voice was hardly audible over her mother and other conversation, but Cullen heard it. So did Nevena, judging by the way she closed her eyes and grimaced.

Ineria seemed to notice too. Her sharp eyes moved from Katrin and across to Matilda. "What was that, sweetheart?" she asked, her tone over exaggerated in its sweetness. "You know I can't stand it when you mumble your words." Ineria's smile was bordering on dangerous as if challenging Matilda to speak again. Cullen realised all other conversations had lulled into silence and everyone's eyes were trained on Matilda, waiting to see if she would speak again. Even Nevan opened his eyes, sensing the tension. Josef's jaw was set, brows low. Cullen wasn't certain if he was going to leap to the defence of his daughter and tell Ineria to back off, or if he was going to smash his plate.

"I... I said..." Matilda took several long breaths, lifting her head very slowly to meet Ineria's gaze, "I didn't want the part."

Nevena clenched her eyes closed, lifting her hands to put her face in them. Cullen frowned, confused by her reaction, but placed a hand on the small of her back. Most of his attention was fixed on Ineria. She puckered her lips into a tight line and for a moment wore an expression like she could smell rotting fish.

"What are you talking about, darling?" Ineria asked. The way she strained her expression to remain pleasant and her voice to stay level, Cullen could only imagine the anger bubbling inside her. "It was the part you went for. You deserved it. And you were wonderful. Y --"

"I wanted to be backstage," Matilda replied quickly, her cheeks flushing. "The only reason I auditioned for an acting part was because you got so excited when I told you about it. You told me I had to be in the play. That there was no point in you coming to watch it if I wasn't on stage."

"Well..." Ineria's face contorted slightly. "What is the point of watching a school production if you aren't on stage? And you were wonderful! You take after me!"

"I was terrible," Matilda replied. "I was. You know it. I know it. Everyone at school knows it. Abigail would have been so much better than me. I was happy with a chorus part. But that's not good enough for you!" Matilda smacked her hand on the table.

"That's enough, Matilda," Ineria warned.

"Because of you making the principle change the parts around, I have to sit on my own at lunchtime now." Matilda's eyes began to water. "No one wants to talk to me or be my friend because they think I'm spoiled. Because they think I went running to you about not getting the lead role!"

Ineria's nostrils flared. "Honestly, Matilda, what's gotten into you?" She forced a painful smile. "If this carries on, you'll go upstairs for the rest of the day."

"I don't care!" Matilda stood, pulling at the tablecloth as she did. Several wine glasses wobbled and a few drops spattered onto the tablecloth. Josef rose out of his chair. "You never listen! Never! I don't like being on stage! I don't like being the centre of attention!"

"Matilda..."

"I like maths. I like geometry. I like all those boring subjects you think are pointless!" Matilda was crying now. Josef had a hand on her shoulder. "I like them and I'm good at them! But it's not good enough for you! You ignore everything I do unless you care about it!"

"That..." Ineria's eyes blazed, darting around the room and the faces of her family all trained on her. Rowan and Dante were silent, watching their sister sobbing and quaking, barely holding herself together as tears dripped down her cheeks and mucus ran from her nose. "That isn't..." To Cullen, Ineria looked like a cornered animal.

"I got a trophy at school for excelling in maths! You weren't even there to watch me get it!" Matilda wailed. "I went up on to the stage and looked out and I didn't see you. I only saw dad. He took time off work! You couldn't even be bothered!"

Ineria's mouth moved but no sound came out. Josef gently pulled Matilda into his arms. He grabbed a napkin from the table and squatted to Matilda's level, and began to dab her eyes speaking to her softly. Cullen watched everyone else, their expressions of shock and unease. Monty and Owen both tried desperately to avoid making eye contact with anyone. Arienne looked on the verge of tears, rubbing Matilda's back. Clotilde was flushed from the forehead to the neck, while Katrin was wearing a look of soft fury as if outraged that Matilda would speak out. Nevan was the only one with an impassive expression.

"She's kind of right..." Rowan murmured, lifting his voice but not his gaze. He pushed a piece of carrot around his plate. "You only care when we do something you approve of--"

"Go to your rooms," Ineria ordered in a voice that sent a chill down Cullen's spine. Her hands were clenched on the table, knuckles utterly white. "All of you." Rowan pushed his chair out to get down. Dante quickly followed, confused by what was happening. Josef began to usher the quietly crying Matilda towards the door. Ineria followed her daughter with her gaze, which stopped when Cullen and Nevena blocked her view. Ineria's eyes blazed angrily.

"You..." She snarled, rising out of her chair. "This is all your fault." Nevena opened her eyes, realising she was being addressed. She turned her gaze to her sister, expression passive. "I don't know what you said to her, but Matilda never rebelled or spoke out until you talked to her! How dare you fill my daughter's head with this nonsense that I don't love her or appreciate her! You have no right!"

"I didn't do anything, Ineria," Nevena said, getting out of her seat. "I didn't do anything except listen. Something you clearly don't know how to do." Josef, Rowan, Dante, and Matilda had all stopped by the door. "This has been building up for who knows how long. You have no one to blame but yourself."

Ineria bristled. "You are so out of line, Nevena," she growled. "I invite you here, feed you, give you a roof over your head, and you turn my own daughter against me. You--"

"Oh, shut up, Ineria!" Nevena snapped. "You brought this entirely on yourself by trying to live vicariously through your own child, instead of embracing her the way she is. Embracing all of them the way they are. I didn't do anything but offer moral support because you're so overbearing. No wonder Matilda doesn't talk to you, you never listen - just like our parents never listened to us growing up!"

"Don't get mad at Nevena!" Matilda yelled, pushing Josef's hand off her and coming to stand in front of Nevena as if to shield her. "She just talked to me and cared, which is more than you ever do!"

"Matilda, I will not tell you again. Go to your room!" Ineria screamed. 

Matilda cowered, and Nevena gently placed her hands on Matilda's shoulders to steady her. Josef came to stand protectively in front of his daughter, slightly obscuring Nevena from Ineria’s venomous gaze. Cullen slid his hand into Nevena’s. She squeezed, hard, as if putting all her fear into that gesture. He squeezed back in silent reassurance. Liam whined from his high chair, the tense atmosphere and the noise upsetting him. Owen was quick to grab the toddler and excuse himself. A muscle at the side of Ineria's mouth twitched, her face flushing deeply. Every single breath she took seemed deliberate and as if it was taking a monumental effort.

Katrin got up from her chair. "Nevena, you're ruining things," she spoke with intense calmness and strange detachment in her voice. It was like she couldn't even conjure an emotion. Clotilde rose to her feet too, crossing her arms but said nothing. "Why do you always have to make a scene? Why does everything have to revolve around you?"

"Oh!" Nevena laughed, "Is that what you think this is? Me, pulling all the attention?"

"What else could it be?" demanded Ineria. "You have no real life of your own. No husband. No children. Nothing to fill your life with except work and even that must be utterly unfulfilling." She was approaching around the table, hands balled into fists. Nevena gently nudged Matilda out of the way and towards her brothers. Nevena’s hand slipped out of Cullen’s. "You have nothing in your life that is worthwhile, and you're jealous of those around you that do."

"She has me," Cullen spoke up, rising from his chair, heart racing behind his eyes. Ineria's eyes flickered to him as if suddenly remember he was present.

"And you're such a catch." Ineria rolled her eyes and sneered. "What is it you do again?"

"Hey!" Nevena snapped. "Don't you ever speak to him like that! He has more purpose in life than you have ever had. You're nothing but a bully, and the fact it's taken your own daughter to call you out on it just goes to show how long you've been allowed to get away with it!"

Ineria's nostrils flared. She was standing opposite Nevena with barely any space between them. "You have no idea what you're talking about. You never have. You stupid, unwanted mistake." She spoke in a low, dangerous tone and lifted her right hand. Cullen darted forward to try and grab her, but Nevena was quicker, snatching Ineria's arm mid-swing and holding it firmly in the air.

"I am not eight-years-old anymore, Ineria," Nevena said, digging her fingernails into Ineria's arm. "I am not your defenceless little sister who no one will believe when you smack her, or bite her, or yank her hair out. You can't slap me whenever you feel like it and not expect me to react or hit you back anymore. Because I will, and I will make sure it hurts ten times more." She shoved Ineria, hard, sending her reeling against the dining room table. “You are never going to lay another hand on me, ever again.”

Without another word, Nevena eased past Josef, Matilda, and the boys towards the door. Cullen followed her out into the hallway and through to the reception room. He caught her hand before she fled for the front door and pulled her into his chest, wrapping her up in his arms. She was shaking, and he could feel her heart thudding in her chest, reverberating against his.

"Back to the cabin?" Cullen asked, running his fingers up and down the back of her neck.

Nevena nodded, quaking in his embrace. "Yeah."

The hug from Cullen was a connection Nevena didn't know she needed. A few moments of touch and security and she felt a little stronger. Her insides were turning and coiling, making her feel sick, and she was sure a light breeze could knock her over, but he was steadfast and sturdy and his embrace buffered her resolve against any further onslaught from her sister or her parents.

He released her after a few seconds, kept a tight grip on her hand and followed her out of the front door towards the car, fishing his keys from his pocket. Nevena was grateful he'd already packed their belongings in the trunk. They wouldn't need to return for any reason again. Once they returned to the cabin she was going to gather her things and insist they leave. Coming to Haven was a mistake. Getting involved with her family again was a mistake. There was no point to continue this personal torture.

By the time Nevena and Cullen reached the car, Ineria was outside and following them to the vehicle. She marched across the gravel like a charging bull, red-faced and her hair dishevelled. Katrin and Clotilde were on the steps, watching everything unfold while Arienne and Nevan chased after Ineria, and Monty chased after Arienne. Nevena tried to retain a calm outward appearance - she didn't want Ineria to get to her. She didn't want to show her how terrified she was of her own sister. She kept her face as still as possible and breathed hard to quell the anxiety rearing up inside her chest. If she had an attack now it would be disastrous.

"You don't get to leave!" Ineria yelled, slamming her hands against the rear window of the car. "You don't get to go until we're finished!" Her eyes were bloodshot and there were tears on her cheeks. "I hate you!" screamed Ineria, her voice echoing in the empty air. "I HATE YOU!"

"FINE!" Nevena shouted back, clenching her hands at her sides. "At last, you can fucking admit it!"

"You're an ungrateful bitch!" Ineria lunged as if possessed. Nevena tried to dart out of the way but Ineria was able to grab a handful of her hair and yanked. Nevena cried out and began to claw at Ineria's hand while following her footsteps unwillingly. "You've had everything given to you! Everything! And you've never done anything to deserve it!"

"Let go of me!"

“You should never have been born!”

“Let go!”

“Ineria--” Cullen was a few paces behind, his shoulders squared and set as though he was about to rugby tackle her.

"Ineria, let her go!" Arienne yelled. Nevena saw her pulling on Ineria's other arm. Nevan was standing, dumbstruck, watching the scene unfold. "Stop it!" Arienne raised her voice. "Just stop it!" She yelped and Nevena saw her hit the ground. Ineria released her hair, rushing to Arienne's side, joined quickly by Clotilde and Katrin.

“Arienne!” Monty dashed to her and knelt beside her, checking over her frantically.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Ari, I didn't mean to!" sobbed Ineria. "I'm so sorry." Monty waved her away, only just holding onto the rage Nevena could see in his expression.

"It's fine. I'm fine." Arienne held her belly and grimaced. Monty helped her to sit up, ushering Clotilde and Katrin away with firm gestures and quiet, fierce words.

Strong arms wrapped around Nevena's middle, holding her fast. She massaged her head where Ineria pulled her hair and fought the urge to vomit that was beginning to take hold while chasing her breath. She turned to Cullen, putting her back to her family. Cullen kept one arm around her waist, the other he ran up and down her left arm, Nevena wasn't sure if it was for her or for him. After a moment, he cradled her jaw in his hand, meeting her gaze. The concern marring his features was touching. Though any warmth Nevena felt slipped away and was replaced with shame. Shame that he had seen how she reacted to Ineria’s attack. Shame that he had been forced to endure Ineria, and the rest of her families cruelty and unkindness. He didn’t deserve any of it, and she would never be able to apologize to him enough.

Without speaking, they both came to the same decision that leaving was the best option. After pressing a brief kiss to her forehead, he gave her a gentle tug and they started back towards the car.

"See what you made me do?!" Ineria howled like a creature in pain. Her shoes crunched on the gravel as she pursued them. "I could have hurt Arienne because of you!"

"Enough, Ineria," Nevena turned to face her. She was tired, all the fight and adrenaline leaving her in a rush. "Enough."

Ineria's face contorted. "You don't get to leave because you want to," she said, wiping her nose and eyes on her hands, smearing her mascara. "You don't get to have everything given to you on a silver platter and treat us the way you do. You're an ungrateful --"

"Change the record!" Nevena shouted. "I have never had anything handed to me on a silver platter! That's you, Clotilde, and Arienne. I've worked for everything I have. My apartment. My car. My life!" Cullen wrapped a hand around her wrist. "It's mine because I worked for it."

"You don't respect us! You don't respect dad, or what he did for you! What he sacrificed when you ruined a perfectly goo --"

"If you bring Rick up, I swear..."

"What?" Ineria almost doubled back, cackling. "You'll tell us again how he was horrible to you? How he 'stalked' you? More lies, Nevena, really?"

A burning, indignant fury flooded Nevena's veins, deafening her to everything and anything else. She was angry, outraged, quivering with every pent-up emotion she'd been concealing and trying to keep in check since she arrived at Haven. Every terrible thing she wanted to say was stuffing itself onto her tongue, fighting to get out and be spoken. It took every ounce of concentration to find her voice and not simply vomit.

"He was going to kidnap me," Nevena said, her voice painfully still. "He was going to take me somewhere and do who knows what to me. He was going to drug me. He could have if I didn't have friends who looked out for me and cared about me more than you or anyone in this family ever has!" Her chest heaved causing pain to shoot through every nerve. "He tormented me with threats and letters and photographs. He crippled me emotionally. He isolated me from everyone who genuinely cared about me, and I never wanted him in the first place! He hurt me, over and over and over again and I was endlessly walking on eggshells. Afraid of him. Afraid for myself. Afraid of--"

"You took him on willingly enough!"

"Because I was told to!" Nevena's voice was growing hoarse from shouting. The space behind her eyes prickled but she refused to let herself cry. Not in front of everyone. Later, when she was alone, or it was just her and Cullen. Then she would cry and scream until she was sore, but now, she wouldn't allow herself. "I was told to because it would be good for dad's fucking business. It was nothing to do with me, and by the end of it, I wanted to kill myself to get away from him!" Nevena turned her gaze to her father, who was still silent but looked a little pale as he stared at her. "I told you. I tried to tell you over and over again, he was killing me slowly but surely." She kept her eyes on Nevan. "But you never listened... You didn't..." She bit back a shuddering breath, refusing to admit it was a sob.

Ineria's lips curled back and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Stop playing the sympathy card," she sneered. "No one believed you then, and no one believes you now. After all," she smoothed her skirt, "why would anyone believe you when you weren't even wanted in the first place? You were a replacement for my brother, and a sore one at that." She took a step closer to Nevena. "You were a mistake!” She spat, “and you should never have been part of this family."

"Ineria, that's enough," Nevan snapped, speaking for the first time. "You've said your piece."

"No!" Ineria shot her father a dark look. "She should know the truth, don't you think, daddy?"

Nevena sighed. "Just say what you want to say so I can leave, Ineria. And if it's about the fact I'm adopted, don't bother; I already know." Several emotions filtered across Ineria's face, shock, annoyance shifting to anger and then quiet smugness. "So clearly, your ravings about me not being wanted are wrong, otherwise I would have never been adopted."

"When did you find out?" Nevan asked before Ineria could speak, he looked almost grey. Nevena shrugged wearily. "How did you find out?"

"When I was helping you pack up everything in the attic at Ostwick," she explained. "I found the adoption files in one of the cabinets. I didn't say anything because I didn't know how to approach the subject. Then everything happened with Rick, and you chose him over me so it didn’t really matter anymore that I knew. You’d made your allegiance very clear." She shrugged again, wanting nothing more than to collapse into Cullen's chest and bury herself there. Where it was safe.

"Nevena..." Nevan began to walk towards her, "you should have said something."

"It's sweet you think you were adopted because you were wanted," Ineria lifted her voice. There was venom in her tone that set Nevena's teeth on edge. She looked past her father to Ineria, and beyond Ineria she could see Arienne with Monty, Clotilde and Katrin. Katrin's face was stony and cold. Arienne looked fraught and divided between speaking again or not, while Clotilde was almost smiling as if enjoying the drama unfolding. "But you couldn't be more wrong."

"Ineria, stop it," Nevan snapped.

"She deserves to know, daddy." Ineria moved closer. "Honesty is the best policy."

"Ineria..."

Nevena glanced between Ineria and Nevan. She narrowed her eyes at them both. "What should I know?"

"You were adopted because you're our half-sister," Ineria told her, her voice still and almost robotic. "You replaced our brother because you were the result of an affair. Dad's affair. His affair with the woman who killed my brother. The woman who murdered his son! And we got you as a replacement.”

Nevena's mouth fell open and it was as though ice filled her veins. The world carried on moving, but so much slower than before. In her ears, she could hear and feel the blood pounding away like a steady drumbeat as Ineria’s words cut through her like dozens of sharp thorns.

A glimmer of movement caught her eye and she saw Katrin turning to go into the house. Nevan stared down at the gravel, rubbing his face in his hands to avoid making eye contact. Nevena moved away from Cullen towards her father, her mind flooding with questions she was fighting to make sense of. It was like her whole identity and world was coming crashing down all over again, the way it did three years before, like glass being shattered from a window pane.

"Dad?" She grabbed him by the shoulders. "Dad, look at me." She shook him and Nevan brushed her off, turning away. "Dad!"

"You were the reason our family was almost destroyed. Because you were brought in to replace the brother we lost. The brother and son that was loved!" Ineria continued. The cadence of her voice grew more rapid as if she was racing to keep up with the secrets now spilling out of her. "And do you want to know the best bit?"

"Ineria, enough!" Nevan bit out, to no avail. Ineria was on a roll and was not about to stop for anyone.

"Dad only adopted you because your mother killed herself and he felt obligated. She killed herself so you would take my brother’s place. As if you could replace him.” She laughed, almost manically, the wild look in her eyes made all the more wild by her dishevelled appearance. “So, you see? You really were a poor unwanted replacement. A sorry replacement for the life she took.”

Nevena tried to breathe but felt like she was choking. Her throat was closing over and even though she hadn't run, she was painfully short of breath. She reeled back a little as if she'd been slapped and quickly planted her hands on the back of Cullen's car for support. Her legs going shaky and weak underneath her. Cullen was at her side in a moment, hand on her back, stroking up and down her spine in an effort to calm her. She could vaguely hear his voice and saw his lips moving but nothing he was saying could get through.

Looking to one side, she saw Nevan staring at the ground. In the few minutes of this fight, he looked as though he had aged considerably. He stooped, and it was like his clothes had grown three sizes too big. Or maybe it was his body that had shrivelled? Steeling herself, Nevena inhaled deeply, went to him and grabbed his shoulders.

"Is it true?!" she demanded, snarling and glaring at him. "No, don't look at the ground, look at me!" Tears were stinging her eyes and she choked back on the crushing weight in her chest. Nevan lifted his gaze to Nevena's. "Is everything Ineria saying true?" she demanded. When he didn't answer she slapped him, mustering as much strength behind the strike as possible. "Tell me!"

Nevan sighed, rubbed his reddened cheek and took Nevena's hands to hold in his own. His skin was cold and clammy to the touch, like rubber. "It's true," he said softly, nodding. "I never wanted you to find out like this... I…" He reached out to touch Nevena's face and she recoiled.

Bile was rising up her throat. She couldn't breathe. Her eyesight was dimming at the edges as she fought for each shallow breath and to clear her thoughts. The faces and voices around her were contorting into ones she didn't recognise. Hot tears spilt down her cheeks. Someone - something reached out towards her. She wrenched her hand out of their grip and began running.

For those who prefer reading on AO3 click this line of text to be taken to the chapter. 

So, there are the fireworks I promised in the last chapter. Some fireworks, huh? Did any of you guess? Or have an inkling? Let me know. Tough as this chapter is, I hope you enjoyed it.

This will be the last chapter until 2018. I know updates have been ... sporadic, at best recently, I’m trying to work through a block and... eh, I hope taking a few weeks off worrying about it might help. Who knows.

I hope you’ll be back to join me in the next chapter to see what happens from here. 

In the meantime, I wish everyone reading a Happy Holiday, and a prosperous, and safe, NewYear. 

Please make sure you comment/reblog/flail in the tags to let me know what you think. It really does make my day to read reactions. Thank you for joining me for the first year of Only Make Believe, I’ll see you in the next chapter in 2018. <3