#neil josten ur something else

[bisexualcroissant]

the way i clamped my hand over my mouth because holy FUCK neil fucking josten.

[joejhang]

neil doesn't have a martyr complex

i'm back !!! with another essay about neil josten and how grossly mischaracterised he is by the fandom. i went into this a little bit in my previous essay but would u look at that i have more to say. what else is fucking new. anyway spoilers ahead continue at ur own risk.

a martyr complex is a recognised psychological pattern. it's marked by self-sacrifice and service to others at your own expense. signs of martyr complex include: always needing to be the hero, a lack of self-care, doing too much, having unrealistic values, and doing everything themselves.

above is the google definition of a martyr complex and signs and symptoms of it. i'm now gonna deep dive into why neil does not have a martyr complex and i actually think he doesn't even have sacrificial lamb tendencies like this fandom seems to think.

for the majority of the series, neil literally is the exact opposite of a martyr. i've said it already, but the whole premise of aftg is literally neil staying at psu despite the danger to himself and to others. he is fully and completely aware that him staying at psu and the foxhole court puts himself in the spotlight, allowing his father's people to find him more easily, and also puts all the foxes in danger simply by existing in proximity. he knows that no matter what he says, his father's people (by the time they catch up to him) will want to be 100% certain that no one knows about the butcher of baltimore and the sort of work he does, and they probably wouldn't just take neil's word for it. neil is super realistic and pragmatic and he probably knew that there was a high chance of some or all of the foxes getting killed by his father's people and because of him. despite that, he was willing to take the risk. was it selfish? yeah. and it's a big part of his character arc that he actually finds himself caring enough about the foxes to put himself in danger for them. nevertheless, neil does stay with the foxes out of courage and determination, but a good amount of selfishness also factored into that decision. and he knew it from the beginning. he knew that his actions had repercussions on the foxes, and he knew what sort of business he was dragging them into the whole time, and while he was sorry it fell back on them, he is never sorry for doing what he does (he literally says almost exactly that in canon). despite him saying he doesn't want to gamble with the foxes' lives at the end of tfc, literally everything he does in the next couple of books is a direct contradiction to that. most everything neil does is something of a calculated risk. sometimes it's not even calculated it's just instinctive. normalise having unreliable main characters who can be hypocritical sometimes.

his agreement to go to evermore over christmas wasn't an act of self-sacrifice or martyrdom. andrew likes to describe neil as a martyr but i think we as readers take that too much at face value. andrew says a lot of stuff about neil that we as readers can safely disregard. neil himself doesn't think he's that selfless and honestly i think he's right. his decision to go to evermore over the break was undoubtedly for andrew and to protect him, but i don't think that's really "self-sacrifice". he knew he was gonna have a terrible time but he also knew there was no way r*ko would kill him, not when they were in the messy middlegame of it all. nora specifically says that kevin notes how out of character it was for neil to throw away all of those carefully cultivated survival instincts and in-built fear like that, and he's right. it is out of character. it's a demonstration of neil's inherent desire to be a good person and also his strong moral compass and priorities. r*ko threatened andrew and told neil specifically what would happen to andrew if neil didn't go along, and neil's conscience wasn't gonna let him just walk away like that. especially bc he knew he'd make it out alive, there was really no reason neil would refuse. he was there to protect andrew the same way andrew is willing to protect all his loved ones. it wasn't an act of martyrdom, it was an act of, dare i say, love? kevin clocks neil's feelings specifically because of this decision, and i think it's critical to understand that he doesn't go to evermore out of a need to play the hero or some twisted desire to shoulder other people's burdens, he goes to evermore because he loves and cares about andrew, and also just because inherently there was no way he could sit idle while a threat like that was passed about someone he cared about so much (and also someone who'd protected him that much).

neil's character arc isn't about learning selflessness. this might honestly be a hot take, but i stand firm that neil's character arc is a lot more about courage and learning to care for people than it is self-sacrifice and selflessness. neil says "i realised i didn't want to be that person anymore, i want to go back for you". this isn't actually him saying: "i want to die for you, i would die for you, i would sacrifice myself for you" this is him saying: "i would willingly put myself in danger for you, and for me. i don't want to be someone who ducks and runs and. i don't want to be a coward anymore. i want to go back for you and fight for you because i care about you enough to." for someone who's spent his whole life leaving a bloody trail of bodies behind, this is a pretty reasonable assumption to make, that his arc would be learning how to let people in and learning to care about other people. does neil have a penchant for putting himself in danger willingly for other people? yeah. but let's go a little deeper into that; neil doesn't do it out of a desire to play the hero, a sense of self-service or a lack of self-worth or self-care. he does it because he cares about them. read the series back and realise neil isn't at all averse to being in dangerous situations or even getting into risky ones, but he is very averse to getting attached to and caring about other people. he was raised with a mentality of things being temporary, of cutting his losses and never trusting or caring about anyone except himself. aftg is about him unlearning that, learning to let people in, to trust and care about people, and his actions demonstrate that.

his decision to not run in baltimore was never about sacrificing himself. he was smart enough to know it was too late to run, and also the fact that running would be exactly the opposite of the person he's grown over the course of the series to become. he lets himself get kidnapped because he knows this was coming, and he cares about the foxes and knows they will come to less harm if he goes quietly (see above). his decision to let his father's people take him is very very in-character and it's also just completely reasonable. he knew this was coming and by then he knows that if he was ever gonna run he should've done it months earlier. he decided to stick around and knew this would be the consequences, and i honestly think he's come to terms with it by then. it wasn't a fleeting moment of sacrificing himself for other people, it was just him living out the consequences of his decisions. there was nothing for him to do; he's seen this coming already.

neil's sense of self worth is pretty strong. i already bitched about this to no end in my other essay so i won't go into it rn but just know: neil isn't the jittery, insecure and uncertain softboy the fandom makes him out to be. he's realistic and confident about his and other people's abilities and he harbours zero delusions about what he can and can't do. he also has no trouble standing up for himself. he specifically lets kevin and the cousins treat him like shit in the beginning of tfc bc he doesn't want them to know how much of an instigator he is and we all saw how well that went down. any time after that that anyone tries to have a go at him he literally just tears them a new one and knocks them down a peg and he does it with ease. neil is not a doormat he is not a pushover he doesn't need anyone's help protecting or standing up for him. fucking hell.

GO READ MY OTHER ESSAY ABOUT FANON VS CANON NEIL !!! https://www.tumblr.com/joejhang/765491788140167168/fanon-neil-vs-canon-neil?source=share

[simonsrosebud]

ik I'm late to the party but omg.... abram boyd.... I'm sobbing that's so sweet 😭😭 pls tell me more about them

AHHH THANK YOU I LOVE HIM

Abram has certified protective big brother energy, but since he isn’t a big brother this goes to his girl friends at college instead. Palmetto is a safe campus, but he (and Elliot by association) still always end up getting their girl friends back to the dorms safely no matter what. I’m talking if two of their friends are fucked up before he even gets there he will leave the bar 10 minutes in just to get them home and then come BACK. (this is based on my sisters friend at lsu and it’s so wholesome)

Abram’s relationship with Neil is interesting bc he’s growing up as Neil is traveling in the pros in his late 20’s. However, Neil visits whenever it’s convenient and once he gets in the groove of this whole godfather thing he treats Abram like he’s his uncle bc he sees how Andrew is with Aaron’s girls. He keeps up with his schedule when he starts playing little leagues and makes Dan send pictures. She sends first day of school updates and a picture of a little Abram missing his two front teeth.

Abram gets a Josten Court jersey and wears it until it stinks. He gets new ones when he outgrows them. By his third one Matt gets him a huge one to grow into as a grown man. He does indeed grow into it.

Neil sends him post cards with a little letters written inside when he’s 4 and Abram loves it so much that Dan facetime’s Neil like 2 weeks after he got the first one but it’s just Abram’s face all up in the camera. “When will I get anover wetter, uncle Neil?” “Oh!” instant delight “It must still be in the mail, buddy, but just keep an eye on the mailbox, okay?” “Okay… do you wanna see your wetter?! I put it on my wall, uncle Neil!”

Neil is the first to start calling him B, firstly bc calling someone else Abram is something he has to get used to. Secondly because Abram acknowledges it as Neil’s nickname and stubbornly doesn’t let anyone else call him it.

Matt retires from exy at like 32 when Abram is 3. Matt’s exy team loyalties lie where his friends are at, so Matt, Jace, and Abram make it a thing to watch every game. Abram can’t keep track of Neil is and gets frustrated by it. Matt mentions it while laughing, two games later Neil has the butt of his stick wrapped in orange. After that Abram keeps saying, “Ope, there’s uncle Neil again …. There’s- I see orange, Daddy! …. There he goes again! …. Look! Uncle Neil!!”

Andrew may have been the one humanizing Neil, but Abram is the one who softens him.

Abram used to hold onto Addie or Annie’s hands and just follow them around at Fox reunions, which got more frequent throughout the years and is why/how the fox kids all got close.

Abram plays minecraft but just creative mode. He likes adventure or sports videogames while his brother likes Call of Duty and whatnot.

BIG lego kid until he’s like 14.

As a teenager, Abram and Neil text so much and talk on the phone a lot. About exy, about French help bc he’s learning it in school, about some fantasy show that Abram somehow got Neil into, about sports and college applications and when he can come visit again. And then about who these new kids in Neil’s house are and are they gonna stay a while? should we add them to the cousin gc? hey how’s elliot doing? and hey can you send me elliot’s number? and if i’m doing all this hard work to keep the strikers away the least our strikers could do is do something with the ball i keep getting to them, anyway, are you guys bringing blake and elliot to thanksgiving? i’m excited to meet them. and i know ur gonna be weird if i ask you about guys but im pretty sure i have a crush on one and im kinda freaking out and im scared to tell my parents and-

Matt is so loving when he comes out to him and Dan, hugging Abram really tight and just telling him he loves him and he’s so proud of him and Abram cries a little.

The first time he kisses a boy (bc crushes are only from afar) it’s freshman year of college and it’s because he starts looking at Elliot too often for too long and needs to get that shit out of his head bc that’s his best friend.

Abram has lunch with Dan like twice a month because she tries to stay out of his hair since she’s the exy coach at PSU.

When he and Elliot get together he finds he loves to wrap Elliot up in his clothes.

Elliot goes to all of his home games with their friends and cheers obnoxiously. Abram loves it. He also… fucks Elliot while he wears his soccer jersey.

He is definitely a gentle giant, but once he and Elliot get together he throws that boy AROUND in the bedroom.

there’s a lot more about him but i hope that’s good for tonight hehe

[achenetype]

What would happend if Raven reader never left the nest?👁️ Love ur writing

THIS SPARKED SOMETHING IN ME OH MG GOD

MDNI; implied sex, hand wavey consent, abuse, raven-typical cult behavior and stockholm syndrome, riko is his own warning, injury/violence

listening to: sea, swallow me by cocteau twins

you can’t leave the nest, for a multitude of reasons. some of the other ravens still see their families; they go home for a weekend or for spring break every once in a while. they cite living close to the university, their parents being concerned or overprotective.

your family lives thousands of miles away and they hate you, so you stay at the nest. winter break, spring, summer. you know how edgar allan university looks baked in heat, drenched in rain, blanketed in snow.

riko moriyama and kevin day become your lifeline. he never leaves either. you spend more time together with them than you do with any of the other ravens, running perfect laps on castle evermore’s perfect court until all three of you are out of breath. you suck sparkling air into your lungs and laugh on the way back to your dorm, riko’s arms around your and kevin’s shoulders. perfect, perfect, perfect.

riko becomes captain and that perfection turns icelike and cold. he pushes everyone to their limits, especially himself. you and kevin push back. most of the other ravens are too scared to, but the three of you are perfect perfect perfect, the three of you are brilliant and nothing can stop you.

nothing can stop you until riko shatters kevin’s hand and you spend hours picking up the pieces.

nothing can stop you until riko shatters at the same time as your arm, when he does the same thing to you.

you spend weeks in recovery. riko sits at your bedside, murmuring apologies. murmuring we had to make it look believable, murmuring im so sorry.

your arm heals. clean break. clean hole where kevin used to be. clean, perfect number one, riko moriyama.

you still love him, which you’re not sure is a fact or a weapon. he is too tangled in you to separate what you are from what he is, and who hasn’t been cruel, in the nest? who hasn’t broken someone else to get ahead?

you have. riko has. this makes you a perfect match.

neil josten, newly rechristened nathaniel wesninski and number four, leaves as soon as he appears. some part of you resents him for it but a bigger part is, selfishly, grateful for riko’s attention to be back on you. you want your place by his side back—you want your life back.

you can’t leave the nest even when riko beats jean within an inch of his life. you can’t leave when that girl from the foxes appears and whisks him away, when riko breaks a window and punches a hole in the wall and screams about how his perfect court is falling apart.

everything is falling apart, you want to tell him. everything is falling apart and we can’t do a damn thing about it.

(instead you kiss his knuckles and help clean the glass off of the floor. instead you murmur distractions: how good his form was today, how pretty he looks with blood in his teeth, how you want him to shove you up against the court wall and take whatever he wants. you’d give it to him anyways. you’ve given it before, given everything else.)

(you fall asleep that night feeling hollow. riko’s arms around you and his head on your chest are no comfort. you want to hate yourself in a new, sick way, something that sways in your stomach and makes you want to puke or slash your wrists open like one of the freshman backliners did last week.)

(you want to hate yourself, but you can’t.)

and you can’t leave, either.

[ninyard]

thanks for answering my previous ask‼️‼️ it’s okay if you can only write tips for your pov, i asked you YOUR process not someone else’s cus i like whatever it is you do to write, if that makes sense? i also don’t mean to shit on the way other people do things tho sjsjdnddjdj. you weren’t rude at all and i do see where you’re coming from‼️ i guess if i need to ask more specifically, how do you plot out ur socmed posts? i think that’s what i struggle with when it comes to writing my own? like i can find funny haha tweets or tumblr post for my/my friends charas to say but i wanna be able to write funny original stuff too? if that makes sense? 🫶🏽

I get that!!! This got long and it’s really messy so,, sorry if it doesn’t make sense~~

When it comes to making posts I personally don’t like to use already existing tweets. sometimes I can find inspiration in em but I’ve never intentionally looked up tweets to use for my socmed stuff. To each their own but it’s not for me! I don’t think they’re really socmed aus so much as like… incorrectaftgquotes type things? And I don’t really find much inspiration from it tbh. I might have one or two somewhere that are loosely based on a tweet I seen but I try my best to avoid that n make most of them as original as possible.

I guess know what kind of thing you’re going to make, in a way. My Exy fans au is essentially every big event in canon from an in-universe fans perspective. So that one’s easy to plot because it already exists and it’s just about coming up with the posts. Sometimes the fox tweets will just randomly branch off into their own things (like the Kevin-outing-Jeremy au) or sometimes they’re just their own standalone au series’ (like the andreil outing au).

I don’t really make long multiple-post “plotted” socmed stuff in the same way someone like Jas did with the Trojans au, but that’s just my personal preference. it takes a lot of work and it’s a lot like a fic in some ways!! It’s like writing a fic except it’s all dialogue and the dialogue has to be under 260 characters. And SOMETIMES there’s pictures. But they’re kind of just the same thing when it comes to plotted stuff. So maybe just do what you’d do if you were writing a fic!

In terms of coming up with funny things I guess it’s just like… don’t force it. If you’re finding something isn’t working, then don’t force it to work. I have all these ideas and scrapped tweets that just didn’t quite work for the post I had bc sometimes ya gotta accept something isn’t quite right. If you don’t want to just copy tweets and use those then try to find somewhere to start - for me that’s the hardest part of the ~random~ fox tweets and why it’s 1000000x easier to make a post that has purpose (like the party, or the q&a, or X au). I think finding pictures is a pretty good place to start, but I swear I’ve spent more time staring at a wall just trying to get into the zone of making tweets than time I’ve spent actually making them.

And I suppose it’s important to check like,,, are you (in the general sense) making them because you want to and have a funny idea, or is it because other people are/fomo/you see how many notes some of em get? Neither answer is wrong! But it’s easier to be funny, in my opinion, when I’m making them because i just randomly thought of a funny idea, versus making them because I feel obligated to or forcing things that aren’t funny because I “have” to post. Does that make sense? I always like to see when peoples’ socmed aus have some sort of story or reason, like the psu intern, or the foxes kids, or the Trojans au, or the au where Seth is still alive and tweeting like the menace that he would be. They’re always more interesting to me than posts that are just reposted tweets with Neil Josten slapped on em. But again that’s my personal preference!!!! Do whatever you want!!!!

Do you care if it’s ooc or not? Is it something that could happen in canon, or canon adjacent, or is it just an au where canon compliance doesn’t really matter at all? For me I try to make them as in-character as possible (with the exception of the fact that I don’t believe Neil, Andrew or Jean would tweet at all irl). I know it doesn’t bother some people if they’re ooc because they’re just for fun and that’s fine too. But them being “in-character” for me takes up a lot of space when it comes to coming up with the “plot” of the posts, if that makes sense!! (There’s always leeway when it comes to this tho - they’re never going to be 100% book accurate)

For me I almost have the characters as their own characters in my posts - which sounds crazy but bear with me. Like Kevin always typing with proper punctuation, and Dan always typing in lowercase. Neil doesn’t use text speak or shortened things like ‘bc’ or ‘lol’ whereas Nicky and Allison do. Nicky uses a lot of punctuation marks, Andrew uses proper grammar but doesn’t always use periods at the end of his posts, and he’s more likely to just post a picture than type out words sometimes. Does that make sense? Figure out how your characters are going to somehow have an individual voice through tweets. And it’s little things that probably don’t make a huge difference to most people but I care about those kind of little things way too much!!

TLDR; Why are you making them? Find where to start, don’t force it, and how in-character do you want them to be? Come up with your characters “voice” - how do they type/tweet? Just have fun!!! And don’t care about what other people are gonna think!!!!

[jsctens]

 ok but have we considered

- before andrew leaves to play pro during neil’s last year of school, he conveniently forgets to pack a bunch of his old ‘MINYARD’ fox merch (definitely not intentionally at all) (he does not like the idea of neil wearing his clothes when he’s missing him shut ur mouth)

- and bc neil can read andrew he knows EXACTLY what he’s up to but he just smiles to himself about it bc if he says anything he’s SCREWED and tbh andrew’s fox sweaters are so much softer than his and they smell better and he’s going to miss andrew so fucking much—

- neil’s worn andrew’s team merch before but only around the dorm or the house in columbia (once, to practice, when he came back from a run half-dead on his feet in the morning and grabbed the first warm thing he laid his hands on in his dresser. the locker room was an insufferable place to be that day)

- neil is somewhat used to missing people now that he’s lived through all of the original foxes leaving, and as much as he knows andrew leaving is going to hurt worse he still doesn’t expect to use the sweaters much except for nights when everything gets too loud and he desperately needs something to ground him

- but nope

- he wears a MINYARD hoodie the day andrew leaves. andrew kisses him just that much harder for it.

- when the semester starts up again and Neil’s loneliness creeps in on him faster than expected, he starts wearing the hoodies and shirts almost everyday.

- especially when he’s on the court. he loves exy regardless of who he’s playing with but being on a court without both andrew and kevin leaves him feeling aching and unsteady. nostalgia is not easy to reconcile, is what Bee had told him when he’d described it to her. he’s never had anything in his life to be nostalgic for. the new feeling sits like water in his lungs.

- so he wears andrew’s team merch to practice, and to team meetings, and basically everywhere he can. for the first 2 weeks of the season, Josten merch is extinct.

- it gets to the point where the entirety of the freshman players just . think neil’s last name is Minyard .

- none of the rest of the team says anything bc they already Know about neil and andrew and even though none of them really understood andrew (besides robin) they understand that neil and andrew are two halves of a whole

- but the freshman are just like . o yea thats captain minyard bc neil is terrifying and no way in hell are they calling him by his first name. they’ve only ever referred to him exclusively as ‘Captain’ on the court.

- the day this gets exposed some dopey freshman backliner walks into the lounge for morning practice and just goes “Hey, has anyone seen Minyard?”

- the entire room (besides the freshmen) FREEZES

- wymack whips around from where he’s been talking to abby and just goes “the fuck?”

- and the backliner is just like uhhh……. our team captain?

- wymack: what, and i can’t stress this enough, the fuck?

- everyone is just standing in utter bewilderment. the freshmen are now confused bc why is everyone else confused????

- and then robin bursts out laughing

- for like 5 minutes straight my girl is clutching her stomach in TEARS

- when she finally comes up for air she just goes “HE MEANS NEIL. NEIL MINYARD”

- at this point Neil has walked into the room and is like wtf is taking everyone so long

- and lo and behold, he’s wearing a Minyard hoodie

- the rest of the veteran team are losing it now. Wymack is holding his head in his hands. neil is, as always, oblivious and annoyed.

- then robin goes, “sorry we’re late, Minyard”. Neil is confused as fuck but also . ouch. he hasn’t heard that name spoken in this locker room in so long it feels like both a punch to the gut and a breath of fresh air hearing it again

- the rest of the team veterans join in on it. “We’ll be right there, Minyard” .”What are our teams for scrimmages, Minyard?”

- at this point the freshman can tell they’re being made fun of. abby takes pity on them and explains that neil’s last name is Josten. Minyard is …. and when she comes up short on a word to describe andrew to neil, she turns to look at neil

- who just goes, “andrew’s my person. get your asses on the fucking court.”

- the team milks the shit out of it. the joke goes on for a good WEEK before the freshman have to be like OKAY WE GET IT . WE’RE DUMB .

- neil isn’t even phased . he will continue to be a sap and wear andrew’s hoodies . (and maybe a tiny little part inside of him that he’s too scared to think about likes being called Minyard).

- eventually the joke dies down. but every once in a while someone will throw in a “See ya, Minyard” or a “What’s up, Minyard?” when they see neil

- wymack thinks the whole thing is somewhat hilarious until neil submits a personal information update form at the end of the year. he nearly files for early retirement the entire time he’s putting in an order for “JOSTEN-MINYARD” team merchandise.

[play-exy-be-sexy]

the foxes roles in the gc

Neil:

Replies when necessary or if he is in a good mood.

It's always short replies.

If it's an ongoing conversation he'll say one thing and then leave.

It usually goes something like this:

"Oh! Neil's active, hi Neil!"

"Hi, I agree with Renee."

...

"Wait, did he leave already?"

Andrew:

You probably guessed this already but he never answers.

Even if the question is directed at him he won't say anything.

Occasionally you may get a yes or no.

Or he'll like the message but that's it.

The poor foxes will always get their hopes up when his little texting bubbles show up.

But he literally just key smashes to make them think he's going to say something.

Asshole, yeah we know.

Neil finds it funny so Andrew keeps doing it.

Kevin:

Kevin won't engage in "meaningless" conversation.

If the messaging is about exy, he'll always be one of the first to answer.

But as soon as it turns to something else he's gone.

Unless it's to correct someone's spelling mistakes.

He never fails to do that.

He's constantly messaging the foxes reminders and updates and their schedules.

He texts very professionally though.

Like it's an email.

He doesn't abbreviate or anything.

Grandpa Kevin

"Good morning, a reminder to be at the gym in 10 minutes dressed and ready. Neil, if you forget your water bottle again you're running ten extra laps."

"We have a game in two days, night practice at approximately 10 p.m."

Aaron:

Aaron is worse than Andrew.

He will answer questions directed at him but only if they are very very recent and he happens to be on the group chat.

King of thumbs up

and

"OK"

Nicky:

Nicky is singlehandedly keeping the group chate alive.

He's that one person in the group chat who's constantly sending TikToks, Instagram posts, recipes, people he finds hot, Pinterest inspo boards, etc.

He's steering the conversations.

He's starting them back up when it starts to die.

He's sending cat memes 24/7.

He's ranting at 3 in the morning when no one is active.

He's giving everyone a play by play update on his day.

He's doing it all.

And we love him for that.

The others may complain about it, but they actually enjoy it.

And they know it makes Nicky happy to have people listening to him, especially when those people are his friends.

Plus, he just really loves texting and the internet.

Matt:

All the upperclassmen are active in the gc, including Matt.

I mean, it was his and Dan's idea, so they kinda have to be.

Matt types like this:

Y do u h8 me, Kev?

"Maybe, it's because you type like you are incapable of spelling out 'you'."

He's also the local meme provider.

Any kind of meme you want, Matt probably has it saved in his camera roll.

LOTS of exy memes.

He saves those for when Neil or Kevin haven't been saying anything for a few days.

Sometimes he'll get scared to send one.

So, he runs it by Dan first.

She always tells him to send them.

He's very good at finding funny and fitting posts.

Dan:

Dan is probably the most active on the gc, other than maybe Nicky.

But the foxes tend to answer her more.

No offense to Nicky...

Her captain-y privelge transfers to text too ig.

Dan will send the gc good morning texts, reminders(ones Kevin forgets about or isn't to be bothered with), articles about the foxes, workout videos, etc.

She loves sending compilations to the group chat.

Like:

"10 Times Neil Josten Flips Off teammate, Kevin Day."

"Or Matt Boyd and Dan Wilds Cutest on Court Kisses."

"Dan didn't you mean to just send that to Matt."

"NO! I thought you all would like it!"

She also sends them not so fun things.

If a bit of bad press is released she is the first to know and immediately sends it to the gc.

Also things like:

"Traffic on the way 2 court is bad, leave early."

"Crazy man on the corner by the parking lot, be careful!"

Dan is the group chat mom and we love that for her.

Allison:

Allison will not start conversations but she is always a part of them.

LOVES to start drama in the group chat.

and talk about gossip.

"did you guys see what neil was wearing today?wtf*puke emoji*"

"Allison, I can see this."

"good, maybe you'll listen to me then.*kissy emoji*"

She likes to text just in emojis sometimes.

Lots of kissing emojis.

And middle finger ones.

She also sends selfies when she feels like it.

Or when she likes her outfit.

"Allison we don't want to see your slutty outfit."

"stfu nicky, ur just jealous.*middle finger and kissy emoji*"

She doesn't type in uppercase.

Kevin is appalled.

Overall, she's a pretty standard group chat member.

But add some *richness*

Renee:

Renee does her best to stay active on the chat.

exy and non exy related conversations.

She tries to answer every one, like the sweetheart she is.

She likes to send cute things.

and motivational things.

or aesthetic pictures.

"I thought you guys would like this picture of a baby goat, have a good day!"

She tries to send good morning messages every day.

sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't.

She tries, that's what matters.

A lot of the time the conversations are just her and Nicky.

Like in real life, she is usually the mediator when things get heated or bad.

"Allison, was the emoji really necessary?"

"reneeeee, babe, we are supposed to be on the same team!"

If she knows someone has a test or something important coming up she'll message them "good luck" on the gc.

Mainly so the others will do the same.

"Good luck on your test, Aaron!"

"Oh, yeah! You got it, man!" (Matt)

"If you pass, we can skip half our laps:)" (Dan)

"No, we will not."(Kevin)

"Literally, no one asked you Kevin."(Andrew)

"Whoa! Andrew said something!*excited squealing*" (Nicky)

*Andrew Minyard has left the group chat*

*Renee Walker has added Andrew Minyard to the group chat*

Wymack:

Matt added Wymack as a joke.

As soon as Wymack saw what it was, he left.

Nicky had the nerve to add him back though.

"Add me to this shit show one more time and I'm signing you all up for five marathons."

*sends an article about all upcoming marathons*

*Matt Boyd has kicked David Wymack out of chat*

I think this is my first super long post in ages! It started as a little post but I got inspired(which hasn't happened in a very long time either!). Anyway, I hope you like it! Also, I'm sure this has been made before so if you have done this I promise I didn't steal your idea:)

[the-chicken-or-the-banana]

i had an idea i would love to see from your perspective (you're so good at andreil oh my god) if you wanted to write some stuff about it? i always wondered how andrew reacted when he first found neil missing after the binghampton game (starts pg 235 in the king's men). thoughts? (-- the ttyl blog <3)

omg i literally finished re-reading that scene before seeing your ask skjflsj ~ i hope you like this ! (i'm just realizing that i barely followed ur request and just rambled a lot but that's FINE 😬)

read it on ao3 here :)

«««———»»»

Andrew walked in line to the bus with the rest of the Foxes, mind going a million miles an hour behind his impassive expression. 

"Thank you," Neil had said, eyes truer than Andrew had ever seen them. "You were amazing."

Andrew wasn't such a fool for Neil Josten that he couldn't figure out there was something more happening under the surface, something bigger than just an Exy shutout, that he wasn't telling anyone. Something forcing truth out of him.

Neil looked scared.

Apparently, no one else received the memo, because behind him, Matt Boyd kept kicking at Andrew's heels and Andrew could nearly see the nosy smile on Reynold's face. Boyd's voice was drowned out by the cacophony of both jeers and shouts of approval coming from all around them, but he had no doubts that Boyd was fishing for information surrounding his and Neil's "not this" to settle a bet of some sort.

Andrew didn't really care. He was more focused on leaving Binghamton, getting some answers out of Neil, and then kissing him senseless.

Of course, Andrew had no plans to tell Neil of that last item on the list, but he was sure he (and everyone else, apparently) knew anyway.

Maybe not Nicky, though. For all his cousin boasted about having an "incredible gaydar," he tended to be a bit clueless about Andrew.

Andrew's eyes were unfocused, gazing at the bounce of Neil's red curls while his thoughts wandered around nothing at all.

Nothing? his mind mused unhelpfully. Or Neil? Or is that one in the same now?

Shut up, he huffed internally. I hate him.

Lost in his head, it was only until he heard a pained curse from Aaron that he jerked straight and saw the world burning around him.

«««———»»»

Andrew's vision went red. 

He nearly would have broken out of line and straight into the tidal wave of rioters had he not noticed the police trying to push back the crowd. He had never trusted the pigs, but Andrew supposed he could let them handle the mess until he'd gotten a chance to check on Aaron at the bus.

He had nearly fooled himself with that thought when an ice cooler sailed through the air and missed Danielle's face by an inch. An enraged shout came from Andrew's right, and he could feel the familiar heat of adrenaline in his stomach that always came when he and Renee sparred.

There was going to be a fight.

No sooner than he had that thought, the crowd around him exploded into madness, nearly running the Foxes over. Andrew may have been ready to throw some punches, but he was not at all prepared for the onslaught of unfamiliar bodies piling on him. Moving around him. Touching him. 

Andrew couldn't breathe.

He lost sight of Neil's head in the mess, hoping one of the security guards would bring Neil to safety while Andrew tried to ground himself. What had Bee taught him? 

What is your name? Andrew Minyard.

How old are you? 20 years old.

What is upsetting you? Hands. Everywhere.

Can you do something about it? Yes. I can move now.

He felt the glancing blow of someone's elbow on his face, nearly hitting his eye. It was sure to bruise later, but for now, the sharp pain mixed with Bee's words were enough to shake Andrew out of his stupor.

He ducked to the left, neatly missing a thrown shoe and was grateful to his limited stature for once. He kept an eye out for a flash of red, the glint of blue eyes, but seeing that Neil was nearly as short as Andrew himself, the effort was futile.

He'll be fine, Andrew thought. Find Nicky, Aaron, and Kevin, and get to the bus.

To his surprise (or maybe not), Andrew found Reynolds trading fierce blows with someone twice her size, Renee at her back. He caught Renee's glance and she gave him a firm nod of reassurance.

He nodded back, already swiveling to find the rest of his group. 

After a few minutes, he spotted Nicky and Kevin huddled together, slowly moving to the edge of the crowd. He caught up and grabbed Nicky's wrist, who jerked away and reared his hand back for a punch before realizing it was Andrew.

Despite it all, Andrew felt a thrum of satisfaction. A few years ago, Nicky had let people beat him down over and over again. At least now he was learning to fight back.

"Oh thank god," Nicky cried, catching Kevin's attention, before his eyes widened. He reached out, remembering himself at the last second. "Andrew... your face, what happened?"

Andrew shrugged. He'd been through worse. 

Nicky looked like he wanted to say something, but Kevin cursed loudly and began pushing out of the sea of bodies with renowned vigor.

"It's getting more violent and more people are joining," Kevin said, voice strained. "We need to get out and regroup at the bus."

"Aaron?" Andrew asked. Nicky glanced around a few moments before pointing to his right.

"There!" he exclaimed, and motioned to Kevin to go in that direction. Kevin nodded and they made their way over to Aaron, who was ducking under beer bottles and was nearly smacked in the face by a PSU banner.

"Aaron!" Kevin called, and Aaron's shoulders dropped with relief as he swerved a growing fight and made his way over to them.

Andrew scanned his brother quickly and, after seeing no visible injuries, motioned to start back towards the parking lot. They made their way over to the bus and found Boyd and Danielle standing, the former looking like he'd just lost a fight with a mountain lion.

Danielle was gripping his arm as Abby tended to his wounds, but Andrew heard her say he might need to go to the hospital for the more serious injuries. Boyd looked pained at the thought, but when he glanced up and caught Andrew's eye, he smiled and waved them over.

"Andrew, here," Abby said, noticing his injury. He took an ice pack from her and glanced around.

"Where's Neil?" he asked, choosing to ignore the suggestive look between Boyd and Danielle. Abby shrugged and opened her mouth before her eyes caught on something behind Andrew and she waved.

Andrew turned around to find Renee and Reynolds walking proudly towards them. Reynolds had a mosaic of bruises all over her, and Renee was holding her wrist precariously.

Abby sighed and began treating them as Wymack rounded the front of the bus and finally found his team.

Not the whole team, a ringing voice said in Andrew's head. Neil isn't here yet.

Which was odd, no? He had a security guard in front of him, surely he would have made it here first? Perhaps Wymack had seen him and taken him somewhere. Maybe he was already safe in the bus and Abby hadn’t noticed him.

Andrew pushed past Danielle and boarded the bus, walking the length of it but not finding a loudmouthed striker in its shadows. His stomach became knotted with a curious feeling he slowly identified as dread.

Andrew was at the door of the bus again. He looked at Wymack.

"Where. Is. Neil." he demanded. He saw Wymack's confused expression and before he even said anything, Andrew felt his heart stop.

"I don't know. I thought he was with you."

Reynold's knowing smirk gave way to uncertainty as the rest of the Foxes quieted. There was silence for a moment. Two.

Then Andrew threw his ice pack on the floor and raced back into the heart of the riot.

«««———»»»

He ignored the shouts coming from behind him, his mind an endless loop of Neil, Neil, Neil, is he safe, has he been hurt, he was supposed to be nothing, NEIL

After a few minutes of searching and more than a few near punches, the police finally regained some control over the situation and Andrew was able to scour the grounds for any hint of where Neil might be.

He saw the racquet first. The duffle bag was a few meters away from it.

Numbly, Andrew picked up both items, grabbing Neil's phone as it fell from the netted side pocket.

0, it said. 

Andrew felt a piercing emptiness when he saw Neil's things without their rightful owner beside them.

He slowly walked back to the Foxes' bus, head pounding but unable to really register the dwindling fight behind him. And when the Foxes finally came in view, he saw the confusion on their faces when they saw no Neil walking with him.

Andrew mentally ran through everything that he knew. Neil was scared. He was running from someone, someone Kevin knew about? A zero on his phone from an unnamed number — a countdown, perhaps. He would never leave his things unattended, so maybe he wanted to tell Andrew he had been taken unwillingly, knowing that Andrew would never leave without him.

There was something he was missing, some vital piece of information that Neil hadn't told him that was causing this mess.

The guilty look on Kevin's face told Andrew everything he needed to know. He knew something.

He dumped Neil's things on the ground by Wymack's feet, mentally assessing himself. His cheek throbbed, each breath he took was sticky with sweat, his heart was pounding.

Neil was gone.

Andrew felt such a blind hot rage at that, the likes of which he hadn't felt in so long, the type where he felt like laughing at how cruel the world could be.

And before he could tell his body to stop, Andrew's hands were around Kevin's throat.

«««———»»»

"Shit Andrew! You're hurting��� " "Andrew, stop— " "Get off of— "

«««———»»»

Andrew couldn't remember what happened after that, not immediately at least. It was a bit disorienting, going from a perfect recollection to being so overrun by anger that his mind went blank. Was this how everyone else felt all the time? He felt like someone just took out a Jenga piece from his mind, like it was close to collapsing.

Distantly, he recalled being yanked off of Kevin as he gasped some explanation about a mob boss, Kengo's right hand man, Nathaniel Wesninski. But none of it mattered. Andrew had broken his promise. He had hurt the person he had vowed to protect, just like so many had done to him.

And he still didn't have Neil.

«««———»»»

Neil used to make the emptiness a bit fuller, a bit easier to manage, Andrew thought. It felt so impossible to navigate himself now without Neil by Andrew's side.

«««———»»»

There was a hospital. A hotel. There were FBI agents. The news turned on. Off. On. There was another hotel. Handcuffs. Taken away.

«««———»»»

There was Nathaniel Neil. Standing in front of him. Blue eyes, wild hair, bandages unable to hide how irresistible he was, unable to stop the jolt in Andrew's heart.

There was Neil. And everything felt right again.

[likearecordbb]

about your post on the recent discourse...

it's honestly so confusing to me because like,, you say that ppl pointing out how members of this fandom will make neil very stereotypically 'feminine' is reinforcing the idea of 'masculinity' as one thing and 'femininity' as another.... and i get that we should get rid of these labels. but at the same time... the content itself that ppl are criticising (the ones that 'feminize' neil) are already doing just that. that's why they're criticising it.

i can't point out how ppl are reinforcing the idea that a relationship should have a 'man' and a 'woman', without... saying that that's what they're doing. the writer themselves already sees relationships this way and 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as two different distinct things. that's exactly *why* they're writing neil this way while keeping andrew close to canon.

there's nothing wrong with neil being stereotypically 'feminine' of course. but to act like it's somehow misogynistic for me to go to these ppl and be like 'hey, u shouldn't view mlm relationships through the lens of a hetero one! it can be very harmful' is weird to me... *especially* considering these stereotypes that ppl are pushing onto neil come from misogyny themselves. (ppl making neil much much more emotional than he is in canon while keeping andrew very stoic)

idk, like... ur simultaneously saying that we shouldn't view relationships as needing a 'man' and a 'woman'... while defending people who are doing just that and creating content which reinforces just that.

it's one thing to say 'we shouldn't view masculinity and femininity as two distinct and different things!'/'we should get rid of these labels all together cause they're meaningless'... but if i look at the content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes... then i can't help but feel like ur not as detached from the idea of 'masculinity' and 'femininity' as u would like to believe... i trust the ppl who say these ideas are meaningless while not changing the canon characters because they seem to be sticking to their words.

people will just say that they prefer writing andreil is this heternormative way... they'll just say it what they like or what they're most comfortable writing without ever questioning *why* they prefer it this way.

and if they're projecting.. well then, *why* this couple? why pick an mlm couple to project what is often the experience of a cis woman in a relationship? why pick this mlm couple when there are others that do fit the stereotypical heternormative dynamic? idk. like,, u can do this ofc, but ppl can also call u out on ur shit.

there's an undeniable reason that neil is exclusively the one that ppl pick to make more stereotypically 'feminine'. and there's a reason this type of content is also so popular. and it's certainly not wrong to point this out.

You know, I can see all of these points that you're making. For me, the overall issue of this is very complicated. I am also super uncomfortable with the imposition of heteronormative roles onto...well, onto any relationship, regardless of the identities of the people who constitute it. I was raised smack dab in the middle of the gay community by lesbian moms (together 38 years now, jfc, can you imagine??), so that "man/woman" thing was never something that I grew up internalizing or normalizing. I can recognize that this may give me a bit too much of a sense of objectivity.

However, I'm also like...I've been ruined by grad school. The "feminizing" word makes me really uncomfortable because it starts to stray for me into gender essentialism territory. It also seems to foundationally differentiate between "masculine" behaviors and "feminine" behaviors and I just really hate that? Lesbian moms, trans daughter, bi (and late-in-life trying to see where on the ace spectrum I might fall) self, I've just met so many people with so many expressions of gender and sexuality and I just... Idk, I automatically resist anything that feels like it's upholding "masculinity" and "femininity" as real (as in, not constructed) things. And then I also am like, well, I've known SO MANY gay men who behaved in the ways that the discourse constructs as "feminized" and then I start to feel like, what about these men? Are they less 'men' because of it? How would it feel for that man to read these things saying his identity expression was a problem or a bad stereotype? Do I read *Neil Josten* within that context... no, not really. I think Neil has a 'not enough emotional expression' problem way before he has a 'too much emotional expression' problem.

I'll say here what I often say to my students in complex discussions: I don't have answers. I don't think I'm right and anyone else is wrong. I just have complicated thoughts and feelings and concerns about some of the things that sometimes seem to be left uninterrogated.

So, I do 100% get the need to be vigilant about the imposition of a "man" (dominant, emotionally constipated, sexually driven, stoic) role and "woman" (emotional, needy, teary, dependent) role onto relationships with two (or more!) men or women. I would also argue that we need to get rid of that idea in hetero relationships, too, because it's super damaging. I just wish we could find a way to talk about that that didn't feel like it was accepting this idea of femininity as a given? And I definitely agree that it's problematic when the 'bottom' in a relationship is depicted as the one who's soft and silly and weepy. (Have you read TJ Klune's Tales from Verania series? A VERY fun world that does that not at all and it's great). I'm not saying these things are not worth confronting--I'm just really uncomfortable with the way the conversations are often framed around a concept of femininity/feminizing. It feels like shrapnel, I guess? Like, 'ugh stop feminizing Neil he's not weepy and uwu he's a badass' feels inherently to me like it's making femininity and badassery mutually exclusive? Maybe I'm just looking for a caveat or footnote in the argument that acknowledges that that is constructed *for women too*? And is a part of, like, a larger heteronormative patriarchal structure? And not something that we can just all obviously agree is the way the ladies (should?) behave?

One other question I've been dying to ask, though, is: where are these fics? I don't think I've ever read something where Neil is crying over Jack being mean to him or anything. Maybe if I start to see hints of that characterization, I just close the tab and never end up getting to the 'worst' of it?

Although, if what you said earlier about the "content that u make/consume and it's practically, if not entirely, all andreil conforming to heternormative stereotypes..." was referring to me, then... idk what to say to that. I don't think that's what I do. The heteronormative relationship that you're describing isn't one that I enjoy, desire for myself (or anyone else), or have any interest in reproducing.

Does this clarify what I'm trying to say? I guess it's a really long way of saying, in the old insufferable grad school tradition: well, first we have to define our terms. Because I'm not sure we're all coming up with the same thing when we use the word "feminizing" and that probably has a lot to do with why we keep having this exact same conversation over and over and over again.

If I missed any specific point you'd like to pick at in more detail, please let me know--my very sad platonic life partner (who had to put her beloved 15-year-old poodle to sleep yesterday) and her mom are waiting for me to drive them to the stores for a distraction, so I'm feeling a little time pressure.

[eponinemylove]

headcanon that for all the progress Neil makes, he still just refuses to tell anyone when he’s sick

like, he’s better. he’ll skip classes if he gets too sleep deprived and he’ll see Abby after a game if he gets too hurt. he’s learning to reach out for help. but a fever? the flu? he’d die before he lets u know he’s coming down with something

in fact, the only way the foxes can tell is if Neil starts pushing himself extra hard for no apparent reason. like extra conditioning and more intense practices before the season even starts? that’s him overcompensating for a head cold

anyways so hc that Neil gets super sick one time and the team only finds out when he starts vomitting into a trash can during their 10 min break

wymack: “god fucking dammit, josten, go see abby RIGHT NOW”

kevin: “but we’re in the middle of practice”

neil, still throwing up: “i’m f-”

literally everyone: “shut the fuck up and go”

he goes to abby who just takes a really, really deep breath and tells him he has walking pneumonia

abby: “how... how were you still practicing? you can’t even BREATHE, I-take these antibiotics and go lay down. jesus christ. i’m going to get you an inhaler and some oranges—HOW were you still practicing???”

and of course matt freaks out and makes neil soup for like 6 consecutive meals bc he doesn’t know what else to do. neil actually hates chicken noodle soup but he eats it dutifully because he appreciates matt boyd

aaron: “you motherfucker. pneumonia is CONTAGIOUS, you dumb fucking twink. if i get sick before my bio exam i am actually going to commit homicide. we should have quarantined you a week ago.”

allison and renee bring neil smoothies and dan tries to talk matt out of making another bowl of soup

matt randomly brings neil applesauce and bananas one day instead of soup and neil almost cries from relief. (bananas are his favorite fruit because he’s a psychopath and matt knows that because they’re Bros)

nicky, after neil is feeling better and can get back to practice: “why wouldn’t u just tell us ur sick??? we don’t even have any games for another month. you would’ve missed like maybe 1.5 practices”

neil, who grew up with Mary Hartford on the run and used to genuinely fear getting sick bc it meant that they had to stop so he could rest: “i didn’t want you guys to think i was slowing you down”

nicky: “no one thinks—kevin put your hand down—no one thinks like that, neil.”

*insert You’reABrokenPerson.jpg*

and then neil gets all defensive like “fuck you i know how to take care of myself. i took a tylenol”

aaron, eye twitching: “are you actually stupid, or”

andrew: “yes”

[luci-cunt]

hey sorry it's the what's up anon. i did get cut off lol. i actually just wanted to let u know i love ur blog and if you're still doing hcs i'd love to see "i didn't mean to turn you on" and "above the influence" for andreil?? dude your blog is literally the best you're such a good writer

AYYEEE!!!! also alksdjflkasdjf oh my god alsdfkjasld;kfj please  you’re killing me ajsdfkajsd;fl I’m gonna explode you’re so nice I love you

78. Above the Influence + 86. I Didn’t Mean to Turn You On

So I didn’t actually quite understand “above the influence” but I’m interpreting it as like-- “above social influence”? 

What I’m saying is--rebel Foxes

the vibe I got was SPACE!! becuase I’ve been watching Firefly and that’s what I’m thinking about (this is basically a Firefly au leave me alone XD)

You’ve got the Moriyamas, who (if you’ve watched Firefly) are basically the Alliance, slowly taking over the whole universe and “unifying” it (if you don’t know Firefly just think Empire from Star Wars XD)

Meanwhile the Foxes are a ragtag group of scavengers flying around in their ship

You’ve got ex-Moriyama star pilot Kevin Day/ the extravagant 2nd in co Danielle Wilds/ captain David Wymack/ crew cook Matthew Boyd/ mechanic + ship baby Neil Josten/ public relations angels Renee Walker + Nicky Hemmick/ Medic Aaron Minyard/ “muscle” Andrew Minyard + Allison Reynolds (they refuse to do anything else so they made up their own jobs)

Oh and the ship’s name is Seth Gordon :D

So I’m thinking, they start out detatched from the Moriyamas, just trying to keep Kevin hidden (and Neil) and make some money, but then something gets them rolled up in the destruction of the Moriyama’s and--well you get it--they destroy the Empire

Somewhere along the way though there’s got to be a scene where their ship gets boarded and searched, which is totally fine, except Nicky or someone left something out and Neil’s response is to drop from the ceiling and snap the guy’s neck 

(Queue Andrew in the corner just chanting don’t think that’s hot don’t think that’s hot don’t think that’s hot)

then of course they’ve got to fight off the rest of the damn guards because really Neil!?? 

There’s--of course--a dramatic space-chase which ends in Kevin out maneuvering an entire fleet of ships in an asteroid field because we STAN an icon

Send me some prompts + characters/ ships and I’ll tell ya how I’d mash em!

[ao3feed-thefoxholecourt]

Hold Me Close

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3blSIko

by iridescent_blue

Andrew has no reason to be worried. Neil hasn’t even been gone that long. He’s down in New York, negotiating more Moriyama business, specifying the terms of the contract. What age he can retire, what teams they want him to play for, the actual things that matter outside of “80 percent of my income.”

But he is anyway.

Words: 2282, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten

Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard

Additional Tags: i am a firm believer in hugs being equally as important as anything else in a relationship, so i went how can we make andrew need a hug?, and i was like. oh. well if hes worried about neil then problem solved, brief introspection into the mortality of loved ones but nothing serious, bc i needed to get through some writers block and i wanted to post something, sometimes you really dont need to say ily to get ur point across, gratuitous amounts of non sexual intimacy, u want fluff? u want the FUCKING FLUFF?? here u go sweetie have a lovely day, u kno the drill - Freeform, unbetaed and unedited we die like men

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3blSIko

[jemej3m]

I know u said u have writers block and ur probably busy and stuff but like. Part 6 radio presenter au ? 🥺 it’s so good I miss it

exactly one month after p.5, here we mfing go

*

Neil woke on Monday morning - the Monday morning - and could hardly contain himself. He still wasn’t used to all the new things in his place and stubbed his toe on the cabinet at the end of his bed, hopping to the bathroom. He kept the temperature of the shower at scalding and washed his hair, unsure why he was rushing. 

He had the evening show. It was nine in the morning. This behaviour was ridiculous and nonsensical at best: If Andrew saw him like this he’d tug on Neil’s hair and tell him he was an imbecile. 

Fuck, the kiss. That was the other thing Neil had been thinking obsessively over. He hadn’t seen Andrew since Friday, when he’d taken him to Home Depot and then carried him to bed when he’d fallen asleep on the couch, because he was an idiot and liked to waste the precious time he and Andrew had together. He’d told Neil to think about the kiss, and Neil had, but it was impossible to figure any of this shit out without actually seeing the man. He’d never felt like this about someone before. His mom would have insisted he was an idiot for being so preoccupied by someone else.

Maybe he was. Fuck it. He’d dealt with enough bullshit in his life: It was about time he found something to appreciate. Dear old Nathan was in prison for life and anyone who was loyal to him were behind bars too. Or dead. Neil didn’t have to do anything except what he wanted to do. 

And yeah, maybe dealing with Kevin dredged up old ghosts, but Neil probably wouldn’t have been able to get a prime-time show without him. 

Not that he’d ever admit it. 

He’d zoned out long enough that he missed the insistent buzzing of his phone as it rang out. He’d missed Andrew’s call. Immediately dialling back, he rose the phone to his ear and wandered out to the kitchen for breakfast. 

“You missed my call.” Andrew said, pointedly. 

“Was a little zoned out.” Neil admitted, measuring grounds for a pot of coffee. “Morning to you too, Andrew.”

The man hummed. “Was just checking you didn’t have an aneurysm due to over-excitement.”

“Can you blame me?” He demanded.

“Yes.” Andrew said. Neil snorted. “Good to know you’re alive. Bye.” 

“Wait -!” Neil hesitated, but Andrew hadn’t hung up. He smiled absently. “See you soon, Andrew.” 

The man merely sighed and hung up. Neil’s lips twisted into a grin and he sipped on his coffee. It tasted like shit, but for once, Neil couldn’t care less.

*

“You’ll do great!” Dan stage-whispered as she filed out of the recording studio, having just finished her 5 o’clock news segment. Neil gave her an appraising look and slid on his headphones. 

Andrew watched him carefully. He must have been buzzing about this all day by the tone of his voice when he’d called Neil earlier, but they’d both arrived half an hour ago and Neil was calm and confident. Ready. It was a good look on him. 

Neil still hadn’t said anything about the kiss. Andrew was happy to ignore it if he was, but he couldn’t shake the memory of Neil curling against his shoulder when Andrew had lifted him to take him to bed. 

He’d get over it. He had no choice.

Neil arched an eyebrow at Andrew’s gaze. Andrew slouched lower into his chair and grunted “Staring,” because he was a massive fucking hypocrite. Andrew didn’t give a shit about all of this, but he couldn’t afford to be distracted by Neil, not now. He couldn’t fuck Neil’s first prime show up. It’s not that he cared. He just couldn’t. 

Wymack signalled the countdown from behind the glass. Neil let his Cheshire grin curl, sparking the warmth in Andrew’s chest. 

“Ready?” He asked. 

“Junkie.” Andrew scolded. 

Wymack snapped his fingers. “And - you’re live!” 

*

“Andrew,” Neil called out. The man was running down the studio’s stairs as soon as the clock struck eleven, like some fucked up Cinderella. “Andrew?”

He paused only briefly to glance over his shoulder. “Show’s over, Josten.” 

“I’m aware.” He caught up to where Andrew was stood and held out his hand, not touching. “That last song you queued. The Brodie song. That was from when you first called me, wasn’t it?” 

“It’s just a song, Neil.” He crossed his arms: Neil did not shiver when his fingers accidentally brushed over Neil’s chest. 

“When will you admit to yourself that this is something?” He demanded, gesturing around them. The staircase was lined with photographs of various shows and hosts and awards and posters of events. It was an homage to FM-OX that Neil was only a small part of but was willing to explore. 

He just wanted Andrew at his back. 

“It’s nothing to a man who’s not interested.” Andrew’s tone was devoid of inflection but Neil could read the apprehension in his eyes.

“I never said I wasn’t.” Neil accused. They’d barely seen each other since when Andrew had kissed him. Way to jump to conclusions, Neil thought. Asshole. “If you asked, I’d say yes.”

“To keep me complacent for your little radio show?” He snapped. 

Neil felt that like a backhand across his cheek. “Fuck you. I’d never do something against your will. And fuck you for thinking I’d use you just to climb the ladder. You should know me better than that by now.” 

Andrew considered him with an appraising look, scouting down and up again. For what, Neil hadn’t a clue. Whatever he found satisfied him: He dropped his arms from where they were crossed over his chest and walked Neil to the stairwell’s opposing wall: taking Neil’s hands, he pinned them to the handrail that dug into Neil’s hip. 

“I do know you better than that.” He cocked his head, so close that Neil could smell the spearmint nicotine gum he’d been chewing as his eyes glittered. “You never answered my question.” 

Just like the first time he’d called in. 

Neil grinned, recalling his rebuttal. “You never asked one.” 

He narrowed his eyes. “Yes or no?”

Neil brushed their lips together in lieu of an answer and Andrew responded by stepping flush to Neil’s chest, kissing back with a ferociousness that Neil expected and was enthralled by. Everything to do with Andrew was thrilling. His hands stayed over Neil’s, pressed into the handrail, but their fingers linked together inexplicably as Andrew kissed him absolutely senseless. 

Neil was breathless by the time Andrew leaned back, eyes fluttering open. His lips curled a little upwards as he leaned to Andrew’s ear and whispered: “Well done. Would you like an award?” 

“I hate you.” Andrew hissed. 

Neil could only grin. “You’re the one who called back.” 

*

taa-daa!

[palmettoes]

Prompt from your prompt list: 49, andreil. Bonus points for angst.

(this is not really as angsty as i intended bc it’s big soft hours and i need them to love each other but ! thank u pls enjoy some protective and emotional andrew for ur soul)

send me prompts! (p.s. these will stay open indefinitely so feel free to keep em coming. doesn’t have to be from the list if u want smth else!!)

49. “Take off your shirt.”

Seeing Neil for the first time after being apart alwaysfeels a little like heartburn. Andrew very much thinks he should be used tothis after a year of living in pockets of time between Colorado and SouthCarolina, but Neil steps through the door to his apartment and Andrew’s chestaches with want.

Neil has no reservations about making himself at home inAndrew’s space, filling the silence with a presence so loud it makes Andrewyearn. They have spent long enough watching each other’s backs that Andrewdoesn’t try to hide the way he tracks Neil’s every move. Neil is a good actor,or a good liar, or some combination of the two that makes no difference toAndrew, so he wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been looking.

Neil kicks his shoes, drops his bag, and flops onto thecouch, spreadeagled and with his leg overlapping Andrew’s at the ankle, thesame way he always does. But Andrew is looking and it’s been five years.He knows what to look for.

Neil’s movements are familiar in their casual indifference,but Andrew can see the way he tilts slightly to the left, how he calculatesevery breath around the position of his chest. Andrew is looking, as he alwaysis, but for the first time in years, Neil is hiding.

“I didn’t expect you to still be up,” Neil says into thecrook of the arm draped over his face, exhaustion evident in every line of hisposture. Andrew drops his hand to rest on Neil’s thigh and presses his thumbinto the dimple at the side of his kneecap. Yeah right, it says andNeil’s smile peeks out from behind his forearm. Andrew always stays up to greetNeil’s arrival. It’s what they do.

“The Lions weren’t impressed when I took off at the firstsign of a break. Something about it not being team spirit.” Neil lets his armslip away, tilting his head to watch Andrew watch him.

“But what do you care?” Andrew says when it becomes apparentNeil has lost his train of thought.

“But what do I care,” Neil agrees. “They’re lucky to have meat all.”

Andrew snorts. “Don’t let Kevin hear you getting allbigheaded.”

“Kevin wouldn’t want me selling myself short,” Neil says,affecting surprise, “Haven’t you heard? I’m going to be Court.”

Andrew digs his thumb into Neil’s knee again but it isn’t areprimand, not really. He has long since stopped denying Neil a future and,more recently, stopped denying his place in it. It’s a work in progress butthey both know he would follow Neil anywhere, to the ends of the Earth or tothe Olympic Court.

Neil struggles against a yawn for several seconds beforelosing and letting his eyes drift closed in the wake of it. Andrew’s thumbreleases its pressure and takes to rubbing light circles into Neil’s skininstead, delighting in the way Neil’s muscles relax beneath his touch.

“There’s a perfectly good bed just two rooms away,” Andrewoffers and Neil hums in agreement but makes no move to get up. If anything, heslackens further into the dip of the couch cushion. Andrew bites down on theinside of his cheek and looks away, willing his frenetic heartbeat into astandstill. He knows better than to let himself be caught up in Neil’s web oflies, even if it’s been a long time since Neil spun one just for him. He triesnot to think about the implications of that.

“Take off your shirt,” he says conversationally, givingNeil’s leg one final squeeze before forcibly moving his hand away. It’s like amousetrap, how quickly Neil goes stiff again at the first pressure against hisfaçade. He sits up straight and watches Andrew, who watches him, and they playtug of war in the push and pull of their gazes.

“What?” Neil asks, but it comes out full of everything else.He sounds too open, too secretive; too brash, too easy. He must know Andrewdoesn’t believe it for a second.

“I’m not blind, Josten, even without my glasses. Take. Off.Your shirt.”

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” Neil says, and Andrew can’t tellif it’s habit or a poorly-timed attempt at a joke. He stares at Neil forseveral loaded seconds.

“It wasn’t really a request,” he says, which they both knowis bullshit. If Neil said no, he would find another way to get the answers hewants that doesn’t involve asking more than Neil can give. But Neil isn’tsaying no, he just isn’t acting on the yes resting under his tongue.

Neil fists his hands in the hem of his shirt, pointedlyevades Andrew’s glare, and tugs it up and over his head. Andrew’s chest bottomsout. The cartography of Neil’s torso is familiar, the way dark skin gives outto a mesh of mottled scars and puckered wounds. Andrew could map every inch ofit with his eyes closed.

The despondent blue of fresh bruising isn’t whollyunfamiliar, but nor is it a welcome addition. Andrew wants to touch it, but hishands stay steady in his lap. He doesn’t trust himself not to press down, down,down, not to bend and break and burn the only thing he can reach. Neil islooking at him again but Andrew can’t afford to look away from the discolouredpatches under his ribcage, just in case. Just in case Neil crumbles before hisvery eyes.

“Who,” Andrew says, a choked question abandoned midwaythrough delivery.

Neil shrugs and looks away, then looks back all too quicklylike he can’t decide which is safer.

“It was just a bit of fun,” Neil says, though hisnonchalance falls several steps short on believable.

“Fun,” Andrew echoes, and the word tastes ashen in hismouth.

“Hazing, I guess.”

“The Lions did this to you?”

“It was just a bit of fun,” Neil repeats and in that moment,Andrew hates the word. He is a spring coiled tight around the one thing heholds close and Neil is making a show of releasing the catch.

“What did they do?” He can’t tell if knowing will make theviolence easier or harder to contain under his skin, but he knows he will snapif he doesn’t find out.

“Nothing, really. They had me tied up, but it wasn’t theirfault. They didn’t know I would panic.”

Andrew can taste his heartbeat, a pulsing anger in the backof his throat. He swallows against it but his chest constricts and he wondersif his hands have ever known anything but the shape of violence, but the weightof a knife.

“You are transferring teams,” he says because it’s the onlything he can think with any sense of finality.

“Andrew, I have a contract.”

“I don’t care.”

“Okay. Well, you know who does care? The Moriyamas.”Andrew’s glare snaps back to Neil’s at that, and Neil returns it with equalweight. “I think the bruises I’d get from them might be a little worse thanthis if they found out I turned down a contract because of a silly bit of fun.”

“It isn’t silly when your safety is concerned.”

Neil laughs hollowly. “And you’d be the expert on keeping mesafe, I suppose.”

“Well it’s not like you do a very good job of it,” Andrewsnaps.

“I managed just fine for eighteen years. Your concern ismisplaced. I didn’t need you then and I don’t need you now.”

Andrew caves and falls apart. He slams his walls in placereflexively, holding himself together between brickwork and mortar. He wasfoolish to think he could have this, to think he could have anything at all.But he knows the pattern of his breakdowns better than he knows how to openhimself up and let Neil climb inside. Fighting is familiar. Breaking is anunfortunate side effect.

“Whatever,” he says, the word freezing over before it has somuch as left his lips, and he leaves the room before Neil can retaliate.

Staring at the double bed in his bedroom isn’t much better.It is full of Neil, from the creases in the linen to the stray hoodie abandonedover the left pillow. It feels hot to the touch and cold in all the cracks,like winter is creeping between their bed sheets, and Andrew has never done toowell with snow. He cannot take it. He grabs his pillow and the spare blanketrumpled at the end of the bed and storms out with ice filling his veins.

Neil is still sitting on the couch, watching the doorway,and his presence is so obnoxious it bursts at the seams. Andrew gives himseveral seconds to catch on and, when no recognition is forthcoming, stepsforward to dump the bedding onto his abandoned spot on the couch.

“Move,” he says without looking at Neil. It’s hard when heis the loudest thing in the room, taking up so much space Andrew has to breathehim in just to release the tension in the air.

“What are you doing?”

Andrew scoffs and makes a point of glaring into the back ofthe couch despite the weight of Neil’s gaze, despite the way his eyes betrayhim with subconscious darts to his left.

“It’s one in the morning, Neil. Most people like to use thistime to sleep.”

“I’m not taking your bed, Andrew. I’ll sleep on thesofa.” Neil’s voice is laced with exhaustion, like he has sewn all his energyinto keeping his gaze sharp and left nothing to knit himself together. Andrewdoesn’t have to look at him to feel his stitches come loose; they snap liketwigs under Andrew’s fingers.

“Funny, I don’t remember giving you an option,” he says,patience slipping from the weak end of his grasp. He kicks lightly at Neil’sfoot—not close enough to touch, but the gesture sets alarm bells ringing. IfNeil knows anything at all about reading Andrew in fragile moments, he willtake it as the warning it is.

Infuriatingly, he does. He leaves just as Andrew wanted, andAndrew hates him for it. Neil has a habit of reading between the lines evenwhen there aren’t lines to read between, and he gives Andrew what he wantswithout hesitation. It sets Andrew’s blood boiling and his teeth grinding. It’sbeen five years and some days Andrew still doesn’t know how to take what he’sgiven without bracing himself for the fallout.

Of course, Neil has always been good at flipping the cardswhen Andrew finds the pattern of aching all too familiar.

What Andrew doesn’t expect is to wake up to gentle breath athis brow, ghosting over frown lines and dipping towards his hairline. The roomis still dark enough that he can’t have been out for more than a couple ofhours. Neil is curled on the floor, head resting against the arm of the couch ascant few inches from Andrew’s, and knees tucked to his chest. Andrew noticesthe dip in his cheek when he bites the inside as they make eye contact.

“Sorry,” he whispers and Andrew feels it in the warmthfanning his face. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Andrew takes in the stiffness of his posture, the tightlines either side of his mouth, the harsh cut of his gaze.

“Have you slept?” he asks, more for show than anything, ashe already knows the answer.

“Couldn’t. I don’t like fighting.”

Andrew can’t help but roll his eyes at that because, really.Neil smiles and amends, “I don’t like it when it’s us.”

Andrew rolls onto his back and eyes the ceilingthoughtfully. There is a crack running from the edge of the cornice to a metreand a half short of the light fixing, and he is surprised to find nothing butwarmth pulsing back at him when he traces it.

“We aren’t fighting,” he says and it is as much news to himas it is to Neil.

“Okay,” Neil agrees easily, “but I don’t like this either.”

And that seems fair enough. Andrew lets it settle betweenthem, because he doesn’t know how to fix it just yet. It is strange to besomeone who fixes, who mends and builds and holds on tight, when he was raisedto break. To break his enemies, and his friends, and himself most of all. Hewonders if healing always feels like a bruise on every fingertip.

“Your team, your call,” he says eventually. He still isn’tlooking at Neil but he hears the answering sigh, feels it tickle just under hisear.

“Thank you. For worrying, and for letting it go,” Neil says.He softens around the edges and folds in the middle, going malleable beneathAndrew’s words. “I promise I’m handling it.”

Andrew turns back to Neil and reaches out a careful hand, apeace offering to seal the collision of their apologies. Neil keens into thetouch almost immediately and Andrew digs his fingers into soft curls, cuppingthe side of Neil’s face and smoothing his thumb over the mottled skin at Neil’scheekbone.

“I trust you,” he says, and somehow it is enough.

They end up in bed together like second nature and Andrewthinks this is how he knows best to fix things. His fingers curl into the gapsbetween Neil’s and they are warm, warm, warm in all the cracks. Andrewcan feel himself begin to thaw.

“I do,” Neil says drowsily, his breath ruffling the hairfrom Andrew’s forehead.

“What?”

“I do. I do need you.”

It’s like a sucker punch throwing Andrew off course justwhen he got his hands back on the wheel. All the breath leaves his body thenbowls back into him in one swift hit. He chokes on it.

“You don’t. Don’t lie to me.”

Neil is silent for a long moment and Andrew half expects himto slip unconscious before his brain comes up with a response. Half expects,half hopes. He doesn’t know which is dumber.

“Okay, I don’t. But I want you,” Neil says and Andrewbreathes. The air is a different kind of tight, his breath a different kind ofrushed, and his body stuck in a different kind of freefall. This one feels likeflying. Andrew doesn’t know how to translate the weight in his chest intowords, so he shifts forward instead. He kisses Neil in tandem with the pulse oftheir hearts and it means

and I you.

[nickyhemmick]

tagged by @centralpeark tysm!! <3

rules: tag 9 people and then answer the questions

Part 1

Last song I listened to: way beyond by bastille Last book you read: this savage song by ve schwab Favourite colour: purple or any shade of pink Top three shows: b99, atla and i cant think of anything else Top three characters: kaitlyn liao, neil josten, august flynn Top three ships: me & kaitlyn no regrets, hannah and nik from gemina, kady and ezra from illuminae

Part 2

Rules: bold all the statements that are true for you

APPEARANCE: I am 5'7" or taller I wear glasses I have at least one tattoo I have at least one piercing I have blonde hair I have brown eyes I have short hair My abs are at least somewhat defined I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY: I love meeting new people People tell me that I’m funny Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me I enjoy physical challenges I enjoy mental challenges I’m playfully rude with people I know well I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: I can sing well I can play an instrument I can do over 30 pushups without stopping I’m a fast runner I can draw well I have a good memory I’m good at doing math in my head I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: I enjoy playing sports I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else I have learned a new song in the past week I work out at least once a week I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months I have drawn something in the past month I enjoy writing FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES: I have had my first kiss I have had alcohol I have scored the winning goal in a sports game I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting I have been at an overnight event I have been in a taxi I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year I have beaten a video game in one day I have visited another country I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS: I’m in a relationship I have a crush on a celebrity I have a crush on someone I know I have been in at least 3 relationships (overall relationships yes, serious relationships no) I have never been in a relationship I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them I get crushes easily I have had a crush on someone for over a year I have been in a relationship for at least a year I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE: I have at least one person I consider a “best friend” I live close to my school My parents are still together I have at least one sibling I live in the united states There is snow right now where I live I have hung out with a friend in the past month I have a smartphone I have at least 15 CD’s I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT: I have breakdanced I know a person named Jamie (jo im counting ur jamie) I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce I have dyed my hair I’m listening to one song on repeat right now   I have punched someone in the past week I know someone who has gone to jail I have broken a bone I have eaten a waffle today I know what I want to do with my life I speak at least 2 languages I have made a new friend in the past year I have been given flowers before

im tagging: @mathiashelvars @kazrietveldt @danielhowel @drunklesbian @shadowlhunters @strikingneil @kiyioko @victorkrvm @vildes

[cosmicrhetoric]

top 5 fave main characters?

this is gonna be those characters that make ur heart swell and u just...theyre such good people and theyve been thru so much

in no particular order:

neil josten: i JUST reblogged a post about this i just....’dan i said please’....’r u gonna behave’ ‘yes coach’ neil u KNOW ur lying anyway he just doesn’t care about himself and it breaks my heart. cause he says hes all about self preservation but the boy went to the ravens for the exact opposite. and his relationships?? to his team?? dan was ready to shank riko for laying a finger on him (all of them were but dan was the one who almost said something) and even in the small ways...allison painting him back together everyday...matt ALWAYS having his back and renee offering her knives. Nicky fuckin cries everytime he remembers neil doesn’t love himself, kevin promising to teach neil every night even tho his days are numbered...even aaron, who fuckin hates him, knows he’s a fox and he’s theirs. i love him. so much. 

harry potter: the OG SWEET BOY he’s so good he has a conversation with a SNAKE cause he understands what its like to be in a cage...r u crying yet...i am...honestly just wants to have a fun time with his friends? and he couldve been such a little shit he was abused his entire life but no, it just made him the sweetest boy who ever lived UNLESS you fuck with him or his friends. then he’ll fuckin come for you ‘there’s no need to call me sir, professor’. that boy is LILY EVANS thru and thru right down to dissing snape

luke skywalker: this boy....just watch this and tell me you didn’t feel something for him. i was gonna put anakin on this cause im a shamless stan but why would i do that when luke is better in every way??? he’s just so kind to everyone he meets but he’s absolutely ruled by a sense of justice and like...his unshakable faith in the good of the world rlly inspired me to also believe in the good for once...he looks at a fascist galaxy and thinks ‘this is beautiful in some ways. it needs some work and i am willing to tear down those walls but it could become something beautiful and thats why i fight’ JUST LIKE HIS MOM theres a REASON han and leia imprinted on this kid. theres a reason obi wan looked at him and saw the best of his parents. 

buffy summers: a feminist icon??? who has been mistreated at one point by her friends and mentors and the people she saved but it doesn’t matter, cause she has the strongest sense of PURPOSE like she just keeps. getting. back. up. like theres not even a question. not only can she slay demons in a virginal prom dress, she can talk a boy down from suicide and she can defeat a crazy strong vamp without her powers cause he hurt her mom and NOTHING. NOTHING will EVER top the moment when angelus is about to kill her, and buffy realizes that she, herself, is all she needs. everytime i feel shitty (and thats a lot recently) i think about buffy catching that blade and opening her eyes. sure of herself. full of belief. and says ‘me’. she’s left, and she’s all she needs to get through. 

tiffany aching: um EVERYONE needs to read all of the discworld books but TIFFANY. girl is NINE in the first book and shes just the smartest kid who’s a little selfish and a little jealous of her little brother. 1) parents that love n support her even if they dont get her 2) ALSO has the biggest sense of justice ive ever seen in a child...when you read a nine year old taking an immortal being by the face and going ‘this isn’t reality. grow the fuck up’ it just really fuckin affects u man....someone has to stand up for her land and well, damn, i guess its gonna be her cause no one else is stepping up to the plate...she rules the world as a nine year old she holds the entire world in her palm cause the land is her bones and whatev and she has to let it go. she’s like lawful neutral matilda. 

honorable mentions include sakura from ccs, simon from gurren lagan, matilda, kaz brekker from six of crows, karou from dosab, artemis fowl, and all of my ocs

any day can be a sleepover, send me things