#neutralposting

[neutrallyobsessed]

Also a la hora de rebloggear esto la cosa esta asi:

[thepleasuregoblin]

Having trouble seeing Zaheer as a bad guy tbh

[viralhotimage]

#neutral_post #dark_souls  #bonfire #praise_the_sun

[celebanything]

Smart Rajat Sharma 😍😇 #smart #rajatsharma🔺 #celebanything #editor #chief #chairman #anchor #tvshow #appkiadalat #neutralpostion #instagram #president #delhi #cricketassociation #famous #trending #fashion #instadaily #likelike #like4likes #followme #followforfollowback #news #india #media #tvshows (at Chandigarh, India) https://www.instagram.com/p/B431p3mpNeA/?igshid=mispm7x1gvpq

[neutrallyobsessed]

Jajaj chupala pelado alcahuete

me pregunto si poner la estatua de gaturro 2 fue una movida de larreta para juntar votos o algo

[infirmux]

this is a neutralpost about rhys. there are pros and cons on both sides of the issue i dont feel comfortable taking a side

[misterfrill-blog]

tw: suicidal ideation

hmm! I just made this blog and am gonna try to document my feelings and especially my good progress-y feelings here as it’s important to do this as a dinosaurish dude with a lot of feelings and because I really want to improve and do the work of feeling better! 

Right now, I am trying to think about how to truly hold myself so I can be better for myself and others. I have been extremely hurtful lately and I really need to think about how I allowed myself to act in those ways and what I can do to prevent this from happening again. I think the recent, intense suicidal ideation has been rough and tbh it has been pretty constant/escalating despite ebbing and flowing, and I don’t think I can talk about it with people without it being toxic in my current capacity. In these times and in others, I think I really need to learn how to hold myself because it isn’t fair to need that from other people.  My feelings say it’s near impossible to do this and are trying to scare me from trying, but I am really going to try my best. Selfishly, feelings-wise, (but also to some extent sustainability-as-a-living-being-wise) I do hope people know that I’m in a lot of pain and am really suffering big time. I think it will be really helpful to find a balance between feeling like my big scary feelings are acknowledged in their pain but also I really can’t let this make me reliant on other people. I think I really need to find a way to just let go of a lot of this pain while still acknowledging that it will come and go possibly forever on my own. I don’t know. 

I think the scared primal part of me really wants to be held and feel safe under the arm of another person and desires the soft light of a warmth house, but it also needs to find an internal heat source (loving the self, soothing the self) as that is the only thing that will warm it. It’s scary to think of the “warm house/a loving person who wants to save me/an idealized savior who can provide the safety and security I never got in childhood and feel I desperately need” not being an option and I think this magical thinking is what died inside of me (I felt like part of me died, my fire? my hope? the delusional part of me that kept me going and I think is in the process of being replaced by something stronger and healthier?) I don’t know. I think trying not to live for the dream of being rescued but for me will be critical, and that means I have to work hard on feeling like just me is worth living and fighting for. That initial loss/necessary letdown caused a lot of my current tumult/suicidal ideation, but hopefully it can lead to something better. To sum it up, I do think the death inside me was of the magical thinking that came with the strange dream world I built inside my head; it broke my wanting inner child’s heart and maybe forced them to start thinking of growing some ways, which is scary. 

I’m wondering — I wrote about a water snake taking down this whole town thing in my mind and wonder if it’s a good thing and a change in the structure/the worldview I have. I think it’ll be scary and tumultuous feelings-wise, but the stronger part of me in my heart might be able to float all the way up to a different town and improve there. Maybe the sun of my own love will warm them there. Maybe the narrative will be different. I have a choice to make it different and it is imperative that I make that productive choice.

Still. Feelings-wise, I am still tremendously scared that people will leave me and that I won’t be able to overcome the really violent pain inside of me, but it needs to be contained within me or float out without harming people. Selfishly, I want people to understand how hurt I am, how much pain I have gone through, and how much pain and suffering I’m still in and may always be in. It does feel emotionally like I’m burned all over/a kicked puppy trapped under metal on the side of the road/in a panic all the time, though my current reality does not match with the intensity of those feelings. I am in a dorm that is my own, in a bed that is my own, so I am safe and I am trying so hard to believe that and act accordingly. I still feel and fear that I might kill myself because the pain is too much and I’m just shaking/not really eating/have been in a panic despite trying to regulate myself. If I do have to go, it will not be anyone’s fault but I am really scared and in so much pain. I think I need to believe that I have the strength to get through this even though it feels like I’m crumbling. I need to believe this. I need so badly to believe this. I don’t know if talking to anyone about these feelings/ideations would be helpful as it could lead me back into old patterns of dependency and prevent me from moving on from this behavior and onto a healthier one, but I am still worried they will win. I think I need to sit with this for a while and believe I am capable; if it is too hard and I’m worried, I will ask my therapist for help. Something helpful to do will be to resist my harmful thoughts and not let “I am in pain” lead to “I am always in pain” lead to “I need to take a drastic action to escape this pain” lead to me taking that drastic action to escape the pain re: suicide or other actions. I will keep trying to do the opposite and then hopefully I can find out more ways to manage my pain, fear, and shaking. I am just so scared that this is going to happen. I’m worried about talking about it because I don’t want to be hospitalized and I’m not sure whether doing the opposite means talking about this or not talking about it yet.

All in all, I just want to be a constructive and healthy thing (I am trying to stay away from the word “good” because I think that triggers a lot of primal feelings) and not hurt people around me because I cannot control my reactions to my pain. I need to work really hard to do this and will try. I do have to really try no matter what. I can be stronger than my feelings and do the healthy thing. I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. 

[neutrallyobsessed]

My fav tone indicator is (?

Not even I know what I meant