#nellfy's shitposts

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

[Looks at Noah's lack of background and unused potential]

Smack!

This bad boy could fit so many headcannons!

[winggy-wanggy-doobledoo]

I'd make them act out the Shrek X batman fanfic where Shrek ends up mpreg with sonic and batman leave Shrek before Shrek could tell him. This causes Shrek to get into an accident and both him and sonic die without batman ever knowing.

new question if you could force all of ur followers to watch/play through/read one piece of media what would it be

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

I love you, milkshakes, you are so delicious and wonderful. Yet it hurts my heart to know you don't feel the same. </3

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

Total drama noah, Save me Total Drama noah!

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

"Listen, I can be evil and OSHA safe as well. I want my cute and adorable henchmen safe and healthy while working, so world domination can be satisfying.

I want to see that when I take the throne as the empress of the world that my henchmen, who have stood beside me the whole time, can see that their dedication and loyalty to me have not been for nothing! That our dedication to each other is not one-sided, and the days of wonder while building this empire of evil and sorrow doesn't have to end after the empire is complete. I want them to know that even after I reach my inevitable goal that they will still have a place beside me as one of my most trusted advisors and closest friends. While we may not have the titles or riches of the future, I shall start showing our greatness and my appreciation by giving them the best of the best to work with!

They shall only have the safest of work conditions and protection from the elements! I shall protect them from vying hero's who wish to harm them by giving up to code work uniforms and compensation when they get harmed on the job and give them free access to in lair healthcare. I shall show them by giving them paid vacation and maternity leaves! I shall give them a henchmen paradise to show them that I want them to know they are the best goddammit thing a villian can ask for! And when the day comes that they may have to leave, I hope I leave them with enough good memories of us for them to remember the days of our evil fondly.

My dearest henchmen, I can not give you fame or power just yet, but for now, I show you dedication to you all and your loyalty by giving you somewhere safe to turn back to. Because even when you are bumbling about foolishly or falling hilarious from the cat walk, I will always make sure there is a cushion to protect you from the sharp spikes that are meant to be the demise of some wretched hero and a good friend to tell your worries to.

We will be great my minions, but for now, we start with an OSHA approved workplace."

After hearing the monolog from the great villainess, SHATTER POINT, to her minions (who listened intently from bellow them as she announced from the balcony), the wonder man, CAPTAIN REVER, couldn't help but think that maybe it was a bad idea to be disguised as an OSHA inspector.

As the disguised hero internally panics, the actual inspector beside him was in awe at what was around them. They have never seen such a perfect place before.

Almost every stop was pulled on the workplace safety list. This place was even safer than the OSHA office itself. Somehow, this absolute pure essence of evil, villainess, made death traps safe. As it turns out, SHATTER POINT only allows henchmen with stuntman licenses to fall hilarious from the cat walks, there are safety nets installed in their landing zones so that they land safely, and their work mandated uniform is enchanted by the wizard department so that they don't take any damage if they miss the net.

Their labs keep chemicals secure, and all experiments involving radiation are held in a separate secure section with protective clothes provided and kept clean. Shelves are bolted to the walls, and all of the tools are safely put away when not in use. The floors are clear of any obstacles, and emergency exits are clearly labeled and easy to access.

The offices are kept tidy, and the break rooms are open and completely stocked. The offices are kept separately from the labs and other potential fire hazards. The workshops follow safety codes to the T, and employees are trained to handle the equipment and weapons that are provided from there safely. The villainess even had ramps and elevators installed for the minions who need mobility aids.

With how things are looking so far, the inspector can safely say that this place is better than the hero alliance guild building. The hero guild is purposed entirely for aesthetics and lacks safe functionality from what the inspector has seen.

The inspector couldn't just leave this place after finding such a gem.

"Do you perhaps have any jobs available?"

The villainess smirked.

"Why, of course. Recently, someone on our maintenance team retired to our retirement commune by our private lake. we already had someone promoted to team leader, but we need one more person to fill in the spot. Of course, we advertise these opportunities, but no one 'morally upstanding' is eager to work for a villain. But if you could follow me, i can get an application for the spot if you are interested."

"Of course, I'll have it mailed in by next week. While I complete my last two weeks."

"Very well, please keep in mind that we are an organization, so if you decide it is your time to leave later on, you can put it on your resume."

The disguised hero looked on in horror as the villainess seemingly converted the inspector to the side of evil. He felt like he had to save them before it was too late, but before he could blow his cover, a short plump man jogs his way over, sweating, cheeks rosy from exhaustion and huffing for air.

"Here are the papers, boss."

The villainess eyes sparkled at the man.

"There is my favorite henchman! Come here and let me give you a big hug"

Strutting quickly over to the man, the villainess grabbed him up into a hug and sprinkled little smooches all over his face, leaving lipstick all over his face.

"I'll take those from here, Thank you for your hard work today, my dearest. Go on, return to what you were doing previously."

The extra two watched the short man skip off with mixed reactions. The hero, in horror, couldn't believe what happened in front of him. This human incarnation of wretched evil that has done nothing but cause pain in the city had smooched up the face of one of her henchmen like some sort of love sick puppy. How was this the same person who leveled a whole town with the flick of her little finger?

'Forget this,' the hero thought to himself. 'As soon as I'm out of here, I'm backing out of this mission. YOraim, can do this instead.'

The inspector was slightly shocked compared to the terrified, disgusted hero. The sight was simply adorable and slightly scary. It would have just been adorable had the woman in front of the them not been one of the highest ranking villainess's in the world, but that was simply not the case as seeing the most dangerous villains being sappy would be scary for anyone. Boy, was the inspector glad that she wasn't on the villainess's shit list.

The villainess sighed dreamily before turning back to the two following her.

"You didn't see that. You didn't see anything."

The two averted their eyes away from her stare.

"See what?"

"Smart move."

Handing the papers over to the inspector, the villainess started to explain the additional papers that came along with the application. All while walking them to the door.

"The application is the paper on the bottom. I do highly recommend you read through the fine print first before filling out the form. Each section is color coded for your convenience. The blue pages are details on what the job entails. All details pertaining to your job are on those pages. Things such as the location of materials you may need, offices related to this department, and how to fill out reports or request sheets. This also includes personal housing. If you take this job, you would have to move in lair to avoid any personal attacks on personal property due to simple associations to me and my organization. Of course, you will have hands-on training on all processes listed before dropping you into this, and you will be shadowing a senior in this field. Your previous experience in this field will be taken into consideration, and after your probationary month is over, we will place you into a slot that best suits your skills. The green pages are in regards to pay, vacation, and scheduling. Once again, because of your previous experience, your pay may be affected for the better. This also includes a list of banks that will accept you as most banks have an issue with working with villain henchmen. If you want to work here, I do recommend you look into those banks. Next, the yellow pages. They are a list of potential outside liability. While we try to be as safe as can be in the lair, I can't fully guarantee protection from heroes. Hero fights are, unfortunately, part of the job. It is also covered under workplace injury on the first yellow page and how you will get compensation for such things depending on injury. Finally, the purple pages. They include in lair groups and clubs you can join. I highly encourage you to join the self-defense club if you don't know what to pick. That way, you have some ways to defend yourself from heroes when the time comes. It is mandatory to join at least one club if you decide to join us. Any extra details will be talked over in the in-person interview. Please also bring your resume so we can go over it. Do you have any questions?"

Semi stunned, the inspector shook her head no.

"That's fine. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me via information on the application."

"Thank you! It has been a pleasure being here!"

"Oh, the pleasure is all mine. Even if you decide against joining my forces, feel free to drop by as a friend. You will always be welcomed here."

SHATTER POINT firmly shook the inspectors hand and sent the duo off all that was left behind was a passing safety grade and a great first impression.

As the huge door shut, she jumped for joy!

"MY MINIONS! PREPARE FOR A FEAST! WE HAVE PASSED THIS INSPECTION WITH FLYING COLORS!"

A roar of cheers rose from the crowds as the excitement spread. They were just barely at step two in the world domination plan, but SHATTER POINT was not worried. Rome was not built in a day, and the future won't fix itself.

OSHA inspection of a supervillain lair. The supervillain actually requested it.

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

What do you mean maintenance?!?! How long will AO3 BE DOWN THIS TIME! I DONT KNOW HOW LONG I CAN STOP THE VOICES!

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

There are too many thoughts in my brain. I need some fifth dimension bully to hold me upside-down and shake them out like some loose change

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

My fish tanks have the most eye-catching drama.

I have two tanks and a bowl, so sometimes I just look to see what's going on in the tanks. Not so long ago, I found out that their was a bully in the big tank.

(Just to make it clear, the big tank is the gang, the medium tank is the kingdom, and the bowl is the recovery / isolation tank.)

In the big tank, we had a (passive) betta (big bubbles), two Cory cats (stripped: crook, albino: añgel), two glow in the dark tetras (large purple: wanda [male], small green: cosmo [female]), and a singular minnow (small midnight blue: skippy, we had more but skippy went and massacred them in The name of being stronger so now he is the only little fish among the big guys).

In the medium tank we have another betta (king ambrose of the shelf kindom, who is dearly loved and adored by his followers) who likes to look in on the other tank to see what the gang was up to.

Finally, we have the recovery bowl / solitary confinement, which just has one plant and some gravel.

I was sitting at the big tank with my cousins when I noticed that Añgel was MISSING MOST OF HIS FINS, but somehow, HE COULD STILL SWIM FAST ENOUGH TO AVOID THE NET TO PUT HIM IN THE RECOVERY BOWL. At first, we thought it was crook because it might have been a case of territory, but it was never a problem before, so we scrapped that and kept a close eye just in case.

So for several weeks, I had kept an eye on the big tank looking for the basterd that chomped their fellow gang members' fins off but wasn't catching anyone in the act so everything kinda was swept away because almost every one was fine now.

For a while, Bubbles and his gang were fine, but one fine Saturday morning, we found him belly up, and I had to send him to heaven through the porcelain pipes. We suspect it was murder but no one in that tank could possibly have beaten a betta, and that brought up natural causes, so case closed on that one, but there is still a bully in the tank

(Rip big boss bubbles, you are missed. Swim high tiny boss🕊)

It was a sad send-off, but the gang must go on! Until this morning, when I found skippy beat to hell and back with a chunk of his tail taken a bite out of! I had to take añgel out of the recovery tank and airlift skippy to the tank for either a peaceful send-off or a miracle save. The suspect? WANDA! I did not know that wanda was a male until I fully noticed the dots on his fins, and it made it easier to notice that cosmo was the female! So now I have to worry about wanda acting up and harassing cosmo because I can't switch skippy out just for Wanda to be taken to solitary! The gang is falling apart, and I can't stand to see Bubbles gang break like this.💔

This is not what Bubbles would have wanted.

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

Some things should stay unmade....

AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM!

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

I love my mom, but she called me an onion, so now it's time to get silly.

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

sorry, let me just

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

🎵Cause you are the hag of trees🎶

🎶With wretched teeth🎵

🎵Only two hundred and seventeen🎵

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

I CAUGHT HIM! I CAUGHT HIM! THIS LITTLE FUCKER WAS RUNNING AROUND MY ROOM AND I CAUGHT HIS ASS! I DON'T KNOW HOW HE GOT IN AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE WAS PLANNING TO DO BUT I CAUGHT HIS ASS!

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

Breaking News!

ADHD HAS DEEMED OOBLEK "TEXTURE ENEMY NUMBER ONE"

We previously interviewed the brain earlier this afternoon. In response to why it disliked the substance, the brain responds with:

"Bad texture! To sticky and warm. Me no likey :("

This news bumps 'waxy linen', 'wet sock', and 'plastic stuck to the bottom of your foot' to number 2, 3 , and 4, respectively, on the 'NO TOUCHY' list.

We'll be back with more mental news at 11.

[nellfy-in-thestarhut]

Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah

*INHALE*

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