#neurcxses

[powertuffs-blog]

; the end

@neurcxses​

this was the end of the world as he knew it.

he was twenty. he figured he had a good run. played baseball for the university team, got high grades and maintained a scholarship for two years. he made his parents proud and his little siblings looked up to him. he even outshone most of his peers and was set to become the next captain of the team he so dearly treasured.

but one game and one mistake caused his world to crumble underneath his feet.

a month with no practice, a month of therapy and yet there were no hopeful results for his case, a month of pain killers that he often thought of ingesting the entire bottle. he had anxiety, his stomach always upset and he couldn’t eat anything properly. getting out of bed was the hardest part of the day. most days he slept away, coddled by his blankets and drowning in his tears.

his life was ending.

taejun was the baseball guy, if he didn’t play baseball, then who was he? he had nothing else to his name, his family barely even managing to make it through the week with complete meals, the place he was staying at in the city was provided for by the university because of his membership to the varsity. if he stopped playing baseball because of his injury, he’d have nothing. no one.

but he had her.

tina, sweet tina that always showered him with affection. sweet tina that cared about him more than anyone he had ever met. and taejun cared about her more than anyone, crossing oceans and going to the moon and back for her. if she wanted the stars in her hands, then taejun would fish them out of the endless sky for her. it was how their relationship went, and yet she was just his best friend.

well, until recently.

“i haven’t told my mom.” he said, the cast was no longer around his ankle and yet there always was this constant pain and weight whenever he walked. he was packing, already set to move out. where? he didn’t know, he had nowhere to go. today was the worst day of his life, he received the news that the team would be dropping him---useless, disposable, just like that as if his talents didn’t help the team get to where they were now.

but that was life and beggars couldn’t be choosers.

tina in his room, his world crumbling underneath his feet. nothing in the world felt right but he couldn’t tell her he wanted to die, wanted to run away as far as possible. he didn’t want to disappoint his family, and yet here he was standing in between cowardice and bravery.

he sat down next to his opened luggage, half of his books and half of his clothes already inside. he needed another luggage but he didn’t have one. he never expected to move out so soon. “how could i ever tell my parents that their son was no longer who their son was? they were looking forward to going to seoul so they could watch me play next season! my mother posted a photo of me in my uniform at our family restaurant… how could i… how could i disappoint them?”

where would he be if he didn’t have tina keeping him grounded? “they gave me two weeks to find another place… i can’t stay here anymore.” he was trying not to cry, and yet his voice was strained and his eyes were watering. he could only be this bare in front of her. he hated talking about his feelings, hated dealing with them but he bottled them up for so long that he felt that if he didn’t talk about them or let them out, he’d just explode, do something irrational. “this sucks, man.”

[powertuffs-blog]

* tracker ( 180320 )

waiting on

neurcxses​: candor, silent way, cliff’s edge, the end

zanyara: midnight delight

xblackbirds: the very air i breathe

ultracocobabe: saturday afternoon

writing

neurcxses: minjun/jihyun hogwarts!au, supernatural aiden/el, daehyun/soojin super mega angst!au

plotting

everyone lol

[powertuffs-blog]

; cliff’s edge

@neurcxses​

all yumi knew was loving too much and too hard. she gave all of herself to those her attention was directed to. often they were her closest friends, but more often than not yumi diverted all her attention to idols, the people she couldn’t touch but see---the people presented to her in a neatly wrapped, digestible package.

and that was what she was used to. she was use to loving too hard, exerting effort just to express this love for somebody that would never return it to the same extent she was giving it. at first, it took her some time to internalize that fact, to swallow the hard pill of truth. for a while, yumi lived in a delusion where the people she admired would love her back.

but yumi grew up, she grew older and realized that their worlds would never collide. no matter how much money her father had, no matter how much she begged him to get their attention for her---yumi soon learnt that the world didn’t revolve around her. no matter what she did, she would never have a chance with any of the people she loved. they were stars, unreachable, untouchable and she was hwang yumi. a senior in high school that was close to getting a probation because of her lack of attendance.

yumi never really liked going to school. her classmates didn’t like her either, poked fun of the way her haircut looked, imitated the way she would freak out whenever new content from exo notified her from her phone. she never liked school ever since her friends graduated. it sucked being the youngest out of all of them.

and perhaps she was a little too attached to her friends, jinsu, soyeon, hani, ahreum… but towards soojin more than anyone. soojin was her best friend, soojin was the one that was always there for her and even if she lacked the affection yumi always showed to her, still, yumi knew soojin loved her. as a friend, of course.

they were best friends, sometimes pulled on each other’s hair or kicked each other off the bed when the other was being annoying. but soojin would never let anyone make yumi cry, soojin would always defend her, take the beating for her and protect her from any harm that would come her way. maybe it was tough love, but yumi knew somewhere in there that soojin loved her as dearly as yumi loved her. and their friendship was something yumi could rely on, the feelings were mutual---reciprocated, soojin took care of her as much as she took care of her. she found comfort in it, some sense of security.

but threat came in the form of a boy with nice hair and a nice smile, guitar skills to match those of classical rockstars, stage presence that would leave the audience wanting more of him, the voice of an angel and yet possessing the tempting power of the devil at the same time. he was daehyun. and sure, daehyun was nice to her but she knew about his reputation. he played with girls, jumped from bed to bed and didn’t care if he hurt anyone in the process.

she didn’t know when it started, but jealousy started to consume her. it was a green monster that suffocated her, felt as if her heart was being squeezed inside someone’s palm, her insides felt as if she was being gutted and seeing daehyun and soojin hang out more often always left a bitter after taste in her mouth. she was being replaced, daehyun was taking her place in her life and yumi couldn’t even do anything about it.

but she shouldn’t be jealous---they were bestfriends after all, and soojin always chose her over daehyun. and yet the thought of soojin dating daehyun, soojin kissing daehyun, soojin being with daehyun romantically made yumi want to cry. and she didn’t understand this feeling, but she feared it. she feared the jealousy that was eating her up and she couldn’t even bring it up to soojin. so she did instead what she thought was the best decision. she took a step back, avoided soojin and ignored her. maybe this way she could ignore the feelings she was only realizing now.

“i’m not ignoring you.” she insisted, hopping on her bed and hugging her favorite pillow. soojin finally managed to get a hold of her after avoiding her for an entire week. and instead of her feelings for soojin dwindling down, it only intensified the more she tried to keep it in---the more she tried to pretend as if she didn’t like soojin.

“i just got really busy.” she said, almost lying through her nose and avoiding the other’s gaze. she couldn’t lie to soojin to save her life. and the other girl always seemed to see through her anyway. her fingers picked at the ears of the pillow, upper teeth chewing on her lesser lip. “i found new friends, i just wanted to hang out with them more, you know?” lie.

[tcphra-blog]

VICTORY LAP.

@neurcxses

behold our golden boy, as he rushes through the vibrant green field in his coat of gleaming sweat. here is his heart crawling quickly up his throat as he races towards the endzone, ball cradled protectively in his strong arms. importantly, from the stands are his adoring fans as they clap and chant his name in the form of deafening roars.

oh, do you see?

tonight is a night for victories.

correction: because he is lee minjun, he will win.

( oh, but that is not to say that lee minjun never loses; it is simply to imply that his loses are quickly rejected, spat from the grueling mouths of his watchful spectators before they request for more, better.

lee minjun is a spectator sport, and everyone has paid to watch him win. )

and true to his name, he hits touchdown, and he pays the crowd his blinding smile shortly before he is jostled and carried away by his burly teammates.

and this is how the game ends: stage lights dim, and chitter-chatter blankets the settling crowd. minjun’s name falls from a stranger’s lips every once and again, but he is otherwise forgotten. our star player and the rest of his team are escorted off the field, absent of an elaborate fanfare.

but pictured is our protagonist as he deviates from the script. here is his craning neck as he scans the vast crowd, and the same dazzling smile pulls at his lips once more when he finds her.

( her, with the curled lashes and the lock of hair she sweeps behind the shell of her ear and the crescents of her feline eyes when she shares with him a pretty smile and the— )

he pats the back of the teammate standing next to him in farewell before dashing off towards the crowd.

“song hyemi!” it leaves his lips in nothing short of a bellow, and it both invites and pierces through the vulgar howls of his teammates and the stares of curious bystanders, “meet me outside the stadium before you leave!”

tonight is a night for victories.

( and his affection for one song hyemi is a sport that no one has yet paid to watch. )

[powertuffs-blog]

; candor

@neurcxses​

the first emotion chaerin could remember was fear.

it was vivid, still vibrant even up to this day. she was three, could even barely form proper words nor walk without tripping on her own stubby legs. whenever chaerin thought about this memory, she could still feel the racing of her heart and the trembling of her legs.

after all, how could a child get over the image of her father slapping her mother across the face? yelling at each other about not paying the rent, about having another girl over while her mother was away. a three year old couldn’t comprehend these issues.

but a three year old could feel fear.

for most of her life, chaerin had been afraid. afraid of the people around her, afraid of making friends, afraid of her own potential. perhaps it was the inferiority complex that developed from being looked down upon, from being treated like you didn’t matter by the people you thought would love you for who you were. or perhaps it was just her personality.

but sometimes, people had been living in fear long enough that they became friends with it. with chaerin? fear was her best friend. fear was the familiar feeling in her chest as the handle of the gun met with the soft flesh of her cheek, it was the trembling of her knees as they told her she was going to die that night. all because of millions of dollars worth of debt. but it was also fear that made her stand up for herself and for her drunken father, too drunk to even defend himself from the armed men.

she was tired of being afraid and perhaps now really was her time. she’d lived a short life, unsatisfying and boring. she almost pitied herself for the fact that the most exciting part of her life was going to be her death. up until today, she was almost sure that being taken against your will, a gun to your head only happened in the afternoon dramas she watched whenever she had time. but no, this was her reality.

and chaerin was ready to face her reality.

she was so scared, so terrified and yet she didn’t let a single tear fall as they dragged her out of her house and into the car, telling her that she was going to meet her fate. the whole ride, chaerin was preparing herself to die.

“get out.” she heard one of the men tell her, harshly grabbing her by the arm. she didn’t even know where she was, a blindfold wrapped around her eyes. what were they going to do? shoot her from the back? perhaps blow her head off? that would be better wouldn’t it?

her knees were trembling, but she followed him, the chatter of men growing incrementally. fear. fear was her best friend.

“she’s here boss.” she heard him say. she knew who their boss was, that filthy old man. “fucking spat in my face. the old man’s knocked out, you remember her father ‘aight? good for nothing son of a bitch had an even worse spawn.”

there was a grab at her hair, pushing her forward but chaerin didn’t even flinch. was the boss going to kill her? how important could she be!

“what d’you want us to do with her? she’s kind of a pretty face too… it’d be a waste, y’know what i mean?”

just kill me.