#neil has so much flavour i love him

[joejhang]

nathaniel wesninski vs neil abram josten

something that fascinates me abt the aftg books is the nathaniel vs neil dichotomy. so i'm gonna analyse and dissect it like a completely normal and fine person. spoilers ahead !!! continue at ur own risk

i feel like the fandom has the wrong idea abt nathaniel and neil; they aren't foils, they're mirrors. they're a lot more similar than i think the fandom likes to acknowledge. and i actually don't think neil himself has too much of a problem with that.

allow me to elaborate. neil isn't scared of nathaniel, and nor is he very sensitive about his father. he actually references his father sometimes as a defence mechanism ("you think i'm afraid of your knife? i'm the butcher's son.") his feelings towards his father are, i'd say, deep-rooted fear and resentment. this has to extend somewhat to nathaniel, given how deeply entwined nathaniel wesninski is with both the butcher (neil's childhood abuser, the one person he truly fears) and mary hatford (also one of neil's abusers imo but their relationship is a lot more complex), both of whom neil says he doesn't want to become like. but he also says it might be inevitable that he is a little bit like them anyway (he's right).

i think this is how the fandom differentiates between nathaniel and neil; nathaniel is cold-blooded, ruthless, analytical, a criminal mastermind. nathaniel wesninski sealed the deal for his own survival with ichirou moriyama. nathaniel wesninski endured the torturous conditions in the baltimore house. nathaniel wesninski watched the butcher of baltimore brutally murder a man in front of him at ten years old in castle evermore. nathaniel wesninski followed his mother on the run for eight years, twenty-two cities, sixteen countries and hundreds of fake identities. nathaniel wesninski watched as his mother left bodies and sacrifices in their wake for their own survival. nathaniel wesninski orders hits on the people who have hurt the people he loves. more than once, others in the series note that neil will always be nathaniel wesninski at heart (ichirou, jean) and neil doesn't correct them.

neil josten, on the other hand, is scrappy and messy and impulsive. neil josten has sharply honed survival instincts that he throws away at the first chance of getting to live a real life. neil josten chose to stay at palmetto state university with the full knowledge that he would get himself and many others killed. neil josten clocked r*ko's shit on live tv and at the fall banquet. neil josten trusted a five foot nothing goalkeeper with his life for a year. neil josten saw the opportunity to do what he loved, even if it would kill him, and he took it. neil josten isn't afraid to run his mouth, be it to a teammate who overstepped or a reporter broadcasting on national tv. neil josten doesn't think about the past or the future but lives in the moment, all consequences be damned. neil josten gets to know and starts to care about the foxes even though he knows he shouldn't.

in short; nathaniel wesninski is ice all the way through, unapologetically the butcher and the bird's son, and neil josten is all fire, a young man and a runaway who chose living over survival and friends (family) over safety.

that's the dichotomy, but i actually think people don't realise that they're two sides of the same coin. i don't mean like "neil is nathaniel is nathan" i mean like neil chose to be neil josten, with full knowledge and agency, but that doesn't change that he was nathaniel first. in the fandom's declawing of neil, they forget that he's still the butcher's son, and he isn't afraid to show his teeth.

"neil josten" doesn't exist on his own. he is a product of neil's time with the foxes. neil says himself, at the beginning of the series, neil josten wasn't a person, just another identity that could be discarded at the drop of a hat. it was the foxes that made "neil josten" a real person. they pulled out from that facade the parts of neil that "no disguise could change". neil's character arc from the scared nobody at the beginning of tfc to the brave and happy young man at the end of tkm wouldn't have ever happened without the foxes' influence on his life. that pivotal narration change from neil to nathaniel in tkm is in a sense, neil shielding the foxes and the person he was around them from the cruel reality of his past. the identity of "nathaniel wesninski" is real and undeniable, already bloodstained from his brutal childhood, and untouched by the foxes, and so can't really be ruined by his father's hand (sweet mourning lamb, there is nothing you can do, it has already been done). everything that happened in baltimore, from the legal name change to neil and andrew's conversation in the car ("can i really be neil again?" "i told neil to stay. leave nathaniel buried in baltimore with his father.") is more of a decision to choose a new life than it is a new identity. "can i really be neil again?" is neil asking if he's really escaped his past and he can truly stay with the foxes and be who he was around them freely. and andrew's "leave nathaniel buried in baltimore with his father" is more of an assurance to let neil's bloody past go in favour for a new and better life.

note: "let go" does not mean forget or disregard or lose. it just means to accept it but move on. this is important i promise.

after that, neil is able to continue freely in his life. wait no he's not. ichirou comes to find him. right.

the neil and ichirou conversation is one of the most interesting in the series. it says a lot more about neil's character than people seem to notice. neil actively "switches" into the persona of nathaniel wesninski specifically for that conversation. something about how every word has to be true and it has to be the biggest lie he's ever told. neil's switch to nathaniel is a little jarring and a little uncanny. the way he speaks is pure business, coldly rational and disconcertingly subservient to ichirou (disconcerting because of how adamantly neil refused to submit to r*ko and testuji and even his father's people). but it's interesting because it's still neil josten speaking. the narration doesn't change, and the way neil talks is still very much himself, just honed and polished to suit the man ichirou thinks he's speaking to. ichirou wasn't looking for neil abram josten, starting striker for the psu foxes, he was looking for nathaniel wesninski, the only son of the butcher of baltimore. neil knew this, and knew he had a part to play and he plays it so easily it actually fucking works. he isn't even afraid of ichirou. everything he says and does in that scene is careful and thought-out and logic-based, but there is no fear. all of neil's fear in the aftg series quite literally is caused by his father, and can always be traced back to him. since nathan is dead at this point, neil isn't fearful of ichirou, just cautious.

the narration change in tsc is also notable. jean thinks of neil as nathaniel wesninski until the foxes beat the ravens and r*ko dies. this is significant because the idea of "nathaniel wesninski" is also deeply entwined with the perfect court. if neil had signed with the ravens he would've been nathaniel wesninski (03) not neil josten. but once r*ko is dead and once tetsuji steps down, the perfect court no longer exists, and neither does the phantom partner jean was clinging to all these years. there is no nathaniel wesninski (03), no forever partner for jean, even though he has nathaniel's auburn hair and ice-blue eyes and cruel smile, he doesn't have the mark of the perfect court anymore and r*ko and tetsuji aren't around to reinforce that delusion so for jean, now there is only neil josten.

still, he also says later on that neil is a wesninski at heart. neil doesn't really take this personally, from what we can tell. killing a rapist isn't something particular to neil or nathaniel, he would do it whether he was neil abam josten or nathaniel wesninski. but the method, the subtlety, writing the numbers on a napkin, handing them to his mobster uncle, that is such a nathaniel-characteristic thing to do that jean comments on it. neil might have problems with wearing his father's face and his father's smile, but he never denies the truth that he is a little like his father (referencing his hot temper), and he isn't hurt or offended by jean's comment.

this post is getting way too fucking long, even for me, so i won't go into the "abram" of it all, but just know there's something to be said about that, too. i just think the fandom takes the whole "leave nathaniel buried in baltimore" thing a little too literally. nathaniel isn't gone for good, he will always be a part of neil, but neil's accepted that and moved on. he's living his best life, doing what he loves with people he loves, and even tho he does act a little bit like a wesninski at times, he's come to terms with who he is and who he chose to be: neil abram josten.

[ninyard]

Honestly honestly the most romantic moment of the entire series is when Neil talks about how he'd never gotten to travel for fun before and the Foxes are planning to take him to the mountains, and Kevin starts to protest that they can't go on vacation but stops because Andrew is holding a knife on him 😭🥺😩 like I don't know that's just just a sweet little moment to me, Andrew threatening Kevin if he takes this little chance for happiness from Neil

Uhhhh literally Andrew “I-don’t-care” Minyard is the most romantic of ALL the foxes. My line of work revolves around intimacy and from all my training and studying let me tell you that man is a master at his craft.

Andrew’s touch is beautiful and sacred; this thing he does not take easily, or give out kindly whatsoever. Yet with Neil it’s as if he can’t stop himself. We see it in how gently he tapes the garbage bags around Neil’s injuries, wordlessly, without being asked. THAT’S intimacy. How he holds his neck to inspect his eyes when he removes his contacts, how he hands Neil cigarettes without a request, how he doesn’t say a word while touching Kevin with the point of a blade because Neil deserves a fucking break. Sure, by technicalities, the shower scene from TKM is intimate by definition, but really it’s in the kiss he ghosts across Neil’s hip, in how he pats dry his broken skin afterwards. How can you look at him wordlessly dropping keys into Neil’s palms, and think, yeah there’s no way Andrew could be romantic. Is he soft, is he gentle, as a person? No. But his minuscule actions are, his unmentioned gestures are. You just have to look and find them.

TKM just has some of the most subtly beautiful examples of a different flavour of love and intimacy that is so unusual and heartwarming it’s insane. That shower scene drives me crazy when I think about how caring Andrew is in it. He came in with the tape and bags on his own volition, knowing Neil needed a shower and couldn’t do it unattended. How he didn’t take away Neil’s autonomy by assuming he couldn’t undress himself, instead waiting until he paused and couldn’t go any further before he started to help. How he drapes the blanket over Neil’s shoulders, again giving Neil a chance to struggle before wrapping it around him. They practically don’t speak to each other really in that chapter at all apart from a bit of flirting in the shower. Because they don’t need to, because Andrew knows how to love, how to be caring, how to wrap up the boy he almost lost in bubble wrap because if he loses him again, it won’t be pretty. He washes Neil’s hair! He covers his wounds! He treats him gently when that is possibly the last word that could ever be used to describe Andrew. I feel like that scene was in part of course him just looking after Neil who can use approximately two square inches of his entire body, but in another part proving how serious he is about Neil. Everything changes between the two of them then, suddenly their actions more relaxed than hungry, not yet a given but instead now just a want.

I don’t know. I can’t help but see so much intimacy and romance in subtleties and things you’d barely even notice, regardless of the people/the characters and their circumstances. I wouldn’t use the word sweet to describe Andrew at all, but the things he does for Neil? The way that he loves Neil? The absolutely fucking sweetest.

[moodyfoxes]

AFTG Fanfic Recs! # 9

August 2023

Our body Series by ConventionalExy [Ongoing]

Typically soulmates don't feel the other person's pain. They can tell they are in pain, yes, but if they're not in a war zone or getting constantly traumatized, the bond won't 'Level up'.

Trauma is the key, and some people are lucky enough to not have much of it. Andrew and Neil are not included in that category.

I just recently discovered that this had turned into a series (which is still ongoing! yay!) after rereading the first fic and you bet that I read through those so fast. Love this premise! It also goes very in-depth about the trauma behind the ‘soulmates feeling each others pain’ trope, especially relevant for our poor boyos.

fragile by likearecord [Completed]

A new guy starts working at the radio station.

He's fragile.

Better keep Andrew away from him.

Pretty fluffy if you ask me. A little on the shorter side but such a nice trope, for some reason radio show host fics always feel really comfy to me!

The problem with Soulmates. by pandaseek [Ongoing]

Every hair on his new body stood on end as he quickly patted himself down, finding a wallet in his back pocket but nothing else until his shoe caught on the strap of a duffle bag, half buried in the sand under his bench. He yanked the bag up beside him, giving it a quick shake to loosen the sand clinging to the canvas fabric, before turning his attention to stripping the wallet bare.

He decided quite quickly that his other half was an asshole.

There was plenty of loose cash in his wallet, but not a single personal item of any manner. No ID. No bank card. No pictures of girlfriends or family. Not even an old receipt stuffed in the bottom.

At the very least, life hadn’t disappointed him with how shitty things could get.

They switch bodies! They’re soulmates! It’s by pandaseek (who at this point probably gets a mention in these lists at least once every time)! I really enjoy the different flavours of soulmate fic in this fandom, our boys are just so versatile!

sing of the moon by mostly_maudlin [Completed]

Andrew first notices that he isn’t alone on a Tuesday night in July. He’s sitting cross-legged on the edge of the long dock stretching out into the small cove, looking down into the dark, churning water. Wind whips at his cheeks, and he has to keep a palm around his cigarette to keep it lit. The waves push at the wooden posts of the dock like a threat. All of this is fine. Andrew doesn’t come here for peace.

Merperson Neil Josten AU. This ones short and.....kind of sweet? Slight angst perhaps but nothing overly angsty!

White Hands by doodlingstuff [Completed]

Neil's life isn't exactly a life except for Stuart, trying to cheer him up, and his paintings, whenever he's inspired.

Andrew's life isn't exactly a life except for his family and his volunteering work, keeping him afloat as the time goes by.

When Andrew stumbles into Neil's life unwillingly, both will learn one day at a time that they still have reasons to fight and dreams to fulfill.

This one deals in angsty disabled Neil and I loved every second of it! Give my boy his bodily autonomy back!

All my recs can be found in my bookmarks on AO3

[weird-an]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💙

@sanguine-tenshi You sent me that ask, too! Thank you.

I think I did one of these already, but well, some days you need to love yourself a little more and today is one of these days. I love all my fics. My faves depend on my mood. Here is today's selection:

A Study In Bruises - I love the exploration of the similarities and differences of Jonathan and Billy and also, how an outsider's POV shows glimpses of Steve's and Billy's relationship. It was so much fun to write and I love to revisit it.

Cross Road Blues - Billy selling his soul to Demon! Steve, wanting Neil to stop hurting him. I could imagine it so so well writing it. This whole AU is a movie in my mind! It was so much fun to punish Neil Hargrove, too (if I'm honest). Also, I loved the little joke about Steve sucking at math (because hey, he's a demon and has powers, but that doesn't solve your issues with algebra).

Mama Don't Preach - Billy's mom comes back, wanting to meet her son. Billy and his mom is another intriguing relationship. Also, Steve's POV hits differently in this one.

Swallowing The Truth - Heavy Angst is also a good flavour to write and I just love Billy getting out of Cherry Lane. And Jim gets to punch Neil.

Snake Charmer (Good Omens) - A little cracky thing about Aziraphale taken an interest in snakes and Crowley being jealous. My first Good Omens fic and so much fun!!

Spreading the love in other people's asks now! <3

[tonydaddingham]

I would like to know how Neil's interpretation of a scene he didn't write as not being a sex metaphor somehow means he's suddenly decided Aziracrow aren't in love. With how much the Good Omens fandom insists that all headcanons are valid, why does Neil sharing his for one scene suddenly mean he needs to be tricked and bullied into having Crowley and Aziraphale kiss or be otherwise romantic?

Is it because he said a dramatic last ditch attempt at communication in the form of a completely non-sexy kiss is just that? He didn't say it wasn't a romantic kiss, he said it was a non-sexual kiss. He said, to him, the oxrib scene was not a sexual metaphor. He has not said, anywhere, that Aziraphale and Crowley are not romantically in love.

Neil does not need to be bullied or tricked by Michael and David or anyone else to make Crowley and Aziraphale be and show they are in love. He's doing a remarkable job of making them that way all on his own.

hi anon!!!✨ okay, so ive pondered over this ask, and i can't quite parse out from the tone if you might be generally asking/ranting, or if you believe that im - put simply - anti-neil in this whole discourse fiasco? because if it's the latter, i'll happily share my personal thoughts on the matter as to why that is definitely not the case. initially, just to support my point, take a look at my tags on this and this post, because that will give you a little flavour as to my opinion.

essentially, i completely agree with you. first, for full disclosure - i know that there have been quite a few comments that neil has made (in interviews, tweets etc) over the years that have fed into this discourse that i do not have receipts for; so anyone that wants me to take these into account, please feel free to send me them.

okay, now i'll try and summarise my thoughts on this (and some may repeat points you have very rightly - imo - already made):

good omens, and in particular the show, is very diverse, and inclusive. it is a triumph in this respect. specifically, i think aziraphale and crowley's story has been written very cleverly and quite sensitively to provide or reflect representation for a wide array of sexualities, gender identifications, and in general queer experiences.

my second main thought is that there is a difference between author/writer original intent, author/writer interpretation of their own work (retrospectively, as a consumer or critic in their own right), and audience interpretation. none of them have to perish for others to exist; they can exist together, even if they can conflict each other in their conclusion/s. the best stories imo are those that can be read multiple ways.

the ox-scene in ep2 (and im also going to lump 40s minisode in this too... plus multiple other specific Acting Choices throughout the season) can be interpreted sexually. i don't think there are two ways about it, it definitely can. it may not be the author's intent (bearing in mind, whilst likely overseen by neil, ACtO was written by john) to write it sexually, but the direction/acting choices are, i think, undeniably sexual in subtext and tone.

that being said, whether or not this is what the writers had in mind when writing the episode (and im not saying they absolutely did, im not psychic), the literal written narrative is not sexual at all. it's crowley tempting aziraphale into eating, an earthly pleasure that we know aziraphale later enjoys. it is therefore perfectly reasonable for some people, i imagine particularly those that are aspec, to read this scene non-sexually. whether metaphorical for sex or just a complete mukbang on aziraphale's part, i read it as an uncomfortable, intimate, eldritch-like scene. all interpretations are correct, and none are wrong. it caters for many.

the kiss scene is, to my mind, not particularly romantic, and it's certainly not sexual. crowley meant it out of love, no doubt, and hand-in-hand with that love, out of desperation and as an 'everything else has failed' way of communicating. i personally read it as a temptation, as something desperate but almost on the cusp of being possessive and cruel - thats my personal opinion/interpretation. i'll be completely honest, i don't personally see how anyone can possibly read this scene as sexual (imo kisses are not and should not be gatekept by those that are sex-inclined), but where someone does, id be happy to learn why, to try to understand that interpretation. the romantic element is a little more questionable - technically speaking, yes, it probably is romantic, and i do understand how/why people read it as that, but for me it isn't.

the story in totality is however, to my mind, romantic; in my opinion, there is love of the romantic kind between aziraphale and crowley. furthermore, neil has stated that that is the writer's intent; he intends for it to be romantic.

taking the writer intent out of the equation however, for a moment, admittedly i think their story even throughout s2 could be seen as very lovingly platonic, right up until the kiss. but even then - as I said before - the kiss for me doesn't read as completely romantic. i think one could argue that crowley just simply saw it as something he could do because 'humans do it!'. the script itself doesn't confirm outright it is romantic - it strongly alludes to it, sure, but there has been no indisputable declaration of romantic love. therefore (whilst, again, i do not personally think this to be the case - i do see romantic love here) it is entirely possible to interpret the narrative, text and subtext, in completely different ways and those interpretations still be valid.

where the story, and their relationship itself, goes and concludes is unknown. they could have multiple kisses of the romantic variety in s3, or they may never kiss again. they could just hug, or hold hands. they could have a full-on sex scene, or potentially have a scene that could be interpreted as leading to one. they could even have a conversation about being willing to try sex, another human experience, but agree that if neither of them like it, they don't do it again (but will still love each other), and the conclusion is left purposefully ambiguous. there may be a love confession, an outright declaration, or something could be said in a subtle way such that can be interpreted as both platonic and romantic.

i agree that neil doesn't need to be bullied by anyone into writing the story he's going to write... there will however be jokes about it, mainly from the hyperbolic perspective of michael being quite vocal that he too sees aziraphale as being in love with crowley. michael has admitted (jokingly? professional research?) to reading fanfiction that helped inform him on this personal confirmation, and this may have informed him on his acting. there are some of us that joke about the 'feral-ness that is michael in being hellbent on getting a sex scene' etc., and i know some have taken that joke further in saying that michael should essentially campaign for one, but i think we can all safely say that neil will write what he writes, and michael will continue to play aziraphale absolutely perfectly, and according to the script and direction offered to him. they are professionals, colleagues, and im fairly certain are definitely friends; the jokes are jokes (on this blog at least, anyway).

final point; i think neil has a fairly difficult task - whether he actively pays a deliberate mind to this or not, or it just comes naturally - in continuing to write a story that can be representative of everyone. he has his intent, sure, and his later own interpretation, but he has provided something amazing; characters and a story that is supernatural in setting, but entirely human in nature. that can speak to so many people, of so many different walks of life. that everyone can see a bit of themselves in these characters, can recognise parts of them in their own spirit. sees them go through decisions and experiences and joy and pain that each of us have at some point probably encountered ourselves.

that balancing act - again, whether he purposefully does pay this any mind or not - cannot be easy. i do not personally see him as homophobic for what he said in that tweet. i do not personally think he has queerbaited, or led anyone on to think that the characters/narrative is something that it's not. that's my opinion, and i fully respect that others will have theirs (and id be happy to hear them!), but i think he is respectful that people will have their individual interpretations, and leave it at that. he may even agree with some of them - he has said that he has liked metas etc based on merit and effort, out of respect too i imagine, but not necessarily as a veritable stamp of approval that the post agrees outright with his original intent or personal interpretation.

in any case - why would he agree to one interpretation if that could mean that that could upset someone else with a different one? that's not fair on anyone, so i think it's more than fair that he sticks to confirming what he intended in what he wrote, and not comment on how it should be interpreted. its because of this - brass tacks time - that i think any questions about interpretation should be kept out of his askbox... sure, ask about what is literally in the script, or what physically happens on screen, or background 'canon' info, but don't ask him for how you should interpret it, because i think it's fair to say he is only ever going to give back his original intention, or how he personally interprets it.

that doesn't automatically mean that he thinks any other interpretation is ridiculous or inaccurate, or not valid; everyone else's interpretation can exist at the same time too. he might disagree privately, but that's up to him - same as the rest of us✨

[janwixler]

Hi!!! Who are your top 5 favorite aftg characters? I think for me it'd be Neil, Andrew, Kevin, Matt and Allison

helloooo~!! <3 that is a VERY trick question tbh!! I mean, all the foxes are like a can of jelly beans to me, each got a different flavour and I can't get enough of every single one of them~!! but, here's my top 5 which changes every week lolol...1. Neil : ofc Neil has to be at the Top! reading the book from his perspective made me *feel* some of thing. Neil tries hard not to get attached but look who ended up being a lover-boy jock <3 And That mouth of his, like, oh my, gwadd~ let's just say i fell in love with him on kathy's show! Of course his mommy and daddy issues have nothing to do with him being fav :)) 2. Andrew : at first I was oblivious like Neil about Andrew. but then, ya know, Andrew, Andrew Joseph Minyard? ya. The golden boi in Neil's life makes me wanna *melt* Every Damn Time.. <3 And his cigarette habits hits so close to home. Reading about him with faint smell of cigars and cologne lingering on him, is just.. *sighs dreamily* ~ 3. Kevin : oh, Kevin oh, Kevin~ I bet if he existed in our universe I would be a total SIMP for that pretty boy. I have thing for sexy sportsmen hehehehe... ;D from a annoying character, he went straight in my fav babygirl character~ his bisexual ass was really something! 4. Renne : listen, listen, Woman, right? yea. yea, stay with me. woman, who could KILL you~ <33 I fell for her THE exact MOMENT she was introduced!! the hair? Heavenly! The smile? Angelic! The skills? Deadly~! How could she NOT be my Fav character??!! 5. Aaron : WHOA, WHOA, WHOAAA!! before you judge me for that you can't deny that he indeed is an interesting character!! yeah, I will agree with you that he is a shitty annoying bitch-ass and ungrateful punk, And THAT what makes his character so entertaining to me!! even in fics too, like, so much drama with Aaron lol. in fact, he won't even bother with the shit you do if you Just Leave him alone lolol. He actually is just a Normal boi with Anger issues! Aaron and I have the same major. but whatever amiright? And my other 5 could be Matt, Wymack, Allison, Abby aannnddd Neil's british uncle Stuart... hahaha!! but, ahem, I am serious!

[bisexual-in-every-gender]

Survey

New tats in your near future?

Got a full sleeve planned in November (flowers all over my arm in rainbow colours growing out of blood stains with the Billy Talent lyrics "These flowers have grown from bloodstains on the ground", incorporating my queerness and the struggle with it over years with my love for Billy Talent), plus a small tattoo of a chest burster (the one from Alien) being hugged by his host to emphasise my love of horror and sci fi

How about piercings or re-piercings?

*sigh* I tried to have my ears pierced twice and both times had a severe allergic reaction and my lip ring I had to have taken out because of an infection, so sadly, I don't think piercings are for me :(

Are there any rooms in your house that you don't go into every day?

Several. We got three spare rooms, one that had been meant for a baby's arrival, but sadly the IVF failed, so it's now a storage room, as well as another storage room in lieu of a cellar and a guest room. Also the second bath room which the cat uses.

Who else do you know who has the same favourite colour that you do?

My sister Ami, I think, likes blue as much as I do.

Have you ever covered a tattoo up or added to?

Yeah, I made my tattooed pug a vampire with a swirling glass of blood.

Have you ever kissed someone who previously kissed someone you hated?

I guess? I only hate Izzy's ex for the way she treated her though.

Do you have any relatives with red hair?

No.

What is tomorrow's weather forecasted to be like?

33 degrees Celsius and sunny

Have you ever known someone who committed suicide?

I never had the chance of meeting him, but Izzy's friend Neil did.

What's some of the worst pain you ever felt?

Each failed IVF cycle, a miscarriage and the loss of my grandmother and my first cat. Physically, a bad ear infection and a snapped tendon in my ankle.

What's your favourite kind of pasta?

Spaghetti

Would you rather a friend come over to your house or you go to theirs?

I'm weird about people coming to my place. It always looks dirty and untidy to me. So I'd rather go to theirs, even though it might be untidier there.

Have you ever had rabies?

No.

Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot?

Me and my wife (it's mandatory when travelling to China for an extended period of time), my cat

Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb?

Yes to all but the squirrel.

What is your favourite parody movie?

Shaun of the Dead, Redfield

What is your least favourite ice cream flavour?

Peppermint. Don't get the appeal.

Does your car have heated seats?

"Ich habe doch gar keine Auto!"

Have you ever been tempted to steal?

Yes, but I resisted.

Would you rather travel to Ireland or Japan?

Japan. Already been to Ireland.

Does tickling turn you on?

No. It's just annoying.

If you could go over to someone's house right now, to whose and why?

Toni's to give them a hug and say hi to Kasi.

What is the age gap between you and your parents?

28 and 35 respectively

How many bathrooms does your house have and is it enough?

Two and yes.

Have you ever videochatted with someone you met online?

Loads of people.

Do you collect anything or have you ever?

Funkos, books and fridge magnets

How many siblings does your best friend have?

One sister.

Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable?

Oh, have I ever.

Be honest: Are you clingy?

Not as much as I used to be.

Have you ever had bronchitis?

Multiple times.

Have you ever had a reptile for a pet?

No.

Are you afraid of the dentist?

Yes. I suffer severe dentophobia. I literally shake and shiver on the chair and once started crying so hard they had to stop treatment. But I still endure, as I don't want my teeth to fall out.

Did you attend Sunday School as a kid?

No.

Who was the last person you cuddled with?

My wife Izzy.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't around, but their phone is. Do you look?

No. Can't unlock it anyway and wouldn't try to.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?

Yep.

Have you ever liked someone who was in a relationship with someone else?

Once, but it was in year 6, so hardly counts.

Do people ever compliment your eyes?

Rarely.

Have any of your exes ever given you roses?

No, but my wife has.

Do you think your last ex ever thinks about you?

If he does, I don't care.

Would you rather have a salad or french fries as a side dish?

Chips please.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest?

5 months and two weeks with my ex.

Which was the longest?

Six years and counting

Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up with you?

Yes.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon?

We were thinking of getting another cat, but after a test run with a friend's cats Bertha made it clear she's happier as an only pet.

Do you like BBQ sauce?

No, I hate it.

What do you like to do when you're home alone?

Watch Star Trek, play video games

Do you know anyone who has autism?

I do, my friend Toni probably does and my friend Ronja is also on the spectrum

What is your favourite way to eat eggs?

Boiled.

Do you like Frozen?

No, I find it super annoying. Olaf should be shot.

Do you enjoy hot chocolate?

Sure.

Do you use Instagram often?

No, no account.

If you got a kitten, what would you name it?

Pippin for a boy, Hilda for a girl

Who is someone you know who's talkative?

My wife. She can talk for England. And my mum.

When was the last time you met any of your uncles?

I never met any of my uncles and now they're both dead.

Do you know anyone who plays the violin?

Not to my knowledge.

Do your parents enjoy any of the things you enjoy? Do you bond over it?

My mum likes Star Trek (infact, she introduced me to it) and theatre. My dad watches horror films and likes rock music. Yeah, we sometimes bond over it.

[tetrakys]

5 reasons why you should play Moonlight Lovers Neil

Is this post propaganda? Yes, it is. It totally is. In my opinion Neil’s route is the best thing Beemoov has ever given us and people should know. So, I’m gonna do something I never do, tumblr’s immortal sin: crosspost. I think people from some specific fandoms would like this route. So here is the list of reason why you should play this game:

5. THE ROUTE We are romancing a villain. The villain of the previous routes. So this makes this route already quite different from the others and very interesting. He is a complicated man (vampire) with a long and complicated past. If you have never played ML I suggest you play Vladimir first (and maybe Beliath too if you have the capacity). You don’t have to, because the story is understandable anyway, but I recommend it because it’ll give more flavour to Neil’s route once you get to him. Everything is sort of flipped here, we learn to see things from his own experience and point of view first and then the other vampires, so what we took from granted as correct and just in the previous routes, gets questioned and revaluated here. Morality and actions are questioned and black and white blend in a very murky grey.

4. NEIL  He’s a really hot dilf... ehm... I mean older guy 😌

And he’s SASSY. I love it. He keeps roasting the other vampires like the king he is 

and yeah he’s an actual real life ancient Irish king (Niall "Noígíallach"), with very interesting lore.

3. ELOISE  Eloise (the MC) is a total badass. Differently from the other routes, she’s turned into a vampire from the first moment and she owns it. She’s great and not in a Mary-sue unbelievable chosen-one style, she’s just very talented and smart. She actually has agency and is at the centre of the plot. This route is really her/our journey, where we are discovering our power and what we’re willing to do for it.

We also get to suck dry a wannaby r*pist early in the route, which is one of my favourite scenes.

2. THE RELATIONSHIP 

The relationship between Eloise and Neil is top tier. Despite him being the villain and trying to kill her on all the other routes, here she is his protégé. For this reason, it’s not a real enemies-to-lovers route, but more a mentor/mentee romance. And, despite that, there’s no power imbalance, and he is very respectful of her. There’s no way anyone could call this relationship toxic. He likes Eloise being fierce and strong and lets her take charge whenever she wants.

Also, him being older, he’s a true gentleman

--

Now, if you are like me and like “problematic” ships, this may potentially sound boring, but it isn’t at all. The spice lies in the fact that Eloise is basically slowly being seduced to the dark side and turning into a villain herself. This is the dream of anyone wishing to join team evil in Eldarya or people who always wished to romance a sith and join them.

--

--

1. THE ENDINGS On the other hand, if turning bad and killing people doesn’t suit you, you can choose to remain faithful to your inner humanity and goodness. You have choices on directly impacting the ending 

So, in the end, if Neil really isn’t your cup of tea but you still like the idea of being a badass vampire, you could end up siding up with the “good” guys and probably kill Neil, or banish him, I can’t say yet because as at the time I’m writing this (November 2021) not all episodes have been released yet, but these or similar outcomes are very likely.

Here is my list, I won’t say more to not slip too much into spoilers territory, but feel free to check my ‘ml neil’ tag if you want to know more.

[decoloraa]

Okay so you said you needed more Neil hcs so I've volunteered as tribute to info dump on you if that's cool? *Disclaimer some of these hcs have been adopted from other tumblrinos who also fixate on the effective chaos that is Briggs*

1) SOMEHOW Neil always loses his shirts in the laundry. They always end up in someone else's drawers despite the fact that his taste in fashion is atrocious *ahem* unique and eclectic (and frankly I love him for it) - side note, I wish they were included in the anime but as an animation student I 100% understand why they didn't and I'm obligated to support the animators' rights to not want to blind themselves (sorry Neil but your manga shirts would be the bane of an animator's existence)

2) A flavour of ADHD. I feel like he hyperfixates on automail and that's why he's so darn good at it. Might also explain why he ended up at Briggs, Amestris' punishment post, as I doubt other commanders have much patience

3) Tagging on from number 2, he can probably make automail out of anything. Want a blender attachment? Give him 3 days, he'll get one working. Will it be effective against Drachman soldiers? Probably not? Will every engineer at the fort marvel at the fact that it works? Probably. Would it be the embodiment of complete and utter chaos, and therefore drive Val mad? Absolutely.

4) Very much follow your vibes about him being the talkiest/generally happy of the doctors there - he just has a very chill, happy-go-lucky vibe. I mean the amount of times I've replayed him leaving the Elric's in the prison cell like "take it up with the General", the absolute swagger this man has

5) Very much agree that he's an automail mechanic but medical adjacent. If Winry and Pinako can do automail surgery you bet your buck so can he. Side note, I didn't fully realise until recently that he's probably gone through the same basic training as all the other soldiers, I always figured that the doctors at Briggs worked for the military but weren't necessarily in it because of their lack of uniform. But then when Ed asked to be let out, he straightens up to attention with the rest and is just like "Not allowed to do that, sorry". This realisation got me into the thought of wtf would he look like in uniform but that's a topic for another day.

6) Pretty sure he's a smoker. But when he's inside (especially when on duty) I guess he uses a toothpick/stick as a texture thing?

7) Not necessarily a headcanon, but his surname is FLINT. He's got red hair and his surname is FLINT. The anime also doesn't do his hair colour justice - in the few first pages that get coloured, his hair is much brighter

Also I feel the need to show you my favourite manga panel of him which I've title "naptime" for the lolz - but seriously, of all the people to be shown collapsed during the promised day? I love that it's them with their overpriced coffee

YES *PLEASE* info dump on me, I love these HCs!!

1) I've read the manga but I never noticed his shirts omg 😭 Neil is an absolute mess. Now I have the picture of Val finding Neil's shirts in his closet and absolutely losing his mind (I mean Neil would eventually run out of shirts. Does he then get someone else's stuff??)

2) I love this. Briggs taking anyone who isn't welcomed at other command centers is my fav concept about them. He must've lost his mind when he first came there and was ALLOWED to go wild and fixate on his automails.

3) PLEASE THIS IS SO ACCURATE Val would hate it, even more when the most craziest automails always work in the end. Val and Patricia coming into the meds room in the morning to find Neil making an all nighter bc he wanted a back massage automail 😭

4) He really is the absolute swagger. He's the coolest and most chill person at Briggs and everyone knows it.

5) I thought about this too!!! I think it would be important for Olivier that they went through the most basic military training so they would be able to protect themselves? Briggs is a dangerous place and they can't always place a soldier near them in case something happens.

6) Oh yes that makes sense!

7) Thanks for the tip, I'll look into it! Yes he looks only vaguely ginger in the anime.

Tbh I that panel fits to them out of context like this, I feel like these two can be quite dramatic (or they like acting like it). AND THE OVERPRICED COFFEE AGDSKSHA I wonder if it is a normal concept there or of they just started it to mess with Ed (and to get his precious state alchemist wage)

These were really interesting and helpful, thanks a lot 🙏

[ivyaugustetc]

the dead poets at hogwarts: a headcanon from hell

@aedan-mills @charlie-dalton-simp @pretentious-strikes YOU ENCOURAGED THIS BEHAVIOR SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. also i love you a lot but THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.

also @aedan-mills i found out that some of the wand stuff is related to their birthdays and i am much too lazy to look all that up and figure it all out, but anyone else is welcome to lmao. sorry to disappoint but alas it's summer and i don't want to research that much. but other than that, please listen to me flex my extensive knowledge on harry potter :)

neil (half blood): i'm sorry,,,, can you say gryffindor? this boy would get up there and in a second the sorting hat would have him all figured out: big dreams with the will to pursue them, but not ambitious enough to step over others to achieve said dreams? sounds like a gryffindor to me. i just know he'd thrive at hogwarts, probably going on to play quidditch (def a chaser) and would excel in charms class. as far as pets go, i feel like he'd stay simple and classy with a chill barn owl he'd name after a famous broadway actor. he would kind of be a mix of james and remus, in which he's wild and crazy but still manages to get good grades. the teachers love him simply because they don't know much about him outside of class. he would absolutely LOVE going to hogsmeade and going batshit crazy at zonko's and honeydukes. he'd have a whole phase where he gets addicted to licorice wands and everyone else thinks they're disgusting but he simply cannot buy enough of them. he'd play a bunch of zonko tricks on the rest of the poets, saving the most harsh for charlie and the most wholesome for todd <3

todd (muggle born): ugh see i can see him being both a hufflepuff and a ravenclaw, but my heart says hufflepuff so i'm gonna go with that. he would absolutely HATE the sorting ceremony with a burning passion. getting up in front of everybody only to have a hat judge u??? no thanks. HAHAHA CAN YOU IMAGINE HIM ON A BROOM. i can't either because he would simply never get on one, probably referring to them as "flying death traps" more often than not. "hey todd, you think about joining quidditch?" "no thanks, i'd rather keep my limbs intact ;)". but he would love muggle studies a lot, even if the teacher was boring as hell. snape would scare the hell out of him for sure, resulting in his lowest class being potions. he would excel in classes that are more learning out of the book rather than in practice. for a pet, he'd want something that could not possibly turn on him and would just be sweet and loving, so ima give him a toad :) he'd name it something fancy and british, like nigel or sumn. and because of nigel, he'd love chocolate frogs because hey they're twins!!

fanon knox (pure blood): hogwarts fuck boy. okay well maybe not f boy but like...his favorite part is the fact that this is a co-ed school rather than an all-boys school so he can spy on both genders equally yknow. hmm i get hufflepuff vibes from him because he's a big romantic, sucker for cute relationships, etc. he would enjoy whichever class his current crush is in, although I feel like he'd do well with classes that involved spells and wand work mostly lmao. he'd want a really fucking cute pet, so i'd give him a kneazle (it's like a cat but a bit more lion like). he'd give it a strong sounding name, something german idk. but he'd love the shit out of that kneazle, i can tell you that much. i feel like he'd try out for quidditch his first few years, not make it on, and then make it on to the team around fourth year and somehow end up team captain in seventh (and that proves kids, that you too can have a redemption arc in sports). as far as candy goes, ima say he likes the super sour candy like acid pops n shit. like i feel like the others would dare him to each as much sour candy as he can and then he wouldn't be able to taste for a week. but he'd think it was worth it :)

cameron (muggle born): good god this boy just wants to learn. magic just fascinates him, what with growing up in a big muggle family (bestie he is the weasleys if they were all type a). he's a ravenclaw, no questions asked. he would love classes involving preciseness and attention, things like potions and transfiguration. i feel like he'd have a cute, stable relationship along the way ofc because he deserves so much love and happiness and UGH he's a baby. he'd stick with a lil ginger cat, naming it after one of the famous wizards he's read about. he would love spending christmas at the school and going places when the ground are nearly empty, enjoying the scenery. for candy, he'd go plain and simple with chocolate frogs. can't go wrong with those. he'd still have fun with his friends, but he'd skip a lot of parties for some studying (don't judge, i do it too lmao). would not play quidditch but would enjoy it, end of story.

charlie (pure blood): slytherin. don't dispute it. think the weasley twins but even more flirtatious. he would be a regular at every single party that happened, flirting with the guys and gals shamelessly and drinking butterbeer like it was water. look me in the eye and tell me he would not absolutely fucking HATE GILDEROY LOCKHART WITH EVER FIBER OF HIS BEING. he'd do spot-on impersonations of him though. teacher's worst enemy. like when he walks into class on the first day, every teacher collectively mutters "bloody hell not this kid again". asks the most incredibly stupid questions ("okay but is there a spell to turn my eyebrows green? just the eyebrows though, not my hair"). he would be the most aggressive beater on the slytherin team, though he would never deliberately try to hit someone, just distract the shit out of them ("put the fear of god in them and fate will do the rest"). he'd want a loud, aggressive pet but he'd probably end up with a mean cat that hisses at everyone. he'd give it the most adorable name that just. does not fit the personality. something like priscilla. for candy, he'd take his chance with bertie botts' every flavour beans and just roll with the punches. he's chaotic like that.

pitts (half blood): ASTRONOMY IS HIS JAM. he fucking loves that class. he tutors the entire ravenclaw house in that class. he's the guy that little first years who are terrified of the class go to when they're completely lost and don't understand what's going on. besides that, i feel like he'd just be everyone's cool older brother yknow? like he'd be in charge of helping all the first years figure out where stuff is and giving them advice to help them and stuff. he would be a die-hard quidditch fan although he would not play the sport (maybe recreationally on the weekends and holidays and stuff, but the fact that it's so fucking dangerous just does not appeal to him). he'd like the candy that does tricks and stuff, like fizzing whizbees and stuff. he gives me charlie weasley vibes, where he's hardcore in certain areas (in his case, astronomy) and just flipping chill in anything else. cool older brother vibes, man. it fits.

meeks (half blood): i've said it once and i'll say it again: nonproblematic ginger dumbledore. also a hufflepuff <3 this dude just wants to fucking coast along, getting good grades and not participating in the dumb shit that could probably get him killed (even though he would in a heartbeat if his friends were in danger. duh). he'd be a teacher's favorite, probably having conversations with his favorite teachers during free time. okay ik this isn't technically at school, but i swear to god he would be dumbledore one day. like he would be the chill ass headmaster who gets shit done while also being very la di da life is nice flowers are pretty type of person. that being said, his favorite candy is and has been lemon drops ever since dumbledore got him addicted to them. his favorite classes would be potions (he'd surprisingly get along well with snape) and he'd just be great and mixing shit right and just knowing how much of stuff to add in ("how much powdered root do i add?" "about three and a half shakes." "that's not a measurement, meeks." "*shrug* it works"). he'd stick with his small friend group and love them to death, but he'd be a friend to all really. he'll help anyone that comes to him asking for help with homework (and though he won't admit it, he gets super prideful when it's someone a few years ahead of him).

stick (muggle born): harry potter if harry potter could've been more harry potter. like he would just be a part of everything and end up being part of some prophecy that demands he'd save the world and at first he'd be like HEY i'm just a small boy but then he'd grit his teeth and finesse the shit out of this preventing the end of days stuff. he'd definitely be a gryffindor, and fucking proud of it. he'd be the seeker on the quidditch team because he is so short and small and yeah he'd fucking kill it there. he'd kind of be the shy one no one expected much from, but once he starts absolutely wrecking the shit out of the other houses' quidditch teams, he'd become sorta popular? like people would invite him to parties and stuff and he's too nice to say no, but he'd mostly just hang around the outskirts, saying hi to the other poets if he saw them and mostly talking to chris and ginny (danburry, not weasley). he'd like defense against the dark arts and minerva mcgongiall would become his literal mother i can't explain it. he'd have an owl as a pet and treat it like it was his own child, telling it thank you every time it brought his mail or took his mail. as for candy, he'd like drooble's bubble gum because the bubbles are all magic and shit and i just feel like that would make him so happy <3

chris (pure blood): the older sister lesbian <3 she'd be a sweet hufflepuff who would be friends with everyone while also being the greatest socialite the school has ever seen. you know that party that practically the entire school attended and talked about for months on end? she planned that shit. she'd be like pitts in the respect that she'd help all the first years find their way in the school and in life in general. she's just such a warm and kind person that everyone would love her. she's have a little pink pygmy puff to match ginny's purple one, and she'd give it such a perfect, human name like lila or something. she'd be great at muggle studies and all the teachers would love her. also every one is so invested in her relationship with ginny it's adorable. he favorite candy is acid pops even though they make her eyes water like crazy. she'd make pretty good grades, every once in a while getting one slightly lower than she'd expected, but she always manages to bring them up to her satisfactory level :) she would not play quidditch, but she would go all out to support ginny, even though they're in different houses. that's what i call love, baby.

ginny (half blood): the mom lesbian <3 she's a ravenclaw and also one of the sweetest people in the whole school. while chris helps other with the social aspect, ginny will help anyone in any subject they need help with (she and meeks are a help duo on this). she's quieter and less social than chris, but she's one of the best chasers the ravenclaw quidditch team has ever seen. she'd end up team captain by fifth of sixth year. she'd be like oliver wood in that she is sO invested in the team's success that at sometimes she'll go a bit crazy, but chris is always there to help her put things back into perspective <3. she'd make stellar grades of course, being good friends with all of her teachers. her favorite candy would be the sweetest things like fairy floss. as previously stated, she'd have a purple pygmy puff to match chris's pink one, and she'd also give it an adorable human name like lisa or something. ginny's just sweet to everyone, especially neil and his friends.

I DID IT. IT TOOK FOREVER AND A FEW HAIL MARYS BUT I DID IT. enjoy besties <3 love u all

[joejhang]

fanon neil vs canon neil

god i am so FUCKING done with the aftg fandom mischaracterising neil i'm literally writing fucking ESSAYS about it and pacing circles muttering about it under my breath it's driving me up the goddamn wall so i am going to word vomit brain dump yap about all of it in an incoherent tumblr text post. spoilers ahead continue at ur own risk

i've said it before and i'll say it again I HATE FANON NEIL. istg this fandom LOVES to mischaracterise neil and ykw i think i know why. they take the smallest most unnoticeable parts of his personality and then exaggerate them to disproportionate and unrealistic levels in order for him to fit their idea of a conventional, stereotypical and desirable main character. they smooth out his jagged edges and prick at his "insecurities" to make him more likeable, more acceptable and more conventional of a narrator/main character and in doing so erase so fucking much of his personality and draw as a character that he loses just about all of the flavour that made me love him in canon. and also especially within the andreil dynamic this fucking fandom just loves to tweak neil's character until he's basically unrecognisable just so they can cram andreil into some preconceived socially acceptable clichéd ship dynamic. because andrew is perceived as the typical mysterious, moody and grumpy love interest therefore neil just has to be the sunshiney smiley blushing cute softboy in exchange. yeah because all gay ships have to be grumpy-sunshine and black cat-golden retriever dynamic. i raise you: andreil's dynamic doesn't work because of their differences it works because of their similarities. if u think about it andrew and neil are honestly very similar people in the way they think and process emotions and events and that's what allows them to connect and understand each other. andreil would not work if neil was super sunshiney and a blushy soft mess and andrew was the stoic, never smiling, unemotional stone of a guy the fandom loves to make them. just accept they do not fit into the conventional boxes laid out by booktok for what gay ships look like. i fucking digress.

neil is also just insanely mischaracterised on his own. people love making him very jittery and insanely oblivious and easily flustered with a generous serving of self-esteem issues. i hate to break it to you guys: neil josten is not insecure. i don't think there's a single instant in the series where neil is actually insecure about anything. as a narrator, person and character, neil is very realistic, pragmatic and logical. ruthlessly so. i'd say on this, neil is even more cerebral and unemotional than andrew is. neil is very straightforward and realistic abt himself in his narration and i'd honestly say his opinion and views about himself are one of the only things in the story that isn't affected by his narrator bias. if neil is anything, it's self-aware. i'm now going to present all my fucking evidence.

neil doesn't have a sexuality crisis. literally in the entire series never once does he even question his fucking sexuality. it's implied he's already figured out he's aspec/demisexual from the moment nicky questions him about his sexuality. neil says "i don't swing" and follows up in his narration: it wasn't quite the truth, but it was close enough. and later when he starts his relationship with andrew he doesn't ever question the nature of his feelings towards andrew or even anyone else and is pretty clear about it when andrew breaches the topic: "kissing you doesn't make me look at them any differently" so yeah neil is pretty certain and aware of his sexuality.

neil isn't insecure about his appearance. i feel like this is gonna require a bit of work to explain but hear me out. it is mentioned several times that neil has a complicated relationship with his appearance because he looks so much like his father/abuser. this is obviously understandable; you wouldn't want to look into the mirror and see the man who gave u all ur scars. that being said, neil doesn't have a lot of strong emotions regarding his appearance. most of his feelings of panic tied to when r*ko dyed back his hair is because of how it would be a lot easier for his father to discover him now that he has his original colouring back. i'm also pretty sure neil knows that he's cute. like it's never explicitly stated but i've reread aftg maybe fifty times and trust me i can read between the lines. neil explicitly says that he has a "love-hate relationship with his reflection out of necessity" and while the "hate" part of that statement is obvious: he doesn't like that he resembles his father, i've sort of just accepted that the "love" part of it is that he knows he's kinda fine. it's not brought up by him at all bc neil as a person is not one to linger on people's appearances almost at all. i think the only people to get a decent amount of lines dedicated to their appearance in the narration are allison and andrew. but yeah i genuinely don't think neil thinks he's ugly or unattractive and he's probably definitely been told how cute he is by others enough that he doesn't harbour any delusions about how he looks. regarding his scars, he never expresses any insecurity towards them and how they look, he just doesn't like them on display understandably bc of how acutely they point to his past and childhood that he's trying to hide.

neil is actually very very confident in his own and other people's abilties. this is esp regarding exy. he knows he's good at the game. like he knows. the most distinct example i can think of for this point is when kevin tells neil that he was at castle evermore to try out for the perfect court when they were younger. neil doesn't even doubt for a fucking second that he would've made it onto the perfect court. never does. he skips over the second-guessing and doubt part and just straight up starts daydreaming about the future he could've had playing with kevin and r*ko. like that really got me bc it's easy to assume neil would be super unassuming and have low self-esteem but no like neil doesn't doubt for a fucking second that he deserves to be perfect court. it's just that he doesn't believe in r*ko's delusions enough to play along with it by the time he gets the tattoo. he's also insanely confident about the foxes and their abilities and also kevin by the end of the series. at the beginning he takes a pretty realistic vantage point and says that with the way things are, the foxes will never beat the ravens. but even with that pov he still has the gall to challenge r*ko on LIVE TV and i doubt he's lying when he declares so boldly to everyone that if the foxes were united they'd be an unstoppable force (and guess what he was fucking RIGHT). and by the end, when the foxes are united, he has no more room left for doubt at all. some guy tells neil to kick the ravens' asses and neil just replies with zero hesitation "that's the plan". like he's so fucking on board with it. and he never once doubts that kevin is the best striker in the game. like literally never. at first he considers r*ko and kevin on par with each other (possibly, it's never stated outright) but by the end he literally has no doubts when he says "kevin is the best striker" like goddamn the amount of confidence neil has is so underrated.

neil is a very unemotional narrator. it actually gets me all the time how logical and ruthlessly pragmatic neil's narration and inner monologue is. some of the only strong emotions portrayed in neil's narration are anger, irritation and occasionally grief, which is only ever triggered by major trauma-inducing events (e.g. dr*ke). almost all of his inner monologue is analytical and observing others and dissecting either other people or the situation he's in. and almost all of his decisions and actions are made based on impulse and instinct. neil is a very instinctive person. this is outright stated in the way he plays exy; in theory, he can't give u a lot, but in the heat of the moment he's at his best. this applies to practically all facets of neil's life. he never plans his moves or what he's gonna say (except like that one time when he planned out what half-truth he was gonna tell andrew post-columbia). he's super quick and on the ball and literally does whatever the fuck he wants at any given moment. he's also insanely good at compartmentalising. like it's difficult to explain but while his priorities are obv hilariously skewed, they're also very clear in his mind. things he considers unimportant he simply just doesn't think about. what others look like and what they think of him don't factor into his internal monologue or his thoughts at all he literally just files them away in the back of his mind until they do end up becoming useful or important to him. he barely comments on andrew's appearance at all until andrew becomes someone worth staring at and admiring for him. the only reason he describes allison and renee in the detail that he does is because it's important in understanding how and why he reacts to them the way he does. this man was literally about to lose his goddamn mind at the fall banquet but he specifically reserved his mental breakdown for after the banquet so he could spend his time roasting the fuck out of r*ko. bro fully locked in and was like "clock riko now break down later" and i respect it.

neil doesn't actually have a martyr complex. it's funny because almost all of aftg is him being the absolute fucking opposite of a martyr. he wilfully sticks around the foxes knowing he's putting himself and them in danger. he doesn't "sacrifice" himself until he's absolutely forced to by his father's people. by then, he's already told himself he can't and won't run and he's smart enough to know he'll never get away anyway. and going to evermore wasn't about self-sacrifice or martyrdom it was about protecting andrew and those two are pretty fucking different. he knew he was coming back from evermore and he knew that he wouldn't die there, despite all the shit he went through, so i don't think that can be counted as "self-sacrifice". he was doing what he had to do to protect andrew, the same as andrew would've done for neil or aaron or kevin or anyone else he'd sworn to protect. the kidnapping in baltimore was the culmination of neil's character arc, which isn't really about learning to be selfless and self-sacrificing, it's about learning to stand his ground and stop running. those things r crucially different: neil not running in baltimore wasn't about selflessness, it was about courage. yes, part of it was obviously inspired by the foxes and motivated by not wanting them to be hurt but i truly believe it ultimately was about neil learning to stand his own ground and make his own home and have it be something he's willing to die for. call it whatever u want honestly i just don't think neil is as much of a martyr/sacrificial lamb as the fandom makes him out to be.

[phantomchick]

Hello darling Phantom!! <3 It's been a while, I hope you are happy and healthy ^_^ If you're still up to that last ask game, for the DC fandom? Take care of yourself and have a lovely week <3 <3 <3

Oh wow hey het, it sure has and likewise <3

Thanks for the ask, because you chose one of the fandoms I'm most into, be excited for a detailed response! <3 Hope you have a great week as well.

Blorbo: Jason Todd my beloved

Scrunkly: Jason Todd again, because on every level except physical he is baby. But also Captain Atom because that is a whole traumatised lump of silver who just wants to be free and cheer up those around him. Supergirl because holy fuck she lost a whole planet when old enough to remember it and I have feelings about that that I want to explore, her poking out from under Superman's cape is an experience in cuteness only equalled by the robins doing it with Batman. Speaking of Batman, him too but like Batman from b:tas and legend of the dark knight not the gross mean one. Well written batman who needs to be protected from writers who think he's coolest when he's unkind and controlling, I mean the one who's just a shadow with pointy ears who shows up to help people, that guy. He's a scrunkly, must protect.

scrimblo bimblo: Lady Blackhawk because she has all the flavour of Steve Rogers being displaced in time to another era of superheroes (with the blackhawks being her version of the howling commandos) but none of the distraction from it, she's all of the sass and ten times the style. Also she's air force which is cooler (I don't make the rules it just is). I want to angst about her but there are no fics. Also her only run worth mentioning is birds of prey by gail simone and since flashpoint she like most of the older gen heroes has been scrubbed from existence as far as I can tell so that makes her even more worthy of the category. And Wildcat. I'm gonna put Black Orchid down too because I've never seen much with her in fandom despite Neil Gaiman's famous work on her title.

glup shitto: Dawnstar, Static Shock, Alan Scott

poor little meow meow: Jason Todd - I spend an unreasonable amount of time reading h/c fic with him so yes can confirm HE IS THE POOREST OF LITTLE MEOWS! Also he gets labelled as the violent dumbass of the robins who comes from crook stock and is now just a crook in a vigilante way, it's awful and I want to help him, in both a meta and textual way. But he murders people so I can't deny the fact he's a problematic fave. Batman being a pathetic fan favourite is basically canon but also he's here because he is being written as a domestic abuser a lot lately and that hurts as someone who wants to like the character. Fond distant memories of the times he's written as a likeable hero worthy of admiration. That time he adopted an alien starfish recently was neat. Captain Atom because again traumatised lump of silver just trying his best to exist but the man is keeping him down, he is like wolverine if wolverine was more pathetic and had no way out of the military who experimented on him enslaving him and also no support system. Free him. Problematic because he blew up bludhaven that one time. Still king though.

horse plinko: basically any character I fixate on is on the table here, I have needs and they involve my favourites being tormented and patched back together more whole than before

eeby deeby: Amanda Waller, Anton Arcane, Black Mask, and Joker are all going straight down the tube to eeby deeby long may they suffer, but like - with regards to Joker I wish he was a better written villain? Miss the days when he made sense, getting labelled batman's nemesis was the worst thing to ever happen to this character but I'm prepared to punish him with superhell for it anyway. And lastly Harley Quinn because she's annoying and being bi doesn't change that in fact it makes it worse that she's a redeemed anti hero now when she spent ages murdering people - being in a relationship with an eco terrorist doesn't make her or the eco terrorist less guilty of mass murder even if she has the excuse of an abusive relationship with the joker for some of it and actually I would like better representation instead of a flat redemption of zany clown girl. Like Poison Ivy grew plants out of random civilians intestines to make cool trees but is that retconned now? No? Redeeming a character takes an actual redemption arc not a relationship one and even if she had one she would still be annoying as a character and would still be guilty of the birds of prey movie being all about her when she was never a part of BoP. Superhell the moment she's done making out with Poison Ivy so we can have an accurate rendition of the supernatural scene. Also double pisses me off because it means batman now has no super evil female villains left, they've all been through villain decay and Selina wasn't a villain villain to start with. Bah humbug.

Alright I had a lot of fun doing that hope my answers were fun to read.

[cupiscent]

I'm 100% sure that people in Neil's past took advantage of him being so kind and gentle many times.

I take a... slightly more complicated view of Neil than a lot of folks. 😁 (Which I suspect says more about me than canon material...) It’s not that I don’t think he’s kind and gentle - he manifestly is - it’s more that I think he concurrently has a massive capacity for flexibility in just about all areas, including moral. He’s the one who asks about taking a kid hostage - utterly casually, like it’s just another possibility in the toolkit. He’s absolutely not ruthless, but I do wonder how much moral framework he has picked up from the Protagonist. (And I wonder if that’s because it’s the first time he’s been exposed to one.)

ALL THAT SAID, I am utterly on board with the idea of someone having taken advantage of his apparent kindness, gentleness, easy-going nature, or anything else. I just think that left to his own devices, Neil could make them regret it immensely. I also - in my own headcanons about him having a criminal/grifter/con-artist background - think he has taken advantage of being apparently taken advantage of many times.

But all flavours of Neil are delicious! I love reading about different sorts of Neils. 😁

[john-taylor-daily]

Full text of the article:

Want to feel really old? Oh, go on then. Duran Duran turn 40 this year: the band, that is, not the members. For them it’s worse: Simon Le Bon is 61, John and Roger Taylor, each 59, and Nick Rhodes, the baby, 57.

As you would expect of a pop group who always appeared happiest hanging off a yacht in ruffled Antony Price suits, accessorised with a supermodel and a cocktail, they intend to celebrate in style, coronavirus permitting. So the plan, announced this week, is that on July 12, exactly 40 years since their first gig at the Rum Runner in Birmingham, they will perform in Hyde Park, headlining a bill that includes Nile Rodgers & Chic and their pal Gwen Stefani. Four of the original five will be there: the guitarist Andy Taylor, 59, left the band in 1985 and, after rejoining in 2001, walked out again five years later. In the past, the guitarist Warren Cuccurullo has filled in; this time Graham Coxon from Blur will take his place.

Then in autumn Duran Duran are releasing a new album, their 15th, which they are halfway through making.

Growing up in the West Midlands, I was a Duranie; my first gig was theirs at the NEC in Birmingham. To give an idea of the level of devotion, I had house plants named after each of them. John, his initials “JT” written on the pot in nail varnish, was a begonia; Rhodes, a busy lizzie; Le Bon, a rubber plant; Roger and Andy Taylor were cacti. My memory, foggy on so much, still holds the name of Nick Rhodes’s cat at the time (Sebastian). The household appliance “JT” would choose to be? “A refrigerator, so I would stay cool.”

But despite previous opportunities, I’ve avoided them bar an awkward backstage handshake with Le Bon. In the meantime, they have notched up record sales of 100 million, had 21 Top 20 hits in the UK and, unlike many bands who came to fame in the 1980s, they produce different, exciting, if not always lauded albums, working with new producers and musicians. They’ve had top five albums in each of the four decades they’ve worked. Their last album, Paper Gods (2015), produced by Mark Ronson and Rodgers, was their most successful for 25 years.

Now 46 and with no desire to anthropomorphise greenery, I meet Rhodes, the keyboardist, and John Taylor, the bass player, once described as having the squarest jaw in rock. Rhodes suggests his “local”, Blakes hotel in Chelsea, near the home he shares with his Sicilian girlfriend, Nefer Suvio (he and Julie Anne Friedman divorced in 1992; they have one child together, Tatjana). Taylor, just in from Los Angeles, home to his second wife, Gela Nash, who runs the fashion label Juicy Couture, invites me to his flat in Pimlico. Le Bon, still happily married to the supermodel Yasmin Le Bon with three grown-up daughters, is busy in the studio and Roger Taylor, four children and with second wife Gisella Bernales, is otherwise occupied.

Rhodes, who joins me in the bar at Blakes, has the same peroxide mop and alabaster skin that were always his trademark. He wears black trousers by the English designer Neil Barrett and a Savile Row jacket dressed down with a rock T-shirt from the Los Angeles company Punk Masters.

Four days later, I arrive at Taylor’s flat in a garden square where he greets me at the door dressed in black jeans and T-shirt, with sculpted bed-hair. I’m reminded of the time my brother splashed Sun-In on his to emulate Taylor’s bleached New Romantic fringe.

It’s good to have them back. They started on the new album in September at Flood Studios in Willesden, northwest London, and, as well as Coxon, have been working with three producers: Giorgio Moroder, Ronson and the DJ Erol Alkan. “The whole place is filled with analogue synthesizers, so it’s just joy for me,” says Rhodes, who began life as Nicholas Bates but renamed himself after a make of electronic keyboard.

Rhodes met Moroder — the “godfather of electronica” and the man behind Donna Summer’s I Feel Love — through a mutual friend of his girlfriend. “We talked about music and what had happened to us,” Rhodes says. “He is as sharp as a razor, 79 going on 45.” They worked with Ronson, who has produced Amy Winehouse and Adele, in LA. “The first thing Mark always says is, ‘Let me hear the rest of it,’” Rhodes says with a laugh. “He is quite competitive.”

Taylor, who leads me into a room that’s more gentlemen’s club than rock-star pad with an open fire, armchairs, brown furniture and bad Victorian paintings, says the break of five years has refuelled them. “We have to starve ourselves of creativity long enough that when we do show up we have something to say,” he says. “[The studio sessions] are quite exhausting because we have been down this road. We can finish each other’s sentences and I guess, to some extent, we can do that musically as well. We are working with the same cast; it’s like a soap opera. That’s why collaborators become so important as you need to keep the spirit lively.”

Rhodes, who says the new album is more “handmade” and “guitary”, explains the working dynamics: “John and Roger’s rhythm section often drives a track. Simon, the lyricist, gives all the songs our identity; it’s his voice that tells you it’s Duran Duran. My part has more to do with sonic architecture.” That may be the most Nick Rhodes phrase yet.

We move on to Andy Taylor. “Forty years ago we had Andy in the band and he was a strong flavour and a northerner and brought a rigour,” says John Taylor. “Filling that vacuum has always been one of the major challenges of version two of the band; we did it with Warren Cuccurullo and with Graham on this record. But it’s not the same. Andy didn’t mind telling people what they were doing wrong.”

He pauses. “We had a reunion with Andy [in 2001] and that was enormously difficult, actually.” How so? “That’s a book really,” says Taylor, who has written about the saga, along with his struggle with drink and drugs, in his excellent 2012 memoir In the Pleasure Groove. “Or it’s a mini-series.”

“It was very uncomfortable for us,” Rhodes says of Andy leaving in 1985. “For sure, it had become stressful over the previous year — we were all burnt out from not having stopped for five years — but we didn’t see it coming at all.”

What are relations with Andy like now? “I don’t really have any,” says Rhodes. “I haven’t seen him for many years since he left the last time. I was not even slightly surprised when it did fall apart. I was relieved. As much as Andy is a great musician he is not an easy person to play with.”

I mention to Taylor that Andy has just announced his own UK dates in May, playing Duran songs. “Uh-ha,” he says. He didn’t know. Does he mind? “I don’t mind at all. All power to him,” says Taylor. “I would rather he be out playing.”

Taylor has the sanguine air of someone who has spent decades nuking his demons (he’s currently working on guilt; he had a Catholic mother). He has been sober for 26 years after an addiction which in part led to the break-up of his marriage to the TV presenter Amanda de Cadenet in 1997. Was it hard at first? “It was like turning round an ocean liner,” he says, his voice posh Brum with a California chaser. “I work a daily programme and that’s what keeps me sober. It’s not something that just happens; it takes a lot of attention.”

We move on to the themes of the new, as yet untitled, album. Le Bon lost his mother recently, so we can expect songs inspired by loss. Taylor says he took inspiration from “the challenges of long-term relationships . . . Take a song like Save a Prayer, which personally I think is one of the greatest ever songs in praise of the one-night stand,” he says. “It comes to the point where you can’t write something like that. It’s not age-appropriate; yet it is sexy. So how do you write from the perspective of someone who is trying to keep a long-term relationship together? That is the challenge of any late-age pop star. How do you make it chic, to use one of Nick’s favourite words.”

It is hard to forget how impossibly chic Duran were in the 1980s: from their beginnings in Birmingham (Nick and John, anyway), where they met when Rhodes was 10 and Taylor 12, to a world of famous friends, beautiful partners and exotic travel. Le Bon married Yasmin after seeing her in Vogue, Rhodes was with the shipping heiress Friedman and Taylor the teenage de Cadenet. Andy Warhol was a close friend of Rhodes.

While others were singing about the dark side of Thatcher’s Britain, they were . . . more opaque. “In the 1980s a lot of what we did was somewhat misunderstood because we were living in the same gloomy years with high unemployment and miners’ strikes and civil unrest as everybody else,” Rhodes says. “But our answer to it was we have to get away from this and make it a little brighter because it didn’t seem like a particularly promising future.” Don’t expect that coronavirus torch song any time soon.

Their association with Bond — they wrote the 1985 theme A View to a Kill — only added to the glamour. What do they make of the new one by Billie Eilish? Rhodes admits that he mostly listens to classical music these days but “was thrilled to hear Billie Eilish. I think it’s by far the best Bond song since ours.”

But not better than yours?

“I am very happy that she reached No 1.” Duran’s got to No 2.

Taylor is more critical. “I thought it was lacking in a bit of Billie Eilish to be honest. It could have been madder. It was a little bit too grown up,” he says.

Is it as good as A View to a Kill?

“No!” says Taylor, theatrically. “Although,” he admits, “it was the most difficult three mins that we have ever produced.”

It had a great video, in which the boys slunk around the Eiffel Tower. Taylor frowns. “I hate that video. So stupid. I can’t watch it.” One for the fans, then.

A secret of their longevity, Rhodes says, is not bowing to nostalgia. “I like to keep my blinkers on and look forward.” Having said that, he sounds ready to write his own memoir. “I would do a book yes,” he says. “I haven’t read John’s on purpose. I even wrote a foreword for it for the US version without reading it, but I did own up to it. I think mine would be very different from a lot of the rock biographies. The one that sticks with me is David Niven’s.”

Rhodes featured in Warhol’s diaries and Warhol, the subject of a show at Tate Modern in London that opened this week, would surely feature in his. He “invented the 20th century”, Rhodes says. “Andy was making reality TV in the Sixties. Can you imagine what he would have thought about the internet? It was all his dreams come true, but he would never have got any work done.” Rhodes says he stays off social media for that reason. “It’s not that I don’t like it; I fear it. I am going down a rabbit hole I may never get out of.

They’ve spent twice the time being famous as being unknown. Are they the same people they were in Birmingham 40 years ago?

Rhodes nods. “Yes, yes,” he says. “There have been big changes — marriages, divorces, kids, moving countries in John’s case — but when we are all together we have known each other for so long there is no room for anyone to behave in a way that would be unacceptable. There is no room for divas. We have lasted longer than most marriages; it is like being married to three people but we each get to go home on our own every night.”

Taylor tells me: “Without getting into recovery talk, a lot of that is about scrubbing away the masks that you tend to accrue to cope, so I think I am as close to that person as I was 40 years ago.”

Rhodes says tolerance is the key. “Sometimes when I arrive at the studio it is really bright, maybe someone is writing, and so everyone accepts I can’t cope, and so the lighting comes down.” I tell him I once read he always wears dark glasses before noon. He laughs. “Pretty much. That’s funny. I am hyper-sensitive to light. It’s not just pretentiousness. “

They appreciate they will have to prepare physically for the dates. For Rhodes, a terrible insomniac, that means “fruit and vegetables and grains” and lots of walking. But no workouts (“I am not a big fan of gymnasiums”). Taylor says he needs to start practising bass and the need to get back in shape is “keeping him awake at night”. “I like to run, I do Pilates, I do yoga and I think about everything that enters my mouth, everything. I am 90 per cent vegan. I don’t drink, take mind-altering chemicals. I am on and off sugar.”

Perhaps the greatest sign that they still have it is that their children want to see them play. Taylor just heard from his daughter, Atlanta, who lives in New York and is soon to be married to David Macklovitch from the Canadian band Chromeo.

“It’s a surprise when you get a text from a child and they say, ‘You’re playing Hyde Park — my boyfriend and I want to come.’”

[stanbillyhargrove]

Ghosts chp 19

Billy x Katrina

A/N: this is a multi chapter series that will contain smut, angst, fluff, substance abuse

Billy's POV

Sirens blared as we sped down the road away from the cabin. I was tucked the side of the ambulance, out of the way of the EMTs who were trying to stop Katrina's bleeding.

She had passed out for a few minutes but her eyes were fluttering open again, just a little before squeezing shut as tears started pouring down her cheeks.

Her chest shuddered as she sobbed, "Billy?"

I leaned forward so she could see me and laced our fingers together, squeezing tight, "I'm here, Katrina, it's gunna be okay."

"I'm scared," she choked, meeting my eyes.

"Hey," I murmured, "it's okay, I'm right here, babe."

Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment before she whispered, "Baskin Robbins.."

"What?"

"Did you know...they have thirty one flavours?"

I stared at her, confused, and she choked on a wet laugh.

"I'm gunna die and I don't even know...which one's my favorite."

I smirked, shaking my head before tipping it into her hand, "no you won't. You're gunna be fine and I'll buy you more ice cream than you could ever eat, you hear me?"

I looked back up at her and noticed her eyes had closed again.

Katrina's POV

It hurts. My muscles feel like I just finished a marathon, my head is pounding. The light filtering through my eyelids is too bright, every noise too loud. Most of all, my heart hurts.

My heart aches for Olivia, losing the man she loved to gain a reaper in his place. Having her dreams of a happy life crushed in his bloody hands. She had her life poisoned and taken away by the person she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with.

My heart hurts for Neil. For having been tortured, broken and molded into a shell of himself. He had been twisted so much that he no longer had the capacity to love. The things he wanted, a loving wife and kids, instead became heavy burdens.

And most of all, my heart burns for Billy. The boy who lost every parent he's known because of Neil's trauma. The boy who blamed himself for years, who's biggest fear in life is taking up that torch from his father instead of extinguishing the flames.

It hurts and I'm so exhausted.

I could hear Billy and Steve talking, could feel my head throbbed painfully to the sound.

"Too loud," I croaked.

"Katrina?" Billy asked, "are you awake?"

I could feel his hand slide around mine, squeezing gently.

"You're so loud," I mumbled.

Steve snorted, "good morning to you too. Is it actually you now?"

I opened my eyes a little, squinting at him and held up my middle finger, making them both bark out a laugh.

"Where are we?"

"In the hospital, you were pretty hurt," Steve answered, "do you remember what happened?"

I shook my head a little, "only pieces. I remember seeing him and then being in the house, bleeding and now I'm here."

"Neil," Billy grumbled, "do you still feel him with you?"

"I don't know...I'm just tired, everything hurts."

He leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead, "okay, it's okay. I'll go find a doctor, see if they'll let you out of here, alright?"

"Thanks," I murmured.

He walked out, leaving me with Steve, who was eyeing me carefully.

"Why didn't you tell us something was wrong? We could have brought you to the girls."

I sighed, "I didn't realize, didn't know he would do that...that he could take over like that. I didn't think he'd hurt me..."

Steve's shoulders tightened a bit, "we had to tell the doctors you were attacked. They would have put you in psyche if we didn't and we need to watch you, make sure he doesn't hurt anyone else...we're taking you to Audrey, you'll be staying there for a while."

I swallowed thickly, nodding, "okay."

--

"You're kidding," Billy growled.

Audrey crossed her arms in front of her chest, "not even a little."

"Audrey, you can't just lock her in here," he argued, gesturing at the room behind him.

The room I'd been locked in before, in the basement of their house. The sparse, cold room that I'd woken up alone in after everything went wrong.

She scoffed, "so you'd rather her wander around not in control of her own body?"

"I'm right here," I mumbled.

Audrey looked towards me, "I'm sorry, Katrina, but we don't really have a choice. We don't want you or anyone else getting hurt."

I gave her a weak smile, "it's okay."

Billy clenched his jaw, gritting his teeth together, but helped me shuffle to the bed. Helped me ease down, holding my arms tight so I didn't move too quickly and pull my stitches. He cupped my face after I was settled and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead, nose and finally my lips.

"Get some rest and heal up, okay? We still need to figure out which flavour at Baskin Robbins is your favorite," he smiled.

"What?"

He chuckled, "you don't remember? You were crying about ice cream in the ambulance."

I groaned, tipping my head backwards as my cheeks heated. He just laughed harder and kissed me again, mumbling about me being adorable.

--

I looked around, noticing little changes to the room since the last time I'd been locked in here. There were now plush fur and knitted blankets folded across the bed, a stack of books on the bedside table, even a little TV and a selection of movies. The girls had tried to make the room more comfortable, though no matter how many creature comforts you add, it still felt like being locked in a box.

The door opened and I looked over to see Riley with a tray of food in her hands.

"Dinner," she smiled, coming over to set the tray on the table beside my bed.

She held my hand and helped me slide up the bed, placing pillows behind me so I could sit up a little. The tray she placed in my lap was covered in food. Bowls of soup with steaming biscuits and glasses of iced tea, there was even a little plate of chocolate chip cookies.

"I know there's another person in my head but he doesn't need food, we share the same stomach," I joked.

She snorted, "I wanted to join you. If you want my company that is."

I smiled at her, "thanks."

We dug into our food, dunking buttery biscuits into hearty chicken soup and sipping sugary sweet iced tea until we were full.

"Did you make all that?"

Riley nodded, "I like to cook, takes my mind off things."

"If you teach me how to make those biscuits, I'll teach you how to make iced tea."

She laughed, "you didn't like it? I put a lot of effort stirring the powder into water."

I smirked, "that stuff is too sweet for me. I...my ex was from the south, she converted me."

Riley nodded, a small smile on her lips, "Steve told me about that, I'm sorry about what happened."

I bit the inside of my cheek to hold back tears, "thanks...at least I can still see her though."

"Do you still?"

I puffed out a breath, "I hope so...I haven't seen or felt anyone else since the spell, it's just been Neil."

"Right...is he, do you still...feel him?"

I shook my head, "no, maybe he's gone, maybe he's weakened...I don't know."

She laid a gentle hand over my leg, "we'll figure it out, don't worry. Everything will be fine."

--

It took two weeks for my stitches to be removed, for me to be able to move around by myself. I got to see Ally, Olivia and Elle again during those two weeks which was a blessing. But I still felt like something was off, like things were too quiet.

It took three weeks for the silence in my head to be broken by Neil's deep and buttery smooth voice.

"Hello, pet."

I jumped, looking around my room to the small mirror on the dresser where I saw his face looking back at me.

"What do you want?"

"Oh, come now, pet," he chided, "are you mad at me?"

I clenched my jaw, turning away to mumble, "you said you wouldn't hurt me."

I swore I could feel the warmth of a hand on my face, "I didn't mean to, I lost control. Being dead has...changed me."

I chewed my lip but felt a soft tug pulling it from my teeth and looked back at him, confused.

"Was that...are you able to touch me?"

His reflection faded, showing me that I was holding my own face.

"We are connected," he explained, his reflection coming back, "I want to show you something. Close your eyes."

He waited for me to obey before continuing, "good. Now, relax. Imagine yourself stepping back, letting go of your body."

I let my body relax completely, felt myself detach from my body and found myself in a different room. A dimly lit room with two dark, plush chairs sat in front of a fireplace.

"What is this?" I asked.

Our voices had a wispy echo to them. Ethereal, like we were in a different world here.

"This is my space," he explained, coming into the flickering light, "our space now. We can see each other here."

He stepped close to me, the smell of him washing over me, intoxicating. Reached a hand out to run his fingers through my hair.

"We can feel each other here," he murmured.

I gasped, flinching away from his touch and he dropped his hand with a tight smile.

"Trust me."

"I thought you were gone," I murmured, "it's been weeks."

I realized there was a part of me that wanted him to stay, that had been upset thinking he had left me. That didn't want the quiet that came without him.

He sighed, "I used too much energy when I took control of you. I needed you to heal so I could get my strength back."

"So your strength comes from me?"

"I told you, we're connected."

@alias-b @charmed-asylum @champagnesugamama

[fallingin-like]

november 4

“i hate you” sounds like “as you wish” by @luci-cunt

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a princess bride!au and as a person that has never read/watched it, this was a wild ride. a really funny fic, i thought this was such a fun read!!

wow okay so i’ve already talked to you a little bit on my thoughts regarding this fic so i’m just going to jump in and mention the bits i especially liked:

the part about the duchess realising annette loves chocolate and supplying so much of it so that she gains weight?? so funny (i watched an asian drama where a similar thing happens and it’s just so petty and dramatic i love it) also wowee 42 children, such goals

exCUSE me did you just say the duke fell in love with his mother in law because that’s wILd and also nasty

ohmygoodness early adulthood being 12 and 13 at that time. so true but also crazy to think about

”’so tell me, what’s your secret?’… ‘i feed them,’” THIS IS THE BEST

andrew moving to america to make money to build a home for him and neil is soooo cute!

part II is a good part. i love the author’s/authors editor’s notes and the repeated elaboration. i agree that other groom deserves no respect and his character shouldn’t be explored, although the additions to add more emotional depth was a good touch

queen bella is a blessing for being so wonderful and acting as a translator for the king

”’no one could be following us then?’… ‘no that would be inconceivable,’ she smirked… “why do you ask?’ ‘no reason… i just happened to look back and see a ship catching up to us’” oh i love this quote so so much. i’m pretty sure it’s a part of the original book/movie but it’s so good that i can’t not comment on it

”’i’m not a moron, i just can’t see that far,’ matt said defensively” yeah! don’t let lola boss you around matt!

”’how is this normal man gaining!?’…’i have to carry three people, and he only has to carry himself and-’” lola is the worst and matt is the best. he’s so lovely and is just trying his hardest~~

”you keep using that word, i do not think it means what you think it means” this is the perfect line for kevin!! i can totally imagine him saying this phrase in the normal aftg universe in response to the rest of the foxes saying weird stuff as a meme without realising that it’s actually a quote. also could be used for neil every time andrew says he hates him ;)

iconic moment when kevin switches hands, just to be outshone by andrew doing tHE EXACT SAME THING

”lola was waiting for him, in fact, she’d set out a small picnic spread complete with blanket, wine, cheese, apples, and a tied up and blindfolded neil laying beside her with a knife to his throat” as yes, just the usual picnic things

dread pirate roberts being jeremy aka the human sunshine?? amazing

neil on andrew’s golden pillows!!!!

riko being super extra and riding four white horses like chill dude

i am definitely the count during the bit where riko is figuring out what happened “do we not want to hunt down the loser of the battle?”, “the count blinked at him, unsure how the prince was able to get as much from some stirred up dirt”, “the count only saw dirt and rocks” like what a big mood

this author’s note is hilarious! also i have not heard of phish food flavoured ice cream before but i just looked it up and it looks exactly like the kind of ice cream i would enjoy

”if i’m being honest, this is a bit underwhelming” typical neil josten, i think he would say this even if he was in the middle of being tortured

oh my goodness snow sand is terrifying and i definitely would have ended up being that person’s skeleton if i fell in. 

”every day jeremy told me ‘i’ll probably kill you tomorrow’ and while i didn’t believe him, i also didn’t want to risk that a letter to you could be my last” andrew! is! so! in! love! how soft, how can you argue against that logic?

hhh it breaks my heart when neil always sacrifices himself for andrew

OH DANG WAIT THE COUNT IS THE SIX FINGERED MAN

ngl i would have enjoyed reading a chapter abt the different types of food to be served at the wedding. 

thank you for summing up the bit about matt waking up. matt doesn’t deserve to be sad because he is amazing and lola sucks and those local boys who mocked him are terrible >:(

MATT RHYMING BACK WHEN KEVIN IS YELLING AT HIM AT FIRST I DIDN’T REALIZE AND THOUGHT HE WAS JUST SAYING GIBBERISH BACK ahhh he’s so precious!!

miracle minyard being aaron!!! i do not understand what miracle men are but this is great! “you look a lot like our dead man” “is that supposed to be a threat?” LOL 

”riko was to be married no later than a quarter to five, six wouldn’t do, and he still had to get ready and figure out how to force nathaniel into looking like a semi consensual groom” is a sentence i never thought i would ever read

MATT ON A WHEELBARROW WITH HIS ARMS OUT AND ON FIRE IS THE BEST THING EVER oh my goodness this is amazing

”andrew made his way as fast as he could-currently eighty year old man speed” this is me most of the time

”andrew, who was now moving closer to health-freak 80-year-old speed” this is me the rest of the time

i loved this so much! the tone of the story remains humourous and funny even when it gets really intense and emotional making this fic a really fun read. since i haven’t watched/read the princess bride before this was a really wild ride and i never knew what was coming next or how the story would be resolved. the author’s notes were really funny and were nice breaks from the plot of the story, especially since there was so much going on. even with me not knowing much of the context, you did a good job of explaining things without distracting from the main story too much. the characters that you matched up worked really well and this felt really true to the aftg characters, although maybe a little more dramatic (rip to king ichirou tho). thank you so much for writing this fic!